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<font color="#ffffff">This programme contains</font>
<font color="#ffffff">strong language and some scenes</font>
<font color="#ffffff">of a sexual nature</font>

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<font color="#ffff00">Oh.</font>

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<font color="#ffffff">Really?</font>

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<font color="#ffff00">Sorry. I'm really sorry.</font>
<font color="#ffff00">No, I didn't mean to do that.</font>

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<font color="#ffffff">But it always snows in Finland.</font>

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<font color="#00ffff">It is the wrong kind of snow.</font>

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<font color="#ffffff">Well, how can you not be</font>
<font color="#ffffff">prepared for that?</font>

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<font color="#ffffff">No wonder everyone kills</font>
<font color="#ffffff">themselves here.</font>

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<font color="#00ffff">Actually, that is a common</font>
<font color="#00ffff">misconception about Finland.</font>

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<font color="#00ffff">Our suicide rate...</font>

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<font color="#ffffff">I know, Girl With The Dragon Tattoo.</font>
<font color="#ffffff">I was just making a joke.</font>

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<font color="#ffff00">Hey.</font><font color="#ffffff"> And I know Girl With</font>
<font color="#ffffff">The Dragon Tattoo is Swedish</font>

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<font color="#ffffff">so you don't need to...</font><font color="#ffff00"> Hey, hey,</font>
<font color="#ffff00">hey. There's no need to be rude.</font>

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<font color="#ffff00">It's not her fault it's snowing,</font>

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<font color="#ffff00">yeah, there's no need to be</font>
<font color="#ffff00">a dick about it.</font>

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<font color="#ffffff">Do I know you?</font>
<font color="#ffffff">I wasn't being a dick.</font>

17
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<font color="#ffffff">I said that she looks like</font>
<font color="#ffffff">Rooney Mara. That's a compliment.</font>

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<font color="#ffff00">OK, well, look,</font>
<font color="#ffff00">I've worked jobs like this.</font>

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<font color="#ffffff">Oh. Oh, good. Oh, good.</font>
<font color="#ffffff">Cos I really wanted the input of</font>

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<font color="#ffffff">a random man who had a job once.</font>

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<font color="#ffff00">Oh, can I...? Yeah, thanks.</font>

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<font color="#ffffff">What?</font>

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<font color="#ffff00">Peace offering.</font>

24
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<font color="#ffffff">G&T, please.</font>

25
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<font color="#ffff00">I'm sorry about earlier.</font>
<font color="#ffff00">I shouldn't have butted in.</font>

26
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<font color="#ffff00">I'm not very good around conflict.</font>

27
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<font color="#ffff00">Even if it's none of my business,</font>
<font color="#ffff00">I end up trying to fix it.</font>

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<font color="#ffffff">It's fine. I don't need</font>
<font color="#ffffff">your life story. Thanks.</font>

29
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<font color="#ffff00">So what brings you to Finland?</font>

30
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<font color="#ffffff">Work.</font><font color="#ffff00"> Ah, nice. Yeah, nice.</font>

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<font color="#ffff00">I'm on a sort of like</font>
<font color="#ffff00">spur-of-the-moment type thing.</font>

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<font color="#ffffff">Right.</font>

33
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<font color="#ffffff">I was mostly in the countryside.</font>
<font color="#ffffff">I'm writing a piece.</font>

34
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<font color="#ffffff">Erm, do you know Tristdetektiv?</font>
<font color="#ffffff">Sad Detective?</font>

35
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<font color="#ffff00">The murder-y show? Yeah, we're...</font>

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<font color="#ffff00">Erm, yeah, I'm watching that</font>
<font color="#ffff00">at the moment.</font>

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<font color="#ffffff">Yeah, well, I'm writing a piece</font>
<font color="#ffffff">about how you can visit</font>

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<font color="#ffffff">all the murder sites from the</font>
<font color="#ffffff">series.</font>

39
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<font color="#ffff00">But isn't that set in Lapland?</font>

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<font color="#ffffff">This is Lapland.</font>
<font color="#ffff00">No, this is Fin-land.</font>

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<font color="#ffffff">Lapland is in Finland.</font>

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<font color="#ffff00">Hold on, so you're telling me,</font>
<font color="#ffff00">I've been in the land of reindeer</font>

43
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<font color="#ffff00">and Father Christmas all week,</font>

44
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<font color="#ffff00">and I've sat in</font>
<font color="#ffff00">a bar drinking 15 Euro beers?</font>

45
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<font color="#ffffff">Well, next time, you should ask me</font>
<font color="#ffffff">for some tips because</font>

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<font color="#ffffff">I wrote a few things in</font>
<font color="#ffffff">the Lonely Planet guide, actually.</font>

