1
00:00:10,043 --> 00:00:12,043
-[crickets chirping]
-[dogs barking]

2
00:00:13,751 --> 00:00:17,876
Ow. God-freaking-dammit!
Who left a LEGO on the floor?

3
00:00:17,959 --> 00:00:20,876
I did. It was a test. You failed.

4
00:00:20,959 --> 00:00:23,918
Twenty dollars into the swear jar, please.
Thank you.

5
00:00:24,001 --> 00:00:26,876
I am newly re-energized
to help you, humans.

6
00:00:26,959 --> 00:00:28,376
My first order of business,

7
00:00:28,459 --> 00:00:30,793
lead this family
down a path of righteousness,

8
00:00:30,876 --> 00:00:33,668
one unclean vocabulary word at a time.

9
00:00:33,751 --> 00:00:34,709
[tooting]

10
00:00:34,793 --> 00:00:36,334
Did somebody just swear?

11
00:00:36,418 --> 00:00:39,126
Open your mouth for free jellybeans.

12
00:00:40,376 --> 00:00:41,834
Yum! What's this for?

13
00:00:41,918 --> 00:00:45,418
Anytime somebody swears,
the Cuss Bus rewards them with jellybeans.

14
00:00:45,501 --> 00:00:47,459
All hail the Cuss Bus.

15
00:00:47,543 --> 00:00:49,418
See, this is the problem…

16
00:00:49,501 --> 00:00:51,376
-Hell's influence on humankind.
-[door opens]

17
00:00:51,459 --> 00:00:52,793
-[footsteps approaching]
-Well, I--

18
00:00:52,876 --> 00:00:54,251
-[Godcat groaning]
-[screaming]

19
00:00:54,334 --> 00:00:55,209
[sighing]

20
00:00:55,293 --> 00:00:59,084
-Coyote gave birth in a Bloomingdale's.
-Jesus ******* Christ!

21
00:01:01,293 --> 00:01:03,293
[theme music playing]

22
00:01:14,043 --> 00:01:16,334
Agent Higgins, code name, Stillwell.

23
00:01:16,418 --> 00:01:19,543
Resuming Mission Good Mom, session 48.

24
00:01:19,626 --> 00:01:20,501
[knocking]

25
00:01:20,584 --> 00:01:22,334
Come on in, Travis.

26
00:01:22,418 --> 00:01:23,834
[motorbike revving]

27
00:01:24,584 --> 00:01:28,918
Oh, I'm sorry.
Travis isn't coming, Doctor Stillwell.

28
00:01:29,001 --> 00:01:30,959
What the-- You're not Travis!

29
00:01:31,043 --> 00:01:33,084
[game narrator]
Sweater missiles, activated.

30
00:01:33,168 --> 00:01:36,209
Or should I say, "Mrs. Higgins"?

31
00:01:37,751 --> 00:01:39,209
[laughing nervously]

32
00:01:39,293 --> 00:01:40,918
Aidan? Is that you?

33
00:01:41,001 --> 00:01:45,501
Technically, my avatar’s name is GUNZ,
spelled with all caps and a Z.

34
00:01:45,584 --> 00:01:46,543
Pretty sweet, huh?

35
00:01:46,626 --> 00:01:48,376
-[rock music playing]
-[Aiden groaning]

36
00:01:48,459 --> 00:01:51,834
Travis knows you’ve been pretending
to be his therapist

37
00:01:51,918 --> 00:01:54,168
in order to spy on him and stuff.

38
00:01:54,251 --> 00:01:56,918
[nervous chuckle] What?
No, that’s not what I--

39
00:01:57,001 --> 00:02:00,126
Travis is sick and tired
of you meddling in his life,

40
00:02:00,209 --> 00:02:02,126
always trying to control him.

41
00:02:02,209 --> 00:02:05,293
He’s running away
to my house where he can be free.

42
00:02:05,376 --> 00:02:07,584
Running away? Oh gosh. Let me talk to--

43
00:02:07,668 --> 00:02:09,959
He’s done talking, Mrs. H.

44
00:02:10,043 --> 00:02:12,168
What he needs is space.

45
00:02:12,709 --> 00:02:15,751
And his ADHD medication,
if you could drop it off at some point.

46
00:02:15,834 --> 00:02:17,918
Thank you so much. GUNZ out!

47
00:02:18,001 --> 00:02:20,001
-[motorbike revving]
-[Abbie gasping]

48
00:02:20,959 --> 00:02:22,543
[school bell ringing]

49
00:02:22,626 --> 00:02:25,126
Finally, as a reminder,
due to budget cutbacks,

50
00:02:25,209 --> 00:02:27,668
the urinals are now only decorative.

51
00:02:27,751 --> 00:02:30,584
Now, I'm pleased to introduce our guest,

52
00:02:30,668 --> 00:02:34,043
billionaire, innovator,
and aspiring comedian,

53
00:02:34,126 --> 00:02:35,959
Jefflon Bezmusk.

54
00:02:36,043 --> 00:02:37,793
[epic music playing]

55
00:02:37,876 --> 00:02:39,418
[Greta] Oh man, he's really here!

56
00:02:40,001 --> 00:02:44,126
Why is this dude dressed
like a Sharper Image got him pregnant?

57
00:02:44,209 --> 00:02:45,793
Aidan, this man is the future.

58
00:02:45,876 --> 00:02:47,209
He's going to colonize Mars,

59
00:02:47,293 --> 00:02:49,334
as soon as he finishes
trying to colonize Twitter.

60
00:02:49,418 --> 00:02:51,751
Greetings, uh, future fulfillment workers.

