1
00:00:10,043 --> 00:00:11,334
[upbeat music playing]

2
00:00:12,334 --> 00:00:15,709
[narrator] He was a high-powered CEO
in control of everything…

3
00:00:15,793 --> 00:00:17,084
It's settled.

4
00:00:17,168 --> 00:00:20,418
We give humans the physical ability
to run a marathon,

5
00:00:20,501 --> 00:00:23,918
but the punishment is
they can never stop talking about it.

6
00:00:24,001 --> 00:00:25,668
[all laughing]

7
00:00:25,751 --> 00:00:27,668
[narrator] …except his own heart.

8
00:00:28,293 --> 00:00:29,293
Hmm.

9
00:00:29,834 --> 00:00:30,834
[chuckles]

10
00:00:32,584 --> 00:00:34,043
How long have you been waiting?

11
00:00:34,126 --> 00:00:36,918
For you? All my life.

12
00:00:38,001 --> 00:00:39,959
[narrator] They were a match
made in heaven

13
00:00:40,043 --> 00:00:42,084
with just one small problem.

14
00:00:42,168 --> 00:00:44,626
He was from Hell.

15
00:00:44,709 --> 00:00:45,584
[soft music playing]

16
00:00:45,668 --> 00:00:48,043
-[grunting]
-[man laughing]

17
00:00:49,334 --> 00:00:51,543
-[bear growling]
-[man screaming]

18
00:00:55,668 --> 00:00:57,918
[narrator] And sometimes when a woman

19
00:00:58,001 --> 00:01:01,084
and a ghoulish, mega demon
love each other very much,

20
00:01:01,168 --> 00:01:02,084
they do a thing.

21
00:01:02,168 --> 00:01:05,459
Dear lord, I know what sex is.
And stop talking like a movie trailer.

22
00:01:05,543 --> 00:01:08,418
Well, excuse me for world-building.

23
00:01:08,501 --> 00:01:12,626
Ah. Whoa.
I've always wanted a flaming sword.

24
00:01:12,709 --> 00:01:15,084
I could stab stuff but with fire.

25
00:01:15,168 --> 00:01:17,209
Uh-uh. Focus. This is important.

26
00:01:17,834 --> 00:01:22,626
As you were born of a forbidden love
between a human and a demon,

27
00:01:22,709 --> 00:01:27,334
it was determined
that you must stay with him in Hell.

28
00:01:27,418 --> 00:01:29,418
My mom is a human on Earth?

29
00:01:29,501 --> 00:01:32,876
She can answer all my burning questions.
Come on, let's go find her.

30
00:01:34,668 --> 00:01:36,001
Nope, put it back.

31
00:01:36,084 --> 00:01:37,459
[sword scraping]

32
00:01:37,543 --> 00:01:41,209
Sorry, Earth is like super big.
Do you happen to have her address?

33
00:01:41,293 --> 00:01:42,543
[gurgling, sucking]

34
00:01:42,626 --> 00:01:44,001
[both exclaim]

35
00:01:44,084 --> 00:01:46,251
-[heavy metal music playing]
-[both screaming]

36
00:01:47,084 --> 00:01:47,918
[water gurgling]

37
00:01:48,001 --> 00:01:49,293
[dramatic tone]

38
00:01:49,376 --> 00:01:52,793
[yelling] Why do cats
keep coming out of my toilet?

39
00:01:52,876 --> 00:01:53,793
[both screeching]

40
00:01:53,876 --> 00:01:55,876
[theme music playing]

41
00:02:02,459 --> 00:02:04,376
So, Halcyon Springs.

42
00:02:04,459 --> 00:02:06,793
Looks like some backwater place.

43
00:02:06,876 --> 00:02:09,376
This even says
there's no internet or cell towers.

44
00:02:09,459 --> 00:02:11,876
That means there might be
a portal to Hell there.

45
00:02:11,959 --> 00:02:14,126
The closer you get to Hell,
the worse the Wi-Fi.

46
00:02:14,209 --> 00:02:15,918
Heaven's internet sucks too.

47
00:02:16,001 --> 00:02:19,376
A Luck Dragon keeps getting confused
and humping our cell towers.

48
00:02:19,959 --> 00:02:21,043
I have to meet my mother.

49
00:02:21,126 --> 00:02:23,626
If I'm half-human,
that would explain so much,

50
00:02:23,709 --> 00:02:25,959
like why I'm bad at my job,

51
00:02:26,043 --> 00:02:30,126
or why I do idiotic human-y things
like take pictures of fireworks?

52
00:02:31,543 --> 00:02:33,293
Yo, 30 Seconds to Marvs,

53
00:02:33,376 --> 00:02:35,626
wanna drive us
to a nowhere, nothing-to-do town,

54
00:02:35,709 --> 00:02:37,709
and wait for us
in the car for a few hours?

55
00:02:37,793 --> 00:02:41,334
[sighs] I'd love to, but Mr. Bulkington
is making me work overtime,

56
00:02:41,418 --> 00:02:43,084
cleaning the display toilets.

57
00:02:43,168 --> 00:02:46,626
You'd be surprised how many people
mistake them for the real deal.

58
00:02:46,709 --> 00:02:49,084
He's got you cleaning toilets?

59
00:02:49,168 --> 00:02:52,751
No wonder Heaven hasn't sent me back.
I need to get you promoted.

60
00:02:52,834 --> 00:02:55,293
Me? Upper management?

61
00:02:55,376 --> 00:02:59,001
[Marv] Jet-setting around the store
on my private forklift?

62
00:02:59,084 --> 00:03:02,876
Putting up those little cones
around vomit incidents?

63
00:03:02,959 --> 00:03:05,626
[chuckling] Okay, let's do it.

64
00:03:05,709 --> 00:03:08,376
Well, I guess I could take an Uber.

65
00:03:08,459 --> 00:03:11,001
I get a discount
since the founders are in Hell.

