I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
You're free Wednesday.
Listen, it's not even a word.
Not really.
Okay, sure.
Free for dinner Wednesday?
There's a new place near me, Montana's.
It's very good.
Yeah, the food is trendy, but it's super gourmet.
No, I have an engagement Wednesday.
Okay, huh.
Wednesday too.
People don't really call them engagements.
Do I tell you how to speak?
Yes.
The fact remains.
The engagement? That's right.
Huh?
Oh, oh my God!
Jesus, Mary Ann, don't call me nerd sex.
Yes, I am going tonight.
Very sex.
Hi, Sukey.
Who?
Here? Yes, there.
Oh, no one's here babe.
I was just masturbating.
Uh-huh.
Me-me time.
Let me turn the video down.
No.
What?
No.
No what, Carla?
You're not wearing that.
I just came from work. I came from Toledo. I don't dress like it.
Is Jamie here?
Okay, like, keep the coat on, take the shirt off underneath.
And pull out my breasts.
I'm not here to puddle my breasts.
Why else would you leave? To socialize.
Oh, girls!
All I'm here lately is Y2K.
Y2K!
But Jamie does a nine-shot competition of $19.
99 here at Sugar and Spice.
And Jamie is the last one to put herself in for himself.
So, firstly... You.
It's okay.
Don't put that woman in front of a crowd like a microphone.
She likes to entertain.
She gets this reinforcement.
Do you know when she's fucking?
I don't know that she's seeing anyone.
She's seeing you, of course.
She's a free spirit. I admire her.
Freak.
It's not fair to see you.
I've had it with love.
I know bars and troubadours are high on it,
but I don't believe it's relevant to the
modern 20 and soon-to-be 21st century lesbian.
Just here, it's with a piece of blood.
Just right here is when he gets ya.
Mm-hmm.
I've got your plan, my friend.
Gilphum helped me move my shit out of Sydney tomorrow.
I'm not getting a middle of that. I have my own problems.
What problems? Internal.
Yes. I don't know how else to put it.
Problems with what they feel internally.
How can you have internal problems?
You know, giraffe-hole broke dope.
I'm not certain, honey-darling, that you have ever reached deep inside any orifice
to scoop out your soul
and fling it shamelessly in a fellow human being
and humiliate yourself
and grubble and weep and feel your ego
completely disintegrate, otherwise known as the Gloria of...
Please tell me about the key.
Now, my plan is...
You come help me back, and then...
I can't even believe you tell.
What? I am too. That was my plan.
Where are you going?
Tallahassee, Florida.
Why would anybody go to Tallahassee, Florida?
They had Ella's sleep, Sarah.
Can't shame them.
Tallahassee is very nice.
It's not glitzy and gross like Miami.
It has live oak and Spanish moss.
Me and Aunt Ella's go to the St. Mark's Wildlife Preserve.
There's good birding.
Birding?
How have I missed out on this?
It's very pleasant.
So you just came up with this wild hair in your ass to burr.
I've been happy, and I'm starting to snap at people at work,
and it's not fair to them.
I'm only impatient with myself.
Well, we can fix that.
We'll have you run around in no time.
That's why we take this trip together, honey-babe.
We get our shit together, together.
See, I was going to take some time off, get a drive away,
just go pop up anywhere.
Now, you can come with me, and we can go to Tallahassee and burr.
Subtitle made by Master_Blaster for https://subscene.com/
Ooh!
Yeah!
What's a drive away?
Pretty well away, Riddle.
You'd live in the car to wherever someone find that a drive away company wants it
if they got one going near your destination.
I don't know what you'll like, NLS.
Are you kidding? A birder?
I don't wear my great big old straw hat,
and she is going to L-O-V-E. Love me.
You know how parents and social love me.
I think I got charisma.
Oh, Marianne, who's your lo-facious friend?
I just love that chatty little girl, isn't she something? I'm not sure.
I find no problem here.
This is going to be F-U-N-N fun, girl.
Just come help me move my stuff out of the cookie store.
Don't worry, she's not even going to be there.
Oh, God, Jesus! Oh, God!
Don't! What are you doing?
I don't want it anymore!
