1 00:00:02,603 --> 00:00:07,043 RHYTHMIC CLICKING 2 00:00:07,083 --> 00:00:14,083 UPBEAT MUSIC 3 00:00:18,043 --> 00:00:21,243 MAN: John, if you're ready. All right. 4 00:00:21,283 --> 00:00:24,243 Yes, over there, if you could. 5 00:00:24,283 --> 00:00:26,123 Thank you. 6 00:00:26,163 --> 00:00:28,523 Oh, best be careful. 7 00:00:28,563 --> 00:00:31,083 If the lights are too bright, I could set fire to you. 8 00:00:31,123 --> 00:00:32,403 It's happened before. 9 00:00:32,443 --> 00:00:34,243 Although I've moved on a wee bit since then, 10 00:00:34,283 --> 00:00:39,403 I built my very first television out of a hatbox and darning needles. 11 00:00:39,443 --> 00:00:42,323 Good. So, off we go, Alexander. 12 00:00:42,363 --> 00:00:44,643 SPEAKERS CRACKLE 13 00:00:44,683 --> 00:00:48,483 MACHINES WHIRR 14 00:00:48,523 --> 00:00:50,483 Very nice. 15 00:00:52,003 --> 00:00:53,563 Very nice indeed. 16 00:00:53,603 --> 00:00:56,203 I think I'm rather delighted. 17 00:00:56,243 --> 00:00:58,323 Take a look. Do you want to see? 18 00:01:00,163 --> 00:01:01,403 Congratulations. 19 00:01:01,443 --> 00:01:05,523 You're the first woman in the world to appear on colour TV. 20 00:01:05,563 --> 00:01:08,043 I'm sorry, I'm forgetting my manners, 21 00:01:08,083 --> 00:01:09,723 I should've said. 22 00:01:09,763 --> 00:01:12,763 I'm John Logie Baird. Who are you? 23 00:01:14,283 --> 00:01:17,363 Noele. My name's Noele Gordon. 24 00:01:17,403 --> 00:01:19,563 People call me Nolly. 25 00:01:22,523 --> 00:01:25,403 MAN: Nolly! Nolly! 26 00:01:25,443 --> 00:01:28,163 Could you, please... Could you, please, just back? 27 00:01:28,203 --> 00:01:30,043 Thank you! 28 00:01:30,083 --> 00:01:31,323 Nolly! 29 00:01:36,603 --> 00:01:38,483 Nolly? Oh. 30 00:01:43,723 --> 00:01:45,523 Nolly, bit of a problem. 31 00:01:45,563 --> 00:01:48,363 Tell me, I'll fix it. What's wrong? 32 00:01:48,403 --> 00:01:50,323 Er, it's the people outside. 33 00:01:50,363 --> 00:01:53,563 There are thousands of them. I mean, literally thousands. 34 00:01:53,603 --> 00:01:56,523 There's up to 10,000 people standing outside. 35 00:01:56,563 --> 00:01:58,043 And the problem is? 36 00:01:58,083 --> 00:02:00,963 They're in shot. That's a problem because? 37 00:02:01,003 --> 00:02:02,323 They've come to see Nolly. 38 00:02:02,363 --> 00:02:05,163 But it's Meg who's getting married, not you, it's your character. 39 00:02:05,203 --> 00:02:07,283 I still can't see the problem. 40 00:02:07,323 --> 00:02:12,403 Meg owns a motel in Birmingham that has 16 chalets, 16. 41 00:02:12,443 --> 00:02:14,083 I have to put this show on air, 42 00:02:14,123 --> 00:02:16,723 and I can't for the love of God work out 43 00:02:16,763 --> 00:02:21,123 why I would be showing 10,000 people at her wedding. 44 00:02:21,163 --> 00:02:22,643 Well, then, the problem is you. 45 00:02:22,683 --> 00:02:26,443 If 10,000 people have turned up to show their love, 46 00:02:26,483 --> 00:02:28,283 then I think that's a wonderful thing. 47 00:02:29,483 --> 00:02:32,123 If they sit at home every day 48 00:02:32,163 --> 00:02:34,763 and have their tea and watch Crossroads 49 00:02:34,803 --> 00:02:37,363 and they see Meg dealing with her family 50 00:02:37,403 --> 00:02:41,323 and her guests and the staff, in all 16 chalets, 51 00:02:41,363 --> 00:02:44,923 and they think so much of her that they want to leave their homes 52 00:02:44,963 --> 00:02:49,163 in the cold and the wind and the rain to stand there 53 00:02:49,203 --> 00:02:51,163 to give a little cheer, that's all, 54 00:02:51,203 --> 00:02:54,283 a faint little cheer on a miserable day, 55 00:02:54,323 --> 00:02:57,203 I mean, God knows they can barely afford the heating 56 00:02:57,243 --> 00:03:00,203 or the gas or the rent, and yet they still come 57 00:03:00,243 --> 00:03:03,763 to stand out there, together, 58 00:03:03,803 --> 00:03:07,923 then what sort of person 59 00:03:07,963 --> 00:03:11,683 would cut them out of the picture? 60 00:03:11,723 --> 00:03:17,283 Tell me. What sort of person is that? 61 00:03:18,603 --> 00:03:21,363 Not me. Problem solved. 62 00:03:21,403 --> 00:03:23,043 Run to record. 63 00:03:26,923 --> 00:03:28,363 NOLLY SNAPS FINGERS 64 00:03:28,403 --> 00:03:30,363 MAN: Sorry, sorry, sorry. 65 00:03:32,403 --> 00:03:34,523 MAN 2: Miss Gordon. Thank you, Anthony. 66 00:03:40,083 --> 00:03:45,203 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 67 00:03:45,243 --> 00:03:50,323 CHEERING DROWNS SPEECH 68 00:03:54,603 --> 00:03:57,043 WHISTLING 69 00:04:06,163 --> 00:04:07,763 I'll see you inside, Miss Gordon. 70 00:04:07,803 --> 00:04:09,363 Thank you, Adams. 71 00:04:11,803 --> 00:04:14,243 Hello, Joe. Morning, Belinda. 72 00:04:14,283 --> 00:04:16,643 If you could just sign this, Nolly. Absolutely. 