61
00:02:51,834 --> 00:02:55,376
I'm excited to announce
a countywide rocket competition.

62
00:02:55,459 --> 00:02:58,168
I'm hoping,
by giving back to the community,

63
00:02:58,251 --> 00:03:00,376
you'll ignore those nasty rumors

64
00:03:00,459 --> 00:03:03,168
about me making
my employees' bladders explode.

65
00:03:03,251 --> 00:03:06,834
Uh, the school
that builds the highest-flying projectile

66
00:03:06,918 --> 00:03:10,834
in 24 hours wins an internship
at Space Wrecks.

67
00:03:10,918 --> 00:03:14,543
Now get going,
and remember, reach for the moon.

68
00:03:14,626 --> 00:03:17,043
Even if you miss,
you'll be amongst the stars…

69
00:03:18,459 --> 00:03:21,084
suffocating in a cold, dark vacuum.

70
00:03:21,168 --> 00:03:22,959
[fanfare playing]

71
00:03:23,043 --> 00:03:25,751
So awkward, yet so inspiring.

72
00:03:25,834 --> 00:03:28,168
We must win this contest or die trying.

73
00:03:28,251 --> 00:03:30,126
Travis, go home and get my welding apron.

74
00:03:30,209 --> 00:03:32,626
Oh. And my cyanide tablets
in case things go sideways.

75
00:03:32,709 --> 00:03:34,418
They're in my Hello Kitty pencil box.

76
00:03:34,501 --> 00:03:36,959
I'm not going back
to where my mother eavesdrops on me

77
00:03:37,043 --> 00:03:40,126
and takes a big judgey mom dump
on everything I like.

78
00:03:40,209 --> 00:03:42,084
Plus, I told you,
I'm never helping you again

79
00:03:42,168 --> 00:03:44,501
after I woke up
with my fingers sewn together.

80
00:03:44,584 --> 00:03:48,876
Hey. Were you a better swimmer after that?
Yes or no? Well, I can't build it alone.

81
00:03:48,959 --> 00:03:50,209
Hmm.

82
00:03:50,293 --> 00:03:52,126
No can do, ma'am.

83
00:03:52,209 --> 00:03:54,459
The horseshoe team is entirely focused

84
00:03:54,543 --> 00:03:57,501
on beating our rivals
from Frackington on Friday.

85
00:03:57,584 --> 00:04:01,168
God, I hate Frackington so much!

86
00:04:01,668 --> 00:04:02,584
[grunting]

87
00:04:02,668 --> 00:04:04,584
Save it for the game, Hanson.

88
00:04:04,668 --> 00:04:07,293
I just don't understand
why you unpal'd me on Budster.

89
00:04:07,376 --> 00:04:11,084
Well, if I'm really your pal,
why am I not in your Bud Barn?

90
00:04:11,168 --> 00:04:12,959
[groaning]

91
00:04:15,168 --> 00:04:16,959
This is all your fault.

92
00:04:17,043 --> 00:04:18,168
What, puberty?

93
00:04:18,251 --> 00:04:21,959
Yeah. I could've made humans transform
from children straight into adults,

94
00:04:22,043 --> 00:04:24,209
but I thought it'd be funny
to combine bad skin

95
00:04:24,293 --> 00:04:25,793
and uncontrollable stiffies.

96
00:04:25,876 --> 00:04:27,376
No, emotions.

97
00:04:27,459 --> 00:04:29,543
My peers are so distracted by them,

98
00:04:29,626 --> 00:04:32,376
they refuse to assist
in my astronautical affairs.

99
00:04:32,459 --> 00:04:34,418
Ah, yes, emotions.

100
00:04:34,501 --> 00:04:37,751
By the time we'd rolled out hangry,
I knew we'd jumped the shark.

101
00:04:37,834 --> 00:04:40,959
-Probably should've installed that update.
-Hm. What update?

102
00:04:41,043 --> 00:04:42,959
Humanity version 2.0.

103
00:04:43,043 --> 00:04:46,793
Gets rid of the unpopular features
like emotions and pinky toes.

104
00:04:47,626 --> 00:04:51,543
And how exactly would you install
this update? Hypothetically.

105
00:04:51,626 --> 00:04:54,918
-Well, uh, first, I'd log into HOL.
-[keys clacking]

106
00:04:55,001 --> 00:04:57,376
Let’s see if I can remember my password.

107
00:04:57,918 --> 00:04:59,709
-[computer buzzes]
-[Godcat] Uh--

108
00:05:00,501 --> 00:05:01,918
-[Godcat mumbles]
-[computer pings]

109
00:05:02,001 --> 00:05:04,293
-[dial-up Internet connecting tone]
-[chuckles] Every time.

110
00:05:04,876 --> 00:05:06,209
[dog barking in distance]

111
00:05:07,251 --> 00:05:09,709
[screaming] Dang it, Devilcat! I…

112
00:05:09,793 --> 00:05:14,501
Never sneak up on a tabletop gamer.
You’re lucky my katana’s in the shop.

113
00:05:14,584 --> 00:05:15,668
"Dang it," Marv?

114
00:05:15,751 --> 00:05:19,959
Don't you mean, "******** it"?

115
00:05:20,043 --> 00:05:24,209
Whoa. I haven't heard words like that
since a crow flew into our dish

116
00:05:24,293 --> 00:05:25,959
and we accidentally got HBO.

117
00:05:26,043 --> 00:05:30,001
Oh, hell no! I mean, oh, heck no.

118
00:05:30,084 --> 00:05:31,876
Marv cannot afford to be evil.

119
00:05:31,959 --> 00:05:34,251
His head already looks like
a volleyball made of skin.

