♪ Just hear those sleigh bells ringing... ♪
So, Alisdair went away to Berlin for a week
and came back talking about all this great art he'd made there.
I'm playing supportive partner, and I ask him where it is.
He says, "Where what is?"
I'm like, "Well, you do mixed media, I run a gallery."
"I'd love to see this great art you've made."
- Okay. - It's a short film of him
and this hairy older Cuban man having...
very slippery sex on a greased-up tarp in what looks like an empty shoe store.
- Putting the eggnog down. - Marc, they made seven short films.
- Did they have sex in all of them? - It's to do with the eroticism of greed,
or capitalism, or something cloyingly well-intentioned.
Joke's on me if I stay.
- So you're gonna break up with him? - Mm.
- No. No, it's too much hassle.
- I'll just let him do it eventually.
Are there any decent men in this city?
Thomas...
- Oh. - ...how many times do I have to tell you?
You don't get to chime in on this because you've made your own eggnog.
And your hot, wealthy husband
is about to lead a sing-along by a roaring fire.
So... that question was intended to just float there for a second.
It's the only box with your name on it.
Oh.
I didn't know this was a gifts thing.
I forgot to bring wine. Don't tell Terrance I told you that
because we got in a fight about it on the way here.
Oh yeah. Considering we practically share my husband,
I thought it only right.
Marc doesn't deserve you.
- You know that, right?
And listen, if things go south between you two,
I'm not going anywhere. I'll be right here.
Okay. Well, I'm sure Terrance will be happy about that.
- Oh, he'd understand.
If this is a check for my rent, I swear to God...
- Mmm. - Incoming.
What the fuck are these?
Oh.
Well, those are hand-crafted maracas.
After last year, I thought it would be nice
if you could still participate in the carols.
- Do you know what? This is actually abuse.
That song that you picked last year wasn't in my key. Not on me.
My love, your voice is like a church organ someone threw out of a window.
Suing this household for emotional damages actually.
- Empty threats, empty threats. - No.
- What are we suing for this time? - I think it's high time I put me first.
Oh, as opposed to all the other times you don't put yourself first?
- Thank you. - From your husband.
I'm being silenced.
Why would you do that to her?
These are actually really beautiful.
Thank you.
Honestly, the gaslighting around my singing is unbelievable.
- Ooh. - No, no, no.
You are absolutely tone-deaf.
And loud.
Really fucking loud, and I love you for it.
How many drinks have you had?
None of your goddamn business. Give me that.
- Okay.
May I request the honor of everyone's attention, please?
Daddy.
We all know what time it is.
Yeah!
So, come. Jackie, darling, would you get the sheet music off the piano
and pass it around to everybody?
You should also have received, and I know you have,
is my email with the audio files of all of your parts...
If I hear about the audio files one more time.
...generously arranged by the magnificent Peter Finley,
former lover turned friend, turned Academy Award-nominated composer...
...who has taken time away from his very busy schedule
scoring the new Victoria Valentine film...
...to accompany us this evening.
- We love you, Petey.
No, but truly,
thank you all for making this one of the great nights of the year.
- Hmm. - And to my darling Marcus.
My love, may I one day be worthy.
- Aw. - Okay, Petey!
Loud and proud.
♪ Everyday ♪
♪ Will be like a holiday ♪
Beautiful!
♪ When my baby ♪
♪ When my baby comes home ♪
♪ Now he's been gone For such a long time ♪
- ♪ Ever since you've been gone ♪ - Gorgeous!
♪ I got a letter today ♪
♪ Just about noon ♪
- ♪ It said, "Don't worry, baby" ♪ - Angelic!
♪ "I will be home" ♪
♪ Everyday ♪
♪ Will be like a holiday ♪
You sound glorious!
♪ When my baby ♪
- ♪ When my baby comes home ♪ - ♪ When my baby comes home ♪
- Key change!
♪ Everyday ♪
♪ Will be like a holiday ♪
♪ When my baby ♪
♪ When my baby comes home ♪
- ♪ When my baby comes home ♪ - ♪ When my baby comes home ♪
♪ When my baby comes home ♪
Ow!
- Another shimmering success. - Mm.
Sophie is starting to hiccup.
What's your point?
Catch up. You deserve it, as you do most things in this life.
You should shag the barman. I saw him eyeing you up.
Probably because he's never seen a single human eat so many sausage rolls.
And I'd rather shag you, if that's okay.
- What, right now? - Mm.
Give Mrs. Bandini one more reason to call the police
- on the puffs across the road.
I'll be back at the start of the week.
We'll have lots to discuss.
I'm off, you animals. Make big mistakes.
Please. I love you madly.
I love you.
When do I get that?
My boyfriend?
You know, I think he experimented in drama school, didn't like it.
- Really? - Mm.
I just mean like a decent human being. Because, like, you've got that.
Me and you break up, and now you're 15 years into all this.
- What have I got? - Oh, honey.
So Terrance asked me to move in with him.
That took long enough.
Yeah, I haven't gotten back to him yet.
Why?
Ah, too clean.
I feel like I can't be myself there, do you know what I mean?
No.
Be yourself, like what? Live in squalor?
- Throw garbage on the floor? - Maybe.
If that's what I wanted to do, you know?
Hey, babe.
Talking about you.
Cool. We're, uh, talking about you too.
Hmm.
If only you could see how you look from across a room.
Take your fucking breath away.
- Up close? Big old mess.
By the way, Marc, this eggnog is... [inhales] ...delightful.
Thank you. You're the only one that tried it.
Merry Christmas.
- Fuck.
