1
00:00:10,043 --> 00:00:11,376
[ethereal music playing]

2
00:00:13,834 --> 00:00:15,043
[slurps, exhales]

3
00:00:15,126 --> 00:00:16,834
[phone ringing]

4
00:00:16,918 --> 00:00:19,043
God, the board will see you now.

5
00:00:20,668 --> 00:00:22,501
We called you in today
because of the incident

6
00:00:22,584 --> 00:00:26,709
that occurred last night
at your condo at approximately 1:53 a.m.

7
00:00:26,793 --> 00:00:30,084
Look, I'm sorry
about last night's little ordeal.

8
00:00:30,168 --> 00:00:31,168
It was, uh… [chuckling]

9
00:00:31,251 --> 00:00:32,334
…a wild night.

10
00:00:32,418 --> 00:00:35,918
"Little ordeal"? First,
you put on that nature documentary again,

11
00:00:36,001 --> 00:00:38,793
the one about the pterodactyls mating.

12
00:00:39,459 --> 00:00:42,793
-[pterodactyls screeching]
-[God] Mmm… [chuckles]

13
00:00:42,876 --> 00:00:46,084
Dude, it's weirding everyone out.
Why do you keep watching that?

14
00:00:46,168 --> 00:00:50,043
Then you passed out drunk
with a DiGiorno in the oven…

15
00:00:50,126 --> 00:00:52,459
-[pterodactyls screeching]
-[God chuckles, moans]

16
00:00:52,543 --> 00:00:53,668
[snoring]

17
00:00:54,459 --> 00:00:55,709
[fire alarm ringing]

18
00:00:55,793 --> 00:00:59,376
And burned down
the entire west end of Heaven.

19
00:00:59,459 --> 00:01:01,376
[people screaming]

20
00:01:03,709 --> 00:01:07,584
I mean, not all of it.
The Margaritaville survived. [chuckles]

21
00:01:07,668 --> 00:01:10,793
Oh. And you blew up all of our unicorns.

22
00:01:10,876 --> 00:01:13,168
[unicorns neighing]

23
00:01:13,251 --> 00:01:16,793
Oh, boo-hoo.
They're ponies with face boners.

24
00:01:16,876 --> 00:01:18,209
I did you a favor.

25
00:01:18,293 --> 00:01:20,834
Look, it's not just the fire.
Earth is also a mess.

26
00:01:20,918 --> 00:01:22,709
You left the tornado machine running,

27
00:01:22,793 --> 00:01:25,043
humans have invented
pumpkin spice deodorant,

28
00:01:25,126 --> 00:01:28,043
and the Red Hot Chili Peppers recorded
a Christmas album.

29
00:01:28,126 --> 00:01:31,293
The board's decided
you need to be rehabilitated.

30
00:01:31,376 --> 00:01:34,126
You must empathize with your disciples.

31
00:01:34,209 --> 00:01:36,918
And we believe the best way
to do that is for you to go to Earth

32
00:01:37,001 --> 00:01:38,626
and answer a human's prayer.

33
00:01:38,709 --> 00:01:39,584
[fax machine whirring]

34
00:01:39,668 --> 00:01:42,668
Here are a few recent ones.
Let's see. Tuh-tuh-tuh.

35
00:01:43,251 --> 00:01:46,126
Oh, a group of hikers got stuck
in a snowstorm.

36
00:01:46,209 --> 00:01:48,626
They're starving
and one of them prayed for help.

37
00:01:48,709 --> 00:01:51,418
I invented a solution to that ages ago.

38
00:01:51,501 --> 00:01:54,459
I'll give you a hint.
It rhymes with "bannibalism."

39
00:01:54,543 --> 00:01:58,418
Wait, here we go. Somebody
from the Higgins family sent a prayer

40
00:01:58,501 --> 00:02:00,709
asking for you to save their family.

41
00:02:00,793 --> 00:02:02,876
Perfect. You go down, connect with them,

42
00:02:02,959 --> 00:02:05,251
help save their family,
and then you can come back.

43
00:02:05,334 --> 00:02:07,626
And you'll live as one of them. Sort of.

44
00:02:07,709 --> 00:02:09,168
What do you mean "sort of"?

45
00:02:09,251 --> 00:02:10,459
[dramatic music playing]

46
00:02:11,668 --> 00:02:13,501
What do you mean "sort of," Craig?

47
00:02:14,501 --> 00:02:15,793
[screaming]

48
00:02:18,376 --> 00:02:20,334
[continues screaming]

49
00:02:27,709 --> 00:02:29,084
[God inhales deeply]

50
00:02:29,626 --> 00:02:31,043
[exhales deeply]

51
00:02:33,376 --> 00:02:35,418
What the f--

52
00:02:35,501 --> 00:02:37,293
[heavenly vocalization]

53
00:02:37,376 --> 00:02:38,918
[theme music playing]

54
00:03:01,043 --> 00:03:02,084
[Godcat gasping]

55
00:03:02,168 --> 00:03:04,334
What happened to my washboard abs?

56
00:03:04,418 --> 00:03:07,376
[gasps] My pecs look like
geriatric crêpes!

57
00:03:07,459 --> 00:03:11,584
[gasps] And my toes look like…
baked beans?

58
00:03:11,668 --> 00:03:16,168
Yeah, no. I'll just cast a quick spell
and transform back into my God body.

59
00:03:16,251 --> 00:03:17,959
-[grunting]
-[heavenly tone]

60
00:03:18,668 --> 00:03:19,793
[all gasping]

61
00:03:19,876 --> 00:03:22,376
What the…? Where's the rest of my God bod?

