1 00:00:07,632 --> 00:00:08,466 Give me another! 2 00:00:08,466 --> 00:00:09,968 All right, I'm cutting you off. 3 00:00:09,968 --> 00:00:12,012 Well, you can't fucking cut me off 4 00:00:12,012 --> 00:00:13,471 'cause I'm cutting you off. 5 00:00:13,471 --> 00:00:15,974 When you get drunk, shit gets broke, 6 00:00:15,974 --> 00:00:18,351 and I'm not dealing with that. 7 00:00:18,351 --> 00:00:21,312 Hey, you don't take your mommy issues out on me. 8 00:00:21,312 --> 00:00:24,941 Get enough of it with the daddy issues from this one. 9 00:00:24,941 --> 00:00:26,192 Wait, has he called? 10 00:00:26,192 --> 00:00:28,153 I do not have mommy issues, okay? 11 00:00:28,153 --> 00:00:30,822 Well, babe, you have been a bit of a Moody Judy 12 00:00:30,822 --> 00:00:32,991 since your mom got here, and maybe it's because 13 00:00:32,991 --> 00:00:35,326 she's being a bit of a Frigid Franny. 14 00:00:35,326 --> 00:00:36,911 Oh-- You're cut off too! 15 00:00:36,911 --> 00:00:39,164 [Golden Glider] It just doesn't make any sense! 16 00:00:39,164 --> 00:00:43,001 [sobbing] I mean, I saved her from prison. 17 00:00:43,001 --> 00:00:45,045 Would it kill her to say, "Thank you," 18 00:00:45,045 --> 00:00:47,922 or, "I love you," or I don't know, 19 00:00:47,922 --> 00:00:49,215 "Let me braid your hair 20 00:00:49,215 --> 00:00:50,342 while I tell you how beautiful you are"? 21 00:00:50,342 --> 00:00:54,429 So she's distant, boo-fucking-hoo! 22 00:00:54,429 --> 00:00:56,056 I would have given my left nut 23 00:00:56,056 --> 00:00:57,849 to avoid my mom back in the day. 24 00:00:57,849 --> 00:00:59,768 I thought you lost your left nut in the war. 25 00:00:59,768 --> 00:01:02,812 I lost my right nut in the war, so I know what I'm giving up. 26 00:01:02,812 --> 00:01:05,357 Glider, your mom just needs time to get to know you. 27 00:01:05,357 --> 00:01:07,192 Pretty soon, she'll love you the way I love you. 28 00:01:07,192 --> 00:01:09,152 I mean, maybe not exactly the way I love you. 29 00:01:09,152 --> 00:01:10,362 Well, I mean, almost, 30 00:01:10,362 --> 00:01:12,489 but just it was with less tongue. 31 00:01:12,489 --> 00:01:13,365 And hands. 32 00:01:13,365 --> 00:01:15,283 And penis probably. 33 00:01:15,283 --> 00:01:17,660 Chuck, I get your point! 34 00:01:17,660 --> 00:01:21,206 But I'm tired of waiting to have a relationship. 35 00:01:21,206 --> 00:01:22,707 She's here now. 36 00:01:22,707 --> 00:01:24,292 [Kite Man] Do you know what you need? 37 00:01:24,292 --> 00:01:27,128 A good, old-fashioned mother-daughter day. 38 00:01:27,128 --> 00:01:30,173 Mother/Daughter Day? Ooh, great movie. 39 00:01:30,173 --> 00:01:32,175 Just watched it the other night. 40 00:01:32,175 --> 00:01:33,551 [woman 1 on phone] You're my professor 41 00:01:33,551 --> 00:01:35,929 and my biological mother. 42 00:01:35,929 --> 00:01:37,764 Yeah, she is. 43 00:01:37,764 --> 00:01:39,391 [woman 2 on phone] That's right, my daughter/student. 44 00:01:39,391 --> 00:01:41,267 And you need a detention 45 00:01:41,267 --> 00:01:43,311 - and a spanking. - [woman 1 moaning] 46 00:01:43,311 --> 00:01:44,938 Spank me, Mommy! 47 00:01:44,938 --> 00:01:47,065 Honey, don't look! 48 00:01:47,065 --> 00:01:49,526 Why? That's how you learn. 49 00:01:49,526 --> 00:01:52,237 I guess a mother-daughter day could be nice. 50 00:01:52,237 --> 00:01:54,030 [cheering] 51 00:01:54,030 --> 00:01:55,740 - Not like that. - [groaning] 52 00:01:55,740 --> 00:01:58,868 But what do daughters even do with their moms? 53 00:01:58,868 --> 00:02:00,495 Come on, babe. I'm sure you have stuff 54 00:02:00,495 --> 00:02:02,414 you always wished you could do with your mom. 55 00:02:02,414 --> 00:02:05,083 I remember in junior high I saw this girl Beatrice 56 00:02:05,083 --> 00:02:06,251 at the mall with her mom. 57 00:02:06,251 --> 00:02:07,502 They had this whole day together 58 00:02:07,502 --> 00:02:08,628 where they got their ears pierced 59 00:02:08,628 --> 00:02:10,338 and did glamour shots together. 60 00:02:10,338 --> 00:02:11,589 That sounds nice. 61 00:02:11,589 --> 00:02:13,091 I wanted to gouge Beatrice's eyes out. 62 00:02:13,091 --> 00:02:14,884 Put that bump back on her Greek nose. 63 00:02:14,884 --> 00:02:16,094 Babe, that sounds like 64 00:02:16,094 --> 00:02:17,595 the perfect mother-daughter day. 65 00:02:17,595 --> 00:02:20,432 And so you have some space, I won't be coming. 66 00:02:20,432 --> 00:02:22,684 - Oh, I'll be coming. - You'll be dead! 67 00:02:22,684 --> 00:02:26,146 And speaking of Mom. 68 00:02:26,146 --> 00:02:28,440 [chuckles nervously] Uh, Chuck. Chuck, what are you doing? 69 00:02:28,440 --> 00:02:30,442 Trust me. Moms love me. 70 00:02:30,442 --> 00:02:33,528 In high school, I was voted "Most Non-Threatening." 71 00:02:33,528 --> 00:02:36,031 Lisa, you never told me you had a little sister. 