CABINET DOOR CREAKS
I'll fix that today, deffo.
You lying toast hole.
You claim to love me more than anything
in the whole wide world.
It's between you and the marmalade.
If you had any idea what love was, you'd have bought me a cat by now.
PHONE CHIMES
Are you working already?
A cat, really?
I keep telling you.
Meow.
Morning, I'm a cat.
I smell of cats. Meow.
Where's breakfast? Meow.
Guess which part of me I've been chewing for a day and a half.
Clue, it begins with the letter ass. Meow! What?
Where's breakfast? Kisses! Meow.
Look, pour your heartless marmaladey arse downstairs,
cos I've got to meditate.
You talking to me, lady?
No, no, VIPs only today.
Hop it.
I'm king of Vesuvia.
You must speak of me.
Where's Vevusia?
Between Iceland and Peru.
You come, we dance in fields of frozen banana.
Now huge loves!
Yo, can we do this later?
Cos I've got to sort these emails out or else I'm gonna lose my job.
Thank you. Wretch! You refuse royal ecstasy.
Revolution, innit?
I'll tax you flees! Up the Republic!
Ah, no, no, no!
HE DIALS
Dr Pete Cosmos. Please leave a message.
Pete.
Pete, call me back, will you?
BIRDS TWEET
Dan!
Yeah? Is my bag down there?
No.
Oh, sorry.
See you after Joy's, then, yeah? What, that's tonight?
Yeah.
Oh, hey, Carla, wait.
Hey, Carla, wait. Hang on.
Hey, Carla. Got to go.
Oh, come on. Don't wait up!
Hey. Hey. Bye!
PHONE RINGS
Don't go, don't go.
Don't go.
Pete. Pete? Oh.
AHHH!
HE PANTS
PHONE RINGS
Pete? Look, I can't talk now.
I'm in the middle of this huge row with Maggie.
Pete, Pete. Listen, Pete.
I need a peace offering. Something good.
She won't even look at me.
Get her cat. What?
Carla keeps talking about cats.
Pete, listen. Do you have the...
A cat? Do you have the stuff?
That's genius.
Great. Thanks. Later.
No!
No, Pete. No, no.
Ow!
Jesus!
CALMING MUSIC PLAYS ON PHONE
The key is the lock.
Surrender is victory.
The lock is the key. Victory is surrender.
SIRENS IN DISTANCE
HE SNEEZES
Pete, I'm sorry you're allergic or whatever to cats.
I'm fine.
Maggie's in bed.
Sneezing needles, crying crusts.
Hating your guts.
Sorry.
Listen, erm, these pills.
I was just thinking, you know, it could be...
It could be a really bad idea, so...
I don't know. What do you...what do you think?
Take them, don't take them. I don't care, Dan, just pay me.
I'm freezing and dying here.
I rode a bus.
What do you want from me?
Well, I don't know.
Like, maybe a diagnosis of some sort.
You're an arsehole, my friend.
That's the diagnosis.
I'll have them tomorrow. Or next week.
You might find you feel vulnerable.
Don't worry about it.
What?
You might get a bit panicky and angry.
It'll pass. You'll numb up in no time.
What the fuck are you doing?
I couldn't get the stuff.
I have debts.
But you're winning. You said you keep winning.
You're winning all the time.
So you've lost some...
You haven't lost any of my money? I'm sorry, Dan.
This guy the other night just emptied me.
Wouldn't stop. My money?
You lost my money?
Gone. All gone.
You might want to have a drink or some ice cream.
It'll help psychologically.
All the money? All the money?
Are you saying you lost all the money, Pete? Don't worry.
You could just run to your fazillionaire brother, Declan.
Wish I had one.
Wish I was you!
You just lost...
I told you, it could go either way.
You're welcome, by the way. Huh?
Enjoy.
PHONE RINGS
RINGING STOPS
Fight without a fight.
So they came to the edge of the forest when the river went
into the trees and then... Freeze!
Oh, wow. You're so the best at freezing.
Let's put lots and lots and lots of things
up your nose.
Do the monster! What are you talking about?
I'm gonna eat you! I'm gonna bite all your toes off!
There's no monsters here.
I like this one. Yeah.
You know, my Aunt Ella, she hid this in my pram to get them
through the checkpoints.
Wow. Good taste.
Yeah, she was tough.
Did you know this struggle made us all tough?
Kurt? Yes, darling? Come and help me with the champagne.
Of course, yeah. Thank you. Just a minute.
Clever old Joy.
Two great kids.
Her own business, a big fuck-off house.
Right where she should be.
When are you going to be where you should be?
With me, in the sea.
Off our heads.
We've done that, Madge.
Time goes by.
We'll make soup.
Fuck soup.
Off our heads, like before.
The happiest I've ever been. Your words.
Something missing on this wall.
You know, um,
I...really
like...
..this...
..picture...here.
You are impossible.
You know, I'm, um...
..just here trying to be friends, babe.
How's it going?
Do you think the Americans are going to be upbeat?
The Yanks. They're upbeat or they get the electric chair!
SHE CHUCKLES, DOORBELL RINGS
My God, they're on time, the freaks! They are.
Carla? Carla.
Carla, they... CARLA CHUCKLES QUIETLY
Dan! It's Dan. Come in.
I hope it's all right. Of course it's all right.
Hi, Joy. Hi. Carla...
Should we start with the champagne? Sure, great, thank you. Yeah, OK.
Sure. Lovely, thank you. Always a good start.
Thank you. Thank you. Cheers. Cheers.
To the man who never asks me anything.
Actually, I would like to ask you something, Kurt.
Oh, finally.
Follow me.
MUSIC: Blauer Montag by Mary Roos
DOG WHIMPERS Daphne, what?
So you want to borrow that much?
Five years. I'll be square with you in five years.
Totally.
Carla is our saviour.
She does so much for us.
I'm asking you, Kurt.
You can't tell either of them ever, Kurt.
It's just...ich, dich...
Ich dich?
Yeah.
Dan's here.
That's a joke, right?
What are you all doing here?
Dan's here.
Hi.
Hey.
KIDS: Freeze!
Ha! You're all stuck!
DOORBELL Yanks.
It's the Yanks!
Kids, back to bed. Up, up, up, up.
Call me.
Come home. Come home.
Come home.
BIRDS CHIRP
LEAVES RUSTLE
CHIRPING ECHOES
ALARM MELODY ECHOES
DAN GROANS
CAT MEOWS SOFTLY
Hi, kitty.
CAT MEOWS, CARLA SIGHS