Mom? Dad?
Hello?
I can hear you.
Come on, open up.
No!
Dylan, are you okay?
Jeez.
You know what? I think I need sexier toiletries for this bathroom.
I really do.
I think Dylan is finally down for good.
He had a bad nightmare.
Another one?
Damn.
Poor little guy. You know what?
I think it's just new house jitters.
A couple days, and he will love this place.
And so will you.
Look at this. Baby, two sinks.
We never have to share another one again. Come on!
- Yeah, that part I like. - Yeah, well,
'cause we deserve this. We've earned it, okay?
- Do we? - Yeah.
You know, I want us to be careful and not overextend ourselves.
- I know. - That's how people get trapped,
like my parents when...
That black car, it's been idling for 20 minutes.
- Oh. - Feels like it's watching us.
What black car?
It was right there.
I think I saw it earlier, too.
Oh, no.
I don't think Dylan's the only one with new house jitters.
Now that he's asleep,
what do you say we christen this house, huh?
In there. Right there.
♪ Hey, man, what's that sound? ♪
♪ Everybody's just fooling around ♪
♪ In the clubs, on them drugs
♪ Everybody loves messing up ♪
♪ Let me know where you are
♪ If you need some good advice ♪
♪ You know you're far
♪ So don't be cold as ice
♪ Oh
♪ Ahh
Oh, man, I am having some serious house FOMO right now.
How the hell did Adam afford this place?
Must be under a flight path or something.
Yeah. All I know is that he got a great deal.
I got so pissed off checking the Zillow, I almost didn't come.
At least he's not being smug by having a party
just to rub it in everyone's faces.
Totally. Not a smug prick at all.
Yo, yo, yo, yo, my peeps!
If I could just have a minute of your time.
Just a minute. Thanks so much.
Uh, yeah, thank you guys so much for being here.
Margo and I are so excited to have you guys
for our little housewarming party.
#AdamAndMargosCrib, by the way.
Uh, you know, I used to love coming up to the hills to hike.
And I am pinching myself
that we actually live up here now.
So... honestly, it doesn't matter
how cool the decor or how big the pool is.
- Cringe. - A home is only as good
as the friends who fill it.
- I mean that. - Whoo-whoo!
Yeah.
Um, everyone here is so special to us, so, uh...
Uh... yeah. Cheers.
- Cheers! - Cheers!
Sounds like a fun party.
Don't you want to go out there, show off the new house?
I guess I should.
But I'm just, like, what was so bad with our old place, you know?
God, what is wrong with me?
Oh, the oven door's sticky. I can get it.
I got it. I got it. Thank you.
You should go out there, have fun.
Or else.
Okay. Okay. Thanks, Brooke.
- Thank you. - Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
Can we go yet?
No, we haven't even talked to Margo.
I can't be hungover for gun club, all right?
Besides, this crowd's really snobby.
15 more minutes?
No, no, no, 20 minutes,
then we're out the door.
This house has such an unusual layout.
I can't seem to find the bathroom.
Oh, the bathroom's right here.
Oh, well, silly me. I must be drunk.
Please, I wouldn't dream of going first.
Okay.
Oh! Hey, my dudes.
Hey, please don't touch the vinyl.
If you want to hear something, I'll put it on.
Let me know, let me know.
Hey, you guys trying one of my famous Old Fashions?
- I actually had a question about that. - Yeah, one second.
Hey, did you guys try the dessert?
Le Petit's? Pretty good. Check it out.
Keep those drinks filled. Come on, we're going all night. We're going all night.
Neil, Lily. Hey, you guys can't leave yet.
I mean, you're practically the guests of honor. Come on.
We have a thing in the morning.
But really great place. Top notch.
- I'll see you Monday. - Really lovely home.
- Thanks for having us, Alan. - It's, uh, Adam.
You try one of my famous Old Fashions?
They're famous!
- Let's get outta here. - Why wake Dylan up?
The babysitter texted. Kids are all dead asleep.
You know he's a handful.
And, plus, he's had some really bad nightmares lately.
That's all the more reason to let him spend the night,
and the kids love having him there.
You sure?
He's not used to sleeping away from home, so he might wake up again...
Relax, Mom. We'll drive him up in the morning.
You just enjoy your night off.
- Hey, killer party! - Hey, hope you guys had a good...
- Hey, uh, thanks for the drinks, man. - Good night.
- Yeah. - Yeah. Let's roll, babe.
- Good night. - Good night.
See ya.
It's okay, it's over.
Hey, why did Neil and his wife leave so early?
I mean, do you think people had fun?
Sure, yeah.
You're not just saying that?
You know I'm not the best judge.
Well, I mean, Kevin didn't come.
Brad Thompson didn't show up.
That was kind of the whole point.
I thought the point was to have fun?
You know what I mean.
Well, it was mostly your work friends.
I didn't know half of them.
Yeah, I tried to introduce you. I couldn't really find you.
You used to love parties.
- Did I? - Yeah.
I just feel like I... Like, we've barely unpacked.
And I don't even know how to end a conversation anymore.
I mean, a lot of your friends were here, too, you know?
Like Teeny and her super-friendly husband.
Brooke the cook.
- That super slick couple. - Who?
You know, that couple. That guy was wearing, like, a really cool suit
and she was wearing a dress that looked like jammies.
Wait, that couple that looked like they were going to a sexy funeral?
- Yeah, that's the one. - They're your friends.
No, I don't know them.
- Are you sure you don't know them? - No, I do not know them.
Didn't you talk to them?
No, I didn't get a chance to.
Maybe they came with someone else.
Yeah, maybe.
I mean, pretty rude to bring another couple
to a super curated gathering and not introduce them, but...
Yeah, it's really weird. Where's the cheese knife?
So random.
Who invited them?
- Fuck! - Whoa.
Easy there. I'm sorry, I was just...
- I didn't mean to scare you. - Hey, hey. What the hell?
- I come in peace. I come in peace. - What is going on?
I gave our hosts a little scare.
It seems like we lost track of time in the toilet.
Oh, my God. Um, are we...
- We're the only ones left? - Bingo.
Yeah, what the hell were you guys doing in there?
Uh, that... that's our cue.
Exit stage left.
Thank you guys for a great time.
A thousand pardons about the scare, so...
- Good night. Thank you. - So sorry.
What the fuck?
Just... hold on.
You know what? I have to ask.
