1
00:00:07,632 --> 00:00:08,466
Give me another!
2
00:00:08,466 --> 00:00:09,968
All right, I'm cutting you off.
3
00:00:09,968 --> 00:00:12,012
Well, you can't
fucking cut me off
4
00:00:12,012 --> 00:00:13,471
'cause I'm cutting you off.
5
00:00:13,471 --> 00:00:15,974
When you get drunk,
shit gets broke,
6
00:00:15,974 --> 00:00:18,351
and I'm not dealing with that.
7
00:00:18,351 --> 00:00:21,312
Hey, you don't take
your mommy issues out on me.
8
00:00:21,312 --> 00:00:24,941
Get enough of it
with the daddy issues
from this one.
9
00:00:24,941 --> 00:00:26,192
Wait, has he called?
10
00:00:26,192 --> 00:00:28,153
I do not have
mommy issues, okay?
11
00:00:28,153 --> 00:00:30,822
Well, babe, you have been
a bit of a Moody Judy
12
00:00:30,822 --> 00:00:32,991
since your mom got here,
and maybe it's because
13
00:00:32,991 --> 00:00:35,326
she's being a bit
of a Frigid Franny.
14
00:00:35,326 --> 00:00:36,911
Oh-- You're cut off too!
15
00:00:36,911 --> 00:00:39,164
[Golden Glider]
It just doesn't make any sense!
16
00:00:39,164 --> 00:00:43,001
[sobbing] I mean,
I saved her from prison.
17
00:00:43,001 --> 00:00:45,045
Would it kill her to say,
"Thank you,"
18
00:00:45,045 --> 00:00:47,922
or, "I love you,"
or I don't know,
19
00:00:47,922 --> 00:00:49,215
"Let me braid your hair
20
00:00:49,215 --> 00:00:50,342
while I tell you
how beautiful you are"?
21
00:00:50,342 --> 00:00:54,429
So she's distant,
boo-fucking-hoo!
22
00:00:54,429 --> 00:00:56,056
I would have given my left nut
23
00:00:56,056 --> 00:00:57,849
to avoid my mom
back in the day.
24
00:00:57,849 --> 00:00:59,768
I thought you lost
your left nut in the war.
25
00:00:59,768 --> 00:01:02,812
I lost my right nut in the war,
so I know what I'm giving up.
26
00:01:02,812 --> 00:01:05,357
Glider, your mom just needs
time to get to know you.
27
00:01:05,357 --> 00:01:07,192
Pretty soon, she'll love you
the way I love you.
28
00:01:07,192 --> 00:01:09,152
I mean, maybe not exactly
the way I love you.
29
00:01:09,152 --> 00:01:10,362
Well, I mean, almost,
30
00:01:10,362 --> 00:01:12,489
but just
it was with less tongue.
31
00:01:12,489 --> 00:01:13,365
And hands.
32
00:01:13,365 --> 00:01:15,283
And penis probably.
33
00:01:15,283 --> 00:01:17,660
Chuck, I get your point!
34
00:01:17,660 --> 00:01:21,206
But I'm tired of waiting
to have a relationship.
35
00:01:21,206 --> 00:01:22,707
She's here now.
36
00:01:22,707 --> 00:01:24,292
[Kite Man]
Do you know what you need?
37
00:01:24,292 --> 00:01:27,128
A good, old-fashioned
mother-daughter day.
38
00:01:27,128 --> 00:01:30,173
Mother/Daughter Day?
Ooh, great movie.
39
00:01:30,173 --> 00:01:32,175
Just watched it
the other night.
40
00:01:32,175 --> 00:01:33,551
[woman 1 on phone]
You're my professor
41
00:01:33,551 --> 00:01:35,929
and my biological mother.
42
00:01:35,929 --> 00:01:37,764
Yeah, she is.
43
00:01:37,764 --> 00:01:39,391
[woman 2 on phone]
That's right,
my daughter/student.
44
00:01:39,391 --> 00:01:41,267
And you need a detention
45
00:01:41,267 --> 00:01:43,311
- and a spanking.
- [woman 1 moaning]
46
00:01:43,311 --> 00:01:44,938
Spank me, Mommy!
47
00:01:44,938 --> 00:01:47,065
Honey, don't look!
48
00:01:47,065 --> 00:01:49,526
Why? That's how you learn.
49
00:01:49,526 --> 00:01:52,237
I guess a mother-daughter day
could be nice.
50
00:01:52,237 --> 00:01:54,030
[cheering]
51
00:01:54,030 --> 00:01:55,740
- Not like that.
- [groaning]
52
00:01:55,740 --> 00:01:58,868
But what do daughters
even do with their moms?
53
00:01:58,868 --> 00:02:00,495
Come on, babe.
I'm sure you have stuff
54
00:02:00,495 --> 00:02:02,414
you always wished you could do
with your mom.
55
00:02:02,414 --> 00:02:05,083
I remember in junior high
I saw this girl Beatrice
56
00:02:05,083 --> 00:02:06,251
at the mall with her mom.
57
00:02:06,251 --> 00:02:07,502
They had
this whole day together
58
00:02:07,502 --> 00:02:08,628
where they got
their ears pierced
59
00:02:08,628 --> 00:02:10,338
and did glamour shots together.
60
00:02:10,338 --> 00:02:11,589
That sounds nice.
61
00:02:11,589 --> 00:02:13,091
I wanted to gouge
Beatrice's eyes out.
62
00:02:13,091 --> 00:02:14,884
Put that bump back
on her Greek nose.
63
00:02:14,884 --> 00:02:16,094
Babe, that sounds like
64
00:02:16,094 --> 00:02:17,595
the perfect
mother-daughter day.
65
00:02:17,595 --> 00:02:20,432
And so you have some space,
I won't be coming.
66
00:02:20,432 --> 00:02:22,684
- Oh, I'll be coming.
- You'll be dead!
67
00:02:22,684 --> 00:02:26,146
And speaking of Mom.
68
00:02:26,146 --> 00:02:28,440
[chuckles nervously] Uh, Chuck.
Chuck, what are you doing?
69
00:02:28,440 --> 00:02:30,442
Trust me. Moms love me.
70
00:02:30,442 --> 00:02:33,528
In high school, I was voted
"Most Non-Threatening."
