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00:00:30,447 --> 00:00:34,284
[audience cheering and applauding]
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00:01:21,289 --> 00:01:23,875
[audience cheering]
3
00:01:39,432 --> 00:01:40,432
[Dave] All right.
4
00:01:43,186 --> 00:01:45,021
Almost 24 years ago...
5
00:01:46,439 --> 00:01:49,651
it was the last time
I was on the stage in this room.
6
00:01:50,235 --> 00:01:52,862
[audience cheering]
7
00:01:52,946 --> 00:01:55,490
I was taping my first one-hour special.
8
00:01:55,573 --> 00:01:57,367
It was called Killin' Them Softly.
9
00:01:59,953 --> 00:02:03,331
My girlfriend
was sitting in that row, pregnant.
10
00:02:03,414 --> 00:02:05,041
She's now my wife.
11
00:02:10,004 --> 00:02:14,134
The baby that she was carrying,
my first child...
12
00:02:15,218 --> 00:02:17,178
I smoke weed with that nigga now.
13
00:02:25,395 --> 00:02:29,774
And what I remember most
about that night was the pressure.
14
00:02:29,858 --> 00:02:32,318
Before the show,
I had to run out on the avenue
15
00:02:32,402 --> 00:02:34,571
and hand out tickets
to anybody who would take 'em
16
00:02:34,654 --> 00:02:36,865
'cause I couldn't even fill
the fucking room.
17
00:02:37,574 --> 00:02:42,078
And, boy, what a difference
24 short years makes.
18
00:02:49,919 --> 00:02:53,047
And right before that time,
my father had died.
19
00:02:53,131 --> 00:02:55,466
He never lived to see me do it.
20
00:02:56,593 --> 00:02:59,596
And when he died, I was inconsolable.
21
00:03:00,346 --> 00:03:02,432
I thought I'd never smile or laugh again.
22
00:03:03,349 --> 00:03:05,727
And the only thing
that got me out of that space
23
00:03:05,810 --> 00:03:09,397
was a comedian friend of mine,
the late, great Norm MacDonald.
24
00:03:11,107 --> 00:03:13,443
That's right, shout out for Norm.
25
00:03:14,611 --> 00:03:17,196
And what Norm did,
which I'll never forget,
26
00:03:17,280 --> 00:03:19,866
as he knew that I was the biggest
Jim Carrey fan in the world.
27
00:03:19,949 --> 00:03:21,200
I'm not gonna go into it,
28
00:03:21,284 --> 00:03:25,204
but Jim Carrey is talented in a way
that you can't practice or rehearse.
29
00:03:25,288 --> 00:03:28,249
What a God-given talent.
I was fascinated with him.
30
00:03:28,791 --> 00:03:32,170
And Norm knew that. He called me up,
and he goes, "Dave, I'm..."
31
00:03:32,253 --> 00:03:34,672
He says, "I'm doing
a movie with Jim Carrey..."
32
00:03:35,965 --> 00:03:39,636
"Do you want to meet him?"
And I said, "Fuck, yes, I do."
33
00:03:39,719 --> 00:03:44,140
It was the first time I could remember,
since my father died, being excited.
34
00:03:45,099 --> 00:03:48,937
And the movie was called Man on the Moon.
I didn't know any of this.
35
00:03:49,604 --> 00:03:52,440
In this movie, Jim Carrey
was playing another comedian I admired.
36
00:03:52,523 --> 00:03:54,150
The late, great Andy Kaufman.
37
00:03:55,485 --> 00:03:59,239
Yes, and Jim Carrey
was so immersed in that role,
38
00:03:59,322 --> 00:04:01,407
that from the moment he woke up,
39
00:04:01,491 --> 00:04:04,494
to the time he went to bed at night,
he would live his life
40
00:04:05,161 --> 00:04:06,913
as Andy Kaufman.
41
00:04:06,996 --> 00:04:07,996
I didn't know that.
42
00:04:08,039 --> 00:04:10,333
When they said, "Cut,"
this nigga was still...
43
00:04:12,126 --> 00:04:13,126
Andy Kaufman.
44
00:04:13,670 --> 00:04:17,757
So much so that everybody
on the crew called him Andy.
45
00:04:17,840 --> 00:04:20,134
I didn't know that.
I just went to meet him.
46
00:04:20,218 --> 00:04:23,846
When he walked into the room
we were to meet, I screamed, "Jim Carrey!"
47
00:04:23,930 --> 00:04:25,473
And everyone said, "No!"
48
00:04:28,434 --> 00:04:30,061
"Call him Andy."
49
00:04:31,229 --> 00:04:32,480
And I didn't understand.
50
00:04:32,563 --> 00:04:35,566
He came over and was acting weird.
I didn't know he was acting like Kaufman.
51
00:04:35,650 --> 00:04:38,987
Just like, "Hey, how you doing?"
And I was like, "Hello...
52
00:04:42,115 --> 00:04:43,115
Andy?"
53
00:04:44,826 --> 00:04:45,826
Now...
54
00:04:46,286 --> 00:04:49,247
in hindsight, how fucking lucky am I
55
00:04:49,330 --> 00:04:51,916
that I got to see one
of the greatest artists of my time
56
00:04:52,000 --> 00:04:55,295
immersed in one of
his most challenging processes ever?
57
00:04:55,378 --> 00:04:57,088
Very lucky to have seen that.
58
00:04:58,506 --> 00:04:59,799
But as it was happening...
59
00:05:02,218 --> 00:05:03,428
I was very disappointed.
60
00:05:06,055 --> 00:05:07,932
Because I wanted to meet Jim Carrey,
61
00:05:09,350 --> 00:05:13,896
and I had to pretend
this nigga was Andy Kaufman all afternoon.
62
00:05:15,648 --> 00:05:16,983
It was clearly Jim Carrey.
63
00:05:17,066 --> 00:05:19,986
I could look at him
and I could see he was Jim Carrey.
64
00:05:20,862 --> 00:05:25,700
Anyway, I say all that to say...
that's how trans people make me feel.
65
00:05:39,922 --> 00:05:40,922
Here we go.
66
00:05:45,219 --> 00:05:48,306
Now, if you guys came here
to this show tonight...
67
00:05:52,018 --> 00:05:54,729
thinking that I'm gonna make fun
of those people again,
68
00:05:56,105 --> 00:05:57,815
you've come to the wrong show.
69
00:05:59,358 --> 00:06:01,944
I'm not fucking with those people anymore.
70
00:06:03,112 --> 00:06:04,530
It wasn't worth the trouble.
71
00:06:05,615 --> 00:06:07,200
I ain't saying shit about them.
72
00:06:07,283 --> 00:06:10,453
Maybe three or four times tonight,
but that is it.
73
00:06:14,123 --> 00:06:15,666
Tired of talking about them.
74
00:06:17,335 --> 00:06:19,796
You wanna know
why I'm tired of talking about 'em?
75
00:06:19,879 --> 00:06:24,050
Because these people acted
like I needed them to be funny.
76
00:06:24,133 --> 00:06:25,426
Well, that's ridiculous.
77
00:06:26,511 --> 00:06:28,554
I don't need you.
I've got a whole new angle.
78
00:06:28,638 --> 00:06:30,723
You guys will never see this shit coming.
79
00:06:31,599 --> 00:06:35,186
I ain't doing trans jokes no more.
Know what I'mma do tonight? Tonight...
80
00:06:35,895 --> 00:06:37,855
I'm doing all handicapped jokes.
81
00:06:40,483 --> 00:06:42,860
Well, they're not
as organized as the gays.
82
00:06:44,112 --> 00:06:45,738
And I love punching down.
83
00:06:46,489 --> 00:06:50,868
There's probably a handicap in the back
'cause that's where they make them sit.
84
00:07:00,670 --> 00:07:03,005
"I came here to laugh
at transgender people."
85
00:07:04,090 --> 00:07:06,926
"I didn't know this nigga
was gonna make jokes about us."
86
00:07:07,301 --> 00:07:09,887
"Come on, y'all,
Let's get the fuck up out of here."
87
00:07:19,605 --> 00:07:22,525
Yeah, it's about time
somebody let these handicaps have it.
88
00:07:24,193 --> 00:07:26,404
Nigga met their match tonight. Fuck 'em.
89
00:07:27,405 --> 00:07:29,157
One time I was on Capitol Hill,
90
00:07:30,741 --> 00:07:32,618
and I seen a handicapped congressman.
91
00:07:34,078 --> 00:07:36,956
- Madison Cawthorn, that's his name.
- [woman] Oh!
92
00:07:41,961 --> 00:07:44,046
He's a Republican from North Carolina.
93
00:07:44,130 --> 00:07:45,673
And he was shocked
94
00:07:45,756 --> 00:07:48,134
'cause I saw him and I go,
"Hello, Congressman."
95
00:07:48,217 --> 00:07:50,636
He didn't even know
I knew who he was. He turned...
96
00:07:53,473 --> 00:07:54,807
Then I just walked away.
97
00:07:56,309 --> 00:07:58,811
I wanted him to see me
do something he couldn't do.
98
00:08:01,481 --> 00:08:02,481
I skipped.
99
00:08:05,943 --> 00:08:07,153
That nigga was mad.
100
00:08:15,828 --> 00:08:17,538
He's no longer a congressman.
101
00:08:18,456 --> 00:08:20,291
I don't know if you follow politics.
102
00:08:20,416 --> 00:08:23,336
I'm not trying
to be funny, but he lost his seat.
103
00:08:27,173 --> 00:08:28,674
He ran a bad race.
104
00:08:31,010 --> 00:08:33,095
Oh, buddy, yes, he did.
105
00:08:33,888 --> 00:08:35,264
You know what he did wrong?
106
00:08:35,348 --> 00:08:36,766
He was running for Congress again,
107
00:08:36,849 --> 00:08:38,893
and this motherfucker
tried to be controversial.
108
00:08:38,976 --> 00:08:41,938
He was on all them right wing podcast
talking all that shit.
109
00:08:42,021 --> 00:08:46,651
He was like,
"Washington is worse than Hollywood."
110
00:08:46,734 --> 00:08:48,194
I was at home, like, "What?"
111
00:08:49,445 --> 00:08:51,447
He said, "These people are disgusting."
112
00:08:51,531 --> 00:08:54,492
"They have orgies
and sex parties and drug parties."