Looks like someone had one too many before driving home tonight.
- Oh, Jesus.
Hmm?
It's Oliver's cab.
♪ As the miller told his tale ♪
♪ Mm, that her face At first just ghostly ♪
♪ Turned a whiter shade of pale ♪
Lily Kayne has gone and had her tits done.
- And the studio is having a meltdown
because Victoria Valentine now has implants.
What do they expect me to do?
I write the books, they make the movies,
and you, my love, redo our gorgeous kitchen.
- I redo the kitchen? - Mm-hmm.
I redo the kitchen on top of illustrating all of your books,
and doing the covers,
and fending off throngs of sobbing teenage girls
knocking on our door wondering when you're going to finish
- the next two books you promised them.
I owe you my life, Marcus darling.
I know you do.
And thank God for those teenage girls.
No, not tonight. Not when they're taking you away from your own party early.
It's our party,
because you planned it knowing full well
that I had a book signing in Paris in the morning.
It's a signing. You could have pushed a signing.
You don't push a Christmas signing at the Louvre, my love.
Have I told you how handsome you look tonight?
Not enough, honestly.
Tell me the piano got tuned.
- The piano got tuned. - Mmm.
Even the funny key?
- Replaced.
I have longed for people before...
Mm-hmm.
I've loved people before
But not like this
It was not this
Give me a world You've taken the world I was
Did you just come up with that?
- No, Anne Carson. - Ah.
I'd give up this house to have written that.
Well, we don't want that. We just redid our kitchen.
Too right.
Thank you for the party.
Oliver changed so many people's lives.
Especially mine.
I remember reading part of the first Victoria Valentine book
for my audition for the film and thinking...
"This character
is why I wanted to be an actress."
She's strong.
Smart.
She's a truth-seeker.
Literally.
She's telepathic.
But I'm sure you all know that.
And now he's gone.
And my heart breaks.
For his family.
And for our movie.
All of us wondering, "Why? Why did this have to happen?"
He had so many more stories to tell.
But life fucking sucks.
Now we don't know if we'll end up shooting the fifth and sixth movies
because he was still writing them.
So...
Oliver...
you little slut.
Okay.
I hope the studio green-lights them in your honor,
and that we get to continue to tell your stories for many years to come,
because we...
need them.
Oliver's first word was "move."
As in, "Out of my way."
He can't have been more than one.
I was blocking his path to our little back garden and, uh,
he was determined to get to the snapdragons.
He loved squeezing their heads, making them talk.
He didn't know it at the time,
but he was telling stories, even before he could speak.
Growing up, he'd share his writing with his mom and me.
Always about princesses in search of things.
Um...
I've been thinking a lot these days
about all the times I encouraged him to write about something else.
Something boys would write about.
He was, uh, quite defiant.
"I'm a boy."
"And this is what I want to write about."
I can hear him now, scolding me for underselling his stories.
I, uh... had a tendency to do that, and, uh...
he'd be right.
It's not...
a light thing...
to know that your child succeeded in spite of you.
I only wish I could have told him
how much I regret blocking his path to the snapdragons.
I hope you're having a laugh with your mom up there.
What I wouldn't do to take your place, son.
I love you.
And I'm proud of you.
I'm so...
proud of you.
I've always loved your sketches.
How many times have you promised me new work?
There'll always be space for you when you're ready.
Thank you for coming to stay.
Well, it's a huge burden...
- ...to get to use your kitchen
and sleep on an expensive memory foam mattress,
- but you said you wanted company. - Mm-hmm.
You okay?
So, that's a yes.
- She's just through here. - Thank you.
Thank you for coming in.
Of course.
So, before we get into everything,
I wanted you to be aware
that Oliver's publishers are trying to get out of his deal,
as he won't be delivering his next two books.
It's been a month.
People are disgusting.
It's a big advance.
But yes, the Americans have never been known for their tact.
Lawyers are on it. We'll have more for you soon.
Okay.
And you?
Haven't been sleeping?
Mm.
I've been, uh, reading that the brain is like a muscle.
That's why getting over a death is so hard,
because your brain has been trained to feel things for a person.
And when they go away, your head is still operating
under the impression that it should feel those things...
for that person. Like...
muscle memory.
So I'm just trying to train my brain to not feel as much for right now.
Just to get me through the next year
so that I'm not constantly reminded of the fact that I am now both an orphan
and a widow-er.
Why, does it look like I haven't been sleeping?
I think we'll hold off on the will for today.
- I'm going to murder you for this. - You got this.
You have got this, babe, I believe in you.
All right, guys. All done setting up the bars.
Bring yourselves over here,
we'll go through what we're going to do today.
Sit on the ankles.
Good. On the third rep, pause at the bottom.
Hands on the inside of the knees.
Good. Lovely. In this position, I want you to cough for me.
Feel your abdominals.
- Nice. Are you okay? - She's not doing it properly.
No, you might need to just check your pose,
- lift your chest a bit higher.
Oh, no.
Slowly back down.
- Good. One more. Up. - I love you.
Breathe in on the way down.
Down.
And stand.
So my hair's just like yours? So I want to be just like you?
I want to understand it.
- I want to... a lot of different guys...
...party until 5:00 in the morning?
You know, it's almost Shakespearean,
if you think about it, the levels of betrayal,
and yet they continue to show up to these dinners.
What do you mean I have to pick a song? It's a dating app.
The song plays over a montage of pictures of you.
Well, is there... Thank you. Is there an option not to?
I mean, what kind of songs do people pick?
Radiohead. An awful lot of creative directors picking Radiohead.
It's only been six months. He doesn't have to do this.
