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Hello?
No, this is her husband, Stephen Abbott.
What?
Was my wife in the car?
Where's that at? I mean...
do you have a name or... I mean, a number?
Ma'am, I told you,
this is her husband, Stephen Abbott.
Ma'am, ma'am, can you please tell me...
was my wife hurt?
What?
Daddy?
Who was the man she was with?
He was a patient Barbara was treating
for suicidal depression.
Ironically, he was the one who survived.
It was a truck they hit.
One of those massive pulpwood trucks.
The newspaper said
she actually flew out of the car.
Ann, I think we're gonna hit the road.
Alysia's gettin' a little tired.
I just wanted to...
thank you for the motel and everything.
What did you think about the service?
Did it feel too short?
I think it was nice.
I'm sorry we didn't include
the poem that you wrote, Stephen.
We decided...
we didn't want anything too personal.
So...
California.
I know a few people out there in San Francisco...
and I thought I could get more work
as a writer, you know?
Try and get my book published.
Have you given any more thought
to Janet's offer to raise Alysia?
Alysia gets along well with her cousins.
Hank has a good job, and they're good people.
She's still young, you know...
it's not too late for her to have...
a real family.
She has a real family, Ann.
You know what I mean.
It did feel short.
What?
Barbara's service.
It felt short.
All hits, all the time.
♪ KFRC, San Francisco ♪
♪ Seventy-three men sailed up from the San Francisco Bay ♪
♪ Rolled off of their ship*
♪ And here's what they had to say ♪
♪ We're callin' everyone to ride along ♪
♪ To another shore ♪
♪ We can laugh our lives away and be free once more ♪
♪ But no one heard them callin' ♪
♪ No one came at all ♪
♪ 'Cause they were too busy ♪
♪ Watchin' those old raindrops fall ♪
♪ As a storm was blowin' out on the peaceful sea ♪
♪ Seventy-three men sailing off to history ♪
♪ Ride, captain ride upon your mystery ship ♪
♪ Be amazed at the friends you have here on your trip ♪
♪ Ride, captain, ride upon your mystery ship ♪
♪ On your way to a world ♪
♪ That others might have missed ♪
♪ Seventy-three men sailed up from the San Francisco Bay ♪
♪ Got off of their ship*
♪ And here's what they had to say... ♪
I think this is the right place.
Hold your horses!
Hey.
Gary.
I'm Steve.
- Here's two lids, Steve. - No...
Tell Daryl he can split it up into dime bags.
It's Steve Abbott. We're movin' in.
Oh, shit!
You must be Paulette.
In the flesh, baby.
Come on in.
Sorry, we're a few weeks late.
It took us a lot longer
to pack up our lives than I thought.
Yeah, I heard what happened.
That's some heavy shit, man.
Both my folks were killed in a car accident
when I was six.
It was Halloween night
and they were supposed to pick me up at a party,
but they never showed up.
I was shuffled between
the police station and the hospital
and no one is telling me what happened,
and the whole night I'm walking around with this
Little Orphan Annie costume.
Talk about dressing a part.
- Which is my room, Daddy? - Uh...
This one will be safe for you, kid.
Whoops.
Cool, huh?
Come on.
So, um, who all lives here?
Um...
This is Johnny's room.
I'm busy!
Johnny just spent the last few years
in a Buddhist monastery.
The new housemates are here!
Well, hello.
This is Gary and Alysia.
Uh, Steve.
I thought we could throw a little soiree tonight
in honor of their arrival.
Bring that ass back to Daddy.
Just not too early.
So, Eddie, who you haven't met yet,
sleeps on the couch.
And... yeah, that's it.
Now, if I were you, I'd go and grab my shit outta the car.
This might be Haight-Ashbury,
but, baby, it's no longer the Summer of Love.
Come on.
That's far out. Yeah.
-Classy. -I know...
-So, so classy. - Mommy.
Mommy!
Equality should not be about submitting to the status quo.
You know what? I do agree with you there, but there's...
Sorry to interrupt,
but Miss Alysia seems to be having a bad trip.
Oh, God. Here.
Mouse, Mouse!
I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry.
Come here.
What's wrong, Mouse?
I want to go home.
We are home.
This is our new home.
Why isn't Mommy here?
Mommy's not alive anymore.
We talked about this.
You remember when we played with the toy cars?
And I showed you how one car hit the other car?
That's what happened to Mommy's car.
Mommy's not coming back.
Hello.
Hi.
What's your name?
Alysia.
Hi, Alysia.
I'm Eddie.
Do you live on the couch?
Sometimes.
Where do you live?
Here.
I have my own room.
Your own room.
Wow.
That's groovy.
Have you had breakfast yet, Miss Alysia?
Wanna help me make Toad in the Hole?
I thought so.
That's a good one.
I can hear you all the way down the hallway.
Hey.
What's so funny?
Eddie calls it a Toad in the Hole.
Well, that's what it's called.
We call it Egyptian Eye.
You call it whatever you want,
but when I cook, it's Toad in the Hole.
Eddie lives on the couch... sometimes.
Where does Eddie live all the other times?
With anybody.
Hey, what's that supposed to mean?
Because your name is Eddie Body!
Eddie Body, I like that.
You still wanna go to Golden Gate Park?
Eddie?
Would you like to join us?
What do you think, Miss Alysia?
What was her mother like?
Where'd you meet her?
You know, we met in grad school.
I was on campus
handing out flyers for a big anti-war demonstration
and she walks up to me, and...
She's beautiful.
Very clean-cut looking,
had a large stack of books.
You know, pleated skirt and a Tricia Nixon hairdo.
What about Eddie Body?
Does he have anybody?
I got a lady back home in Jackson.
Hmm.
Darlene.
Darlene?
Yep.
She's a sweet little thing.
And you wrote these?
They're still a work in progress.
"Things lost.
"A cat...
"small leather case...
"one blue sock...
"the feeling inside me that I'm good and beautiful."
Daddy?
Daddy!
Let me go put her to bed.
Come on, Mouse. Come on.
Can you read me a bedtime story?
Not tonight, Mouse.
-Please? -Just...
Listen. Once upon a time, there were three bears.
Now, there are 1,000.
Can I read you somethin'?