62
00:03:22,459 --> 00:03:24,751
[people gasping, screaming]

63
00:03:25,543 --> 00:03:27,418
-Wait, I'm God!
-[girl gasps]

64
00:03:27,501 --> 00:03:30,543
Hold up. Wait. I'm-- [grunts]

65
00:03:31,793 --> 00:03:33,834
What's wrong with my powers?

66
00:03:33,918 --> 00:03:35,168
[grunting]

67
00:03:35,251 --> 00:03:36,293
[yelps]

68
00:03:36,376 --> 00:03:38,001
[woman humming]

69
00:03:39,876 --> 00:03:41,209
[car engine running]

70
00:03:41,293 --> 00:03:42,126
Higgins?

71
00:03:42,209 --> 00:03:45,584
It's you. Your family prayed for my help.

72
00:03:45,668 --> 00:03:48,293
What the hell? You can talk! [gasps]

73
00:03:48,376 --> 00:03:51,501
Behold. I am the holiest of holy molys.

74
00:03:51,584 --> 00:03:53,501
I am God.

75
00:03:53,584 --> 00:03:54,876
Jesus Christ!

76
00:03:54,959 --> 00:03:58,751
Does this beard look like a goatee to you?
I said I'm God.

77
00:03:58,834 --> 00:04:00,584
-[tires screeching]
-[Abbie grunting]

78
00:04:00,668 --> 00:04:01,876
Hey, where'd you go?

79
00:04:02,959 --> 00:04:04,501
-[grunting]
-[Godcat] Oh!

80
00:04:04,584 --> 00:04:07,668
There you go, little chompster.
Just take a nice little nap.

81
00:04:07,751 --> 00:04:10,584
Glad I sprung for that jumbo pack
of horse tranquilizers.

82
00:04:10,668 --> 00:04:15,043
Harry, I nabbed a feral cat.
Possibly rabid. Definitely obese.

83
00:04:15,126 --> 00:04:16,626
[cats meowing]

84
00:04:19,543 --> 00:04:20,376
[groaning]

85
00:04:20,459 --> 00:04:21,709
[Abbie] I'm punching out.

86
00:04:21,793 --> 00:04:24,418
I gotta get home for a family game night.

87
00:04:24,501 --> 00:04:25,543
Barf!

88
00:04:25,626 --> 00:04:27,168
Not a board game fan?

89
00:04:27,251 --> 00:04:30,209
In the Navy SEALs,
we learned to snap our own necks

90
00:04:30,293 --> 00:04:31,918
in case of enemy capture.

91
00:04:32,001 --> 00:04:36,251
I've only ever been tempted once,
playing Scattergories.

92
00:04:39,334 --> 00:04:41,168
Hey, bud, how's it going?

93
00:04:41,251 --> 00:04:44,376
Terrific, other than the fact
that I no longer have the morphology

94
00:04:44,459 --> 00:04:46,001
necessary to use a toilet.

95
00:04:46,084 --> 00:04:49,376
Why in the name
of Zeus' thundering butt cheeks

96
00:04:49,459 --> 00:04:51,501
did you turn me into a cat?

97
00:04:51,584 --> 00:04:53,251
To teach you to connect with humans.

98
00:04:53,334 --> 00:04:56,418
You've reigned from above,
now you must empathize from below,

99
00:04:56,501 --> 00:04:58,459
literally. At their little baby feet.

100
00:04:58,543 --> 00:04:59,626
What about my powers?

101
00:04:59,709 --> 00:05:03,459
Well the board wants you to solve problems
without any fancy tricks.

102
00:05:03,543 --> 00:05:06,501
We did leave some of your spells intact
to help move things along.

103
00:05:06,584 --> 00:05:11,126
But I'd stick to small miracles,
like turning muffins into cupcakes.

104
00:05:11,209 --> 00:05:13,626
That's not a miracle. That's icing.

105
00:05:13,709 --> 00:05:15,334
[laughs] Roger that, good buddy.

106
00:05:15,418 --> 00:05:18,834
Now remember,
save the family, save yourself.

107
00:05:18,918 --> 00:05:21,418
-We'll be checking on you. Poof!
-Poof!

108
00:05:21,501 --> 00:05:25,293
Save a human family?
That's why I created sexy firemen.

109
00:05:25,376 --> 00:05:26,709
[cats meowing]

110
00:05:29,918 --> 00:05:33,209
Rise, my children.

111
00:05:33,293 --> 00:05:37,209
-Rise!
-[meowing in unison]

112
00:05:37,293 --> 00:05:39,168
Hold on. It's working.

113
00:05:39,251 --> 00:05:40,501
-[panting]
-[heavenly tone]

114
00:05:40,584 --> 00:05:43,209
Cats, assemble!

115
00:05:43,293 --> 00:05:44,751
[music intensifies]

116
00:05:50,126 --> 00:05:51,793
Ah-ya!

117
00:05:51,876 --> 00:05:53,334
-[Harry] What the--
-[Godcat laughing]

118
00:05:53,418 --> 00:05:54,501
[gasps]

119
00:05:55,459 --> 00:05:57,168
[dramatic music playing]

120
00:05:57,251 --> 00:05:59,001
[cats growling]

121
00:06:03,209 --> 00:06:05,043
-[vehicle door closes]
-[engine starts]

122
00:06:05,126 --> 00:06:07,209
[Godcat panting, grunting]

123
00:06:11,168 --> 00:06:12,793
[tires screeching]

124
00:06:13,876 --> 00:06:15,001
[mysterious music playing]

125
00:06:15,084 --> 00:06:17,959
Hmm. Why is my mouth filling with saliva?

