[man] Lights, camera, action!
[man 2] Anubis!
[man] Citizens of the glorious nation of Anubis,
we have caught this American spy crossing our borders.
[spy screams]
[suspenseful music playing]
[plane whooshing]
[woman] Your masters brainwashed children,
sent them into battle, in the name of freedom!
As the voice of America,
I proclaim here and now
that our nation does not fear Anubis,
but Anubis should fear America!
[wind whooshing]
The fanatical terrorist group known as Anubis…
-Concerned about Anubis? -Anubis are sheep.
America could eliminate this infestation of cockroaches…
[spraying]
…with a single can of Raid.
[in Russian] Reach out to Anubis Queen about an alliance against America.
[Knight Hawk] Marvelous Man kept the world at peace for over 40 years.
Now the Anubis Queen and the Russian premier
are going to spark the nuclear inferno of World War IV.
[woman] If we go to war today, so will the rest of the world.
We are better than you.
We have bigger guns than you.
Our military is far more skilled than your military.
Nuclear war is becoming less of a whisper and more of a shout.
In conclusion,
if you want some,
come get some!
[whistling]
[dramatic music playing]
[Nukem] Well, I am not afraid.
I am an American, and I live in America.
You know why I like America?
Only country in world where poor people are overweight.
I like America
but I do not trust America.
Did they kill the Marvelous Man?
No, no, no, no, Dash… I mean, Sasha.
[exhales] He was their golden boy.
But if America found a way to harness even 1% of his power…
[exhales sharply]
We must strike first.
With no mercy!
[Knight Hawk] Cortex, engage.
[Cortex] Danger, danger, danger.
Activating Cortex brain pairing. You may experience some violent imagery.
[gun fires]
Cortex, any luck locating Motion Blur?
[computer beeping]
[tense music playing]
[Cortex] I have been unable to locate his heat signature.
He must not be using his powers.
[Knight Hawk] Then he's hiding. Speed needs to find him.
-[static] -[computer beeping]
[groaning]
Oh, man.
This motherfucker's no joke.
[breathes deeply]
[exhales forcefully]
[device chiming]
[Knight Hawk] Have you located Motion Blur?
[The Speed] There's a story about to break, Atticus,
that you're investigating the Guardians.
Your leadership is undermining the team.
I can't wait to see how you manipulate your way out of this one.
[dramatic music playing]
Breaking news. Knight Hawk is not only investigating select supervillains.
He's also investigating the Guardians of Justice themselves.
Which Guardians are you investigating, Knight Hawk?
If the Guardians of Justice don't trust each other,
how are we supposed to trust them?
How did the media find out about your investigation?
Walker.
She's preparing.
For what?
To fucking crucify us.
The world is crumbling,
and if I have to burn you and your friends as scapegoats, I will.
[squelching]
[growls]
Good evening, America. I'm award-winning journalist Van Dawson,
and this is Van Dawson Tonight.
[news theme playing]
We begin our program with a question.
Who can we trust?
The beacon of hope that united our world and kept chaos at bay for 40 years
is gone.
And now our last best hope, the Guardians of Justice,
are in disrepute.
They are allegedly at each other's throats.
Trust in our institutions
has evaporated.
Now more than ever,
we must come together…
-…around a common… -[door opens forcefully]
[guns fire]
[intense music playing]
-[henchman] Put 'em up! -Please! Please!
[guns firing]
No, no. You don't… No, no, no, no!
Fuck me!
This is what you get for insulting us with your propaganda.
Red Talon here. You're probably wondering,
"What's the deal with these Anubis douchebags?"
They're pissant terrorist goat-fuckers who proclaimed themselves a nation
forty years after Marvelous Man stopped all the wars.
Today, every aspect of their lives is controlled by the government.
They can't even jerk off without warning their dictator, Anubis Queen.
They're the opposite of everything that's dope about America.
They all dress the same. They don't like parties.
They've never heard of beer pong.
They outlawed rock music.
[coughs] Losers!
We need to nuke some star-spangled freedom right up their asses.
[crickets chirping]
Mr. President, sir, Sepia Spider has been deployed to infiltrate Anubis.
He'll have intel for us within 12 hours.
With all due respect, we are on the brink of war with Anubis.
It is inadvisable, not to mention reckless,
to send a barely-trained child across enemy lines.
It's just a recon mission.
Mr. President, sir, it is imperative that we rely on diplomacy
and not on masculine showboating.
Diplomacy is for punk-ass bitches.
[laughs]
[thunder rumbling]
[suspenseful music playing]
[piano playing]
[computer beeping]
[door closes]
[trainer] Come on!
[computer beeping, chiming]
[in Spanish] Hey, homie! I got in!
You did good, kid. You found the compound. Now, get back here.
[in Spanish] What?
[in English] No fucking…
[whispers] No fucking way.