66
00:03:11,084 --> 00:03:12,543
[toy squeaking]

67
00:03:12,626 --> 00:03:15,001
-Is that a dog toy?
-[spits]

68
00:03:15,084 --> 00:03:18,418
I ripped all my stress balls in half,
figured I'd give this a go.

69
00:03:18,501 --> 00:03:20,918
[sighing] Greta isn't talking to me.

70
00:03:21,001 --> 00:03:24,751
I think it's because I might've
kinda maybe implied

71
00:03:24,834 --> 00:03:27,168
that I regret quitting the SEALs
to have kids.

72
00:03:27,251 --> 00:03:29,543
[gasping] Hmm.

73
00:03:29,626 --> 00:03:32,084
Know what you need? A road trip.

74
00:03:32,168 --> 00:03:34,543
-And I know the perfect destination.
-[toy squeaking]

75
00:03:34,626 --> 00:03:36,251
Halcyon Springs.

76
00:03:36,334 --> 00:03:40,501
My long-lost mother is there,
and it's only a six-hour drive away.

77
00:03:40,584 --> 00:03:41,584
Win-win.

78
00:03:41,668 --> 00:03:43,084
Six hours?

79
00:03:43,168 --> 00:03:45,959
In that amount of time,
I could conceive two new kids,

80
00:03:46,043 --> 00:03:47,334
preferably ones who like me.

81
00:03:47,418 --> 00:03:49,793
Yeah, who cares
if you told your kids you hate them,

82
00:03:49,876 --> 00:03:53,209
and they grow up to be junkies,
murderers, or podcasters?

83
00:03:53,293 --> 00:03:55,501
Who cares if you all wind up in Hell?

84
00:03:55,584 --> 00:03:57,126
[ominous music playing]

85
00:03:58,209 --> 00:04:01,793
[GPS voice] In two miles,
you will arrive at your destination.

86
00:04:01,876 --> 00:04:05,793
What a fun, family bonding session
this trip has been, right, kids?

87
00:04:06,376 --> 00:04:07,459
Right, kids?

88
00:04:07,543 --> 00:04:10,209
Oh. You mean the trip Travis and I
never assented to,

89
00:04:10,293 --> 00:04:12,626
so technically it could be
considered "kidnapping"?

90
00:04:12,709 --> 00:04:16,126
Excuse me, young lady.
I didn't even have a mom growing up.

91
00:04:16,209 --> 00:04:21,209
You know who explained womanhood to me?
An Incubus with an eel for a mustache.

92
00:04:21,793 --> 00:04:24,584
[GPS voice] You have arrived at your--
at your dest-- dest--

93
00:04:24,668 --> 00:04:27,584
[woman screaming] Oh no! Please, no!

94
00:04:27,668 --> 00:04:29,209
[ominous music playing]

95
00:04:29,293 --> 00:04:32,293
[demonic voice]
You have arrived at your destination.

96
00:04:32,376 --> 00:04:34,334
[laughing evilly]

97
00:04:34,418 --> 00:04:35,751
Well, we're here.

98
00:04:35,834 --> 00:04:37,168
[engine sputters, backfires]

99
00:04:37,251 --> 00:04:39,209
Hey, I can't get any reception.

100
00:04:39,293 --> 00:04:41,001
[tires screeching]

101
00:04:41,834 --> 00:04:44,251
Huh. That's weird. The car went dead.

102
00:04:44,334 --> 00:04:46,418
I'm gonna go look for my mom. Bye.

103
00:04:46,918 --> 00:04:50,126
This can't be happening.
I've never been without internet before.

104
00:04:50,709 --> 00:04:52,168
[hyperventilating]

105
00:04:52,251 --> 00:04:54,043
Must you continue to torture us, Mother?

106
00:04:54,126 --> 00:04:56,418
You know, if you never wanted children
in the first place,

107
00:04:56,501 --> 00:05:00,459
you could've just sold us
at birth to the circus or Nickelodeon.

108
00:05:02,126 --> 00:05:04,043
[ominous music playing]

109
00:05:04,126 --> 00:05:05,626
[Muzak playing]

110
00:05:05,709 --> 00:05:07,043
I don't know about this.

111
00:05:07,126 --> 00:05:09,043
The last guy who asked for a raise,

112
00:05:09,126 --> 00:05:12,459
Herb tarred and feathered him
using Vaseline and Cheetos.

113
00:05:12,543 --> 00:05:14,793
Then let's warm up with a test run.

114
00:05:14,876 --> 00:05:15,751
[magical music plays]

115
00:05:15,834 --> 00:05:18,001
[in Southern American accent]
Marv, you wanted to see me?

116
00:05:18,084 --> 00:05:24,626
Uh. Yes, I-- I did want to see you
b-because you're so handsome.

117
00:05:25,709 --> 00:05:27,084
I-- I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

118
00:05:27,168 --> 00:05:29,793
You-- You should demote me
and pay me less.

119
00:05:29,876 --> 00:05:32,001
Okay, new plan.

120
00:05:32,084 --> 00:05:33,584
[writing]

121
00:05:34,209 --> 00:05:37,959
Wow, Marv.
Now, that is a honey of a toupee.

122
00:05:38,043 --> 00:05:40,584
Got nipples and everything. What's up?

123
00:05:40,668 --> 00:05:42,209
Mr. Bulkington,

124
00:05:42,293 --> 00:05:45,959
I believe I've earned a promotion
and a raise.

125
00:05:46,043 --> 00:05:47,751
Why in the world would I do that?

126
00:05:47,834 --> 00:05:49,001
[whispering]

127
00:05:49,084 --> 00:05:52,084
Herb, I could list off
a bunch of reasons why,

128
00:05:52,168 --> 00:05:54,626
but you don't have
time to sit here and listen to

129
00:05:54,709 --> 00:05:58,876
a marble-mouthed-human-thigh-pimple
like me drone on all day, do you?

130
00:05:58,959 --> 00:06:02,751
Now, Higgins,
maybe you are upper management material.