"Pretty is as pretty does.
"Although we've just met,
"I want to talk until words fail me.
"What mysterious beauty or fears
"lurks in the corner of your smile.
"'Be brave,' I want to tell us both.
"Attend the miracle of the moment.
"I want to say, 'Look into my eyes
"'and find your home,'
"but all these words seem hopelessly stupid."
Well, it's for Eddie.
Doesn't make sense.
Well, poetry doesn't need to make sense
as long as it makes you feel somethin'.
- Daddy! - Don't come in here, Mouse,
- I'm not finished! - Daddy!
Don't come in here! I'm not finished.
Get outta here!
♪ I met her at the station ♪
♪ She wasn't there on time ♪
♪ I told her I was frantic ♪
♪ She said that she was blind ♪
♪ Oh, Laurie... ♪
What are those?
Shit. Where'd you come from?
What are those?
Those are testicles.
Testicles?
They're also called balls.
What do they do?
They help make babies.
Didn't your dad tell you about this yet?
No.
Men have them.
Can you, uh...
Can you hand me that towel over there, please?
Oh, boy.
Happy birthday, little one.
Can you put makeup on me?
Of course.
Do you ever wish you were a girl?
Hell no.
You dress like one.
Well, who says you can't be part boy and part girl?
When I was your age,
I would sneak into my parents' closet
and spend hours
trolling through the grown-up clothes.
My mother's side of the closet was a treasure trove
of embroidered jackets,
these elaborate hats with feathers,
and elegant silk dresses.
I just never understood why only girls got to wear
beautiful things.
Didn't seem fair.
Perfect.
I don't have a mother anymore.
I know.
Paulette doesn't have a mother or a father.
She doesn't have any family.
Who says she doesn't have family?
What are we?
Take a look. What do you think?
You like it?
You want more?
Let's do it.
Alysia just walked in on me in the bathtub.
- She saw everything. - So?
Well, as long as you're all right with it.
Hello?
Think it's your mother-in-law.
- Yeah. Mm-mm. - Oh.
Steve is predisposed at the moment.
- Ta-da. - Ta-da.
You guys look great!
Daddy. You can be the boy or the girl.
Whatever one you want.
I think I'll be the girl.
I think you should take the phone.
Hey, Alysia. Munca wants to say happy birthday to you.
Hello?
Happy birthday, sweetheart.
I hope you're having a wonderful day.
We are.
Daddy's making me a castle.
That sounds terrific.
Who is the man who answered the phone?
Oh, that's Eddie Body.
You got some glue for me?
Uh-huh.
- And does he live there, too? -Yes.
- And he has balls. - Honey.
Hey, Ann.
This is Steve.
I didn't realize
there were so many of you living there.
- What? -I called the other day
and a strange woman answered the phone,
and she kept asking me
if I was gonna drop by with a windowpane.
I think she had me confused with your super.
And now Eddie? Who's that?
Eddie lives here.
Uh-huh. Are you living in one of those communes?
I know all about the communes
- in San Francisco. - No, Ann,
we are not living in a commune. All right?
The rent's very expensive here
and there's a few of us sharing the apartment.
Are there other children?
Hold that pole up.
A few.
What about school? Have you found one?
We are looking into that.
She has to go to school, Steve.
Hey, Ann,
we'll call you back this afternoon.
All right. She comes
- through the drawbridge... -Get on in the tower.
- ...the princess! -Come to the tower.
In over the moat.
And she fits through
- perfectly! -Hey!
Yeah!
All right.
- And blow 'em out! - Blow 'em out!
Happy birthday!
Yeah!
Women's power!
Gay men's rights!
Yeah!
Equality!
Come on! Come on!
Gay rights now!
Lesbian power!
Hello.
He's not in right now. May I ask who's calling?
You never mentioned that you were married,
or that she was pregnant!
I don't want this to be a bad scene, okay?
Does she know about me?
Does she know about you?
I'm trying to do the responsible thing here.
Maybe you can't see that.
What's that supposed to mean?
Look, you're a good father, Steve.
Did you ever wonder if this is the right kinda life
for your daughter? Huh?
Being around queers all the time?
My daughter's happy.
She needs a mother.
This is what her mother would have wanted.
Take care of your dad for me, okay, kiddo?
What do you want me to tell Johnny and Paulette?
Tell them the couch is available.
Winds tonight,
highs tomorrow back in the 70s,
an ultra-beautiful day tomorrow.
Oakland 65, San Jose 82,
in the city 67 degrees
at KFRC.
I don't know what to take.
Well, it's gonna be hot
so, pack bathing suit and some shorts.
I'm sure if you forget anything,
Munca and Grumpa will probably buy it for you.
And remember...
don't tell Munca or Grumpa
about any of Daddy's boyfriends, okay?
- Patrick? - No.
- Jerry? - No.
Travis?
Okay. We don't ever talk about Travis again. Deal?
Vinnie.
Vinnie?
Who's Vinnie?
Vinnie, from Welcome Back, Kotter.
You like him!
Yes. You can tell Munca and Grumpa
all about how much Daddy loves Vinnie
from Welcome Back, Kotter.
Dad...
why do you only have boyfriends
and never girlfriends?
Well, because...
your mother was my favorite girl,
and I could never love another girl
as much as I loved her.
Now go finish packing.
♪ When I'm with you ♪
♪ All the world's sunny and gay ♪
♪ Got to have you with me To make everyday a sunny day ♪
Oh, hey! You're homesick?
No.
Um, Grumpa and I are gonna go to Burger Giant
and pick up dinner.
- Do you wanna come with us? - I'll stay.
Okay. Uncle Hank and your cousins
are in the family room watching the game,
if you want to join them.
What's that?
Um, that's your mother's clarinet.
Can I see it?
Let's look at it after dinner.
All right, look what we have!
-Hey, that looks good! - Don't eat all the fries.
Can you please hand them out?
- Gotta get those on the table. -Look here. Nice!
-There we go. - Thanks.
Look at that, look at that!
One at a time.
And remember to share please, okay?
-Cheers. - Yes. Yeah, cheers with...
All right... Beautiful...
Everybody has their...
Get onto the table. Yeah.
This is a brand-new nightgown from JCPenney.