Who essentially would it be?
Suki, I'm just taking my own stuff.
That was a gift. I wanted you to have it.
I don't want it, and we're not going to both use it.
Suki, it's your little dildo.
Oh, no, no, Noah.
Take that one still. I never liked her.
She won't stop working!
How can I take the dog, Suki? I don't have a home.
Remember? You kicked me out.
Take out and take the whole house out.
It's your door, Noah, Susanna.
Curly's Drive-Away, Pennsylvania's most trusted name in car delivery.
Curly speaking.
Okay, it's going to Tallahassee.
Uh-huh. Tallahassee, Florida.
Yeah, you have something to write this down.
Yes, I'm writing it down.
Right.
Tallahassee.
Sorry.
Right, got it.
Get in your bus.
We'll be there by the end of day tomorrow.
By tomorrow? No later.
Uh-huh.
Okay.
Over and out.
Can you help us? We need a drive-away.
Two hundred and fifty dollars deposit in the reference.
Revers.
It's what it'll look like when he breaks his balls.
Don't show up when you're supposed to.
His balls.
Can the reference be a woman?
We don't know a woman.
Okay.
What do you want to know?
Tallahassee? Tallahassee.
What's wrong with Tallahassee? It's very nice.
There's Spanish law saying live over here.
Don't call me Curly.
And your name, huh?
My name is Curly. We just met. It's too familiar.
Have you ever been to Tallahassee?
No, I've got good sense.
Your car is a Dodge Airy's.
Oh.
Okay.
Is that a good car? Not really.
You still know the trips?
There's also a place here in Wellington.
Fantastic, that part. The Butterchurn.
And this place, Levi's Barbecue in Charleston.
Memphis-style barbecue. Really good.
Everyone goes to Tullyburg.
What do you mean?
It's a straight shot to Tallahassee.
Down and across.
Right. Here's the world's largest Dixie Cup outside of Mission, Georgia.
Direct route. Down and across.
We don't need to see the world's largest Dixie Cup.
We don't need to enjoy life.
But as long as we're here, the world's largest Dixie Cup is not life.
It's a straight shot.
On the interstate.
Down and across.
Interstate is not life.
It is more than the world's largest Dixie Cup.
You're the one that went into a bargain.
That's nature.
What's a die car? That's not nature?
You better Dixie Cup. You can make an argument.
He said it was a rush job. We're supposed to have the car there tomorrow.
Tomorrow can be a day.
We can't even go to Lincoln.
But he needs a high heels.
Little doctor or a reverend.
Yeah, no, we don't have a discount for Medi-God, no.
No, not for medical doctors either.
Make every mind which are you.
It doesn't matter. We have no discounts.
Our everyday low prices are already rock bottom.
Thank you for calling Curly's.
Welcome to Curly's driveway.
Well... We're here.
Okay.
Who are you? The car.
The car.
The Dodge Aries.
What are you, a minor bird?
Curly, I understand that.
You are not the Dodge.
What do you mean?
We're not the Dodge.
What's the big deal?
The car isn't ours.
But it's ours.
And the car is ours.
Don't tell Hassey.
Once we get to Tallahassee, it stops being art and starts being vandalism.
Okay, for sake, Mary, it'll come off with a little soap and water.
It won't.
Well, what?
Come off with soap and water.
Well, how do you know? I tried.
Mary, it's art.
Stop saying it's art.
That doesn't end all discussion.
We're going to be driving through some conservative towns.
The South?
The Bible Belt?
Oh, don't I know it.
Honey, I grew up where the Bible Belt means the ass crack of the Pecos River.
Fort Worth is nowhere near the Pecos River.
That's Pecos.
Honey, darling.
The car art is just a part of a larger undertaking.
My project.
What's your project?
Loosening you up so we can get you late, sure, sweetie.
How long's it been? Wait.
Once?
Oh, my God, Mary, and don't tell me it's been years.
How many years?
Who was it?
You've had sex since what's your name, haven't you? Donna.
Yeah, Donna.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God, Donna?
She wouldn't have forgotten Gornium.
Neither.
That's right.
She just looks like Gornium.
Wait a minute.