- Adam. - Who invited you?
Oh. I find myself in the unenviable position
of having to apologize twice in just minutes.
We weren't actually invited in a formal sense.
Or the informal sense.
- What? - Okay, well,
all the more reason for you to leave.
- Yeah. - Bye, guys.
One of your guests was blocking our car.
Yep, we're the neighbors. I'm Tom. This is Sasha.
- Hi. - Welcome to the neighborhood.
Wait, the neighbors?
Mm-hmm. Yeah, someone's Prius ran over two of our lawn lights
and was blocking our driveway.
So we came over here with a head full of steam to complain...
- Mostly me. - And then...
Well, you have really nice friends
and you make a mean Old Fashioned.
And your playlist?
Chef's kiss. I mean, some serious deep cuts.
That Radiohead song? I don't think I've ever heard that song before.
Oh, it's actually an old DJ Shadow remix
- off a limited picture disk pressing from Japan. - Unh-uh.
- No, not right now. - Sorry.
You know, I know we sound like lunatics.
We came over here just for a drink as a lark,
and then, you know, well, one thing led to the next
and we really should have introduced ourselves right off.
- It's my fault. - Gee, you think?
Oh, hey, so, you live next door, huh?
The big mid-century? Fucking love that house, man.
Oh, good. I mean, please come over any time. God knows we owe you.
Yeah, I'm actually having a launch party for my jewelry line next month.
And we're gonna probably tent the yard
and I'm gonna have my favorite sushi restaurant cater.
- So, please come. - Yeah, and the best part is,
you can get as drunk as you want and just stumble back home.
- We're so close. - Yeah.
Anyways, we're really sorry for making this weird.
- I guess we're a little too old for party crashing. - We are.
Oh, come on, bro. I give you mad props. Right here.
Yeah, like we haven't crashed a party. Please.
Yeah, yeah. Bro, we haven't.
- Oh, I have. Years ago, but... - He hasn't.
Can we hit the reset button?
- We're kinda wired. - Yeah.
Can we invite you guys over for a nightcap?
- Oh, that's a great idea. - Yeah?
- Although our place is such a mess. - Oh.
We're remodeling. We're doing some work.
Too bad.
Um, yeah, that is so tempting,
but we are gonna rain check.
Yeah, there's actually no reason for us to go over there...
- Yeah, exactly. - ...when we have everything right here.
- Adam. - Everything.
I mean, we don't want to intrude. It's up to... I mean...
Nightcap?
- Come on. Let's do it. - Sure, yeah.
- Yeah. - Yeah.
God, I hate the Hills.
Who were those hipster tight-asses?
There was this one younger couple, very stylish.
Yeah, that's their crowd now. No skin off my nose.
I think I caught the guy snooping or something.
Something was off.
He gave me the strangest look.
- Oh! - Fuck!
Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
Tell me that wasn't an animal, Frank.
Frank, tell me that wasn't an animal.
It wasn't an animal.
Stay here.
Relax, babe, okay? It was nothing.
It was just a branch.
What are you talking about? We hit something.
Yeah, I'm telling you, there was nothing in the road.
Well, what if it slunked off the road and it's in pain now?
Okay, it was a branch.
There's branches flying around. End of story.
Fucking hate the Hills.
Need some help, doctor?
Hey, so, uh, you have fun?
The party was a good time?
- Yeah! Fun little crowd. - Yeah, okay. Cool.
- Just nice to step outside my bubble, for a change. - Totally.
Uh, what is your bubble?
Oh, you know, other VCs, CEOs, entrepreneurs.
You know, total pricks. Yeah.
Well, I wish there were a few more total pricks here tonight.
- Oh, yeah? - Yeah, I... I don't want to bore you.
- No, try me. - So, I invited my boss to sell him on expanding.
Our firm is missing so many opportunities
by not beefing up our online content.
- Mm. - It's like we farm out so much ad work
that it keeps us from competing with the big boys. Very frustrating.
You ever think about launching your own company?
Only every day.
- I may have some people to introduce you to. - Wait, really?
Yeah, but let's not ruin our drinks with business.
- No, I didn't mean to... - That's what the golf course is for.
- Yeah. - You play?
- Oh, yeah. - Good. You can teach me.
I just spent a fortune to join the big new club and I totally suck.
Great. That'd be fun.
Oh, sexy couple.
- That was before I got pregnant. - Oh, okay.
If I knew I was saying goodbye to vacations and my hips,
I would've taken more photos.
Oh, you're selling yourself short.
But I know exactly what you mean.
I remind Jean Pierre of that all the time.
Does that make me horrible?
You're so young. You have a child?
Yeah, I do. He's... he's six already.
- That's Dylan's age. Yeah. - Really?
JP's actually doing a language immersion program.
It's a spring break program. He's in Montreal.
So he's actually visiting his grandmother,
- but very independent kid. - Yeah, of course. At six.
- Yeah. - Wow, you two,
- you really have it all. - Oh, my God, no!
- No, it's an act. I swear. - Oh. Oh, come on.
Most married couples I know don't attack each other in the bathroom.
- Oh. - Or do they? I'm so sorry.
- I don't even know anymore. - No, no, no. We weren't doing that.
It's fine. You don't need to say that to make me feel better.
No, really. It's embarrassing, actually.
We were just doing a little coke. It's so '80s.
- Oh. In my house. - I know. Don't judge me.
- Wow. - I'm so sorry.
Yeah, no. No, no, no. It is totally fine.
Yeah, I did my share way back when.
- Okay. Yeah, no, it's gross. - It's so gross.
- And silly. Yeah. - And it is so silly.
Do you have any left?
Whoa! While the cat's away,
the mice will break out the booger sugar.
- Margo, what the fuck? - It's one line.
Well, yeah, but... Nothing against you guys,
you know, or Colombian exports,
it's just I know how she gets.
How I get?
He has no idea how I get.
Well, I think we're all about to find out.
Sasha, don't be a troublemaker.
She's a confirmed troublemaker. Total maniac.
I am the voice of reason compared to this one.
Okay, we actually... We trade off,
like good cop, bad cop.
That's the key to a successful marriage.
Tonight, I'm the maniac.
Yeah.
Hey, fine with me.
I've been trying to get you out of your shell
the whole night, so have at it.
Well, on that note, can I put on a little music?
Yeah. A couple notes about the music.
Oh, yeah, Adam doesn't like anyone touching his wax.
