1 00:00:34,201 --> 00:00:36,578 As soon as I got back to my room, 2 00:00:37,120 --> 00:00:40,666 the stranger immediately disappeared from my mind. 3 00:00:44,962 --> 00:00:48,381 I'd had such a special day with my son. 4 00:00:48,382 --> 00:00:52,261 I mean, my husband hadn't been there, but I hadn't missed him that much. 5 00:00:53,053 --> 00:00:56,055 And that slight dread that I felt of the long day ahead 6 00:00:56,056 --> 00:01:00,977 and having to keep Nicholas occupied had just passed so easily, 7 00:01:00,978 --> 00:01:06,692 and I'd slipped into just-- just being with him. 8 00:01:07,526 --> 00:01:10,319 And I felt nourished and satisfied 9 00:01:10,320 --> 00:01:13,031 from a day of simple pleasures with my son. 10 00:01:16,368 --> 00:01:17,619 I was happy. 11 00:01:20,956 --> 00:01:27,421 I do wonder if that was the last time I've ever been truly happy. 12 00:01:29,381 --> 00:01:34,636 You know, if all the happiness after that has just been a pretense. 13 00:01:38,515 --> 00:01:41,767 You know, because your wife wrote very accurately about 14 00:01:41,768 --> 00:01:44,312 my hotel room and what I was wearing, 15 00:01:44,313 --> 00:01:46,982 but she couldn't fathom what I was feeling. 16 00:01:49,568 --> 00:01:50,610 I was happy. 17 00:01:50,611 --> 00:01:52,571 - Nancy al-- - Shut up, I'm talking. 18 00:01:53,530 --> 00:01:54,948 I've heard enough from you. 19 00:01:57,951 --> 00:02:01,330 Yes, your wife was right about a lot of things... 20 00:02:03,707 --> 00:02:07,669 including how your son died. 21 00:02:12,758 --> 00:02:16,093 Mummy. Mummy. Mummy. 22 00:02:16,094 --> 00:02:18,638 I didn't sleep at all that night. 23 00:02:18,639 --> 00:02:21,307 Can we get a dinghy? 24 00:02:21,308 --> 00:02:24,477 - My whole body was aching. - Dinghy! Dinghy! Dinghy! 25 00:02:24,478 --> 00:02:28,147 Nicholas, he was desperate to go to the beach. 26 00:02:28,148 --> 00:02:30,900 Dinghy! Dinghy! Dinghy! 27 00:02:30,901 --> 00:02:35,321 - I could barely move... - Dinghy! Dinghy! Dinghy! 28 00:02:35,322 --> 00:02:39,492 ...but we did go to the beach. 29 00:02:39,493 --> 00:02:41,577 Dinghy! 30 00:02:41,578 --> 00:02:46,959 And on the way, I relented, and I bought him a dinghy. 31 00:02:47,709 --> 00:02:48,710 It was a-- 32 00:02:50,045 --> 00:02:54,590 a lifesaver I thought at the time, you know, keep him occupied on the sand 33 00:02:54,591 --> 00:02:58,262 until I had enough energy to go into the water with him 34 00:02:59,179 --> 00:03:00,764 because I was exhausted. 35 00:03:01,515 --> 00:03:04,059 The night before had drained me. 36 00:03:06,812 --> 00:03:08,689 I didn't mean to fall asleep, 37 00:03:09,815 --> 00:03:11,024 but I did. 38 00:03:12,943 --> 00:03:13,944 I shut down. 39 00:03:14,862 --> 00:03:20,659 I just closed my eyes and I went to sleep. 40 00:03:22,703 --> 00:03:28,792 I only woke because the wind had picked up and the sand was just piercing my skin. 41 00:03:29,626 --> 00:03:32,713 And I immediately knew that something was wrong. 42 00:03:59,448 --> 00:04:02,534 And the sea was so rough. And Nicholas was just-- 43 00:04:03,660 --> 00:04:06,580 He was smiling. He was just lost in his own little world. 44 00:04:07,247 --> 00:04:08,457 Nicholas? 45 00:04:10,876 --> 00:04:12,502 - And the waves were... - Nicholas! 46 00:04:12,503 --> 00:04:14,587 ...were getting bigger and the boat was bouncing. 47 00:04:14,588 --> 00:04:16,838 And he was just being pulled further and further out. 48 00:04:16,839 --> 00:04:22,178 And when the water reached my waist, I just-- I froze. 49 00:04:22,179 --> 00:04:25,181 You know, and I'd always been scared of the sea, but-- 50 00:04:25,182 --> 00:04:28,351 You know, and I was certain that if I went out-- swam out to him, 51 00:04:28,352 --> 00:04:30,771 that we'd both drown. 52 00:04:31,522 --> 00:04:36,442 It always seems to be men who drown rescuing children. 53 00:04:36,443 --> 00:04:40,113 It's not mothers, it's fathers. 54 00:04:40,864 --> 00:04:43,032 I don't know, there must have been some women who've done it, 55 00:04:43,033 --> 00:04:47,370 but I don't remember reading about it. 56 00:04:47,371 --> 00:04:50,957 I mean, surely I'm not alone in lacking the courage 57 00:04:50,958 --> 00:04:53,210 to have gone out after my son. 58 00:04:54,169 --> 00:04:57,547 I keep asking myself, you know, if it had been a burning building 59 00:04:57,548 --> 00:05:01,551 or if it had been someone pointing a gun, I mean, would it have been any different? 