1
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{\an8}(《索科爾獨立報》)
2
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(付諸行動,美夢成真)
3
00:00:05,672 --> 00:00:07,632
今天辦公室的氣氛怎麼這麼愜意?
4
00:00:08,174 --> 00:00:10,593
如果還有康普茶暢飲
我們就像在Google了
5
00:00:10,593 --> 00:00:14,431
很棒吧?羅德斯先生
去荷蘭參加全球領袖會談
6
00:00:15,348 --> 00:00:18,101
到處都是像史柯斯嘉的帥哥,我也想去
7
00:00:18,101 --> 00:00:20,311
- 口水直流
- 他是瑞典人,但沒差啦
8
00:00:20,854 --> 00:00:23,148
親愛的,喝東西不要發出聲音
9
00:00:23,148 --> 00:00:25,191
會讓男人有遐想
10
00:00:25,191 --> 00:00:26,818
奈兒,妳收到新的訃聞工作了嗎?
11
00:00:26,818 --> 00:00:28,653
- 瑪麗蘇美儀絲?
- 當然有
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00:00:28,653 --> 00:00:31,906
那個在公共頻道
主持美姿美儀節目四十年的婦人嗎?
13
00:00:31,906 --> 00:00:34,117
《美姨談禮儀》
14
00:00:34,117 --> 00:00:36,036
可憐的老太婆吃法式生菜噎死了
15
00:00:36,036 --> 00:00:37,996
- 祝妳寫得愉快
-「老太婆」?
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各位,不要再發懶了
17
00:00:40,248 --> 00:00:43,877
我剛講完和我爸的全像投影視訊電話
從現在開始
18
00:00:43,877 --> 00:00:47,213
我們要把兩層樓的辦公室合而為一
19
00:00:47,213 --> 00:00:51,676
吃點薄荷糖,準備好和新同事打招呼吧
20
00:00:52,594 --> 00:00:55,013
大家都知道,我父親正在參加
21
00:00:55,013 --> 00:00:58,099
關於荷蘭生產力哲學「蓋優秀」的會議
22
00:00:58,099 --> 00:01:00,769
這涵蓋了三大方向:足以生活的薪水
23
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優渥的獎勵和親密的辦公室
24
00:01:04,439 --> 00:01:06,024
父親覺得前兩項太汙辱他了
25
00:01:06,024 --> 00:01:07,859
但我覺得第三個頗有趣的
26
00:01:07,859 --> 00:01:11,446
挪點空間,各位,梅森安排了新的座位表
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感謝的字條就放進我的辦公室吧
玩得開心
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(還在負債、還沒升遷
還沒沖澡、還沒成功)
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(還沒有對象、還沒有長大
還不確定、還不滿意)
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{\an8}(還不成熟)
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《老娘還沒死》
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{\an8}雖然很怪,但很讓人興奮吧?
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{\an8}就像上大學第一天認識室友?
34
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{\an8}我的大學室友吃掉我的毯子
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{\an8}真的吃
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- 再糟也不會比妳之前糟
- 對
37
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{\an8}奈兒,妳要和TJ席爾瓦
共用妳那噁心的辦公桌
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{\an8}建議妳把螞蟻清乾淨,放個芳香劑
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{\an8}TJ席爾瓦是體育版記者
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{\an8}妳一去英國,他就開始工作了
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他堪稱是我們公司最好的人
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也許我該來點新氣象
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這想法很棒
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{\an8}女主人要為她的客人提供舒適宜人的環境
45
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{\an8}妳有貝殼或其他
有趣水生生物形狀的肥皂嗎?
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{\an8}- 嗨
- 嗨,帥老兄
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{\an8}好一陣子沒見了
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{\an8}德瑞克,我還是不敢相信
你試兩次就猜出文字遊戲的答案
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{\an8}- 誰那麼厲害啊?
- 我就是厲害,不用多說
50
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{\an8}雪若,妳家貓咪吃抗憂鬱藥後還好嗎?
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00:02:16,386 --> 00:02:17,804
{\an8}我不用再幫牠包紮了
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{\an8}幫我揉揉桃子的肚子
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{\an8}他幫每個人取綽號
他還在乎動物心理健康
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{\an8}而且就我所知,他不吃毯子
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- 祝妳好運
- 等等見,TJ
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嗨,我是奈兒
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歡迎來到我們的辦公桌
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辦公桌都一樣,但我們的最棒
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好喔
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想用什麼都歡迎使用
筆、便利貼或同義辭典
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00:02:41,077 --> 00:02:42,453
我有求必應
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嗨,乳酪條,你好嗎?
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{\an8}- 這是我最愛的零嘴
- 沒錯
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{\an8}妳麻煩大了
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{\an8}我稱之為難搞的客人
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我在《難搞的客人》那一集教過解決之道
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{\an8}妳怎麼處理?
