1
00:00:10,043 --> 00:00:15,168
Okay. This bill mandates that all locker
rooms contain naked, talkative old men.

2
00:00:15,668 --> 00:00:18,168
Oh. This one's
an executive order requiring

3
00:00:18,251 --> 00:00:20,959
dubstep always be played at full volume.

4
00:00:21,043 --> 00:00:24,209
Oh, this renews our lease agreement
with SeaWorld.

5
00:00:24,293 --> 00:00:26,501
You see, Hell's become so overcrowded

6
00:00:26,584 --> 00:00:29,209
we started outsourcing
our extra souls there.

7
00:00:29,293 --> 00:00:30,959
Put them into the bodies of marine life.

8
00:00:31,043 --> 00:00:34,668
Enough! Why were you cavorting
with the cherubs yesterday?

9
00:00:34,751 --> 00:00:36,918
What? Why, I have no idea that--

10
00:00:37,001 --> 00:00:39,001
[growling, roaring]

11
00:00:40,168 --> 00:00:41,251
Okay! Okay!

12
00:00:41,334 --> 00:00:43,543
The truth is, since you've been away,

13
00:00:43,626 --> 00:00:48,501
the boards of Heaven and Hell
have been negotiating a, well, a merger.

14
00:00:48,584 --> 00:00:50,459
A merger with Heaven?

15
00:00:50,543 --> 00:00:52,501
I can see Hell merging
with the Kardashians

16
00:00:52,584 --> 00:00:56,376
or the Dallas Cowboys,
but Heaven is our direct competition.

17
00:00:56,459 --> 00:01:00,418
Heaven's numbers are down,
so Hell is becoming totally overcrowded.

18
00:01:00,501 --> 00:01:02,834
We have a short list of CEO candidates.

19
00:01:02,918 --> 00:01:04,293
Father Time, Dracula,

20
00:01:04,376 --> 00:01:06,334
and there's this Kraken
we've had our eye on.

21
00:01:06,418 --> 00:01:10,334
Listen to me. You tell the board
that my name is also going on that list,

22
00:01:10,418 --> 00:01:14,293
or I'll turn your pelvis
into a pasta strainer. Understand?

23
00:01:14,376 --> 00:01:18,293
Actually, there is a way
for you to get on the board's good side.

24
00:01:19,168 --> 00:01:20,834
We're having issues at SeaWorld.

25
00:01:20,918 --> 00:01:24,584
Some of the more challenging souls
are creating problems there.

26
00:01:24,668 --> 00:01:26,501
So, if you were to go there

27
00:01:26,584 --> 00:01:28,459
and convince them
to quit destroying the place,

28
00:01:28,543 --> 00:01:30,876
well, that'd give you a leg up
on the competition.

29
00:01:30,959 --> 00:01:32,293
I don't know, Slagnar.

30
00:01:32,376 --> 00:01:34,834
Getting people to listen to me
isn't really my strong suit,

31
00:01:34,918 --> 00:01:37,334
but I guess I could-- Whoa. Whoa!

32
00:01:37,418 --> 00:01:38,751
Oops. Sorry.

33
00:01:38,834 --> 00:01:42,168
The wifey must've slipped that in there
as a little treat for the old man.

34
00:01:42,251 --> 00:01:44,251
[theme music playing]

35
00:01:52,709 --> 00:01:53,876
Om.

36
00:01:54,543 --> 00:01:56,459
Om.

37
00:01:56,543 --> 00:01:59,043
Your online troll nemesis
finally broke your brain, huh?

38
00:01:59,126 --> 00:02:02,209
Nope, I've just decided
to spend less time online.

39
00:02:02,293 --> 00:02:03,418
Here in real life,

40
00:02:03,501 --> 00:02:06,876
my troll has no access
to the fun happy upstairs fortress.

41
00:02:06,959 --> 00:02:09,709
-That's what I call my brain now.
-This just came for you.

42
00:02:10,376 --> 00:02:11,543
[Travis] Ugh!

43
00:02:11,626 --> 00:02:12,709
“Horky Porker."

44
00:02:12,793 --> 00:02:14,293
"You’re dead meat."

45
00:02:14,376 --> 00:02:17,876
"You can leave the internet,
but you can’t hide from me."

46
00:02:17,959 --> 00:02:20,001
"boobwizard_420”.

47
00:02:20,084 --> 00:02:23,168
I've been doxxed!

48
00:02:27,209 --> 00:02:28,209
[sighing]

49
00:02:28,293 --> 00:02:31,334
[Abbie] Oh. That's it. Right there.

50
00:02:31,418 --> 00:02:33,626
[both grunting]

51
00:02:33,709 --> 00:02:35,001
[sighing]

52
00:02:35,084 --> 00:02:36,876
What's going on?

53
00:02:36,959 --> 00:02:40,584
Abbie slipped a disc getting a python out
of a soft serve machine,

54
00:02:40,668 --> 00:02:42,876
and no, that's not slang
for intercourse with Marv.

55
00:02:42,959 --> 00:02:45,209
That's way better. Hmm.

56
00:02:45,293 --> 00:02:47,251
-Thanks, Godcat.
-My pleasure.

57
00:02:47,334 --> 00:02:49,501
Let me know
if you need help with your hair,

58
00:02:49,584 --> 00:02:52,959
or the bags under your eyes.
We're all thinking it, Frumple-stiltskin.

59
00:02:53,043 --> 00:02:54,126
[panting]

60
00:02:54,209 --> 00:02:56,501
Abbie! Cats! Guess what?