Ooh, I'm sorry. Is this... is this all right?
No, that rule is for Dylan, our son, and most people.
Yep, and including me.
Hey, pick a good one, bud. Pick a goodie.
Famous last words. Okay, I am getting warmer.
Pressure's on, Tom. I want to dance.
I know you do, baby. Uh, okay, I'm getting...
Adam, wow. Just some top-notch stuff here.
Just an embarrassment of riches.
Okay, I'm getting warm... ugh.
Warmer, and...
I think we have a winner.
- Oh! - Good one.
- Yeah, that's... - Let's dance.
Getting a little loud. Maybe I'll turn it down for the neighbors.
Ah, fuck that.
We are the neighbors!
Yeah!
No!
- Well? - Not good.
Dylan had a nightmare and wet himself.
Something about Mommy and Daddy getting all cut up.
Jesus.
Well, his mom did say he was a little weirdo.
Yeah, he wants his pookie.
- His what? - It's his stuffed monkey.
Maybe we should just bring him back.
No, no, no. This is a sleepover.
The kids would be so disappointed.
Okay, so text Margo. Have her bring it down.
I'm sure she's still cleaning or whatever.
Well, I did and she didn't answer.
Dylan: I need Pookie.
- Oh, my God. - Jesus.
I can't sleep without him.
Oh, okay, honey.
Well, I'll be out there in a sec, okay?
I'm just gonna go get it.
- No, I'll go. - No, I'm already up.
Back in a flash.
TV Narrator: A longer barrel means less recoil
but more propellant for your bullet,
as well as a higher muzzle velocity.
- This is so much fun! - Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
Oh, this is way more fun than the party.
Well, that's why we moved, baby. Higher caliber of people.
Adam! Eww! Oh, my God.
Wait. Are we the more higher caliber people?
Hey, we'll take it. We're flattered.
Tom fancies himself, like, the mayor of the Hills, okay?
He'll introduce you to everyone.
Oh, my God, I love this song.
Such a great tune.
♪ I've been living life so long ♪
♪ I know there's nothing wrong with this ♪
♪ Come on, break my heart
♪ Break my heart
♪ Well, let's say
♪ This evil little world
♪ Break my heart
♪ Break my... break my... Break my... ♪
Adam.
Oh, got it. Sorry.
What? How is this skipping right now?
I take such good care of it.
It's okay. I'll get you a new one.
Yeah, fat chance. Limited press.
I said I'll get you a new one.
You know what I'd love right now?
A cigarette. Oh!
Smoking? Really? Again? Wow, who are you?
Well, I hate to trigger an international incident,
- but I do happen to have one left. - Oh!
Me! Me, me.
And you'd be doing my health a great service by splitting it with me.
Don't hate me.
- I hope I'm not being a bad influence. - Don't mind Adam.
In front of people, he likes to put me in the Mommy box.
Oh, my God. Yeah, Tom did that once.
He asked me what I was making for lunch in front of his mother.
- Oh. - So I walked out the front door,
bought a motorcycle, and I let my jujitsu teacher go down on me.
- You did that? - Yeah.
That is amazing.
You have strong hands.
Hard tips.
Piano?
- Guitar. - Oh.
Play me something.
Yeah, down here, we're gonna make this a home gym.
- Mm. - Kinda sweet.
And down that away, home office.
Wow, this... this is a great little house.
- Ah. - Work must not be as dire as you make it sound.
We got a good deal. Some might even say a steal.
- Yeah? - Yeah, 'cause of the history of the house.
- History? - Wait. You don't know?
- No, what history? - I mean, it happened so long ago.
Um, and, you know, our realtor didn't have to legally disclose it to us,
but it still pops up on some of those morbid websites
- every once in a while, so... - Do tell.
- But if I have nightmares, I'm blaming you. - All right.
So, basically this family lived here like 15, 20 years ago.
Picture-perfect family. The husband owned a restaurant.
The wife was like an artist or something. They had twins.
- Gross. Twins gross me out. - Same.
So, this couple fought all the time.
Like, really ugly fighting for years. Violent.
The whole neighborhood knew about it,
but nobody could say anything because it's like,
"Oh, upscale neighborhood. What do we say?" Right?
But, um, eventually it escalated pretty bad.
And, uh, yeah, he slit her throat
and she shot him in the face.
Jesus.
Or maybe it was the other way around.
She slit his throat
and he shot her in the face.
Whoa.
The worst part is... The worst part?
- Yeah? - The kids never called the police.
I mean, obviously they're traumatized.
You know, years of deranged parents
and then this, obviously.
But, yeah, the girls just left them there
for weeks just like that.
Or maybe they were boys. Doesn't matter.
Ugh. Can you imagine that?
Like, "Hey, Ma, what's for dinner?"
- "Oh, that's right, your face is blown off." - No. Dude.
But eventually the gardener smelled something and called the police.
Uh, yeah, blood everywhere, bodies were decaying.
I cannot believe you have not heard this story. It's crazy.
You know what? The important thing is you swept in and made a killing.
- Well... - You're cutthroat, Adam.
I like that.
Hey, um, maybe don't mention anything to Margo.
Wait, Margo doesn't know?
No, I... I told her. I told her.
I just said that, like, an older couple died here
a long time ago, and that's kinda it.
Yeah, hey, well, people have to die somewhere.
- Right? - Thank you. Yes, I love that.
Hey, I wish someone got blown away in my house.
- Gives this place some character. - Yeah, thanks, man.
You, sir, scored a piece of pie
in one of the best zips in the city.
- Margo must be psyched. - That's just it.
She feels like moving up here is showing off
and we're in over our heads.
That's the American way.
- Right? - Yeah.
I mean, somewhere along the line,
aspirations became bougie to her.
Or at least mine did.
Like tonight, I invite Neal
and all the founders of the company,
and she's in the kitchen hiding the whole night.
Wow. That really chafes me.
- I'm not overreacting? - Au contraire.
You know, I mean, I can relate.
- Sasha? Yeah. - God, no.
Sasha is the wind beneath my wings.
If it wasn't for her, I wouldn't have had the balls
to launch my first company.
She's my secret weapon.
Wow. Man, must be nice.
Yeah, you know,
sometimes when one half of the couple
is dissatisfied with their decisions or choices,
they don't want the other half flying too close to the sun.
Totally. No, I get that. Yeah.