120
00:05:34,334 --> 00:05:37,043
-Imagine if he was evil too.
-Do you guys mind?

121
00:05:37,126 --> 00:05:40,709
Complicated Burrito Store is
a very difficult strategy game,

122
00:05:40,793 --> 00:05:43,168
and I need to focus
if I'm gonna defeat my bully

123
00:05:43,251 --> 00:05:44,918
at the gaming café tomorrow.

124
00:05:45,001 --> 00:05:48,001
You have a bully
besides the burden of life itself?

125
00:05:48,084 --> 00:05:51,959
Everyone at the gaming café suffers
under the tyranny of Francis.

126
00:05:52,043 --> 00:05:53,793
[mysterious music playing]

127
00:05:53,876 --> 00:05:55,876
[Marv] From his crushing snack packs,

128
00:05:55,959 --> 00:05:58,251
to his infamous booger brands.

129
00:05:58,751 --> 00:06:02,293
Worst of all,
he always wins underhandedly,

130
00:06:02,376 --> 00:06:04,793
thanks to his twenty-pocket cargo shorts.

131
00:06:04,876 --> 00:06:08,251
But if I could just beat Francis
once and for all,

132
00:06:08,334 --> 00:06:10,709
maybe we could all game
in peace once again.

133
00:06:10,793 --> 00:06:12,376
Maybe you should cheat, Marv.

134
00:06:12,459 --> 00:06:14,209
Marv cheat? Please.

135
00:06:14,293 --> 00:06:16,376
He leaves a tip on his tax returns.

136
00:06:16,459 --> 00:06:20,001
But you could be the big dog
at the gaming café,

137
00:06:20,084 --> 00:06:23,334
deciding what ginger ale
goes in the vending machine… [grunts]

138
00:06:23,418 --> 00:06:25,834
…growing that ponytail
you've always dreamed about,

139
00:06:25,918 --> 00:06:28,376
all thick and bouncy.

140
00:06:28,459 --> 00:06:32,084
Hands off. Marv is
my pastrami-scented Play-Doh person,

141
00:06:32,168 --> 00:06:34,626
and I will sculpt him in my image.

142
00:06:34,709 --> 00:06:38,751
-Since when do you care about humans?
-Humans are growing on me.

143
00:06:38,834 --> 00:06:41,751
I mean sure, they're basically
just monkeys who can use a toilet,

144
00:06:41,834 --> 00:06:43,626
but they're my toilet monkeys,

145
00:06:43,709 --> 00:06:46,043
and there's no way
I'm letting you corrupt them.

146
00:06:46,126 --> 00:06:49,626
Oh, there's no way I can corrupt him?
How about a little wager?

147
00:06:49,709 --> 00:06:53,043
We both try to sway Marv.
Good versus evil.

148
00:06:53,126 --> 00:06:55,918
If you win, I won't interfere
in your little Higgins project,

149
00:06:56,001 --> 00:06:57,168
but if I win…

150
00:06:57,251 --> 00:06:59,376
[in demonic voice] I get Marv's soul.

151
00:06:59,459 --> 00:07:03,209
-What are you guys talking about?
-I accept. So how do you wanna do this?

152
00:07:03,293 --> 00:07:07,459
[in normal voice] What if we shrink down
and jump in his ears like little AirPods?

153
00:07:07,543 --> 00:07:08,918
-[mystical tone]
-[both grunting]

154
00:07:09,001 --> 00:07:12,084
Ahh! What the-- Cats in my ears!

155
00:07:12,168 --> 00:07:13,126
All right, Marv,

156
00:07:13,209 --> 00:07:17,043
let’s prove that you can be righteous
and still prevail. Then-- Oh.

157
00:07:17,126 --> 00:07:21,043
Hang on, what are these fleshy bongos
at the bottom of your ear?

158
00:07:21,126 --> 00:07:23,126
[laughing] I'm gonna play those.

159
00:07:23,751 --> 00:07:25,751
-[Godcat humming]
-[drums beating]

160
00:07:25,834 --> 00:07:27,918
-[screaming]
-[grunting]

161
00:07:28,001 --> 00:07:31,709
Great work, Abbie. Somehow, in trying
to get closer to your son… [grunts]

162
00:07:31,793 --> 00:07:34,293
…you managed to completely… [grunts]

163
00:07:34,376 --> 00:07:36,626
drive him away!

164
00:07:38,043 --> 00:07:40,293
[grunting]

165
00:07:41,751 --> 00:07:43,751
[pleasant music playing]

166
00:07:46,043 --> 00:07:47,751
[gasping, crying]

167
00:07:49,459 --> 00:07:51,043
Huh. Abbie?

168
00:07:51,126 --> 00:07:52,376
Sorry about that.

169
00:07:52,876 --> 00:07:54,959
Lost my… head.

170
00:07:55,043 --> 00:07:55,959
Are you okay?

171
00:07:56,043 --> 00:07:58,376
Travis ran away
because of something stupid I did,

172
00:07:58,459 --> 00:08:02,209
and I'm worried I might've…
pushed him away for good.

173
00:08:02,709 --> 00:08:03,668
[sighing]

174
00:08:03,751 --> 00:08:07,876
Karen, your family seems so happy.
How do you do it?

175
00:08:07,959 --> 00:08:09,459
You wanna know how I do it?

176
00:08:09,543 --> 00:08:10,376
[mystical tone]

177
00:08:10,459 --> 00:08:12,043
Large breasts?

178
00:08:12,126 --> 00:08:14,084
No, Cheer Charm.

