People don't know how much responsibility it is.
They copulate and produce creatures that wander around without purpose.
He'll fall on his face.
Look how his legs are shaking.
His mother's not even looking.
The boy is fighting for life and she's Tindering for a dad.
If he doesn't go ass over teakettle in 30 seconds, I'll pay double.
-That's it! -Mom! Ouch!
God! Wait.
What's up, homie?
There's this one day
Very warm, yet in December
A day, a casual day
On which conflicts are not remembered
There's this one day
On which joy awaits us all
It is a day
We've all know since we were born
From Earth to Heaven From Heaven to Earth
Everyone sends greetings back and forth
Trees to birds Birds to trees
Snowflakes dance in the wind with ease
There's this one day
We spend together without a fuss
A day, a beautiful day
Today the year is gifting it to us
Hey, Tytus.
This is for his supper at 7:00.
You won't believe it.
I got free weed.
What? He doesn't know what it means. There are different kinds of weeds.
You're completely irredeemable.
I know exactly what you're doing. I know your every move. Each one.
This one, too?
Stop. All you had to do was pick him up.
I forgot.
You know time passes differently for me.
-Definitely does now. -Are you angry?
-Do I look angry? -I bet you are.
Four people died on my shift today, but you pissed me off the most.
There's a parents' association meeting at Little Ray of Sunshine today.
I'm sure they'll talk about Tytus again, and I won't be there again.
They really hate him.
The looks they gave me when it got out that I'm the only one who doesn't pay…
Or when Tytus put a frankfurter up a girl's nose.
Or when he brought a dead pigeon in his bag.
The whole frankfurter?
-I fucked up, I know. -Hey! Please…
-You were swearing too. -But I was swearing towards the wall.
But the sound bounces off and-- Okay.
Fine.
I fucked up.
I'll go to the meeting for you.
WELCOME
No.
I have to go to the hospital, and somebody has to stay with him.
Besides, you'd feel lost among adults.
Bye, darling.
Goodnight.
Bye.
LITTLE RAY OF SUNSHINE KINDERGARTEN
What have you got there?
Tytus?
These are my head--
They're expensive.
You break them, you buy them.
Tytus…
Not on the wall!
Fucking great…
Hey, dude. Can you do me a favor?
Yeah?
I have to go out.
Want me to babysit the shitling?
A NIGHT AT THE KINDERGARTEN
This decision really wasn't easy, but I've run out of options.
As you know, your ideas didn't work.
I don't think we can do this.
-The consequences for the child-- -There's a lot of kids here.
-For the child-- -Your opinion is one of many.
This is too important--
-Hey. -Good evening.
-I'm-- -Dorota's man, right? Eryk?
How did you know?
Her Insta. She has only a few photos. You're in one of them, hugging her.
It's got to be serious.
I think so.
You came to her son's PA meeting, so it's mega serious. My name is Justyna.
-Hi. -I'm the Chair of the PA committee.
-And you? -I'm the headmistress.
The meeting's over there.
Hey, everyone!
This is Eryk.
-Hi, Eryk. -Hi.
Jeez, why so gloomy?
-Hi, Eryk! -Hi, Eryk!
-Hello. -Hi, Eryk!
Since Eryk is new. How about two-sentence introductions?
Fuck me, you serious?
Excuse me, we have a rule here. Just one. No swearing.
It becomes a habit, our kids absorb it, and their lexicons get contaminated.
Yeah, sure.
In that case, I'm Eryk.
That's the first sentence.
I am Dorota's boyfriend-- I mean partner.
I work as a sound designer, and we can say that I'm Tytus' stepfather.
That's the second. A compound sentence. You're it!
Since I'm twice your age, can I get twice the sentences?
No.
Tadeusz.
-Hi, Tadeusz. -Hello.
-We're the parents of two little kids. -I'm Anka's dad.
I'm Gaweł's mum. We met here. You know how it is.
I'm Pawełek's mum. He's a senior.
-He's swims really well. -Right.
He wants a puppy. We're thinking about it.
-We're seeing each other. -I mean, at the kindergarten.
We're both single.
-Yeah, we are. -I'm single.
I had too many antics in my life to sum it up in two sentences.
Recently my husband took him go-karting.
But enough about me.
I'm Hamza.
Hello, my name is Kazimierz.
Four of my kids went to this kindergarten.
Now Daniel goes here.
Daniel has Down syndrome, but I raise him as if he didn't.
-That's admirable. -Excuse me?
I mean, cool.
-I-- -Let's start!
Before we move on to the main event, namely our long-awaited Nativity play,
I'd like to put one more issue for debate.
Namely, the toilets.
Kazimierz, thank you for sponsoring the self-flushing toilets.
No problem.
Though, some parents disapprove of them, because they don't teach independence.
Who?
Who disapproves?
Pawełek sometimes doesn't poop for a week.
-Bran. -With all due respect, it's stupid.
Kids have to know how to flush. If they don't learn…
Hamza.
…they won't learn.
Hamza.
Look at me when you're talking to me.
Stools used to float for hours. You know how unhealthy that is?
As a dietician and personal coach, I think that excreting is sometimes
more important than eating.
-Let's focus, please. -Listen. What I did was objectively good.
Please, stop stressing out. We're all grateful, right?
Let's thank him. Thank you, Kazimierz.
-Thank you. -Of course.
-Thank you. -The problem is not sticking to protocol.
Without voting.
Because it was 7.15 p.m., and voting would bring on the yapping.
When I wanted a real spruce Christmas tree, I was told it wasn't eco-friendly.
-I wanted to hang the national emblem-- -We should vote.
With respect, this isn't your home.
-This is a community. -This is fu--
YES
Toilets begone!
"Crap-pers." I assume it means "no."
Toilets "yes." Toilets "no."
"No."
"Yes."
And "yes" to the toilets.
It's a draw.
I'm quite happy with the outcome. Pluralism wins and--
Kazimierz, excuse me a second.
Eryk?
Bon appétit.
Dorota authorized you to be here.
Yeah. Sure.
Right.
-So, we have one more vote. -He doesn't even have an offspring.
Kaziu, chill out
Eryk is Tytus' stepfather. A stepfather is like a father, really.
-Exactly. -Just a different name.
