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Downloaded from
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Official YIFY movies site:
YTS.MX
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(WIND GUSTING)
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NIKENYA HALL: Let's just take
one more breath in, one more breath in.
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And one more breath out.
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Now, whenever you're ready.
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Open your eyes.
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What brings you here today?
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There's a case of a patient,
of a girl.
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- She was 10 years old.
- HALL: Mm.
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And I'm just wondering
if there's...
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She's been in my mind
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for literally 20 years,
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- because I was 30 when I took care of her...
- HALL: Mm-hmm.
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...and I'm 50 now, so...
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It was the day
before I turned 30,
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is when she came in.
She was shot in the head.
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It was
a drive-by shooting, and...
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It was the first time I saw,
you know, a pediatric gunshot wound.
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I was a young doctor.
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I was just starting.
I think it was my second year or third year.
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It was very early in my career.
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- HALL: Fresh? Yeah.
- Yes.
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And, you know, she was...
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She was dead on arrival.
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I mean, it was...
When you get a shot in the head, it's...
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And, you know,
I literally was holding
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her brain matter in my hands.
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You know,
I had to go tell the parents
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that their 10-year-old was shot.
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She was actually coming out of
church, holding her mother's hand
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when she was shot. And...
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And their response
was complete and utter silence.
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There was no crying,
there was no screaming,
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there was
no chest pounding, nothing.
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And...
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You know, everybody
in the emergency department,
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after it was all said and done,
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they didn't say anything
to each other.
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We didn't...
You know, my attending
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didn't say, you know,
"Are you okay?
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"It was really
emotionally challen...
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- "You know, hard case."
- HALL: Yeah.
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- No nurse, no... Nobody.
- HALL: Yeah.
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And so I went out into
the ambulance bay, and I just
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cried
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for, like, probably a minute.
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And then I was like, "Oh,
my gosh, I've got to go back
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"and see the next patient."
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And so that has always been
in my brain.
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It's like... That is something
that, in medicine,
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we just don't do well,
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or at all, which is teach
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our younger doctors
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- how to see that, handle it...
- HALL: Yeah.
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...experience it,
let it flow through you.
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Instead, I buried it.
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You know, I shut it down
because I had to see the next patient.
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So, um...
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I guess, my question is,
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how is she?
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I feel like I'm at
a crossroads in my career.
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I think, post-pandemic...
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You know, I'm a mom,
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so I've really put that
on the back burner.
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And I feel like the time is ripe
for some kind of change,
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but I'm not sure...
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There are many paths,
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and I'm not sure which one
I should be taking.
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I don't think there's something
that large that's troubling me.
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I think just existential
pressure is troubling. (CHUCKLES)
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(HUMMING)
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♪ Financially
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- ♪ What would be good for me? ♪
- (EUGENE GRYGO LAUGHING)
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What will I regret
on my deathbed?
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I just want to know if
she can see if I am going to have hens.
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- PHOEBE HOFFMAN: If you're gonna have what?
- Hens, chickens.
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As climate change takes hold,
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the world is gonna change
in such a way
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that I'm gonna need
to be prepared to adapt,
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and I'm not really sure
what my future looks like
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ten years out, you know,
because of that.
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Could you answer,
like, any questions
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that relate to the past at all?
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Because I know,
like, clairvoyants...
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PER ERIK BORJA:
I'll try my best.
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...like, mostly focus
on the future.
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Is that correct?
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- BORJA: Uh, both. Past,
present and future, yeah. -Oh, okay.
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Um, I kind of just want to know
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what my birth parents are like
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and the circumstances
that led to my adoption.
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- BORJA: Okay.
- I think the timeline of my adoption
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- matches up with the one-child policy.
- BORJA: Mm-hmm.
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Because I was born in 2001.
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- So, yeah, if you could clarify that for me.
- BORJA: Okay.
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All right.
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So, one thing I forgot to
ask you in the beginning is,
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for clairvoyant readings,
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I always ask the client,
like, even if it's...
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Even if what I see
is not positive...
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- Mm-hmm.
- ...and sometimes it can be hurtful,
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do you still want to hear it?
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- Yeah, I think so.
- Okay.
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(SIGHS)
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Mm.
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Mm.
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There's something about shrimp
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(LAUGHING) that Spirit
is showing me.
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Yeah. Shrimp's
my favorite thing...
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- Okay.
- ...in, like, the world.
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(LAUGHING) Okay.
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Growing up, shrimp
was my number one thing.
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Like, I even... One year,
I made a bet with someone
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where I ate shrimp 365 days.
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Oh, my God.
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- Are you serious? (LAUGHS)
- Yeah.
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I had to find new ways to
cook it and eat it, and everything.
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(BOTH LAUGH)
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That is incredible. Um...
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Hmm.
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Is there something important
in April for you or the family?
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For me, personally,
April is my father.
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- Oh, okay.
- And that's my main question,
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- is if he's there in spirit...
- Yeah.
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...or has any message
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- he would like to share with me.
- Okay.
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Let's see
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what he comes through with.
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He keeps showing a tutu
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- for some reason.
- A tutu?
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- A tutu. Does anyone do ballet...
- (LAUGHS)
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...or dress as a ballet dancer?
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That's my daughter's
favorite book.
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- Oh.
- We read it to her...
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- It's called Tutu?
- Yeah, I Love My Tutu.
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I Love My Tutu Too!
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"Two tutus, three tutus.
We need more tutus.
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- "The tutu dance." It's like...
- (LAUGHS)
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- ...tutu too many times at night...
- Oh, my gosh.
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- ...every night.
- Isn't that funny?
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- Okay.
- Okay.
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Just please know
that's his way of, again,
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validating his presence
around her.
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Okay.
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And seeing you
nurture this child
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makes him really happy.
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- Okay.
- Okay?
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Would you have any siblings?
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I used to have.
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Okay.
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Let me see if we can pass
the baton to your brother.
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- Okay.
- Um...
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Hmm.
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Now, I feel like I'm looking
at someone younger.
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- Um, were you quite young...
- Yeah.
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- ...when he passed?
- Yeah.
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- Okay.
- Very young.
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But he would have been
older than you?
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- Yes.
- Okay.
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And the passing would have been quite sudden?
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- Yes.
- Okay.
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And would you understand
that would have been also a violent passing?
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- Yes.
- Okay.
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I feel, for him, he just...
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There's a quickness to it
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that I think feels important.
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That there was not
a lot of suffering.
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- Okay.
- Does that make sense to you?
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(CRYING)
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I think he just makes it...
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He makes me feel
like it's important
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for you to know
that it felt quick.
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Just take your time.
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- Thank you.
- Yeah.
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HALL: And take your time,
and whenever you are ready,
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go ahead and open your eyes.
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- Mm.
- (SIGHS) Hmm.
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Okay. Okay.
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What... Hmm-hmm. Grandma's here.
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That doesn't surprise me.
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Okay, because
she's like, "Party,"
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and pulling up a chair.
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She's like, "Okay,
so let's have a discussion."
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- (LAUGHS)
- She's like, "Let's chat.
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"Thank you for inviting me." So she's here.
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- And we'll get to her.
- Mm-hmm.
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What questions
do you have today?
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What shall we call on the spirit
and talk about?
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(SIGHS) Ooh. Um, eee...
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Out of all the things,
the biggest concern
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that I have is the relationship
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between my mother and I.
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And then just my future
with my husband.
195
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- That's, like, the main question.
- Yeah.
196
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'Cause Grandma wanted
to talk about husband.
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Mm. (LAUGHS)
198
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And a lot of words
she wants to say about that.
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She wants the world for you.
200
00:12:04,191 --> 00:12:05,158
Mm.
201
00:12:06,460 --> 00:12:08,728
And why him?
202
00:12:08,728 --> 00:12:10,197
She's being very clear
about that.
203
00:12:11,898 --> 00:12:12,833
And you knew this.
204
00:12:18,105 --> 00:12:21,074
Mm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
205
00:12:29,983 --> 00:12:31,318
- You and Mom.
- Mm.
206
00:12:31,985 --> 00:12:32,953
Yeah.
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00:12:33,854 --> 00:12:34,788
Um...
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You'll arrive at the place of,
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"This is just my mom."
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And sometimes,
everyone don't get it right, that title.
211
00:12:59,146 --> 00:13:00,914
Yeah.
212
00:13:00,914 --> 00:13:03,483
Yeah, yeah. Sometimes...
Sometimes, they just don't get it right.
213
00:13:06,219 --> 00:13:08,522
It's not that she's not trying.
214
00:13:08,522 --> 00:13:10,991
She can't get it right.
She can't get it right.
215
00:13:12,025 --> 00:13:14,528
And it is no reflection of you.
216
00:13:17,430 --> 00:13:18,365
She gotta work it out.
217
00:13:20,267 --> 00:13:21,201
You
218
00:13:22,502 --> 00:13:24,104
can't carry that
no more, though.
219
00:13:26,039 --> 00:13:27,007
You can't carry it.
220
00:13:32,546 --> 00:13:33,513
(WOMAN MURMURS)
221
00:13:36,216 --> 00:13:37,317
(WOMAN BREATHES DEEPLY)
222
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Okay, so I'm really
feeling compelled
223
00:13:42,822 --> 00:13:44,157
to bring in your animal.
224
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So, what I need to know
is the name,
225
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the gender, the type of animal,
226
00:13:50,130 --> 00:13:51,932
and if they're alive
or passed away.
227
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- Her name was Dottie.
- D-O-T-T-I-E?
228
00:13:56,369 --> 00:13:57,337
- Yes.
- Okay.
229
00:13:58,605 --> 00:14:01,241
And she's a girl, she's a dog,
230
00:14:01,241 --> 00:14:05,111
and she's a Boston Terrier.
She's smart.
231
00:14:05,845 --> 00:14:07,380
Is she alive or passed away?
232
00:14:07,380 --> 00:14:10,850
- She's very much alive.
- Dottie.
233
00:14:10,850 --> 00:14:13,086
What do you want to ask Dottie?
234
00:14:13,086 --> 00:14:15,088
She's an A-plus girl.
235
00:14:15,088 --> 00:14:18,325
She's terrific, but...
236
00:14:18,325 --> 00:14:20,527
I mean, she's outgoing,
she's gregarious.
237
00:14:22,128 --> 00:14:24,130
She hooks me
into the world, you know.
238
00:14:24,130 --> 00:14:28,101
She loves everybody
all the time.
239
00:14:28,101 --> 00:14:29,035
She's exuberant.
240
00:14:30,503 --> 00:14:32,405
But she hates
to walk on a leash.
241
00:14:35,008 --> 00:14:37,077
All I want her to do
242
00:14:37,077 --> 00:14:40,247
is walk on a loose leash.
243
00:14:40,247 --> 00:14:42,082
It sounds ridiculous.
244
00:14:42,082 --> 00:14:44,451
I'm so grateful, though,
tell you about it, because it's...
245
00:14:45,585 --> 00:14:48,321
It's a bruising.
246
00:14:48,321 --> 00:14:52,225
Every time we go out,
I feel wounded.
247
00:14:52,225 --> 00:14:56,196
It's stupid for me
to take it so hard,
248
00:14:56,196 --> 00:14:57,497
but I do.
249
00:14:57,497 --> 00:14:59,065
Okay, so I'm going
to just ask her
250
00:14:59,065 --> 00:15:02,035
about why she's so defiant
when she's on a leash.
251
00:15:03,670 --> 00:15:04,904
(SIGHS)
252
00:15:20,320 --> 00:15:23,423
Okay, so, Dottie's saying
253
00:15:23,423 --> 00:15:26,926
there's a lot of anxiety
about it for both of you.
254
00:15:26,926 --> 00:15:28,295
It's like a war every time.
255
00:15:28,295 --> 00:15:30,063
- It's a battle.
- Every time.
256
00:15:30,063 --> 00:15:32,365
She's saying if there wasn't
257
00:15:32,365 --> 00:15:35,268
so much attention
put on it working,
258
00:15:36,303 --> 00:15:38,271
maybe that's the key sometimes.
259
00:15:38,271 --> 00:15:42,275
Kind of changing your mindset
around this whole issue could really help.
260
00:15:42,275 --> 00:15:44,678
I have noticed that this...
261
00:15:44,678 --> 00:15:47,047
Later in the walk,
things do get better.
262
00:15:47,047 --> 00:15:48,348
I just think about...
263
00:15:49,282 --> 00:15:51,184
I imagine living
in Provence, for one.
264
00:15:51,184 --> 00:15:54,054
- That's like my dream. (CHUCKLES)
- Bingo.
265
00:15:54,054 --> 00:15:56,623
- The wine, and the cheese, and the atmosphere.
- The bread.
266
00:15:56,623 --> 00:15:58,124
- The bread.
- And there's lavender.
267
00:15:58,124 --> 00:15:59,659
- And then she calms down.
- Yeah.
268
00:15:59,659 --> 00:16:03,096
Once your thinking
isn't on fighting with her,
269
00:16:03,096 --> 00:16:05,065
and you're dreaming
about Provence,
270
00:16:05,065 --> 00:16:06,299
she's walking.
271
00:16:06,299 --> 00:16:07,634
Yeah, she's walking
on the leash,
272
00:16:07,634 --> 00:16:09,469
and it's right there
and that's nice.
273
00:16:11,071 --> 00:16:13,206
You know, I feel terrible
when I get mad at her
274
00:16:13,206 --> 00:16:15,508
because it's, um...
275
00:16:15,508 --> 00:16:20,213
She's such a terrific beast
on the... Everything else.
276
00:16:22,282 --> 00:16:24,517
The deeper thing here is that
277
00:16:24,517 --> 00:16:28,121
I felt it was, like, personal,
you know.
278
00:16:28,121 --> 00:16:30,590
Her not wanting
to walk with me was...
279
00:16:30,590 --> 00:16:33,526
It seemed like she loved
everybody she met, total strangers.
280
00:16:34,260 --> 00:16:35,328
But...
281
00:16:37,263 --> 00:16:38,264
But me, I don't know.
282
00:16:42,469 --> 00:16:43,436
She loves me, right?
283
00:16:51,378 --> 00:16:54,047
When you first kind of sat down,
284
00:16:56,416 --> 00:16:59,686
(STAMMERS) I get
a female energy.
285
00:17:03,590 --> 00:17:06,359
Definitely feels like
maybe grandmother, or...
286
00:17:06,359 --> 00:17:07,727
Definitely feels
like a grandmother.
287
00:17:07,727 --> 00:17:09,295
Hmm. Both of mine are living.
288
00:17:11,197 --> 00:17:12,165
Okay.
289
00:17:13,600 --> 00:17:14,667
She definitely has white hair.
290
00:17:17,437 --> 00:17:19,072
This is gonna sound
really strange,
291
00:17:21,040 --> 00:17:24,144
but I feel a physical similarity
292
00:17:24,144 --> 00:17:27,046
to the actress
who played Lieutenant Uhura
293
00:17:27,046 --> 00:17:29,048
on the original Star Trek.
294
00:17:29,048 --> 00:17:31,151
Or I feel like that there was...
295
00:17:31,151 --> 00:17:32,752
She was inspired
by that character
296
00:17:32,752 --> 00:17:33,720
- or something like that.
- Huh.
297
00:17:35,555 --> 00:17:38,324
- With William Shatner? Where they...
- Yeah.
298
00:17:38,324 --> 00:17:40,794
And it's bringing her in.
So she must have...
299
00:17:40,794 --> 00:17:42,195
It must have inspired her.
300
00:17:43,797 --> 00:17:47,200
- I feel like it's an older female energy...
- Mm-hmm.
301
00:17:47,200 --> 00:17:48,168
...watching over you.
302
00:17:50,103 --> 00:17:52,639
Okay, and she's showing me
a man's chest.
303
00:17:52,639 --> 00:17:55,275
And I think that kind of means many things,
304
00:17:55,275 --> 00:17:57,310
like sensuality,
but also male strength,
305
00:17:57,310 --> 00:17:59,078
- male energy.
- Mm.
306
00:17:59,078 --> 00:18:01,748
I did recently come out
as genderqueer...
307
00:18:01,748 --> 00:18:03,349
- Mm-hmm.
- ...so, I mean...
308
00:18:03,349 --> 00:18:05,785
- She's, "Whoo-hoo!" She's...
- (LAUGHS)
309
00:18:05,785 --> 00:18:08,154
She's really happy
about that. Good.
310
00:18:08,154 --> 00:18:10,590
Really? Aww. (GRUNTING) Yes!
311
00:18:10,590 --> 00:18:12,325
No, I'm definitely feeling it.
312
00:18:12,325 --> 00:18:14,394
She's like,
"Yes, yes, yes, yes."
313
00:18:14,394 --> 00:18:17,197
Yeah, there's... There's support on her part.
314
00:18:26,673 --> 00:18:30,477
So, the question was
why you were relinquished?
315
00:18:30,477 --> 00:18:33,746
Yeah. And then maybe if
you could provide some details
316
00:18:33,746 --> 00:18:36,115
- about what my birth parents were like.
- Okay.
317
00:18:36,115 --> 00:18:37,283
- Like, personalities.
- Yeah.
318
00:18:38,852 --> 00:18:40,119
(WRITING)
319
00:18:49,696 --> 00:18:51,865
Okay, so,
with your birth mother,
320
00:18:51,865 --> 00:18:55,602
- I do get that she has a temper.
- Mm-hmm.