113
00:08:54,575 --> 00:08:57,537
And I was thinking, "This nigga
sounds like Juicy Smoo-yay."
114
00:09:01,749 --> 00:09:02,583
He's lying.
115
00:09:02,667 --> 00:09:06,712
Now, I don't doubt that they do
this kind of shit in Washington,
116
00:09:06,796 --> 00:09:09,006
but I doubt he's seen it
with his own eyes.
117
00:09:10,341 --> 00:09:14,512
Because who the fuck invites
a paraplegic to an orgy?
118
00:09:15,680 --> 00:09:18,641
So this nigga can roll around
and snitch on everybody?
119
00:09:19,725 --> 00:09:20,725
[mouthing]
120
00:09:31,862 --> 00:09:34,824
I said there's only one reason
you gonna invite him to an orgy.
121
00:09:34,907 --> 00:09:36,409
And you know what that is.
122
00:09:36,492 --> 00:09:38,619
"Have at it, guys, I can't feel anything."
123
00:09:39,579 --> 00:09:41,831
"Let's get this bill passed for America."
124
00:09:41,914 --> 00:09:43,332
"One at a time, folks."
125
00:09:48,504 --> 00:09:49,589
Oh, buddy.
126
00:09:52,258 --> 00:09:53,843
Yep, yep, yep.
127
00:09:55,136 --> 00:09:57,888
The other handicaps are the new people
I punch down on.
128
00:09:57,972 --> 00:09:59,307
To be honest with you,
129
00:10:00,516 --> 00:10:03,769
I've been trying to repair my relationship
with the transgender community.
130
00:10:03,853 --> 00:10:06,731
'Cause I don't want them
to think that I don't like them.
131
00:10:07,648 --> 00:10:10,568
You know how I've been repairing it?
I wrote a play.
132
00:10:11,485 --> 00:10:13,821
I did. 'Cause I know that gays love plays.
133
00:10:16,741 --> 00:10:19,160
It's a very sad play, but it's moving.
134
00:10:19,785 --> 00:10:22,330
It's about a Black transgender woman
135
00:10:23,372 --> 00:10:25,625
whose pronoun is, sadly, nigga.
136
00:10:32,381 --> 00:10:33,633
It's a tear-jerker.
137
00:10:36,594 --> 00:10:38,554
At the end of the play,
she dies of loneliness
138
00:10:38,638 --> 00:10:41,307
'cause white liberals
don't know how to speak to her.
139
00:10:42,642 --> 00:10:43,642
Sad.
140
00:10:47,104 --> 00:10:48,189
Speaking of nigga...
141
00:10:49,482 --> 00:10:52,234
I've also been working
on a book, and this is true.
142
00:10:52,818 --> 00:10:56,405
I'm rewriting the American Classic,
Huckleberry Finn,
143
00:10:57,698 --> 00:10:59,241
from Nigger Jim's perspective.
144
00:11:01,243 --> 00:11:03,329
It's called The Adventures of Nigger Jim.
145
00:11:04,580 --> 00:11:05,665
That's how it starts.
146
00:11:05,748 --> 00:11:08,376
Huckleberry Finn walks up
to him and goes, "You're Nigger Jim."
147
00:11:08,459 --> 00:11:10,920
And he's like, "Yo, I just said 'Jim.'"
148
00:11:13,714 --> 00:11:15,549
"What's your name, little buddy?"
149
00:11:15,633 --> 00:11:17,885
"Huckleberry Finn is my name."
150
00:11:17,968 --> 00:11:21,680
"What? Huckleberry?
That's your real name?"
151
00:11:21,764 --> 00:11:22,765
"God-given."
152
00:11:23,724 --> 00:11:25,267
[exhales] "You know what?"
153
00:11:26,352 --> 00:11:28,104
"Just call me Nigger Jim, it's fine."
154
00:11:31,899 --> 00:11:35,277
I don't care if you
are Black or White or whatever.
155
00:11:35,361 --> 00:11:37,988
If you ever meet
a white person named Huckleberry,
156
00:11:39,156 --> 00:11:40,533
he has less money than you.
157
00:11:42,952 --> 00:11:46,372
That is the white trashiest name
I've ever heard in my fucking life.
158
00:11:46,455 --> 00:11:49,417
If you have a name like Huckleberry,
you're doomed to fail.
159
00:11:51,210 --> 00:11:53,129
If I was in court
and my lawyer came up like,
160
00:11:53,212 --> 00:11:57,633
"I am your attorney, Huckleberry Finn."
I'd be like, "Uh-oh, I'm going to jail."
161
00:12:00,678 --> 00:12:02,430
God forbid I ever go to jail.
162
00:12:03,222 --> 00:12:06,225
But if I do, I hope it's in California.
163
00:12:07,101 --> 00:12:10,187
Soon as the judge sentence me,
I'll be like, "Before you sentence me,
164
00:12:10,271 --> 00:12:11,564
I want the court to know...
165
00:12:12,398 --> 00:12:14,024
I identify as a woman."
166
00:12:16,235 --> 00:12:19,447
"Send me... to a woman's jail."
167
00:12:22,199 --> 00:12:24,785
As soon I get in there,
you know what I'mma be doing.
168
00:12:24,869 --> 00:12:27,872
"Give me your fruit cocktail, bitch,
before I knock your teeth out."
169
00:12:27,955 --> 00:12:29,999
"I'm a girl, just like you, bitch."
170
00:12:31,792 --> 00:12:35,504
"Come here and suck this girl dick I got.
Don't make me explain myself."
171
00:12:56,692 --> 00:12:59,945
You know, I have
a great reputation in show business,
172
00:13:00,029 --> 00:13:04,658
but in comedy,
I'm what's known as a lazy comedian.
173
00:13:04,742 --> 00:13:08,704
Which is crazy 'cause I work all the time,
but that's not why they call me lazy.
174
00:13:08,787 --> 00:13:11,040
They call me lazy
'cause I do shows sometimes...
175
00:13:11,123 --> 00:13:14,668
Twenty thousand people be
in the crowd, and I'll tell a joke,
176
00:13:14,752 --> 00:13:17,087
and they'll all look at me like I'm crazy.
177
00:13:17,171 --> 00:13:20,090
But three or four people
will laugh really hard.
178
00:13:21,091 --> 00:13:24,011
And I'll be on stage like,
"Yeah, that's good enough."
179
00:13:31,143 --> 00:13:33,562
Well, this next joke
is one of those jokes that...
180
00:13:35,648 --> 00:13:38,817
You know what I mean?
I like to tell it, but it never does good.
181
00:13:39,527 --> 00:13:41,403
But I'm gonna do it.
Know what I don't do good?
182
00:13:41,487 --> 00:13:44,198
I'm not good at impressions,
but this is an impression.
183
00:13:44,281 --> 00:13:45,991
You ready? Okay.
184
00:13:47,618 --> 00:13:48,786
This is not gonna work.
185
00:13:50,246 --> 00:13:51,747
A'ight, this is my impression.
186
00:13:53,082 --> 00:13:54,875
It's my impression... [exhales]
187
00:13:57,670 --> 00:13:59,463
of the dead people on the Titanic.
188
00:14:04,009 --> 00:14:05,344
You didn't let me finish.
189
00:14:06,845 --> 00:14:09,848
This is my impression
of the dead people on the Titanic,
190
00:14:09,932 --> 00:14:12,393
as the submersible
was approaching their ship.
191
00:14:19,191 --> 00:14:21,360
That's good enough.
All right, here it goes.
192
00:14:31,579 --> 00:14:33,247
I... Okay, here it goes.
193
00:14:36,792 --> 00:14:40,462
[trilling voice] Come join us
in our watery grave.
194
00:14:46,635 --> 00:14:48,721
[normal voice] Oh, buddy,
that's funny to me.
195
00:14:48,804 --> 00:14:52,057
Listen, that is a funny way to die.
196
00:14:53,475 --> 00:14:55,561
Twenty years from now,
on my 70th birthday,
197
00:14:55,644 --> 00:14:58,397
I'm gonna take
a submersible to see the submersible.
198
00:15:00,441 --> 00:15:02,151
Hopefully by then it should work.
199
00:15:05,237 --> 00:15:07,072
My wife hates that joke. You know...
200
00:15:08,365 --> 00:15:13,287
Do you know there's a strip club
in D.C. called Camelot?
201
00:15:14,455 --> 00:15:16,165
[audience whooping]
202
00:15:16,248 --> 00:15:19,001
- Is that still open?
- [audience] Yes!
203
00:15:19,084 --> 00:15:21,879
I know what I'm doing
after the show. I gotta tell you...
204
00:15:23,088 --> 00:15:25,174
the other day, my wife called me creepy.
205
00:15:25,257 --> 00:15:28,761
You know, I frequent strip clubs.
It's something I like to do.
206
00:15:28,844 --> 00:15:33,766
And my wife said I was creepy
'cause I go to strip clubs by myself.
207
00:15:33,849 --> 00:15:36,226
Is that creepy?
208
00:15:38,270 --> 00:15:41,607
I think that's better
than going with the fellas.
209
00:15:42,775 --> 00:15:43,776
That's creepy to me.
210
00:15:43,859 --> 00:15:45,694
"Hey, let's all go to the strip club
211
00:15:45,778 --> 00:15:48,530
and get our dicks hard together
as a group of friends."
212
00:15:50,866 --> 00:15:53,077
"Drive home in a quiet car
and not talk about
213
00:15:53,160 --> 00:15:55,162
any of the things we've seen or done."
214
00:15:56,288 --> 00:15:58,999
No, nigga, I go by myself.
215
00:16:00,793 --> 00:16:03,837
But my wife doesn't understand
why I go to the strip club.
216
00:16:03,921 --> 00:16:05,547
It has nothing to do with sex.
217
00:16:05,631 --> 00:16:08,842
I need a pinch of sexual energy
in the room to relax,
218
00:16:08,926 --> 00:16:10,678
but it's more about being out.
219
00:16:11,428 --> 00:16:12,596
I like the music.
220
00:16:14,974 --> 00:16:16,934
A few naked chicks
in there makes me feel good,
221
00:16:17,017 --> 00:16:19,436
but I'm not trying
to socialize or meet anybody.