[in Spanish] I'm taking these fuckers down.
Slow down. This is a recon mission.
Anubis is too dangerous.
Look, kid. I was a teen hero once too. You got plenty of time.
[in Spanish] No. No. I don't have the time.
[in English] And honestly, you were Knight Hawk's boy sidekick.
-Boy sidekick. -[electro pop music playing]
♪ Boy sidekick ♪
[lasers zapping]
♪ Boy sidekick ♪
♪ Don't you ever let them put you down ♪
[inaudible]
[roars]
♪ Don't you ever let them put you down ♪
[Sepia Spider] Uh-uh.
[in Spanish] I'm gonna get them.
Do not engage. I repeat, do not--
[Sepia Spider in English] I'm gonna take these fuckers down.
[Knight Hawk] The government has been recruiting teen superheroes
for a covert task force run by Red Talon to execute the president's orders.
Sepia Spider?
Well, he's their star pupil.
[Red Talon] Listen, bro, do not engage.
Do not--
Fuck.
[electro rock music playing]
[in Spanish] I am Sepia Spider.
[grunts, groans]
[Sepia Spider efforts]
[in English] Sepia smash!
[in Spanish] Those green eyes are no match for my Spider movements!
[energy weapon whooshing]
[henchman grunts]
[henchman 2 grunts]
[Sepia Spider in Spanish] Spider power!
[in Spanish] You'll do evil no more.
[grunts]
[bones crack]
[henchman 3 grunting]
[in Spanish] That was easy.
[henchman 4 groans]
[in Spanish] Punk.
[in Spanish] Fuck you, Red Talon.
[lasers firing]
[Sepia Spider gasps]
[grunts]
[in Spanish] Okay. Okay.
[in Spanish] I surrender. Don't shoot. Don't shoot.
[both grunt]
[Sepia Spider groans]
[efforts]
[Sepia Spider grunting]
[grunting]
[Sepia Spider in Spanish] You'll do evil no more!
[Sepia Spider breathing heavily]
-[in Spanish] I surrender. Don't shoot. -[buttons beeping]
[computer] Activating stun protocol.
-[Sepia Spider grunts] -[laser pulsating]
[door opens]
[gun cocks]
[Sepia Spider screams, groans]
[Sepia Spider groans, moans]
[in Spanish] Good will always triumph over evil!
[thunder rumbling]
[Sepia Spider moans]
[in Spanish] Please… please… I want to go… I want to go home.
-[Queen Anubis] Child. -[gurgling]
Since your masters branded us as villains,
we are gonna do what evildoers do best.
[in Spanish] What? Help me!
-[breathing heavily, whimpering] -[Anubis Queen cackling]
[in Spanish] Help me! Help me!
[sobbing]
[knife unsheaths]
[knife clanks]
[horse neighs]
[suspenseful music playing]
[henchman] This cartoon is being hijacked by Anubis.
[Sepia Spider grunts, breathes heavily]
You are ideological slaves.
A global thought police,
hiding your rhetoric of filthy fucking lies!
-Isn't that so? -[Sepia Spider screams]
[gun fires]
I'm going in to take out Anubis Queen.
[Knight Hawk] You should be looking for Motion Blur.
Our government will handle Anubis.
-No one will see me. -[Knight Hawk] Exactly the problem.
I want the world to witness the dismantling of Anubis piece by piece,
just like they witnessed what happened to Sepia Spider.
You're risking more lives, Atticus.
[henchman] America should be afraid for what comes next.
[Knight Hawk] This is a fight between governments.
Marvelous Man believed it is not the Guardians's place
to get involved in human politics.
I think you want chaos.
A distraction keeps your investigation out of the news.
[electro music playing]
[package whirring]
[sighs heavily]
You know, Speed, you'd get farther in life
if you smiled more.
[henchman] We resume your propaganda.
[whooshing]
[squelching]
[sword grinds]
[monster groans]
[narrator] Night Hawk knew the war with Anubis
would be won or lost in the arena of propaganda,
by splashing bloodshed across America's TV sets.
And thus he called upon a man
who could give the world a spectacle they wouldn't forget.
[Knight Hawk] Computer,
locate Red Talon and transmit.
Red Talon, come in.
[exhales] Didn't I already tell you to fuck off?
Listen. I need your help.
Fuck you. What you need is to retire.
[Knight Hawk] I'm sorry about Sepia Spider.
Mick, I know he was there on your orders.
No. I ordered him to return to base.
It was a recon mission.
[shouts, grunts]
The president is thinking about nuking Anubis into oblivion.
[Knight Hawk] What the fuck? Nuking them would make us look like the bad guys.
So you take them out.
You've still got that penis-head, lightning-shooting guy,
that rock 'n' roll tweaker guy,
and that hot goddess with no personality.
-Yeah? -[weights clank]
We need to show the American people that they're strong enough on their own.