71
00:02:33,528 --> 00:02:36,031
Lisa, you never told me
you had a little sister.
72
00:02:36,031 --> 00:02:37,949
Ba-bam, ba-boom.
73
00:02:37,949 --> 00:02:39,284
Lovely.
74
00:02:39,284 --> 00:02:41,119
Any chance they come
with a pisco sour?
75
00:02:41,119 --> 00:02:42,203
Yeah. [chuckles awkwardly]
76
00:02:42,203 --> 00:02:43,747
That's a complicated drink.
77
00:02:43,747 --> 00:02:46,124
- Uh, it takes a while to make.
- Then I'll take two.
78
00:02:46,124 --> 00:02:49,002
Coming right, uh... eventually.
[chuckles awkwardly]
79
00:02:49,002 --> 00:02:51,629
Uh, Mom?
80
00:02:51,629 --> 00:02:53,840
- Mom?
- Oh, right. That's me.
81
00:02:53,840 --> 00:02:55,216
I was thinking that maybe
82
00:02:55,216 --> 00:02:56,760
we could spend
the day together.
83
00:02:56,760 --> 00:02:59,012
Yeah, sure. Whatever gets me
out of this shit hole.
84
00:02:59,012 --> 00:03:01,806
Jeez, have they even cleaned
the place in the last 40 years?
85
00:03:01,806 --> 00:03:04,225
- [Moe whistling]
- Goddamn it, that was loud!
86
00:03:04,225 --> 00:03:07,145
Hey, will everyone please
shut their yappin' holes
87
00:03:07,145 --> 00:03:08,855
and get your sittin' holes
in place
88
00:03:08,855 --> 00:03:10,315
for my brother's funeral?
89
00:03:12,859 --> 00:03:14,819
♪ Hell yeah!♪
90
00:03:16,488 --> 00:03:18,114
What can I say about Joe?
91
00:03:18,114 --> 00:03:21,368
He had enough heart, courage,
and brains for the both of us.
92
00:03:21,368 --> 00:03:23,620
Wrap it up, Dorothy.
Some of us gotta take a piss.
93
00:03:23,620 --> 00:03:25,372
Some of us can hold it in!
94
00:03:25,372 --> 00:03:27,040
Now, as I was saying--
95
00:03:27,040 --> 00:03:28,500
[Bane] Joe Dubelz,
96
00:03:28,500 --> 00:03:30,585
I don't know
if you're up there, buddy,
97
00:03:30,585 --> 00:03:32,003
but I am here at your funeral
98
00:03:32,003 --> 00:03:34,381
celebrating your accomplishments,
99
00:03:34,381 --> 00:03:35,965
and I sure could use some help
100
00:03:35,965 --> 00:03:39,803
asking the most beautiful woman
in the world on a date.
101
00:03:39,803 --> 00:03:44,557
She's like an angel wrapped
in prosciutto. Like a date.
102
00:03:44,557 --> 00:03:48,478
Ooh, that's a good opener
to ask for a date.
103
00:03:48,478 --> 00:03:50,772
I wish Moe
would shut the fuck up
104
00:03:50,772 --> 00:03:53,149
so I could make
my move on Becca.
105
00:03:53,149 --> 00:03:54,567
The fuck did you just say?
106
00:03:54,567 --> 00:03:58,029
Oh, God, did I just say
that part out loud?
107
00:03:58,029 --> 00:04:01,282
Damn you, internal monologue!
108
00:04:05,620 --> 00:04:07,747
[computer keys clacking]
109
00:04:07,747 --> 00:04:09,582
Goddamn it!
110
00:04:09,582 --> 00:04:11,835
I got you a couple more
of those pisco sours
111
00:04:11,835 --> 00:04:13,336
in case you get thirsty.
[chuckles]
112
00:04:13,336 --> 00:04:14,879
Technology getting you down?
113
00:04:14,879 --> 00:04:16,840
Ah, it's gotta be hard
adjusting to the modern age
114
00:04:16,840 --> 00:04:18,550
after being in the clinker
for so long.
115
00:04:18,550 --> 00:04:20,885
I'm familiar with technology,
you nitwit!
116
00:04:20,885 --> 00:04:23,388
Rent is way more expensive
than I remember.
117
00:04:23,388 --> 00:04:24,806
And it seems like
it'll be a while
118
00:04:24,806 --> 00:04:26,725
before I can afford
to get out of this dump.
119
00:04:26,725 --> 00:04:29,561
Well, you are more than welcome
to stay with me and Glides
120
00:04:29,561 --> 00:04:31,479
as long as you like,
free of charge,
121
00:04:31,479 --> 00:04:33,857
and maybe one day
you can return the favs
122
00:04:33,857 --> 00:04:35,567
by babysitting
our little kite babies.
123
00:04:35,567 --> 00:04:36,860
Did you knock her up?
124
00:04:36,860 --> 00:04:37,986
What? No.
125
00:04:37,986 --> 00:04:39,529
And you have my word.
126
00:04:39,529 --> 00:04:42,115
I will always use protection
until I put a ring on it.
127
00:04:42,115 --> 00:04:44,659
Ugh. Whatever.
Listen, you seem nice enough,
128
00:04:44,659 --> 00:04:46,536
but I've been around
guys like you before.
129
00:04:46,536 --> 00:04:48,246
You have no money,
no prospects,
130
00:04:48,246 --> 00:04:50,457
and worst of all,
no powers. JBH.
131
00:04:50,457 --> 00:04:52,584
-"JBH"?
- Just being honest.
132
00:04:52,584 --> 00:04:54,794
Look, I'm not saying
you're not right for Lisa.
133
00:04:54,794 --> 00:04:57,422
I'm saying you're not right
for anyone!
134
00:04:58,340 --> 00:04:59,924
- What's going on?
- Nothing.
135
00:04:59,924 --> 00:05:02,093
Chuck and I were just getting
to know each other better.
136
00:05:02,093 --> 00:05:03,094
Weren't we, Chuck?
137
00:05:03,094 --> 00:05:04,262
Chuck?
138
00:05:04,262 --> 00:05:05,555
- Chuck?
- What?
139
00:05:05,555 --> 00:05:08,016
Uh, me? Uh, yes. Uh...
140
00:05:08,016 --> 00:05:10,643
I will see myself out.
141
00:05:10,643 --> 00:05:12,479
So, are we getting out
of here or what?