No, don't get me wrong. I'm not saying that that's the case here.
But what does, uh, Margo? Margo do again?
- Margo? Oh, great mom. Great mom. - Yeah.
She used to make music, but now she manages her friend Teeny's thrift shop.
All right.
What would you do if you were in my situation?
Honestly?
Get out of town for a romantic weekend, just the two of you.
Sit her down to have a heart-to-heart.
And just kill her.
- Oh, my God. - Your face on that.
Dude, you are dark. You're a dark mofo.
I like going there sometimes.
Whoa! Come on. Come over here. Let me show you.
Oh, bravo. That was so good.
You are too kind, really. Too kind.
No, you're... you're amazing. You should perform.
I used to have a band.
- You did? - Yeah.
- Oh! - It was a long time ago.
I smell a reunion tour.
I do not think that is possible.
- Why? - No. Feedlot is dead.
- Wait, you were in Feedlot? - Shut up.
Oh, my God. I remember you. I saw you.
Yes, it was you and some, like, sexy guy
in skinny pants playing some heavy shit.
I saw you with Beck at a festival, yeah.
We just opened with about 30 other bands.
That is so cool that you actually remember.
Oh, yeah. No, I remember. It was a really good set.
- I remember dancing. - Yeah?
You have already made my night, that is for sure.
You should play my party.
- Mm-mm. - Yeah, reunion set.
There's gonna be industry people there.
You are so sweet, but, no.
Call Mr. Sexypants right now.
I haven't talked to Mr. Sexy...
Sebastian in years.
Aside from being a prima donna cokehead,
he is also my ex.
Well, he sounds like a blast.
Kind of a sore subject for Adam.
- Why? - Well, like you said,
- Sebastian's pretty hot. - Oh, jeez. Really?
Adam... come on, Adam needs to...
- What? - Nothing.
What? What, what? I can take it.
Adam needs to chill out? Adam needs to...
He needs to take his boot off your fucking throat.
That is not okay.
I'm sorry, if Tom pulled that shit, I'd break his nose.
- Okay. - Come on, call him.
- Now? - Call him.
Oh, my God. No. No, no.
- No, no, no, no, no. - Call him right now.
I don't even think that I have his number.
No.
It's... stop.
- S-E-B... - Give me that.
- Come on. I am not kidding. - Bingo.
Give that back. Seriously.
Oh, my God, Sebastian.
- It's ringing. - What?
- Hello? - No.
No. Oh, my God. What the fuck?
- Answer it. Answer it now. - Hello?
- Say, "What are you wearing"? - Margs? That you?
Hey. Hi! Hey, it's... it's me.
Um, I'm surprised you still have my number in your phone.
I'm surprised you're calling me in the middle of the night.
- Oh, my God. - I am so sorry. Yeah, um...
Pleasantly surprised. It's been far too long.
I have to admit,
- I was having some drinks... - Mm-hmm.
And I was listening to some of our old stuff.
- Are you still playing? - Here and there.
It's good to hear your voice. Really good.
Is it a... is it a crazy idea for us to get together
and maybe tinker around professionally?
Of course, I'd really love that.
Professionally.
So, here we go. Yeah, well, it's still
a work in progress, but, you know...
Ah, where all the magic happens.
Ah, this?
- This is perfect. - Aw, thanks, man.
Hey, should we go find where the ladies disappeared to?
Oh, let them do their thing. I can tell they're becoming fast friends.
Yeah, well, you know, Margo can be a tough nut to crack, so...
- Well, Sasha's specialty. - That's so cool.
- Tonight may get interesting. - Love it.
What do you mean?
Welcome to the Hills.
We share more than just cups of sugar.
- Uh... - You opposed to them having a little fun together?
Of course, they have to pay the husband tax.
Right. Uh, what is the husband tax again?
Uh, you know, get us in the mix.
Right, no, I... you know what? I don't think that we are...
Ah, I get it, I get it.
You want to be the only meat in the sandwich. You selfish little prick.
No, that's not what I said.
Yeah, but it's what you meant, right?
Come on, I saw the way you were eye-fucking her earlier.
Nope, I wouldn't... no, I was not eye-fucking anything.
- Was I? - Yeah.
- Dude, I am so sorry. - Ah, busted.
- It's okay. Have at it, buddy. - What?
Yeah, my way of saying welcome to the neighborhood.
Oh.
No, I... I couldn't do... Wait, like, really?
Yeah! I'll just, you know, watch.
Well, I'm allowed at least that, aren't I?
Uh, yeah, if that's what you would like.
Hey, hey, listen. As long as you don't leave any marks,
you can do whatever you want. Nothing is off-limits.
But whatever you do, don't hold back.
Sasha is like a bear when she smells fear.
You and your girl down for being tied up?
Tied up? I don't know. Maybe, um... like, tight?
I'll double check with Sasha.
You get the green light from Margo.
- Okay, yeah, I mean, I think we... - Hey, you.
Hey! Hey, baby! Here you are.
As we were walking past Dylan's room,
I saw you-know-who got out of his cage again.
- Oh, fucking Nibbles. - We need to look for him.
This stupid hamster gets out of its cage once a week.
It's either in my shoe, it's in the hamper, it's... you know what?
Don't be a party pooper. We can look for him later.
- We're having fun, yeah. - Okay.
- Oh, my God. - What?
- Wait, what is it? - Oh, my God, are they...
- What happened? Everything okay? - What?
Jesus, is that a strap-on?
- What? - They're getting kinda rough.
- Which house? Which one? - Oh, shit, he's strangling her.
- Oh. - What?
She's not... she's turning, like, blue, I think.
- Someone call 9-1-1. - What?
- Do you have your phone? - No, I don't have it.
- Do you have a phone on you? - Oh, yeah.
Oh, my God, they're still fucking though.
- What? How do you... - They're still...
- Oh. - Is it... is it a joke?
Oh, my God! That was crazy!
- I thought it was real. - That was good.
You better not use these to peep on us, you perverts.
- No! No. - No, my... no, we'd never.
At least not without telling us first.
- Right. - Right, yeah.
Time for another round?
- Yeah! - Let's do it.
All right, let's go.
Oh, my God. That was crazy.
- Did you fall for it? - I did.
I was like, "What the... And they're still fucking?"
- I didn't know. - Oh, my...
Thank goodness.
Damn it.
Okay.
And so when you guys met, you just knew.
