1 00:00:10,543 --> 00:00:14,209 Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug! 2 00:00:14,293 --> 00:00:15,543 Keep going! 3 00:00:16,209 --> 00:00:17,043 [bottle clatters] 4 00:00:17,126 --> 00:00:19,543 [burping] 5 00:00:20,084 --> 00:00:25,043 I am the harbinger of the spicy rooster apocalypse. 6 00:00:25,126 --> 00:00:28,459 I am a hydrogen bomb with a beard. 7 00:00:28,543 --> 00:00:32,668 I hold the flames of a thousand collapsed stars. 8 00:00:33,251 --> 00:00:34,959 I am… 9 00:00:35,459 --> 00:00:39,793 Godracha! 10 00:00:39,876 --> 00:00:41,876 [screaming] 11 00:00:45,251 --> 00:00:46,543 [continues screaming] 12 00:00:46,626 --> 00:00:47,668 [dramatic sting] 13 00:00:49,501 --> 00:00:51,168 [objects clattering] 14 00:00:53,251 --> 00:00:55,209 [panting] 15 00:00:56,209 --> 00:00:57,793 [resumes screaming] 16 00:00:57,876 --> 00:00:59,876 [theme music playing] 17 00:01:08,376 --> 00:01:10,501 [male voice] Hello there, unwitting mortal. 18 00:01:10,584 --> 00:01:13,834 Enter the portal, and undo your greatest regret, 19 00:01:13,918 --> 00:01:18,334 such as losing the love of your life or getting hair plugs in Tijuana. 20 00:01:18,418 --> 00:01:21,084 I call it the Regret Portal. 21 00:01:21,168 --> 00:01:24,543 It reaches into your subconscious, finds your biggest regret, 22 00:01:24,626 --> 00:01:30,043 and tempts you to go back in time to change it in exchange for your soul. 23 00:01:30,126 --> 00:01:31,751 I'd probably go back 24 00:01:31,834 --> 00:01:34,668 and get my Dave Matthews Band tattoo removed. 25 00:01:34,751 --> 00:01:38,043 Okay. If you can sell it to the board, I suppose I'm in. 26 00:01:38,126 --> 00:01:40,043 You can mention it to him tonight at the wedding. 27 00:01:40,126 --> 00:01:42,626 Good chance to warm 'em up to the idea informally. 28 00:01:42,709 --> 00:01:45,876 -Wedding? What wedding? -Didn't you get the omen? 29 00:01:47,626 --> 00:01:50,251 -[crows cawing] -[thudding] 30 00:01:52,293 --> 00:01:55,876 It's your cousin Sheila's wedding, and we feel that it might look awkward 31 00:01:55,959 --> 00:01:57,209 if you didn't attend. 32 00:01:57,293 --> 00:02:01,043 Ugh! Do I have to? Sheila was part of that cool clique in high school. 33 00:02:01,126 --> 00:02:04,584 They'd call me "Beelzebubulbous" every time I ate a soul. 34 00:02:04,668 --> 00:02:09,084 Well, you weren't the CEO of Hell then, were you? Demand respect. 35 00:02:09,168 --> 00:02:11,001 You know what? You're right. 36 00:02:11,084 --> 00:02:13,001 I should demand their respect. 37 00:02:13,084 --> 00:02:15,084 Good. Oh, and bring a plus one. 38 00:02:15,168 --> 00:02:18,334 There are rumors floating around about why you aren't married yet. 39 00:02:18,418 --> 00:02:19,626 What kind of rumors? 40 00:02:19,709 --> 00:02:22,584 That you're ugly. I mean, I guess they're not really rumors, huh? 41 00:02:22,668 --> 00:02:25,168 More like observations based on your face. 42 00:02:25,251 --> 00:02:27,251 Anyway, I'd bring a date. 43 00:02:28,751 --> 00:02:31,293 [sighing] Where am I gonna find a plus one? 44 00:02:31,376 --> 00:02:32,501 [Godcat] Mmm. Uh-- 45 00:02:32,584 --> 00:02:34,834 [licking] 46 00:02:35,876 --> 00:02:36,834 Mmm. Mmm. 47 00:02:36,918 --> 00:02:37,959 Ugh! 48 00:02:38,668 --> 00:02:41,501 For the millionth time, not a chance. 49 00:02:41,584 --> 00:02:43,126 No way. No. 50 00:02:43,209 --> 00:02:47,043 -[mystical tone plays] -Come on! Weddings in Hell are amazing. 51 00:02:47,126 --> 00:02:51,543 Plus, tonight's a big deal for me. I'm gonna pitch the board my new idea. 52 00:02:51,626 --> 00:02:54,959 It's called the Regret Portal. 53 00:02:55,043 --> 00:02:58,376 It allows humans to go back in time and fix their one biggest regret. 54 00:02:58,459 --> 00:03:02,709 I'd go back in time, and stop you from giving it such a stupid name. [laughs] 55 00:03:02,793 --> 00:03:04,584 -Up top. [laughs] -Right? 56 00:03:04,668 --> 00:03:07,251 Hey, I'll change you back into God form for the night, 57 00:03:07,334 --> 00:03:09,751 in a disguise, so no one will know it's you. 58 00:03:09,834 --> 00:03:11,543 For the last time I-- 59 00:03:12,293 --> 00:03:15,709 In disguise? Hah. All right, I'll go. 60 00:03:15,793 --> 00:03:17,251 Yes! Thank you! 61 00:03:17,334 --> 00:03:20,251 Okay, I'll order us a hellhole. See you in a few. 62 00:03:20,334 --> 00:03:23,751 [in singsong] Ooh. Someone's got a date with the devil. 