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This programme
contains strong language

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DEEP BREATHING

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Rachel?

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Rachel? Wake up!

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What? What? What is it? School?

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There is no school.
That and everything else has gone.

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The Lord has begun his Great War
of Armageddon.

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The old system is done.
We have to get to the woods NOW.

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Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh.
Oh, my gosh!

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It's OK. It's OK, Rachel. Calm down.

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Pack your bags
and get down the stairs

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before your soul turns to ash.

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GO!

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HE RINGS BELLS

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Pack your things, Aaron,
the end time is here.

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Finally.

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Which wedding photo, Fiona?
Portrait or kiss?

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The kiss is more lively and vital.
But...

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CAT MEOWS
Can you help me save Gideon, David?

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We should prioritise living things.

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Loud and clear. Kiss it is.

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Come on, Rachel. Your neighbours are
being swallowed into the pit.

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Go. Quick, quick. Thank you.

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Please, God, deliver us from evil...

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Rachel, God's not going to answer
your prayers right now.
He's busy lighting up heathens.

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I'm asking him for salvation!

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I pray that Rachel gets all her
just deserts in the afterlife.

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Aaron, I don't need your pity to get
into paradise.

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I didn't ask for you to get
into paradise.

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I asked for your just deserts.

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We're going to meet the congregation
at the top of Blakely Pike.

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There we'll pray, shelter,

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and eventually bury the corpses
of the sinful dead.

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It's going to be very special.
RACHEL WHIMPERS

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Make haste. The stars are literally
falling from the sky.

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Is God going to let me survive?

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I couldn't say. Who can fathom
the mysteries of the creator?

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I'll give you about 50-50.

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No! Please! Please!

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Probably a sinner fleeing
the hellfire.

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They'll be struck down before
he reaches Stockport.

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God help us all.

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THUNDERCLAPS

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Can I have some food?

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No. You get biscuits
after the moon's turned to blood.

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No-one's here.

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Did we make it? DID WE MAKE IT?

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Two hours 19.

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Not bad for a practice run.

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What?!

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The planet is safe for now.

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Let all that worry pour out of you.

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See, Rachel, those biscuits
would have been a waste.

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I'm sure he's just relieved.

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LET IT EEEEEEND!

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# Some folks say the Bible is not
true... #

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Unbelievable.
We were three shipments behind.

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You've saved us in one morning.

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How are you so fast?

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Not fast. You're slow.

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Unbearably slow.

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David, for most of us, being a
Go Parcel sorting agent is a job.

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For you, it feels like more of
a calling.

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How's about going full time?
You've changed our lives.
We just think you're...

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OK, I'm going to stop you there,
Sid. I'm here to pay the bills

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so my family can serve God.

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That's it. In fact, you should
prep for my departure

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because on Sunday, the order
is promoting me to elder.

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I don't know what that means.

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Well, it means I'll be a full-time
spiritual shepherd,

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and my stipend could be,
no exaggeration,

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up to 75% of what you pay me now.

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So, I can't convince you to stay?
You sure?

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Sure as I am this package will make
it to Macclesfield.

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# ..Oh, yes, yes, yes, I believe. #

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BELL RINGS

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Sorry.

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Dad got me up at 4am
to do apocalypse practice.

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Mm. I'm not going to ask
what that is.

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B minus. Would have been higher,
but I reserve As for students

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who remain conscious.

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You do want to get into uni, right?

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Got a lot of goodwill riding on it
and some real money.

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I can squeeze in 30 minutes
of revision

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between preaching and bedtime.

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If I skip dinner.

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OK, you can nap here over lunch,
but FYI, I've just had a bad

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break-up, so I will be doing
some aggressive marking.

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What's aggressive marking?

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HEAVY METAL MUSIC PLAYS

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Mm.

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Hug the rim, Rachel.

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My locks need their edges
to be straight.

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Can you not just go to
a hairdresser?

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And miss the consistency of the bowl?

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No. This is your duty.

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Fiona did my scissor work for years
before you came of age.

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I won't go back, Rachel.

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TV: God doesn't judge you...

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I should be in paradise right now.

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This suburb should be a crater.

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The real apocalypse
will come soon enough, Aaron.

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It better.

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David, when are we replacing the TV?

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It's nice to have background noise

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that isn't Aaron's pencils
or you chewing.

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I don't know if we should replace
it. It broke in an act of God.

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You poured a jug of water on it.

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There were people kissing
on there with tongues.

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The Lord guided my hand.

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Hmm. I really want the TV back.

