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Downloaded from
YTS.MX
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[Universal Studios theme]
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Official YIFY movies site:
YTS.MX
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[instrumental music]
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♪ This little light of mine ♪
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♪ I'm gonna let it shine ♪
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♪ This little light of mine ♪
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Taylor: Let me tell you
a story. It's a story about me.
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My stories have made you cry.
My stories have made you shout.
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My stories have even made you
turn your life around.
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But this is a story
about how it all began.
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Feeling very blessed today.
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My name is Taylor Pherry.
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Feeling very blessed today.
Look how blessed I feel.
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Now you've seen my movies
and watched my TV shows.
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That's okay.
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But before all that,
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I was what you might
call an entrepreneur...
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Not it.
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a jack of all trades,
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a captain of industry.
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My baby.
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And a lover of fine cars.
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By day, I judiciously defend
the innocent...
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[knocks gavel]
Damnit. Case closed.
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Taylor: while making emergency
house call surgeries.
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Stand back, doctors.
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I am a doctor, and
I don't need another doctor
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telling me how to be doctoring.
Oh, this patient dead.
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Then after my luxury hotel
and engineering firm meetings,
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I make time for some
zero-emission food delivery
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to keep myself in touch...
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Grossmates!
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with common people.
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Ah, here you are, sir.
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- What? This is it?
- That'll be $75.
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Taylor: But to truly understand
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how I became
the entertainment titan,
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you all know today, we need to
start at the beginning.
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And the beginning began
with Hoprah Windfall.
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I'm a little disappointed
that my 27th slave movie
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didn't fare well at
the box office.
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I mean, I'm sure you
all liked it, right?
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[clapping hesitantly]
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Whatever. Anyway, I still
have my show, my magazine.
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I have my school in Africa,
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and of course,
Dr. Bill and Dr. Loz.
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But the time has come
for me to find a successor,
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someone to carry the torch,
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someone who embodies
the intelligence and power
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needed for the betterment
of all strong women.
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God willing,
I shall find my successor!
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Taylor: Hoprah was
on a mission,
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but little did we know,
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someone else was looking to
reinspire hope and faith
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in the masses as well.
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And this is where our story
truly begins.
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[engine revving]
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[hip-hop music]
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If I rule the world,
[laughs] I do... everything.
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God: Whoo! Drive
through to heaven!
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Angel 1: Where the hell is God?
He still ain't here.
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He still ain't answering
none of our prayers, man.
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It's Sunday, so you know
He's gonna take all day.
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Angel 2: I mean, He may be late,
but He's always on time.
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Angel 1: He was on time
when He took my Granny.
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Oh, you know what? Sometimes,
I just have to swear to me.
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Good me almighty!
Just rolling through the clouds.
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This is usually my day of rest,
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but, uh, I'm feeling
like something.
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Hashtag Holy Davidson!
Holy Davidson!
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I'm coming. I'm on my way.
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- Oh, shit. God's here.
- Let's get to the meeting.
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Let's go! Let's go! Let's go!
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Y'all better have
something good for me.
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'Cause you know what?
That's right.
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[chanting]
G-O-D! G-O-D! G-O-D!
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G-O-D! G-O-D! G-O-D!
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[laughing]
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I'm pissed.
The hell is going on?
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Is that what this is about, huh?
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Pitch meeting
over some unanswered prayers?
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[grunting]
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[instrumental music]
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God: Tell y'all,
y'all owe me right now.
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Y'all had me watching that...
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uh, uh, uh... "Held Up."
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The little fella,
uh, uh, Jamie Foxx
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with that hairline,
it was all over the place.
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That hairline, that teeth.
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- My bad.
- Shit, held up my time.
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[chuckles]
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I'mma start snatching wings.
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[laughs] I'm just kidding.
You can keep your wings.
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[laughing]
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For now.
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Ching, ching! Ching, ching!
Ching, ching!
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- Oh!
- You know what?
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I was thinking that we can erase
the Will Smith Oscar slap.
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God: Mmm.
- I agree.
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- Mmm. Great guy. Great idea.
- I like that.
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But-- but he did, boy, that was
a hell of a slap, though.
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He slapped three jokes outta
that motherfucker, didn't he?
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- Dang!
- He did.
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Come on, man. Come on, man.
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Slapped the funny out of him.
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- Is that good?
- That was good.
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- Well, what about reparations?
- Mmm.
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- Hey, that works, right?
- Yeah.
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Lemme think about that.
300,000 apiece. Mm-hmm.
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Uh, but then after the BBLs,
after the Cristal,
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after the Jordans, everything,
what'd that leave you?
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Like $1,700?
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Carry the one.
Nah, we ain't gonna do that.
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So they made it this far,
this long, they can do it.
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God: These Black people
gonna have to figure out
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a different way.
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[laughing]
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Oh, is that too much?
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Is that too much? I just wanted
to see how it played out.
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How about a beautiful,
intelligent female president
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next election?
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Angel 3: Great.
- Go on, with yourself.
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I can work with that,
but listen,
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don't let the house
secretary do the hair
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'cause "weave"
got a long way to go.
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True.
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I saw where you went with that.
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Come on now. Come on. [laughs]
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Hey, you ain't laughing.
Don't get cast down.
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[laughing]
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You know what
I did to Beelzebub.
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[fire crackling]
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[laughing evilly]
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[laughing]
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Well, wait, what if we do
a Kardashian show
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Angel 4: with Tristan and Khloe
called "All My Side Children"?
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- What y'all think?
- That's a great idea.
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[mimicking Khloe]
Oh, my God. Oh my me.
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Y'all like that?
Y'all like that, huh?
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I don't like it. You go to hell!
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[gasping]
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- Oh, damn. Damn.
- Ooh.
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No, I'm sorry!
It was fat-ass Petey's pitch!
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When new angels start falling,
I know you need me.
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Well, [laughs] I gotta roll.
Meeting's over. Mmm.
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I gotta go save the world.
Alright. Y'all carry on.
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Angel 5: That's God.
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[hip-hop music]
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[line ringing]
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[clears throat]
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God: Hey, Hoprah,
what's going on?
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What do you mean what's going
on? You're not watching my show?
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Hoprah: I need you to find
someone who is worthy...
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of continuing my legacy.
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- What'd you say?
- You heard what I said.
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You find a hero for us women
or you're canceled.
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And tell Jesus to call me back!
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Huh?
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[line beeping]
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It's hard being God, man.
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That ain't gonna be
no easy task, even for Him.
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[instrumental music]
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[inhales deeply]
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[blowing]
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Taylor: And so
God's search began
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00:08:01,002 --> 00:08:03,613
for someone who could
carry Hoprah's torch,
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00:08:03,613 --> 00:08:06,007
and empower the women
of the world.
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00:08:06,007 --> 00:08:09,358
But we all know that whenever
God gives an assignment,
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00:08:09,358 --> 00:08:11,926
the devil always tries
to get in the way
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and block your blessing.
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I'll tell you, I don't know
who the hell He thinks He is.
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I'm going to screw
this whole plan up.
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[dramatic music]
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[blows]
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[laughs]
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Taylor: This is
my auntie, MaDude.
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MaDude: Bring your ancient ass
down here and eat now.
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Taylor: If God can use her,
God can use anybody.
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I can't be late today.
Taylor coming by.
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And I'mma need your help
to get this barbecue together.
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Bring your old ass down here.
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00:08:43,000 --> 00:08:44,393
Who the hell you calling old?
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00:08:44,393 --> 00:08:46,395
Oh, you been sitting
here for 10 days.
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Well, hell, I was
calling your ass old.
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You answered to it,
is you dumb too?
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Know damn well
I ain't old. Gee, no.
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MaDude: And what
the hell you got
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00:08:52,488 --> 00:08:53,533
all this shit hooked
up to you for, anyway?
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00:08:53,533 --> 00:08:54,969
Hell, I need all this shit.
191
00:08:54,969 --> 00:08:56,405
This shit right here
is keeping me alive.
192
00:08:56,405 --> 00:08:57,711
That's my little oxygen tank
right there
193
00:08:57,711 --> 00:08:59,016
so I don't have to
smell you all day.
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00:08:59,016 --> 00:09:00,757
Got my little pump over there.
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00:09:00,757 --> 00:09:02,454
This shit right here is
about to kill me.
196
00:09:02,454 --> 00:09:03,978
But what the hell you wanna
stay alive for anyway?
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00:09:03,978 --> 00:09:05,675
Shit, you old as hell.
198
00:09:05,675 --> 00:09:07,155
I ain't too old to know
terrible cooking when I see it.
199
00:09:07,155 --> 00:09:08,504
The hell you done made?
200
00:09:08,504 --> 00:09:09,810
Boy, that's some,
that's some eggs,
201
00:09:09,810 --> 00:09:11,246
and some chicken and some--
202
00:09:11,246 --> 00:09:13,901
The hell you got
a fried breast implant in here?
203
00:09:13,901 --> 00:09:15,076
You ain't supposed to have
feathers in the damn eggs.
204
00:09:15,076 --> 00:09:16,599
No way! Look at that.
205
00:09:16,599 --> 00:09:17,861
MaDude: Boy, that is seasoning,
you old kook.
206
00:09:17,861 --> 00:09:19,254
That's what that is.
207
00:09:19,254 --> 00:09:21,256
[blowing]
208
00:09:21,256 --> 00:09:23,475
Seasoning my... I ain't seen
no, not a Lawry's on here,
209
00:09:23,475 --> 00:09:26,304
not a spec of salt or pepper.
Now, what is this?
210
00:09:26,304 --> 00:09:28,785
Got a damn chicken foot up in
here. Look, it got two of 'em.
211
00:09:28,785 --> 00:09:31,005
Look at this, look, with
the nails on it and everything.
212
00:09:31,005 --> 00:09:33,747
Well, ain't you heard that every
good chef put their foot in it?
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00:09:33,747 --> 00:09:35,966
Oh, Lord, it stink too,
just like you.
214
00:09:35,966 --> 00:09:38,316
Boy, I swear I want to kill
your ass right here.
215
00:09:38,316 --> 00:09:39,361
I just wanna step on your face.
216
00:09:39,361 --> 00:09:40,362
You know, woman
217
00:09:40,362 --> 00:09:41,755
you a deadly combination
218
00:09:41,755 --> 00:09:44,018
of ugly and dumb equally.
219
00:09:44,018 --> 00:09:45,497
Hell, now, where you
trying to run off to
220
00:09:45,497 --> 00:09:46,803
with your little ugly ass
dress on?
221
00:09:46,803 --> 00:09:48,239
- Taylor is coming to help me.
- Who?
222
00:09:48,239 --> 00:09:50,285
Taylor is your son, now.
You know your son--
223
00:09:50,285 --> 00:09:52,417
Oh, hell, shit. You know how he
ain't my son. You know why?
224
00:09:52,417 --> 00:09:54,028
'Cause the boy is delicate.
225
00:09:54,028 --> 00:09:56,421
I'm so tired of you talking
about your son Taylor like that.
226
00:09:56,421 --> 00:09:57,858
That's my favorite nephew.
227
00:09:57,858 --> 00:09:59,424
Ain't nobody in
my family delicate but him.
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00:09:59,424 --> 00:10:01,035
MaDude: Just 'cause
the Black man is educated,
229
00:10:01,035 --> 00:10:03,298
keep himself clean,
or well groomed,
230
00:10:03,298 --> 00:10:05,866
looking nice don't mean
that he is delicate.
231
00:10:05,866 --> 00:10:07,737
The boy is, uh, eclectic.
232
00:10:07,737 --> 00:10:09,696
He ain't no damn eclectic.
I know eclectic.
233
00:10:09,696 --> 00:10:11,828
Hell,
Patti LaBelle was eclectic.
234
00:10:11,828 --> 00:10:13,047
Plus, I don't even think
he my son.
235
00:10:13,047 --> 00:10:14,309
You know what?
236
00:10:14,309 --> 00:10:15,527
Waiting for the results
from Maury.
237
00:10:15,527 --> 00:10:17,355
- He ain't my damn son.
- I swear.
238
00:10:17,355 --> 00:10:19,357
I swear. You know what? You
should just go ahead and die.
239
00:10:19,357 --> 00:10:20,924
MaDude: Just get
it on over with.
240
00:10:20,924 --> 00:10:22,709
Hell, your-- your penis
done passed away already--
241
00:10:22,709 --> 00:10:24,536
You keep my penis out
your mouth now.
242
00:10:24,536 --> 00:10:26,800
Hell, talking about my penis,
my penis is just fine.
243
00:10:26,800 --> 00:10:29,237
Long as I got my,
what you call it, Niagra?
244
00:10:29,237 --> 00:10:30,978
My, my... The Lavitra.
245
00:10:30,978 --> 00:10:32,806
And Cialis. I'm good to go.
That's what they tell me.
246
00:10:32,806 --> 00:10:34,024
Where the hell you good
to go to, the clinic?
247
00:10:34,024 --> 00:10:35,504
- Hell...
- The ED clinic?
248
00:10:35,504 --> 00:10:38,376
No, I got the libido
of a 25-year-old man.
249
00:10:38,376 --> 00:10:41,771
Spell libido. I'll give you $5.
Go ahead and do it.
250
00:10:41,771 --> 00:10:43,860
- L...
- That's what I thought.
251
00:10:43,860 --> 00:10:45,949
I'm done talking to your old
ass. Eat that damn food, boy.
252
00:10:48,735 --> 00:10:51,389
Taylor: As you'll see,
my true life's purpose
253
00:10:51,389 --> 00:10:53,565
had not yet been revealed.
254
00:10:53,565 --> 00:10:57,395
But that all changed the day I
was put on the righteous path.
255
00:10:57,395 --> 00:10:59,746
The day my destiny began.
256
00:10:59,746 --> 00:11:02,531
The day I met God.
257
00:11:02,531 --> 00:11:04,228
[uplifting music]
258
00:11:04,228 --> 00:11:05,403
Ooh!
259
00:11:06,317 --> 00:11:07,492
[exhales]
260
00:11:10,887 --> 00:11:15,762
Man. What should we use today?
261
00:11:15,762 --> 00:11:18,460
Let's see saints and sinners,
ooh, that look nice.
262
00:11:18,460 --> 00:11:19,635
[screams]
263
00:11:23,987 --> 00:11:27,164
I could have swore I seen... No.
264
00:11:27,164 --> 00:11:28,426
[playful music]
265
00:11:28,426 --> 00:11:29,906
Boy, I must be going crazy.
266
00:11:30,907 --> 00:11:32,779
[static on TV]
267
00:11:35,564 --> 00:11:40,961
Now, I know I did not leave that
TV on, and why is it staticky?
268
00:11:40,961 --> 00:11:42,702
Doesn't I pay the bill?
This must be HD.
269
00:11:42,702 --> 00:11:45,400
God: Taylor Pherry,
how am I doing?
270
00:11:45,400 --> 00:11:47,358
Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
271
00:11:47,358 --> 00:11:50,231
- Very perceptive, my son.
- Oh, my God. Oh, oh, my God.
272
00:11:50,231 --> 00:11:54,714
God: Relax, relax, relax.
Dude, chill out.
273
00:11:54,714 --> 00:11:56,803
Are you really God?
274
00:11:56,803 --> 00:11:58,761
God: Ah, don't tell me you was
expecting Jim Carrey
275
00:11:58,761 --> 00:12:00,110
or something.
276
00:12:00,110 --> 00:12:01,895
Well, M-- Morgan Freeman, actually.
277
00:12:01,895 --> 00:12:03,853
You know he play
in all the pictures.
278
00:12:03,853 --> 00:12:06,813
God: Morgan Free... Man,
I ain't no Morgan Freeman.
279
00:12:06,813 --> 00:12:08,771
Now listen,
you know Hoprah, right?
280
00:12:08,771 --> 00:12:10,033
Yeah.
281
00:12:10,033 --> 00:12:11,339
God: Well, she needs
to find someone
282
00:12:11,339 --> 00:12:13,080
that can empower
the women of the world,
283
00:12:13,080 --> 00:12:17,867
and I need your help because
my son, you are blessed.
284
00:12:19,086 --> 00:12:22,002
God said I was blessed.
285
00:12:22,002 --> 00:12:24,744
Mmm. Am I highly favored too?
286
00:12:27,659 --> 00:12:32,142
Okay. I have lost my mind.
I'm crazy.
287
00:12:32,142 --> 00:12:34,449
Judge Loreal: You, sir,
are going to have to learn
288
00:12:34,449 --> 00:12:36,146
how to respect Black women.
289
00:12:36,146 --> 00:12:38,061
Coming in all times
of the night,
290
00:12:38,061 --> 00:12:41,499
assaulting her because she
found out about your affairs.
291
00:12:41,499 --> 00:12:44,676
But Your Honor,
I didn't have an affair.
292
00:12:44,676 --> 00:12:47,244
I'm not even, like, married.
293
00:12:47,244 --> 00:12:49,029
Judge Loreal:
You didn't have an affair?
294
00:12:49,029 --> 00:12:51,945
What do you call all those girls
from the music video, huh?
295
00:12:51,945 --> 00:12:54,338
I don't do music videos.
296
00:12:54,338 --> 00:12:56,166
So you get 'em on
the casting couch?
297
00:12:56,166 --> 00:12:58,125
Judge Loreal: Hit it,
then quit it, right?
298
00:12:58,125 --> 00:13:01,389
No, I've never met these women
before. I don't even sing.
299
00:13:01,389 --> 00:13:04,696
Well, you're a man that's been
accused. That makes you guilty.
300
00:13:04,696 --> 00:13:08,700
Three years. [knocks gavel]
Case closed. Next case.
301
00:13:08,700 --> 00:13:10,311
I'm getting locked up
for something I didn't even do.
302
00:13:12,052 --> 00:13:14,924
Court calls Roland Lewis.
303
00:13:14,924 --> 00:13:18,623
Guilty. [knocks gavel]
Case closed. Next case.
304
00:13:18,623 --> 00:13:20,451
But-- but I'm a white man
wearing a suit.
305
00:13:20,451 --> 00:13:22,192
Get your ass out my courtroom.
306
00:13:22,192 --> 00:13:24,368
Should have a chance
to defend myself.
307
00:13:24,368 --> 00:13:26,893
Court calls Darnell Evans
and Ellen Evans.
308
00:13:26,893 --> 00:13:29,809
[upbeat music]
309
00:13:31,767 --> 00:13:33,638
Are you okay, cousin?
You nervous?
310
00:13:33,638 --> 00:13:36,946
No, not at all. I'm happy I'm
getting a divorce from that bum.
311
00:13:36,946 --> 00:13:40,645
Look at him with those ugly,
skinny ass white women.
312
00:13:40,645 --> 00:13:42,212
Taylor: Just no asses at all.
313
00:13:42,212 --> 00:13:43,997
- Okay, come on.
- Okay.
314
00:13:43,997 --> 00:13:46,042
Here we are, Your Honor.
We're right here.
315
00:13:46,042 --> 00:13:48,392
Well, hey there,
Counselor Fairy.
316
00:13:48,392 --> 00:13:53,006
It's actually pronounced Harry,
Your Honor. Taylor Pherry.
317
00:13:53,006 --> 00:13:56,270
Oh, I, [laughs] I always
thought it was fairy.
318
00:13:56,270 --> 00:13:59,229
It's-- it's called Harry.
The P is silent.
319
00:13:59,229 --> 00:14:02,145
Oh, okay. You got that, Mary?
320
00:14:02,145 --> 00:14:04,365
Yes, Your Honor.
His P don't work.
321
00:14:04,365 --> 00:14:06,541
I duly noted, Mr. "Harry".
322
00:14:06,541 --> 00:14:08,978
[both laughing]
323
00:14:10,762 --> 00:14:13,853
Mr. Evans, who are these women?
324
00:14:13,853 --> 00:14:15,593
Well, you see, Your Honor,
325
00:14:15,593 --> 00:14:18,727
this right here is Karen,
and this one right here,
326
00:14:18,727 --> 00:14:23,166
this is Karen, and that one
right there, her name is Karen.
327
00:14:23,166 --> 00:14:26,822
These are my publicists
from the KKK and associates.
328
00:14:29,085 --> 00:14:31,479
They don't look like
publicists to me.
329
00:14:31,479 --> 00:14:33,002
Well, you see, Your Honor,
330
00:14:33,002 --> 00:14:34,699
these are the women
who gave me the money
331
00:14:34,699 --> 00:14:36,266
to pay for my lawyers.
332
00:14:36,266 --> 00:14:41,358
That's what white women do.
They pay for shit.
333
00:14:41,358 --> 00:14:44,057
- That's all they can do.
- Okay. Okay.
334
00:14:44,057 --> 00:14:46,668
Well, after
carefully reviewing this case,
335
00:14:46,668 --> 00:14:48,931
I have made a decision.
336
00:14:48,931 --> 00:14:52,892
Your wife who has been
by your side since day one.
337
00:14:52,892 --> 00:14:54,328
Day one.
338
00:14:54,328 --> 00:14:56,504
She put you through
college, law school,
339
00:14:56,504 --> 00:14:59,463
and stood by your side
through thick and thin.
340
00:14:59,463 --> 00:15:01,509
And if this strong woman
341
00:15:01,509 --> 00:15:06,209
can stand by your sorry,
no-good bum ass,
342
00:15:06,209 --> 00:15:09,952
then she deserves to get half
of all of your possessions.
343
00:15:09,952 --> 00:15:11,432
All: Half?
344
00:15:11,432 --> 00:15:13,869
I gotta give up
one and a half of my Karens?
345
00:15:13,869 --> 00:15:16,089
- Half, girlfriend.
- Half?
346
00:15:16,089 --> 00:15:17,699
Oh, hell no.
347
00:15:17,699 --> 00:15:20,006
[upbeat song]
348
00:15:20,006 --> 00:15:21,398
♪ Judge said half ♪
349
00:15:21,398 --> 00:15:22,965
♪ Yes, she did ♪
350
00:15:22,965 --> 00:15:24,445
♪ Judge said half ♪
351
00:15:24,445 --> 00:15:26,099
♪ Yes, she did ♪
352
00:15:26,099 --> 00:15:27,404
♪ Judge said half ♪
353
00:15:27,404 --> 00:15:29,189
♪ Yes, she did ♪
354
00:15:29,189 --> 00:15:32,975
♪ Judge said half,
judge said half ♪
355
00:15:32,975 --> 00:15:34,542
♪ Judge said half ♪
356
00:15:34,542 --> 00:15:36,326
♪ Not one percent but half ♪
357
00:15:36,326 --> 00:15:37,675
♪ Judge said half ♪
358
00:15:37,675 --> 00:15:39,242
♪ Not two percent but half ♪
359
00:15:39,242 --> 00:15:41,462
♪ Judge said half ♪
360
00:15:41,462 --> 00:15:44,726
♪ Judge said half,
judge said half ♪
361
00:15:44,726 --> 00:15:45,945
♪ Judge said half ♪
362
00:15:47,816 --> 00:15:49,905
[farting]
363
00:15:49,905 --> 00:15:52,342
[coughing]
364
00:15:54,388 --> 00:15:56,172
Told your ass about them
damn cigarettes, I did.
365
00:15:56,172 --> 00:15:57,913
- Trying to kill yourself.
- Don't you worry about me.
366
00:15:57,913 --> 00:15:59,871
I'mma smoke as much as
I damn please. Hell.
367
00:15:59,871 --> 00:16:01,873
- They my lungs.
- Mm-hmm.
368
00:16:01,873 --> 00:16:03,919
That's why I got these
little backup ones over here.
369
00:16:03,919 --> 00:16:05,442
Got two brand
new lungs in there.