72 00:02:36,031 --> 00:02:37,949 Ba-bam, ba-boom. 73 00:02:37,949 --> 00:02:39,284 Lovely. 74 00:02:39,284 --> 00:02:41,119 Any chance they come with a pisco sour? 75 00:02:41,119 --> 00:02:42,203 Yeah. [chuckles awkwardly] 76 00:02:42,203 --> 00:02:43,747 That's a complicated drink. 77 00:02:43,747 --> 00:02:46,124 - Uh, it takes a while to make. - Then I'll take two. 78 00:02:46,124 --> 00:02:49,002 Coming right, uh... eventually. [chuckles awkwardly] 79 00:02:49,002 --> 00:02:51,629 Uh, Mom? 80 00:02:51,629 --> 00:02:53,840 - Mom? - Oh, right. That's me. 81 00:02:53,840 --> 00:02:55,216 I was thinking that maybe 82 00:02:55,216 --> 00:02:56,760 we could spend the day together. 83 00:02:56,760 --> 00:02:59,012 Yeah, sure. Whatever gets me out of this shit hole. 84 00:02:59,012 --> 00:03:01,806 Jeez, have they even cleaned the place in the last 40 years? 85 00:03:01,806 --> 00:03:04,225 - [Moe whistling] - Goddamn it, that was loud! 86 00:03:04,225 --> 00:03:07,145 Hey, will everyone please shut their yappin' holes 87 00:03:07,145 --> 00:03:08,855 and get your sittin' holes in place 88 00:03:08,855 --> 00:03:10,315 for my brother's funeral? 89 00:03:12,859 --> 00:03:14,819 ♪ Hell yeah!♪ 90 00:03:16,488 --> 00:03:18,114 What can I say about Joe? 91 00:03:18,114 --> 00:03:21,368 He had enough heart, courage, and brains for the both of us. 92 00:03:21,368 --> 00:03:23,620 Wrap it up, Dorothy. Some of us gotta take a piss. 93 00:03:23,620 --> 00:03:25,372 Some of us can hold it in! 94 00:03:25,372 --> 00:03:27,040 Now, as I was saying-- 95 00:03:27,040 --> 00:03:28,500 [Bane] Joe Dubelz, 96 00:03:28,500 --> 00:03:30,585 I don't know if you're up there, buddy, 97 00:03:30,585 --> 00:03:32,003 but I am here at your funeral 98 00:03:32,003 --> 00:03:34,381 celebrating your accomplishments, 99 00:03:34,381 --> 00:03:35,965 and I sure could use some help 100 00:03:35,965 --> 00:03:39,803 asking the most beautiful woman in the world on a date. 101 00:03:39,803 --> 00:03:44,557 She's like an angel wrapped in prosciutto. Like a date. 102 00:03:44,557 --> 00:03:48,478 Ooh, that's a good opener to ask for a date. 103 00:03:48,478 --> 00:03:50,772 I wish Moe would shut the fuck up 104 00:03:50,772 --> 00:03:53,149 so I could make my move on Becca. 105 00:03:53,149 --> 00:03:54,567 The fuck did you just say? 106 00:03:54,567 --> 00:03:58,029 Oh, God, did I just say that part out loud? 107 00:03:58,029 --> 00:04:01,282 Damn you, internal monologue! 108 00:04:05,620 --> 00:04:07,747 [computer keys clacking] 109 00:04:07,747 --> 00:04:09,582 Goddamn it! 110 00:04:09,582 --> 00:04:11,835 I got you a couple more of those pisco sours 111 00:04:11,835 --> 00:04:13,336 in case you get thirsty. [chuckles] 112 00:04:13,336 --> 00:04:14,879 Technology getting you down? 113 00:04:14,879 --> 00:04:16,840 Ah, it's gotta be hard adjusting to the modern age 114 00:04:16,840 --> 00:04:18,550 after being in the clinker for so long. 115 00:04:18,550 --> 00:04:20,885 I'm familiar with technology, you nitwit! 116 00:04:20,885 --> 00:04:23,388 Rent is way more expensive than I remember. 117 00:04:23,388 --> 00:04:24,806 And it seems like it'll be a while 118 00:04:24,806 --> 00:04:26,725 before I can afford to get out of this dump. 119 00:04:26,725 --> 00:04:29,561 Well, you are more than welcome to stay with me and Glides 120 00:04:29,561 --> 00:04:31,479 as long as you like, free of charge, 121 00:04:31,479 --> 00:04:33,857 and maybe one day you can return the favs 122 00:04:33,857 --> 00:04:35,567 by babysitting our little kite babies. 123 00:04:35,567 --> 00:04:36,860 Did you knock her up? 124 00:04:36,860 --> 00:04:37,986 What? No. 125 00:04:37,986 --> 00:04:39,529 And you have my word. 126 00:04:39,529 --> 00:04:42,115 I will always use protection until I put a ring on it. 127 00:04:42,115 --> 00:04:44,659 Ugh. Whatever. Listen, you seem nice enough, 128 00:04:44,659 --> 00:04:46,536 but I've been around guys like you before. 129 00:04:46,536 --> 00:04:48,246 You have no money, no prospects, 130 00:04:48,246 --> 00:04:50,457 and worst of all, no powers. JBH. 131 00:04:50,457 --> 00:04:52,584 -"JBH"? - Just being honest. 132 00:04:52,584 --> 00:04:54,794 Look, I'm not saying you're not right for Lisa. 133 00:04:54,794 --> 00:04:57,422 I'm saying you're not right for anyone! 134 00:04:58,340 --> 00:04:59,924 - What's going on? - Nothing. 135 00:04:59,924 --> 00:05:02,093 Chuck and I were just getting to know each other better. 136 00:05:02,093 --> 00:05:03,094 Weren't we, Chuck? 137 00:05:03,094 --> 00:05:04,262 Chuck? 138 00:05:04,262 --> 00:05:05,555 - Chuck? - What? 139 00:05:05,555 --> 00:05:08,016 Uh, me? Uh, yes. Uh... 140 00:05:08,016 --> 00:05:10,643 I will see myself out. 141 00:05:10,643 --> 00:05:12,479 So, are we getting out of here or what? 142 00:05:12,479 --> 00:05:14,731 Yeah. You know, I have some thoughts 143 00:05:14,731 --> 00:05:17,525 on what we could do for our mother-daughter day. 144 00:05:17,525 --> 00:05:19,361 - Just like the movie! - Not like the movie! 