73 00:04:16,683 --> 00:04:18,763 Just your name, along the edge. I feel sorry for Meg, 74 00:04:18,803 --> 00:04:20,723 why did they have to kill off your husband? 75 00:04:20,763 --> 00:04:23,083 Well, he was kidnapped in Australia and had a heart attack 76 00:04:23,123 --> 00:04:25,083 climbing out of the window, what can I say? 77 00:04:25,123 --> 00:04:27,603 THEY CHUCKLE Just there. 78 00:04:49,523 --> 00:04:53,043 FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING 79 00:05:04,803 --> 00:05:06,923 ELEVATOR DOORS CLOSE 80 00:05:13,843 --> 00:05:16,683 ELEVATOR DINGS 81 00:05:16,723 --> 00:05:19,843 NOLLY HUMS 82 00:05:22,123 --> 00:05:24,123 Ah, I think Pamela's going to be late. 83 00:05:24,163 --> 00:05:25,763 I drove past her at the bus stop. 84 00:05:25,803 --> 00:05:28,003 Morning, Nolly. Morning, Rodney. 85 00:05:28,043 --> 00:05:30,563 Now, I wanted a word with you about Wednesday. 86 00:05:30,603 --> 00:05:34,443 You are forcing us all into an impossible situation. 87 00:05:34,483 --> 00:05:36,483 You must be Poppy. We spoke on the phone. 88 00:05:36,523 --> 00:05:38,643 I'm Liz. Welcome aboard. 89 00:05:38,683 --> 00:05:40,923 That's the schedule, and the call sheet. 90 00:05:40,963 --> 00:05:43,043 So, these are the sets. 91 00:05:43,083 --> 00:05:45,963 You'll get used to it, it'll make sense in no time. 92 00:05:46,003 --> 00:05:48,083 And over here is the green room. 93 00:05:48,123 --> 00:05:50,283 And I call you out scene by scene. 94 00:05:50,323 --> 00:05:52,723 I call everyone by their character name cos it's easier. 95 00:05:52,763 --> 00:05:54,763 We rehearse in order, green for Monday, 96 00:05:54,803 --> 00:05:56,763 yellow for Tuesday, pink for Wednesday. 97 00:05:56,803 --> 00:05:58,203 Here's a little kitchen. 98 00:05:58,243 --> 00:06:00,803 Er, best to bring your own mug cos that can lead to arguments. 99 00:06:00,843 --> 00:06:03,603 And, er, yeah, here's everyone. We should start bang on nine. 100 00:06:03,643 --> 00:06:06,043 Liz, did we ever get an answer back about the hearse? 101 00:06:06,083 --> 00:06:08,483 Yes, we did. We can't. Erm, hold on. 102 00:06:08,523 --> 00:06:10,523 Er, five minutes? Thanks, love. 103 00:06:19,803 --> 00:06:22,923 MUTTERING 104 00:06:25,723 --> 00:06:27,963 CLAMOURING 105 00:06:28,003 --> 00:06:31,083 Sorry, am I not allowed? That's Noele Gordon's chair. 106 00:06:31,123 --> 00:06:33,683 She'd kill you, the Godmother. She'd have your guts for garters. 107 00:06:33,723 --> 00:06:36,883 Well, she gets a bit particular. And that's been hers for 18 years. 108 00:06:36,923 --> 00:06:38,763 You can have this one, darling. 109 00:06:41,403 --> 00:06:43,523 POPPY CHUCKLES 110 00:06:51,123 --> 00:06:52,723 It happened again, Nolly. 111 00:06:52,763 --> 00:06:55,323 Did they say you can't sit in my chair? 112 00:06:56,363 --> 00:06:58,963 I'm sorry, I didn't know. No reason why you should. 113 00:06:59,003 --> 00:07:01,523 I don't mind. We all have equal status. 114 00:07:01,563 --> 00:07:04,643 The star of the show is the motel. 115 00:07:04,683 --> 00:07:06,723 MAN CLEARS THROAT 116 00:07:09,523 --> 00:07:11,163 Who are you? 117 00:07:11,203 --> 00:07:13,483 I'm Poppy. I'm playing Honour. 118 00:07:13,523 --> 00:07:15,003 Honour? Who's Honour? 119 00:07:15,043 --> 00:07:18,643 I'm... your family. Meg's family. 120 00:07:18,683 --> 00:07:19,883 How does that work? 121 00:07:19,923 --> 00:07:23,043 Oh, it says here, Mother. It's pink, scene 12. 122 00:07:23,083 --> 00:07:25,963 Kitty sponsored her adoption back in 1964. 123 00:07:26,003 --> 00:07:28,963 Oh, what the hell does "sponsored her adoption" mean? 124 00:07:29,003 --> 00:07:30,523 Haven't you read the script? 125 00:07:30,563 --> 00:07:33,083 No, never. Not until the first rehearsal. 126 00:07:33,123 --> 00:07:35,643 Bet you've learnt the whole thing off by heart, haven't you? 127 00:07:35,683 --> 00:07:37,363 Yeah. Don't. 128 00:07:37,403 --> 00:07:38,563 Darling, have you got a pen? 129 00:07:40,683 --> 00:07:42,483 NOLLY SIGHS 130 00:07:42,523 --> 00:07:45,843 I wanted to say, Miss Gordon... 131 00:07:45,883 --> 00:07:48,443 I don't mean to interrupt, but... 132 00:07:48,483 --> 00:07:50,803 I'm just ever so sorry about Sandy. 133 00:07:55,963 --> 00:07:59,243 Well, that's really immensely kind. 134 00:07:59,283 --> 00:08:01,683 Roger. His name was Roger. 135 00:08:01,723 --> 00:08:04,603 Yes, but you're right, everyone knew him as Sandy. 136 00:08:06,203 --> 00:08:08,483 He was absolutely lovely. He was... 137 00:08:11,843 --> 00:08:13,523 ..remarkable. 138 00:08:13,563 --> 00:08:15,363 He was the funniest man you'll ever meet, 139 00:08:15,403 --> 00:08:17,083 tell you that for nothing. 140 00:08:17,123 --> 00:08:19,283 He had me in stitches. 