61
00:02:56,584 --> 00:03:00,043
Last year, Herb commissioned
the world's bulkiest luxury blimp,

62
00:03:00,126 --> 00:03:03,918
and tonight he's christening it
with a soirée in the sky.

63
00:03:04,001 --> 00:03:06,834
And since I'm the new GM,
we get to go, Abbie.

64
00:03:06,918 --> 00:03:10,459
It's Saturday. On Saturdays,
you go to the Game Café all day,

65
00:03:10,543 --> 00:03:12,876
and I curl up
with an edible and watch Hereditary.

66
00:03:12,959 --> 00:03:15,126
Well, normally I'd never ask you,

67
00:03:15,209 --> 00:03:18,001
but all the execs
are bringing their spouses.

68
00:03:18,084 --> 00:03:19,584
I really need you there.

69
00:03:19,668 --> 00:03:22,126
Tell you what, if I go to your work thing,

70
00:03:22,209 --> 00:03:25,001
then you have to come
to my Animal Control holiday party.

71
00:03:25,084 --> 00:03:28,501
We lost our Santa guy to a bobcat,
and you're about the same size.

72
00:03:28,584 --> 00:03:30,126
Deal. Thanks, hon.

73
00:03:30,626 --> 00:03:33,543
Hmm. The invite says black tie.

74
00:03:33,626 --> 00:03:36,334
Ah, we better go air out my dress Crocs.

75
00:03:36,418 --> 00:03:38,084
What's up with the notes?

76
00:03:38,168 --> 00:03:42,084
Oh. I have to make an appearance
for some Hell-folk here on Earth.

77
00:03:42,168 --> 00:03:43,709
I'm having trouble with my speech.

78
00:03:43,793 --> 00:03:47,251
It's kind of motivational,
and that's not really my wheelhouse.

79
00:03:47,334 --> 00:03:49,209
If you want, I can go with you.

80
00:03:49,293 --> 00:03:51,459
I'm great at motivating people
to do stuff.

81
00:03:51,543 --> 00:03:54,293
Uh, it wouldn't really be appropriate
for you to come.

82
00:03:54,376 --> 00:03:59,168
Oh, come on, I'm in a helping mood.
Here. What about this as an opener?

83
00:03:59,834 --> 00:04:03,668
"Hey, who here is from out of town?"
Damn, that's actually really good.

84
00:04:03,751 --> 00:04:06,334
All right. Maybe it would be nice
to have you there to help me.

85
00:04:06,418 --> 00:04:09,043
Great. So where are we going?

86
00:04:10,251 --> 00:04:11,793
[both screaming]

87
00:04:11,876 --> 00:04:13,084
[gasping]

88
00:04:13,168 --> 00:04:17,751
Human souls trapped inside of dolphins,
trapped inside of glass boxes.

89
00:04:17,834 --> 00:04:20,126
That's horrific, even for Hell.

90
00:04:20,209 --> 00:04:22,293
If you think that's evil,
check out the food court.

91
00:04:22,376 --> 00:04:24,418
The options are clam chowder
or Sbarro Pizza.

92
00:04:24,501 --> 00:04:25,334
[groans]

93
00:04:25,418 --> 00:04:26,959
Okay, let's see who's who.

94
00:04:27,043 --> 00:04:29,543
So that pod of dolphins
were once Mongolian warlords.

95
00:04:29,626 --> 00:04:32,209
See the sea lions over there?
Manson family.

96
00:04:32,293 --> 00:04:35,334
And drumroll, please.
Christopher Columbus!

97
00:04:35,418 --> 00:04:36,293
[guitar strums]

98
00:04:36,376 --> 00:04:37,709
My bosses asked me to come here

99
00:04:37,793 --> 00:04:39,918
and scare them straight
before they destroy the place.

100
00:04:40,001 --> 00:04:41,501
[man shouting]

101
00:04:42,084 --> 00:04:43,334
[dramatic music playing]

102
00:04:43,876 --> 00:04:44,709
[man screams]

103
00:04:44,793 --> 00:04:46,959
[screaming] Let's just get out of here.

104
00:04:47,043 --> 00:04:48,959
These guys aren't gonna
listen to me anyhow.

105
00:04:49,043 --> 00:04:51,834
No. You came here to do a job.

106
00:04:51,918 --> 00:04:54,793
You've got this. Come on, I'll help you.

107
00:04:55,293 --> 00:04:56,876
[violin music playing]

108
00:05:03,168 --> 00:05:05,459
-Marv, my boy, you made it.
-Ooh!

109
00:05:05,543 --> 00:05:07,876
This must be the wife. Abbie, right?

110
00:05:07,959 --> 00:05:10,668
Oh, uh, Marv, come meet the bigwigs.

111
00:05:10,751 --> 00:05:15,376
This is our CFO, CTO,
oh, and this is Richard, our CHO.

112
00:05:15,459 --> 00:05:17,334
That's Chief Hair Officer.

113
00:05:17,418 --> 00:05:21,376
Every exec gets access to him.
He's our private hair coach.

114
00:05:21,459 --> 00:05:24,251
Call me when you're ready
to let that tiger out of the cage, huh?

115
00:05:24,334 --> 00:05:25,501
[snarling]

116
00:05:25,584 --> 00:05:27,459
Marv's a total savant.

117
00:05:27,543 --> 00:05:31,709
Once we had an expired shipment
of Sriracha aioli due for inspection.

118
00:05:31,793 --> 00:05:35,001
Marv took one for the team
and drank every last bottle.