You said people of yours would come in for it.
Yes, I did.
You call with the drop-off in Tallahassee.
And then these broads come in and say they're ready to go to Tallahassee.
You gave them the car.
You don't know who they were?
I told you their names.
Their names, yes.
The places have come.
They drive the car instead of you.
Is that bad?
Bad, if they find the goods.
What's the pigsty? Why don't you get a girl away? I like clutter.
They didn't have a cellular film.
The girl doesn't work for me.
He asked you a question, dick-enk.
Dick-enk? Flint.
I'm a dick-enk.
Don't antagonize.
We're talking to a book that would cement.
You wouldn't know what cemented would beat you in the ass.
And you would?
So, there's no way to get in contact with them? Not per se.
Per se?
They left a local number.
Everybody's got to leave a local number.
Someone who's bald is afraid.
Now you've got to do it.
Ah!
Suzanne Shachel now, 2431, with Garnet.
You better hope your friends deliver that car.
This is great.
This is so slutty.
I don't love this.
Don't they have postcards?
Jamie?
Alright, let's put on our war paint and the butter turn away.
Jamie, I think I prefer to-
Nope, don't even come with me.
I'll show you how this is done.
Hiya.
Do you know where the butter turn is?
That car?
Or do you have like a timeout Wellington?
I mean, is there one with gay lesbian lesbians?
You wouldn't have one.
But do you know if there's a newsstand
or a lesbian bookstore?
You know, it's at the corner or something like that.
Hello? Confidence.
You've got so big of a comfortable and physical.
It's kind of like meeting somebody at a now convention
when you're talking about just making a little picture of me.
Jamie?
I have done this before.
It's just like this.
One message.
You stay in a female body.
Your body.
You're like this.
Not like this.
Let's just make a little picture of me.
I have done this before.
I am not a school lawyer.
You fuck people that work for Ralph Nade.
Not only.
Only in the last four years.
Three years.
What do you feel in your body? Very much so.
I got you.
Good weeks, good day.
Like you'll do?
Please, please, come hold me, baby.
You seem totally okay.
Are there any other mediocre ones like you at all?
I didn't say they all tweedy or curse about fine.
Yeah, but not in the sense of super fine.
In the sense of fine.
Why are you jousting with me?
I'm not jousting.
I'm asking which of these women you are not throwing against the wall.
You fuck black ladies, don't worry.
Look, gentlemen.
I'm not a throw-up against the wall and fuck the daylights out of a kind of person.
Stop trying to make me something I'm not.
I'm just trying to eat you late, you're sweet.
They sense it.
Whether you want to fuck them or he's either a spy or not.
It has to be me.
It has to be done with authenticity.
You mean with a board?
I mean with authenticity.
Authenticity is somebody that works for her out there.
You don't know what her life was like.
You know nothing about its worth.
Then why didn't the two of you move to Santa Fe and synchronize her Mitchell cycles?
That didn't happen.
That's why you're here.
In the back bar, looking for a cheap, sleazy sex.
No, I'm not.
This is not me.
You're right, I can't do this.
No, Mary.
I'm sorry, honey girl.
I'm saying you can do this.
You can do this.
You can beat you.
I promise, honey girl.
You're best still.
Jamie, I know you're well intentioned, but this really isn't right for me.
You should stay and enjoy your night on the town.
Hello.
Good evening.
I'm Amber.
Marion.
What'd you read in?
Europeans by Henry James.
Wow, thick one.
Hello, Marion.
Hello.
So, is this gonna be a threesome? Nope.
No, no.
Oh, okay, rats.
Wow.
Bouncy.
How's your book?
It's about two free spirits who visit a repressed family in New England.
Ah, hello.
They are all repressed in New England.
That is why we are going the other way.
Although there was this one chick I screamed once on her page here.
She got her tongue so far in me, I swore it was gonna wriggle out my asshole.
No, I'm not kidding.
They say that there's advanced yoga people in India supposedly.
You can do that.
Black dots and cunnilingus.
They can even cunniling themselves.
They got pictures of it in like medical texts.
They got an ass librarian that'll keep me in stacks.
Who wrote your book? Henry James.