131
00:06:02,834 --> 00:06:06,959
Of course, first, you'll have to pass
the Big Bulk manager emergency test.

132
00:06:07,043 --> 00:06:09,709
It measures one's ability
to handle disasters.

133
00:06:09,793 --> 00:06:13,876
Floods, hurricanes, murder hornets,
music festivals, zoo explosions…

134
00:06:13,959 --> 00:06:16,918
We've got it in the bag.
I invented those things.

135
00:06:17,001 --> 00:06:18,418
[crow cawing]

136
00:06:18,501 --> 00:06:20,084
[people chattering, laughing]

137
00:06:20,168 --> 00:06:21,668
[ominous music playing]

138
00:06:21,751 --> 00:06:23,584
Greta? Travis?

139
00:06:23,668 --> 00:06:26,001
No touching the other kids here.

140
00:06:26,084 --> 00:06:28,709
There's a real unvaccinated vibe.

141
00:06:32,126 --> 00:06:33,168
-[gasping]
-[dramatic sting]

142
00:06:33,251 --> 00:06:34,709
Sorry. [coughs]

143
00:06:34,793 --> 00:06:38,709
Sitting in the dark helps my migraines.
What can I do for you?

144
00:06:38,793 --> 00:06:42,918
-My car's electrical system crashed.
-Yeah, we see that a lot around here.

145
00:06:43,001 --> 00:06:46,126
I know the part you need,
but the only place to get it

146
00:06:46,209 --> 00:06:49,334
is the junkyard on the other side of town,

147
00:06:49,418 --> 00:06:52,334
near the portal to Hell
that vampires come through.

148
00:06:52,418 --> 00:06:56,209
This town has a portal to Hell
that vampires come through?

149
00:06:56,293 --> 00:06:59,793
Do you think maybe you'd wanna have a sign
that says that when you enter town?

150
00:06:59,876 --> 00:07:01,334
We had a sign made,

151
00:07:01,418 --> 00:07:05,293
but our graphic designer
hasn't used the internet since the '90s,

152
00:07:05,376 --> 00:07:07,459
so it was mostly just wingdings.

153
00:07:07,543 --> 00:07:08,793
[wind gusting]

154
00:07:10,418 --> 00:07:12,168
Very confusing.

155
00:07:12,251 --> 00:07:14,626
My kids are out there alone!

156
00:07:14,709 --> 00:07:17,084
Okay, hold your horses.

157
00:07:17,168 --> 00:07:20,543
You're gonna want
a certified vampire hunter with you.

158
00:07:20,626 --> 00:07:22,959
[clicking tongue] Lucky for you, I am one.

159
00:07:23,043 --> 00:07:24,543
I'm also a notary.

160
00:07:24,626 --> 00:07:25,834
[dramatic music playing]

161
00:07:28,168 --> 00:07:29,334
I was a Navy SEAL.

162
00:07:29,834 --> 00:07:32,834
Oh man, I'm so nervous to meet my mom.

163
00:07:32,918 --> 00:07:36,293
Fair warning, she's probably gonna be
some horrifying human slash monster.

164
00:07:36,376 --> 00:07:38,834
Like a cross
between Pennywise and Roseanne Barr.

165
00:07:38,918 --> 00:07:41,168
At least your mother doesn't regret
giving birth to you.

166
00:07:41,251 --> 00:07:43,668
Actually, in Hell the males give birth.

167
00:07:43,751 --> 00:07:46,584
You think the women scream
when they're crowning? Yesh.

168
00:07:48,626 --> 00:07:50,251
[sighs] Well, this is the address.

169
00:07:51,709 --> 00:07:53,418
Oh. You've got to be kidding me.

170
00:07:53,501 --> 00:07:54,834
[pipe organ playing]

171
00:07:55,959 --> 00:07:57,001
Hello, all.

172
00:07:57,084 --> 00:08:00,543
Um… Oh, I see a few new faces here today.

173
00:08:00,626 --> 00:08:03,084
I'm Shirley. Our pastor is running late,

174
00:08:03,168 --> 00:08:05,501
so I thought I would squeeze in
a few reminders.

175
00:08:05,584 --> 00:08:07,751
[gasps] That's her. That's my mom!

176
00:08:07,834 --> 00:08:11,918
First off, I am hosting
a charity bake sale tomorrow morning.

177
00:08:12,001 --> 00:08:15,084
After that,
my entire afternoon is wide open.

178
00:08:15,168 --> 00:08:18,168
So if anyone needs help moving apartments

179
00:08:18,251 --> 00:08:21,584
or just wants to ramble on
about a dream they had,

180
00:08:21,668 --> 00:08:23,418
I am here for you.

181
00:08:23,501 --> 00:08:25,126
Sorry I'm late, all.

182
00:08:25,209 --> 00:08:26,876
Got held up at the gym.

183
00:08:26,959 --> 00:08:28,668
You know my motto,

184
00:08:28,751 --> 00:08:33,543
"Never skip church,
and never skip leg day." Ha!

185
00:08:33,626 --> 00:08:34,834
[laughing, clapping]

186
00:08:34,918 --> 00:08:36,876
Before I begin today's sermon,

187
00:08:36,959 --> 00:08:40,918
I'd like to remind you all
to be on the lookout.

188
00:08:41,001 --> 00:08:46,334
This sinful man
has been mooning people all over town.

189
00:08:46,418 --> 00:08:50,084
Shirley, please pass these butt pics out
to the congregation.

190
00:08:51,126 --> 00:08:52,418
[Devilcat] Psst.

191
00:08:52,501 --> 00:08:54,709
Shirley! Hey, I'm… Um…

192
00:08:55,293 --> 00:08:57,543
your daughter, but as a cat.

193
00:08:57,626 --> 00:08:58,626
That settles it.

194
00:08:58,709 --> 00:09:01,543
I'm finally gonna install
a carbon monoxide detector.