63 00:03:23,834 --> 00:03:25,084 It's not a date. 64 00:03:25,168 --> 00:03:28,918 It's an opportunity to snoop around Hell in disguise. 65 00:03:29,001 --> 00:03:32,584 Heaven's board would love it if I uncovered the root of all evil. 66 00:03:32,668 --> 00:03:36,209 I'm betting it's either greed, lust, or VeggieTales. 67 00:03:36,293 --> 00:03:37,918 -[line rings, beeps] -Cheryl, it's me. 68 00:03:38,001 --> 00:03:39,418 Get Aslandeus and Craig on-- 69 00:03:39,959 --> 00:03:41,543 Denise? Where's Cheryl? 70 00:03:42,043 --> 00:03:43,126 A sick day? 71 00:03:43,209 --> 00:03:45,084 Well, how could she be sick? She's a fairy. 72 00:03:45,168 --> 00:03:46,668 I don't even think they have organs. 73 00:03:48,209 --> 00:03:49,209 [grunting] 74 00:03:52,293 --> 00:03:55,376 ♪ …foot in You take your right foot out ♪ 75 00:03:55,459 --> 00:03:57,376 ♪ You do the Horky Porky And you turn… ♪ 76 00:03:57,459 --> 00:03:59,001 [dramatic music playing] 77 00:03:59,959 --> 00:04:03,709 ♪ You put your right foot in You take your right foot out ♪ 78 00:04:03,793 --> 00:04:06,209 ♪ You do the Horky Porky And you turn yourself-- ♪ 79 00:04:06,293 --> 00:04:08,709 The "Horky Porky"? 80 00:04:08,793 --> 00:04:10,501 [all laughing] 81 00:04:10,584 --> 00:04:12,751 [moaning, groaning] 82 00:04:12,834 --> 00:04:15,251 [Regret Portal voice] Wanna go back and change it, huh? 83 00:04:16,876 --> 00:04:20,084 -That's right. Fix that regret. -Hmm. 84 00:04:21,334 --> 00:04:24,334 -Travis? What is that thing? -It's a Regret Portal. 85 00:04:24,418 --> 00:04:27,751 Don't trip. It's just a prototype. It won't actually take my soul. 86 00:04:28,584 --> 00:04:32,293 I'm going back in time to undo my biggest regret, 87 00:04:32,376 --> 00:04:34,626 singing that Horky Porky song. 88 00:04:34,709 --> 00:04:37,209 You can't do that. You could screw up the space-time continuum. 89 00:04:37,293 --> 00:04:39,251 Yes. Yeah, I agree. 90 00:04:39,334 --> 00:04:41,918 Better to just leave it in the past, buddy. 91 00:04:42,001 --> 00:04:46,709 I did one stupid thing when I was little, and because some jerk live-streamed it, 92 00:04:46,793 --> 00:04:48,709 I get bullied non-stop. 93 00:04:48,793 --> 00:04:52,959 If I don't make it back, cover my grave in Reese's cups and hentai. 94 00:04:53,501 --> 00:04:56,084 I wish to die as I lived. 95 00:04:56,168 --> 00:04:59,876 Well I have always wanted to do father-son time travel with you. 96 00:04:59,959 --> 00:05:02,626 Well, at least that's what my dad called it when he'd black out 97 00:05:02,709 --> 00:05:05,001 from drinking bong water on his custody weekends. 98 00:05:05,084 --> 00:05:06,751 No! Dad, don't you realize what-- 99 00:05:06,834 --> 00:05:08,251 [Regret Portal whirs, dings] 100 00:05:08,334 --> 00:05:09,793 -[Travis screams] -[Marv gasps] 101 00:05:10,584 --> 00:05:11,501 [both grunt] 102 00:05:11,584 --> 00:05:13,084 [Regret Portal Voice] Welcome, Travis Higgins, 103 00:05:13,168 --> 00:05:15,376 to the day of your biggest regret. 104 00:05:15,459 --> 00:05:17,501 Wow. This is so neat. 105 00:05:17,584 --> 00:05:20,793 Maybe I should go back and fix my biggest regret, 106 00:05:20,876 --> 00:05:22,959 investing my life savings in Friendster. 107 00:05:23,043 --> 00:05:26,376 Okay, Dad. Look for someone streaming on an iPad. 108 00:05:26,459 --> 00:05:29,251 That's the butt-dumpster who ruined my life. 109 00:05:30,501 --> 00:05:31,709 [soft music playing] 110 00:05:31,793 --> 00:05:35,668 Oh. SEAL Team Three. They put the "friendly" in friendly fire. 111 00:05:35,751 --> 00:05:37,918 -[door slams] -Mom, we have an emergency. 112 00:05:38,001 --> 00:05:41,209 A real emergency, or one of your pretend Greta emergencies? 113 00:05:41,918 --> 00:05:44,334 I need your help. There's a chance that Dad and Travis 114 00:05:44,418 --> 00:05:46,959 are about to collapse the universe upon itself. 115 00:05:47,043 --> 00:05:49,126 That is an emergency! 