1
00:00:11,043 --> 00:00:13,376
[tools clattering]

2
00:00:13,459 --> 00:00:14,876
[ominous music playing]

3
00:00:14,959 --> 00:00:16,334
Oh.

4
00:00:18,001 --> 00:00:18,918
[Godcat screaming]

5
00:00:19,001 --> 00:00:20,793
-[brakes screeching]
-[magical music playing]

6
00:00:23,668 --> 00:00:24,709
[sighs]

7
00:00:26,543 --> 00:00:28,251
[radar beeping]

8
00:00:29,168 --> 00:00:30,168
[door squeaking]

9
00:00:30,251 --> 00:00:32,251
[suspenseful music playing]

10
00:00:33,251 --> 00:00:34,168
[dramatic sting]

11
00:00:34,251 --> 00:00:36,084
[muffled mumbling]

12
00:00:36,168 --> 00:00:38,751
Toothy! Toothy. Chill out.

13
00:00:38,834 --> 00:00:41,376
It's me, God. Shh.

14
00:00:41,459 --> 00:00:45,376
God? In a cat's body?
Wearing toddler pajamas?

15
00:00:45,459 --> 00:00:47,376
[laughing]

16
00:00:47,459 --> 00:00:50,501
Dude, if you wanted
to have another costume orgy,

17
00:00:50,584 --> 00:00:53,001
I'd have brought
my Winnie the Pooh outfit, man.

18
00:00:53,084 --> 00:00:54,543
Sorry for tricking you.

19
00:00:54,626 --> 00:00:56,959
You know,
normally I'd never abuse tooth code,

20
00:00:57,043 --> 00:00:58,084
but I need a ride.

21
00:00:58,168 --> 00:01:00,584
A ride? To where?

22
00:01:00,668 --> 00:01:03,918
Heaven. I'm getting my job back.

23
00:01:04,001 --> 00:01:06,001
[theme music playing]

24
00:01:12,418 --> 00:01:15,543
[Godcat] Long story short,
Heaven and Hell are merging.

25
00:01:15,626 --> 00:01:17,543
The boards are picking a new CEO,

26
00:01:17,626 --> 00:01:19,876
and I need to get up there
to throw my hat in the ring.

27
00:01:19,959 --> 00:01:23,293
Oh yeah. The merger.
They're already redoing the offices.

28
00:01:23,376 --> 00:01:27,043
They converted all the toilets
to be open-air experiences.

29
00:01:27,126 --> 00:01:29,376
What? You know about the merger too?

30
00:01:29,459 --> 00:01:31,001
Why didn't Cheryl tell me?

31
00:01:31,084 --> 00:01:34,626
[sighs] This is why I didn't mention
any assistants in the Bible. Useless.

32
00:01:34,709 --> 00:01:37,876
Hey, maybe I should throw my hat
in the ring to be CEO.

33
00:01:37,959 --> 00:01:41,251
I got lots of good ideas. Like,
you know how people have morning breath?

34
00:01:41,334 --> 00:01:45,168
-What about afternoon breath, huh?
-Uh-huh.

35
00:01:45,251 --> 00:01:49,584
Or what if you could remove your tongue
and rub it on stuff to taste it?

36
00:01:49,668 --> 00:01:51,876
-Let's see what else. I've got a…
-[song playing on radio]

37
00:01:51,959 --> 00:01:54,251
[Herb] ♪ …for some trouble
Outside of town ♪

38
00:01:54,334 --> 00:01:58,001
♪ Take a hoe for a soul
Who had to go down ♪

39
00:01:58,084 --> 00:02:02,251
♪ But a shovel cost ten
And you only got five ♪

40
00:02:02,334 --> 00:02:05,418
♪ Need a deal that's a steal
Don't you give me no jive ♪

41
00:02:05,501 --> 00:02:06,334
Hmm.

42
00:02:07,376 --> 00:02:14,209
♪ Ain't no shame in whiskey for breakfast
No shame in finding a fair price ♪

43
00:02:14,959 --> 00:02:18,876
♪ Buy your wife that diamond necklace ♪

44
00:02:18,959 --> 00:02:22,459
-♪ Cubic zirconium will also suffice ♪
-Mmm.

45
00:02:22,543 --> 00:02:24,376
♪ She won't notice believe me, boys ♪

46
00:02:24,459 --> 00:02:25,543
[Herb laughing]

47
00:02:25,626 --> 00:02:27,251
[Marv grunting]

48
00:02:27,334 --> 00:02:29,251
-[door closes]
-Abbie? You here?

49
00:02:29,334 --> 00:02:31,209
-[dog whimpering]
-[Abbie grunting]

50
00:02:31,751 --> 00:02:32,668
Hey, hon.

51
00:02:32,751 --> 00:02:34,959
This corgi got into
the employee locker room

52
00:02:35,043 --> 00:02:36,959
and ate my favorite sports bra.

53
00:02:37,043 --> 00:02:37,876
What's up?

54
00:02:37,959 --> 00:02:41,043
Grabbed this for dinner.
I figured Greta likes chicken,

55
00:02:41,126 --> 00:02:44,668
and Travis likes things
that have been graphically murdered, so…

56
00:02:44,751 --> 00:02:47,584
Oh. I thought you and I could go out
for dinner.