126
00:06:18,043 --> 00:06:21,084
This trash bird is disease-ridden,
yet so alluring.

127
00:06:21,168 --> 00:06:23,126
[grunting] Like a buffet in Vegas.

128
00:06:23,209 --> 00:06:24,918
Or Timothée Chalamet.

129
00:06:26,459 --> 00:06:28,126
[grunting] Mmm.

130
00:06:30,584 --> 00:06:31,418
[rattling]

131
00:06:32,709 --> 00:06:35,168
Level five rainbow blast, activated!

132
00:06:35,251 --> 00:06:37,251
[imitating laser gun fire]

133
00:06:37,334 --> 00:06:39,168
Behold. 'Tis I, your Savior--

134
00:06:39,251 --> 00:06:41,918
[screams] A talking cat! [grunting]

135
00:06:42,001 --> 00:06:43,543
Chill! Chill!

136
00:06:43,626 --> 00:06:47,918
Yes, and you're a grown man playing
with toys. Now chill.

137
00:06:48,001 --> 00:06:49,001
[panting]

138
00:06:49,084 --> 00:06:51,584
Now listen up. I am God.

139
00:06:51,668 --> 00:06:56,209
Well, Godcat for now,
and I'm here on Earth to answer a prayer.

140
00:06:56,293 --> 00:06:58,834
Did you send it? I mean, right away,

141
00:06:58,918 --> 00:07:02,084
I can see that you're wearing pants
that unzip to become shorts.

142
00:07:02,168 --> 00:07:04,126
That seems on-brand
for someone who would say,

143
00:07:04,209 --> 00:07:05,834
"Dear God, please help me."

144
00:07:05,918 --> 00:07:09,834
God, huh? Whoa.
Hey, maybe you can answer a question

145
00:07:09,918 --> 00:07:14,293
that has caused more arguments
than any other in the history of humanity.

146
00:07:14,376 --> 00:07:17,543
Is it pronounced "GIF" or "JIF"?

147
00:07:17,626 --> 00:07:21,001
It's pronounced, "Who gives
a Jupiter-sized barge of dog crap?"

148
00:07:21,084 --> 00:07:23,168
-[phone chimes]
-Hey, it's almost time for game night.

149
00:07:23,251 --> 00:07:26,251
Come on, you can meet my opponents.
They're also my family.

150
00:07:26,334 --> 00:07:29,709
Great. The sooner I help you,
the sooner I can get back to Heaven.

151
00:07:29,793 --> 00:07:31,668
I'm having a tanning bed delivered
on Friday,

152
00:07:31,751 --> 00:07:34,376
and there's a Gorgon
who keeps stealing my packages.

153
00:07:34,459 --> 00:07:36,043
[mysterious music playing]

154
00:07:37,376 --> 00:07:39,209
Greta! Meet Godcat.

155
00:07:39,293 --> 00:07:41,834
As his name suggests,
he's God in a cat's body.

156
00:07:41,918 --> 00:07:44,459
Hello. Yes, I'm God.

157
00:07:44,543 --> 00:07:47,751
Please kiss my feet
or present me with a sacrificial goat.

158
00:07:47,834 --> 00:07:51,251
[laughs] Just kidding. But seriously,
a few toe kisses would be nice.

159
00:07:51,334 --> 00:07:55,584
Possible case of toxoplasmosis,
resulting in increased cognitive ability.

160
00:07:55,668 --> 00:08:00,293
Note, obtain stool sample. A god, you say?
So, does that make you omnipotent?

161
00:08:00,376 --> 00:08:02,126
Wow. Personal much?

162
00:08:02,209 --> 00:08:05,334
Just because I don't want kids,
doesn't mean I can't have kids.

163
00:08:05,418 --> 00:08:08,251
These tadpoles of mine
could populate a clown car.

164
00:08:08,334 --> 00:08:12,084
Ugh. No. "Omnipotent,"
the power to create anything.

165
00:08:12,168 --> 00:08:13,959
And if you are all-powerful,

166
00:08:14,043 --> 00:08:17,209
can you create a stone so heavy
that you cannot lift it?

167
00:08:17,293 --> 00:08:20,334
Of course I can make-slash-lift a big,
stupid rock.

168
00:08:20,418 --> 00:08:25,084
-In my regular God form, I'm quite swole.
-But you see the contradiction, right?

169
00:08:25,168 --> 00:08:28,209
I see somebody licked
one too many nine-volt batteries as a kid.

170
00:08:28,293 --> 00:08:30,834
I had a theory
that they generate new neural pathways,

171
00:08:30,918 --> 00:08:32,209
but they just made my hair curly.

172
00:08:32,293 --> 00:08:34,959
Come on. Game night starts in five.

173
00:08:35,043 --> 00:08:35,918
[sighing]

174
00:08:40,376 --> 00:08:44,834
Yo, yo, yo! It's me,
Travis the Travpocalypse! And today--

175
00:08:44,918 --> 00:08:47,834
Hey, Travis.
Remember how I told you God was dead?

176
00:08:47,918 --> 00:08:50,709
-Well, I was wrong.
-Dad. I'm streaming!

177
00:08:50,793 --> 00:08:54,751
Do I interrupt you when you practice
speaking Klingon in the mirror?

178
00:08:54,834 --> 00:08:57,584
Travis went viral
when he was really little.

179
00:08:58,584 --> 00:09:02,168
♪ You put your right foot in
You take your right foot out ♪

180
00:09:02,251 --> 00:09:04,668
♪ You do the horkey porkey
And you turn yourself around… ♪

181
00:09:04,751 --> 00:09:06,459
[woman] The "horkey porkey"!