222
00:16:19,520 --> 00:16:22,147
Sometimes I go to a strip club
and I bring a book.
223
00:16:23,607 --> 00:16:27,152
I do, and I sit right by the stage
'cause the reading light is better.
224
00:16:31,657 --> 00:16:32,992
[mouthing]
225
00:16:42,292 --> 00:16:44,878
One time I went to a strip club,
and this is weird,
226
00:16:44,962 --> 00:16:46,130
I don't know why...
227
00:16:46,880 --> 00:16:49,883
The stripper, for some reason,
told me her real name.
228
00:16:51,427 --> 00:16:52,678
I know. So I left.
229
00:16:54,513 --> 00:16:58,017
She's like, "Where are you going?"
I was like, "Good night, Deborah."
230
00:17:04,940 --> 00:17:07,693
God bless her,
but my wife is mistaken about my life.
231
00:17:08,360 --> 00:17:10,571
She told me once she thinks my job is fun.
232
00:17:11,613 --> 00:17:14,074
My job is a job.
233
00:17:14,867 --> 00:17:15,909
I'm fun.
234
00:17:18,746 --> 00:17:20,414
It's too dangerous, man.
235
00:17:21,665 --> 00:17:23,000
You know, all last year...
236
00:17:24,543 --> 00:17:28,213
I was touring with,
arguably one of the greatest,
237
00:17:28,297 --> 00:17:31,759
if not the greatest living comedian,
Chris Rock.
238
00:17:31,842 --> 00:17:33,844
Me and him toured all year last year.
239
00:17:37,890 --> 00:17:39,683
And right before that tour started,
240
00:17:41,560 --> 00:17:45,731
Chris was involved in what we Blacks
might even consider a goddamn 9/11.
241
00:17:49,818 --> 00:17:55,032
Chris got slapped in the face
at the Oscars... by Will Smith,
242
00:17:55,115 --> 00:17:57,743
which was one of
the craziest things I'd ever seen.
243
00:17:57,826 --> 00:18:01,580
In fact, if you watch it live
on television, like I did,
244
00:18:01,663 --> 00:18:03,999
when it happened, I thought it was fake.
245
00:18:05,584 --> 00:18:07,169
I did, and I wasn't sure.
246
00:18:07,252 --> 00:18:09,755
So, I waited 'cause unlike you,
I know Chris.
247
00:18:09,838 --> 00:18:11,673
I waited 30, 40 minutes.
248
00:18:11,757 --> 00:18:14,384
As long as it'll take him
to get to another party.
249
00:18:14,468 --> 00:18:17,387
And I called him on FaceTime
and he picked up.
250
00:18:18,764 --> 00:18:20,265
Soon as he picked up, he said,
251
00:18:20,349 --> 00:18:22,851
"Yous the only nigga
I'd answer the phone for."
252
00:18:24,061 --> 00:18:25,521
Apparently, Obama and Oprah,
253
00:18:25,646 --> 00:18:28,649
everybody called this nigga
to see if everything's all right.
254
00:18:33,112 --> 00:18:35,864
And I thought it was fake.
I didn't know. So I asked.
255
00:18:35,948 --> 00:18:38,367
I go, "Well, you know." He said, "What?"
256
00:18:38,450 --> 00:18:40,119
I said, "Did it hurt?"
257
00:18:41,912 --> 00:18:44,248
He said, "Yes, nigga, it hurt."
258
00:18:46,542 --> 00:18:48,377
And then I knew that it was real.
259
00:18:48,460 --> 00:18:51,547
And then, and only then, was I offended.
260
00:18:52,840 --> 00:18:56,051
I wasn't just offended he got slapped.
That was only half of it.
261
00:18:56,135 --> 00:18:57,970
The offensive part
was after he slapped him,
262
00:18:58,053 --> 00:19:00,764
Will just sat down
and enjoyed the rest of his evening.
263
00:19:00,848 --> 00:19:02,015
It was crazy. He was...
264
00:19:03,809 --> 00:19:04,977
[mouthing] "Thank you."
265
00:19:07,980 --> 00:19:09,815
What the fuck is this?
266
00:19:11,942 --> 00:19:16,071
And then all year we was touring,
and I couldn't wait to see
267
00:19:16,155 --> 00:19:19,324
what he was going to say
in his special about this slap.
268
00:19:19,408 --> 00:19:21,910
I told him all year,
but the night he taped his special...
269
00:19:21,994 --> 00:19:23,829
Chris is one of these guys who's crafty.
270
00:19:23,912 --> 00:19:26,123
You never know
what he's gonna say until he says it.
271
00:19:26,206 --> 00:19:28,000
I went to see him tape his special.
272
00:19:28,083 --> 00:19:30,085
He taped it up the street, in Baltimore.
273
00:19:30,169 --> 00:19:36,383
Now, you guys are from D.C.,
so you know about Baltimore?
274
00:19:39,636 --> 00:19:41,430
We all know that through the years,
275
00:19:41,513 --> 00:19:44,850
D.C. has been through
some very, very tough times.
276
00:19:45,475 --> 00:19:48,896
Sadly, Baltimore
is still in a very tough time.
277
00:19:52,649 --> 00:19:56,278
Not everybody in the world really
can understand the depth of Baltimore.
278
00:19:56,361 --> 00:19:58,864
Baltimore is so desperate that...
279
00:20:01,158 --> 00:20:05,954
Tupac and his mother moved from Baltimore
to Oakland for a better life.
280
00:20:14,963 --> 00:20:18,008
And Chris Rock went so hard on the paint.
281
00:20:18,800 --> 00:20:21,887
And I can't believe he did this.
He shocked a Baltimore crowd.
282
00:20:21,970 --> 00:20:24,640
I didn't know that was possible.
I started doing comedy here.
283
00:20:24,723 --> 00:20:27,559
Shocked 'em. And you know
what he said that got 'em?
284
00:20:27,643 --> 00:20:30,479
He looked at the crowd...
I didn't expect him to say this.
285
00:20:30,562 --> 00:20:33,232
He looked the crowds.
All Black. Baltimore Black.
286
00:20:38,654 --> 00:20:40,530
Even if you rich and Black in Baltimore,
287
00:20:40,614 --> 00:20:43,200
you know them niggas
is traumatized about something.
288
00:20:44,368 --> 00:20:49,081
Chris shocked them. This is what he said.
He went to that crowd. He said...
289
00:20:49,164 --> 00:20:55,420
"I refuse to be a victim."
The crowd said... [gasps]
290
00:20:57,089 --> 00:21:00,676
And I was backstage looking like,
"Nigga watch the tape."
291
00:21:13,563 --> 00:21:15,607
I know it's fucked up,
but I tell you the truth,
292
00:21:15,691 --> 00:21:18,986
you know, everything's funny.
293
00:21:19,069 --> 00:21:21,363
Everything's funny 'til it happens to you.
294
00:21:22,781 --> 00:21:25,492
Three months. A mere three months
295
00:21:25,575 --> 00:21:28,328
after that terrible attack
that Chris Rock endured...
296
00:21:29,997 --> 00:21:32,207
I was on stage at the Hollywood Bowl.
297
00:21:33,333 --> 00:21:34,334
And a lunatic...
298
00:21:36,336 --> 00:21:38,380
jumped out of the crowd and attacked me.
299
00:21:38,463 --> 00:21:41,967
I got to tell you, if it happens to you,
you don't know what happened.
300
00:21:42,050 --> 00:21:43,260
It was like slow motion.
301
00:21:43,343 --> 00:21:45,429
I don't know this nigga...
I just looked and said,
302
00:21:45,512 --> 00:21:48,140
"Oh, my God. I'm being attacked."
303
00:21:49,349 --> 00:21:53,687
And this motherfucker was ragged.
He jumped me like, "Aah!"
304
00:21:55,814 --> 00:21:57,065
I'm old, but I'm fast.
305
00:21:57,149 --> 00:21:59,484
I caught this motherfucker's head
with my hand
306
00:21:59,568 --> 00:22:01,695
and pulled his hoodie over his eyes.
307
00:22:01,778 --> 00:22:07,326
I can still feel his head in my hand.
308
00:22:08,535 --> 00:22:09,786
It was spongy.
309
00:22:11,997 --> 00:22:13,623
He had been growing dreadlocks.
310
00:22:14,458 --> 00:22:16,918
Not the beautiful dreads
that Rastafarians grow.
311
00:22:17,002 --> 00:22:20,130
These were accidental
L.A. homeless dreads.
312
00:22:20,839 --> 00:22:24,343
This shit had leaves and sticks
and bottle caps and shit in it.
313
00:22:24,426 --> 00:22:25,594
Some kind of grease.
314
00:22:25,677 --> 00:22:27,512
I was like, "Ugh!" Like this.
315
00:22:27,596 --> 00:22:29,222
And then I fell down.
316
00:22:29,306 --> 00:22:31,475
He knocked me all the way on the ground.
317
00:22:32,184 --> 00:22:34,102
I was like,
"Man, this is a bad situation."
318
00:22:34,186 --> 00:22:36,563
"I don't know if I'm going to die
or what's gonna happen."
319
00:22:36,646 --> 00:22:39,024
But in that moment of vulnerability,
320
00:22:39,107 --> 00:22:42,611
you know what occurred to me that it never
occurred to me before in my life?
321
00:22:42,694 --> 00:22:45,405
In that moment,
it occurred to me
322
00:22:46,865 --> 00:22:48,325
that bodyguards...
323
00:22:50,118 --> 00:22:54,790
should not wear dress shoes to work!
324
00:22:54,873 --> 00:22:55,873
Travis!
325
00:22:57,959 --> 00:23:00,378
This nigga, Travis,
came out slipping and sliding
326
00:23:00,462 --> 00:23:04,132
in some kind of beautiful loafer
and fell flat on the back.
327
00:23:04,216 --> 00:23:07,886
I said, "Oh, my God.
Now both of us are down."
328
00:23:07,969 --> 00:23:09,846
"I gotta handle this shit myself."
329
00:23:09,930 --> 00:23:13,391
I popped right back... And the kid
that knocked me down, he popped up.
330
00:23:13,475 --> 00:23:18,271
And we looked at each other and realized,
same time, I was bigger than him.
331
00:23:19,481 --> 00:23:21,566
And that motherfucker took off running.