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<font color="#ffff00">Cool. Yeah, cool.</font>

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<font color="#ffff00">I have a confession to make.</font>

49
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<font color="#ffff00">I didn't come here spontaneously.</font>

50
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<font color="#ffffff">Yeah, you weren't very convincing</font>
<font color="#ffffff">when you said you had, to be honest.</font>

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<font color="#ffff00">My...girlfriend cheated on me.</font>

52
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<font color="#ffff00">We've been together for 11 years</font>
<font color="#ffff00">and last week she told me she slept</font>

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<font color="#ffff00">with one of her colleagues.</font>
<font color="#ffff00">It was a woman, actually.</font>

54
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<font color="#ffff00">Not that it matters,</font>
<font color="#ffff00">that it was a woman.</font>

55
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<font color="#ffff00">Like, she had her reasons,</font>

56
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<font color="#ffff00">I understand that, but...</font>

57
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<font color="#ffff00">..it really hurt.</font>

58
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<font color="#ffffff">Excuse me.</font>
<font color="#ffffff">Can we get some shots, please?</font>

59
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<font color="#ffff00">No, no, no.</font><font color="#ffffff"> Yes. We're doing it.</font>
<font color="#ffff00">Yes.</font><font color="#ffffff"> Yes!</font>

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<font color="#ffffff">MOANING</font>

61
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<font color="#ffffff">Ugh. Fucking Aquavit.</font>

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<font color="#ffffff">It was marginally less shit</font>
<font color="#ffffff">spending the evening</font>

63
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<font color="#ffffff">with you than I thought it would be.</font>

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<font color="#ffffff">PHONE BUZZES</font>

65
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<font color="#ffffff">Oh, God.</font>

66
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<font color="#ffffff">Fucking Aquavit.</font>

67
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<font color="#ffffff">We've got to get going.</font>

68
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<font color="#ffffff">Are you all right?</font>

69
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<font color="#ffff00">Hm? Yeah. Sorry. I just...</font>

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<font color="#ffff00">I've never really done</font>
<font color="#ffff00">this before. Cheating.</font>

71
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<font color="#ffff00">On Est...erm, my girlfriend.</font>

72
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<font color="#ffff00">Esther. Her name's Esther.</font>

73
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<font color="#ffffff">She cheated on you, right?</font>

74
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<font color="#ffff00">She did. Erm, but,</font>
<font color="#ffff00">yeah, I don't know. Just...</font>

75
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<font color="#ffff00">This does not feel great...</font>
<font color="#ffff00">in the light of day. No offence.</font>

76
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<font color="#ffffff">Well, if it makes you feel</font>
<font color="#ffffff">any better,</font>

77
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<font color="#ffffff">I'm married.</font>

78
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<font color="#ffff00">What? How's that going to</font>
<font color="#ffff00">make me feel better?</font>

79
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<font color="#ffff00">Why didn't you say anything?</font>
<font color="#ffffff">It never came up.</font>

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<font color="#ffff00">I 100% would have not done</font>
<font color="#ffff00">anything if I knew you were...</font>

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<font color="#ffffff">Oh, please.</font>

82
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<font color="#ffffff">Coming from the guy in</font>
<font color="#ffffff">an 11-year relationship.</font>

83
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<font color="#ffff00">Fuck.</font>

84
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<font color="#ffff00">I can't believe this.</font>

85
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<font color="#ffff00">I mean,</font>
<font color="#ffff00">do you even have a wedding ring?</font>

86
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<font color="#ffffff">It was on my finger,</font>

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<font color="#ffffff">which was literally around your</font>
<font color="#ffffff">cock. How did you not notice that?</font>

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<font color="#ffffff">Look, I'm sorry for</font>
<font color="#ffffff">tempting you away</font>

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<font color="#ffffff">from your perfect relationship.</font>
<font color="#ffff00">No, that's not what I'm saying.</font>

90
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<font color="#ffffff">Oh, just stop talking.</font>

91
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<font color="#ffffff">I need to find whatever</font>
<font color="#ffffff">the fuck Nurofen is in Finnish.</font>

92
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<font color="#ffffff">Well, go on, check in. Fuck off.</font>

93
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<font color="#ffff00">That's fine by me.</font>
<font color="#ffff00">Have a great life.</font>

94
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<font color="#ffff00">Thank you.</font>

95
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<font color="#ffffff">BABY CRIES</font>

96
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<font color="#ffffff">CRYING INTENSIFIES</font>

97
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<font color="#ffff00">Hey. Fola.</font>

98
00:06:36,920 --> 00:06:40,240
<font color="#ffff00">Fola. Hey. Good flight?</font>

99
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<font color="#ffffff">Ah, I threw up twice in the loos.</font>