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It's decided. To hang in its place,

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Aaron's sketching a drawing of
us all in paradise. Right, Aaron?

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After this morning,
there may be some creative changes.

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Rachel, what are your eyes
like when you're scared?

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What?

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That's it. That's the look.

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Right, now that I look the part,
it's church time.

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Last meeting before
they promote me to elder.

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Are you sure they're promoting you?

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I've staked my happiness
on it, Fiona.

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So, yes.

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Oh, greetings. Good morning.

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Oh, Andrew's on greeting duty.

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Godsh, he's very blessed in
his suit choices, isn't he?

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To pull off such
a light pastel blue.

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Oh, the Lewises! Greetings!

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Hello, little man.

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I'm sure I looked just as good
when I was his age.

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He's two years older than you,
sweetie.

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Rachel, go reserve us our own row.

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Can't have Andrew sat next to me
when I'm absorbing God's word.

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Look at him with Aaron.

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Man has no ability with kids.

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THEY LAUGH
Yeah!Yeah!

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Be respectful, David.

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He's still recovering
from his wife's death.

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I know, Fiona.
He won't let us forget it.

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Ah! Our secret handshake
has grown to 17 steps now.

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High five, Aaron?

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No, thanks, Dad.

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Shall we head in together?

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How about you head in
and we'll follow after a long gap?

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Oh, David, you crack me up!

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Andrew's so great.

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Shut up, Aaron.

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QUIET CHATTER
#S

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And that little boy, he said to me,
he turned and he asked,

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"What's that sound?"

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And I looked at him and I said...

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.."That's the sound
of Satan's hooves,

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"clip-clopping on your driveway."

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CROWD MURMURS

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Amen.

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Great storyteller!

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ANDREW LAUGHS

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One job, Rachel.

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I gave you one job.

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Now, I have some rather
grave news to conclude with.

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The Jay family are no longer
ordinands of God.

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They've been excluded.

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I can't go into what they did,

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but a reminder that drug dealing
is a mortal sin.

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CROWD GASPS

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And we do consider coffee a drug.

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There is only one way now for us
to extend our love to them,

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and that is to shun them completely.

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CROWD MURMURS AGREEMENT

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Thank you.

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First excluded in five years.

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There were warning signs.
Their daughter has dyed pink hair.

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SHE WHISPERS:
That's the Cooks, David.

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They're sat right behind us.

174
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Good morning.

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Do you feel bad for the Jays?

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They knew what they were doing
when they opened that cafe, Rachel.

177
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Can I have everyone's attention,
please?

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We have a new resident who's moved
to the area and has requested a
visit.

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Which ordinand lives near
Blakely Road?

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BOTH: I do!

181
00:08:25,723 --> 00:08:28,803
Elder, I think Andrew is just
confused or stupid or something.

182
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I live closer to Blakely Road.

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David and I are neighbours.

184
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He lives on the far side
of the cul-de-sac.

185
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He might as well be in Gaza.

186
00:08:35,363 --> 00:08:37,723
Well, if it is contentious,
I could pray for guidance.

187
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When? I don't want God getting a
bias for you before I pray to him.

188
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God sees all of time, David. Hmm.

189
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Don't do it before 8pm.

190
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The Elders will resolve this.

191
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Well, I'll be happy either way.
I'll be happy one way.

192
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I'm the most deserving.

193
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My family does more preaching
than the entire congregation.

194
00:08:53,923 --> 00:08:55,483
That's not true, is it, David?

195
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Well, the week's not over yet.

196
00:08:57,483 --> 00:08:59,243
In fact, Rachel,

197
00:08:59,283 --> 00:09:01,323
didn't you say you wanted to do
some preaching today?

198
00:09:01,363 --> 00:09:03,403
I really need to study, Dad.

199
00:09:03,443 --> 00:09:07,043
Two hours studying, or
saving a soul for all eternity?

200
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Go!

201
00:09:08,443 --> 00:09:10,283
MUSIC: Peace on Earth
by Coleman Family

202
00:09:10,323 --> 00:09:12,443
# I've been reading Revelations
About things to be

203
00:09:12,483 --> 00:09:15,203
# Where John was writing down
the things he'd seen

204
00:09:15,243 --> 00:09:17,843
# He wrote of a place
that you put down sin

205
00:09:17,883 --> 00:09:21,163
# With thanks to God
when you live again

206
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# Cos it's going to be peace... #

207
00:09:23,083 --> 00:09:25,323
INTERCOM RINGS

208
00:09:25,363 --> 00:09:27,763
ON INTERCOM: Hello? Hi.
Would you like to hear about God?