332
00:23:21,650 --> 00:23:24,194
I started to chase him,
and I said, "Eh, fuck him."
333
00:23:25,112 --> 00:23:26,863
I picked the microphone up.
334
00:23:27,614 --> 00:23:29,741
Said, "I'm gonna finish this show now."
335
00:23:30,867 --> 00:23:31,868
That's right.
336
00:23:38,125 --> 00:23:42,504
For three months before that,
I had been making fun of Chris Rock.
337
00:23:43,421 --> 00:23:45,340
And people would ask me all the time.
338
00:23:45,423 --> 00:23:48,176
They say, "Dave, what would you do
if you were Chris Rock
339
00:23:48,260 --> 00:23:50,470
and Will Smith slapped you in the face?"
340
00:23:50,554 --> 00:23:54,891
And to this day, the answer is the same.
"I don't know what I would have done."
341
00:23:54,975 --> 00:23:57,394
I've never been
in a situation that extreme.
342
00:23:58,478 --> 00:24:02,274
But I do know now
what Will Smith would not have done.
343
00:24:03,024 --> 00:24:06,236
And that is,
enjoy the rest of his evening.
344
00:24:10,615 --> 00:24:12,117
Man, listen.
345
00:24:14,035 --> 00:24:16,830
We gave that kid a good wallop.
We was whooping his ass.
346
00:24:16,913 --> 00:24:19,833
Not "we." I was on stage
trying to think of a joke to tell,
347
00:24:19,916 --> 00:24:23,587
but they was beating this nigga up
right behind me. Everybody could see it.
348
00:24:24,629 --> 00:24:25,797
Everybody could see it.
349
00:24:25,881 --> 00:24:28,550
I'm sitting up there
trying to think of what to say.
350
00:24:28,633 --> 00:24:32,429
I'm tongue tied. Me, of all people,
can't think of anything to say.
351
00:24:32,512 --> 00:24:33,597
Look at my karma.
352
00:24:33,680 --> 00:24:35,724
That moment,
of all the people in the world,
353
00:24:35,807 --> 00:24:38,560
Chris Rock walks from backstage.
354
00:24:38,643 --> 00:24:42,564
Walks up to me
in front of 20,000 people,
355
00:24:43,440 --> 00:24:46,902
grabs the mic out of my hands
and looks at the crowd and goes,
356
00:24:47,944 --> 00:24:49,446
"Was that Will Smith?"
357
00:24:52,991 --> 00:24:56,912
Man, motherfuckers
fell out of their chairs, laughing.
358
00:24:59,456 --> 00:25:01,458
I was standing there looking stupid.
359
00:25:02,500 --> 00:25:03,710
I was fucking furious.
360
00:25:03,793 --> 00:25:07,297
'Cause I'm thinking in my mind,
"Nigga, this is my attack."
361
00:25:09,633 --> 00:25:13,178
"You got attacked three months ago.
Now you have jokes?"
362
00:25:15,096 --> 00:25:18,308
So, I snatched the mic back from Chris
and tried to get one off,
363
00:25:18,391 --> 00:25:20,560
but my shit did not go good at all.
364
00:25:20,644 --> 00:25:23,021
I didn't know... I was like,
"It was a trans man."
365
00:25:23,104 --> 00:25:24,689
And the crowd was like...
366
00:25:25,482 --> 00:25:29,569
"Boo. This is L.A.,
we like trans people. Boo."
367
00:25:31,071 --> 00:25:32,739
I know, I felt so bad.
368
00:25:33,657 --> 00:25:35,242
I felt so bad.
369
00:25:36,534 --> 00:25:38,119
But I know why he did it.
370
00:25:38,703 --> 00:25:42,999
You'd have to be there to understand,
but, man, when that guy tackled me,
371
00:25:43,083 --> 00:25:46,044
it was like a movie or something.
372
00:25:46,127 --> 00:25:47,587
You gotta picture this.
373
00:25:47,671 --> 00:25:49,339
Picture a famous person you like.
374
00:25:49,422 --> 00:25:52,801
Every famous person
you could imagine was at that show.
375
00:25:52,884 --> 00:25:56,304
It was, like, the biggest night
that Hollywood had ever seen.
376
00:25:57,347 --> 00:26:01,142
And when that guy tackled me,
he cleared the bleachers.
377
00:26:01,726 --> 00:26:04,646
I had to watch the tape afterwards
to know this happened,
378
00:26:04,729 --> 00:26:06,231
but as soon as he tackled me,
379
00:26:06,314 --> 00:26:10,110
Jamie Foxx was the first motherfucker
that jumped out of the crowd.
380
00:26:10,193 --> 00:26:13,863
He was wearing a white cowboy hat,
like, he knew this was going to happen.
381
00:26:15,907 --> 00:26:18,368
Never seen this nigga
in a cowboy hat before.
382
00:26:19,703 --> 00:26:21,830
And Jamie started chasing
that motherfucker
383
00:26:21,913 --> 00:26:23,373
around like Any Given Sunday.
384
00:26:23,456 --> 00:26:27,544
And that kid was fast.
His shit was juking and shaking.
385
00:26:27,627 --> 00:26:30,380
And it broke Jamie's ankles,
and he just kept running.
386
00:26:30,463 --> 00:26:33,508
Then Jon Stewart, from the Daily Show,
ran from backstage
387
00:26:33,591 --> 00:26:36,761
and jumped at this motherfucker
like Super Jew. He was, like...
388
00:26:40,890 --> 00:26:44,602
The kid's seen Jon coming, so he jumped
back and Jon went flying that way.
389
00:26:44,686 --> 00:26:48,356
This kid was fast. Then he turned around,
he sees the emergency exit,
390
00:26:48,440 --> 00:26:50,567
he starts running for the emergency exit.
391
00:26:50,650 --> 00:26:52,610
Just before he got to the door,
392
00:26:53,445 --> 00:26:56,364
motherfucking Puff Daddy
from Bad Boy Records
393
00:26:56,448 --> 00:26:59,200
jumped in front of the door.
That nigga was like, "Eh-eh, eh-eh."
394
00:27:04,080 --> 00:27:05,081
Boy...
395
00:27:07,000 --> 00:27:08,543
Puffy got that motherfucker.
396
00:27:09,711 --> 00:27:11,129
Then every celebrity ran out
397
00:27:11,212 --> 00:27:13,423
'cause every celebrity
saw themselves in me,
398
00:27:13,506 --> 00:27:16,009
and they started beating
the fuck out of that kid.
399
00:27:16,760 --> 00:27:20,263
And I know Chris was backstage
looking like, "Nobody helped me."
400
00:27:25,185 --> 00:27:29,564
♪ Everybody Hates Chris! ♪
401
00:27:43,036 --> 00:27:45,997
Look, it was way more intense
than what you guys might have read.
402
00:27:46,081 --> 00:27:47,540
I don't know what you read,
403
00:27:49,209 --> 00:27:51,252
but the kid,
while we was beating on him,
404
00:27:51,336 --> 00:27:55,215
reached in his waistband,
pulled out 22-caliber pistol.
405
00:27:55,298 --> 00:27:56,591
That shit was mayhem.
406
00:27:56,674 --> 00:28:01,346
Everybody started screaming,
"Oh, my God, he's got a gun."
407
00:28:01,429 --> 00:28:04,557
And then I got scared.
I was in the back, but I was scared.
408
00:28:04,641 --> 00:28:07,477
'Cause I knew that everybody
that was with me, was armed.
409
00:28:08,186 --> 00:28:13,566
Yes, if they had shot and killed this kid
on stage at the Hollywood Bowl...
410
00:28:13,650 --> 00:28:15,902
like I pay you to do, Travis...
411
00:28:25,036 --> 00:28:26,079
But Travis G-ed up.
412
00:28:26,162 --> 00:28:28,289
Travis wrestled the gun
out of the kid's hand.
413
00:28:28,373 --> 00:28:31,918
Then he took it like this and tried
to chamber the round and he couldn't.
414
00:28:32,001 --> 00:28:34,462
So he pulled the trigger
and it wasn't a gun.
415
00:28:34,546 --> 00:28:36,631
A knife blade popped out of the front.
416
00:28:36,714 --> 00:28:38,716
I guess this kid was going to stab me.
417
00:28:38,800 --> 00:28:40,009
That's some scary shit.
418
00:28:40,093 --> 00:28:42,679
So the next night,
even though I didn't have a show,
419
00:28:42,762 --> 00:28:45,765
I said, "I got to get back on stage."
I went and did a show.
420
00:28:46,975 --> 00:28:51,187
And someone in the audience screamed out,
"Dave, what happened with the attack?"
421
00:28:52,355 --> 00:28:55,066
And I didn't know
there was a journalist in the room.
422
00:28:56,401 --> 00:29:01,614
All I said was that this nigga
had a knife that identified as a gun.
423
00:29:05,702 --> 00:29:08,496
I got six more weeks
of bad press for that joke.
424
00:29:08,580 --> 00:29:11,416
I didn't even do nothing to this nigga.
That's not right.
425
00:29:11,499 --> 00:29:12,792
That was not right.
426
00:29:16,296 --> 00:29:18,465
And then the New York Post
went to the jail
427
00:29:18,548 --> 00:29:21,426
and interviewed my attacker
like he was some kind of hero.
428
00:29:22,761 --> 00:29:24,137
And I read that interview.
429
00:29:24,220 --> 00:29:27,056
It turns out
the entire attack was my fault.
430
00:29:28,099 --> 00:29:29,684
Yes, I triggered him.
431
00:29:29,768 --> 00:29:30,852
I didn't mean to.
432
00:29:32,353 --> 00:29:34,230
I had done jokes about the homeless.
433
00:29:34,939 --> 00:29:38,276
It turns out... this young man
was homeless.
434
00:29:38,359 --> 00:29:40,820
And, I mean, there's no way
I could've known this.
435
00:29:40,904 --> 00:29:41,946
But I will say...
436
00:29:44,449 --> 00:29:47,911
for a homeless guy,
this nigga had incredible seats.
437
00:29:57,712 --> 00:30:03,009
Oh, and they said I triggered them
because I had done LBGTQ jokes.
438
00:30:03,092 --> 00:30:05,470
And it turns out this fellow was a B.