Thank you very much.
Toni Braxton, "You're Makin' Me High." Works every time.
- How do you know?
- Nabbed me this one, didn't it? Hmm?
It was the pictures that worked for me.
I can assure you it was the pictures.
Although, had I known what I was getting myself into--
Anyway, I had a legendary slideshow.
- Men love a thong strap, God love them. - Mm-hmm.
Aw, you've kept his nudes.
- Give me that. - That's so sweet.
What? It's fucking romantic.
I'm sorry, I was just looking for photos of you,
and I can't find any of you alone without him, and I...
It feels weird cropping him out.
Do I look older to you? I feel like I've aged a lot.
- No-- - Yes. Your husband just died.
You're allowed, my God.
I believe her.
♪ Sittin' here thinking, baby, about you ♪
♪ I'm wonderin' how I ever Got through my life without you... ♪
Hi.
I think we should go out.
Oh, and, uh... I ended things with Terrance.
What? What happened?
It was a long time coming, Marc.
You know, and I'm feeling good. Feeling great, actually.
It was bringing me down. All of it.
I just... refuse to be trapped by the system, you know?
I don't want rules. I don't want threats.
He threatened you?
Who he is threatened me, Marc. Who he is.
I just can't be his kind of wife.
- Wife? - I just said I can't be that right now.
He proposed to you?
Terrance proposed?
No. No, no, no. Apparently, they've just broken up.
What?
It's not it. Heart said no. Get dressed.
I told Alisdair I'd stop by this art thing,
it's like a group exhibit Christmas party in a warehouse.
Sounds like a nightmare.
Thomas.
Alisdair broke up with you last year.
On your birthday. Why are you doing this to yourself?
Because I'm thinking of signing him to the gallery.
And my one true love is chaos.
Mine too. Marc, come on, get your shit.
No, I cannot go out tonight. I have work to do.
What the fuck kind of work you got on a Friday night?
My therapist has given me some work to do
in preparation for the anniversary of the time
I watched my husband get pried out of a car like escargot.
Okay, so...
He's going to be reading Oliver's Christmas card.
I'm reading the card.
Oh my God, that fucking card hasn't been opened yet.
- That's what I said. - Can you both relax, please?
Marcus...
Lovey,
we have been here for you whenever you've needed us
for almost a year now.
We built you the nest,
and we sat on you for a year.
It's time to hatch, my little lovely.
Open that card.
Cry it out.
Throw on something expensive and meet us there.
Hmm?
We love you.
This is us... loving you.
- No, thank you.
Why? Are you scared?
Always. You?
- Terrified. - Of what?
Everything beyond this.
Well, you should be.
And from my experience, all of this will just leave you dizzy and embarrassed.
Dick.
♪ Maybe we could make it all right ♪
Um... Two red wine, please.
♪ We could make it better sometime ♪
Thanks.
I bought you a drink.
♪ Maybe we could make it happen, baby... ♪
Okay.
Do you make a habit out of pissing off performance artists?
Can't say the work is very fresh, but they're trying.
Aren't we all?
I think they're just looking for company.
Unlike you, it seems.
You bought me this drink.
You didn't really give me much of a choice.
I can give it to someone else.
There's a man downstairs painting with his cock.
Does this mean that you want to keep me company?
Because I can assure you that is a huge mistake.
♪ Tell me would it make you happy, baby... ♪
Do you work in art?
I used to paint.
More recently, I've been illustrating children's books.
Why did you stop painting?
That's a big question coming from a stranger.
Oh, my apologies.
I can compliment your jacket instead.
My mom died, and I found it too painful. So I stopped.
Fun party chat.
And you never thought about painting through it?
No, I'm too tired for masochism.
I don't know...
I don't want to sound like a pretentious asshole,
but isn't art a kind of commemoration of pain?
Where does it go otherwise?
- You're very lucky you're French.
I guess I put it into my marriage, which was a mistake.
So you're married?
I was.
He died as well, last year.
- Sorry to hear. - Mm.
I don't even know your name.
Theo.
Marc.
Should I have complimented your jacket?
No.
So can I ask you to have a drink with me this week?
I'm here for a few days before heading back to Paris.
I don't think so.
But I will put my number in your phone.
Their parents bought them the space to keep them busy.
Like a big, expensive sandbox.
The sad thing is...
They know they're not very good.
Marcus.
- It was nice to meet you. - Mm. And you, Marc.
Where the hell were you?
I've been here for 45 minutes.
Who was that?
I don't know.
Hmm. How was everything at home?
Alisdair has a new boyfriend.
Brought him tonight.
Waved him around in front of Thomas
like a ribbon in a goddamn rhythmic gymnastics routine.
It was a whole thing.
- You didn't know he was seeing somebody? - No, I... I'm fine. Okay?
It wasn't a whole thing.
I don't care about him.
It was a whole thing.
Meanwhile, I may now be single and unemployed,
but I've lifted the veil, and mine eyes can see.
I'm sorry, you've lost your job?
I love the fact that you jump to the conclusion that I was fired.
- Look at these hands. Hmm?
Look at the calluses I have from lacing up 25 white women's corsets every day.
You studied costume design.
You're working on a Keira Knightley movie.
Precisely. I need to be doing my own thing.
Guys, I'm feeling really clear. Like, really free.
She's on molly and a bottle of wine.
I'm fine.
I literally have never felt better.
I might need to stay with you guys for, like, two weeks to six months,
just till I figure out my next move.
It'll be chic.
♪ It's the most wonderful time Of the year ♪
♪ With the kids jingle belling... ♪
I apologize about the restaurant.