182
00:09:06,543 --> 00:09:08,334
[all laughing]

183
00:09:08,418 --> 00:09:12,168
Since then, he's been trying
to get Internet-famous for something else.

184
00:09:12,251 --> 00:09:15,959
I offered to cosplay
as Conan the Barbarian for his livestream.

185
00:09:16,043 --> 00:09:18,418
Oiled up my loincloth and everything.

186
00:09:18,501 --> 00:09:22,418
Hey, shoutout to Buttsmasher6969
for liking my stream.

187
00:09:22,501 --> 00:09:26,168
Remember to hit that like button,
and I'll write your name on my forehead.

188
00:09:27,334 --> 00:09:28,959
[suspenseful music plays]

189
00:09:30,209 --> 00:09:31,334
[mouse clicks]

190
00:09:31,418 --> 00:09:32,459
[sighing]

191
00:09:32,543 --> 00:09:35,543
Hooray! You're done
with your TwitchTok or whatever.

192
00:09:35,626 --> 00:09:37,709
Come on, it's game night. I'll race ya.

193
00:09:37,793 --> 00:09:39,001
[Marv laughing]

194
00:09:39,543 --> 00:09:42,209
I'm guessing self-awareness
isn't his middle name.

195
00:09:42,293 --> 00:09:43,793
Still better than my mom.

196
00:09:43,876 --> 00:09:47,751
I asked her for a Switch last Christmas,
and she gave me a sharpened stick.

197
00:09:47,834 --> 00:09:51,751
[Marv] Are y'all paying attention?
Okay, my board game is fairly simple

198
00:09:51,834 --> 00:09:55,293
once you master the first 70 rules or so.

199
00:09:55,376 --> 00:09:59,043
After we stop the Zombie Kittens,
a Mercat will rise.

200
00:09:59,126 --> 00:10:02,376
The only way to defeat her is
to speak Cat-o-nese,

201
00:10:02,459 --> 00:10:05,501
an ancient cat language I invented
for this game.

202
00:10:05,584 --> 00:10:10,168
Now if we encounter a Rainbow Dragon,
the only way to stop it is

203
00:10:10,251 --> 00:10:13,376
to use the Red Wand of Destiny.
But no one's ever--

204
00:10:13,459 --> 00:10:17,126
Every word you speak is
like a dagger made of Benadryl.

205
00:10:17,209 --> 00:10:21,334
How your family's not rolled you
in a rug and set it on fire is beyond me.

206
00:10:21,418 --> 00:10:26,334
Okay, I knew it was game night,
so I got Kegernet Sauvignon.

207
00:10:26,418 --> 00:10:29,834
Calm down. It's not full.
I had some for breakfast.

208
00:10:30,459 --> 00:10:32,084
You again!

209
00:10:32,168 --> 00:10:34,959
Relax. I'm only here as a PR ploy

210
00:10:35,043 --> 00:10:37,334
to make it look like I give a dump
about you people.

211
00:10:37,418 --> 00:10:39,668
So just let me know
what you need help with,

212
00:10:39,751 --> 00:10:41,501
and I'll be out of your hair.

213
00:10:41,584 --> 00:10:44,959
Come on. Come on. Who here prayed
for help to save this family?

214
00:10:45,043 --> 00:10:47,084
We don't pray in this family.

215
00:10:47,168 --> 00:10:50,543
We catch prey,
mostly rats from the hole I dug out back.

216
00:10:50,626 --> 00:10:52,918
It's how I maintain our supply
of rat jerky.

217
00:10:53,001 --> 00:10:55,376
Wait, we've been eating rat jerky?

218
00:10:55,459 --> 00:10:58,834
Uh, look, we'll discuss that later.
Let's get this game started.

219
00:10:58,918 --> 00:11:00,126
[sighing]

220
00:11:01,793 --> 00:11:03,209
[dramatic music plays]

221
00:11:03,293 --> 00:11:07,793
So, Godcat, regarding rule number 147.

222
00:11:08,543 --> 00:11:11,501
[gasps] Magical red dot.

223
00:11:11,584 --> 00:11:13,709
-[dramatic music playing]
-[roars ferociously]

224
00:11:15,793 --> 00:11:17,959
[roaring]

225
00:11:23,293 --> 00:11:24,376
[all screaming]

226
00:11:27,501 --> 00:11:28,334
I'm sorry.

227
00:11:28,834 --> 00:11:31,001
I have no idea where that came from.

228
00:11:31,084 --> 00:11:34,918
Red lasers must activate
some kind of cat berserker mode in me.

229
00:11:35,001 --> 00:11:37,876
Can I be excused? This is worse
than that time Greta tricked me

230
00:11:37,959 --> 00:11:39,876
into going dumpster diving
at the hospital.

231
00:11:39,959 --> 00:11:41,918
But we found so many ears.

232
00:11:42,001 --> 00:11:45,418
No. You're staying here
and playing the game I worked so hard on.

233
00:11:45,501 --> 00:11:50,501
Dad, bro, for real? Bonding doesn't happen
by forcing your hobbies on us.

234
00:11:50,584 --> 00:11:53,918
Meaningful connections are built
through mutual emotional cognizance.

235
00:11:54,001 --> 00:11:55,293
Where did you learn that?

236
00:11:55,376 --> 00:11:56,918
I was playing Steal Truck Drive Drive,

237
00:11:57,001 --> 00:11:59,334
and I crashed through the window
of a therapist's office.

238
00:11:59,418 --> 00:12:01,334
So I stayed and talked awhile.

239
00:12:02,001 --> 00:12:04,418
Oh no! It's soaking into Zombie Cat.