119
00:05:35,084 --> 00:05:36,668
-[gulping]
-[Herb] Saved our asses.

120
00:05:37,251 --> 00:05:39,084
Ha. And demolished mine.

121
00:05:39,168 --> 00:05:42,501
I had six colonoscopies after that.

122
00:05:42,584 --> 00:05:43,959
-[all laughing]
-Ha! Whoo!

123
00:05:44,043 --> 00:05:44,876
[smacks back]

124
00:05:44,959 --> 00:05:48,543
Herb, any chance we could land this thing
at the nearest Buffalo Wild Wings

125
00:05:48,626 --> 00:05:49,626
and let me off?

126
00:05:49,709 --> 00:05:51,501
[chuckling] Oh, I get it, Abbie.

127
00:05:51,584 --> 00:05:55,043
You don't wanna sit here
and listen to us windbags, do you?

128
00:05:55,126 --> 00:05:58,668
You'd have more fun
on the Lido Deck with the other wifeys.

129
00:05:59,793 --> 00:06:01,709
Roxanne. Roxy.

130
00:06:03,126 --> 00:06:07,084
Roxy, this is Abbie. I want you
to take extra special care of her.

131
00:06:07,168 --> 00:06:08,751
Sure thing, darling.

132
00:06:08,834 --> 00:06:09,959
Come on, Abbie.

133
00:06:10,043 --> 00:06:10,918
[Abbie] Hmph!

134
00:06:11,001 --> 00:06:12,001
Hmm?

135
00:06:12,584 --> 00:06:16,459
Sure, Roxy. I'm so excited
to be spending my Saturday night

136
00:06:16,543 --> 00:06:18,959
in a floating prison for wives.

137
00:06:20,418 --> 00:06:22,334
[Greta] Okay, let's catch this doxxer.

138
00:06:22,834 --> 00:06:26,418
Hmm. Manual emoticon,
outdated colloquialisms.

139
00:06:26,501 --> 00:06:29,376
No one says "homie" anymore.
Reads like a Boomer.

140
00:06:29,459 --> 00:06:31,168
Let's check their IP address.

141
00:06:31,251 --> 00:06:32,709
Argh!

142
00:06:32,793 --> 00:06:35,626
Oh, careful. Aidan wipes his boogers
behind the monitor

143
00:06:35,709 --> 00:06:37,459
when he thinks I'm not looking.
[chuckling]

144
00:06:37,543 --> 00:06:39,126
[computer beeping]

145
00:06:40,043 --> 00:06:42,209
[theme of Stranger Things playing]

146
00:06:43,043 --> 00:06:44,584
-[keyboard clacking]
-[slurping]

147
00:06:54,168 --> 00:06:55,668
[music ends]

148
00:06:55,751 --> 00:06:57,293
Now can we just Goorgl it?

149
00:06:57,376 --> 00:07:00,918
Ugh, fine. Kids nowadays
wanna do everything the easy way.

150
00:07:01,418 --> 00:07:03,168
[keys clacking]

151
00:07:04,751 --> 00:07:06,543
Hi, I'm Dr. Ace Fabian,

152
00:07:06,626 --> 00:07:08,043
breast augmentation specialist

153
00:07:08,126 --> 00:07:11,501
and Horkville's most affordable
plastic surgeon, three years running.

154
00:07:11,584 --> 00:07:14,501
That's why they call me "the wizard."

155
00:07:15,001 --> 00:07:16,834
More like "the boob wizard."

156
00:07:16,918 --> 00:07:18,251
[theme of Stranger Things playing]

157
00:07:18,334 --> 00:07:22,209
Welcome to the Spouse Zone. Originally,
we were going to call it the Wife Hole,

158
00:07:22,293 --> 00:07:25,626
but there's a club in Germany
that owns that domain name.

159
00:07:25,709 --> 00:07:27,709
-We have CrossFit, ceramics.
-[grunting]

160
00:07:27,793 --> 00:07:31,209
There's even an area where you
can practice yelling at your gardener.

161
00:07:31,293 --> 00:07:36,668
Benji, if the rabbits eat the poppies,
what's the sense in planting them?

162
00:07:36,751 --> 00:07:38,501
A crossbow range?

163
00:07:38,584 --> 00:07:41,751
Wow, this place is cooler than I expected.

164
00:07:41,834 --> 00:07:44,209
Of course!
What did you think we were gonna do?

165
00:07:44,293 --> 00:07:46,293
Spend quality time
with the people we married?

166
00:07:46,376 --> 00:07:47,751
[all laughing]

167
00:07:49,459 --> 00:07:50,876
So what should we do?

168
00:07:50,959 --> 00:07:53,876
Whatever you want. It's Abbie time!

169
00:07:53,959 --> 00:07:55,001
[seals barking]

170
00:07:55,084 --> 00:07:57,168
Now, remember, big smile,

171
00:07:57,251 --> 00:07:58,876
lots of eye contact,

172
00:07:58,959 --> 00:08:00,876
friendly but terrifying.

173
00:08:00,959 --> 00:08:03,459
Think Rachel Ray with a hint of Putin.

174
00:08:04,251 --> 00:08:06,001
-[mic feedback]
-[Devilcat] Mmm.

175
00:08:07,584 --> 00:08:11,293
Uh, hello. For those of you
who don't know me, I'm Beelzebub,

176
00:08:11,376 --> 00:08:12,834
CEO of Hell.

177
00:08:12,918 --> 00:08:16,334
But don't worry, I'm not here to bug you
about your time cards.