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{\an8}我找到他小時候花園種的花
69
00:03:00,013 --> 00:03:02,974
{\an8}把花放在他的晚餐餐桌上
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00:03:03,850 --> 00:03:05,602
廁所裡有一個盆栽
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{\an8}嗨,TJ
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{\an8}既然我們會坐隔壁
73
00:03:10,648 --> 00:03:12,984
{\an8}我想給你一個歡迎禮物
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希望你喜歡
75
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好喔,謝囉
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00:03:19,365 --> 00:03:20,575
我很喜歡
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妳應該不會得到綽號
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為什麼我的辦公室裡有一堆小朋友?
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- 大家好?
- 妳好
80
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- 你好...什麼?
- 這是我們的社群媒體團隊
81
00:03:34,797 --> 00:03:36,841
他們會把我們的報導改寫成三十秒的抖音
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- 動作快,快把我的辦公室還給我
- 壞消息,現在是他們的辦公室了
83
00:03:40,220 --> 00:03:44,224
好消息,妳會和另一個人
共用另一間辦公室
84
00:03:44,224 --> 00:03:47,352
那明明是兩個壞消息,我要跟誰共用?
85
00:03:47,352 --> 00:03:49,687
- 太棒了,一定很好玩
- 沒錯
86
00:03:49,687 --> 00:03:51,773
就像穿著上班服去參加過夜派對
87
00:03:51,773 --> 00:03:54,150
- 沒錯,一定很好玩
- 還好我們都喜歡把窗戶...
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- 打開
- 關著
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我是說關著,好耶
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對,我沒轍了,雪若
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00:03:59,989 --> 00:04:03,159
有些人就是要坐地上,就這樣
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好吧
93
00:04:05,870 --> 00:04:07,038
還好嗎,梅森?
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00:04:07,038 --> 00:04:09,082
安排新座位還順利嗎?
95
00:04:09,082 --> 00:04:10,208
很完美,老闆
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- 大家都很滿意
- 很好
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00:04:12,502 --> 00:04:15,505
我要和男性友人吃午餐,半小時後回來
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幸運的話,可能45分鐘後回來
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嗨,我還有一條乳酪條,我心想
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「何不送給我的好兄弟TJ呢?」
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老兄
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抱一下
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你太貼心了
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我本來血糖有點低,結果你就來拯救我了
105
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- 太好了
- 對
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00:04:35,316 --> 00:04:38,569
各位,小奈奈要去買咖啡
誰也要喝?我請客
107
00:04:38,569 --> 00:04:41,155
我想喝咖啡,我去問大家
108
00:04:41,155 --> 00:04:42,657
誰要喝咖啡?
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TJ,不知道你有沒有聽到
但我要幫大家買咖啡
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- 不用,謝了,我不喝
- 我...可以...不,不用了...
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00:04:47,245 --> 00:04:49,956
我沒吃早餐,妳介意我也吃點瑪芬嗎?
112
00:04:49,956 --> 00:04:51,958
我介意,蒂娜
113
00:04:51,958 --> 00:04:54,711
需要編輯的時候,務必按一按筆
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00:04:55,962 --> 00:04:59,132
需要再編輯的時候,務必按一按筆
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丹尼斯
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天啊,我忘了妳在這裡
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00:05:02,552 --> 00:05:04,387
可以不要按筆嗎?
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天啊,我很抱歉
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00:05:06,681 --> 00:05:09,267
- 好,我不會按了
- 好
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就此打住
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{\an8}你的月曆停留在2021年6月
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- 我幫你翻頁
- 不要碰
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我是說
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請不要碰
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我很喜歡6月的照片
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好,但...
127
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月份不對,年份也不對
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00:05:31,581 --> 00:05:33,374
如果我每天都會看到
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00:05:33,374 --> 00:05:35,918
我就會瘋掉,所以...
130
00:05:40,923 --> 00:05:43,551
但如果某一頁月曆對你來說很重要
那...
131
00:05:43,551 --> 00:05:44,552
太好了,謝謝
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00:05:45,511 --> 00:05:47,555
話說,TJ討厭我
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什麼?為什麼?
134
00:05:48,806 --> 00:05:50,975
不知道,我用盡各種方法
135
00:05:50,975 --> 00:05:54,937
送禮、把辦公桌的垃圾藏起來
請辦公室的所有人喝咖啡
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00:05:55,605 --> 00:05:58,107
謝謝妳請我喝冰的焦糖榛果摩卡
137
00:05:58,107 --> 00:05:59,317
是你點的喔?