- Yeah. Yeah. - You knew? We were like that.
- Yeah. - Hey, hey, look at these gals getting all warm and cozy.
I love it. Love to see it.
So, um, I found a band for our party.
- Oh, nice. - I don't know if now is the best...
The grand reunion of, drumroll, please...
Oh.
- Feedlot. - Nice.
- This sounds cool. - That sounds very, very cool.
Gonna be a weird reunion without what's his butt.
Well, I called him. Don't get weird.
What do you mean, you called him?
It was 10 years ago. You can't still be jealous.
I'm definitely not jealous.
I'm just wondering... like, you just called him out of the blue?
- "Hey." - Yeah, he as up and totally game.
Of course he was game. He probably thought it was a booty call.
This guy is the king of the assholes, by the way.
- I've done a lot to spare your feelings. - Mm-hmm.
- Why can't I do something? - You've done a lot?
Margo, where's this coming from?
I don't think it's a lot to ask
for you to be a little supportive.
- Mm. - Me?
- Yeah. - Me?
Do you know how important tonight was for me?
Yeah, yeah. #AdamAndMargosCrib.
- I got it. - Did you even talk to Neal or his wife at all?
- Did you even try? - Yeah, Neal fucking sucks.
Neal's the kind of guy who says,
"I'd hug you but I don't want to get in trouble,"
every time you see him.
Yeah, he's a little old-school, I'll give you that,
but you can't stomach my boss for two minutes?
No, it's you around him that I can't stomach.
You act like such a fucking kiss-ass,
and it grosses me the fuck out.
Wow.
I'm so sorry.
- No don't apologize. - No, let it out.
- I... no. - Put it all on the table.
Guys, it's fine. It's all right. We're not fighters, so...
- No, we're not. - Maybe that's the problem.
Sasha and I have this technique we like to use
to help resolve arguments.
We learned it at a retreat in Norway.
Actually, can...
- It's good. - So, uh, yeah, stand up.
- Drink down. - Okay.
Um, don't judge it,
but you're both going to take turns
hitting each other on the shoulder.
- That's it? - Yeah.
- Oh. Uh, the punching game? - No.
No, there's a therapeutic term for it.
It's something in German. It's on the tip of my tongue.
The punching game. Yeah, played that in middle school,
- like, a lot. - No, it's actually from the same school
as primal scream therapy, if you guys have heard of it.
- Or... - Okay, hate to say this to you guys,
but I think you should get your money back from that retreat.
We're not gonna... We're not gonna play that game.
Why not?
Why not? Oh, because it's ridiculous, for one.
And, oh, I don't know, kind of like domestic abuse or something like that.
- I could seriously hurt you. - Mm-hmm.
Good girl.
- Yes. - Okay.
- I actually feel better. - Yeah.
- Yeah, you do. - Good, good.
I'm so happy for you. That's great.
Now you. You do her.
- It's your turn. - Yeah, yeah, come on.
- Seriously? - Do me, Adam.
Guys, this is literally the dumbest thing... okay.
Here comes. You ready?
- Ow, what the fuck? - What? Did I do it wrong?
- No, that was perfect. - No, that was...
That was good. It was the best one.
No, that was great.
You actually hit me and I joke hit you.
Yeah, and that's your problem.
You know what? You gotta make it count to make it work.
- Yeah. - Guys, why are we doing this?
Okay, it's because Adam has never been in a fight in his life.
- Don't... can you not? - There was this one time where this guy
spilled a whole bucket of buttered popcorn on us
at the movies and blamed it on Adam, called him a dipshit,
and Adam didn't do one fucking thing.
Oh, fuck! God damn it.
You know what? I'm done, I'm done.
I won.
Well, you didn't win.
Technically, she does win because you called "uncle."
Yeah, so you lost. You're the worst.
No, no, no. No.
I could play this game all night long, okay?
But I'm choosing not to because it's not fun or therapeutic.
- Because... - I'm putting my foot down.
Oh, yeah, you put your foot down. Thank you so much.
Yeah, you still lost 'cause I won.
You didn't... Okay, you know what?
- You wanna do it? Let's do it. - Yeah.
Please... please don't cry to me tomorrow
when you have a big fat fucking bruise, okay?
Oh, don't hurt yourself, slugger.
Here we go, buddy. Big daddy's up to bat.
And he's angry.
Ow, fuck! God damn it. You moved!
Of course I moved!
You were aiming for my fucking face?
What? No, I wasn't.
I slipped a little bit, all right?
I was faking you out.
Like I would actually hit my wife.
Yeah, I didn't think that until ten seconds ago.
God damn it. Great, now I'm bleeding.
Oh, God, it's supposed to end with you problem-solving
with your partner on how to minimize each other's pain.
Although I do feel like there might've been
some potentially major breakthroughs.
- I do, too. - Oh, God, I just...
I hate the sight of blood.
- Yeah, well, it's mine. - Okay, I'm just...
I'm gonna need a sip before I bandage you up.
- Thanks. - Fuck.
- Yeah. - Gosh damn it.
Oh, my God.
Is that Nibbles?
- How the fuck did get... - Oh, my God!
He was in my fucking mouth!
- It's all right. - What the fuck?
Poor little fella must've gotten thirsty.
- Oh, my God. - That was Dylan's hamster?
- Was, yeah. - Uh-oh.
- Hey, you all right? - Do not fucking touch me!
Ow.
Can you be careful, please?
He was in my mouth.
Dylan is gonna be devastated.
Well, I told you he wasn't ready for a pet.
I told you we needed to look for him.
I said we should get a turtle. You remember that?
So it would outlive us all.
A dead hamster was in my mouth. Do you remember that?
Yeah, it was really gross.
Ow, damn. Just... God!
Look, don't be such a goddamn baby.
Ah!
You got it, babe.
Hey, how's the paw, Raging Bull?
You know, I have a private doctor if you need one.
He does house visits if we need him to.
Aw, no, it's actually not that bad.
- I'm good. Thank you. - Well, we just tidied up a little bit
and kinda freshened up everyone's drinks
'cause we figured you'd need it after that.
Oh, you know what? Honestly, I'm beat.
I think I'm close to my limit, so...
Yeah, we don't need anymore injuries tonight.
- Yeah. - Amen to that.
Hey, well, the bright side is
you guys have a very colorful story
to tell at your next party.
- Oof, that is for sure. - The important thing
is not to let what happened ruin our nice evening.