57
00:02:47,668 --> 00:02:50,126
Maybe that pub
near the comic book store you go to?

58
00:02:50,209 --> 00:02:52,376
I can't. I have to work late.

59
00:02:52,459 --> 00:02:54,876
Our janitor got poached by a rival store

60
00:02:54,959 --> 00:02:57,376
and those vomit puddles
aren't gonna mop themselves.

61
00:02:57,459 --> 00:02:58,959
How about tomorrow night?

62
00:02:59,043 --> 00:03:01,543
Dice rolling symposium at the Game Café.

63
00:03:01,626 --> 00:03:05,043
Wouldn't you rather go have a fun,
romantic adventure with your wife

64
00:03:05,126 --> 00:03:07,543
than play Monopoly with strangers?

65
00:03:07,626 --> 00:03:10,334
Okay. Well, A, I despise Monopoly.

66
00:03:10,418 --> 00:03:14,418
A game where a hat can own a hotel?
That's a bridge too far.

67
00:03:14,501 --> 00:03:18,918
And B, I play games with strangers
because you stopped going with me.

68
00:03:19,001 --> 00:03:21,709
You stopped caring about
everything I like.

69
00:03:21,793 --> 00:03:23,918
Yeah, because I'm not a twelve-year-old.

70
00:03:24,001 --> 00:03:24,876
[soft music playing]

71
00:03:24,959 --> 00:03:27,084
You know those strangers
you're talking about?

72
00:03:27,168 --> 00:03:29,459
They don't mind
that I get Spider-Man henna.

73
00:03:29,543 --> 00:03:32,501
They actually like the person I am.

74
00:03:32,584 --> 00:03:34,334
-[yelps]
-Ooh.

75
00:03:34,418 --> 00:03:35,876
[dog panting]

76
00:03:35,959 --> 00:03:37,709
[video game music playing]

77
00:03:39,293 --> 00:03:41,251
[player panting, grunting]

78
00:03:42,334 --> 00:03:44,543
Yes, achievement unlocked.

79
00:03:44,626 --> 00:03:47,334
Fifty grand worth of Beanie Baby NFTs.

80
00:03:49,293 --> 00:03:51,501
Oh, hey, guys. What's going on?

81
00:03:51,584 --> 00:03:54,626
Do we have a rumble today
with another gang I didn't know about?

82
00:03:54,709 --> 00:03:56,126
[motorcycle engine revving]

83
00:03:57,584 --> 00:03:59,334
Aidan? What do you want?

84
00:03:59,418 --> 00:04:02,209
Shut up, you two-faced r--r--rat boy.

85
00:04:02,293 --> 00:04:05,918
Aidan told me that you're always
making f--fun of my internet connection.

86
00:04:06,001 --> 00:04:10,251
It's not my fault
my area only has S--Spectrum.

87
00:04:10,334 --> 00:04:12,626
Aidan, that was a private convo.

88
00:04:12,709 --> 00:04:16,959
Guess you're too stupid to get it.
We're kicking you off our team.

89
00:04:17,043 --> 00:04:18,001
[dramatic tone]

90
00:04:18,918 --> 00:04:20,793
[Travis moaning, groaning]

91
00:04:25,459 --> 00:04:27,501
Even you, KingBallSack?

92
00:04:28,459 --> 00:04:29,876
[laughing]

93
00:04:33,043 --> 00:04:35,084
[grunting, crying]

94
00:04:35,168 --> 00:04:36,334
[school bell ringing]

95
00:04:39,293 --> 00:04:41,168
You turned our whole team against me?

96
00:04:41,251 --> 00:04:46,209
I've been through enough family court
to know custody is about who acts first.

97
00:04:46,293 --> 00:04:48,459
Unless both parties refuse custody,

98
00:04:48,543 --> 00:04:51,543
but then the stenographer
will usually give you a ride home.

99
00:04:51,626 --> 00:04:54,668
Face it, I won and you lost, jerk.

100
00:04:54,751 --> 00:04:58,501
[all] Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight!
Fight! Fight! Fight!

101
00:04:59,126 --> 00:04:59,959
[boy] Kick his ass!

102
00:05:00,043 --> 00:05:01,501
-[all] Fight!
-[chuckles nervously]

103
00:05:01,584 --> 00:05:03,334
Um, I don't really fight.

104
00:05:03,418 --> 00:05:06,293
Uh, I make love, not war.

105
00:05:06,376 --> 00:05:08,334
[dramatic music playing]

106
00:05:08,418 --> 00:05:11,459
[both grunting]

107
00:05:17,959 --> 00:05:19,168
[all laughing]

108
00:05:19,251 --> 00:05:21,001
[Aidan exclaims]

109
00:05:21,084 --> 00:05:22,001
[cameras clicking]

110
00:05:23,459 --> 00:05:25,709
[Aiden crying]

111
00:05:25,793 --> 00:05:27,584
[somber music playing]

112
00:05:29,084 --> 00:05:30,584
[suspenseful music playing]

113
00:05:31,209 --> 00:05:32,168
[buzzing]

114
00:05:32,251 --> 00:05:33,834
Ah, come on, seriously?