138
00:05:59,317 --> 00:06:00,860
你欠我九元
139
00:06:00,860 --> 00:06:03,279
奈兒,也許TJ今天心情不好
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00:06:05,031 --> 00:06:07,033
TJ,你好搞笑
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00:06:07,992 --> 00:06:09,035
好吧
142
00:06:09,035 --> 00:06:11,829
有時候有人舉止怪異
143
00:06:11,829 --> 00:06:14,082
可能是因為與妳完全無關的事
144
00:06:14,082 --> 00:06:17,168
說不定妳讓他想起了前女友之類的
145
00:06:17,168 --> 00:06:20,505
或是奈兒這個名字
讓他想到了茱蒂福斯特的電影
146
00:06:20,505 --> 00:06:22,673
主角因為在森林長大,所以不會講話
147
00:06:22,673 --> 00:06:24,967
- 是這樣嗎?
- 不管TJ是怎樣
148
00:06:24,967 --> 00:06:26,219
最好就隨他去吧
149
00:06:26,219 --> 00:06:28,596
他說得沒錯,你們要在彼此旁邊做事
150
00:06:28,596 --> 00:06:31,682
- 不要把氣氛搞僵
- 對,沒錯,說得對
151
00:06:32,892 --> 00:06:34,185
我就要把氣氛搞僵
152
00:06:35,937 --> 00:06:37,647
嗨,TJ,我們能不能...
153
00:06:38,147 --> 00:06:39,524
蠢盆栽
154
00:06:40,733 --> 00:06:43,111
聽我說,嗨
155
00:06:43,903 --> 00:06:47,407
我覺得我們必須談談彼此這麼尷尬的原因
156
00:06:48,616 --> 00:06:50,993
天啊,沒想到妳會主動提起
157
00:06:50,993 --> 00:06:53,037
當然,來談談我們避而不談的問題吧
158
00:06:53,037 --> 00:06:54,122
好
159
00:06:54,705 --> 00:06:56,791
有什麼避而不談的問題?
160
00:06:58,126 --> 00:06:59,710
天啊,妳認真嗎?
161
00:07:00,795 --> 00:07:02,755
2016年11月2日,還記得嗎?
162
00:07:02,755 --> 00:07:04,465
誰記得那麼久以前的事?
163
00:07:04,465 --> 00:07:05,842
那天晚上妳毀了
164
00:07:05,842 --> 00:07:08,261
本來是我人生中最棒的時刻
165
00:07:09,429 --> 00:07:10,430
好,我還是不記得
166
00:07:10,430 --> 00:07:12,974
妳當然不記得,妳怎麼會記得?
167
00:07:12,974 --> 00:07:17,019
隨便惹人生氣的人根本懶得記得
168
00:07:20,523 --> 00:07:22,817
我要怎麼想起七年前發生的事?
169
00:07:22,817 --> 00:07:24,861
看一下社交日誌就行了
170
00:07:24,861 --> 00:07:26,696
我沒有社交日誌
171
00:07:26,696 --> 00:07:29,532
那妳怎麼記錄和妳吃過早午餐的人?
172
00:07:29,532 --> 00:07:33,077
該死,我2016年做了什麼?
173
00:07:33,578 --> 00:07:34,579
不知道耶
174
00:07:35,246 --> 00:07:36,414
滿四十歲嗎?
175
00:07:36,414 --> 00:07:38,166
小心我揍你喉嚨
176
00:07:40,209 --> 00:07:41,169
{\an8}(出租中)
(布魯克摩公寓)
177
00:07:42,712 --> 00:07:44,839
我的社交日誌在這裡
178
00:07:46,716 --> 00:07:48,301
老朋友們,你們好
179
00:07:50,761 --> 00:07:52,597
妳在這裡幹嘛?妳沒這麼早回來過
180
00:07:52,597 --> 00:07:53,681
我得...
181
00:07:54,974 --> 00:07:56,934
你怎麼會下午就穿著浴袍?
182
00:07:56,934 --> 00:07:58,519
我喜歡布料摩擦手臂毛髮的感覺
183
00:07:58,519 --> 00:07:59,896
我幹嘛問啊
184
00:07:59,896 --> 00:08:02,523
萊克希在發神經
逼我們和別人共用辦公桌
185
00:08:02,523 --> 00:08:04,650
但和我共用桌子的人討厭我
而我不記得原因
186
00:08:04,650 --> 00:08:06,652
所以我要瀏覽我舊手機的所有照片
187
00:08:06,652 --> 00:08:08,779
才能查清楚我惹怒他的原因
188
00:08:08,779 --> 00:08:11,449
因為我可不希望
接下來好幾年都要坐在
189
00:08:11,449 --> 00:08:13,159
恨透我的人旁邊
190
00:08:13,868 --> 00:08:15,244
妳所有舊手機都留著嗎?
191
00:08:16,162 --> 00:08:19,457
對,這就是這段抱怨的重點
謝謝你用心傾聽
192
00:08:19,457 --> 00:08:21,626
我不懂,妳沒聽過雲端嗎?
193
00:08:21,626 --> 00:08:23,127
沒有,我不相信雲端
194
00:08:26,839 --> 00:08:28,257
有人在你房裡嗎,浴袍男?