They need to see a man,
not a super man, stand up to these bastards.
Go in with the Freedom Cam3000.
Fight terrorism with voyeurism.
The ratings will be historic.
Let the world know once and for all
that Red Talon is a bad motherfucker.
[glass shatters]
[gun firing]
[crowd cheering]
[crowd chanting] Red Talon! Red Talon! Red Talon! Red Talon!
[camera shutter clicks]
Okay.
I'll talk to the president.
Give 'em a hell of a show.
You always do.
-[gun fires] -Whoa.
I interrupt your programming to bring you a very special announcement.
Twenty-four hours ago, an act of cowardice was broadcast worldwide.
The fanatical terrorist group known as Anubis
executed an American hero.
The Sepia Spider.
Anubis wants us to be afraid.
If I was afraid, would I be sitting here,
in plain sight, above ground,
in the White House of the greatest country history has ever conceived of?
And with that pearl of wisdom…
[computer beeping]
…I take you live to our latest mission.
What you are about to witness is history.
[announcer] Streaming live.
[computer beeping]
Let's do this for the Spider.
[suspenseful music playing]
[computer beeping]
[computer beeps]
[henchman] Hey!
[henchman grunts]
Whoo!
That is America!
[electro music playing]
You got your public spectacle, Atticus.
-[gun fires] -[henchman grunts]
[boy] Bam, bam, bam, bam, bam.
Mom, this is so cool! Bam, bam…
No one will be talking about your investigation now.
[computer chiming]
[henchman grunts]
[beeping]
[screaming]
What do you mean you lost him? Get that goddamn feed back!
[tense music playing]
[chuckles]
Little Wing!
I have work for you.
The glorious nation of Anubis proclaims
that we will slaughter every ugly, obese, capitalist soldier America sends,
just like your costumed celebrities, Red Talon and Sepia Spider.
Word on the street is that Americans have lost faith in our president.
[ticking, bell rings]
[crowd jeering]
You little pissant!
If we weren't in this bunker, I'd kick your ass! Fuck!
Let's go!
[woman coughs]
Rick, I need a distraction.
-Okay. -Find me somewhere to bomb!
-That's a brilliant idea, Mr. President. -You're right.
Just do it!
[exhales sharply]
-[woman] Okay. Well… [clears throat] -[Rick clears throat]
So how do we…
I'll just…
Should I… should I point?
Sure.
[bomb whistling]
[inhales] America is a money-grabbing, batshit-crazy idiot
with big balls, but small, tiny penis.
[breathes deeply, exhales]
What happens if they decide to attack us next?
[exhales]
[tense music playing]
Move troops into Canada
and prepare V-2 rockets with nuclear warheads.
Move!
[man vocalizing indistinctly]
It'll be the end of the human race.
[electro music playing]
[women screaming]
[Knight Hawk] I found him covered in blood.
[screams]
[Knight Hawk] The scared little boy I took in after his family was murdered.
I trained him,
made him my protégé.
I loved him like a son.
[voice echoing] Like a son.
[phone ringing]
[exhales]
Atticus?
[Knight Hawk breathing]
Atticus!
-What? [seething] -For fuck's sake, Atticus!
I raised him too!
I'm busy, Alex.
[Alex] You're busy?
You're completely cut off!
Mick is dead. For what?
To have him die in some foreign land, surrounded by strangers?
He died a soldier.
[inhales deeply]
A hero.
Who are you?
[breathes heavily]
Death comes to all of us, Alex,
one way or another.
And when it's our time to go,
we won't just walk side-by-side with death.
[thunder rumbling]
[Knight Hawk] We'll race that bastard to the gates of hell,
and we'll win.
[engine whirring]
[suspenseful music playing]
[sizzling]
[soldiers marching]
[guns cocking]
Kill him.
We'll fucking win!
[electro music playing]
[guns cocking]
[henchman grunts]
[horn blares]
-[henchman screams] -[woman screams]
[Knight Hawk] Marvelous Man may be gone…
but something far more powerful is here.
[Little Wing] And that's me.
[announcer] Boss battle!
[General Orsted screaming]
[grunts, groans]
What are you?
[breathing heavily]
[whimsical whistling]
[grunts, groans]
[screams]
[squelching]
[in Arabic] Reports suggest Anubis Queen is dead.
[in Hebrew] Our source inside the CIA says Knight Hawk is responsible.
[in Arabic] Will Anubis end their aggression?
[in French] We're hearing that Anubis is releasing hostages.
[in Russian] Terminate our alliance with Anubis!
NUCLEAR LAUNCH INTERRUPTED
[mechanical whirring]
[in Arabic] The world has pulled back from the brink--
Our glorious nation will never be defeated.
The villainous Hawk
is only trying to distract you from his investigation into the truth.
That the Guardians of Justice killed Marvelous Man.
[whistling]
[screams]
[electro music playing]