370
00:16:05,442 --> 00:16:08,054
I used to have, uh,
a lamb's heart somewhere,
371
00:16:08,054 --> 00:16:09,490
but I can't seem to [farting]
locate it nowhere.
372
00:16:09,490 --> 00:16:11,318
I swear you the nastiest,
373
00:16:11,318 --> 00:16:13,494
ooh, you just the nastiest,
nastiest thing I ever seen.
374
00:16:13,494 --> 00:16:14,886
I don't know why the hell
I let you live with me.
375
00:16:14,886 --> 00:16:16,627
I don't-- I don't know why.
376
00:16:16,627 --> 00:16:18,064
Because you think you gon'
get my money when I'm gone.
377
00:16:18,064 --> 00:16:19,717
- That's right.
- Oh, oh, I'mma get your money!
378
00:16:19,717 --> 00:16:21,458
And I'mma donate
your brain to science
379
00:16:21,458 --> 00:16:24,200
and then I'm gonna get Moe's
money, Moe's money, Moe's money.
380
00:16:24,200 --> 00:16:25,985
Till they find out
your brain ain't worth no money,
381
00:16:25,985 --> 00:16:27,638
no money, no money.
382
00:16:27,638 --> 00:16:29,466
You think you got jokes?
You know what you gon' get?
383
00:16:29,466 --> 00:16:31,729
You gon' get
this gas money. [farts]
384
00:16:31,729 --> 00:16:33,514
Take that with you.
Take that gas money with you.
385
00:16:33,514 --> 00:16:35,820
- That's what you gon' get.
- Oh, goddamn you nasty as hell.
386
00:16:35,820 --> 00:16:37,300
That's all you gon' to get. Ooh!
387
00:16:39,041 --> 00:16:41,217
[dog barking]
388
00:16:41,217 --> 00:16:42,436
Who the hell is this?
MaDude: That's Taylor, fool.
389
00:16:42,436 --> 00:16:44,046
Look at this boy, here.
390
00:16:44,046 --> 00:16:47,093
6'8" and driving
a damn Mazda Miata. [laughs]
391
00:16:47,093 --> 00:16:50,661
What? He ought to be
ashamed of his damn self.
392
00:16:50,661 --> 00:16:51,967
And does he look like a man
393
00:16:51,967 --> 00:16:53,186
that could throw
a 10-yard pass to you?
394
00:16:53,186 --> 00:16:54,404
You know what,
you gon' pass away
395
00:16:54,404 --> 00:16:55,971
if you don't watch your mouth.
396
00:16:55,971 --> 00:16:58,539
You ever seen a shark belch?
397
00:16:58,539 --> 00:17:00,628
I seen a, a dinosaur belch.
398
00:17:00,628 --> 00:17:02,195
Well, I have
and I'mma see it again
399
00:17:02,195 --> 00:17:03,674
if you don't watch
your mouth,
400
00:17:03,674 --> 00:17:05,111
MaDude: and stop smoking
them damn cigarettes.
401
00:17:05,111 --> 00:17:06,329
Don't you worry about me
and my damn cigarettes.
402
00:17:06,329 --> 00:17:08,114
Get my house all messed up.
403
00:17:08,114 --> 00:17:11,508
Hey, baby, come on over here.
Moe: Oh, that's disgusting.
404
00:17:11,508 --> 00:17:13,293
You ain't supposed to be kissing
your own child in the mouth.
405
00:17:13,293 --> 00:17:16,035
- What the hell y'all doing?
- That is your son.
406
00:17:16,035 --> 00:17:17,514
- Hell it is.
- Dad!
407
00:17:17,514 --> 00:17:18,907
Well, hell, they must have
tricked me.
408
00:17:18,907 --> 00:17:20,474
I took my money down,
I said, "Look,
409
00:17:20,474 --> 00:17:23,216
gimme two pit bull puppies."
Came back with this one.
410
00:17:23,216 --> 00:17:24,478
I thought you were
supposed to be in court?
411
00:17:24,478 --> 00:17:26,306
- What you doing here?
- We won.
412
00:17:26,306 --> 00:17:28,743
But, MaDude, I need you
to come with me right now.
413
00:17:28,743 --> 00:17:30,005
We gotta get to the house.
414
00:17:30,005 --> 00:17:31,311
- Ellen needs your help.
- Oh!
415
00:17:31,311 --> 00:17:32,660
- We gotta go.
- Well, hell, let's go!
416
00:17:32,660 --> 00:17:34,096
Let's go. Come on.
Moe: Yeah.
417
00:17:34,096 --> 00:17:36,577
Get your big ass out this house.
Now, I can see the TV.
418
00:17:36,577 --> 00:17:37,969
Smell better in here already.
419
00:17:37,969 --> 00:17:40,537
You gotta put on
your seatbelt.
420
00:17:40,537 --> 00:17:43,236
Oh, damn, boy. I got
my knees up to my titties.
421
00:17:43,236 --> 00:17:44,759
It's the law.
422
00:17:44,759 --> 00:17:46,152
Boy, you better worry
about your damn self.
423
00:17:46,152 --> 00:17:47,718
This matchbox ass car.
424
00:17:47,718 --> 00:17:48,806
Taylor: Oh, you know,
I love this car.
425
00:17:48,806 --> 00:17:51,244
It's tiny, sleek and powerful.
426
00:17:51,244 --> 00:17:53,811
Sends a tingling sensation
up my spine.
427
00:17:53,811 --> 00:17:56,901
I got a tiny little version
of this in my nightstand too.
428
00:17:56,901 --> 00:18:00,992
She do all the good things,
works all the areas real good.
429
00:18:00,992 --> 00:18:06,302
[sighs] You know, this morning,
right before court, God told me
430
00:18:06,302 --> 00:18:08,826
I'm supposed to empower
all the women of the world.
431
00:18:08,826 --> 00:18:12,917
Oh damn, boy. With all your
jobs, God got you pimping too?
432
00:18:12,917 --> 00:18:14,963
I mean, God came to me
and he told me that
433
00:18:14,963 --> 00:18:17,748
that he wants me to empower
the women of the world.
434
00:18:17,748 --> 00:18:19,533
Wait, what?
435
00:18:19,533 --> 00:18:21,361
MaDude: Boy, I swear
something ain't right with you
436
00:18:21,361 --> 00:18:23,189
and we're gonna pray on it.
437
00:18:23,189 --> 00:18:24,277
Oo-wee!
438
00:18:25,626 --> 00:18:26,844
[birds chirping]
439
00:18:28,846 --> 00:18:31,980
MaDude: Boy, you're going too
fast. Slow down now. Slow down!
440
00:18:31,980 --> 00:18:33,329
MaDude: Shit, my wig!
- Oh!
441
00:18:34,591 --> 00:18:36,202
- Good God.
- Wow!
442
00:18:36,202 --> 00:18:38,421
Boy. You got me out here
looking like the Dora Milaje.
443
00:18:38,421 --> 00:18:40,119
You done cost me
another damn wig.
444
00:18:40,119 --> 00:18:41,424
Well, use one of mine.
445
00:18:42,773 --> 00:18:43,861
Here you go.
446
00:18:45,602 --> 00:18:47,387
The hell you got a wig for, boy?
447
00:18:47,387 --> 00:18:49,563
I'm a Boy Scout.
I'm always prepared.
448
00:18:49,563 --> 00:18:51,652
Taylor: When God said empower,
449
00:18:51,652 --> 00:18:53,915
I bet he was
talking about Ellen.
450
00:18:53,915 --> 00:18:56,091
Well, MaDude, thank you so much
451
00:18:56,091 --> 00:18:57,745
for coming to
help me get my things.
452
00:18:57,745 --> 00:18:59,703
Listen, I'm a little nervous.
It might get violent.
453
00:18:59,703 --> 00:19:01,749
Oh, that's okay. Violence is my
Tinder name baby. Let's go.
454
00:19:01,749 --> 00:19:03,751
Okay, let's go.
455
00:19:03,751 --> 00:19:05,318
If anything goes down,
I got your bail money.
456
00:19:05,318 --> 00:19:07,102
Yeah. So I was saying...
457
00:19:07,102 --> 00:19:10,627
MaDude's gonna now take care of
this. What the hell is this?
458
00:19:10,627 --> 00:19:12,325
Is this Shaka Zulu
interior design?
459
00:19:12,325 --> 00:19:15,632
- You came back to cry?
- No!
460
00:19:15,632 --> 00:19:17,504
I bet you when you leave here,
461
00:19:17,504 --> 00:19:21,247
you gon' go tell all the Black
women that Darnell ain't shit.
462
00:19:21,247 --> 00:19:24,250
But guess what?
You right. Darnell ain't shit.
463
00:19:24,250 --> 00:19:26,426
- Get your ass out my house.
- Hell nah.
464
00:19:26,426 --> 00:19:28,471
- She ain't going nowhere.
- MaDude, mind your business.
465
00:19:28,471 --> 00:19:29,994
'Cause I'll fight a woman
466
00:19:29,994 --> 00:19:31,866
if that's what
your big ass really is.
467
00:19:31,866 --> 00:19:36,175
Oh, okay. Come on Lil Achi.
You feeling froggy? Come on, leap.
468
00:19:36,175 --> 00:19:40,483
Okay. Okay. No. Okay, listen.
Peace. Let's try peace y'all.
469
00:19:40,483 --> 00:19:44,183
No, girl. Peace don't work. Hell
nah. The judge, she said half.
470
00:19:44,183 --> 00:19:45,880
I'm about to whoop her big ass.
471
00:19:45,880 --> 00:19:47,577
Ellen: What are doing,
MaDude? No, no, no.
472
00:19:47,577 --> 00:19:50,014
- And we gonna start right here.
- No, MaDude.
473
00:19:50,014 --> 00:19:52,974
[screaming]
474
00:19:54,628 --> 00:19:56,369
Whoo! What else needs to be cut?
475
00:19:56,369 --> 00:19:57,805
- Come on over here.
- No, no!
476
00:19:57,805 --> 00:19:59,850
Oh, yeah, this
Shaka Zulu shit got to go!
477
00:19:59,850 --> 00:20:01,635
[chainsaw whirring]
478
00:20:01,635 --> 00:20:03,419
Why would you do that?
479
00:20:03,419 --> 00:20:05,247
Oh, now, what is this ugly ass
shit you got on this wall?
480
00:20:05,247 --> 00:20:06,814
This the Monique Lisa? Yeah.
481
00:20:06,814 --> 00:20:08,424
That's a ugly monstrosity
you don't want that?
482
00:20:08,424 --> 00:20:10,774
I ain't cutting that shit
for you. This TV though.
483
00:20:10,774 --> 00:20:12,733
[screaming]
484
00:20:12,733 --> 00:20:15,039
Look at that, ooh!
Ellen: Why would you do that?
485
00:20:15,039 --> 00:20:17,694
Oh, now, this here. This
definitely needs to get cut.
486
00:20:17,694 --> 00:20:19,435
Now look at that.
487
00:20:19,435 --> 00:20:20,654
Ellen: Lord, I'm gonna pray
for you, MaDude.
488
00:20:20,654 --> 00:20:22,438
Girl, you ain't
gotta pray for me.
489
00:20:22,438 --> 00:20:24,179
You gotta pray for his ass
if he don't get out my way.
490
00:20:24,179 --> 00:20:26,225
- Anything in here you want?
- Don't touch the closet, don't.
491
00:20:26,225 --> 00:20:27,835
I need to get
some things outta there.
492
00:20:27,835 --> 00:20:30,403
Ellen: Oh, no! Oh, my.
- Girl. What's in this kitchen?
493
00:20:30,403 --> 00:20:32,056
- You hungry?
- MaDude, no!
494
00:20:32,056 --> 00:20:34,145
The judge said half,
your ass is gonna get half.
495
00:20:34,145 --> 00:20:35,625
[whirring]
496
00:20:35,625 --> 00:20:37,061
Look at that. Damn!
497
00:20:37,061 --> 00:20:40,195
You know, I can't have this,
I'm on keto.
498
00:20:40,195 --> 00:20:42,719
Now look here, I might have
flunked out of beauty school,
499
00:20:42,719 --> 00:20:45,287
but not before I learned
a few tips.
500
00:20:45,287 --> 00:20:47,289
That's right.
501
00:20:47,289 --> 00:20:50,640
- Look at that. Look at that.
- Wait, wait, wait. MaDude, no!
502
00:20:50,640 --> 00:20:52,642
I'm the best barber
you ever saw.
503
00:20:52,642 --> 00:20:54,078
Ooh, girl, I did a good job.
504
00:20:54,078 --> 00:20:55,515
Hell, maybe you can
get you a man now.
505
00:20:55,515 --> 00:20:57,908
Edward Scissorhands
ain't got shit on me.
506
00:20:57,908 --> 00:21:00,998
Ellen: Ah! He's gonna
get so mad at me.
507
00:21:00,998 --> 00:21:04,175
MaDude. Wait a minute, will ya?
508
00:21:04,175 --> 00:21:08,136
Now that is what you call
a haircut. Oo-wee!
509
00:21:08,136 --> 00:21:09,659
MaDude: I ain't seen
an edge that straight
510
00:21:09,659 --> 00:21:10,747
since Meg Thee Stallion.
511
00:21:10,747 --> 00:21:12,575
[sirens wailing]
512
00:21:12,575 --> 00:21:15,665
That's the cops? Shit, I already
got two strikes. I gotta go.
513
00:21:15,665 --> 00:21:17,885
Girl, I ain't got time
to do your mustache. Next time.
514
00:21:17,885 --> 00:21:19,147
Ha!
515
00:21:19,147 --> 00:21:21,715
[upbeat music]
516
00:21:21,715 --> 00:21:24,108
Lord Jesus.
517
00:21:24,108 --> 00:21:26,285
Taylor: When God said
he wanted me to empower women,
518
00:21:26,285 --> 00:21:28,156
I'm not sure
he meant like this.
519
00:21:28,156 --> 00:21:30,158
- Darnell.
- What?
520
00:21:30,158 --> 00:21:33,335
I don't care what the judge
says. I still love you.
521
00:21:33,335 --> 00:21:34,467
I don't care
that you slept with my sister.
522
00:21:34,467 --> 00:21:36,251
Now I got a daughter-niece.
523
00:21:36,251 --> 00:21:38,993
I don't care that you gave me
the crotch critters twice.
524
00:21:38,993 --> 00:21:40,516
I don't care about any of that.
525
00:21:40,516 --> 00:21:43,040
Damn woman.
You don't care about nothing?
526
00:21:43,040 --> 00:21:45,042
No, I just wanna have your baby.
527
00:21:45,042 --> 00:21:47,001
You've been my husband
for 11 years.
528
00:21:47,001 --> 00:21:48,698
And I've been cheating
on you for 12.
529
00:21:48,698 --> 00:21:51,135
- But I love you.
- And I don't love you.
530
00:21:51,135 --> 00:21:55,052
- We can make this work out.
- No, you gon' be moving out.
531
00:21:55,052 --> 00:21:57,141
How could you do this to me?
532
00:21:57,141 --> 00:22:00,580
How could I do what, huh? Watch
out, Karen. How can I do what?
533
00:22:00,580 --> 00:22:02,495
This? Huh?
534
00:22:02,495 --> 00:22:04,584
[grunting]
535
00:22:04,584 --> 00:22:10,024
- Not today, sucka. Yah!
- Oh, shit. What the hell?
536
00:22:10,024 --> 00:22:12,592
- All I did was love you.
- Oh, no, don't do this.
537
00:22:12,592 --> 00:22:14,507
- I told you!
- Why you doing this to me?
538
00:22:14,507 --> 00:22:17,423
Another dead body moving
through the oval.
539
00:22:17,423 --> 00:22:20,164
And another one.
Ellen: I was a good woman.
540
00:22:20,164 --> 00:22:22,166
You had this coming,
you had this coming.
541
00:22:22,166 --> 00:22:23,646
I can't believe it.
542
00:22:23,646 --> 00:22:25,518
[screaming]
543
00:22:25,518 --> 00:22:26,649
[playful music]
544
00:22:26,649 --> 00:22:28,521
Why you doing this to me?
545
00:22:28,521 --> 00:22:30,653
Help! Help!
546
00:22:30,653 --> 00:22:35,092
I can't... [stuttering] Tsu--
Tsunami. I can't swim, girl.
547
00:22:35,092 --> 00:22:37,486
Oh, just stand up, stupid.
[crying]
548
00:22:40,054 --> 00:22:43,057
Oh! Damn it.
549
00:22:43,057 --> 00:22:45,668
I'm 'bout to whoop your ass.
550
00:22:45,668 --> 00:22:47,670
Taylor: Empowerment comes
in many forms.
551
00:22:47,670 --> 00:22:49,542
I guess.
552
00:22:49,542 --> 00:22:51,631
One thing I can say
about my cousin Ellen,
553
00:22:51,631 --> 00:22:53,197
[crying]
554
00:22:53,197 --> 00:22:54,895
when one man was gone,
555
00:22:54,895 --> 00:22:56,940
another man was right
around the corner
556
00:22:58,464 --> 00:23:00,901
and he kinda seemed similar.
557
00:23:00,901 --> 00:23:06,907
♪ Hey lady
Do you need a ride? ♪
558
00:23:08,125 --> 00:23:10,040
Where you come from?
559
00:23:10,040 --> 00:23:16,307
♪ The Lord sends me to places
I'm supposed to be ♪
560
00:23:16,307 --> 00:23:17,787
I'm an angel.
561
00:23:17,787 --> 00:23:20,703
Why do you sound like
a R&B Auto-Tune singer?
562
00:23:20,703 --> 00:23:23,880
You see, girl, this is my
regular seductive voice
563
00:23:23,880 --> 00:23:26,274
and T-Pain is
my play step-daddy.
564
00:23:26,274 --> 00:23:29,233
[sobbing] I don't get in
the car with strangers.
565
00:23:29,233 --> 00:23:30,974
[instrumental music]
566
00:23:30,974 --> 00:23:32,193
Hold that thought.
567
00:23:33,412 --> 00:23:34,543
[truck door closes]
568
00:23:37,241 --> 00:23:41,550
Does this body look
strange to you?
569
00:23:41,550 --> 00:23:44,640
Ellen: Airbrushed, maybe,
but I guess not strange.
570
00:23:45,685 --> 00:23:47,730
The name's Tallahassee.
571
00:23:47,730 --> 00:23:50,646
Not to be confused with Orlando.
572
00:23:50,646 --> 00:23:54,389
Now, we not strangers no more.
So do yourself a favor, girl.
573
00:23:54,389 --> 00:23:56,609
Get on in this truck
and let me ride you
574
00:23:56,609 --> 00:23:58,306
to wherever you need to go.
575
00:23:58,306 --> 00:24:00,177
[sobbing] I got nowhere to go.
576
00:24:02,397 --> 00:24:04,138
I swear to God, he try me,
577
00:24:04,138 --> 00:24:06,270
I'mma whip
his little fragile ass.
578
00:24:06,270 --> 00:24:12,233
Yeah, come on girl.
I got you. I got you. I got you.
579
00:24:12,233 --> 00:24:16,193
Come on. Get up in this truck.
Get up in this truck.
580
00:24:16,193 --> 00:24:18,152
Get up in this truck.
581
00:24:18,152 --> 00:24:20,850
Okay.
582
00:24:20,850 --> 00:24:23,113
Watch your bunions, girl.
583
00:24:23,113 --> 00:24:24,463
I don't know why I'm doing this.
584
00:24:24,463 --> 00:24:25,899
Body never fails me.
585
00:24:25,899 --> 00:24:29,642
[sobbing] I don't
even know this man.
586
00:24:29,642 --> 00:24:30,817
[sighs]
Alright.
587
00:24:32,427 --> 00:24:33,559
Alright.
588
00:24:35,125 --> 00:24:36,649
Do me a favor,
589
00:24:36,649 --> 00:24:37,954
steer for me, baby.
590
00:24:37,954 --> 00:24:41,175
My name's not baby, it's Ellen.
591
00:24:41,175 --> 00:24:43,873
Okay, well, since
you're not gonna do it,
592
00:24:43,873 --> 00:24:47,703
I'm gonna have to go ahead
and get my workout right here.
593
00:24:47,703 --> 00:24:50,358
[grunting]
You see most people got guns.
594
00:24:50,358 --> 00:24:52,795
I got dogs. [barking]
595
00:24:52,795 --> 00:24:56,016
Okay, listen. My godmother
lives all the way across town.
596
00:24:56,016 --> 00:24:57,713
Uh-huh. It's all good.
597
00:24:57,713 --> 00:24:59,585
Tallahassee: My godmother
live over there too.
598
00:24:59,585 --> 00:25:01,543
I'm just gonna run by
my crib right quick
599
00:25:01,543 --> 00:25:04,677
and then I'm gonna ride you
all the way there.
600
00:25:04,677 --> 00:25:07,244
- Oh, oh!
- Yeah.
601
00:25:07,244 --> 00:25:10,378
Thank you so much
for doing all this for me.
602
00:25:10,378 --> 00:25:12,206
Yeah, it's all good.
603
00:25:12,206 --> 00:25:15,383
You know I do have
rather large areolas.
604
00:25:15,383 --> 00:25:17,777
- Yeah, they are large.
- Yeah.
605
00:25:17,777 --> 00:25:20,388
It might be all those sexy
steroids I be taking.
606
00:25:23,173 --> 00:25:25,088
You got to excuse me.
607
00:25:25,088 --> 00:25:29,266
Sometimes I turn myself on.
608
00:25:29,266 --> 00:25:32,008
Are you... You-- you--
you gotta be kidding me.
609
00:25:32,008 --> 00:25:34,228
[moaning]
610
00:25:34,228 --> 00:25:36,099
[instrumental music]
611
00:25:36,099 --> 00:25:38,319
Ready to go?
612
00:25:38,319 --> 00:25:40,016
I ain't got nowhere else to go.
613
00:25:40,016 --> 00:25:41,540
[engine starting]
614
00:25:41,540 --> 00:25:43,846
You in for the time
of your life, girl.
615
00:25:43,846 --> 00:25:45,587
So don't you
worry about nothing.
616
00:25:45,587 --> 00:25:47,720
Ellen: You better make it
happen, yeah.
617
00:25:47,720 --> 00:25:48,677
Oh, my God.
618
00:25:50,897 --> 00:25:53,290
Right here, baby. Here's
a special drink I made for you.
619
00:25:53,290 --> 00:25:55,641
I drink it all the time. That's
how I look the way I look.
620
00:25:55,641 --> 00:25:57,164
- Okay.
- Yeah.
621
00:25:57,164 --> 00:25:58,557
- You see I put bananas in it.
- Uh-huh.
622
00:25:58,557 --> 00:26:00,036
Most people just use the banana.
623
00:26:00,036 --> 00:26:03,213
- I use the banana and the peel.
- Oh, okay.
624
00:26:03,213 --> 00:26:05,651
I also use a little bit of
Red Bull. It gives you wings.
625
00:26:05,651 --> 00:26:06,739
I don't, I don't wanna fly.
626
00:26:06,739 --> 00:26:08,392
Yeah, you do just a little bit.
627
00:26:08,392 --> 00:26:10,656
I put a little bit of coke
in it without the can.
628
00:26:10,656 --> 00:26:12,440
No, no, no. [stuttering] Okay.
629
00:26:12,440 --> 00:26:16,096
And, mmm. Okay, oh.
630
00:26:16,096 --> 00:26:17,880
There you go, baby.
It'll do your body right.