Henry James.
American writer.
His family, his brother, kid.
Great.
No, kid.
Hello, who Henry James is.
White and uptight.
I had his read Portrait of a Lady in School.
Boy, that was a great read.
Somebody dragging the day-old spaghetti across my tits.
Very absolutely.
His prose is a different thing.
Yeah, put me on the whole book thing.
Henry James is in fact the reason that I don't read.
Uh-huh.
Several times.
Uh-huh, yeah, I don't think you should have brought one back to the room.
I mean, this one's coming.
How do you think I felt?
You told me to have a night on the table.
Yeah, people say things.
It's not always what they feel.
Yeah, well, I'm from Texas.
We don't read minds.
We all wear it on a handshake basis.
What does that mean?
Hiya, how you doing?
How much for that Cali court?
How'd you like to have one of your sex? Okay.
Where are you from, girl? Not Texas.
Oh, no way.
Why'd you ask? I don't know.
Sorry.
No.
I'm sorry.
Why are you sorry? You're good.
I'm a little.
..
I'm a big baby sometimes.
Uncle G knows!
You are not going to believe this.
It's your parent.
You and G soccer team.
Uh-huh.
I was in line next to Doreen, the captain.
Uh-huh.
They're very committed to lesbians, and they're on their way to marry Dr.
Woodrow, which is practically along our way.
Not exactly.
We were supposed to leave the car today.
Should we look at the map and see how long?
Look at the map.
After today's game, these girls are going to have a basement army.
And excuse me about it.
Sure you are.
Nuh-uh.
Us.
You see, the shit happens when you and Uncle G knows.
Go!
That's all right.
We've got a plan B.
Yes, sir.
I understand that, sir.
You've got my word on it.
You're just...
Rotate, right?
Can't we, um, see?
Actually, we're just friends.
Cool, Mary.
It's no big deal.
Suzanne Schinkelman?
Suzanne Schinkelman.
Who the fuck are you?
I was wondering why they curse like that.
You know Jamie Dobbs?
No, it was about that.
And Mary Bellamy?
You shouldn't do that.
He can't fight back.
He can't hit a girl.
He's old school.
You just want to locate your friends.
They inadvertently took something that belongs to us.
We don't want to hurt anyone.
They're not like friends for as much as you would.
Okay.
It would be helpful if you had a picture.
Picture? Picture, yeah.
Got a picture of one of them.
You find them? Give it to her.
Okay.
We'll do.
Oh.
If you bring someone back, just...
I'll take my book to you, please.
There's still a couple of chapters left.
Mary!
We don't yet know exactly where they are, they've got a picture of one of the girls.
We're all set.
And we will find them in the package.
Under control.
I understand that you're an happy sir.
I've got my two best men on.
Alright.
Get some coffee.
You two are going to be driving all night.
Fuck.
Where are you headed, miss? Home.
And where's that?
It's a motel, I don't know.
You don't know?
I can't remember the name.
A motel, on the highway.
And where are you coming from? A house.
Whose house?
I don't know, it was a slumber party.
A little old for slumber parties, aren't you miss? Look, mister.
You know what?
I'm going to drop you off at home.
Boo!
Yeah!
Boo!
Where the fuck?
Boo!
Boo! Boo! Hands up.
Want to get plaster?
I'll drive when it's my turn.
At the end of three hours, I have no sympathy for you, my friend.
You could have just asked her and you'd be fine right now.
I just asked, she answered.
But you cannot relate to the public, which in a
service profession is a big fucking hand again.
And that sound is beginning to get irritating.
Well your lectures are getting irritating.
I don't lecture, my friend.
That's my point.
I take people in.
I react.
I read people to get what I want.
You, though, you think life is this orderly series of people to beat the shit out of.
Well, real life is not like that.
You only see it that way because you're not nourished by human contact.
The human being give and take, and so forth.
Uh-uh.
You want me to take it.
That's what you're comfortable with.
You hate man shit.
You don't engage the whole person.
You did a great job helping me engage that very agile party.
Didn't have to.
No need whatsoever for the physical approach, which you
couldn't see because you don't savor the stuff of life.