The office flooded yesterday. The place smells like a septic tank.
Thank you.
I hope you got the cheese basket I sent you last week.
I did.
- My neighbor appreciated it immensely. - Mm.
I'd have kept it for myself were it not for the Crohn's.
Hi. Can I get you anything?
A tea. Green.
Some water, thank you.
Now, as we are aware,
Oliver's publishing contract was terminated
when he became unable to fulfil his obligation.
- When he died. - Mm.
They've invoiced a substantial amount to be reimbursed by the end of the year.
I thought it best to discuss strategy to protect the estate.
To that point, we did notice some irregular spending on food delivery.
That was me.
Fascinating.
I feel it advantageous to consider pruning some of yours and Oliver's investments
so as to best safeguard your savings from here on out.
Okay.
Now, the lease on pied-à-terre in Paris
is up at the end of the month, and I recommend--
What pied-à-terre in Paris?
Um, leased at the beginning of December of last year.
I assumed you were aware
as some of the charges reflected spending for two.
- You are not that second person. - No. I'm not.
Did he tell you he had met someone else?
I make it my business to know as little about people as possible.
What... What am I supposed to say to... to my friends?
They've wasted a year of their lives trying to help me through this.
I have lost a year of my life.
This might not be the best venue for you to--
- I'm 38!
Should be in the prime of my life.
Would you be able to email me all the information on Paris, please?
I can do that.
I'm sorry.
Sorry you had to... witness all of this. Sorry.
♪ ...of the year ♪
- God.
Oh, thank you. Sorry.
Sorry, thanks.
What?
Terrance wanted my stuff out.
Are you okay?
Hmm? Yeah.
Just... I wanted out, you know, and I'm out and good.
Sorry, I don't know what the fuck is going on.
He just wasn't there when I left, you know?
To help with the bags. He just wasn't there.
Someone talk about something else, please. Anything.
Are you sure?
Yes, Marc, please. Just go.
Okay.
Um, I wanted to thank you both for this year.
So, I would like to take us to Paris for the weekend, on Oliver.
Spend his money recklessly.
It's what he would be doing if he were there right now.
And I can't think of a more appropriate way
to mark the one-year anniversary.
Yeah.
- Mm. - We all deserve some joy.
Oh yes. I think this is a beautiful thing.
I think this is a beautiful, soulful thing you are offering us.
Yes, thank you. Where are we staying?
We actually have a place there.
- What? - What? Since when?
Oliver got it last year.
I plan on giving it up.
What does it feel like to casually mention you're giving up a place in Paris?
Sweet thing.
He's still finding ways to give us nice things.
♪ I'm all out of hope ♪
♪ One more bad dream ♪
♪ Could bring a fall ♪
♪ When I'm far from home ♪
♪ Don't call me on the phone ♪
♪ To tell me you're alone ♪
♪ It's easy to deceive ♪
♪ It's easy to tease ♪
♪ But hard to get release ♪
♪ Eyes without a face ♪
♪ Got no human grace ♪
♪ You're eyes without a face ♪
- ♪ I spend so-- ♪
Jesus Christ.
Uh, what?
Jesus, this place has just been sitting here?
No, I get it.
This is sexy.
This is where people come to do sex.
Marc doesn't need to be reminded of all the sex they probably had here.
I don't know. I think it's a bit much.
- Like, what was he trying to prove? - Um, that he has really beautiful taste.
And he knows how to create an intensely sensual vibe.
Can you be in love with a couch?
Sophie is taking the guest bedroom
and is demanding privacy as a 35-year-old single woman.
Didn't she share a tent with a bunch of strangers at Burning Man?
Yeah, she wears logic like one of those little handbags
that can't actually hold anything.
- You okay? - Yeah.
Yes. Yes.
It's nice.
I got a date for tonight.
What?
Thomas, before you pass any kind of judgment,
you're coming with, he's bringing gays.
- Bringing gays. - Mm-hmm.
Why do straight people think their gay friends
will automatically want to sleep with each other?
I set you two up, and it worked, didn't it?
Yeah, for a year, 15 years ago.
His name is Sebastian, he works in advertising, he's 6'1".
He spends an awful lot of time on expensive boats,
according to his profile.
I told him you'd pick the place since you're paying.
I'm not paying for that.
Oh, Marcus.
I'd very much like for Sebastian to forget his fucking name
when he sees me tonight, okay?
So I think we should start making that happen.
Like, now.
ASAP.
- Things took a turn. - Yep.
She also ashed on the counter.
♪ Feel my heartbeat drumming to the beat ♪
♪ Like a symphony ♪
♪ Feel my heartbeat drumming to the beat ♪
♪ Like a melody, come see ♪
♪ Feel my heartbeat, feel my heartbeat ♪
♪ Feel my heartbeat, come on ♪
♪ Feel my heartbeat, feel my heartbeat ♪
♪ Feel my heartbeat, come on, come see ♪
♪ There was a time everybody was around ♪
♪ And I was dancing with you ♪
♪ Don't know your name ♪
♪ Making me ashamed To feel the way that I do ♪
♪ The lights went out ♪
♪ Couldn't leave without you It's the place to be ♪
♪ I won't forget ♪
♪ The greatest times I've had When I was dancing with you ♪
- Hi. - Hi.
Um, I would like to exchange this, please. Thank you.
This is for Oliver Alston?
Yes. Oliver Alston bought this.
He spent a lot of money in this store. Probably hit on you.
Do you know what happened to him?
It's so sad.
He would bring us coffees when he'd come to shop.