195
00:08:28,257 --> 00:08:31,302
天啊,是你的砲友嗎?
196
00:08:32,011 --> 00:08:33,679
不是,我只是吃了乳製品
197
00:08:33,679 --> 00:08:35,014
剛剛是我的肚子在叫
198
00:08:37,058 --> 00:08:38,059
不行
199
00:08:38,643 --> 00:08:40,520
不,不行,好噁
200
00:08:40,520 --> 00:08:42,104
噁耶,再見
201
00:08:42,104 --> 00:08:43,773
妳才噁耶
202
00:08:44,982 --> 00:08:46,317
我剛剛是聽到奈兒在抱怨
203
00:08:46,317 --> 00:08:48,110
她新的工作環境嗎?
204
00:08:48,110 --> 00:08:49,779
對,她很反感
205
00:08:49,779 --> 00:08:52,907
我和我下屬確認過
他說一切都「很完美」
206
00:08:52,907 --> 00:08:54,575
也許是因為妳是他的老闆
207
00:08:54,575 --> 00:08:56,410
他只是說妳想聽的話
208
00:08:56,410 --> 00:08:57,828
員工會這樣嗎?
209
00:08:57,828 --> 00:08:59,205
會
210
00:08:59,205 --> 00:09:01,457
有時候情侶也是
211
00:09:01,457 --> 00:09:03,501
例如我可能讓妳覺得我喜歡...
212
00:09:03,501 --> 00:09:05,962
但如果大家忙著抱怨,生產力就會下降
213
00:09:05,962 --> 00:09:07,964
就完全違背「蓋優秀」的精神
214
00:09:10,341 --> 00:09:12,552
- 妳這麼快就要走了嗎?
- 對
215
00:09:12,552 --> 00:09:13,886
我們沒機會...
216
00:09:14,971 --> 00:09:16,180
不要引誘我
217
00:09:19,892 --> 00:09:20,893
不,我得走了
218
00:09:22,353 --> 00:09:25,815
我看看,2016年,2016年
219
00:09:26,816 --> 00:09:30,778
我的自拍技術還不太好
這些照片的鼻孔都很大
220
00:09:31,737 --> 00:09:33,864
找到了,2016年11月2日
221
00:09:34,365 --> 00:09:36,367
我當晚跟你們在一起
222
00:09:37,159 --> 00:09:39,453
- 對
- 看看我當時美呆了
223
00:09:39,453 --> 00:09:41,289
我有瀏海,珊姆沒有
224
00:09:41,789 --> 00:09:43,249
- 珊姆現在的瀏海勝出
- 珊姆現在的瀏海勝出
225
00:09:43,249 --> 00:09:45,251
但那晚發生了什麼事?
226
00:09:46,210 --> 00:09:48,087
好,等我結婚有小孩後
227
00:09:48,087 --> 00:09:50,506
我週三晚上還是能乾四杯野格利口酒吧?
228
00:09:50,506 --> 00:09:52,300
- 當然
- 對,一切都不會變
229
00:09:52,300 --> 00:09:54,468
我現在醉得剛剛好
230
00:09:54,468 --> 00:09:57,388
我覺得微醺放鬆,準備好來場豔遇
231
00:09:57,388 --> 00:10:00,391
我今晚也許能要到別人的電話
232
00:10:00,391 --> 00:10:03,978
- 好耶
- 該來轉手機了
233
00:10:03,978 --> 00:10:05,896
- 轉手機
- 她要轉手機了沒?
234
00:10:05,896 --> 00:10:07,982
- 轉手機
- 快轉手機
235
00:10:07,982 --> 00:10:10,151
- 快轉手機
- 快轉手機
236
00:10:10,151 --> 00:10:11,819
- 轉手機
- 快轉手機
237
00:10:14,822 --> 00:10:19,076
- 再轉一次手機
- 再轉一次手機
238
00:10:20,328 --> 00:10:21,329
{\an8}(小熊隊)
239
00:10:21,329 --> 00:10:22,663
對
240
00:10:23,414 --> 00:10:24,915
我找到對象了
241
00:10:24,915 --> 00:10:27,084
我的天啊
242
00:10:27,084 --> 00:10:29,879
所以TJ才會氣我氣那麼久
243
00:10:29,879 --> 00:10:33,132
我要到他的電話號碼,卻沒打給他
我傷了他的心
244
00:10:33,716 --> 00:10:35,259
我真是個性感壞女人
245
00:10:35,843 --> 00:10:41,182
過了這麼多年
那個小可憐又遇到我這性感尤物
246
00:10:42,016 --> 00:10:43,517
我要去道歉
247
00:10:46,145 --> 00:10:47,605
好,好吧
248
00:10:48,522 --> 00:10:49,565
我就直接說吧
249
00:10:50,650 --> 00:10:54,528
{\an8}我之所以討厭你把月曆翻到這一頁
250
00:10:54,528 --> 00:10:58,324
{\an8}是因為我的結婚紀念日就在6月
251
00:10:58,324 --> 00:11:02,662
分居時,我實在不想想到這件事
252
00:11:02,662 --> 00:11:04,955
天啊,珊姆,我很抱歉
253
00:11:04,955 --> 00:11:08,209
沒關係,我原諒你,來抱一個
254
00:11:08,709 --> 00:11:09,960
等一下
255
00:11:09,960 --> 00:11:11,045
怎麼了?