209
00:09:27,803 --> 00:09:29,123
No.

210
00:09:29,163 --> 00:09:30,363
INTERCOM RINGS

211
00:09:30,403 --> 00:09:31,843
Would you like to talk about God?

212
00:09:31,883 --> 00:09:32,963
Get lost!

213
00:09:33,003 --> 00:09:34,163
INTERCOM RINGS

214
00:09:34,203 --> 00:09:35,523
Hello?
DOG BARKS

215
00:09:35,563 --> 00:09:37,843
Hello. I was wondering if you'd
like to talk about God.

216
00:09:37,883 --> 00:09:39,123
Oh, fuck off, nun.

217
00:09:39,163 --> 00:09:40,323
INTERCOM RINGS

218
00:09:40,363 --> 00:09:42,043
Hi, would you like to talk to me
about God?

219
00:09:42,083 --> 00:09:43,523
God. God.
God. God. God.

220
00:09:43,563 --> 00:09:44,563
Sure. Come on up.

221
00:09:46,163 --> 00:09:47,923
Wait. Really?

222
00:09:47,963 --> 00:09:49,203
Eighth floor.

223
00:09:49,243 --> 00:09:50,403
INTERCOM BUZZES

224
00:09:50,443 --> 00:09:51,883
# God is now setting up his church

225
00:09:51,923 --> 00:09:54,043
# Teaching his saints
what they should know

226
00:09:54,083 --> 00:09:57,363
# For the mission is the kingdom
where they shall go

227
00:09:57,403 --> 00:09:59,083
# Cos it's gonna be peace

228
00:09:59,123 --> 00:10:00,723
# Peace right here on Earth

229
00:10:00,763 --> 00:10:03,123
# For God is now setting up
his church. #

230
00:10:04,563 --> 00:10:06,323
You want to talk about God?

231
00:10:06,363 --> 00:10:07,563
Mm-hm.

232
00:10:07,603 --> 00:10:09,363
Uh, are your parents home?

233
00:10:09,403 --> 00:10:11,123
It's just me.

234
00:10:11,163 --> 00:10:15,043
OK, well, you're a man
of marriageable age,

235
00:10:15,083 --> 00:10:17,803
so we'll at least need my mum
on speakerphone.

236
00:10:17,843 --> 00:10:19,443
Her number is 0161...

237
00:10:19,483 --> 00:10:21,043
I'm Joshua.

238
00:10:21,083 --> 00:10:24,443
Like Moses's friend in the Bible,
if that reassures you.

239
00:10:24,483 --> 00:10:26,643
You're being sarcastic,
but, yes, it does.

240
00:10:28,443 --> 00:10:31,883
So the narrow path
leads to salvation,

241
00:10:31,923 --> 00:10:34,923
which is the righteous path
to heaven.

242
00:10:34,963 --> 00:10:36,723
But the wider path...

243
00:10:36,763 --> 00:10:39,003
Do you guys ever just have fun?

244
00:10:39,043 --> 00:10:40,923
No music, no films.

245
00:10:40,963 --> 00:10:42,523
It's like you live in North Korea,

246
00:10:42,563 --> 00:10:44,563
but at least they get to
watch parades.

247
00:10:45,883 --> 00:10:48,443
I have tonnes of fun.

248
00:10:48,483 --> 00:10:50,083
OK, what's your favourite song?

249
00:10:51,963 --> 00:10:54,803
You're trying not to think of
a hymn, aren't you?

250
00:10:54,843 --> 00:10:57,283
Do you want a nibble?
No. No, thank you.

251
00:10:57,323 --> 00:11:00,403
I'll...I'll have fun
when I'm ready for it.

252
00:11:03,843 --> 00:11:05,523
I'm applying to uni.

253
00:11:05,563 --> 00:11:07,763
Uni? Pretty liberal.

254
00:11:07,803 --> 00:11:10,043
Your parents aren't worried
you'll OD on ketamine

255
00:11:10,083 --> 00:11:11,723
and realise you're bi?

256
00:11:13,523 --> 00:11:15,283
I don't know what those things are.

257
00:11:22,083 --> 00:11:23,963
INDISTINCT CHATTER

258
00:11:35,523 --> 00:11:37,243
I've got something for you.

259
00:11:37,283 --> 00:11:40,203
Unsolicited Order magazines.
I'm returning them,

260
00:11:40,243 --> 00:11:42,643
including the one you rammed
underneath my wiper blade

261
00:11:42,683 --> 00:11:45,803
whilst graphically describing
what it would feel like to melt.