Nibbles wouldn't have wanted that.
Yeah, in fact, let's put our heads together
and think of a creative way to relieve some of this tension.
You know, lift the cloud, get some endorphins pumping.
- What do you mean? - I mean there's strength in numbers.
I mean, what better way to get out of aggression?
Sasha and I always find it cathartic.
Yeah, highly cathartic.
Plus, whiskey makes me,
um, well, horny.
Oh.
- What is he talking about? - Hmm? Uh...
Oh, I thought... you didn't tell her in the bathroom?
- Sorry. - Uh-oh.
What's everyone talking about?
Nothing. Nothing.
Exactly. Nothing, nada.
- Adam? - Adam?
Adam.
Yeah, we were just talking about having, like, a little, um...
- Like, a sex thing. - With who?
- When? - No, no, no.
No, this was just silly, dumb guy talk, okay?
- This was not... - Oh, like a foursome?
No. God, no. No.
Like, a threesome, but Tom was gonna watch.
- Ew. - Well, I'm playing it by ear.
- I may tag in at some point. - I love it when you tag in.
- I know you do, baby. - This is bullshit.
I think that we all just need something to soak up the alcohol with.
Yeah, I think we got some finger foods left over.
I'm gonna go help out with that.
Excuse me. Hey.
Huh.
A foursome? Really?
No. Threesome, okay?
And I was just hearing him out.
Okay, I didn't want Tom to, like, think I was lame.
Oh, my God, Adam, listen to yourself.
Trust me, I do not want to be one of those sexy type swinger couples.
- I don't. - And I don't wanna be one of those couples that fights
- in front of other couples either. - No.
- Those couples are the worst. - Yes.
- We're not one of those couples. Thank you. - No, definitely not.
I'm really sorry, okay?
I should've looked for the hamster,
and I was just... I was being a little bitch.
No, I was pushing your buttons, and you are a little bitch.
Yeah.
I love you even when you are an asshole.
And I love you even when I'm being an asshole.
- It's been a long night. - Yeah.
I think we're both a little drunk.
- Little bit. - And tired.
- And in my case high. - Hey!
Everything okay in there, lovebirds?
Hey, let me know if you need a referee.
Uh, yeah. No, everything's good! Thank you!
Oh, wow. Hey, look at all your old school board games.
- Who's down for some trivia? - Tom and Sasha are great.
Oh, they're so great. Love them.
But can't we just go to bed?
I was thinking the exact same thing.
Thank you. They have so much energy.
I haven't been up this late in ten years.
No.
Can we just tell them we're tired?
Yes, definitely.
We're not gonna seem lame, right?
Doesn't matter. Who cares?
Nothing about this looks familiar.
Yeah, that is not it.
Fuck.
Which way, which way, which way?
Frank?
Oh, my God. Come on.
Hello? Hello?
This is stupid.
This fucking reception.
Hey.
There they are. Now where were we?
God. Oh, Outburst.
Yeah, I haven't played this game in years.
It's such a throwback.
Uh, so we were just talking, and, um, oof,
looks like it's time to hit the old hay.
Yeah. I was saying, I haven't been up this late in ages.
- Yeah. - Oh, really? Is it that late?
Mm. We get it. We can take a hint.
You guys want some more blow. Sasha?
Oh, yeah. I have more.
Oh, no. No, no, no.
That is okay. Yeah. We really are just pooped.
Yeah, maybe just a little out of practice, you know?
- I'm beat on my feet. - Totally. We should get going.
- Yeah. - Last call it is.
Obviously, you guys mean after we finish our drinks, right?
Of course. They're not savages.
Yeah, bad luck to leave a house with a full drink.
- Well, actually... - What happened to the finger foods?
Yeah, totally. I could nibble on something.
- Rest in peace. - Those glazed dates.
- And the scallop wraps. - The pizza.
- We didn't have any pizza. - Are you sure?
Then we should order some. Do you guys know Primos?
- Mmm, Primos! We love Primos. - Yeah.
You guys will love Primos. They're on Uber Eats.
Look, I know we've all had a lot to drink tonight, so...
You guys might've, but we're still catching up.
Mm-hmm. Is everyone good
with a large half cheese, half sausage?
- Good for me. - Tom.
- What, pepperoni? - We're going to bed.
I think it's time for everyone to go.
Trust me, buddy, you're gonna want something in your belly.
You're gonna appreciate it in the morning.
Okay, well, we really just wanna go to bed.
- Alone. - Yeah.
I think there are sour grapes about the sex stuff.
Agree. I think we're all a little frustrated right now.
Do you guys think that you're taking out your lack of communication on us?
What? No. We communicate just fine, thank you.
- I'm not too sure about that. - Really?
Is that why your wife doesn't know
why you got such a sweet deal on this house?
What deal? On this house?
Does this have something to do with the couple that died here?
Yeah, maybe just a little bit more than that.
You know, it was so long ago, okay?
But every house has a story,
and I just didn't want you to have nightmares.
Well, now you have to tell me.
- What happened? - Me and my big mouth.
Strike two. I'm just gonna stay out of this one.
It was just a little domestic murder situation.
- What? - It wasn't, like,
a home invasion or anything, okay?
It was an inside job.
This very unhappy couple
committed sort of a double homicide
- in front of their kids. - What?
But the whole house has been redone.
New fixtures, everything.
Okay? This happened so, so long ago.
Yeah, it wasn't that long ago.
Dude, why do you have to exacerbate everything?
Is this why I feel like people drive by the house sometimes?
Like, I feel like I'm being watched?
Like, this is a murder house?
Oh, relax, it's not like it's the Manson house.
- But how cool would that be? - That would be amazing. I would die.
I mean, big whoop, okay? I hadn't even heard about it before tonight.
- You hadn't? Oh, I had. - Mm-mm.
Yeah, the creepy part is that the police said the bodies
were, like, tampered with.
Hold it. What?
Yeah, you have to deep dive into blogs for that info
'cause it's way too disturbing for family newspapers.
- I love murder stuff. - What do you mean tampered with?
- Oh, God, I don't wanna know. - Nope, she's right.
I don't wanna know either. Never mind.
No, tampered with, like...
Like, altered or, like, fiddled with.
Like, fucked with.
- By the kids? - Yeah.
- Ew. - I think the exact word
they used was "defiled," but I can send you guys a link
- if you want to read more about it. - Both: No.