321
00:18:56,636 --> 00:18:57,837
And I am picking up,
322
00:18:57,837 --> 00:18:59,906
like, a sense of greediness, if I'm honest.
323
00:19:03,276 --> 00:19:04,878
And now, let's go
to the birth father.
324
00:19:16,489 --> 00:19:18,658
All right.
So, with your birth father...
325
00:19:19,359 --> 00:19:20,460
Okay.
326
00:19:21,361 --> 00:19:22,829
I get that he was
a player. (CHUCKLES)
327
00:19:22,829 --> 00:19:24,364
- Mm.
- I think that he was a player.
328
00:19:26,699 --> 00:19:28,668
Besides like,
being a player, though,
329
00:19:28,668 --> 00:19:30,737
like, in terms of personality,
330
00:19:30,737 --> 00:19:34,674
I get that he was sincere.
331
00:19:34,674 --> 00:19:35,642
Mm-hmm.
332
00:19:37,510 --> 00:19:38,945
What else
would you like to know?
333
00:19:38,945 --> 00:19:41,481
Yeah, I have so many
follow-up questions from that.
334
00:19:41,481 --> 00:19:43,416
Yeah.
335
00:19:43,416 --> 00:19:45,818
Do they miss me?
Like, how are they doing now?
336
00:19:45,818 --> 00:19:48,421
And do they regret giving me up?
337
00:19:48,421 --> 00:19:49,389
Okay.
338
00:20:04,804 --> 00:20:08,341
I feel like your birth mother
still thinks about you,
339
00:20:08,341 --> 00:20:11,244
but it's like
a very distant memory.
340
00:20:12,912 --> 00:20:17,617
Like, I haven't seen
my grandmother in years,
341
00:20:17,617 --> 00:20:22,589
but I still have
some very vague memories.
342
00:20:22,589 --> 00:20:25,291
Like, there are certain things I can remember.
343
00:20:25,291 --> 00:20:27,694
So, it's kind of like that
with your birth mother.
344
00:20:33,566 --> 00:20:36,669
Interestingly enough,
I was adopted, too.
345
00:20:36,669 --> 00:20:37,604
Oh, really?
346
00:20:39,839 --> 00:20:41,240
Yeah.
347
00:20:41,240 --> 00:20:43,343
And were you adopted
by white parents?
348
00:20:43,343 --> 00:20:44,877
- Mm-hmm.
- Oh.
349
00:20:44,877 --> 00:20:47,814
Yeah, I always wondered
how my life would be different
350
00:20:48,581 --> 00:20:50,016
were my parents.
351
00:20:50,016 --> 00:20:51,951
- A different race...
- Oh, it would be very different.
352
00:20:52,418 --> 00:20:53,753
Yeah.
353
00:20:53,753 --> 00:20:56,522
The ones who are
adopted by parents of the same race,
354
00:20:56,522 --> 00:20:58,825
they usually have less trauma.
355
00:20:58,825 --> 00:20:59,892
Mm.
356
00:20:59,892 --> 00:21:01,728
Yeah, I can see that.
357
00:21:49,475 --> 00:21:51,978
All right, so here we have me
358
00:21:51,978 --> 00:21:55,615
when I was, I don't know,
maybe six years old.
359
00:21:55,615 --> 00:21:56,582
It's hard to tell.
360
00:21:57,517 --> 00:21:58,584
And that was my...
361
00:21:58,584 --> 00:22:01,320
That gigantic orange cat
was my buddy.
362
00:22:01,320 --> 00:22:02,855
My buddy Pumpkin.
363
00:22:02,855 --> 00:22:04,457
Now he's in kitty heaven.
364
00:22:05,892 --> 00:22:07,827
{\an8}Mr. MacDuffy is my current cat.
365
00:22:08,561 --> 00:22:09,796
{\an8}He was a rescue,
366
00:22:09,796 --> 00:22:12,565
{\an8}and I just feel like it was
kind of meant to be
367
00:22:12,565 --> 00:22:15,635
{\an8}because he was the oldest cat
in the rescue shelter,
368
00:22:15,635 --> 00:22:18,571
{\an8}and we have the same birthday, October 5th.
369
00:22:18,571 --> 00:22:20,106
{\an8}And so then, I just adopted him.
370
00:22:21,107 --> 00:22:24,343
And then... Oh, let's see.
371
00:22:24,343 --> 00:22:26,913
So this is my high school
graduation picture.
372
00:22:26,913 --> 00:22:28,948
A lot of times people ask me,
373
00:22:28,948 --> 00:22:30,850
"When did you know
you were adopted?"
374
00:22:30,850 --> 00:22:33,119
And I'm like, um, "Always."
375
00:22:33,119 --> 00:22:34,687
My parents are white.
376
00:22:34,687 --> 00:22:37,423
How could I not know
that I was different, you know?
377
00:22:41,561 --> 00:22:42,462
(MR. MACDUFFY MEOWS)
378
00:22:44,997 --> 00:22:46,699
Five or six years ago
379
00:22:46,699 --> 00:22:49,769
is when the paranormal
experiences started.
380
00:22:49,769 --> 00:22:51,571
I was sleeping in this room,
381
00:22:51,571 --> 00:22:54,474
and I would just hear running
down the hall, like...
382
00:22:56,008 --> 00:22:58,945
Like, so quickly, and then this door would open.
383
00:23:00,079 --> 00:23:03,082
I would hear, like, opening
and slamming like that.
384
00:23:07,487 --> 00:23:11,057
I'd start having, like,
more and more paranormal experiences.
385
00:23:11,057 --> 00:23:13,593
My ears would start ringing.
386
00:23:13,593 --> 00:23:16,395
The hair on the back
of my neck would come up.
387
00:23:18,030 --> 00:23:21,434
I knew things about people
that I shouldn't know,
388
00:23:21,434 --> 00:23:23,469
and I thought I was going crazy.
389
00:23:24,704 --> 00:23:27,073
So I just googled
psychic schools
390
00:23:27,073 --> 00:23:28,541
in New York City,
391
00:23:28,541 --> 00:23:30,643
and then I started taking
psychic classes.
392
00:23:59,672 --> 00:24:01,174
"Think about the possibilities.
393
00:24:01,174 --> 00:24:04,043
"Just think about them.
A whole new world, a whole new life.
394
00:24:04,043 --> 00:24:06,012
"We'll have so much freedom.
We can be anything we want."
395
00:24:08,848 --> 00:24:11,217
"Listen, I don't know
what the hell is going on here,
396
00:24:11,217 --> 00:24:12,185
"and I don't like it."
397
00:24:13,953 --> 00:24:15,121
"The trip is ruined!"
398
00:24:17,857 --> 00:24:19,192
"You're a handsome man,
Wang Yung."
399
00:24:20,560 --> 00:24:21,494
"Yes.
400
00:24:23,095 --> 00:24:25,164
"You will look like him.
401
00:24:25,164 --> 00:24:26,599
"Give it some time
and you'll see."
402
00:24:29,702 --> 00:24:34,507
My dream was to be an actor, and it still is.
403
00:24:34,507 --> 00:24:37,910
But besides Jackie Chan
and Jet Li,
404
00:24:37,910 --> 00:24:40,680
there were
no Asian actors on TV,
405
00:24:40,680 --> 00:24:42,748
so I felt
like it wasn't possible.
406
00:24:46,085 --> 00:24:49,121
I do have
the occasional acting gig.
407
00:24:49,121 --> 00:24:52,725
But it just so happened
that with the psychic work,
408
00:24:52,725 --> 00:24:55,595
it was something that I just
started picking up more easily.
409
00:24:58,698 --> 00:25:00,833
So are you ready to begin?
410
00:25:00,833 --> 00:25:02,869
- WOMAN: Sure.
- All right, so please close your eyes.
411
00:25:08,040 --> 00:25:09,008
Hello.
412
00:25:11,510 --> 00:25:14,780
I've lived here since 1999.
413
00:25:14,780 --> 00:25:15,982
Because of the rent
stabilization,
414
00:25:15,982 --> 00:25:18,017
I've been able
to survive in New York
415
00:25:18,017 --> 00:25:21,988
and do my... (CLEARS THROAT)
And do my creative work.
416
00:25:21,988 --> 00:25:25,858
I work on plays,
TV scripts, movie scripts.
417
00:25:26,759 --> 00:25:28,160
That all happens here.
418
00:25:30,162 --> 00:25:32,231
This needs to be cleaned.
No. So, I guess...
419
00:25:32,231 --> 00:25:34,634
Do you have to go
in the kitchen? Oh, God.
420
00:25:34,634 --> 00:25:36,168
Uh... (HUMMING)
421
00:25:36,168 --> 00:25:37,937
(LAUGHS NERVOUSLY)
422
00:25:37,937 --> 00:25:39,672
LANA WILSON: What's this room?
423
00:25:39,672 --> 00:25:41,574
That's... That's...
Let's not film there.
424
00:25:41,574 --> 00:25:44,777
That's the bedroom. That's where
everything was shoved. So... (LAUGHS)
425
00:25:44,777 --> 00:25:46,312
So, that's...
426
00:25:46,312 --> 00:25:49,782
You know, it's the love palace.
The empty love palace.
427
00:25:49,782 --> 00:25:51,083
And I have...
428
00:25:51,083 --> 00:25:52,919
If you can squeeze
into the bathroom.
429
00:25:54,053 --> 00:25:56,022
Hi, Jack. How you doing?
430
00:25:56,022 --> 00:25:57,857
Little upset? (LAUGHS)
431
00:26:00,993 --> 00:26:03,963
I think my creative side
is kind of matching up
432
00:26:03,963 --> 00:26:05,898
with the psychic
mediumship side.
433
00:26:08,134 --> 00:26:11,237
When I do a psychic reading,
it'll be like
434
00:26:11,237 --> 00:26:13,306
strange diagrams, strange images
435
00:26:13,306 --> 00:26:15,741
and letting the images
tell the story.
436
00:26:17,176 --> 00:26:19,011
When you write a screenplay,
of course,
437
00:26:19,011 --> 00:26:21,914
you're also
in the world of images,
438
00:26:21,914 --> 00:26:23,950
so it's really helped me,
439
00:26:23,950 --> 00:26:24,884
oddly enough.
440
00:26:26,786 --> 00:26:27,853
(BLIND ROLLING UP)
441
00:26:28,821 --> 00:26:30,256
HALL: So what's in here is
442
00:26:30,256 --> 00:26:32,058
the distillation of,
443
00:26:32,058 --> 00:26:34,193
like, most of my adult life
in New York City.
444
00:26:35,361 --> 00:26:37,129
So my degree is in here.
445
00:26:37,129 --> 00:26:39,165
I am a classically
trained performer.
446
00:26:39,165 --> 00:26:40,766
I studied Shakespeare.
I studied Ibsen.
447
00:26:40,766 --> 00:26:41,734
I studied Meisner.
448
00:26:42,601 --> 00:26:44,003
I studied Stanislavski.
449
00:26:44,003 --> 00:26:47,273
I studied, you know, Artaud,
and the Theater of Cruelty.
450
00:26:47,273 --> 00:26:49,342
So, yeah, I know
my way around a theater.
451
00:26:50,343 --> 00:26:52,979
If I use every piece
of all of my degrees
452
00:26:52,979 --> 00:26:54,613
doing these psychic sessions,
453
00:26:54,613 --> 00:26:56,182
it doesn't have to look
454
00:26:58,651 --> 00:27:00,086
conventional.
455
00:27:00,086 --> 00:27:02,655
I have all kinds
of different skirts.
456
00:27:02,655 --> 00:27:03,756
I wear this one
457
00:27:03,756 --> 00:27:06,726
for, uh, especially,
for kids' parties.
458
00:27:06,726 --> 00:27:10,930
Now, when I do strolling
readings, I wear aprons
459
00:27:10,930 --> 00:27:12,698
because the pockets are great
460
00:27:12,698 --> 00:27:16,102
for holding my cards
and lozenges.
461
00:27:16,102 --> 00:27:18,904
I sometimes wear this
when I do a seance.
462
00:27:18,904 --> 00:27:20,940
One earring. Look.
463
00:27:20,940 --> 00:27:23,909
I've saved this
for a very long time.
464
00:27:23,909 --> 00:27:25,244
I just don't want
to part with it
465
00:27:25,244 --> 00:27:27,880
because it's very meaningful
to me.
466
00:27:27,880 --> 00:27:29,849
I did a one-woman show
467
00:27:31,283 --> 00:27:33,786
here in Manhattan.
468
00:27:33,786 --> 00:27:36,822
It was called
Ode to My Love Life.
469
00:27:36,822 --> 00:27:39,158
I was meeting all these men
470
00:27:39,158 --> 00:27:43,095
and having all of these
interesting experiences.
471
00:27:43,095 --> 00:27:45,264
And something just came over me,
472
00:27:45,264 --> 00:27:48,034
sort of like
when I channel as a psychic.
473
00:27:48,034 --> 00:27:49,068
Well, it's the same thing.
474
00:27:49,068 --> 00:27:51,804
I was channeling
music and lyrics.
475
00:27:51,804 --> 00:27:55,775
♪ I'm dating the mentally ill
476
00:27:56,942 --> 00:27:58,377
Hi, honey. Sit down.
477
00:27:58,377 --> 00:28:00,079
♪ Take your pill
478
00:28:00,079 --> 00:28:02,048
♪ He was so cute
479
00:28:02,048 --> 00:28:05,084
♪ So sexy, divine
480
00:28:05,084 --> 00:28:07,186
Um, what came next...
481
00:28:08,454 --> 00:28:12,191
♪ And what's more
He was totally mine ♪
482
00:28:12,191 --> 00:28:16,695
I can't believe I'm doing this,
having not warmed up at all.
483
00:28:24,970 --> 00:28:26,739
HOST: (ON TV)
Remembering the category title,
484
00:28:26,739 --> 00:28:28,340
it's where you'll find
LaGuardia Airport.
485
00:28:28,340 --> 00:28:30,009
- Queens.
- HOST: And a bit smaller,
486
00:28:30,009 --> 00:28:32,745
Allie Pond Environmental Center.
487
00:28:32,745 --> 00:28:34,180
- Rebecca.
- REBECCA: What is Queens?
488
00:28:34,180 --> 00:28:36,015
HOST: Yes. REBECCA:
Prepositional Phrases for six.
489
00:28:36,015 --> 00:28:38,317
I didn't have
any interest in psychics.
490
00:28:38,317 --> 00:28:41,053
I didn't know
what animal communication was.
491
00:28:41,053 --> 00:28:44,890
This... Some people would say
the universe led me to it.
492
00:28:44,890 --> 00:28:47,393
I didn't know it existed,
but it helped me more,
493
00:28:47,393 --> 00:28:48,828
I would say, in a few months
494
00:28:48,828 --> 00:28:51,097
than all the therapy in my life
ever helped me.
495
00:28:53,933 --> 00:28:56,435
So everything here
is influenced by John Waters.
496
00:28:56,435 --> 00:28:59,772
As you can see, I have
Pink Flamingos over here.
497
00:28:59,772 --> 00:29:01,774
I love Divine. Female Trouble.
498
00:29:01,774 --> 00:29:07,113
That was the movie I saw
that just solidified my fascination with him.
499
00:29:07,113 --> 00:29:11,750
I was 22. I was very depressed.
500
00:29:11,750 --> 00:29:12,952
I wanted to be an actress
501
00:29:12,952 --> 00:29:14,320
but I pretty much
gave up on that
502
00:29:14,320 --> 00:29:16,922
'cause I couldn't deal
with the business aspect of it.
503
00:29:16,922 --> 00:29:18,791
And just seeing this movie,
504
00:29:19,959 --> 00:29:21,160
it excited me.
505
00:29:21,160 --> 00:29:23,295
He created this world,
this universe.
506
00:29:23,295 --> 00:29:24,864
I mean, a lot of people
are into Marvel.
507
00:29:24,864 --> 00:29:26,432
I don't care about Marvel.
508
00:29:26,432 --> 00:29:30,202
This is the world I want to
look at. Just where there's no rules.
509
00:29:33,072 --> 00:29:34,874
ACTRESS: (ON TV) He said if
the police ever found your writing,
510
00:29:34,874 --> 00:29:36,542
that's all they'd need.
511
00:29:36,542 --> 00:29:37,910
Something to prove
that you were at the scene of the murder.
512
00:29:39,111 --> 00:29:41,080
HOFFMAN: I love movies.
513
00:29:41,080 --> 00:29:42,948
I mean, I remember,
15 years old,
514
00:29:42,948 --> 00:29:44,216
I would just skip school.
515
00:29:44,216 --> 00:29:46,051
I'd be sitting on the couch,
smoking all day,
516
00:29:46,051 --> 00:29:48,521
watching
the Independent Film Channel
517
00:29:48,521 --> 00:29:52,024
and, you know, watching
the movie Kissed for the thousandth time.
518
00:29:52,024 --> 00:29:54,393
Remember that movie
about necrophilia with Molly Parker?
519
00:29:54,393 --> 00:29:55,361
I loved that movie.
520
00:29:55,361 --> 00:29:56,996
I'd watch
every Lili Taylor movie,
521
00:29:56,996 --> 00:29:59,331
Parker Posey,
Jennifer Jason Leigh. I had my list.
522
00:29:59,331 --> 00:30:01,000
(TV PLAYING INDISTINCTLY)
523
00:30:03,903 --> 00:30:08,040
HOFFMAN: People would say to
me all the time that I was too intense.