262
00:11:45,843 --> 00:11:48,323
I wanted to make clear it
wouldn't be a quick death.

263
00:11:48,363 --> 00:11:49,843
Melissa, you have to understand,

264
00:11:49,883 --> 00:11:53,243
we believe millions will perish
unless we personally save them.

265
00:11:53,283 --> 00:11:55,083
But you're so needy about it.

266
00:11:55,123 --> 00:11:58,123
If you keep giving me these,
I'm welding shut my letterbox

267
00:11:58,163 --> 00:11:59,763
or buying a violent dog.

268
00:11:59,803 --> 00:12:02,563
Right. The new TV calls.
You should try it, Fiona.

269
00:12:02,603 --> 00:12:04,003
It's good for relaxing,

270
00:12:04,043 --> 00:12:07,123
or distracting yourself from
an overbearing life partner.

271
00:12:07,163 --> 00:12:08,843
Well, Fiona wouldn't know about that

272
00:12:08,883 --> 00:12:11,563
because I destroyed our TV
and refused to replace it.

273
00:12:11,603 --> 00:12:12,963
Ha!

274
00:12:17,883 --> 00:12:20,443
So you have five dog leads
and no dog?

275
00:12:21,643 --> 00:12:24,523
Yeah, I abduct dogs
and keep their leashes as trophies.

276
00:12:26,003 --> 00:12:27,403
That was a bad joke.

277
00:12:27,443 --> 00:12:29,123
I work as a dog walker.

278
00:12:29,163 --> 00:12:31,243
One of them's a show dog.

279
00:12:31,283 --> 00:12:33,203
Right. He has more money than me.

280
00:12:37,563 --> 00:12:41,003
So could I put you down
for a repeat visit?

281
00:12:42,043 --> 00:12:43,443
Sure.

282
00:12:43,483 --> 00:12:45,923
Maybe then you'll have some
better jokes.

283
00:12:45,963 --> 00:12:49,403
And any questions or clarifications
from your visit today?

284
00:12:49,443 --> 00:12:50,683
Yeah.

285
00:12:50,723 --> 00:12:53,603
What do you think about
excluded members?

286
00:12:53,643 --> 00:12:56,443
Oh, I don't think about them.

287
00:12:57,643 --> 00:13:01,323
But do you think it's right
to shun them or, like...

288
00:13:01,363 --> 00:13:02,723
..cut them out forever?

289
00:13:02,763 --> 00:13:05,603
Well, I'm sure anyone cruel enough
to commit a mortal sin

290
00:13:05,643 --> 00:13:07,723
wouldn't be very nice company.

291
00:13:07,763 --> 00:13:10,003
Do you think I'm bad company?

292
00:13:11,643 --> 00:13:13,003
What?

293
00:13:13,043 --> 00:13:15,843
I used to be in the Order,
in the Prestwich chapter.

294
00:13:17,403 --> 00:13:19,843
No, no, no, no.

295
00:13:19,883 --> 00:13:21,363
Wait! Wait a sec.

296
00:13:21,403 --> 00:13:23,203
Why did you even invite me inside?!

297
00:13:23,243 --> 00:13:25,443
I could be exiled
for even speaking to you.

298
00:13:25,483 --> 00:13:27,163
How many friends
do you think I've got?

299
00:13:27,203 --> 00:13:30,483
The closest thing I get is my mum
occasionally crying on the intercom.

300
00:13:30,523 --> 00:13:33,083
You don't even know what I've done!
And I don't want to.

301
00:13:33,123 --> 00:13:34,443
DOOR SLAMS

302
00:13:43,523 --> 00:13:44,763
KNOCKING ON DOOR

303
00:13:48,563 --> 00:13:51,003
Mrs Lewis, I'm Rachel's teacher.

304
00:13:51,043 --> 00:13:53,683
I was just in town and the uni
flyered me for their open day.

305
00:13:53,723 --> 00:13:55,163
I thought Rachel might want to know.

306
00:13:55,203 --> 00:13:57,323
So you came to our house
on your weekend?

307
00:13:57,363 --> 00:14:00,803
Well, I've just had a break-up,
so lots of free time.

308
00:14:00,843 --> 00:14:03,923
Plus, my betting shop banned me
online and in person.

309
00:14:07,323 --> 00:14:08,723
Anyway, I don't want to overshare.

310
00:14:08,763 --> 00:14:09,843
I think you already have.