145 00:05:19,361 --> 00:05:21,112 - [Sixpack groans] - Oh, right, that. 146 00:05:21,112 --> 00:05:22,364 What did you have in mind? 147 00:05:22,364 --> 00:05:24,240 Oh, nothing crazy specific. Just-- 148 00:05:24,240 --> 00:05:27,410 Did someone leave this detailed itinerary in the stockroom? 149 00:05:27,410 --> 00:05:30,330 - Not me. -"11:00 a.m. Get ears pierced. 150 00:05:30,330 --> 00:05:31,623 Ask why she never called." 151 00:05:31,623 --> 00:05:33,208 Oh, you know, maybe that's, uh... 152 00:05:33,208 --> 00:05:34,876 that's probably that other girl-- 153 00:05:34,876 --> 00:05:36,503 -"1:30 p.m. Glamour shots." - [Golden Glider clears throat] 154 00:05:36,503 --> 00:05:38,380 "Ask if she also has heavy period flow." 155 00:05:38,380 --> 00:05:41,257 You know, Malice, I'm sure whoever's that is 156 00:05:41,257 --> 00:05:42,384 wanted it to be private. 157 00:05:42,384 --> 00:05:43,843 And it looks like you circled 158 00:05:43,843 --> 00:05:45,470 where the tears had fallen while you wrote it. 159 00:05:45,470 --> 00:05:47,889 Okay, I'm just... [scarfs] 160 00:05:47,889 --> 00:05:48,973 So, shall we? 161 00:05:48,973 --> 00:05:51,559 - Just the two of us all day? - [gulps] 162 00:05:51,559 --> 00:05:54,104 - [sighs] - Hey, Malice, you look fun. 163 00:05:54,104 --> 00:05:55,188 Why don't you join us? 164 00:05:55,188 --> 00:05:56,731 On mother-daughter day? 165 00:05:56,731 --> 00:05:59,317 It doesn't have to be mother-daughter day. 166 00:05:59,317 --> 00:06:00,985 It can be hot girl day! 167 00:06:00,985 --> 00:06:02,654 Right, Malice? 168 00:06:02,654 --> 00:06:04,614 - Oh, I'm sure Malice doesn't want-- - I'll come. 169 00:06:04,614 --> 00:06:06,366 All my rich friends are ghosting me, 170 00:06:06,366 --> 00:06:07,951 so I'll slum it with you poors. 171 00:06:07,951 --> 00:06:10,078 Besides, I've been meaning to get my nipples pierced. 172 00:06:10,078 --> 00:06:12,789 Well, actually, we were getting our ears pierced. 173 00:06:12,789 --> 00:06:15,500 Oh, but nipples sound so much more fun. 174 00:06:15,500 --> 00:06:16,793 Let's do that. 175 00:06:16,793 --> 00:06:18,503 Ugh! 176 00:06:18,503 --> 00:06:20,797 Giuseppe is the best. 177 00:06:20,797 --> 00:06:23,341 He tailored the suit my grandfather was buried in. 178 00:06:23,341 --> 00:06:24,968 Still holds up. Okay, Giuseppe, 179 00:06:24,968 --> 00:06:26,845 these are my digging-a-hole- in-the-desert pants. 180 00:06:26,845 --> 00:06:28,972 So, make sure the stitching down there is tight. 181 00:06:28,972 --> 00:06:30,849 But not too tight. That shit needs to breathe. 182 00:06:30,849 --> 00:06:32,892 - Don't want no yeast infection. - Yeast infection? 183 00:06:32,892 --> 00:06:35,020 She thinks we're making bagels down there. 184 00:06:35,020 --> 00:06:36,354 [laughing] 185 00:06:36,354 --> 00:06:37,897 - [groans] - [laughing] 186 00:06:37,897 --> 00:06:40,358 You make me laugh so hard I poke you with the needle! 187 00:06:40,358 --> 00:06:43,194 Ah, you are my best-- 188 00:06:43,194 --> 00:06:45,030 [imitates Italian accent] How-a 'bout-a you shut-a the fuck up? 189 00:06:45,030 --> 00:06:47,490 You just killed the best mob tailor in lower Gotham! 190 00:06:47,490 --> 00:06:49,034 You say that like I should give a shit. 191 00:06:49,034 --> 00:06:51,536 Listen, doll face, I got a way of doing business, 192 00:06:51,536 --> 00:06:53,121 and I don't need you interfering. 193 00:06:53,121 --> 00:06:55,165 Joe would've never disrespected me like that. 194 00:06:55,165 --> 00:06:57,083 Joe is dead. Get used to it. 195 00:06:57,083 --> 00:06:58,501 You better watch your mouth. 196 00:06:58,501 --> 00:07:00,086 You better watch your head! 197 00:07:00,086 --> 00:07:03,006 It's just... I... I don't know. I mean, what... 198 00:07:03,006 --> 00:07:04,758 what if Rebecca is right, you know? 199 00:07:04,758 --> 00:07:07,510 Why... why... why is Glider even with me? 200 00:07:07,510 --> 00:07:10,096 I'm just a loser with no powers. 201 00:07:10,096 --> 00:07:11,431 What about me? 202 00:07:11,431 --> 00:07:13,558 If Becca finds out that I'm besties 203 00:07:13,558 --> 00:07:16,394 with a pathetic, no-power loser, 204 00:07:16,394 --> 00:07:17,854 I'll never have a chance. 205 00:07:17,854 --> 00:07:20,482 JBH, Rebecca is way out of your league. 206 00:07:20,482 --> 00:07:23,651 JBH, Glider is out of yours! 207 00:07:23,651 --> 00:07:25,737 - [both groan] - JB-fucking-H. 208 00:07:25,737 --> 00:07:27,405 Will you two knock it off? 209 00:07:27,405 --> 00:07:28,782 - [Bane groans] - Face it, Bane. 210 00:07:28,782 --> 00:07:30,575 It ain't gonna happen with Rebecca. 