-So, are you for or against shit? -Kaziu, language.
It's a philosophical issue, right?
Is it better for a person to be brought up with conveniences or without?
I didn't have any. I grew up in tower blocks.
I shared a room with three siblings.
-But I turned out fine, right? -Yeah…
Although sometimes I wish someone flushed the toilet for me.
But since it's Dorota's vote, not yours…
That's right.
She has slightly different priorities.
So, unfortunately…
Regretfully, I have to vote against the toilets.
Hey, Eryk!
Don't worry.
He's always edgy. You'll get used to it.
-No, thanks. -No?
I'll be going, so… Thanks.
It's a pity because…
there's no integration without alcoholization.
Tadeusz, don't encourage him. He brings booze to every meeting.
One day I'll succeed.
-That's it, right? -It is for you.
We still have the Nativity play.
No one bothered to rehearse, so we're staying until we get it right.
Yeah, we know.
We don't have a part for you.
Unless you want to be a tree or a snowflake.
No, thanks.
I came here to show I care.
So if you could whisper to Dorota
that I'm responsible, I'd appreciate it.
She does her best for Tytus.
Sure.
-Right… See ya! -Bye!
Cool hat, Tadeusz!
Thank you.
MUSICLAND
I'm a dietician. I have to weigh myself each time I pee.
-Take care. -Bye.
PEELAND
I was worried that this guy was going to stay.
That'd be problematic.
-How shall we do it? -About that…
We won't vote now. After the rehearsal.
First, I'll talk to everyone individually.
I can't just tell Tadeusz or Sandra that Tytus is a little dirtbag.
It has to be subtle.
I hope everyone understands the problem.
The kid has to go. Today. Or he'll end up killing someone.
Flush the toilet, young explorer!
-Hey! -Hey.
Come on, pick up.
Pick up, for fuck's sake!
-Is it really that bad? -Fuck me!
Don't worry.
Everyone reacts that way after talking to these people.
A week ago one woman berated me because her son learned the word "ass."
She has no idea what else he knows.
But they want…
She…
She wants to kick Tytus out.
Sir, didn't you--
Let's get on first name basis. It'll be easier. Baśka.
Eryk.
So you already know.
This morning, she…
I wish I could say that she asked me about it.
But she doesn't ask.
She informs.
Ms. Justyna.
She has the right to do that, if the majority of parents support her.
Even if it's a dick move…
She can expel Tytus.
But that's life, right?
-Miss, you gotta help me. -Not "Miss."
That's right. I mean, you have to help me. There must be laws, rules, principles…
We have to fight. Miss, I mean-- Are you the headmistress or not?
Eryk.
Forget it. This is Little Ray of Sunshine.
AAH IT'S DOROTA SORRY, CAN'T TALK. YOU GUYS OK?
YES!
LITTLE RAY OF SUNSHINE
OUR PARENTS' COMMITTEE
JUSTYNA KĘS
What are you inviting us to?
To a New Year's Eve party. I've created an event on Facebook.
Kazimierz, for the hundredth time, don't bring a gun to where kids are.
I have a permit. One day you'll thank me. Besides, it's not loaded.
Lesław! You guys are coming, right?
Tadzik, we can't.
We're away with the kids for Christmas. Our first trip together, to Livigno.
It's such a hectic time. You understand.
-Yeah, sure. This way nobody will show up. -Work!
-Hamza is working. Justyna? -I'm a single mum, dear. Always busy.
I'll be there.
I guess I'll have to call it off again.
Such potential for conversation…
And Eryk joined us…
He's cool, isn't he?
Nice piece of ass. He could totally join.
Yeah, he's nice.
Eryk! We were just talking about you.
You were? Positive things, I hope.
I was on my way home, but I kept thinking about your play, and…
I thought that I'd never forgive myself if I didn't at least play a tree.
Krycha, there's got to be a small part for our lost wanderer.
I mean, you know… Sure--
-But the script's complete. -How about--
-Joseph. -Excuse me?
I've been saying for weeks
that this Nativity play is incomplete without Joseph.
If we have Mary and Jesus,
the Wise Men, even sheep and donkeys,
we must have a Joseph too.
The theme is the role of the mother. Mary is notoriously omitted.
She pushed the brat out and then? Let the men handle the rest?
Besides, Joseph had no input in the creation of Jesus.
-You know, there was no-- -Justyna.
-I think that we shouldn't… -Yeah?
We shouldn't confuse the children. There's always Joseph in the stable.
He even has a halo over his head.
Joseph has been depicted this way since the 14th century.
See?
Let him take part. Such potential can't go to waste.
We can vote if you want.
Who's in favor of having Joseph, as it's been for ages?
That's not necessary. Thank you, Kazimierz.
Cool. So I'm Joseph, right?
-Yep. -Yes, congratulations.
Krysia, how fast can you rewrite the script?
I don't know.
It took me a month to write it.
An hour, okay?
The structure was carefully considered.
-The prologue and epilogue rhyme. -Dress rehearsal in one hour. At 8.00 p.m.
Everything has to be ready by then.
Okay. Give it back.
Carry on cutting out the crowns. Every child must be a king.
Tadeusz, the snow must fall slowly. Not all at once.
Kazimierz, build the stage.
-Kacha, Lesław, costumes. -Ma'am.
-We don't want to wear rags. -Okay.
And we need something for Joseph.
Justynka, listen.
Let's work this out, okay?
Justyna.
Coffee?
Yes, please.
WORLD'S BEST DAD, LOVE
Can we talk like adults?
With milk?
-Soy milk, if you have some. -Soy?
I'm impressed.
Don't do it today, okay?
Not like this.
Because, you know…
It's a little, you know…
It's kind of unfair towards Dorota.
Maybe… work it out with her?
We've talked about it many times.
She doesn't want to listen.
-Well, I don't know. -Yeah.
What are they talking about so passionately?
There's a lot of tension between them.
Boys, it's pretty obvious.
They're fucking.
Justyna, I respect your point of view, your role as a mother.
But I think
that you should also look at it from different points of view.
For example, from my point of view, because, to be honest, this is…
immature.
Okay, we'll work it out.
Great.
I know what you're afraid of.
It's gonna look like you've lost.
To avoid that, as soon as we expel Tytus,
I'll call Dorota and tell her how brave and manly you were.