- I cannot hear any more about this. - I understand.
- No wonder Dylan is having nightmares. - I know.
Yeah, we'll discuss this later. Yeah.
- Uh, you two need to go. - Now.
You see what he's doing here?
He's changing the subject.
That's clever, but I hate when you do that.
You know what? I'm too afraid to go outside right now.
Sasha, hold me.
Okay, we're calling the police.
What?
- Shit. - Adam, don't be a wet blanket.
It's your own fault for making such a good cocktail.
- So good. - Margo, let me see your phone.
Um, where the hell is it?
I think you had it last in the garage when we called Mr. Skinny Pants.
- I'm sure you'll find it in the morning. - And no landline?
You know, it's crazy how dependent all of us are
- on technology these days. - Yeah.
Enough joking around.
I'm giving you guys to the count of ten
to walk out that door.
Whoa! What is this, the wild west?
Ten.
Oh, my God. He's serious.
Do you understand what's happening here?
- 'Cause I don't. - Nine.
- Adam. - Are we being unreasonable?
I think he just really doesn't want us to finish our drinks.
- Yeah. - Eight, seven.
See, the thing about ultimatums, Adam,
is you never wanna make one unless you have a plan.
That's negotiating 101.
Otherwise you back yourself up into a corner,
and that's when bad things happen.
Six.
Right over here, guys.
- Come on. - Wow.
Out you go.
Is this how you treat your new golf partner?
Finally showing your true colors, Adam.
You know, I don't think I'll be scheduling drinks
with my business contacts now, that's for sure.
Tom, I'm sad. I thought we had some fun new neighbors.
You know, Margo, maybe it's best you don't play our party after all.
- Six. - You said that already.
I mean, five.
Maybe just let them finish their goddamn drinks.
- The suspense is killing me. - I know. Tell me about it.
Four.
Rutabaga.
Well, I'm nothing if not a man of my word.
- We are done with our... - Three.
- Oh, my God! - Fuck.
Jesus. Tom, are you okay?
We had three more seconds, Adam.
We put our drinks down. He said we were gonna go.
You're gonna go? Then why don't you go now?
You know why? 'Cause I'll do it again.
I'll knock your fucking teeth out.
I know you're not the neighbors.
I fucking hate the Hills.
How did I even get this lost?
I don't even know why
the car's beeping at me.
I didn't do anything!
Stop it, stop it, stop it!
Right here.
"We realize you're new, but this is a quiet neighborhood."
Please keep the noise down.
"Next time, we will call the police."
Mm-hmm. Read the letterhead.
- Bob and Annie Talbot. - Mm-hmm.
855 Kodak Drive.
- Okay. - We know you're not the fucking neighbors,
- so who the fuck are you? - We don't care.
We just need you to leave right now.
- There's been a mistake. - I don't wanna hear it.
- We're the other neighbors. - What?
Just down the street.
- Bullshit. Bullshit. - No.
No, you said you lived next door,
and I pointed in that direction, and you did too.
Next door is an expression, Margo.
I said the big mid-century, right?
- I said the beautiful house. - Our house is beautiful,
and technically it is mid-century,
but it's also California ranch.
They have been gaslighting us all night.
Yeah, what's the house number, guys, huh?
For Christ's sakes, we're not gonna be grilled about this.
You wanna beat us to death? Have at it.
859.
Go check it out.
859, black door.
Wind chimes.
You happy?
- My God. - I know.
It checks out. What?
It checks out.
Oh, my God, um...
I don't even know what to say. I'm so sorry.
Oh, my God.
You guys, it's been such a long night.
And I honestly feel, like, a little cokey still.
Yeah, how's your head, man?
Do you need a little something for that?
It's not too bad. I mean, we got lucky. I just need to clean it.
I'm so sorry, but why the hell didn't you guys just leave?
We were just goofing off.
I didn't realize I was gonna be attacked.
- I guess we may have taken it a little too far. - It's a game we play.
It's like a little initiation into the neighborhood.
Yeah, to see if we can get the new neighbors to stay up till dawn.
The Talbots did it to us when we moved in.
- Why didn't you just say that? - Well, what fun is that?
Tom, I'm really, really sorry about the whole bottle thing.
You should be.
One more drink and we'll call it even.
- Kidding. - Oh.
Right, of course. Yeah.
Well?
Rutabaga.
Hey, thanks again for...
For just such a crazy night, you know.
And, um, we, uh...
Oh, man. Heh.
Just, we really like you guys, so...
We like you guys, too.
If we didn't, you'd know.
- All right. - Good night.
Oh, man.
- Let's just make sure they get in. - Oh, yeah.
Is that a mid-century?
It's a California ranch.
Mid-century adjacent.
Right.
Are they having trouble with their key?
It looks like they're in.
All right.
Did we just make total assholes of ourselves?
No?
I don't know. Maybe.
I mean, they were being super fun and friendly
and I smashed a bottle on his head.
- That is true. - Yeah, so,
I was a total asshole.
Great. Well, there goes my golf invite.
Sometimes it's good to be an asshole.
- And it was kinda hot. - Oh, okay.
Let's go to bed.
Yeah, I'll get a broom for the glass.
What?
I think Sasha left her earring.
- Oh, I'll go drop it off. - Now?
I mean, yeah, it looks expensive.
They're gonna be looking for it and stuff, so...
You're not gonna apologize again, are you?
- No. - Do not apologize again.
No way. No way.
- Fuck golf. - Yeah, fuck golf.
- Okay. - Okay, I'll just put it in the mailbox.
A little late for selling Girl Scout cookies, isn't it?
Sasha dropped her earring, so I brought it by.
Oh, thanks, bud. Yeah, good night.
Hey, um, just wanted to say sorry, you know, about tonight.
It was kinda crazy and very out of character for me,
- so I definitely should've... - Hey, we weren't blameless either.
Already forgotten. What were we talking about? Sleep tight.
And, you know, I should've been honest about the house upfront.
- You're right. - Mm, well, people die.
What are you gonna do? It was 17 years ago.
Anyways, I'm beat. Have a good night.
Hey, how did you know it was 17 years ago?
You said that.
I don't think I was that specific.
Lucky guess. I, uh...
Help! Help!
You know, Sash, turn down the TV!
Yeah, she is going deaf.
Too many EDM shows in Ibiza.
Call the police!
Wait, what was that?
What the fuck?