179
00:08:14,168 --> 00:08:17,876
I've used Cheer Charm's
patented philosophy of positive thinking

180
00:08:17,959 --> 00:08:23,251
to be the best mother, wife,
and non-salaried businesswoman I can be.

181
00:08:23,334 --> 00:08:25,959
And for a small investment, you can too.

182
00:08:26,043 --> 00:08:29,876
-Oh. Sort of sounds like a pyramid scheme.
-Pyramids?

183
00:08:29,959 --> 00:08:33,001
The things Egyptians built
for fun and exercise--

184
00:08:33,084 --> 00:08:37,293
Forget it. I thought you loved your son,
but I'll just put these away.

185
00:08:37,376 --> 00:08:39,334
No, no, no, wait. Leave them out.

186
00:08:39,418 --> 00:08:41,168
I do wanna be a better mom,

187
00:08:41,251 --> 00:08:44,334
and if you say Cheer Charm will help,
I'll do it.

188
00:08:44,418 --> 00:08:47,918
Great! I'd be happy to give you
a Cheer-ification consultation,

189
00:08:48,001 --> 00:08:50,001
if you think you're up to it.

190
00:08:50,084 --> 00:08:51,251
Up to it?

191
00:08:51,334 --> 00:08:54,876
[laughs] Please. I've slept
in a disemboweled caribou carcass.

192
00:08:54,959 --> 00:08:58,209
For like a military mission?

193
00:08:58,293 --> 00:09:00,918
No, we got scammed by Airbnb.

194
00:09:01,501 --> 00:09:04,001
Skorttles for dinner was clutch.

195
00:09:04,084 --> 00:09:06,043
This would never fly at my house.

196
00:09:06,126 --> 00:09:09,626
It must suck having parents
who are always making you eat healthy

197
00:09:09,709 --> 00:09:11,626
and caring about you and stuff. Huh.

198
00:09:12,126 --> 00:09:15,793
Anyway, my stepparents
should stay out of our way.

199
00:09:15,876 --> 00:09:20,251
Wait, you have two stepparents?
How is that even possible?

200
00:09:20,334 --> 00:09:22,209
Well, my dad left when I was five.

201
00:09:22,293 --> 00:09:24,709
Then my mom married Phil,
but then she left.

202
00:09:24,793 --> 00:09:28,334
Then Phil married Elaine,
but he peaced out pretty soon after that.

203
00:09:28,418 --> 00:09:33,084
Then Elaine actually dated my real dad
for a while until he ran off with my mom.

204
00:09:33,168 --> 00:09:35,834
Then Elaine married…
I wanna call him… Dave?

205
00:09:35,918 --> 00:09:36,918
Seems nice.

206
00:09:37,001 --> 00:09:38,584
I caught him stripping copper wire

207
00:09:38,668 --> 00:09:40,626
from our breaker box
and selling it online,

208
00:09:40,709 --> 00:09:42,459
but I don’t wanna
bust his balls. [slurping]

209
00:09:42,543 --> 00:09:47,876
Point is, Casa de Aidan is
a totally parentally unsupervised zone.

210
00:09:47,959 --> 00:09:50,376
-We can do whatever we want.
-Yeah!

211
00:09:50,459 --> 00:09:52,834
-[bears growling]
-[heavy metal music playing]

212
00:09:52,918 --> 00:09:55,751
[both] Polar bear knife fight!

213
00:09:55,834 --> 00:09:58,501
I'm just global warming up.

214
00:10:00,418 --> 00:10:05,001
I heard this is rated R
for violence and language.

215
00:10:05,084 --> 00:10:06,751
Let's frickin' go!

216
00:10:06,834 --> 00:10:09,168
-[woman screaming]
-[Travis crying]

217
00:10:09,251 --> 00:10:12,209
-Too scary.
-Even the language was scary.

218
00:10:12,293 --> 00:10:14,501
Too scary. Too scary.

219
00:10:14,584 --> 00:10:16,251
[upbeat music playing]

220
00:10:21,334 --> 00:10:22,876
[laughing]

221
00:10:29,251 --> 00:10:31,626
[Aiden gagging]

222
00:10:32,126 --> 00:10:33,459
[upbeat music continues]

223
00:10:33,543 --> 00:10:35,876
-Yeah!
-Yeah!

224
00:10:35,959 --> 00:10:38,626
-Ahh!
-[laughing]

225
00:10:39,668 --> 00:10:40,584
[school bell ringing]

226
00:10:40,668 --> 00:10:41,668
Hmm.

227
00:10:41,751 --> 00:10:44,959
Let's test this update
on a smaller sample size.

228
00:10:45,543 --> 00:10:47,334
Excluding myself, of course.

229
00:10:47,418 --> 00:10:49,418
[mystical tone]

230
00:10:50,626 --> 00:10:53,918
[blowing whistle]
Boys, I only know two things.

231
00:10:54,001 --> 00:10:58,709
The sex-ed curriculum I am mandated
to teach by State and throwin' shoe.

232
00:10:58,793 --> 00:11:01,793
Now, I want you
to treat this Frackington team

233
00:11:01,876 --> 00:11:07,293
like the female reproductive system treats
the uterine lining during menstruation!

234
00:11:07,376 --> 00:11:09,459
-[all cheering]
-[computer beeping]

235
00:11:09,543 --> 00:11:10,793
Oh yeah!

236
00:11:10,876 --> 00:11:12,001
[all screaming]

237
00:11:14,251 --> 00:11:16,834
[coach] Okay, not quite the response
I was hoping for.

238
00:11:16,918 --> 00:11:19,334
Hanson! I thought you hated Frackington!

239
00:11:19,418 --> 00:11:22,209
I hate nothing. I love nothing.