I'm not a sissy, boy. That's what you mean.
Kiss my ass. I...
Hello?
Okay, we're on track.
Marion Polavi was picked up for a personal appointment.
On it.
Thank you.
For what?
Just picking me up.
Am I not gonna pick you up? Or not to.
Ma'am, your friend here is in the new scout here to come get her.
I'm gonna get you all day every day.
I will not let a friend of mine rot in prison longer than is absolutely necessary.
And so I say thank you.
Of course, you ain't told me how you come to be in prison.
I've been careful not to ask, but damn, Marion.
Lending yourself in prison is a very hopeful sign for you.
I think it was jail, not prison.
Oh, I'm sorry.
You ain't told me how you come to be in jail.
It wasn't hell raising. Sorry to disappoint.
A police man didn't like my tone.
Oh?
You cop some attitude.
I don't have attitude.
Marion, if I may, there are certain things in life which
you've got to sense and understand in order to live life.
And one of the things that you've got to understand is...
Well, all these funny little creatures that you
probably noticed walking around on two legs,
what you call them human beings,
you've got to understand what makes them tick.
And your whole social situation, you've got to understand what that is.
Uh-huh.
You know what that means?
Social situation.
I know what social situation means.
Okay, good.
So, the whole thing with a cop is, and you should remember this with each reference,
when you're in a social situation with a cop,
there ain't no social situation.
There's a keep your fucking mouth shut situation.
There's a yes sir situation is what there is.
Believe me, I've been dating a cop for two years
now, and I ain't coming through my bowl all year.
Thank you, I understand.
But if authority is being abused, there's an obligation to... Holy shit.
Florida.
Lesbian, don't let the sun go down on you here.
You okay? Spare tired.
What?
Something burning?
Jamie, it's cold.
Don't touch it.
I saw this movie once where they come across this box, the people in the movie,
and they opened the box, and it was like really, really bad.
Your traffic accident, fast stop, his face hit the wheel.
Looking at a pretty girl, weren't you Flint?
No more looking at pretty girls for you, right? That's right.
So, are they like wanted or something? Oh no, no.
No, they're not in trouble at all.
Just drove off with something we need, didn't even know they had it.
So, what were you all doing here last night?
Just making out.
Oh yeah? With who?
No kiss and tell, huh?
Anyway, we need to find those girls to get our sample case back.
And when we heard Doreen here, paid Marion's fine.
We thought, well, you girls might know where they're headed.
How do you know about it's being Doreen's check?
We have contacts on law enforcement.
No, no. We should just call the cops.
We will, Jamie. First, we should see what's in here.
Why? I don't want to look. Why do I have to look? Jamie, listen.
Whoever sliced that head off knows who we are.
This might tell us who they are, so we won't be at a disadvantage.
The police can buy now, and the police can protect us.
Protect us? They're not the Secret Service, and we're not Chelsea Clinton.
What do we lose by looking?
Look, I just want to know what's going on.
This might tell us.
I bet it's locked.
We ought to call the cops.
Why? That was awful.
You just said not to call the cops.
In ignorance.
No. What is it was true?
The cops could think you're involved.
You just banned that in jail.
From bankruptcy.
We wouldn't have anything to do with that.
Okay, honey, cool your jets. Here's what we do.
First, we get to tell a hasty.
How about next time you let me do all the talking? Sure.
Yes, that's what you're good at.
Well, it sure as hell ain't what you're good at.
I'm not a suck-up or a salesman.
Uh-huh. You think you would have gotten the address where they're headed?
I don't think so, Mr. Sunshine.
We've got some hard driving to do.
Bye!
Welcome to Okan education order.
Yeah, hi. We have a room for two right away.
Uh, we do have one available, yes.
How many nights?
Well, tonight and then we'll play it by ear.
Take the rainbow car? Um, sure we do.
Yes, actually, that's just a Visa specialty card.
Yeah, but they give a percentage of each purchase
to gay, lesbian, black, transgender, and charity.
You do that right.
Well, the issue would be the one to take that.
Do you have a super-reinforced safe with sensitive materials?
We do have in-room safes for any valuables that you may have.
This place is lesbian-friendly, right? Uh, yes.