141 00:08:19,323 --> 00:08:20,843 It was only four months ago. 142 00:08:22,443 --> 00:08:26,843 He was 35 years old, poor soul. 143 00:08:26,883 --> 00:08:31,963 I know he wasn't your real son, but he must've been like family. 144 00:08:32,003 --> 00:08:33,803 That's exactly what he was like. 145 00:08:35,483 --> 00:08:38,203 Now, then, Poppy. Everyone calls me Nolly. 146 00:08:38,243 --> 00:08:40,803 And I think we're on. 147 00:08:40,843 --> 00:08:42,443 We're on greens! 148 00:08:42,483 --> 00:08:44,923 Episode 3499, scene one. Sitting room. 149 00:08:44,963 --> 00:08:48,803 That's Meg, Jill, Adam's on his way, Diane and Honour. 150 00:08:48,843 --> 00:08:50,723 Right. 151 00:08:50,763 --> 00:08:52,603 You nervous? Terrified. 152 00:08:52,643 --> 00:08:54,763 It's my mum, she put the fear of God into me. 153 00:08:54,803 --> 00:08:57,083 She said, "Remember you're not just there for yourself, 154 00:08:57,123 --> 00:08:59,243 "you're representing the entire Black community." 155 00:08:59,283 --> 00:09:02,323 Oh, I wouldn't worry about that, we've done abortion. 156 00:09:02,363 --> 00:09:05,843 Apologies, Miss Gordon, I was parking the Rolls. 157 00:09:05,883 --> 00:09:07,483 Where are we? Green. 158 00:09:07,523 --> 00:09:10,403 Scene one. Meg's sitting room. 159 00:09:10,443 --> 00:09:13,203 Meg's standing by the window. 160 00:09:13,243 --> 00:09:15,563 Oh, don't be ridiculous, not with the lighting over there. 161 00:09:15,603 --> 00:09:17,083 Does nobody watch this thing? 162 00:09:17,123 --> 00:09:19,403 No, I'll stand here by the settee. 163 00:09:19,443 --> 00:09:22,243 Jill and Honour. Ooh. 164 00:09:22,283 --> 00:09:25,883 Facing me, I think. Adams, you go there. 165 00:09:25,923 --> 00:09:28,363 Er, Rodney, does that work, yes? 166 00:09:28,403 --> 00:09:30,923 Yes, fine. Meg on three, swap with one. 167 00:09:30,963 --> 00:09:32,483 Meg on three, swap with one. 168 00:09:32,523 --> 00:09:34,723 It says, "Adam sitting." 169 00:09:34,763 --> 00:09:36,363 Why would he sit? He never sits. 170 00:09:36,403 --> 00:09:38,243 I-I can stand. 171 00:09:38,283 --> 00:09:41,003 Standing on two. Standing on two. 172 00:09:41,043 --> 00:09:42,323 Cue daughter. 173 00:09:42,363 --> 00:09:45,683 I say, "Surprise!" Dum di-dum di-dum. 174 00:09:45,723 --> 00:09:48,163 "Honour," etcetera, "Adam and Meg." 175 00:09:48,203 --> 00:09:52,523 And I say, "I've got the letter, but to be honest, Honour..." 176 00:09:52,563 --> 00:09:55,683 "To be honest, Honour", has anyone ever said this out loud? 177 00:09:55,723 --> 00:09:57,483 Where's the letter? Letter for Meg! 178 00:09:57,523 --> 00:09:58,923 Thank you. 179 00:09:58,963 --> 00:10:01,123 So I say, "I've got the letter, but to be honest..." 180 00:10:01,163 --> 00:10:02,323 I'll cut the word "Honour". 181 00:10:02,363 --> 00:10:04,363 Cut the word "Honour". Cut the word "Honour". 182 00:10:04,403 --> 00:10:06,163 I wouldn't stand here with a letter, would I? 183 00:10:06,203 --> 00:10:07,763 Who would actually stand with a letter? 184 00:10:07,803 --> 00:10:10,763 No, I think this letter should go on the bureau, yes? 185 00:10:10,803 --> 00:10:12,083 Actually on it. 186 00:10:12,123 --> 00:10:14,003 On the bureau. On the bureau. 187 00:10:14,043 --> 00:10:15,283 Letter on the bureau! 188 00:10:15,323 --> 00:10:17,683 Then I say, "I think our lawyer should study the letter." 189 00:10:17,723 --> 00:10:20,363 No, we say solicitor. Solicitor. Solicitor. Solicitor. 190 00:10:20,403 --> 00:10:24,003 And I say, "No, it... No, look, it says here..." 191 00:10:24,043 --> 00:10:26,803 Oh, sorry. I do need the letter. 192 00:10:26,843 --> 00:10:29,363 Letter for Meg. 193 00:10:29,403 --> 00:10:32,883 "Everything in this letter is absolutely true." 194 00:10:32,923 --> 00:10:35,043 And enter slut. Here I am! 195 00:10:35,083 --> 00:10:37,043 Slut does her stuff. 196 00:10:37,083 --> 00:10:39,483 "Oh, sorry, Mrs M, kitchen needs to confirm, 197 00:10:39,523 --> 00:10:40,963 "etcetera, etcetera." 198 00:10:41,003 --> 00:10:43,603 Yah-da-da-da. I say, "Wait five minutes." 199 00:10:43,643 --> 00:10:47,203 Yeah, and exit slut. Slut exits. 200 00:10:47,243 --> 00:10:49,723 DOOR CREAKS OPEN Good morning, Pamela. 201 00:10:49,763 --> 00:10:51,123 Sorry I'm late. 202 00:10:56,843 --> 00:10:59,643 And I say, er... my line. 203 00:10:59,683 --> 00:11:02,083 And cue Poppy. 204 00:11:02,123 --> 00:11:06,843 "It's very nice to meet you. It's such a lovely motel." 205 00:11:09,563 --> 00:11:11,323 Is that what you're doing? 206 00:11:11,363 --> 00:11:13,363 Is that how you're doing it? 207 00:11:13,403 --> 00:11:16,163 Is that what you're going to do? 208 00:11:16,203 --> 00:11:17,763 I mean, is it? 209 00:11:17,803 --> 00:11:20,043 Am I doing it wrong? 210 00:11:20,083 --> 00:11:22,083 But this is the motel. 211 00:11:22,123 --> 00:11:25,643 Birmingham accents belong over there. 