142
00:05:12,479 --> 00:05:14,731
Yeah. You know,
I have some thoughts
143
00:05:14,731 --> 00:05:17,525
on what we could do
for our mother-daughter day.
144
00:05:17,525 --> 00:05:19,361
- Just like the movie!
- Not like the movie!
145
00:05:19,361 --> 00:05:21,112
- [Sixpack groans]
- Oh, right, that.
146
00:05:21,112 --> 00:05:22,364
What did you have in mind?
147
00:05:22,364 --> 00:05:24,240
Oh, nothing crazy specific.
Just--
148
00:05:24,240 --> 00:05:27,410
Did someone leave this detailed
itinerary in the stockroom?
149
00:05:27,410 --> 00:05:30,330
- Not me.
-"11:00 a.m. Get ears pierced.
150
00:05:30,330 --> 00:05:31,623
Ask why she never called."
151
00:05:31,623 --> 00:05:33,208
Oh, you know,
maybe that's, uh...
152
00:05:33,208 --> 00:05:34,876
that's probably
that other girl--
153
00:05:34,876 --> 00:05:36,503
-"1:30 p.m. Glamour shots."
- [Golden Glider clears throat]
154
00:05:36,503 --> 00:05:38,380
"Ask if she also
has heavy period flow."
155
00:05:38,380 --> 00:05:41,257
You know, Malice,
I'm sure whoever's that is
156
00:05:41,257 --> 00:05:42,384
wanted it to be private.
157
00:05:42,384 --> 00:05:43,843
And it looks like you circled
158
00:05:43,843 --> 00:05:45,470
where the tears had fallen
while you wrote it.
159
00:05:45,470 --> 00:05:47,889
Okay, I'm just... [scarfs]
160
00:05:47,889 --> 00:05:48,973
So, shall we?
161
00:05:48,973 --> 00:05:51,559
- Just the two of us all day?
- [gulps]
162
00:05:51,559 --> 00:05:54,104
- [sighs]
- Hey, Malice, you look fun.
163
00:05:54,104 --> 00:05:55,188
Why don't you join us?
164
00:05:55,188 --> 00:05:56,731
On mother-daughter day?
165
00:05:56,731 --> 00:05:59,317
It doesn't have
to be mother-daughter day.
166
00:05:59,317 --> 00:06:00,985
It can be hot girl day!
167
00:06:00,985 --> 00:06:02,654
Right, Malice?
168
00:06:02,654 --> 00:06:04,614
- Oh, I'm sure
Malice doesn't want--
- I'll come.
169
00:06:04,614 --> 00:06:06,366
All my rich friends
are ghosting me,
170
00:06:06,366 --> 00:06:07,951
so I'll slum it with you poors.
171
00:06:07,951 --> 00:06:10,078
Besides, I've been meaning
to get my nipples pierced.
172
00:06:10,078 --> 00:06:12,789
Well, actually, we were
getting our ears pierced.
173
00:06:12,789 --> 00:06:15,500
Oh, but nipples sound
so much more fun.
174
00:06:15,500 --> 00:06:16,793
Let's do that.
175
00:06:16,793 --> 00:06:18,503
Ugh!
176
00:06:18,503 --> 00:06:20,797
Giuseppe is the best.
177
00:06:20,797 --> 00:06:23,341
He tailored the suit
my grandfather was buried in.
178
00:06:23,341 --> 00:06:24,968
Still holds up. Okay, Giuseppe,
179
00:06:24,968 --> 00:06:26,845
these are my digging-a-hole-
in-the-desert pants.
180
00:06:26,845 --> 00:06:28,972
So, make sure the stitching
down there is tight.
181
00:06:28,972 --> 00:06:30,849
But not too tight.
That shit needs to breathe.
182
00:06:30,849 --> 00:06:32,892
- Don't want no yeast infection.
- Yeast infection?
183
00:06:32,892 --> 00:06:35,020
She thinks we're making
bagels down there.
184
00:06:35,020 --> 00:06:36,354
[laughing]
185
00:06:36,354 --> 00:06:37,897
- [groans]
- [laughing]
186
00:06:37,897 --> 00:06:40,358
You make me laugh so hard
I poke you with the needle!
187
00:06:40,358 --> 00:06:43,194
Ah, you are my best--
188
00:06:43,194 --> 00:06:45,030
[imitates Italian accent]
How-a 'bout-a
you shut-a the fuck up?
189
00:06:45,030 --> 00:06:47,490
You just killed the best
mob tailor in lower Gotham!
190
00:06:47,490 --> 00:06:49,034
You say that
like I should give a shit.
191
00:06:49,034 --> 00:06:51,536
Listen, doll face, I got a way
of doing business,
192
00:06:51,536 --> 00:06:53,121
and I don't
need you interfering.
193
00:06:53,121 --> 00:06:55,165
Joe would've never
disrespected me like that.
194
00:06:55,165 --> 00:06:57,083
Joe is dead. Get used to it.
195
00:06:57,083 --> 00:06:58,501
You better watch your mouth.
196
00:06:58,501 --> 00:07:00,086
You better watch your head!
197
00:07:00,086 --> 00:07:03,006
It's just... I... I don't know.
I mean, what...
198
00:07:03,006 --> 00:07:04,758
what if Rebecca is right,
you know?
199
00:07:04,758 --> 00:07:07,510
Why... why... why is Glider
even with me?
200
00:07:07,510 --> 00:07:10,096
I'm just a loser
with no powers.
201
00:07:10,096 --> 00:07:11,431
What about me?
202
00:07:11,431 --> 00:07:13,558
If Becca finds out
that I'm besties
203
00:07:13,558 --> 00:07:16,394
with a pathetic,
no-power loser,
204
00:07:16,394 --> 00:07:17,854
I'll never have a chance.
205
00:07:17,854 --> 00:07:20,482
JBH, Rebecca is way out
of your league.
206
00:07:20,482 --> 00:07:23,651
JBH, Glider is out of yours!
207
00:07:23,651 --> 00:07:25,737
- [both groan]
- JB-fucking-H.
208
00:07:25,737 --> 00:07:27,405
Will you two knock it off?
209
00:07:27,405 --> 00:07:28,782
- [Bane groans]
- Face it, Bane.
