This programme contains strong language and some scenes of a sexual nature
Oh.
Really?
Sorry. I'm really sorry. No, I didn't mean to do that.
But it always snows in Finland.
It is the wrong kind of snow.
Well, how can you not be prepared for that?
No wonder everyone kills themselves here.
Actually, that is a common misconception about Finland.
Our suicide rate...
I know, Girl With The Dragon Tattoo. I was just making a joke.
Hey. And I know Girl With The Dragon Tattoo is Swedish
so you don't need to... Hey, hey, hey. There's no need to be rude.
It's not her fault it's snowing,
yeah, there's no need to be a dick about it.
Do I know you? I wasn't being a dick.
I said that she looks like Rooney Mara. That's a compliment.
OK, well, look, I've worked jobs like this.
Oh. Oh, good. Oh, good. Cos I really wanted the input of
a random man who had a job once.
Oh, can I...? Yeah, thanks.
What?
Peace offering.
G&T, please.
I'm sorry about earlier. I shouldn't have butted in.
I'm not very good around conflict.
Even if it's none of my business, I end up trying to fix it.
It's fine. I don't need your life story. Thanks.
So what brings you to Finland?
Work. Ah, nice. Yeah, nice.
I'm on a sort of like spur-of-the-moment type thing.
Right.
I was mostly in the countryside. I'm writing a piece.
Erm, do you know Tristdetektiv? Sad Detective?
The murder-y show? Yeah, we're...
Erm, yeah, I'm watching that at the moment.
Yeah, well, I'm writing a piece about how you can visit
all the murder sites from the series.
But isn't that set in Lapland?
This is Lapland. No, this is Fin-land.
Lapland is in Finland.
Hold on, so you're telling me, I've been in the land of reindeer
and Father Christmas all week,
and I've sat in a bar drinking 15 Euro beers?
Well, next time, you should ask me for some tips because
I wrote a few things in the Lonely Planet guide, actually.
Cool. Yeah, cool.
I have a confession to make.
I didn't come here spontaneously.
Yeah, you weren't very convincing when you said you had, to be honest.
My...girlfriend cheated on me.
We've been together for 11 years and last week she told me she slept
with one of her colleagues. It was a woman, actually.
Not that it matters, that it was a woman.
Like, she had her reasons,
I understand that, but...
..it really hurt.
Excuse me. Can we get some shots, please?
No, no, no. Yes. We're doing it. Yes. Yes!
MOANING
Ugh. Fucking Aquavit.
It was marginally less shit spending the evening
with you than I thought it would be.
PHONE BUZZES
Oh, God.
Fucking Aquavit.
We've got to get going.
Are you all right?
Hm? Yeah. Sorry. I just...
I've never really done this before. Cheating.
On Est...erm, my girlfriend.
Esther. Her name's Esther.
She cheated on you, right?
She did. Erm, but, yeah, I don't know. Just...
This does not feel great... in the light of day. No offence.
Well, if it makes you feel any better,
I'm married.
What? How's that going to make me feel better?
Why didn't you say anything? It never came up.
I 100% would have not done anything if I knew you were...
Oh, please.
Coming from the guy in an 11-year relationship.
Fuck.
I can't believe this.
I mean, do you even have a wedding ring?
It was on my finger,
which was literally around your cock. How did you not notice that?
Look, I'm sorry for tempting you away
from your perfect relationship. No, that's not what I'm saying.
Oh, just stop talking.
I need to find whatever the fuck Nurofen is in Finnish.
Well, go on, check in. Fuck off.
That's fine by me. Have a great life.
Thank you.
BABY CRIES
CRYING INTENSIFIES
Hey. Fola.
Fola. Hey. Good flight?
Ah, I threw up twice in the loos.
Oh, I...I just didn't want to leave things like we did earlier.
You know, I'm...I'm angry at myself, not at you, so...
Listen, we got drunk, we did something stupid.
It's not like it's the end of the world.
Believe it or not, I'm very happy in my marriage.
Yeah. Yeah, me too. Very happy in my relationship.
OK, erm, should we...swap numbers?
You know, in case you got me pregnant, or something.
I wore a condom.
I'm on the pill. I'm messing with you.
Oh, my... That is not funny at all. Ooh. God. I think my heart stopped.
OK, no numbers. Erm, so, I'll be off, then.
Well, erm... Do we hug or..?
Why not?
BABY CRIES
Thank you.
What the fuck are you doing here? Are you stalking me?
What are you doing here? I live here. Where? Here. There.
I live there.
There, like across the road from me?
OK, yeah, well, you'll have to move. We've just bought this place.
I'm not going to move. I've lived here for eight years.
OK, look, look, look. It'll be fine.
It'll be fine. We'll just ignore each other.
No-one knows their neighbours now anyway.
Yeah, listen...
# Here's the thing
# If you smile enough then everybody smiles
# Here's the thing
# if you work a little harder you'll get by
# Here's the thing
# Or you can trust a man who wears a suit and tie
# It's all just lies, lies, lies, lies
# Here's the thing
# If your parents worked to earn it then it's yours
# Here's the thing
# If you're barely getting by then that's your fault
# Here's the thing
# Everything in life is fair and that's the rules
# It's all just lies, lies, lies, lies
# If you just close your eyes then everything's all right
# If you just close your eyes
# Then everything's all right
# Hey, Ma, I wrote a song now everything's all right... #