631
00:26:19,578 --> 00:26:21,971
Um, you know, I want
some real food,
632
00:26:21,971 --> 00:26:23,451
you know, like Waffle House
633
00:26:23,451 --> 00:26:25,235
or White Castle
something, anything.
634
00:26:25,235 --> 00:26:26,759
- Not this.
- No, no, no, no, no.
635
00:26:26,759 --> 00:26:27,977
- You don't want that crap.
- I do.
636
00:26:27,977 --> 00:26:29,762
You see this here, right here.
637
00:26:29,762 --> 00:26:32,503
It's gonna help get rid
of ya lady lumps.
638
00:26:32,503 --> 00:26:35,550
Uh, excuse me. That is not
how you talk to a lady.
639
00:26:35,550 --> 00:26:38,118
Uh, excuse me.
640
00:26:38,118 --> 00:26:41,121
But I don't expect we are here
to do much talking now, are we?
641
00:26:42,296 --> 00:26:44,907
[chuckles] I guess you right.
642
00:26:44,907 --> 00:26:46,648
You damn right I'm right.
643
00:26:46,648 --> 00:26:48,737
Now we just gonna tighten
that up and tighten that up,
644
00:26:48,737 --> 00:26:52,001
little dat. Tighten it up,
and you'll be as tight as me.
645
00:26:52,001 --> 00:26:54,308
I don't wanna look like you.
646
00:26:54,308 --> 00:26:55,875
I just need you to
relax and trust me,
647
00:26:55,875 --> 00:26:57,572
and let me do
my thing. Hands up.
648
00:26:59,748 --> 00:27:00,967
[screaming]
649
00:27:00,967 --> 00:27:02,229
[whirring]
650
00:27:02,229 --> 00:27:04,492
[grunting]
651
00:27:06,712 --> 00:27:08,191
Ooh. Ah!
652
00:27:13,283 --> 00:27:15,982
You like my stick, you like
my magic stick, don't you?
653
00:27:19,899 --> 00:27:23,076
You ready for the new you?
Spin around for me.
654
00:27:25,556 --> 00:27:27,689
Woo-wee! Damn. I'm good.
655
00:27:27,689 --> 00:27:29,386
Come on and check
yourself out, girl.
656
00:27:29,386 --> 00:27:32,172
Come on over to the window
and look at yourself.
657
00:27:32,172 --> 00:27:35,131
- Voila.
- Damn. I do look good.
658
00:27:35,131 --> 00:27:39,048
You do, but I look better.
659
00:27:39,048 --> 00:27:42,051
- Oh, no. I look better.
- Oh, hell no. I look better.
660
00:27:42,051 --> 00:27:44,967
[playful music]
661
00:27:48,057 --> 00:27:51,670
Look at them biceps, girl.
Oh, shit. Where we going?
662
00:27:51,670 --> 00:27:53,628
Damn.
663
00:27:53,628 --> 00:27:55,761
You do know my areolas
won first place
664
00:27:55,761 --> 00:27:59,286
in the Mr. America pageant.
Damn, girl.
665
00:27:59,286 --> 00:28:00,591
Shut up and take it like a man.
666
00:28:00,591 --> 00:28:01,680
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
667
00:28:01,680 --> 00:28:03,116
I didn't know you was gon' go
668
00:28:03,116 --> 00:28:04,683
all "Fifty Shades of Grey"
on a brother.
669
00:28:04,683 --> 00:28:06,380
You do know that's
white people shit, right?
670
00:28:06,380 --> 00:28:09,165
Shut your ass up.
671
00:28:09,165 --> 00:28:11,515
- What the hell is that?
- My electric toothbrush.
672
00:28:11,515 --> 00:28:13,909
You ain't about to use
a toothbrush on my ass.
673
00:28:13,909 --> 00:28:16,085
I'm about to use
this toothbrush up your ass.
674
00:28:16,085 --> 00:28:18,261
- No, you ain't.
- Yes, I am!
675
00:28:18,261 --> 00:28:20,089
Hell no! [screaming]
676
00:28:23,614 --> 00:28:25,747
Tallahassee: Can't believe she
done tied my hair up.
677
00:28:25,747 --> 00:28:28,663
[bed creaking]
678
00:28:28,663 --> 00:28:31,797
- What you still doing in bed?
- Oh, come on. Let me go.
679
00:28:31,797 --> 00:28:33,799
Oh, you want a little more
before I go.
680
00:28:33,799 --> 00:28:36,018
No, I want you to
untie me so I can go.
681
00:28:36,018 --> 00:28:40,153
- Oh, you been bad?
- No. What's wrong with you?
682
00:28:40,153 --> 00:28:41,807
What the heck? Ow! Ow!
683
00:28:41,807 --> 00:28:43,591
- Say my name!
- Evil?
684
00:28:43,591 --> 00:28:44,897
- That's not my name.
- Crazy?
685
00:28:44,897 --> 00:28:46,115
- That's not my name.
- Deranged?
686
00:28:46,115 --> 00:28:48,335
Say my name. Boy, say my name.
687
00:28:48,335 --> 00:28:50,424
I thought you was a Christian.
688
00:28:50,424 --> 00:28:52,165
Helluur. Y'all better
eat this food now.
689
00:28:52,165 --> 00:28:53,732
Taylor: Coming from a family
690
00:28:53,732 --> 00:28:55,342
of professionals and
non-professionals,
691
00:28:55,342 --> 00:28:57,344
our family is just like
any other.
692
00:28:57,344 --> 00:28:59,215
What you got,
Sly and the Family Stone?
693
00:28:59,215 --> 00:29:00,608
Taylor: If you
really look for it,
694
00:29:00,608 --> 00:29:02,175
finding empowerment of women
695
00:29:02,175 --> 00:29:04,133
can even be found
at our family barbecue.
696
00:29:04,133 --> 00:29:05,961
Black, what the hell
is you doing?
697
00:29:05,961 --> 00:29:08,224
MaDude: I swear to God if you
make my meat as black as you is,
698
00:29:08,224 --> 00:29:09,791
we're gonna have problems.
699
00:29:09,791 --> 00:29:12,359
I-- I'm trying to make me
some crispy ribs.
700
00:29:12,359 --> 00:29:14,448
I am the king
of Atlanta barbecuing.
701
00:29:14,448 --> 00:29:15,928
Who told you that lie, mothersucker?
702
00:29:15,928 --> 00:29:18,408
Oh, oh, this how
I make my living.
703
00:29:18,408 --> 00:29:20,410
I can tell, that's why your
ass is broke as hell
704
00:29:20,410 --> 00:29:22,151
with them Ronald McDonald Socks.
705
00:29:22,151 --> 00:29:25,589
Don't burn my meat. Hey,
everybody. Y'all looking good.
706
00:29:25,589 --> 00:29:28,288
You looking good today.
707
00:29:28,288 --> 00:29:31,378
I'mma show you how to do it
up in here. I need more.
708
00:29:31,378 --> 00:29:33,119
[instrumental music]
709
00:29:33,119 --> 00:29:35,121
Whoo!
710
00:29:35,121 --> 00:29:37,297
In Atlanta they make it flame.
711
00:29:37,297 --> 00:29:39,647
- Whoo!
- The hell you doing over here?
712
00:29:39,647 --> 00:29:41,475
Oh, Lord. Here comes
the Grinch that stole ugly.
713
00:29:41,475 --> 00:29:43,172
I know you ain't calling
nobody ugly.
714
00:29:43,172 --> 00:29:45,087
MaDude: You about as pretty as
a murder scene.
715
00:29:45,087 --> 00:29:46,741
Well, can you even see
them damn dominoes?
716
00:29:46,741 --> 00:29:48,177
Know your ass can't count.
717
00:29:48,177 --> 00:29:49,788
Look, they used to
call her lowenbrau.
718
00:29:49,788 --> 00:29:51,485
One nipple was low.
The other one had a eyebrow.
719
00:29:51,485 --> 00:29:53,313
Boy, I should have
killed you in your crib
720
00:29:53,313 --> 00:29:55,184
when you was born. I don't know
why the hell we let you live.
721
00:29:57,230 --> 00:29:59,406
[screaming]
722
00:29:59,406 --> 00:30:01,843
Help! Help me! Help me!
723
00:30:01,843 --> 00:30:05,194
Take this, domino, you summa
bitches. Game over.
724
00:30:05,194 --> 00:30:07,893
- Help me! Help me!
- You lost again.
725
00:30:07,893 --> 00:30:09,808
Well, look at this crispy
nigga over here.
726
00:30:09,808 --> 00:30:12,245
- Help me, help me!
- Ain't that something.
727
00:30:12,245 --> 00:30:17,032
Boy, stop, drop and roll, nigga.
Stop, drop and roll!
728
00:30:17,032 --> 00:30:19,687
Boy, don't be trying to burn up
my grass, now what you doing?
729
00:30:19,687 --> 00:30:21,297
I think you better save
that for the meat.
730
00:30:21,297 --> 00:30:22,646
It's hot as hell out here
731
00:30:22,646 --> 00:30:23,691
and he's trying to
burn up the grass.
732
00:30:23,691 --> 00:30:25,562
This some good water? Boy...
733
00:30:27,260 --> 00:30:29,262
In the name of the father.
734
00:30:29,262 --> 00:30:31,307
Always doing the Lord's work.
735
00:30:31,307 --> 00:30:34,354
Taylor: I believe family
also means familiar,
736
00:30:34,354 --> 00:30:35,921
and God knows why
I'm saying that.
737
00:30:35,921 --> 00:30:37,618
I taste like bacon.
738
00:30:37,618 --> 00:30:39,272
You look good.
739
00:30:39,272 --> 00:30:41,970
Girl, I look great, but
I didn't wanna look this good.
740
00:30:41,970 --> 00:30:44,712
- No, why not?
- Oh, I look like a hoochie.
741
00:30:44,712 --> 00:30:46,453
- A hoochie mama, for real?
- Yes.
742
00:30:46,453 --> 00:30:48,455
I don't think so. I think
you're taking it too far.
743
00:30:48,455 --> 00:30:52,067
No, he took it too far.
Girl, I actually got hips.
744
00:30:52,067 --> 00:30:54,113
- You do.
- And my butt sits too high.
745
00:30:54,113 --> 00:30:55,592
- It does.
- Yeah.
746
00:30:55,592 --> 00:30:58,030
And if he think
he gonna keep changing my body
747
00:30:58,030 --> 00:31:00,597
for his likings,
he's got another thing coming.
748
00:31:00,597 --> 00:31:02,991
Taylor: I guess God wants me to
learn about female empowerment
749
00:31:02,991 --> 00:31:04,514
before I can be empowering.
750
00:31:04,514 --> 00:31:07,126
Hey, Black, now I know
as big as your ass is
751
00:31:07,126 --> 00:31:08,170
you know how to make
some chicken.
752
00:31:08,170 --> 00:31:09,563
- I do.
- Come on now.
753
00:31:09,563 --> 00:31:11,173
I like my chicken
without salmonella.
754
00:31:11,173 --> 00:31:15,308
Now are these chicken breast
or it's your breast?
755
00:31:15,308 --> 00:31:17,397
Is you slow in the head?
Somebody hit you?
756
00:31:17,397 --> 00:31:19,921
Bitch, that is chicken
and you better make it right.
757
00:31:19,921 --> 00:31:21,880
Hey, girls, how y'all doing?
I'm so glad y'all here, ladies.
758
00:31:21,880 --> 00:31:23,533
Y'all good? Y'all feeling good?
759
00:31:23,533 --> 00:31:25,361
Ooh, sure is a nice day
for a picnic.
760
00:31:25,361 --> 00:31:29,061
Yeah, it's all for me, her, her,
her. All of us.
761
00:31:29,061 --> 00:31:31,759
Darnell, I know you didn't bring
762
00:31:31,759 --> 00:31:33,935
them ugly ass Karens
up to my cookout.
763
00:31:33,935 --> 00:31:35,545
MaDude: Boy, I can barely
stand your ass anyway.
764
00:31:35,545 --> 00:31:36,895
You better get them away
from my grill.
765
00:31:36,895 --> 00:31:39,288
I seen more ass on a snake.
766
00:31:39,288 --> 00:31:42,639
Come on girls. MaDude's tripping
and she's packing.
767
00:31:42,639 --> 00:31:44,163
That's right,
you better get them girls
768
00:31:44,163 --> 00:31:45,642
MaDude: away from my damn grill.
769
00:31:45,642 --> 00:31:46,992
Bro. Come on Karens.
MaDude: Come on now.
770
00:31:46,992 --> 00:31:48,167
Y'all ain't moving
fast enough for me.
771
00:31:48,167 --> 00:31:49,646
Gets it moving. Chop, chop.
772
00:31:49,646 --> 00:31:51,561
I don't ever wanna
see, taste, touch,
773
00:31:51,561 --> 00:31:53,737
talk, walk, do nothing
with that girl, man.
774
00:31:53,737 --> 00:31:54,695
Man, it couldn't have been
that bad.
775
00:31:54,695 --> 00:31:56,001
Oh, it was.
776
00:31:56,001 --> 00:31:57,524
But you have those
wonderful abs.
777
00:31:57,524 --> 00:31:58,873
Taylor: She must've been
everything you needed.
778
00:31:58,873 --> 00:32:01,397
- Man, that's what I thought.
- Wow.
779
00:32:01,397 --> 00:32:02,877
Oh. Here's-- here's
my cousin. Ellen?
780
00:32:02,877 --> 00:32:06,141
Hey... What are you doing here?
781
00:32:06,141 --> 00:32:07,621
- This the crazy woman...
- This the crazy man...
782
00:32:07,621 --> 00:32:09,405
- I was telling about!
- I was telling about!
783
00:32:09,405 --> 00:32:12,191
You left me for dead, girl.
Why you gotta be so mean, woman?
784
00:32:12,191 --> 00:32:13,801
Mean? You don't know me.
785
00:32:13,801 --> 00:32:15,629
You don't know what
I've been through.
786
00:32:15,629 --> 00:32:17,587
You mean to tell me you gonna
make the new brother
787
00:32:17,587 --> 00:32:19,415
pay for
the last brother mistakes?
788
00:32:19,415 --> 00:32:22,592
- Somebody gotta pay. Amen.
- Hell yeah, somebody gotta pay.
789
00:32:22,592 --> 00:32:24,464
So you just another
mad Black woman, huh?
790
00:32:24,464 --> 00:32:25,900
So what you gon' do?
791
00:32:25,900 --> 00:32:27,815
Go home and write in your diary
792
00:32:27,815 --> 00:32:29,338
about your raggedy ass weave?
793
00:32:29,338 --> 00:32:31,775
Raggedy ass weave?
794
00:32:31,775 --> 00:32:33,647
You should be the last person
to talk about somebody having...
795
00:32:33,647 --> 00:32:35,431
Girl, my hair is luxurious.
796
00:32:35,431 --> 00:32:36,824
You know what? I got something
from you. Stay right there.
797
00:32:36,824 --> 00:32:39,305
I'm standing right here.
I ain't running.
798
00:32:39,305 --> 00:32:42,612
- Oh!
- I got wet! My waist is wet!
799
00:32:42,612 --> 00:32:44,658
Taylor: Maybe I'm not
the right person for this job.
800
00:32:44,658 --> 00:32:47,182
My abs are melting. Oh no, girl.
801
00:32:47,182 --> 00:32:49,141
You know, it took me
all week to paint these on.
802
00:32:49,141 --> 00:32:51,230
- Should've took longer.
- Why would you do this?
803
00:32:51,230 --> 00:32:53,058
Boy, stop all
that windmilling shit.
804
00:32:53,058 --> 00:32:54,189
[blows whistle]
805
00:32:54,189 --> 00:32:55,582
Oh, no!
806
00:32:55,582 --> 00:32:57,366
Taylor: Ooh! My waist is wet.
807
00:32:57,366 --> 00:32:58,846
Well, at least I still
got my areolas.
808
00:32:58,846 --> 00:33:01,022
I got something for
areolas too. Hold on.
809
00:33:01,022 --> 00:33:02,589
Get him again.
He gonna run outta here?
810
00:33:02,589 --> 00:33:03,982
But don't run too far, baby.
811
00:33:03,982 --> 00:33:06,375
You got your abs
in a puddle in this grass.
812
00:33:06,375 --> 00:33:08,247
Boy, you better come
clean this shit up.
813
00:33:08,247 --> 00:33:10,858
Taylor: With everything I am,
I'm only one man.
814
00:33:10,858 --> 00:33:12,903
Yo "Fairy", wanna ball?
815
00:33:12,903 --> 00:33:15,906
Uh, it's Pherry.
I don't mess with P.
816
00:33:15,906 --> 00:33:17,604
We need one more.
Get over here. We chests.
817
00:33:17,604 --> 00:33:18,779
I'd love to play!
818
00:33:18,779 --> 00:33:21,173
[upbeat music]
819
00:33:22,870 --> 00:33:24,306
Taylor: Male Empowerment.
820
00:33:24,306 --> 00:33:26,004
God never said
nothing about that.
821
00:33:26,004 --> 00:33:28,484
[grunting]
822
00:33:28,484 --> 00:33:31,792
I love this game.
Thank you, God. Balls! Balls!
823
00:33:33,446 --> 00:33:34,795
Oh, crap.
824
00:33:38,625 --> 00:33:40,409
- Yo, Taylor.
- Oh, God.
825
00:33:40,409 --> 00:33:43,630
- How was the cookout?
- Uh...
826
00:33:43,630 --> 00:33:46,415
Not really good,
you know. My family is...
827
00:33:46,415 --> 00:33:49,244
They, um, they crazy.
The shit they get...
828
00:33:49,244 --> 00:33:51,942
Oh, stuff, the stuff
they get themselves into.
829
00:33:51,942 --> 00:33:53,683
Well, it's up to
you to change that.
830
00:33:53,683 --> 00:33:56,034
God: I have an idea and I'm
gonna need you to commit to it.
831
00:33:56,034 --> 00:33:57,470
If not, I'm out of a job.
832
00:33:57,470 --> 00:33:59,428
Oh, I'll-- I'll do
anything for you, God.
833
00:33:59,428 --> 00:34:01,169
Great. I need you
to become a writer.
834
00:34:01,169 --> 00:34:03,432
- A writer? A writer?
- A writer. A writer.
835
00:34:03,432 --> 00:34:06,218
I can't do that, I mean,
I'm a doctor, a lawyer,
836
00:34:06,218 --> 00:34:08,481
a-- a hotel manager,
a badminton coach,
837
00:34:08,481 --> 00:34:11,919
an architect, an unlicensed
plumber, a mover, a shaker.
838
00:34:11,919 --> 00:34:13,225
I don't know nothing
about writing.
839
00:34:13,225 --> 00:34:14,530
God: Do you know what
a plot point is?
840
00:34:14,530 --> 00:34:16,532
- No. Hell no.
- A good storyline.
841
00:34:16,532 --> 00:34:18,534
- I ain't never heard of that.
- Your family's crazy, right?
842
00:34:18,534 --> 00:34:19,883
God: They'll have all the drama,
843
00:34:19,883 --> 00:34:21,755
the comedy,
and the horror you need.
844
00:34:21,755 --> 00:34:23,104
You're gonna write a play.
845
00:34:23,104 --> 00:34:24,714
- What? What?
- Better yet, a movie.
846
00:34:24,714 --> 00:34:26,020
Include me and Hoprah.
847
00:34:26,020 --> 00:34:27,804
But you can do bad
all by yourself.
848
00:34:27,804 --> 00:34:30,329
God: It's gonna be
a box office hit.
849
00:34:30,329 --> 00:34:33,506
W-- well, what if I-- I screw up
everything for the whole world?
850
00:34:33,506 --> 00:34:36,161
Have faith, Taylor,
you're on a divine path.
851
00:34:36,161 --> 00:34:38,032
Speaking of which,
you better take that.
852
00:34:38,032 --> 00:34:41,383
Alright, that's it. Gotta go.
This fellow Putin is tripping.
853
00:34:41,383 --> 00:34:43,037
Hey, hey, hey Julie.
854
00:34:43,037 --> 00:34:44,604
Julie: I can't take another
minute of this traffic.
855
00:34:44,604 --> 00:34:46,127
It's driving me crazy.
856
00:34:46,127 --> 00:34:47,694
I meant to ask you for
a favor at the cookout,
857
00:34:47,694 --> 00:34:49,087
but I got caught up
eating chicken.
858
00:34:49,087 --> 00:34:50,697
What can I do for you?
859
00:34:50,697 --> 00:34:52,090
Julie: I need a good driver
for tomorrow.
860
00:34:52,090 --> 00:34:55,180
Say no more. I'm on my way.
861
00:34:55,180 --> 00:34:58,139
Woo! God be talking his ass off.
862
00:34:58,139 --> 00:34:59,923
Taylor: First
female empowerment.
863
00:34:59,923 --> 00:35:02,709
Now, God wants me
to write a movie?
864
00:35:02,709 --> 00:35:06,713
Ellen: Dear diary, today,
I took my mother's advice
865
00:35:06,713 --> 00:35:10,369
and I need spaghetti, sauce,
ground turkey meat,
866
00:35:10,369 --> 00:35:16,157
turkey sausage, mushrooms,
garlic, oh, and vodka.
867
00:35:16,157 --> 00:35:18,681
I sure hope it tastes good.
868
00:35:18,681 --> 00:35:21,945
With everything
I've been going through, diary,
869
00:35:21,945 --> 00:35:24,383
I need some comfort
and joy in my life.
870
00:35:24,383 --> 00:35:26,341
Lately, it just feels
871
00:35:26,341 --> 00:35:29,301
like a sad little rain cloud
follows me everywhere I go.
872
00:35:33,870 --> 00:35:35,133
Ugh!
873
00:35:35,133 --> 00:35:38,005
[instrumental music]
874
00:35:38,005 --> 00:35:40,790
Yo baby, you need a ride?
875
00:35:40,790 --> 00:35:42,879
No, I can wait for the bus.
876
00:35:42,879 --> 00:35:44,968
Girl, go on and hop
into this truck.
877
00:35:44,968 --> 00:35:46,535
Can't you see the lightning?
878
00:35:46,535 --> 00:35:48,015
[thunder rumbling]
879
00:35:49,538 --> 00:35:51,149
I'm fine.
880
00:35:51,149 --> 00:35:53,194
All this rain gonna make
your gout swell up, girl.
881
00:35:53,194 --> 00:35:54,674
I can wait for the bus.
882
00:35:54,674 --> 00:35:56,458
Besides, I'm a new woman
883
00:35:56,458 --> 00:35:59,374
and this woman don't ride
with certain types of men.
884
00:35:59,374 --> 00:36:01,246
Why you gotta be so mean, woman?
885
00:36:01,246 --> 00:36:03,465
Why you gotta be so nice, man?
886
00:36:03,465 --> 00:36:05,250
Look just get in the truck.
887
00:36:05,250 --> 00:36:07,556
The next bus don't come
for about an hour.
888
00:36:07,556 --> 00:36:08,862
[thunder rumbling]
889
00:36:08,862 --> 00:36:10,994
Okay, okay. Let me get in.
890
00:36:10,994 --> 00:36:13,562
Yep. Get your ass in, girl.
891
00:36:13,562 --> 00:36:14,998
I'm coming. I'm coming.
892
00:36:17,044 --> 00:36:18,480
- Here, get my purse.
- I got you.
893
00:36:18,480 --> 00:36:21,831
Come on now. Come on.
Yep, I got you. Come on.
894
00:36:21,831 --> 00:36:24,138
- There you go. Close the door.
- Okay, hold on.