240
00:11:22,293 --> 00:11:24,168
I feel nothing at all.

241
00:11:24,251 --> 00:11:27,918
If I'm not in your Bud Barn,
you belong in my Stranger Manger.

242
00:11:28,001 --> 00:11:28,834
[groaning]

243
00:11:28,918 --> 00:11:30,751
-[dramatic music playing]
-[both screaming]

244
00:11:30,834 --> 00:11:34,209
Farm-based fraternizing is futile.

245
00:11:34,293 --> 00:11:38,084
[Greta] Attention, students. Please report
to the gymnasium immediately.

246
00:11:38,168 --> 00:11:39,793
[snare drums playing]

247
00:11:39,876 --> 00:11:43,043
I have called you here today
to ensure that we,

248
00:11:43,126 --> 00:11:47,459
the students of Horkville High,
win the rocket competition this afternoon.

249
00:11:48,168 --> 00:11:49,793
Students, assemble!

250
00:11:51,168 --> 00:11:55,543
On the sixth day, God created humans.
Today, I perfected them.

251
00:11:55,626 --> 00:11:58,126
Hey, my first god complex. [laughing]

252
00:12:01,459 --> 00:12:05,043
Okay, Marv, remember, evil may seem bad,

253
00:12:05,126 --> 00:12:08,043
but so many cool things
were once considered evil.

254
00:12:08,126 --> 00:12:10,626
Wolves, chocolate, Germans.

255
00:12:10,709 --> 00:12:12,501
[grunts] No, Marv. Bad.

256
00:12:12,584 --> 00:12:16,126
Holy things can be cool too, like… uh,

257
00:12:16,209 --> 00:12:19,709
the missionary position
or tramp stamps that say "blessed."

258
00:12:19,793 --> 00:12:21,293
[dramatic tone]

259
00:12:21,376 --> 00:12:25,293
Looks like this burrito store
just got a lot more complicated.

260
00:12:25,376 --> 00:12:26,668
[hair whipping]

261
00:12:26,751 --> 00:12:31,418
So, Hoggins and his piggy pals
want a game with the Cargo King.

262
00:12:32,168 --> 00:12:34,501
You know the drill. Pay to play.

263
00:12:34,584 --> 00:12:35,418
[hair whipping]

264
00:12:38,251 --> 00:12:39,334
[dramatic music playing]

265
00:12:39,418 --> 00:12:40,709
Here's your chance, Marv.

266
00:12:40,793 --> 00:12:44,418
Slip him some laxatives.
Let's call an air strike on his butthole.

267
00:12:44,501 --> 00:12:47,459
Don't do it.
Just say something biblical like,

268
00:12:47,543 --> 00:12:50,626
"Thou shalt not covet
thy neighbor's Zesty Corn Balls."

269
00:12:50,709 --> 00:12:52,043
Quiet!

270
00:12:53,668 --> 00:12:55,251
[dramatic music plays]

271
00:12:55,334 --> 00:12:59,126
That's right, little pup.
Big dog gets his Corn Balls.

272
00:12:59,209 --> 00:13:00,543
-[Godcat sighs]
-[Devilcat groans]

273
00:13:00,626 --> 00:13:02,084
[Godcat tsking]

274
00:13:02,168 --> 00:13:04,626
[Karen] I used to be
just like you, Abigail.

275
00:13:04,709 --> 00:13:09,668
Lost, afraid, having an emotional affair
with the tech support chatbot

276
00:13:09,751 --> 00:13:10,959
just to feel something.

277
00:13:11,543 --> 00:13:12,376
Anything.

278
00:13:13,084 --> 00:13:14,668
Then I found Cheer Charm.

279
00:13:14,751 --> 00:13:15,626
Ta-da.

280
00:13:15,709 --> 00:13:19,376
With this Smile Till It Hurts Starter Set,
every corner of your home

281
00:13:19,459 --> 00:13:23,418
offers a helpful reminder
that feeling bad is a choice and--

282
00:13:23,501 --> 00:13:26,168
I'm not sure Lincoln said that.

283
00:13:26,251 --> 00:13:29,001
[chuckles] Okay, Ken Burns.

284
00:13:29,084 --> 00:13:32,709
See, you have
what we call a cheer condition.

285
00:13:32,793 --> 00:13:35,543
Your body is literally rejecting charm.

286
00:13:35,626 --> 00:13:39,168
It's no wonder your home
was so intolerable for young Travis.

287
00:13:39,251 --> 00:13:40,918
You really think he wouldn't have run away

288
00:13:41,001 --> 00:13:44,293
if I had just
"turned my brain frown upside down"?

289
00:13:44,376 --> 00:13:49,543
Let's toast to that
with a glass of CheerVine Charm-donnay.

290
00:13:49,626 --> 00:13:50,501
[buzzing]

291
00:13:50,584 --> 00:13:52,418
Ow! What was that?

292
00:13:52,501 --> 00:13:54,001
Probably just a bee.

293
00:13:54,084 --> 00:13:56,834
They're drawn to
the wine's high sugar content.

294
00:13:56,918 --> 00:14:00,876
My throat is tightening, starting to hurt.

295
00:14:00,959 --> 00:14:05,126
Now, Abbie, you know
what we say about pain at Cheer Charm.

296
00:14:05,209 --> 00:14:09,334
"Pain is just French
for yummy, fresh-baked bread."

297
00:14:10,084 --> 00:14:11,834
[moaning, groaning]

298
00:14:11,918 --> 00:14:12,834
[mic feedback]

299
00:14:12,918 --> 00:14:16,668
Welcome to the first
annual Besmusk Rocket Competition.