I don't want to put a wedge in your relationship.
Especially since it's not easy because… you're irredeemable.
Deal?
Oh, no.
I'm so clumsy.
Don't worry, I'll clean it up.
You get some thumbtacks from the storage in the Avocado Corridor.
Told you.
Where's the Avocado Corridor?
LITTLE RAY OF SUNSHINE
VAGABONDS GLOBETROTTERS
I'll show you a Nativity play.
Ouch!
It's childproof.
Jesus!
Miss, do--
-You like sneaking up on people? -It's also adult-proof.
-This is your office? -No.
My office isn't ready yet.
-And you've been working here for… -Four months.
I won't let you destroy my kindergarten.
Do I have to see each parent like a priest during home visits?
Can't you declare an epidemiological or bomb alert?
I told you to forget about it.
Did you forget?
Even if I really wanted to screw them over,
it's unethical.
You're sipping whiskey from a cup won by a five-year-old.
Touché.
So it's a no?
Be careful. Hey.
Great.
Dorota will never forgive me. She'll dump me.
-I thought it was about saving a child. -It goes without saying.
You know what? Whatever.
-Damn, it's obviously about the kid. -It is?
-I'll handle it myself. -One piece of advice.
Never ever leave them alone with Justyna.
…all red, you know…
Totally! Little Beetroot.
Little Beetroot?
You won't get it. It's a Little Ray of Sunshine inside joke.
A silly joke.
-I'm a Little Ray of Sunshine parent. -You had to be there.
-It's not funny out of context. -Go on.
Okay. There was this situation…
The kids performed in a show called The Market Day.
Each one talked about the vegetable they represented.
There was this Kamilek…
Each child had to make a pose, depicting a vegetable.
One was a carrot, another one was a leek…
So, it was the Kamilek's turn, and he chose a beetroot.
That's what he chose.
-Lesław, strike the beetroot pose. -No…
And then the Kamilek said, "I am a beetroot,"
and he farted.
Okay, I get it. The kid farted. Hilarious.
No, I told you. You had to be there.
He turned red, and since then he's been Little Beetroot.
Eryk, did you get the thumbtacks I asked for?
There weren't any, you know.
-What? -I guess we'll have to use the bad pins.
-God! -Kazik, are you all right?
Things are falling apart.
-Fuck! -Stay still!
Kazik, language!
Can I not express fucking pain in the father tongue?
Hamza, it was uneven so I fu-- I fell.
Is that right?
We'll also need face paint.
Can you handle that?
-Third door to the right-- -No, sweetie. Where are you sending him?
Better stick with Tadeusz.
I'm glad that finally
a musical soul mate has appeared at this kindergarten.
Yeah…
Because music just fucking spills out of me.
-Did you know I was one of The Bards? -What?
The Bards. Kaczmarski and the others.
-Wow. -They called me the Polish Bob Dylan.
You know "Walls," right?
Tadeusz, you're a genius.
Out of modesty, I can't say I am.
Your generation doesn't brag.
It doesn't post its face on Insta all the time.
You just know your worth.
That's true.
But they don't.
Who?
The parents.
-Why the man who wrote "Walls"… -Inspired.
…isn't responsible for the music for a silly Nativity play?
Well?
Krysia, where are they?
I'm writing.
How would a sheep react to Jesus' birth?
-You know what? Maybe I-- -Go, Tadek!
Maybe I'm really not ready?
-Jesus will also be born next year. -You can do it.
Ladies and gentlemen!
EMOTIONS CORNER
Tadeusz would like to present his contribution to the play.
Enjoy this piece, titled…
-No, there's no title. -No title.
-Jeez, are they going to sing? -No idea.
Hit it, MC Dylan. You've got this.
Christ was born tonight In a stable out of sight
I asked him "Homie, what is this all about"?
He said to me "Joy to the world in Bethlehem tonight!"
And from then on I had to start working it out, right?
He was born in a stable No crib for a bed
The little Lord Jesus Laid down his sweet head
Now listen carefully To what lovely Mary said
"Lee-lee-lee-lee-wow Scoundrels rule our state"
Politics rules our lives My children dear
Log out of your smartphones Let God be with ye
Mary was cradling her son Singing to her little one
"Lee-lee-lee-lee-lie Dearest child of mine"
Lee-lee-lee-lee-lie In your manger you'll be fine
Lee-lee-lee-lee-lie Dearest child of mine
Lee-lee-lee-lee-lie In your manger you'll be fine
-Wow! -Awesome!
Justyna, what do you think?
Got the paint?
Yep, got it.
-Great. -I think our play is missing some fun.
Tadeusz!
Krysia is changing the script. I suggest we add this.
To show that Jesus Christ's birth is…
a great time.
-That's true. -Yes. Did you like the tune?
It was something. Let's add one thing.
Christ is a historical figure.
Here we go again.
He is! And you can't change that.
You can bad-mouth him as much as you want, but you can't deny his existence.
That's why I'd add an excerpt from the Bible.
-Jesus! -Exactly.
One passage or a psalm.
Kazimierz, this really isn't the time for--
-Justi! I'd suggest a small dance routine. -No.
-Maybe backing vocals? -No!
-Yeah. -To make it alive! He can't rap all alone.
-Your routine would be obscene. So, no. -Hey, don't you trust her?
She might be right.
I'd make it shorter.
I don't think we can produce a fully-professional show.
Lee-lee-lee-lee-lie…
I'm not changing anything anymore.
Guys, calm down. We agreed on everything a month ago.
We all had clearly-set tasks.
We had time for adjustments. Has anything changed?
Listen, don't worry about me.
-I can play anything. I like everything. -See?
However, as the youngest in the group, if I may…
I think that kids these days find it hard to concentrate.
Just a dry rap would be cringy.
They'll get bored. It must be exciting. Explosions, music…
I suggest we vote.
Exactly. Let's vote.
Let's not turn voting into a joke.
I agree.
-Let's add the song. -Yeah!
-And your dance routine. -Yes!
And a sentence from the Bible. But it has to be clever.
-Everything in the Bible is clever. -Okay.
Good.
-Fuck! -Language! I mean-- Oh, my…
What happened?
Sorry, I wasn't thinking.
You did it on purpose.