Do you like it?
Yes.
I seem to recall
your father forgot to pack your pajamas last summer.
So, this year we planned ahead.
So, tell me about San Francisco.
Have you made some friends?
Johnny is probably my best friend.
- Johnny? - We used to live with him
at our old apartment.
He's really funny.
He has a lot of pretty dresses.
Does your father wear dresses, too?
Not anymore.
He's butch now.
What does that mean?
I don't know. He just says it.
You must be looking forward
to your new school in the fall.
Your father tells me that it's a French school
and you're going to be expected
to speak French every day.
Yeah, and, also, we get to wear a uniform.
Oh, I think there's nothing prettier
than a schoolgirl in her uniform.
All right, little one,
time for bed.
You think he's neglecting her?
Well, a new dress for the plane
would have been nice.
Probably can't afford it.
I know he can't.
Can you and Daddy help him out?
We are, dear.
Your father's paying for the private school
that Steve wanted.
I just don't understand why he won't make an attempt
at getting some sort of steady job.
I missed you, Daddy.
I missed you too, Mouse.
An orange. I got this.
Okay, this.
Okay. So, you can see them all now.
An orange to oranges. The corn...
Corn. All right, flip 'em all over.
The buffalo...
and... the wheat.
Next up is Stephen Abbott.
"On the morning of my thirtieth year,
"I wait in cold for a bus.
"The morning is clear.
"Angels have not hit the streets yet."
Did you just clean the apple for me?
"Where was I at age 13?
"Bus waiting with trumpet case in my hand,
"next to a donut shop,
"sniffing strains of Chuck Berry
"and the Drifters.
"Oh, birthdays, you broken little golden promises.
"You ride my dreams like ex-lovers,
"doing nothing with me, yet I know you care.
"For I see your fires dancing
"on the melting candles of my own little girl's cake,
"flickering and fluttering..."
You can't do this.
"...floating on air.
"Pull the buzzer if you dare.
"In heaven, all buses run for free."
That's not fair!
I'm gonna get you.
Be careful.
"And no matter where I go anymore,
"I'm already there."
-Yeah. -Nice job.
Daddy?
Hmm?
Daddy, I have school today.
Get up!
Ah, shit.
KGO Morning News,
8:10 AM, San Francisco.
Singer, beauty pageant winner,
and spokeswoman
for the Florida Orange Juice Commission, Anita Bryant,
has started a campaign to ban homosexuals...
- I want KFRC! - Wait, wait, wait.
Bryant has endorsed an initiative in California
called Proposition Six.
Prop Six will not only ban gays and lesbians,
but anyone supporting gay rights
from working in California's public school system.
Jesus!
Openly gay candidate for San Francisco City Supervisor,
Harvey Milk, has responded
by calling for a national boycott
of Florida Orange Juice.
Are you nervous?
No?
- Hey. - Dropping off?
Yeah. Alysia Abbott, Madame Brune's Class.
I think we're a little late.
I'll make sure she gets there.
Hey, Alysia.
I'm proud of you.
She says you're degueulasse.
Do you know what degueulasse means?
Hey, salut!
Hello, Miss M.
She doesn't know what it means.
Hey, honey.
What is "deguglassey"?
You mean " degueulasse"?
It means dirty or...
gross or disgusting.
Is that a word they taught you in school?
The bathroom sink can get tres degueulasse.
Why can't I go to a normal school?
You know how amazing it is to learn a different language?
Huh? Learn about different cultures?
You know? When you get older,
we'll travel through France together.
And we'll go see the Arc de Triomphe
and the Notre Dame.
All right.
Watch the boob tube. Don't answer the door...
...and I'll see you in a few hours.
You're neglecting me.
No, I'm not neglecting you.
I'm teaching you independence.
All right.
Back when I was in school,
I was taught the works of Lord Byron,
Walt Whitman, Gertrude Stein,
but it was never mentioned to me
that any of these famous poets were gay.
A fundamental element of what
probably influenced them most as writers
was ignored by history.
If only I had known that back then,
think what a difference that would have made.
Alysia!
What happened?
Look at me. This costs money, okay? You...
- Damn it. - Hey, man.
Looks like you got your hands full.
I'm gonna split.
Oh, no, just let me put her to bed.
It's okay.
Some other time.
Troops searching
the Jonestown religious commune...
Do you remember
which bus to take after school today?
...earlier today.
You remember the name of the stop to get off at?
...no one was alive at the headquarters
of the People's Temple.
Do you want me to write it down?
Why can't you just pick me up?
Because I told you,
I have my writer's workshop this afternoon.
And besides, it's good for you to learn how to take the bus.
I mean, it teaches you independence.
God damn it, Alysia!
...violence on the bodies.
This is Daddy's work. Okay? Do you understand?
It's really important.
Look. I'm sorry.
About 1,100 persons, all of them Americans,
have been reported... in the camp.
Ryan had led a group of...
Does your dad like boys or girls?
Ew, your dad likes boys.
That looks good.
Peanut butter and jelly?
Just peanut butter. We ran out of jelly.
Mine's egg salad.
My boyfriend makes the best egg salad sandwiches.
Are you lost?
Yes.
Where do you live?
Page Street.
Oh, that's not very far.
I can drive you. Get in.
Excuse me, little girl.
I've got her. Thanks.
Mouse!
What happened?
I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry.
You knew where to get off the bus. What...
Thank you. Thank you so much.
Maybe she's a little young to ride the buses alone?
No, she knew where to get off the bus.
I wrote it down.
Well, I'm glad I could help.
Thank you.
As president of the Board of Supervisors,
it's my duty to make this announcement.
Both Mayor Moscone
and Supervisor Harvey Milk
have been shot and killed.
♪ It's my direction ♪
♪ It's my proposal ♪
♪ It's so hard ♪
♪ It's leading me astray ♪
♪ My obsession ♪
♪ It's my creation... ♪
The Quake, KQAK, San Francisco.
The Rock of the '80s...
- Hey! -...Bay Area.
Hey, that's my dad's car!
Shit.
Dad?
Your host on this exclusive edition
of Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous...
...is celebrity Robin Leach.
In the untold story...
- Hello? -Hi, sweetie.
Hi, Munca.
