1 00:00:01,251 --> 00:00:02,711 After 15 years as a journalist, 2 00:00:02,711 --> 00:00:04,629 I've learned it's important to grab the reader's attention 3 00:00:04,629 --> 00:00:06,297 with a catchy headline. 4 00:00:06,297 --> 00:00:09,884 Here's mine-- "Local Woman, 37, Ruins Own Life." 5 00:00:09,884 --> 00:00:13,179 Five years ago, Nell Serrano threw away a promising career 6 00:00:13,179 --> 00:00:14,848 to move to London for a man. 7 00:00:14,848 --> 00:00:16,766 I'm sleeping! 8 00:00:16,766 --> 00:00:18,351 She went all-in on love. 9 00:00:18,351 --> 00:00:20,395 Until it drop-kicked her in the face. 10 00:00:20,395 --> 00:00:22,647 Now she's back, trying to stay hydrated. 11 00:00:23,940 --> 00:00:26,776 But hey, who needs a promising career... 12 00:00:27,694 --> 00:00:30,238 ...a fairy-tale wedding... 13 00:00:30,238 --> 00:00:31,406 ...or clean underwear... 14 00:00:31,406 --> 00:00:33,908 when you can wear bathing suit bottoms. 15 00:00:33,908 --> 00:00:35,910 Again. 16 00:00:35,910 --> 00:00:39,039 The good news is the weird roommate I met on Craigslist 17 00:00:39,039 --> 00:00:41,958 is extremely laid back and not passive aggressive at all. 18 00:00:41,958 --> 00:00:44,669 Oh, also, he makes me walk his dog. 19 00:00:44,669 --> 00:00:46,838 Unfortunately, he's a shy pooper. 20 00:00:46,838 --> 00:00:49,382 The dog, not the roommate. That's gross. 21 00:00:49,382 --> 00:00:51,217 And all this made me late for my first day 22 00:00:51,217 --> 00:00:52,469 back at my old job. 23 00:00:52,469 --> 00:00:54,346 But at least I got the last parking spot, 24 00:00:54,346 --> 00:00:55,597 so things are looking up. 25 00:00:56,598 --> 00:00:57,640 Oh. 26 00:01:00,685 --> 00:01:03,021 Oh. Sorry. 27 00:01:06,608 --> 00:01:08,151 Oh, my... 28 00:01:08,151 --> 00:01:09,778 I really gotta clean out this trunk. 29 00:01:10,820 --> 00:01:12,947 More on this ongoing disaster as it unfolds. 30 00:01:29,964 --> 00:01:31,257 {\an8}- You are late. - Oh. 31 00:01:31,257 --> 00:01:32,300 {\an8}But I told everyone that your phone 32 00:01:32,300 --> 00:01:33,551 {\an8}was still set on UK time 33 00:01:33,551 --> 00:01:34,969 {\an8}and that you were donating blood. 34 00:01:34,969 --> 00:01:36,096 {\an8}Okay? So, act kinda woozy. 35 00:01:36,096 --> 00:01:37,138 {\an8}What if I act hungover? 36 00:01:37,138 --> 00:01:38,264 {\an8}What if I am hungover? 37 00:01:38,264 --> 00:01:40,225 {\an8}So, I got you a plant for your first day. 38 00:01:40,225 --> 00:01:41,768 {\an8}- Hey. - Of my old job? 39 00:01:41,768 --> 00:01:43,645 {\an8}Yeah, and some pens for your birthday. 40 00:01:43,645 --> 00:01:44,813 {\an8}Oh, 'cause I'm another year older? 41 00:01:44,813 --> 00:01:45,855 {\an8}- Sports section. - Oh. 42 00:01:45,855 --> 00:01:48,316 {\an8}- Go long! - No, because I love you, baby. 43 00:01:48,316 --> 00:01:50,068 {\an8}- Aww. - No stealing, girls. 44 00:01:50,068 --> 00:01:51,778 You are not the boss of me. 45 00:01:51,778 --> 00:01:52,862 True, but I am the boss of you. 46 00:01:52,862 --> 00:01:54,572 - Ooh. - Is it weird? 47 00:01:54,572 --> 00:01:55,615 It's weird that either of you 48 00:01:55,615 --> 00:01:56,950 are the bosses of anybody, really. 49 00:01:56,950 --> 00:01:58,326 Well, technically, she is the boss... 50 00:01:58,326 --> 00:01:59,369 - Oh! - ...of the lifestyle section... 51 00:01:59,369 --> 00:02:00,412 - MAN ♪2: Sorry! - ...so that 52 00:02:00,412 --> 00:02:01,871 - doesn't really count. - Ooh. 53 00:02:01,871 --> 00:02:03,498 Ooh. "I'm Mr. Metro. 54 00:02:03,498 --> 00:02:05,458 I have to edit a six-part series 55 00:02:05,458 --> 00:02:07,669 about the changes in the zoning bylaws." 56 00:02:07,669 --> 00:02:10,130 {\an8}I'm sorry, don't you have a meeting to go to about... 57 00:02:10,130 --> 00:02:11,381 {\an8}I want to say sandals. 58 00:02:11,381 --> 00:02:13,591 Look, bitch-- 59 00:02:13,591 --> 00:02:15,719 Actually, I am late to a meeting about sandals. 60 00:02:15,719 --> 00:02:17,178 - Oh. - Ugh. 61 00:02:17,178 --> 00:02:18,722 - Coffee later? - Yep. 62 00:02:18,722 --> 00:02:20,932 {\an8}So, what are you gonna put me on? 63 00:02:20,932 --> 00:02:22,517 {\an8}City beat? Crime beat? 64 00:02:22,517 --> 00:02:24,269 The dead beat. 65 00:02:24,269 --> 00:02:26,229 Oh, my God, you're putting me on obituaries? 66 00:02:26,229 --> 00:02:27,480 Here's your new office. 67 00:02:27,480 --> 00:02:28,815 Ta-da. 68 00:02:28,815 --> 00:02:29,941 Ew. 69 00:02:31,151 --> 00:02:33,778 {\an8}Yeah, I'm not gonna lie, this is a closet. 70 00:02:33,778 --> 00:02:35,321 {\an8}That seems generous. 71 00:02:35,321 --> 00:02:37,991 {\an8}Look, you gotta jump back in somewhere, Nell. 72 00:02:37,991 --> 00:02:40,243 Start here. Your first obit. 73 00:02:40,243 --> 00:02:41,494 Monty Waxberg. 