60 00:05:01,552 --> 00:05:03,887 Would I-- Would I have found the courage then? 61 00:05:05,222 --> 00:05:07,473 I mean, would I have-- have run through fire? 62 00:05:07,474 --> 00:05:10,519 Or-- Or taken a bullet for Nick? 63 00:05:14,273 --> 00:05:18,902 I don't know. All I know is that the-- the sea thwarted me. 64 00:05:22,155 --> 00:05:28,161 I didn't risk my life for my child and that is something I have to live with. 65 00:05:33,834 --> 00:05:35,085 And then... 66 00:05:37,462 --> 00:05:38,505 I saw him. 67 00:05:39,923 --> 00:05:44,177 And he was running down the beach toward me 68 00:05:44,178 --> 00:05:47,848 and as soon as he reached the sea, he just dove into the waves. 69 00:05:49,558 --> 00:05:50,934 No, no, no! 70 00:05:51,768 --> 00:05:53,519 And the words just came out of my mouth... 71 00:05:53,520 --> 00:05:54,854 - No! No! - ...before I could stop them. 72 00:05:54,855 --> 00:05:57,064 I didn't want it to be him. Not him. 73 00:05:57,065 --> 00:05:58,567 Anyone but him. 74 00:05:59,610 --> 00:06:04,030 And I just stood there, frozen. 75 00:06:04,031 --> 00:06:09,702 And I just watched him as he swam one-armed, 76 00:06:09,703 --> 00:06:12,706 pulling the boat through the waves looking heroic. 77 00:06:15,709 --> 00:06:17,794 But the sea was against him. 78 00:06:21,840 --> 00:06:25,259 And then these two men, 79 00:06:25,260 --> 00:06:27,803 they rushed into the water, and they swam out to them. 80 00:06:27,804 --> 00:06:30,390 And then, finally, Nick was safe on the shore. 81 00:06:31,725 --> 00:06:36,980 And everyone was focused on Nicky and the two men. 82 00:06:40,484 --> 00:06:42,569 No one was looking at your son. 83 00:06:44,905 --> 00:06:47,991 He was a hero. They assumed he was okay. 84 00:06:53,413 --> 00:06:55,832 Yeah, well, your wife was right. 85 00:06:59,378 --> 00:07:02,256 I did see your son struggling in the waves... 86 00:07:04,341 --> 00:07:07,594 and I didn't do anything about it. 87 00:07:10,264 --> 00:07:12,599 His screams were lost in the wind, 88 00:07:14,226 --> 00:07:17,980 and I didn't do a single thing to help him. 89 00:07:41,628 --> 00:07:45,381 So they got him into the boat and rowed him back to the shore, 90 00:07:45,382 --> 00:07:47,259 and everyone leaped into action. 91 00:07:53,223 --> 00:07:57,477 And all Nicholas said about the event was that he was freezing. 92 00:07:58,437 --> 00:08:02,065 He seemed unaware that he could have drowned. 93 00:08:06,111 --> 00:08:09,323 He never once said he was scared. 94 00:08:12,492 --> 00:08:13,493 But I was. 95 00:08:15,913 --> 00:08:16,914 I still am. 96 00:08:19,124 --> 00:08:22,001 He just felt cold, wanted to go back to the beach, 97 00:08:22,002 --> 00:08:24,922 and a stranger came and rescued him. 98 00:08:25,422 --> 00:08:26,423 Simple as that. 99 00:08:28,467 --> 00:08:31,261 And he never mentioned the incident again. 100 00:08:32,095 --> 00:08:36,389 You know, the beach, the dinghy, your son again. Ever. 101 00:08:36,390 --> 00:08:40,478 I don't care if Nicholas felt cold. My son was dead. 102 00:08:40,479 --> 00:08:42,731 Yes. Yes, he was dead. 103 00:08:43,440 --> 00:08:44,441 He drowned. 104 00:08:45,275 --> 00:08:48,528 You watched him. You did nothing. 105 00:08:48,529 --> 00:08:50,572 - You stood there-- - I am not finished! 106 00:08:51,949 --> 00:08:53,033 You sit down! 107 00:08:55,327 --> 00:08:59,540 Now, I want you to understand what happened the night before. 108 00:09:03,627 --> 00:09:07,381 Your wife based this book on a few photographs, 109 00:09:07,965 --> 00:09:09,966 but photographs are not reality. 110 00:09:09,967 --> 00:09:12,719 You said yourself, they are a fragment of reality. 111 00:09:13,762 --> 00:09:15,722 Now, the night before your son died, 112 00:09:17,057 --> 00:09:20,726 I went back to my hotel room, and I was ready for a shower. 113 00:09:20,727 --> 00:09:22,562 To fall asleep reading my book. 114 00:09:22,563 --> 00:09:25,565 As I said before, I was happy. 115 00:09:25,566 --> 00:09:26,650 No. 116 00:09:28,151 --> 00:09:29,361 I was more than happy. 117 00:09:31,363 --> 00:09:32,447 I was joyous. 118 00:09:52,176 --> 00:09:55,595 I must have left the key in the door when I opened it, 119 00:09:55,596 --> 00:09:57,848 trying not to spill my wine. 120 00:10:03,478 --> 00:10:07,232 You know, I smelled him before I saw him. 121 00:10:08,400 --> 00:10:10,277 His aftershave was... 122 00:10:14,907 --> 00:10:17,325 Be quiet. Be quiet. 123 00:10:17,326 --> 00:10:20,787 And I could taste his sweat. 124 00:10:23,790 --> 00:10:25,292 I can still taste his sweat. 