311
00:14:09,883 --> 00:14:11,603
I guess we've got different
boundaries.

312
00:14:13,483 --> 00:14:15,963
What makes you think Rachel
wants to go to university?

313
00:14:16,003 --> 00:14:18,363
Well, her face lights up
when we talk about it.

314
00:14:18,403 --> 00:14:19,923
So you have no proof?

315
00:14:21,643 --> 00:14:23,763
Will you pass this on to her?

316
00:14:23,803 --> 00:14:25,763
Sure.

317
00:14:25,803 --> 00:14:26,963
Let's swap.

318
00:14:33,603 --> 00:14:36,603
Great. I'll call Rachel now.
Bye now.

319
00:14:39,443 --> 00:14:40,843
David!

320
00:14:40,883 --> 00:14:43,323
Our daughter's on the brink
of moral hazards.

321
00:14:43,363 --> 00:14:45,003
Let's talk to her tomorrow
after church.

322
00:14:45,043 --> 00:14:47,483
Once I'm elder, the David
fear factor will increase tenfold.

323
00:14:47,523 --> 00:14:48,723
DOOR OPENS AND SHUTS

324
00:14:48,763 --> 00:14:50,003
Sure.

325
00:14:50,043 --> 00:14:51,803
Rachel.

326
00:14:51,843 --> 00:14:53,283
Good ministry? Nothing happened.

327
00:14:53,323 --> 00:14:55,283
Where's your preaching bag?

328
00:14:55,323 --> 00:14:57,643
I must have left it at church.

329
00:14:57,683 --> 00:14:59,043
I'm sorry, Mum.

330
00:14:59,083 --> 00:15:00,963
I'm so, so sorry.

331
00:15:01,003 --> 00:15:02,243
University.

332
00:15:03,883 --> 00:15:06,323
The guilt's already weighing
on her soul.

333
00:15:06,363 --> 00:15:07,683
Mm.

334
00:15:14,683 --> 00:15:16,363
Got it. Thanks, David.

335
00:15:19,403 --> 00:15:21,723
Normally I'd say you can't
dress like that, David,

336
00:15:21,763 --> 00:15:23,843
but we need you more than
you need us.

337
00:15:23,883 --> 00:15:25,283
It's promotion day, Sid.

338
00:15:25,323 --> 00:15:28,123
When Andrew sees these lapels,
he'll know who the alpha is.

339
00:15:28,163 --> 00:15:31,763
David, I wanted to say, I know
you're a hero in your community.

340
00:15:31,803 --> 00:15:33,683
You speak the truth.

341
00:15:33,723 --> 00:15:36,283
But this is our promotion offer.

342
00:15:36,323 --> 00:15:38,323
Senior title, better wages.

343
00:15:38,363 --> 00:15:40,563
I always wondered if you'd be
my Lucifer, Sid.

344
00:15:41,803 --> 00:15:43,123
It's a no.

345
00:15:43,163 --> 00:15:46,163
This world of click and drop
packages, fishing licenses...

346
00:15:46,203 --> 00:15:47,963
We do those? We do.

347
00:15:48,003 --> 00:15:50,083
It's your world, not mine.

348
00:15:50,123 --> 00:15:51,403
So you can keep your envelope

349
00:15:51,443 --> 00:15:54,283
and the assistant manager badge
within. How did you know...?

350
00:15:56,923 --> 00:15:58,763
Now, if you'll excuse me,

351
00:15:58,803 --> 00:16:00,923
I'm going to grasp my destiny.

352
00:16:02,443 --> 00:16:03,683
Goodbye, Sidders.

353
00:16:04,843 --> 00:16:06,683
So let that be a reminder.

354
00:16:07,923 --> 00:16:10,003
Cover your mouth when you yawn.

355
00:16:11,163 --> 00:16:13,003
Cos that's how the devil gets in.

356
00:16:13,043 --> 00:16:14,363
CROWD MURMURS AGREEMENT

357
00:16:14,403 --> 00:16:17,443
Now, to conclude our service,

358
00:16:17,483 --> 00:16:20,123
I have an announcement that I know
some of you have been waiting for

359
00:16:20,163 --> 00:16:21,883
for a very long time.

360
00:16:21,923 --> 00:16:23,763
Oh, here it comes. Listen to this.

361
00:16:25,363 --> 00:16:27,163
The rear blocked toilet,

362
00:16:27,203 --> 00:16:29,323
which has been out of action
for so long...

363
00:16:31,603 --> 00:16:33,403
..is now operational again.