74 00:02:41,494 --> 00:02:44,706 {\an8}A musician you may know for his most famous jingle, 75 00:02:44,706 --> 00:02:45,832 {\an8}the "Yummy Yum Bubble Gum" song. 76 00:02:45,832 --> 00:02:47,459 I hated that song as a kid. 77 00:02:47,459 --> 00:02:50,045 {\an8}Don't judge a person by their jingle, Nell. 78 00:02:50,045 --> 00:02:53,465 Everyone has a story, and it's your job to find it. 79 00:02:53,465 --> 00:02:55,091 And don't touch that pipe. 80 00:02:55,091 --> 00:02:56,343 It'll strip your skin. 81 00:03:00,430 --> 00:03:02,098 This is on me. 82 00:03:02,098 --> 00:03:03,516 Just give me one sec. 83 00:03:03,516 --> 00:03:05,393 Oh, here, give me that. 84 00:03:05,393 --> 00:03:07,020 Oh! See? This is why I love you. 85 00:03:07,020 --> 00:03:08,188 Still know how to party. 86 00:03:08,188 --> 00:03:09,564 Byow-byow-byow-byow! 87 00:03:09,564 --> 00:03:11,024 No. Your airhorn's broken. 88 00:03:11,024 --> 00:03:13,109 That is because it is a breast pump. 89 00:03:14,611 --> 00:03:17,155 Do you remember when these boobs were for, like, flashing people? 90 00:03:17,155 --> 00:03:19,324 Now they are for feeding people. 91 00:03:19,324 --> 00:03:20,575 What happened to me? 92 00:03:20,575 --> 00:03:23,036 You became a badass working mom, 93 00:03:23,036 --> 00:03:25,455 who made two of my favorite little humans. 94 00:03:25,455 --> 00:03:27,290 Yeah, I should warn you, 95 00:03:27,290 --> 00:03:29,417 Tilly still likes to wear her flower girl dress 96 00:03:29,417 --> 00:03:31,711 to school every day, in case that's a trigger. 97 00:03:31,711 --> 00:03:33,088 Way to punch down, Tilly. 98 00:03:33,088 --> 00:03:35,674 So, when you are ready to talk about Phillip, 99 00:03:35,674 --> 00:03:38,134 I have a bunch of nasty things I have written in my journal 100 00:03:38,134 --> 00:03:39,803 that I am so excited to share with you. 101 00:03:39,803 --> 00:03:41,388 Eh, I don't want to do that. 102 00:03:41,388 --> 00:03:42,555 You know what I want to do for my birthday? 103 00:03:42,555 --> 00:03:44,891 I just want to throw down like we used to 104 00:03:44,891 --> 00:03:47,394 and pretend it's not gonna take me three days to recover. 105 00:03:47,394 --> 00:03:50,063 - Okay? - Okay! 106 00:03:50,063 --> 00:03:51,564 Oh, God. Oh, no. Hide me. 107 00:03:51,564 --> 00:03:53,441 - Oh. Unh-uh. Nope. Hide me. - What? 108 00:03:53,441 --> 00:03:55,777 - Oh, hide me. - What? Why? Where? What? Who? 109 00:03:55,777 --> 00:03:57,612 It's Scotch Tape. 110 00:03:58,279 --> 00:03:59,239 Oh. 111 00:03:59,239 --> 00:04:01,449 Yeah, Nell, you can't call her that anymore, okay? 112 00:04:01,449 --> 00:04:05,662 Lexi is your boss now, and as crazy as it sounds, 113 00:04:05,662 --> 00:04:08,415 - we have actually become... - I will smack your face. 114 00:04:08,415 --> 00:04:10,792 - ...work friends. - What? We hate her! 115 00:04:10,792 --> 00:04:12,127 I know. I'm so sorry. 116 00:04:12,127 --> 00:04:13,211 The only reason why she has this job 117 00:04:13,211 --> 00:04:14,754 is because her dad owns the newspaper. 118 00:04:14,754 --> 00:04:16,047 And half of Pasadena. 119 00:04:16,047 --> 00:04:17,757 Yeah, I know. She's a little rich and weird, 120 00:04:17,757 --> 00:04:19,676 and she thinks that Old Navy is a branch of the military, 121 00:04:19,676 --> 00:04:22,137 but when you are a working mom, 122 00:04:22,137 --> 00:04:23,888 it is hard to meet other working moms. 123 00:04:23,888 --> 00:04:27,017 What? No. What about Tina from Metro? 124 00:04:27,017 --> 00:04:28,184 She used to always talk about her kids. 125 00:04:28,184 --> 00:04:29,728 It was sweet. 126 00:04:30,645 --> 00:04:32,772 They were dolls. 127 00:04:32,772 --> 00:04:34,733 Everyone's really worried about Tina. 128 00:04:37,193 --> 00:04:39,571 - Hi. - Hi, Tina. 129 00:04:41,031 --> 00:04:42,741 What's this? 130 00:04:42,741 --> 00:04:45,744 You shouldn't have. 131 00:04:46,995 --> 00:04:48,997 Mmm. 132 00:04:48,997 --> 00:04:51,583 Let's hope there's no cherries in this one. 133 00:04:53,001 --> 00:04:54,085 It's caramel. 134 00:04:54,085 --> 00:04:55,253 Mmm. 135 00:04:55,253 --> 00:04:56,755 Did you go to Stanford? 136 00:04:56,755 --> 00:04:58,256 Yeah. 137 00:04:58,256 --> 00:04:59,507 Why are you eating the chocolates 138 00:04:59,507 --> 00:05:00,967 I got for my girlfriend? 139 00:05:02,218 --> 00:05:04,179 Because it's my birthday and I thought you got them for me. 140 00:05:04,179 --> 00:05:05,597 No. 141 00:05:07,057 --> 00:05:08,350 Gross. 142 00:05:08,350 --> 00:05:10,185 I'm going to San Diego, without chocolates, 143 00:05:10,185 --> 00:05:11,519 to visit my girlfriend. 144 00:05:11,519 --> 00:05:13,188 So, please remember to walk Arthur 145 00:05:13,188 --> 00:05:14,856 and use compostable poop bags 146 00:05:14,856 --> 00:05:16,441 instead of telling the dog just to hold it. 147 00:05:16,441 --> 00:05:18,318 And if you raise the heat above 68, 148 00:05:18,318 --> 00:05:20,236 - the Nest will alert me. - Aye-aye, Captain. 