439
00:30:09,015 --> 00:30:11,351
That was the headline
in the article that said,
440
00:30:11,434 --> 00:30:14,813
"Dave Chappelle's alleged attacker
is bisexual."
441
00:30:14,896 --> 00:30:17,273
I said, "alleged attacker"?
442
00:30:18,733 --> 00:30:22,320
This motherfucker definitely attacked me.
I'll show you the tape.
443
00:30:22,403 --> 00:30:24,489
He's allegedly bisexual.
444
00:30:26,199 --> 00:30:30,495
I'll need to see him suck somebody's dick
before I believe the rest of this article.
445
00:30:34,290 --> 00:30:36,376
I read that shit in the paper.
I was horrified.
446
00:30:36,459 --> 00:30:39,212
I was like, "Bisexual?
I could have been raped."
447
00:30:48,263 --> 00:30:50,515
No. You know what, though?
448
00:30:50,598 --> 00:30:52,475
It's not funny because...
449
00:30:54,435 --> 00:30:56,437
Because after all that madness ensued,
450
00:30:58,565 --> 00:31:00,066
I went to the hotel room.
451
00:31:00,859 --> 00:31:04,863
I was by myself, and I opened the door,
and my wife was in there alone.
452
00:31:04,946 --> 00:31:07,615
She was sobbing. Like sobbing.
453
00:31:07,699 --> 00:31:11,369
I said, "My God, what's wrong with you?
Bitch, did you get attacked, too?"
454
00:31:16,875 --> 00:31:18,167
And she's crying.
455
00:31:18,251 --> 00:31:21,004
She said, "Oh, my God, Dave."
456
00:31:21,921 --> 00:31:24,591
She said, "If you had died tonight...
457
00:31:28,177 --> 00:31:30,054
me and the kids would have nothing."
458
00:31:38,187 --> 00:31:39,731
Then I knew it was serious.
459
00:31:39,814 --> 00:31:41,691
So I sat down on the bed next to her.
460
00:31:41,774 --> 00:31:44,027
I reached in my pocket,
I pulled some keys out
461
00:31:44,110 --> 00:31:45,653
that she'd never seen before.
462
00:31:46,237 --> 00:31:48,156
She's like, "Oh!"
463
00:31:48,239 --> 00:31:49,949
"What are those keys?"
464
00:31:50,033 --> 00:31:52,410
And I gently placed them in her hands.
465
00:31:53,202 --> 00:31:57,832
I said, "Sweetheart, those are
the keys to my safe deposit box."
466
00:31:59,083 --> 00:32:02,670
"God forbid anything ever happen to me."
467
00:32:02,754 --> 00:32:05,590
"But if it does,
don't even worry about it."
468
00:32:05,673 --> 00:32:08,801
"You and the kids
have everything you need in that box."
469
00:32:08,885 --> 00:32:10,511
"I've already taken care of it."
470
00:32:11,304 --> 00:32:13,473
And she was looking at them keys.
471
00:32:13,556 --> 00:32:17,769
And I could see her mind realize
what we were actually talking about.
472
00:32:18,645 --> 00:32:21,356
And then she just started crying harder.
473
00:32:21,439 --> 00:32:24,525
And to be honest with you,
that made me cry a little bit, too.
474
00:32:25,276 --> 00:32:27,362
And we hugged each other real tight.
475
00:32:34,369 --> 00:32:37,664
Do you know this bitch looked in the box
while I'm alive and well?
476
00:32:41,793 --> 00:32:43,294
Who does that?
477
00:32:44,587 --> 00:32:45,797
Oh, my God.
478
00:32:46,589 --> 00:32:47,924
And then she was mad at me.
479
00:32:48,007 --> 00:32:51,386
She said, "Goddamn it, David.
I opened that box." I said, "You did?"
480
00:32:52,637 --> 00:32:55,640
She said, "Yes, I did,
and there was nothing in there."
481
00:33:00,478 --> 00:33:02,021
I said, "Nothing?"
482
00:33:06,109 --> 00:33:08,528
She said,
"Nothing except your stupid joke book."
483
00:33:08,611 --> 00:33:10,947
I was like, "Phew."
484
00:33:11,990 --> 00:33:13,491
I said, "Well, sweetie, look."
485
00:33:14,117 --> 00:33:16,661
"If you tell those jokes
exactly how they're written,
486
00:33:16,744 --> 00:33:18,496
you and the kids should be fine."
487
00:33:19,831 --> 00:33:21,249
"They're really good jokes."
488
00:33:29,132 --> 00:33:31,300
She's like,
"Good jokes? What is this shit?"
489
00:33:31,384 --> 00:33:33,428
"'Come join me in my watery grave.'"
490
00:33:33,511 --> 00:33:35,096
No. You gotta roll your throat.
491
00:33:35,179 --> 00:33:39,517
[trilling voice]
Come join me in my watery grave.
492
00:33:47,734 --> 00:33:48,901
Oh, boy.
493
00:33:49,861 --> 00:33:50,862
Oh, boy.
494
00:33:52,530 --> 00:33:54,198
I have been married a long time.
495
00:33:55,366 --> 00:33:59,787
I have. You know, I talk a lot of shit
about my wife, but I love her very much.
496
00:33:59,871 --> 00:34:02,832
In fact, you know,
you guys wouldn't believe this about me.
497
00:34:02,915 --> 00:34:04,542
I'm a jealous husband.
498
00:34:06,377 --> 00:34:07,377
It's true.
499
00:34:08,004 --> 00:34:11,382
Let me tell you something. One time
I thought my wife was cheating on me.
500
00:34:11,466 --> 00:34:12,967
Yes, nigga. Yes.
501
00:34:15,511 --> 00:34:18,389
That was one of
the worst days of my fucking life.
502
00:34:18,473 --> 00:34:19,682
I couldn't take it.
503
00:34:19,766 --> 00:34:22,643
And I'm embarrassed about it now,
but I can talk about it.
504
00:34:23,311 --> 00:34:24,812
You know what I did?
505
00:34:24,896 --> 00:34:27,440
It's fucked up.
But I did do this. I waited.
506
00:34:28,399 --> 00:34:30,401
I waited for her to fall asleep.
507
00:34:31,402 --> 00:34:33,112
And I waited a long time.
508
00:34:34,697 --> 00:34:35,697
She's Asian.
509
00:34:35,740 --> 00:34:38,868
I couldn't tell if she was asleep or not.
I was looking at her...
510
00:34:50,129 --> 00:34:52,924
And when I was sure she was asleep,
you know what I did?
511
00:34:53,549 --> 00:34:54,926
I stole the iPhone.
512
00:34:55,593 --> 00:34:57,970
Took it downstairs,
started trying out passwords
513
00:34:58,054 --> 00:34:59,347
to see if I could open it.
514
00:34:59,430 --> 00:35:00,848
I couldn't figure out the password.
515
00:35:00,932 --> 00:35:04,018
Then I remembered, it's an iPhone.
This shit has facial recognition.
516
00:35:04,102 --> 00:35:05,103
I was just like...
517
00:35:09,482 --> 00:35:11,109
And that shit opened right up.
518
00:35:23,121 --> 00:35:26,040
And I saw a text message in there
from a fellow named Earl.
519
00:35:26,124 --> 00:35:27,750
I don't know anybody named Earl.
520
00:35:28,626 --> 00:35:30,503
I woke her up out of her sleep.
521
00:35:30,586 --> 00:35:33,464
I said, "Wake the fuck up!
Who the fuck is Earl?"
522
00:35:33,548 --> 00:35:36,801
She said, "What are you talking about?"
"Don't you play dumb with me, bitch!"
523
00:35:36,884 --> 00:35:39,387
"I done open your phone. Who is Earl?"
524
00:35:39,470 --> 00:35:42,056
She's like, "Oh, my God, David."
525
00:35:43,224 --> 00:35:45,601
"That's gay Earl from the hair salon."
526
00:35:45,685 --> 00:35:47,436
I said, "Word. What am I, a dummy?"
527
00:35:47,520 --> 00:35:49,772
"How am I supposed
to know this nigga is gay?"
528
00:35:50,648 --> 00:35:55,069
And she was calm. She said,
"Read his texts and look at his pictures."
529
00:35:55,903 --> 00:35:57,530
I started reading them texts.
530
00:35:58,197 --> 00:35:59,282
Hmm.
531
00:36:01,159 --> 00:36:03,995
"This fellow sure
does spell girl with a 'u' a lot."
532
00:36:07,832 --> 00:36:11,335
And I switched over and looked
at his pictures and I couldn't believe it.
533
00:36:11,419 --> 00:36:15,131
This fellow looked gay in still pictures.
His mouth was open in every shot.
534
00:36:20,595 --> 00:36:22,722
And then I knew she was telling the truth.
535
00:36:24,015 --> 00:36:25,391
And then I felt, like, dumb.
536
00:36:25,474 --> 00:36:26,934
I said, "I'm sorry."
537
00:36:27,685 --> 00:36:28,895
"I'm sorry. Okay?"
538
00:36:28,978 --> 00:36:30,897
"I'm sorry. Here. Take your phone."
539
00:36:30,980 --> 00:36:34,317
"I'm sorry. Just go back to sleep.
I am sorry. I just..."
540
00:36:34,400 --> 00:36:36,027
"I guess I've just been insecure
541
00:36:36,110 --> 00:36:39,030
'cause of all this cheating
I've been doing. Good night."
542
00:36:43,409 --> 00:36:46,329
She didn't let me leave.
Said, "Since you wanna wake a bitch up..."
543
00:36:46,412 --> 00:36:48,748
Then she pulled my phone
from under her pillow.
544
00:36:48,831 --> 00:36:50,583
I said, "What the fuck?"
545
00:36:51,959 --> 00:36:54,212
She said,
"Who is this bitch in this picture?"
546
00:36:54,295 --> 00:36:56,047
I said, "How'd you open that phone?"
547
00:36:56,130 --> 00:36:58,299
She said, "Easy. All I had
to do was mash my nose
548
00:36:58,382 --> 00:37:01,802
and go like this, and it opened right up."
I said, "What the fuck?"
549
00:37:05,598 --> 00:37:08,935
She said, "Who is this bitch?"
I said, "Give me that."
550
00:37:10,937 --> 00:37:14,065
"Girl, relax. That ain't no bitch.
This is my friend."