210
00:07:28,782 --> 00:07:30,575
It ain't gonna happen
with Rebecca.
211
00:07:30,575 --> 00:07:32,702
Face it? I would rather die!
212
00:07:32,702 --> 00:07:34,079
You're not gonna die.
213
00:07:34,079 --> 00:07:35,455
You're gonna get over it.
214
00:07:35,455 --> 00:07:37,832
How do you get over a broad?
You get under another one.
215
00:07:37,832 --> 00:07:39,250
- [sighs]
- [Noonan] And you.
216
00:07:39,250 --> 00:07:40,669
You want a power?
217
00:07:40,669 --> 00:07:43,630
Then stop being a pussy
and get one.
218
00:07:43,630 --> 00:07:45,924
Get one? I can't just go
to a store
219
00:07:45,924 --> 00:07:48,301
and be like,
"One power, please."
220
00:07:48,301 --> 00:07:49,928
[mocking] "One power, please."
"One power..."
221
00:07:49,928 --> 00:07:52,389
Hey, this is what
you're going to do.
222
00:07:52,389 --> 00:07:55,058
You go to this address,
tell him you want a power.
223
00:07:55,058 --> 00:07:57,102
Tell him I sent you,
and please,
224
00:07:57,102 --> 00:08:00,772
for the love of God,
don't say, "Please."
225
00:08:00,772 --> 00:08:03,608
Like you just did? [groans]
226
00:08:03,608 --> 00:08:06,194
Oh, Glider,
these would look great on you
227
00:08:06,194 --> 00:08:07,904
and really distract
from that hairline.
228
00:08:07,904 --> 00:08:10,115
Oh, you mean
like wearing a headband?
229
00:08:10,115 --> 00:08:11,324
Boom! Right, Mom?
230
00:08:11,324 --> 00:08:13,284
Lisa, they have
your birthstone.
231
00:08:13,284 --> 00:08:15,078
[chuckles awkwardly]
That's, uh, not my birthstone.
232
00:08:15,078 --> 00:08:17,622
And I am not getting
my nipples pierced.
233
00:08:17,622 --> 00:08:20,083
But these would make them
look so much cuter.
234
00:08:20,083 --> 00:08:22,377
Well, Kite Man's
never had any complaints.
235
00:08:22,377 --> 00:08:24,087
Then maybe
your next boyfriend will.
236
00:08:24,087 --> 00:08:27,173
Yeah, everyone knows you pierce
for the boyfriend you want,
237
00:08:27,173 --> 00:08:28,550
not the boyfriend you have.
238
00:08:28,550 --> 00:08:30,385
Wait, what do you mean
my next boyfriend?
239
00:08:30,385 --> 00:08:31,970
Oh, my God. Look at these.
240
00:08:31,970 --> 00:08:34,806
Malice, don't you think
they would look great on me?
241
00:08:34,806 --> 00:08:36,683
[both] Ah! Twinsies!
242
00:08:36,683 --> 00:08:38,184
We have to get them.
243
00:08:38,184 --> 00:08:39,728
You're not twinsies!
244
00:08:39,728 --> 00:08:42,522
[scoffs] If anybody is going
to make a trashy,
245
00:08:42,522 --> 00:08:44,566
life altering decision
with my mom today
246
00:08:44,566 --> 00:08:45,817
that could possibly
get infected,
247
00:08:45,817 --> 00:08:48,653
it is going to be me!
248
00:08:51,364 --> 00:08:53,992
More wine for the lady?
249
00:08:53,992 --> 00:08:56,244
Well, I don't know
about the lady,
250
00:08:56,244 --> 00:08:57,829
but I'll have some more.
251
00:08:57,829 --> 00:08:59,289
Huh?
252
00:08:59,289 --> 00:09:01,166
Oh, I get it!
253
00:09:01,166 --> 00:09:02,500
It was in jest!
254
00:09:02,500 --> 00:09:03,918
[both laugh]
255
00:09:03,918 --> 00:09:06,504
I... I... Yeah,
I'm so surprised you called.
256
00:09:06,504 --> 00:09:08,715
I mean, I haven't heard
from you since Valentine's Day.
257
00:09:08,715 --> 00:09:11,092
I, uh, thought it might
be awkward,
258
00:09:11,092 --> 00:09:14,804
considering that I fucked
your entire apartment building.
259
00:09:14,804 --> 00:09:17,015
Oh, that.
Well, it's only a building.
260
00:09:17,015 --> 00:09:19,267
I'm just glad to hear
there isn't another woman.
261
00:09:19,267 --> 00:09:21,186
Another woman?
262
00:09:21,186 --> 00:09:23,897
Uh-oh, perhaps she knows
about Becca.
263
00:09:23,897 --> 00:09:27,484
Nonsense, Bane. There is no way
she could know the secrets
264
00:09:27,484 --> 00:09:28,610
of your soul...
265
00:09:28,610 --> 00:09:30,195
Or your innermost thoughts.
266
00:09:30,195 --> 00:09:33,156
Like how this fried calamari
will tear through my colon
267
00:09:33,156 --> 00:09:35,533
like this woman does
through my heart.
268
00:09:35,533 --> 00:09:38,536
Aw, Bane, that's so sweet.
269
00:09:38,536 --> 00:09:40,872
Damn you, inner monolo...
270
00:09:40,872 --> 00:09:43,208
Wait, which part
of that did you hear?
271
00:09:43,208 --> 00:09:46,002
You know, it's not often
that a guy like you
272
00:09:46,002 --> 00:09:47,754
wines and dines a girl like me.
273
00:09:47,754 --> 00:09:49,839
Ah, is it because of all
274
00:09:49,839 --> 00:09:52,717
the dominatrix-ization
that you do?
275
00:09:52,717 --> 00:09:55,136
Yeah, I've never been out
to dinner with a guy
276
00:09:55,136 --> 00:09:58,223
that didn't end with me putting
a cigarette out in his asshole.
277
00:09:58,223 --> 00:10:01,518
But you, you see me
as so much more than that.
278
00:10:01,518 --> 00:10:03,770
I... I do?
279
00:10:03,770 --> 00:10:06,189
You're the real deal, Bane.
280
00:10:14,864 --> 00:10:16,074
[doorbell chimes]
281
00:10:16,074 --> 00:10:18,076
[easy listening music playing]
282
00:10:20,995 --> 00:10:25,333
Huh. Oh. Um, hey!
