This programme contains very strong language
Oh, God. I am trebly tired.
I think I'm actually dead.
Are you talking? Cos I haven't realised.
You're beautiful, beautiful.
I keep meaning to meditate but...
Ow. Get your knee out me crypt. Sorry.
Going to be one crazy-hot corpse, girlfriend.
Yeah, well, you can cop a feel when I'm dead.
Not now, obvs. Obvs.
I'll wait till after the funeral.
Take off.
Paris, Rome, New York.
Whatever vibe you stiffen into.
Paint the town bluish green.
Be great.
You're not actually asleep, are you?
Perfect time to tell you I got fired.
I thought you were joking.
Yeah. No, I wasn't.
Dan, you don't have a job.
Don't worry.
You'll take care of us.
You're amazing.
Hey, can I ask you a personal question?
What?
Do you have any money?
Why didn't you tell me straight away?
Lying's more manly.
Plus the weekend. You could be looking for ages.
I should go freelance again.
I'll get three jobs by teatime.
Yeah, but what if you don't?
What if I lose my job and we both have to go on the game?
What about that?
You'll make a lot more money.
My Johns will be fairly niche.
Suppose I'd better take you out for lunch, then, you loser.
Oh, my God. What?
I just realised. What? What?
I'm holding something that was alive in the '70s.
Oh... Were there dragons everywhere?
Yeah. It was tricky putting out the bins.
So old.
Bet you've got a blue plaque over your wanger and everything.
Let me see. I don't have...
Get off! Get off! Get off.
No fun.
I've got to go. It's a dogfight out there.
I shouted, he shouted.
Then he went to the hut.
I'm not going to see him till Monday. Arsehole!
Anyway, I'm not talking about him. Yeah?
And I'm supporting you by not talking about Dan,
who's an arse for not asking for his brother's help with...
Why don't you...? No, don't give me advice!
Sorry! Sorry.
Kurt gives me advice.
I just want to be left alone!
To be disgusting and die in my... my own ooze and...just...
You know, everyone goes around feeling disgusting.
It's all part of being a normal, healthy piece of shit.
No, I am disgusting.
I just want a van of Black Forest gateau to rear-end my face.
Oh.
Can we do that, um...
..the breathing thing?
Because I haven't exhaled in, like, six weeks.
In fact, I remember the date.
Tomorrow, maybe, but I've got to go.
I've got to go downtown, but I can... Oh, my God...
SHE SOBS
All right, I can do it. I can do it. I'll do it. I'll do it.
No... OK. Sorry.
Oh, come here.
SHE SOBS
It's all right. I...
OK.
My granny would say, "Just take deep breaths.
"Just pretend you're swimming." That's... Aww. Sorry.
If my granny were here, she'd say, "Fuck him.
"I hope his hut explodes."
Yeah.
Aww.
Oh.
Thank you.
The power of man.
Power of nature.
Perhaps when you finish punching yourself in the face,
you open the fist of your mind.
PHONE RINGS
Hey. Where are you? I've been waiting for ages.
Hey. Oh, there you are.
So Joy was like, "You're doing it. You'll finally teach me
"how to breathe properly."
And then she gave me all this stuff she's throwing out
before the dinner party.
Gave me the rest of the day off!
Ha-ha! Look.
These are batshit. I'm never taking them off.
Teaching, huh? You called me a wanker about 50 times
showing me how the oven worked.
Breath work's easy when you get the hang of it.
Anyone can do it. Even you, you wanker.
Hey? Mm.
Do you love me?
Uncontrollably.
In great, rollicking spasms.
Like the sea.
Or pigs waking up.
Get chips then. No chips.
Spinach, fascism, triumph.
Just get me some chips, you useless skank.
What about these? For curtains.
Oh, don't you just want to live in them?
I think we'll have to try them all, obviously.
Obviously.
Everything in here kills you.
They deep-fry the forks.
There's one type of salad.
Aren't these the most "ooh" things you've ever seen?
The most what? Ooh!
How's that go again? Ooh!
Are they not a bit... over the top?
LAUGHTER
Hey-up, you've pulled.
That is the third time I've seen the waiter check you out.
Listen, I'll get that for you as soon as I can, OK?
Oh, yeah, Jamal. Yeah, total party animal. Amazing dancer.
You mean you have danced with him and his 40,000 teeth? Hell yeah.
Years ago. He's a terrible flirt.
Incredible dancer, though. Incredible.
Mm. Shallow technique, by the look of him.
Obviously can't get you out of his head.
Maybe he just likes all my stuff.