551
00:37:14,148 --> 00:37:15,274
"Deborah."
552
00:37:20,821 --> 00:37:23,699
I'm gonna close the night
with a long story. Do you mind?
553
00:37:29,622 --> 00:37:32,500
All right. It's a long one.
So pretend that I've finished.
554
00:37:32,583 --> 00:37:34,877
'Cause I gotta go get
a cigarette. All right?
555
00:37:34,961 --> 00:37:37,588
I'm not done, but just act like it.
556
00:37:37,672 --> 00:37:39,674
I'd prefer standing ovations
since we're acting.
557
00:37:39,757 --> 00:37:41,384
Thank you very much. Good night.
558
00:38:11,038 --> 00:38:13,624
Thanks for not giving me
a standing O, motherfuckers.
559
00:38:13,708 --> 00:38:14,834
This is the worst.
560
00:38:16,043 --> 00:38:18,796
It's all right. I just wanted to smoke.
561
00:38:20,965 --> 00:38:22,258
You like that, don't you?
562
00:38:28,806 --> 00:38:30,266
Okay.
563
00:38:30,349 --> 00:38:34,103
Before I did Killin' Them Softly,
when I was 22,
564
00:38:35,271 --> 00:38:38,816
HBO gave me the biggest opportunity
of my life at that time.
565
00:38:38,899 --> 00:38:40,526
They gave me a half-hour special,
566
00:38:40,609 --> 00:38:43,237
but this shit was not like a special,
you know what I mean?
567
00:38:43,321 --> 00:38:44,655
It was like, generic.
568
00:38:44,739 --> 00:38:47,658
It didn't even have a title.
It just says "Dave Chappelle."
569
00:38:48,826 --> 00:38:54,540
And I shot it in San Francisco,
at a place called Broadway Studios,
570
00:38:54,623 --> 00:38:57,251
which is on the second floor
of a building.
571
00:38:57,335 --> 00:39:00,838
And beneath Broadway Studios
is a nightclub.
572
00:39:02,089 --> 00:39:04,842
And the special
was only supposed to be 30 minutes.
573
00:39:05,801 --> 00:39:09,263
And I got ready. I practiced.
I did all the shit I was supposed to do.
574
00:39:10,056 --> 00:39:13,934
And the night that I taped,
20 minutes into my 30-minute set,
575
00:39:15,478 --> 00:39:17,021
I'll never forget this music.
576
00:39:17,688 --> 00:39:21,275
Music started blasting
from the nightclub underneath.
577
00:39:21,359 --> 00:39:26,364
You could hear it real loud and it fucked
my whole show up, and I was devastated.
578
00:39:27,281 --> 00:39:28,574
I was a young man.
579
00:39:29,617 --> 00:39:32,119
I really believed in what I was doing.
580
00:39:32,203 --> 00:39:34,663
And I thought
that my dream had been killed.
581
00:39:35,414 --> 00:39:37,792
So when I got off stage,
I ran down the steps
582
00:39:37,875 --> 00:39:42,129
to the alley behind Broadway Studios,
where the control trucks are parked,
583
00:39:42,213 --> 00:39:45,007
and I kicked that motherfucking door open.
584
00:39:45,091 --> 00:39:47,510
And I started yelling
at all the producers.
585
00:39:47,593 --> 00:39:50,930
I was nobody in show business.
Just a guy that believed in myself.
586
00:39:51,013 --> 00:39:53,474
I said, "Man, you fucked everything up."
587
00:39:53,557 --> 00:39:56,185
"That fucking music.
What the fuck were you thinking?"
588
00:39:56,268 --> 00:39:58,479
And there was a guy
who was a big-time producer.
589
00:39:58,562 --> 00:39:59,814
I ain't saying no names.
590
00:39:59,897 --> 00:40:03,818
He stood up and he said,
"Hey, kid, sit the fuck down."
591
00:40:04,777 --> 00:40:06,946
He said, "We didn't ruin anything."
592
00:40:07,029 --> 00:40:09,198
He said, "We made
a deal with that nightclub
593
00:40:09,281 --> 00:40:12,118
to not play music,
and they didn't honor the deal."
594
00:40:12,201 --> 00:40:15,454
And I said, "Who didn't honor the deal?"
595
00:40:15,538 --> 00:40:17,164
And he pointed to a guy.
596
00:40:17,873 --> 00:40:20,376
I'll never forget it.
It was an old white man
597
00:40:20,459 --> 00:40:22,503
sitting in a Ford Taurus by himself.
598
00:40:24,213 --> 00:40:26,090
And he said, "That guy right there."
599
00:40:26,173 --> 00:40:28,300
I didn't waste no time
or ask no questions.
600
00:40:28,384 --> 00:40:31,011
I went to that Ford Taurus
and I beat on that window,
601
00:40:31,095 --> 00:40:33,889
I said, "Open the door, motherfucker.
I want to talk to you."
602
00:40:33,973 --> 00:40:38,269
That old man looked at me for one second
and wisely drove the fuck off.
603
00:40:40,771 --> 00:40:44,024
And left me in the alley
cussing at anybody who would listen.
604
00:40:45,568 --> 00:40:49,363
And two minutes later,
literally 120 seconds later,
605
00:40:49,447 --> 00:40:51,532
it couldn't have been any more than that,
606
00:40:51,615 --> 00:40:54,952
the doors of the kitchen
in the alley of that nightclub
607
00:40:55,035 --> 00:40:57,663
underneath Broadway Studios swung open.
608
00:40:57,746 --> 00:41:01,792
And that old man was standing there,
that same old man with reinforcements.
609
00:41:01,876 --> 00:41:04,753
He had two big goons with him,
and he looked at me...
610
00:41:04,837 --> 00:41:06,338
He was calm as a cucumber.
611
00:41:06,422 --> 00:41:08,132
He said, "You, come here."
612
00:41:09,091 --> 00:41:10,468
"I want to talk to you."
613
00:41:11,469 --> 00:41:13,888
I didn't know anything
about streets at this age.
614
00:41:14,555 --> 00:41:18,517
But I found out later in my life
that these men were Russian mobsters.
615
00:41:19,435 --> 00:41:21,896
I don't know what you guys know
about the Russian mob,
616
00:41:21,979 --> 00:41:25,065
but these are the niggas
that killed Denzel in Training Day.
617
00:41:30,779 --> 00:41:32,990
All the producers knew
what I was up against.
618
00:41:33,073 --> 00:41:35,826
They said, "Dave, do not go in there."
619
00:41:35,910 --> 00:41:37,161
And I said, "Fuck y'all."
620
00:41:37,244 --> 00:41:40,956
And I walked right into that kitchen
and they closed the doors behind me,
621
00:41:41,040 --> 00:41:43,751
and it got the dark
as fuck in there, and I knew.
622
00:41:43,834 --> 00:41:47,755
I'm not dumb.
I knew I was in a bad situation.
623
00:41:47,838 --> 00:41:49,215
But you have to understand,
624
00:41:49,298 --> 00:41:52,593
I believed in what I was doing,
and I didn't give a fuck.
625
00:41:52,676 --> 00:41:55,012
Just kept cussing at these motherfuckers.
626
00:41:55,095 --> 00:41:57,097
Tell them how they ruined my life.
627
00:41:57,181 --> 00:42:01,352
And that old man couldn't believe
that I was talking all of this shit.
628
00:42:02,686 --> 00:42:05,314
And as soon as I took a breath,
he stopped me gently.
629
00:42:05,397 --> 00:42:07,233
He said, "Hey, kid, listen."
630
00:42:08,442 --> 00:42:10,110
"Your friends lied to you."
631
00:42:11,278 --> 00:42:12,863
He said. "We made a deal."
632
00:42:13,572 --> 00:42:16,283
"But your friends never paid me."
633
00:42:17,368 --> 00:42:21,121
And when he said that,
I realized I was locked in a kitchen.
634
00:42:26,168 --> 00:42:29,964
I realized he was telling the truth,
which would make me wrong.
635
00:42:30,047 --> 00:42:34,260
And the moment, the very moment
that I realized I was wrong,
636
00:42:34,343 --> 00:42:37,096
for the first time, I was afraid.
637
00:42:38,055 --> 00:42:42,893
You see, it's a funny thing
if you believe you're absolutely right.
638
00:42:43,811 --> 00:42:47,481
You can get drunk off
the feeling of how right you are.
639
00:42:47,565 --> 00:42:49,316
That's why gay people are so mean.
640
00:43:02,621 --> 00:43:03,789
But I didn't buckle.
641
00:43:03,872 --> 00:43:06,083
You guys would've been very proud of me.
642
00:43:06,166 --> 00:43:07,960
I was scared, but I didn't buckle.
643
00:43:08,043 --> 00:43:11,130
I said, "Well, then, sir,
I owe you an apology."
644
00:43:11,880 --> 00:43:15,259
"But I believe that no matter what reason
that music was playing,
645
00:43:15,342 --> 00:43:16,719
it ruined my life."
646
00:43:17,761 --> 00:43:21,640
And that old man looked at me
with sympathy in his eyes.
647
00:43:22,433 --> 00:43:26,770
And he walked over to me
and he gently placed his hand on my cheek.
648
00:43:26,854 --> 00:43:31,191
Which I gotta tell you,
it is a very emasculating thing to do.
649
00:43:32,276 --> 00:43:35,738
I was standing there looking
at this nigga's hand on my cheek, like...
650
00:43:41,910 --> 00:43:46,123
And he said, "You are a real man."
651
00:43:46,915 --> 00:43:48,584
And he tapped me on my cheek.
652
00:43:49,627 --> 00:43:50,794
Real soft.
653
00:43:52,129 --> 00:43:55,049
And just like that,
the doors open back up.
654
00:43:55,758 --> 00:43:58,218
The light from the alley
flooded into the kitchen,
655
00:43:58,302 --> 00:44:00,304
and I just walked out alive.
656
00:44:00,387 --> 00:44:03,515
I lived to fight... another day.
657
00:44:04,475 --> 00:44:05,976
And in that moment,
658
00:44:06,060 --> 00:44:08,729
I learned one of the most
valuable lessons of my life,
659
00:44:08,812 --> 00:44:10,814
and I have to share it with you.
660
00:44:10,898 --> 00:44:12,232
And that lesson is this.