125 00:10:26,376 --> 00:10:29,630 I don't know what it tasted of. Excitement, probably. 126 00:10:35,552 --> 00:10:39,306 And I was surprised when I heard him speak 127 00:10:40,224 --> 00:10:41,307 because earlier that day, 128 00:10:41,308 --> 00:10:44,727 when I'd been aware of him looking at me, 129 00:10:44,728 --> 00:10:48,899 you know, when he smiled at me, I had imagined it differently. 130 00:10:51,193 --> 00:10:52,945 I thought it would be gentle. 131 00:10:55,239 --> 00:10:56,573 But it wasn't gentle. 132 00:10:58,617 --> 00:10:59,826 It was hateful. 133 00:11:00,744 --> 00:11:02,912 - But the photographs-- - Yes. 134 00:11:02,913 --> 00:11:04,873 Yes, I am getting to the photographs. 135 00:11:22,808 --> 00:11:23,809 Lick it. 136 00:11:40,325 --> 00:11:43,787 I'd never been hit before, so I was stunned. 137 00:11:45,914 --> 00:11:48,040 My teeth crunched. My ears were ringing. 138 00:11:48,041 --> 00:11:50,543 - I just... - Please. 139 00:11:50,544 --> 00:11:55,214 - ...couldn't believe what was happening. - If you do that again or you scream, 140 00:11:55,215 --> 00:11:57,467 I will fucking cut you and your son. 141 00:11:59,553 --> 00:12:03,055 I will mark your fucking faces for life. Do you understand? 142 00:12:03,056 --> 00:12:06,143 So are you gonna do as I say? 143 00:12:11,481 --> 00:12:13,816 ...and take off your fucking dress. 144 00:12:13,817 --> 00:12:16,569 Mummy. Mummy. 145 00:12:16,570 --> 00:12:18,863 Please, please, please. 146 00:12:18,864 --> 00:12:20,823 - Put him back to sleep. - Please. Don't hurt him. 147 00:12:20,824 --> 00:12:23,159 - Put him back to fucking sleep. - It's okay. Darling-- 148 00:12:23,160 --> 00:12:27,246 - Darling, go back to sleep. I'm here. - But you promised 149 00:12:27,247 --> 00:12:28,998 - to keep the door open, Mummy. - Please. 150 00:12:28,999 --> 00:12:30,667 Shut him the fuck up. 151 00:12:33,504 --> 00:12:35,339 Shut him the fuck up. 152 00:13:11,083 --> 00:13:12,459 What's that smell? 153 00:13:33,480 --> 00:13:34,481 There we go. 154 00:13:37,401 --> 00:13:38,527 Go to sleep. 155 00:14:05,429 --> 00:14:06,638 If Nick had woken... 156 00:14:09,725 --> 00:14:11,767 I don't know what your son would have done. 157 00:14:11,768 --> 00:14:16,899 So I was relieved when I left the room, and I could feel him following me. 158 00:14:18,150 --> 00:14:19,359 And then he-- 159 00:14:20,360 --> 00:14:24,072 he picked up the camera and I thought, 160 00:14:24,656 --> 00:14:26,074 "He's trying to blackmail me." 161 00:14:27,409 --> 00:14:28,493 And... 162 00:14:30,787 --> 00:14:32,538 so, I thought, you know, "I'll win him over." 163 00:14:32,539 --> 00:14:34,208 I didn't want him to hurt Nick. 164 00:14:36,210 --> 00:14:39,713 But I didn't know what to do. What was I supposed to do? Pose? 165 00:14:41,840 --> 00:14:44,884 And I was appalled because he chose the underwear 166 00:14:44,885 --> 00:14:48,430 that my husband had given me for the holiday. 167 00:14:53,393 --> 00:14:54,895 Hurry up. 168 00:15:04,279 --> 00:15:05,280 Faster. 169 00:15:30,097 --> 00:15:31,098 Turn around. 170 00:15:37,437 --> 00:15:40,023 Wipe them off your face and smile. Do you understand? 171 00:15:41,900 --> 00:15:43,110 Now smile. 172 00:15:45,195 --> 00:15:46,947 Yeah, much better. Sit down. 173 00:15:49,408 --> 00:15:51,158 Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop. 174 00:15:51,159 --> 00:15:53,036 Come on. Come on. 175 00:15:56,874 --> 00:15:58,959 ...bra. Hurry up. Take it off. 176 00:16:06,258 --> 00:16:07,467 I closed my eyes. 177 00:16:09,595 --> 00:16:12,806 I just felt like a dirty, shriveled thing. 178 00:16:14,725 --> 00:16:18,603 And I could hear the click of the camera and the whine of the zoom 179 00:16:18,604 --> 00:16:20,772 as he came closer and closer. 180 00:16:24,234 --> 00:16:25,235 And... 181 00:16:28,655 --> 00:16:30,782 I did exactly as he asked. 182 00:16:31,992 --> 00:16:37,580 You know, I bit my top lip. I groaned. I moaned. I gasped. 183 00:16:37,581 --> 00:16:40,501 You know, hoping that he'd be satisfied and he'd leave. 184 00:16:43,962 --> 00:16:46,673 And then I heard him sigh and groan... 185 00:16:48,008 --> 00:16:50,052 and I waited. I was afraid to move. 186 00:17:13,742 --> 00:17:17,996 And I thought that's all he wanted. 187 00:17:22,209 --> 00:17:25,963 - So I said, "Please go now." - Please go now. 188 00:17:26,713 --> 00:17:29,716 But I'd made a mistake. 