149 00:05:26,201 --> 00:05:27,827 Do you have any plans for your birthday? 150 00:05:27,827 --> 00:05:29,329 Oh, yeah. 151 00:05:29,329 --> 00:05:30,789 I'm gonna throw a massive rager, 152 00:05:30,789 --> 00:05:32,707 and I'm thinking of getting a couple of kegs 153 00:05:32,707 --> 00:05:33,833 and maybe even a reggae band, 154 00:05:33,833 --> 00:05:35,919 and I'm gonna do it right over there by your Peloton. 155 00:05:35,919 --> 00:05:37,837 No! You can't do it here. We have an agreement. 156 00:05:37,837 --> 00:05:39,422 Your lease specifically states that any guests 157 00:05:39,422 --> 00:05:41,883 need to be pre-authorized... 158 00:05:41,883 --> 00:05:43,718 - You're joking? - Obviously, dude. 159 00:05:43,718 --> 00:05:45,512 What, do you have like Asperger's or something? 160 00:05:45,512 --> 00:05:47,347 I do. 161 00:05:47,347 --> 00:05:48,723 You do? 162 00:05:48,723 --> 00:05:50,308 Oh, my God, I am so sorry I said that. 163 00:05:50,308 --> 00:05:52,602 I don't. You thought I had Asperger's? 164 00:05:52,602 --> 00:05:54,646 I mean, kind of. 165 00:05:54,646 --> 00:05:56,231 I do. 166 00:05:57,357 --> 00:05:58,900 All right, have a good weekend. 167 00:06:02,487 --> 00:06:04,197 - Beam me up ♪ - Beam me up ♪ 168 00:06:04,197 --> 00:06:05,740 Count me in ♪ 169 00:06:05,740 --> 00:06:07,075 Ah, thank you. 170 00:06:09,035 --> 00:06:11,746 Wow. $14 bucks for a cocktail. 171 00:06:11,746 --> 00:06:12,956 You know, back in the day, 172 00:06:12,956 --> 00:06:15,333 we used to make LSD in the bathtub 173 00:06:15,333 --> 00:06:18,086 and give it away for free! 174 00:06:18,086 --> 00:06:19,921 Ah, damn, I miss the '90s. 175 00:06:19,921 --> 00:06:21,423 - Mm. - Mm. 176 00:06:21,423 --> 00:06:24,134 How come your nose is buried in your phone? 177 00:06:25,844 --> 00:06:27,762 Ah, honestly? 178 00:06:27,762 --> 00:06:31,016 I was wondering if my ex-fiance was gonna bother 179 00:06:31,016 --> 00:06:32,183 to wish me a happy birthday, 180 00:06:32,183 --> 00:06:33,685 but so far, he hasn't, so... 181 00:06:33,685 --> 00:06:35,520 You know the best way to get over someone? 182 00:06:35,520 --> 00:06:37,814 - Hmm? - Get under someone else. 183 00:06:39,024 --> 00:06:40,275 Awesome. Thank you for your wisdom. 184 00:06:41,568 --> 00:06:43,194 Hey! 185 00:06:43,194 --> 00:06:45,822 - There she is! My birthday girl! - Hi! 186 00:06:45,822 --> 00:06:48,033 - Yes! - Hi. 187 00:06:48,033 --> 00:06:49,117 Okay, I know you said no presents, 188 00:06:49,117 --> 00:06:50,785 but we stopped by the gas station 189 00:06:50,785 --> 00:06:54,456 - and got you a little something. - Aww, you guys. 190 00:06:54,456 --> 00:06:56,499 Condoms and scratchers? 191 00:06:56,499 --> 00:06:58,752 'Cause you finna get lucky this year! 192 00:06:58,752 --> 00:07:00,420 Hey! And we're gonna have a great time tonight 193 00:07:00,420 --> 00:07:02,422 no matter who else shows up. 194 00:07:02,422 --> 00:07:03,548 So... 195 00:07:03,548 --> 00:07:05,383 Who else is coming? 196 00:07:05,383 --> 00:07:06,551 Hi, squirrel friend. 197 00:07:06,551 --> 00:07:08,678 Sorry I'm late. 198 00:07:08,678 --> 00:07:12,766 Well, I hope it's not too weird that I crashed your birthday. 199 00:07:12,766 --> 00:07:13,975 No. Not at all. 200 00:07:13,975 --> 00:07:15,477 We're co-workers. 201 00:07:15,477 --> 00:07:18,229 Well, not exactly "co." 202 00:07:18,229 --> 00:07:20,357 Kidding. 203 00:07:20,357 --> 00:07:22,275 Although technically, that is accurate. 204 00:07:22,275 --> 00:07:23,443 I mean, I am your boss. 205 00:07:23,443 --> 00:07:24,819 Right. 206 00:07:24,819 --> 00:07:26,488 But I just want you to know that I'm going to strive 207 00:07:26,488 --> 00:07:28,823 to be a different kind of boss than my father was. 208 00:07:28,823 --> 00:07:32,285 I mean, he was just so aloof and out of touch, 209 00:07:32,285 --> 00:07:34,329 and if I learned anything after I broke my back 210 00:07:34,329 --> 00:07:35,872 during the Olympic Dressage trials, 211 00:07:35,872 --> 00:07:39,918 it's that you are only as strong as the horse you're riding. 212 00:07:39,918 --> 00:07:42,295 - Mm. - Mm. 213 00:07:42,295 --> 00:07:45,131 And you-- you are my horse. 214 00:07:45,131 --> 00:07:46,174 Hey, Lexi? 215 00:07:46,174 --> 00:07:48,677 Am I being weird and entitled again? 216 00:07:48,677 --> 00:07:50,553 Yeah, when you referred to us as your horse. 217 00:07:50,553 --> 00:07:52,389 See? This is why I need you. 218 00:07:52,389 --> 00:07:54,140 Oh, my gosh, that reminds me. 219 00:07:54,140 --> 00:07:55,475 One weekend during quarantine 220 00:07:55,475 --> 00:07:56,768 when our families podded together-- 221 00:07:56,768 --> 00:07:58,103 Oh. 222 00:07:58,103 --> 00:07:59,479 You guys podded together? 