300
00:14:16,751 --> 00:14:19,584
Best of luck,
and remember not to read anything

301
00:14:19,668 --> 00:14:22,501
into my obsession
with enormous metal phalluses.

302
00:14:22,584 --> 00:14:24,584
[inspirational music playing]

303
00:14:27,959 --> 00:14:33,126
It is my honor to present our rocket,
the Hot and Heavy Sky Sizzler.

304
00:14:33,626 --> 00:14:37,001
I mistakenly let the Internet name it
via online poll.

305
00:14:37,084 --> 00:14:39,584
Well, if it flies as well as it looks,

306
00:14:39,668 --> 00:14:41,626
that internship is yours.

307
00:14:41,709 --> 00:14:44,668
Did you hear that?
Mr. Bezmusk thinks we might win.

308
00:14:44,751 --> 00:14:49,126
Steps have been taken
to ensure 100% likelihood of success.

309
00:14:49,209 --> 00:14:50,751
[beeps]

310
00:14:53,209 --> 00:14:56,668
You're sabotaging the competition?
But that's deeply unethical.

311
00:14:56,751 --> 00:14:59,918
[all] There is no right or wrong.
Only victory.

312
00:15:00,001 --> 00:15:00,918
[people gasping]

313
00:15:01,001 --> 00:15:02,584
[dramatic music playing]

314
00:15:06,543 --> 00:15:08,334
It appears that removing their emotions

315
00:15:08,418 --> 00:15:12,209
has turned them into an amoral army
of task-driven automata.

316
00:15:12,293 --> 00:15:16,668
Your emotionality is impeding
the progress of the objective.

317
00:15:16,751 --> 00:15:18,084
[gasps] Huh?

318
00:15:18,168 --> 00:15:19,459
[electric fizzing]

319
00:15:20,959 --> 00:15:22,168
[Greta] Oh no!

320
00:15:22,251 --> 00:15:26,168
The students' emotions are combining
into some sort of toxic sludge.

321
00:15:28,668 --> 00:15:32,376
I have tears of joy and smiles of pain!

322
00:15:32,876 --> 00:15:37,959
You're all gaslighting me,
and I have no idea what that even means!

323
00:15:38,543 --> 00:15:40,084
[people screaming]

324
00:15:41,751 --> 00:15:43,293
[heavy metal music playing]

325
00:15:43,376 --> 00:15:44,918
[Travis moaning]

326
00:15:45,543 --> 00:15:48,751
Man, we've been streaming for six hours.

327
00:15:48,834 --> 00:15:51,584
The insides
of my eyelids feel like Triscuits.

328
00:15:51,668 --> 00:15:53,043
Squirt this in your eyes.

329
00:15:53,126 --> 00:15:56,043
It's a mix of saline
and expired Four Loko.

330
00:15:56,126 --> 00:15:57,876
Do you have anything for breakfast?

331
00:15:57,959 --> 00:16:02,001
We could melt some Skorttles
in the microwave. Make some Skortmeal.

332
00:16:02,084 --> 00:16:05,584
You know, I'd kind of prefer,
and I can't believe I'm saying this,

333
00:16:05,668 --> 00:16:08,418
something a little more… healthy.

334
00:16:08,501 --> 00:16:10,168
Dang, dude.

335
00:16:10,251 --> 00:16:13,501
You sound like
my family court-ordered nutritionist.

336
00:16:13,584 --> 00:16:15,751
Your parents got you brainwashed.

337
00:16:15,834 --> 00:16:20,418
Hey, you know what? I don't need you,
or my mom, or that singing leprechaun

338
00:16:20,501 --> 00:16:22,043
with meatballs for eyes.

339
00:16:22,126 --> 00:16:24,334
Ugh, man, I really need food.

340
00:16:24,418 --> 00:16:26,418
["Everybody's Talkin'"
by Harry Nilsson playing]

341
00:16:30,084 --> 00:16:31,001
[groans]

342
00:16:32,876 --> 00:16:35,293
♪ Everybody's talkin' at me ♪

343
00:16:36,876 --> 00:16:39,376
-♪ I don't hear a word they're sayin' ♪
-[gags]

344
00:16:40,959 --> 00:16:41,959
♪ Only the echo-- ♪

345
00:16:42,043 --> 00:16:44,043
Son, you're over the weight limit.

346
00:16:48,918 --> 00:16:52,334
I play… Salsa Picante.

347
00:16:52,418 --> 00:16:55,376
Guacamole. No onions.

348
00:16:56,043 --> 00:16:56,918
[sighing]

349
00:16:57,501 --> 00:16:58,543
Dang, he's good.

350
00:16:58,626 --> 00:17:00,418
Yeah, because he cheats.

351
00:17:00,501 --> 00:17:03,376
-So play a little dirty yourself.
-No, Marv.

352
00:17:03,459 --> 00:17:06,834
Commit righteous violence instead.
Kick him in his fuzzy apricots.

353
00:17:06,918 --> 00:17:08,126
[laughing nervously]

354
00:17:08,209 --> 00:17:11,834
I just remembered,
I-- I need to call my… mouth doctor.

355
00:17:13,209 --> 00:17:14,709
[phone ringing]

356
00:17:15,793 --> 00:17:18,626
Ugh. First sign of conflict
and you go pee?

357
00:17:18,709 --> 00:17:20,209
What are you, a kitten?

358
00:17:20,293 --> 00:17:23,793
-Also, why aren't you using the urinal?
-Oh, I sit down to whiz.