You wouldn't happen to remember him coming in here
with another man, would you?
Um, there was a boy sometimes, younger.
Younger than you. Um, maybe a boyfriend, I don't know.
Uh, are you his assistant?
I'm his husband.
And Oliver bought this for that boy, uh, just before he died.
Died in front of me, and not the boyfriend.
Now, I have friends upstairs that would like to buy something in the store,
and I'd like to help pay for that with this item.
So if you could please make an exception.
Unless you'd like to watch me slowly unravel in the store.
Okay.
Thank you.
Too intellectual?
Or just... intellectual enough?
Nice balance.
Smart dress.
And there's you in it.
One day, my love, a man is going to melt that cold, cold heart of yours.
He's just going to take a hair dryer to it, I promise you.
I love those glasses.
And the scarf. Get them both. Why not?
I loved that apartment.
- You loved that flat? - I loved that apartment.
You two broke up five months in.
I know. Now look at us.
I think about that apartment a lot, actually.
Do you think about the day we moved in?
- Oh my God. - What did you find again?
- A homemade dildo behind the bed.
- What was it again? A shampoo-- - Perfume bottle, yes.
It was a perfume bottle that someone had wrapped in a condom.
In their defense, those women had a reputation
for being very messy and forgetful prostitutes.
Legends.
Are you ever going to talk about Terrance?
See, that's the problem. Everyone wants to talk about Terrance.
I want to talk about me.
- Hmm. - Okay.
Let's talk about you.
Thank you.
Okay, well...
I want to ride that thing at some point.
And I want to have fun tonight.
I want someone to look at me like I'm fresh out the box.
Is that too much to ask?
No.
You liked that flat?
I remember one night when Soph had gotten back from that bar
that she worked at that one summer,
- and you and I were in a good place... - Mm.
...and we'd won that Elton John CD
- from the pub quiz across the street...
...and we put it on and we opened all the windows,
because that place was like a steam room,
and we all laid on the bed just hoping for a breeze.
And there was a moment when the bass from those guys downstairs
remixed perfectly with "This Train Don't Stop There Anymore."
- You remember the weirdest shit. - No, and we were all convinced
that we were having the same heat-induced hallucination.
But we weren't.
It was just a beautiful memory in that apartment.
Was that the night I spilled my red wine
over those awful pointy shoes you wore all the time, and you cried?
- Fuck off.
- How do I look?
Like you didn't pay for that dress.
Oh, here he is.
- Bonjour.
That's all the French I know.
These are my friends, Marc...
- Bonjour. - ...et Thomas.
- Just Thomas. Thomas is fine.
- This is Esme... - Hi.
- ...and Remi. - Bonjour.
Bonjour.
- Oh.
- So, what are we drinking? - Wine.
Mmm. Excusez-moi.
So how do you all know each other?
We work together.
Um, I start yesterday.
You've known these people for a day?
Yes, but, um, Seb asked the office who wanted to get laid tonight
and I thought, "Why not? It could be fun."
- You want? - Okay. Yeah.
Oh. Okay. Mm-hmm. Mmm.
Seb told me your husband is dead.
Um... he is, yeah.
That he was killed.
Mmm.
He was, yeah.
Not, like, murdered though.
- My uncle was murdered. - Oh my God.
He work in construction.
And we later found out he was mixed up in the mafia.
Burned alive.
Wow.
I'm... I'm sorry.
Yeah.
You must miss him.
- It's complicated. - Yeah.
- Love is that way.
Are you ready to order?
Yes, I want meat.
I have a very strong point of view, you know?
And I will not apologize for that.
I can't keep working under people.
I need to take charge of my life.
What is she doing?
You need to do what makes you feel good inside.
- Exactly. - And only you know.
Only I know.
Okay. All right.
In theory, okay,
but I thought I'd have my own gallery by now. That's also life.
Sometimes you do things you don't wanna do to get to where you want to go.
No, no. You don't get it. You don't get it. Mm-mm.
Does he not get it, or are you not willing to hear him?
Says the boy who worked for his husband.
Okay, I will not feel bad about working with my husband.
Lily fucking Kayne would not have a career
if it weren't for my illustrations, so...
Babes, babes, babes, I would kill for what you have.
Own it.
Who ordered these?
You did.
- Send them over. - That's just what you need.
Okay.
To doing what makes you feel good inside.
You're going to find out what a good singer I am.
I can't wait to see that.
Fabulous.
- Are you? - Mm-hmm.
♪ Whatever we deny or embrace For worse or for better ♪
♪ We belong ♪
♪ We belong, we belong together ♪
Uh-oh.
- ♪ I, I don't want to say ♪
♪ I don't want to fight another day ♪
♪ Make it through the day without you ♪
♪ Without you ♪
Well, it's 2:00 a.m.,
which means that my husband officially died a year ago today.
For such a meticulous person, he left behind one hell of a mess.
This is for him.
- And for you.
And her.
♪ You may not believe it But I don't believe in miracles anymore ♪
♪ And when I think about it I don't believe I ever did for sure ♪
♪ All the things I've said in songs All the purple prose you bought from me ♪
♪ Reality's just black and white The sentimental things I'd write ♪
♪ Never meant that much to me ♪
♪ I used to be the main express ♪
♪ All steam and whistles Heading west ♪
♪ Picking up my pain from door to door ♪
♪ Riding on the storyline ♪
♪ Furnace burning overtime ♪
- ♪ But this train... ♪ - ♪ But this train don't stop ♪
♪ This train don't stop ♪
♪ This train don't stop there anymore ♪
♪ Anymore ♪
- Your tongue is blue.