256
00:11:11,545 --> 00:11:13,839
我穿了圖克先生的羊毛毛衣
去參加妳的婚禮
257
00:11:13,839 --> 00:11:16,217
我夏天絕對不會穿那件
258
00:11:16,717 --> 00:11:18,094
妳才不是在6月結婚的
259
00:11:18,803 --> 00:11:21,931
好啦,好,我只是覺得那一頁看了很煩
260
00:11:22,515 --> 00:11:25,643
要煩也沒妳煩,妳每次寄出電子郵件
261
00:11:25,643 --> 00:11:28,479
妳一定要說:「掰掰囉」
262
00:11:28,479 --> 00:11:29,814
這樣很可愛
263
00:11:29,814 --> 00:11:33,776
才怪,要不是妳老是像鵜鶘一樣
264
00:11:33,776 --> 00:11:36,237
一口吞掉水煮蛋,我也許還能忍受
265
00:11:36,237 --> 00:11:39,865
提醒妳一下,珊姆
沒人喜歡有屁味的食物
266
00:11:39,865 --> 00:11:40,908
好
267
00:11:40,908 --> 00:11:42,660
妳在幹嘛?不
268
00:11:44,578 --> 00:11:46,539
現在一整天都會有屁味
269
00:11:46,539 --> 00:11:47,998
我知道
270
00:11:50,751 --> 00:11:53,337
好,我想起我們的過節了
271
00:11:53,838 --> 00:11:56,841
我跟你要了電話,但我沒打給你
272
00:11:57,508 --> 00:11:58,759
我...我真的很抱歉
273
00:11:59,677 --> 00:12:00,720
妳在說什麼?
274
00:12:01,721 --> 00:12:03,723
你說得對,對,我們不需要多講
275
00:12:03,723 --> 00:12:06,058
對,是因為棒球比賽
276
00:12:06,058 --> 00:12:08,018
那晚有棒球比賽?
277
00:12:08,018 --> 00:12:09,311
(2016年世界大賽)
(第七場)
278
00:12:09,311 --> 00:12:12,064
那是世界大賽的第七場比賽
小熊隊即將在108年後
279
00:12:12,064 --> 00:12:14,900
首度贏得冠軍
280
00:12:14,900 --> 00:12:18,070
酒吧裡所有人都在看比賽,只有妳沒有
281
00:12:18,070 --> 00:12:21,073
天啊,我忘了現在正在舉行
鄉村音樂協會獎頒獎典禮
282
00:12:21,073 --> 00:12:22,283
碧昂絲等一下要和狄克西女子合唱團
283
00:12:22,283 --> 00:12:23,701
- 同台表演
- 什麼?什麼?
284
00:12:23,701 --> 00:12:25,453
但我們一定來不及趕回家
285
00:12:25,453 --> 00:12:27,413
因為我們的Uber評分很低
286
00:12:27,413 --> 00:12:30,124
如果不喜歡我的假音,就不要讓我選音樂
287
00:12:30,124 --> 00:12:33,169
好,別擔心,聽著,那裡有電視
288
00:12:33,169 --> 00:12:34,795
碧昂絲馬上來
289
00:12:35,838 --> 00:12:37,047
十局下半
290
00:12:37,047 --> 00:12:40,676
兩人出局,克里夫蘭隊是攻方
馬丁尼茲揮棒...
291
00:12:45,931 --> 00:12:47,183
什麼?怎麼會這樣?
292
00:12:47,183 --> 00:12:50,227
我在找碧昂絲,只是轉一台而已
293
00:12:52,354 --> 00:12:53,898
好吧,所有電視都換台了
294
00:12:53,898 --> 00:12:55,316
遙控器在誰那裡?
295
00:12:56,859 --> 00:13:00,654
我只是按錯按鍵,好嗎?
我又不在燦坤工作
296
00:13:01,530 --> 00:13:02,573
(小熊隊)
(世界大賽冠軍)
297
00:13:02,573 --> 00:13:05,743
結束了,小熊隊締造了歷史
298
00:13:07,203 --> 00:13:09,538
芝加哥歡聲雷動
299
00:13:09,538 --> 00:13:11,957
生在這個年代真是難得
300
00:13:11,957 --> 00:13:14,210
沒看到的人虧大了
301
00:13:14,210 --> 00:13:16,587
拜託,他才沒有這麼說
302
00:13:16,587 --> 00:13:18,506
在我的記憶中是這樣
303
00:13:19,089 --> 00:13:22,802
妳在酒館裡喝醉?