212 00:11:25,683 --> 00:11:28,563 The Brownlows. The garage. The barge. 213 00:11:28,603 --> 00:11:31,043 Why we have scenes set on a barge, I've never understood. 214 00:11:31,083 --> 00:11:32,243 Excuse me, Nolly, 215 00:11:32,283 --> 00:11:36,323 but it does say she's a kleptomaniac with a very rough upbringing. 216 00:11:36,363 --> 00:11:38,043 Pink, scene 12. What if she was? 217 00:11:38,083 --> 00:11:39,763 What are we saying? 218 00:11:39,803 --> 00:11:42,043 I was practically brought up single-handed. 219 00:11:42,083 --> 00:11:44,843 My mother worked night and day, God bless her soul, 220 00:11:44,883 --> 00:11:47,323 and I haven't got a hint of Scottish Presbyterian. 221 00:11:47,363 --> 00:11:48,963 Not a speck. 222 00:11:49,003 --> 00:11:51,563 Not a vowel, not a single glottal stop. 223 00:11:51,603 --> 00:11:55,603 Look at Adams, brought up on a fishing boat. Mm. 224 00:11:55,643 --> 00:11:57,043 His mother had an affair 225 00:11:57,083 --> 00:12:00,163 with the deputy manager of a coal mine. Mm. 226 00:12:00,203 --> 00:12:01,883 In Spitsbergen. 227 00:12:01,923 --> 00:12:04,683 She said I was conceived in a boathouse on a coil of rope. 228 00:12:04,723 --> 00:12:06,883 And she was 16 stone. Mm. 229 00:12:06,923 --> 00:12:10,803 And yet, he ended up cut glass. 230 00:12:12,043 --> 00:12:13,563 Can you do RP? 231 00:12:13,603 --> 00:12:16,523 Are you trained? What do you think? Can you do it? 232 00:12:16,563 --> 00:12:18,603 I think I can, yeah. 233 00:12:18,643 --> 00:12:21,523 Well, let's try that, then. Do it now. 234 00:12:21,563 --> 00:12:23,883 POSH VOICE: "It's very nice to meet you. 235 00:12:23,923 --> 00:12:26,403 "It's such a lovely motel." 236 00:12:28,363 --> 00:12:30,323 That's good. 237 00:12:30,363 --> 00:12:32,483 It's fine. I'm happy. 238 00:12:32,523 --> 00:12:35,003 I'm happy. I'm happy. 239 00:12:35,043 --> 00:12:36,523 Happy, happy. Good. 240 00:12:36,563 --> 00:12:38,603 And you can tell Jack we changed her accent. 241 00:12:38,643 --> 00:12:40,003 And if he wants to know why, 242 00:12:40,043 --> 00:12:43,003 you can tell him that I am making this show better 243 00:12:43,043 --> 00:12:47,003 if I have to haul it out of the grave, line by line. 244 00:12:47,043 --> 00:12:49,843 Well done, Poppy. Page two! 245 00:12:49,883 --> 00:12:52,363 Monday and Tuesday, we rehearse. 246 00:12:52,403 --> 00:12:55,523 Wednesday, we have the producer's run. 247 00:12:55,563 --> 00:12:57,763 That's with Jack Barton. 248 00:12:58,803 --> 00:13:02,043 "And what have you got to say for yourself, young lady?" 249 00:13:02,083 --> 00:13:04,043 POSH VOICE: "It's very nice to meet you. 250 00:13:04,083 --> 00:13:05,923 "It's such a lovely motel." 251 00:13:05,963 --> 00:13:09,443 "It was once a family home. But when my husband..." 252 00:13:09,483 --> 00:13:12,923 Sorry, but, Poppy, we did specify a Birmingham accent. 253 00:13:12,963 --> 00:13:15,083 You might have. I did not. 254 00:13:15,123 --> 00:13:17,203 It's just, that... 255 00:13:17,243 --> 00:13:19,803 I think the rest of television speaks in RP, 256 00:13:19,843 --> 00:13:22,363 and Poppy gives us a chance to... And I said no. 257 00:13:22,403 --> 00:13:23,683 To continue. 258 00:13:23,723 --> 00:13:26,283 "It was once the family home. 259 00:13:26,323 --> 00:13:29,083 "But when my husband died 18 years ago, 260 00:13:29,123 --> 00:13:31,523 "I converted it to survive." 261 00:13:31,563 --> 00:13:33,763 And then we hit the big time. 262 00:13:33,803 --> 00:13:37,283 Thursday and Friday are studio. 263 00:13:37,323 --> 00:13:41,163 Now, it's not live, but it's as live. 264 00:13:41,203 --> 00:13:44,243 So don't make any mistakes, because we cannot afford to stop. 265 00:13:44,283 --> 00:13:45,643 Ready to record! 266 00:13:45,683 --> 00:13:48,643 Places, please, everyone, as fast as we can! 267 00:13:48,683 --> 00:13:50,243 Little bit of hush! 268 00:13:50,283 --> 00:13:51,683 And whatever happens, 269 00:13:51,723 --> 00:13:54,123 hope and pray we don't get an underrun. 270 00:13:54,163 --> 00:13:57,203 What's an underrun? Well, it's when we run under. 271 00:13:57,243 --> 00:13:59,203 Sixty seconds! Quiet, please! 272 00:13:59,243 --> 00:14:02,883 Every single episode is 19-and-a-half minutes exactly. 273 00:14:02,923 --> 00:14:05,563 But if we rattle through the dialogue too fast, 274 00:14:05,603 --> 00:14:07,323 or somebody drops out... 275 00:14:07,363 --> 00:14:08,883 They said Gary's put his back out. 276 00:14:08,923 --> 00:14:11,563 There you are. If there's a gap, we have to fill. 277 00:14:11,603 --> 00:14:14,363 Well, what do we do? Keith gives a signal. 278 00:14:14,403 --> 00:14:16,203 And upstairs, they make the telephone ring, 279 00:14:16,243 --> 00:14:17,683 and we have to answer it. 280 00:14:17,723 --> 00:14:19,083 On the spot? Yeah. 281 00:14:19,123 --> 00:14:20,603 On camera? Yeah. 282 00:14:20,643 --> 00:14:22,403 And do what? We improvise. 