The drinks were blue.
And I'm only just realizing how this must look to someone I've only met once.
I'm not normally like this.
Besides shoving your blue tongue down my throat...
- ...and knocking my head against the wall... - Mm-hmm.
...you're not that bad.
I don't know what that was.
It felt sexy. It felt like a sexy thing to do.
Would you like to give your tongue some air?
Yeah.
Give me a second.
- Mmm.
You all right?
No.
- Hey. - Yeah?
Where are you going?
- I'm gonna go for a walk. - No, sit down.
No. I'll be right back.
I'll be right back. Have fun.
Come on.
I thought I wouldn't hear from you.
I also thought that.
But things change.
- Oh, wow. - Hmm.
- What changed for you? - A lot.
I guess I felt... lonely.
I don't know if that's a rude thing to say to you.
Why is it rude?
Well, I feel like I might take offense... to that.
I-- Like, the only reason someone wanted to get in touch
was because they felt alone and wanted company.
Like the reason for getting in touch wasn't...
romantic enough, it's practical.
And what's wrong with that?
You were lonely, you thought of me. I think that's kind of romantic.
These days, everybody needs a parade
to show how much they care about each other.
Well, a lot of people are insecure.
Like, you're not very confident
without being arrogant, which is a very hard thing to pull off.
I think arrogant people have something to prove.
Don't we all have something to prove to somebody?
Yeah, sure. I'd just rather be upfront about it.
I think a lot of people would like to be upfront about a lot of things.
But honesty doesn't just spill out of a lot of people.
It should.
Merci.
They haven't changed the recipe in 65 years.
- Mmm. - Hmm.
How are you feeling now?
I'm all right.
If the waiter came by and asked you what you thought about the soup
and you said, "All right..."
...they would ask us to leave.
No, they would probably be asking us
why we're eating French onion soup on a date.
Is this a date?
I don't know, you tell me.
You seem like a very transparent person.
What does it mean?
That you don't look like you lie a lot.
I don't know. I try not to lie.
Hm.
I've been lying for a long time.
To a lot of people.
And it feels really heavy.
Like I'm... swimming with my clothes on and I can't take them off.
I stopped liking my job, but I keep working because it pays well.
And that makes me feel sick.
- Hmm. - But not sick enough to quit.
Which makes me feel even more sick.
- You should quit your job. - Yes.
What are you doing?
- I'm trying to take your clothes off.
I just told you something truthful.
Now, it's your turn to tell me something that's not a lie.
I'll try not to judge.
I feel like I abandoned my mom when I met my husband.
Like I chose a distraction over sitting alone with her death or something.
Didn't take the time to grieve...
or...
live with the reality that she's gone.
I didn't do that.
I opted out.
Hmm.
Stopped painting. I avoided things that would remind me of her, even though...
all I want is to be reminded of her.
And I can feel myself doing the same thing with Oliver.
I agreed to an open marriage...
out of fear, not trust.
He asked,
and the idea of giving him a reason to leave
felt scarier than keeping him happy,
so that's what I did.
There were rules. Work trips, one and done.
-"I don't want to hear about it."
But he broke those rules.
And I can...
I can feel myself choosing anger...
to distract from... from how much I miss him.
All I want is to be able to have that fight with him.
- You should start painting again. I think.
I've also been told I overstep.
Mm.
This is a terrible game.
- It's a shame your city's so ugly. - I know.
- Yeah. It's a real problem. - I know. Yeah.
- I should move.
What are we doing?
- Surprise.
- Just wait. - Okay.
Merci.
Have you ever been here?
No, I have not. I've always wanted to, but...
Merci.
Monet lost two wives and his son,
and was losing his sight when he painted these.
We are standing in a house of loss.
Wow.
- He wins.
This is how someone chose to remember the things he loved.
- It's quite special, no? - Hmm.
It's amazing.
Imagine being able to do this.
You can do this.
I... No, I can't do this.
No, you can't do this, because this has already been done.
Pretty successfully.
But you can do something.
You're very nice to me.
It's intentional.
I'm sorry about your husband.
And your mom.
Hello?
- Where were you? - Where were you?
Relax, would you, Thomas?
Where did you go?
I went for a walk. Why? What's going on?
A long walk.
Yeah, it was a long walk. What's the problem?
I had to pay for everyone's bill at karaoke.
Okay, I'll obviously pay you back for the karaoke bill.
That's not the point. I mean, it is, and yes, you will.
You said you'd come back. You didn't come back.
Sophie couldn't talk by the end of the night.
- And?
And while I was paying 1,500 euro for everyone's bill,
she fucking left, never picked up her phone again rest of the night.
I told you, I left it at the bar.
Okay, I'm... I don't get where this is going.
She leaves with a guy none of us know.
You were gone.
Sure, maybe I'd taken a pill, maybe I was a bit drunk,
but when I don't hear back from our best friend
after something like that, I'm gonna get scared.
Okay, okay. Makes sense.
But you could have taken home that little thing
and had this entire place to yourself.
- Clearly, we were fine. - Were we?
Soph, do you want to tell him where you ended up last night?
Hello?
Thomas, I'm sorry, okay? I appreciate you. Can we just move on?
Soph was picked up by the police.
She was found sleeping near a bus shelter, half an hour outside the city.
So, while you were napping, I was with her dealing with that.
Are you okay?
Yes.
I'm here, aren't I?
I honestly don't know when I became the only friend on this fucking trip.
- Okay, okay. - Jesus.
Thomas, I am sorry that you had to go through that.
Are you still on the drugs?