How is everything? How's school?
We have finals this week.
Well, then I know you're studying.
I am.
How is your father? Tell him we said hi.
- He's out right now. - Again?
Alysia, you shouldn't be left alone like this,
especially in the evening.
It's okay. I'm used to it.
You know, Alysia,
if you ever feel like you need a change,
you are more than welcome here.
The high school your mother went to
is just down the street.
She graduated valedictorian.
Alysia? Honey?
Yeah, I'm here.
I should get back to studying.
Okay.
Bye.
...at the billionaire star-studded event.
For Malcolm, a lifestyle...
Charlie.
-Hey! -Quiet.
Charlie.
-You pushed that... - Charlie. Hey!
...out of my arm.
Oh, shit.
Hey, Mouse.
Hey, sorry I'm late.
- Did you get dinner? -Is she asleep?
Charlie! Shh!
Alysia, you remember Charlie?
Hey!
Did you tell her the good news?
My book is getting published.
I'm gonna be published!
I am so excited! I'm so excited!
- Congratulations. - Did you see his face?
Hey!
Hey! Hey! Take it easy! God!
Hey, hey, hey. Watch it!
-You big bear. -I'm walkin' here.
Come here, you teddy bear.
You little bitty teddy bear.
You little teddy bear.
-Yeah, yeah. Yeah! -Come here, you...
Come on. All right, don't touch that.
Hey, hey, hey!
Are we going to the Palladium Saturday night?
My dad's taking his girlfriend to Tahoe this weekend.
We'll have the place to ourselves. No curfew.
I can't. I have to go to my dad's stupid book party.
...listen to it. It's pretty good actually.
-You have good taste. - There he is.
He just started working here.
He's hella cute.
Yeah. He looks like John Taylor from Duran Duran.
I think he's better looking than John Taylor.
Oh. So, someone else has noticed him.
What?
I don't get to think a boy is cute?
How's everything goin' out here?
Is she gonna talk to him?
I think that's what's happening.
I did. I found it, and it wasn't that hard.
I just looked under the chair.
Do you know if they're any good?
- Oh, yes, she is. - Okay. Okay.
They're okay.
Sorta trendy.
What are you into?
Uh, Depeche Mode. OMD.
I have something you might really like.
She doesn't even like that record.
Yes.
Not sure he's playing on your team.
What do you mean?
He may or may not like girls. We don't know yet.
I hate it when you can't tell.
Welcome to my life, every day.
Five bucks.
If you hate it, just bring it back.
I'm Sam.
I'm Alysia.
Maybe he's... ...British.
What does that have to do with anything?
You know, British boys always look kinda gay.
- He didn't have an accent. -Oh.
Did you hear about the two gay Irish boys?
- No. - Shaun Fitzpatrick
and Patrick Fitzshaun!
My uncle's a doctor,
he says being gay can cause cancer.
- That's ridiculous. - Or it's like, a new cancer
that they discovered that gay people can get.
It's like VD, but way worse.
They also discovered a new kind of gay dinosaur.
It's called the Mega-Sore-Ass.
Shit.
Um, does anyone have a tampon?
I have some at my house.
Oh, God, I'm starving. Can we raid your refrigerator?
Uh, yeah. Let me go ask my dad if I can have company.
He might be writing.
Right.
Hurry.
Damn it.
Dad?
Oh.
- Hey, Mouse. - Is my dad home?
Mm-mm. No. He took Bart to, um...
Oakland? Oakland.
Okay, tell him I'll be back later.
Yeah, my dad's working.
We can't disturb him.
What the hell is this?
What?
Are these from the 1950s?
- They look like pillows. Look. -Yeah.
It's like a sponge.
Should've got it.
It'll be fine. If the jacket's still there
- in, like, a week... -Hey, girls.
Hey, Mr. Abbott.
Alysia.
Copies of my book just arrived.
You guys wanna come over?
I'm about to go show 'em to Charlie.
I saw your note. You were working.
We didn't wanna disturb you.
My note. I...
Maybe it was an old note.
Anyway, we're gonna go to Yayne's to study.
Okay. Did you invite the girls to the book party on Saturday?
They already have plans Saturday night, Dad.
Oh.
Okay. Bye, Dad.
Okay.
I like your dad's jacket. It's cool.
Yeah.
Maybe, but not on him.
Does he have a girlfriend?
He never got over my mom.
Well, but maybe he's just...
She flew through the windshield of her car.
They said the highway was stained with her blood for weeks.
Where's Charlie?
He's missing your big night?
I thought you and I should spend some time together.
Just the two of us.
And all your arty-farty friends.
How did I raise such a normal girl?
Huh?
Where did I screw up?
You really want me to go down the list?
Because we'll probably miss the party.
Well, what if...
what if we spent one night a week together?
You know, maybe dinner and a movie.
Sure. Sounds good, Dad.
Are you getting paid a lot for this book?
Well, it's a small publishing company,
so there isn't much.
So, this isn't gonna make us rich.
Well, it's not about the money, Alysia.
It's poetic and honorable to live the way that we do.
Money would just ruin us.
No, it wouldn't.
Oh, hey, thank you guys for coming.
Thank you for coming.
The guest of honor.
Finally!
Kevin.
- So wonderful to see you. - Ah.
Do you remember my daughter Alysia?
Of course.
How's your French coming along, Alysia?
She's practically fluent.
In a few years,
she'll be a famous writer living in Paris.
My daughter Piaf is only three years old
and already wants to be a poet.
Tell her the...
What she said the other day about her feet.
I was helping her with her socks.
She spotted a hole in one and said,
"A hole in my sock,
"a balcony for my toes."
Isn't that brilliant?
And again, Kevin, thank you so much.
So...
What grade are you in, Alysia?
Sophomore.
Oh.
Have you thought about college?
Yeah, maybe NYU.
New York. That's far from home.
Hmm. That's the point.
Well, my daughter goes to school in LA.
Is that guacamole?
Wasabi.
May I give you a piece of advice?
Something I wish I could have told my daughter before she left.
Sure.
If you see small blisters on the tip of a man's penis...
stay away.
It's called herpes, and it's not pretty.
Careful. It's spicy.
He needs no introduction...
but I wrote a really good one.
