MUSIC: Needn't Speak by Rudimental ft Lianne La Havas
You made me cry.
Yeah, I hope you're proud. I was at a coffee stand, actually.
MUSIC CONTINUES
When you're all, like, low down with those spooky chords.
Wouldn't even let me pay for my shot.
MUSIC FADES IN
Oh, I owe you a coffee.
OK, I'll see you tomorrow. OK, bye, babe.
MUSIC STOPS
Got everything?
Need your pipe or your periscope for anything?
You've hidden the good chocolate chip cookies. That's bullshit, man.
I haven't! You've eaten them all!
Keep talking to me like that,
if you want to wake up with a nose full of crisps.
Have you got everything you need?
What, here? With a tramp who steals my clothes, empties my fridge
and crawls all over my personal possessions?
Absolute bliss. What even is this?
TV: The whole cab...
Neo-Nazi Ice Trucker Wife Swap or something.
Everybody's very light on teeth.
I love "my fridge", by the way. That's brilliant.
Well, technically, I did buy it...with my money from my job.
Oh, God!
These dickheads have more fun than us and they eat frozen squirrel.
What do you expect? It's a Tuesday.
We can't be out busting moves every night of the week
at Club Woohoo, peaches.
Peaches? Club Woohoo?
Listen, Scarface, what's for dinner?
Consult thy fridge.
If I'm at work all day,
I want a proper meal,
like people, you know?
Not freestyle fridge surfing.
It's not living. Says who?
Says the whole world, that's who.
You know that Hayden quiz thing that we did?
Mm. I still have the welts. Yeah, well, it came back
saying that you were full of latent narcissism.
What do you think about that? Latent, yeah?
That's the good stuff. You want some?
What are you...?
CHUCKLING: You're looking at me like I'm a crime scene.
SHE LAUGHS SARCASTICALLY
You're off the hook, by the way,
for Joy's dinner party tomorrow night.
Maya said she'd come, help me. It's fine.
Well, I can go to support you.
I'm sure you're much happier here, by the jelly tots.
Stressful and everything, isn't it, looking for work? Er...
You don't want to get on down with a no-job loser.
I don't want to listen to you complaining.
I'm sure Maya's got you covered. How's she doing?
Fine. How many job offers you got?
Charming everyone to death, are you? Yeah, I'm looking good.
Got a nice swish interview raincoat, now, you know,
I look like I know shit.
So I got that in the bag.
PHONE RINGS
Oh, God, who's...?
Oh, it's Joy. I've got to get this.
Hey. Hi. Yeah, let go of the ceiling.
Love buffet getting cold.
Yeah. Look... Yeah, it's dinner at your place.
Just get caterers, you rich cow!
Hey, come on! I have these.
Yeah, you're welcome.
You're welcome. OK? Bye.
Um, so tomorrow, I'm not going to be around that much, if...
Oh!
Oh, have another.
Oh, God!
You don't trust me.
We run. We flee from our potential as if we'd rather die
than find out who we really are.
You know we're all going to die.
Maybe you'll allow yourself to live.
Maybe today.
You Daniel? Yep.
So then after this one, I did Burgertinis,
which was a fairly big campaign
for these kind of pizza-burger hybrid things.
And that went, you know, pretty well.
And I came up with the name and...
..you know, it did well. There was a...
..big spike in obesity.
What?
It doesn't matter.
What I need to know is, what can you actually do
apart from doodling? I just brought... This is what I have.
I mean, I don't have anything else because people-people have...
That's... You know, when you make something, you make it.
And that's what you have and there isn't anything else.
I'm trying to stay positive. Mm-hm.
Dan, I'm trying to stay positive.
But to me, this feels like...
It was amazing.
He looked at the card and then right into me like I was a mirror
or Death or something,
as I took all his money.
I thought, it's the second best thing that's ever happened to me.
There you go.
Two grand.
DAN CACKLES So fantastic.
Thank you. Listen, um, the other thing...
Do you think you might have something to take the edge off...?
Hey, remember this?
The Yes Babes.
Know why I came up with that name? Why, Pete?
Cos I'm a fucking visionary.
We were so great.
Your brother Declan said that our thing in that crappy pub
was one of the best gigs he ever saw.
Declan enjoyed how small it was.
You copped off with Sally-Ann Bonaparte
cos you're a prick.
Mad about her, or was it...?
She said she liked my eyeliner.
That's the only thing I can remember.
Listen, Pete, do you have anything you can give me, anything?