189 00:17:31,051 --> 00:17:32,802 Shouldn't have said that. 190 00:17:32,803 --> 00:17:35,222 Should have pretended it was what I wanted too. 191 00:17:37,140 --> 00:17:38,684 No! No, don't! 192 00:17:40,269 --> 00:17:43,647 And I knew then that it wasn't over... 193 00:17:46,233 --> 00:17:47,901 and I was terrified. 194 00:17:48,652 --> 00:17:51,237 - He had a knife. - You better fucking smile. 195 00:17:51,238 --> 00:17:53,990 And through it all, I just kept thinking 196 00:17:53,991 --> 00:17:55,658 how do I get him out? 197 00:17:55,659 --> 00:17:57,536 How do I get him away from Nick? 198 00:17:58,203 --> 00:18:01,248 And I just thought-- I hoped somewhere he'd feel pity for us. 199 00:18:24,730 --> 00:18:28,567 And then I heard this sound. 200 00:18:30,277 --> 00:18:33,696 Sounded like an injured animal. 201 00:18:33,697 --> 00:18:34,990 And I realized... 202 00:18:37,451 --> 00:18:38,784 it was me. 203 00:18:38,785 --> 00:18:43,248 And my whole body was just in pain. Everywhere. 204 00:18:44,374 --> 00:18:46,293 And then he turned me over and he-- 205 00:18:47,294 --> 00:18:50,547 he kissed me and I-- 206 00:18:51,798 --> 00:18:55,344 I could taste his teeth and his spit 207 00:18:56,553 --> 00:18:59,055 and his aftershave was just-- It was just revolting. 208 00:18:59,056 --> 00:19:00,098 I could-- 209 00:19:01,475 --> 00:19:02,768 It made me feel sick. 210 00:19:04,478 --> 00:19:08,649 It was the same aftershave I smelt on you at the-- at the hospital. 211 00:19:14,780 --> 00:19:16,198 And then he... 212 00:19:18,992 --> 00:19:24,413 pressed his knee, and he-- he shoved it really hard into my thigh, 213 00:19:24,414 --> 00:19:28,710 and he pushed himself into me again. 214 00:19:30,420 --> 00:19:31,838 And I-- 215 00:19:31,839 --> 00:19:35,007 He collapsed on top of me, and I just-- 216 00:19:35,008 --> 00:19:38,427 He just stayed there and I was trapped. I couldn't move. 217 00:19:38,428 --> 00:19:40,514 And I thought, "Please, God, let this be over." 218 00:19:43,559 --> 00:19:45,060 But he started in again. 219 00:19:46,979 --> 00:19:47,980 Yeah. 220 00:19:49,147 --> 00:19:51,108 Did I fight? 221 00:19:53,694 --> 00:19:54,694 No. 222 00:19:54,695 --> 00:19:57,364 Did I scream? No, I couldn't. 223 00:19:58,198 --> 00:20:00,200 But all you need to know is that... 224 00:20:04,413 --> 00:20:08,584 your son raped me again and then again, 225 00:20:09,459 --> 00:20:11,378 for three and a half hours. 226 00:20:15,090 --> 00:20:18,677 Your son brutalized me for three and a half hours. 227 00:20:20,387 --> 00:20:23,849 And then, he stopped. He'd had enough. 228 00:20:56,715 --> 00:20:57,799 Turn over. 229 00:21:01,803 --> 00:21:02,804 Smile. 230 00:21:08,560 --> 00:21:10,020 And then he said to me, 231 00:21:12,272 --> 00:21:15,400 - "Thank you. That was nice." - Thank you. That was nice. 232 00:21:36,672 --> 00:21:38,382 And when he said that, 233 00:21:40,133 --> 00:21:41,802 I wanted him to die. 234 00:21:45,097 --> 00:21:47,306 Yeah, that evening, 235 00:21:47,307 --> 00:21:49,601 I would have given anything to watch him die. 236 00:21:51,186 --> 00:21:53,814 So, when he drowned... 237 00:21:56,400 --> 00:21:57,526 I walked away. 238 00:21:59,778 --> 00:22:00,779 That's the truth. 239 00:22:01,989 --> 00:22:04,240 And I can't pretend to be sorry for that. 240 00:22:04,241 --> 00:22:07,076 I don't believe you. You're lying. 241 00:22:07,077 --> 00:22:10,581 - So what is it you don't believe? - Any of it. You-- You-- 242 00:22:11,164 --> 00:22:14,375 You would have told Nancy when you met her if it was-- if it were true. 243 00:22:14,376 --> 00:22:17,420 What? I would have told your dying wife 244 00:22:17,421 --> 00:22:20,674 that I had been raped by the son she'd lost? 245 00:22:22,134 --> 00:22:23,844 What would have been the point? 246 00:22:25,053 --> 00:22:31,435 The only reason I am telling you is because I want you to stop. 247 00:22:32,561 --> 00:22:35,730 I want you to leave me and my son alone. 248 00:22:35,731 --> 00:22:36,898 You have no proof! 249 00:22:36,899 --> 00:22:39,734 What? I can give you the forensic evidence. 250 00:22:39,735 --> 00:22:42,236 Is that what you want? Is that what you need? 251 00:22:42,237 --> 00:22:44,198 All right. Well, after he left, 252 00:22:44,698 --> 00:22:49,535 I emptied out a pot of face cream and I pressed it against myself 253 00:22:49,536 --> 00:22:53,706 and I pushed his disgusting glob out of my body, 254 00:22:53,707 --> 00:22:55,374 and I screwed on the lid, 255 00:22:55,375 --> 00:22:59,712 and then I took photographs of my injuries, you know, my-- 256 00:22:59,713 --> 00:23:01,797 the bruises on my thighs and the bites on my neck, 257 00:23:01,798 --> 00:23:05,052 in case I needed them for evidence later because... 