A radical.
A father,
a lover.
His writing is personal and political.
Proving a monk and a whore,
creatively, can inhabit the same body,
my friend Stephen Abbott.
Again, Kevin...
...thank you.
Thank you all for coming this evening.
"Before my wife died,
"she dreamt of our fish tank breaking
"and all the fish flopping into the street.
"No one would help her save them.
"She was a psychologist
"who fell in love with her psychotic patient.
"He was a kid who wanted to kill everyone
"from his small town.
"But he was fantastic in bed, she said.
"Although he hated queers,
"he imagined me coming toward him like Jesus.
"With a garland of roses on my head.
"I knew this boded ill fortune.
"When I learned my wife's skull
"was crushed by a truck,
"my head swam
like an hourglass into a TV set.
"All the channels went crazy.
"I tried explaining the event to my five-year-old daughter,
"using her own toy cars.
"We distance ourselves for protection,
"wear scarves when it's cold out.
"What seems most outlandish in our autobiography
"is what really happened.
"It's only circumstance
"that make death a terrible event.
"You should not have to burn your hand every day
"to feel the mystery of fire."
- Are you leaving? - Why'd you have to read that?
What was wrong with it?
That's personal stuff about our family.
Why'd you have to share it with a bunch of strangers?
Alysia, that's what writing is all about.
Sharing your personal experiences.
You know that's always been
a big, important part of my work
is being truthful.
Yeah, but what you said wasn't all true.
What do you mean?
You said Mom was in love
with her patient from the car crash.
Why would you say that?
Because she was.
I thought you and Mom were so in love,
you never got over her.
Isn't that why you're with men now?
Is that what you think?
It's what you told me.
Alysia, where are you going?
I'm spending the night at Yayne's.
Hey, you made it!
Wait. What happened to the book party?
Sucked.
Well, then, let's get some booze
and get hella drunk!
I told my dad I was staying at your house tonight.
I told my mom I was staying at your place tonight.
No. It's not funny!
-It's kind of funny. - No, it's not.
- Yeah. -I think it's funny.
Look, it's record store guy.
You should go ask him.
- Why me? - He's your boyfriend.
He's not my boyfriend.
Practically.
Hey, Alysia.
Oh, hey, Sam.
You guys goin' in?
Yeah, we're just havin' a smoke.
Me too.
Go on.
- Sam? - Yeah?
I really liked that album you recommended.
- Which one was it? - The Birthday Party.
Oh, yeah, cool. I'm glad.
Sam?
Yeah.
If we gave you some money,
would you mind going to Jack's Market?
Sure. What do you guys want?
-Bourbon? -Bourbon.
Bourbon?
- What? - Say vodka, vodka.
People drink vodka all the time.
- Okay. Vodka. - Wait, wait, wait. No, no, no.
- Okay. Vodka. - We haven't had vodka.
Okay, bourbon. Get bourbon.
- Could get hella used to this. - Could if I wanted to.
♪ What are these essential things you ask? ♪
♪ Well, I'd like to tell you ♪
♪ But there's some things you must figure ♪
♪ On your own ♪
♪ Different things are important ♪
♪ To different people ♪
See, I told you. He's a total fag!
Ah, I see we're back to OJ.
Well, it's Gay Freedom Day
and I am gonna drink whatever the hell I want.
It's not called Gay Freedom anymore.
- It's called Gay Pride now. - Okay.
Cheers.
-Mm. Mm! - Mm.
- Oh, God, Charlie. - The topping.
It's a little early, don't you think?
We're celebrating.
Yeah, okay.
-Hm. Hey. - Hey. What?
That? What is that?
Oh, it's probably just a bruise.
It better not be a hickey.
And what if it is?
It probably is.
Hey, Alysia, are you joinin' us for the parade today?
I think I'll sit this one out.
So, where were you last night?
What do you mean?
Well, I talked to Yayne's mom.
What?
Yeah. She said the two of you didn't stay there last night.
Where were you?
You called Yayne's mom?
No, she called me.
Where were you?
I'm gonna grab our jackets.
There was a mix-up, and we ended up staying
at Skid's dad's house in Pacific Heights.
Her mom didn't know that, okay?
She didn't know where you were,
and I didn't know either.
-We were fine, Dad. - I'm sure you were fine,
okay, but you need to call.
Hey, I need to know where you are.
I mean, I'm your father, and you're my responsibility.
Oh, so now you're gonna start being responsible?
Did it ever occur to you
to try that earlier in my childhood?
Hey! What's that supposed to mean?
Listen, I was trying to teach you
to become independent, all right?
There's a lot of value in that.
Were you doing that 'cause it was valuable for me?
Or because it was convenient for you?
Convi... Convenient for me?
You know, maybe you didn't feel so bad
about going out all the time and leaving me alone
'cause you convinced yourself it was somehow good for me.
I think it was!
Great.
Well, your experiment worked.
I can take care of myself.
Alysia, I know that you can take care of yourself.
Okay, I was worried
because no one knew where you were.
Okay, well, I get worried when I have no idea where you are.
- Do you ever think about that? - Well, listen,
if you're so unhappy, maybe you might wanna find
- some other place to stay! - Maybe I will.
Munca says I can move in with them till I graduate.
Oh, great. Go live with your grandparents.
It sure would make my life a hell of a lot easier.
- Here you go. - Thank you.
Okay.
How do we look?
Like all the other fags.
How dare you?
Just leave me alone, Charlie.
You know, I get it
if a bunch of ignorant teenagers
say that kinda shit
because they don't know any better.
But, you?
You know better.
I got you. Hold on.
Hey, no one danced with me.
-You wanna dance? -Come on.
Hey.
Hey!
Where's Charlie?
Oh, he...
He was drunk, so I left him at The End Up.
Are you hungry?
- Sure. - Well, here, sit down.
I just ordered some takeout.
I'm sorry if I surprised you
the other night at the book party.
I realize there's stuff about my relationship with your mother
that I probably should have explained to you earlier.
I just didn't think you were old enough
at the time to understand.
I don't want you to think that
I became the person that I am
because of your mother's death
'cause that's not true.
I was with men before I met your mother
and she knew that.
So, why did you get married?
Because we loved each other
and we cared for each other.