I bet he loves your stuff.
Well, he's clearly got very good taste.
And a spectacular wanger.
I bet he never orders the chips.
Neither do I.
Not threatened by him, are you?
I mean, he's very charismatic.
And, well, look at him.
Is this a test?
Maybe.
Isn't this just perfect?
For where?
Literally everywhere.
Can I be honest?
No.
They're better than perfect.
Hi there.
Hey, how are you doing?
So can we get the dirtbag fries for him?
And I'll have a micro salad and a sparkling water. Thank you.
Can I have also have a salad, please?
That's the last one.
They're too small to share.
Do you want a burger?
What I'd like is a salad, please.
Oh, shh! Come on. Sorry.
Just have a salad on the weekend.
Chips.
Joy.
One of those guys thinks he's a player
cos he sits there squinting at the cards all night.
Clueless.
Guess how much I won.
I don't know. Tell me. How much?
Four-and-a-half grand. Wow, that is brilliant.
Then I played a smaller game and I won another two.
No way. Just straight on?
Yep.
I'm so in, all right? I'm totally in. I'm... I'm...
Yes, you know, to all of that.
But, erm...
Er, listen, about the other thing, you know, the tranqs.
Could you write me a script for, like, a week? Is that possible?
Oh, can't you get Carla to massage your aura?
No, Pete. I'm asking you, you know? I'm...
I'm working very hard right now to stay on top of my shit, OK?
I'm veggie. Veggie, yeah?
That shit'll kill you.
Have a bacon sandwich.
And we're meditating.
It's happening right now.
Come on, now. Five minutes.
Oh, come on.
Now.
Five fucking minutes.
Hurry up. Oh, why bother?
This is pathetic.
You're doing it all wrong. LAUGHTER
You're doing it all wrong.
Shut up!
No, the rates are whatever.
We can talk, OK? You know, I mean, I'm just saying I'm around,
so bear me in mind.
Give us a shout.
All right, Trish. Thanks. Bye. Bye.
Hey. Hey, Theo.
What's up? Daniel. Yeah.
Daniel Sands. How are you?
HE CHUCKLES OK.
All righty. Maybe not.
Yeah, I would. Yeah, I would. I absolutely would.
I... Half the rate, whatever, you know, because what I'm saying
is I'm available, you know?
I'm around. I am... I am just around.
OK.
The whole campaign, like, from beginning to end,
the three stages of you need these brushes,
why don't you have these brushes yet?
Maybe you don't want to be alive.
I just thought that was so... The way you bridged it.
Hurt me and pay me.
Just pay me, you motherfucker.
It could be High Wycombe all over again, all right?
Fish permits.
Take it easy. Bye, bye.
You motherfucker.
Yeah? Listen, just give me a sec.
Back in a minute.
Hey.
What would you like?
What did you choose? Yeah.
For lunch?
Lunch, yeah. Lunch.
What's the... What's the flapperola?
Oh, that's an omelette. Mm.
It's nice? It's very nice.
You do it with, like, herbs or...?
We've got basil and chive in there.
Would you like that?
Me? No, I don't... I don't eat eggs.
OK.
How come you asked about it?
Sorry. Give us the... I'll have the... Give us the...
Give us the pasta.
There isn't one.
Is there a sandwich? If there's a sandwich, I'll have a sandwich.
There's 14. Oh, sorry.
Give me that. I'll have that.
You want the dream cakes? You know that's a dessert, right?
Yes. Give it to me, please.
OK.
Coming right up.
Yeah. OK.
With her ginger balls cake hidden from sight in the oven,
Jodi makes a start on the icing...
Come on, then!
I'm ready.
Eyes closed. Promise.
OK. Oh, I knew this would happen eventually.
Everyone's just giving me things cos they realise how amazing I am.
What is it? Don't tell me. What is it?
Night-vision goggles and a claw hammer. Come on.
Seriously, what is it? Crisps. Come on.
Oh...
Wow.
Jesus.
What? You're welcome.
I'm sorry I've been so stressed about looking for work.
I take it you'll be teasing me deliciously
in the usual swoony back-to-front pants and dead bear T-shirt?
You don't even know me. I've got loads of T-shirts,
I don't have a single one with a bear.
Yeah, but they all make you look like a dead bear,
lying there, full of chips.
Now I can crawl on top of you,
all snuggly in my bunting as I asphyxiate.
Can we talk?
Anything for my pimp.
You don't have to turn off...
Spill.
I love you.
Oh, this is good.
And?
What, Dan?
I hate the curtains.