Justyna…
Why would Eryk do that on purpose?
Exactly. Why would he do that on purpose?
Excuse me. I'll be right back.
Justynka!
Why don't we call it a day?
Today was supposed to be nice. The Nativity play, Christmas Eve, snow.
Back in high school,
when you got wound up, it would sometimes end badly.
Justynka is a bit uptight, isn't she?
Is something going on?
Yes. She had cancer.
She's a wonderful mother. A strong woman.
She overcame her illness while raising a child on her own.
CANCER WITH YOU BLESSING IN DISGUISE
TALKING TO YOUR CHILD ABOUT CANCER. I'VE WON. WHAT NOW?
IT'S HARD. WILL SHE COPE WITHOUT ME?
Right…
Cancer sucks.
Snacking, are we?
Yo! Look, he's such a good boy.
-Tytus, say "Yo." -"Yo."
Yo! Of course he's a good boy. He's helping me to roll a blunt.
For fuck's sake!
Just kidding, dude. It's duct-tape. I'm not giving him dope. Too expensive.
Just put him to bed, okay? Or something.
Later!
That's it. Keep going.
Thank you very much, young man.
You're welcome.
You bring spare dresses to the PA meetings?
A girl has to be ready for anything.
Kazik, wait a second!
SPORTSLAND
After you.
Kazik…
Silly thing with the toilets. I want to apologize.
You can call it herd mentality, or compliance, but--
-No worries. -Really?
Fuck!
I had to.
Sorry.
I had to see your face.
Come on. I forgive you.
Good, okay.
I like scaring you guys to see your faces.
I've got a license.
-I'm jealous. -I can help you get one, if you want.
Listen…
You know my kid, Tytus?
Yeah.
He's a nice boy, you know.
He's a cool kid, although he has some issues.
But what kid doesn't?
Right…
Everyone deserves a second chance, especially a child.
Just like Mary Magdalene did.
Exactly. Same thing with Barabbas, Pontius Pilate, and so on.
Yeah…
-Sorry. -No, please come in.
-All done? -Come on. We're all adults here.
Yes, we are.
I'm here to talk about one thing.
Tytus walked in on us once, too.
Tytusek. You know what's wrong with him.
We all know how he behaves.
Sure, he misbehaves, but it's not--
It's a reason to worry.
We can't burden our children with worries.
It's why this place is colorful.
…life is not colorful.
People have problems. Sometimes life is shit.
Am I supposed to give up and say, "Yo, Tytus. You're damaged goods"?
Cancer has taught me that sometimes you must choose the lesser of two evils.
Unfortunately, this is about evil.
You know what people often say, which is completely thoughtless of them?
That some things are simply evil. That gays or feminists are evil.
That premarital sex is evil.
Totally.
Sex…
Or that innocent kids are evil.
Always do the right thing.
Always.
For our kids. Always.
-Always. -Always.
For our kids.
Always.
Done!
PRINT
OUT OF INK
There's no ink.
No ink? No scripts then.
Use the other printer.
Right.
So there are two printers…
Three. It's a pricey place.
Sorry, I forgot Dorota doesn't pay. I shouldn't have said that.
Can we start the rehearsal?
Once upon a time, dear children, gather here,
Jesus was lying in a stable, long before he had facial hair.
Your beard is crooked.
…for all the children to live in peace.
Everyone has a mother, and so did he…
before he died on the cross, unfortunately.
Women like beards. They look mature.
-Let it go, Justynka. -You wish.
You know what I wish for?
To see you face when you lose.
Joseph and Mary came to Bethlehem. They were very cold.
Joseph and Mary!
That's us.
My dear baby Jesus.
It's so hard to look after you all alone.
Change it to "on my own."
…on my own.
Joseph, you're here.
I am.
But my stomach hurts.
When will the Wise Men bring the myrrh?
-Myrrh is not edible, Joseph. -Mary…
Go on.
Why did we have this baby?
It's not your baby.
You're the stepfather.
That's true, Joseph. God is his father.
Don't cry, little baby. Your father is with you. Your father, God.
Oh, poor me. Oh, frightened me.
When will I get some help?
Joseph can only make tables. When will he put food on the tables?
-Let's eat the sheep. -Stop improvising. Be quiet.
My line is, "My stomach hurts."
-This took a fucking hour? Really? -Language.
Mary, every mother is lonely, even if she has a husband.
-Not every boy will become Jesus. -There you go.
-Oh, no! everything's-- Tadeusz! -I'm sorry.
Tadeusz, I told you.
I don't think it snowed in Bethlehem back then, or ever.
I'm not doing this.
Even if Joseph isn't the father, he should have a voice.
-Why would he? -He's raising him!
Regardless whether the Holy Spirit came upon her,
or fucking Casper the Friendly Ghost.
The dude works his ass off and raises the kid as his own.
Maybe that's why the kid acts like a little douchebag.
-Excuse me? -Stop! I didn't agree to this blasphemy.
-Say that again. -This is what I was talking about.
You're right. It's obvious.
Eryk, just admit it.
You two have been acting weird from the beginning.
-You know everything? -Yeah.
-Poor Tytus, in the middle of this. -Exactly.
-Not that poor. -So…
Let's just vote.
Vote?
-But you two look good together. -What?
I mean, come on.
You're fucking.
You mean me and him?
Well, yeah…
Dear Justynka, why don't you tell them
what this is all about?
-What do you mean? -Okay.
Hamza, please turn off the music.
So, my dears…
Justyna wants to expel Tytus from the kindergarten.
She wants to kick him out of your community,
where every child belongs.
But I guess only the rich kids belong.
Maybe I don't get what this is about.
Care to explain? Everyone is listening. The floor is yours.
-Well, then-- -Enough. Let's vote. Krysia, the slips.
But… you know what?
Listen, how about an open vote?
Great idea! Let's see what kind of people we are.
As the Chair of the Parents' Committee,
I call a vote regarding Tytus Kwiatkowski.
Those in favor of his early winter break--
"Early break"? Tell it like it is.
Kicking a kid out of fucking kindergarten.
Please raise your hands.
-Raise it. -Okay.
-I'd like to say something. -Who is in favor?
Okay.
Is anyone against?
-I'll try to explain. -Just be quiet, man.