895
00:36:24,138 --> 00:36:26,358
[music continues]
896
00:36:26,358 --> 00:36:27,924
Taylor: Is this what God meant
897
00:36:27,924 --> 00:36:29,665
when he said my family's
like no other
898
00:36:29,665 --> 00:36:32,102
or are we all the same
like my cousin Monte Carlo?
899
00:36:32,102 --> 00:36:33,800
[knocking]
900
00:36:33,800 --> 00:36:35,367
You girls get ready. Your mama
is gonna be here soon.
901
00:36:35,367 --> 00:36:36,933
Hey, come on in.
902
00:36:39,458 --> 00:36:43,244
How is my favorite limo, Lyft,
Uber driving cousin?
903
00:36:43,244 --> 00:36:46,552
[laughs] Take your shoes off
at the door if you don't mind.
904
00:36:46,552 --> 00:36:49,207
Oh, as disgusting as this place
is, I absolutely do mind.
905
00:36:49,207 --> 00:36:51,339
Why don't we take the floor up?
906
00:36:51,339 --> 00:36:54,429
- Ah!
- Fair enough.
907
00:36:54,429 --> 00:36:57,040
So what do I owe
this surprise visit
908
00:36:57,040 --> 00:36:59,695
from the most prominent
prestigious
909
00:36:59,695 --> 00:37:02,611
lawyer, surgeon and employee
in the entire city?
910
00:37:02,611 --> 00:37:05,832
- Well, I've got a job for you.
- Mm, you got a job?
911
00:37:05,832 --> 00:37:08,182
- Yes. High paying job.
- Ooh!
912
00:37:08,182 --> 00:37:11,272
Make your own hours. I've been
calling you. Do you want it?
913
00:37:11,272 --> 00:37:13,100
[somber music]
914
00:37:13,100 --> 00:37:16,538
I gotta say extra money
is always needed around here.
915
00:37:16,538 --> 00:37:19,715
You know I got the three kids,
maybe two, four baby mamas
916
00:37:19,715 --> 00:37:21,195
and you know,
I'm trying to get that chicken
917
00:37:21,195 --> 00:37:22,718
and check cashing
place off the ground.
918
00:37:22,718 --> 00:37:24,154
Chicken and check cashing?
That don't go together.
919
00:37:24,154 --> 00:37:25,155
Neither does chicken
and waffles,
920
00:37:25,155 --> 00:37:26,156
but you see how that blew up.
921
00:37:26,156 --> 00:37:28,637
Oh, you know what, cuz,
922
00:37:28,637 --> 00:37:30,378
Taylor: I am very,
very proud of you.
923
00:37:30,378 --> 00:37:33,555
With three years in prison,
three little girls
924
00:37:33,555 --> 00:37:36,776
Not Precious, Least Precious,
Not Precious at all
925
00:37:36,776 --> 00:37:39,561
you really got
your stuff together.
926
00:37:39,561 --> 00:37:42,216
That's right, you see,
'cause hate put me in there.
927
00:37:42,216 --> 00:37:44,871
- But love busted me out.
- Love busted you out.
928
00:37:44,871 --> 00:37:47,134
[claps] Tell me about it.
Tell me about the job.
929
00:37:47,134 --> 00:37:49,702
Well, her name is Julie.
She's a lawyer.
930
00:37:49,702 --> 00:37:51,660
She's an Ivy League attorney.
She needs a driver.
931
00:37:51,660 --> 00:37:52,705
And I can give you a car today.
932
00:37:52,705 --> 00:37:54,315
What kind of car we talking?
933
00:37:54,315 --> 00:37:55,708
Well look, I've got exotic cars.
I've got a Bugatti.
934
00:37:55,708 --> 00:37:56,883
I've got a Lamborghini.
I've got a Porsche.
935
00:37:56,883 --> 00:37:58,058
Wait. Stop right there.
936
00:37:58,058 --> 00:37:59,494
Yes.
937
00:37:59,494 --> 00:38:01,409
You know I don't do exotic cars.
938
00:38:01,409 --> 00:38:04,238
I need something with
a carburetor, you know.
939
00:38:04,238 --> 00:38:07,154
- Well, I've got a truck.
- Sold.
940
00:38:07,154 --> 00:38:08,677
Okay. Gimme a minute
to put on some clean clothes.
941
00:38:09,287 --> 00:38:11,463
[sniffs]
942
00:38:11,463 --> 00:38:14,161
Okay, I am ready. Alright.
943
00:38:14,161 --> 00:38:15,467
You girls fix yourself
some dinner.
944
00:38:15,467 --> 00:38:17,033
Here you go. That's for you.
945
00:38:17,033 --> 00:38:18,557
And whatever you do,
please don't open the door
946
00:38:18,557 --> 00:38:19,558
for any strangers.
947
00:38:19,558 --> 00:38:21,168
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
948
00:38:21,168 --> 00:38:23,039
Are we sure we want
to leave the girls alone?
949
00:38:23,039 --> 00:38:26,608
I mean, somebody's gotta watch
daddy's little girls.
950
00:38:26,608 --> 00:38:28,523
Oh, don't worry about that,
man. They stay strapped.
951
00:38:28,523 --> 00:38:32,701
Ready for any unwanted police
officers. She might not be mine.
952
00:38:33,789 --> 00:38:34,790
Come on.
953
00:38:36,009 --> 00:38:37,097
Bye, daddy.
954
00:38:37,097 --> 00:38:38,620
[instrumental music]
955
00:38:38,620 --> 00:38:41,623
Again. You gotta
stop calling me that.
956
00:38:44,974 --> 00:38:47,107
Taylor: He's like
a movie character, right?
957
00:38:47,107 --> 00:38:49,239
I get Idris vibes.
958
00:38:49,239 --> 00:38:51,851
In my movie, he's comedy relief
959
00:38:51,851 --> 00:38:55,550
and Julie could use
some comedy in her life.
960
00:38:55,550 --> 00:38:56,986
That I know.
961
00:38:56,986 --> 00:38:59,424
[instrumental music]
962
00:39:01,295 --> 00:39:03,950
- Are you gonna open the door?
- Uh, you want me to...
963
00:39:03,950 --> 00:39:07,780
Oh, yeah. I just thought
you was gonna open it for me.
964
00:39:07,780 --> 00:39:10,435
- Me open it for you?
- Yeah. I just, I don't know.
965
00:39:10,435 --> 00:39:11,958
Lemme finish sending
this picture real quick.
966
00:39:11,958 --> 00:39:14,526
I-- I-- I'll wait. It's no rush.
967
00:39:14,526 --> 00:39:17,355
Oh, yeah, yeah. No, I'm--
I'm in no rush.
968
00:39:17,355 --> 00:39:20,053
- Get the door.
- Goddamn. Chill.
969
00:39:20,053 --> 00:39:22,055
Please open that door.
970
00:39:22,055 --> 00:39:23,317
Dang, you can be polite.
971
00:39:23,317 --> 00:39:24,884
[music continues]
972
00:39:26,929 --> 00:39:30,411
What's up? [laughs]
Ná#*á#á#*á#, you a fool.
973
00:39:30,411 --> 00:39:31,934
If you don't come
close this door...
974
00:39:31,934 --> 00:39:33,153
You want me to close
the door too?
975
00:39:34,676 --> 00:39:36,461
Open and close the door.
976
00:39:38,593 --> 00:39:41,204
Act like you ain't never
closed a door before.
977
00:39:41,204 --> 00:39:44,033
You didn't say open and close
is in the job description.
978
00:39:44,904 --> 00:39:46,732
Hey. Yeah.
979
00:39:46,732 --> 00:39:48,777
I can't believe the jury came
back from deliberation so soon.
980
00:39:48,777 --> 00:39:50,518
This is a good sign for us.
981
00:39:50,518 --> 00:39:51,911
I bet you think I'm listening in
982
00:39:51,911 --> 00:39:53,956
on your conversation,
'cause I'm not.
983
00:39:53,956 --> 00:39:55,001
I'm talk...
984
00:39:56,263 --> 00:39:58,570
[radio blaring]
985
00:39:58,570 --> 00:40:03,444
Excuse me, Mr. Carlo?
I said excuse me.
986
00:40:03,444 --> 00:40:06,621
Hey, yo, Charlie.
Hey, what up with it, man?
987
00:40:06,621 --> 00:40:08,188
Ain't nothing, man,
I'm just sitting here,
988
00:40:08,188 --> 00:40:09,711
chilling at the new gig, man.
989
00:40:09,711 --> 00:40:11,670
Hello, hey, driver?
990
00:40:11,670 --> 00:40:15,369
What? Rollo got shot? When?
991
00:40:15,369 --> 00:40:18,851
Just, he's on the phone.
Can you turn the music down?
992
00:40:18,851 --> 00:40:21,810
Hey, bitch, can't you see
I'm on the phone? That's rude.
993
00:40:21,810 --> 00:40:23,682
I'm on the phone too.
994
00:40:23,682 --> 00:40:27,120
Hey. Who shot him?
Who shot him? The baby?
995
00:40:27,120 --> 00:40:28,687
Man, the baby love
killing people, man.
996
00:40:28,687 --> 00:40:30,645
This is completely
and utterly unprofessional.
997
00:40:30,645 --> 00:40:33,387
Was he at Walmart again? I told
him the savings are at Target!
998
00:40:34,475 --> 00:40:36,869
Hello? Hello?
999
00:40:36,869 --> 00:40:39,262
God. Damn. My phone got cut off.
1000
00:40:39,262 --> 00:40:41,264
Look, and I need to get
to the courthouse.
1001
00:40:41,264 --> 00:40:45,312
Relax, sugar tits. I'mma get
you there, you in good hands.
1002
00:40:45,312 --> 00:40:47,619
- Forget Allstate.
- If you don't watch the road.
1003
00:40:47,619 --> 00:40:50,883
Hey, keep your goddamn kids
off the street.
1004
00:40:50,883 --> 00:40:53,102
That's bad parenting
right there, man.
1005
00:40:53,102 --> 00:40:55,627
Monte: I've always said that.
- Where are you going?
1006
00:40:55,627 --> 00:40:57,585
You need to, to stay on I-95.
1007
00:40:57,585 --> 00:40:59,152
Like, w-- why are you getting
off the freeway?
1008
00:40:59,152 --> 00:41:01,197
Oh, trust me, I know how
to get to the courthouse.
1009
00:41:01,197 --> 00:41:03,112
No, you need to stay on I-95.
1010
00:41:03,112 --> 00:41:04,766
Get off on downtown
and make a right.
1011
00:41:07,552 --> 00:41:10,293
- Well, so why are we stopping?
- 'Cause we here, stupid.
1012
00:41:10,293 --> 00:41:12,382
[birds chirping]
1013
00:41:12,382 --> 00:41:14,950
Uh...
1014
00:41:14,950 --> 00:41:18,606
Next time, I need you to
follow instructions. Okay?
1015
00:41:18,606 --> 00:41:22,001
- And why am I opening my door?
- 'Cause you got hands. Bitch.
1016
00:41:22,001 --> 00:41:23,524
You're supposed to be a driver.
1017
00:41:23,524 --> 00:41:25,874
Can't admit when
you wrong, shit.
1018
00:41:25,874 --> 00:41:28,442
Ooh, I'll tell Taylor.
Monte: Weak ass.
1019
00:41:28,442 --> 00:41:29,791
Don't know why I did this.
1020
00:41:32,185 --> 00:41:33,360
Goddamn.
1021
00:41:35,057 --> 00:41:38,365
God is good. Won't he do it?
Mm-mm-mm.
1022
00:41:40,498 --> 00:41:41,977
Taylor: Everyone has
that family member
1023
00:41:41,977 --> 00:41:43,501
who's always struggling.
1024
00:41:43,501 --> 00:41:45,633
Well, Beverly is mine.
1025
00:41:45,633 --> 00:41:47,809
If it's not men, it's money.
1026
00:41:47,809 --> 00:41:49,724
But this is how
she met the Browns.
1027
00:41:49,724 --> 00:41:52,292
I mean the Blacks. The Blacks!
It's how she met the Blacks!
1028
00:41:52,292 --> 00:41:53,946
Oh, good morning, Ms. Mildew.
1029
00:41:53,946 --> 00:41:56,470
Don't good morning me.
You got my money?
1030
00:41:56,470 --> 00:41:58,777
I'll have it for you this
evening when I get paid.
1031
00:41:58,777 --> 00:42:01,736
Well, you better.
All of it, and I ain't playing.
1032
00:42:01,736 --> 00:42:04,217
Okay. Alright.
Bye-bye, Ms. Mildew.
1033
00:42:04,217 --> 00:42:06,219
I ain't gonna have her money.
1034
00:42:06,219 --> 00:42:07,612
Bitch better have my money.
1035
00:42:10,179 --> 00:42:12,486
Stop, stop, stop, stop.
1036
00:42:12,486 --> 00:42:14,532
Oh, man! Come on. What the hell?
1037
00:42:14,532 --> 00:42:16,534
- Stop, stop, stop.
- What are you doing?
1038
00:42:16,534 --> 00:42:19,624
Hi, whoo! My friend's coming?
Can you just wait for her?
1039
00:42:19,624 --> 00:42:21,887
No, we got to go.
You making me late. Come on.
1040
00:42:21,887 --> 00:42:23,976
You know if she miss the bus,
she's gonna lose her job.
1041
00:42:23,976 --> 00:42:26,500
And if I miss the next stop,
then I lose my job. Come on now.
1042
00:42:26,500 --> 00:42:27,980
Come on, bro. Just wait.
1043
00:42:27,980 --> 00:42:29,634
No, no. Have a seat.
Sit down. Sit down.
1044
00:42:29,634 --> 00:42:31,766
Okay, okay, okay. What if
I show you my breasts?
1045
00:42:31,766 --> 00:42:33,507
What? Don't nobody wanna
see your silicone breast.
1046
00:42:33,507 --> 00:42:34,987
If I wanna see some plastic,
I'll reach in my back pocket
1047
00:42:34,987 --> 00:42:36,205
and I'll pull out
my credit card.
1048
00:42:36,205 --> 00:42:38,207
Come on. Just wait
for her, please.
1049
00:42:38,207 --> 00:42:40,558
Okay. Okay. Okay. Show me
the nipple. Show me the nipple.
1050
00:42:42,168 --> 00:42:44,649
Goddamn!
1051
00:42:44,649 --> 00:42:46,302
Okay. Alright, alright.
Which one? Where she at?
1052
00:42:46,302 --> 00:42:47,608
Oh, that's her. That's her.
Right there. Stop it.
1053
00:42:47,608 --> 00:42:48,957
Alright, I see her.
Come on then.
1054
00:42:48,957 --> 00:42:51,133
Come on, shorty.
Come on. Let's go.
1055
00:42:51,133 --> 00:42:53,179
Let's go, let's go.
1056
00:42:53,179 --> 00:42:55,747
Whoo! Thank you for waiting.
1057
00:42:55,747 --> 00:42:58,314
Don't thank me.
Thank her nipple.
1058
00:42:58,314 --> 00:43:02,667
- Girl, you took forever.
- Good lord, Jesus.
1059
00:43:02,667 --> 00:43:04,973
Taylor: Beverly is like
every other lead in the movie.
1060
00:43:04,973 --> 00:43:06,105
She's likable.
1061
00:43:06,105 --> 00:43:07,367
Thank you. I appreciate you.
1062
00:43:07,367 --> 00:43:08,368
Taylor: Like Angela Bassett.
1063
00:43:08,368 --> 00:43:10,109
I appreciate you now.
1064
00:43:10,109 --> 00:43:11,676
- Ooh, girl.
- Girl, that was crazy.
1065
00:43:11,676 --> 00:43:13,852
You are always looking out
for me.
1066
00:43:13,852 --> 00:43:16,332
- You know I got you.
- You crazy, but you my girl.
1067
00:43:16,332 --> 00:43:19,814
[laughs] You made sure I'm
straight. You check on my baby.
1068
00:43:19,814 --> 00:43:22,077
- I even show my breast, girl.
- You got my, oh, you did what?
1069
00:43:22,077 --> 00:43:23,122
Yes.
1070
00:43:23,122 --> 00:43:24,732
What the hell is going on here?
1071
00:43:24,732 --> 00:43:26,604
Man 1: I need all of you
to vacate the premises.
1072
00:43:26,604 --> 00:43:28,475
The first time I'm on time to
work and then this shit happens.
1073
00:43:28,475 --> 00:43:31,565
- We don't know what's going on.
- Place is closed.
1074
00:43:31,565 --> 00:43:33,698
What do you mean
the place is closed?
1075
00:43:33,698 --> 00:43:36,004
How? I just met with
the Browns last night.
1076
00:43:36,004 --> 00:43:37,832
Plus, they are
super nice people.
1077
00:43:37,832 --> 00:43:39,791
I don't think they're gonna
close down without telling us.
1078
00:43:39,791 --> 00:43:44,273
COVID Infinity. Place is closed
until further notice.
1079
00:43:44,273 --> 00:43:46,667
Go home. You're making me work.
1080
00:43:46,667 --> 00:43:47,712
I didn't even get
my last check.
1081
00:43:47,712 --> 00:43:48,800
I didn't get mine either.
1082
00:43:48,800 --> 00:43:50,758
- Go home.
- What?
1083
00:43:50,758 --> 00:43:54,283
Man 1: Let's go, everyone.
You're interrupting my lunch.
1084
00:43:54,283 --> 00:43:57,286
What am I gonna do?
I owe Ms. Mildew.
1085
00:43:57,286 --> 00:43:59,680
If I don't pay her, she gonna
put my Kiki out on the street
1086
00:43:59,680 --> 00:44:01,290
to pay her her money back.
1087
00:44:01,290 --> 00:44:03,379
I mean, why don't you
ask your son's father?
1088
00:44:03,379 --> 00:44:06,600
He owes you over $80,000
in back child support.
1089
00:44:06,600 --> 00:44:10,169
- Wait, how do you know that?
- He told me last night.
1090
00:44:10,169 --> 00:44:14,608
Wait, you didn't know
he was hitting this?
1091
00:44:14,608 --> 00:44:16,871
I be screaming your name
every night.
1092
00:44:16,871 --> 00:44:20,745
Oh, you're so sweet,
but I do need that money.
1093
00:44:20,745 --> 00:44:23,399
Oh, but he's gonna kill me
if I ask him for it.
1094
00:44:23,399 --> 00:44:25,097
I'm gonna ask him for you
1095
00:44:25,097 --> 00:44:27,012
because he don't
ever say no to me.
1096
00:44:27,012 --> 00:44:28,535
Okay.
1097
00:44:28,535 --> 00:44:30,450
- Got you, girl.
- Well, let's go get this money.
1098
00:44:30,450 --> 00:44:32,800
Let's go get it, girl.
1099
00:44:32,800 --> 00:44:34,846
Okay, I'm gonna be strong.
This is his kid too.
1100
00:44:34,846 --> 00:44:37,675
Beverly! What the hell
are you doing here?
1101
00:44:37,675 --> 00:44:40,721
I thought I told you
I ain't got no money for you
1102
00:44:40,721 --> 00:44:43,289
or them ugly ass kids.
Now get on!
1103
00:44:43,289 --> 00:44:45,726
[shouts]
Scat!
1104
00:44:45,726 --> 00:44:48,947
Hey, Shirley, baby.
What's going on?
1105
00:44:48,947 --> 00:44:52,080
- Michael, baby, how are you?
- I'm doing fine.
1106
00:44:52,080 --> 00:44:54,169
Yes, you know, Michael.
1107
00:44:54,169 --> 00:44:57,651
She really, really needs
her child support money.
1108
00:44:57,651 --> 00:44:58,957
- Really?
- Yeah.
1109
00:44:58,957 --> 00:45:00,306
- Is that what she needs?
- Yeah.
1110
00:45:00,306 --> 00:45:02,787
Why don't you just like,
help her?
1111
00:45:02,787 --> 00:45:06,616
If you ask, then it's yours.
Okay? Yeah.
1112
00:45:06,616 --> 00:45:08,444
Oh, thank you so much, Michael.
1113
00:45:08,444 --> 00:45:10,925
We really need it, the kids need
ramen, they need Cheetos--
1114
00:45:10,925 --> 00:45:13,623
- I was talking to her.
- But--
1115
00:45:13,623 --> 00:45:18,193
Not you! I ain't
got no goddamn money.
1116
00:45:18,193 --> 00:45:21,327
I am working my ass off
securing this empty ass spot.
1117
00:45:21,327 --> 00:45:24,199
Working for a ass-hole boss
that I can't stand,
1118
00:45:24,199 --> 00:45:27,376
on three hours of sleep. Why?
1119
00:45:27,376 --> 00:45:31,598
Because I am trying to make
a better life for myself.
1120
00:45:31,598 --> 00:45:35,254
[inhales] That's what's wrong
with you Black mothers.
1121
00:45:35,254 --> 00:45:36,951
You lazy. You don't wanna work.
1122
00:45:36,951 --> 00:45:38,257
I am not lazy, Michael.
I do work.
1123
00:45:38,257 --> 00:45:39,693
Nah, you lazy as hell.
1124
00:45:39,693 --> 00:45:42,087
See, I told you don't have
that damn baby.
1125
00:45:42,087 --> 00:45:46,787
But here you come trying to mess
up my expensive lifestyle
1126
00:45:46,787 --> 00:45:49,181
with your needs. Hell no!
1127
00:45:50,356 --> 00:45:52,706
[clapping]
1128
00:45:52,706 --> 00:45:55,840
Way to go, Michael.
I'm giving you a raise.
1129
00:45:55,840 --> 00:45:57,276
Oh! You hear that?
1130
00:45:57,276 --> 00:45:59,408
More money for you
to do nothing with.
1131
00:45:59,408 --> 00:46:01,149
Nothing. [chuckles]
1132
00:46:01,149 --> 00:46:03,412
- Come on, man.
- Deuces.
1133
00:46:03,412 --> 00:46:05,327
I'm gonna buy you
an ice cold glass of water.
1134
00:46:05,327 --> 00:46:08,069
[Michael laughing]
1135
00:46:08,069 --> 00:46:10,071
I got something for your ass.
1136
00:46:10,071 --> 00:46:12,204
Oh, you dirty mother--
1137
00:46:12,204 --> 00:46:13,683
Taylor: Oh, shit.
1138
00:46:13,683 --> 00:46:15,598
God says my family's
like a movie.
1139
00:46:15,598 --> 00:46:18,993
Then it must be, right?
God's never wrong.
1140
00:46:18,993 --> 00:46:23,084
And if God's not wrong,
then Beverly could be a star.
1141
00:46:23,084 --> 00:46:25,260
Look, this all started
because of Trump.
1142
00:46:25,260 --> 00:46:27,001
[instrumental music]
1143
00:46:27,001 --> 00:46:29,482
Now how did he become president?
1144
00:46:29,482 --> 00:46:30,700
Angel 6: That's a good question.
1145
00:46:30,700 --> 00:46:33,747
Hey, wasn't on me.
That wasn't me.
1146
00:46:33,747 --> 00:46:36,010
I mean, I-- I-- I never
answered his prayer.
1147
00:46:36,010 --> 00:46:38,317
- You're right. You're right.
- I did give him the voice.
1148
00:46:38,317 --> 00:46:40,145
[mimicking Trump] It's a lot of
great people on both sides.
1149
00:46:40,145 --> 00:46:44,062
Lots of great people on both
sides. Excuse me. Excuse me.
1150
00:46:44,062 --> 00:46:47,021
Fake angels. Fake angels.
1151
00:46:47,021 --> 00:46:48,153
You like that?
1152
00:46:48,153 --> 00:46:49,850
[laughing]
1153
00:46:49,850 --> 00:46:51,809
Toast me.