240
00:12:04,501 --> 00:12:06,418
Hang on. I can fix you.

241
00:12:06,501 --> 00:12:09,751
Hey, Greta, let's go out back
and work on your knife skills.

242
00:12:09,834 --> 00:12:13,418
Your throwing looks good,
but you've kind of plateaued on stabbing.

243
00:12:13,501 --> 00:12:16,168
Actually I was hoping you'd listen
to my science fair presentation

244
00:12:16,251 --> 00:12:17,501
and give me feedback.

245
00:12:17,584 --> 00:12:20,084
-Sure. I'm always happy to make time for--
-[phone beeping]

246
00:12:20,168 --> 00:12:24,168
Oh, 9/11 Memorial Snuggies
are on QVC right now. Gotta run.

247
00:12:25,959 --> 00:12:26,793
No.

248
00:12:30,668 --> 00:12:32,918
-[dramatic music playing]
-[growls ferociously]

249
00:12:34,834 --> 00:12:36,959
Da Vinci had his Vitruvian Man.

250
00:12:37,043 --> 00:12:41,501
Now I, Greta Higgins,
have created Papier-mâché Man!

251
00:12:41,584 --> 00:12:42,459
Ugh.

252
00:12:43,293 --> 00:12:45,209
How odd that you claim
to have created man,

253
00:12:45,293 --> 00:12:47,584
and yet you are ashamed
of his husbandry barnacles.

254
00:12:47,668 --> 00:12:49,293
Just because you've made something

255
00:12:49,376 --> 00:12:52,001
doesn't automatically mean
you want to see it again.

256
00:12:52,084 --> 00:12:55,876
You think Spielberg's ever been like,
"Hey, let's throw on War Horse?"

257
00:12:55,959 --> 00:12:57,376
-[switch clicks]
-Ah!

258
00:12:57,459 --> 00:12:59,793
Look at it. Perfection.

259
00:12:59,876 --> 00:13:03,001
Check out how I made butt cheeks
like little cushions.

260
00:13:03,084 --> 00:13:05,959
Anywhere you go, bam, instant comfy chair.

261
00:13:06,043 --> 00:13:09,459
I call my project
"The Flawed Design of the Human Body."

262
00:13:09,543 --> 00:13:10,918
How dare you!

263
00:13:11,001 --> 00:13:14,001
Yes. For starters, I, for one,
probably wouldn't have combined

264
00:13:14,084 --> 00:13:16,418
the swallowing orifice
with the breathing orifice.

265
00:13:16,501 --> 00:13:21,501
Oh great. The orifice police are here.
You try creating everything in six days.

266
00:13:21,584 --> 00:13:24,751
When you're down to the wire,
some orifices are gonna get combined.

267
00:13:24,834 --> 00:13:26,959
[electrical crackling]

268
00:13:27,043 --> 00:13:29,543
I suppose we are both imperfect creators.

269
00:13:29,626 --> 00:13:30,793
"Imperfect"?

270
00:13:30,876 --> 00:13:34,043
Ever heard of a mantis shrimp?
It's incredible.

271
00:13:34,626 --> 00:13:36,709
[Godcat] I put all my energy into it

272
00:13:36,793 --> 00:13:39,251
to make it beautiful, powerful,

273
00:13:39,334 --> 00:13:41,834
and, like, super freaking violent.

274
00:13:42,334 --> 00:13:43,543
[intense music playing]

275
00:13:44,376 --> 00:13:46,293
Well of course I know
what a mantis shrimp is.

276
00:13:46,376 --> 00:13:48,334
If I could bring one of those in
for my project,

277
00:13:48,418 --> 00:13:50,084
that would get me the win for sure.

278
00:13:50,168 --> 00:13:51,918
Okay. Okay.

279
00:13:52,001 --> 00:13:53,043
Hold on.

280
00:13:53,126 --> 00:13:55,543
Dear God, please help me.

281
00:13:56,043 --> 00:13:57,334
Pound-nine-four-one-star.

282
00:13:57,418 --> 00:13:58,418
[dialing tone]

283
00:13:58,501 --> 00:14:00,751
Cheryl, hi.
It's me. Glad I caught you at your desk.

284
00:14:00,834 --> 00:14:03,668
Listen, can you teleport me
a mantis shrimp?

285
00:14:04,459 --> 00:14:05,584
[mystical tone]

286
00:14:05,668 --> 00:14:07,001
[mantis shrimp screeching]

287
00:14:08,501 --> 00:14:09,668
[banging]

288
00:14:09,751 --> 00:14:11,084
Yeah. Here we go.

289
00:14:11,168 --> 00:14:12,209
[grunting, laughing]

290
00:14:12,293 --> 00:14:16,293
Looks like he's hungry.
Do grocery stores here sell platypus meat?

291
00:14:16,376 --> 00:14:17,459
[laughs]

292
00:14:18,043 --> 00:14:21,709
And in conclusion, what you might refer to
as the fleshy flip-flop

293
00:14:21,793 --> 00:14:24,043
at the back
of your throat serves no purpose.

294
00:14:24,126 --> 00:14:27,168
Um. Excuse me,
that was meant to be decorative,

295
00:14:27,251 --> 00:14:28,834
like a little meat chandelier.

296
00:14:28,918 --> 00:14:32,376
Oh. Why is science fair attendance
mandatory at this school?

297
00:14:32,459 --> 00:14:34,084
-Listen, Traffic--
-Travis.

298
00:14:34,168 --> 00:14:39,501
Trashfist, shut that burrito vacuum
of yours. She's getting to the good part.