211 00:07:30,575 --> 00:07:32,702 Face it? I would rather die! 212 00:07:32,702 --> 00:07:34,079 You're not gonna die. 213 00:07:34,079 --> 00:07:35,455 You're gonna get over it. 214 00:07:35,455 --> 00:07:37,832 How do you get over a broad? You get under another one. 215 00:07:37,832 --> 00:07:39,250 - [sighs] - [Noonan] And you. 216 00:07:39,250 --> 00:07:40,669 You want a power? 217 00:07:40,669 --> 00:07:43,630 Then stop being a pussy and get one. 218 00:07:43,630 --> 00:07:45,924 Get one? I can't just go to a store 219 00:07:45,924 --> 00:07:48,301 and be like, "One power, please." 220 00:07:48,301 --> 00:07:49,928 [mocking] "One power, please." "One power..." 221 00:07:49,928 --> 00:07:52,389 Hey, this is what you're going to do. 222 00:07:52,389 --> 00:07:55,058 You go to this address, tell him you want a power. 223 00:07:55,058 --> 00:07:57,102 Tell him I sent you, and please, 224 00:07:57,102 --> 00:08:00,772 for the love of God, don't say, "Please." 225 00:08:00,772 --> 00:08:03,608 Like you just did? [groans] 226 00:08:03,608 --> 00:08:06,194 Oh, Glider, these would look great on you 227 00:08:06,194 --> 00:08:07,904 and really distract from that hairline. 228 00:08:07,904 --> 00:08:10,115 Oh, you mean like wearing a headband? 229 00:08:10,115 --> 00:08:11,324 Boom! Right, Mom? 230 00:08:11,324 --> 00:08:13,284 Lisa, they have your birthstone. 231 00:08:13,284 --> 00:08:15,078 [chuckles awkwardly] That's, uh, not my birthstone. 232 00:08:15,078 --> 00:08:17,622 And I am not getting my nipples pierced. 233 00:08:17,622 --> 00:08:20,083 But these would make them look so much cuter. 234 00:08:20,083 --> 00:08:22,377 Well, Kite Man's never had any complaints. 235 00:08:22,377 --> 00:08:24,087 Then maybe your next boyfriend will. 236 00:08:24,087 --> 00:08:27,173 Yeah, everyone knows you pierce for the boyfriend you want, 237 00:08:27,173 --> 00:08:28,550 not the boyfriend you have. 238 00:08:28,550 --> 00:08:30,385 Wait, what do you mean my next boyfriend? 239 00:08:30,385 --> 00:08:31,970 Oh, my God. Look at these. 240 00:08:31,970 --> 00:08:34,806 Malice, don't you think they would look great on me? 241 00:08:34,806 --> 00:08:36,683 [both] Ah! Twinsies! 242 00:08:36,683 --> 00:08:38,184 We have to get them. 243 00:08:38,184 --> 00:08:39,728 You're not twinsies! 244 00:08:39,728 --> 00:08:42,522 [scoffs] If anybody is going to make a trashy, 245 00:08:42,522 --> 00:08:44,566 life altering decision with my mom today 246 00:08:44,566 --> 00:08:45,817 that could possibly get infected, 247 00:08:45,817 --> 00:08:48,653 it is going to be me! 248 00:08:51,364 --> 00:08:53,992 More wine for the lady? 249 00:08:53,992 --> 00:08:56,244 Well, I don't know about the lady, 250 00:08:56,244 --> 00:08:57,829 but I'll have some more. 251 00:08:57,829 --> 00:08:59,289 Huh? 252 00:08:59,289 --> 00:09:01,166 Oh, I get it! 253 00:09:01,166 --> 00:09:02,500 It was in jest! 254 00:09:02,500 --> 00:09:03,918 [both laugh] 255 00:09:03,918 --> 00:09:06,504 I... I... Yeah, I'm so surprised you called. 256 00:09:06,504 --> 00:09:08,715 I mean, I haven't heard from you since Valentine's Day. 257 00:09:08,715 --> 00:09:11,092 I, uh, thought it might be awkward, 258 00:09:11,092 --> 00:09:14,804 considering that I fucked your entire apartment building. 259 00:09:14,804 --> 00:09:17,015 Oh, that. Well, it's only a building. 260 00:09:17,015 --> 00:09:19,267 I'm just glad to hear there isn't another woman. 261 00:09:19,267 --> 00:09:21,186 Another woman? 262 00:09:21,186 --> 00:09:23,897 Uh-oh, perhaps she knows about Becca. 263 00:09:23,897 --> 00:09:27,484 Nonsense, Bane. There is no way she could know the secrets 264 00:09:27,484 --> 00:09:28,610 of your soul... 265 00:09:28,610 --> 00:09:30,195 Or your innermost thoughts. 266 00:09:30,195 --> 00:09:33,156 Like how this fried calamari will tear through my colon 267 00:09:33,156 --> 00:09:35,533 like this woman does through my heart. 268 00:09:35,533 --> 00:09:38,536 Aw, Bane, that's so sweet. 269 00:09:38,536 --> 00:09:40,872 Damn you, inner monolo... 270 00:09:40,872 --> 00:09:43,208 Wait, which part of that did you hear? 271 00:09:43,208 --> 00:09:46,002 You know, it's not often that a guy like you 272 00:09:46,002 --> 00:09:47,754 wines and dines a girl like me. 273 00:09:47,754 --> 00:09:49,839 Ah, is it because of all 274 00:09:49,839 --> 00:09:52,717 the dominatrix-ization that you do? 275 00:09:52,717 --> 00:09:55,136 Yeah, I've never been out to dinner with a guy 276 00:09:55,136 --> 00:09:58,223 that didn't end with me putting a cigarette out in his asshole. 