1154
00:46:51,809 --> 00:46:53,636
Taylor: We have
comedy and drama,
1155
00:46:53,636 --> 00:46:55,638
and I know about my cousin.
1156
00:46:55,638 --> 00:46:57,075
Julie might even be his type.
1157
00:46:57,075 --> 00:46:59,338
[instrumental music]
1158
00:46:59,338 --> 00:47:02,471
Mm, mm, mm How'd it go?
1159
00:47:02,471 --> 00:47:04,430
Julie: This motherfucker.
I guess I'll let myself in.
1160
00:47:08,826 --> 00:47:11,829
- Ooh, she's pretty.
- Is she gonna be our new mama?
1161
00:47:13,656 --> 00:47:15,310
How did they get in my car?
1162
00:47:15,310 --> 00:47:17,312
Look, I gotta take these kids
to they mama house.
1163
00:47:17,312 --> 00:47:19,097
Unless you wanna
roll around with them all day.
1164
00:47:19,097 --> 00:47:21,229
Then I gotta go pick up
the 3-year-old from the dentist
1165
00:47:21,229 --> 00:47:23,101
'cause she's getting
her wisdom teeth pulled.
1166
00:47:23,101 --> 00:47:26,365
If you don't take these kids
home and drop me off...
1167
00:47:26,365 --> 00:47:30,108
- I have a date tonight.
- Okay. Gonna get to your date.
1168
00:47:30,108 --> 00:47:33,111
[chuckling]
1169
00:47:33,111 --> 00:47:36,027
[music continues]
1170
00:47:39,421 --> 00:47:42,076
Okay. Come on. Come on, come on.
1171
00:47:42,076 --> 00:47:43,251
There we go. Ha!
1172
00:47:44,687 --> 00:47:46,254
Alright, now listen girls,
1173
00:47:46,254 --> 00:47:47,865
no matter what
anybody tells you,
1174
00:47:47,865 --> 00:47:51,303
you might not be
daddy's little girls.
1175
00:47:51,303 --> 00:47:54,088
Off you go. [knocks]
1176
00:47:54,088 --> 00:47:55,873
You ain't slick.
1177
00:47:55,873 --> 00:47:57,265
And next time you come out here,
1178
00:47:57,265 --> 00:47:59,050
you better not have
no kids with you!
1179
00:47:59,050 --> 00:48:02,053
Gimme my goddamn money!
Monte: Bye, bitch!
1180
00:48:02,053 --> 00:48:05,317
Tasha: Get y'all asses
in the house.
1181
00:48:05,317 --> 00:48:07,754
Taylor: Now one thing I've
learned about my friend Julie,
1182
00:48:07,754 --> 00:48:12,106
when it comes to men,
she has a type, the wrong type.
1183
00:48:12,106 --> 00:48:13,891
Girl, Now you know
I don't like blind dates,
1184
00:48:13,891 --> 00:48:15,196
but last time I went
on a blind date,
1185
00:48:15,196 --> 00:48:17,503
we met at the movies
and afterwards,
1186
00:48:17,503 --> 00:48:20,071
he started handing out
"Watchtower" pamphlets.
1187
00:48:20,071 --> 00:48:22,421
Come to find out he is
a Jehovah Witness.
1188
00:48:22,421 --> 00:48:24,510
I'm not that desperate.
1189
00:48:24,510 --> 00:48:26,686
Okay, maybe I am.
Lemme call you back.
1190
00:48:26,686 --> 00:48:29,080
- I'm Rob.
- Hi.
1191
00:48:29,080 --> 00:48:31,560
- You are beautiful.
- Thank you.
1192
00:48:31,560 --> 00:48:33,345
So what do you do?
1193
00:48:33,345 --> 00:48:36,435
I am a district attorney.
I try cases.
1194
00:48:36,435 --> 00:48:40,004
- What kind of cases?
- Anything assigned to me.
1195
00:48:40,004 --> 00:48:42,441
Mostly felony, drugs. Murder.
1196
00:48:42,441 --> 00:48:45,923
Oh, man, you are the girl
I've been looking for.
1197
00:48:45,923 --> 00:48:48,142
Look, I got this small case.
1198
00:48:48,142 --> 00:48:51,102
Allegedly, allegedly,
they caught me with nine kilos
1199
00:48:51,102 --> 00:48:52,973
of some Colombian Bambam.
1200
00:48:52,973 --> 00:48:56,629
So, I'm trying to put the dope
in my girlfriend's car, right,
1201
00:48:56,629 --> 00:48:57,717
so she could take the wrap--
1202
00:48:57,717 --> 00:48:58,936
Next.
1203
00:48:59,762 --> 00:49:00,720
Switch.
1204
00:49:02,156 --> 00:49:03,418
- You married?
- No.
1205
00:49:03,418 --> 00:49:04,898
- Got a girlfriend?
- No.
1206
00:49:04,898 --> 00:49:06,421
- Wife?
- No.
1207
00:49:06,421 --> 00:49:08,336
- Baby mom?
- No.
1208
00:49:10,251 --> 00:49:14,560
- Hmm, you got a job?
- I'm an architectural engineer.
1209
00:49:14,560 --> 00:49:18,042
That's my future husband's job.
So why are you single?
1210
00:49:18,042 --> 00:49:22,829
I just got out of a relationship
and yeah, I'm done with men.
1211
00:49:22,829 --> 00:49:24,962
- These mens are no good.
- Oh, next!
1212
00:49:24,962 --> 00:49:26,789
Man 2: Switch!
1213
00:49:26,789 --> 00:49:30,793
After I do all that securing and
watching perimeters, you know,
1214
00:49:30,793 --> 00:49:34,710
it's really hard just doing
nothing all night long.
1215
00:49:34,710 --> 00:49:38,845
You see, I'm looking
for a sugar mama
1216
00:49:38,845 --> 00:49:43,850
that's go' pay my bills,
and, you know, complete me.
1217
00:49:43,850 --> 00:49:45,721
[chuckles]
1218
00:49:45,721 --> 00:49:47,027
I'm looking to start a family.
1219
00:49:47,027 --> 00:49:48,986
- Next!
- Switch.
1220
00:49:50,204 --> 00:49:53,381
Ugh, God, what am I doing here?
1221
00:49:53,381 --> 00:49:55,079
You must be tired
of all this, huh?
1222
00:49:56,645 --> 00:49:58,082
Uh...
1223
00:49:58,082 --> 00:50:00,040
Quite frankly, I am.
1224
00:50:00,040 --> 00:50:02,912
Then why do you put
yourself through it?
1225
00:50:02,912 --> 00:50:07,917
Because it's really hard
to find men within my field.
1226
00:50:07,917 --> 00:50:10,442
Then why don't you stop telling
people your line of work?
1227
00:50:12,226 --> 00:50:15,490
- Maybe I should.
- Maybe you should.
1228
00:50:15,490 --> 00:50:17,188
- Huh.
- Yeah.
1229
00:50:18,580 --> 00:50:20,713
So tell me about yourself.
1230
00:50:20,713 --> 00:50:22,236
I went to Yale.
1231
00:50:22,236 --> 00:50:24,412
- Yale?
- Yes.
1232
00:50:24,412 --> 00:50:26,414
- Harvard.
- Harvard?
1233
00:50:26,414 --> 00:50:28,112
Some Ivy League Love.
1234
00:50:28,112 --> 00:50:29,809
Ivy League Love. I like that.
1235
00:50:29,809 --> 00:50:30,853
Yes.
1236
00:50:36,337 --> 00:50:37,860
Get away from my daddy!
1237
00:50:37,860 --> 00:50:39,732
Oh, who the hell
is this, Spencer?
1238
00:50:39,732 --> 00:50:43,127
Baby, um, this... Listen.
1239
00:50:43,127 --> 00:50:45,303
Uh, I didn't know you had
a pregnant wife.
1240
00:50:45,303 --> 00:50:48,436
Bitch, I ain't pregnant.
This is my colostomy bag.
1241
00:50:48,436 --> 00:50:50,047
- She...
- That don't look right.
1242
00:50:50,047 --> 00:50:52,440
She's not my wife.
I'm not really her husband.
1243
00:50:52,440 --> 00:50:54,138
Let's go.
Get in the car, Spencer.
1244
00:50:54,138 --> 00:50:56,096
No, no, no, no.
You got me messed up.
1245
00:50:56,096 --> 00:50:58,577
Spencer Jr.: Stay away from
my daddy, you garden tool.
1246
00:50:58,577 --> 00:51:00,448
- I'm not no garden tool.
- I told...
1247
00:51:00,448 --> 00:51:01,667
Why are you tracking
me down like this?
1248
00:51:01,667 --> 00:51:02,929
Woman 1: Let's go.
1249
00:51:02,929 --> 00:51:04,235
[birds chirping]
1250
00:51:07,499 --> 00:51:08,978
Do you have my money?
1251
00:51:08,978 --> 00:51:11,285
I-- I'll have it
by tomorrow. I promise.
1252
00:51:11,285 --> 00:51:12,982
That's the problem
with you young mothers
1253
00:51:12,982 --> 00:51:15,289
always thinking
about yourselves.
1254
00:51:15,289 --> 00:51:18,075
Here you go, Ms. Mildew. No need
to count it. It's all there.
1255
00:51:18,075 --> 00:51:19,685
Okay. Thank you, baby.
1256
00:51:19,685 --> 00:51:21,948
Your daughter's one of
my best workers.
1257
00:51:21,948 --> 00:51:23,776
Don't think I'mma let you
mess that up.
1258
00:51:23,776 --> 00:51:24,864
[instrumental music]
1259
00:51:24,864 --> 00:51:27,867
[sighs] What am I gonna do?
1260
00:51:27,867 --> 00:51:30,522
Taylor: Oh, so my family
may have some stories.
1261
00:51:30,522 --> 00:51:33,786
Like Michael. That boy
sure can play basketball.
1262
00:51:33,786 --> 00:51:36,397
Even if he has no fashion
sense.
1263
00:51:36,397 --> 00:51:37,529
Beverly: Yes, baby!
1264
00:51:38,312 --> 00:51:39,574
[cheering]
1265
00:51:39,574 --> 00:51:42,969
Woo! Go, baby! Go baby! Woo!
1266
00:51:44,536 --> 00:51:46,059
Get off of him.
1267
00:51:46,059 --> 00:51:47,626
That's not your son
talking to my son, right?
1268
00:51:47,626 --> 00:51:49,628
He better get off his back.
1269
00:51:49,628 --> 00:51:51,282
Let's go. Let's go, baby!
1270
00:51:51,282 --> 00:51:53,066
Shoot it, shoot it, shoot it.
1271
00:51:53,066 --> 00:51:54,981
[cheering]
1272
00:51:54,981 --> 00:51:58,376
Yes, Michael! Go baby!
1273
00:51:58,376 --> 00:52:00,987
Oh, my goodness.
You were so good.
1274
00:52:00,987 --> 00:52:02,728
But what was going on
with those shoes, though?
1275
00:52:02,728 --> 00:52:04,382
They were raggedy. W-- why
didn't you just wear those?
1276
00:52:04,382 --> 00:52:05,557
I can't wear those on that
court.
1277
00:52:05,557 --> 00:52:07,124
I might get 'em dirty.
1278
00:52:07,124 --> 00:52:08,516
Listen, I got these.
1279
00:52:08,516 --> 00:52:10,431
- Where you get...
- I got these.
1280
00:52:10,431 --> 00:52:14,043
Where you get these from?
Okay. My baby a hustler.
1281
00:52:14,043 --> 00:52:15,828
Can we sell these so that I can
get my nails done now?
1282
00:52:15,828 --> 00:52:17,351
- It's up to you.
- Okay, cool.
1283
00:52:17,351 --> 00:52:20,528
Shirley: Nail shop tomorrow.
- Hey yo, Michael.
1284
00:52:20,528 --> 00:52:23,052
- Good game, baby.
- Calvin?
1285
00:52:23,052 --> 00:52:24,750
What are you still doing
in high school?
1286
00:52:24,750 --> 00:52:28,362
I couldn't, uh,
pass the SAT test.
1287
00:52:28,362 --> 00:52:30,756
You don't need to pass the SAT
in order to graduate.
1288
00:52:30,756 --> 00:52:32,192
But look, me and the fellas
about to go down to the spot
1289
00:52:32,192 --> 00:52:33,628
to get us a few drinks.
1290
00:52:33,628 --> 00:52:35,152
You trying to come
hang with us or what?
1291
00:52:35,152 --> 00:52:37,328
Oh, so y'all finna go down
to the spot, huh?
1292
00:52:37,328 --> 00:52:39,112
Have some drinks
and get drunk?
1293
00:52:40,809 --> 00:52:41,810
Yes, Ms. Black.
1294
00:52:43,290 --> 00:52:45,031
Well, can we roll with you?
1295
00:52:45,031 --> 00:52:46,598
- Are you serious?
- Hell yeah.
1296
00:52:46,598 --> 00:52:48,382
Mom, what are you doing?
1297
00:52:48,382 --> 00:52:50,906
Mind your business, I am grown.
Go home, get the homework done.
1298
00:52:50,906 --> 00:52:52,647
Watch your sister. Make sure
she eats some, alright?
1299
00:52:52,647 --> 00:52:54,127
I'm finna teach the young man
1300
00:52:54,127 --> 00:52:55,650
something he ain't ever
learned before. Okay!
1301
00:52:55,650 --> 00:52:56,695
Excuse me. Move out the
way I gotta walk through.
1302
00:52:56,695 --> 00:52:58,305
Well, can I come too?
1303
00:52:58,305 --> 00:53:00,960
- Hell yeah. Come on, girl.
- Damn. My mama's a hoe.
1304
00:53:00,960 --> 00:53:02,875
Bye, baby! I love you.
1305
00:53:02,875 --> 00:53:04,659
Girl, you think he
can handle both of us?
1306
00:53:04,659 --> 00:53:06,052
Hell no, girl. We finna rob him.
1307
00:53:06,052 --> 00:53:08,402
Oh, my God! I'm down.
1308
00:53:08,402 --> 00:53:10,187
- Hey!
- Hey, so what's up, girl?
1309
00:53:10,187 --> 00:53:12,798
- So, where your cash at?
- Hey, I'm Shirley.
1310
00:53:12,798 --> 00:53:14,408
Hey, what's up? How you doing?
1311
00:53:14,408 --> 00:53:16,018
But the-- the question is,
where is your cash?
1312
00:53:16,018 --> 00:53:17,368
- My cash?
- Yes.
1313
00:53:17,368 --> 00:53:18,456
It's at the ATM, what you mean?
1314
00:53:18,456 --> 00:53:20,197
You ain't got no cash on you?
1315
00:53:20,197 --> 00:53:21,937
- Nah, girl, I got a debit card.
- Oh, hell no, bitch.
1316
00:53:21,937 --> 00:53:23,287
- Get out the car.
- No, no, no, no.
1317
00:53:23,287 --> 00:53:24,288
- No, nope.
- I do got...
1318
00:53:26,159 --> 00:53:27,769
[birds chirping]
1319
00:53:29,510 --> 00:53:32,296
- Ooh, oh, hey, girl.
- Hey, how are you?
1320
00:53:32,296 --> 00:53:34,689
- I am tired as ever.
- How's the kids?
1321
00:53:34,689 --> 00:53:37,039
Hungry, as usual.
1322
00:53:37,039 --> 00:53:38,824
Oh, it's not a bill
for once in my life.
1323
00:53:40,129 --> 00:53:42,480
Oh, what is that?
1324
00:53:42,480 --> 00:53:46,527
I-- I got a letter from a man
across town. Says he's my uncle.
1325
00:53:46,527 --> 00:53:48,921
Says my father died
and left me in his will.
1326
00:53:48,921 --> 00:53:53,230
Wait, what, bitch, you rich? Oh,
my God. Who do you have to call?
1327
00:53:53,230 --> 00:53:55,928
I don't know. It don't-- It
don't even... It has an address.
1328
00:53:55,928 --> 00:53:57,408
- Address?
- It says to come down.
1329
00:53:57,408 --> 00:53:58,713
Okay, then go down.
1330
00:53:58,713 --> 00:54:00,149
Uh-uh, they probably
gonna tell me
1331
00:54:00,149 --> 00:54:01,716
he owed some money
and now I owe them.
1332
00:54:01,716 --> 00:54:03,065
- I'm not doing it.
- Wait, what? You got money?
1333
00:54:03,065 --> 00:54:04,415
You're not going?
1334
00:54:04,415 --> 00:54:05,633
He probably ain't
got shit, either.
1335
00:54:05,633 --> 00:54:06,895
They gon' ask me
to pay his bills.
1336
00:54:06,895 --> 00:54:08,767
I'm not doing it,
I'm not doing it, Shirley.
1337
00:54:08,767 --> 00:54:10,986
- Beverly, you come on! Beverly!
- I'm not doing it.
1338
00:54:10,986 --> 00:54:14,425
I need to get me one of these,
yo. Ladies gonna love these.
1339
00:54:14,425 --> 00:54:17,166
- Hey, you know Ms. Mildew?
- Damn, you hitting that too?
1340
00:54:17,166 --> 00:54:18,907
Man, that old lady
got some skills.
1341
00:54:18,907 --> 00:54:20,779
Especially when she be using
those molars on your boy.
1342
00:54:20,779 --> 00:54:23,172
She be like all day.
1343
00:54:23,172 --> 00:54:25,827
[boys laughing]
1344
00:54:25,827 --> 00:54:27,133
Who's that?
1345
00:54:27,133 --> 00:54:29,309
Man, that's just
your daddy, Michael.
1346
00:54:29,309 --> 00:54:31,964
My dad? I never met him before.
1347
00:54:31,964 --> 00:54:33,487
And if you want me to
buy you something,
1348
00:54:33,487 --> 00:54:34,662
you still ain't met me.
1349
00:54:36,011 --> 00:54:37,796
Alright. You know. Mm-hmm.
1350
00:54:38,579 --> 00:54:40,015
Mm-mm.
1351
00:54:40,015 --> 00:54:41,887
Yo. What's up then?
What you need?
1352
00:54:41,887 --> 00:54:44,237
Uh, I'm gonna need
a little spark. Okay.
1353
00:54:44,237 --> 00:54:46,370
And, uh, I ain't got no money
1354
00:54:46,370 --> 00:54:49,416
and I'm gon' need
the "know my son" discount.
1355
00:54:49,416 --> 00:54:51,897
Hold up, dad, how
come you never come around
1356
00:54:51,897 --> 00:54:53,768
or help mom with money?
1357
00:54:53,768 --> 00:54:56,989
Because boy, I'mma grown-ass
man, I got bills to pay.
1358
00:54:56,989 --> 00:54:58,904
I got another
family across town,
1359
00:54:58,904 --> 00:55:00,775
I got this nasty drug habit,
1360
00:55:00,775 --> 00:55:03,474
and I'm in love with
this bitch I can't stand.
1361
00:55:03,474 --> 00:55:05,258
I ain't buying you shit.
1362
00:55:05,258 --> 00:55:07,695
Oh, hold on, ladies,
ladies, ladies.
1363
00:55:07,695 --> 00:55:10,002
Look what I found in my pocket.
Wait a second, now.
1364
00:55:10,002 --> 00:55:13,701
Who need their bills paid? Uh?
Need your hair done? Nails done?
1365
00:55:13,701 --> 00:55:15,399
Who want to do me? [laughs]
1366
00:55:15,399 --> 00:55:16,487
Come on, let's do
each other together.
1367
00:55:16,487 --> 00:55:17,966
What's up, Calvin?
1368
00:55:17,966 --> 00:55:20,055
What I tell you about
hustling in this alley?
1369
00:55:20,055 --> 00:55:22,144
Yo, this my alley, homeboy.
I do what I want.
1370
00:55:22,144 --> 00:55:23,407
Oh, yeah, that's right?
1371
00:55:23,407 --> 00:55:26,323
[instrumental music]
1372
00:55:28,455 --> 00:55:32,329
Ricky! Wrong movie. Michael!
1373
00:55:32,329 --> 00:55:33,504
[gunshots]
1374
00:55:36,158 --> 00:55:38,160
[crying]
1375
00:55:38,160 --> 00:55:40,249
Taylor: Oh! My movie could be
like every other urban movie.
1376
00:55:40,249 --> 00:55:44,645
Why? Take me, Lord!
Take me, Lord.
1377
00:55:44,645 --> 00:55:48,388
But I'm glad you got him.
Oh, Lord, my boy.
1378
00:55:48,388 --> 00:55:51,435
Dad, that's not me.
I'm your son.
1379
00:55:51,435 --> 00:55:54,046
Oh. Oh. Here, let me
wipe this evidence off.
1380
00:55:54,046 --> 00:55:56,178
Help me up, stupid.
1381
00:55:56,178 --> 00:55:59,530
Hey, so your mama told me
you play a little basketball?
1382
00:55:59,530 --> 00:56:01,619
Yeah, I mean, I do
average 25 points a game.
1383
00:56:01,619 --> 00:56:03,360
Uh, don't call me dad
till you make it to the league.
1384
00:56:03,360 --> 00:56:06,841
- Listen, I'm gonna need $20.
- What?
1385
00:56:06,841 --> 00:56:08,582
Taylor: Oh, it's a
lovely day, MaDude.
1386
00:56:08,582 --> 00:56:10,758
MaDude: Well, damn.
- What's wrong?
1387
00:56:10,758 --> 00:56:12,369
Look at that
good-ass clothesline,
1388
00:56:12,369 --> 00:56:13,848
and I ain't got
my laundry basket.
1389
00:56:13,848 --> 00:56:15,807
The hell is wrong
with me? Oh, wait.
1390
00:56:15,807 --> 00:56:18,418
Oh! [grunting]
Ah-ha! Still got it.
1391
00:56:18,418 --> 00:56:19,811
Impressive.
1392
00:56:19,811 --> 00:56:21,073
MaDude: That's what
I'm talking about.
1393
00:56:21,073 --> 00:56:22,379
I did not know
you could do that.
1394
00:56:22,379 --> 00:56:23,771
You know I hate coming up here
1395
00:56:23,771 --> 00:56:25,207
to see these poor folks
in all this heat.
1396
00:56:25,207 --> 00:56:26,774
Well, it's okay,
I'm a doctor and a lawyer
1397
00:56:26,774 --> 00:56:28,646
and I'm here to
make things better.
1398
00:56:28,646 --> 00:56:31,475
Boy, go on and head on home.
Ain't nothing you can do here.
1399
00:56:31,475 --> 00:56:33,477
MaDude, I just
don't know what to do.
1400
00:56:33,477 --> 00:56:34,695
Girl, what you mean you
don't know what to do?
1401
00:56:34,695 --> 00:56:35,783
I don't know what to do.
1402
00:56:35,783 --> 00:56:37,002
Well, what that letter say?
1403
00:56:37,002 --> 00:56:38,525
It says that he died
1404
00:56:38,525 --> 00:56:39,918
and he left something
for me in his will.
1405
00:56:39,918 --> 00:56:41,310
Well, girl, you know
exactly what to do.
1406
00:56:41,310 --> 00:56:42,703
You need to go get
that goddamn money.
1407
00:56:42,703 --> 00:56:44,009
What if it's not money?
What if it's a bill?
1408
00:56:44,009 --> 00:56:45,532
Who gonna leave you some bills?
1409
00:56:45,532 --> 00:56:46,968
Look, girl your dead deadbeat
daddy is dead.
1410
00:56:46,968 --> 00:56:48,622
Deadbeat daddy dead?