Eryk, this is not aimed at you.
It's not even aimed at Tytusek. It's just that…
The boy has issues.
No, listen…
Hold on. This is absurd.
Could the headmistress say something?
Ladies and gentlemen, please remain calm and reasonable.
-Let's think-- -Thank you.
With all due respect, leave this to the parents.
You have to feel like a parent, and you're not one.
I think that my experience as a teacher entitles me to comment on--
Okay, tell us.
Does he know the alphabet? Can he tie his shoes?
I think you are crossing the line.
-Oh? -I've been on Tytus' case for two months.
Tytus is starting to show--
Way too slow, ma'am.
Too slow.
I'm sorry.
Tytus is really mean to my twins. He switches their names on purpose.
He made Róża play…
"naked people."
I understand having welfare grants and whatnot, but…
-It's okay that he's poor-- -But he must behave.
-This is fucking too much. -He calls Elifa names.
-Like what? Al-Jazeera? -No. "Cunt."
I noted down the swear words.
That's 23 F-words, 13 A-words, 14 W-words, and 11 C-words, the worse kind.
He didn't call my son Daniel, with Down syndrome, any names.
But he drew a penis on his forehead.
It took us three days to get it off.
He called me…
Turdeusz.
He gives meat to the vegetarian kids.
He hums catchy tunes before nap time.
He ate butter like a candy stick.
He bit kids in the heels!
Said he was Batman and beat up needy people.
He slanders our country.
-Okay, so he did some bad things. -Yep.
All kids do, and not all kids are cute.
If you judged me as a kid, I'd be flying out of here.
-He's five years old. -He's six.
You know…
My Kinga has scars.
You know the looks they gave me at the doctor's?
Tytus locked her up in a box.
For a few hours, during an aerobics class.
The kids were dancing to loud music, so…
Nobody heard her scream.
Only when…
Krysia came to pick up Pawełek…
she let her out.
The whole box was covered in her blood.
Maybe tomorrow, during the play, we could make Tytus an angel?
-I'll add it to the script. -Yes?
So that he has…
nice memories at the end.
But he has to leave.
Fuck!
AAH IT'S DOROTA
-I have to tell you something. -Wait, before I forget.
I'm sorry I snapped at you.
It's not your fault. He's not your son.
You didn't sign up for this.
He's a difficult child. I know. And you…
Dorota…
…are not that responsible.
I know, that's your style,
and I love you for that, for…
I don't know.
I'll be home in an hour and a half. We'll talk.
Will you be up?
I'll try.
You wanted to say something. Is Tytus sleeping?
No, it's nothing. It can wait.
Okay. Hugs for both of you.
-Bye. -Bye.
Little douchebag.
I thought he treated only me this way.
That it was a rite of passage for the new guy.
Any kid will always hate their mother's boyfriend, right?
I don't know, maybe it's stupid, but I wish he locked me in a box.
He doesn't talk to me at all. Not even "Get lost."
You don't give a shit about me? So fucking be it.
But we share a home, so… Maybe you could show some maturity?
You don't have to go to the kindergarten or look at me. You win, Tytus.
You win.
What?
-Jesus, woman. What is this? -I know. They are a bit disturbing.
-You don't say. -But in a way, they're cute.
You think it's funny?
I can see why the kids become so fucked up here.
Jesus, man! I don't mean the penises. Some kids at this age just draw them.
Keep looking.
I'm just tired.
-I understand. -It's…
-Fuck… -It's okay.
It's not that, it's…
a sort of physiological reaction.
Wow!
So…
I guess we have to do something about it.
I wish you peace, Hamza.
I wish we have a wonderful family Christmas.
Yep. Sure.
Hamza, don't you feel weird sharing a Christmas wafer with us?
No. Why? It's a tradition like any other.
-What about me? -Well…
Krysia!
So? To victory?
-That's a Christmas wish? -Yeah.
Cut it out, Justyna.
People wish each other health and happiness…
The poor thing is still a child.
I'm kidding. It was a joke.
Justynka…
I won't wish you anything. You have it all.
-Tadeuszek. -Yes?
-Be healthy. -Thanks.
Listen, excuse me for a moment. You know what?
Have a drink tonight.
Have a drink.
I have God elsewhere…
I didn't want to make stereotypical assumptions
that you have weed.
But I was hoping you did.
Why you acting so nice to me?
You're a sound…
You're my musical soulmate.
My life revolves around work, my kid, young wife…
She knows nothing about music. She doesn't know anything.
I got into a fucking mess…
I'm a sound designer.
Right.
Awesome.
I totally envy you.
So what exactly do you do?
I hold a pole with a mic attached to it.
When they film a show, I say "Got it," or "I didn't get it."
But recently I've been losing jobs because I suck even at that.
So… this is your musical soulmate.
Apart from Róża, I also have a son.
He's your age.
Maybe a bit older.
He was born on December 23.
Back then, men weren't allowed on the labor ward, so I was home alone.
I was really nervous. Had to keep myself busy.
So I wrote him a lullaby.
Soon you'll be a big boy Just a few more years
Nothing will disturb your peace You'll be strong, you'll have no fears
Because your father is here Because your father is here
Because your father, your old man Looks after you and cares
You're 10, 15 You're 20 years old
But you still haven't had Enough of this world
Because your father is here Because your father is here
Because your father…
We'd sing it every time I visited him at his mom's.
He no longer wants to have much to do with me.
I don't know. Maybe I'm irritating?
That's why I wanted Róża, to do it right…
this time…
To not fuck it up.
You didn't fuck anything up.
At least you were there.
Because your father, your old man is here
Because your father is here…
Kacha, come here for a minute.
Beautiful smell…
Of course.
I hope I don't sound rude, but may I have a puff?
I've got plenty.
Of course you do.
Is everything okay?
You know…
-I've seen better days. -I've never had one in my mouth.
You've never had one in your mouth? Okay.
-This will be nice. -So, inhale…
I think I'll call Dorota after all.
I'll tell her how it was. You were brave.
You fought hard.
What strain is it? Sativa?
It's my responsibility. Thank you.
Sativa.
-Sandra… -Excuse me, wait.
I wanted to, you know…
This is crazy!
…thank you.
You know, for voting in my favor. It was really nice of you.