661
00:44:13,067 --> 00:44:17,529
In your life, at any given moment,
662
00:44:17,613 --> 00:44:22,076
the strongest dream
in that moment wins that moment.
663
00:44:22,159 --> 00:44:26,330
I am a very powerful dreamer.
664
00:44:27,331 --> 00:44:29,208
Yeah, I'm not lying.
665
00:44:33,837 --> 00:44:37,299
I dreamed tonight, this very night,
666
00:44:37,383 --> 00:44:39,510
as a 14-year-old boy,
667
00:44:39,593 --> 00:44:43,180
and I am living it as a 50-year-old man.
668
00:44:43,263 --> 00:44:46,558
My dreams are very strong.
669
00:44:48,727 --> 00:44:51,063
Today, I walked all around Washington.
670
00:44:51,146 --> 00:44:53,273
I used to be poor in this city,
671
00:44:53,357 --> 00:44:56,860
and all day, people just said,
"Hey, Dave. Hey, Dave."
672
00:44:56,944 --> 00:45:01,073
Like they knew me personally,
and I felt like I knew them.
673
00:45:01,156 --> 00:45:05,285
And I say to myself,
"My God, Dave, what a powerful dream."
674
00:45:06,120 --> 00:45:07,830
But then, sometimes...
675
00:45:10,666 --> 00:45:14,420
Sometimes... I feel regular.
676
00:45:15,879 --> 00:45:17,798
I just feel like myself.
677
00:45:17,881 --> 00:45:21,552
Maybe I'll smoke some weed
and be at some nightclub and feel shy.
678
00:45:22,886 --> 00:45:26,723
But I'll look across the nightclub,
see some guy that no one's ever heard of.
679
00:45:26,807 --> 00:45:29,726
But this nigga worked all week
and got bottle service,
680
00:45:29,810 --> 00:45:34,106
and this bitch is bringing
Moët and sparklers to 'em.
681
00:45:35,065 --> 00:45:36,942
I picture, in my mind, he's Persian.
682
00:45:37,025 --> 00:45:39,862
He's doing some kind
of weird Persian dance.
683
00:45:39,945 --> 00:45:42,656
He got six bitches at his table
because he got so much liquor.
684
00:45:42,739 --> 00:45:46,160
And they all just saying,
"Go Cena! Go Cena!"
685
00:45:46,243 --> 00:45:49,204
And I was looking across
the room like, "Oh, my God."
686
00:45:49,913 --> 00:45:51,748
"I'm in that guy's dream."
687
00:45:52,708 --> 00:45:56,211
I can hear him telling his friends.
"Hey, how was the club last night?"
688
00:45:56,295 --> 00:45:58,630
"That shit was fantastic.
I had bottle service."
689
00:45:58,714 --> 00:46:02,426
"I seen Dave Chappelle across the club,
looking at me like, 'Who is that?'"
690
00:46:05,429 --> 00:46:08,265
And that's the trick to life.
691
00:46:08,932 --> 00:46:14,271
You have to be wise enough to know
when you were living in your dream.
692
00:46:14,354 --> 00:46:19,067
And you have to be humble enough
to accept when you're in someone else's.
693
00:46:21,361 --> 00:46:22,446
That's why...
694
00:46:23,780 --> 00:46:28,327
That's why I don't judge
between Will Smith, and Chris Rock.
695
00:46:29,077 --> 00:46:31,371
Because you guys
look at them as big ideas,
696
00:46:31,455 --> 00:46:34,875
but I look at them as fellow dreamers.
697
00:46:35,626 --> 00:46:40,297
I can't judge between them
because I see myself in both of them.
698
00:46:40,797 --> 00:46:42,549
I am Will Smith.
699
00:46:42,633 --> 00:46:45,469
I am the man that cannot take it anymore
700
00:46:45,552 --> 00:46:48,055
and will slap the shit
out of the next person
701
00:46:48,138 --> 00:46:51,433
that says a cross word to me
or somebody that I love.
702
00:46:52,226 --> 00:46:53,519
And I am Chris Rock.
703
00:46:54,144 --> 00:46:57,940
I am the man that can get slapped
in front of the whole world
704
00:46:58,649 --> 00:47:02,569
and keep my composure
so I don't fuck anything up.
705
00:47:03,904 --> 00:47:09,201
That... is what... men do.
706
00:47:10,494 --> 00:47:12,579
Men make boundaries.
707
00:47:12,663 --> 00:47:14,665
Men enforce boundaries.
708
00:47:14,748 --> 00:47:17,292
And men tests boundaries.
709
00:47:17,376 --> 00:47:20,546
And no man test more boundaries
710
00:47:20,629 --> 00:47:21,755
than a trans man.
711
00:47:35,310 --> 00:47:39,106
When I see a fellow dreamer,
I give them my utmost respect,
712
00:47:39,189 --> 00:47:41,733
even if I don't understand
what their dream is.
713
00:47:41,817 --> 00:47:44,111
I know a dreamer when I see one.
714
00:47:44,194 --> 00:47:47,447
And I've met
many powerful dreamers in my life.
715
00:47:47,531 --> 00:47:48,949
None more powerful
716
00:47:50,742 --> 00:47:53,537
than a man who calls himself...
717
00:47:55,414 --> 00:47:56,707
Lil Nas X.
718
00:48:00,961 --> 00:48:04,631
I met this nigga at a party.
I had no idea who he was.
719
00:48:04,715 --> 00:48:08,302
But the minute he walked in that party,
I knew I was in his dream.
720
00:48:10,929 --> 00:48:13,098
Everybody in the party
was another dreamer.
721
00:48:13,181 --> 00:48:14,182
Everyone was famous.
722
00:48:14,266 --> 00:48:15,767
But when that nigga walked in,
723
00:48:15,851 --> 00:48:18,186
he was dressed like C-3PO.
He was shining.
724
00:48:22,733 --> 00:48:26,153
And everyone was like, "Oh, my God,
there he is. That's Lil Nas X!"
725
00:48:26,236 --> 00:48:28,113
I didn't know who he was.
For some reason,
726
00:48:28,196 --> 00:48:30,907
out of all of them dreamers,
he walked right up to me.
727
00:48:34,578 --> 00:48:37,456
And he said,
"I tried to get you in my video."
728
00:48:37,539 --> 00:48:40,751
I didn't know what the fuck
he was talking about. I said, "What?"
729
00:48:41,877 --> 00:48:43,253
"What video?"
730
00:48:43,337 --> 00:48:45,130
And he was just looking at me like...
731
00:48:46,423 --> 00:48:48,759
"You know what video," and walked away.
732
00:48:51,678 --> 00:48:54,890
And I watched him walk away.
I said, "Man." I said...
733
00:48:55,724 --> 00:48:58,226
"This nigga's having
a very powerful dream."
734
00:49:03,357 --> 00:49:04,941
You know what it reminded me of?
735
00:49:05,025 --> 00:49:07,027
It remind me
of when we was in grade school.
736
00:49:07,110 --> 00:49:10,155
Remember, the teacher would ask everybody
what they want to be.
737
00:49:10,238 --> 00:49:13,867
"Timmy. Timmy, what do you
want to be when you grow up?"
738
00:49:14,618 --> 00:49:16,036
Timmy acted like he had an idea.
739
00:49:16,119 --> 00:49:18,872
He'd stand up and he'd say,
"I want to be a fireman."
740
00:49:18,955 --> 00:49:22,918
And the teacher would say,
"Timmy, that is a beautiful dream."
741
00:49:23,001 --> 00:49:24,795
But Timmy didn't mean it.
742
00:49:24,878 --> 00:49:26,713
Timmy said he wanted to be a fireman
743
00:49:26,797 --> 00:49:29,341
because deep down,
Timmy is attracted to fire.
744
00:49:32,844 --> 00:49:36,640
And by the time he's 14 years old,
this nigga is a full-blown pyromaniac,
745
00:49:36,723 --> 00:49:39,643
playing with kerosene and matches
like a goddamn expert.
746
00:49:39,726 --> 00:49:43,397
Then one night he goes downtown
with his buddies fucking around with fire,
747
00:49:43,480 --> 00:49:44,898
burns a warehouse down.
748
00:49:44,981 --> 00:49:47,150
He doesn't know it,
but there's 13 migrant workers
749
00:49:47,234 --> 00:49:48,902
from El Salvador in that motherfucker.
750
00:49:48,985 --> 00:49:51,321
They get trapped
and then they die in the fire.
751
00:49:51,405 --> 00:49:52,489
Isn't that a tragedy?
752
00:49:53,907 --> 00:49:55,200
Well, it was an accident.
753
00:49:56,576 --> 00:49:59,788
He's only 14 years old. But he's Black.
754
00:49:59,871 --> 00:50:02,082
So they try him as an adult.
755
00:50:02,165 --> 00:50:04,793
Timmy ends up spending
the rest of his life in jail.
756
00:50:04,876 --> 00:50:06,920
Dream deferred.
[mimics buzzer sound]
757
00:50:14,678 --> 00:50:16,096
"What about you, Billy?"
758
00:50:16,179 --> 00:50:19,099
"Billy? Billy, What do you
want to be when you grow up?"
759
00:50:19,182 --> 00:50:20,934
Billy stands up and he says,
760
00:50:21,017 --> 00:50:25,105
"I want to be president
of the United States."
761
00:50:25,188 --> 00:50:27,524
And the teacher says, "Oh, my God, Billy."
762
00:50:27,607 --> 00:50:31,236
"Billy, that is a wonderful dream."
763
00:50:32,446 --> 00:50:33,989
And Billy means that shit.
764
00:50:34,614 --> 00:50:36,408
Billy does everything right.
765
00:50:36,491 --> 00:50:39,870
That motherfucker gets his grades up,
he joins student government.
766
00:50:39,953 --> 00:50:41,788
He even does extracurricular activities
767
00:50:41,872 --> 00:50:44,291
like show choir
just to make his resume look good.
768
00:50:44,374 --> 00:50:46,293
He's on track to be president.
769
00:50:46,376 --> 00:50:48,587
But junior year, he wipes.
770
00:50:48,670 --> 00:50:51,047
When he's 16,
he gets his girlfriend pregnant,
771
00:50:51,923 --> 00:50:54,551
and has to drop out of high school
to make ends meet.