364
00:16:33,443 --> 00:16:34,763
APPLAUSE

365
00:16:34,803 --> 00:16:36,763
Is that what you meant, Dad?

366
00:16:36,803 --> 00:16:38,123
No.

367
00:16:38,163 --> 00:16:40,043
I mean, that is huge, but...

368
00:16:41,483 --> 00:16:43,483
Blessings be. Blessings be.

369
00:16:43,523 --> 00:16:45,443
Samson, you didn't announce
the new elder.

370
00:16:45,483 --> 00:16:47,803
Is it delayed, or were you
going to tell me in private?

371
00:16:47,843 --> 00:16:49,403
Oh, no. No announcements today.

372
00:16:49,443 --> 00:16:51,083
Well, when will there be?

373
00:16:51,123 --> 00:16:53,083
Because if, say,
I was already an elder,

374
00:16:53,123 --> 00:16:54,643
but it just hadn't been announced,

375
00:16:54,683 --> 00:16:57,523
I wouldn't want people mistitling
me. That would be rude of them.

376
00:16:57,563 --> 00:16:59,763
I do have some news for you. Yes?

377
00:16:59,803 --> 00:17:01,883
I spoke to the other elders... Yes?

378
00:17:01,923 --> 00:17:04,603
And we've decided that you should
have sole ministering rights

379
00:17:04,643 --> 00:17:06,003
for Mr Johnson.

380
00:17:06,043 --> 00:17:08,203
The guy Andrew tried to steal?
He's mine?

381
00:17:08,243 --> 00:17:10,323
Well, I wouldn't say he was yours.

382
00:17:10,363 --> 00:17:12,723
You'll be his spiritual shepherd.

383
00:17:12,763 --> 00:17:14,163
All mine. Great.

384
00:17:14,203 --> 00:17:16,563
Where's Andrew? I think he left.

385
00:17:16,603 --> 00:17:19,363
Is he aware of the new arrangement?

386
00:17:19,403 --> 00:17:20,763
I've got to go.

387
00:17:21,963 --> 00:17:23,083
Andrew!

388
00:17:23,123 --> 00:17:25,283
TRIUMPHANT MUSIC ON RADIO
Let the trumpets ring out.

389
00:17:25,323 --> 00:17:26,603
Let everyone know my noise.

390
00:17:26,643 --> 00:17:29,243
David, if you don't stop revving,
you're going to break the clutch.

391
00:17:29,283 --> 00:17:32,003
We're sallying forth, Fiona,
on a quest to catch the interloper.

392
00:17:32,043 --> 00:17:35,363
If need be, we'll sweep the entire
city until we find that he's there.

393
00:17:35,403 --> 00:17:37,003
Oh! There he is.

394
00:17:37,043 --> 00:17:39,283
I don't believe it. That's the guy!

395
00:17:39,323 --> 00:17:41,363
Andrew's already buttering up
my flock.

396
00:17:41,403 --> 00:17:43,363
Well, can you at least
get out to confront him

397
00:17:43,403 --> 00:17:47,323
instead of shouting through
the window? Oi, Andrew!

398
00:17:47,363 --> 00:17:49,203
Andrew, what are you doing?

399
00:17:50,283 --> 00:17:52,083
He's betrayed me
in front of the Romans,

400
00:17:52,123 --> 00:17:53,603
and I didn't even get a kiss.

401
00:17:53,643 --> 00:17:56,043
Brother Lewis, I was just telling
Mr Johnson here

402
00:17:56,083 --> 00:17:57,883
that you'll be looking after him
from now on.

403
00:17:57,923 --> 00:18:01,363
Really? I thought it made sense,
given my new responsibilities.

404
00:18:01,403 --> 00:18:03,363
Your new...what?

405
00:18:03,403 --> 00:18:05,083
I'm an elder now.

406
00:18:05,123 --> 00:18:06,563
DAVID SCOFFS

407
00:18:06,603 --> 00:18:09,243
There is no new elder, Andrew.
They didn't announce anyone.

408
00:18:09,283 --> 00:18:12,443
I asked them not to announce me.
I didn't want the extra attention.

409
00:18:12,483 --> 00:18:14,723
And it turns out a lot of
the congregation

410
00:18:14,763 --> 00:18:17,763
already thought I was an elder,
so it won't be too different.

411
00:18:19,003 --> 00:18:20,323
Blessings, Lewises.

412
00:18:22,523 --> 00:18:23,923
David, if you're going to scream,

413
00:18:23,963 --> 00:18:25,363
you should do it in a pillow
at home.