223 00:07:59,479 --> 00:08:00,897 - Yeah. - We did. 224 00:08:00,897 --> 00:08:03,024 And it was such fun. Oh! 225 00:08:03,024 --> 00:08:05,568 I know a lot of people say they didn't enjoy the pandemic, 226 00:08:05,568 --> 00:08:07,362 but I really thrived. 227 00:08:07,362 --> 00:08:10,782 Anyway, one night, Sam and I got into le sauvignon blanc, 228 00:08:10,782 --> 00:08:13,618 and she got really honest with me 229 00:08:13,618 --> 00:08:16,246 about how I can come off to people, 230 00:08:16,246 --> 00:08:19,833 and I'm just very grateful to have a friend 231 00:08:19,833 --> 00:08:21,501 like you in my life. 232 00:08:21,501 --> 00:08:23,420 I got you. 233 00:08:24,713 --> 00:08:28,049 ♪ Ooh-hoo ♪ 234 00:08:28,049 --> 00:08:29,676 Nobody knows it ♪ 235 00:08:29,676 --> 00:08:30,719 Nobody knows ♪ 236 00:08:30,719 --> 00:08:32,345 You're okay with her being here, right? 237 00:08:32,345 --> 00:08:33,847 Totally. 238 00:08:33,847 --> 00:08:34,973 - Yeah. - Yeah. 239 00:08:34,973 --> 00:08:36,725 I guess I just didn't realize you guys were, like, 240 00:08:36,725 --> 00:08:38,435 - friends-friends. - I know. 241 00:08:38,435 --> 00:08:39,561 But it's fine. 242 00:08:39,561 --> 00:08:40,812 You just owe me a do-over, yeah? 243 00:08:40,812 --> 00:08:42,397 - You got it. - Yes! 244 00:08:42,397 --> 00:08:43,523 - Yes. - Okay, so I got us two tickets 245 00:08:43,523 --> 00:08:45,150 to The Underground this Saturday night. 246 00:08:45,150 --> 00:08:46,943 It's '80s Prom Night. 247 00:08:46,943 --> 00:08:48,111 I thought I'd wear my wedding dress, 248 00:08:48,111 --> 00:08:49,904 you'd wear your maid-of-honors dress. 249 00:08:49,904 --> 00:08:51,197 Might as well get some use out of it. 250 00:08:51,197 --> 00:08:52,240 I would love to do it. 251 00:08:52,240 --> 00:08:54,034 It's just that Saturday night, 252 00:08:54,034 --> 00:08:57,162 um, I have some plans-- 253 00:08:57,162 --> 00:08:58,204 You have plans with Lexi. 254 00:08:58,204 --> 00:09:00,498 Yeah. I do. I do. 255 00:09:00,498 --> 00:09:04,461 Don't go breaking my heart ♪ 256 00:09:04,461 --> 00:09:06,588 We almost got it. It was almost there. 257 00:09:08,506 --> 00:09:10,800 Whoo! Whoo! 258 00:09:10,800 --> 00:09:12,344 Let's give it up for Dennis and Scotch Tape! 259 00:09:13,219 --> 00:09:14,804 - Scotch Tape? - Oh, yeah. 260 00:09:14,804 --> 00:09:15,847 It's just a nickname we gave you, you know. 261 00:09:15,847 --> 00:09:18,266 Just some little inside joke between old friends. 262 00:09:18,266 --> 00:09:19,309 Nell, Nell, slow down. 263 00:09:19,309 --> 00:09:20,685 - What? Come on. - Nell. 264 00:09:20,685 --> 00:09:22,020 Scotch Tape. Because you're stuck up. 265 00:09:22,020 --> 00:09:23,063 Get it? 266 00:09:23,063 --> 00:09:24,606 We also thought you were Scottish. 267 00:09:24,606 --> 00:09:26,608 You screamed one day, and it sounded like Braveheart. 268 00:09:26,608 --> 00:09:27,650 I was like, "Scottish." 269 00:09:27,650 --> 00:09:29,903 Come on. 270 00:09:29,903 --> 00:09:31,946 You think it's funny, right? 271 00:09:31,946 --> 00:09:34,074 I'm not the only one! 272 00:09:34,074 --> 00:09:35,116 Yeah, totally. 273 00:09:35,116 --> 00:09:36,785 I'm just gonna get my bag. 274 00:09:36,785 --> 00:09:38,119 All right. 275 00:09:38,119 --> 00:09:39,579 Another round of drinks! 276 00:09:53,843 --> 00:09:55,136 "If you're reading this, 277 00:09:55,136 --> 00:09:57,681 then the fridge has been open too long." 278 00:09:57,681 --> 00:10:00,350 Oh, my God. 279 00:10:00,350 --> 00:10:02,477 How did I end up here? 280 00:10:02,477 --> 00:10:03,937 Well, it's true. 281 00:10:03,937 --> 00:10:05,397 Aah! Aah! 282 00:10:05,397 --> 00:10:07,524 You never really know where life is gonna take you. 283 00:10:08,274 --> 00:10:09,984 Don't you come any closer. I will kill you. 284 00:10:09,984 --> 00:10:11,027 Don't bother. 285 00:10:11,027 --> 00:10:12,445 I'm already dead. 286 00:10:15,865 --> 00:10:17,409 Are you here to kill me? 287 00:10:17,409 --> 00:10:19,411 Please don't do that. Please, please don't do that. 288 00:10:19,411 --> 00:10:21,371 No, I am not here to kill you. 289 00:10:21,371 --> 00:10:23,665 My name is Monty Waxberg. 290 00:10:23,665 --> 00:10:26,292 Yummy Yum Bubble Gum ♪ 291 00:10:26,292 --> 00:10:27,836 Juicy, juicy fun ♪ 292 00:10:30,839 --> 00:10:32,632 Ta-da. C'est moi. 293 00:10:33,842 --> 00:10:34,843 Nope. Nuh-uh. 294 00:10:34,843 --> 00:10:36,177 No. I do not see dead people. 295 00:10:36,177 --> 00:10:37,262 No, no, no, no. 296 00:10:37,262 --> 00:10:38,304 This has just got to be the chili cheese fries 297 00:10:38,304 --> 00:10:40,098 and the cake and the five cocktails 298 00:10:40,098 --> 00:10:41,266 and maybe the half gummy I ate. 299 00:10:41,266 --> 00:10:42,809 Go easy there, Keith Richards. 