524
00:30:11,043 --> 00:30:13,512
But now, giving psychic readings
525
00:30:13,512 --> 00:30:17,483
connects me with
other unconventional people.
526
00:30:17,483 --> 00:30:20,186
Why, theater caters
to sex offenders.
527
00:30:25,391 --> 00:30:28,027
What I had
this key interest to ask was,
528
00:30:28,027 --> 00:30:29,395
she's always running
to the door,
529
00:30:29,395 --> 00:30:32,531
she's always leading me
to the door.
530
00:30:32,531 --> 00:30:36,835
I even filmed it multiple times
because she only does it to me.
531
00:30:36,835 --> 00:30:38,871
I'll eat, she wants
to run to the door,
532
00:30:38,871 --> 00:30:40,606
and she just
meows and meows at the door.
533
00:30:40,606 --> 00:30:42,308
There's nobody at the door.
534
00:30:42,308 --> 00:30:45,144
And then she hits,
like tapping on the door,
535
00:30:45,144 --> 00:30:47,046
like she's leading me
to the door.
536
00:30:47,046 --> 00:30:48,948
If I open the door,
she doesn't try to escape.
537
00:30:48,948 --> 00:30:50,149
She walks away.
538
00:30:50,149 --> 00:30:53,085
But it's this constant
of tap, tap the door,
539
00:30:53,085 --> 00:30:54,153
tap, tap the door.
540
00:30:54,153 --> 00:30:56,922
So, I know
there's a lot to be said.
541
00:30:56,922 --> 00:30:59,592
I don't know
what she's trying to convey.
542
00:30:59,592 --> 00:31:01,393
She's not meant to be
in your life
543
00:31:01,393 --> 00:31:07,032
just to be like an easy,
simply understood cat.
544
00:31:07,032 --> 00:31:08,400
She's saying
you're the same way.
545
00:31:08,400 --> 00:31:10,869
Like, I get that you're very
open-minded
546
00:31:10,869 --> 00:31:13,939
and you like mysteries.
You like...
547
00:31:13,939 --> 00:31:16,609
- You like the weirdness of the world.
- Mm.
548
00:31:16,609 --> 00:31:21,113
Like weird people
and weird stories intrigue you.
549
00:31:21,113 --> 00:31:23,015
You don't want
to just see, like,
550
00:31:23,015 --> 00:31:25,017
the Tom Hanks, Meg Ryan movies.
551
00:31:25,017 --> 00:31:26,952
- You wanna see...
- I hate Tom Hanks.
552
00:31:26,952 --> 00:31:28,654
- Oh, there you go.
- He's literally the epitome of
553
00:31:28,654 --> 00:31:31,190
when I tell people
if there's a like and a dislike,
554
00:31:31,190 --> 00:31:32,524
he's my number one dislike.
555
00:31:32,524 --> 00:31:36,161
So... Do you read other animals
that are not pets?
556
00:31:36,161 --> 00:31:37,296
- Or would you read?
- Oh, yeah.
557
00:31:37,296 --> 00:31:38,897
You mean, like, wildlife?
558
00:31:38,897 --> 00:31:39,999
Yeah. Can I ask you something?
559
00:31:39,999 --> 00:31:41,300
- Sure.
- Birds.
560
00:31:42,301 --> 00:31:43,602
Do you know the bird?
561
00:31:43,602 --> 00:31:45,604
- No.
- Okay, because this is the thing about...
562
00:31:45,604 --> 00:31:48,073
- Birds are constantly...
- Yeah.
563
00:31:48,073 --> 00:31:50,542
...either falling
in front of me...
564
00:31:50,542 --> 00:31:53,379
- Yeah.
- Like, literally falling out of trees
565
00:31:54,546 --> 00:31:56,048
to me, multiple times.
566
00:31:56,048 --> 00:31:59,485
Like, a bird hit me in the head
and landed.
567
00:31:59,485 --> 00:32:01,120
But do they die?
568
00:32:01,120 --> 00:32:02,388
- One died.
- Okay.
569
00:32:02,388 --> 00:32:04,089
The other one, I don't know,
because I was like,
570
00:32:04,089 --> 00:32:06,091
let me build a nest
or let me help it out
571
00:32:06,091 --> 00:32:08,227
and let me wait till it flies.
572
00:32:08,227 --> 00:32:11,397
But I'm always walking around with
these, like, injured birds throughout the city.
573
00:32:11,397 --> 00:32:13,499
I don't drive,
I never leave this city.
574
00:32:13,499 --> 00:32:15,668
And these birds come to me.
575
00:32:15,668 --> 00:32:17,102
They're attracted to you.
576
00:32:17,102 --> 00:32:18,570
They're attracted to your energy
577
00:32:18,570 --> 00:32:20,639
and they know
you will treat them kindly.
578
00:32:20,639 --> 00:32:22,474
That if they do drop
into your hand,
579
00:32:22,474 --> 00:32:24,610
you will treat them gently.
580
00:32:24,610 --> 00:32:26,145
And you're not gonna
turn them away.
581
00:32:27,279 --> 00:32:28,981
Like, you're different.
You're...
582
00:32:28,981 --> 00:32:32,284
There's something about you
that's unique.
583
00:32:32,284 --> 00:32:34,219
And, like, that's the thing
about animals.
584
00:32:34,219 --> 00:32:38,424
They appreciate
what makes us feel
585
00:32:38,424 --> 00:32:40,292
like we maybe
don't belong in the world.
586
00:32:41,994 --> 00:32:44,330
- (TAP RUNNING)
- (GLASSES CLINKING)
587
00:32:48,667 --> 00:32:50,069
(HUMMING TUNE)
588
00:32:56,442 --> 00:32:57,710
Just so you know...
(CLEARS THROAT)
589
00:33:00,145 --> 00:33:03,015
This is kind of
like where I connect.
590
00:33:03,015 --> 00:33:04,350
WILSON: Where you connect
to the other side.
591
00:33:04,350 --> 00:33:05,584
GRYGO: Yeah.
592
00:33:05,584 --> 00:33:09,421
Messages, uh,
things like that come through.
593
00:33:09,421 --> 00:33:13,625
And I put up old photos of Erie
594
00:33:13,625 --> 00:33:18,130
and the family home
and my mother and my family.
595
00:33:18,130 --> 00:33:19,064
So...
596
00:33:20,065 --> 00:33:21,700
(CRUSHING PLASTIC BAGS)
597
00:33:21,700 --> 00:33:25,137
Growing up Catholic
in Erie, Pennsylvania,
598
00:33:25,137 --> 00:33:27,106
was a challenge.
599
00:33:27,106 --> 00:33:28,607
(FAUCET RUNNING)
600
00:33:28,607 --> 00:33:33,412
For most of my life in the area,
I was a closeted gay person.
601
00:33:33,412 --> 00:33:35,714
And I guess I felt there was
no place for me there.
602
00:33:41,220 --> 00:33:44,223
And I distinctly remember,
I went with an aunt
603
00:33:44,223 --> 00:33:46,725
to psychic mediums
and had readings.
604
00:33:46,725 --> 00:33:51,230
And I basically felt the love,
605
00:33:51,230 --> 00:33:54,266
almost always,
from someone on the other side.
606
00:33:54,266 --> 00:33:56,802
And it felt like acceptance,
like I was accepted.
607
00:33:58,036 --> 00:33:59,538
That made me feel like, okay.
608
00:33:59,538 --> 00:34:03,108
(CHUCKLES)
My reality is a bit grim
609
00:34:03,108 --> 00:34:06,545
but they're very affirming
of who I am.
610
00:34:11,116 --> 00:34:13,419
I'm looking for a movie
called Central Station.
611
00:34:16,522 --> 00:34:18,824
This is one of my favorite
movies of all time.
612
00:34:19,658 --> 00:34:21,493
It's a woman...
613
00:34:21,493 --> 00:34:24,563
Actually, a stage actress
plays the main character.
614
00:34:24,563 --> 00:34:27,166
And then there's a little boy
and his mother.
615
00:34:27,166 --> 00:34:30,335
I think there's a traffic
accident and the mother is lost.
616
00:34:30,335 --> 00:34:32,504
And she takes care
of the little boy.
617
00:34:32,504 --> 00:34:33,806
And then she starts on a journey
618
00:34:33,806 --> 00:34:36,575
where she returns him
to his family.
619
00:34:38,243 --> 00:34:40,212
And it changes her
by the end of it.
620
00:34:40,212 --> 00:34:43,415
So that's one
of my favorite movies.
621
00:34:43,415 --> 00:34:46,318
WILSON: Why do you think
you're so personally attached to it?
622
00:34:46,318 --> 00:34:48,120
All the loss, I think.
623
00:34:48,120 --> 00:34:50,355
The little kid
and then, the older person
624
00:34:50,355 --> 00:34:52,124
reaching out
to the younger person.
625
00:34:57,696 --> 00:34:58,664
I'm sorry.
626
00:35:01,266 --> 00:35:03,435
I lost my brother, Johnny.
627
00:35:05,871 --> 00:35:09,842
And I was... He was only 23
and I was 19. (CLEARS THROAT)
628
00:35:09,842 --> 00:35:10,809
And I think that...
629
00:35:14,446 --> 00:35:16,181
I think that that's
what influences me.
630
00:35:17,516 --> 00:35:20,719
Because my other movie
631
00:35:22,354 --> 00:35:24,323
is Ordinary People.
632
00:35:24,323 --> 00:35:26,725
So it's hard to choose
which one is better
633
00:35:26,725 --> 00:35:27,860
because
they're such great movies.
634
00:35:29,561 --> 00:35:32,331
But it's about people
working through loss.
635
00:35:35,334 --> 00:35:36,268
So...
636
00:35:38,670 --> 00:35:40,405
It's an ongoing thing.
(SNIFFLES)
637
00:35:40,405 --> 00:35:44,710
And I think anyone
who has lost someone in that way,
638
00:35:46,411 --> 00:35:48,380
you never get over it.
639
00:35:48,380 --> 00:35:51,783
You cope, you you develop
coping strategies.
640
00:35:51,783 --> 00:35:53,185
You get therapy, you get help.
641
00:35:54,386 --> 00:35:57,489
But it's an open wound, forever.
642
00:36:01,393 --> 00:36:06,698
And I think that is
directly related to my anxiety
643
00:36:06,698 --> 00:36:08,600
about having you visit
my apartment.
644
00:36:10,435 --> 00:36:11,603
Because I think I...
645
00:36:14,740 --> 00:36:17,676
I think part of me
just wants to be a hermit
646
00:36:17,676 --> 00:36:18,710
and escape from the world.
647
00:36:21,647 --> 00:36:23,315
So...
648
00:36:23,315 --> 00:36:25,817
That's my struggle, you know.
649
00:36:25,817 --> 00:36:28,420
I want to join the world
and I want to retreat from it.
650
00:36:28,420 --> 00:36:30,622
It's really tough. So...
651
00:36:36,328 --> 00:36:37,763
GRYGO: Okay. Thank you.
652
00:36:53,245 --> 00:36:55,647
Was it... Was there
a father figure?
653
00:36:55,647 --> 00:36:57,382
Somebody that was close to you?
654
00:36:57,382 --> 00:36:59,251
- Male?
- Mm-hmm.
655
00:36:59,251 --> 00:37:00,652
Was he actually your father?
656
00:37:00,652 --> 00:37:01,587
- Yeah.
- He was.
657
00:37:03,989 --> 00:37:05,390
Was it a cardiac arrest?
658
00:37:05,390 --> 00:37:08,360
Yeah. Well, sort of.
That's what I was told.
659
00:37:08,360 --> 00:37:13,298
- Okay, all right. -And then...
I don't know if you want me to tell you.
660
00:37:13,298 --> 00:37:14,433
Oh, just if I'm wrong.
661
00:37:14,433 --> 00:37:15,667
- Yeah, yeah.
- Just tell me if I'm wrong.
662
00:37:15,667 --> 00:37:18,437
- He OD'd.
- Okay.
663
00:37:19,004 --> 00:37:20,606
Because I was feeling like...
664
00:37:22,474 --> 00:37:23,642
(STAMMERS)
665
00:37:25,310 --> 00:37:28,680
Huge regret that he wasn't there to help you.
666
00:37:30,248 --> 00:37:30,983
And
667
00:37:34,853 --> 00:37:36,288
just a lot of sorrow.
668
00:37:44,463 --> 00:37:46,498
A lot of regret on his part.
669
00:37:47,966 --> 00:37:50,836
It makes a lot of sense.
He missed out on a lot.
670
00:37:53,639 --> 00:37:57,309
And he understands your reaction
to him and your resentment.
671
00:37:58,644 --> 00:38:01,546
And he's so sorry for that.
672
00:38:03,649 --> 00:38:05,851
Not that he can rectify
the past, of course, but...
673
00:38:07,819 --> 00:38:10,355
He miscalculated, I guess,
is what I'm trying to say.
674
00:38:10,355 --> 00:38:11,556
MAN: Mm-hmm.
675
00:38:20,499 --> 00:38:22,668
(R&B MUSIC PLAYING)
676
00:38:45,557 --> 00:38:51,730
HALL: I always believed that
there was some other side.
677
00:38:56,468 --> 00:39:00,706
I grew up very, very religious.
Christian in Oklahoma.
678
00:39:02,574 --> 00:39:05,410
But I moved to New York, 2011,
679
00:39:07,646 --> 00:39:09,715
and I was staying with
my sorority sister at the time
680
00:39:09,715 --> 00:39:11,483
and her dad had transitioned,
681
00:39:11,483 --> 00:39:15,087
and so she was open
to going to seances.
682
00:39:15,087 --> 00:39:18,356
It was in a conference room.
683
00:39:18,356 --> 00:39:22,494
And you ask for questions
with the lights on
684
00:39:22,494 --> 00:39:24,062
and then
you turn the lights off.
685
00:39:24,062 --> 00:39:26,565
When you first get
into the venue,
686
00:39:26,565 --> 00:39:28,500
you can still feel
the air on you.
687
00:39:28,500 --> 00:39:30,135
You might even be a little cold.
688
00:39:30,135 --> 00:39:32,604
But once the music starts
and you get this euphoria
689
00:39:32,604 --> 00:39:34,740
and all of that, you get warm.
690
00:39:34,740 --> 00:39:36,575
Just because
I'm new in the city,
691
00:39:36,575 --> 00:39:39,044
everything gets new, crazy.
692
00:39:39,044 --> 00:39:40,445
You just feel so ungrounded.
693
00:39:40,445 --> 00:39:43,148
But that felt just good.
694
00:39:43,148 --> 00:39:45,050
I wasn't getting this
695
00:39:47,385 --> 00:39:49,788
release community
696
00:39:50,822 --> 00:39:51,757
anywhere else.
697
00:39:52,891 --> 00:39:54,559
I was like, "Oh, I like this."
698
00:39:54,559 --> 00:39:57,162
Even if this is fake, I like it.
It feels good, and I need it.
699
00:39:58,697 --> 00:40:00,065
It felt like church in that way.
700
00:40:01,500 --> 00:40:03,068
(TV PLAYING INDISTINCTLY)
701
00:40:27,793 --> 00:40:28,860
(BRACELETS CLINKING)
702
00:40:34,199 --> 00:40:35,834
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
703
00:40:37,936 --> 00:40:40,872
MAN: How are you?
LYNNE: Hi. Good.
704
00:40:40,872 --> 00:40:44,576
Hey, everybody. I'm here
doing readings for the event tonight.
705
00:40:44,576 --> 00:40:46,711
I'm Sherrie,
and I'm a party psychic.
706
00:40:46,711 --> 00:40:50,015
Is there anybody here who'd
like to have a reading right now?
707
00:40:50,015 --> 00:40:50,949
WOMAN: Like, now?
708
00:40:52,584 --> 00:40:55,487
LYNNE: Anybody curious?
709
00:40:55,487 --> 00:40:58,657
- No? Okay, we'll keep looking.
- WOMAN: Thanks for the offer, though.
710
00:41:03,094 --> 00:41:05,030
You're a very interesting woman.
711
00:41:05,030 --> 00:41:07,199
(LAUGHS)
712
00:41:07,199 --> 00:41:11,069
LYNNE: And you're doing
a little too much hiding,
713
00:41:11,069 --> 00:41:14,739
because what I see here
is like a chest of jewels
714
00:41:14,739 --> 00:41:16,474
and all these beautiful colors,
715
00:41:16,474 --> 00:41:19,144
rubies and emeralds
and sapphires.
716
00:41:19,144 --> 00:41:21,246
But you need
to come out of hiding
717
00:41:21,246 --> 00:41:24,482
and keeping all these fabulous
secrets about yourself.
718
00:41:24,482 --> 00:41:26,084
(HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING)
719
00:41:27,185 --> 00:41:28,854
Are you like a medium at all?
720
00:41:28,854 --> 00:41:30,255
Are you...
721
00:41:30,255 --> 00:41:32,791
LYNNE: Are you trying to connect
with somebody who's passed?
722
00:41:32,791 --> 00:41:35,060
- Yes.
- Why? Did you recently lose someone?
723
00:41:35,060 --> 00:41:38,129
My father,
about a year and a half ago
724
00:41:38,129 --> 00:41:40,599
- Okay. I'm sorry for your loss.
- Thank you.
725
00:41:40,599 --> 00:41:43,568
Well, he showed up immediately
as soon as you told me,
726
00:41:43,568 --> 00:41:45,270
you know, who your loss was.