115
00:05:33,918 --> 00:05:35,959
I swear it's just the fillings.

116
00:05:36,043 --> 00:05:38,043
-[music continues]
-[Godcat panting]

117
00:05:42,626 --> 00:05:44,001
[gasping]

118
00:05:46,918 --> 00:05:48,168
Hold it right there.

119
00:05:48,876 --> 00:05:50,876
God! Um… Hi, we were just--

120
00:05:50,959 --> 00:05:53,293
I know exactly what you were just.

121
00:05:53,793 --> 00:05:55,834
You sent me to Earth
to get me out of the way,

122
00:05:55,918 --> 00:05:59,293
so you could negotiate a merger,
didn't you? Didn't you?

123
00:05:59,376 --> 00:06:01,043
Fine. You got us.

124
00:06:01,126 --> 00:06:04,043
But look, that doesn't make the reason
we sent you down any less true.

125
00:06:04,126 --> 00:06:05,043
Exactly.

126
00:06:05,126 --> 00:06:07,626
You have been phoning it in for years.

127
00:06:07,709 --> 00:06:10,793
And look at what humans did
when left to their own devices.

128
00:06:10,876 --> 00:06:14,376
They spent a decade trying
to line up candy on their phones.

129
00:06:14,459 --> 00:06:15,709
You know what?

130
00:06:15,793 --> 00:06:16,876
[breathing in deeply]

131
00:06:17,959 --> 00:06:20,209
Ooh. You're right.

132
00:06:20,293 --> 00:06:21,543
Huh?

133
00:06:21,626 --> 00:06:24,959
I saw humans going astray,
and I didn't care.

134
00:06:25,709 --> 00:06:27,918
But something happened down on Earth.

135
00:06:28,001 --> 00:06:31,543
At first, I was helping humans
just to get back up to Heaven.

136
00:06:31,626 --> 00:06:37,334
But after a while, I started to help them
because I actually cared about them.

137
00:06:37,834 --> 00:06:38,959
[shudders]

138
00:06:39,043 --> 00:06:43,918
Like, all humans? Even the ones
who take their shoes off on airplanes?

139
00:06:44,001 --> 00:06:46,334
Crazy as it seems, yeah.

140
00:06:46,959 --> 00:06:50,251
You have to care about these idiots
if you're going to help them,

141
00:06:50,751 --> 00:06:53,084
and I'm the only one who does.

142
00:06:53,168 --> 00:06:57,168
So you should pick me as the new leader.

143
00:06:57,251 --> 00:07:00,251
What? No!
He's the reason we're in this mess!

144
00:07:00,334 --> 00:07:03,751
-Just hire me and then we can--
-I think we should consider him.

145
00:07:04,459 --> 00:07:07,334
I propose we do what gods have been doing

146
00:07:07,418 --> 00:07:10,584
for control of the universe
for millions of years.

147
00:07:10,668 --> 00:07:12,126
God Games!

148
00:07:12,209 --> 00:07:13,709
[dramatic music playing]

149
00:07:13,793 --> 00:07:16,876
-[board member] You can't be serious.
-Those haven't been done in ages.

150
00:07:16,959 --> 00:07:18,376
-Think of the ratings.
-So barbaric.

151
00:07:18,459 --> 00:07:19,918
Juggernaut guaranteed.

152
00:07:20,001 --> 00:07:21,876
Could you, uh, give us a moment?

153
00:07:24,293 --> 00:07:25,751
What the heck are you doing?

154
00:07:25,834 --> 00:07:30,584
[sighs] Beelzebub,
no one in Hell respects you.

155
00:07:30,668 --> 00:07:34,168
Remember that feces sprayed on the hood
of your car in the parking lot?

156
00:07:34,876 --> 00:07:36,959
A guy in accounting did that.

157
00:07:37,043 --> 00:07:39,501
[gasps] You told me
one of the gargoyles had IBS!

158
00:07:39,584 --> 00:07:43,668
And they don't respect you
because this job was given to you.

159
00:07:43,751 --> 00:07:46,959
If you don't face legitimate competition,

160
00:07:47,043 --> 00:07:49,168
well, it'll just be more of the same.

161
00:07:49,251 --> 00:07:50,543
It's settled.

162
00:07:50,626 --> 00:07:51,959
You two will compete.

163
00:07:52,043 --> 00:07:53,584
-[chair scrapes]
-[clears throat]

164
00:07:53,668 --> 00:07:58,168
Don't forget the other tradition
of the God Games, your mortal advisor.

165
00:07:58,251 --> 00:08:03,001
Every god contestant must work
alongside a mortal of their choice.

166
00:08:03,084 --> 00:08:06,251
Okay, here we go.
Classic two-party system.

167
00:08:06,334 --> 00:08:08,168
Why don't you change it up for once?

168
00:08:08,251 --> 00:08:11,418
Include an orthodontic enthusiast
with fresh ideas?

169
00:08:11,501 --> 00:08:13,418
Oh, for the love-- Fine.

170
00:08:13,501 --> 00:08:15,626
We'll allow a handful
of other candidates too.

171
00:08:15,709 --> 00:08:18,001
Let it be known across the universe!

172
00:08:18,084 --> 00:08:21,126
God Games shall commence!