283 00:14:22,443 --> 00:14:24,763 Well, how? Thirty seconds! 284 00:14:24,803 --> 00:14:28,123 Don't worry, I'll answer it. 285 00:14:28,163 --> 00:14:29,643 Leave it to Nolly. 286 00:14:30,963 --> 00:14:33,003 WHISPERING: Now, get ready. 287 00:14:33,043 --> 00:14:36,843 Just think, all those people watching. 288 00:14:36,883 --> 00:14:41,603 We get 15 million viewers a night. 289 00:14:41,643 --> 00:14:43,643 Three episodes a week. 290 00:14:43,683 --> 00:14:48,203 Which means 45 million viewers... 291 00:14:48,243 --> 00:14:50,163 looking at you. 292 00:14:50,203 --> 00:14:52,163 Well, no. 293 00:14:52,203 --> 00:14:54,803 I'm sorry? It's not 45 million. 294 00:14:54,843 --> 00:14:58,683 It certainly is. No, but 15 million every night... 295 00:14:58,723 --> 00:15:02,563 Ready, studio, in ten... ..means it's the same 15 million. 296 00:15:02,603 --> 00:15:04,163 It's only 15 million. 297 00:15:04,203 --> 00:15:08,083 It's not 45 million, is it? It's 15. 298 00:15:08,123 --> 00:15:09,283 Isn't it? 299 00:15:09,323 --> 00:15:11,643 Grams and action in three... 300 00:15:14,923 --> 00:15:20,683 CROSSROADS THEME PLAYS 301 00:15:22,323 --> 00:15:26,043 This may be quite a surprise, but say hello, everyone. 302 00:15:26,083 --> 00:15:27,523 This is Honour. 303 00:15:27,563 --> 00:15:30,243 Honour, this is Adam, he's our deputy manager. 304 00:15:30,283 --> 00:15:32,523 And this is my mother, Meg Mortimer. 305 00:15:32,563 --> 00:15:36,283 I have to apologise, young lady. I've got the letter here. 306 00:15:36,323 --> 00:15:39,363 But, to be honest, 307 00:15:39,403 --> 00:15:42,083 this has come as something of a surprise. 308 00:15:42,123 --> 00:15:45,043 I think our solicitor should study that letter, just in case. 309 00:15:45,083 --> 00:15:46,843 KNOCKING 310 00:15:46,883 --> 00:15:48,843 Oh, I'm sorry, Mrs Mortimer... 311 00:15:48,883 --> 00:15:51,003 THROUGH HEADPHONES: 'Keith, just heard, 312 00:15:51,043 --> 00:15:53,683 'Gary's gone to hospital, we have lost him from scene five.' 313 00:15:53,723 --> 00:15:56,403 How much does that lose? 'Forty seconds.' 314 00:15:56,443 --> 00:15:59,843 So that's an underrun? 'It's an underrun.' 315 00:15:59,883 --> 00:16:02,123 Thank you very much. 316 00:16:02,163 --> 00:16:03,563 DOOR CLOSES 317 00:16:03,603 --> 00:16:05,963 Well, what have you got to say for yourself, young lady? 318 00:16:06,003 --> 00:16:10,163 It's very nice to meet you. It's such a lovely motel. 319 00:16:10,203 --> 00:16:12,883 It was once a family home. 320 00:16:14,563 --> 00:16:17,523 But when my husband died 18 years ago, 321 00:16:17,563 --> 00:16:20,123 I converted it to survive. 322 00:16:22,643 --> 00:16:24,683 Mummy worked night and day. 323 00:16:24,723 --> 00:16:27,643 She turned it into the motel you can see today. 324 00:16:27,683 --> 00:16:30,323 And it's been hard work. 325 00:16:30,363 --> 00:16:32,323 But we're so proud of it. 326 00:16:32,363 --> 00:16:34,963 It's amazing to think I'm part of the family. 327 00:16:37,363 --> 00:16:40,963 I think you'll be very welcome here. 328 00:16:41,003 --> 00:16:44,483 It's a fresh start for all of us. 329 00:16:45,723 --> 00:16:48,523 PHONE RINGS 330 00:16:51,323 --> 00:16:54,523 RINGING CONTINUES 331 00:17:00,483 --> 00:17:02,523 Hello, Crossroads Motel. 332 00:17:02,563 --> 00:17:04,683 Oh. 333 00:17:05,843 --> 00:17:09,003 SHE GASPS It's for you. 334 00:17:17,123 --> 00:17:18,683 DOOR UNLOCKS 335 00:17:23,283 --> 00:17:26,843 SOFT MUSIC 336 00:18:14,123 --> 00:18:16,363 "I don't care what Henry says, 337 00:18:16,403 --> 00:18:20,803 "if David wants to move to Guernsey, he should come to me." 338 00:18:22,803 --> 00:18:26,803 IF David want to move to Guernsey, he should come to me. 339 00:18:26,843 --> 00:18:28,523 If... 340 00:18:31,443 --> 00:18:33,563 Hmm... "If David wants to move to Guernsey, 341 00:18:33,603 --> 00:18:35,283 "he should come to me." 342 00:18:35,323 --> 00:18:38,163 He should come to ME. HE should come to me. 343 00:18:38,203 --> 00:18:40,923 "I keep worrying about Stonebank Farm. 344 00:18:40,963 --> 00:18:43,843 "It's not my responsibility, but I can't ask... 345 00:18:43,883 --> 00:18:48,763 "I can't ask Benny to leave, not since all that... 346 00:18:48,803 --> 00:18:50,483 "Not since all that trouble." 347 00:18:50,523 --> 00:18:52,363 WHISPERING: Not since all that trouble. 348 00:18:52,403 --> 00:18:54,003 JINGLE ON TV 349 00:18:54,043 --> 00:18:57,043 'And now on ATV, it's 7:30, it's Coronation Street.' 