300 00:10:42,809 --> 00:10:44,936 You cannot comment because you are not real. 301 00:10:44,936 --> 00:10:46,688 So, I-- I'm just gonna-- 302 00:10:46,688 --> 00:10:48,440 I'm gonna go to my room, and I'm gonna lock the door, 303 00:10:48,440 --> 00:10:50,525 and I'm gonna put a bunch of heavy boxes in front of it. 304 00:10:50,525 --> 00:10:51,901 You know, not because I think that you're real, 305 00:10:51,901 --> 00:10:54,487 but just because, uh-- um, I need the cardio. 306 00:10:54,487 --> 00:10:55,655 And when I wake up in the morning, 307 00:10:55,655 --> 00:10:56,865 you are gonna be gone! 308 00:10:56,865 --> 00:10:58,450 Goodnight! 309 00:11:08,710 --> 00:11:10,337 - Mornin'! - Aah! 310 00:11:13,048 --> 00:11:14,716 Stay back. 311 00:11:14,716 --> 00:11:16,509 How did you get past the boxes? 312 00:11:16,509 --> 00:11:18,845 I have no idea. I've never been dead before. 313 00:11:18,845 --> 00:11:22,265 Also, I haven't had to pee since I died, 314 00:11:22,265 --> 00:11:24,059 which frees up a lot of time. 315 00:11:25,185 --> 00:11:26,394 - Company. - Come in. 316 00:11:27,771 --> 00:11:28,730 Are you okay? 317 00:11:28,730 --> 00:11:30,523 I just got home, and I heard you scream. 318 00:11:32,233 --> 00:11:33,276 No. 319 00:11:35,528 --> 00:11:36,738 - Yeah, I'm okay. - Good. 320 00:11:36,738 --> 00:11:38,073 Will you clean the living room, please? 321 00:11:38,073 --> 00:11:39,908 Because it's filled with condoms. 322 00:11:39,908 --> 00:11:41,701 Duh. Yeah. What do you think 323 00:11:41,701 --> 00:11:42,827 I got this is for? 324 00:11:42,827 --> 00:11:45,038 Okay, nice. 325 00:11:45,038 --> 00:11:46,623 Fun fact-- 326 00:11:46,623 --> 00:11:48,333 you're the only one that can see me. 327 00:11:48,333 --> 00:11:50,627 - No! - Yep. 328 00:11:50,627 --> 00:11:51,878 No, no! 329 00:11:51,878 --> 00:11:52,921 No! 330 00:11:52,921 --> 00:11:54,756 This-- What is happening? 331 00:11:54,756 --> 00:11:55,924 This is not happening. 332 00:11:55,924 --> 00:11:56,966 Oh, my God. 333 00:11:56,966 --> 00:11:58,718 I know I've been sad lately, 334 00:11:58,718 --> 00:12:00,428 and maybe even a little depressed, you know? 335 00:12:00,428 --> 00:12:02,013 And I haven't really been taking good care of myself. 336 00:12:02,013 --> 00:12:04,557 Maybe I just need to do more exercise. 337 00:12:04,557 --> 00:12:07,227 Oh, okay. Why don't we go for a bike ride? 338 00:12:07,227 --> 00:12:08,770 No, thank you. I need some air. 339 00:12:12,065 --> 00:12:13,942 Hey, Siri, text Sam. 340 00:12:13,942 --> 00:12:15,777 "Sorry I got over-served last night. 341 00:12:15,777 --> 00:12:17,696 Can, uh, we grab a cup of coffee later?" 342 00:12:19,155 --> 00:12:20,532 You don't want to eat here. 343 00:12:20,532 --> 00:12:23,118 Two words-- Cock. Roaches. 344 00:12:23,118 --> 00:12:24,577 No! 345 00:12:27,539 --> 00:12:29,249 Go. Go, go, go, go, go, go! 346 00:12:29,249 --> 00:12:30,875 Nell! Get out of the car! 347 00:12:30,875 --> 00:12:32,002 This is the guy that killed me! 348 00:12:32,002 --> 00:12:33,795 - What? - Just kidding. 349 00:12:33,795 --> 00:12:35,505 It was prostate cancer. 350 00:12:39,634 --> 00:12:41,636 Stop following me! 351 00:12:41,636 --> 00:12:43,138 Oh, God. Enough. 352 00:12:43,138 --> 00:12:44,472 What do I have to do to get you to leave? 353 00:12:44,472 --> 00:12:45,765 I don't know. 354 00:12:45,765 --> 00:12:47,392 I have no idea why I'm here. 355 00:12:47,392 --> 00:12:48,935 No rules, no instructions. 356 00:12:48,935 --> 00:12:50,895 It's very poorly run. 357 00:12:50,895 --> 00:12:52,188 Okay, I've seen the movies. There's gotta be 358 00:12:52,188 --> 00:12:53,606 some magic words that I can say 359 00:12:53,606 --> 00:12:54,816 to get you to move on. 360 00:12:54,816 --> 00:12:56,317 Ooh, like, um-- 361 00:12:56,317 --> 00:12:58,069 "I absolve you of your messed up life." 362 00:12:58,069 --> 00:13:00,113 "Go to the light, Carol Anne!" 363 00:13:01,489 --> 00:13:04,242 - My messed up life? - Yes. Your messed up life. 364 00:13:04,242 --> 00:13:06,036 I don't know if you remember, but I've been writing about you, 365 00:13:06,036 --> 00:13:08,288 and you're a dead, twice-divorced, wannabe musician 366 00:13:08,288 --> 00:13:10,373 who wrote one jingle that made me hate bubble gum. 367 00:13:10,373 --> 00:13:12,125 Uh-huh. And what about you? 368 00:13:12,125 --> 00:13:13,543 I've been around you for about 24 hours, 369 00:13:13,543 --> 00:13:15,170 and I can tell, you're no prize. 370 00:13:15,170 --> 00:13:16,546 You drink too much, 371 00:13:16,546 --> 00:13:18,548 you're jealous of other people's happiness, 372 00:13:18,548 --> 00:13:20,258 and you literally just run away 373 00:13:20,258 --> 00:13:22,010 from any difficulty in your life. 374 00:13:24,512 --> 00:13:25,555 I'm not doing this. 375 00:13:25,555 --> 00:13:27,223 I'm not getting psychoanalyzed by some dead person. 