304
00:13:22,802 --> 00:13:25,888
妳毀掉小熊隊史上最重大的時刻
305
00:13:26,388 --> 00:13:29,558
我也許得坐在妳旁邊,但我不需要喜歡妳
306
00:13:33,020 --> 00:13:34,021
(咖啡節奏)
307
00:13:34,021 --> 00:13:38,567
很遺憾,但妳失禮的行為可能難以挽救
308
00:13:38,567 --> 00:13:43,030
妳會被社會放逐好幾年,除非...
309
00:13:43,030 --> 00:13:44,615
妳能和甘迺迪家族的人結婚嗎?
310
00:13:45,783 --> 00:13:49,370
我沒事,我可以在這裡做事
我想去哪工作都行
311
00:13:53,582 --> 00:13:54,875
好
312
00:13:55,751 --> 00:13:59,088
希望嚼這個口香糖的人
有很好的口腔衛生習慣
313
00:13:59,088 --> 00:14:00,422
- 嗨
- 嗨
314
00:14:00,422 --> 00:14:02,258
妳...妳在這裡做什麼?
315
00:14:02,258 --> 00:14:05,177
我應該沒辦法在TJ旁邊工作
他是小熊隊的死忠球迷
316
00:14:05,177 --> 00:14:07,012
其實在七年前
317
00:14:07,012 --> 00:14:08,806
我在世界大賽時,切換了頻道...
318
00:14:08,806 --> 00:14:10,808
換到烤雞那一台
319
00:14:11,350 --> 00:14:13,435
等等,他就在氣這件事?
320
00:14:13,435 --> 00:14:14,520
當時很搞笑
321
00:14:14,520 --> 00:14:15,813
他不這麼認為
322
00:14:15,813 --> 00:14:17,565
他覺得我很惡劣
323
00:14:17,565 --> 00:14:20,818
他錯了,還記得我們當時被趕出酒吧
324
00:14:20,818 --> 00:14:24,530
我們還想戴帽子混進去嗎?
325
00:14:24,530 --> 00:14:27,658
我們差點成功,但卻被發現了
326
00:14:27,658 --> 00:14:29,952
他們拿東西丟我們
327
00:14:29,952 --> 00:14:31,120
雞翅
328
00:14:31,120 --> 00:14:34,248
妳那天晚上超搞笑
329
00:14:35,291 --> 00:14:36,709
丹尼斯還救了我
330
00:14:37,251 --> 00:14:40,880
妳還記得嗎?我穿著
我超愛的香奈兒成衣系列襯衫
331
00:14:40,880 --> 00:14:44,300
辣雞翅丟過來時,他飛撲到我前面
332
00:14:45,384 --> 00:14:47,887
他犧牲了他最愛的「美呆了」上衣
333
00:14:48,470 --> 00:14:49,889
他為我擋雞翅
334
00:14:50,472 --> 00:14:51,473
丹尼斯喔
335
00:14:52,266 --> 00:14:54,143
- 我得走了
- 好
336
00:14:57,813 --> 00:15:00,733
我知道,妳對我的行為感到震驚
337
00:15:00,733 --> 00:15:03,360
妳很吵、很亂、很粗魯又骯髒
338
00:15:03,360 --> 00:15:05,029
我...我就是這樣
339
00:15:05,029 --> 00:15:07,990
但妳也很有趣
340
00:15:08,991 --> 00:15:13,954
奈兒,生菜卡在我喉嚨裡的時候
341
00:15:13,954 --> 00:15:15,581
我不想引起注意
342
00:15:15,581 --> 00:15:20,502
於是我藉故走到外頭,但那裡沒人能幫我
343
00:15:20,502 --> 00:15:24,340
我因為太注重禮貌而死
344
00:15:25,883 --> 00:15:28,636
別跟我一樣,奈兒,妳做自己就好
345
00:15:28,636 --> 00:15:30,888
妳想吵就大吵特吵吧
346
00:15:30,888 --> 00:15:33,432
如果樓上那傢伙不喜歡
347
00:15:33,432 --> 00:15:35,267
那是他媽的問題
348
00:15:38,187 --> 00:15:40,564
瑪麗蘇,妳好壞
349
00:15:40,564 --> 00:15:41,649
我只是...