350 00:18:57,083 --> 00:18:58,163 Oh, God, no. 351 00:18:58,203 --> 00:19:00,523 'And there's bad news for Fred and Eunice Gee.' 352 00:19:08,243 --> 00:19:10,163 FLOORBOARDS CREAK ABOVE 353 00:19:19,043 --> 00:19:21,563 PHONE RINGS 354 00:19:21,603 --> 00:19:23,963 'Darling, I want to go shopping, are you free? 355 00:19:24,003 --> 00:19:25,403 'Please say yes.' 356 00:19:25,443 --> 00:19:27,363 Nolly, it's late. Everything's closed. 357 00:19:27,403 --> 00:19:30,123 We don't live in New York, darling, as much as we'd like. 358 00:19:30,163 --> 00:19:32,043 I mean, window shopping. 359 00:19:32,083 --> 00:19:34,363 Oh, come on, Tony. Please? 360 00:19:34,403 --> 00:19:37,723 I'll fetch the Rolls, Miss Gordon. 361 00:19:37,763 --> 00:19:39,243 Thank you, Adams. 362 00:19:41,963 --> 00:19:44,483 Ooh, what do you think? Not my colour. 363 00:19:44,523 --> 00:19:46,963 Matches your eyes. TONY CHUCKLES 364 00:19:48,923 --> 00:19:51,203 That's nice. Mm. 365 00:19:51,243 --> 00:19:53,763 Hm. Bit young for me. 366 00:19:56,123 --> 00:19:59,243 And you say...? Nonsense, Miss Gordon! 367 00:19:59,283 --> 00:20:00,723 Thank you, Adams. 368 00:20:00,763 --> 00:20:02,043 WOMAN GASPS Oh. 369 00:20:02,083 --> 00:20:03,883 It's really nice to see you, Nolly. 370 00:20:03,923 --> 00:20:05,683 I love you in Coronation Street. 371 00:20:05,723 --> 00:20:08,923 Yeah, Crossroads. Crossroads, yes! 372 00:20:08,963 --> 00:20:11,003 But why did they get rid of your husband? 373 00:20:11,043 --> 00:20:12,643 He was a lousy fuck, darling. 374 00:20:12,683 --> 00:20:15,203 Oh, you're wonderful. 375 00:20:15,243 --> 00:20:17,883 Lots of love. Lots of love. 376 00:20:17,923 --> 00:20:20,163 You were a bit tough today, do you think? 377 00:20:20,203 --> 00:20:22,123 Poor little Poppy. 378 00:20:22,163 --> 00:20:24,683 Yes, and then I went upstairs to Jack 379 00:20:24,723 --> 00:20:26,643 and told him she was excellent. 380 00:20:26,683 --> 00:20:29,803 You sound almost maternal. Oh, that ship has sailed. 381 00:20:29,843 --> 00:20:31,403 It's funny to think, isn't it? 382 00:20:31,443 --> 00:20:34,243 Little Poppy, she can have a career with a regional accent. 383 00:20:36,283 --> 00:20:38,323 Do you think we sound old-fashioned, these days? 384 00:20:38,363 --> 00:20:40,523 DEEP VOICE: Mm. You have abominable diction. 385 00:20:40,563 --> 00:20:41,923 I have a bomb in my kitchen? 386 00:20:41,963 --> 00:20:43,443 NOLLY LAUGHS 387 00:20:43,483 --> 00:20:46,843 Oh, yes, they've all got soap operas now. 388 00:20:46,883 --> 00:20:49,883 Take The High Road in Scotland. Taff Acre in Wales. 389 00:20:49,923 --> 00:20:52,643 Welsh accents in lead roles! My mother would switch off. 390 00:20:52,683 --> 00:20:55,363 My mother would punch them. Yes, she would. 391 00:20:55,403 --> 00:20:57,323 My mother sailed up the Amazon in a canoe. 392 00:20:57,363 --> 00:20:59,243 People never believe me when I tell them that, 393 00:20:59,283 --> 00:21:00,963 she really did. 394 00:21:01,003 --> 00:21:03,363 She had five oarsmen paddling away. 395 00:21:04,843 --> 00:21:07,883 I still hear a creak, sometimes... 396 00:21:07,923 --> 00:21:09,803 from upstairs. Mm! 397 00:21:09,843 --> 00:21:12,483 I think, "Here she comes." 398 00:21:13,883 --> 00:21:15,923 I'd hear those footsteps, then I'd think, 399 00:21:15,963 --> 00:21:21,163 "Right, I have 30 seconds to put the kettle on." 400 00:21:21,203 --> 00:21:26,883 Thirty seconds exactly, tap-tap. "Here she is, here's Mum." 401 00:21:31,043 --> 00:21:32,723 It's been two years now. 402 00:21:33,963 --> 00:21:37,723 Oh, that's gorgeous. You'd look lovely in that. 403 00:21:41,763 --> 00:21:44,403 There's a dinner tonight. 404 00:21:44,443 --> 00:21:48,123 Variety Club at the Town Hall. I see. 405 00:21:50,563 --> 00:21:52,723 Thank God I'm not there. 406 00:21:52,763 --> 00:21:54,883 He'd have been top table. Hm. 407 00:21:54,923 --> 00:21:56,403 His favourite charity. 408 00:21:56,443 --> 00:21:58,803 Mm. With his wife. Mm. 409 00:21:58,843 --> 00:22:02,643 I'd have a seat as far away as possible. 410 00:22:02,683 --> 00:22:04,723 Like we barely knew each other. 411 00:22:06,723 --> 00:22:08,803 How long's it been since he died? 412 00:22:10,523 --> 00:22:12,763 Nine years. 413 00:22:12,803 --> 00:22:14,403 I'm sorry. 414 00:22:18,003 --> 00:22:21,363 You should've turned up tonight with me on your arm. 415 00:22:21,403 --> 00:22:25,043 I gather the phrase for that nowadays is "toyboy". 416 00:22:26,803 --> 00:22:29,883 Tony. Tony the toyboy. 417 00:22:29,923 --> 00:22:32,243 HE GASPS At your service, ma'am. 418 00:22:32,283 --> 00:22:34,203 A-ha! Mwah! 419 00:22:35,483 --> 00:22:37,883 Oh, you know what I always say, Adams. 420 00:22:37,923 --> 00:22:41,683 I wanted a man in my life, so I got the next best thing, 421 00:22:41,723 --> 00:22:43,443 which is you. 422 00:22:46,603 --> 00:22:48,843 Come on. Work in the morning. 423 00:22:50,443 --> 00:22:52,803 Ooh, big day tomorrow. 