Etrigan, my favorite poet!
283
00:10:25,333 --> 00:10:26,835
Have we met before?
284
00:10:26,835 --> 00:10:29,212
I don't believe
I've seen you at my store.
285
00:10:29,212 --> 00:10:31,256
Ah, no, but, um...
286
00:10:31,256 --> 00:10:35,969
Sean Noonan told me
to tell you that he sent me.
287
00:10:35,969 --> 00:10:38,221
[whispering] It's about
getting a power, so--
288
00:10:38,221 --> 00:10:39,597
Well, not much I can do.
289
00:10:39,597 --> 00:10:41,433
Exit's to the left.
I bid you adieu.
290
00:10:41,433 --> 00:10:43,226
But Sean...
[whispers] ...Sean Noonan--
291
00:10:43,226 --> 00:10:44,936
Is behind the times.
292
00:10:44,936 --> 00:10:47,147
This is a subsidiary
of Villigan's now.
293
00:10:47,147 --> 00:10:49,774
Everything's changed,
except my rhymes.
294
00:10:49,774 --> 00:10:53,028
Yeah, your rhymes
are hella dope!
295
00:10:53,028 --> 00:10:55,780
Um, but-- So, you can't...
you can't give me a power?
296
00:10:55,780 --> 00:10:58,950
Only the boss
can sell you that, my friend.
297
00:10:58,950 --> 00:11:01,786
Though I hear she only
has the janky stuff,
298
00:11:01,786 --> 00:11:03,038
nothing high-end.
299
00:11:03,038 --> 00:11:04,497
I'll take whatever she has.
300
00:11:04,497 --> 00:11:06,291
I don't need anything
with too much pizazz.
301
00:11:06,291 --> 00:11:08,251
Hey, hey, hey!
Look what I did there.
302
00:11:08,251 --> 00:11:09,627
And I don't even care.
303
00:11:09,627 --> 00:11:12,047
Rhyming is my thing,
you jackass!
304
00:11:12,047 --> 00:11:14,966
You'll never make it through
Helen Villigan's tower.
305
00:11:14,966 --> 00:11:18,720
And even if you do,
I doubt she'll give you power.
306
00:11:18,720 --> 00:11:20,305
Well, I need a power,
307
00:11:20,305 --> 00:11:23,141
so I guess I'll have to give it
the old college try.
308
00:11:25,268 --> 00:11:27,479
So, how much do you think
this is gonna hurt?
309
00:11:27,479 --> 00:11:28,855
[chuckles] Never mind.
310
00:11:28,855 --> 00:11:30,398
Can't be worse than my mom
inviting Malice
311
00:11:30,398 --> 00:11:32,776
on mother-daughter day.
At least my mom and I
312
00:11:32,776 --> 00:11:34,319
are spending
quality time together, right?
313
00:11:34,319 --> 00:11:35,695
Right? Right?
314
00:11:35,695 --> 00:11:38,114
That's the whole frickin' point
of this asswipe of a day.
315
00:11:38,114 --> 00:11:39,991
And if we have to get
matching nipple rings to bond,
316
00:11:39,991 --> 00:11:42,077
then it's worth
a little-- [screams]
317
00:11:46,206 --> 00:11:49,084
Hey! No badge, no entry, sir.
318
00:11:49,084 --> 00:11:52,337
Okie dokie!
Oh, boy, you guys must be cold.
319
00:11:52,337 --> 00:11:55,632
How about some homemade
mittens for you chilly kittens?
320
00:11:55,632 --> 00:11:58,343
They're real warm
and soft. Thanks.
321
00:11:58,885 --> 00:12:00,261
[growling]
322
00:12:00,261 --> 00:12:03,181
Hey, hey, hey, hey, guys.
You look a little hangry.
323
00:12:03,723 --> 00:12:04,641
[dogs whine]
324
00:12:04,641 --> 00:12:06,101
[laughing]
325
00:12:07,977 --> 00:12:10,355
Like I said, Helen Villigan
doesn't see anyone
326
00:12:10,355 --> 00:12:11,481
without an appointment.
327
00:12:11,481 --> 00:12:12,732
- [gasps]
- Carol,
328
00:12:12,732 --> 00:12:13,775
whether you let me in
to see Helen
329
00:12:13,775 --> 00:12:14,984
or you don't let me in,
330
00:12:14,984 --> 00:12:17,529
the thing I really care
about is,
331
00:12:17,529 --> 00:12:19,364
how are you doing?
332
00:12:19,364 --> 00:12:21,074
[sniffles]
333
00:12:21,074 --> 00:12:23,702
[sobbing] The only person who
ever asked me that was my dad.
334
00:12:23,702 --> 00:12:25,787
Rest in peace.
335
00:12:25,787 --> 00:12:28,123
Go on, Kite Man.
She's in there.
336
00:12:28,123 --> 00:12:30,458
And your dad,
he's right up there.
337
00:12:30,458 --> 00:12:32,085
Oh, you...
338
00:12:32,669 --> 00:12:34,879
[moaning]
339
00:12:36,798 --> 00:12:39,175
Wow! That was fantast--
340
00:12:39,175 --> 00:12:41,720
- [crying]
- Oh, oh, honey.
341
00:12:41,720 --> 00:12:43,096
Don't worry.
342
00:12:43,096 --> 00:12:45,473
Lots of men don't finish
during intercourse.
343
00:12:45,473 --> 00:12:46,641
I can help you if you--
344
00:12:46,641 --> 00:12:49,019
No! I can
'jaculate without you.
345
00:12:49,019 --> 00:12:52,230
It's just I've...
done something bad.
346
00:12:52,230 --> 00:12:53,231
Tell me.
347
00:12:53,231 --> 00:12:54,858
I... I promise
I won't whip you.
348
00:12:54,858 --> 00:12:55,942
Unless you want me to.
349
00:12:55,942 --> 00:12:57,736
You are too kind.
350
00:12:57,736 --> 00:13:00,280
Uh, you see,
I have given you my body
351
00:13:00,280 --> 00:13:03,241
while my heart belongs
to Becca.
352
00:13:03,992 --> 00:13:05,410
Are you angry?
353
00:13:05,410 --> 00:13:07,579
[sighs] No, I get it.