178
00:08:16,418 --> 00:08:19,168
-[snarling]
-[chuckles] I do have a request.

179
00:08:19,251 --> 00:08:20,543
It seems we've had complaints

180
00:08:20,626 --> 00:08:23,334
that you've been
just a scooch out of line,

181
00:08:23,418 --> 00:08:25,543
and as your supreme leader,

182
00:08:25,626 --> 00:08:28,709
I must have to ask you all
to please… behave?

183
00:08:28,793 --> 00:08:31,293
-Okay.
-Yeah. We'll do that.

184
00:08:31,376 --> 00:08:33,043
[all laughing, moaning]

185
00:08:33,126 --> 00:08:35,251
You can't keep us trapped in here.

186
00:08:36,668 --> 00:08:38,876
You can't just ask them
to change their behavior,

187
00:08:38,959 --> 00:08:41,126
you have to motivate them to do it.

188
00:08:41,209 --> 00:08:42,334
Here, watch.

189
00:08:42,918 --> 00:08:43,751
"Trapped."

190
00:08:43,834 --> 00:08:46,251
That's an interesting choice of words… Um…

191
00:08:46,876 --> 00:08:48,293
Larry. It's Larry.

192
00:08:48,376 --> 00:08:50,876
Larry, I'm gonna level with you, Larry.

193
00:08:50,959 --> 00:08:52,668
I'm a little trapped myself.

194
00:08:52,751 --> 00:08:57,001
I may look like a cat,
but I'm actually God trapped in this body.

195
00:08:57,084 --> 00:09:00,084
[all laughing]

196
00:09:00,168 --> 00:09:01,293
It's true.

197
00:09:01,376 --> 00:09:05,376
Heaven sent me here as punishment.
Oh, if you could've seen me before…

198
00:09:05,459 --> 00:09:07,501
Washboard abs, swollen pecs,

199
00:09:07,584 --> 00:09:09,334
buns that refused to quit.

200
00:09:09,418 --> 00:09:12,126
But now I'm
basically a mitten with an anus.

201
00:09:12,209 --> 00:09:14,751
So tell me,
what did you do to end up here, Larry?

202
00:09:14,834 --> 00:09:16,459
I robbed a bunch of banks.

203
00:09:16,543 --> 00:09:17,918
Mmm. Mm-hmm.

204
00:09:18,001 --> 00:09:21,251
-And why'd you do that?
-Because that's where they keep the money.

205
00:09:21,334 --> 00:09:23,584
Ooh. [laughing]

206
00:09:24,834 --> 00:09:26,626
[somber music playing]

207
00:09:26,709 --> 00:09:30,043
I guess the trouble started
right after my dad died. But-- [sniffles]

208
00:09:30,126 --> 00:09:31,043
Sorry.

209
00:09:31,126 --> 00:09:34,501
Ran with the wrong crowd.
Started shopping at Hobby Lobby.

210
00:09:34,584 --> 00:09:37,751
One thing led to another, and, uh,
well, here we are.

211
00:09:37,834 --> 00:09:40,459
And here we are.

212
00:09:40,543 --> 00:09:43,251
But maybe we aren't trapped.

213
00:09:43,334 --> 00:09:46,918
Maybe our situation is what we make of it.

214
00:09:47,001 --> 00:09:48,543
Everyone, give it up for Larry.

215
00:09:48,626 --> 00:09:50,251
[all cheering, clapping]

216
00:09:50,334 --> 00:09:51,418
[music brightens]

217
00:09:54,168 --> 00:09:55,168
[music ends]

218
00:09:56,376 --> 00:09:57,918
Okay, fun happy upstairs fortress,

219
00:09:58,001 --> 00:10:02,043
save these images
for fun happy downstairs fortress.

220
00:10:02,959 --> 00:10:04,501
Now remember, for the next week,

221
00:10:04,584 --> 00:10:07,334
point your breasts
away from open flames or loud noises.

222
00:10:08,001 --> 00:10:13,709
Hello. My, what beautiful children…
you could be at a reasonable price.

223
00:10:13,793 --> 00:10:15,751
Dr. Fabian,
we're conducting an investigation,

224
00:10:15,834 --> 00:10:17,459
and we have a few questions for you.

225
00:10:17,543 --> 00:10:19,084
Where were you this morning?

226
00:10:19,168 --> 00:10:21,876
Oh. This morning. Well, let's see.

227
00:10:21,959 --> 00:10:25,584
Calf implant, nipple-graft,
deposition, deposition.

228
00:10:25,668 --> 00:10:29,876
Then I was in surgery,
elbow deep in some juicy honkers!

229
00:10:29,959 --> 00:10:32,084
-Ooh.
-[both groan]

230
00:10:32,168 --> 00:10:35,043
[Herb] So tell me
about your home life, Marv.

231
00:10:35,126 --> 00:10:37,168
Do you spend much time
with your loved ones?

232
00:10:37,251 --> 00:10:41,376
Oh sure. I see the crew at the Gaming Café
about five nights a week.

233
00:10:41,459 --> 00:10:43,876
[chuckling] Gaming Caf--
No, I mean your family.

234
00:10:43,959 --> 00:10:46,668
Oh. [laughing] Them!

235
00:10:46,751 --> 00:10:50,584
Yeah, we're always walking
past each other in the house,

236
00:10:50,668 --> 00:10:54,376
asking each other
if the dishwasher is clean or dirty.

237
00:10:54,459 --> 00:10:55,376
Yeah, they're great.