424 00:22:52,843 --> 00:22:55,803 Michael's seeing Charles Denton. Oh. 425 00:22:55,843 --> 00:22:57,443 About my contract. 426 00:22:57,483 --> 00:23:00,403 Once he's done, we can come back and buy everything! 427 00:23:00,443 --> 00:23:02,643 TONY CHUCKLES 428 00:23:02,683 --> 00:23:09,203 NOLLY HUMS 429 00:23:09,243 --> 00:23:11,563 CAR HORNS BEEP 430 00:23:20,523 --> 00:23:23,163 Ah, Michael. Good to see you. 431 00:23:23,203 --> 00:23:25,683 Charles. Looking very well, I must say. 432 00:23:25,723 --> 00:23:28,563 I'm hearing exciting things about Nottingham. 433 00:23:28,603 --> 00:23:30,283 Oh, well, we're getting there, slowly. 434 00:23:30,323 --> 00:23:31,923 Slower than I'd like, but... 435 00:23:31,963 --> 00:23:34,083 I have one or two new clients based in the Midlands, 436 00:23:34,123 --> 00:23:35,763 you might be interested in seeing them. 437 00:23:35,803 --> 00:23:39,163 But first, Miss Gordon. 438 00:23:39,203 --> 00:23:41,723 Did you have a chance to read my proposal? Yes. 439 00:23:41,763 --> 00:23:45,483 I think this might not be the conversation you imagined. 440 00:23:45,523 --> 00:23:47,923 I am not backing down on holidays. No. 441 00:23:47,963 --> 00:23:50,603 Erm, how do I put this? 442 00:23:53,683 --> 00:23:57,083 All good things must come to an end. 443 00:24:01,643 --> 00:24:03,683 DOOR UNLOCKS 444 00:24:03,723 --> 00:24:07,123 PHONE RINGS, NOLLY HUMS 445 00:24:08,323 --> 00:24:10,523 This is Noele Gordon speaking. 446 00:24:10,563 --> 00:24:12,843 'Nolly, darling, it's Michael.' 447 00:24:12,883 --> 00:24:16,563 Oh, good. Ooh, did I tell you, I saw Louise? 448 00:24:16,603 --> 00:24:19,523 We had a proper old catch-up, she's on really good form. 449 00:24:19,563 --> 00:24:21,323 Anyway, how did it go? 450 00:24:21,363 --> 00:24:23,003 'Er, not very well.' 451 00:24:23,043 --> 00:24:26,403 I did consider driving up to see you, but... you know, things. 452 00:24:26,443 --> 00:24:29,403 And? 'It was remarkable.' 453 00:24:29,443 --> 00:24:32,203 Denton was... clinical. 454 00:24:32,243 --> 00:24:33,563 It wasn't like him at all, 455 00:24:33,603 --> 00:24:35,683 it was like a man reading a weather report. 456 00:24:35,723 --> 00:24:38,203 'Just facts.' Well, tell me what he said. 457 00:24:38,243 --> 00:24:39,803 'He said...' 458 00:24:39,843 --> 00:24:42,163 He said there's no new contract. 459 00:24:42,203 --> 00:24:43,283 'That it's goodbye.' 460 00:24:43,323 --> 00:24:44,923 SHE SCOFFS For God's sake. 461 00:24:44,963 --> 00:24:47,363 Tell him I am not backing down on holidays. 462 00:24:47,403 --> 00:24:49,243 'No, darling, there wasn't any negotiation.' 463 00:24:49,283 --> 00:24:51,123 He simply said it, and that was that. 464 00:24:51,163 --> 00:24:55,203 Michael, I sometimes think you don't know how this industry works. 465 00:24:55,243 --> 00:24:57,923 'I mean, let's face it, the last time you were an actor, 466 00:24:57,963 --> 00:25:00,323 'you played one of the Daleks.' 467 00:25:00,363 --> 00:25:02,643 Which God knows was a stretch of your emotional range. 468 00:25:02,683 --> 00:25:05,723 But now you are an agent. And you are MY agent. 469 00:25:05,763 --> 00:25:08,243 'And it is your job...' Nolly, it wasn't like that. 470 00:25:08,283 --> 00:25:10,643 ..to go back and tell him I work five days a week, 471 00:25:10,683 --> 00:25:13,963 every single week till nine o'clock at night. 472 00:25:14,003 --> 00:25:16,003 'Which means all my charity work...' Listen to me. 473 00:25:16,043 --> 00:25:17,163 Nolly, you've been sacked. 474 00:25:19,683 --> 00:25:23,803 He said they have plans for the future of the show, 475 00:25:23,843 --> 00:25:25,643 without you. 476 00:25:25,683 --> 00:25:28,443 Oh, don't be ridiculous! 'Nolly.' 477 00:25:28,483 --> 00:25:30,203 What have you done? 478 00:25:30,243 --> 00:25:31,683 I beg your pardon? 479 00:25:31,723 --> 00:25:35,763 'Well, have you done anything to annoy them, or to vex them?' 480 00:25:35,803 --> 00:25:38,683 It was the most extraordinary meeting I've ever had in my life. 481 00:25:38,723 --> 00:25:40,443 I've been sacked? 'Yes.' 482 00:25:40,483 --> 00:25:42,323 He sacked me? 'Yes.' 483 00:25:42,363 --> 00:25:43,803 Well, what did he say? 484 00:25:43,843 --> 00:25:45,163 He said you're sacked. 485 00:25:45,203 --> 00:25:46,803 NOLLY LAUGHS 486 00:25:46,843 --> 00:25:49,883 That is the sort of thing a man like that says. 487 00:25:49,923 --> 00:25:51,723 Oh, Michael, you idiot. 488 00:25:51,763 --> 00:25:54,523 It's a deal, it's a game! 489 00:25:54,563 --> 00:25:56,763 'Meg is going to die. 490 00:25:56,803 --> 00:26:00,563 'He said they'll give you six months and then they kill her. 491 00:26:00,603 --> 00:26:03,323 'They're gonna write the story of the death of Meg Mortimer, 492 00:26:03,363 --> 00:26:05,403 'and that's the end. 493 00:26:05,443 --> 00:26:10,003 'God knows why, I have no idea why, but you're out.' 494 00:26:24,683 --> 00:26:25,843 I... 495 00:26:41,683 --> 00:26:42,683 DOOR BUZZES 496 00:26:44,683 --> 00:26:48,563 Now, look, I know what we're like. 497 00:26:48,603 --> 00:26:51,443 Us theatricals, we do tend to exaggerate. 