1411
00:56:48,622 --> 00:56:49,928
Deadbeat daddy dead.
Go ahead and get your money.
1412
00:56:49,928 --> 00:56:51,408
I'm not going down there.
1413
00:56:51,408 --> 00:56:53,801
Good things don't
happen to me. Okay?
1414
00:56:53,801 --> 00:56:56,369
A man ain't never
done nothing for me.
1415
00:56:56,369 --> 00:56:58,415
And now I'mma think he gonna do
something in his death?
1416
00:56:58,415 --> 00:57:00,329
This is too good to be true.
Look at this.
1417
00:57:00,329 --> 00:57:02,027
Girl, you know I can't read that
shit, ain't got my glasses.
1418
00:57:02,027 --> 00:57:03,550
Look, girl, look it.
You need money.
1419
00:57:03,550 --> 00:57:04,986
You know you need money,
everybody need money.
1420
00:57:04,986 --> 00:57:07,162
Look at this house. Look at
this cheap ass microwave.
1421
00:57:07,162 --> 00:57:08,816
W-- why you gotta talk
about my microwave?
1422
00:57:08,816 --> 00:57:09,861
You need to change
that attitude.
1423
00:57:09,861 --> 00:57:11,166
You gotta take care of this boy.
1424
00:57:11,166 --> 00:57:12,646
You gotta take care
of these bills.
1425
00:57:12,646 --> 00:57:13,908
Why don't you show him
what the letter say?
1426
00:57:13,908 --> 00:57:15,780
Yeah, you right.
1427
00:57:15,780 --> 00:57:17,303
Well, hey, Michael Jr.
1428
00:57:17,303 --> 00:57:19,044
How you doing, boy? You
sure do look good today.
1429
00:57:19,044 --> 00:57:20,393
- Hey, baby.
- Hey, MaDude.
1430
00:57:20,393 --> 00:57:21,960
Now, girl, you listen
to what I said.
1431
00:57:21,960 --> 00:57:23,527
Now you go get that money
like you supposed to,
1432
00:57:23,527 --> 00:57:24,963
and, baby, you take care
of your mama.
1433
00:57:24,963 --> 00:57:27,052
- You be a good boy, alright?
- I will.
1434
00:57:27,052 --> 00:57:29,010
Mm-hmm. I see you
got that good fade.
1435
00:57:29,010 --> 00:57:30,751
You got some money
for something, girl.
1436
00:57:30,751 --> 00:57:31,970
MaDude: But hey, you call me
'cause I want my 10%
1437
00:57:31,970 --> 00:57:33,362
when you get that money.
1438
00:57:33,362 --> 00:57:36,757
- Oh. Alright.
- What's wrong, mama?
1439
00:57:36,757 --> 00:57:40,674
My father just died and left me
something in his will.
1440
00:57:40,674 --> 00:57:42,459
But I thought you said
your father was already dead.
1441
00:57:42,459 --> 00:57:43,938
Well, he was just dead to me.
1442
00:57:43,938 --> 00:57:46,898
But now he's dead to
the rest of the world.
1443
00:57:46,898 --> 00:57:49,422
Everything's
gonna be okay, mama.
1444
00:57:49,422 --> 00:57:52,947
I don't know, baby. We're in
a real tough spot right now.
1445
00:57:52,947 --> 00:57:57,343
I'll figure it out.
Oh, my God.
1446
00:57:57,343 --> 00:58:00,302
I can't even pay the light bill.
What else could go wrong?
1447
00:58:01,521 --> 00:58:02,653
Come on, mama.
1448
00:58:04,829 --> 00:58:08,876
- What are you doing? Boy.
- Get up. Don't worry.
1449
00:58:08,876 --> 00:58:12,184
When I go to the league,
I'mma buy you a nice car.
1450
00:58:12,184 --> 00:58:14,360
Buy you a nice house.
1451
00:58:14,360 --> 00:58:17,102
- And better wig.
- A better wig?
1452
00:58:17,102 --> 00:58:20,061
Don't be playing about
my wig, boy. Keep dancing.
1453
00:58:20,061 --> 00:58:22,542
Get yourself hurt. [chuckles]
1454
00:58:22,542 --> 00:58:24,457
- Everything's gonna be okay.
- No, I know.
1455
00:58:24,457 --> 00:58:26,372
Don't worry.
I know what I gotta do.
1456
00:58:26,372 --> 00:58:29,418
Taylor: Beverly,
she's got star power.
1457
00:58:29,418 --> 00:58:31,029
Oh, I almost forgot.
1458
00:58:31,029 --> 00:58:32,683
I wanted to tell you the story
1459
00:58:32,683 --> 00:58:34,598
of what happened
on MaDude's Halloween.
1460
00:58:34,598 --> 00:58:35,729
No, here come
the little children.
1461
00:58:35,729 --> 00:58:37,426
Now, Ham, you know better
1462
00:58:37,426 --> 00:58:39,211
than to give all this free
candy away to these kids.
1463
00:58:39,211 --> 00:58:40,473
Hell, you know how hard
I had to work
1464
00:58:40,473 --> 00:58:41,779
for some free candy
on Halloween?
1465
00:58:41,779 --> 00:58:43,128
I had to give candy
to get candy.
1466
00:58:43,128 --> 00:58:44,956
She had to get all up
on that pole.
1467
00:58:44,956 --> 00:58:46,740
My daddy backyard had a pole,
the big old telephone pole.
1468
00:58:46,740 --> 00:58:48,525
Swing around that thing.
1469
00:58:48,525 --> 00:58:50,135
I got me a Snickers bar, a Mars
bar, and a pregnancy test.
1470
00:58:50,135 --> 00:58:51,832
- Still came back broke.
- Baby, you need Jesus.
1471
00:58:51,832 --> 00:58:54,052
I got Jesus. Got splinters on
my inner thighs, too.
1472
00:58:54,052 --> 00:58:56,010
Knocked the pole down
too, big ass.
1473
00:58:56,010 --> 00:58:59,100
Trick or treat, smell my feet,
gimme something good to eat.
1474
00:58:59,100 --> 00:59:00,580
Always begging.
1475
00:59:00,580 --> 00:59:02,234
Woman: I like your
little nursery rhyme.
1476
00:59:02,234 --> 00:59:03,496
He's a cute little thing.
What you got there, here?
1477
00:59:03,496 --> 00:59:05,454
Oh, you got some Mike and Ike's.
1478
00:59:05,454 --> 00:59:06,847
You know what you need to do?
1479
00:59:06,847 --> 00:59:08,632
You need to get rid of
all that shit.
1480
00:59:08,632 --> 00:59:10,590
Now, you know, you didn't need
to do that to that thing.
1481
00:59:10,590 --> 00:59:12,374
It's hard to
play soccer with one leg.
1482
00:59:12,374 --> 00:59:14,072
Yeah, he's tryna to save you
from diabetes. It's okay.
1483
00:59:14,072 --> 00:59:15,856
Maybalene, get your brother.
1484
00:59:15,856 --> 00:59:17,466
Trying to keep your teeth
from running out your mouth.
1485
00:59:17,466 --> 00:59:18,729
Your mama be glad.
1486
00:59:18,729 --> 00:59:20,644
Boy, you better
shut your mouth up.
1487
00:59:20,644 --> 00:59:22,167
Don't let the devil use you.
1488
00:59:22,167 --> 00:59:23,211
[wolf howling]
1489
00:59:23,211 --> 00:59:25,736
Man 3: It's time to party.
1490
00:59:25,736 --> 00:59:26,867
[dance music]
1491
00:59:29,304 --> 00:59:31,480
Ooh, that's good.
That's some good, mm.
1492
00:59:34,832 --> 00:59:37,008
- What?
- You look how I feel.
1493
00:59:37,008 --> 00:59:39,619
- And how is that?
- Constipated.
1494
00:59:39,619 --> 00:59:42,274
Your prostate flaring up
on you again?
1495
00:59:42,274 --> 00:59:44,493
Shut the hell up, Moe. You know,
I ain't got no prostate.
1496
00:59:44,493 --> 00:59:47,453
- You do got a prostate.
- Y'all talking about prostates?
1497
00:59:47,453 --> 00:59:49,107
Sound a little too happy
'bout it.
1498
00:59:49,107 --> 00:59:50,717
Man 4: Real nice costume, dude.
1499
00:59:50,717 --> 00:59:52,806
Who the hell is y'all
and why y'all in my house?
1500
00:59:52,806 --> 00:59:54,591
We-- we're the frat guys.
1501
00:59:54,591 --> 00:59:56,549
You know, the frat guys
from up the street?
1502
00:59:56,549 --> 00:59:58,290
- Oh.
- We live in the frat house.
1503
00:59:58,290 --> 00:59:59,770
- You've seen us before.
- Pat 'em down.
1504
00:59:59,770 --> 01:00:01,336
Oh, I see, so y'all
just wanna come here
1505
01:00:01,336 --> 01:00:03,208
and y'all wanna see a woman?
That's what it is?
1506
01:00:03,208 --> 01:00:04,513
Man 4: Titties.
- Oh, titties.
1507
01:00:04,513 --> 01:00:05,645
Y'all wanna see titties?
1508
01:00:05,645 --> 01:00:06,994
Well, we thought you were a man.
1509
01:00:06,994 --> 01:00:08,474
- You thought I was a man?
- More like a monster.
1510
01:00:08,474 --> 01:00:09,823
- We were taking bets.
- Oh, okay.
1511
01:00:09,823 --> 01:00:10,824
Here let me
show you something.
1512
01:00:10,824 --> 01:00:12,260
No, don't do that.
1513
01:00:12,260 --> 01:00:13,827
Don't nobody
wanna see them Jurassic...
1514
01:00:13,827 --> 01:00:15,916
- Oh!
- Lord, have mercy.
1515
01:00:15,916 --> 01:00:18,092
- Those are real, dude.
- That's paradise right there.
1516
01:00:18,092 --> 01:00:19,441
That's Jurassic Park
right there.
1517
01:00:19,441 --> 01:00:20,573
- Like scrambled eggs.
- Come on.
1518
01:00:20,573 --> 01:00:21,661
Come, come reach your paradise.
1519
01:00:21,661 --> 01:00:23,141
Come bring your hands in here.
1520
01:00:23,141 --> 01:00:24,882
- Come on. Come, come, come on!
- Don't do it.
1521
01:00:24,882 --> 01:00:26,710
- You got to drop out.
- Get the hell out of my house.
1522
01:00:27,536 --> 01:00:28,799
[laughs]
1523
01:00:28,799 --> 01:00:30,278
Have some respectability
up in here.
1524
01:00:30,278 --> 01:00:31,845
I told you didn't wanna see
1525
01:00:31,845 --> 01:00:34,108
them old, Aretha Franklin,
long sleeve titties.
1526
01:00:34,108 --> 01:00:35,893
You better think.
1527
01:00:35,893 --> 01:00:38,896
You know what, I hate this song,
but it sure make me wanna move.
1528
01:00:38,896 --> 01:00:40,506
Move over there then.
1529
01:00:40,506 --> 01:00:42,682
Feel a little something.
I just can't, just can't...
1530
01:00:42,682 --> 01:00:44,031
Oh, Lord.
1531
01:00:44,031 --> 01:00:46,817
Just catch the spirit
a little bit.
1532
01:00:46,817 --> 01:00:48,253
Oo-wee, there it is,
there it is!
1533
01:00:48,253 --> 01:00:49,820
Moe: That damn show
ain't "Flashdance."
1534
01:00:49,820 --> 01:00:51,909
Oh, Lord. Oh, Lord.
1535
01:00:51,909 --> 01:00:54,825
Somebody call the exorcist.
The woman is possessed.
1536
01:00:54,825 --> 01:00:55,869
Whoo!
1537
01:00:55,869 --> 01:00:57,871
[cheering]
1538
01:00:57,871 --> 01:01:00,744
Moe: They got to burn
this whole damn house down now.
1539
01:01:00,744 --> 01:01:03,050
Oh, Lord. It's definitely
a ghost up in here.
1540
01:01:03,050 --> 01:01:04,486
MaDude: Show me how we do it.
Show me how we do it!
1541
01:01:09,361 --> 01:01:10,797
Don't you go in that closet now.
1542
01:01:10,797 --> 01:01:12,930
You know R. Kelly's in there.
Don't you do it.
1543
01:01:12,930 --> 01:01:15,454
Tiffany, y'all got
some good candy here.
1544
01:01:17,935 --> 01:01:19,414
Oh, Lord!
1545
01:01:19,414 --> 01:01:20,851
Boy, don't be trying to
scare nobody.
1546
01:01:20,851 --> 01:01:21,808
Moe: It was something on the TV,
just popped up there.
1547
01:01:21,808 --> 01:01:22,853
What nothing on that
TV. Shut up.
1548
01:01:22,853 --> 01:01:24,506
I saw it.
1549
01:01:24,506 --> 01:01:27,292
Oh, Lordy. Oh, Lord.
What was that?
1550
01:01:27,292 --> 01:01:30,208
I told you it was something.
It went from here up there.
1551
01:01:30,208 --> 01:01:31,905
Sound like somebody
up there fighting.
1552
01:01:31,905 --> 01:01:34,299
That's what I thought.
Really starting to scare me.
1553
01:01:34,299 --> 01:01:35,996
You know I'm scared
of everything.
1554
01:01:35,996 --> 01:01:38,390
MaDude, go up there and check
out and see what it is.
1555
01:01:38,390 --> 01:01:40,697
Oh, I ain't going up there.
Mm-mm. No. That ain't for me.
1556
01:01:40,697 --> 01:01:42,307
'Cause you ain't
scared of nothing.
1557
01:01:42,307 --> 01:01:45,527
Everything scared of you.
[laughs] And I see why.
1558
01:01:45,527 --> 01:01:47,355
Fine. I ain't scared.
Look, I ain't never scared.
1559
01:01:47,355 --> 01:01:48,792
Moe: You ain't never scared?
- I ain't scared.
1560
01:01:48,792 --> 01:01:50,141
Moe: You ain't never scared.
Go get 'em.
1561
01:01:50,141 --> 01:01:51,969
I'mma go right on up here.
I ain't scared.
1562
01:01:51,969 --> 01:01:53,448
You done survived looking in
the mirror every damn morning,
1563
01:01:53,448 --> 01:01:55,015
you can survive that,
you can survive this.
1564
01:01:55,015 --> 01:01:57,801
- I ain't scared.
- You ain't scared of nothing.
1565
01:01:57,801 --> 01:02:01,543
Go on up there. Tell him to
smell you, that'll kill him.
1566
01:02:01,543 --> 01:02:03,197
Don't be scared there now,
now keep eating your candy
1567
01:02:03,197 --> 01:02:04,808
and watch the movie.
This a good one.
1568
01:02:04,808 --> 01:02:06,113
Watch they gonna go
in the closet right here. Look.
1569
01:02:06,113 --> 01:02:08,942
[grim music]
1570
01:02:08,942 --> 01:02:12,250
Oh, Lord. They not gon'
scare me in my own house.
1571
01:02:12,250 --> 01:02:14,034
I ain't gonna get got.
Oh, no, not today.
1572
01:02:14,034 --> 01:02:16,036
[breathing shakily] The devil
ain't gonna use me.
1573
01:02:16,036 --> 01:02:19,866
Mm-mm, he gon' get his ass
on outta here.
1574
01:02:19,866 --> 01:02:23,652
I sure hope ain't
nobody behind this here door.
1575
01:02:23,652 --> 01:02:25,742
When I open up this door,
'cause it's gonna be...
1576
01:02:27,569 --> 01:02:28,527
[screaming] What the hell?
Oh-ho.
1577
01:02:30,050 --> 01:02:31,704
Ain't no clown chasing me.
1578
01:02:31,704 --> 01:02:35,273
Ain't no clown chasing me!
Ain't no clown chasing me!
1579
01:02:35,273 --> 01:02:37,057
I told 'em not to go in there.
1580
01:02:37,057 --> 01:02:40,626
Ain't no clown chasing me.
Ain't no clown chasing me!
1581
01:02:40,626 --> 01:02:43,977
Alright, well that's my cue.
Y'all better come on.
1582
01:02:43,977 --> 01:02:46,545
Oh, hell now, lemme see what
I can do to get up outta here.
1583
01:02:46,545 --> 01:02:49,591
Oh-hoo! Come on now.
1584
01:02:49,591 --> 01:02:51,028
Come on, girls. Come on, girls.
1585
01:02:51,028 --> 01:02:53,291
Moe, I need you to move.
Come on, Moe!
1586
01:02:53,291 --> 01:02:56,207
[instrumental music]
1587
01:02:59,558 --> 01:03:01,429
Taylor: I hope I didn't scare
you too much with that story.
1588
01:03:01,429 --> 01:03:03,431
But back to Beverly.
1589
01:03:03,431 --> 01:03:06,695
You ever know people who can't
just say yes to a good thing?
1590
01:03:06,695 --> 01:03:09,176
Well, that's Beverly for you.
1591
01:03:09,176 --> 01:03:13,180
- Ooh! There they are.
- Hi. Hello there.
1592
01:03:13,180 --> 01:03:15,661
You's Beverly.
I, Leroy Black, Black.
1593
01:03:15,661 --> 01:03:18,403
You can call me Black.
This my seed.
1594
01:03:18,403 --> 01:03:20,884
Yes, I'm his daughter.
Flora Black.
1595
01:03:20,884 --> 01:03:23,060
You can call her Flora,
without the Black.
1596
01:03:23,060 --> 01:03:25,714
It is so nice to meet you all.
1597
01:03:25,714 --> 01:03:28,108
MaDude has told us
so much about you.
1598
01:03:28,108 --> 01:03:31,416
Well, it is so nice to
meet you as well, I think.
1599
01:03:31,416 --> 01:03:33,026
Put that away, Missy.
1600
01:03:33,026 --> 01:03:34,419
Leroy: If they
knows you'se been reading,
1601
01:03:34,419 --> 01:03:35,855
they gonna sell you off
down the river.
1602
01:03:35,855 --> 01:03:37,117
Sell me?
1603
01:03:37,117 --> 01:03:39,032
I'mma take y'all by
the underground.
1604
01:03:39,032 --> 01:03:41,426
The underground?
Like the railroad?
1605
01:03:41,426 --> 01:03:44,821
To see y'all's new house,
and meets y'all's family.
1606
01:03:44,821 --> 01:03:47,214
Follow me easy.
Keeps your head down.
1607
01:03:47,214 --> 01:03:49,434
Shh. Bes quiet.
1608
01:03:49,434 --> 01:03:53,133
Beverly: Oh, oh.
- Mr. Black, don't go too fast.
1609
01:03:53,133 --> 01:03:55,788
You know he got
the gout, and the sugar,
1610
01:03:55,788 --> 01:03:57,659
and erectile dysfunction.
1611
01:03:57,659 --> 01:03:59,183
I don't even know
how I got here.
1612
01:03:59,183 --> 01:04:02,708
That's a lot of information.
Okay. Hell.
1613
01:04:02,708 --> 01:04:04,884
So, I think this is just
constipation right here.
1614
01:04:04,884 --> 01:04:06,581
That's why he's walking
this way?
1615
01:04:06,581 --> 01:04:08,627
Yes. And you are just
the prettiest little thing.
1616
01:04:08,627 --> 01:04:11,021
[instrumental music]
1617
01:04:13,153 --> 01:04:15,242
I know you do not
expect us to live here.
1618
01:04:15,242 --> 01:04:17,027
This can't be real.
1619
01:04:17,027 --> 01:04:20,030
Uh-uh. Take us back to
the bus stop. We are going home.
1620
01:04:20,030 --> 01:04:21,945
But Papa done left this for you.
1621
01:04:21,945 --> 01:04:26,471
I-- I know it ain't much, but
it's all your daddy has to give.
1622
01:04:26,471 --> 01:04:28,690
Mm-mm, I would rather work
for Ellen DeGeneres
1623
01:04:28,690 --> 01:04:31,258
before I let my kids
step one foot in that house.
1624
01:04:31,258 --> 01:04:34,609
- What? Okay.
- Calm down.
1625
01:04:34,609 --> 01:04:36,089
This is bigger
than your mama's house.
1626
01:04:36,089 --> 01:04:37,482
You sure you don't want it?
1627
01:04:37,482 --> 01:04:39,266
Hell no. I don't want it.
Let's go, kids.
1628
01:04:39,266 --> 01:04:41,138
- But mom!
- But nothing.
1629
01:04:41,138 --> 01:04:43,096
Look at that water fountain
running all day and night.
1630
01:04:43,096 --> 01:04:45,490
You know what I'd have to do
to pay for that water bill?
1631
01:04:45,490 --> 01:04:46,665
Michael: Just do
what we always do.
1632
01:04:46,665 --> 01:04:48,754
And what's that?
1633
01:04:48,754 --> 01:04:50,625
- Don't pay.
- Don't pay.
1634
01:04:50,625 --> 01:04:53,628
Well, Beverly, you can at least
come and see the house, honey.
1635
01:04:53,628 --> 01:04:55,152
Just come on in and see inside.
1636
01:04:55,152 --> 01:04:57,589
I don't wanna come
and see inside this house.
1637
01:04:57,589 --> 01:04:59,286
It's-- it's-- it's got
a wobbler room.
1638
01:04:59,286 --> 01:05:01,985
- Not enough dirt.
- Not enough dirt?
1639
01:05:01,985 --> 01:05:03,508
Well it's got
pet chickens in the back,
1640
01:05:03,508 --> 01:05:05,118
and, and you got a trained pig.
1641
01:05:05,118 --> 01:05:06,859
- A trained pig?
- Yeah.
1642
01:05:06,859 --> 01:05:08,687
Taylor: Yep, one thing
MaDude always tried to do
1643
01:05:08,687 --> 01:05:10,515
was help others,
1644
01:05:10,515 --> 01:05:14,084
but she always finds herself
in her own mess.
1645
01:05:14,084 --> 01:05:15,607
[instrumental music]
1646
01:05:15,607 --> 01:05:17,435
[siren wailing]
1647
01:05:17,435 --> 01:05:18,871
MaDude: The po-po is coming for
us. The po-po is coming for us.
1648
01:05:18,871 --> 01:05:20,307
Moe: You think
you ran a red light?
1649
01:05:20,307 --> 01:05:21,482
I didn't, I don't know
what the hell I did.
1650
01:05:23,136 --> 01:05:25,573
- Mr. Black! Mr. Black!
- What is it, Flora?
1651
01:05:25,573 --> 01:05:28,837
Look! Is that who I think it is?
1652
01:05:28,837 --> 01:05:31,928
It is! It's MaDude
on the TV tube.
1653
01:05:31,928 --> 01:05:33,755
Running from the whirly bird.
1654
01:05:33,755 --> 01:05:36,280
Oh, ho, them overseers
running her down.
1655
01:05:36,280 --> 01:05:40,110
They gon' chop her foot off when
they catch her. Run, Kunta, run!
1656
01:05:40,110 --> 01:05:41,981
Reporter: I'm in the helicopter,
live in the air
1657
01:05:41,981 --> 01:05:43,852
during this exciting car chase.
1658
01:05:43,852 --> 01:05:47,682
Can we get a tighter shot of
the vehicle's occupants? Wow.
1659
01:05:47,682 --> 01:05:50,990
This feels like a scene straight
out of the movie, "Set It Off."
1660
01:05:50,990 --> 01:05:53,819
Where's my phone?
I gotta call her. It was here.
1661
01:05:53,819 --> 01:05:56,865
Oh, Lord Jesus, help me. Hello?
1662
01:05:56,865 --> 01:05:59,390
MaDude, is that you
driving that car?