299
00:14:39,584 --> 00:14:40,876
[people yawning]

300
00:14:43,043 --> 00:14:46,584
But I bet you're wondering if
the human form is so inferior,

301
00:14:46,668 --> 00:14:49,168
what is the greatest creature on Earth?

302
00:14:49,251 --> 00:14:50,168
[all gasping]

303
00:14:50,251 --> 00:14:52,751
-Behold. The mantis--
-Behold. The mantis--

304
00:14:52,834 --> 00:14:54,293
[mantis shrimp screeching]

305
00:14:54,376 --> 00:14:55,709
[all gasping]

306
00:14:56,293 --> 00:14:58,251
[dramatic music playing]

307
00:14:58,334 --> 00:14:59,584
[screeching]

308
00:14:59,668 --> 00:15:01,334
Why am I not streaming this?

309
00:15:01,418 --> 00:15:04,334
My followers will love this way more
than me eating mulch again.

310
00:15:06,084 --> 00:15:07,168
-[beeping]
-[people scream]

311
00:15:07,751 --> 00:15:09,876
-[screeching continues]
-[music continues]

312
00:15:11,793 --> 00:15:13,751
[people screaming]

313
00:15:18,251 --> 00:15:20,043
Well, I hope you're happy, Godcat.

314
00:15:20,126 --> 00:15:23,293
And I'm saying that the way people do
when they hope someone's not happy.

315
00:15:23,376 --> 00:15:26,709
Don't blame Godcat. If anyone
in this family had taken an interest

316
00:15:26,793 --> 00:15:29,418
in my academic endeavors,
I wouldn't have had to ask him.

317
00:15:29,501 --> 00:15:33,376
Hey, I'm only here
because one of you prayed for my help!

318
00:15:33,459 --> 00:15:36,751
Stop saying that.
Nobody prayed. This isn't Utah.

319
00:15:36,834 --> 00:15:39,043
[groaning] Okay. I didn't want to do this

320
00:15:39,126 --> 00:15:42,293
since it violates
human-deity privacy laws, but whatever.

321
00:15:42,376 --> 00:15:45,459
Let's see. January 25th, 6:10 p.m.

322
00:15:46,126 --> 00:15:48,001
Dear God, my family's a mess.

323
00:15:48,084 --> 00:15:51,168
My husband still gets Spider-Man henna
at the county fair.

324
00:15:51,251 --> 00:15:53,626
My daughter is
like a computer going through puberty,

325
00:15:53,709 --> 00:15:56,668
and my son's goal in life is
to be famous for eating six pounds

326
00:15:56,751 --> 00:15:58,459
of soft-shelled crab on YouTube.

327
00:15:58,543 --> 00:15:59,543
[gasping]

328
00:15:59,626 --> 00:16:01,043
That wasn't a prayer!

329
00:16:01,126 --> 00:16:04,418
Any phrase that begins
with "Dear God" qualifies as a prayer.

330
00:16:04,501 --> 00:16:07,334
[chuckling] Believe me,
it drives the IT guy up the wall.

331
00:16:07,418 --> 00:16:09,334
A pubescent computer?

332
00:16:09,418 --> 00:16:11,418
Sorry I don't wanna follow
in your footsteps

333
00:16:11,501 --> 00:16:13,168
and go to Murder College.

334
00:16:13,251 --> 00:16:16,709
My bulk-eating videos are beloved
by people young and old!

335
00:16:16,793 --> 00:16:18,168
Admittedly, mostly old.

336
00:16:18,251 --> 00:16:21,251
Specifically, one guy who keeps asking me
for pictures of my mouth.

337
00:16:22,543 --> 00:16:24,834
You said you liked those tattoos.

338
00:16:24,918 --> 00:16:27,084
You-- You called me your Peter Parker.

339
00:16:27,168 --> 00:16:28,543
[soft music playing]

340
00:16:30,126 --> 00:16:31,626
[growling]

341
00:16:33,626 --> 00:16:35,626
[purring] Meow?

342
00:16:37,168 --> 00:16:38,126
[dramatic music plays]

343
00:16:38,209 --> 00:16:41,834
I am driving you out
into the woods and leaving you there.

344
00:16:41,918 --> 00:16:43,459
The woods? Oh.

345
00:16:44,043 --> 00:16:46,709
That was the other thing
on Earth I just totally phoned in.

346
00:16:46,793 --> 00:16:48,418
It's like nature's storage unit.

347
00:16:48,501 --> 00:16:50,376
I can't believe what you did!

348
00:16:50,459 --> 00:16:53,084
Hey, don't blame me!
You're the one who hates your family.

349
00:16:53,168 --> 00:16:55,251
I don't hate my family.

350
00:16:55,334 --> 00:16:57,709
Marv's the sweetest man I've ever known.

351
00:16:57,793 --> 00:17:00,543
And my kids… they're good kids,

352
00:17:00,626 --> 00:17:03,126
but we're just slowly growing apart.

353
00:17:03,209 --> 00:17:06,043
Fine. Say no more,
mostly because I don't care.

354
00:17:06,126 --> 00:17:08,293
Soon Greta will go off to college,

355
00:17:08,376 --> 00:17:12,584
and Travis will get into vaping
or rollerblading or roller vaping,

356
00:17:12,668 --> 00:17:15,001
and then it'll just be me and Marv

357
00:17:15,084 --> 00:17:18,043
drifting apart, one board game at a time.

358
00:17:18,126 --> 00:17:20,376
-[screaming]
-[car honking]

359
00:17:21,001 --> 00:17:22,126
[clicking]

360
00:17:22,209 --> 00:17:24,418
Your blinker is on, idiot!