116 00:05:49,209 --> 00:05:51,168 This will be so much fun. 117 00:05:51,251 --> 00:05:53,959 I used to love going on missions with my SEAL team. 118 00:05:54,043 --> 00:05:56,084 Except for the time when we got stranded on a mountain 119 00:05:56,168 --> 00:05:58,293 and had to eat my friend Kathy's feet. 120 00:05:58,376 --> 00:06:00,293 -[Regret Portal dings] -[both screaming] 121 00:06:00,376 --> 00:06:01,293 [both grunting] 122 00:06:01,793 --> 00:06:03,501 [Regret Portal voice] Welcome, Abby Higgins, 123 00:06:03,584 --> 00:06:05,376 to the day of your biggest regret. 124 00:06:06,251 --> 00:06:08,834 Oh no! It appears since you touched the portal, Mom, 125 00:06:08,918 --> 00:06:11,459 we are at the day of your biggest regret. 126 00:06:11,543 --> 00:06:13,918 My biggest regret? What is my biggest-- 127 00:06:14,834 --> 00:06:16,876 [percussive music playing] 128 00:06:17,626 --> 00:06:18,918 Of course. 129 00:06:19,001 --> 00:06:20,501 [Abbie] Seventeen years ago, 130 00:06:20,584 --> 00:06:24,043 I was sent to bring the world's worst dictator to justice, 131 00:06:24,126 --> 00:06:25,626 Grizzly Jung Un. 132 00:06:25,709 --> 00:06:28,626 We got intel he was about to attack Alaska 133 00:06:28,709 --> 00:06:32,084 and seize control of their strategic flannel reserves. 134 00:06:32,168 --> 00:06:33,668 I was at a crossroads. 135 00:06:33,751 --> 00:06:37,584 I'd been in the SEALs for a while and wanted a change of pace. 136 00:06:37,668 --> 00:06:40,251 Something came over me that morning, and I quit. 137 00:06:40,334 --> 00:06:43,168 The Alaskan flannel industry never recovered. 138 00:06:43,251 --> 00:06:45,084 I've never forgiven myself. 139 00:06:45,168 --> 00:06:49,209 But now I'm back, and I can finally set things right by-- 140 00:06:49,293 --> 00:06:52,501 Oh. But that would screw up the whole space-time thingy, huh? 141 00:06:53,251 --> 00:06:57,959 Well, I suppose we've already messed up the timeline simply by being here. 142 00:06:58,043 --> 00:07:01,209 Maybe after this, we could bring other evildoers to justice 143 00:07:01,293 --> 00:07:04,084 like Ted Bundy or the California Raisins. 144 00:07:04,168 --> 00:07:08,043 Really? Oh, honey, this will be so fun. Come on. 145 00:07:08,751 --> 00:07:10,376 [Godcat screaming] 146 00:07:11,001 --> 00:07:12,793 [panting] 147 00:07:15,168 --> 00:07:16,668 Oh man. 148 00:07:16,751 --> 00:07:19,418 Good to be back in my old body again. 149 00:07:19,501 --> 00:07:21,918 I forgot how incredible being hot feels. 150 00:07:22,001 --> 00:07:25,626 -Hey, where does that door go? -Dad's office. No one's allowed in. 151 00:07:25,709 --> 00:07:27,876 Now remember, if a succubus tries to shake your hand, 152 00:07:27,959 --> 00:07:29,584 it's polite to pull out her fingernails. 153 00:07:29,668 --> 00:07:32,334 Don't make eye contact with Medusa. She won't turn you into stone. 154 00:07:32,418 --> 00:07:35,376 She's just super talkative, and you'll get stuck for like an hour. 155 00:07:35,459 --> 00:07:37,459 ["Chasing Cars" by Snow Patrol playing] 156 00:07:39,584 --> 00:07:41,459 [screaming] 157 00:07:42,126 --> 00:07:44,834 [demons sighing, groaning] 158 00:07:46,376 --> 00:07:48,043 [screaming in distance] 159 00:07:48,126 --> 00:07:50,376 [gasps] Look, it's the board. 160 00:07:50,459 --> 00:07:53,293 Okay. This is my chance to sell them on the Regret Portal. 161 00:07:53,376 --> 00:07:54,209 You good? 162 00:07:54,293 --> 00:07:56,043 Yeah, just gonna mingle. 163 00:07:56,126 --> 00:07:59,209 Do some demon-watching, you know, have a look around. 164 00:07:59,918 --> 00:08:00,793 [slurping] 165 00:08:00,876 --> 00:08:02,751 Hi. I'm… 166 00:08:02,834 --> 00:08:04,834 [growling, grunting] 167 00:08:07,959 --> 00:08:09,043 Well, hello. 168 00:08:09,126 --> 00:08:12,709 I'm Bloodvomit McSports-Hernia. 169 00:08:12,793 --> 00:08:13,793 Enchanté. 170 00:08:13,876 --> 00:08:15,584 So then, I says, so then, I says, 171 00:08:15,668 --> 00:08:19,709 "Don't look at me, Walt. EPCOT Center was your idea." 172 00:08:19,793 --> 00:08:20,626 [all laughing] 173 00:08:20,709 --> 00:08:23,709 Oh yeah! [forced laughter] 174 00:08:24,834 --> 00:08:27,251 Hello, Beelzebub. Good to see you. 175 00:08:27,334 --> 00:08:31,168 You learned how to be evil yet? Maybe just become a chiropractor. 