173
00:08:21,209 --> 00:08:23,126
[echos] Commence!

174
00:08:23,209 --> 00:08:25,376
-[dramatic music playing]
-[groaning]

175
00:08:26,584 --> 00:08:28,209
[echo continues] Commence!

176
00:08:28,751 --> 00:08:29,751
[grunting]

177
00:08:29,834 --> 00:08:31,418
[echo continues] Commence!

178
00:08:31,501 --> 00:08:32,793
[grunts]

179
00:08:36,376 --> 00:08:38,334
Commence!

180
00:08:38,959 --> 00:08:41,459
You have one hour
to go back down to Earth,

181
00:08:41,543 --> 00:08:43,001
choose your mortal advisor,

182
00:08:43,084 --> 00:08:45,584
and then you'll be transported
back for the games.

183
00:08:45,668 --> 00:08:46,668
[both screaming]

184
00:08:50,418 --> 00:08:51,334
[retching]

185
00:08:51,418 --> 00:08:53,793
Ugh. Could that ride be any bumpier?

186
00:08:53,876 --> 00:08:56,126
That's the first thing I'm fixing
when I'm CEO.

187
00:08:56,209 --> 00:08:59,501
That and the stench up there,
like a rotting strawberry.

188
00:08:59,584 --> 00:09:02,876
Yeah, a fairy died
in an AC vent a few years back

189
00:09:02,959 --> 00:09:04,001
and we can't find him.

190
00:09:04,084 --> 00:09:07,584
Oh, awfully convenient that
when you're about to lose your job,

191
00:09:07,668 --> 00:09:09,251
you suddenly care about Earth.

192
00:09:09,334 --> 00:09:11,001
You're the one who invented the plague

193
00:09:11,084 --> 00:09:13,084
because you wanted to cut back
on your hours.

194
00:09:13,168 --> 00:09:16,459
Well, you're the one who tricked me
into showing you how to do a job

195
00:09:16,543 --> 00:09:18,543
you're wildly underqualified for.

196
00:09:18,626 --> 00:09:21,501
You, madam, are the Kelly to my Regis.

197
00:09:21,584 --> 00:09:22,584
[gasping]

198
00:09:22,668 --> 00:09:23,668
It's on.

199
00:09:23,751 --> 00:09:24,959
I'm gonna win this thing

200
00:09:25,043 --> 00:09:28,459
and keep you from ruining my creation,
no matter what.

201
00:09:29,334 --> 00:09:33,668
And now, I just need to find the smartest
and best human on Earth.

202
00:09:33,751 --> 00:09:36,376
Maybe a brain surgeon
or a nuclear physicist.

203
00:09:36,459 --> 00:09:38,876
Or that Papa John's guy,
you know who I mean.

204
00:09:38,959 --> 00:09:41,543
He looks like Dracula got Botox,
then drowned.

205
00:09:41,626 --> 00:09:44,626
Hey, whatcha working on?

206
00:09:44,709 --> 00:09:46,293
To combat human-driven climate change,

207
00:09:46,376 --> 00:09:48,543
I'm breeding a squirrel
that absorbs carbon.

208
00:09:48,626 --> 00:09:51,209
Only tough part is getting a squirrel
to mate with a tree.

209
00:09:52,043 --> 00:09:55,209
-But I have a solution.
-Gosh, you're so smart.

210
00:09:55,293 --> 00:09:58,001
Plus, I love that outfit.
Where did you get it?

211
00:09:58,959 --> 00:10:01,626
Okay, listen. Heaven and Hell are merging.

212
00:10:01,709 --> 00:10:05,501
They're going to pick a new CEO
using an age-old God competition.

213
00:10:05,584 --> 00:10:08,001
I'm going up against Godcat
and some other candidates.

214
00:10:08,084 --> 00:10:10,876
We each get to have a human advisor,

215
00:10:10,959 --> 00:10:12,626
and I'd like you to be mine.

216
00:10:13,126 --> 00:10:15,043
Why should I help you and not Godcat?

217
00:10:15,126 --> 00:10:18,918
Okay, well, I have a bachelor's degree
in trickery and deception.

218
00:10:19,001 --> 00:10:20,043
From where?

219
00:10:20,126 --> 00:10:21,209
Arizona State.

220
00:10:21,293 --> 00:10:22,251
Pass.

221
00:10:22,334 --> 00:10:24,293
What if I put you on the board?

222
00:10:24,376 --> 00:10:26,293
You could rewrite the laws of physics

223
00:10:26,376 --> 00:10:31,376
or create those carbon squirrels
by making trees hornier. Huh? Huh?

224
00:10:31,459 --> 00:10:35,043
Well, you are a good candidate,
and Godcat hasn't been a very good leader,

225
00:10:35,126 --> 00:10:37,084
and I did like the part
where you bribed me.

226
00:10:37,168 --> 00:10:38,126
Okay, I'm in.

227
00:10:38,209 --> 00:10:39,876
[Travis screaming]

228
00:10:39,959 --> 00:10:41,168
What the hell was that?