She was my best friend
and...
we tried to make it work, we did.
But in the end...
I couldn't give her what she needed
and that's why she ended up with Wolfe,
the guy she was with the night she died.
Listen...
when I was your age,
I couldn't be the person that I wanted to be.
I had to pretend to be somebody else.
And that kind of thing can...
...can really eat you up as a kid.
All right.
One, two,
- three. Graduation! - Yeah!
Amazing.
So, this is the poem in which
Hugo's lyrical first voice begins to achieve maturity.
The central themes are those of childhood,
nature, love.
Thank you.
Dad, I'm home!
Can I help you?
Uh, I'm not sure I'm in the right place.
Are you looking for the Maitri Hospice?
Yeah, um, I'm supposed to meet my father here.
His name is Stephen Abbott.
You must be Alysia.
I'm Sue.
Your father is excited to see you.
He's visiting with JD.
They're in the first room downstairs.
Okay. Thanks.
"A couple summers ago,
"I was having problems with my boyfriend.
"I wanted a monogamous couple relationship.
"Joe was fond of me
"but felt my desire for categories was stifling.
"To bridge our communication gap..."
"...we took acid..."
Hi, Dad!
My girl! And look at you!
You look so New York!
Hi, I'm Alysia.
Welcome home.
Your father has been telling me
all about your college adventures at NYU.
You have three roommates and they're all named Rachel?
Yep. We call them by their last names.
Goodman, Strauss, and Shaw.
Sounds like a law firm.
I've always wanted to see New York City.
I bet it's incredible.
Listen, JD...
I don't think I'm gonna make it over here
again this week, so...
Have a nice Christmas.
Thanks, Steve.
Shall we?
So, how are your classes?
NYU holding up to its reputation?
Well, I love my classes,
but I just don't really feel like a New Yorker yet.
Hm.
You will.
Remember...
New York City is filled with people
who weren't New Yorkers at first.
It's all part of living in the real world,
they're always trying to fit in.
Well, I'd like to fit in somewhere.
But... You know...
If New York isn't for you...
maybe you can look into transferring to UC Berkeley,
or even San Francisco State.
I mean...
I sure wouldn't complain if you were closer to home.
How's your spaghetti?
Good, but it's angel hair, Daddy.
Not all pasta's called spaghetti.
Right. Right.
Can I get you two anything else?
An espresso, please.
Um, can I get another ginger ale, please?
Still not drinking?
Can you believe it?
No drugs, no alcohol, not even pot.
Maybe Charlie dumping me
wasn't such a bad thing after all.
You seem good.
I've been meditating at the Zen Center.
You know, it's amazing,
the sense of calm and peace
you can get from just clearing your mind.
You know, I think you could really benefit from it.
I've meditated before.
No, I know. I'm talkin' about
committing to it as a practice.
I think it would really help you focus.
Well, I already have plenty to focus on at school.
Yeah, I know, but I just think it might be
- something maybe you could... - Dad.
Not all your issues have to be my issues.
You're right.
-Thanks. -Hm.
Thank you.
What is this?
Early Christmas present.
It's a collection of my favorite work from school.
Mostly from my creative writing class
but also a few things I just wrote on my own.
"Your voice..."
What was it? "Your voice..."
The poem that you wrote when you were six.
Oh, yeah! Um...
- "Your voice has..." -"Your voice has..."
"Your voice has power.
- "And when the power goes..." - "And when..." Yeah.
- "...it's the hiccups." - "It's the hiccups."
Oh, I love it.
You know, I can't wait to read it.
Don't get too excited.
Some are still works in progress.
Where'd you get that from?
How old is the boy you're visiting at the hospice?
JD?
He just turned 23.
He's young.
Yeah, he wants to be a fashion designer.
"The next Calvin Klein," he says.
Then he should definitely move to New York.
He's in hospice, Alysia.
You know what that is?
It's a place where people go to die.
They're gonna find a cure, right?
The current president
doesn't really have that on his to-do list.
You know, Republicans see health care
the same way they see their wealth.
"It's your responsibility.
"You should take care of it yourself."
So, there's actually something I wanted to talk to you about.
Oh, did I say the wrong pasta again?
Dad!
What, there's no espresso maker at the apartment?
Dad, I'm serious.
What?
NYU offers a program
where you can study a year abroad.
I'd like to apply to go to school in France next year.
France?
It looks like my scholarship will cover most of the costs.
And I spoke with Munca.
She says she and Grumpa will pay for my plane ticket
and whatever other expenses I might need.
So, you've already spoken with them about this?
Well, I know you couldn't afford it.
Wow, I...
There I was at dinner,
trying to convince you to move back home,
and now you're moving to the other side of the world.
You're okay with the idea, though, right?
You were the one who always encouraged me to do something like this.
Of course. Of course.
I'm just sad to know
that you'll be so far away, that's all.
Yeah, but you'll come visit.
In Paris?
We'll go to the Musee d'Orsay.
I've been studying Flaubert and Balzac
in my 19th century history class,
and I would love to see the paintings
from that period.
Yeah, I mean...
I'd love to, but...
We'll just have to wait and see.
Oh, that's my dad's favorite, so I just wanted to read it.
- I will try to... - No.
Merci. Thanks.
I didn't like it.
-No? Why? -No.
See you tomorrow.
Okay.
Remember?
Or at least at the Eiffel Tower you did!
Yeah, right?
Look at that guy. So embarrassing.
I think it's a little further down that way.
Is it? Do you think?
Ouais.
- Alysia. - Oh, American?
Yeah.
I apologize about the tourists.
It was very rude.
It's okay. I'm not a tourist. I'm a student.
Oh, La Sorbonne?
Baudelaire.
I can see you have good taste in shoes
and in French writers.
He's my father's absolute favorite.
I'm just getting familiar with him.
Well, your father has good taste.
Are you staying near the school?
The Dormitory for Young Worker Girls?
I always loved the name.
It has such a nice socialist touch to it.
- Don't you think? - Your English is really good.
Thank you but my timing is not.
Perhaps we could meet again for some coffee?
- Okay. -Okay, perfect.
Uh, tomorrow, same time, Cafe Louis Philippe?
- Sure. - Excellent.