176 00:08:31,251 --> 00:08:32,126 [demons laugh] 177 00:08:32,209 --> 00:08:37,126 Ha, ha. Good one. Actually, I have a new idea I'd like to run by you. 178 00:08:37,209 --> 00:08:39,876 Let's find our table, and I'll tell you all about it. 179 00:08:39,959 --> 00:08:43,543 Oh. We told Dan he could switch with you and sit at our table. 180 00:08:43,626 --> 00:08:44,959 [kissing] 181 00:08:46,084 --> 00:08:49,334 Eh, you could sit at his spot at table nine. 182 00:08:49,418 --> 00:08:51,418 [screaming] 183 00:08:55,418 --> 00:08:56,584 [whimpers] 184 00:08:56,668 --> 00:08:59,876 [scoffs] You're not gonna believe this. Look at the buffet line. 185 00:08:59,959 --> 00:09:04,626 Meatloaf, the musician, is standing there holding a plate of meatloaf, the food. 186 00:09:04,709 --> 00:09:06,709 -Come on, let's get a pic. -[laughs] 187 00:09:06,793 --> 00:09:07,793 [laughs] 188 00:09:07,876 --> 00:09:11,126 Wait 'til I get my hands on the jerk who filmed me. 189 00:09:11,209 --> 00:09:13,459 Hey, Dad, you've led a life of humiliation. 190 00:09:13,543 --> 00:09:16,543 What's more painful, a titty twister or a teste twirler? 191 00:09:17,459 --> 00:09:18,293 [gulping] 192 00:09:21,334 --> 00:09:23,501 There! There he is. Get him! 193 00:09:23,584 --> 00:09:25,709 Um… Wait! Better idea. 194 00:09:25,793 --> 00:09:27,043 The fire alarm. 195 00:09:27,793 --> 00:09:29,584 -[alarm ringing] -[people screaming] 196 00:09:31,918 --> 00:09:34,626 Hell yeah. Great idea, Dad. 197 00:09:35,501 --> 00:09:37,084 [soft music playing] 198 00:09:37,168 --> 00:09:38,793 Come on, buddy. Let's get back. 199 00:09:40,459 --> 00:09:41,668 [Regret Portal dings] 200 00:09:48,459 --> 00:09:50,251 [heavenly music plays] 201 00:09:50,334 --> 00:09:53,126 Wow. I'm finally free. 202 00:09:53,209 --> 00:09:55,459 Uh, Travis, buddy? 203 00:09:55,543 --> 00:09:57,209 -[loud thud] -[people screaming] 204 00:09:57,293 --> 00:09:59,209 [dramatic music playing] 205 00:09:59,293 --> 00:10:01,126 [roaring] 206 00:10:05,334 --> 00:10:07,751 How could this happen from undoing one thing? 207 00:10:08,251 --> 00:10:10,126 -[alarm ringing] -[people screaming] 208 00:10:15,084 --> 00:10:16,001 [dings] 209 00:10:17,501 --> 00:10:20,459 Man, false alarm! 210 00:10:21,584 --> 00:10:24,251 I've had enough of these false alarms, Chief. 211 00:10:24,334 --> 00:10:26,751 I need to focus on my true passion, 212 00:10:26,834 --> 00:10:29,584 gene splicing! 213 00:10:29,668 --> 00:10:31,043 [ominous music playing] 214 00:10:38,876 --> 00:10:40,626 [laughing evilly] 215 00:10:43,459 --> 00:10:45,334 [roaring] 216 00:10:47,709 --> 00:10:49,043 [laughing evilly] 217 00:10:51,418 --> 00:10:53,626 We have to undo the undo. 218 00:10:53,709 --> 00:10:56,251 So I guess we have to do the do. 219 00:10:56,334 --> 00:10:59,334 Oh. That's where that phrase comes from. 220 00:10:59,418 --> 00:11:03,168 No, I say we train the shark dragons to be service animals that can-- 221 00:11:03,834 --> 00:11:05,251 [dramatic music plays] 222 00:11:05,334 --> 00:11:06,626 -[roaring] -[screaming] 223 00:11:06,709 --> 00:11:08,334 Okay, I was wrong. 224 00:11:08,418 --> 00:11:09,876 Very, very wrong. 225 00:11:09,959 --> 00:11:11,168 [upbeat music playing] 226 00:11:11,751 --> 00:11:12,876 [grunting] 227 00:11:14,834 --> 00:11:16,376 Yeah! Hell yeah! 228 00:11:16,459 --> 00:11:17,543 [all cheering] 229 00:11:18,626 --> 00:11:20,584 Dictator eyeball pong rules. 230 00:11:20,668 --> 00:11:22,668 Now drink, losers. 231 00:11:22,751 --> 00:11:23,584 [slurping] 232 00:11:24,876 --> 00:11:26,459 Nostrovia! 233 00:11:26,543 --> 00:11:29,334 [gasping] There they are. The cool girls. 234 00:11:29,418 --> 00:11:31,626 Remember, you own a robocall company, 235 00:11:31,709 --> 00:11:34,293 we met on Scream Harmony, and we just got back from… 236 00:11:34,376 --> 00:11:36,293 Oh, what's the worst place in the universe? 237 00:11:36,376 --> 00:11:38,084 Oh, I got it. San Diego. 