229
00:10:41,251 --> 00:10:42,459
[ominous music playing]

230
00:10:49,293 --> 00:10:50,168
[phone beeping]

231
00:10:57,168 --> 00:10:58,668
[music continues]

232
00:10:59,209 --> 00:11:01,084
[groaning]

233
00:11:01,876 --> 00:11:03,293
[screams]

234
00:11:03,376 --> 00:11:07,126
[song playing on phone speakers]

235
00:11:12,709 --> 00:11:14,459
-[phone beeping]
-[groaning]

236
00:11:15,543 --> 00:11:17,043
[gulps]

237
00:11:20,001 --> 00:11:22,001
[ominous music playing]

238
00:11:23,793 --> 00:11:25,168
Marvelous Bulkington?

239
00:11:25,793 --> 00:11:28,126
I'm Agent Tatum. This is Agent Brown.

240
00:11:28,209 --> 00:11:29,626
We're feds.

241
00:11:29,709 --> 00:11:32,751
Feds? Like FBI agents?

242
00:11:32,834 --> 00:11:38,293
Did we say FBI? No, we're
from the Food and Drug Administration.

243
00:11:38,376 --> 00:11:41,751
We're federal agents too, you know.
The FBI doesn't own the word.

244
00:11:41,834 --> 00:11:45,001
We have reason to believe
the organic chicken meat you sell here

245
00:11:45,084 --> 00:11:46,501
is actually pigeon meat.

246
00:11:46,584 --> 00:11:49,418
What? That's absurd. I was just--

247
00:11:50,709 --> 00:11:52,126
That's not all.

248
00:11:52,209 --> 00:11:55,168
We also have reason
to believe Big Bulk is involved

249
00:11:55,251 --> 00:11:57,168
in all sorts of crimes.

250
00:11:57,251 --> 00:12:00,001
Money laundering, counterfeit cheesing,

251
00:12:00,084 --> 00:12:02,418
hard to hear loudspeakers,

252
00:12:02,501 --> 00:12:04,668
unflattering lighting!

253
00:12:04,751 --> 00:12:07,001
Are those last ones even crimes?

254
00:12:07,084 --> 00:12:11,001
[chuckling] Ooh.
Looks like we got a lawyer on our hands.

255
00:12:11,084 --> 00:12:14,876
Well, counselor, I'll have you know
those are drummed-up charges,

256
00:12:14,959 --> 00:12:16,376
which are the worst kind.

257
00:12:16,959 --> 00:12:21,043
But we'll consider dropping them
if you're willing to… cooperate.

258
00:12:21,126 --> 00:12:22,668
Me, cooperate?

259
00:12:22,751 --> 00:12:26,501
Well, Mr. Bulkington,
you're CEO, aren't you?

260
00:12:26,584 --> 00:12:29,126
Then the buck stops with you.

261
00:12:29,209 --> 00:12:31,876
Now, we have a warrant here
to search the premises,

262
00:12:31,959 --> 00:12:35,334
and, uh… Ugh! You didn't get it signed!

263
00:12:35,418 --> 00:12:38,209
Oh. So now I'm in charge
of the a cappella group

264
00:12:38,293 --> 00:12:39,709
and getting warrants signed?

265
00:12:39,793 --> 00:12:41,168
Well, this is a bit awkward,

266
00:12:41,251 --> 00:12:45,376
but you wouldn't be willing
to let us look around without a warrant,

267
00:12:45,459 --> 00:12:48,668
would you? To like, uh, do us a solid?

268
00:12:48,751 --> 00:12:50,959
Um… No?

269
00:12:51,043 --> 00:12:53,126
We'll be back in the morning.

270
00:12:57,751 --> 00:12:58,959
[gasping]

271
00:12:59,043 --> 00:13:03,668
Oh, no. Here's another handwritten receipt
from Big Bulk to Herb Bulkington.

272
00:13:03,751 --> 00:13:07,834
This one is for ten thousand copies
of an album called Rhythm in Bulk.

273
00:13:07,918 --> 00:13:12,293
And you better sit down for this one.
The store paid a million bucks for it.

274
00:13:12,376 --> 00:13:14,376
Well, it's very listenable.

275
00:13:14,459 --> 00:13:18,001
Oh man, this is bad.
The feds are coming back in the morning.

276
00:13:18,084 --> 00:13:20,168
If there's anything
that incriminates Big Bulk,

277
00:13:20,251 --> 00:13:22,209
we got to find it before--

278
00:13:22,293 --> 00:13:23,293
[knocking on door]

279
00:13:23,376 --> 00:13:26,043
Hi, hon. I brought ice cream.

280
00:13:26,543 --> 00:13:28,751
Whoa. What happened in here?

281
00:13:28,834 --> 00:13:33,043
Um, oh, nothing you should be compelled
to acknowledge knowing about under oath.

282
00:13:33,126 --> 00:13:35,334
I mean,
this is just how Dad kept his office.

283
00:13:35,418 --> 00:13:36,918
Isn't that right, Percy?

284
00:13:37,001 --> 00:13:40,543
I have never been in this office,
nor am I here now. Excuse me.

285
00:13:42,918 --> 00:13:44,126
What was that about?

286
00:13:44,209 --> 00:13:47,626
Oh, you know Percy.
Lost his arm in a trash compactor.