I'm... I'm just trying--
How is it your husband dying has only made you even more of a spoiled brat?
Hello?
I'm... I'm sorry.
I think I have the wrong apartment.
Then how did your key let you into this one?
I'm sorry, I didn't think anyone would be here.
What the fuck is going on? Who are you?
I'm Luca.
Do you wanna tell them, or would you like me to?
Oliver met someone else.
- What do you mean? - That's what this is.
Hold on, hold on.
Oliver gave this kid the keys to your apartment.
- I didn't know you. - It's not our apartment.
It's Oliver's apartment.
And yours, presumably?
No.
I only found out about all of this very recently,
and if I'm being honest,
it was just all too pathetic.
But I needed to see this place before I gave it up, and I...
I wanted to do something nice for you both--
It's the lying that's pathetic, Marc.
- Thomas. - I shouldn't be here.
I'm in the middle of something.
Is there anything you can do on your own?
You have to drag us out here to, what, keep you company
while you scope out your husband's double life?
I opened Oliver's Christmas card.
He told me he had met someone else. I fell apart. I made a bad call.
Hmm.
I do want to spend time with you. This was never supposed to be--
- It wasn't like that. - He wrote that in the card to you?
You pretended like you'd been here before.
Thomas, it's like an ache right here.
What is?
Loss.
It's like a little ulcer right here that never goes away.
And you somehow figure out ways
to take your mind off it enough to not feel it as much.
But yeah, sometimes you lose sight
of what's going on around you because you just...
You just want to be able to breathe the way you did before.
So... yeah, I messed up.
And I'm sorry for being a spoiled brat. I'm just trying to figure out
how to live with the reality that my husband died...
leaving me...
to get back to this. This.
I'm sorry...
you're having to deal with that, but I'm allowed to feel things too.
I think you should go.
I don't have anywhere to go tonight.
Can I at least stay here until I figure out where to go?
- I can wait in the bathroom.
Oh my God, he's not hiding in the fucking bathroom.
I'm sorry, don't you live here?
I live in Berlin.
Then how did you meet my husband? If there is another apartment in Berlin--
I live in Berlin, but I dance a lot in Paris.
I won Oliver's art scholarship.
I was performing in Paris last year,
and Oliver came backstage after the show to introduce himself.
Yeah, I'm sure he did.
We kept in touch, and then we just...
- Where are you gonna go? - He can't stay here.
- He's got nowhere else to go. - I know that.
I am not the bad person in this situation.
And what, is he supposed to stay here with us?
Can I help?
No.
Can you not do that inside, please?
Sorry, but the atmosphere in this room is strangling me.
- Can I have a drag? - Take it.
It's okay?
A cigarette at dinner? I didn't know I'd woken up in 1988.
Yeah.
I'm sorry, I... I don't even know what this is.
I'm sorry, everybody. I've messed up.
Should someone say something before we eat?
Thomas, I really don't think the Lord should be allowed anywhere near this food.
I think he was talking about Oliver.
Right. Sorry.
I'm sorry.
It's fine.
Marc, fuck.
Can you just let it not be fine for me, please?
Just let it not be fine.
Let me apologize for fucking up tonight.
Because if I don't, we'll just move past it like we always do.
Thomas, I'm sorry about last night.
And I'm sorry for brushing off your feelings.
And I'm really sorry I scared you.
I don't know you, but I'm sorry you have to listen to this.
Oh, Marc, I'm sorry.
We should be out dancing right now.
That's what he would have wanted.
And I know he did some shady shit to you,
but you have to know that Oliver loved you so hard.
For so long.
And I'm sorry he's not here anymore.
And I miss him.
Fuck it.
He expected more from us.
To the fucking pain.
And you. Come on.
♪ ...and on your own ♪
♪ How did it feel to be alone? ♪
♪ I was always thinking of games ♪
♪ That I was playing... ♪
Terrance left me.
And I deserved it.
- ♪ Try to be sure right from the start ♪ -
I need some air.
♪ Yes, only love can break your heart ♪
♪ What if your world should fall apart? ♪
Okay, we're on the Ferris wheel. Can you tell us what's going on?
- Jesus, Thomas, you're intense.
Terrance got tired of waiting for me to wake the fuck up.
And I don't blame him.
I'm a lot.
All this time, I thought Terrance was too safe for me.
But he wasn't safe.
He was safety.
And that's the part I wasn't getting.
Because I'm a lot.
I'm a 35-year-old woman who had a good man who loved her,
and I chose a bus stop.
If it makes you feel better, I don't think anyone actually has their shit together.
Okay. That's where I disagree.
I think people can have their shit together
and live lives that aren't a total mess.
And be kind to people, and be generous to people,
and want good things for people.
So, no, I think that's a cop-out.
It's keeping you both from realizing your behavior has hurt people.
See, when I asked for the truth--
Okay, is this because I left early last night?
No, it's a bigger-picture thing.
Well, what is the bigger picture?
It...
What's the bigger picture, Thomas?
There isn't a bigger picture, okay? Can we get off this thing?
Why is it that you only get this on edge when he's let you down?
Why is it only him?
People feel things that are inconvenient, Thomas.
It happens.
It sucks, but it happens.
That's okay.
It's never me.
And I don't know why.
Not just with you, it's just never me.
I'm never the one.
It's like people can smell it on me.
It could be so easy for us, you know.
I know.
But it wasn't.
And that's not on you.
It's on us.
I think I just need to go home, and we should lay low for a bit.
- What? - I don't want it
to be a big dramatic thing on a Ferris wheel in Paris.
You're right, people don't have their shit together.