359
00:17:23,876 --> 00:17:25,001
It's more hygienic,

360
00:17:25,084 --> 00:17:28,459
plus it puts me in launch position
if I decide to go to DEFCON 2.

361
00:17:28,543 --> 00:17:29,376
[door opens]

362
00:17:29,459 --> 00:17:32,501
Sarah, please.
I didn't know you'd be home so soon.

363
00:17:32,584 --> 00:17:35,584
You were never meant to see what I
was doing to that sack of raw chicken.

364
00:17:35,668 --> 00:17:36,918
[door closes]

365
00:17:37,001 --> 00:17:38,959
-Ugh. Barf.
-Gross.

366
00:17:39,043 --> 00:17:42,209
I don't understand.
Did-- Did he use the wrong marinade?

367
00:17:42,709 --> 00:17:45,584
My boobs refuse to grow at the same rate.

368
00:17:45,668 --> 00:17:50,084
I looked at too many TikTok filters,
and now my real face seems weird.

369
00:17:50,168 --> 00:17:51,918
I am on fire.

370
00:17:52,001 --> 00:17:54,501
This is 100% true.

371
00:17:54,626 --> 00:17:56,793
-It's not safe here. We have to go!
-[glass shatters]

372
00:17:56,876 --> 00:17:58,084
[suspenseful music playing]

373
00:17:59,168 --> 00:18:00,751
[grunting, growling]

374
00:18:01,668 --> 00:18:04,334
Hmm. Not Skorttles.

375
00:18:04,834 --> 00:18:07,959
Travis, what are you--
Wow. Are you eating a vegetable?

376
00:18:08,043 --> 00:18:12,293
-Where's my phone? I should record this.
-It's a long story. Basically--

377
00:18:13,334 --> 00:18:15,418
-[screaming]
-[yelling]

378
00:18:15,918 --> 00:18:17,876
Parents are so mean!

379
00:18:17,959 --> 00:18:19,084
[roaring]

380
00:18:20,084 --> 00:18:21,668
Gonna have to hear about it later.

381
00:18:21,751 --> 00:18:22,751
[dramatic music continues]

382
00:18:22,834 --> 00:18:25,084
[Travis panting, screaming]

383
00:18:25,168 --> 00:18:26,668
What the hell was that?

384
00:18:26,751 --> 00:18:29,543
Some kind of plasmic projection
of our classmates' emotions

385
00:18:29,626 --> 00:18:31,376
that fused into that thing.

386
00:18:32,084 --> 00:18:33,501
[police sirens wailing]

387
00:18:34,334 --> 00:18:36,918
[growling, grunting]

388
00:18:37,001 --> 00:18:39,043
[roaring]

389
00:18:40,084 --> 00:18:41,626
[screeching]

390
00:18:43,251 --> 00:18:46,001
Oh no! It's absorbing
other people's emotions now.

391
00:18:46,084 --> 00:18:49,584
We have to get to the computer lab
to redistribute their emotions.

392
00:18:49,668 --> 00:18:51,459
Distract that thing.

393
00:18:51,543 --> 00:18:53,793
Wait! How am I supposed to do that?

394
00:18:53,876 --> 00:18:55,376
Greta! [groans]

395
00:18:56,209 --> 00:19:00,168
It's like my entire family hears me,
but no one ever actually listens.

396
00:19:00,251 --> 00:19:01,084
[Travis gasps]

397
00:19:01,168 --> 00:19:05,334
That's exactly how I feel.
License and registration, please.

398
00:19:05,418 --> 00:19:06,543
[Marv whimpering]

399
00:19:06,626 --> 00:19:07,834
[dramatic music playing]

400
00:19:07,918 --> 00:19:09,751
Your move, Hoggins.

401
00:19:11,876 --> 00:19:13,918
Is the cilantro bonus good?

402
00:19:14,001 --> 00:19:17,876
Of course cilantro isn't good.
My dad actually invented it.

403
00:19:17,959 --> 00:19:21,043
Until him, no demon could figure out
how to ruin tacos.

404
00:19:23,709 --> 00:19:25,584
[gasping] I can't believe it.

405
00:19:25,668 --> 00:19:28,043
The best card in the game,
and he dropped it.

406
00:19:28,126 --> 00:19:31,126
The Patronage of Steven Seagal.

407
00:19:31,209 --> 00:19:33,168
With that one card signifying that actor,

408
00:19:33,251 --> 00:19:37,251
musician, martial artist Steven Seagal
patronized my burrito store,

409
00:19:37,334 --> 00:19:40,001
I would win
no matter what Francis has in his pockets.

410
00:19:40,084 --> 00:19:44,001
What are you waiting for?
This human fanny pack is eating you alive.

411
00:19:44,084 --> 00:19:45,459
Play the damn card!

412
00:19:45,543 --> 00:19:49,626
I hate to say it, but I'm with her.
This guy is a monster.

413
00:19:49,709 --> 00:19:53,668
Sometimes, to serve the greater good,
you have to be Above the Law.

414
00:19:53,751 --> 00:19:54,626
Good movie.

415
00:19:54,709 --> 00:19:57,418
It's a great movie. Now play that Seagal.

416
00:19:57,501 --> 00:19:59,459
[dramatic music playing]

417
00:20:02,959 --> 00:20:05,876
I've only got one card to play,
so here it goes.

418
00:20:07,001 --> 00:20:09,626
Hey, Francis, tell me something.

419
00:20:09,709 --> 00:20:12,918
Are those tacos on the game board chicken?

420
00:20:13,001 --> 00:20:13,959
[dramatic sting]

421
00:20:14,751 --> 00:20:17,918
And is the chicken cooked or raw?