238 00:11:38,876 --> 00:11:40,709 You're CEO? 239 00:11:40,793 --> 00:11:42,626 [scoffs, laughs] 240 00:11:42,709 --> 00:11:44,668 Your daddy didn't buy you a new nose, 241 00:11:44,751 --> 00:11:47,751 but at least he made you head of his floundering corporation. 242 00:11:47,834 --> 00:11:50,168 Well, I'm trying to fix that, but-- 243 00:11:50,251 --> 00:11:52,876 I just became CEO of Facebook. 244 00:11:52,959 --> 00:11:57,543 The previous demon that was possessing Mark Zuckerberg died inside of him. 245 00:11:57,626 --> 00:11:59,126 And is this your husband? 246 00:11:59,709 --> 00:12:03,084 [sighs] You both reek of that "we got a bread maker as a wedding gift 247 00:12:03,168 --> 00:12:05,418 and tried to return it for store credit" vibe. 248 00:12:05,501 --> 00:12:06,709 [groaning] 249 00:12:06,793 --> 00:12:09,876 Lilith, you look like you could use a top-off. 250 00:12:09,959 --> 00:12:11,293 I'll grab some drinks. 251 00:12:12,543 --> 00:12:15,709 'Sup, bro? I'm Todd. You party? 252 00:12:15,793 --> 00:12:18,334 Does a hobgoblin's butt crack run sideways? 253 00:12:18,418 --> 00:12:19,334 [laughs] 254 00:12:19,418 --> 00:12:23,543 Hey, think we could do some partying in Satan's secret office? 255 00:12:23,626 --> 00:12:25,918 Maybe check out the root of all evil or whatever. 256 00:12:26,001 --> 00:12:28,209 Whoa. That's off-limits, bro. 257 00:12:28,751 --> 00:12:31,209 [laughing] JK, my dude. 258 00:12:31,293 --> 00:12:35,543 As we say in Hell, "Here freaking yeah!" 259 00:12:35,626 --> 00:12:37,626 -[wind gusting] -[both panting] 260 00:12:38,793 --> 00:12:40,834 This is so nice, sweetie. 261 00:12:40,918 --> 00:12:43,668 We never do mommy-daughter days like this. 262 00:12:43,751 --> 00:12:46,501 Eh, you two. Stop right there, eh? 263 00:12:46,584 --> 00:12:47,834 [Abbie grunts] 264 00:12:48,959 --> 00:12:49,834 [grunts] 265 00:12:49,918 --> 00:12:53,459 -No! Please, eh, let go! -See, hon? This is how you strangle. 266 00:12:53,543 --> 00:12:56,418 When you hear gurgling, that's when you know to stop. 267 00:12:56,501 --> 00:12:58,876 -Bacon. -I call it the death gurgle. 268 00:12:58,959 --> 00:13:00,501 It used to be my ringtone. 269 00:13:00,584 --> 00:13:02,293 [gurgling] 270 00:13:02,376 --> 00:13:05,168 [Abbie humming] 271 00:13:05,251 --> 00:13:08,251 Wait, you were happy doing this job? 272 00:13:08,334 --> 00:13:11,459 Oh yeah, my life in the SEALs was a blast. 273 00:13:11,543 --> 00:13:13,751 The USO shows were awesome. 274 00:13:13,834 --> 00:13:15,834 Ooh. Have you ever seen Carrot Top? 275 00:13:15,918 --> 00:13:18,459 He's got this thing where it's a golf club on one end 276 00:13:18,543 --> 00:13:21,376 and a stethoscope on the other, and… 277 00:13:21,459 --> 00:13:23,043 [laughs] 278 00:13:23,126 --> 00:13:26,084 -I don't wanna ruin it for you. -So then, why did you quit? 279 00:13:26,168 --> 00:13:28,168 Well, I wanted to start a family, 280 00:13:28,251 --> 00:13:32,334 like my own personal SEAL Team, going on fun missions together. 281 00:13:32,418 --> 00:13:37,459 But you're into your school stuff, and Travis has his unboxing obligations, 282 00:13:37,543 --> 00:13:39,501 -so it's not quite what I-- -[Mountie grunting] 283 00:13:39,584 --> 00:13:40,418 Hey! 284 00:13:40,501 --> 00:13:41,709 -[Greta grunts] -[groans] 285 00:13:41,793 --> 00:13:44,543 Great job, hon! You are a natural! 286 00:13:44,626 --> 00:13:47,043 Nah. Nah. But for real, yo. 287 00:13:47,126 --> 00:13:50,501 Y'all wouldn't believe what a monster my bro Drawk used to be. 288 00:13:50,584 --> 00:13:51,459 [chuckles] 289 00:13:51,543 --> 00:13:55,793 This guy is straight-banned from the Eighth Circle, am I right? What, what. 290 00:13:56,376 --> 00:13:59,501 Drink up, ladies. These are on me. [slurps] 291 00:14:00,084 --> 00:14:03,209 Yo, yo, I got the key. Let's go… 292 00:14:03,293 --> 00:14:05,709 to Satan's office. 293 00:14:05,793 --> 00:14:09,793 All the foosball, titty posters, and unplaceable smells you can want. 294 00:14:09,876 --> 00:14:14,501 So after forcing everyone to use soggy paper straws, 295 00:14:14,584 --> 00:14:18,834 I'm gonna mandate eco-friendly compostable underwear. 296 00:14:18,918 --> 00:14:21,876 Remember that time when you tried to form an improv team in high school 297 00:14:21,959 --> 00:14:24,418 because your dad was friends with Wayne Brady? 