277 00:09:58,223 --> 00:10:01,518 But you, you see me as so much more than that. 278 00:10:01,518 --> 00:10:03,770 I... I do? 279 00:10:03,770 --> 00:10:06,189 You're the real deal, Bane. 280 00:10:14,864 --> 00:10:16,074 [doorbell chimes] 281 00:10:16,074 --> 00:10:18,076 [easy listening music playing] 282 00:10:20,995 --> 00:10:25,333 Huh. Oh. Um, hey! Etrigan, my favorite poet! 283 00:10:25,333 --> 00:10:26,835 Have we met before? 284 00:10:26,835 --> 00:10:29,212 I don't believe I've seen you at my store. 285 00:10:29,212 --> 00:10:31,256 Ah, no, but, um... 286 00:10:31,256 --> 00:10:35,969 Sean Noonan told me to tell you that he sent me. 287 00:10:35,969 --> 00:10:38,221 [whispering] It's about getting a power, so-- 288 00:10:38,221 --> 00:10:39,597 Well, not much I can do. 289 00:10:39,597 --> 00:10:41,433 Exit's to the left. I bid you adieu. 290 00:10:41,433 --> 00:10:43,226 But Sean... [whispers] ...Sean Noonan-- 291 00:10:43,226 --> 00:10:44,936 Is behind the times. 292 00:10:44,936 --> 00:10:47,147 This is a subsidiary of Villigan's now. 293 00:10:47,147 --> 00:10:49,774 Everything's changed, except my rhymes. 294 00:10:49,774 --> 00:10:53,028 Yeah, your rhymes are hella dope! 295 00:10:53,028 --> 00:10:55,780 Um, but-- So, you can't... you can't give me a power? 296 00:10:55,780 --> 00:10:58,950 Only the boss can sell you that, my friend. 297 00:10:58,950 --> 00:11:01,786 Though I hear she only has the janky stuff, 298 00:11:01,786 --> 00:11:03,038 nothing high-end. 299 00:11:03,038 --> 00:11:04,497 I'll take whatever she has. 300 00:11:04,497 --> 00:11:06,291 I don't need anything with too much pizazz. 301 00:11:06,291 --> 00:11:08,251 Hey, hey, hey! Look what I did there. 302 00:11:08,251 --> 00:11:09,627 And I don't even care. 303 00:11:09,627 --> 00:11:12,047 Rhyming is my thing, you jackass! 304 00:11:12,047 --> 00:11:14,966 You'll never make it through Helen Villigan's tower. 305 00:11:14,966 --> 00:11:18,720 And even if you do, I doubt she'll give you power. 306 00:11:18,720 --> 00:11:20,305 Well, I need a power, 307 00:11:20,305 --> 00:11:23,141 so I guess I'll have to give it the old college try. 308 00:11:25,268 --> 00:11:27,479 So, how much do you think this is gonna hurt? 309 00:11:27,479 --> 00:11:28,855 [chuckles] Never mind. 310 00:11:28,855 --> 00:11:30,398 Can't be worse than my mom inviting Malice 311 00:11:30,398 --> 00:11:32,776 on mother-daughter day. At least my mom and I 312 00:11:32,776 --> 00:11:34,319 are spending quality time together, right? 313 00:11:34,319 --> 00:11:35,695 Right? Right? 314 00:11:35,695 --> 00:11:38,114 That's the whole frickin' point of this asswipe of a day. 315 00:11:38,114 --> 00:11:39,991 And if we have to get matching nipple rings to bond, 316 00:11:39,991 --> 00:11:42,077 then it's worth a little-- [screams] 317 00:11:46,206 --> 00:11:49,084 Hey! No badge, no entry, sir. 318 00:11:49,084 --> 00:11:52,337 Okie dokie! Oh, boy, you guys must be cold. 319 00:11:52,337 --> 00:11:55,632 How about some homemade mittens for you chilly kittens? 320 00:11:55,632 --> 00:11:58,343 They're real warm and soft. Thanks. 321 00:11:58,885 --> 00:12:00,261 [growling] 322 00:12:00,261 --> 00:12:03,181 Hey, hey, hey, hey, guys. You look a little hangry. 323 00:12:03,723 --> 00:12:04,641 [dogs whine] 324 00:12:04,641 --> 00:12:06,101 [laughing] 325 00:12:07,977 --> 00:12:10,355 Like I said, Helen Villigan doesn't see anyone 326 00:12:10,355 --> 00:12:11,481 without an appointment. 327 00:12:11,481 --> 00:12:12,732 - [gasps] - Carol, 328 00:12:12,732 --> 00:12:13,775 whether you let me in to see Helen 329 00:12:13,775 --> 00:12:14,984 or you don't let me in, 330 00:12:14,984 --> 00:12:17,529 the thing I really care about is, 331 00:12:17,529 --> 00:12:19,364 how are you doing? 332 00:12:19,364 --> 00:12:21,074 [sniffles] 333 00:12:21,074 --> 00:12:23,702 [sobbing] The only person who ever asked me that was my dad. 334 00:12:23,702 --> 00:12:25,787 Rest in peace. 335 00:12:25,787 --> 00:12:28,123 Go on, Kite Man. She's in there. 336 00:12:28,123 --> 00:12:30,458 And your dad, he's right up there. 337 00:12:30,458 --> 00:12:32,085 Oh, you... 338 00:12:32,669 --> 00:12:34,879 [moaning] 339 00:12:36,798 --> 00:12:39,175 Wow! That was fantast-- 340 00:12:39,175 --> 00:12:41,720 - [crying] - Oh, oh, honey. 341 00:12:41,720 --> 00:12:43,096 Don't worry. 342 00:12:43,096 --> 00:12:45,473 Lots of men don't finish during intercourse. 343 00:12:45,473 --> 00:12:46,641 I can help you if you-- 344 00:12:46,641 --> 00:12:49,019 No! I can 'jaculate without you. 345 00:12:49,019 --> 00:12:52,230 It's just I've... done something bad. 346 00:12:52,230 --> 00:12:53,231 Tell me. 347 00:12:53,231 --> 00:12:54,858 I... I promise I won't whip you. 348 00:12:54,858 --> 00:12:55,942 Unless you want me to. 349 00:12:55,942 --> 00:12:57,736 You are too kind. 350 00:12:57,736 --> 00:13:00,280 Uh, you see, I have given you my body 351 00:13:00,280 --> 00:13:03,241 while my heart belongs to Becca. 352 00:13:03,992 --> 00:13:05,410 Are you angry? 