354
00:13:07,579 --> 00:13:09,205
I'm never
anyone's first choice.
355
00:13:09,205 --> 00:13:11,416
Except when that
break pad suppliers convention
356
00:13:11,416 --> 00:13:12,459
is in town.
357
00:13:12,459 --> 00:13:13,710
If it makes you feel better,
358
00:13:13,710 --> 00:13:15,920
I am never
anybody's any choice.
359
00:13:15,920 --> 00:13:17,547
What about Becca?
360
00:13:17,547 --> 00:13:20,925
Well, she's not really aware
that my heart belongs to her
361
00:13:20,925 --> 00:13:23,094
or that I exist
as a human being.
362
00:13:23,094 --> 00:13:25,638
You know, Bane,
you deserve better.
363
00:13:25,638 --> 00:13:27,182
You think so?
364
00:13:27,182 --> 00:13:29,351
I think I'm just a girl
who was never
365
00:13:29,351 --> 00:13:32,520
anyone's first choice
straddling a boy
366
00:13:32,520 --> 00:13:34,981
who was never anybody's
any choice,
367
00:13:34,981 --> 00:13:37,275
asking him to choose her.
368
00:13:37,275 --> 00:13:40,945
I love how you quote
the classics. Ow! [groans]
369
00:13:40,945 --> 00:13:43,114
Bane, you're crying again.
370
00:13:43,114 --> 00:13:44,532
It's just that you're tugging
371
00:13:44,532 --> 00:13:47,285
on the clamps
you put on me earlier.
372
00:13:47,285 --> 00:13:48,328
Oops.
373
00:13:48,328 --> 00:13:50,955
[both laughing]
374
00:13:50,955 --> 00:13:52,957
[Bane] Oh, Betty!
375
00:13:54,626 --> 00:13:56,628
Mom? Malice? Where'd they go?
376
00:13:56,628 --> 00:13:59,631
To get glamour shots next door.
Right, Mommy?
377
00:13:59,631 --> 00:14:00,882
That's right, sweetheart.
378
00:14:00,882 --> 00:14:03,551
Mother-daughter days
are the best.
379
00:14:03,551 --> 00:14:04,844
Oh, fuck off!
380
00:14:06,638 --> 00:14:07,972
[Helen] Kite Man.
381
00:14:07,972 --> 00:14:10,016
I'm impressed you made it
through my security.
382
00:14:10,016 --> 00:14:13,144
A smile and a kind word
go a long way.
383
00:14:13,144 --> 00:14:15,480
Wow! So maybe kindness is my--
384
00:14:15,480 --> 00:14:17,107
Power? Oh, God, no.
385
00:14:17,107 --> 00:14:20,568
But you want one. A real one.
That's why you're here.
386
00:14:20,568 --> 00:14:21,861
How did you know that?
387
00:14:21,861 --> 00:14:22,904
[Helen] Because
I know everything...
388
00:14:22,904 --> 00:14:24,197
through your search history.
389
00:14:24,197 --> 00:14:25,573
You searched,
"How to get a power."
390
00:14:25,573 --> 00:14:27,409
Then rephrased
it six different ways.
391
00:14:27,409 --> 00:14:29,828
"Power,"
"How to get free powers,"
392
00:14:29,828 --> 00:14:31,287
"How to download powers."
393
00:14:31,287 --> 00:14:33,164
Then you got distracted reading
the Wikipedia
394
00:14:33,164 --> 00:14:34,666
for Austin Powers.
395
00:14:34,666 --> 00:14:37,794
[imitates Austin Powers]
"Do I make you horny, baby?"
396
00:14:37,794 --> 00:14:39,295
[in normal voice]
Um... no, I'm sorry.
397
00:14:39,295 --> 00:14:40,630
You must think I'm a joke.
398
00:14:40,630 --> 00:14:42,674
I think you're tired
of being the joke.
399
00:14:42,674 --> 00:14:45,343
You want to be a big man
on campus, respected.
400
00:14:45,343 --> 00:14:48,179
Whoa! I have
never felt so seen.
401
00:14:48,179 --> 00:14:49,931
Can you give me that?
402
00:14:49,931 --> 00:14:51,391
How about right now?
403
00:14:51,391 --> 00:14:54,686
I'm Helen Fucking Villigan
for God's sake.
404
00:14:54,686 --> 00:14:56,521
But everything has a price.
405
00:14:56,521 --> 00:14:57,856
Well, how much?
406
00:14:57,856 --> 00:15:00,191
Please put away
your dinosaur wallet.
407
00:15:00,191 --> 00:15:01,443
It's not about the money.
408
00:15:01,443 --> 00:15:04,029
It's something
far more valuable.
409
00:15:04,029 --> 00:15:06,364
The essence of you...
410
00:15:06,364 --> 00:15:08,825
Kite Man.
411
00:15:08,825 --> 00:15:12,203
My kite? You want my kite?
412
00:15:12,203 --> 00:15:15,206
But my... my kite is who I am.
413
00:15:15,206 --> 00:15:17,208
Isn't that what you want
to change?
414
00:15:17,208 --> 00:15:20,045
Do you want to be
the boy you are now
415
00:15:20,045 --> 00:15:22,881
or the man you could become?
416
00:15:22,881 --> 00:15:24,174
Huh.
417
00:15:25,967 --> 00:15:28,011
[moody guitar playing]
418
00:15:35,685 --> 00:15:36,978
Sandy... [clears throat]
419
00:15:36,978 --> 00:15:38,271
...may I have this dance?
420
00:15:38,271 --> 00:15:40,774
- Uh, no.
- Oh. Uh...
421
00:15:40,774 --> 00:15:43,693
I mean, hell yeah.
422
00:15:47,405 --> 00:15:48,948
[laughing]
423
00:15:55,747 --> 00:15:58,208
Hm. [exhales]
424
00:15:58,208 --> 00:16:00,251
[sobbing] Saying goodbye to you
425
00:16:00,251 --> 00:16:01,878
is the hardest thing
426
00:16:01,878 --> 00:16:05,256
I have ever had to do,
my little buddy.
427
00:16:05,256 --> 00:16:06,633
But as much as I love you...
428
00:16:07,759 --> 00:16:09,427
I love Glider more.
429
00:16:09,427 --> 00:16:11,638
- All right, then.