376 00:13:27,223 --> 00:13:29,601 See? You're running away. 377 00:13:31,436 --> 00:13:33,104 I am n-- No. 378 00:13:33,104 --> 00:13:34,647 No. Ah. 379 00:13:34,647 --> 00:13:37,067 Great. Thank you. I just missed Sam's call. 380 00:13:38,193 --> 00:13:39,694 Hey, I got your text. 381 00:13:39,694 --> 00:13:41,613 Last night got a little out of hand. 382 00:13:41,613 --> 00:13:43,948 I mean, I know it was funny how we used to not like Lexi, 383 00:13:43,948 --> 00:13:47,035 but she's been a great friend to me while you've been gone. 384 00:13:47,035 --> 00:13:49,079 She is also the boss, so if I were you, 385 00:13:49,079 --> 00:13:51,289 I would think about apologizing. 386 00:13:51,289 --> 00:13:53,958 Anyway, I guess we'll talk later. 387 00:13:53,958 --> 00:13:56,628 So, what are you gonna do now? 388 00:14:02,592 --> 00:14:04,761 What...? 389 00:14:04,761 --> 00:14:09,391 Well, this is, um, quite the office, Lexi. 390 00:14:09,391 --> 00:14:11,101 Whoa. 391 00:14:11,101 --> 00:14:13,937 Ah. Yes, that's the horse that bucked me-- Todd. 392 00:14:13,937 --> 00:14:15,605 I keep it as a reminder of my failures. 393 00:14:15,605 --> 00:14:17,899 - Wow. - So, what can I do for you? 394 00:14:17,899 --> 00:14:21,403 I wanted to drop off some apology donuts. 395 00:14:21,403 --> 00:14:22,904 Last night, I wasn't at my best, 396 00:14:22,904 --> 00:14:24,781 and I wanted to say I'm sorry 397 00:14:24,781 --> 00:14:27,075 and I promise to be more professional from now on. 398 00:14:28,535 --> 00:14:29,869 Did you steal these from the break room? 399 00:14:29,869 --> 00:14:31,079 No. Why? 400 00:14:31,079 --> 00:14:32,247 Several have bites taken out of them, 401 00:14:32,247 --> 00:14:34,791 and it says "break room" on the box. 402 00:14:34,791 --> 00:14:36,084 Then, yes, I did. 403 00:14:36,084 --> 00:14:37,335 Okay. Uh, sorry. 404 00:14:37,335 --> 00:14:38,837 Bye. 405 00:14:38,837 --> 00:14:41,589 That was a pretty half-assed apology. 406 00:14:41,589 --> 00:14:43,174 I mean, obviously, you have something 407 00:14:43,174 --> 00:14:44,509 you'd like to say to me. 408 00:14:44,509 --> 00:14:46,428 So, be a reporter. 409 00:14:46,428 --> 00:14:47,804 Give me the full story. 410 00:14:47,804 --> 00:14:49,264 I don't think that's a good idea. 411 00:14:49,264 --> 00:14:51,349 I have an idea. 412 00:14:51,349 --> 00:14:53,852 Let's take 30 seconds and tell the other person 413 00:14:53,852 --> 00:14:56,938 exactly what we think of them with no repercussions. 414 00:14:56,938 --> 00:14:58,606 Huh? I'll go first. 415 00:14:58,606 --> 00:15:01,234 I think you are a sloppy drunk. 416 00:15:01,234 --> 00:15:02,277 Oh, wow. 417 00:15:02,277 --> 00:15:03,361 You're just gonna go right in there. 418 00:15:03,361 --> 00:15:05,405 Well, I think your relationship 419 00:15:05,405 --> 00:15:07,073 with your horse is inappropriate. 420 00:15:07,073 --> 00:15:09,367 I think that shirt looks like it was bought from Wet Seal. 421 00:15:09,367 --> 00:15:10,827 I took the bites out of those donuts. 422 00:15:10,827 --> 00:15:12,579 You still work in newspapers. 423 00:15:12,579 --> 00:15:15,206 You work in newspapers. 424 00:15:15,206 --> 00:15:16,666 I knew you didn't want me at your birthday party, 425 00:15:16,666 --> 00:15:18,126 but I invited myself anyway. 426 00:15:18,126 --> 00:15:20,712 I don't think you're good enough to be friends with Sam. 427 00:15:24,257 --> 00:15:26,468 When Dennis asked me to hire you, I said no. 428 00:15:26,468 --> 00:15:28,636 You gave up a promising career to chase after some guy, 429 00:15:28,636 --> 00:15:29,804 and when it doesn't work out, 430 00:15:29,804 --> 00:15:31,264 I'm supposed to pick up the pieces? 431 00:15:31,264 --> 00:15:34,142 I only changed my mind when Sam told me you were in a sad spot 432 00:15:34,142 --> 00:15:35,935 and really needed to catch a break. 433 00:15:35,935 --> 00:15:37,645 I hired you for her. 434 00:15:37,645 --> 00:15:40,065 But I am your boss, and if you don't perform, 435 00:15:40,065 --> 00:15:41,149 you will be the first to go, 436 00:15:41,149 --> 00:15:42,859 and it won't matter who you're friends with. 437 00:15:45,070 --> 00:15:47,113 Okay, good to know. 438 00:15:48,573 --> 00:15:50,450 I really don't think that's a fun game, by the way. 439 00:15:50,450 --> 00:15:52,243 Oh, it's a lot better if you're playing with your family. 440 00:15:59,668 --> 00:16:00,960 - Are you here? - Yep. 441 00:16:00,960 --> 00:16:02,879 - Oh. - I keep closing my eyes 442 00:16:02,879 --> 00:16:05,423 and hoping when I open them, I'll be in Madrid. 443 00:16:07,050 --> 00:16:09,260 Oh, no. What's with the face? 444 00:16:10,345 --> 00:16:11,971 For some dumb reason, 445 00:16:11,971 --> 00:16:13,890 I thought that I would just 446 00:16:13,890 --> 00:16:16,685 come back home and pick back up where I left off, 447 00:16:16,685 --> 00:16:19,813 but... everything's changed 448 00:16:19,813 --> 00:16:22,524 and I feel really disconnected from everyone. 