350
00:15:50,783 --> 00:15:52,451
我要給你看個東西
351
00:15:57,998 --> 00:16:01,710
我本想讓你喜歡我
但這才是我真實的樣貌
352
00:16:01,710 --> 00:16:04,588
我很髒亂,我不會請大家喝咖啡
還會弄死植物
353
00:16:05,130 --> 00:16:08,050
我真的很抱歉
我毀了你那晚看棒球的興致
354
00:16:08,550 --> 00:16:10,386
我真心希望你能接受我的道歉
355
00:16:10,386 --> 00:16:14,807
但如果你做不到
那建議你去別的辦公桌工作
356
00:16:16,141 --> 00:16:17,601
好,謝謝妳
357
00:16:19,812 --> 00:16:21,105
你...
358
00:16:23,399 --> 00:16:26,735
要走趕快走,別回來了
359
00:16:26,735 --> 00:16:30,155
好,瑪麗蘇,我給妳十分鐘好好發洩
360
00:16:30,155 --> 00:16:32,116
然後我就會寄出妳的訃聞
361
00:16:32,825 --> 00:16:34,326
如果是這樣的話
362
00:16:34,326 --> 00:16:36,829
你的領帶醜斃了
363
00:16:37,705 --> 00:16:40,124
我才不在乎妳沒有用杯墊
364
00:16:40,833 --> 00:16:44,086
你打噴嚏了,我不打算說「上帝保佑你」
365
00:16:45,671 --> 00:16:49,383
我沒大聲說過這個詞,但我一直都想說
366
00:16:50,259 --> 00:16:53,679
屁屁,屁屁,大屁屁
367
00:16:55,889 --> 00:16:57,141
我釋放出野獸了
368
00:16:57,141 --> 00:16:59,351
丹尼斯,我們真的得談一談
369
00:16:59,351 --> 00:17:00,894
等等,我先說一下
370
00:17:01,937 --> 00:17:06,692
我把月曆留在6月這一頁
只是因為我覺得這張照片很像我們倆
371
00:17:06,692 --> 00:17:08,193
- 什麼?
- 對,妳看
372
00:17:09,153 --> 00:17:13,949
{\an8}我是河馬,而妳是站在我頭上
和我一起迎向日落的可愛小鳥
373
00:17:13,949 --> 00:17:16,243
{\an8}這也太窩心了吧
374
00:17:16,243 --> 00:17:19,329
你總是知道要...等一下
375
00:17:20,205 --> 00:17:24,001
我知道你一定記得我們吃軟糖那一次
376
00:17:24,001 --> 00:17:26,837
我們認真討論了我們像什麼動物
377
00:17:26,837 --> 00:17:29,214
我們都說我們像
378
00:17:29,214 --> 00:17:31,884
- 鴿子,因為我們適合待在城市
- 鴿子
379
00:17:31,884 --> 00:17:34,011
而且我們老愛偷吃別人的薯條
380
00:17:34,011 --> 00:17:35,721
對,我記得
381
00:17:35,721 --> 00:17:39,308
我們都是愛說謊的齷齪小鴿子
382
00:17:40,392 --> 00:17:42,019
所以我們才是朋友
383
00:17:42,019 --> 00:17:43,145
過來
384
00:17:44,396 --> 00:17:46,815
但我們不能在同一間辦公室工作
385
00:17:46,815 --> 00:17:48,275
天啊,不行,你好煩
386
00:17:52,154 --> 00:17:54,406
- 可以跟我來嗎?
- 想殺了我嗎?
387
00:17:54,406 --> 00:17:56,408
- 真的很難,很多人試過了
- 不是
388
00:17:57,367 --> 00:17:58,452
快點,走吧
389
00:17:59,787 --> 00:18:00,871
{\an8}(小熊隊)
390
00:18:05,542 --> 00:18:06,460
(瑞格利球場)
391
00:18:07,711 --> 00:18:11,715
我一直在想我那晚錯過了
小熊隊球賽的最後一段
392
00:18:11,715 --> 00:18:12,800
拜託,老兄
393
00:18:12,800 --> 00:18:16,553
但我才發覺我沒想到妳錯過了什麼
394
00:18:17,137 --> 00:18:21,225
想像一下,2016年11月2日
395
00:18:21,225 --> 00:18:23,977
碧昂絲和狄克西女子合唱團站上舞台
396
00:18:23,977 --> 00:18:26,396
全國屏住呼吸,然後...
397
00:18:35,239 --> 00:18:39,535
好,我能理解你有多痛苦
398
00:18:39,535 --> 00:18:41,662
但我還是覺得這很好笑啊
399
00:18:41,662 --> 00:18:43,330
沒錯,確實很好笑
400
00:18:44,039 --> 00:18:45,457
但我當時看不透
401
00:18:45,958 --> 00:18:50,754
我當時剛為了工作搬到這裡
我誰都不認識,沒有朋友
402
00:18:50,754 --> 00:18:55,008
但我心想,如果我的小熊隊能贏
那我也能扭轉乾坤
403
00:18:56,051 --> 00:18:57,177
當時前景看好
404
00:18:57,803 --> 00:19:00,639
小熊隊快贏了,有個美女來跟我要電話
405
00:19:00,639 --> 00:19:02,057
我就知道你記得
406
00:19:04,560 --> 00:19:08,522
但我錯過比賽的最後一段,一切不斷變糟
407
00:19:09,523 --> 00:19:11,692
那是我人生中最孤單的一年
408
00:19:12,568 --> 00:19:13,944
我把一切都歸咎於妳...