195
00:09:01,626 --> 00:09:06,084
No, I'm just stuck in this body.
I am the spawn of Satan. Here, look.

196
00:09:06,168 --> 00:09:09,751
Long story short, you guys did it,
and, nine blood moons later,

197
00:09:09,834 --> 00:09:13,251
he birthed me out of his left butt cheek,
and the afterbirth crawled to Texas.

198
00:09:13,334 --> 00:09:17,084
Wow. Both your backstory and Ted Cruz's.

199
00:09:17,168 --> 00:09:18,376
Fascinating.

200
00:09:18,459 --> 00:09:21,084
I'm a mom of the Antichrist,

201
00:09:21,168 --> 00:09:24,501
but still, I'm a mom.

202
00:09:25,793 --> 00:09:28,209
Come on, just one bar, please.

203
00:09:28,293 --> 00:09:29,793
[exclaims, grunts]

204
00:09:29,876 --> 00:09:31,709
-Are you okay?
-[Travis] No.

205
00:09:31,793 --> 00:09:34,043
I've never been anywhere
without internet before.

206
00:09:34,126 --> 00:09:36,501
How do you people
even know what time it is?

207
00:09:36,584 --> 00:09:38,209
We like it that way.

208
00:09:38,293 --> 00:09:39,918
This town is a safe haven

209
00:09:40,001 --> 00:09:43,668
for those who have had their lives ruined
by the internet.

210
00:09:43,751 --> 00:09:45,293
I'm Millie.

211
00:09:45,376 --> 00:09:47,293
[soft music playing]

212
00:09:47,376 --> 00:09:49,001
[contemplative music playing]

213
00:09:49,751 --> 00:09:54,084
Okay, these are easy.
Blizzard is space heaters and shovels.

214
00:09:54,168 --> 00:09:58,001
Zombie apocalypse is crowbars
and imitation brain meat.

215
00:09:58,084 --> 00:09:59,168
[harp glissando]

216
00:09:59,251 --> 00:10:01,084
[Herb] No, wrong.

217
00:10:01,168 --> 00:10:02,334
All wrong.

218
00:10:02,418 --> 00:10:04,709
The correct answer was toilet paper.

219
00:10:04,793 --> 00:10:06,168
In any crisis,

220
00:10:06,251 --> 00:10:09,709
everyone rushes the store
and buys up all of our TP.

221
00:10:09,793 --> 00:10:11,043
You failed, Higgins.

222
00:10:11,126 --> 00:10:13,834
Now, run up to my office
and get my firing whip.

223
00:10:13,918 --> 00:10:15,751
[news theme music playing]

224
00:10:15,834 --> 00:10:18,709
The town of Horkville
has run out of oat milk.

225
00:10:18,793 --> 00:10:21,876
Repeat, no oat milk in Horkville.

226
00:10:21,959 --> 00:10:23,959
[people screaming]

227
00:10:28,876 --> 00:10:30,168
[all clamoring]

228
00:10:30,251 --> 00:10:33,251
I'm-- I'm getting word now that there's
an entire display at Big Bulk,

229
00:10:33,334 --> 00:10:35,584
but supplies are limited, and…

230
00:10:35,668 --> 00:10:38,376
Uh-huh. Yeah. Uh-huh. Oh, okay. Yes.

231
00:10:38,459 --> 00:10:40,209
Lawlessness reigns.

232
00:10:40,293 --> 00:10:41,876
[dramatic tone]

233
00:10:41,959 --> 00:10:42,918
[pastor preaching]

234
00:10:43,001 --> 00:10:45,334
So that's basically my life.

235
00:10:45,418 --> 00:10:48,209
Single, no kids, CEO of Hell.

236
00:10:48,293 --> 00:10:50,418
I continue to get my meal delivery kits,

237
00:10:50,501 --> 00:10:52,834
even though half of them go
straight into the trash.

238
00:10:52,918 --> 00:10:54,626
So what's your deal?

239
00:10:54,709 --> 00:10:58,376
Are you actually super evil
and faking the "sweet old lady" thing?

240
00:10:58,459 --> 00:11:01,126
[laughing] Oh, heavens no!

241
00:11:01,209 --> 00:11:03,168
I'm decent all the way through.

242
00:11:03,251 --> 00:11:07,209
I have a lifetime of questions for you.
So you volunteer here?

243
00:11:07,293 --> 00:11:10,293
I actually used to lead the congregation,

244
00:11:10,376 --> 00:11:14,251
but after Pastor James showed up,
he forced me out.

245
00:11:14,334 --> 00:11:15,209
Excuse me?

246
00:11:15,293 --> 00:11:18,584
He forced my mother
out of doing the thing she loved!

247
00:11:18,668 --> 00:11:19,584
[ominous music playing]

248
00:11:19,668 --> 00:11:21,709
Well, we'll see about that.

249
00:11:22,668 --> 00:11:24,668
[crows cawing]

250
00:11:24,751 --> 00:11:25,584
[slurping]

251
00:11:25,668 --> 00:11:28,251
Hey, Walt, we need a fuse for a--

252
00:11:28,334 --> 00:11:30,959
-Shh. The vampires are sleeping.
-[shattering]

253
00:11:31,043 --> 00:11:32,459
[dramatic music playing]

254
00:11:32,543 --> 00:11:35,001
-[bat growling, gnawing]
-[all screaming]

255
00:11:35,626 --> 00:11:37,459
[Walt moaning, groaning]

256
00:11:38,126 --> 00:11:40,459
Wait, is-- is that… a pug?

257
00:11:40,543 --> 00:11:42,584
And a vampire.

258
00:11:42,668 --> 00:11:45,793
-A vampug.
-Why didn't you say that earlier?

259
00:11:45,876 --> 00:11:49,959
For the same reason
I don't mention Slenderman is a Gemini.

260
00:11:50,043 --> 00:11:51,918
What difference does it make?