238
00:10:55,459 --> 00:10:57,209
I wish I'd had a family,

239
00:10:57,293 --> 00:11:00,626
but my only children
are "good value" and "fair price."

240
00:11:00,709 --> 00:11:04,001
Hey, what do you say
we check out the Hindenherb amenities?

241
00:11:04,501 --> 00:11:07,001
["Blimpy Boy" by Superfriends playing]

242
00:11:07,084 --> 00:11:09,251
-♪ You don't have to cry anymore ♪
-Ooh!

243
00:11:09,334 --> 00:11:12,959
♪ Your friends are all here
The dog is too ♪

244
00:11:13,043 --> 00:11:15,709
-♪ Now we're all just waiting for you ♪
-[grunting] Ooh!

245
00:11:15,793 --> 00:11:18,459
-[grunting]
-♪ Hey there, blimpy boy ♪

246
00:11:18,543 --> 00:11:20,918
-♪ You don't have to cry anymore ♪
-Mm-hmm.

247
00:11:21,001 --> 00:11:23,793
♪ Your friends are all here
The dog is too ♪

248
00:11:23,876 --> 00:11:26,376
♪ Now we're all just waiting for you ♪

249
00:11:29,709 --> 00:11:32,001
Today has been so much fun, Herb.

250
00:11:32,084 --> 00:11:35,459
“Herb." Ooh. Feels so cold and formal,
doesn’t it?

251
00:11:35,543 --> 00:11:38,001
I’ve always thought of you like a son.

252
00:11:38,084 --> 00:11:40,293
Why don’t you try calling me…

253
00:11:40,376 --> 00:11:41,376
Dad?

254
00:11:41,459 --> 00:11:42,834
Wow, really?

255
00:11:43,459 --> 00:11:46,043
My father never let me call him Dad.

256
00:11:46,126 --> 00:11:50,418
I-- I called him Mr. Higgins,
and he called me Git! [chuckles]

257
00:11:50,501 --> 00:11:53,209
But what the heck? Okay, Dad!

258
00:11:53,293 --> 00:11:54,501
-[laughing]
-[gasping]

259
00:11:54,584 --> 00:11:58,084
Okay, son. Oh, that feels good to say.

260
00:11:58,168 --> 00:12:01,209
I’ve never had a son before. Mmm!

261
00:12:01,959 --> 00:12:05,626
This is nuts, but what if I adopted you?

262
00:12:05,709 --> 00:12:08,334
[gasps] No. No. We shouldn't.
What would everyone say?

263
00:12:08,918 --> 00:12:12,376
You're right! To hell with them!
Whoa! Are we doing this?

264
00:12:13,376 --> 00:12:17,293
Okay, let's do it!
Let's make it official, son.

265
00:12:17,918 --> 00:12:19,043
Um…

266
00:12:19,126 --> 00:12:20,334
[Roxy] On guard!

267
00:12:20,418 --> 00:12:22,501
[both grunting]

268
00:12:22,584 --> 00:12:23,959
[Roxy] Parlay!

269
00:12:24,876 --> 00:12:26,709
Wow! That was so fun!

270
00:12:26,793 --> 00:12:30,209
Thanks. When Richard started working
eighty hours a week,

271
00:12:30,293 --> 00:12:31,793
I joined a fencing class.

272
00:12:31,876 --> 00:12:35,834
The marriage may be dull,
but my blade skills are sharper than ever.

273
00:12:35,918 --> 00:12:38,793
If he works eighty hours a week,
when do you see him?

274
00:12:38,876 --> 00:12:41,751
Never. It's great! [laughing]

275
00:12:41,834 --> 00:12:43,584
Oh, I get it.

276
00:12:43,668 --> 00:12:47,543
You and Marv are one of those couples
who "do things" together.

277
00:12:47,626 --> 00:12:50,584
No. Well, yes, when we first met,

278
00:12:50,668 --> 00:12:53,376
but over time Marv got more
into his board games,

279
00:12:53,459 --> 00:12:57,668
and I got more into my blood sports,
and I guess we've drifted apart a little.

280
00:12:57,751 --> 00:12:59,918
But it's not like I never want to see him.

281
00:13:00,001 --> 00:13:04,251
Oh. You say that now,
but wait till you have your first affair.

282
00:13:04,334 --> 00:13:06,376
Wait. My first affair?

283
00:13:06,459 --> 00:13:10,043
Bit of advice,
for your first affair, try a himbo.

284
00:13:10,126 --> 00:13:13,001
They're like a Ken doll,
but with all the parts.

285
00:13:14,126 --> 00:13:17,834
I can't live my life like this,
never knowing who the troll is.

286
00:13:18,418 --> 00:13:22,001
Look. If we can't compare
Fabian's IP address to the troll,

287
00:13:22,084 --> 00:13:24,918
we can see if they're on the same network.

288
00:13:25,543 --> 00:13:26,959
[computer chimes]

289
00:13:27,834 --> 00:13:28,668
[mouse clicking]

290
00:13:28,751 --> 00:13:29,959
[keys clacking]

291
00:13:31,418 --> 00:13:34,126
Travis, look!
It isn't just the same network.

292
00:13:34,209 --> 00:13:36,418
It's a perfect match.

293
00:13:36,501 --> 00:13:39,459
What? That doesn't make any sense.

294
00:13:39,543 --> 00:13:41,376
-[sloshing]
-Ugh!

295
00:13:41,459 --> 00:13:43,459
-[theme of Stranger Things playing]
-[both gasping]

296
00:13:45,293 --> 00:13:47,293
Okay, say it with me.