414
00:18:25,403 --> 00:18:27,403
It's better for the kids.

415
00:18:27,443 --> 00:18:30,363
David, when do you think
you can come?

416
00:18:30,403 --> 00:18:33,123
My girlfriend just broke up with me,
so I need someone to talk to.

417
00:18:33,163 --> 00:18:36,203
Soon. Tomorrow, or...? Soon!

418
00:18:37,923 --> 00:18:42,003
ENGINE TURNS OVER REPEATEDLY

419
00:18:43,643 --> 00:18:46,563
Please get our broken car
moved, David.

420
00:18:46,603 --> 00:18:48,443
You blocked the church car park.

421
00:18:48,483 --> 00:18:51,763
Elder Shem says if it's not gone
by Monday, he'll run it.

422
00:18:51,803 --> 00:18:54,163
No? I didn't catch that.

423
00:18:54,203 --> 00:18:56,923
I'm still thinking about
Andrew's coup.

424
00:18:56,963 --> 00:18:58,443
Not so fast, Rachel.

425
00:18:58,483 --> 00:19:00,723
There's something
we need to discuss.

426
00:19:06,763 --> 00:19:08,883
Your teacher sent me your report.

427
00:19:10,043 --> 00:19:11,643
Did I not do well?

428
00:19:15,283 --> 00:19:16,883
Maths,

429
00:19:16,923 --> 00:19:18,003
A.

430
00:19:18,043 --> 00:19:20,043
English, A.

431
00:19:20,083 --> 00:19:21,923
Science, A.

432
00:19:21,963 --> 00:19:23,123
They're all A.

433
00:19:24,443 --> 00:19:25,963
Rachel, this is disturbing.

434
00:19:27,163 --> 00:19:28,643
It's deeply disturbing.

435
00:19:28,683 --> 00:19:30,963
How much preaching time
did you waste revising?

436
00:19:31,003 --> 00:19:32,403
Most parents would be pleased

437
00:19:32,443 --> 00:19:34,523
that their daughter's
doing so well in school.

438
00:19:34,563 --> 00:19:36,443
Most parents will be dead forever.

439
00:19:36,483 --> 00:19:39,603
Straight As, five out of five
for effort.

440
00:19:39,643 --> 00:19:41,243
Where did we go wrong?

441
00:19:41,283 --> 00:19:44,363
And then there's the matter
of your propagandist teacher.

442
00:19:48,283 --> 00:19:50,963
I was a smart girl, Rachel.

443
00:19:51,003 --> 00:19:52,723
I could have gone to uni.

444
00:19:54,403 --> 00:19:56,283
But I chose to raise this family.

445
00:19:56,323 --> 00:19:59,083
Imagine what would have happened
if I strayed from the path.

446
00:19:59,123 --> 00:20:00,843
We might never have met.

447
00:20:02,083 --> 00:20:03,923
Yes.

448
00:20:03,963 --> 00:20:05,163
Yes, indeed.

449
00:20:05,203 --> 00:20:07,363
It's warning signs like this
that force me to act.

450
00:20:07,403 --> 00:20:09,123
Why do you think I dragged you
up that hill?

451
00:20:09,163 --> 00:20:11,043
Cos you want to be elder. No.

452
00:20:11,083 --> 00:20:12,963
I don't...covet promotion!

453
00:20:14,123 --> 00:20:16,483
And to make that very clear,

454
00:20:16,523 --> 00:20:18,603
we're doing another
apocalypse practice tonight.

455
00:20:18,643 --> 00:20:21,243
David, please don't make us stay
awake just so you can save face.

456
00:20:21,283 --> 00:20:22,883
I won't do it to save face.

457
00:20:22,923 --> 00:20:26,123
I'll do it because
it was always the plan.

458
00:20:26,163 --> 00:20:27,683
This was today!

459
00:20:27,723 --> 00:20:29,323
Why didn't you tell me?

460
00:20:29,363 --> 00:20:31,403
Why didn't the serpent tell Eve
about the apple?

461
00:20:31,443 --> 00:20:32,563
Oh, wait, he did,

462
00:20:32,603 --> 00:20:35,483
and now women have to give birth
and serpents have no legs.

463
00:20:41,123 --> 00:20:43,323
DOG BARKS

464
00:20:52,843 --> 00:20:57,203
Hey! What are you doing on my road?

465
00:20:57,243 --> 00:21:00,523
What are you doing on my
preordained dog walking route?