258 00:23:07,137 --> 00:23:10,473 I didn't know what I wanted to do yet. 259 00:23:10,474 --> 00:23:12,558 I didn't have the strength to go to the police, 260 00:23:12,559 --> 00:23:15,312 and I did-- I didn't want to put Nicky through that. 261 00:23:16,063 --> 00:23:17,313 So, I thought, you know, 262 00:23:17,314 --> 00:23:20,983 I'll pull myself together, and I'll do it later, you know? 263 00:23:20,984 --> 00:23:22,528 Tomorrow. The next day. 264 00:23:23,320 --> 00:23:24,530 But then he died. 265 00:23:25,489 --> 00:23:27,407 Do you understand? He died. 266 00:23:28,033 --> 00:23:29,117 And I thought... 267 00:23:30,994 --> 00:23:33,413 "Thank God he's dead." 268 00:23:33,997 --> 00:23:39,502 I don't have to prove myself innocent to anyone. 269 00:23:39,503 --> 00:23:42,421 I don't have to talk about it if I don't want to. 270 00:23:42,422 --> 00:23:45,550 I don't have to relive it if I don't want to. 271 00:23:45,551 --> 00:23:48,846 I don't have to stand up in court and be called a liar. 272 00:23:49,429 --> 00:23:52,932 You know, to say that I'd enticed a man to my room. 273 00:23:52,933 --> 00:23:55,935 You know, that I'd known him, and he bought me a drink in the bar 274 00:23:55,936 --> 00:23:59,356 and I'd flirted with him as your disgusting book suggests. 275 00:24:00,774 --> 00:24:03,110 So I threw away the pot. 276 00:24:04,152 --> 00:24:07,947 And when I developed my photographs of my holiday, 277 00:24:07,948 --> 00:24:11,951 I erased all of the evidence of my injuries, 278 00:24:11,952 --> 00:24:13,828 and I just kept the happy snaps 279 00:24:13,829 --> 00:24:16,248 of Nicholas, and Robert and me. 280 00:24:17,708 --> 00:24:20,752 And then, if you must know... 281 00:24:24,715 --> 00:24:26,592 when I got back to London, I disco-- 282 00:24:31,346 --> 00:24:32,931 I realized I was pregnant. 283 00:24:35,100 --> 00:24:37,603 Now, it could have been Robert's... 284 00:24:41,064 --> 00:24:44,067 and we'd wanted another child so badly... 285 00:24:48,322 --> 00:24:54,494 but not knowing if its father was the man who raped me, 286 00:24:55,829 --> 00:24:57,080 I terminated. 287 00:25:12,387 --> 00:25:13,931 What did you put in my tea? 288 00:25:17,351 --> 00:25:20,020 What did you put in my tea, you crazy fuck? 289 00:25:32,199 --> 00:25:33,408 Don't fight it. 290 00:25:34,493 --> 00:25:37,954 You're going to fall asleep, but you'll be fine. 291 00:25:37,955 --> 00:25:40,665 I'm going back to the hospital now. 292 00:25:40,666 --> 00:25:41,750 No. 293 00:25:43,252 --> 00:25:44,545 I'm going to put an end to all this. 294 00:25:55,013 --> 00:25:57,181 Hello. Yes. Could you send a taxi, please? 295 00:25:57,182 --> 00:25:58,767 To 87 Harrington Road. 296 00:26:44,021 --> 00:26:45,022 Oh, fuck. 297 00:26:49,985 --> 00:26:55,199 Nicholas. Hi, I'm Dr. Keith. Can you open your eyes for me, please? 298 00:26:58,952 --> 00:27:02,080 Well done, Nicholas. Can you squeeze my hand, please? 299 00:27:02,789 --> 00:27:06,209 Can you squeeze, squeeze, squeeze? Well done. 300 00:27:06,210 --> 00:27:07,752 Nicholas, you have a tube in your mouth. 301 00:27:07,753 --> 00:27:10,421 We're going to try and move that, okay? Is that okay? 302 00:27:10,422 --> 00:27:13,508 Let me see. Give me a thumbs-up. Thank you. 303 00:27:13,509 --> 00:27:15,510 Nurse. Can we please extubate? 304 00:27:15,511 --> 00:27:17,179 I've turned off the ventilator. 305 00:27:21,308 --> 00:27:23,976 Nicholas, I'm going to count from one to three 306 00:27:23,977 --> 00:27:25,771 and then I want you to cough, okay? 307 00:27:27,481 --> 00:27:30,942 One, two, three. Cough for me. Cough. 308 00:27:30,943 --> 00:27:32,693 Well done, Nicholas. Well done. 309 00:27:32,694 --> 00:27:35,196 - Breathe for me, Nicholas. Breathe. - Just relax. 310 00:27:35,197 --> 00:27:36,657 You're doing very well. 311 00:27:37,491 --> 00:27:39,785 I'm gonna give you some oxygen through your nose. 312 00:27:40,786 --> 00:27:42,246 Are you okay, Nicholas? 313 00:27:48,877 --> 00:27:49,878 Where am I? 314 00:27:50,671 --> 00:27:51,880 What happened to me? 315 00:27:52,548 --> 00:27:54,258 Nicholas, you're in hospital. 316 00:27:54,758 --> 00:27:56,217 You're in safe hands. 317 00:27:56,218 --> 00:27:58,595 We will explain to you what happened later, okay? 318 00:28:00,180 --> 00:28:02,724 Well. Good morning, handsome. 