-For the toilets? -No.
-Tytus. -Sandra.
-What? -What?
No, sorry. I wasn't paying attention.
Let's say that Sandra has problems with sleeping.
I…
I actually haven't slept
since…
Since the baby.
Since you had your baby?
Because when you have kids, your whole world gets…
-My kid always follows me to the toilet. -Sweet.
Róża doesn't acknowledge number seven.
She counts "four, five, six, eight."
I don't know if it's her brain, or if she's just teasing us.
-No… -No…
-Children are dumb. -What?
Children are dumb. All of them.
I know how the world works.
At the beginning, kids are dumb,
and over time, they gradually become less dumb.
I'm just really looking forward to that moment,
when I come home and have someone to talk to.
I want fucking complex-compound sentences.
You can…
You can talk to me.
Maybe they're not dumb, but they are stressful.
Recently he was playing, I was ironing. I briefly looked at the TV.
I turn back. He's standing in an open window on the seventh floor.
And he's calling his dad, who is rarely at home, "Witek!"
-He was one centimeter from… -Gosh…
-Doesn't he understand heights? Moron! -Terrible…
-Jesus, I'm sorry! -Don't be. He's a moron.
Eryk, do you want to have your own child?
It's also a…
A philosophical issue.
A descendant is a descendant.
Justyna…
Come. I'll tell you something.
Come…
"Hello, take me."
I really can't. My Kinia will smell it at once.
The thing about me is that I can't lie. I'll have to explain, and…
See, Eryk? It's cool that you don't have kids.
You can fool around…
Listen, I'll be going now, so…
It is what it is.
You guys are all right.
You too.
Too bad you're leaving. Little Ray of Sunshine is nice.
Say what?
Yeah, I was just going to talk to you all.
What does he mean by "leaving"?
Dang it. I think I overstepped again. Sorry, go on, ma'am.
In the wake of the current situation,
I'd like to present you with this.
Here.
Thank you all very much.
Good night.
"Due to inability to cooperate and lack of communication,
I resign from the position of headmistress of the Little Ray of Sunshine."
-Okay, we all know it by heart. -She even stamped it.
Justyna, we have to do something about it.
Listen, she'll get over it, right?
She's a cool gal.
-We won't find a better headmistress. -I like her too.
She's a homosexual but doesn't flaunt it.
We should've bought her a gift.
Yesterday you said, "We pay her, so we don't have to buy her a gift."
But a gesture of good will is important.
I'll get some chocolates from the gas station.
I'll invite her for a drink.
-We'll explain-- -Tadeusz, why always alcohol?
Excuse me, Krysia, dear. With all due respect, but…
-My life's not your business. -Let's not blame each other.
None of us is responsible.
-Except, you know… -Guys, listen.
Let's not overreact. Let's go home--
We can't go home now.
-We'll stay until we're done. -Tadeusz, is that from the playroom?
-What? -The cups…
-Yep. -They're for tomorrow.
What if it gets mixed up, some kid gets drunk and dies?
-Yeah, right… -Justynka, help.
-Okay. -What a mess, Tadziu. What a mess.
As the Chair of the PA committee, I'll go and put an end to this conflict.
You find this funny?
Justynka, you? Put an end to this conflict?
How are you going to do that?
I mean, she hates you.
I wouldn't call it "hate."
We want the same thing. The best for our children.
-Justynka. -Yes?
Well, I think it might be better if we send the parent reps.
Sorry!
Yes, both of you go. No, I forgot!
All three. Take Sandra.
I can go.
What are you implying?
Kissing Justyna's ass speaks for itself.
Bad words don't hurt me.
Eryk should go.
-Eryk? -I really shouldn't.
No, you shouldn't.
Unless… you really want me to.
No, I mean…
Eryk…
You have the right to do it. Your kid goes to this kindergarten.
Really?
He still does.
Okay, then.
Listen, I think Eryk should go.
Anyone else want to go?
Yes, it is my final decision.
We understand, Headmistress.
However, we'd like to know what caused you to make this decision.
-Excuse me. -We'd like to find a way to fix this.
Headmistress…
Behave yourself!
I'm sorry.
-Plushie. -Thank you.
Headmistress, we just want everyone to be happy.
I'd like to sincerely apologize to you.
I said what I said, but--
I'm not angry with you.
I'm just used to a different work model.
We're tired, so cut to the chase. What do you want?
I'll stay if I get to run the kindergarten in a way more similar to my model.
But how can I be sure of that?
Yeah.
Exactly.
I file a motion to change the Chair of the PA Committee.
-What? -Excuse me?
"Chairwoman," sorry. Feminine grammatical gender, right?
Kazik, stop joking around.
Have you ever heard me telling a joke? For the sake of clarity, I'll repeat.
-It is about our children's best interest. -True.
Guys, you can't do it like this, in the dead of the night.
Krysia, has anyone asked you for help?
Kazik…
You want to outvote me?
This isn't about me.
-It's about what's best for our children. -Okay. I fucking know what it's about.
Listen. Of course you can vote.
If that's what you want.
But Justyna…
You shouldn't be here when we vote.
You've got to be kidding, dear.
Everything's clear. They've planned it. He and the headmistress.
It's a conspiracy. Can't you see?
They've plotted together. You're so naive.
None of you cares about what's best for our children if you trust this junkie.
This punk.
And this wh--
Woman.
But I won't give up.
Excuse me.
Here we go.
I don't feel good about it.
-Didn't she have-- -Cancer, yes. And my son's slow.
-Kazik! -What?
Shame on all of you. Justyna is a good person.
Is that so?
Yeah, super good.
Yes.
I've known her since high school. Okay, sometimes she flips.
But there's heart underneath that hard shell.
We also have to choose the new Chair of the PA committee.
-I put myself forward. -This is not the right time.
Well done! I guess Justyna…
SPORTSLAND
It must be done now. We can't exist without a governing body.
Should've been this way from the start. Congratulations, Hamza.
We must drink to that!
-You're the new Chair? -Yep.
Fortunately, good old Tadeusz always comes prepared. Here.
What about Kazik?
-My own liqueur. -It is?
-Everything okay? -Yeah, sure. Everything's fine.
Listen, it all came out a bit wrong. Everything happened so fast.