- [whimpering softly]
430
00:16:12,597 --> 00:16:13,723
[grunts]
431
00:16:14,766 --> 00:16:16,768
Sign here, here, and here.
432
00:16:16,768 --> 00:16:20,355
Goodbye, Kite Man.
433
00:16:25,902 --> 00:16:27,362
[camera shutter clicking]
434
00:16:30,240 --> 00:16:32,617
Ugh! I planned
this whole day for us,
435
00:16:32,617 --> 00:16:34,786
and it feels like you don't
even want to be around me!
436
00:16:34,786 --> 00:16:37,122
Maybe it's because she doesn't
want to be around you.
437
00:16:37,122 --> 00:16:38,957
- That is not true!
- [camera shutter clicks]
438
00:16:38,957 --> 00:16:40,333
- Is that true?
- Ugh!
439
00:16:40,333 --> 00:16:42,877
Listen, I just got out
of the freaking pit,
440
00:16:42,877 --> 00:16:45,964
and I don't want to play mommy
to some grown-ass kid.
441
00:16:45,964 --> 00:16:49,801
You don't have to play mommy,
you are my fucking mommy!
442
00:16:49,801 --> 00:16:51,136
And I don't wanna be.
443
00:16:51,136 --> 00:16:53,638
Which is exactly
why I left the first time.
444
00:16:53,638 --> 00:16:55,598
Wait, you left us?
445
00:16:55,598 --> 00:16:58,226
Is this why I don't have
any memories of you?
446
00:16:58,226 --> 00:17:00,562
Well, you'd just killed
your father.
447
00:17:00,562 --> 00:17:03,606
I wasn't gonna stick around
for you to liquefy me.
448
00:17:03,606 --> 00:17:05,984
I upended my life
to rescue you.
449
00:17:05,984 --> 00:17:07,652
I never I asked you to,
450
00:17:07,652 --> 00:17:09,654
just like I never asked
to have a child
451
00:17:09,654 --> 00:17:12,407
who can liquefy people
when she's throwing a tantrum.
452
00:17:12,407 --> 00:17:15,702
That wasn't my fault.
I never wanted these powers!
453
00:17:15,702 --> 00:17:19,330
I guess we both got things
we didn't want.
454
00:17:19,330 --> 00:17:22,167
And then she just stabs him
without even asking me.
455
00:17:22,167 --> 00:17:23,418
I don't need your permission.
456
00:17:23,418 --> 00:17:24,586
What are you,
the stabbing police?
457
00:17:24,586 --> 00:17:26,338
If I was,
I'd put your ass in jail.
458
00:17:26,338 --> 00:17:28,340
Well, how about I put your ass
through this table?
459
00:17:28,340 --> 00:17:30,258
- [grunting]
- [groaning]
460
00:17:30,258 --> 00:17:31,426
- Fuck you.
- [screams]
461
00:17:32,260 --> 00:17:34,387
[grunting]
462
00:17:36,931 --> 00:17:38,350
Bull's eye!
463
00:17:38,933 --> 00:17:40,226
And another one!
464
00:17:41,728 --> 00:17:43,146
That's enough.
465
00:17:44,147 --> 00:17:45,482
Take it outside.
466
00:17:47,359 --> 00:17:50,028
Well, thank God that's over.
467
00:17:50,028 --> 00:17:52,614
No, nope, not over.
It's not over.
468
00:17:52,614 --> 00:17:54,532
You are a sorry excuse
for a head!
469
00:17:54,532 --> 00:17:56,826
You're a sorry excuse
for a body!
470
00:17:56,826 --> 00:17:58,578
[both] I hate you!
471
00:17:58,578 --> 00:18:00,246
Oh, goddamn.
472
00:18:00,246 --> 00:18:01,706
Are you as turned on as I am?
473
00:18:01,706 --> 00:18:04,042
I think you can feel
the answer.
474
00:18:04,042 --> 00:18:05,835
[both moaning]
475
00:18:07,545 --> 00:18:11,633
I haven't seen
this movie before.
476
00:18:11,633 --> 00:18:13,885
Ugh, mother-daughter day
would have been
477
00:18:13,885 --> 00:18:16,346
a hell of a lot better
if it was just me and Malice.
478
00:18:16,346 --> 00:18:18,056
That doesn't make sense!
479
00:18:18,056 --> 00:18:20,141
You know what?
Maybe I don't need a mom.
480
00:18:20,141 --> 00:18:22,477
I have Chuck,
and Chuck is enough.
481
00:18:22,477 --> 00:18:25,188
Oh, please! Enough with
this Kite Boy already.
482
00:18:25,188 --> 00:18:27,399
- He's Kite Man.
- Whatever.
483
00:18:27,399 --> 00:18:29,776
I need to take a dump
because somebody wanted
484
00:18:29,776 --> 00:18:30,860
to eat at Hardee's.
485
00:18:30,860 --> 00:18:32,112
The bathroom's in the...
486
00:18:33,071 --> 00:18:34,781
You know what, actually,
487
00:18:34,781 --> 00:18:36,574
use the one
at the end of the hall.
488
00:18:36,574 --> 00:18:38,535
[Rebecca] The one with all this
"do not use" tape on it?
489
00:18:38,535 --> 00:18:41,496
Oh, we put that on there
so no one uses it
490
00:18:41,496 --> 00:18:43,832
and it's clean
for guests like you.
491
00:18:43,832 --> 00:18:45,333
[Rebecca] Good,
then I don't have to look
492
00:18:45,333 --> 00:18:47,293
at any of Kite Boy's pubes.
493
00:18:47,293 --> 00:18:49,379
You know what, first of all,
494
00:18:49,379 --> 00:18:51,381
Chuck doesn't have pubes.
495
00:18:51,381 --> 00:18:53,717
He's as hairless as a dolphin.
496
00:18:53,717 --> 00:18:56,386
Even more important,
he is kind.
497
00:18:56,386 --> 00:18:59,222
He knows who he is,
and he is a better person
498
00:18:59,222 --> 00:19:00,265
than you'll ever be.
499
00:19:00,265 --> 00:19:02,183
[toilet flushes]
500
00:19:07,230 --> 00:19:08,732
[tires screeching]
501
00:19:09,941 --> 00:19:11,443
[rock music playing]
502
00:19:11,443 --> 00:19:13,278
[sobbing] My kite!