727
00:41:45,270 --> 00:41:47,606
So I feel like he is around
728
00:41:47,606 --> 00:41:49,541
- and close by.
- I believe that.
729
00:42:08,894 --> 00:42:11,196
WILSON: Did you think
when you were a kid,
730
00:42:11,196 --> 00:42:12,864
"Maybe I'll be a psychic
when I grow up"?
731
00:42:12,864 --> 00:42:13,832
LYNNE: No.
732
00:42:15,000 --> 00:42:15,934
Not at all.
733
00:42:17,869 --> 00:42:20,872
I wanted to go
to school for art.
734
00:42:22,274 --> 00:42:25,710
But my parents
didn't have the skill
735
00:42:25,710 --> 00:42:30,081
to mirror us, which kids need.
736
00:42:31,216 --> 00:42:34,319
And so I don't know if any of us
737
00:42:34,319 --> 00:42:37,689
had that strong
sense of self, growing up.
738
00:42:40,225 --> 00:42:43,695
My parents were both
narcissists. You know...
739
00:42:43,695 --> 00:42:47,198
They were damaged
by their parents.
740
00:42:47,198 --> 00:42:50,302
If I see someone coming
towards me that's like my mother and father,
741
00:42:50,302 --> 00:42:52,570
a 180. Bye-bye.
742
00:42:54,306 --> 00:42:57,575
Because I'm not interested
in being with somebody
743
00:42:57,575 --> 00:42:59,678
who can't get outside
of themselves
744
00:42:59,678 --> 00:43:01,846
to hold the space
for my feelings
745
00:43:01,846 --> 00:43:03,848
my thoughts, my dreams.
746
00:43:09,154 --> 00:43:11,256
It wasn't until
my father was in his 60s
747
00:43:11,256 --> 00:43:14,826
and had a heart attack
that he was able to say to me in a letter,
748
00:43:14,826 --> 00:43:16,294
"You have a blessed gift."
749
00:43:16,294 --> 00:43:18,330
He was referring to my artistry.
750
00:43:20,332 --> 00:43:24,169
And I feel that's so sad,
that you have to be facing death
751
00:43:24,169 --> 00:43:26,771
to tell your children
they have talent.
752
00:43:26,771 --> 00:43:28,840
That is fucked up!
753
00:43:38,850 --> 00:43:41,886
So let me start by asking you,
754
00:43:41,886 --> 00:43:45,757
is there anything troubling you
that you're aware of?
755
00:43:45,757 --> 00:43:50,161
Um... I don't think there's
something that large that's troubling me.
756
00:43:50,161 --> 00:43:53,198
I think
just existential pressure
757
00:43:53,198 --> 00:43:55,934
is troubling,
like I don't really...
758
00:43:55,934 --> 00:43:59,738
I'm 18 now, and I don't
really know where my life is heading.
759
00:43:59,738 --> 00:44:01,673
I have a general idea,
760
00:44:01,673 --> 00:44:04,042
but it's not in stone, really.
761
00:44:04,042 --> 00:44:06,644
LYNNE: Uh-huh. Okay.
762
00:44:09,881 --> 00:44:12,684
I don't know why,
but I'm being led to tell you this.
763
00:44:12,684 --> 00:44:14,252
That it's okay
to do what you love.
764
00:44:14,252 --> 00:44:15,720
Mm-hmm.
765
00:44:15,720 --> 00:44:19,157
And that more will come.
766
00:44:19,157 --> 00:44:21,426
{\an8}These are messages
that I'm hearing for you.
767
00:44:22,927 --> 00:44:24,963
Let me see the other sides
of your hands.
768
00:44:26,097 --> 00:44:28,099
Mm-hmm.
769
00:44:28,099 --> 00:44:30,702
There's some connection
for you to visual art.
770
00:44:30,702 --> 00:44:31,870
Yes, there is.
771
00:44:31,870 --> 00:44:34,172
What is your current
connection to visual art?
772
00:44:35,073 --> 00:44:36,775
As a kid,
I just really loved comics,
773
00:44:36,775 --> 00:44:39,210
so, like,
I draw a lot with pens.
774
00:44:39,210 --> 00:44:43,915
Right, right I don't think
that there has to be a limit
775
00:44:43,915 --> 00:44:46,351
to what you do or who you are.
776
00:44:46,351 --> 00:44:49,020
Think of it more
as the discovery process
777
00:44:49,020 --> 00:44:52,690
of all the gifts
that are in your treasure chest.
778
00:44:52,690 --> 00:44:54,159
We all are born with those.
779
00:44:54,159 --> 00:44:56,895
And so this is
an opportunity for you
780
00:44:56,895 --> 00:44:59,764
to keep getting
to know those gifts
781
00:44:59,764 --> 00:45:03,001
and exploring them,
expressing yourself,
782
00:45:03,001 --> 00:45:06,104
and, um, not limiting yourself.
783
00:45:11,076 --> 00:45:12,077
(BIRDS CHIRPING)
784
00:45:15,280 --> 00:45:18,817
(LINE RINGING)
785
00:45:18,817 --> 00:45:20,819
MAN: (ON VOICE MAIL)
Thanks for calling Pete's Candy Store.
786
00:45:20,819 --> 00:45:22,053
Sorry we missed you.
787
00:45:22,053 --> 00:45:23,888
(RECORDING BEEPS)
788
00:45:23,888 --> 00:45:27,725
Hi, my name is Eugene.
I'm calling you about your open mic nights.
789
00:45:27,725 --> 00:45:29,060
I just need
some more information
790
00:45:29,060 --> 00:45:32,897
about how to prepare
and when they are being held.
791
00:45:32,897 --> 00:45:33,965
Thank you.
792
00:45:36,868 --> 00:45:39,737
I was there about two years ago.
793
00:45:39,737 --> 00:45:41,072
The night I went,
it was a summer night.
794
00:45:41,072 --> 00:45:44,075
It was really hot
and a lot of people in there.
795
00:45:44,075 --> 00:45:45,443
It was really intimate.
796
00:45:46,778 --> 00:45:48,246
And the interesting thing is
797
00:45:48,246 --> 00:45:50,849
that, you know, when you do that
and it's so intimate,
798
00:45:50,849 --> 00:45:54,919
people hear every word,
every note, every... (CHUCKLES)
799
00:45:54,919 --> 00:45:56,488
You know, I mean,
look how close the people are
800
00:45:56,488 --> 00:46:00,158
to the performers.
801
00:46:00,158 --> 00:46:02,927
So it's not like...
I don't know.
802
00:46:02,927 --> 00:46:05,330
I think I think I worry too much
about things.
803
00:46:06,397 --> 00:46:09,267
But, yeah, you can't fake it.
804
00:46:09,267 --> 00:46:10,535
You gotta hit the notes.
805
00:46:10,535 --> 00:46:14,038
You gotta sell the song. So...
806
00:46:28,920 --> 00:46:32,290
WOMAN: (ON SCREEN) This
process might seem overwhelming,
807
00:46:34,025 --> 00:46:35,994
but with a little practice,
808
00:46:37,562 --> 00:46:41,466
it can still become
a pleasurable experience.
809
00:46:41,466 --> 00:46:43,234
(MAN SCREAMS ON SCREEN)
810
00:46:43,234 --> 00:46:45,970
BORJA: I've always been
into, like, horror movies.
811
00:46:48,039 --> 00:46:50,208
I think I like the feeling
of getting scared.
812
00:46:53,344 --> 00:46:55,413
And there's something...
813
00:46:55,413 --> 00:46:57,916
There's just something
comforting about them as well.
814
00:47:00,385 --> 00:47:03,388
Maybe it's the idea of these
people in these horror movies,
815
00:47:03,388 --> 00:47:05,990
often they feel quite isolated
816
00:47:05,990 --> 00:47:08,860
when they're experiencing
these things.
817
00:47:08,860 --> 00:47:10,395
- And... Yeah.
- WILSON: They're intimate.
818
00:47:10,395 --> 00:47:13,865
The characters feel
quite isolated
819
00:47:13,865 --> 00:47:18,036
and they really have to find
something within to help them survive.
820
00:47:21,606 --> 00:47:24,842
One of my favorite horror movies
is The Witch,
821
00:47:24,842 --> 00:47:26,844
and there's like
barely any gore in that.
822
00:47:26,844 --> 00:47:28,880
But it's just
so atmospheric, and...
823
00:47:31,049 --> 00:47:33,017
And the end of the movie,
824
00:47:33,017 --> 00:47:36,988
she joins the coven
and leaves her family.
825
00:47:36,988 --> 00:47:40,625
And I think there was like just
a really interesting metaphor
826
00:47:40,625 --> 00:47:42,560
that I related to about that.
827
00:47:44,429 --> 00:47:45,930
And, like, finding your people,
828
00:47:45,930 --> 00:47:48,466
even though
the coven eats children.
829
00:47:48,466 --> 00:47:50,001
(LAUGHS)
830
00:47:58,376 --> 00:48:00,078
(ELEVATOR WHIRRING)
831
00:48:02,580 --> 00:48:03,915
(ELEVATOR DINGS)
832
00:48:08,052 --> 00:48:09,988
I had just moved to New York
833
00:48:09,988 --> 00:48:12,490
when my first
major relationship ended.
834
00:48:15,460 --> 00:48:17,996
We hadn't really been fighting.
835
00:48:17,996 --> 00:48:21,199
It was just one night
when we were laying in bed,
836
00:48:21,199 --> 00:48:24,502
he just started
crying profusely.
837
00:48:24,502 --> 00:48:26,104
He started crying,
838
00:48:26,104 --> 00:48:28,273
crying, crying, crying,
and I was like, "What's wrong?"
839
00:48:28,273 --> 00:48:29,674
"What's wrong? What happened?"
840
00:48:31,175 --> 00:48:34,279
And he said, "Um, I'm so sorry.
841
00:48:34,279 --> 00:48:37,048
"I don't think I'm in love with
you anymore, and I don't know why."
842
00:48:39,284 --> 00:48:44,122
And then, at that moment,
like, my whole world shattered.
843
00:48:44,122 --> 00:48:46,424
And that breakup
844
00:48:46,424 --> 00:48:50,161
is really what opened me up
to the world of spirituality.
845
00:48:50,161 --> 00:48:52,397
Because that's when I was
trying to find answers
846
00:48:53,631 --> 00:48:55,667
and trying to find meaning.
847
00:48:55,667 --> 00:49:00,505
Before then,
I was pretty adamantly atheist
848
00:49:00,505 --> 00:49:04,108
and didn't believe
in anything after this life.
849
00:49:05,510 --> 00:49:07,578
But that was
like a death for me.
850
00:49:21,025 --> 00:49:22,160
Hmm.
851
00:49:22,160 --> 00:49:24,162
I do feel I have, um,
852
00:49:25,463 --> 00:49:28,232
a man in spirit here with me.
853
00:49:28,232 --> 00:49:31,135
But he feels quite young to me.
854
00:49:34,038 --> 00:49:35,006
Hold on.
855
00:49:38,209 --> 00:49:39,644
Would you understand
856
00:49:39,644 --> 00:49:41,412
a man that you know
who would be in spirit
857
00:49:41,412 --> 00:49:43,114
that didn't get
to live a full life?
858
00:49:44,482 --> 00:49:45,750
- Yes.
- Okay.
859
00:49:47,085 --> 00:49:49,520
And would this person...
860
00:49:51,589 --> 00:49:54,592
Would he have passed
as a young adult?
861
00:49:55,727 --> 00:49:59,197
- No
- Not a young adult. That's fine.
862
00:49:59,197 --> 00:50:01,399
And would this individual,
863
00:50:01,399 --> 00:50:03,534
would you understand
a connection
864
00:50:03,534 --> 00:50:07,138
to skateboarding
or skateboard culture?
865
00:50:08,172 --> 00:50:09,540
Not that I know.
866
00:50:09,540 --> 00:50:11,676
Okay. What am I seeing here?
867
00:50:14,345 --> 00:50:15,480
I know I have a...
868
00:50:15,480 --> 00:50:17,615
I know I have
a young man with me.
869
00:50:20,017 --> 00:50:21,018
Mm...
870
00:50:33,097 --> 00:50:35,166
I'm sorry, can I...
871
00:50:35,166 --> 00:50:36,534
- Lana?
- WILSON: Yeah?
872
00:50:36,534 --> 00:50:38,536
Sorry. Can I just ask...
873
00:50:38,536 --> 00:50:40,805
I just feel this presence
really strongly with me.
874
00:50:40,805 --> 00:50:45,042
Does anyone in the room know
if there was a younger man
875
00:50:45,042 --> 00:50:48,713
that they knew that passed away
that would have known how to skateboard?
876
00:50:48,713 --> 00:50:50,681
Can I just ask...
Throw that out to the group?
877
00:50:53,384 --> 00:50:54,585
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
878
00:51:00,158 --> 00:51:02,593
No? Okay.
879
00:51:02,593 --> 00:51:05,563
Sorry, I'm gonna start over
because that really threw me off.
880
00:51:05,563 --> 00:51:06,531
Okay.
881
00:51:13,404 --> 00:51:14,605
I'm sorry,
I feel like I'm losing it.
882
00:51:14,605 --> 00:51:18,176
I'm feeling very tired
all of a sudden. Um...
883
00:51:21,312 --> 00:51:24,315
WILSON: Do you ever...
Do you ever doubt what you do?
884
00:51:24,315 --> 00:51:25,750
Do you ever wonder
if it's not real?
885
00:51:25,750 --> 00:51:28,853
Yeah, all the time. (CHUCKLING)
886
00:51:28,853 --> 00:51:33,691
I never fully 100 percent
believe in the things I even say.
887
00:51:35,393 --> 00:51:39,363
When I fail,
I'm like, oh, I suck,
888
00:51:39,363 --> 00:51:43,267
and this isn't real,
and I'm a POS and...
889
00:51:44,469 --> 00:51:46,537
(SIGHS)
890
00:51:46,537 --> 00:51:50,808
You know,
it just doesn't feel great.
891
00:51:52,777 --> 00:51:56,247
Where I kind of fall back to
is I really feel like I have
892
00:51:56,247 --> 00:51:59,851
this presence and this energy
and this spirit with me.
893
00:51:59,851 --> 00:52:03,421
And I hope that I'm channeling
something outside of me.
894
00:52:05,556 --> 00:52:08,793
And I hope that
I'm acting as a kind of vessel
895
00:52:08,793 --> 00:52:10,528
for something greater
than myself.
896
00:52:14,131 --> 00:52:15,867
Okay, I'm gonna go
in a different direction
897
00:52:15,867 --> 00:52:17,268
a little bit with you, okay?
898
00:52:26,410 --> 00:52:30,281
Part... Partner... Feels, um...
899
00:52:32,416 --> 00:52:33,351
First...
900
00:52:37,355 --> 00:52:40,725
- I want to say first generation Caribbean.
- Oh, really?
901
00:52:40,725 --> 00:52:42,693
And he's a little older as well.
902
00:52:44,262 --> 00:52:46,430
It's like, um,
903
00:52:46,430 --> 00:52:51,168
a wiser element to him,
like they're showing me, like, fedora hat,
904
00:52:51,168 --> 00:52:53,538
like, just
a distinguished older vibe.
905
00:52:53,538 --> 00:52:54,639
And he's West Indian?
906
00:52:56,841 --> 00:52:59,210
- So I'll say this...
- I got Caribbean first.
907
00:52:59,210 --> 00:53:02,346
It could be African,
but there's a different
908
00:53:03,247 --> 00:53:06,317
country that is heavily
in his life.
909
00:53:07,285 --> 00:53:08,519
Because he does a lot back home.
910
00:53:08,519 --> 00:53:10,821
- But he's Black.
- Yes.
911
00:53:10,821 --> 00:53:12,590
I've never dated a Black man.
912
00:53:12,590 --> 00:53:13,858
Maybe twice my whole life.
913
00:53:13,858 --> 00:53:15,693
- I see... I see him.
- That's wild.
914
00:53:15,693 --> 00:53:18,195
I see him, I see him.
915
00:53:18,195 --> 00:53:19,664
- Huh.
- Yeah.
916
00:53:19,664 --> 00:53:23,834
And he's older,
like dad sandals older, like...
917
00:53:23,834 --> 00:53:25,937
Yeah, but that's like
not my type at all.
918
00:53:25,937 --> 00:53:28,539
A fedora and dad sandals.
What are we talking about here?
919
00:53:28,539 --> 00:53:30,942
- He's an older man.
- What island is home? Is he Dominican?
920
00:53:30,942 --> 00:53:32,510
What are we talking about?
921
00:53:32,510 --> 00:53:36,347
- (LAUGHS)
- It's the vibration of him.
922
00:53:36,347 --> 00:53:38,716
- This is going to be... (SPLUTTERS)
- Are you saying
923
00:53:38,716 --> 00:53:41,819
if I saw a fedora man with
Jesus sandals, I'd be like, "Oh, God!"
924
00:53:41,819 --> 00:53:43,454
When he breezes in, I mean,
you know?
925
00:53:43,454 --> 00:53:44,655
Well, I'll know him exactly,
926
00:53:44,655 --> 00:53:46,424
because suddenly,
I'll have this feeling
927
00:53:46,424 --> 00:53:48,826
for a man in a fedora
that I'd never had before.
928
00:53:48,826 --> 00:53:50,261
That'll be wild.
929
00:53:50,261 --> 00:53:51,495
That would be wild.
That would be wild.