297
00:13:47,376 --> 00:13:49,001
Today is the…

298
00:13:49,084 --> 00:13:51,751
[all] First day of the rest of my life.

299
00:13:52,251 --> 00:13:54,293
And I'm not going to…

300
00:13:54,376 --> 00:13:59,293
[all] Eat any of the human employees
or use their entrails like pool toys.

301
00:13:59,376 --> 00:14:01,626
Entrails like pool toys!

302
00:14:01,709 --> 00:14:03,709
[all cheering]

303
00:14:05,376 --> 00:14:09,084
Wow, you are-- I… Thank you.

304
00:14:09,168 --> 00:14:12,084
God, can we get a picture with you?

305
00:14:12,168 --> 00:14:17,168
Sure. I'll do something really godly like…
Have you ever seen a dolphin walk?

306
00:14:17,918 --> 00:14:19,751
Luscious porpoise!

307
00:14:19,834 --> 00:14:21,126
[magical tone]

308
00:14:21,209 --> 00:14:22,418
[dolphin clicking]

309
00:14:22,501 --> 00:14:23,626
Wow! Amazing!

310
00:14:23,709 --> 00:14:24,876
[camera clicking]

311
00:14:27,251 --> 00:14:28,834
[dramatic music playing]

312
00:14:28,918 --> 00:14:30,751
Yeah. [grunts]

313
00:14:30,834 --> 00:14:32,834
[alarm blaring]

314
00:14:37,751 --> 00:14:40,043
So… Um… [sighs]

315
00:14:40,126 --> 00:14:42,168
…who's up for some Sbarro Pizza?

316
00:14:42,751 --> 00:14:45,001
Herbert Hamburglar Bulkington,

317
00:14:45,084 --> 00:14:48,251
do you take this adult male
as your lawfully adopted son?

318
00:14:48,334 --> 00:14:51,959
To have and to hold,
nothing creepy, till death do you part?

319
00:14:52,043 --> 00:14:52,959
I--

320
00:14:53,043 --> 00:14:54,209
[sighs, sniffles]

321
00:14:54,293 --> 00:14:55,459
I do.

322
00:14:55,543 --> 00:14:59,793
Marvelous Higgins, do you take Herb
to be your lawfully adopted father?

323
00:14:59,876 --> 00:15:03,459
To have and to hold,
again, strictly father-son stuff,

324
00:15:03,543 --> 00:15:04,834
for however long?

325
00:15:04,918 --> 00:15:06,293
I do too.

326
00:15:06,376 --> 00:15:09,209
I now pronounce you father and son.

327
00:15:09,793 --> 00:15:11,876
[all cheering, clapping]

328
00:15:14,709 --> 00:15:15,584
Mwah!

329
00:15:15,668 --> 00:15:17,793
Oh, hey, hon. What are you doing up here?

330
00:15:17,876 --> 00:15:21,709
I just kind of started to miss you and--
What's with the getup?

331
00:15:21,793 --> 00:15:24,376
You look like Tom Cruise
when he takes his toupee off.

332
00:15:24,459 --> 00:15:26,959
Good news. Herb and I made it official.

333
00:15:27,043 --> 00:15:28,084
He adopted me.

334
00:15:28,168 --> 00:15:29,209
He what?

335
00:15:29,293 --> 00:15:32,459
Oh, don't worry.
You have a full year to send us a gift.

336
00:15:32,543 --> 00:15:35,001
-[explosion]
-[people screaming]

337
00:15:35,084 --> 00:15:37,459
Damn it!
I knew they built the Auntie Anne's

338
00:15:37,543 --> 00:15:39,043
too close to the fuel tanks!

339
00:15:39,126 --> 00:15:41,251
Quick, everyone to the escape parachutes!

340
00:15:41,334 --> 00:15:42,668
[screaming continues]

341
00:15:43,168 --> 00:15:45,168
[string quartet playing]

342
00:15:48,126 --> 00:15:49,709
Never mind about me.

343
00:15:49,793 --> 00:15:51,251
You two go now.

344
00:15:51,334 --> 00:15:54,418
No, Daddy! I'm not leaving you behind!

345
00:15:54,501 --> 00:15:56,126
Marv, we're crashing.

346
00:15:56,209 --> 00:15:58,876
Unless you wanna be cremated
inside a Bubba Gump Shrimp,

347
00:15:58,959 --> 00:16:01,376
we have to leave. Now! [grunting]

348
00:16:01,459 --> 00:16:02,543
[suspenseful music playing]

349
00:16:02,626 --> 00:16:05,459
-[exploding]
-[yelling]

350
00:16:05,543 --> 00:16:07,918
No! I can't leave without Papa!

351
00:16:08,001 --> 00:16:09,418
-[grunts]
-[exploding]

352
00:16:11,126 --> 00:16:13,126
[dramatic music playing]

353
00:16:14,293 --> 00:16:15,126
[boy screaming]

354
00:16:15,209 --> 00:16:16,626
[people screaming]

355
00:16:24,543 --> 00:16:26,959
-Well, this isn't a good look.
-All right, new plan.

356
00:16:27,043 --> 00:16:29,626
We leave immediately
and never mention we were here.

357
00:16:30,584 --> 00:16:31,751
-[Godcat grunting]
-No.

358
00:16:33,251 --> 00:16:35,459
I'm getting them to go back.

359
00:16:36,459 --> 00:16:41,459
[in demonic voice]
Catious buildious bigger evilous me!