772
00:50:55,594 --> 00:50:58,764
But lucky for him,
the local Walmart's hiring.
773
00:51:00,807 --> 00:51:02,350
By the time he's 20 years old,
774
00:51:02,434 --> 00:51:05,020
this motherfucker makes
assistant manager at Walmart.
775
00:51:05,103 --> 00:51:06,980
He's the youngest one in the district.
776
00:51:07,063 --> 00:51:10,192
He says, "Oh, my God,
if I can keep this up for four more years,
777
00:51:10,275 --> 00:51:11,985
I could be a manager."
778
00:51:12,068 --> 00:51:14,738
"If I can keep this up
for six more years after that,
779
00:51:14,821 --> 00:51:16,698
I could even be a regional manager
780
00:51:16,782 --> 00:51:20,076
and have as many
as three Walmarts under my control."
781
00:51:21,453 --> 00:51:24,790
And he's a big-picture guy.
He sees where this path is going.
782
00:51:25,499 --> 00:51:26,708
So he kills himself.
783
00:51:31,797 --> 00:51:33,298
[mimics buzzer sound]
784
00:51:40,889 --> 00:51:42,265
"What about you?"
785
00:51:42,849 --> 00:51:44,976
"What do you want to be when you grow up?"
786
00:51:45,894 --> 00:51:47,437
"I don't wanna say."
787
00:51:48,271 --> 00:51:50,899
"Because I don't want
the other kids to laugh at me."
788
00:51:51,775 --> 00:51:53,610
"Who cares if they laugh?"
789
00:51:53,693 --> 00:51:55,320
"Your dream is yours."
790
00:51:56,530 --> 00:51:58,782
"Own your dreams so they can come true."
791
00:51:58,865 --> 00:52:01,034
"Say it loud and proud."
792
00:52:01,117 --> 00:52:03,537
"What do you want to be when you grow up,
793
00:52:03,620 --> 00:52:04,996
Lil Nas X?"
794
00:52:07,999 --> 00:52:10,460
That nigga stood up
in front of the whole class.
795
00:52:11,795 --> 00:52:14,297
"I want to be
the gayest nigga that ever lived."
796
00:52:15,882 --> 00:52:17,217
"I want to do a music video,
797
00:52:17,300 --> 00:52:20,387
slide down a stripper pole,
all the way to the depths of hell,
798
00:52:20,470 --> 00:52:23,640
and suck the devil's dick
at ten o'clock on BET
799
00:52:23,723 --> 00:52:26,017
while all the kids
are awake and can see me."
800
00:52:29,813 --> 00:52:32,482
Shockingly, that was
the only dream that worked out.
801
00:52:43,451 --> 00:52:45,203
That's why I'm here.
802
00:52:45,829 --> 00:52:47,163
Tonight.
803
00:52:47,247 --> 00:52:50,709
In the city
where I built the dreams that I live.
804
00:52:50,792 --> 00:52:54,254
'Cause I wanted
to tell you all that they came true.
805
00:52:54,337 --> 00:52:59,050
And I wanted to thank you all
for making the man that I am today.
806
00:53:04,139 --> 00:53:07,392
Yes, I am living a very powerful dream.
807
00:53:07,475 --> 00:53:11,730
Every time I come to this city
and I stand in front of you,
808
00:53:11,813 --> 00:53:16,151
I realize that, "My God, man,
this is not my dream at all."
809
00:53:16,234 --> 00:53:20,488
"It's yours,
and I am honored to be in it."
810
00:53:20,572 --> 00:53:23,366
Thank you very much, Washington D.C.
811
00:53:23,450 --> 00:53:25,285
I'll see you next time.
812
00:53:33,627 --> 00:53:36,087
♪ Well, you can tell everybody ♪
813
00:53:36,171 --> 00:53:39,049
♪ Yeah, you can tell everybody ♪
814
00:53:39,132 --> 00:53:41,885
♪ Go ahead and tell everybody ♪
815
00:53:41,968 --> 00:53:44,804
♪ I'm the man, I'm the man, I'm the man ♪
816
00:53:44,888 --> 00:53:47,933
♪ I believe every lie that I ever told ♪
817
00:53:48,016 --> 00:53:50,769
♪ Paid for every heart that I ever stole ♪
818
00:53:50,852 --> 00:53:53,229
{\an8}♪ I played my cards and I didn't fold ♪
819
00:53:53,313 --> 00:53:56,232
♪ Well, it ain't that hard
If you got soul ♪
820
00:53:56,316 --> 00:53:58,360
♪ This is my world ♪
821
00:53:58,443 --> 00:54:01,196
♪ Somewhere I heard that life is a test ♪
822
00:54:01,279 --> 00:54:03,990
♪ I been through the worst
But I still give my best ♪
823
00:54:04,074 --> 00:54:06,826
♪ God made my mold
Different from the rest ♪
824
00:54:06,910 --> 00:54:10,288
{\an8}♪ Then he broke that mold
So I know I'm blessed ♪
825
00:54:10,372 --> 00:54:12,457
{\an8}♪ This is my world ♪
826
00:54:12,540 --> 00:54:15,251
{\an8}♪ Stand up now and face the sun ♪
827
00:54:15,335 --> 00:54:17,879
{\an8}♪ Won't hide my tail or turn and run ♪
828
00:54:17,963 --> 00:54:20,715
{\an8}♪ It's time to do what must be done ♪
829
00:54:20,799 --> 00:54:23,635
{\an8}♪ Be a king when kingdom comes ♪
830
00:54:23,718 --> 00:54:26,304
{\an8}♪ Well, you can tell everybody ♪
831
00:54:26,388 --> 00:54:29,265
{\an8}♪ Yeah, you can tell everybody ♪
832
00:54:29,349 --> 00:54:32,060
{\an8}♪ Go ahead and tell everybody ♪
833
00:54:32,143 --> 00:54:35,146
{\an8}♪ I'm the man, I'm the man, I'm the man ♪
834
00:54:35,230 --> 00:54:37,565
{\an8}♪ Well, you can tell everybody ♪
835
00:54:37,649 --> 00:54:40,360
{\an8}♪ Yeah, you can tell everybody ♪
836
00:54:40,443 --> 00:54:43,238
{\an8}♪ Go ahead and tell everybody ♪
837
00:54:43,321 --> 00:54:45,824
{\an8}♪ I'm the man, I'm the man, I'm the man ♪
838
00:54:45,907 --> 00:54:48,493
{\an8}♪ Yes I am, yes I am, yes I am ♪
839
00:54:48,576 --> 00:54:51,579
{\an8}♪ I'm the man, I'm the man, I'm the man ♪
840
00:54:51,663 --> 00:54:54,332
{\an8}♪ I got all the answers
To your questions ♪
841
00:54:54,416 --> 00:54:57,127
{\an8}♪ I'll be the teacher
You can be the lesson ♪
842
00:54:57,210 --> 00:54:59,921
{\an8}♪ I'll be the preacher
You be the confession ♪
843
00:55:00,005 --> 00:55:03,341
{\an8}♪ I'll be the quick relief
To all your stressin' ♪
844
00:55:03,425 --> 00:55:05,468
{\an8}♪ This is my world ♪
845
00:55:05,552 --> 00:55:08,263
{\an8}♪ It's a thin line between love and hate ♪
846
00:55:08,346 --> 00:55:11,224
{\an8}♪ Is you really real
Or is you really fake? ♪
847
00:55:11,307 --> 00:55:13,810
{\an8}♪ I'm a soldier standing on my feet ♪
848
00:55:13,893 --> 00:55:17,439
{\an8}♪ No surrender and I won't retreat ♪
849
00:55:17,522 --> 00:55:19,399
{\an8}♪ This is my world ♪
850
00:55:19,482 --> 00:55:22,193
{\an8}♪ Stand up now and face the sun ♪
851
00:55:22,277 --> 00:55:25,030
{\an8}♪ Won't hide my tail
Or turn and run ♪
852
00:55:25,113 --> 00:55:27,741
{\an8}♪ It's time to do what must be done ♪
853
00:55:27,824 --> 00:55:33,371
{\an8}♪ And be a king when kingdom comes ♪
854
00:55:33,455 --> 00:55:36,124
{\an8}♪ Well, you can tell everybody ♪
855
00:55:36,207 --> 00:55:38,960
{\an8}♪ Yeah, you can tell everybody ♪
856
00:55:39,044 --> 00:55:41,755
{\an8}♪ Go ahead and tell everybody ♪
857
00:55:41,838 --> 00:55:44,507
{\an8}♪ I'm the man, I'm the man, I'm the man ♪
858
00:55:44,591 --> 00:55:47,343
{\an8}♪ Well, you can tell everybody ♪
859
00:55:47,427 --> 00:55:50,096
{\an8}♪ Yeah, you can tell everybody ♪
860
00:55:50,180 --> 00:55:52,932
{\an8}♪ Go ahead and tell everybody ♪
861
00:55:53,016 --> 00:55:55,727
{\an8}♪ I'm the man, I'm the man, I'm the man ♪
862
00:55:55,810 --> 00:55:58,521
{\an8}♪ Well, you can tell everybody ♪
863
00:55:58,605 --> 00:56:01,357
{\an8}♪ Yeah, you can tell everybody ♪
864
00:56:01,441 --> 00:56:04,069
{\an8}♪ Go ahead and tell everybody ♪
865
00:56:04,152 --> 00:56:06,738
{\an8}♪ I'm the man, I'm the man, I'm the man ♪
866
00:56:06,821 --> 00:56:09,616
{\an8}♪ Well, you can tell everybody ♪
867
00:56:09,699 --> 00:56:12,452
{\an8}♪ Yeah, you can tell everybody ♪
868
00:56:12,535 --> 00:56:15,205
{\an8}♪ Go ahead and tell everybody ♪
869
00:56:15,288 --> 00:56:18,208
{\an8}♪ I'm the man, I'm the man, I'm the man ♪
870
00:56:18,291 --> 00:56:21,044
{\an8}♪ Yes I am, yes I am, yes I am ♪
871
00:56:21,127 --> 00:56:25,048
{\an8}♪ I'm the man, I'm the man, I'm the man ♪
872
00:56:34,724 --> 00:56:40,480
[announcer] This is protected
by the red, the black and the green
873
00:56:40,563 --> 00:56:43,733
at the crossroad with a key.