298 00:14:24,501 --> 00:14:28,293 Then you had to do a one-woman improv show because no one joined. 299 00:14:28,376 --> 00:14:33,084 And it was like somehow even sadder than regular improv. 300 00:14:33,168 --> 00:14:34,709 [all laughing] 301 00:14:35,876 --> 00:14:37,251 [mysterious music playing] 302 00:14:38,959 --> 00:14:41,084 Hey, Lilith, I thought about it, 303 00:14:41,168 --> 00:14:43,709 and I'm happy to lend you that money you asked for. 304 00:14:43,793 --> 00:14:45,668 Uh, what money? What are you talking about? 305 00:14:45,751 --> 00:14:48,793 You know, how you asked to borrow some money from me 306 00:14:48,876 --> 00:14:50,834 because you spent so much on couples therapy 307 00:14:50,918 --> 00:14:52,959 when you found out your husband was cheating on you. 308 00:14:53,043 --> 00:14:54,084 [gasping] 309 00:14:54,168 --> 00:14:56,168 That's absurd. Kevin loves me. 310 00:14:56,251 --> 00:14:58,959 You know, he said you're annoying and stupid, 311 00:14:59,043 --> 00:15:00,876 and you'll never be as successful as Beelzebub. 312 00:15:00,959 --> 00:15:03,334 And when he sees you naked, you look like a melting candle. 313 00:15:03,418 --> 00:15:04,709 His words, not mine. 314 00:15:06,001 --> 00:15:06,834 [whimpers] 315 00:15:08,209 --> 00:15:10,584 [whispering] Be quiet. We don't wanna wake the guard moose. 316 00:15:11,209 --> 00:15:14,334 I've gotta admit, Mom, I'm having fun hanging out with you. 317 00:15:14,418 --> 00:15:18,459 It's like having a spa day but with balaclavas and vengeance. 318 00:15:18,543 --> 00:15:21,001 Aw, I knew you'd come around, hon. 319 00:15:21,501 --> 00:15:25,418 Remember, this guy is a dictator, but he's a Canadian dictator. 320 00:15:25,501 --> 00:15:27,334 So expect him to be super polite 321 00:15:27,418 --> 00:15:29,501 right before we paint the walls with his brains. 322 00:15:29,584 --> 00:15:30,543 Wait, what? 323 00:15:31,043 --> 00:15:33,043 We are not killing anyone. 324 00:15:33,126 --> 00:15:34,793 Killing people is bad. 325 00:15:34,876 --> 00:15:36,418 But he's bad, Greta. 326 00:15:36,501 --> 00:15:40,126 Every Christmas he eats reindeer live on the Hallmark Channel, 327 00:15:40,209 --> 00:15:42,543 cohosted by Lacey Chabert. 328 00:15:43,168 --> 00:15:45,876 Okay. You can threaten his life, give him a stern warning, 329 00:15:45,959 --> 00:15:47,876 and make him promise to change his ways. 330 00:15:47,959 --> 00:15:49,709 This would never happen in the SEALs. 331 00:15:49,793 --> 00:15:52,001 Our team was given orders, we followed them, 332 00:15:52,084 --> 00:15:53,626 and we would accomplish our mission. 333 00:15:53,709 --> 00:15:55,834 But is that what your kids do? Nope. 334 00:15:55,918 --> 00:15:59,459 Well, what, may I ask, did you think motherhood entailed exactly? 335 00:15:59,543 --> 00:16:01,584 I thought motherhood would be straightforward. 336 00:16:01,668 --> 00:16:03,543 I thought my kids would wanna learn from me, 337 00:16:03,626 --> 00:16:05,126 but it's nothing like that at all. 338 00:16:08,334 --> 00:16:11,043 -[snoring] -Wait a minute. That's why we're here. 339 00:16:11,126 --> 00:16:13,709 Missing out on this mission isn't your biggest regret. 340 00:16:13,793 --> 00:16:16,751 Your regret was quitting the SEALs to start a family on this day. 341 00:16:17,418 --> 00:16:21,668 Ha! See, it is. Travis and I, we are your biggest regrets. 342 00:16:22,334 --> 00:16:23,168 [gun cocking] 343 00:16:23,251 --> 00:16:25,626 -[gasping] -[dramatic music playing] 344 00:16:25,709 --> 00:16:28,043 -[gun firing] -[grunting] 345 00:16:28,126 --> 00:16:30,334 [alarms blaring] 346 00:16:31,334 --> 00:16:34,168 -Greta! -No, Mom. I do not wanna talk to you. 347 00:16:34,251 --> 00:16:36,084 Eh, hold it right there, you hosers! 348 00:16:36,168 --> 00:16:37,793 [gun cocks] 349 00:16:38,418 --> 00:16:39,584 [grunting] 350 00:16:41,334 --> 00:16:42,626 This would've never happened 351 00:16:42,709 --> 00:16:45,459 if you'd let me quietly murder that man in his sleep. 