261
00:11:52,001 --> 00:11:53,209
[Walt groaning]

262
00:11:53,793 --> 00:11:55,168
[dramatic music playing]

263
00:11:56,459 --> 00:11:58,043
-Bad dog.
-[whimpering]

264
00:11:59,501 --> 00:12:05,334
So what brought you to this godforsaken
skid mark of a town? Huh?

265
00:12:05,418 --> 00:12:08,168
I thought a road trip
with my kids would bring us together.

266
00:12:08,251 --> 00:12:11,418
Yeah. My ex and I talked
about doing the whole kids thing,

267
00:12:11,501 --> 00:12:14,418
but he was like, "When you're a mom,
you can't stay out all night

268
00:12:14,501 --> 00:12:16,126
beheading vampires."

269
00:12:16,209 --> 00:12:18,334
Uh, "Okay, Ian."

270
00:12:18,418 --> 00:12:22,168
"Newsflash, that's when vampires are out."

271
00:12:22,251 --> 00:12:26,209
Truth is, that mom life seems so boring.

272
00:12:26,293 --> 00:12:28,834
Well, I wouldn't exactly say I'm bored.

273
00:12:28,918 --> 00:12:32,376
Between Greta accidentally
setting the house on fire with experiments

274
00:12:32,459 --> 00:12:35,709
and Travis intentionally
setting the house on fire for views,

275
00:12:35,793 --> 00:12:36,793
things aren't dull.

276
00:12:37,376 --> 00:12:39,043
Actually, when you think about it,

277
00:12:39,126 --> 00:12:43,084
being a mom is kind of the ultimate
high-risk, high-reward adventure.

278
00:12:43,168 --> 00:12:48,501
Seems like this town also attracts
conversation vampires.

279
00:12:48,584 --> 00:12:49,459
[gasping]

280
00:12:50,751 --> 00:12:53,668
The fuse! Okay, now let's go before they--

281
00:12:53,751 --> 00:12:55,418
-[vampugs growling]
-[both gasping]

282
00:12:55,501 --> 00:12:57,001
[dramatic music playing]

283
00:12:59,126 --> 00:13:00,334
[both groaning]

284
00:13:00,418 --> 00:13:02,626
[Millie] When I was little,
I threw up on a roller coaster,

285
00:13:02,709 --> 00:13:04,834
and the guy behind me was Fabio.

286
00:13:04,918 --> 00:13:08,251
And from then on,
I was the girl who puked on Fabio.

287
00:13:08,334 --> 00:13:10,834
Wait, you're girl-who-puked-on-Fabio?

288
00:13:10,918 --> 00:13:13,668
Yeah. They rushed him
to the hair and face hospital,

289
00:13:13,751 --> 00:13:14,834
but it was too late.

290
00:13:14,918 --> 00:13:17,376
Being puked on made him
three percent less handsome,

291
00:13:17,459 --> 00:13:20,376
which was enough
to bring his entire empire crashing down.

292
00:13:20,459 --> 00:13:23,918
That's when people started recognizing me
in public,

293
00:13:24,001 --> 00:13:26,334
asking me to barf on them for selfies.

294
00:13:26,418 --> 00:13:29,543
-I'm the Horky Porky kid.
-I know.

295
00:13:29,626 --> 00:13:31,084
[soft music playing]

296
00:13:32,668 --> 00:13:37,584
Remember, you are God's children,
and he loves you,

297
00:13:37,668 --> 00:13:39,293
unless you live in a blue state,

298
00:13:39,376 --> 00:13:41,334
then you're more like a whiny nephew

299
00:13:41,418 --> 00:13:44,251
that he pretends to like
during the holidays.

300
00:13:44,334 --> 00:13:45,959
[heavy metal music playing]

301
00:13:47,334 --> 00:13:49,793
[in demonic voice]
I'm just kidding. God is dead.

302
00:13:49,876 --> 00:13:51,876
Go commit every sin imaginable.

303
00:13:51,959 --> 00:13:53,793
Park in handicapped spaces.

304
00:13:53,876 --> 00:13:56,168
Microwave cauliflower at work.

305
00:13:56,251 --> 00:13:58,459
Pee in a rented wetsuit.

306
00:13:58,543 --> 00:14:00,668
[laughing evilly]

307
00:14:00,751 --> 00:14:02,001
[all gasping]

308
00:14:02,084 --> 00:14:04,251
Did you just possess him?

309
00:14:04,334 --> 00:14:06,793
Yeah. We're gonna get your old job back.

310
00:14:06,876 --> 00:14:08,668
Ha! That's my girl.

311
00:14:08,751 --> 00:14:10,834
[laughing evilly]

312
00:14:10,918 --> 00:14:13,376
Go forth. Eat bacon.

313
00:14:13,459 --> 00:14:15,418
Use plastic straws.

314
00:14:15,501 --> 00:14:18,168
Wear a fedora unironically.

315
00:14:18,251 --> 00:14:20,834
Pastor James would never say that.

316
00:14:20,918 --> 00:14:23,084
He must be possessed.

317
00:14:23,168 --> 00:14:26,084
Come on, y'all. Let's exorcise him.

318
00:14:26,168 --> 00:14:31,084
[all] The power of God compels you.
The power of God compels you.

319
00:14:31,168 --> 00:14:33,543
The power of God compels you.

320
00:14:33,626 --> 00:14:37,334
[purring] Hey! You ever get like
an electric tingling in your butthole,

321
00:14:37,418 --> 00:14:39,668
like a call for help from deep within?

322
00:14:40,209 --> 00:14:41,251
Nope.

323
00:14:41,334 --> 00:14:43,751
-[heavy metal music continues]
-[people screaming]

324
00:14:46,251 --> 00:14:47,459
[heavenly tone]

325
00:14:47,543 --> 00:14:50,668
Holy water! It burns!

326
00:14:50,751 --> 00:14:55,834
My brothers and sisters,
you just witnessed a failed possession.