930
00:53:51,495 --> 00:53:54,298
Not necessarily the fedora
and Jesus sandals,
931
00:53:54,298 --> 00:53:57,468
but older in that manner,
just that's what that...
932
00:53:57,468 --> 00:54:00,471
Okay.
933
00:54:00,471 --> 00:54:03,975
I feel comfortable saying
that most people who enter into work like this,
934
00:54:03,975 --> 00:54:05,509
definitely, at least
at the beginning,
935
00:54:05,509 --> 00:54:06,944
you're like, "Am I making
this shit up?"
936
00:54:06,944 --> 00:54:08,746
Right? Um...
937
00:54:08,746 --> 00:54:10,948
And then proof happens,
you know.
938
00:54:10,948 --> 00:54:14,485
- WILSON: Does it feel like acting, in a way?
- No.
939
00:54:14,485 --> 00:54:18,589
Well... No, no. It's channeling.
940
00:54:18,589 --> 00:54:20,558
WILSON: Is it at all
like improv?
941
00:54:20,558 --> 00:54:22,293
Yes.
942
00:54:22,293 --> 00:54:23,828
WILSON: (CHUCKLES SOFTLY)
Can you talk a little about that?
943
00:54:23,828 --> 00:54:28,532
Well, because I don't know what
is gonna come out of me, like ever.
944
00:54:30,534 --> 00:54:34,372
Yeah, because I don't know what
I'm gonna see or hear or smell, you know?
945
00:54:34,372 --> 00:54:35,840
So it really is.
946
00:54:35,840 --> 00:54:37,675
And sometimes,
I'll get surprised.
947
00:54:37,675 --> 00:54:41,379
WILSON: How is what
you're doing not like theater improv?
948
00:54:43,948 --> 00:54:45,049
That's a really good question.
949
00:54:47,618 --> 00:54:51,555
It's all dipping into like,
information, you know, like that
950
00:54:51,555 --> 00:54:54,692
"river or sea of information"
that ever is, was, or will be, right?
951
00:54:54,692 --> 00:54:56,027
It's all dipping into that.
952
00:54:56,027 --> 00:54:57,762
Like, in really good improv,
953
00:54:57,762 --> 00:55:01,832
like, those people are
absolutely communicating psychically.
954
00:55:03,067 --> 00:55:04,835
WILSON: How do you know that
955
00:55:04,835 --> 00:55:08,072
the things that you're hearing
or seeing are not your imagination?
956
00:55:08,072 --> 00:55:09,874
I don't. Right?
957
00:55:09,874 --> 00:55:14,412
And so, like, that doesn't even
necessarily mean anything, you know?
958
00:55:14,412 --> 00:55:15,813
Because it's not like...
959
00:55:18,349 --> 00:55:20,484
What is imagination, right?
960
00:55:20,484 --> 00:55:21,986
Like, what is imagination?
961
00:55:23,487 --> 00:55:25,022
Is it arguable
that your imagination
962
00:55:25,022 --> 00:55:28,025
is actually just, you know,
energetic information?
963
00:55:28,025 --> 00:55:29,760
That you're just processing?
964
00:55:29,760 --> 00:55:31,095
You know? Does it
really make a difference?
965
00:55:31,095 --> 00:55:33,330
Is there really a separation?
966
00:55:33,330 --> 00:55:37,001
And if it resonates
with the person I'm talking to,
967
00:55:38,335 --> 00:55:39,603
then it doesn't fucking matter.
968
00:55:42,973 --> 00:55:46,877
I've been thinking a lot
about the past recently,
969
00:55:46,877 --> 00:55:48,112
and the ways in which
970
00:55:50,581 --> 00:55:53,918
what I'm doing now is
supposed to be, maybe not a solution,
971
00:55:53,918 --> 00:55:58,589
but is supposed
to resolve, in some ways,
972
00:55:58,589 --> 00:56:01,392
the tensions or problems
that happened in the past,
973
00:56:01,392 --> 00:56:03,394
and I think
I've been struggling with,
974
00:56:05,529 --> 00:56:08,632
um, how exactly
I'm supposed to do that.
975
00:56:08,632 --> 00:56:11,102
So can you be
a little more specific?
976
00:56:11,102 --> 00:56:13,804
Because you keep using
words like "it" and "things."
977
00:56:13,804 --> 00:56:15,039
(BOTH LAUGH)
978
00:56:15,039 --> 00:56:17,141
No, definitely. Um...
979
00:56:17,141 --> 00:56:19,543
So, my mom sent me something
which was really interesting,
980
00:56:19,543 --> 00:56:21,579
which was a...
981
00:56:21,579 --> 00:56:26,517
Basically, a will
that was signed in 1860
982
00:56:26,517 --> 00:56:28,986
by the people
who owned my family.
983
00:56:28,986 --> 00:56:32,590
And I had my
great-great-great...
984
00:56:32,590 --> 00:56:35,593
- Some number of greats grandfather there.
- (CHUCKLES) Yes.
985
00:56:35,593 --> 00:56:39,497
And it had, like,
a price beside his name.
986
00:56:39,497 --> 00:56:41,932
And for some reason,
that price has been sticking with me a lot,
987
00:56:41,932 --> 00:56:45,970
like over the past
six, seven days.
988
00:56:45,970 --> 00:56:48,172
- How much was it?
- It was $250.
989
00:56:49,540 --> 00:56:52,877
So, you know, it's...
I don't know.
990
00:56:52,877 --> 00:56:55,479
For me, it's like that number
is hanging in my head.
991
00:56:55,479 --> 00:56:58,149
I'm like, okay, well,
how do I either,
992
00:56:58,149 --> 00:57:00,985
like, make good on that,
how do I erase that?
993
00:57:00,985 --> 00:57:03,654
- Like, what is that supposed to mean for me?
- Oh.
994
00:57:03,654 --> 00:57:06,857
Okay. Close your eyes.
995
00:57:06,857 --> 00:57:08,959
Get comfy, like,
you can like, snuggle down
996
00:57:08,959 --> 00:57:10,895
and, you know,
lay back if you want.
997
00:57:10,895 --> 00:57:12,930
And you're gonna
find your breath, please.
998
00:57:22,740 --> 00:57:26,143
So do you know the name of
your great-great-great- great-great-great?
999
00:57:27,044 --> 00:57:28,512
It was Edmund.
1000
00:57:29,613 --> 00:57:31,182
Okay, so call that dude in.
1001
00:57:32,583 --> 00:57:34,685
Well, he's here.
Okay. So... (CHUCKLES)
1002
00:57:34,685 --> 00:57:35,820
Um...
1003
00:57:44,195 --> 00:57:47,731
I mean, it does...
He feels to me, he...
1004
00:57:47,731 --> 00:57:51,101
So there's a couple things.
One, we can come up with, like,
1005
00:57:51,101 --> 00:57:52,903
a way to sort of
1006
00:57:52,903 --> 00:57:58,509
reframe the weight
and the gravity of that $250.
1007
00:57:58,509 --> 00:58:01,145
It could be as simple
as a donation, right?
1008
00:58:01,145 --> 00:58:03,581
To something,
of that amount of money.
1009
00:58:03,581 --> 00:58:07,585
You know, it could be,
I'm going to do some sort of
1010
00:58:07,585 --> 00:58:09,887
like, practice for, like,
250 days.
1011
00:58:09,887 --> 00:58:12,690
So let it be
a power number for you,
1012
00:58:12,690 --> 00:58:13,858
'cause right now,
it's sort of like...
1013
00:58:15,159 --> 00:58:17,228
Like it's gnawing at
your energetic edges.
1014
00:58:18,863 --> 00:58:20,664
So, what he's asking you to do,
1015
00:58:20,664 --> 00:58:23,267
he's just like, "Look, don't...
Like, don't let that be a shackle.
1016
00:58:23,267 --> 00:58:25,035
"Come on now."
1017
00:58:25,035 --> 00:58:26,203
Right?
1018
00:58:26,203 --> 00:58:28,138
So take it
and turn it into something else.
1019
00:58:30,608 --> 00:58:32,109
Do you feel Great-Great-Great-
Great-Great-Great-Great-
1020
00:58:32,109 --> 00:58:33,577
Great-Grandpappy's hand
on your back?
1021
00:58:35,246 --> 00:58:37,114
Um...
1022
00:58:37,114 --> 00:58:40,851
No. For some reason,
I can see, like, his back.
1023
00:58:40,851 --> 00:58:42,987
Okay. Stick with that.
1024
00:58:48,993 --> 00:58:51,262
So, if I may,
1025
00:58:51,262 --> 00:58:53,530
it feels to me
1026
00:58:53,530 --> 00:58:58,602
like he's saying,
"You already have my back."
1027
00:58:58,602 --> 00:59:02,706
So all of this, like...
All this sort of story around it,
1028
00:59:02,706 --> 00:59:07,311
and this narrative,
and this pressure, right,
1029
00:59:07,311 --> 00:59:11,282
he wants you to know that, like,
that's not being applied by him.
1030
00:59:12,683 --> 00:59:15,753
It's so important to them.
1031
00:59:15,753 --> 00:59:18,822
Hold on. I gotta...
(SNAPS FINGERS) Whoo. (CHUCKLES)
1032
00:59:18,822 --> 00:59:20,624
It's so important to them.
1033
00:59:20,624 --> 00:59:21,926
Uh...
1034
00:59:22,826 --> 00:59:25,095
That we...(CLEARS THROAT)
1035
00:59:30,267 --> 00:59:32,136
...define freedom for ourselves.
1036
00:59:33,203 --> 00:59:36,006
Times is different now.
Freedoms is different now.
1037
00:59:36,006 --> 00:59:39,777
What is freedom now?
What is freedom to you?
1038
00:59:39,777 --> 00:59:41,812
Right? Because
they're just like, "Mm-mm.
1039
00:59:41,812 --> 00:59:48,218
"We don't want you to be, like,
enslaved to these (EXHALES) concepts, you know,
1040
00:59:48,218 --> 00:59:52,790
"that we were shooting for,
like, I don't want you doing the thing
1041
00:59:53,958 --> 00:59:56,026
"that all these other people
and all these other stories
1042
00:59:56,026 --> 00:59:59,330
"and all these other narratives
and all this other pressure and all these...
1043
00:59:59,330 --> 01:00:03,267
"All these fucking traumatic
pieces that keep cutting at us..."
1044
01:00:05,002 --> 01:00:07,137
(SNAPS FINGERS)
1045
01:00:07,137 --> 01:00:09,006
(SNAPS FINGERS) Fuck.
(CHUCKLES)
1046
01:00:09,006 --> 01:00:10,307
"...are telling you to do."
1047
01:00:12,710 --> 01:00:17,348
Yeah, he's saying he was free
five years after that document.
1048
01:00:17,348 --> 01:00:18,816
Um...
1049
01:00:18,816 --> 01:00:20,317
So why are you still living
attached to it?
1050
01:00:20,317 --> 01:00:21,685
Why am I wearing his chains?
1051
01:00:21,685 --> 01:00:23,387
Right? See?
1052
01:00:23,387 --> 01:00:24,955
Go ahead, Grandpappy.
1053
01:00:30,361 --> 01:00:31,729
(EXHALES)
1054
01:00:45,909 --> 01:00:49,213
It's not, you know...
It's not entirely selfless, right?
1055
01:00:49,213 --> 01:00:51,215
It's actually
not selfless at all.
1056
01:00:51,215 --> 01:00:52,983
Because everybody
gets a healing.
1057
01:00:54,718 --> 01:00:59,156
And sometimes, I think healers
need the most healing.
1058
01:01:00,891 --> 01:01:01,925
(STATIC CRACKLES)
1059
01:01:03,927 --> 01:01:07,798
Hi. Um, I'm Phoebe.
1060
01:01:09,266 --> 01:01:12,136
Hey.
1061
01:01:12,136 --> 01:01:17,274
I just want to say
that life is hard to live it. Fuck.
1062
01:01:17,274 --> 01:01:20,344
Why? Why is it
so fucking hard for me?
1063
01:01:20,344 --> 01:01:24,848
Why can't I just be normal and
get up in the morning and do shit?
1064
01:01:26,183 --> 01:01:27,317
When is it gonna get better?
1065
01:01:31,121 --> 01:01:34,258
HOFFMAN: In some ways,
I was no different
1066
01:01:34,258 --> 01:01:38,929
than I am now,
except I'm a lot older,
1067
01:01:38,929 --> 01:01:41,965
and I don't snort cocaine
anymore.
1068
01:01:43,434 --> 01:01:46,336
I just see myself, uh,
1069
01:01:46,336 --> 01:01:48,105
sort of drowning in this
1070
01:01:49,940 --> 01:01:54,311
narrative or story of
depression and low self-worth.
1071
01:01:54,311 --> 01:01:59,083
And just the idea
that I lived that way for all those years,
1072
01:01:59,083 --> 01:02:01,385
in one room with my father.
1073
01:02:01,385 --> 01:02:03,087
I didn't have a bedroom.
1074
01:02:05,789 --> 01:02:07,291
I mean,
he would do coke with me.
1075
01:02:09,226 --> 01:02:10,894
He loved it. He used to say,
1076
01:02:10,894 --> 01:02:12,496
(IN NASALLY VOICE)
"I always knew I had a child
1077
01:02:12,496 --> 01:02:14,364
"so they could
get me good drugs."
1078
01:02:16,133 --> 01:02:18,068
WILSON: What was that like?
1079
01:02:18,068 --> 01:02:21,472
Well, in hindsight,
pretty fucked up.
1080
01:02:21,472 --> 01:02:23,107
I'd have to go to high school
the next morning.
1081
01:02:23,107 --> 01:02:25,843
He'd be up at 3:00 a.m.
with the TV blaring, the light,
1082
01:02:25,843 --> 01:02:28,378
he'd be talking about some woman
he fucked in the bathroom,
1083
01:02:28,378 --> 01:02:30,781
'cause that was the only a room
anybody could have privacy in,
1084
01:02:30,781 --> 01:02:33,884
and I'd be trying to fall
asleep, I had a test in the morning.
1085
01:02:33,884 --> 01:02:35,352
No wonder I couldn't
finish high school.
1086
01:02:43,360 --> 01:02:44,428
HOFFMAN: (ON TV) Murder?
1087
01:02:46,363 --> 01:02:48,198
I couldn't
1088
01:02:48,198 --> 01:02:52,336
figure out a way
to be part of the world.
1089
01:02:54,204 --> 01:02:56,373
(MELANCHOLY MUSIC PLAYING
PLAYING ON TV)
1090
01:03:03,247 --> 01:03:05,282
Most of my life,
I was a recluse.
1091
01:03:07,117 --> 01:03:09,419
I hardly went out
unless I had to.
1092
01:03:09,419 --> 01:03:11,555
And I did not see people.
1093
01:03:13,924 --> 01:03:17,427
I thought my life would
just be living in an apartment,
1094
01:03:17,427 --> 01:03:19,997
not going out, till I died.
1095
01:03:24,334 --> 01:03:26,370
Being as sensitive as I am,
1096
01:03:28,105 --> 01:03:31,808
I thought the human race
was not for me.
1097
01:03:40,184 --> 01:03:42,553
I begged my father
to see a therapist with me
1098
01:03:42,553 --> 01:03:45,889
'cause I was blaming him
for everything.
1099
01:03:45,889 --> 01:03:49,927
And this woman, she said to me,
"Look, I'm gonna be honest with you.
1100
01:03:49,927 --> 01:03:51,361
"This is hopeless.
1101
01:03:51,361 --> 01:03:53,430
"Your father
will never understand.
1102
01:03:53,430 --> 01:03:56,900
"He'll never take
responsibility, accountability.
1103
01:03:56,900 --> 01:03:59,369
"You gotta... You gotta get
over this. You gotta move on."
1104
01:03:59,369 --> 01:04:02,105
She said to me,
"There's this place by your mother.
1105
01:04:02,105 --> 01:04:03,540
"Doesn't your mother
live near this place?
1106
01:04:03,540 --> 01:04:06,343
Kripalu? This is what
I'm gonna tell you to do.
1107
01:04:06,343 --> 01:04:08,845
"Go there. Just find a program and go there.
1108
01:04:08,845 --> 01:04:10,447
"I don't care what it is."
1109
01:04:10,447 --> 01:04:12,482
So I went home.
I went on the Internet.
1110
01:04:12,482 --> 01:04:13,850
I looked at their website.
1111
01:04:13,850 --> 01:04:15,385
I was totally overwhelmed.
1112
01:04:15,385 --> 01:04:18,088
There must have been
100 programs going on.
1113
01:04:18,088 --> 01:04:21,291
Everything was about yoga,
Buddhist meditation.
1114
01:04:21,291 --> 01:04:24,027
Find the inner you,
find the joy in your life.
1115
01:04:24,027 --> 01:04:26,263
I mean, I wanted to vomit
with this language.
1116
01:04:26,263 --> 01:04:28,131
And then I came across, uh...
1117
01:04:28,131 --> 01:04:30,400
"Wanna psychically
communicate with animals?"
1118
01:04:30,400 --> 01:04:33,237
And I thought, "That's weird."
1119
01:04:33,237 --> 01:04:36,006
I said, "Well, if I'm gonna do
anything, I guess I would do that."
1120
01:04:37,140 --> 01:04:38,942
And I'm such an animal lover.
1121
01:04:38,942 --> 01:04:41,478
I mean, that's another part
of all these years of isolation.
1122
01:04:41,478 --> 01:04:43,513
I was devastated
over the treatment,
1123
01:04:43,513 --> 01:04:47,351
between factory farms
and just the lack of respect.