422
00:20:18,001 --> 00:20:21,834
Either you forfeit the game,
or we all have a nice conversation

423
00:20:21,918 --> 00:20:25,668
about the raw chicken you love so much.

424
00:20:25,751 --> 00:20:28,918
I… How did you-- I forfeit!

425
00:20:29,001 --> 00:20:31,501
You win. You win forever!

426
00:20:32,209 --> 00:20:34,501
Now bow to me, Cargo Boy.

427
00:20:34,584 --> 00:20:36,793
Bow to Marvelous Higgins.

428
00:20:36,876 --> 00:20:40,501
-Kiss the sweet sock sandals of a king!
-[all cheering]

429
00:20:41,001 --> 00:20:42,918
So, to answer your question,

430
00:20:43,001 --> 00:20:45,751
it's not weird that the smell
of meatloaf makes you horny.

431
00:20:45,834 --> 00:20:50,418
Wow. I feel way better. Where'd you learn
to be such a good listener?

432
00:20:50,501 --> 00:20:54,376
My therapist, who turned out
to be my mom in a video game.

433
00:20:54,459 --> 00:20:56,168
It's kind of a long story. You see--

434
00:20:56,251 --> 00:20:58,251
[blob groaning, moaning]

435
00:20:59,209 --> 00:21:00,793
[all screaming]

436
00:21:02,418 --> 00:21:03,876
[all grunting, groaning]

437
00:21:05,293 --> 00:21:09,293
I did it. I uninstalled the update.
Did they get their emotions back?

438
00:21:09,376 --> 00:21:10,751
One way to find out.

439
00:21:10,834 --> 00:21:15,043
Hey, everyone, I like watching TikToks
of zits being popped!

440
00:21:15,126 --> 00:21:17,168
-Eat my butt with a fork.
-[man] You are very sick.

441
00:21:18,043 --> 00:21:19,584
[uplifting music playing]

442
00:21:21,418 --> 00:21:23,209
Hi, family.

443
00:21:23,293 --> 00:21:24,334
[both screaming]

444
00:21:24,418 --> 00:21:25,793
[dramatic music playing]

445
00:21:27,126 --> 00:21:28,418
[gulping]

446
00:21:29,168 --> 00:21:30,001
Aah.

447
00:21:30,084 --> 00:21:33,709
The heck?! Mom, what's up with your face?
Are you having an allergic reaction?

448
00:21:33,793 --> 00:21:37,126
No. It's not an allergic reaction.

449
00:21:37,209 --> 00:21:40,876
It's a manifestation of my negativity.

450
00:21:40,959 --> 00:21:42,293
That does not make sense.

451
00:21:42,376 --> 00:21:43,418
[groans]

452
00:21:43,501 --> 00:21:47,918
I figured if it worked for Karen,
Miss Perfect Mom, it'd work for me.

453
00:21:48,001 --> 00:21:50,126
But it's pointless.

454
00:21:50,209 --> 00:21:54,668
Mom, listen. At first,
I was mad about what you did.

455
00:21:55,209 --> 00:21:59,709
But after being over at Aidan's,
I kind of get it. You care about me.

456
00:21:59,793 --> 00:22:01,793
That's why you don't feed me candy
for dinner,

457
00:22:01,876 --> 00:22:05,584
and why my bed isn't a pile of laundry
held together with an extension cord.

458
00:22:05,668 --> 00:22:07,043
[both grunting]

459
00:22:09,209 --> 00:22:10,918
[sneezing]

460
00:22:11,001 --> 00:22:12,334
[both cheering]

461
00:22:14,001 --> 00:22:17,418
I'm proud of you, Marv.
You didn't do anything underhanded,

462
00:22:17,501 --> 00:22:20,834
and you still defeated that eighth-grader
in a 40-year-old's body.

463
00:22:20,918 --> 00:22:22,959
Francis has been bullying me for years,

464
00:22:23,043 --> 00:22:25,793
and I just took it
until you two motivated me.

465
00:22:25,876 --> 00:22:27,334
Thank you.

466
00:22:27,418 --> 00:22:29,251
Abbie, where are the Q-tips?

467
00:22:29,334 --> 00:22:33,043
I had cats in my ears,
and one of them did something gross.

468
00:22:34,084 --> 00:22:40,959
You know, I can't believe I'm saying this,
but you make a half-decent Antichrist.

469
00:22:41,043 --> 00:22:41,876
Nice work.

470
00:22:41,959 --> 00:22:44,209
Thanks. You're good at your thing too.

471
00:22:44,293 --> 00:22:47,668
Humans are lucky to have you.
I'm still gonna destroy you.

472
00:22:47,751 --> 00:22:51,043
[in demonic voice] The streets
will run red with bubbly blood vomit.

473
00:22:51,126 --> 00:22:55,209
Fire balls from the butts
of the innocent. You get it.

474
00:22:55,293 --> 00:22:56,334
Uh-huh.

475
00:22:56,418 --> 00:22:59,543
Well, if evil does win out one day,
and it won't,

476
00:23:00,043 --> 00:23:03,834
take it easy on these humans, okay?
I actually kind of like them.

477
00:23:04,626 --> 00:23:06,251
Hey, double or nothing.

478
00:23:06,334 --> 00:23:08,209
The dad and the daughter's soul say

479
00:23:08,293 --> 00:23:10,793
I can chug a bottle
of ranch faster than you.

480
00:23:10,876 --> 00:23:14,668
Yea, though I walk through
the Hidden Valley of the shadow of ranch.

481
00:23:14,751 --> 00:23:16,376
[both laughing]

482
00:23:18,084 --> 00:23:22,251
[closing theme music playing]