I didn't get to…
say my goodbyes and thank you all for your cooperation.
Tadeusz. Your comments have always been helpful.
They offered us an experienced perspective.
"Out of the box," as they say.
You know, I did my best.
Lesław. Thanks to you, our kids went to Warsaw Water Filters.
The Filters are cool.
Kacha, I should have trusted your artistic sense a bit more.
Now you'll be free to experiment.
Sandra.
Exactly…
My Krysia…
We've always been together. I loved your script.
It was really meaningful.
What about me?
And you're a dick.
-Okay, Justyna. You need to rest. -Wait.
Eryk, who gave you the right to speak?
It's astonishing.
You've been here only a few hours,
and you've managed to wrap everyone around your finger.
How dare you treat me this way?
After all I've done for this place.
Without me, your kids would be eating fucking sand.
-They wouldn't go on trips. -They went to Warsaw Water Filters.
Kazik's kid wouldn't even be here. There'd be no kids with special needs.
Tytus wouldn't be here. He wouldn't have the chance to show how wonderful he is.
Justyna.
Chill.
You win.
Little Beetroot stays.
Krysia, do something.
Little Beetroot?
Well, Eryk…
It was Tytus who farted
and became Little Beetroot.
We all laughed at him.
Turned him into our Little Ray of Sunshine inside joke.
Who came up with Little Beetroot?
-Wasn't it one of Hamza's twins? -Really?
Tytus is Little Beetroot?
You think it's funny?
-I said, do you think it's funny? -Get away from me!
Don't spit at me!
-Justyna! -Give me that!
It's self-defense.
It's not loaded.
It's loaded.
I just want to talk to you all.
You're a bunch of fucking hypocrites.
You're all shitty parents,
yet you criticize me.
Hamza…
your twins cry every day at the kindergarten, you know?
-Because you're a shitty father. -I know.
So say it. "I am a shitty father." Go on.
I am a shitty father.
Go on. "I am…"
I am a shitty father.
Kacha.
I am a shitty father.
What the fuck? You're a shitty mother.
Here's the thing. We had integration parties.
Three, right?
Without you.
I mean, without you, sir.
Dear, esteemed Mr. Tadeusz.
Go on, for fuck's sake. "I am a shitty…"
Tadeusz!
A shitty parent!
You have a shitty hat.
I am a shitty mother.
A bad mother.
Krysia!
It's not your time to shine.
And so are you.
You're a shitty mother.
I'm a great mother.
As it happens, I am an ace mother.
I have a daughter that I raised to be a fighter.
No, Justyna. I really didn't want to tell you this…
Tytus didn't…
lock her in the box.
Who the fuck did, then?
Krysia.
She locked herself in.
She told me when I got her out.
She said that…
she didn't want to go home.
Your daughter…
she's scared of you.
Krysia…
what is she scared of?
-That's not true. -It's true.
Shut your fucking lousy mouth, Krysia.
-What did they use to call you at school? -Justyna!
They called her Krysia Long Fucking Tongue.
-Not just because you gave blowjobs. -Justyna, chill.
Your child hiding from you isn't the end of the world.
Jeez…
Tytus does weird stuff too.
You can't worry about it so much.
God!
I'm sorry.
It's a natural bodily reaction. I'm a dietician.
Justynka! Everyone is tense.
Have a drink.
If you want, I'll call Kinga and explain everything.
Krysia…
-Did you really suck off half of the boys? -Fuck off!
-Can we turn it down a little? -No!
The whole town must hear Tadeusz' party!
Yes, honey. It's taking a bit longer.
-The kids will be here tomorrow. -Kids-schmids. Come on.
They don't know this smell.
Kazik!
Look at me when I'm talking to you. Kazik!
I hope you aren't upset that they chose me.
No, of course not.
The better man won, Hamza. Congratulations.
Thanks.
Let's keep this party going!
Hey!
Ms. Krystyna!
To victory!
You were fucking awesome. Mega!
Please turn off the music!
What's with Justyna?
About that…
Doesn't matter. Emotions. It happens… What matters is that it's over.
Over?
You haven't heard! Tytus didn't lock Kinga in the box!
I'm not sure if he's staying.
Touché!
You got me! Oh, boy.
I'm not convinced.
It's my responsibility now.
I have to think this through. Tytus is very difficult.
We have no money for a permanent carer, and he needs someone like that.
Don't even joke like that. You're stressing me out.
You must be joking!
Excuse me?
Well…
I didn't do all this for you to worry me. I don't deserve that.
-You think so? -Yes.
Listen. I've raised many children, and I know guys like you.
You want everything to be your way,
but the world isn't always that simple, punk.
Does it mean that Tytus--
I'm going home. Tidy up by the morning!
Wait. Tadeusz, listen…
-Join the snake! -Let go of me!
The headmistress said that-- Wait!
I know how to make good moonshine, right?
-No! -What?
Jesus…
Fake plastic crap!
Lesław! We have to… Listen.
Stop. We have to--
She's just left me, past the turn.
She said that I get too involved in relationships.
-She didn't even want a relationship! -This isn't important. Listen.
Not important? Of course.
An awesome guy like you will always find a woman.
Obviously, for fuck's sake. Guys like you are the worst, you know?
Relaxed since birth.
-What? -Joking all the time.
Never get fat, no matter what you eat! I always have to make a fucking effort!
-And what do I get? -Hamza!
-Fuck all! -Pass! Score!
-Kacha… -Don't touch me!
He constantly touches me with his fat fingers.
He clings on to me.
Leave me the fuck alone!
I constantly look after someone. Either a guy, or the kid, for fuck's sake.
-The kid, or a guy. -But Tytus… The headmistress said--
Tytus-shite-us!
Everything's about you!
They're behind the glass, and we still like them.
They don't have to integrate with us, or agree to everything!
No vomiting.
-Language! Fuck that. Tell Justa I'm here. -Help me.
-Tell her that I love her! -Jeez, no…
Justynka, I'm so sorry. I had no idea…
We'll have a real Christmas.
Hello?
One, two…
-Listen! -You were so scared to party with Tadeusz!
Isn't it fun? Isn't it fucking fun?
-Quiet! -And…
Glory in the--
-Setting an example for children. -Kids-schmids!