352 00:16:46,168 --> 00:16:47,709 [moose bellows] 353 00:16:47,793 --> 00:16:50,501 Well, this also wouldn't have happened if you'd stayed in the Army 354 00:16:50,584 --> 00:16:51,876 instead of having kids. 355 00:16:51,959 --> 00:16:53,418 Then we'd all have been better off. 356 00:16:53,501 --> 00:16:58,043 How dare you say something like that. I wasn't in the Army. I was in the Navy! 357 00:16:58,126 --> 00:16:59,001 [Greta screaming] 358 00:16:59,084 --> 00:17:00,126 [music continues] 359 00:17:01,543 --> 00:17:02,709 [grunts] 360 00:17:05,834 --> 00:17:06,709 [grunting] 361 00:17:07,293 --> 00:17:09,084 -[moose bellows] -Giddy up. [clicks tongue] 362 00:17:09,168 --> 00:17:10,293 Come on, boy. 363 00:17:10,376 --> 00:17:12,168 Whoo-hoo! 364 00:17:12,251 --> 00:17:13,959 Hell yeah! 365 00:17:14,043 --> 00:17:16,334 That was awesome, wasn't it, honey? 366 00:17:16,418 --> 00:17:20,084 Sorry, what? I'm pretending I don't exist, like you wished for. 367 00:17:20,168 --> 00:17:21,084 [sighing] 368 00:17:21,876 --> 00:17:23,209 [moose bellowing] 369 00:17:23,293 --> 00:17:25,251 ["Chasing Cars" by Snow Patrol playing] 370 00:17:27,876 --> 00:17:30,584 -Thank you for that back there. -My pleasure. 371 00:17:31,168 --> 00:17:34,126 I don't know why you wanted to impress those idiots to begin with. 372 00:17:34,209 --> 00:17:35,834 That Lilith chick is awful. 373 00:17:35,918 --> 00:17:38,918 Also, she's clearly had work done on those horns. 374 00:17:39,001 --> 00:17:40,251 [both giggling] 375 00:17:40,334 --> 00:17:42,959 Seriously, though. Why do you care? 376 00:17:43,043 --> 00:17:45,584 [scoffs] You don't get it. I'm the spawn of Satan. 377 00:17:45,668 --> 00:17:46,876 It's a lot to live down to. 378 00:17:46,959 --> 00:17:49,668 You're CEO. You have lived down to it. 379 00:17:49,751 --> 00:17:52,293 Pfft! Yeah, I'm knocking it out of the park. 380 00:17:52,376 --> 00:17:55,834 Look, only you and I know how hard this job is. 381 00:17:55,918 --> 00:17:57,168 Don't question yourself. 382 00:17:58,168 --> 00:17:59,834 Maybe those girls are right though. 383 00:17:59,918 --> 00:18:02,334 I basically sacrificed everything for this. 384 00:18:02,418 --> 00:18:05,501 And now, once I'm waist-deep in it, and I can't turn back, 385 00:18:05,584 --> 00:18:08,834 I'm like, "Was it worth it? Do I even want this job?" 386 00:18:08,918 --> 00:18:12,751 -"Do I even belong down here at all?" -It was. You do. 387 00:18:13,584 --> 00:18:15,043 I forgot the third question. 388 00:18:15,126 --> 00:18:16,751 [both laughing] 389 00:18:18,293 --> 00:18:22,584 To being lonely at the top, or at the bottom, if you're in Hell. 390 00:18:23,501 --> 00:18:24,418 [slurping] 391 00:18:25,418 --> 00:18:26,459 -Ooh! -These are strong! 392 00:18:26,543 --> 00:18:28,959 These goat blood martinis are not messing around. 393 00:18:30,584 --> 00:18:33,168 Hey, what do we have here? 394 00:18:33,251 --> 00:18:35,376 The key to my dad's office? 395 00:18:36,584 --> 00:18:39,501 Um… Wait! Better idea. 396 00:18:39,584 --> 00:18:40,834 The fire alarm. 397 00:18:40,918 --> 00:18:42,418 [dramatic music playing] 398 00:18:46,126 --> 00:18:48,126 -[grunting] -Ow! [groans] 399 00:18:48,209 --> 00:18:49,668 Why do my nuts hurt? 400 00:18:49,751 --> 00:18:51,543 Oh, right. 401 00:18:51,626 --> 00:18:54,834 If I hurt my one-hour-ago self, I'll feel it as well. 402 00:18:54,918 --> 00:18:56,918 Oh. Is that so? 403 00:18:57,001 --> 00:18:57,918 [grunts] 404 00:18:58,001 --> 00:19:02,626 That's for kicking me in the balls. How do you like us now Friar Tuck? 405 00:19:02,709 --> 00:19:07,209 Whoa, Travis, looks like the alopecia gene struck a little early. 406 00:19:07,293 --> 00:19:08,126 [laughs] 407 00:19:08,209 --> 00:19:11,668 Well, I did it. I stopped other me from stopping the show. 408 00:19:13,168 --> 00:19:16,709 ♪ You put your right foot in You take your right foot out ♪ 409 00:19:16,793 --> 00:19:19,459 ♪ You do the Horky Porky And you turn yourself-- ♪ 410 00:19:19,543 --> 00:19:22,084 The "Horky Porky"? 411 00:19:22,168 --> 00:19:23,501 [all laughing] 412 00:19:24,668 --> 00:19:27,126 I guess I'm just gonna have to put up with the humiliation 413 00:19:27,209 --> 00:19:29,584 of being the Horky Porky kid forever. 