100
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<font color="#ffff00">Oh, I...I just didn't want to leave</font>
<font color="#ffff00">things like we did earlier.</font>

101
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<font color="#ffff00">You know, I'm...I'm angry at myself,</font>
<font color="#ffff00">not at you, so...</font>

102
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<font color="#ffffff">Listen, we got drunk,</font>
<font color="#ffffff">we did something stupid.</font>

103
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<font color="#ffffff">It's not like it's the end of</font>
<font color="#ffffff">the world.</font>

104
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<font color="#ffffff">Believe it or not,</font>
<font color="#ffffff">I'm very happy in my marriage.</font>

105
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<font color="#ffff00">Yeah. Yeah, me too.</font>
<font color="#ffff00">Very happy in my relationship.</font>

106
00:07:08,040 --> 00:07:11,680
<font color="#ffffff">OK, erm, should we...swap numbers?</font>

107
00:07:11,680 --> 00:07:14,760
<font color="#ffffff">You know, in case you</font>
<font color="#ffffff">got me pregnant, or something.</font>

108
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<font color="#ffff00">I wore a condom.</font>

109
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<font color="#ffffff">I'm on the pill.</font>
<font color="#ffffff">I'm messing with you.</font>

110
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<font color="#ffff00">Oh, my... That is not funny at all.</font>
<font color="#ffff00">Ooh. God. I think my heart stopped.</font>

111
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<font color="#ffffff">OK, no numbers.</font>
<font color="#ffffff">Erm, so, I'll be off, then.</font>

112
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<font color="#ffff00">Well, erm... Do we hug or..?</font>

113
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<font color="#ffffff">Why not?</font>

114
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<font color="#ffffff">BABY CRIES</font>

115
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<font color="#ffff00">Thank you.</font>

116
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<font color="#ffffff">What the fuck are you</font>
<font color="#ffffff">doing here? Are you stalking me?</font>

117
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<font color="#ffff00">What are you doing here?</font>
<font color="#ffffff">I live here.</font><font color="#ffff00"> Where?</font><font color="#ffffff"> Here. There.</font>

118
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<font color="#ffff00">I live there.</font>

119
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<font color="#ffffff">There, like across the road from me?</font>

120
00:08:57,520 --> 00:09:00,360
<font color="#ffffff">OK, yeah, well, you'll have to move.</font>
<font color="#ffffff">We've just bought this place.</font>

121
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<font color="#ffff00">I'm not going to move.</font>
<font color="#ffff00">I've lived here for eight years.</font>

122
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<font color="#ffff00">OK, look, look, look. It'll be fine.</font>

123
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<font color="#ffff00">It'll be fine.</font>
<font color="#ffff00">We'll just ignore each other.</font>

124
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<font color="#ffff00">No-one knows their neighbours</font>
<font color="#ffff00">now anyway.</font>

125
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<font color="#ffff00">Yeah, listen...</font>

126
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<font color="#ffffff"># Here's the thing</font>

127
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<font color="#ffffff"># If you smile enough then</font>
<font color="#ffffff">everybody smiles</font>

128
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<font color="#ffffff"># Here's the thing</font>

129
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<font color="#ffffff"># if you work a little harder</font>
<font color="#ffffff">you'll get by</font>

130
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<font color="#ffffff"># Here's the thing</font>

131
00:09:37,720 --> 00:09:39,560
<font color="#ffffff"># Or you can trust a man who wears</font>
<font color="#ffffff">a suit and tie</font>

132
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<font color="#ffffff"># It's all just</font>
<font color="#ffffff">lies, lies, lies, lies</font>

133
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<font color="#ffffff"># Here's the thing</font>

134
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<font color="#ffffff"># If your parents worked to earn it</font>
<font color="#ffffff">then it's yours</font>

135
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<font color="#ffffff"># Here's the thing</font>

136
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<font color="#ffffff"># If you're barely getting by</font>
<font color="#ffffff">then that's your fault</font>

137
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<font color="#ffffff"># Here's the thing</font>

138
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<font color="#ffffff"># Everything in life is fair</font>
<font color="#ffffff">and that's the rules</font>

139
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<font color="#ffffff"># It's all just</font>
<font color="#ffffff">lies, lies, lies, lies</font>

140
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<font color="#ffffff"># If you just close your eyes</font>
<font color="#ffffff">then everything's all right</font>

141
00:09:55,520 --> 00:09:57,000
<font color="#ffffff"># If you just close your eyes</font>

142
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<font color="#ffffff"># Then everything's all right</font>

143
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<font color="#ffffff"># Hey, Ma, I wrote a song</font>
<font color="#ffffff">now everything's all right... #</font>