319 00:29:36,568 --> 00:29:39,905 You see that? He cut into me as if I don't exist. 320 00:29:40,489 --> 00:29:42,658 People don't know how to drive. 321 00:30:14,857 --> 00:30:17,568 Hello, sir. Can you come with me, please? Thank you. 322 00:30:18,318 --> 00:30:20,820 Emma, can you get me Dr. Junta's cardiology notes, please? 323 00:30:20,821 --> 00:30:21,737 - Thank you. - Okay. 324 00:30:21,738 --> 00:30:22,947 Is he okay? 325 00:30:22,948 --> 00:30:26,118 He woke up. He's relatively aware. So that's good news. 326 00:30:27,119 --> 00:30:29,120 Is he-- is he talking? 327 00:30:29,121 --> 00:30:31,205 Yes. He's a bit sedated. 328 00:30:31,206 --> 00:30:34,125 However, we are still treating him for endocarditis, 329 00:30:34,126 --> 00:30:36,961 which can recur if he continues to inject drugs. 330 00:30:36,962 --> 00:30:40,298 I understand. I understand, but could he make a full recovery? 331 00:30:40,299 --> 00:30:42,341 - Want a coffee, Doctor? - He's awake and he's aware... 332 00:30:42,342 --> 00:30:43,342 Thank you very much, Emma. 333 00:30:43,343 --> 00:30:44,928 ...which is positive news. 334 00:30:45,762 --> 00:30:49,557 Tomorrow, we'll do some new bloods on him, but he needs to rest for the moment. 335 00:30:49,558 --> 00:30:52,810 Can I-- Can I talk to him, please? 336 00:30:52,811 --> 00:30:54,979 You may see him, but please do not make him tired. 337 00:30:54,980 --> 00:30:56,480 I must go now. My beeper's going. 338 00:30:56,481 --> 00:30:58,817 - I understand. Thank you, Doctor. - You're welcome. Thank you. 339 00:30:59,568 --> 00:31:00,943 Thank you, Emma. Can you let cardiology know 340 00:31:00,944 --> 00:31:02,696 that I'm on my way, please? Thank you. 341 00:31:11,747 --> 00:31:13,998 Please leave your message after the tone. 342 00:31:13,999 --> 00:31:17,085 To rerecord your message, key hash at any time. 343 00:31:18,086 --> 00:31:20,589 Robert. This is serious. 344 00:31:21,298 --> 00:31:24,008 Stephen Brigstocke is on the way to the hospital. 345 00:31:24,009 --> 00:31:26,594 Now you cannot let him near Nicholas. 346 00:31:26,595 --> 00:31:29,806 Okay? At any time. Please, Robert. 347 00:31:31,058 --> 00:31:32,975 This is very important. 348 00:31:32,976 --> 00:31:34,520 He's dangerous. 349 00:31:53,205 --> 00:31:54,206 What? 350 00:32:02,339 --> 00:32:04,508 I was so, so scared, Nick. 351 00:32:05,384 --> 00:32:07,553 I can't tell you how happy I am that you're back. 352 00:32:08,679 --> 00:32:10,597 We're gonna get through this. 353 00:32:11,515 --> 00:32:12,516 Okay? 354 00:32:13,392 --> 00:32:14,601 Okay? 355 00:32:19,898 --> 00:32:21,233 That's fine, Nick. 356 00:32:22,317 --> 00:32:23,318 In your own time. 357 00:32:24,194 --> 00:32:25,696 You should get some rest. 358 00:32:26,321 --> 00:32:28,781 - I'm fine here. - He needs rest. 359 00:32:28,782 --> 00:32:30,200 He's gonna be okay. 360 00:32:31,034 --> 00:32:32,369 Go get some air. 361 00:32:34,288 --> 00:32:35,706 I'll be back in a bit, mate. 362 00:32:36,665 --> 00:32:37,875 All right, mate. 363 00:33:27,049 --> 00:33:28,884 - I'll be outside if you need me. - Okay. 364 00:34:03,168 --> 00:34:05,087 I'm sorry, can't you go any faster? 365 00:34:05,712 --> 00:34:09,381 - There are cameras everywhere. - Yes. It's a hospital emergency. 366 00:34:09,382 --> 00:34:11,968 Sorry, I can't get any more points on my license. 367 00:34:11,969 --> 00:34:13,511 I've got a family to feed. 368 00:34:13,512 --> 00:34:16,223 Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. 369 00:34:27,734 --> 00:34:29,069 Doors closing. 370 00:34:42,875 --> 00:34:45,168 - How long's this gonna take? - You're almost there. 371 00:34:49,089 --> 00:34:51,175 Hey! Where are you going? Shut the door. 372 00:34:58,223 --> 00:34:59,474 Doors opening. 373 00:35:22,164 --> 00:35:23,206 And you're back. 374 00:35:23,207 --> 00:35:26,250 Is Mr. Ravenscroft still here? 375 00:35:26,251 --> 00:35:28,086 He just stepped out, actually. 376 00:35:29,046 --> 00:35:30,254 Thank you. 377 00:35:30,255 --> 00:35:32,299 Sorry. Visiting is 8:00 to 8:00. 378 00:35:39,348 --> 00:35:43,059 Robert asked me to sit with Nicholas for a bit. 379 00:35:43,060 --> 00:35:45,020 Only for a minute. 380 00:35:46,855 --> 00:35:50,733 All right, just one minute. But please check with the ICU nurses first, okay? 381 00:35:50,734 --> 00:35:52,986 Yes. Of course. Thank you. 382 00:37:09,354 --> 00:37:10,856 You shouldn't be here. 383 00:37:12,191 --> 00:37:13,609 You should be resting, my dear. 384 00:37:14,151 --> 00:37:17,738 I couldn't sleep. I was too worried about Nicholas. 