- See you tomorrow. - Yeah.
Workers of the world unite!
"Dear Daddy.
"Tonight I left my friends
"and walked from Boulevard Filles du Calvaire
"into the Marais,
"to the Place des Vosges, the oldest square in Paris."
"I ate a falafel on a park bench
"in the Jardin Louis Treize.
"I felt so French, Daddy.
"A cute boy even mistook me for a Parisian."
Sorry. There's like a...
You know, I evolved, you know.
"Please keep writing.
"I love hearing the details of your life
"and everything that's happening back home.
"I miss you.
"Love, Alysia."
"P.S...
"I'm so sorry to hear about JD.
"He seemed like such a nice person."
Stephen Abbott.
- Here you are. - Mm.
What's in the bag?
-Ooh, fancy. - Ooh.
- Here. - Thank you.
Mm.
Thank you.
Mm. Later.
We have to go. If we don't go to the market now,
everything will be gone.
We won't have anything for dinner.
- Okay? - Can we walk there?
Um, we don't have time. We can take the bicycles.
I don't know how to ride a bicycle.
Pardon?
I've never been on a bicycle before.
It's not funny, it's embarrassing.
It's very easy, I'll show you.
Come.
Come on. Trust me.
- I don't... - Okay?
Okay. So, you keep looking forward
and you never stop pedaling. Okay?
Mm-hm. I'm fine as long as you're with me.
- I'm here. Let's go. - Okay.
- Okay. No, no. - No!
- You're all right. - Yeah, okay.
- Okay. Let's go again. - Yeah. Okay.
- All right. Let's go. - Okay. Uh-huh.
This isn't so bad.
You're doing great! Keep going!
Bravo!
Theo!
- You all right? - Yeah.
- You okay? - Yeah, I slipped.
Oh, God.
- You all right? - Yeah.
Oh, my God, that was fun.
I am out of breath.
Maybe instead of going back to New York,
I could stay and finish school in Paris.
I would love that.
Okay, race you back!
Okay.
What's so funny?
"Spending your school break
"in the country with Theo sounds wonderful.
"You were lucky to have found a boyfriend with rich parents.
"I only hope you're not becoming too bourgeois."
Ooh, I can already tell
he and I will get along beautifully.
Hey, Alysia, I was thinking...
Maybe if you plan on staying in Paris,
you could, uh, move out of the dormitory
and move into my apartment.
It's only four blocks away from school.
I know it's small, but just think...
your very own Parisian pied-a-terre.
Alysia?
You there?
Yeah, I'm here.
Well, let's call your father now
and see what he thinks.
Daddy does Tai Chi on Sunday mornings.
He won't be home yet.
Daddy?
Mouse?
I got your letter.
Did you book your flight home yet?
I was thinking maybe I should
stay and finish the semester first.
I need someone to help me, Alysia. I...
I really need you here.
I don't know if I can do it.
Do what?
Take care of you.
Do you know how
hard it is
for me to ask you this?
I wasn't ready to care for you when your mother died...
but I did.
How about a smile?
- Yuppie! - Fuck off.
Nice, dude.
So, who's...
the world?
Well, it wasn't your mother.
Did I get a package?
Me! - No, it's from Theo.
That one, though...
...in the world! I finally won a giveaway.
And you said I was stupid for entering so many contests.
Hey! It's Yayne again.
I left you a million messages.
I wanna hear all about France.
- Wanna go out tonight? - How are you feeling?
My feet are sore.
It took me 10 minutes
just to walk down the hallway and back to take a piss.
Well, why don't you take one of the pain pills?
'Cause they're no fun when you're actually in pain.
Who's stupid now?
Yeah. Stupid all the way to the bank.
Who's the letter from?
A rejection letter from the publisher.
It says they like my work. Blah-blah-blah-blah.
And then it goes on to say
something about my ponytail.
I don't even have a ponytail.
Sure. The women.
It says "potential," Dad.
Huh?
They're talking about your potential.
Oh,
I thought they didn't want to publish my book
because I had a ponytail.
That would have been a first.
Of course not, Dorothy.
How's your writing going?
What?
Your writing? How's your writing going?
I really enjoyed your letters from France.
You know, you really made me feel like I was right there.
There's not a lot for me to write about here.
You should be writing about all this.
What's happening to us.
That's what I'd be doing.
How was your lunch?
It burned.
So, you haven't eaten anything all day?
I'm not hungry.
Dad, you have to eat.
Dorothy, would you please check my list
and see if I forgot to invite anybody
to my Moonlight Madness...
Alysia.
Yeah?
I wanna go out.
Where?
Somewhere there's people.
Today might not be a good day, Dad.
Well, perhaps I should update you
on my prognosis, Alysia.
There will be no more good days.
Hey, Dad?
Thinking of going out for a little bit.
Are you okay?
Okay.
Have fun, Mouse.
Mouse?
Yeah?
I know you're angry,
but it would help me
to know that you're angry because I have AIDS...
and the doctors haven't found a cure yet...
than shifting your anger to other things...
like me burning my lunch
or whatever.
Okay.
Thank you.
I should have told you about all of this sooner.
No.
I get it. Like, you've been dealing with a lot
since you've been back.
No, I mean, before this.
Like in high school.
I don't know why I kept everything such a secret.
I mean, you know, no one would have cared.
We all thought your dad was, like, really cool.
- Really? -Mm-hm.
There were a lotta gay jokes going around back then, though.
That was Skid.
You were laughing at those jokes, too, Yayne.
I mean, we were idiots.
Why didn't you ever say something?
I honestly don't think I knew how to.
When you keep a secret about something for so long,
it becomes a part of you.
And...
having to finally admit
you were lying about something for so many years...
well...
That ends up being more embarrassing
than the stupid thing
you were trying to hide in the first place.
Ow!
-The fuck we got here? -Hey!
If someone's acknowledging you for being beautiful,
you should say, "thanks"!
-I'd fuck that, dude. -Fuck.
Thanks.
I'm picking up for Stephen Abbott.
Can I see some ID?
Alysia Abbott?
You're Steve Abbott's daughter?
Yeah.
You probably don't remember,
but I shared an apartment with you and your father
when you were that little.
- I'm Paulette. -Yeah, Paulette!