You know, I...
Honestly?
For the first time tonight,
I've got nothing.
You know, you're not alone.
Most people hear the term "twins"
and they just assume identical.
Fraternal twins just aren't as weird or cool, I guess.
I thought you guys were a couple?
Oh, no, we're not a couple,
if that's what you're saying.
- That's gross, Adam. - Yeah.
Adam, it's time for you to meet your neighbors,
Jim and Barbara Berk.
Longtime local residents, if my memory serves me.
Jim is a corporate jackal with a taste in male escorts
and Babs has a green thumb and loves a good racist joke.
Please help us.
- Please. - Oh, she said that you and Margo
should do, like, a double date or dinner or something.
That's such a good idea.
Why are you doing this?
- Why? - What is he saying?
No clue.
I bet you have a lot of questions, Adam.
Well, when Sasha and I were kids,
we used to play this game.
We called it Bait The Bear.
Lipstick on Dad's shirt, cigarette ash in Mom's cooking.
We would do anything to get our parents to fight.
Because if they were busy beating each other,
then they were too busy to mess with us.
Now admittedly, one night we pushed them a little too far.
And after that, we burned through
a lot of foster parents playing that game.
I mean, none of them killed each other,
but it's not like they wrote us Christmas cards either.
- Oh, God. - I like to think that we grew up after that.
- Yeah, I think so. - Yeah.
Even so, we got in the habit of driving out here
past the old house every once and a while.
And then, yeah, tonight we saw a party
and, I don't know, we couldn't resist.
It was the scene of the crime,
and, yeah, we even got up to our old tricks a little bit,
but I do feel like it's been very therapeutic for us.
- Yeah. - Yeah.
- Why the long face? - Adam, don't you get it?
We liked you guys, so we pivoted, so to speak.
Otherwise it'd be your throats we were about to cut.
Yeah, we fucked with you guys pretty hard.
But at the end of the day, you guys, you have your flaws,
but you're not a bad couple.
It's only fun if it's a bad couple.
Yeah, not like these two shitbags.
Remember me, Mr. Berk?
It's Tommy from across the street.
- I'm all grown up. - So, these two knew
what was going on at our house when we were kids.
They knew what our parents were doing
not only to each other, but to us as well.
I didn't know anything! This is insane!
Oh, yes, you did.
You knew everything that was going on,
and you never lifted a fat fucking finger,
just like the rest of this snobby neighborhood.
We didn't do anything! You are crazy!
- Oh, shut up. - I had no idea!
Please! Please!
Well, what do we think?
Cantaloupe or rutabaga?
Mmm, cantaloupe.
Okay.
No, please! Oh, God!
Oh, my God.
Beat you.
Sorry. Looks like the value on your house just dropped.
By at least half when I get done with my little manifesto.
I think I might do a quick carving job.
You know, fuck with the bodies?
Mutilations are hell for resale value.
Adam!
Oh.
Your lovely bride must be missing you.
- No. No, please. - Survey says?
Mmm, cantaloupe.
Oh, my God! Come on, please. Please!
Kidding, kidding, kidding.
Rutabaga.
We said you weren't a bad couple,
but that doesn't mean you're a good couple.
- Adam! - Breakfast in bed,
hand-picked flowers for no reason.
Remember, it's the little things.
And never take a bad day out on your kid
unless you want him to end up like us.
Adam!
Fuck.
Come on. Come on.
Is that the house?
Oh, God! Oh, my God!
I am so sorry, um...
Uh...
Margo. Um...
Oh, God.
Watch where you're going.
It's a family neighborhood, bitch.
Adam? Adam!
Help!
Help us!
Help!
Police are still seeking siblings
who posed as husband and wife
in the exclusive Canyon Heights area
to socialize with one couple
and brutally slay another.
Criminologist Carl Wheeler, who has written about the case,
speculated the reasoning...
behind the Kodak Drive killers'
return to the scene of the crime.
Wheeler: Recreating traumatic events so you can control them
is a common coping technique for those suffering from PTSD.
Police say the manhunt for the siblings is ongoing,
and they are coordinating with federal authorities nationwide.
I'm Bishop Squire, report...
Afternoon.
Hey, baby.
That's sweet. Lucky me.
Where's Dylan?
Playdate at Teeny and Frank's.
Ah, well, hopefully she's not giving him riflery lessons.
Well, I got good news.
I rented us a place. Surprise.
You're gonna love it. It's a couple blocks from our old house.
I got movers to come on Monday, so...
- Adam? No. - Yeah?
- What do you mean no? - You heard me. We can't cut and run.
Well, no. This is what you wanted.
It's our old neighborhood, you know?
You're gonna love this place.
We'll put our house on the market, like, next week.
We'll take a big hit, but so what?
Because we will buy a house again someday.
- No way. - Dylan's bad dreams are gone.
In fact, he's never been happier.
- You can't be serious. - You were right.
We worked hard. We deserve this. We earned this house.
Yeah, sure, but, you know, those lunatics could definitely...
They had their chance.
It sounds like you're the only one with new house jitters.
♪ Well, let's stay
Hey, did you turn the record player on?
Relax, I didn't touch your precious record player.
No, it's fine. It's just... how did it...
♪ Break my heart
- The song's not skipping. - ♪ Well, let's stay
- What? - This song.
It used to have a scratch in it, remember?
Why are you shouting? Where should I put these flowers?
Are you listening? This song is not skipping!
♪ Break my heart
Not skipping. It's not skipping.
It's not skipping. It's not skipping. It's not skipping.
It's not fucking skipping! It's not fucking skipping!
♪ Because it's time after time ♪
♪ We've stuck behind the line
♪ What about us? What about us? ♪
♪ And they won't admit defeat
♪ When it pulls you to the street ♪
♪ So what about us?
♪ What about, what about us?
♪ What about us?
♪ Oh, go on, go on, go on, go on ♪
♪ Break my heart
♪ Oh, go on, go on, go on, go on ♪
♪ And break my heart
♪ When it's under control
♪ From forces impossibly remote ♪
♪ What about us? What about us? ♪
♪ And you're lying in your bed ♪
♪ And you just couldn't get ahead ♪
♪ What about us?
♪ What about, what about us?
♪ What about us?
♪ Oh, go on, go on, go on
♪ Go on and break my heart
♪ Oh, go on, go on, go on
♪ Go on and break my heart
♪ Break my heart