503
00:19:13,278 --> 00:19:15,780
[Kite Man mimicking]
"Oh, my kite! My kite!"
504
00:19:15,780 --> 00:19:19,951
Stupid baby.
Only babies have kites.
505
00:19:19,951 --> 00:19:22,245
Wait, aren't you Kite Man?
506
00:19:22,245 --> 00:19:23,371
[Kite Man] Kite Man's dead.
507
00:19:23,371 --> 00:19:24,914
They call me...
508
00:19:24,914 --> 00:19:27,042
[air horns blaring]
509
00:19:27,042 --> 00:19:28,418
...Beast Mode!
510
00:19:28,418 --> 00:19:30,587
Pew, pew, pew! [laughs]
511
00:19:30,587 --> 00:19:33,298
Where I go, you cannot follow
512
00:19:33,298 --> 00:19:36,134
'cause you gotta be
21 or older.
513
00:19:36,134 --> 00:19:39,596
- What up, fuckers?
- [Noonan] "BM"?
514
00:19:39,596 --> 00:19:43,183
Hey, guys,
a bowel movement just entered.
515
00:19:43,183 --> 00:19:45,977
[all laughing]
516
00:19:45,977 --> 00:19:49,314
That's what your mom
said last night. [laughs]
517
00:19:49,314 --> 00:19:51,191
Now, less talk-y, more pour-y.
518
00:19:51,191 --> 00:19:53,943
Hold on a second.
You got a power?
519
00:19:53,943 --> 00:19:57,197
More like a power got me.
520
00:19:57,197 --> 00:19:58,823
- [machine whirring]
- [electricity crackling]
521
00:19:58,823 --> 00:20:00,992
[grunting]
522
00:20:00,992 --> 00:20:02,535
[screaming]
523
00:20:06,831 --> 00:20:09,959
Oh, my God,
you got the douche power.
524
00:20:09,959 --> 00:20:13,546
And this is
a douche-free establishment.
525
00:20:13,546 --> 00:20:16,174
Fellas, get him outta here.
526
00:20:16,174 --> 00:20:19,052
Okay, Cash. Let's Tango.
527
00:20:19,052 --> 00:20:20,970
- Whuppah!
- [yelps]
528
00:20:20,970 --> 00:20:25,100
- Whuppah!
- [screams]
529
00:20:25,100 --> 00:20:26,518
- Whu-bam!
- [groans]
530
00:20:26,518 --> 00:20:29,896
Ooh! Ooh! Ooh!
Why are you hitting yourself?
531
00:20:29,896 --> 00:20:33,149
[laughs] Fuck you.
532
00:20:33,149 --> 00:20:35,110
- Suck it! Boom!
- [groans]
533
00:20:35,110 --> 00:20:36,194
[laughing]
534
00:20:36,194 --> 00:20:37,904
What is going on?
535
00:20:39,239 --> 00:20:40,699
Chuck. Is that...
536
00:20:42,534 --> 00:20:44,452
Maybe we should talk upstairs?
537
00:20:44,452 --> 00:20:46,955
Someone's anxious
to get me in bed.
538
00:20:48,665 --> 00:20:50,208
What the hell
is wrong with you?
539
00:20:50,208 --> 00:20:53,586
I think what you mean is,
what the hell is right with me.
540
00:20:53,586 --> 00:20:56,506
And what's right is
that I got a power
541
00:20:56,506 --> 00:20:59,843
that is cooler than yours.
542
00:20:59,843 --> 00:21:01,219
[laughing] Oh, yeah.
543
00:21:01,219 --> 00:21:04,055
Ugh, I can't believe
you did this.
544
00:21:04,055 --> 00:21:05,390
Just look at you!
545
00:21:05,390 --> 00:21:07,475
Yeah. Look at that.
You're welcome.
546
00:21:07,475 --> 00:21:08,935
But you're being
such an ungrateful B
547
00:21:08,935 --> 00:21:11,271
that I might just re-gift
myself to someone else.
548
00:21:11,271 --> 00:21:13,773
Please. Do me the favor
of re-gifting
549
00:21:13,773 --> 00:21:16,192
whatever this is
to someone else.
550
00:21:16,192 --> 00:21:18,319
- I don't want it.
- [scoffs]
551
00:21:18,319 --> 00:21:19,821
[laughing] Yeah. Okay.
552
00:21:19,821 --> 00:21:21,906
And you think you're gonna
find someone to love you?
553
00:21:21,906 --> 00:21:24,826
You can't even get
your own mother to love you.
554
00:21:25,618 --> 00:21:26,578
Get out.
555
00:21:26,578 --> 00:21:27,746
I'm not getting out.
You get out.
556
00:21:27,746 --> 00:21:30,040
I am not going
to ask you again.
557
00:21:30,040 --> 00:21:31,583
Oh, or what?
558
00:21:31,583 --> 00:21:34,085
You're gonna go into
your fugue state and kill me?
559
00:21:34,085 --> 00:21:35,420
Oh, please.
560
00:21:35,420 --> 00:21:39,174
I am warning you!
Take your shit and leave!
561
00:21:39,174 --> 00:21:40,300
Yeah, okay, fine.
562
00:21:40,300 --> 00:21:41,968
See you again, never!
563
00:21:41,968 --> 00:21:44,054
I don't even want to be
in this place,
564
00:21:44,054 --> 00:21:45,430
'cause you know why?
565
00:21:45,430 --> 00:21:48,516
This place is too small
for my giant dick.
566
00:21:52,270 --> 00:21:53,855
[somber music playing]
567
00:21:54,898 --> 00:21:56,191
Bip, bap, boom.
568
00:21:56,191 --> 00:21:57,442
Hey.
569
00:21:57,442 --> 00:22:00,487
Hey, nerd. Whuppah!
570
00:22:00,487 --> 00:22:03,198
- My lunch money!
- [laughing]
571
00:22:03,198 --> 00:22:05,992
[man] Boss, are you sure
he's the right guy for the job?
572
00:22:05,992 --> 00:22:07,243
He's kind of a douche.
573
00:22:07,243 --> 00:22:10,747
He's absolutely perfect.
574
00:22:22,050 --> 00:22:23,593
[theme music playing]
575
00:22:49,661 --> 00:22:51,705
♪ Hell yeah! ♪