Well, sure. We're friendly to anyone who wants to stay.
You have ice.
This is it.
It's at farm road 80.
What's the matter?
Afraid of this stuff alive?
It's at farm road 80.
Is this, um, slappies?
Guys, you out?
Have you seen two, um, non-local women come in here?
That's one of them.
I don't see any lessons you'll kill from a company here about it.
One girl come in here.
She'll be the main high upmost.
I'm ready to let you come in here and tell her Visa.
Now, that's two.
You know a little bit about your wife.
Oh, I can send Zippy.
Why would these people just be waiting there in the driveway office?
Well, clearly this was not your garden variety decapitation.
This was some kind of a, well, I don't know
what it was, but they know we have this thus.
Yeah?
Look, Mary, they can't find us.
Maybe they're waiting for us to find them.
That's the only place we know to call.
But why would we get in touch with them?
Set it back, shake them down, which, incidentally, is not such a bad idea.
Jamie.
Look, I didn't admit extortion.
Jamie, why would Suzanne help us? She hates you.
Oh, she's had two days to cool off.
Get the fuck back in that locker.
Officer Krasig said I could speak to my attorney.
Attorney, are you a college boy?
Officer Krasig said I could speak to my lawyer.
Officer Krasig ain't running booking.
I'm running booking, jackass.
You say... You want me to walk over there with a kid?
You're never running ass back into the Delaware fucking river.
Who's running booking? You are.
Who is? You are.
No fucking shit! Shane.
Yeah? Elbow.
Sergeant Shinkleman.
Hey, it's me.
Oh, what a lovely surprise.
Cynthia, come on now.
Let's be friends.
Did the two creeps find you?
What?
Two weirdos looking for you.
I tried to be helpful.
But who were they?
How should I know?
Bill collectors, herpes patients.
Two more people you fucked over somehow.
George and Lenny?
George and Lenny.
A licensee?
Have you read any books?
Books, maybe not.
But, sweetie, I'm going to help you break a big murder case.
Break a big murder case?
Curly's pregnant?
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Turn that around.
Ask him about the what and he's how she feels?
Jamie, that is about the dumbest thing I've ever heard.
And I'm a cop.
Why would I make it up?
Just go to Curly's driveway.
I guarantee you someone's there.
You guarantee I'm supposed to believe you.
Fine, you know what?
If no one's there, take Alice.
Really?
Swear? Yes, I swear.
A pussy bromance.
I'll take the dog.
You'll never have to be over there again.
That juke joint, where?
Wetunka, Alabama.
Well, outside of Wetunka, they hadn't been there,
but a very personable music lover told us of another juke joint,
fairly close by, called this... Ah! Called Ikes.
Maybe it's Ikes? It might crash.
But whatever, I think the soccer team was just confused
about which joint these girls were going to.
So we're going to draw... Stop saying words.
One of the girls finally used a credit card.
They arrived in Tallahassee and checked into a hotel called Elk and Keystone Door.
Tallahassee, I want you to get your asses over there
and take care of it, right away.
Not a juke joint.
You should arrive there early morning.
I'll meet you there.
Um, a level with you, Chief.
Flint and me could use a little shut-eye.
We have not slouched since the night before last and we...
Hello? Chief.
Who's in Tallahassee? Certainly.
There are a number of places I can recommend locally or right here at the hotel.
We have espadrilles for casual dining
or we have Baxter's by the pool,
which is our more elegant venue down in the lower level.
Maybe we should stay here.
I wonder if the ice...
This is great, but...
Ladies, sir, are we enjoying the beverage this evening?
Yes.
Uh, can we get some champagne, please?
Like a really, really good one? Of course.
Won't you have to pay for the card at some point?
Yeah, right away.
So...
I've been thinking about it and... finally dawned on me that
you are not the kind of person that a girl brings to her roadside motel for a quiz.
Now, I have heard of a more soulful sex
where you have a nice dinner and conversation
first so it all comes out of someplace deeper,
but I usually have stuff to do.
There is with Billipope 95.
You mean, you want to sleep with me?
Marion, you've got to have a good, skinny look.