361
00:17:24,501 --> 00:17:26,126
[suspenseful music playing]

362
00:17:27,251 --> 00:17:28,418
[grumbling]

363
00:17:28,501 --> 00:17:31,293
Turn off your blinker! [gasps]

364
00:17:32,209 --> 00:17:33,251
[music intensifies]

365
00:17:34,459 --> 00:17:36,501
Whoa, easy there, Colonel Kurtz.

366
00:17:36,584 --> 00:17:39,709
You went from zero
to homicide in, like, five seconds.

367
00:17:41,501 --> 00:17:43,251
-[tires screeching]
-[car horn blaring]

368
00:17:43,334 --> 00:17:44,209
[car crashing]

369
00:17:44,293 --> 00:17:46,834
Ah, I love being a model citizen.

370
00:17:46,918 --> 00:17:49,668
Wait, that's it.

371
00:17:49,751 --> 00:17:53,959
Marv is into these boring games
while Abbie thrives on action.

372
00:17:54,043 --> 00:17:58,668
Greta craves problem-solving,
and Trashfist likes mindless gore.

373
00:17:58,751 --> 00:18:01,043
I just need to connect those things.

374
00:18:01,126 --> 00:18:02,001
[gasps]

375
00:18:02,084 --> 00:18:03,876
I know what I need to do.

376
00:18:04,751 --> 00:18:06,501
-[mystical tone]
-[Godcat groaning]

377
00:18:08,834 --> 00:18:10,001
[crickets chirping]

378
00:18:12,043 --> 00:18:13,418
[vase shattering]

379
00:18:14,084 --> 00:18:15,293
You!

380
00:18:15,376 --> 00:18:17,334
Sorry, I needed your attention.

381
00:18:17,418 --> 00:18:19,959
Also, oddly, this is super satisfying.

382
00:18:20,043 --> 00:18:22,668
-[vase shattering]
-It's like popping bubble wrap.

383
00:18:22,751 --> 00:18:25,168
Anyway, I had this epiphany

384
00:18:25,251 --> 00:18:29,043
that you need to find something
you can all enjoy together.

385
00:18:29,126 --> 00:18:30,293
Here, watch.

386
00:18:30,376 --> 00:18:35,501
Abra-cat-dabra!

387
00:18:35,584 --> 00:18:37,043
[all grunting]

388
00:18:37,126 --> 00:18:39,334
I figured I'd shrink you down

389
00:18:39,418 --> 00:18:43,084
to play a life-sized version
of Marv's board game.

390
00:18:43,168 --> 00:18:46,376
Yes! I-- I play it close to the vest,

391
00:18:46,459 --> 00:18:50,084
but I'm actually very
into tabletop gaming.

392
00:18:50,168 --> 00:18:52,918
Right. Let's see. Da-- Here we go.

393
00:18:53,001 --> 00:18:57,084
First up, you are attacked
by a horde of Zombie Kittens.

394
00:18:57,168 --> 00:18:58,584
[dramatic music playing]

395
00:18:58,668 --> 00:19:00,168
Oh, one other little thing,

396
00:19:00,251 --> 00:19:02,626
these game pieces can totally kill you.

397
00:19:02,709 --> 00:19:06,418
I mean what better way to bond as a family
than through shared trauma? Right?

398
00:19:06,501 --> 00:19:07,334
Wait, what?

399
00:19:07,418 --> 00:19:09,001
[all screaming, moaning]

400
00:19:11,084 --> 00:19:12,959
You have the right to remain…

401
00:19:13,501 --> 00:19:14,751
dead.

402
00:19:15,251 --> 00:19:16,584
Mom, for real?

403
00:19:16,668 --> 00:19:19,626
Zombie gaming 101, headshots only.

404
00:19:19,709 --> 00:19:20,793
Here, watch.

405
00:19:20,876 --> 00:19:22,543
[zombie kittens grunting]

406
00:19:24,084 --> 00:19:25,043
[Abbie gasps]

407
00:19:25,126 --> 00:19:26,543
Okay, what's next?

408
00:19:26,626 --> 00:19:30,376
"A Mercat will rise
and sing its siren song."

409
00:19:31,209 --> 00:19:32,043
[Mercat squeaking]

410
00:19:32,626 --> 00:19:33,584
[mystical tone]

411
00:19:33,668 --> 00:19:34,709
[squeaks]

412
00:19:36,126 --> 00:19:37,626
[high-pitched scream]

413
00:19:39,501 --> 00:19:43,626
Remember the game rules?
We have to stop it by speaking Cat-o-nese!

414
00:19:44,209 --> 00:19:46,543
You no can has scritchy-witchy!

415
00:19:46,626 --> 00:19:48,834
Hiss-hiss, meo-- Dammit. That's not right.

416
00:19:48,918 --> 00:19:51,334
I'm not supposed to inflect on scritchy.

417
00:19:51,418 --> 00:19:58,084
You no can has meow-meow on our fuzznoms!

418
00:19:58,168 --> 00:19:59,751
Be gone!

419
00:19:59,834 --> 00:20:01,918
Meow!

420
00:20:02,001 --> 00:20:03,459
[mystical tone]

421
00:20:03,543 --> 00:20:08,001
Abbie, you learned Cat-o-nese?
I-- I don't know what to say!

422
00:20:08,084 --> 00:20:12,501
You practiced in the shower for months.
It's stuck in my brain like a blood clot.

423
00:20:12,584 --> 00:20:16,418
Wow! There's some serious bonding
going on here.

424
00:20:16,501 --> 00:20:20,584
Now just one last monster,
the Rainbow Dragon.