466
00:21:00,563 --> 00:21:03,203
Your bag had your address on it,
so I figured you'd want it back,

467
00:21:03,243 --> 00:21:05,443
so you can destroy any evidence
of us meeting.

468
00:21:06,963 --> 00:21:09,003
Oh. It's a good bag.

469
00:21:09,043 --> 00:21:10,603
Mine has dog treats, now.

470
00:21:10,643 --> 00:21:12,843
God's word has given way
to bacon dust.

471
00:21:15,843 --> 00:21:19,003
FYI, I walk this route on weeknights
at 7pm.

472
00:21:19,043 --> 00:21:21,323
Just letting you know,
so you can steer clear.

473
00:21:30,803 --> 00:21:32,203
Yes, Aaron!

474
00:21:32,243 --> 00:21:34,123
This is why you're getting an
early baptism

475
00:21:34,163 --> 00:21:36,163
instead of waiting
like the common chaff.

476
00:21:36,203 --> 00:21:39,043
A vision of paradise
from our very own master artist.

477
00:21:39,083 --> 00:21:41,403
The whole family laughing and...

478
00:21:46,803 --> 00:21:47,803
Huh.

479
00:21:49,163 --> 00:21:51,643
Am I in some kind of Jacuzzi?

480
00:21:51,683 --> 00:21:53,163
It's boiling tar, Dad.

481
00:21:53,203 --> 00:21:54,963
For your misdeeds.

482
00:21:55,003 --> 00:21:57,003
Is this about apocalypse practice?

483
00:21:57,043 --> 00:21:58,923
You raise my hopes
only to dash them,

484
00:21:58,963 --> 00:22:00,763
so you go to the tar pits.

485
00:22:02,363 --> 00:22:04,483
Well, at least Rachel's smiling.

486
00:22:04,523 --> 00:22:07,283
Mad, after aeons of agony, Mum.

487
00:22:10,243 --> 00:22:12,603
I'm going to speak to next door.

488
00:22:16,923 --> 00:22:18,283
In your vision of hell,

489
00:22:18,323 --> 00:22:20,163
can we atone and ascend to heaven?

490
00:22:22,723 --> 00:22:24,003
Hmm.

491
00:22:25,403 --> 00:22:28,003
# Something tells me something's
going to happen tonight... #

492
00:22:28,043 --> 00:22:29,203
DOORBELL RINGS

493
00:22:32,883 --> 00:22:37,043
# I read in the papers that Gemini
people will make it tonight. #

494
00:22:37,083 --> 00:22:40,523
Melissa, I wanted to apologise
for inconveniencing you.

495
00:22:40,563 --> 00:22:42,323
I'd love to wipe the slate clean...

496
00:22:42,363 --> 00:22:44,283
What do you want?

497
00:22:44,323 --> 00:22:47,083
Can I come and watch TV?
My family are being unbearable.

498
00:22:48,563 --> 00:22:50,403
Makes sense. Come in.

499
00:22:50,443 --> 00:22:52,603
# Everything that we've been
dreaming of

500
00:22:54,203 --> 00:22:59,283
# Something tells me
something's gonna happen to you

501
00:23:01,483 --> 00:23:03,483
# The smile on my face
is the smile... #

502
00:23:03,523 --> 00:23:05,083
Rouse yourselves!
BELL RINGS

503
00:23:05,123 --> 00:23:07,243
Smoke is rising from the pit!

504
00:23:07,283 --> 00:23:10,123
Awaken. No, Dad, please!

505
00:23:11,403 --> 00:23:13,683
Rise up. Rise up.

506
00:23:13,723 --> 00:23:15,963
God's holy terror is nigh.

507
00:23:16,003 --> 00:23:18,683
Deceiver! A second deception!

508
00:23:18,723 --> 00:23:20,923
Just...pack your bags.

509
00:23:22,043 --> 00:23:24,803
# Oh, I woke up this morning

510
00:23:24,843 --> 00:23:28,003
# With sunshine through my window

511
00:23:29,043 --> 00:23:31,323
# Everything that's happened,

512
00:23:31,363 --> 00:23:36,163
# So far has turned out right

513
00:23:36,203 --> 00:23:38,563
# And I got every reason

514
00:23:38,603 --> 00:23:42,603
# To feel it's getting better

515
00:23:43,883 --> 00:23:45,923
# It's getting better every minute

516
00:23:45,963 --> 00:23:48,923
# Wait until we meet tonight. #

517
00:23:48,963 --> 00:23:52,123
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