1124
01:04:47,351 --> 01:04:49,920
So I just thought,
"What the hell? Let me try."
1125
01:04:49,920 --> 01:04:51,922
Go in there
and see what it's like.
1126
01:04:51,922 --> 01:04:53,523
I went in,
1127
01:04:53,523 --> 01:04:56,326
and all of a sudden,
everybody in the class was going,
1128
01:04:56,326 --> 01:04:58,895
"Oh, my God, how do you know that about me?
1129
01:04:58,895 --> 01:05:00,964
"How do you know
that about my animal?
1130
01:05:00,964 --> 01:05:02,566
"You just described
my living room.
1131
01:05:02,566 --> 01:05:04,301
"You just described
my coffee table."
1132
01:05:04,301 --> 01:05:07,170
I remember,
like the first month,
1133
01:05:07,170 --> 01:05:12,242
I diagnosed a UTI in a cat.
Um...
1134
01:05:12,242 --> 01:05:16,947
I never really thought I could
do anything in the world.
1135
01:05:18,215 --> 01:05:19,349
Really.
1136
01:05:21,018 --> 01:05:24,454
And not that I thought
I could really do this, either.
1137
01:05:24,454 --> 01:05:28,525
But I was hearing
such great feedback.
1138
01:05:28,525 --> 01:05:31,662
And it was a way I thought,
out of my situation, which it was.
1139
01:05:31,662 --> 01:05:34,398
And I don't just mean
monetarily or anything.
1140
01:05:34,398 --> 01:05:36,700
Well, that wasn't even a thing.
It was...
1141
01:05:36,700 --> 01:05:38,635
I was so down on humanity.
1142
01:05:38,635 --> 01:05:43,106
And then I saw this
whole group of people that
1143
01:05:44,975 --> 01:05:47,711
had the sensitivity
and the empathy.
1144
01:05:49,680 --> 01:05:51,415
And it was such
a revelation for me.
1145
01:06:01,325 --> 01:06:05,662
Okay, so the first thing
that comes through about you, Ivalee,
1146
01:06:07,631 --> 01:06:10,734
is you easily feel pain.
1147
01:06:10,734 --> 01:06:15,339
And pain is something that has
been a theme throughout your life.
1148
01:06:15,339 --> 01:06:19,142
But it's almost this feeling
like you feel defeated,
1149
01:06:19,142 --> 01:06:22,179
like it's so painful,
the disappointment.
1150
01:06:22,179 --> 01:06:23,613
And you've just retreated.
1151
01:06:23,613 --> 01:06:27,050
It's like you've pulled back
and said, "No more. I'm done."
1152
01:06:27,050 --> 01:06:29,152
Like, "I can't do this anymore.
I'm out."
1153
01:06:30,354 --> 01:06:31,722
Yeah.
1154
01:06:33,090 --> 01:06:35,726
Okay. So...
1155
01:06:35,726 --> 01:06:38,462
I'm going to now bring in
your animal. What's the name?
1156
01:06:38,462 --> 01:06:39,763
Zeus.
1157
01:06:39,763 --> 01:06:41,565
And what kind of animal?
1158
01:06:41,565 --> 01:06:42,632
Dog.
1159
01:06:42,632 --> 01:06:43,567
Alive or passed away?
1160
01:06:44,434 --> 01:06:45,502
I don't know.
1161
01:06:45,502 --> 01:06:48,171
You don't know? Okay.
1162
01:06:48,171 --> 01:06:50,240
Let me take a moment
and connect with Zeus.
1163
01:06:55,312 --> 01:06:57,547
It's very quiet.
There's something very...
1164
01:06:59,516 --> 01:07:02,786
It almost feels like
he was quiet, I'm getting,
1165
01:07:02,786 --> 01:07:07,724
because he wanted to be
this soul to hold space for you,
1166
01:07:07,724 --> 01:07:10,160
because he's saying
that that's something
1167
01:07:10,160 --> 01:07:13,196
you've needed a lot in your life
and you have not gotten.
1168
01:07:15,766 --> 01:07:17,300
And there's something here
about danger,
1169
01:07:17,300 --> 01:07:19,669
and I'm just
gonna say this, that...
1170
01:07:21,505 --> 01:07:24,641
He's saying that you
had very predatory people
1171
01:07:24,641 --> 01:07:26,576
latch on to you
and manipulate you.
1172
01:07:28,745 --> 01:07:29,679
Wow.
1173
01:07:31,448 --> 01:07:34,818
He's saying that people
have really broken your trust.
1174
01:07:36,553 --> 01:07:40,390
And at times it's even worse
than being physically hurt,
1175
01:07:40,390 --> 01:07:41,792
the emotional pain.
1176
01:07:46,430 --> 01:07:50,133
You were spot on
about the trauma.
1177
01:07:50,133 --> 01:07:54,671
I was in an abusive relationship
when I got Zeus.
1178
01:07:54,671 --> 01:07:56,573
And he
1179
01:07:56,573 --> 01:08:00,744
got to witness a lot of
the physical and the verbal, and the crying.
1180
01:08:00,744 --> 01:08:06,082
I would lock myself in
the garage with him and just cry.
1181
01:08:06,082 --> 01:08:09,252
And he would just sit there
and just put his head on my shoulder.
1182
01:08:09,252 --> 01:08:10,420
'Cause he was huge.
(CHUCKLES SOFTLY)
1183
01:08:10,420 --> 01:08:12,789
So he would just
be like this big teddy bear.
1184
01:08:14,291 --> 01:08:17,727
And he definitely
tried to protect me
1185
01:08:17,727 --> 01:08:19,696
from the physical attacks.
1186
01:08:19,696 --> 01:08:20,764
HOFFMAN: Mm-hmm.
1187
01:08:20,764 --> 01:08:22,098
On multiple occasions.
1188
01:08:23,667 --> 01:08:28,472
He... I think he kept me alive
during those times.
1189
01:08:35,545 --> 01:08:37,781
So do you have
a question for Zeus?
1190
01:08:38,849 --> 01:08:39,883
Is he okay?
1191
01:08:47,791 --> 01:08:52,429
Okay, so I know you said
you don't know if he's alive or passed away.
1192
01:08:55,465 --> 01:08:57,400
He's definitely okay,
1193
01:08:57,400 --> 01:09:00,237
but... And I... You know,
I can't say this with certainty,
1194
01:09:00,237 --> 01:09:02,739
but what I'm getting
is that he has passed away.
1195
01:09:04,274 --> 01:09:05,475
That's what I am feeling.
1196
01:09:12,749 --> 01:09:14,551
(BELL TOLLING IN DISTANCE)
1197
01:09:32,235 --> 01:09:34,905
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
1198
01:09:34,905 --> 01:09:37,274
GRYGO: When I do
the message circles,
1199
01:09:37,274 --> 01:09:42,913
almost all messages have to deal
with with loss, with the loss of that person,
1200
01:09:42,913 --> 01:09:45,749
and the status
of the relationship
1201
01:09:45,749 --> 01:09:49,185
when the person crossed over.
1202
01:09:49,185 --> 01:09:51,454
Like you said, it's hard not to
1203
01:09:51,454 --> 01:09:53,957
be, you know, gushing tears.
(CHUCKLES)
1204
01:09:53,957 --> 01:09:56,259
- Yeah, really...
- It's really hard.
1205
01:09:56,259 --> 01:09:57,794
And you have to, like...
(SWALLOWS)
1206
01:09:57,794 --> 01:09:59,362
Yeah, and it's weird,
because you have to...
1207
01:09:59,362 --> 01:10:01,264
You have to allow yourself
to feel it,
1208
01:10:01,264 --> 01:10:02,899
but not to the point
where you lose control.
1209
01:10:02,899 --> 01:10:04,701
Yeah, that feeling
is always difficult
1210
01:10:04,701 --> 01:10:07,904
because you can feel
almost as if it's your person...
1211
01:10:07,904 --> 01:10:09,506
- Mm-hmm.
- ...that has been lost.
1212
01:10:15,912 --> 01:10:17,213
WILSON: What was Johnny like?
1213
01:10:18,381 --> 01:10:20,383
He was a loner.
1214
01:10:20,383 --> 01:10:24,387
It was like the song Desperado
by the Eagles would describe some,
1215
01:10:24,387 --> 01:10:27,524
you know, pretty much a loner.
He did his own thing.
1216
01:10:27,524 --> 01:10:30,794
Uh, he... You know,
he was an addict.
1217
01:10:30,794 --> 01:10:32,629
He was addicted
to alcohol and drugs.
1218
01:10:33,964 --> 01:10:35,332
And, uh...
1219
01:10:36,533 --> 01:10:38,435
It caused a lot of problems.
1220
01:10:39,269 --> 01:10:40,770
For the family.
1221
01:10:40,770 --> 01:10:42,839
And I think I have a lot
of guilt about the fighting
1222
01:10:42,839 --> 01:10:44,741
and the anger. (SNIFFLES)
1223
01:10:44,741 --> 01:10:46,843
And that we were so different.
1224
01:10:46,843 --> 01:10:47,978
So very different.
1225
01:10:47,978 --> 01:10:48,979
Uh...
1226
01:10:50,914 --> 01:10:54,584
I remember one time,
we were all learning ice skating,
1227
01:10:54,584 --> 01:10:56,019
and, uh... (GRUNTS)
1228
01:10:57,621 --> 01:10:59,255
And he kind of gave up.
1229
01:10:59,255 --> 01:11:01,491
You know, it was
an ice skating rink and so forth.
1230
01:11:01,491 --> 01:11:03,560
And I kept falling down.
(CHUCKLES) But I just...
1231
01:11:04,928 --> 01:11:06,896
You know, I guess
I'm too stupid to stop.
1232
01:11:06,896 --> 01:11:09,933
I just got up
and then, eventually, got it.
1233
01:11:09,933 --> 01:11:13,570
And just, eventually,
figured out how to ice skate.
1234
01:11:13,570 --> 01:11:16,873
But he was like...
You know. Uh...
1235
01:11:18,041 --> 01:11:20,276
Part of him would give up,
1236
01:11:20,276 --> 01:11:22,646
and that was hard to accept.
1237
01:11:25,982 --> 01:11:28,718
I loved him, you know?
They just give up sometimes.
1238
01:11:42,766 --> 01:11:49,639
(DOING THROAT EXERCISES)
1239
01:11:49,639 --> 01:11:51,408
Let's take it up
a little bit higher.
1240
01:11:51,408 --> 01:11:56,046
(DOING THROAT EXERCISES)
1241
01:11:56,946 --> 01:12:02,085
(DOING THROAT EXERCISES)
1242
01:12:02,085 --> 01:12:03,787
Now all the vowels.
1243
01:12:03,787 --> 01:12:08,692
Nice big smile. Give me,
"A E I O U, A E I O U, A E I O U."
1244
01:12:08,692 --> 01:12:11,861
A E I O U, A E I O U. Sorry.
1245
01:12:11,861 --> 01:12:16,366
Ai yi yi yi yi.
1246
01:12:17,434 --> 01:12:20,937
(BOTH CONTINUING
THROAT EXERCISES)
1247
01:12:29,813 --> 01:12:31,448
Good. Great.
1248
01:12:31,448 --> 01:12:33,683
A little stretch. Feels good.
1249
01:12:33,683 --> 01:12:34,851
(PLAYING PIANO)
1250
01:12:34,851 --> 01:12:40,690
♪ There are places I remember
1251
01:12:40,690 --> 01:12:43,993
♪ All my life
1252
01:12:43,993 --> 01:12:46,830
♪ Though some have changed
1253
01:12:46,830 --> 01:12:52,068
♪ Some forever
but not for better
1254
01:12:52,068 --> 01:12:57,807
♪ Some have gone and some remain
1255
01:12:57,807 --> 01:13:03,713
♪ All these places
had their moments
1256
01:13:03,713 --> 01:13:09,119
♪ With lovers and friends
I still can recall
1257
01:13:09,119 --> 01:13:15,091
♪ Some are dead
and some are living
1258
01:13:15,091 --> 01:13:21,631
♪ In my life I've loved them all
1259
01:13:21,631 --> 01:13:23,133
- I made a mistake. Sorry.
- Okay.
1260
01:13:24,167 --> 01:13:25,168
That's right.
1261
01:13:26,169 --> 01:13:29,038
- That's right.
- Okay.
1262
01:13:29,038 --> 01:13:30,140
Yeah.
1263
01:13:36,846 --> 01:13:39,749
This is Mother.
1264
01:13:39,749 --> 01:13:44,788
Clearly, on, um,
a shelf by herself in the middle,
1265
01:13:44,788 --> 01:13:46,189
because, I mean, she's queen.
1266
01:13:46,189 --> 01:13:48,057
She is queen.
1267
01:13:48,057 --> 01:13:49,993
If there's a fire, that's one of
the first things I'm grabbing, okay?
1268
01:13:53,930 --> 01:13:56,800
I was not there physically
when my mother transitioned.
1269
01:13:58,902 --> 01:14:01,538
I saw my mother
the day before she transitioned,
1270
01:14:01,538 --> 01:14:03,807
and I could not feel death.
1271
01:14:03,807 --> 01:14:06,009
I didn't see it. None of it.
1272
01:14:06,009 --> 01:14:07,677
I think that was
by design, though.
1273
01:14:07,677 --> 01:14:10,013
I think, um,
1274
01:14:10,013 --> 01:14:12,015
Spirit knew that I could not
have handled that.
1275
01:14:15,952 --> 01:14:17,854
She was my best friend.
1276
01:14:17,854 --> 01:14:23,793
We talked every single day,
multiple times a day,
1277
01:14:23,793 --> 01:14:25,962
and I didn't talk to her
that Wednesday.
1278
01:14:25,962 --> 01:14:27,931
I tried, but she just, like,
didn't answer her phone.
1279
01:14:27,931 --> 01:14:29,499
And I was like,
"Well, maybe she's busy."
1280
01:14:29,499 --> 01:14:33,570
And I get to work
and then my cousin calls me.
1281
01:14:33,570 --> 01:14:37,574
(EXHALES) You know, who...
Who makes phone calls?
1282
01:14:37,574 --> 01:14:39,742
You know? In this day and age.
1283
01:14:39,742 --> 01:14:41,244
And I knew something was wrong.
1284
01:14:41,244 --> 01:14:43,880
And that's when
I got the phone call. Yeah.
1285
01:14:43,880 --> 01:14:48,117
And this tattoo is dedicated
to that experience as well.
1286
01:14:48,117 --> 01:14:50,687
I got the phone call
at 9:00 a.m.
1287
01:14:50,687 --> 01:14:54,657
And so that's what...
That's what that time symbolizes here.
1288
01:14:54,657 --> 01:14:56,893
You know,
I collapsed to the floor.
1289
01:14:56,893 --> 01:15:01,631
They had to, um...
They had to Uber me home.
1290
01:15:01,631 --> 01:15:04,534
I remember the admin
asked me my address,
1291
01:15:04,534 --> 01:15:06,836
and I couldn't, like,
I couldn't remember my address.
1292
01:15:06,836 --> 01:15:09,172
(STAMMERS)
You don't think. You don't...
1293
01:15:09,172 --> 01:15:12,876
You're not prepared,
there's no amount of preparation.
1294
01:15:12,876 --> 01:15:16,880
And I was back in Oklahoma
that very next day.
1295
01:15:19,916 --> 01:15:22,919
I have a feeling she was hiding.
1296
01:15:24,287 --> 01:15:26,089
Maybe, how sick she was.
1297
01:15:26,089 --> 01:15:28,758
I have a feeling, um,
it has not been confirmed.
1298
01:15:28,758 --> 01:15:31,661
I've asked her many times
since I've been in Spirit.
1299
01:15:31,661 --> 01:15:32,829
She will not tell me.
1300
01:15:32,829 --> 01:15:34,163
She will not tell
any other psychic
1301
01:15:34,163 --> 01:15:35,899
or medium that that I go to.
1302
01:15:35,899 --> 01:15:39,135
Um, very mum about that.
1303
01:15:39,135 --> 01:15:42,272
I did beat myself up 'cause
I thought I should have known beforehand.
1304
01:15:47,277 --> 01:15:48,544
No one knew.
1305
01:15:49,545 --> 01:15:51,648
No one knew. Yeah.
1306
01:15:51,648 --> 01:15:54,150
- WILSON: You're always comforting other people.
- Yes.
1307
01:15:54,150 --> 01:15:56,686
WILSON: I'm wondering
who comforts you.
1308
01:15:56,686 --> 01:15:59,822
(CLICKS TONGUE) Oh...
that's the...
1309
01:16:02,125 --> 01:16:04,761
Never-ending question.
(CHUCKLES)
1310
01:16:04,761 --> 01:16:05,795
Um...
1311
01:16:08,731 --> 01:16:10,233
(CLICKS TONGUE)
It's still a work-in-progress.
1312
01:16:10,233 --> 01:16:12,936
That's still a work-in-progress.
1313
01:16:12,936 --> 01:16:14,003
We're still figuring that out.
1314
01:16:26,182 --> 01:16:29,052
Okay. Um...
1315
01:16:29,052 --> 01:16:32,655
Spirit does want to talk
about the family dynamic, and, um...
1316
01:16:40,263 --> 01:16:42,298
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. So I'm seeing...
1317
01:16:46,903 --> 01:16:51,341
There's other children
on the other side
1318
01:16:51,341 --> 01:16:53,743
that didn't make it
on this side.