Of course I remember you.
God, that was such a long time ago.
How are you?
Hanging in there.
Are you still friends with Johnny?
I have the best memories of playing dress-up with him.
He passed away about two years ago.
I'm sorry to hear that.
Yeah.
He was a good friend.
What about Eddie?
The guy my dad liked so much.
No idea.
I've sort of kept to myself these past few years.
I mean, it got too hard to keep losing friends.
I stopped reading the newspaper.
God, I was scared I would recognize
another face among all those young men.
It's...
Oh, shit.
I'm sorry. I...
It's okay.
How is he doing?
You tell me.
Oh.
He's been approved for AZT.
That's good news.
- Yeah? -Yeah.
What is that?
It's supposed to be a new wonder drug.
Everyone has high hopes for this one,
but the side effects can be pretty strong.
Rashes, vomiting, liver damage,
and they still don't know if it works or not.
Maybe he shouldn't take it.
These people are fighting for their lives.
They... they have to try everything.
One day, one of these medicines
will actually work.
There will be a pill that you can just take
and you won't get AIDS,
and we'll be able to thank people like your dad for that.
Thank you.
Tell him I say, "hi."
I love seeing his stories published in the magazines.
I'd say to my friends,
"I used to live with this guy."
Hey.
You know, a lot of the guys that are coming in here
are going through this... all alone. They...
They lost everyone.
It's good that he has you.
All right, get dressed.
Where are we going?
Anywhere you want.
The Folsom Baths?
Hey, Steve.
Who's that?
I don't know.
I can hardly see anything, my eyes have gotten so bad.
It's like being on acid.
That reminds me.
You'll never guess who works at the pharmacy.
-Who? - Our old roommate, Paulette.
Oh.
Is she still pushing drugs?
Dad, she's a pharmacist.
Yeah, I can just see it.
"Here's your allergy medicine and two hits of angel dust."
Nobody does angel dust anymore.
I guarantee you, Paulette does.
I wish I could have seen you as a harried mother.
"Prudence, Bernard, put down Grandpa's ashes."
Dad, that's terrible.
Does it make you uncomfortable when I talk about my remains?
No, it's those names. They're horrible.
Do you know the story behind your name?
I can't remember if you told me.
The day you were born,
I was standing behind the window
at the baby ward.
And I remember
my face was so close to the glass
that I was fogging it up with my breathing.
And I remember looking at all the new babies.
And you all looked like fruit in a supermarket.
And there you were.
And I remember lookin' at you,
not to see if you resembled me or your mother,
but to see if I could tell
what kind of person you were gonna be.
And all I kept thinking about
was the Black Panther,
Angela Davis, holding her fist up in court.
And we hadn't decided on a name yet,
so I came up with
Angela Davis Gertrude Stein
Amelia Earhart High Priestess.
What did Mom think?
Ah, she loved it.
But...
the better part of pressure and practicality
got the best of us.
So... we...
looked through the name books at the hospital
and we found Alysia Rebecca
which translated to "Captivating Peacemaker."
And we liked that.
Do you think I was a good parent?
Yeah, of course you were.
You are.
Why would you ask that?
I worry that you question some of the choices I made.
Look, I didn't really know how to be a single parent.
There wasn't many examples of that
when I was growin' up.
All I knew is that I...
I just didn't want you to be raised
the way that I was raised.
My childhood was a series of boundaries and punishments.
That kind of thing can really cripple a person.
And it wasn't gonna be like that for you.
So...
If I was...
...sometimes a failure as a parent...
...just know that these were noble failures...
and that I always tried to do what was right for you.
And sometimes it wasn't
what was best for us as a family,
but it's what I thought was best for you as a person.
Someone who was strong...
and tolerant...
and not afraid of this world.
I'm gonna be fine, Daddy.
Hey, do you need more juice?
The other day, when you were vacuuming...
It helped me fall asleep.
The sound...
It reminded me of my mother.
Do you want me to vacuum?
Please. Turn it on.
Just so I can hear it.
Shh. It's okay.
Daddy?
Dad?
Hi.
So, I brought your magnifying glass
and some magazines.
- Hm. - This week's People.
I worry about Diana.
I don't trust that Camilla Parker Bowles.
Look what I found.
Remember this?
You were a precocious child.
You were such a childish adult.
I guess that made us equals.
Portals of the Past.
What?
That's the name of...
the monument that we're standing in front of.
It's the only remains of...
a mansion on Nob Hill
that was destroyed by the earthquake
in 1906.
They moved it to the park.
It's supposed to be symbolic
of San Francisco's perseverance.
Moving on from the tragedy in its past.
Do you go to college?
Yeah, Dad.
I go to NYU.
Did you do that
all by yourself?
What do you mean?
Did you fill out the application
all by yourself?
Pretty much.
That's good.
Did you tell your mom
that you got accepted to NYU?
Yeah.
She knows.
She must be...
so proud.
"I suppose it's all over now.
"Brief as a cloudless sky,
"empty as my daughter's mouth,
"you're flying home for Christmas.
"Back home, I read this note.
"'Dear Tooth Fairy, tonight's the night.
"'Tooth under the pillow.'
"Your plane drones on.
"I don't know where it's taking you.
"I replace Alysia's tooth
"with a shiny tin quarter.
"Under my own pillow, I dream fitfully.
"Come morning,
"I'll be the only good fairy left in town."
- Do you mind taking a picture? -Oh, sure.
Okay, thank you.
Okay, you ready?
Hello?
Hello, sweetheart.
Hi, Munca.
How's everything coming along?
Fine. Everything's almost packed.
Classes don't start for another week
so, I'm gonna stay here a few more days.
There's just a few things I wanna do
before I go back to New York.
We didn't have a chance to tell you before,
but we were so impressed
with how you spoke at the service.
We're so proud of you, Alysia.
He did his best, you know.
What's that?
Dad.
He did his best.
I know. He did.
- Bye. -Bye.
This place
where my father and I lived together...
our fairyland...
wasn't make-believe,
but a real place with real people.
It was a place where my father was able to be himself
and a place where he taught me to become my own self.
I am a legacy of this place,
of these people, and of this time.
Their history is now my history.
Their history is now our history.