385 00:37:19,072 --> 00:37:20,741 I don't think I could bear it if... 386 00:37:21,408 --> 00:37:22,784 Nicholas has woken up. 387 00:37:24,494 --> 00:37:26,162 That's very good news. 388 00:37:26,163 --> 00:37:27,372 It is. 389 00:37:28,707 --> 00:37:30,583 Stay only for a moment, okay? 390 00:37:30,584 --> 00:37:31,751 He needs to rest. 391 00:37:31,752 --> 00:37:33,252 Of course. 392 00:37:33,253 --> 00:37:34,671 Yes. Thank you. 393 00:37:36,256 --> 00:37:37,716 You are a good woman. 394 00:38:12,209 --> 00:38:13,335 Mum? 395 00:38:26,306 --> 00:38:27,349 Mum. 396 00:38:38,360 --> 00:38:39,695 I wanna go. 397 00:38:45,617 --> 00:38:48,370 Mum. Please. 398 00:38:51,081 --> 00:38:52,541 I wanna go. 399 00:39:13,645 --> 00:39:15,439 I wanna go, please. 400 00:40:38,397 --> 00:40:39,647 Sir, are you okay? 401 00:40:39,648 --> 00:40:40,732 I'll take him. 402 00:40:43,861 --> 00:40:45,571 Mr. Brigstocke, are you okay? 403 00:40:49,199 --> 00:40:51,285 - It's Robert. - I'm sorry. 404 00:40:52,995 --> 00:40:55,288 - I'm so sorry. - So-- S-- 405 00:40:55,289 --> 00:40:56,957 Sorry about what? 406 00:40:59,668 --> 00:41:00,919 I was wrong. 407 00:41:01,795 --> 00:41:06,216 - Wrong in what way? - I was wrong about everything. 408 00:41:22,274 --> 00:41:24,276 Excuse me, you can't run in here. 409 00:41:31,783 --> 00:41:32,993 No. 410 00:41:34,369 --> 00:41:35,996 What did you do to my son? 411 00:41:41,752 --> 00:41:42,753 I'm sorry. 412 00:41:46,006 --> 00:41:47,798 Cath! Cath! 413 00:41:47,799 --> 00:41:50,176 Cath, I'm so sorry. Cath, I'm so sorry. 414 00:41:50,177 --> 00:41:53,346 - Oh, my son! My son! - I'm so sorry. Cath, look at me. 415 00:41:53,347 --> 00:41:55,306 - My beautiful son. - I should have listened to you, Cath. 416 00:41:55,307 --> 00:41:56,516 I'm so sorry. 417 00:41:56,517 --> 00:41:59,393 - Nicky! Nicky! Nicky! - This is my fault. No, no. Nicky's fine. 418 00:41:59,394 --> 00:42:01,980 - Nicky! - He's fine. I'm so sorry, Catherine. 419 00:42:03,106 --> 00:42:06,943 No, no. Nick-- Cath, listen. Nick's fine. He woke up. 420 00:42:06,944 --> 00:42:08,945 He's safe. He's safe. 421 00:42:08,946 --> 00:42:10,739 He's safe, don't worry. 422 00:42:11,490 --> 00:42:13,617 What? He's-- He's awake? 423 00:42:15,118 --> 00:42:16,119 He's awake. 424 00:42:19,164 --> 00:42:20,791 - Nicky. - Excuse me. 425 00:42:35,013 --> 00:42:37,974 Oh, my God. I'm so sorry. 426 00:42:37,975 --> 00:42:41,103 It's okay. Please, it's okay. 427 00:43:00,372 --> 00:43:02,707 Wait, why didn't you tell me before? 428 00:43:02,708 --> 00:43:05,669 Why didn't you say anything-- anything before? 429 00:43:06,753 --> 00:43:10,256 I had never met your wife before. 430 00:43:10,257 --> 00:43:13,801 I didn't know the truth until today. 431 00:43:13,802 --> 00:43:16,471 But surely you knew what your son was. 432 00:43:17,931 --> 00:43:22,102 No one wants to believe their son is capable of doing such a thing. 433 00:43:22,895 --> 00:43:25,521 But you sent that book to my family. 434 00:43:25,522 --> 00:43:29,233 You gave me those photographs, and I felt sorry for you. 435 00:43:29,234 --> 00:43:33,238 - I felt grateful to your fucking son. - Doors opening. 436 00:43:34,281 --> 00:43:35,699 How could you not know? 437 00:43:37,159 --> 00:43:39,328 Why didn't you question it? 438 00:43:55,344 --> 00:44:00,182 No, Mr. Ravenscroft, why didn't you? 439 00:44:00,641 --> 00:44:02,017 Doors closing. 440 00:45:21,763 --> 00:45:24,557 You always knew that Nancy dressed Jonathan up 441 00:45:24,558 --> 00:45:26,226 into someone he was not, 442 00:45:27,436 --> 00:45:28,937 and you colluded with her, 443 00:45:30,022 --> 00:45:34,318 ignoring all the clues that should have made you uneasy about him. 444 00:45:37,196 --> 00:45:40,490 You have been as guilty of delusion as she was. 445 00:45:42,826 --> 00:45:46,121 Your only defense is that you did it out of love, 446 00:45:47,331 --> 00:45:49,499 but that is not much of a defense. 447 00:45:51,585 --> 00:45:52,836 You were weak. 448 00:46:43,095 --> 00:46:46,890 You have left nothing but a trail of pain behind you. 449 00:46:51,895 --> 00:46:54,147 You know you'll never find forgiveness. 450 00:46:55,524 --> 00:46:58,527 Nothing can atone for a wasted life. 451 00:47:00,737 --> 00:47:02,489 Nothing can purify you. 452 00:47:04,032 --> 00:47:05,868 Nothing can absolve you. 453 00:47:08,120 --> 00:47:10,080 Ahead of you, there's nothing. 454 00:47:11,248 --> 00:47:12,833 Only the void awaits. 