Something I decided last night while I was lying in bed
before I started masturbating, and I figure if it's more than me,
I should take care of it myself.
Especially since with you,
it's got to be with somebody who cares for you.
Can't just be a finger jiggling your Clinton adios.
Thank you.
My pleasure.
Yes, please.
But... is it a good idea for us to have sex?
I mean, we're good friends, and maybe it's not supposed to be more than that.
Maybe we shouldn't have screwed on yet.
Look... you can always find reasons to not have sex.
Hey, if you think about them too much, guess what?
You never have sex.
Exactly.
Like, my high school dad was counseling.
She was always saying that this or that would be inappropriate.
But when I finally got her to relax...
the sexual was great.
The ladies will be decided.
Don't rush us, buddy.
First... we'll dance.
Maybe I do...
overthink things.
Yeah.
If I keep that friendly, I just let that mind fly.
There's this one time I was with Debbie.
I was like,
you know Debbie.
She's got this humongous dildo.
She's got the mountain mountain on the Black and Acres circular sanders.
And... she had me going.
Like, my brains were going to come out of the top of my friggin' skull.
I mean, I came like the Grand Burlington motherfucker.
Like... One accomplishment.
Name me one.
At least how many are in a dealing with people?
Those girls wound you up like they tap.
Flint!
Have you ever fucked a woman?
On a creaking porch swing?
On a warm summer evening?
Crickets?
So forth?
I mean, just fuck turn like there's no tomorrow.
Trousers are on your ankles,
belt jangling,
yelling to beat the band, slamming away like a Cincinnati jackhammer.
Yes, people might stroll by,
so you look at foolish up there, slapping ham on the veranda.
But that is the price you pay for interaction.
If this is too messy for you,
then you will spend the rest of your miserable fucking life
just hitting people and then pulling your measly little pod.
Can't wait to tell a chief.
Yeah?
And why don't you also tell him that you're a social fucking imbecile
that I've been carrying on my back all the way from Philadelphia? Big piece.
Why would anybody say it clearly? Yes, sir.
Do you have any? I have.
I didn't have it.
Are you... ? No.
Is that good?
Jamie, no!
Jamie, why?
Oh!
Oh, my God!
Mary!
Sir?
Tell Hassey, sir.
Where to exactly? Ah, yes, um.
..
The track.
The boat track? Yes, sir.
Those penises were trouble, Jamie.
Oh, come on.
I thought you were going to loosen up.
You're going to work your way through all of them?
No. I like this one.
Oh, come on. Don't be mad.
Last night was beautiful, but
you fell asleep and I didn't get my turn on the water slide.
You know what I'm saying?
Okay! Alright!
Hey, Mom!
We're number two!
Good thing!
We're going that thing fucking more off from you!
We're here for two items.
Whoa. She's noticed.
Alright, no big deal. Just mini-lady.
We're here for two items? Yeah.
This, please, and thank you.
And the heads up.
Fuck you! Don't you fucking let her in.
Alright, ladies. Okay, hold on.
Leave it back to you.
Come on. Go, man.
Okay? Let's get this show on the road.
You're such a big, bouncy, beautiful baby.
Love doesn't have to die, baby.
Whoa.
This is so pretty.
Yeah?
I can love you forever.
Whoa.
And ever.
Get straight here.
I haven't debriefed it, Chief.
Figured you wanted to do the talking.
This is all they had.
What's all they had? Ladies.
You're a day late.
And a dick short.
What are you talking about?
This senator's penis is not in the case.
Nothing. Well, it just figures.
Come on, girls.
Where's the last phallus?
You didn't check the case before you left.
I... He's been stepping on his feet the whole week down, Chief.
What have you done? Sure, come on.
The guy just ran this guy's head putting stuff in.
Then gave me the combination and it still took you 15 minutes.
You didn't have the first number.
The senator is a good man.
He spoke marijuana once in college.
And he was dead.
It was a different time.
He went to a party and met a hippie chick.
Tiffany Blastercaster.
How do you mean?
She took a plaster cast of his excited...
She made one model of each of her.
Old men.
At the time, the senator didn't know that
someday he'd be called on to serve his community,
his state, and perhaps someday...
his nation.