327
00:14:55,918 --> 00:15:02,043
The devil chose to attack me
because of my divine connection to God.

328
00:15:02,126 --> 00:15:03,918
Praise God!

329
00:15:04,001 --> 00:15:06,126
Praise me!

330
00:15:06,209 --> 00:15:08,084
Praise James.

331
00:15:08,168 --> 00:15:11,001
-Praise him forever!
-Praise him!

332
00:15:11,084 --> 00:15:12,543
[all cheering]

333
00:15:12,626 --> 00:15:13,543
[Marv grunting]

334
00:15:14,126 --> 00:15:16,209
There. Good luck getting through that.

335
00:15:16,293 --> 00:15:18,126
[people yelling, groaning]

336
00:15:19,168 --> 00:15:21,334
Huh. Guess I shouldn't have
wished them luck.

337
00:15:21,418 --> 00:15:23,334
Hey! The oat milk's gone.

338
00:15:23,918 --> 00:15:26,501
Let's demolish this place!

339
00:15:26,584 --> 00:15:28,376
[all screaming, yelling]

340
00:15:28,459 --> 00:15:30,668
[woman] I need my oat milk!

341
00:15:30,751 --> 00:15:31,918
Hey, oat chuggers!

342
00:15:32,001 --> 00:15:33,459
Leave him alone.

343
00:15:33,543 --> 00:15:34,584
[heroic music playing]

344
00:15:35,626 --> 00:15:36,459
[dramatic sting]

345
00:15:37,001 --> 00:15:39,084
Oh well. Guess it's time to die.

346
00:15:39,168 --> 00:15:40,001
Come on, man.

347
00:15:40,084 --> 00:15:44,334
You're Marvelous freaking Higgins,
for Christ's sake. Take charge!

348
00:15:44,418 --> 00:15:45,334
[heroic music playing]

349
00:15:45,418 --> 00:15:46,959
[grunting]

350
00:15:49,626 --> 00:15:51,209
People of Big Bulk.

351
00:15:51,293 --> 00:15:54,334
You are heard. You are understood.

352
00:15:54,418 --> 00:15:56,501
You want oat milk.

353
00:15:56,584 --> 00:15:58,626
We have none,

354
00:15:58,709 --> 00:16:00,834
but we stocked an alternative.

355
00:16:00,918 --> 00:16:03,168
It's called milk.

356
00:16:03,251 --> 00:16:04,168
[music ends]

357
00:16:05,668 --> 00:16:08,876
The color must be a subtle homage
to oat milk.

358
00:16:08,959 --> 00:16:11,876
Oh, so they blend the cows
to make the milk.

359
00:16:11,959 --> 00:16:14,793
Shouldn't it technically
be called "milk milk"?

360
00:16:14,876 --> 00:16:15,959
[all groaning]

361
00:16:16,043 --> 00:16:18,626
Wait.
Milk doesn't have lactose in it, does it?

362
00:16:18,709 --> 00:16:19,709
[all farting]

363
00:16:19,793 --> 00:16:24,084
We have toilet paper.
The answer truly is toilet paper.

364
00:16:24,168 --> 00:16:26,668
[victorious music plays]

365
00:16:28,584 --> 00:16:31,418
I'm so sorry.
I just made things worse for you.

366
00:16:31,501 --> 00:16:33,876
I don't belong up here.
I don't belong in Hell.

367
00:16:33,959 --> 00:16:38,168
-I don't belong anywhere.
-Oh hush. You know who you sound like?

368
00:16:38,251 --> 00:16:39,584
Your father.

369
00:16:39,668 --> 00:16:43,251
What? Yeah, right.
Dad was the greatest Satan of all time.

370
00:16:43,334 --> 00:16:45,251
That's who he became.

371
00:16:45,334 --> 00:16:48,876
When he first got hired,
he failed constantly.

372
00:16:48,959 --> 00:16:51,501
I couldn't even get
a measly possession right.

373
00:16:51,584 --> 00:16:53,626
Don't worry about it.

374
00:16:53,709 --> 00:16:56,584
Pastor James, and pardon my language,

375
00:16:56,668 --> 00:16:57,668
is an ass.

376
00:16:57,751 --> 00:17:00,043
He can have the congregation.

377
00:17:00,126 --> 00:17:02,376
Wait, what did you just say?

378
00:17:02,459 --> 00:17:03,668
[pipe organ playing]

379
00:17:05,709 --> 00:17:11,001
Shirley, I said I wanted
"We Built This City" in D minor.

380
00:17:11,084 --> 00:17:12,793
Get it together, dummy.

381
00:17:16,251 --> 00:17:19,834
E--Everyone, everyone,
I have an announcement.

382
00:17:20,418 --> 00:17:22,043
Pastor James is…

383
00:17:22,751 --> 00:17:24,626
the serial mooner.

384
00:17:24,709 --> 00:17:27,001
-[heavy metal music playing]
-[all gasping]

385
00:17:27,793 --> 00:17:29,959
[Pastor James grunting, groaning]

386
00:17:30,626 --> 00:17:34,543
[woman] The cheeks!
They are an exact match!

387
00:17:35,168 --> 00:17:37,501
-[Pastor James groaning]
-[all laughing]

388
00:17:37,584 --> 00:17:39,751
You literally just hit me
where the good Lord split me.

389
00:17:39,834 --> 00:17:41,251
Praise Shirley!

390
00:17:41,334 --> 00:17:42,709
Shirley forever!

391
00:17:42,793 --> 00:17:44,834
[all cheering]

392
00:17:44,918 --> 00:17:47,459
Impressive. How did you know it was James?

393
00:17:47,543 --> 00:17:50,501
Well, first off,
streakers love to be seen.

394
00:17:50,584 --> 00:17:52,168
They're exhibitionists.

395
00:17:52,251 --> 00:17:55,251
Never skip leg day. Ha!

396
00:17:55,751 --> 00:17:58,209
[Devilcat] Then, I thought about
what you said.