360
00:16:41,543 --> 00:16:43,418
-[roaring]
-[thunder rumbling]

361
00:16:47,626 --> 00:16:51,376
You will do as I command,
or your souls will anguish.

362
00:16:51,459 --> 00:16:55,459
Threaten us all you want.
Nothing is worse than SeaWorld!

363
00:16:55,543 --> 00:16:57,918
No? What about…

364
00:16:58,001 --> 00:17:00,084
SeaWorld: Cincinnati!

365
00:17:00,168 --> 00:17:02,126
[thunder rumbles]

366
00:17:02,209 --> 00:17:07,376
Or perhaps SeaWorld: St. Louis.
Shall I keep naming landlocked cities?

367
00:17:07,459 --> 00:17:10,834
SeaWorld can get so much worse!

368
00:17:10,918 --> 00:17:12,418
[thunder rumbles]

369
00:17:13,168 --> 00:17:17,876
I would rather die than go back
to that hot box of walrus farts.

370
00:17:20,001 --> 00:17:22,001
[dramatic music plays]

371
00:17:22,834 --> 00:17:24,126
[perilous music playing]

372
00:17:24,209 --> 00:17:26,584
[roaring]

373
00:17:26,668 --> 00:17:28,126
Oops! [grunts]

374
00:17:28,668 --> 00:17:29,876
[thunder rumbling]

375
00:17:33,543 --> 00:17:35,543
So long, suckers!

376
00:17:35,626 --> 00:17:38,251
-[grunting]
-[triumphant music playing]

377
00:17:43,709 --> 00:17:44,709
Oh, no!

378
00:17:46,543 --> 00:17:47,626
[growling]

379
00:17:48,293 --> 00:17:51,334
Uh-- You know, come to think of it,
I kinda like walrus farts.

380
00:17:51,418 --> 00:17:52,918
It's an acquired smell.

381
00:17:55,876 --> 00:17:56,793
[doorbell ringing]

382
00:17:59,126 --> 00:18:00,459
Hey! 'Sup?

383
00:18:00,543 --> 00:18:04,334
Aidan, do you know a plastic surgeon
by the name of Dr. Fabian?

384
00:18:04,418 --> 00:18:08,668
Yes, Step-Dad Keith took me to
the racetrack to be his designated driver,

385
00:18:08,751 --> 00:18:10,709
and a horse bit my ear off.

386
00:18:10,793 --> 00:18:13,043
Dr. Funbags reattached it. Why?

387
00:18:13,126 --> 00:18:14,501
Aidan, the jig is up.

388
00:18:14,584 --> 00:18:18,418
We discovered your secret
boogery troll lair at Dr. Fabian’s office.

389
00:18:18,501 --> 00:18:19,459
Uh… Pfft!

390
00:18:19,543 --> 00:18:22,376
Dude, get a load of your sister
mansplaining me.

391
00:18:22,459 --> 00:18:24,459
You don’t believe that trash, do you?

392
00:18:24,543 --> 00:18:27,043
Like I’m the only guy
around here with boogers.

393
00:18:27,126 --> 00:18:28,709
Aidan, tell me the truth.

394
00:18:28,793 --> 00:18:30,668
Are you boobwizard_420?

395
00:18:32,793 --> 00:18:34,751
Okay, fine.

396
00:18:34,834 --> 00:18:35,834
Yes.

397
00:18:35,918 --> 00:18:37,626
Wait, what?!

398
00:18:37,709 --> 00:18:39,793
You are? But why?

399
00:18:39,876 --> 00:18:44,334
You were being all, "I'm a big deal
with my unboxing stuff" and whatever.

400
00:18:44,418 --> 00:18:47,126
-It was a prank, Dude. Chill.
-Chill?

401
00:18:47,209 --> 00:18:51,376
You trolled me endlessly online
while pretending to be my friend.

402
00:18:51,459 --> 00:18:56,376
And you want me to chill?
I never wanna see your stupid face again!

403
00:18:57,334 --> 00:18:59,501
Greta, let’s go. Now!

404
00:19:01,376 --> 00:19:02,751
[crying] Oh.

405
00:19:02,834 --> 00:19:05,209
You know,
from his troubling Mountain Dew intake

406
00:19:05,293 --> 00:19:07,459
and his history of bunk bed concussions,

407
00:19:07,543 --> 00:19:10,126
Aidan almost certainly will die
before you.

408
00:19:10,209 --> 00:19:11,043
Thanks.

409
00:19:11,126 --> 00:19:12,251
Oh! [crying]

410
00:19:15,251 --> 00:19:19,168
No! No. No. No! [grunting]

411
00:19:19,251 --> 00:19:21,043
[soft music playing]

412
00:19:21,126 --> 00:19:22,376
There! Look.

413
00:19:22,459 --> 00:19:24,501
There he is. Father!

414
00:19:26,793 --> 00:19:28,209
No!

415
00:19:28,293 --> 00:19:30,293
[somber music playing]

416
00:19:32,209 --> 00:19:35,084
He's gone! He's gone!

417
00:19:35,168 --> 00:19:36,418
It should've been me.

418
00:19:36,501 --> 00:19:41,043
I should've been the one to explode
in the air into perm confetti. [sobs]

419
00:19:41,793 --> 00:19:44,751
And now, we've got to walk
all the way to the car?

420
00:19:45,251 --> 00:19:47,251
Could this day get any worse?

421
00:19:47,834 --> 00:19:52,084
You know, I sometimes forget
that beneath your little cat body,

422
00:19:52,168 --> 00:19:56,668
you're actually a force
to be reckoned with. You're amazing.