He was just a kid.
His penis... passed from hand to hand,
finally ended up with an international collector named Alejandro Santos Yolandor.
You saw him.
Sort of.
This penis cannot be of a piece of merchandise.
Think of it.
eBay, Senator Kerry channels ding-dong, lightly used.
Comments, reviews.
Think of what it would do to him.
His children, his friends, his career.
We're not unreasonable.
We'll gladly pay for it.
We just... No, you mean that!
That wasn't my idea!
I was just trying to keep us awake.
I was experimenting.
But you liked it.
I did.
It was the Irish copy.
I was drunk.
Drunk, I can't.
No!
It's not my thing.
I was just trying to help you be a man to understand the light.
No!
The stuff!
No, no!
No!
What are you doing?
Alright, we have to get back to the hotel and grab the penis out of bed.
Then, we switch hotels.
You grab the penis, I'll meet you in the hotel.
Okay, Malala and Turner.
I'll check in under the name, Abzug.
Where are you going? Our store.
Thanks, customer, please.
Shinkleman, we're going to Tallahassee.
Don't ask my line.
I need to speak to the Senator.
Well, who should I say is calling?
Someone who has his... personal effects.
Yes.
Who is this?
Somebody who wants a million dollars.
You can get it by tonight.
You can have your thing back.
Everybody's thanks.
I'll tell you where to bring the money.
Come alone.
If you're not alone,
believe me, I'll know it.
Someone named Jamie Dolls made a phone call from here last night.
Oh, yes.
Well, this is for her.
Oh, I'm sorry, miss.
You missed them.
Her friend just checked them out.
Done.
With what? Tell you later.
I'm going to clean up.
Want to join me? Jamie? I want.
..
I...
I want...
What do you want, Shirley?
I want to make love with the Senator's penis.
Who are you?
Mind if we sit down?
We didn't deserve this.
This commodification.
These are all good people.
Important people, too.
Some of them.
There's the head of one of the bigger Fortune 500 companies.
The owner of a large market football team.
The Supreme Court Justice.
You, little people,
didn't make yourselves something that was never meant for you.
Trafficking in other people's attainments.
Senator, save the safety money.
And hand over the million smackers.
I used to believe in the unfettered free market.
Who's head, Senator?
Don't get lofty with me.
Women.
Did we do the wrong thing?
What if he's the next president?
You girls are cute.
My friends and me are having a little basement party later.
You want a joint? Not tonight.
Sookie? There you are.
Someone's got crackhead phone call now.
What? What do you mean?
How'd you know I'd be here?
Tell me Dyckbar's out there in Tallahassee.
What, are you an executive now?
Did they make you the president of Little Miss Lyre Band's name?
Oh, this? No, I just...
We thought they didn't know where we were, but somehow they did,
and this morning they put us in the back of a Toyota Tercel
and took us to the dog track, and I'm sure they were gonna kill
us, but lucky for us, they left the most important penis behind.
Wow.
You had a full day.
She's yours now.
Hang on.
This doesn't look good.
What's she chasing? Yeah.
We forgot to tell you about the small guy's head in the hat box.
Boy, I think I could win against him.
But now we get to just keep on going.
Who's gonna complain when we leave the car?
Things could not have worked out better.
Well, I guess.
What's wrong?
I am fully aware that the senator is a terrible person,
but I have to admit, I'll miss us.
Don't worry, girl.
I'm a guest.
And two puppies.
Great, but why two? For each other.
Ladies and visitors here.
Can we get our car? You know.
Hers and hers.
And Ellis.
Oh, hello, darling.
She's your eighth, Anna.
And we've done better in church.
Watch what she sees. She's very religious.
So good to see you.
This is my friend Jamie.
Hi, you young lady.
Is this your first time in Tallahassee? Yes, ma'am.
And what a beautiful city.
Not like Miami.
Oh, no, no.
Not like Miami.
You able to stay with us long?
No, unfortunately I am.
We're off to Massachusetts.
Just decided last night.
But where do they have in Massachusetts that we don't have right now?
Miami and North Florida.
Women can get married there.
To each other.
That's an innovation.