Fuck ch--
…on Earth…
Children belong in a children's home!
Jingle bells…
Hello!
-Be good. -Shit!
Don't talk back.
…your old man Looks after you and cares
Good night, baby. Close your eyes.
Dream about the most beautiful future you can ever think of.
Eryk.
SHITLINGS
AAH IT'S DOROTA MISSED CALL, 37 NOTIFICATIONS
Flush the toilet, young explorer.
-Good morning! -Hey.
Sweet Jesus…
-I had a good night's sleep. -Be quiet.
-One second. -I'm not saying anything.
-Is the babysitter bringing Gaweł? -Yes, I'll arrange that.
And should I ask her to bring…
-Ania? Yes? -If you could.
Remember how last night we were shouting that we're sh--
bad parents?
-I am. -Yeah, right. You.
I'm fed up.
They look at me with those eyes, constantly asking me questions.
"Dad. Dad."
They believe that I know everything.
-Who am I to teach them life? -You're the Chair of the PA Committee.
Pawełek shouts at me.
He yells at me.
I lost my temper and spanked him once.
He says that he'll tell his dad because he took photos.
-I'm so stupid. -No…
Sweetie, you're not stupid. Really. It's pure blackmail.
When the ultrasound scan showed that Danielek would have…
I mean that…
that he'd be the way he is…
I wanted…
I wanted my wife to have an…
Regardless of what I tend to say and…
I kind of…
I got really scared that I wouldn't cope.
It's so hard to…
raise a child.
It's so fucking difficult.
Let alone…
It is harder.
But I really love him.
I love him so fucking much.
Sorry. Fuck. I'm really sorry because…
Good morning!
Ladies and gentlemen, I understand
that we have to cancel the play?
-Well… -I guess so.
-No. -What do you mean "no"?
We'll make it on time.
We'll deliver a Nativity play.
I'm losing my mind.
-We won't make it. -We won't make it without--
Justyna.
FUCK
Thanks.
I talked to Kinga's babysitter. Justyna didn't come home last night.
She's not upstairs either.
The locker room…
Justyna?
I'm awake.
-We have a Nativity play to perform. -No.
This is your night.
Actually, your day.
Gosh…
What kind of Nativity play will it be without Mary?
-A fighter never gives up. -Yeah, right.
Hey.
Justynka…
-Oh, no. -Justyna!
Justyna!
Justyna, come on!
Stop being childish! It'll be a nice show.
-Good morning. Justyna! -What?
What "what"?
-What do you want? -Jesus! You're so annoying, you know that?
Leave me alone!
Oh, yeah?
-I'm not going back there. -You have to do it.
For your daughter.
My daughter is afraid of me.
We don't have to do the play.
To hell with this.
I feel awful about fucking everything up.
And I'm obviously trying to cover it up with some mega gesture,
as fucking always.
Going to a PA meeting instead of staying at home with the kid.
What a great fucking idea!
I don't know if I will be a good father.
Come, Joseph.
That's why I love Christmas.
Listen…
Did all of them hear me farting?
No, of course not.
Okay.
Come on!
Regarding Tytus… Justyna!
Good morning. We're starting any minute now.
Look, the Christmas tree is broken.
Okay.
Good morning.
Hello.
-Take off your jacket and find us a seat. -What's up, Tytus?
Wanna tell me anything?
Other than you left my son with a junkie?
No, he's just a dealer.
Okay, Dorota…
We'll talk after the play.
I'm sure you have a lot to tell me.
-Sorry to barge in. -What? Did something happen again?
No, nothing happened.
Eryk and I had a little chat. We have a proposition.
This is my seat!
Watch this.
JUNKOLAND
His permanent carer will have to be here for a few hours each day.
Understood.
Will you be okay with that?
Theoretically, yes.
Logistically, it won't be easy, but…
Let's give it a go.
Eryk, Justyna! Let's go!
Dear children, dear parents.
Welcome to the annual Little Ray of Sunshine Nativity play.
What's a Nativity play?
-You don't know? -I do!
Okay, Krysia.
You go first, right?
I forgot my lines!
-Where's the script? -Script?
I can't remember. It came out of me and stopped being mine.
Don't worry, Krysia.
Listen, we'll improvise.
What? How?
Really?
The greatest wisdom is always the outcome of the mistakes that we make.
That's why, my dear children,
I wish you to make the most beautiful and best mistakes.
You said it yourself. Children don't want scripted crap.
They want fun, action, and the truth.
Never be afraid of mistakes.
I'd finally like to see some normal, smart people in this country.
So we're improvising!
I just want to say
that this is a new era of a new Tadeusz,
who doesn't impose himself on anyone, and who listens.
And Tadeusz, who gets emotional.
-All the children have been waiting… -It's time.
…our Nativity play.
A round of applause!
Well…
Mary!
-Joseph! -Leave it!
-This is… -Let go!
Give me the gun!
Jesus!
-Tadeusz, take it from him! -No, relax! It's just--
Kazik, I'm sorry!
Children, calm down!
People!
-It's a toy! -Please!
This is a kindergarten!
Everything's fine! We're all safe!
MERRY CHRISTMAS
Don't worry!
I'm a dietician.
Jeez…
What's up, Tytus?
Listen…
I want to ask you something.
You have six months of kindergarten left.
I wondered…
Would you like me to come with you
as your permanent carer?
It's just a name.
Because, to be honest…
I'd like to come to the kindergarten with you as your…
as your friend.
Are you cool with that?
Come to Mommy.
Come!
A NIGHT AT THE KINDERGARTEN
Soon you'll be a big boy Just a few more years
Nothing will disturb your peace You'll be strong, you'll have no fears
Because your father is here
Because your father, your old man
Because your father is here
Because your father, your old man
You're 10, 15 You're 20 years old
But you still haven't had Enough of this world
Because your father is here
Because your father, your old man Looks after you and cares
Because your father is here
Because your father, your old man Looks after you and cares
Soon you'll be a father Your world will change
But you won't be alone Grandpa will help
Because your father is here
Because your father, your old man Looks after you and cares
Because your grandpa is here
Because your father is here
Because your father, your old man Looks after you and cares
-See, Eryk? -Yeah, we can…
-We'll clean it up. -Yeah.
Subtitle translation by: Maja Konkolewska