397
00:17:58,293 --> 00:18:01,418
Pastor James, and pardon my language,

398
00:18:01,501 --> 00:18:04,584
is an ass. [echoing]

399
00:18:05,501 --> 00:18:09,751
Wow, no purebred demon
would've ever put that together.

400
00:18:09,834 --> 00:18:14,126
Being half-human makes you so much better
at figuring us out.

401
00:18:14,209 --> 00:18:18,793
This is why you are destined
to be the greatest devil,

402
00:18:18,876 --> 00:18:20,543
or Devilcat,

403
00:18:20,626 --> 00:18:23,418
the universe has ever known.

404
00:18:24,001 --> 00:18:26,751
Hey. Maybe you could come down
and live with me.

405
00:18:26,834 --> 00:18:28,668
I could blow up the air mattress.

406
00:18:28,751 --> 00:18:31,334
Actually, all beds
in Hell are air mattresses, so…

407
00:18:31,418 --> 00:18:32,251
Oh. [chuckles]

408
00:18:32,334 --> 00:18:35,709
That's very kind of you,
but I belong up here.

409
00:18:35,793 --> 00:18:38,918
And thanks to you,
I've got a congregation to run.

410
00:18:39,418 --> 00:18:40,543
[soft music playing]

411
00:18:41,751 --> 00:18:44,709
Huh. Rejected by your own mother.
I can relate.

412
00:18:44,793 --> 00:18:48,376
Look, Greta, I know you're still bent
out of shape about what your mom said.

413
00:18:48,459 --> 00:18:52,668
But you have to understand.
She's just a dumb, confused human.

414
00:18:52,751 --> 00:18:55,834
And that human part is
what makes her so wonderful.

415
00:19:00,626 --> 00:19:03,001
You know, Marv, I was wrong about you.

416
00:19:03,084 --> 00:19:08,751
You're not a feckless, uncharismatic,
hunched, gutless, bald human bagpipe

417
00:19:08,834 --> 00:19:11,251
incapable of managing a Big Bulk.

418
00:19:11,334 --> 00:19:14,959
You are capable of managing a Big Bulk.

419
00:19:15,043 --> 00:19:17,751
I'd like to promote you
to general manager.

420
00:19:17,834 --> 00:19:20,418
[gasping] I won't let you down, sir.

421
00:19:21,376 --> 00:19:23,168
Marv, well done, man.

422
00:19:23,251 --> 00:19:24,709
I'm proud of you.

423
00:19:25,293 --> 00:19:29,126
Hey, that sounded sincere
when I said it. I think I meant it.

424
00:19:29,209 --> 00:19:31,709
-Oh, Godcat, that's so sweet.
-[purring]

425
00:19:31,793 --> 00:19:33,626
You know, we make a good team.

426
00:19:33,709 --> 00:19:36,501
Hey! You should join
my Dungeons & Dragons league.

427
00:19:36,584 --> 00:19:39,168
Whoa. Slow down.
I said I was happy for you.

428
00:19:39,251 --> 00:19:42,543
I didn't say I wanted
to turn my beard beard into a neck beard.

429
00:19:43,043 --> 00:19:44,793
[dramatic music playing]

430
00:19:44,876 --> 00:19:47,459
-[barking]
-They're closing in. What do we do?

431
00:19:47,543 --> 00:19:49,751
Grab my waist. I have an idea.

432
00:19:52,209 --> 00:19:54,543
-[alarm blaring]
-[Abbie grunts]

433
00:19:55,584 --> 00:19:59,418
-Uh… Mom?
-Greta? What are you doing here?

434
00:19:59,501 --> 00:20:02,793
There was a note at the auto shop.
I couldn't read your handwriting.

435
00:20:02,876 --> 00:20:07,168
I thought it said, "Headed to junkyard.
Off to butt ham fires."

436
00:20:07,251 --> 00:20:12,543
-No. "Off to hunt vampires."
-Aw, look at these little doggos.

437
00:20:12,626 --> 00:20:14,293
-[growling]
-Ow!

438
00:20:14,376 --> 00:20:15,418
No!

439
00:20:15,501 --> 00:20:18,543
-[dramatic music continues]
-[Greta groaning]

440
00:20:19,751 --> 00:20:21,126
[groans, barks]

441
00:20:21,209 --> 00:20:23,709
There must be some way
to reverse it. Think.

442
00:20:23,793 --> 00:20:27,834
Well, legend has it,
as long as the alpha roams the earth,

443
00:20:27,918 --> 00:20:30,668
its victims will forever be vampugs.

444
00:20:30,751 --> 00:20:33,626
-But no one has ever seen the alpha.
-[loud thud]

445
00:20:33,709 --> 00:20:36,168
[growling, roaring]

446
00:20:36,251 --> 00:20:39,168
What about the house-sized one
with the collar that says "Alpha"?

447
00:20:39,251 --> 00:20:42,084
Huh. Well, fresh eyes, I guess.

448
00:20:42,793 --> 00:20:45,293
-[alarm blaring]
-[both yelling]

449
00:20:46,834 --> 00:20:48,709
-[vampugs growling]
-[Abbie] Hyah!

450
00:20:48,793 --> 00:20:52,376
-Bad dog. Heel. No treats. Bad.
-Hyah!

451
00:20:53,376 --> 00:20:54,376
-[clattering]
-Huh?

452
00:20:54,459 --> 00:20:55,793
[snarling]

453
00:20:55,876 --> 00:20:57,084
Behind you.

454
00:20:59,626 --> 00:21:00,793
[growls softly]

455
00:21:02,293 --> 00:21:03,376
I've got an idea.

456
00:21:05,959 --> 00:21:07,626
[barking, growling]

457
00:21:07,709 --> 00:21:09,001
[grunting]

458
00:21:11,876 --> 00:21:13,293
[barking]

459
00:21:18,543 --> 00:21:20,459
-[soft music playing]
-[Greta panting]

460
00:21:20,543 --> 00:21:23,959
Greta! Thank God you're back to normal.