455 00:47:31,852 --> 00:47:33,061 I'm so sorry. 456 00:47:36,106 --> 00:47:39,651 I can't even begin to imagine the horror that you went through back then. 457 00:47:40,944 --> 00:47:41,904 And now. 458 00:47:42,863 --> 00:47:45,699 I was so s-- so stupid. 459 00:47:46,575 --> 00:47:48,952 I'll never-- I'll never forgive myself, Cath. 460 00:47:52,456 --> 00:47:53,957 I didn't know. 461 00:47:56,668 --> 00:47:57,669 Why didn't-- 462 00:47:58,921 --> 00:48:00,547 Why did you never tell me? 463 00:48:04,468 --> 00:48:05,344 I-- 464 00:48:08,430 --> 00:48:09,640 I suppose... 465 00:48:12,142 --> 00:48:14,561 I didn't want it to enter our lives. 466 00:48:16,271 --> 00:48:21,817 No, I wanted to protect you and Nick from it, you know. 467 00:48:21,818 --> 00:48:25,739 And from how angry, you know, I felt and I... 468 00:48:27,741 --> 00:48:28,909 I suppose I... 469 00:48:29,910 --> 00:48:33,412 I didn't want you to see me differently, you know? 470 00:48:33,413 --> 00:48:37,500 I didn't want you to have to think about it, you know, 471 00:48:37,501 --> 00:48:39,210 every time that you looked at me. 472 00:48:39,211 --> 00:48:41,671 'Cause I didn't just-- I didn't want to look at myself, you know? 473 00:48:41,672 --> 00:48:45,634 I was just so... just so humiliated. 474 00:48:46,885 --> 00:48:49,263 When-- When the book... 475 00:48:51,181 --> 00:48:53,642 and those photographs came into our life, 476 00:48:55,227 --> 00:48:57,980 why didn't you-- Why wouldn't you just tell me then, Cath? 477 00:49:03,235 --> 00:49:05,153 I did try, Robert. 478 00:49:07,906 --> 00:49:11,075 You know? But I-- I suppose that when you-- 479 00:49:11,076 --> 00:49:14,829 you've never spoken about something like that, well, I-- 480 00:49:14,830 --> 00:49:16,372 I didn't know where to start. 481 00:49:16,373 --> 00:49:20,586 I needed help to, you know, to pick the pieces apart. 482 00:49:22,045 --> 00:49:25,174 Make sense of it. I couldn't do it on my own. 483 00:49:25,966 --> 00:49:30,803 And you were just... just so angry and betrayed 484 00:49:30,804 --> 00:49:32,597 and, you know, disgusted. 485 00:49:32,598 --> 00:49:35,559 You know, all those things I feared you would be, and... 486 00:49:37,895 --> 00:49:41,189 You didn't hear me out. You know, I couldn't think. 487 00:49:41,190 --> 00:49:42,482 I just-- 488 00:49:43,734 --> 00:49:48,113 Talking to you just made me feel guilty all over again. 489 00:49:49,114 --> 00:49:50,032 So... 490 00:49:50,657 --> 00:49:52,909 - I'm so sorry. - Yeah. 491 00:49:52,910 --> 00:49:55,912 Please understand that I was-- I was deceived, Cath. 492 00:49:55,913 --> 00:49:57,872 No, I do understand that. 493 00:49:57,873 --> 00:50:01,710 I understand that the photos were confusing. 494 00:50:03,670 --> 00:50:04,963 Please. 495 00:50:07,341 --> 00:50:08,926 Cath, please forgive me. 496 00:50:12,429 --> 00:50:14,097 I know I should forgive you. 497 00:50:15,849 --> 00:50:17,518 But the truth is I can't. 498 00:50:19,811 --> 00:50:25,733 'Cause you-- You're managing the idea of me having been violated by someone 499 00:50:25,734 --> 00:50:30,405 far more easily than the idea of that someone bringing me pleasure. 500 00:50:32,241 --> 00:50:35,827 You know, it's almost like you-- you're relieved that I was raped. 501 00:50:37,621 --> 00:50:41,208 And I just... Sorry, I... 502 00:50:43,794 --> 00:50:45,462 I don't know how to forgive that. 503 00:51:14,324 --> 00:51:17,953 Catherine and Robert finalized the agreement of their divorce. 504 00:51:26,545 --> 00:51:29,631 Catherine knows that her future is uncertain, 505 00:51:30,883 --> 00:51:32,509 but she doesn't mind it. 506 00:51:34,678 --> 00:51:37,598 She's not in a hurry to decide anything now. 507 00:51:39,641 --> 00:51:43,437 It's Nicholas and the present she wants to concentrate on. 508 00:51:50,277 --> 00:51:55,615 Catherine is overcome with gratitude for the chance her son is giving her 509 00:51:55,616 --> 00:51:57,951 to fully embrace his love. 510 00:51:58,452 --> 00:51:59,745 I don't remember. 511 00:52:02,331 --> 00:52:03,457 I know. 512 00:52:07,127 --> 00:52:08,920 I'm so sorry, Nick. 513 00:52:08,921 --> 00:52:10,464 I don't remember anything. 514 00:52:11,131 --> 00:52:12,591 I'm so sorry. 515 00:52:17,221 --> 00:52:18,179 I'm sorry. 516 00:52:18,180 --> 00:52:19,472 Oh, no. 517 00:52:19,473 --> 00:52:20,807 I'm sorry. 518 00:52:25,854 --> 00:52:26,939 I love you. 519 00:52:28,607 --> 00:52:29,733 Yep. 520 00:52:30,776 --> 00:52:32,486 I know. I love you too.