287
00:13:47,709 --> 00:13:50,459
Lost his mind
huffing Glade plugins. [chuckles]

288
00:13:50,543 --> 00:13:53,001
This isn't a great time, Abbie.
You should go.

289
00:13:53,084 --> 00:13:55,626
Marv, honey, I owe you an apology.

290
00:13:55,709 --> 00:13:57,876
Accepted. Okay, I should get back--

291
00:13:58,668 --> 00:13:59,668
[sighing]

292
00:13:59,751 --> 00:14:01,001
When we got married,

293
00:14:01,084 --> 00:14:04,251
I figured we'd be one of those fun,
exciting couples,

294
00:14:04,334 --> 00:14:08,501
like Mr. and Mrs. Smith or Bones
and her boyfriend with the giant face.

295
00:14:08,584 --> 00:14:10,084
And over time,

296
00:14:10,168 --> 00:14:14,418
I got frustrated I wasn't accomplishing
Mission Perfect Marriage.

297
00:14:14,501 --> 00:14:18,084
And now
I'm seeing how far we've drifted apart,

298
00:14:18,168 --> 00:14:22,334
but I want us to drift back to each other
because I love you.

299
00:14:22,418 --> 00:14:24,459
-[sighing]
-[soft music playing]

300
00:14:25,834 --> 00:14:28,293
Okay. Drive safe. Bye-bye, now.

301
00:14:31,459 --> 00:14:32,834
[sighing]

302
00:14:35,543 --> 00:14:37,209
-[rustling]
-[ominous music playing]

303
00:14:37,293 --> 00:14:38,251
Hmm.

304
00:14:46,334 --> 00:14:47,709
[screaming]

305
00:14:47,793 --> 00:14:51,084
[gasping, grunting]

306
00:14:51,709 --> 00:14:52,626
[burping]

307
00:14:52,709 --> 00:14:55,084
I shouldn't have had
Korean tacos for lunch.

308
00:14:56,168 --> 00:14:58,043
[epic music playing]

309
00:15:09,584 --> 00:15:10,584
[music stops abruptly]

310
00:15:11,168 --> 00:15:13,543
Oh, would you come on already?

311
00:15:14,751 --> 00:15:17,584
[Travis groaning]

312
00:15:17,668 --> 00:15:22,251
For the last time, I don't wanna be
in some stupid competition!

313
00:15:22,334 --> 00:15:25,668
There's an online petition
to have my citizenship revoked.

314
00:15:25,751 --> 00:15:27,126
Where would I go?

315
00:15:27,209 --> 00:15:30,959
I don't speak Spanish at all,
and I can barely speak Cuban.

316
00:15:31,043 --> 00:15:33,501
-[mystical music playing]
-[unicorns neighing]

317
00:15:36,543 --> 00:15:38,501
Now you listen to me, young man.

318
00:15:38,584 --> 00:15:42,918
You've got all the traits we need
to win this thing. You're good at games.

319
00:15:43,001 --> 00:15:48,876
You're free for the next couple of hours.
You're currently near me. You can do this!

320
00:15:48,959 --> 00:15:49,918
What do you say?

321
00:15:50,001 --> 00:15:50,876
[sighing]

322
00:15:52,793 --> 00:15:54,918
[grunting] Up you get.

323
00:15:55,418 --> 00:15:57,376
[grunting continues]

324
00:15:58,459 --> 00:16:00,543
-[mystical music playing]
-[unicorns neighing]

325
00:16:01,709 --> 00:16:07,793
[all chanting] God Games! God Games!
God Games! God Games! God Games!

326
00:16:07,876 --> 00:16:11,209
God Games! God Games! God Games!

327
00:16:11,293 --> 00:16:13,293
[perilous music playing]

328
00:16:14,209 --> 00:16:15,626
[growling]

329
00:16:23,543 --> 00:16:26,209
[groaning]

330
00:16:26,293 --> 00:16:28,293
Rudolph, with your nose so bright,

331
00:16:28,876 --> 00:16:31,834
won't you eat my fists tonight?

332
00:16:31,918 --> 00:16:35,543
For your sake, I hope they have
a good funeral home in Flavortown.

333
00:16:35,626 --> 00:16:36,834
[chuckles]

334
00:16:38,834 --> 00:16:39,834
[growling]

335
00:16:39,918 --> 00:16:41,001
[growling]

336
00:16:44,543 --> 00:16:47,459
Welcome to God Games!

337
00:16:47,543 --> 00:16:53,543
The ultimate test of the qualifications
of a deity in mind and spirit.

338
00:16:53,626 --> 00:16:55,293
Now let the games begin.

339
00:16:55,376 --> 00:16:57,376
-[buzzer blaring]
-[people cheering]

340
00:16:57,459 --> 00:16:59,709
[dramatic music continues]

341
00:17:00,376 --> 00:17:01,209
[screaming]

342
00:17:08,126 --> 00:17:10,126
[music continues]

343
00:17:10,209 --> 00:17:11,043
[ax swishing]

344
00:17:13,168 --> 00:17:15,168
[screeching]

345
00:17:20,209 --> 00:17:21,334
[screaming]

346
00:17:23,584 --> 00:17:26,168
Whoa-ho! Good advising, Travis. Well done.