1319
01:16:53,743 --> 01:16:55,211
MAN: Wow.
1320
01:16:55,211 --> 01:16:57,313
Okay, I see two of them.
1321
01:16:57,313 --> 01:16:59,115
MAN: Wow. Wow.
HALL: Okay. Okay.
1322
01:16:59,115 --> 01:17:00,650
They've been...
Okay. Great. Yes.
1323
01:17:00,650 --> 01:17:03,019
They've been here.
They came to me last night.
1324
01:17:03,019 --> 01:17:06,322
So they've been running around,
and they... (GIGGLES)
1325
01:17:06,322 --> 01:17:07,757
MAN: Wow.
HALL: Yes. Okay.
1326
01:17:07,757 --> 01:17:08,858
They...
1327
01:17:11,327 --> 01:17:14,230
They're a part.
They're a part of the unit.
1328
01:17:14,230 --> 01:17:15,898
They're a part of the unit.
1329
01:17:15,898 --> 01:17:18,001
- They're actually
the extension on the other side. -MAN: Ooh.
1330
01:17:18,001 --> 01:17:19,102
And you can access them.
1331
01:17:19,102 --> 01:17:21,838
You, particularly,
can access them.
1332
01:17:21,838 --> 01:17:24,674
Okay? Particularly,
you can access them.
1333
01:17:24,674 --> 01:17:26,042
(SNIFFLES)
1334
01:17:26,042 --> 01:17:28,745
And it feels like you feel them.
It... Yes. Okay.
1335
01:17:28,745 --> 01:17:30,246
And not, um...
1336
01:17:31,414 --> 01:17:33,950
Not natural mother...
1337
01:17:33,950 --> 01:17:36,686
It's... Spirit...
Like you feel... Yes.
1338
01:17:36,686 --> 01:17:40,289
And I feel like
they even walk around
1339
01:17:40,289 --> 01:17:42,425
- the house.
- The house?
1340
01:17:42,425 --> 01:17:44,794
- (LAUGHS) -Yes. Yeah,
it feels like they walk around the house.
1341
01:17:44,794 --> 01:17:47,230
Okay? Okay. Yeah, it feels like
they walk around the house.
1342
01:17:47,230 --> 01:17:52,268
Swaha, you will feel
these souls soon.
1343
01:17:52,268 --> 01:17:54,137
SWAHA: I already have.
1344
01:17:54,137 --> 01:17:55,772
Well, my God. Okay.
1345
01:17:55,772 --> 01:17:58,908
Well, they will be with you
for a very long time.
1346
01:18:01,044 --> 01:18:02,879
They're not going anywhere.
1347
01:18:02,879 --> 01:18:04,714
I've been scared of them
for a long time,
1348
01:18:04,714 --> 01:18:06,115
and then I've embraced them.
1349
01:18:06,115 --> 01:18:07,350
Mm.
1350
01:18:07,350 --> 01:18:09,719
HALL: Well, yeah,
yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah.
1351
01:18:09,719 --> 01:18:12,055
I slept in my parent's bed
for a while because of this.
1352
01:18:12,055 --> 01:18:15,758
HALL: (CLICKS TONGUE)
Well, well... Uh-huh.
1353
01:18:17,960 --> 01:18:20,930
They were... They said
they were being playful.
1354
01:18:20,930 --> 01:18:25,435
They understood it's, like,
different on the Earth plane.
1355
01:18:25,435 --> 01:18:28,438
They did not mean
to scare by any means.
1356
01:18:28,438 --> 01:18:31,774
They were being playful,
very playful and loving.
1357
01:18:31,774 --> 01:18:34,043
Oh! Um... Mm-hmm.
1358
01:18:36,479 --> 01:18:38,314
So, like I said, there's two.
1359
01:18:38,314 --> 01:18:43,152
The older one is saying there
was nothing you could have done.
1360
01:18:43,152 --> 01:18:44,387
(SOBBING)
1361
01:18:44,387 --> 01:18:49,058
HALL: There's nothing.
It was designed as so.
1362
01:18:49,058 --> 01:18:51,427
There was nothing. Um...
1363
01:18:52,829 --> 01:18:54,230
So don't carry that.
1364
01:18:54,230 --> 01:18:56,265
That doesn't...
Don't carry that.
1365
01:19:13,082 --> 01:19:15,384
(BREATHING DEEPLY)
1366
01:19:32,001 --> 01:19:34,437
(HALL EXHALES DEEPLY)
1367
01:19:50,953 --> 01:19:53,356
- His name is Bobby, Jr.
- HOFFMAN: Bobby, Jr, okay.
1368
01:19:53,356 --> 01:19:57,326
- He is a bearded dragon, a lizard.
- Oh!
1369
01:19:57,326 --> 01:20:00,296
After three years together,
I donated Bobby to the school
1370
01:20:00,296 --> 01:20:01,998
- 'cause I couldn't take care of him anymore.
- Mm-hmm.
1371
01:20:01,998 --> 01:20:04,800
But I was keeping
in touch with the school,
1372
01:20:04,800 --> 01:20:07,570
and, like, seeing him
every now and again.
1373
01:20:07,570 --> 01:20:11,507
But then, after COVID,
they had to take all the animals,
1374
01:20:11,507 --> 01:20:14,977
and so, the zookeeper took
the animals to her home in New Jersey.
1375
01:20:14,977 --> 01:20:16,879
I asked if I could visit him,
1376
01:20:16,879 --> 01:20:18,247
or I could see him,
1377
01:20:18,247 --> 01:20:19,949
and she said
that she wasn't comfortable with that.
1378
01:20:19,949 --> 01:20:21,984
- Then I said, "Oh, okay."
- Okay.
1379
01:20:21,984 --> 01:20:23,586
So I sort of left it at that.
1380
01:20:23,586 --> 01:20:26,055
- All right, so I'm just going to take a moment.
- Yeah.
1381
01:20:26,055 --> 01:20:27,957
And just connect with Bobby, Jr.
1382
01:20:27,957 --> 01:20:30,259
(INHALES)
1383
01:20:30,259 --> 01:20:31,894
(EXHALES DEEPLY)
1384
01:20:33,429 --> 01:20:35,431
I get that
he's very well taken care of
1385
01:20:35,431 --> 01:20:38,467
as far as feeding,
having his area cleaned.
1386
01:20:38,467 --> 01:20:41,304
But from Bobby's point of view,
1387
01:20:41,304 --> 01:20:44,040
she's totally different
than you.
1388
01:20:44,040 --> 01:20:47,109
Completely different affect.
Different mood.
1389
01:20:47,109 --> 01:20:49,979
Is he happy there?
1390
01:20:49,979 --> 01:20:51,214
Or how is he...
1391
01:20:51,214 --> 01:20:52,848
And, like, emotionally?
1392
01:20:52,848 --> 01:20:54,483
How is he feeling over there?
1393
01:20:57,553 --> 01:21:00,990
You know,
I don't get that he's unhappy.
1394
01:21:00,990 --> 01:21:05,328
I get that he doesn't have as
much physical contact with a person.
1395
01:21:05,328 --> 01:21:08,631
They don't have the same
emotional connection that the two of you had.
1396
01:21:08,631 --> 01:21:11,400
Does he have any sort of
1397
01:21:14,170 --> 01:21:16,405
yearning for me
to sort of, like,
1398
01:21:16,405 --> 01:21:18,874
try and get in contact again,
1399
01:21:18,874 --> 01:21:20,376
and reach out again, because...
1400
01:21:20,376 --> 01:21:24,213
- (HOFFMAN SIGHS)
- I don't know if I should just leave it, or...
1401
01:21:26,515 --> 01:21:27,984
It's done.
1402
01:21:27,984 --> 01:21:29,885
- Yeah?
- That part is done.
1403
01:21:29,885 --> 01:21:31,120
That's what I get from him.
1404
01:21:32,922 --> 01:21:34,523
You know, the thing
about animals are,
1405
01:21:36,392 --> 01:21:39,161
even after they're not with us,
1406
01:21:39,161 --> 01:21:42,131
they're still with us
in a different way.
1407
01:21:42,131 --> 01:21:45,067
The relationship isn't dead
because you've parted.
1408
01:21:45,067 --> 01:21:46,402
It's just like
two people who part.
1409
01:21:46,402 --> 01:21:48,204
There's still...
1410
01:21:48,204 --> 01:21:50,273
There's still feelings,
there's still emotions.
1411
01:21:50,273 --> 01:21:52,341
There's still something higher
1412
01:21:52,341 --> 01:21:54,577
than can even be
described going on
1413
01:21:54,577 --> 01:21:56,045
because he's still
affecting you,
1414
01:21:56,045 --> 01:21:57,146
and that's what it
comes down to.
1415
01:21:57,146 --> 01:21:58,547
You're affected.
1416
01:21:58,547 --> 01:22:02,285
And his life and
his purpose with you wasn't for nothing.
1417
01:22:02,285 --> 01:22:04,620
It... It taught you things.
1418
01:22:16,999 --> 01:22:22,571
BORJA: This time of the year
feels full of longing and missing.
1419
01:22:22,571 --> 01:22:28,978
My best friend, Alex,
died almost two years ago from today.
1420
01:22:30,446 --> 01:22:32,682
(VIDEO PLAYING OVER PHONE)
1421
01:22:32,682 --> 01:22:34,717
(MEN CHATTERING ON VIDEO)
1422
01:22:36,152 --> 01:22:38,054
(CHUCKLES)
1423
01:22:38,054 --> 01:22:39,488
MAN: Oh, my God!
1424
01:22:42,358 --> 01:22:44,026
(MEN LAUGHING ON VIDEO)
1425
01:22:44,727 --> 01:22:45,728
(VIDEO STOPS)
1426
01:23:02,211 --> 01:23:03,713
BORJA: I just remember
1427
01:23:06,115 --> 01:23:08,351
I spent a week with him
in the hospital.
1428
01:23:12,355 --> 01:23:15,391
It's like you wish, and you hope, and you pray,
1429
01:23:15,391 --> 01:23:17,560
and you try to keep positive,
1430
01:23:17,560 --> 01:23:21,564
and I lead meditations
and healing circles
1431
01:23:21,564 --> 01:23:23,432
with our friends
and family for him,
1432
01:23:23,432 --> 01:23:25,735
with that all I would
lay my hands on him
1433
01:23:25,735 --> 01:23:27,670
and channel energy.
1434
01:23:30,673 --> 01:23:32,441
It's like, why didn't it
fucking work?
1435
01:23:36,712 --> 01:23:39,315
It's interesting,
working as a medium,
1436
01:23:39,315 --> 01:23:43,319
because people think
that we know everything, and we
1437
01:23:43,319 --> 01:23:46,088
know all the answers,
and we know why things happen.
1438
01:23:46,088 --> 01:23:47,156
But we're...
1439
01:23:48,257 --> 01:23:50,359
Maybe we can peek
around the corner,
1440
01:23:50,359 --> 01:23:54,597
and maybe we can see
a few feet ahead of people,
1441
01:23:54,597 --> 01:23:57,533
but when it comes
to our own lives,
1442
01:23:57,533 --> 01:24:01,637
and when it comes to things
we're emotionally attached to,
1443
01:24:01,637 --> 01:24:03,406
we're just as blind.
1444
01:24:11,247 --> 01:24:14,283
Terrible things happen
that we have no control over.
1445
01:24:15,384 --> 01:24:22,158
And there's almost
a sense of futility in it.
1446
01:24:46,282 --> 01:24:47,316
(HALL EXHALES)
1447
01:24:47,316 --> 01:24:50,586
Divine Spirit, we are... Mm.
1448
01:24:50,586 --> 01:24:53,322
We are thankful for this time
that we get to come together.
1449
01:24:54,657 --> 01:24:57,159
We never take
these moments for granted.
1450
01:24:58,561 --> 01:25:01,630
We never take
these moments lightly.
1451
01:25:01,630 --> 01:25:06,202
We asked for
your highest white light of protection.
1452
01:25:06,202 --> 01:25:09,705
We welcome our spirit guides,
our transitioned loved ones,
1453
01:25:09,705 --> 01:25:12,341
angels and deities
to be in the midst.
1454
01:25:12,341 --> 01:25:15,244
We ask for our spirit teachers
and chemists
1455
01:25:15,244 --> 01:25:19,515
to hold the vibration
and to support us.
1456
01:25:19,515 --> 01:25:25,654
We know that we are here to live
and walk in our purpose.
1457
01:25:25,654 --> 01:25:28,324
And we ask that you show up
in the midst.
1458
01:25:29,258 --> 01:25:31,694
It's with a humbled heart,
1459
01:25:31,694 --> 01:25:33,896
a heart of love
and a heart of thanks.
1460
01:25:33,896 --> 01:25:35,364
Amen.
1461
01:25:35,364 --> 01:25:36,632
Amen and amen.
1462
01:25:44,773 --> 01:25:46,509
Per, may I come to you?
1463
01:25:46,509 --> 01:25:47,743
- Yes.
- Okay.
1464
01:25:48,744 --> 01:25:50,579
Okay, so what I'm getting,
1465
01:25:50,579 --> 01:25:54,250
there is such a deep pain
and struggle,
1466
01:25:54,250 --> 01:25:56,151
and it is so intense.
1467
01:25:56,151 --> 01:25:57,753
You're so gentle,
1468
01:25:57,753 --> 01:26:01,390
and your sensitivity
Is quite unique,
1469
01:26:01,390 --> 01:26:05,661
and in order to preserve this,
you have to stay guarded.
1470
01:26:05,661 --> 01:26:07,730
You cannot be open all the time.
1471
01:26:07,730 --> 01:26:11,333
It's too hard.
It's too difficult.
1472
01:26:11,333 --> 01:26:13,569
And it will eat away at you.
1473
01:26:13,569 --> 01:26:15,704
- Does this make sense?
- BORJA: Yeah.
1474
01:26:22,578 --> 01:26:28,951
I just... I was having
a really hard and dark
1475
01:26:30,419 --> 01:26:32,388
past couple of weeks.
1476
01:26:34,223 --> 01:26:38,894
I have, like,
fantasies of leaving this Earth.
1477
01:26:41,230 --> 01:26:42,865
I'm not gonna
do anything to myself.
1478
01:26:42,865 --> 01:26:46,569
But if, like, a car hit me
on the way home.
1479
01:26:46,569 --> 01:26:48,304
I wouldn't...
1480
01:26:48,304 --> 01:26:51,473
I wouldn't be so mad at it.
1481
01:26:53,375 --> 01:26:55,878
I don't know, it's like I'm...
1482
01:26:55,878 --> 01:26:58,347
Yeah, intense pain, absolutely.
1483
01:26:58,347 --> 01:26:59,582
And I don't know
where that came from.
1484
01:26:59,582 --> 01:27:03,852
Maybe I'm absorbing
a lot of things.
1485
01:27:07,389 --> 01:27:11,293
I'd love to see if anyone
could connect to someone I lost.
1486
01:27:12,227 --> 01:27:14,897
My best friend, Alex.
1487
01:27:20,903 --> 01:27:23,706
SHERRIE: I feel presence here.
1488
01:27:23,706 --> 01:27:26,809
- Did he ever wear jeans jackets?
- All the time.
1489
01:27:26,809 --> 01:27:28,877
Did he have
a good sense of humor?
1490
01:27:28,877 --> 01:27:30,646
- Incredible sense... Yeah.
- I see him laughing.
1491
01:27:30,646 --> 01:27:32,514
- Yeah.
- Yeah, he's right here.
1492
01:27:32,514 --> 01:27:33,849
(LAUGHS)
1493
01:27:33,849 --> 01:27:34,917
SHERRIE: Yeah.
1494
01:27:36,318 --> 01:27:39,021
He is saying to me,
1495
01:27:39,021 --> 01:27:43,325
"I have so much deep things
that I want to say to him.
1496
01:27:43,325 --> 01:27:45,527
"And my friend is hurting."
1497
01:27:45,527 --> 01:27:48,030
And so one of his
priorities right now
1498
01:27:48,030 --> 01:27:51,600
is to remind you of, like, joy.
1499
01:27:51,600 --> 01:27:53,469
If you want to go out,
he'll go with you.
1500
01:27:53,469 --> 01:27:55,638
- He's like, "I'll be your wingman."
- Yeah.
1501
01:27:55,638 --> 01:28:00,976
So, he's really encouraging you
to, like...
1502
01:28:00,976 --> 01:28:04,313
As dark as things are,
because they are, right?
1503
01:28:04,313 --> 01:28:06,548
And as bleak as they feel,
because they do.
1504
01:28:06,548 --> 01:28:08,651
You still have a body,
you're still here,
1505
01:28:08,651 --> 01:28:10,953
you're still well,
you're still, you know, like,
1506
01:28:10,953 --> 01:28:14,356
sufficiently able to go out,
1507
01:28:14,356 --> 01:28:20,462
and, like, remember how enjoyable
it can be to have a human experience.
1508
01:28:24,933 --> 01:28:27,603
HALL: All right,
let's take a breath. Let's take a breath.
1509
01:28:27,603 --> 01:28:29,405
Come on, let's take a breath.
(BREATHES DEEPLY)
1510
01:28:31,073 --> 01:28:32,608
Right, Earth is hard.
1511
01:28:32,608 --> 01:28:34,443
Earth is hard, Earth is hard.
1512
01:28:34,443 --> 01:28:35,844
- We know this. Earth is hard.