449 00:16:25,026 --> 00:16:26,569 So, what do we do then? 450 00:16:26,569 --> 00:16:28,697 Just sit here and feel sorry for you 451 00:16:28,697 --> 00:16:30,448 for the rest of eternity? Hmm? 452 00:16:30,448 --> 00:16:32,075 Am I in Hell? 453 00:16:32,075 --> 00:16:34,452 - If you're with me, probably. - Oh, my God. 454 00:16:34,452 --> 00:16:37,247 You know, I can't listen to any more of your whining. 455 00:16:37,247 --> 00:16:38,498 I'm either gonna smother you with that pillow 456 00:16:38,498 --> 00:16:39,916 or we're going out. 457 00:16:39,916 --> 00:16:41,918 Smother me. 458 00:16:52,345 --> 00:16:54,431 This is so dumb. 459 00:16:54,431 --> 00:16:55,932 What are we doing here? 460 00:16:55,932 --> 00:16:57,392 I mean, (scoffs) are we gonna split a bruschetta? 461 00:16:58,727 --> 00:17:00,562 You know, you don't need those things. 462 00:17:00,562 --> 00:17:03,440 I feel like everyone is staring at me, 463 00:17:03,440 --> 00:17:05,442 wondering what's wrong with me 464 00:17:05,442 --> 00:17:08,528 and why I'm all alone in such a beautiful place. 465 00:17:08,528 --> 00:17:09,863 Let me tell you something. 466 00:17:09,863 --> 00:17:12,699 I was prodigy on the piano. 467 00:17:12,699 --> 00:17:15,910 I moved to California in the Summer of Love, 468 00:17:15,910 --> 00:17:18,496 and I was gonna make incredible music. 469 00:17:18,496 --> 00:17:20,540 And I ended up writing... 470 00:17:20,540 --> 00:17:22,417 - Yummy Yum-- ♪ - Oh, no singing. 471 00:17:22,417 --> 00:17:23,835 I know. It's embarrassing. 472 00:17:25,128 --> 00:17:26,629 Because I wanted so much more. 473 00:17:28,340 --> 00:17:29,924 So, I got angry, 474 00:17:29,924 --> 00:17:32,260 and I pushed people away. 475 00:17:32,260 --> 00:17:34,763 And eventually, I climbed out of my own ass 476 00:17:34,763 --> 00:17:38,516 and realized that there were people all around me 477 00:17:38,516 --> 00:17:40,101 living their lives... 478 00:17:41,144 --> 00:17:44,356 ...not caring about what life should be, 479 00:17:44,356 --> 00:17:46,316 but about what it is. 480 00:17:46,316 --> 00:17:49,486 And when I got that, everything changed. 481 00:17:50,695 --> 00:17:52,781 I mean, look at that woman over there. 482 00:17:52,781 --> 00:17:54,449 She's not self-conscious. 483 00:17:54,449 --> 00:17:57,285 Just enjoying life as it's happening right now. 484 00:17:57,285 --> 00:17:59,287 - You don't have to do this. - Do what? 485 00:17:59,287 --> 00:18:00,955 Ghost-of-Christmas-Future me into thinking 486 00:18:00,955 --> 00:18:02,457 that if I don't change my ways, 487 00:18:02,457 --> 00:18:04,501 I'm gonna end up alone and all dressed up, 488 00:18:04,501 --> 00:18:06,544 wearing some ugly turquoise necklace. 489 00:18:06,544 --> 00:18:08,963 Or maybe you wear it because your husband 490 00:18:08,963 --> 00:18:11,841 bought it for you in Spain for your anniversary. 491 00:18:16,388 --> 00:18:17,430 Is that your wife? 492 00:18:17,430 --> 00:18:18,848 Yes, it is. 493 00:18:18,848 --> 00:18:20,642 Oh, my God. 494 00:18:24,145 --> 00:18:25,647 I'm so sorry. 495 00:18:25,647 --> 00:18:28,108 I ju-- I-I just can't seem to get out of my own way. 496 00:18:28,108 --> 00:18:29,150 I'm a mess. 497 00:18:29,150 --> 00:18:30,819 - Yeah, you are. - Thanks. 498 00:18:30,819 --> 00:18:32,570 - But, you know, it's okay. - Hmm? 499 00:18:32,570 --> 00:18:35,448 'Cause so was I before I met Cricket. 500 00:18:37,283 --> 00:18:41,037 God, I wish I could tell her once more how beautiful she is. 501 00:18:50,422 --> 00:18:51,631 Okay. 502 00:18:54,217 --> 00:18:55,260 Excuse me. 503 00:18:55,260 --> 00:18:57,429 I hope this isn't too weird, 504 00:18:57,429 --> 00:18:59,347 but I just thought someone should tell you 505 00:18:59,347 --> 00:19:01,182 how beautiful you look tonight. 506 00:19:01,182 --> 00:19:04,060 Well, isn't that a kick? 507 00:19:04,060 --> 00:19:05,228 Thank you. 508 00:19:05,228 --> 00:19:06,813 And I really love your necklace. 509 00:19:07,939 --> 00:19:09,357 My husband gave it to me. 510 00:19:09,357 --> 00:19:13,445 It's a little gaudy, but it makes me think of him. 511 00:19:15,030 --> 00:19:16,948 You know, this is-- this is really out of character for me, 512 00:19:16,948 --> 00:19:18,742 but would it be the strangest thing 513 00:19:18,742 --> 00:19:21,119 if I asked to join you for a glass of wine? 514 00:19:21,119 --> 00:19:23,455 Only if it's tequila. 515 00:19:26,166 --> 00:19:27,500 I'm Nell. 516 00:19:27,500 --> 00:19:28,793 I'm Cricket. 517 00:19:33,715 --> 00:19:35,216 Come in. 518 00:19:36,092 --> 00:19:37,052 Hey. 519 00:19:37,052 --> 00:19:38,887 I got more poop bags for Arthur's business 520 00:19:38,887 --> 00:19:41,973 so you're always ready. 