353 00:13:05,410 --> 00:13:07,579 [sighs] No, I get it. 354 00:13:07,579 --> 00:13:09,205 I'm never anyone's first choice. 355 00:13:09,205 --> 00:13:11,416 Except when that break pad suppliers convention 356 00:13:11,416 --> 00:13:12,459 is in town. 357 00:13:12,459 --> 00:13:13,710 If it makes you feel better, 358 00:13:13,710 --> 00:13:15,920 I am never anybody's any choice. 359 00:13:15,920 --> 00:13:17,547 What about Becca? 360 00:13:17,547 --> 00:13:20,925 Well, she's not really aware that my heart belongs to her 361 00:13:20,925 --> 00:13:23,094 or that I exist as a human being. 362 00:13:23,094 --> 00:13:25,638 You know, Bane, you deserve better. 363 00:13:25,638 --> 00:13:27,182 You think so? 364 00:13:27,182 --> 00:13:29,351 I think I'm just a girl who was never 365 00:13:29,351 --> 00:13:32,520 anyone's first choice straddling a boy 366 00:13:32,520 --> 00:13:34,981 who was never anybody's any choice, 367 00:13:34,981 --> 00:13:37,275 asking him to choose her. 368 00:13:37,275 --> 00:13:40,945 I love how you quote the classics. Ow! [groans] 369 00:13:40,945 --> 00:13:43,114 Bane, you're crying again. 370 00:13:43,114 --> 00:13:44,532 It's just that you're tugging 371 00:13:44,532 --> 00:13:47,285 on the clamps you put on me earlier. 372 00:13:47,285 --> 00:13:48,328 Oops. 373 00:13:48,328 --> 00:13:50,955 [both laughing] 374 00:13:50,955 --> 00:13:52,957 [Bane] Oh, Betty! 375 00:13:54,626 --> 00:13:56,628 Mom? Malice? Where'd they go? 376 00:13:56,628 --> 00:13:59,631 To get glamour shots next door. Right, Mommy? 377 00:13:59,631 --> 00:14:00,882 That's right, sweetheart. 378 00:14:00,882 --> 00:14:03,551 Mother-daughter days are the best. 379 00:14:03,551 --> 00:14:04,844 Oh, fuck off! 380 00:14:06,638 --> 00:14:07,972 [Helen] Kite Man. 381 00:14:07,972 --> 00:14:10,016 I'm impressed you made it through my security. 382 00:14:10,016 --> 00:14:13,144 A smile and a kind word go a long way. 383 00:14:13,144 --> 00:14:15,480 Wow! So maybe kindness is my-- 384 00:14:15,480 --> 00:14:17,107 Power? Oh, God, no. 385 00:14:17,107 --> 00:14:20,568 But you want one. A real one. That's why you're here. 386 00:14:20,568 --> 00:14:21,861 How did you know that? 387 00:14:21,861 --> 00:14:22,904 [Helen] Because I know everything... 388 00:14:22,904 --> 00:14:24,197 through your search history. 389 00:14:24,197 --> 00:14:25,573 You searched, "How to get a power." 390 00:14:25,573 --> 00:14:27,409 Then rephrased it six different ways. 391 00:14:27,409 --> 00:14:29,828 "Power," "How to get free powers," 392 00:14:29,828 --> 00:14:31,287 "How to download powers." 393 00:14:31,287 --> 00:14:33,164 Then you got distracted reading the Wikipedia 394 00:14:33,164 --> 00:14:34,666 for Austin Powers. 395 00:14:34,666 --> 00:14:37,794 [imitates Austin Powers] "Do I make you horny, baby?" 396 00:14:37,794 --> 00:14:39,295 [in normal voice] Um... no, I'm sorry. 397 00:14:39,295 --> 00:14:40,630 You must think I'm a joke. 398 00:14:40,630 --> 00:14:42,674 I think you're tired of being the joke. 399 00:14:42,674 --> 00:14:45,343 You want to be a big man on campus, respected. 400 00:14:45,343 --> 00:14:48,179 Whoa! I have never felt so seen. 401 00:14:48,179 --> 00:14:49,931 Can you give me that? 402 00:14:49,931 --> 00:14:51,391 How about right now? 403 00:14:51,391 --> 00:14:54,686 I'm Helen Fucking Villigan for God's sake. 404 00:14:54,686 --> 00:14:56,521 But everything has a price. 405 00:14:56,521 --> 00:14:57,856 Well, how much? 406 00:14:57,856 --> 00:15:00,191 Please put away your dinosaur wallet. 407 00:15:00,191 --> 00:15:01,443 It's not about the money. 408 00:15:01,443 --> 00:15:04,029 It's something far more valuable. 409 00:15:04,029 --> 00:15:06,364 The essence of you... 410 00:15:06,364 --> 00:15:08,825 Kite Man. 411 00:15:08,825 --> 00:15:12,203 My kite? You want my kite? 412 00:15:12,203 --> 00:15:15,206 But my... my kite is who I am. 413 00:15:15,206 --> 00:15:17,208 Isn't that what you want to change? 414 00:15:17,208 --> 00:15:20,045 Do you want to be the boy you are now 415 00:15:20,045 --> 00:15:22,881 or the man you could become? 416 00:15:22,881 --> 00:15:24,174 Huh. 417 00:15:25,967 --> 00:15:28,011 [moody guitar playing] 418 00:15:35,685 --> 00:15:36,978 Sandy... [clears throat] 419 00:15:36,978 --> 00:15:38,271 ...may I have this dance? 420 00:15:38,271 --> 00:15:40,774 - Uh, no. - Oh. Uh... 421 00:15:40,774 --> 00:15:43,693 I mean, hell yeah. 422 00:15:47,405 --> 00:15:48,948 [laughing] 423 00:15:55,747 --> 00:15:58,208 Hm. [exhales] 424 00:15:58,208 --> 00:16:00,251 [sobbing] Saying goodbye to you 425 00:16:00,251 --> 00:16:01,878 is the hardest thing 426 00:16:01,878 --> 00:16:05,256 I have ever had to do, my little buddy. 