425
00:20:20,668 --> 00:20:24,334
Wait, I never finished sculpting
a figurine for the Rainbow Dragon.

426
00:20:24,418 --> 00:20:26,584
No need. We've already got one.

427
00:20:27,084 --> 00:20:28,626
[dramatic music playing]

428
00:20:29,793 --> 00:20:30,834
[roaring]

429
00:20:30,918 --> 00:20:32,251
[all screaming]

430
00:20:33,626 --> 00:20:35,126
[growling]

431
00:20:35,876 --> 00:20:37,334
Father, don't your rules say

432
00:20:37,418 --> 00:20:40,834
we have to defeat it
using the Red Wand of Destiny?

433
00:20:40,918 --> 00:20:45,293
But it's just a wild animal
on a game board! My rules don't apply.

434
00:20:45,376 --> 00:20:47,209
[gasps] I think they do.

435
00:20:47,918 --> 00:20:50,001
-[music continues]
-[all screaming]

436
00:20:50,084 --> 00:20:52,043
[all groaning]

437
00:20:53,918 --> 00:20:55,084
[moaning]

438
00:20:55,668 --> 00:20:57,501
[screeching]

439
00:21:01,668 --> 00:21:02,584
[gasping]

440
00:21:03,709 --> 00:21:05,876
Magical red dot.

441
00:21:05,959 --> 00:21:07,876
-[roaring ferociously]
-[intense music playing]

442
00:21:14,293 --> 00:21:15,126
[all cheering]

443
00:21:15,793 --> 00:21:17,793
[roaring]

444
00:21:19,126 --> 00:21:21,918
Can we get big again?
I gotta use the toilet.

445
00:21:22,876 --> 00:21:23,959
[soft music playing]

446
00:21:24,043 --> 00:21:26,043
[inaudible]

447
00:21:30,626 --> 00:21:32,626
[inaudible]

448
00:21:38,876 --> 00:21:39,793
[chimes]

449
00:21:44,209 --> 00:21:45,251
[music fades]

450
00:21:45,334 --> 00:21:49,459
Okay, I did your stupid rehab assignment.

451
00:21:49,543 --> 00:21:52,126
I cared about these losers.

452
00:21:52,209 --> 00:21:54,709
You know, empathy.

453
00:21:55,209 --> 00:21:56,126
-Poof!
-Poof!

454
00:21:56,209 --> 00:21:59,501
We saw great work
from a PR standpoint, sir.

455
00:21:59,584 --> 00:22:01,168
I found myself actually rooting

456
00:22:01,251 --> 00:22:05,043
for the crybaby gamer kid
not to have his limbs torn from his torso.

457
00:22:05,126 --> 00:22:06,251
Plot twist!

458
00:22:06,334 --> 00:22:08,584
Great. Okay, so time to beam me up.

459
00:22:09,251 --> 00:22:13,293
Actually, the board feels
you still have a lot of making up to do.

460
00:22:13,376 --> 00:22:17,001
War, inequality,
nautically themed bathrooms,

461
00:22:17,084 --> 00:22:19,626
the smell that emanates
from a Subway restaurant,

462
00:22:19,709 --> 00:22:23,043
people who say "in bed"
after you read a fortune cookie.

463
00:22:23,126 --> 00:22:24,793
Oh, you'll have to stay down here

464
00:22:24,876 --> 00:22:28,209
and live with this family
for a little while longer, I'm afraid.

465
00:22:28,293 --> 00:22:30,834
But, hey, the good news is you have us.

466
00:22:30,918 --> 00:22:33,501
Just know Craig and Aslandeus
are up there rooting for you.

467
00:22:33,584 --> 00:22:35,334
Nautical bathrooms? That's not fair.

468
00:22:35,418 --> 00:22:37,501
I created the ocean
and the humans ran with it.

469
00:22:37,584 --> 00:22:38,543
-Poof!
-Poof!

470
00:22:38,626 --> 00:22:39,793
[groans]

471
00:22:40,876 --> 00:22:41,959
[cat meowing]

472
00:22:43,668 --> 00:22:45,501
[ominous music playing]

473
00:22:47,668 --> 00:22:49,543
["Booty Swing" by Parov Stelar playing]

474
00:22:55,668 --> 00:22:57,126
♪ Arab sheiks on the burning sands… ♪

475
00:22:57,209 --> 00:22:58,543
[gasping]

476
00:22:58,626 --> 00:23:00,084
♪ …and clap their hands ♪

477
00:23:00,168 --> 00:23:02,168
♪ Said, "Come on, girls
Are you ready to play?" ♪

478
00:23:02,793 --> 00:23:04,126
You!

479
00:23:06,793 --> 00:23:09,959
Mw-ha-ha-ha. [laughing]

480
00:23:13,709 --> 00:23:16,084
[coughing, choking]

481
00:23:18,001 --> 00:23:18,959
[clears throat]

482
00:23:19,043 --> 00:23:21,584
[laughs] Mmm.

483
00:23:21,668 --> 00:23:23,668
["Booty Swing" continues playing]

484
00:23:38,626 --> 00:23:42,501
[scatting]

485
00:23:46,918 --> 00:23:49,084
♪ Gypsy caravans have changed their mode ♪

486
00:23:49,168 --> 00:23:51,126
♪ They truck down the Romany road ♪

487
00:23:51,209 --> 00:23:53,459
♪ With their hi-de-hos
And their hey-hey-diddle ♪

488
00:23:53,543 --> 00:23:55,543
♪ Doin' the swing on the Gypsy fiddle ♪

489
00:24:05,209 --> 00:24:06,584
[vocalizing]

490
00:24:09,668 --> 00:24:11,584
[song ends]