Yeah. I'll have it very soon.
I'm in a thing right now. I'm in a...
It's walls coming at me all the time, OK? Like in the park,
there's walls coming at me, so it's a kind of a wallsy vibe.
Pete, I'd really... If you could give me something,
it'd be good, you know? Tomorrow morning, I walk in by the river,
I'll meet you at the little bridge.
OK? And for now, I've got one of these left.
Nice muscle relaxant, tide you over.
That's bollocks, Pete! Give me something proper!
And there it is. You were exactly like that
when you broke up the band.
I cannot pretend to care
about the fucking college band right now, Pete.
Seriously, that's the stuff that they give to astronauts, OK?
Before they have to go outside and fix the space flaps.
What, it's for muscles?
Muscles, brain, wazoo, everything.
Yeah. Thank you for helping me accept myself.
Hey, I'm a natural.
Yeah.
What are you working for?
More money to jail you in empty choices?
Or maybe you'll deal with your one real choice -
to live in fear of the dragon inside you,
or to set fire to the sky.
How will you decide?
SHE EXHALES
Joy?
Hmm?
We have to stop.
If you do any more deep breathing, you're going to swallow your eyes.
Oh, God.
I'm so tired. Yeah.
I'm just so tired.
All these years of, like, "Ah, ah, ah" with Kurt.
You know, he's so thrilled that he's busy
and that we're booked out.
He refuses to believe that it's because,
hey, the quiz actually works.
He just trusts nothing.
He's such a fucking purist about everything.
Yeah.
You've got to keep on making the effort, because...
Because...
Because, erm...
Anyway, he says he might not even come to dinner tomorrow.
What a looney!
So your ex Maya's coming to dinner here?
Yeah.
Full marks all round for maturity.
Maturity? Mm.
Yeah. That's us.
Sorry. I've been a bit, like, "Ning, ning, ning" lately.
I promise that I'll be...
I'll be better once the Americans have come to dinner
and everything's totally over.
Does that make sense? Done. OK.
Thanks for putting up with me, though.
Oh, shush.
I need the money. Hmm.
PIANO PLAYS
SPOKEN WORD JAZZ STYLE: # I don't have no job
# My woman thinks I'm a yob
# My friends call me Bob, even though my name's Dave. #
Hey.
I get it.
You know, you're busy.
I just thought we could hang out in your downtime, which is never.
You're just feeling lonely, cos you've eaten four bowls
of cereal, and you're blaming me.
Five.
MOBILE RINGS I saw your face in everyone. Oh, shit, hang on, here we go.
Hi.
OK. OK. OK.
I want you to walk out to your garden, put your hands
on your hips, breathe through your nose, and call me back
when you're only half mad.
OK, OK, bye.
It's just never enough.
It's never enough.
She's always like, "It's all about to go bang."
Well, probably very difficult living with Kurt. Joy's probably jealous.
I mean, you're just here grooving.
Can we just not talk for just a minute, please?
Sure. I understand.
It's just I'm...
I'm just, you know... Yeah. Tired and annoyed. I understand.
Angry and exhausted... Mm-hm. ..and angry.
I understand.
Please stop saying you understand. It doesn't help.
OK. All right.
What's the cure? You want a glass of wine?
You want me to oil those achy thighs?
Something sweet.
There's only nonsense left in the kitchen.
No.
What about those...stupid things with the disgusting jam
inside... What, the muffins, the muffinettes?
'Fraid not. Or anything.
This isn't human.
There was, er... half a chocolate Santa
in a woolly hat in the cupboard the other day.
Where is it?
I had it in a muffinette.
It was pretty good.
You're a fucking animal.
I understand.
Do you love me? Yeah.
Do you love me? Yes.
Like an inferno, in a tornado, in a hurricane.
Oh, that's juvenile bullshit.
It's a dumb joke.
Whoa. Wait a minute.
What jet stream is this?
You want to talk about a family now?
Oh, what is it? I'm too old? I have no job? What?
Shrinking penis.
What is it? You need someone to open the jars, right?
Or you should stop being so fucking sensitive, about being old
and unemployed and sad. And fat.
Oh, that's nice!
Well, I wish you'd be in the fucking room sometimes.
Is this it, though?
Is this it, just me flat out and you just farting about
like an old fart, is that it?
When are we going to get things going?
Like, when am I going to have a kid?
Like, when are we going to get out of here?
When are you going to get a job? What is your answer for this?