347
00:17:26,251 --> 00:17:28,043
-[roaring]
-[grunts]

348
00:17:28,834 --> 00:17:29,668
[gasping]

349
00:17:30,251 --> 00:17:31,084
-[grunts]
-[yelps]

350
00:17:32,209 --> 00:17:33,084
[grunting]

351
00:17:33,168 --> 00:17:36,709
Strange, without any calculating,
I just felt this urge to save you.

352
00:17:36,793 --> 00:17:38,084
Huh!

353
00:17:38,168 --> 00:17:39,543
[growling]

354
00:17:40,918 --> 00:17:43,168
-[screaming]
-[roaring]

355
00:17:44,084 --> 00:17:45,293
[stomach grumbling]

356
00:17:45,376 --> 00:17:46,376
[sword swishing]

357
00:17:47,751 --> 00:17:49,584
[yelling]

358
00:17:50,793 --> 00:17:54,876
[crowd chanting] God Games! God Games!
God Games! God Games! God Games!

359
00:17:54,959 --> 00:17:55,834
[bell ringing]

360
00:17:55,918 --> 00:17:58,084
["You're the Best"
by Joe "Bean" Esposito playing]

361
00:17:58,168 --> 00:17:59,709
♪ And a man's gotta learn to take it… ♪

362
00:17:59,793 --> 00:18:00,668
[grunts]

363
00:18:00,751 --> 00:18:03,168
♪ Try to believe
Though the going gets rough ♪

364
00:18:03,251 --> 00:18:05,543
♪ That you gotta hang tough to make it… ♪

365
00:18:05,626 --> 00:18:08,209
Not like this. Not again!

366
00:18:08,293 --> 00:18:10,418
-[screams]
-[bell dings]

367
00:18:11,209 --> 00:18:15,376
♪ Never doubt that you're the one
And you can have your dreams… ♪

368
00:18:15,459 --> 00:18:16,834
♪ You're the best around… ♪

369
00:18:16,918 --> 00:18:18,834
Great British Bake-Off?

370
00:18:18,918 --> 00:18:19,876
Humans love it.

371
00:18:19,959 --> 00:18:21,751
Guess it's like a cozy blanket

372
00:18:21,834 --> 00:18:25,793
when your planet is full
of wildfires and monkeypox…

373
00:18:25,876 --> 00:18:28,501
♪ You're the best around ♪

374
00:18:29,084 --> 00:18:31,584
♪ Nothing's gonna ever keep you down… ♪

375
00:18:31,668 --> 00:18:33,168
[crowd cheering]

376
00:18:36,543 --> 00:18:37,459
♪ Fight 'til the end… ♪

377
00:18:37,543 --> 00:18:38,376
[bell dings]

378
00:18:38,959 --> 00:18:41,251
♪ On the strength
That you have inside you ♪

379
00:18:41,334 --> 00:18:44,001
♪ Ah, gotta be proud
Standing out in the crowd ♪

380
00:18:44,084 --> 00:18:46,626
♪ When the odds and the game defy you ♪

381
00:18:46,709 --> 00:18:49,793
♪ Try your best to win them all
And one day time will tell …♪

382
00:18:49,876 --> 00:18:51,584
[crowd booing]

383
00:18:51,668 --> 00:18:53,668
♪ When you're the one
That's standing there ♪

384
00:18:53,751 --> 00:18:55,001
[both yell]

385
00:18:55,084 --> 00:18:56,501
[bell dings]

386
00:18:56,584 --> 00:18:57,918
♪ You're the best… ♪

387
00:18:58,001 --> 00:18:58,834
Yeah!

388
00:18:59,668 --> 00:19:01,751
♪ Nothing's gonna ever keep you down ♪

389
00:19:01,834 --> 00:19:04,251
♪ You're the best around… ♪

390
00:19:05,459 --> 00:19:06,584
Flavortown!

391
00:19:07,334 --> 00:19:08,543
Donkey sauce!

392
00:19:08,626 --> 00:19:09,751
[screaming]

393
00:19:09,834 --> 00:19:15,543
♪ Nothing's gonna ever keep you down… ♪

394
00:19:16,084 --> 00:19:17,168
[bell ringing]

395
00:19:22,751 --> 00:19:25,418
[mumbling, groaning]

396
00:19:27,043 --> 00:19:29,043
Mmm, mmm, mmm.

397
00:19:34,876 --> 00:19:36,293
[Aslandeus] That's it, folks.

398
00:19:36,376 --> 00:19:39,168
We're down to our last two competitors
who'll compete in the finale

399
00:19:39,251 --> 00:19:40,459
for all the marbles.

400
00:19:40,543 --> 00:19:44,626
We are going to take a short intermission,
so go refill your sixteen-dollar beers.

401
00:19:44,709 --> 00:19:46,126
You won't wanna miss this.

402
00:19:46,834 --> 00:19:47,751
[crowd] Yeah!

403
00:19:47,834 --> 00:19:50,126
♪ You're the best around ♪

404
00:19:50,209 --> 00:19:52,584
♪ Nothing's gonna ever keep you down… ♪

405
00:19:52,668 --> 00:19:53,584
[stomach rumbling]

406
00:19:53,668 --> 00:19:55,876
[burping, gulping]

407
00:20:02,293 --> 00:20:03,418
Abbie?