But I think, for our sake...
we have to try harder.
No, no.
- No, no, no. - Round we go again!
- We're going again. - No.
Maybe he's putting us through.
Fucking hell.
So what time are you planning on heading back?
There's trains every hour, so whenever I can.
I'll come with you.
Got some stuff to do at home. Unless you want me to stay?
No, no, it's fine. Do what you need to do.
I think I'm going to take this.
Okay.
See you back in London.
- I'll text you when we get home. - Okay.
I love you.
À plus tard.
Sebastian taught me that last night when I left his house crying.
Get one last look at this hot fucking mess, my friends.
She has served us well.
- Hi. - Hi.
- Come in. - Okay.
Should I take my shoes off?
- No. - Okay.
Mm.
- So...
Well...
Everything came out, and my friends are going home.
It went over well?
Really, really well. Yeah.
I'm sorry to hear.
I think it was an inevitability.
It's a lot of love,
and misplaced sadness.
You just described half of Paris.
Hi.
He got you a Christmas present.
I took it back.
I'm sorry.
He loved you very much.
I don't even know what we were doing.
He didn't want to leave you.
Mm.
He didn't want to leave his marriage.
He was planning on talking to you about this, we were just--
Our marriage.
Yes, I'm sorry.
I knew it wasn't worth all this.
You know...
I had never met anyone who was so curious about me.
He was curious about everyone. And everything.
That's why being the one to hold his curiosity felt so good.
I miss that.
A lot.
- So have you been staying here, or-- - No.
No, he had only just gotten it. For work, I think.
And it wasn't like that.
I don't blame you for feeling something for my husband.
It's hard not to.
- A hug might be pushing it, you know.
Yeah. I understand.
So, the estate agent called to say
they'd like to list the London house next week.
Okay.
You're okay with that?
I am, yeah.
That house isn't mine. It was always his.
I feel like you're not into this idea.
My opinion is of little relevance here.
Well, you manage my finances, I'm selling my house.
Your opinion isn't irrelevant.
I trust you're not running away?
From him, I mean.
Mmm.
My wife died 12 years ago this month.
I ran.
From her.
From us.
Physiology has a clever way of protecting us
from what we perceive to be a threat to our bodies.
Which is why the more we close ourselves off...
the less we feel.
At the time, that benefited me. I got on with it. Went back to school.
Studied finance.
Built up a successful business.
Nice house.
Good clothes.
Never having desired anyone else.
And you can survive that way.
Until the usualness of it all starts creeping in.
And the new life you'd built as a refuge...
begins to feel like a void.
Because, as it turns out...
to avoid sadness...
is also to avoid love.
That hindsight is a discomfort that you will forever mistake for indigestion.
Well, I've been hustling to get that trust back,
but he's not making it easy.
Is he playing games?
No.
All the feelings are still there.
And he says he still wants to marry me... eventually.
So, if that's going to happen one day...
he needs to know that I'm good, you know?
- And I get it. - Hmm.
It's a miracle he's not the worst.
- Oh my God, biblical.
- Better than it was, huh? - Mm.
Have you talked to Thomas?
I have.
Actually set him up on the apps.
Big step.
Oh, huge.
There's an offer in on the house.
- Oh, fuck you.
I will have a guest room ready for you at the new house.
If you think I'm taking an hour-long train ride to see you,
you're out of your tiny mind.
I need to be somewhere else.
I want to paint alone in a room overlooking the ocean
like some sad lesbian in a period drama.
- Oh, Christ, no.
Please, let me have that.
End of an era, huh?
Huge.
Proud of you.
I'm proud of you.
But I'm serious.
You'll be coming up here more than I'm going to be going there.
Sober and selfish.
Oh my God, that's the title of my memoir.
I love you.
♪ Love ♪
♪ Is the air the fools breathe ♪
♪ As they hope ♪
♪ That there's more than they see ♪
♪ Leave ♪
♪ There's no reason to stay ♪
♪ I will follow ♪
♪ And we search for the reasons ♪
♪ And pray for the gods ♪
♪ Day by day ♪
♪ Building our bridges on common ground ♪
♪ We hope ♪
♪ For what's never been there ♪
It's for you.
- Well, I should hope so.
He... He was a beauty, wasn't he?
Yeah, it was almost annoying.
He'd have loved this, Marc.
Thank you.
Really.
Get out of town.
Oh, I don't believe it.
Look. Look!
I love it. You're a genius.
- Aw, I'm glad you like it. - Oh my God, well done.
It's nice to see this thing back on track.
Let me see the ring, let me see the ring.
Things are never on track with this one, but it's back.
- And it's on.
Okay, just because your face is on this wall
does not mean that you can touch or take home any of the paintings.
- Moi? - Mmm.
Hands by our sides at all times.
We have some gorgeous sparkling water here for you tonight.
- Thank you, darling man. - Very nice.
Really wonderful. Really cool.
I'm glad you came.
Considering how many times I begged you to start painting again,
you're lucky I didn't come out of spite.
I heard I make a cameo in this show? Without my written consent?
- Welcoming lawsuits as Christmas presents. - Hmm.
You're even better than I remember.
It's a step.
I brought my boyfriend. I hope that's okay.
We went with boyfriend and not partner? I had my money on partner.
Oh, fuck off.
- Who's this? - Ben.
- Ben, it's very nice to meet you. - It's nice to meet you.
Thank you for coming.
- Just meeting Ben. - Hi. Yeah.
- Good to see you. - Hey, pal-so.
- Have you seen the ring?
Oh yeah, I heard all about it.
Do you see me?
Yes, we all see you.