521 00:19:41,973 --> 00:19:43,850 Thank you. 522 00:19:43,850 --> 00:19:45,393 Is there something else? 523 00:19:45,393 --> 00:19:48,897 Technically, it's not called Asperger's anymore. 524 00:19:48,897 --> 00:19:50,940 It's called "Autism Spectrum Disorder." 525 00:19:50,940 --> 00:19:52,108 It means a lot of different things 526 00:19:52,108 --> 00:19:53,985 to a lot of different people, but for me, 527 00:19:53,985 --> 00:19:56,821 it means I need structure and routine. 528 00:19:56,821 --> 00:19:58,406 There's a right way to do things, 529 00:19:58,406 --> 00:20:01,076 and there's a wrong way to do things. 530 00:20:01,076 --> 00:20:02,535 And there's not much in-between. 531 00:20:02,535 --> 00:20:05,538 - Like the poop bags. - Yeah. Kinda. 532 00:20:05,538 --> 00:20:06,581 But I'm an environmental lawyer, 533 00:20:06,581 --> 00:20:08,500 so that's just being responsible. 534 00:20:08,500 --> 00:20:11,252 - The world's on fire right now. - Right. 535 00:20:11,252 --> 00:20:13,296 Also... 536 00:20:13,296 --> 00:20:16,091 I know at times I could be... 537 00:20:16,091 --> 00:20:19,260 difficult to live with. 538 00:20:19,260 --> 00:20:20,929 Or so I've been told. 539 00:20:23,181 --> 00:20:24,432 So have I. 540 00:20:24,432 --> 00:20:26,476 So, maybe we're a good match. 541 00:20:30,689 --> 00:20:31,981 Well, have a nice day. 542 00:20:31,981 --> 00:20:35,777 Made a wrong turn ♪ 543 00:20:35,777 --> 00:20:38,113 Once or twice ♪ 544 00:20:38,113 --> 00:20:40,281 What are the markers of a life well lived? 545 00:20:40,281 --> 00:20:43,159 We try to describe people's lives in one sentence. 546 00:20:43,159 --> 00:20:44,786 "She was a successful journalist." 547 00:20:44,786 --> 00:20:47,914 "He was an old friend and a new boss." 548 00:20:47,914 --> 00:20:49,207 "She was a working mom." 549 00:20:49,207 --> 00:20:50,583 It's too many kisses! 550 00:20:51,626 --> 00:20:53,795 "He was the Yummy Yum Bubble Gum guy." 551 00:20:53,795 --> 00:20:55,755 But the truth is, there isn't one sentence 552 00:20:55,755 --> 00:20:57,382 that can describe a life. 553 00:20:57,382 --> 00:20:58,633 No, I know that we're not where we're supposed to be, 554 00:20:58,633 --> 00:21:00,051 but I-I have a plan. 555 00:21:00,051 --> 00:21:01,469 It's just taking a little bit longer than-- 556 00:21:01,469 --> 00:21:02,887 Because life is complicated. 557 00:21:02,887 --> 00:21:05,015 Thanks, Dad. 558 00:21:05,015 --> 00:21:07,517 And people aren't always who we think they are. 559 00:21:07,517 --> 00:21:10,729 The real truth is, we're all a work in progress, 560 00:21:10,729 --> 00:21:12,605 and so are our relationships-- 561 00:21:12,605 --> 00:21:14,274 the old ones we're trying to keep... 562 00:21:14,274 --> 00:21:15,734 Byow-byow-byow! 563 00:21:15,734 --> 00:21:18,236 ...and sometimes, 564 00:21:18,236 --> 00:21:19,904 if we're lucky, 565 00:21:19,904 --> 00:21:22,824 it's the new ones that take us by surprise. 566 00:21:22,824 --> 00:21:25,035 Hey! 567 00:21:25,035 --> 00:21:27,495 Are you ready to rock our faces off? 568 00:21:27,495 --> 00:21:30,749 - Sure am. - Come on, girl. I can tell you 569 00:21:30,749 --> 00:21:32,459 - about the '80s, now. - Oh. Please. 570 00:21:34,169 --> 00:21:36,755 "And since, as Monty Waxberg believed, 571 00:21:36,755 --> 00:21:39,341 you never really know where life is going to take you, 572 00:21:39,341 --> 00:21:42,344 so just open up your heart along the way and listen. 573 00:21:42,344 --> 00:21:44,888 Everyone has a story if you just take the time 574 00:21:44,888 --> 00:21:47,098 to find out what it is." 575 00:21:48,600 --> 00:21:49,893 I would tell you this is really good, 576 00:21:49,893 --> 00:21:51,394 but then you'd just want to start a union, 577 00:21:51,394 --> 00:21:53,855 so instead, I'm just gonna upload it to publication. 578 00:21:53,855 --> 00:21:56,149 - Okay. - Okay. 579 00:21:57,192 --> 00:21:59,069 Don't let those nice words go to your head, old man. 580 00:21:59,069 --> 00:22:01,237 I'm just trying to keep this job. 581 00:22:05,408 --> 00:22:07,243 {\an8}Didn't even say goodbye. 582 00:22:07,243 --> 00:22:08,328 {\an8}What a jerk. 583 00:22:08,328 --> 00:22:10,830 {\an8}Hey, I just e-mailed you your next assignment-- 584 00:22:10,830 --> 00:22:13,708 {\an8}a woman who ran a successful Dim Sum restaurant in Chinatown. 585 00:22:13,708 --> 00:22:15,627 {\an8}On it. 586 00:22:18,254 --> 00:22:19,589 {\an8}- Hi. - Oh. 587 00:22:19,589 --> 00:22:21,132 {\an8}I'm gonna be honest because I'm dead. 588 00:22:21,132 --> 00:22:22,676 {\an8}Your natural deodorant doesn't work. 589 00:22:22,676 --> 00:22:24,552 {\an8}And why aren't you married? 590 00:22:24,552 --> 00:22:26,429 {\an8}Time's ticking. 591 00:22:30,392 --> 00:22:34,145 Captioned by VITAC--