1663
01:05:59,390 --> 01:06:01,174
Well, who the hell
you think it is?
1664
01:06:01,174 --> 01:06:03,872
Are you sure 'cause you, you
kind of look like Queen Latifah.
1665
01:06:03,872 --> 01:06:05,700
Look like King Latifah.
1666
01:06:05,700 --> 01:06:07,659
Look, I'm wearing Queen
Latifah's disguise
1667
01:06:07,659 --> 01:06:08,921
from the movie, "Set It Off."
1668
01:06:08,921 --> 01:06:10,357
Moe: Should have dropped me off.
1669
01:06:10,357 --> 01:06:11,489
MaDude: Well, you
know that's what I do.
1670
01:06:11,489 --> 01:06:12,707
I just steal from movies.
1671
01:06:14,622 --> 01:06:17,582
Well, you know the Lord say,
"thou shalt not steal," now.
1672
01:06:17,582 --> 01:06:20,150
The Lord is not being
chased by the po-po.
1673
01:06:20,150 --> 01:06:22,413
And I ain't stealing,
I'm speeding.
1674
01:06:22,413 --> 01:06:23,936
Well, I steal a little bit,
1675
01:06:23,936 --> 01:06:26,025
just 'cause I'm inspired
by stuff, you know?
1676
01:06:26,025 --> 01:06:28,506
Driving like you're on speed.
You slow down now.
1677
01:06:28,506 --> 01:06:30,595
Now if you want a smack across
your mouth, I give you one.
1678
01:06:30,595 --> 01:06:33,902
- Keep talking to me, old man.
- Oh, Lord. What is she doing?
1679
01:06:33,902 --> 01:06:37,819
MaDude, head to the North Star.
It's free peoples over there.
1680
01:06:37,819 --> 01:06:39,212
Tell the little man
to shut the hell up.
1681
01:06:39,212 --> 01:06:41,388
MaDude: Is-- is--
is Beverly over there?
1682
01:06:41,388 --> 01:06:44,609
She gone. She and her children
done gone back to Africa.
1683
01:06:44,609 --> 01:06:46,828
Didn't nobody go back to
nobody's Africa.
1684
01:06:46,828 --> 01:06:48,961
No, she done left.
She didn't want the house.
1685
01:06:48,961 --> 01:06:50,223
I don't know what's
wrong with it.
1686
01:06:50,223 --> 01:06:51,529
Maybe, it's too much for her,
1687
01:06:51,529 --> 01:06:52,834
but back to you, MaDude,
1688
01:06:52,834 --> 01:06:55,011
please pull that
car over, please.
1689
01:06:55,011 --> 01:06:57,230
Okay, fine, fine, fine.
1690
01:06:57,230 --> 01:06:59,493
Now I ain't giving up,
though. I got a plan.
1691
01:06:59,493 --> 01:07:04,455
Just pull the car over before
MaDude goes to jail.
1692
01:07:04,455 --> 01:07:06,935
Ooh. That's a good
idea for a sequel.
1693
01:07:06,935 --> 01:07:08,850
You ain't finished
the first one now.
1694
01:07:08,850 --> 01:07:11,723
That's-- that's a, that's
a nice sequel. I like that.
1695
01:07:11,723 --> 01:07:13,246
MaDude: Okay,
I done pulled over.
1696
01:07:13,246 --> 01:07:15,379
[sighing]
1697
01:07:15,379 --> 01:07:17,424
I thought you was supposed
to be meeting the Blacks?
1698
01:07:17,424 --> 01:07:20,253
Oh, hell, now they got me
out here meeting the Whites.
1699
01:07:20,253 --> 01:07:21,820
Yeah, you be about to
meet the Whites, alright.
1700
01:07:23,430 --> 01:07:25,563
Get out of the vehicle.
1701
01:07:25,563 --> 01:07:26,868
I think we should just give up.
1702
01:07:26,868 --> 01:07:28,653
No, no, no, no, no.
Hell no, fool.
1703
01:07:28,653 --> 01:07:32,222
You should know we have
no problem using deadly force.
1704
01:07:32,222 --> 01:07:33,658
MaDude: Look, if this works,
1705
01:07:33,658 --> 01:07:35,486
you meet me at the cabin
up in the mountains,
1706
01:07:35,486 --> 01:07:37,227
but if it don't, you tell Taylor
to put some money on my books.
1707
01:07:39,707 --> 01:07:41,100
Now what the hell
you about to go on and do?
1708
01:07:41,100 --> 01:07:42,928
Oh, I, I'm going
undercover, fool.
1709
01:07:42,928 --> 01:07:45,061
Moe: Okay, good, I'm about to
tell them you kidnapped me,
1710
01:07:45,061 --> 01:07:46,497
and I ain't had nothing to do
with none of this shit.
1711
01:07:46,497 --> 01:07:47,889
And by the way,
it ain't gonna work.
1712
01:07:47,889 --> 01:07:50,109
I'm doing everything in my power
1713
01:07:50,109 --> 01:07:52,677
to make it difficult
to arrest you.
1714
01:07:52,677 --> 01:07:54,505
Hold on there, Captain.
1715
01:07:54,505 --> 01:07:57,377
And what is that? What you got,
what you got all that from?
1716
01:07:57,377 --> 01:07:59,292
T.I. gave me all this.
MaDude: When you know T.I.?
1717
01:07:59,292 --> 01:08:00,772
This one, this from
the movie "Scarface."
1718
01:08:00,772 --> 01:08:02,295
He said, "Say
hello to my little friend."
1719
01:08:02,295 --> 01:08:03,775
MaDude: What is that?
1720
01:08:03,775 --> 01:08:05,690
Shit El Chapo gave me.
This shit all broke up.
1721
01:08:05,690 --> 01:08:08,388
Hold on now, I got a couple
more things. O.J. gave me this.
1722
01:08:10,173 --> 01:08:12,479
What's that?
1723
01:08:12,479 --> 01:08:14,960
I-- I like to choke my chicken.
1724
01:08:14,960 --> 01:08:16,527
I ain't have nothing to do
with none of this, officer.
1725
01:08:16,527 --> 01:08:18,181
- I'm putting my hands up.
- Out of the vehicle.
1726
01:08:18,181 --> 01:08:19,704
MaDude: Just shoot him,
just shoot him in the head.
1727
01:08:19,704 --> 01:08:20,748
Moe: Don't shoot me.
Don't do nothing.
1728
01:08:20,748 --> 01:08:22,707
Put your hands on the ground.
1729
01:08:22,707 --> 01:08:24,274
They don't reach down there.
1730
01:08:24,274 --> 01:08:25,710
Throw your feet in the air.
1731
01:08:25,710 --> 01:08:27,277
I-- I can't lift them.
1732
01:08:27,277 --> 01:08:29,496
And wave 'em like
you just don't care.
1733
01:08:31,368 --> 01:08:32,978
Come on get out of the car.
1734
01:08:32,978 --> 01:08:34,719
Get out the car, fool.
Officer: Out of the vehicle!
1735
01:08:34,719 --> 01:08:36,286
Oh, they 'bout to shoot me!
They 'bout to shoot me!
1736
01:08:36,286 --> 01:08:40,116
Oh Lord,
I don't have no bail money.
1737
01:08:40,116 --> 01:08:43,380
They 'bout to take her
to the king!
1738
01:08:43,380 --> 01:08:46,948
They 'bout to take you
to the king!
1739
01:08:48,211 --> 01:08:49,342
Next case.
1740
01:08:51,301 --> 01:08:53,129
Your Honor, she should be
coming in at any moment.
1741
01:08:54,173 --> 01:08:56,175
Ooh! Helluurr!
1742
01:08:56,175 --> 01:09:00,571
Dead MaDude walking [laughs]
1743
01:09:00,571 --> 01:09:02,747
- That's not funny.
- It is funny.
1744
01:09:02,747 --> 01:09:04,966
Oh, Jesus. Lord, why today?
1745
01:09:04,966 --> 01:09:08,231
Your Honor, I is so sorry to
have troubled you this morning.
1746
01:09:08,231 --> 01:09:10,581
Now this is all can be just
throwed away, you know?
1747
01:09:10,581 --> 01:09:11,712
I'm gonna tell you a little
story about my cousin.
1748
01:09:11,712 --> 01:09:13,497
Her name is V'Gina.
1749
01:09:13,497 --> 01:09:15,020
Now you know, people always
mispronounce her name too.
1750
01:09:15,020 --> 01:09:16,761
Like they mispronounce
Judge Loreal.
1751
01:09:16,761 --> 01:09:18,632
People might wanna call you
Judge Revlon or something,
1752
01:09:18,632 --> 01:09:20,765
but you know, they, they call
her vagina. But it's V'Gina,
1753
01:09:20,765 --> 01:09:24,595
Uh, V apostrophe G-I-N-A.
It's V'Gina. V'Gina!
1754
01:09:24,595 --> 01:09:26,074
She can't even spell vagina.
1755
01:09:26,074 --> 01:09:27,467
That's what she trying
to spell, vagina.
1756
01:09:27,467 --> 01:09:28,555
Can't even spell it.
1757
01:09:28,555 --> 01:09:30,166
But we damn sure can smell it.
1758
01:09:30,166 --> 01:09:33,169
[laughs] Y'all smell it?
1759
01:09:33,169 --> 01:09:34,474
Y'all heard?
1760
01:09:34,474 --> 01:09:36,781
- Dad, dad.
- Don't call me that.
1761
01:09:36,781 --> 01:09:38,609
Boy, you ain't smell vagina
since 1932.
1762
01:09:38,609 --> 01:09:40,567
How you doing, Your Honor?
Moe: Saw it this morning.
1763
01:09:40,567 --> 01:09:44,571
MaDude, be quiet, and
be respectful in my courtroom.
1764
01:09:44,571 --> 01:09:46,138
Moe: That means shut up.
- I understand.
1765
01:09:46,138 --> 01:09:47,705
I was just trying
to explain to you why my cousin,
1766
01:09:47,705 --> 01:09:49,446
she had been bullied by that
name. She 52 years old.
1767
01:09:49,446 --> 01:09:51,099
And I didn't want
that to happen to you.
1768
01:09:51,099 --> 01:09:52,710
Your-- Your-- Your Dishonor,
you know.
1769
01:09:52,710 --> 01:09:55,713
- I'm warning you.
- I understand. Uh, I'm just...
1770
01:09:55,713 --> 01:09:57,889
I'mma be quiet right up
here in your courtroom today.
1771
01:09:57,889 --> 01:09:59,412
Yes, yes, yes I am.
1772
01:09:59,412 --> 01:10:01,458
[laughs] I believe
you gonna fry.
1773
01:10:01,458 --> 01:10:02,720
You better shut your ass up.
Just shut up!
1774
01:10:02,720 --> 01:10:04,200
Just shut up talking to me.
1775
01:10:04,200 --> 01:10:05,244
Moe: Shouldn't have ran
all them red lights.
1776
01:10:05,244 --> 01:10:06,811
- Bailiff?
- Mmm.
1777
01:10:06,811 --> 01:10:08,943
Keep your good eye on
this one. She's trouble.
1778
01:10:12,295 --> 01:10:15,298
Well, it looks like
that way to me, Your Honor.
1779
01:10:15,298 --> 01:10:17,387
Looks that way to me,
Your Honor.
1780
01:10:17,387 --> 01:10:19,954
This whole courtroom
looks suspect.
1781
01:10:19,954 --> 01:10:22,827
Matter of fact, this whole
courtroom looks suspect.
1782
01:10:22,827 --> 01:10:27,484
MaDude Himms, you are sentenced
to 180 days jail time
1783
01:10:27,484 --> 01:10:29,747
Judge Loreal: for attempting
to evade the police.
1784
01:10:29,747 --> 01:10:32,228
Your cellmate will be R. Kelly.
1785
01:10:32,228 --> 01:10:34,012
Oh! [laughs]
1786
01:10:34,012 --> 01:10:35,492
He not my type, Your Honor.
1787
01:10:35,492 --> 01:10:37,058
You gonna be trapped
in the closet.
1788
01:10:37,058 --> 01:10:38,625
Followed by six months
of house arrest.
1789
01:10:38,625 --> 01:10:41,715
Then we will possibly
reevaluate your probation.
1790
01:10:41,715 --> 01:10:43,630
Don't reevaluate it.
Just keep it like it is.
1791
01:10:43,630 --> 01:10:48,156
Also... mandatory
church on Sundays.
1792
01:10:48,156 --> 01:10:50,855
- Not the church!
- Church.
1793
01:10:50,855 --> 01:10:52,291
Oh, Lord.
1794
01:10:52,291 --> 01:10:54,424
- Gimme anything but church!
- Church!
1795
01:10:54,424 --> 01:10:56,164
You 'bout to have
a religious love.
1796
01:10:56,164 --> 01:10:58,297
No, Lord, please gimme
solitary confinement.
1797
01:10:58,297 --> 01:10:59,690
Y'all got a bed
big enough for her?
1798
01:10:59,690 --> 01:11:02,214
- Gimme the electric chair!
- Church!
1799
01:11:02,214 --> 01:11:03,824
- We're gonna help you!
- No, we ain't.
1800
01:11:03,824 --> 01:11:05,826
Jesus!
1801
01:11:05,826 --> 01:11:07,741
Well, I know how
you feel. Believe me.
1802
01:11:07,741 --> 01:11:09,265
Well, I know how she feels.
1803
01:11:09,265 --> 01:11:11,484
Ha! Case Closed.
1804
01:11:11,484 --> 01:11:13,834
Yes! [laughs]
1805
01:11:13,834 --> 01:11:16,881
I get to use my dick pump
all by myself.
1806
01:11:16,881 --> 01:11:18,839
Pornhub all week. Gimme one!
1807
01:11:18,839 --> 01:11:20,624
[laughs]
1808
01:11:20,624 --> 01:11:22,669
[clapping]
1809
01:11:22,669 --> 01:11:26,369
Not even God can save
your ass now, MaDude. [laughs]
1810
01:11:27,935 --> 01:11:30,111
I can't believe
MaDude's going to jail.
1811
01:11:30,111 --> 01:11:32,592
I can't believe I lost the case.
1812
01:11:32,592 --> 01:11:35,987
I am the worst lawyer ever.
I'm the worst everything ever.
1813
01:11:35,987 --> 01:11:38,076
I mean, God, where are
you when I need you?
1814
01:11:39,295 --> 01:11:41,949
[laughs] God.
1815
01:11:41,949 --> 01:11:44,691
Bam. He was incensed.
1816
01:11:44,691 --> 01:11:46,258
Pow! Wu Tang, nigga.
1817
01:11:46,258 --> 01:11:47,694
I can say nigga in heaven.
1818
01:11:47,694 --> 01:11:48,869
[Angel laughing]
1819
01:11:48,869 --> 01:11:51,350
[indistinct chatter]
1820
01:11:51,350 --> 01:11:55,398
But you can't! I been me damned.
1821
01:11:58,314 --> 01:12:01,142
Taylor: When God told
me to write a movie...
1822
01:12:01,142 --> 01:12:02,883
I never thought
the devil would show up.
1823
01:12:02,883 --> 01:12:07,714
Do you see the color of my suit?
Who the hell you think I am?
1824
01:12:07,714 --> 01:12:10,326
Taylor: That's what I get
for not writing.
1825
01:12:10,326 --> 01:12:12,980
Perfect. Makes perfect sense.
The devil's talking to me.
1826
01:12:12,980 --> 01:12:15,374
Why wouldn't
the devil talk to me?
1827
01:12:15,374 --> 01:12:18,377
Well, I'm sensing
you kind of need my help.
1828
01:12:18,377 --> 01:12:23,251
How may I be of service,
Fairy? - No.
1829
01:12:23,251 --> 01:12:26,733
I have been
appointed by the Lord.
1830
01:12:26,733 --> 01:12:30,258
I'm delivered. I'm delivered.
I'm delivered.
1831
01:12:30,258 --> 01:12:32,870
[grim music]
1832
01:12:32,870 --> 01:12:36,003
Well, brother, if you don't
need me, I'll just go back
1833
01:12:36,003 --> 01:12:39,006
to the Proud Boys community
and Peckerwoods.
1834
01:12:39,006 --> 01:12:40,573
Hey, they love me over there.
1835
01:12:40,573 --> 01:12:43,620
Devil: I'm their idol.
Hasta luego, Fairy.
1836
01:12:43,620 --> 01:12:45,361
It's Pherry.
1837
01:12:45,361 --> 01:12:48,407
My name is
Pherry, Pherry, Pherry!
1838
01:12:48,407 --> 01:12:50,104
[laughs] No, it ain't.
1839
01:12:51,497 --> 01:12:54,674
Damnit. This is BS.
1840
01:12:54,674 --> 01:12:57,024
I bet you never show up to
Kevin Hart's bathroom like this.
1841
01:12:57,024 --> 01:12:59,157
[instrumental music]
1842
01:12:59,157 --> 01:13:03,030
God: Write the vision, son.
Write the vision.
1843
01:13:05,729 --> 01:13:08,384
Taylor: I finally figured out
what I needed to do.
1844
01:13:08,384 --> 01:13:10,298
I needed to write the movie.
1845
01:13:10,298 --> 01:13:13,867
So I decided to have
my assistant, Joy, write it.
1846
01:13:13,867 --> 01:13:16,479
With Joy around,
there's no need for AI.
1847
01:13:17,871 --> 01:13:20,787
[gasps] Oh!
1848
01:13:20,787 --> 01:13:24,704
This is plot,
character development.
1849
01:13:24,704 --> 01:13:26,793
This is a storyline.
1850
01:13:26,793 --> 01:13:29,013
- Can we put that in the movie?
- Put what in the movie?
1851
01:13:29,013 --> 01:13:31,711
- A storyline.
- A storyline?
1852
01:13:31,711 --> 01:13:33,800
Yeah. Just-- just steal it.
Just put it in the storyline.
1853
01:13:33,800 --> 01:13:35,672
- Oh, yeah. Okay.
- Just write it down.
1854
01:13:35,672 --> 01:13:37,456
- Make me look good.
- Okay.
1855
01:13:37,456 --> 01:13:39,806
I can steal all things through
Christ who strengthens me.
1856
01:13:39,806 --> 01:13:42,853
- We stealing this.
- Um, you going to hell.
1857
01:13:42,853 --> 01:13:44,637
- What you say?
- Nothing. Mm-hmm.
1858
01:13:44,637 --> 01:13:46,334
Ooh. This is gonna be good.
1859
01:13:46,334 --> 01:13:49,599
We gon' use it all.
Just mix it up like a gumbo.
1860
01:13:49,599 --> 01:13:52,993
Taylor: I smell WGA.
I smell Oscar.
1861
01:13:52,993 --> 01:13:54,604
Everybody gonna wanna
be in my movies.
1862
01:13:54,604 --> 01:13:57,084
Joy, when I blow up,
1863
01:13:57,084 --> 01:13:59,783
I'm not taking you with me,
but keep writing.
1864
01:13:59,783 --> 01:14:02,699
Oh! Oh! Write
this down! Montage.
1865
01:14:02,699 --> 01:14:05,832
Every movie need a montage.
A good montage.
1866
01:14:05,832 --> 01:14:06,877
[instrumental music]
1867
01:14:06,877 --> 01:14:09,793
[keys clicking]
1868
01:14:16,582 --> 01:14:20,543
Oh, Joy, how is
my screenplay going?
1869
01:14:20,543 --> 01:14:22,327
Oh, it's going.
1870
01:14:22,327 --> 01:14:24,329
Oh, but wait, wait, wait.
No, don't talk, more writing.
1871
01:14:24,329 --> 01:14:25,896
I just want to envision
myself in the words.
1872
01:14:25,896 --> 01:14:27,680
No, no, don't stop writing.
1873
01:14:27,680 --> 01:14:31,467
Ooh, it's gonna be so good.
Damn, I'm good. Damn, I'm good.
1874
01:14:31,467 --> 01:14:35,296
[exhales] That's lazy.
Mm, I need this job.
1875
01:14:35,296 --> 01:14:37,516
I need this job.
I need this job.
1876
01:14:37,516 --> 01:14:40,084
Ooh, I like that.
Watch for that for me.
1877
01:14:40,084 --> 01:14:42,390
- You're so close to me.
- Yeah, we're very close.
1878
01:14:42,390 --> 01:14:43,914
This is close.
You, you read my mind.
1879
01:14:43,914 --> 01:14:45,655
This is exactly what...
We're on the same wave...
1880
01:14:45,655 --> 01:14:49,136
You're so physically
close to me.
1881
01:14:49,136 --> 01:14:50,398
[music continues]
1882
01:14:50,398 --> 01:14:51,574
[keys clicking]
1883
01:14:52,879 --> 01:14:54,490
[snoring]
1884
01:14:57,928 --> 01:14:59,712
Taylor: Yeah. Yeah. Go down,
go down. Scroll, scroll.
1885
01:14:59,712 --> 01:15:01,932
- I'm scrolling.
- Oh, wait, wait. Stop, stop.
1886
01:15:01,932 --> 01:15:03,977
Too fast. Go back
up, up, up, up.
1887
01:15:03,977 --> 01:15:07,503
Yeah, yeah. Whoa!
So great. Oh, wonderful.
1888
01:15:08,155 --> 01:15:09,635
[sighs]
1889
01:15:09,635 --> 01:15:10,897
Oh!
1890
01:15:10,897 --> 01:15:12,333
Hey, this is Attorney Pherry.
1891
01:15:12,333 --> 01:15:15,772
The P is silent.
Wait, MaDude?
1892
01:15:15,772 --> 01:15:17,469
No, I-- I can't possibly deal
with MaDude today.
1893
01:15:17,469 --> 01:15:18,949
That's not on my docket.
1894
01:15:18,949 --> 01:15:20,516
I'm in the middle
of writing a screenplay.
1895
01:15:20,516 --> 01:15:22,518
Could you scroll please?
Thank you.
1896
01:15:22,518 --> 01:15:24,911
Oh, no, I couldn't
possibly do that.
1897
01:15:24,911 --> 01:15:25,912
Thank you.
1898
01:15:27,566 --> 01:15:30,090
Damn, that's good.
Oh, I'm a good ass writer.
1899
01:15:32,919 --> 01:15:33,920
Taylor: That's so good.
1900
01:15:36,923 --> 01:15:39,012
Oh, Lordy, Lordy, Lordy.
1901
01:15:39,012 --> 01:15:42,363
Look at us here
just getting clean,
1902
01:15:42,363 --> 01:15:44,627
so we can be there with
the Lord in the end days.
1903
01:15:44,627 --> 01:15:46,629
You know, cleanliness
is next to Godliness,
1904
01:15:46,629 --> 01:15:49,545
and I know he love you
because I sure do.
1905
01:15:49,545 --> 01:15:50,937
Oh, Lordy, Lordy.
1906
01:15:50,937 --> 01:15:52,548
Make sure y'all get all
that dirt off you.
1907
01:15:55,594 --> 01:15:59,032
Oh, uh... Done seen too much.
No, no, no, we good.
1908
01:15:59,032 --> 01:16:02,209
Sure we should make this water
get us a little colder.
1909
01:16:02,209 --> 01:16:04,951
God. You know, I'm a old lady.
1910
01:16:04,951 --> 01:16:06,605
Only got so many of these left.
1911
01:16:06,605 --> 01:16:09,260
Alright, ladies,
two-minute showers up.
1912
01:16:09,260 --> 01:16:11,088
Let's go. Let's go, let's go!
1913
01:16:11,088 --> 01:16:13,830
Oh, I knew there was a God.
Officer : Come on. Let's go.