423
00:19:56,751 --> 00:20:01,918
Aw, thanks. Same to you. You're like
if Tony Robbins had a baby with Gandalf.

424
00:20:03,168 --> 00:20:06,168
Oh, Beelzebub. [chuckles]
Looks like I got your voicemail.

425
00:20:06,251 --> 00:20:07,709
Excellent work today.

426
00:20:07,793 --> 00:20:12,418
I spoke with Aslandeus and Craig
on your behalf and they were thrilled.

427
00:20:12,501 --> 00:20:14,418
-[turns down volume]
-Uh. Mike, I'm on the phone.

428
00:20:14,501 --> 00:20:16,334
[inhales deeply, blows]

429
00:20:17,043 --> 00:20:18,834
Aslandeus and Craig?

430
00:20:18,918 --> 00:20:23,501
Why would someone put in a good word
for you with my cherubs from my Heaven?

431
00:20:23,584 --> 00:20:26,293
Okay. Uh… You’ll find out soon enough.

432
00:20:26,876 --> 00:20:29,043
Heaven and Hell are merging,

433
00:20:29,126 --> 00:20:33,709
and well, I’m up for CEO of the new firm.

434
00:20:33,793 --> 00:20:35,668
SeaWorld was their first joint venture

435
00:20:35,751 --> 00:20:37,959
and they said if I helped out,
it'd give me a leg up.

436
00:20:38,043 --> 00:20:39,001
[gasping]

437
00:20:39,084 --> 00:20:40,793
I’m sorry. I wanted to tell you but--

438
00:20:40,876 --> 00:20:43,376
But then you decided to betray me instead,

439
00:20:43,459 --> 00:20:46,209
by asking me to come here and help you

440
00:20:46,293 --> 00:20:48,584
with the very project
that would win you the job

441
00:20:48,668 --> 00:20:50,168
and cost me my own.

442
00:20:50,251 --> 00:20:51,376
How?

443
00:20:51,459 --> 00:20:53,376
How could you?!

444
00:20:53,459 --> 00:20:55,168
Boy…

445
00:20:55,251 --> 00:20:56,751
[muttering]

446
00:20:56,834 --> 00:21:01,168
Hey! I'm evil!
Forgetting that was your first mistake.

447
00:21:01,251 --> 00:21:03,251
-[perilous music playing]
-I… am…

448
00:21:04,709 --> 00:21:05,959
[music fades]

449
00:21:06,043 --> 00:21:06,876
Evil.

450
00:21:08,001 --> 00:21:10,001
[soft guitar music playing]

451
00:21:11,001 --> 00:21:12,543
[people crying]

452
00:21:17,501 --> 00:21:20,293
He was a Titan of Industry,

453
00:21:20,376 --> 00:21:24,376
and his legacy lives on
through bargain hunters,

454
00:21:24,459 --> 00:21:27,001
doomsday preppers, and we,

455
00:21:27,084 --> 00:21:30,334
who roam the hallowed aisles of Big Bulk.

456
00:21:30,418 --> 00:21:32,376
[sniffling, crying]

457
00:21:33,084 --> 00:21:36,709
Lovely remarks, Mr. Higgins.
We're Mr. Bulkington's attorneys.

458
00:21:36,793 --> 00:21:38,709
Might we have a word in private?

459
00:21:39,918 --> 00:21:44,126
Mr. Higgins, as Herb’s legally adopted son
and sole heir,

460
00:21:44,209 --> 00:21:47,168
we’re here to inform you
that you are the new owner of Big Bulk

461
00:21:47,251 --> 00:21:48,709
and its subsidiaries.

462
00:21:48,793 --> 00:21:50,584
He’s left it all to you, Marv.

463
00:21:51,543 --> 00:21:52,751
[whimpers]

464
00:21:52,834 --> 00:21:54,918
["Walkin' On the Sun"
by Smash Mouth playing]

465
00:21:55,001 --> 00:21:57,668
♪ I'd like to buy the world a toke ♪

466
00:21:57,751 --> 00:22:01,709
♪ And teach the world
To sing in perfect harmony ♪

467
00:22:01,793 --> 00:22:05,626
♪ And teach the world
To snuff the fires and the liars ♪

468
00:22:05,709 --> 00:22:09,251
♪ Hey, I know it's just a song
But it's spice for the recipe ♪

469
00:22:09,334 --> 00:22:13,084
♪ This is a love attack
I know it went out, but it's back ♪

470
00:22:13,168 --> 00:22:17,043
♪ It's just like any fad
It retracts before impact ♪

471
00:22:17,126 --> 00:22:20,751
♪ And just like fashion it's a passion
For the with-it and hip ♪

472
00:22:20,834 --> 00:22:23,126
♪ If you got the goods
They'll come and buy it ♪

473
00:22:23,209 --> 00:22:24,876
♪ Just to stay in the clique ♪

474
00:22:25,709 --> 00:22:29,709
♪ So don't delay, act now
Supplies are running out ♪

475
00:22:29,793 --> 00:22:33,543
♪ Allow if you're still alive
Six to eight years to arrive ♪

476
00:22:33,626 --> 00:22:36,209
♪ And if you follow
There may be a tomorrow ♪

477
00:22:36,293 --> 00:22:38,209
♪ But if the offer's shunned ♪

478
00:22:38,293 --> 00:22:41,751
♪ You might as well
Be walking on the Sun… ♪

479
00:22:46,251 --> 00:22:47,209
[song ends]