Oh, great.
So, erm, this guy's from Portugal,
and he donated sperm to help afford to do a PhD.
Well, that's something. A clever one.
Mm. Ooh, sorry.
Oh, Esther. This looks delicious.
It's just from the shop.
Oh. You couldn't be bothered to make a cake
for your grandad's big day, Josh?
I'm joking!
I'm joshing with you, Joshie. You've done a lovely job.
Time to get your fill of booze before baby time. Baby time!
Oh, God, no. I'm not actually getting pregnant.
That's Georgia's thing, that's always been the deal.
Well, congratulations, anyway. It's fucking great.
Thanks. Yeah, it's scary, but it's exciting.
I'm glad we didn't announce anything.
I wouldn't want to overshadow you two.
Announce what?
Nothing.
Oh, my God, are you and Josh...
No, I just meant... Nothing to report.
I just mean... It's your day.
Well, and Harold's, obviously. Mainly his.
But I'm so happy for you guys. CLANG!
You're like the, the bar to relationships, you know?
You're just like, happy and supportive, and, yeah...
Yeah, well, you know... I mean, we have to work for it.
Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah.
I know. I just mean, you make it look easy.
You know? I mean, hey, maybe it is easier
when it's two... It's two women.
Erm, I don't think it is easier.
No, no. I just mean...
I mean...
Maybe I should have done that.
Maybe you should have a drink of water or something?
Yeah.
That's a good idea.
Josh, as host,
I think it's your duty to give a little speech
in honour of your grandad.
Dad, you know Josh isn't great at public speaking.
He's been doing the lunch, let him finish it in peace.
No, no, no, no. I think it's a great idea
and your grandad will be very touched.
Erm... Right, OK.
Ahem.
Erm... Erm, so we're all here to celebrate Grandad.
Erm, Harold. Erm, a, erm...
A grandad, a dad, a husband.
Yeah. Born during the Blitz!
That's right.
Erm... Yeah, although I'm not sure they ever actually bombed Reading.
Sit down, Josh. No need to suffer.
SHE LAUGHS
Family, that's what it's all about, isn't it?
And I'm very glad to have such a wonderful family.
So, I'd like you all to raise your glass and drink to yourselves.
Well, one more toast, to those that we miss so very much.
And first among them, my own dear darling, Rita.
It's coming up to five years now since we lost her.
Something you want to share with the rest of us, Dad?
Hm, what? No. Well, then maybe you could put your phone away
while your dad's giving a lovely speech?
I was just saying I'm going to be a bit longer.
Oh, yeah, that scans.
That's a good metaphor for the rest of your life, actually, Dad.
Nothing in life is as important as the new woman in it.
I was just... No, honestly, I don't know how someone as selfish
and self-involved as you can come from someone like Grandad.
All right, I don't mind a bit of sparring,
but you're taking it a little bit too far, Joshie.
Simmer down a little bit, Josh.
I say simmer up. Let's have it all out.
OK, the drunkest person in the room
is not the one we need the input from right now.
Oh, fuck off, Nina. Hey, don't speak to my wife like that.
Don't speak to her wife like that! Yeah, control your missus, Joshie.
What? OK, Dad, that is not what I meant!
Calm down, Nina, stress is bad for the baby.
Oh, no, Grandad, she's not pregnant now.
I'm going to be the one who carries.
You're not listening, Dad, it's in a test tube.
Excuse me? What did you just say? I wasn't...
Don't say that about our...
DOOR OPENS
Hey, no, no, Grandad, you don't have to.
I'll be right back up. I just, you know, I just needed a minute.
Yeah, well, maybe I needed a minute as well.
Yeah, but it's freezing out here. I'm all right, stop fussing.
I'm sorry I ruined your birthday.
You didn't ruin anything. It's a glorious day.
Don't be so hard on your dad, he's doing his best.
Well, I mean, hardly! He's still shagging about.
He's a grown-up.
Well, ye-yeah, I mean, in the loosest sense of the word.
It's not his fault, Joshie.
How is it not his fault?
I mean, you were married to Grandma for 60 years.
You know, never even looked at another woman.
Right?
I was a young man.
Me and your gran, we got married very young.
I'm afraid your dad probably knew about some of it.
I wasn't a saint, Josh.
Well, then, I'm not like either of you.
DOOR OPENS
Let's do it. You and me.
Let's do it. Do what?
Everybody. Erm, I've got an announcement to make.
Or, actually, we've got an announcement to make.
Erm...
We're getting married. We're engaged.
We are?
Yeah! Yeah, we are!
Yay!
THEY CHEER AND CLAP
That's fantastic! Whoo!
PHONE VIBRATES
Hey. I know how you fuss,
so I got that travel wallet you told me about.
I got my tickets, my passport, everything. Dad did good, huh?
Yep. Yep.
I even booked a cab to JFK.
Great. That's good for you.
Hope everything's good in old London town?
All's fine.
You know, actually, it's not.
It's kind of shitty and I don't even know what to say to you right now.
You know they asked me if I wanted a vegan meal on the flight?
HE CHUCKLES
Is that the craziest thing you ever heard of?
Sorry. Just got rid of my family. God, never again.
I've left Zack.
Yeah, I mean, well, I think I've... I think I've left him.
Oh.
And that doesn't mean that you have to do anything immediately.
Erm... I should probably, erm, say something.
Erm... Erm, me and Esther...
..we got, erm...
..engaged.
What?
Yeah. This afternoon.
I-I mean, it's complicated, but, erm...
Yeah, we're, erm, we're going to get married.
And, you know, in light of that,
I think, erm, you and I should probably stop whatever this is.
Or has been.
You were all over me this morning.
Yeah.
Things... events, changed.
I-I'm sorry.
Just stop.
I'm trying to do the right thing here.
You're a coward, Josh.
Go home.
MUSIC: Liahr by Biig Piig
# My mistake
# One night couldn't hurt
# I'm almost certain, babe
# What a stupid thing I said
# I know I made
# My bed when we undressed
# Just couldn't help it, aye
# I'm still working it out and under
# Truth told, never spent time on my own
# My guy doesn't like me now at all
# I tried calming him down, it got boring
# What's a night rush worth in the morning?
# All right, you can be mad if you want
# But don't come crying to me when you're drunk
# Speak lots, but you don't know what you want, babe
# What's a typo worth?
# Could you call me?
# Liar. #