1914
01:16:13,830 --> 01:16:15,179
Well, it was so nice
to see you ladies.
1915
01:16:15,179 --> 01:16:16,615
Y'all go ahead.
Y'all get on out here.
1916
01:16:16,615 --> 01:16:18,008
Ladies, ladies, ladies,
cut that water off.
1917
01:16:18,008 --> 01:16:20,010
Y'all been here long
enough now. Come on.
1918
01:16:20,010 --> 01:16:22,665
- We in a drought.
- Stop your yabbering.
1919
01:16:22,665 --> 01:16:24,580
MaDude: Look Barney Fife,
I'm just trying to make sure
1920
01:16:24,580 --> 01:16:26,320
everything is where
it needs to be.
1921
01:16:26,320 --> 01:16:29,019
You're taking all day.
You want to go home or not?
1922
01:16:29,019 --> 01:16:32,762
Got me up here with all this
temptation, wetness, and water.
1923
01:16:32,762 --> 01:16:35,242
Just trying to be
my best Christian self.
1924
01:16:35,242 --> 01:16:39,203
Today's your lucky day,
MaDude. Let's go.
1925
01:16:39,203 --> 01:16:43,511
[laughs] Ain't a jail alive
that can hold me, baby.
1926
01:16:43,511 --> 01:16:44,991
Where my shit?
1927
01:16:44,991 --> 01:16:47,385
- Is this yours?
- Hell nah, that ain't mine.
1928
01:16:47,385 --> 01:16:50,431
What the hell I look like?
You can keep that.
1929
01:16:50,431 --> 01:16:52,433
Well, I'll save it
for you when you get back.
1930
01:16:52,433 --> 01:16:54,610
Well, I ain't coming back to
here. No, no, no. No way.
1931
01:16:54,610 --> 01:16:56,481
Oh, but you know what?
You might be right.
1932
01:16:56,481 --> 01:16:59,702
I'll be back for
my next movie. [laughs]
1933
01:16:59,702 --> 01:17:03,923
Free at last, bitches,
free at last! Oo-wee!
1934
01:17:03,923 --> 01:17:05,969
Look at the fresh air out here.
1935
01:17:05,969 --> 01:17:08,319
Damn, it is hot.
Hell is my family at?
1936
01:17:08,319 --> 01:17:10,060
There your ass is.
Why you late?
1937
01:17:10,060 --> 01:17:12,540
Just get your big ass in the
car, San Quentin Tarantina.
1938
01:17:12,540 --> 01:17:13,933
They gonna have your ass
right back up in here.
1939
01:17:13,933 --> 01:17:16,153
[birds chirping]
1940
01:17:17,241 --> 01:17:19,112
[instrumental music]
1941
01:17:19,112 --> 01:17:22,115
The end.
1942
01:17:22,115 --> 01:17:25,118
Ooh, Joy, this is fabulous.
1943
01:17:25,118 --> 01:17:27,947
Fool, this might be
the best thing I ever done.
1944
01:17:27,947 --> 01:17:32,822
Written by Taylor Pherry,
my P is silent.
1945
01:17:34,998 --> 01:17:37,827
Hey! Wha-- wha-- what the...
No, no, no, no!
1946
01:17:38,566 --> 01:17:40,960
No, no!
1947
01:17:40,960 --> 01:17:43,354
Let me tell you, computers
ain't like your stories, man.
1948
01:17:43,354 --> 01:17:46,313
- They need backup.
- Oh, please.
1949
01:17:46,313 --> 01:17:49,577
Stop praying, bitch.
He ain't gonna help you now.
1950
01:17:49,577 --> 01:17:50,883
What the...
1951
01:17:50,883 --> 01:17:53,886
[chuckles] It's like life.
1952
01:17:53,886 --> 01:17:55,758
The devil's in the details.
1953
01:17:55,758 --> 01:17:57,063
God: Says you.
1954
01:17:58,717 --> 01:18:01,111
Oh, man. [laughs]
1955
01:18:01,111 --> 01:18:03,766
[gasps]
1956
01:18:05,550 --> 01:18:08,379
I thought you-- you
weren't happy with my work?
1957
01:18:08,379 --> 01:18:10,511
God: Your work
is pure joy, son.
1958
01:18:10,511 --> 01:18:14,254
It's probably best to say that
you were divinely inspired.
1959
01:18:14,254 --> 01:18:15,560
I was, wasn't I?
1960
01:18:15,560 --> 01:18:17,083
God: It's time to
go worship, son.
1961
01:18:18,432 --> 01:18:21,740
Yes, Lord. Yes, Lord.
1962
01:18:21,740 --> 01:18:24,787
[instrumental music]
1963
01:18:24,787 --> 01:18:27,267
Pastor: What we're here
to do today is...
1964
01:18:29,400 --> 01:18:31,184
give it up to the Lord.
[chuckles]
1965
01:18:31,184 --> 01:18:33,186
Amen.
1966
01:18:33,186 --> 01:18:34,927
All of our plans?
1967
01:18:34,927 --> 01:18:37,495
We give it up to the Lord.
1968
01:18:37,495 --> 01:18:38,670
Pastor: All of our ideas?
1969
01:18:38,670 --> 01:18:40,803
Uh-huh, uh-huh!
1970
01:18:40,803 --> 01:18:42,892
We giving it up to
the Lord. You hear me?
1971
01:18:42,892 --> 01:18:44,154
- Lord!
- Hallelujah!
1972
01:18:44,154 --> 01:18:45,372
- Amen!
- Mercy. Mercy!
1973
01:18:45,372 --> 01:18:47,113
- Yes, Pastor!
- Yes.
1974
01:18:47,113 --> 01:18:51,596
Listen, now. All our wishes,
we give it up to the Lord.
1975
01:18:51,596 --> 01:18:53,163
- Up to the Lord.
- Yes!
1976
01:18:53,163 --> 01:18:54,773
- Hallelujah!
- That's right, that's right!
1977
01:18:54,773 --> 01:18:58,559
- Hallelu!
- And all of our money...
1978
01:18:58,559 --> 01:19:00,518
- Yes, yes.
- Yes--
1979
01:19:00,518 --> 01:19:01,824
You give it to me.
1980
01:19:01,824 --> 01:19:02,955
- To the...
- What?
1981
01:19:02,955 --> 01:19:04,652
[indistinct chatter]
1982
01:19:04,652 --> 01:19:06,219
- Are you with me?
- No, no, no.
1983
01:19:06,219 --> 01:19:07,612
That ain't gon' be it.
1984
01:19:07,612 --> 01:19:09,266
I thought we was giving
it up to the Lord.
1985
01:19:09,266 --> 01:19:11,268
No, thank you. Hallelujah?
1986
01:19:11,268 --> 01:19:13,792
[instrumental music]
1987
01:19:13,792 --> 01:19:15,272
MaDude: Helluurr!
1988
01:19:26,718 --> 01:19:29,939
No, Miss Celie.
Moe: Oh, Lord, have mercy.
1989
01:19:29,939 --> 01:19:31,331
The one day I come
to church, look at this.
1990
01:19:31,331 --> 01:19:34,508
The devil showed up.
1991
01:19:34,508 --> 01:19:37,511
♪ I've been sinning,
I've been sinning ♪
1992
01:19:37,511 --> 01:19:39,209
Think I done gone blind
for two seconds.
1993
01:19:39,209 --> 01:19:41,428
♪ I'm a heathen when
the devil get up in me ♪
1994
01:19:41,428 --> 01:19:42,429
♪ I've been thinking ♪
1995
01:19:42,429 --> 01:19:43,996
She going to hell.
1996
01:19:43,996 --> 01:19:45,650
- She going to hell hell.
- Like real hell.
1997
01:19:45,650 --> 01:19:48,044
♪ Moe got lice,
Moe got lice ♪
1998
01:19:48,044 --> 01:19:49,741
♪ All these Christians
in my face ♪
1999
01:19:49,741 --> 01:19:51,874
♪ And I'm feeling kind
of like a criminal ♪
2000
01:19:51,874 --> 01:19:53,440
♪ But that's okay ♪
2001
01:19:53,440 --> 01:19:56,008
She's shaking, she's shaking
her ass in church.
2002
01:19:56,008 --> 01:19:58,271
♪ Where that boy who got
that hair I don't like it? ♪
2003
01:19:58,271 --> 01:19:59,620
Thank you for my Pilates class.
2004
01:19:59,620 --> 01:20:02,449
♪ There he is, good day ♪
2005
01:20:02,449 --> 01:20:05,801
♪ And tight, yeah, and
I'mma go on, go on, go on ♪
2006
01:20:05,801 --> 01:20:08,499
Jesus, I wasn't supposed to come
to church today. That's...
2007
01:20:08,499 --> 01:20:11,807
Hi. Oh, ey, ey!
Come on, Pastor.
2008
01:20:11,807 --> 01:20:12,895
MaDude, you 'bout
to catch on fire.
2009
01:20:12,895 --> 01:20:14,331
Oh, Lord.
2010
01:20:14,331 --> 01:20:15,680
♪ Keep your eyes
off my fattie, Pastor ♪
2011
01:20:15,680 --> 01:20:17,900
♪ I don't want you no more ♪
2012
01:20:17,900 --> 01:20:21,512
No, no, no. Hey, hey.
Hallelujah.
2013
01:20:21,512 --> 01:20:23,427
MaDude: Oh, they
got chicken at church.
2014
01:20:23,427 --> 01:20:25,211
If I had known that
I'd have been here months ago.
2015
01:20:25,211 --> 01:20:28,432
Hey, hey, must be
Church's Chicken.
2016
01:20:28,432 --> 01:20:30,521
Whoo! Moe got lice, y'all.
2017
01:20:30,521 --> 01:20:32,436
Killed 12 Clydesdales
for them boots.
2018
01:20:32,436 --> 01:20:36,440
Go ahead. Pastor on, carry on.
Praise and praise, do it up.
2019
01:20:36,440 --> 01:20:40,531
Mm,, Come on, Pastor.
Go 'head, preach.
2020
01:20:40,531 --> 01:20:42,272
Pastor: Ladies and gentlemen,
we got a special guest.
2021
01:20:43,534 --> 01:20:46,450
[applause]
2022
01:20:48,582 --> 01:20:51,716
- Taylor Pherry?
- Me?
2023
01:20:51,716 --> 01:20:54,284
It's your day to lead us
in prayer. Get on up here.
2024
01:20:54,284 --> 01:20:58,070
- Alright, alright!
- Get on up there, baby.
2025
01:20:58,070 --> 01:21:01,247
Alright. Thank you, thank you.
2026
01:21:01,247 --> 01:21:04,033
Huh! Ooh, I'm so nervous.
2027
01:21:04,033 --> 01:21:05,034
First, giving honor
to God and...
2028
01:21:05,034 --> 01:21:06,644
Amen.
2029
01:21:06,644 --> 01:21:08,559
And the congregation,
I just wanna say,
2030
01:21:08,559 --> 01:21:10,039
put your hands together.
2031
01:21:10,039 --> 01:21:12,084
[upbeat song]
2032
01:21:12,084 --> 01:21:13,390
Yes!
2033
01:21:14,782 --> 01:21:16,349
I wrote a movie, y'all.
2034
01:21:16,349 --> 01:21:18,047
Y'all wanna sing a song
or something for me?
2035
01:21:18,047 --> 01:21:20,136
♪ Can he do everything? ♪
2036
01:21:20,136 --> 01:21:21,485
Hey!
2037
01:21:21,485 --> 01:21:23,139
♪ Can he do everything? ♪
2038
01:21:23,139 --> 01:21:27,752
♪ Can he do everything?
Can he do everything? ♪
2039
01:21:27,752 --> 01:21:35,716
♪ Can he do everything? ♪
2040
01:21:35,716 --> 01:21:38,502
Taylor: 'Cause I can,
I can, I can!
2041
01:21:38,502 --> 01:21:42,158
Come on, Hoprah. Come on,
Hoprah. Hoprah, Hoprah, Hoprah!
2042
01:21:42,158 --> 01:21:49,687
♪ Can he do everything? ♪
2043
01:21:49,687 --> 01:21:50,731
Get out the way!
2044
01:21:52,385 --> 01:21:56,650
Where's my successor?
2045
01:21:56,650 --> 01:21:59,349
♪ Can he do everything? ♪
2046
01:21:59,349 --> 01:22:04,310
I crown, Taylor Pherry,
the new me.
2047
01:22:07,009 --> 01:22:10,099
And with me, thy will all come.
2048
01:22:12,840 --> 01:22:17,236
I wrote a movie
"Inspired by God,"
2049
01:22:17,236 --> 01:22:19,412
and it's coming out soon,
2050
01:22:19,412 --> 01:22:23,112
and each of you is gonna get
a movie premiere ticket!
2051
01:22:23,112 --> 01:22:25,331
[cheering]
2052
01:22:25,331 --> 01:22:28,160
And you get a ticket!
And you get a ticket!
2053
01:22:28,160 --> 01:22:30,554
And you getting a ticket.
Don't think I forgot about you!
2054
01:22:30,554 --> 01:22:32,817
You getting a ticket.
2055
01:22:32,817 --> 01:22:35,037
Y'all getting tickets!
2056
01:22:35,037 --> 01:22:37,213
You getting a ticket!
2057
01:22:37,213 --> 01:22:39,476
Taylor: And that is my story.
2058
01:22:39,476 --> 01:22:41,304
The story of how I became
2059
01:22:41,304 --> 01:22:44,046
the world-famous writer,
director, actor, producer,
2060
01:22:44,046 --> 01:22:46,962
lawyer, doctor, handyman,
plumber, mover, shaker,
2061
01:22:46,962 --> 01:22:49,921
Grossmates delivery driver
you now know and love.
2062
01:22:49,921 --> 01:22:52,228
And I'll make sure
you also get a ticket
2063
01:22:52,228 --> 01:22:53,620
to my next church movie.
2064
01:22:53,620 --> 01:22:55,405
Coming to a theater near you.
2065
01:22:55,405 --> 01:22:57,494
♪ Can he do everything? ♪
2066
01:22:57,494 --> 01:22:59,409
Today was a God's Day.
2067
01:22:59,409 --> 01:23:02,064
[engine whirring]
2068
01:23:02,064 --> 01:23:04,588
God: Won't I do it?
Won't I do it?
2069
01:23:04,588 --> 01:23:08,766
♪ Thank you Lord ♪
2070
01:23:08,766 --> 01:23:11,812
♪ For all you've done ♪
2071
01:23:11,812 --> 01:23:14,859
♪ For all you've done for me ♪
2072
01:23:14,859 --> 01:23:16,687
♪ Come on, ya ♪
2073
01:23:16,687 --> 01:23:18,428
♪ Thank you, thank you
Thank you, I thank you Lord ♪
2074
01:23:18,428 --> 01:23:20,604
♪ Yes, you are so good,
you took me off the streets ♪
2075
01:23:20,604 --> 01:23:22,432
♪ Yes, there's no ghetto
here in Hollywood ♪
2076
01:23:22,432 --> 01:23:24,216
♪ You said this be the light
I know you're right ♪
2077
01:23:24,216 --> 01:23:25,957
♪ With you I know I could ♪
2078
01:23:25,957 --> 01:23:28,090
♪ Turn to your neighbor
and said, yeah, God is good ♪
2079
01:23:28,090 --> 01:23:29,656
♪ Folks won't go to church ♪
2080
01:23:29,656 --> 01:23:31,049
♪ But they'll name
their daughters Faith ♪
2081
01:23:31,049 --> 01:23:32,529
♪ Just to walk around
the house ♪
2082
01:23:32,529 --> 01:23:34,487
♪ and then say
they walk by faith ♪
2083
01:23:34,487 --> 01:23:37,186
♪ Let me make this statement
I'm thankful, so grateful ♪
2084
01:23:37,186 --> 01:23:40,015
♪ Turn pain into a wonderful
life 'cause God is able ♪
2085
01:23:40,015 --> 01:23:42,452
♪ I'm grateful ♪
2086
01:23:42,452 --> 01:23:45,455
♪ So grateful ♪
2087
01:23:45,455 --> 01:23:48,849
♪ I'm grateful ♪
♪ Come on, y'all ♪
2088
01:23:48,849 --> 01:23:52,331
♪ For all you've done for me ♪
2089
01:23:52,331 --> 01:23:56,509
♪ Thank you Lord ♪
2090
01:23:56,509 --> 01:23:58,642
♪ For all you've done ♪
2091
01:23:58,642 --> 01:24:02,298
♪ Ladies and gentlemen ♪
♪ For all you've done for me ♪
2092
01:24:02,298 --> 01:24:08,478
♪ Put your hands together ♪
♪ Thank you Lord ♪
2093
01:24:08,478 --> 01:24:11,350
♪ You've been so good ♪
2094
01:24:11,350 --> 01:24:16,399
♪ You've been so good to me ♪
♪ Come on ♪
2095
01:24:16,399 --> 01:24:19,445
♪ I was down, I was lost,
I was broken ♪
2096
01:24:19,445 --> 01:24:22,405
♪ When you called out my name
said I was chosen ♪
2097
01:24:22,405 --> 01:24:25,495
♪ Brand new life I found
You turned it all around ♪
2098
01:24:25,495 --> 01:24:28,280
♪ Now I'm singing hallelujah
'cause you saved me ♪
2099
01:24:28,280 --> 01:24:31,327
♪ I left my past in the past
I'm a changed man ♪
2100
01:24:31,327 --> 01:24:34,286
♪ So much joy that I have
I'm renewed, man ♪
2101
01:24:34,286 --> 01:24:37,159
♪ 'Cause you broke the chains
that were binding me ♪
2102
01:24:37,159 --> 01:24:39,465
♪ Now I'm free, I'm free
I'm free ♪
2103
01:24:39,465 --> 01:24:41,076
♪ I'm grateful ♪
2104
01:24:41,076 --> 01:24:42,555
♪ Yes, I am, yes, I am ♪
2105
01:24:42,555 --> 01:24:43,991
♪ So grateful ♪
2106
01:24:43,991 --> 01:24:45,297
♪ So ♪
2107
01:24:45,297 --> 01:24:47,082
♪ I'm grateful ♪
2108
01:24:47,082 --> 01:24:48,909
♪ For all, for all, for all ♪
2109
01:24:48,909 --> 01:24:51,869
♪ For all you've done for me ♪
2110
01:24:51,869 --> 01:24:55,264
♪ Thank you Lord ♪
2111
01:24:55,264 --> 01:24:58,093
♪ If you're thankful ♪
♪ For all you've done ♪
2112
01:24:58,093 --> 01:25:02,009
♪ Make some noise ♪
♪ For all you've done for me ♪
2113
01:25:02,009 --> 01:25:08,103
♪ 'Cause he's been too good ♪
♪ Thank you Lord ♪
2114
01:25:08,103 --> 01:25:11,193
♪ You've been so good ♪
♪ Yes, He has ♪
2115
01:25:11,193 --> 01:25:16,111
♪ You've been so good to me ♪
♪ Come on, come on, yo ♪
2116
01:25:16,111 --> 01:25:19,026
♪ Thank God, you're good,
we here, we can ♪
2117
01:25:19,026 --> 01:25:22,029
♪ Live in Christ,
you omnipotent ♪
2118
01:25:22,029 --> 01:25:24,423
♪ You been so good,
this gonna be our year ♪
2119
01:25:24,423 --> 01:25:28,079
♪ Let the world see you dance,
the party's over here ♪
2120
01:25:28,079 --> 01:25:30,342
♪ I thank you God
I thank you much ♪
2121
01:25:30,342 --> 01:25:33,128
♪ We got our power back
and now we can't be touched ♪
2122
01:25:33,128 --> 01:25:36,479
♪ It's amazing what you done,
thank you for your son ♪
2123
01:25:36,479 --> 01:25:39,612
♪ I'm grateful I gotta get
these words off my tongue ♪
2124
01:25:39,612 --> 01:25:45,488
♪ Thank you Lord ♪
♪ For all you've done ♪
2125
01:25:45,488 --> 01:25:49,056
♪ For all you've done ♪
♪ For all you've done for me ♪
2126
01:25:49,056 --> 01:25:51,537
♪ For all you've done for me ♪
2127
01:25:51,537 --> 01:25:54,845
♪ Thank you Lord ♪
2128
01:25:54,845 --> 01:25:57,761
♪ Sing it out ♪
♪ You've been so good ♪
2129
01:25:57,761 --> 01:26:01,678
♪ So good ♪
♪ You've been so good to me ♪
2130
01:26:01,678 --> 01:26:03,984
♪ Oh, thank you Jesus ♪
2131
01:26:03,984 --> 01:26:05,160
♪ Whoo! ♪
2132
01:26:07,858 --> 01:26:09,729
♪ Judge said half ♪
2133
01:26:09,729 --> 01:26:11,035
♪ Yes, she did ♪
2134
01:26:11,035 --> 01:26:12,602
♪ Judge said half ♪
2135
01:26:12,602 --> 01:26:14,125
♪ Yes, she did ♪
2136
01:26:14,125 --> 01:26:15,648
♪ Judge said half ♪
2137
01:26:15,648 --> 01:26:17,302
♪ Yes, she did, yes ♪
2138
01:26:17,302 --> 01:26:19,739
♪ Judge said half ♪
2139
01:26:21,263 --> 01:26:22,742
♪ Judge said half ♪
2140
01:26:22,742 --> 01:26:24,266
♪ Not one percent but half ♪
2141
01:26:24,266 --> 01:26:25,832
♪ Judge said half ♪
2142
01:26:25,832 --> 01:26:27,443
♪ Not two percent but half ♪
2143
01:26:27,443 --> 01:26:28,922
♪ Judge said half ♪
2144
01:26:28,922 --> 01:26:30,446
♪ Cut it all in half ♪
2145
01:26:30,446 --> 01:26:33,579
♪ Judge said half ♪
♪ Come on ♪
2146
01:26:33,579 --> 01:26:46,070
♪ Judge said half ♪
♪ Judge said half ♪
2147
01:26:46,070 --> 01:26:49,116
♪ Judge said half ♪
♪ Fifty percent ♪
2148
01:26:49,116 --> 01:26:51,380
♪ Judge said half ♪
2149
01:26:51,380 --> 01:26:52,729
♪ Cut it all in half ♪
2150
01:26:52,729 --> 01:26:55,993
♪ Judge said half ♪
2151
01:26:55,993 --> 01:26:58,952
[song continues]
2152
01:27:45,347 --> 01:27:48,263
[mellow song]
2153
01:28:11,024 --> 01:28:17,379
♪ Oh, Lord, I'll trust in you ♪
2154
01:28:17,379 --> 01:28:22,297
♪ Oh, Lord, I'll trust you ♪
2155
01:28:23,950 --> 01:28:30,087
♪ Oh, Lord, I'll trust in you ♪
2156
01:28:30,087 --> 01:28:35,135
♪ Oh, Lord, I'll trust you ♪
2157
01:28:35,135 --> 01:28:38,095
[song continues]
2158
01:29:04,121 --> 01:29:10,519
♪ Oh, Lord, I'll trust in you ♪
2159
01:29:10,519 --> 01:29:14,914
♪ Oh, Lord, I'll trust you ♪
2160
01:29:16,916 --> 01:29:23,314
♪ Oh, Lord, I'll trust in you ♪
2161
01:29:23,314 --> 01:29:28,667
♪ Oh, Lord, I'll trust you ♪
2162
01:29:28,667 --> 01:29:31,583
[song continues]
2163
01:29:58,741 --> 01:30:01,613
[song continues]
2164
01:30:28,771 --> 01:30:31,643
[song continues]