408
00:20:03,501 --> 00:20:05,876
-[ominous music playing]
-[grunting]

409
00:20:05,959 --> 00:20:07,334
[bushes rustling]

410
00:20:07,418 --> 00:20:08,543
Who's there?

411
00:20:10,668 --> 00:20:12,376
-[screaming]
-[body thuds]

412
00:20:13,334 --> 00:20:14,543
[sinister music playing]

413
00:20:15,543 --> 00:20:16,709
Herb?

414
00:20:16,793 --> 00:20:19,959
God, what a year it's been.

415
00:20:20,043 --> 00:20:24,043
One minute you pass out with a DiGiorno
in the oven and burn down Heaven,

416
00:20:24,126 --> 00:20:26,793
and the next you're competing
to be CEO again.

417
00:20:26,876 --> 00:20:29,501
How have you made it this far
in the competition?

418
00:20:29,584 --> 00:20:32,501
First and foremost,
my faith in me. I am good,

419
00:20:32,584 --> 00:20:35,793
and I don't give myself anything more
than I can handle in one day.

420
00:20:35,876 --> 00:20:38,418
I'm also currently on steroids

421
00:20:38,501 --> 00:20:42,001
to treat the worms I got
from lick-washing my genitals. [laughs]

422
00:20:42,084 --> 00:20:43,418
That's great.

423
00:20:43,918 --> 00:20:47,334
And Beelzebub, big year for Hell too.

424
00:20:47,418 --> 00:20:50,084
You launched a new non-alcoholic vodka.

425
00:20:50,168 --> 00:20:52,418
Your company, Spirit Airlines,

426
00:20:52,501 --> 00:20:55,001
started packing children
into overhead bins.

427
00:20:55,084 --> 00:20:58,209
Then you're sent to Earth in a cat's body.

428
00:20:58,293 --> 00:21:01,168
I have to ask, who dressed you tonight?

429
00:21:01,251 --> 00:21:04,084
Are you serious?
That's the question you're asking me?

430
00:21:04,168 --> 00:21:06,084
Okay, I think we got it. Thanks.

431
00:21:06,584 --> 00:21:08,001
[male voice] Yeah!

432
00:21:08,084 --> 00:21:09,293
[crowd cheering]

433
00:21:09,876 --> 00:21:11,459
[sighing] Good job.

434
00:21:11,543 --> 00:21:12,584
You too.

435
00:21:13,168 --> 00:21:16,084
Look, whatever happens out there,
if I win,

436
00:21:16,168 --> 00:21:19,126
there'll always be a place for you
in the company.

437
00:21:19,209 --> 00:21:22,168
-Do you know anything about running HR?
-Don't be an idiot.

438
00:21:22,251 --> 00:21:24,668
You can't have me around
if you're running things

439
00:21:24,751 --> 00:21:25,709
and vice versa.

440
00:21:26,209 --> 00:21:28,168
So this is…

441
00:21:28,251 --> 00:21:31,126
Yes, this is it…

442
00:21:31,834 --> 00:21:33,834
like it it.

443
00:21:35,459 --> 00:21:36,543
Okay. Let's focus.

444
00:21:36,626 --> 00:21:39,376
I've cross-referenced every competition
in the God Games archives.

445
00:21:39,459 --> 00:21:42,668
Typically, the final event involves
a team challenge with your advisor.

446
00:21:42,751 --> 00:21:44,709
Famously, Hercules was teamed
with a pterodactyl

447
00:21:44,793 --> 00:21:45,918
who chewed his legs off.

448
00:21:46,001 --> 00:21:48,293
-Now, I think we should--
-[retching]

449
00:21:49,084 --> 00:21:50,584
Why do you keep vomiting?

450
00:21:50,668 --> 00:21:53,459
I don't know.
I've been feeling off for a while.

451
00:21:53,543 --> 00:21:56,751
I keep throwing up,
my nipples are sore and discolored.

452
00:21:56,834 --> 00:22:00,626
I'm bloated. I missed my period.
Must be a virus going around.

453
00:22:00,709 --> 00:22:02,418
Um… Or you're pregnant?

454
00:22:02,501 --> 00:22:03,751
Geez. How bad was that Incubus

455
00:22:03,834 --> 00:22:05,918
at describing the birds
and the bees to you?

456
00:22:06,001 --> 00:22:09,043
[chuckling] Pregnant? That is insane.

457
00:22:09,126 --> 00:22:11,543
I can't be pregnant. I haven't even…

458
00:22:12,043 --> 00:22:12,876
Oh no.

459
00:22:12,959 --> 00:22:15,043
["Chasing Cars" by Snow Patrol playing]

460
00:22:15,126 --> 00:22:16,793
♪ If I lay here… ♪

461
00:22:17,501 --> 00:22:18,584
[giggling]

462
00:22:19,293 --> 00:22:21,459
♪ If I just lay here… ♪

463
00:22:21,543 --> 00:22:23,209
Oh God.

464
00:22:24,084 --> 00:22:25,668
[mysterious tone]

465
00:22:29,209 --> 00:22:31,209
[closing theme music playing]

466
00:23:18,209 --> 00:23:19,084
[music ends]