- (EXHALES)
1513
01:28:35,844 --> 01:28:37,379
Let's take another breath.
1514
01:28:37,379 --> 01:28:39,048
(ALL TAKE DEEP BREATH)
1515
01:28:48,524 --> 01:28:50,426
(CRICKETS CHIRPING)
1516
01:28:54,530 --> 01:28:56,899
(BIRDS CHIRPING)
1517
01:29:10,412 --> 01:29:12,681
- MICHAEL: Hi. How are you?
- Hi. Good.
1518
01:29:12,681 --> 01:29:14,116
My name is Michael.
Nice to meet you.
1519
01:29:14,116 --> 01:29:16,819
Nice to meet...
We went to school together.
1520
01:29:16,819 --> 01:29:18,420
- We went to school together?
- Strasberg?
1521
01:29:20,122 --> 01:29:22,357
- What's your name?
- Catherine.
1522
01:29:22,357 --> 01:29:24,493
- Holy shit!
- (CATHERINE LAUGHS)
1523
01:29:24,493 --> 01:29:26,395
Am I allowed
to say that on camera?
1524
01:29:26,395 --> 01:29:27,830
CATHERINE: Oh, my goodness.
1525
01:29:27,830 --> 01:29:29,965
- Oh, my God. How are you doing?
- Good.
1526
01:29:29,965 --> 01:29:31,767
- Can I give you a hug?
- Yeah, you can. (LAUGHS)
1527
01:29:31,767 --> 01:29:33,969
- Oh, my...
- That's insane.
1528
01:29:33,969 --> 01:29:35,571
- What?
- Hi.
1529
01:29:35,571 --> 01:29:37,673
- What is this? Oh, my God. Wow.
- Yeah, it's so great.
1530
01:29:37,673 --> 01:29:39,875
I didn't recognize you,
because you used to have blonde hair, right?
1531
01:29:39,875 --> 01:29:40,943
I did, yeah.
1532
01:29:40,943 --> 01:29:42,611
- Oh, man!
- Holy goodness!
1533
01:29:42,611 --> 01:29:44,513
- What the...
- I know.
1534
01:29:44,513 --> 01:29:47,082
Um, wow!
1535
01:29:47,082 --> 01:29:48,751
Okay, wasn't expecting that.
1536
01:29:48,751 --> 01:29:50,652
CATHERINE: Neither was I. Wow.
1537
01:29:50,652 --> 01:29:52,788
Um...
1538
01:29:52,788 --> 01:29:56,058
Yeah. This is obviously
something, at Strasberg, that I did not...
1539
01:29:56,058 --> 01:29:57,626
- (LAUGHS)
- CATHERINE: Right.
1540
01:29:57,626 --> 01:30:00,095
...like, go around telling
people that I did, you know?
1541
01:30:00,095 --> 01:30:02,397
Oh, so you were doing it,
like, even then?
1542
01:30:02,397 --> 01:30:04,700
- Uh, not professionally.
- Oh, okay.
1543
01:30:04,700 --> 01:30:08,604
It's only been like in the past,
like, four or five years
1544
01:30:08,604 --> 01:30:10,539
- that I've been doing it, like, professionally.
- Wow.
1545
01:30:10,539 --> 01:30:13,876
But I'm still, like,
working towards the acting, though.
1546
01:30:13,876 --> 01:30:16,044
Yeah, yeah, yeah. No,
for sure. I understand that.
1547
01:30:16,044 --> 01:30:19,548
Yeah. Interestingly enough,
I'm sure you remember Brian Buzzard.
1548
01:30:19,548 --> 01:30:21,450
That's... Yeah.
1549
01:30:21,450 --> 01:30:23,452
- Oh, my God. He...
- No. (LAUGHS)
1550
01:30:23,452 --> 01:30:27,790
- So he's come through to me a few times.
- Really?
1551
01:30:27,790 --> 01:30:29,925
And, like, there's no mistake
that it's been him.
1552
01:30:29,925 --> 01:30:32,928
That's so crazy
that you immediately mentioned Brian,
1553
01:30:32,928 --> 01:30:37,733
because that's the person
that I'm, like, bringing all of his stuff.
1554
01:30:37,733 --> 01:30:39,535
MICHAEL: Wow!
1555
01:30:39,535 --> 01:30:42,471
Oh, man. Okay.
1556
01:30:42,471 --> 01:30:44,072
Oh, God, it's almost too weird.
1557
01:30:44,907 --> 01:30:47,075
MICHAEL: Um...
1558
01:30:47,075 --> 01:30:49,711
Okay. Well, this kind of, like,
throws me for a loop, because...
1559
01:30:49,711 --> 01:30:51,947
- Yeah. No, I can imagine.
- ...I didn't think I was gonna be reading
1560
01:30:51,947 --> 01:30:55,450
for someone who I actually knew in real life,
1561
01:30:55,450 --> 01:30:57,886
and not only that, but
the spirit who they want to come through
1562
01:30:57,886 --> 01:31:00,722
is also someone who I knew.
1563
01:31:00,722 --> 01:31:02,958
So, um, let's see how it goes.
1564
01:31:02,958 --> 01:31:03,892
Okay.
1565
01:31:19,074 --> 01:31:20,242
Mm.
1566
01:31:21,143 --> 01:31:23,045
Um...
1567
01:31:23,045 --> 01:31:26,648
I hate to bring up his passing,
like specific details.
1568
01:31:26,648 --> 01:31:29,785
I don't know a lot
about how he passed.
1569
01:31:29,785 --> 01:31:30,953
Okay.
1570
01:31:30,953 --> 01:31:35,123
Was there an issue
with abnormal breathing?
1571
01:31:35,123 --> 01:31:37,726
Like, the moment of his passing,
1572
01:31:37,726 --> 01:31:39,261
was there an issue
with breathing?
1573
01:31:39,261 --> 01:31:43,198
When he passed, and also,
like, before the passing as well?
1574
01:31:43,198 --> 01:31:45,534
I don't know if he had,
like, an issue with breathing,
1575
01:31:45,534 --> 01:31:48,837
but I also know that the way
he passed was he, like, hung himself.
1576
01:31:48,837 --> 01:31:51,540
So I don't know if
that's what you mean by, like...
1577
01:31:51,540 --> 01:31:52,908
- Okay, well, that would be...
- ...breathing.
1578
01:31:52,908 --> 01:31:54,877
That would be
a breathing issue, for sure.
1579
01:31:54,877 --> 01:31:56,612
Okay. (LAUGHS SOFTLY)
1580
01:31:56,612 --> 01:31:59,114
- Okay, um...
- (SIGHS)
1581
01:31:59,114 --> 01:32:01,216
Yeah, so tragic.
1582
01:32:09,658 --> 01:32:11,260
What would you like
to say to Brian?
1583
01:32:12,194 --> 01:32:15,163
I... (SIGHS) Um...
1584
01:32:21,904 --> 01:32:23,171
I guess just...
1585
01:32:28,644 --> 01:32:30,779
(BREATH TREMBLING)
1586
01:32:30,779 --> 01:32:33,015
I didn't actually think
of anything to say.
1587
01:32:39,955 --> 01:32:42,658
I guess just, like,
if he's with me
1588
01:32:42,658 --> 01:32:45,027
when I ask him if he's with me?
1589
01:32:46,561 --> 01:32:48,297
(BREATHES DEEPLY)
1590
01:32:48,297 --> 01:32:49,798
Yeah.
1591
01:32:49,798 --> 01:32:52,801
CATHERINE: Oh, my God.
1592
01:32:52,801 --> 01:32:55,203
Usually, I always
kind of talk out loud to him...
1593
01:32:55,203 --> 01:32:58,206
- Mm-hmm.
- ...when I'm feeling...
1594
01:32:58,206 --> 01:33:03,278
- Yeah.
- ...like, lost or stagnant or whatever.
1595
01:33:03,278 --> 01:33:05,580
So I guess I would just
want to know, like,
1596
01:33:05,580 --> 01:33:07,883
if, in those moments,
he's actually there.
1597
01:33:09,718 --> 01:33:11,053
And the answer to that is yes.
1598
01:33:11,053 --> 01:33:12,120
(CHUCKLES SOFTLY)
1599
01:33:14,056 --> 01:33:15,257
Yeah, he is.
1600
01:33:16,625 --> 01:33:18,593
Um...
1601
01:33:18,593 --> 01:33:21,029
Let me see
what he has to say to you.
1602
01:33:35,143 --> 01:33:36,979
What... Tell me what is it...
1603
01:33:36,979 --> 01:33:41,049
There's something that, um...
1604
01:33:41,049 --> 01:33:44,720
Something that you've
turned away from, or, like...
1605
01:33:44,720 --> 01:33:48,790
Or maybe you do it less
or you you don't do it at all?
1606
01:33:50,325 --> 01:33:51,393
What is this?
1607
01:33:56,865 --> 01:33:58,266
(TEARFULLY)
Like acting and writing.
1608
01:34:01,370 --> 01:34:04,139
You're gonna... He's saying
that you're gonna come back to it.
1609
01:34:07,175 --> 01:34:09,678
(SOBBING) Whoo!
1610
01:34:09,678 --> 01:34:11,313
I don't know why that one was...
1611
01:34:13,215 --> 01:34:16,885
It's because, like,
after he died, I...
1612
01:34:16,885 --> 01:34:21,923
I was like
I like lost all of that.
1613
01:34:21,923 --> 01:34:26,294
Well, what I'm getting
from him is that,
1614
01:34:26,294 --> 01:34:29,231
basically, like,
1615
01:34:29,231 --> 01:34:31,867
you're kind of in this,
like, rest period.
1616
01:34:31,867 --> 01:34:34,970
But you are going to go
back to it.
1617
01:34:34,970 --> 01:34:40,742
You are going to go back to it,
and you still have it in you.
1618
01:34:53,355 --> 01:34:54,423
Let me see what else.
1619
01:35:00,062 --> 01:35:01,463
(EXHALES)
1620
01:35:07,202 --> 01:35:11,039
- I feel like he's performing still.
- Mm.
1621
01:35:11,039 --> 01:35:14,876
I feel like he... Wherever
he is, that he is still performing.
1622
01:35:19,481 --> 01:35:20,882
WILSON: We're ready for you.
1623
01:35:20,882 --> 01:35:22,417
- Oh, cool. Thank you.
- Oh, thank you.
1624
01:35:22,417 --> 01:35:24,386
- Well, Michael...
- Man, this is fucking crazy.
1625
01:35:24,386 --> 01:35:27,355
This is amazing. I'm so
happy that this happened like this.
1626
01:35:27,355 --> 01:35:28,990
Yeah, me, too.
1627
01:35:28,990 --> 01:35:31,059
Also, like, there's no way
that that's just a coincidence.
1628
01:35:31,059 --> 01:35:33,128
Like, of me sitting down here
being like,
1629
01:35:33,128 --> 01:35:34,863
- Michael?
- Yeah, right.
1630
01:35:34,863 --> 01:35:39,768
So, I'm so thrilled
that you are, like, thriving with this...
1631
01:35:39,768 --> 01:35:42,938
Well, I don't know
if I'm thriving, but, um...
1632
01:35:42,938 --> 01:35:45,073
- It was so great to see you.
- I know. My goodness.
1633
01:35:45,073 --> 01:35:47,275
- Oh, my God, this is crazy.
- I know.
1634
01:35:47,275 --> 01:35:50,011
Well, yeah, but like you said,
we're connected on everything.
1635
01:35:50,011 --> 01:35:52,114
- Yeah.
- So I'll be in touch.
1636
01:35:52,114 --> 01:35:54,149
- Yeah, keep in touch. -I'll be in touch
especially if, like, anything else kind of,
1637
01:35:54,149 --> 01:35:57,319
from today, comes like, "Oh,
my gosh! That makes more sense now."
1638
01:35:57,319 --> 01:36:01,790
Yeah, And, you know,
one last thing, though, with the acting...
1639
01:36:01,790 --> 01:36:04,192
And I'm not just saying this
to, like, kiss your ass.
1640
01:36:04,192 --> 01:36:07,529
But you were
really talented, so...
1641
01:36:07,529 --> 01:36:08,997
Thank you. I appreciate that.
1642
01:36:08,997 --> 01:36:10,465
- Um, you've got to know that.
- Thank you.
1643
01:36:10,465 --> 01:36:15,170
So it would be a shame
for you not to do something.
1644
01:36:15,170 --> 01:36:16,471
Thank you. I appreciate that.
1645
01:36:16,471 --> 01:36:18,206
I do. That really means a lot.
1646
01:36:18,206 --> 01:36:19,374
Ooh. (CHUCKLES)
1647
01:36:19,374 --> 01:36:21,910
Um. Okay, well, thank you.
1648
01:36:21,910 --> 01:36:24,980
- Yeah. Keep in touch.
- I will. Bye.
1649
01:36:41,329 --> 01:36:44,099
WOMAN: I guess my question is,
1650
01:36:46,134 --> 01:36:47,335
how is she?
1651
01:36:49,471 --> 01:36:50,906
HALL: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
1652
01:36:50,906 --> 01:36:53,808
- I wonder if you could tell me?
- Yep. Let's see.
1653
01:36:53,808 --> 01:36:56,411
So she is here.
She came. Okay. Okay.
1654
01:36:56,411 --> 01:36:58,880
Ooh! (CLEARS THROAT) Ooh!
1655
01:37:06,488 --> 01:37:12,894
You were chose 'cause
they knew you could handle it.
1656
01:37:12,894 --> 01:37:14,229
Hmm.
1657
01:37:14,229 --> 01:37:15,931
You know how to do
the hard stuff,
1658
01:37:15,931 --> 01:37:18,567
and also,
it's a part of your soul.
1659
01:37:18,567 --> 01:37:23,238
It's a part of you knowing
how to step in that place and serve,
1660
01:37:23,238 --> 01:37:25,874
and you were the best one
that day for that.
1661
01:37:27,876 --> 01:37:30,612
But she is aware
the impact it has on you.
1662
01:37:32,013 --> 01:37:33,848
Yeah, she knows.
1663
01:37:35,850 --> 01:37:39,588
- I've carried this moment with me for so long.
- Mm-hmm.
1664
01:37:39,588 --> 01:37:44,526
I just... Do you see me
learning how to
1665
01:37:44,526 --> 01:37:47,262
actually be at peace with it?
1666
01:37:47,262 --> 01:37:48,563
Yes, this is the grieving.
1667
01:37:49,998 --> 01:37:51,399
This is the grieving out loud.
1668
01:37:54,469 --> 01:37:59,608
You couldn't do it then
but you're doing it here now.
1669
01:37:59,608 --> 01:38:04,379
You don't need to do it
so privately as you have been.
1670
01:38:04,379 --> 01:38:05,880
You can do it openly.
1671
01:38:07,148 --> 01:38:09,251
Step into the emotional,
scary space.
1672
01:38:12,087 --> 01:38:14,356
It's gonna be good.
1673
01:38:17,592 --> 01:38:18,526
Mm-hmm.
1674
01:38:27,235 --> 01:38:28,536
Oh, so good.
1675
01:38:30,372 --> 01:38:31,406
Thank you.
1676
01:38:31,406 --> 01:38:33,008
(SOBS SOFTLY)
1677
01:38:39,014 --> 01:38:41,483
(CRYING)
1678
01:38:43,184 --> 01:38:44,686
HALL: I know, I know.
1679
01:38:49,391 --> 01:38:51,493
(WOMAN CONTINUES CRYING)
1680
01:38:54,162 --> 01:38:55,230
HALL: I know.
1681
01:39:26,461 --> 01:39:28,630
(PIANO PLAYING)
1682
01:40:17,011 --> 01:40:20,248
♪ In every heart
1683
01:40:20,248 --> 01:40:23,685
♪ There is a room
1684
01:40:23,685 --> 01:40:28,757
♪ A sanctuary safe and strong
1685
01:40:28,757 --> 01:40:35,463
♪ To heal the wounds
from lovers past
1686
01:40:35,463 --> 01:40:40,702
♪ Until a new one comes along
1687
01:40:40,702 --> 01:40:47,442
♪ I spoke to you
in cautious tones
1688
01:40:47,442 --> 01:40:52,380
♪ You answered me
with no pretense
1689
01:40:52,380 --> 01:40:58,820
♪ And still I feel
I've said too much
1690
01:40:58,820 --> 01:41:03,525
♪ My silence is my self-defense
1691
01:41:16,371 --> 01:41:22,076
♪ And this why
my eyes are closed
1692
01:41:22,076 --> 01:41:26,681
♪ It's just as well
for all I've seen
1693
01:41:26,681 --> 01:41:32,287
♪ And so it goes
1694
01:41:32,287 --> 01:41:38,660
♪ And you're the only one
who knows
1695
01:41:38,660 --> 01:41:45,567
♪ So why would I choose
to be with you?
1696
01:41:45,567 --> 01:41:50,338
♪ That's if the choice
were mine to make
1697
01:41:50,338 --> 01:41:56,511
♪ But you can make decisions too
1698
01:41:56,511 --> 01:42:01,316
♪ And you can have this heart
to break
1699
01:42:02,317 --> 01:42:04,652
(PIANO CONTINUES PLAYING)
1700
01:42:13,828 --> 01:42:19,868
♪ And so it goes
1701
01:42:19,868 --> 01:42:26,407
♪ And you're the only one
who knows ♪
1702
01:42:35,383 --> 01:42:38,453
(PIANO MUSIC PLAYING)