427 00:16:05,256 --> 00:16:06,633 But as much as I love you... 428 00:16:07,759 --> 00:16:09,427 I love Glider more. 429 00:16:09,427 --> 00:16:11,638 - All right, then. - [whimpering softly] 430 00:16:12,597 --> 00:16:13,723 [grunts] 431 00:16:14,766 --> 00:16:16,768 Sign here, here, and here. 432 00:16:16,768 --> 00:16:20,355 Goodbye, Kite Man. 433 00:16:25,902 --> 00:16:27,362 [camera shutter clicking] 434 00:16:30,240 --> 00:16:32,617 Ugh! I planned this whole day for us, 435 00:16:32,617 --> 00:16:34,786 and it feels like you don't even want to be around me! 436 00:16:34,786 --> 00:16:37,122 Maybe it's because she doesn't want to be around you. 437 00:16:37,122 --> 00:16:38,957 - That is not true! - [camera shutter clicks] 438 00:16:38,957 --> 00:16:40,333 - Is that true? - Ugh! 439 00:16:40,333 --> 00:16:42,877 Listen, I just got out of the freaking pit, 440 00:16:42,877 --> 00:16:45,964 and I don't want to play mommy to some grown-ass kid. 441 00:16:45,964 --> 00:16:49,801 You don't have to play mommy, you are my fucking mommy! 442 00:16:49,801 --> 00:16:51,136 And I don't wanna be. 443 00:16:51,136 --> 00:16:53,638 Which is exactly why I left the first time. 444 00:16:53,638 --> 00:16:55,598 Wait, you left us? 445 00:16:55,598 --> 00:16:58,226 Is this why I don't have any memories of you? 446 00:16:58,226 --> 00:17:00,562 Well, you'd just killed your father. 447 00:17:00,562 --> 00:17:03,606 I wasn't gonna stick around for you to liquefy me. 448 00:17:03,606 --> 00:17:05,984 I upended my life to rescue you. 449 00:17:05,984 --> 00:17:07,652 I never I asked you to, 450 00:17:07,652 --> 00:17:09,654 just like I never asked to have a child 451 00:17:09,654 --> 00:17:12,407 who can liquefy people when she's throwing a tantrum. 452 00:17:12,407 --> 00:17:15,702 That wasn't my fault. I never wanted these powers! 453 00:17:15,702 --> 00:17:19,330 I guess we both got things we didn't want. 454 00:17:19,330 --> 00:17:22,167 And then she just stabs him without even asking me. 455 00:17:22,167 --> 00:17:23,418 I don't need your permission. 456 00:17:23,418 --> 00:17:24,586 What are you, the stabbing police? 457 00:17:24,586 --> 00:17:26,338 If I was, I'd put your ass in jail. 458 00:17:26,338 --> 00:17:28,340 Well, how about I put your ass through this table? 459 00:17:28,340 --> 00:17:30,258 - [grunting] - [groaning] 460 00:17:30,258 --> 00:17:31,426 - Fuck you. - [screams] 461 00:17:32,260 --> 00:17:34,387 [grunting] 462 00:17:36,931 --> 00:17:38,350 Bull's eye! 463 00:17:38,933 --> 00:17:40,226 And another one! 464 00:17:41,728 --> 00:17:43,146 That's enough. 465 00:17:44,147 --> 00:17:45,482 Take it outside. 466 00:17:47,359 --> 00:17:50,028 Well, thank God that's over. 467 00:17:50,028 --> 00:17:52,614 No, nope, not over. It's not over. 468 00:17:52,614 --> 00:17:54,532 You are a sorry excuse for a head! 469 00:17:54,532 --> 00:17:56,826 You're a sorry excuse for a body! 470 00:17:56,826 --> 00:17:58,578 [both] I hate you! 471 00:17:58,578 --> 00:18:00,246 Oh, goddamn. 472 00:18:00,246 --> 00:18:01,706 Are you as turned on as I am? 473 00:18:01,706 --> 00:18:04,042 I think you can feel the answer. 474 00:18:04,042 --> 00:18:05,835 [both moaning] 475 00:18:07,545 --> 00:18:11,633 I haven't seen this movie before. 476 00:18:11,633 --> 00:18:13,885 Ugh, mother-daughter day would have been 477 00:18:13,885 --> 00:18:16,346 a hell of a lot better if it was just me and Malice. 478 00:18:16,346 --> 00:18:18,056 That doesn't make sense! 479 00:18:18,056 --> 00:18:20,141 You know what? Maybe I don't need a mom. 480 00:18:20,141 --> 00:18:22,477 I have Chuck, and Chuck is enough. 481 00:18:22,477 --> 00:18:25,188 Oh, please! Enough with this Kite Boy already. 482 00:18:25,188 --> 00:18:27,399 - He's Kite Man. - Whatever. 483 00:18:27,399 --> 00:18:29,776 I need to take a dump because somebody wanted 484 00:18:29,776 --> 00:18:30,860 to eat at Hardee's. 485 00:18:30,860 --> 00:18:32,112 The bathroom's in the... 486 00:18:33,071 --> 00:18:34,781 You know what, actually, 487 00:18:34,781 --> 00:18:36,574 use the one at the end of the hall. 488 00:18:36,574 --> 00:18:38,535 [Rebecca] The one with all this "do not use" tape on it? 489 00:18:38,535 --> 00:18:41,496 Oh, we put that on there so no one uses it 490 00:18:41,496 --> 00:18:43,832 and it's clean for guests like you. 491 00:18:43,832 --> 00:18:45,333 [Rebecca] Good, then I don't have to look 492 00:18:45,333 --> 00:18:47,293 at any of Kite Boy's pubes. 493 00:18:47,293 --> 00:18:49,379 You know what, first of all, 494 00:18:49,379 --> 00:18:51,381 Chuck doesn't have pubes. 495 00:18:51,381 --> 00:18:53,717 He's as hairless as a dolphin. 