461
00:21:24,043 --> 00:21:26,084
My nose was pressing on my brain.

462
00:21:26,168 --> 00:21:27,668
Pugs are not okay.

463
00:21:29,334 --> 00:21:30,709
[Abbie] Hmm.

464
00:21:32,834 --> 00:21:35,834
Greta, honey,
I'm sorry for dragging you on this trip.

465
00:21:35,918 --> 00:21:38,751
I was trying to make up for…
Well, you know.

466
00:21:38,834 --> 00:21:42,001
Mom, I know you didn't mean
that you regret having me and Travis.

467
00:21:42,084 --> 00:21:45,959
You just have complex feelings
about trading your career for a family.

468
00:21:46,043 --> 00:21:48,084
I was too hard on you.

469
00:21:49,043 --> 00:21:51,001
[car engine turning]

470
00:21:51,084 --> 00:21:54,376
It's on the house,
and I've got something for you.

471
00:21:54,459 --> 00:21:55,584
[triumphant music plays]

472
00:21:55,668 --> 00:21:56,501
Wow.

473
00:21:56,584 --> 00:21:59,959
I forgot how good it feels
to get a commendation.

474
00:22:00,043 --> 00:22:02,959
It's like burpees for my self-esteem.

475
00:22:03,043 --> 00:22:05,209
You know, I could use a partner.

476
00:22:05,293 --> 00:22:07,459
Ever think of going pro?

477
00:22:10,751 --> 00:22:13,001
Do it, Mom. It'll make you happy.

478
00:22:13,084 --> 00:22:15,168
Greta, I'm already happy.

479
00:22:15,251 --> 00:22:18,376
Besides, being your mom
spikes my adrenaline way more

480
00:22:18,459 --> 00:22:20,084
than monster hunting ever could.

481
00:22:20,168 --> 00:22:23,834
Oh, sorry, I meant the car stuff
was on the house.

482
00:22:23,918 --> 00:22:28,876
Notarization of the Vampire Hunter
certificate is actually 80 bucks.

483
00:22:29,376 --> 00:22:30,459
[groaning]

484
00:22:30,543 --> 00:22:31,793
Keep the change.

485
00:22:31,876 --> 00:22:33,876
Yeah, it's hard to describe.

486
00:22:33,959 --> 00:22:35,418
It's art, sure,

487
00:22:35,501 --> 00:22:38,084
but it's also a commentary on our society.

488
00:22:38,168 --> 00:22:41,293
It's beautiful and tragic, all at once.

489
00:22:41,376 --> 00:22:45,876
Wow, I hope one day you could show me
this butt clap compilation.

490
00:22:46,459 --> 00:22:47,959
[tires screeching]

491
00:22:48,043 --> 00:22:50,251
Come on, Trav. We're leaving. Now.

492
00:22:50,334 --> 00:22:53,751
Oh. Looks like I gotta go,
but can I get your number?

493
00:22:54,543 --> 00:22:57,376
Oh, right. Um… Can I get your email?

494
00:22:58,168 --> 00:22:59,501
Oh, right.

495
00:22:59,584 --> 00:23:01,084
[soft music playing]

496
00:23:01,168 --> 00:23:04,709
You could write me a romantic letter,
and then I could write you one back,

497
00:23:04,793 --> 00:23:08,501
and we'll sit by the mailbox and wait
for the postman to arrive each day,

498
00:23:08,584 --> 00:23:10,001
hoping against hope.

499
00:23:10,084 --> 00:23:12,918
-Yeah, I'm not doing that.
-I get it. It's a lot.

500
00:23:13,459 --> 00:23:14,459
Mwah!

501
00:23:16,334 --> 00:23:19,001
Best trip ever!

502
00:23:21,459 --> 00:23:22,626
Abbie, pull over!

503
00:23:22,709 --> 00:23:24,876
-[dramatic music playing]
-[tires screeching]

504
00:23:31,376 --> 00:23:32,418
[gasps] Oh!

505
00:23:32,501 --> 00:23:34,543
[soft music playing]

506
00:23:38,709 --> 00:23:41,209
-[bottle cork popping]
-[laughing]

507
00:23:41,293 --> 00:23:42,751
[suspenseful music playing]

508
00:23:43,834 --> 00:23:45,668
[dramatic sting]

509
00:23:45,751 --> 00:23:46,751
Huh?

510
00:23:48,543 --> 00:23:49,793
["Forest Light" playing]

511
00:23:49,876 --> 00:23:51,418
♪ Leaves that unfold ♪

512
00:23:51,501 --> 00:23:53,751
♪ In the age to come ♪

513
00:23:54,834 --> 00:23:56,543
[Fabio screaming]

514
00:23:57,709 --> 00:24:01,168
♪ As they burst to life ♪

515
00:24:01,251 --> 00:24:03,959
♪ Each great and small ♪

516
00:24:04,043 --> 00:24:07,126
♪ For the age to come ♪

517
00:24:07,209 --> 00:24:10,251
♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh ♪

518
00:24:10,334 --> 00:24:13,209
♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh ♪

519
00:24:13,918 --> 00:24:16,584
♪ Ooh, ooh ♪

520
00:24:16,668 --> 00:24:20,168
♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh ♪

521
00:24:20,251 --> 00:24:22,834
♪ Ooh, ooh ♪

522
00:24:22,918 --> 00:24:26,376
♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh ♪

523
00:24:26,459 --> 00:24:29,209
♪ Ah, ah, ah, ah  ♪

524
00:24:29,293 --> 00:24:32,751
♪ Ah, ah, ah, ah ,ah ♪

525
00:24:32,834 --> 00:24:38,626
♪ Mark your compass ♪

526
00:24:39,251 --> 00:24:44,626
♪ Larks to follow you home ♪

527
00:24:45,709 --> 00:24:47,584
[music ends]