HE SNIFFS
Fuck.
Agh!
I don't understand how you can burn gravy.
No, it's not burnt. It's fine. It smells burny.
Maybe you're having a stroke. DOORBELL RINGS
Well, don't just sit there, go and help Grandad up.
All right. Jesus.
OK. Last chance to marry me before everyone gets here.
Engage, not marry. Last chance to engage me, then.
You're obviously gonna say yes, stop dragging it out, it's boring.
Wha... Too late. They're here.
Go easy on your dad today.
Hey. Hello, Joshie.
All right, old man? Hey!
Where's Grandad? Joshie.
Hey. Hey!
You've let your hair grow long. Yeah, yeah.
Well, have a seat, Grandad,
because we're about half an hour away from eating. Don't mind me.
Noah, we've got a Linda McCartney in the freezer for Sadie.
Right, yeah, er, Sadie won't be joining us today, I'm afraid.
Oh. Right, well, it would have been nice to know that
before we bought the Linda McCartney.
Sorry, I meant to text but, er...
Is Sadie all right?
Yeah, nothing to worry about.
Why don't we get your grandad a drink?
I'll get him one. Oh, Georgia's getting him one.
Who's getting me one?
Oh, thank you.
Hey.
You want some coffee?
Oh, I'm gonna get hangry if I don't eat something soon.
Oh, no-one wants to see you hangry.
Well, why don't you stay here, and I'll go grab us some lunch?
Yeah, I'll be...I'll be right back.
And then, our day of doing absolutely fuck-all can begin,
I promise.
DOOR CLOSES AND OPENS
How's the mistress? Ooh, Georgia!
I just meant how did that conversation go?
Did you nip it in the bud?
Look, really, let's not talk about it here, yeah.
Oh, my God.
SHE LAUGHS
I mean, live your life, but Nina's gonna lose her shit.
Then don't tell her, and she can keep her shit.
Hey.
Hey, no, no, no. Hey, Georgia, Georgia, Georgia.
Hey, Joshie, come on, just one. It's for Insta.
Ah, this is from Josh,
so you probably already know what it is.
Let's have a look. Ah.
Oh, Josh, mate, thank you.
It's an original pressing.
You said you and Grandma used to dance to it all the time.
Yeah, we used to.
THEY CHUCKLE
My present's on its way, Dad.
Oh, it's on its way, is it?
Babe, how many bottles do we have left? Not enough.
Is this too many?
It's only, like, 60, but any more and I worry it'll look ridiculous.
What are you doing? I was trying to get 80 candles,
cos your grandad's gonna be... Esther, it looks stupid,
looks like a hedgehog.
I know you're stressed about your family,
but you do not get to talk to me like that. Hey.
Hey... Oh.
This is really good, Josh.
Perfectly cooked.
How's work, Josh?
Why have you always got to ask it like that? Like what?
Like in that tone. Like you already know the answer,
and it's gonna be the most boring thing in the world.
I don't think he meant anything by it.
I just wanted to know, sue me.
So, Esther, how's school?
Ooh, we got this new metal detector
and all the kids with braces keep setting it...
I like my job, Dad. Like, I don't come home to Esther
complaining about how much I hate it. Well, not every night.
Can we not just have one lunch where we...?
You were so good at music, you could have focused on that.
Well, you were the one with the band. Yes, I was.
I had a tape played by... TOGETHER: John Peel two weeks in a row.
WHISPERS: Who's John Peel? Don't know.
Then for years you taught kids how to play Stand By Me on the guitar.
Yes, I did because I had to take care of you and your sister.
Well, only until I was eight,
and then you fucked off with mum's mate, Tara. Uh-uh!
Where is Sadie, Dad?
Wild guess, she left, cos she caught you shagging someone else, again?!
It's more complicated than that! I bet it wasn't!
Everybody take a deep breath.
Well, if nothing else, your dad's decisive, Josh.
Oh, come on, that is unfair, don't you need to...
We're having a baby.
Um, not yet,
but we are properly looking into donors and stuff.
Oh, my God. That is amazing.
THEY CHEER
I love babies!
THEY ALL LAUGH
I got you a ham and cheese sandwich,
but we can swap if you don't fancy it.
I wanted to get you the tuna, I know that's your fave,
but they didn't have it in.
Are you OK?
Fola, I know.
You've been fucking Josh.
Oh, my God.
I...
Fuck.
Yeah. Fuck.
When did it start?
I just want to say that I'm fully aware that I've messed things up,
and what a shitty human being I am, so you don't need to...
You're not a shitty human being. When did it start?
Um...
..in Finland.
He was there, we got drunk in the hotel bar,
and I...I didn't even know that he was living here.
Right. But you did it again when you got back home?
You know, you and me didn't have sex for basically
the entire year that we've been married.
You and Josh had sex when you got back home?
Yeah, but do you know what that's like -
to be barely touched by the person that you love?
OK, I'll stop. I'll...I'll stop right now.
No.
I want you to keep doing it.
Sorry?
You want me to keep having sex with Josh?
How did you find out?
Since I overheard you and him.
Yeah. I came home earlier than I said, and, yeah...
I'm sorry that you found out like that.
I liked it.
Hearing you and him. I mean, I hated it.
But also it turned me on.
Wow.
OK, wow.
So last night when we had sex...
I'd seen you together in the street.
I always thought that my sex drive, or whatever, was just low.
SHE EXHALES DEEPLY
I'm gonna...
..gonna...
I didn't have any breakfast. I'm just...
What are you thinking?
So, do you watch me or something?
How does this work?
I don't know.
I'm freaking out a bit, to be honest with you.
You know, I think I could take you being angry
because I would've deserved that.
So, er, what do you call yourselves?
What do you mean?
Are you, like a, what, a...voyeur?
I don't call myself anything. It's still, it's still me.
Is it me that you were into last night,
or the idea of me with somebody else?
Of course, it's you, don't be crazy!
OK, yeah, let's not throw the word crazy around
when you're cracking one off to your wife shagging someone else.
That's not fair. I'm trying to be honest, this isn't easy for me.
It's complicated! This is not a Facebook status
from when you were 19, Zack!
I don't understand what's going through your mind!
Neither do I! Do you even love me?
Of course I love you.
Well, how can you say that?
How can you say you love me when you want me to fuck someone else?!