496 00:18:53,717 --> 00:18:56,386 Even more important, he is kind. 497 00:18:56,386 --> 00:18:59,222 He knows who he is, and he is a better person 498 00:18:59,222 --> 00:19:00,265 than you'll ever be. 499 00:19:00,265 --> 00:19:02,183 [toilet flushes] 500 00:19:07,230 --> 00:19:08,732 [tires screeching] 501 00:19:09,941 --> 00:19:11,443 [rock music playing] 502 00:19:11,443 --> 00:19:13,278 [sobbing] My kite! 503 00:19:13,278 --> 00:19:15,780 [Kite Man mimicking] "Oh, my kite! My kite!" 504 00:19:15,780 --> 00:19:19,951 Stupid baby. Only babies have kites. 505 00:19:19,951 --> 00:19:22,245 Wait, aren't you Kite Man? 506 00:19:22,245 --> 00:19:23,371 [Kite Man] Kite Man's dead. 507 00:19:23,371 --> 00:19:24,914 They call me... 508 00:19:24,914 --> 00:19:27,042 [air horns blaring] 509 00:19:27,042 --> 00:19:28,418 ...Beast Mode! 510 00:19:28,418 --> 00:19:30,587 Pew, pew, pew! [laughs] 511 00:19:30,587 --> 00:19:33,298 Where I go, you cannot follow 512 00:19:33,298 --> 00:19:36,134 'cause you gotta be 21 or older. 513 00:19:36,134 --> 00:19:39,596 - What up, fuckers? - [Noonan] "BM"? 514 00:19:39,596 --> 00:19:43,183 Hey, guys, a bowel movement just entered. 515 00:19:43,183 --> 00:19:45,977 [all laughing] 516 00:19:45,977 --> 00:19:49,314 That's what your mom said last night. [laughs] 517 00:19:49,314 --> 00:19:51,191 Now, less talk-y, more pour-y. 518 00:19:51,191 --> 00:19:53,943 Hold on a second. You got a power? 519 00:19:53,943 --> 00:19:57,197 More like a power got me. 520 00:19:57,197 --> 00:19:58,823 - [machine whirring] - [electricity crackling] 521 00:19:58,823 --> 00:20:00,992 [grunting] 522 00:20:00,992 --> 00:20:02,535 [screaming] 523 00:20:06,831 --> 00:20:09,959 Oh, my God, you got the douche power. 524 00:20:09,959 --> 00:20:13,546 And this is a douche-free establishment. 525 00:20:13,546 --> 00:20:16,174 Fellas, get him outta here. 526 00:20:16,174 --> 00:20:19,052 Okay, Cash. Let's Tango. 527 00:20:19,052 --> 00:20:20,970 - Whuppah! - [yelps] 528 00:20:20,970 --> 00:20:25,100 - Whuppah! - [screams] 529 00:20:25,100 --> 00:20:26,518 - Whu-bam! - [groans] 530 00:20:26,518 --> 00:20:29,896 Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! Why are you hitting yourself? 531 00:20:29,896 --> 00:20:33,149 [laughs] Fuck you. 532 00:20:33,149 --> 00:20:35,110 - Suck it! Boom! - [groans] 533 00:20:35,110 --> 00:20:36,194 [laughing] 534 00:20:36,194 --> 00:20:37,904 What is going on? 535 00:20:39,239 --> 00:20:40,699 Chuck. Is that... 536 00:20:42,534 --> 00:20:44,452 Maybe we should talk upstairs? 537 00:20:44,452 --> 00:20:46,955 Someone's anxious to get me in bed. 538 00:20:48,665 --> 00:20:50,208 What the hell is wrong with you? 539 00:20:50,208 --> 00:20:53,586 I think what you mean is, what the hell is right with me. 540 00:20:53,586 --> 00:20:56,506 And what's right is that I got a power 541 00:20:56,506 --> 00:20:59,843 that is cooler than yours. 542 00:20:59,843 --> 00:21:01,219 [laughing] Oh, yeah. 543 00:21:01,219 --> 00:21:04,055 Ugh, I can't believe you did this. 544 00:21:04,055 --> 00:21:05,390 Just look at you! 545 00:21:05,390 --> 00:21:07,475 Yeah. Look at that. You're welcome. 546 00:21:07,475 --> 00:21:08,935 But you're being such an ungrateful B 547 00:21:08,935 --> 00:21:11,271 that I might just re-gift myself to someone else. 548 00:21:11,271 --> 00:21:13,773 Please. Do me the favor of re-gifting 549 00:21:13,773 --> 00:21:16,192 whatever this is to someone else. 550 00:21:16,192 --> 00:21:18,319 - I don't want it. - [scoffs] 551 00:21:18,319 --> 00:21:19,821 [laughing] Yeah. Okay. 552 00:21:19,821 --> 00:21:21,906 And you think you're gonna find someone to love you? 553 00:21:21,906 --> 00:21:24,826 You can't even get your own mother to love you. 554 00:21:25,618 --> 00:21:26,578 Get out. 555 00:21:26,578 --> 00:21:27,746 I'm not getting out. You get out. 556 00:21:27,746 --> 00:21:30,040 I am not going to ask you again. 557 00:21:30,040 --> 00:21:31,583 Oh, or what? 558 00:21:31,583 --> 00:21:34,085 You're gonna go into your fugue state and kill me? 559 00:21:34,085 --> 00:21:35,420 Oh, please. 560 00:21:35,420 --> 00:21:39,174 I am warning you! Take your shit and leave! 561 00:21:39,174 --> 00:21:40,300 Yeah, okay, fine. 562 00:21:40,300 --> 00:21:41,968 See you again, never! 563 00:21:41,968 --> 00:21:44,054 I don't even want to be in this place, 564 00:21:44,054 --> 00:21:45,430 'cause you know why? 565 00:21:45,430 --> 00:21:48,516 This place is too small for my giant dick. 566 00:21:52,270 --> 00:21:53,855 [somber music playing] 567 00:21:54,898 --> 00:21:56,191 Bip, bap, boom. 568 00:21:56,191 --> 00:21:57,442 Hey. 569 00:21:57,442 --> 00:22:00,487 Hey, nerd. Whuppah! 570 00:22:00,487 --> 00:22:03,198 - My lunch money! - [laughing] 571 00:22:03,198 --> 00:22:05,992 [man] Boss, are you sure he's the right guy for the job? 572 00:22:05,992 --> 00:22:07,243 He's kind of a douche. 573 00:22:07,243 --> 00:22:10,747 He's absolutely perfect. 574 00:22:22,050 --> 00:22:23,593 [theme music playing] 575 00:22:49,661 --> 00:22:51,705 ♪ Hell yeah! ♪