414 00:19:29,668 --> 00:19:32,084 Wait. I want you to see something. 415 00:19:33,626 --> 00:19:35,334 It was you! 416 00:19:35,418 --> 00:19:36,293 [Marv] Yeah, Trav. 417 00:19:36,376 --> 00:19:39,668 It was me, and-- and I'm sorry I lied to you, 418 00:19:39,751 --> 00:19:42,209 but I'm not sorry for capturing that moment. 419 00:19:42,293 --> 00:19:45,751 You got up there in front of everyone and gave it your all. 420 00:19:46,251 --> 00:19:48,084 But everyone drags me for it. 421 00:19:48,959 --> 00:19:51,001 Son, there will always be bullies, 422 00:19:51,084 --> 00:19:55,209 uh, cyber or IRL, but you have to ask yourself, 423 00:19:55,293 --> 00:19:57,751 "Do I change who I am to please them, 424 00:19:57,834 --> 00:20:00,959 or do I stand up for the person I choose to be?" 425 00:20:03,501 --> 00:20:07,293 Hey, Marv. Psst. It's me, you from the future. 426 00:20:07,376 --> 00:20:08,293 How's it going? 427 00:20:08,376 --> 00:20:10,001 I knew this day would come. 428 00:20:10,084 --> 00:20:12,626 Okay, lay it on me. What are tonight's lottery numbers? 429 00:20:12,709 --> 00:20:18,251 Are they 12345678? Statistically unlikely, I know, but so is every other number… 430 00:20:18,334 --> 00:20:21,001 [both] …if you really think about it, right? 431 00:20:21,084 --> 00:20:23,209 -Hey, I need your iPad to-- -[Travis] No, Dad. 432 00:20:23,293 --> 00:20:26,293 It's okay. Past you can stream it if he wants to. 433 00:20:26,376 --> 00:20:30,043 You're right. What do I care what boobwizard_420 thinks of me? 434 00:20:31,376 --> 00:20:35,751 Wait, that's what people's names are in the future? That's awesome. 435 00:20:36,251 --> 00:20:37,959 -[laughs] -Shh. 436 00:20:38,043 --> 00:20:39,126 [both snickering] 437 00:20:41,126 --> 00:20:42,418 [whispering] Quiet. 438 00:20:44,959 --> 00:20:47,918 Um, excuse me, what are you doing? 439 00:20:48,001 --> 00:20:50,043 [sighing] Okay, hear me out. 440 00:20:50,126 --> 00:20:53,918 One of the main reasons I wanted to come here was to see… 441 00:20:54,001 --> 00:20:55,543 the root of all evil. 442 00:20:55,626 --> 00:20:58,376 What? That's what you're so excited about? 443 00:20:58,459 --> 00:21:00,751 Well, you at least have to take a shot of it. 444 00:21:00,834 --> 00:21:03,876 The root of all evil is alcohol? 445 00:21:03,959 --> 00:21:07,043 [laughs] No, that's just the dumb name 446 00:21:07,126 --> 00:21:09,251 for the scotch we distill in-house down here. 447 00:21:09,334 --> 00:21:12,001 There is no single root of all evil. 448 00:21:12,084 --> 00:21:15,626 It's sort of just everywhere, like tree pollen, 449 00:21:15,709 --> 00:21:19,251 or the tiny fecal particles in the food at Chick-fil-A. 450 00:21:19,334 --> 00:21:20,543 [coughing] 451 00:21:21,043 --> 00:21:23,334 [both grunting] 452 00:21:23,418 --> 00:21:26,584 It's like Napalm and halibut. 453 00:21:26,668 --> 00:21:27,668 [exhales] 454 00:21:30,626 --> 00:21:34,959 Oh, look a cute little spawn of Satan. 455 00:21:35,043 --> 00:21:38,334 You were adorable. I see the resemblance. 456 00:21:38,418 --> 00:21:42,209 [scoffs] That's from when he opened a no-kill shelter for plague rats. 457 00:21:42,293 --> 00:21:43,251 Such a legend. 458 00:21:44,543 --> 00:21:45,918 Huh. What's this? 459 00:21:47,126 --> 00:21:48,751 I'm not sure. 460 00:21:48,834 --> 00:21:52,084 The date at the top is a few days before he died. 461 00:21:52,168 --> 00:21:55,084 "Dear Shirley, I thought you'd like to see how much she's grown." 462 00:21:55,168 --> 00:21:57,293 "She looks more like you every day." 463 00:21:57,376 --> 00:22:00,834 "I'll try to make it back up to Earth soon to see you." 464 00:22:00,918 --> 00:22:02,918 "With love, Satan." 465 00:22:03,001 --> 00:22:04,918 "P.S. I miss your butt." 466 00:22:05,626 --> 00:22:06,459 I don't… 467 00:22:07,126 --> 00:22:08,293 I don't understand. 468 00:22:09,501 --> 00:22:14,376 I think your dad had an affair with a human woman named Shirley. 469 00:22:14,459 --> 00:22:16,918 Wait. So that means I'm… 470 00:22:17,001 --> 00:22:17,876 [gasping] 471 00:22:17,959 --> 00:22:19,584 [closing theme music playing] 472 00:23:06,959 --> 00:23:07,834 [music ends]