409
00:19:16,029 --> 00:19:17,114
這樣不公平
410
00:19:19,867 --> 00:19:21,535
我遇過很多窮途潦倒的時期
411
00:19:22,244 --> 00:19:23,245
我能理解
412
00:19:24,830 --> 00:19:28,292
好,買一隻烤雞給我,我就原諒你
413
00:19:32,296 --> 00:19:33,839
我才不要
414
00:19:34,965 --> 00:19:37,259
那你就得永遠忍受
415
00:19:37,259 --> 00:19:39,344
辦公桌旁邊有個滿腔怒火的人
416
00:19:40,095 --> 00:19:41,096
應該是吧
417
00:19:42,389 --> 00:19:43,849
(《索科爾獨立報》)
418
00:19:43,849 --> 00:19:45,601
注意,各位員工
419
00:19:45,601 --> 00:19:49,563
大家顯然都不開心,我顯然很在意
420
00:19:49,563 --> 00:19:51,857
你想要人體工學椅,你想要托嬰服務
421
00:19:51,857 --> 00:19:54,860
你想要雙層捲筒衛生紙
我沒辦法照顧所有人
422
00:19:55,360 --> 00:19:58,488
什麼事能讓大家都開心?
423
00:20:00,199 --> 00:20:01,450
我來說吧,我不在乎
424
00:20:01,450 --> 00:20:03,410
大家擠在這裡爛死了
425
00:20:03,410 --> 00:20:04,786
謝謝妳,蒂娜
426
00:20:04,786 --> 00:20:07,456
能終於聽到實話真是耳目一新
427
00:20:08,040 --> 00:20:09,833
我也不想要坐在地上
428
00:20:09,833 --> 00:20:11,710
- 夠了,雪若
- 對,雪若
429
00:20:11,710 --> 00:20:12,711
好
430
00:20:12,711 --> 00:20:15,255
所有人都同意目前的情況不理想嗎?
431
00:20:15,255 --> 00:20:16,840
對
432
00:20:16,840 --> 00:20:18,258
- 對,當然
- 對
433
00:20:18,258 --> 00:20:19,343
很好
434
00:20:19,343 --> 00:20:21,637
那就不合併辦公室了
435
00:20:21,637 --> 00:20:23,388
大家回原本的座位吧
436
00:20:24,181 --> 00:20:25,140
謝天謝地
437
00:20:28,018 --> 00:20:30,771
她取消她早上推出的爛規定
我們還幫她鼓掌
438
00:20:30,771 --> 00:20:31,855
不會很怪嗎?
439
00:20:31,855 --> 00:20:35,359
就和某個人超愛三年前的月曆一樣怪
440
00:20:35,359 --> 00:20:36,360
也是
441
00:20:36,360 --> 00:20:38,111
我要帶走盆栽
442
00:20:38,111 --> 00:20:39,571
那是女廁裡的盆栽
443
00:20:39,571 --> 00:20:40,781
我知道
444
00:20:43,283 --> 00:20:44,910
改天見,烤雞妹
445
00:20:45,911 --> 00:20:46,995
那也要你夠幸運
446
00:20:47,496 --> 00:20:48,872
給我...
447
00:20:51,416 --> 00:20:52,834
放開好嗎?
448
00:20:53,335 --> 00:20:55,921
奈兒,妳說過要把所有舊手機回收
449
00:20:56,880 --> 00:20:58,215
{\an8}再給我看一次
450
00:20:58,799 --> 00:21:01,343
{\an8}妳看,妳所有的照片和回憶
都儲存在雲端上
451
00:21:01,343 --> 00:21:05,013
{\an8}包含數百張妳用來確認
牙齒有沒有卡渣的自拍照
452
00:21:05,013 --> 00:21:06,181
{\an8}- 好嗎?
- 好
453
00:21:09,434 --> 00:21:10,811
{\an8}你確定照片還在上面嗎?
454
00:21:11,520 --> 00:21:12,521
{\an8}好啦,只是問問
455
00:21:13,230 --> 00:21:14,523
{\an8}但如果是晴天怎麼辦?
456
00:21:14,523 --> 00:21:18,110
{\an8}雲端不是真的雲...這是笑話嗎?
457
00:21:18,110 --> 00:21:20,320
{\an8}當然是,廢話喔
458
00:21:21,530 --> 00:21:22,864
{\an8}把我的手機給我
459
00:21:25,867 --> 00:21:27,869
字幕翻譯:劉晏汝