498 00:26:52,443 --> 00:26:54,963 Let's be serious. 499 00:26:55,003 --> 00:26:57,443 When he says sacked, doesn't he mean have a month off? 500 00:26:57,483 --> 00:27:00,043 Which you've been asking for since time immemorial. 501 00:27:00,083 --> 00:27:01,443 So, maybe they listened. 502 00:27:01,483 --> 00:27:05,603 I was told Jack Barton will phone me at eight o'clock exactly. 503 00:27:05,643 --> 00:27:07,523 Well, that's now. So... 504 00:27:07,563 --> 00:27:09,603 Oh. ..listen on the other phone. 505 00:27:09,643 --> 00:27:12,163 I think you'll find it's all a storm in a teacup. 506 00:27:12,203 --> 00:27:16,963 My mother won the King's Cup for flying solo around England, 507 00:27:17,003 --> 00:27:20,043 and she always said... PHONE RINGS 508 00:27:20,083 --> 00:27:22,363 Oh, my God! 509 00:27:22,403 --> 00:27:24,403 Wait, wait, wait. 510 00:27:26,243 --> 00:27:29,243 DOES BREATHING EXERCISE 511 00:27:33,123 --> 00:27:35,803 This is Noele Gordon speaking. 'Nolly. Quite a day.' 512 00:27:35,843 --> 00:27:38,123 Isn't it? Yes. 513 00:27:39,443 --> 00:27:40,843 How are you? 'Fine, thank you.' 514 00:27:40,883 --> 00:27:43,043 And you? 'Well, I am distraught.' 515 00:27:43,083 --> 00:27:45,603 Well, yes, understandably. 516 00:27:45,643 --> 00:27:47,723 Then it's true? 517 00:27:47,763 --> 00:27:49,763 'Yes.' 518 00:27:49,803 --> 00:27:51,043 I've been sacked. 519 00:27:51,083 --> 00:27:52,603 'Yes.' 520 00:27:52,643 --> 00:27:56,323 And Meg is going to die. 'Yes.' 521 00:28:00,643 --> 00:28:02,403 Erm... 522 00:28:04,643 --> 00:28:06,923 And whose decision was this? 523 00:28:06,963 --> 00:28:08,563 'Charles Denton.' 524 00:28:10,323 --> 00:28:12,323 Did he... Tell you why! 525 00:28:12,363 --> 00:28:13,443 'Did he tell you why?' 526 00:28:13,483 --> 00:28:15,843 He said it was a professional decision, 527 00:28:15,883 --> 00:28:18,283 and it's time for the show to move on. 528 00:28:18,323 --> 00:28:19,883 'Yes, but why me?' 529 00:28:20,843 --> 00:28:21,963 I was told. 530 00:28:22,003 --> 00:28:24,443 'An order from above. I don't ask why, I just do my job.' 531 00:28:25,563 --> 00:28:28,603 Erm... And, erm... 532 00:28:28,643 --> 00:28:32,043 Well, is this just me, or is anybody else getting the chop? 533 00:28:32,083 --> 00:28:34,323 'No, it's just you.' Oh, really? 534 00:28:34,363 --> 00:28:36,843 Because I think there's quite a bit of dead wood in that cast. 535 00:28:36,883 --> 00:28:39,403 I don't think Tony's been committed for ages. 536 00:28:39,443 --> 00:28:42,003 'I wouldn't say that. We've got very big plans for him.' 537 00:28:42,043 --> 00:28:45,923 Oh, well, that's all very nice, I'm sure, 538 00:28:45,963 --> 00:28:48,523 but that leaves me, erm... 539 00:28:49,723 --> 00:28:52,323 Jack, I won't beg. 'Don't expect you to.' 540 00:28:52,363 --> 00:28:54,043 I will not beg. 'Absolutely.' 541 00:28:54,083 --> 00:28:55,923 I am not gonna beg for my job. 542 00:28:55,963 --> 00:28:57,683 'In fact, Denton said six months, 543 00:28:57,723 --> 00:28:59,763 'which would see me off-screen February, 544 00:28:59,803 --> 00:29:01,723 'but I fully expect to find work immediately.' 545 00:29:01,763 --> 00:29:03,603 And I don't think I can wait that long. 546 00:29:03,643 --> 00:29:05,283 What do you suggest? Christmas? 547 00:29:05,323 --> 00:29:06,923 Oh, yes, I thought you could kill me off 548 00:29:06,963 --> 00:29:09,603 at Christmas like the Little fucking Match Girl! 549 00:29:09,643 --> 00:29:13,323 Oh, for Christ's sake, don't be so bloody maudlin! 550 00:29:13,363 --> 00:29:14,483 November? Done! 551 00:29:14,523 --> 00:29:16,123 Good. Thank you. 552 00:29:16,163 --> 00:29:17,723 Well, better not keep you any longer, 553 00:29:17,763 --> 00:29:20,323 I know you've got rehearsals at nine. Bye, then. 554 00:29:20,363 --> 00:29:21,883 Goodbye. 555 00:29:28,323 --> 00:29:30,523 Not a word, Adams. Not a word to anyone. 556 00:29:30,563 --> 00:29:33,003 Morning, Nolly! I wondered if you could sign this. 557 00:29:33,043 --> 00:29:37,363 It's for my best friend's birthday. She's gonna be 55. 558 00:29:37,403 --> 00:29:39,363 So, in this scene, when she says she's sorry, 559 00:29:39,403 --> 00:29:41,763 do you think she's really sorry? Because in the next scene, 560 00:29:41,803 --> 00:29:43,563 when Meg's gone, she sounds a bit mean. 561 00:29:43,603 --> 00:29:45,083 I think she's lying, don't you? 562 00:29:45,123 --> 00:29:46,883 I was thinking, Noele, if you don't mind, 563 00:29:46,923 --> 00:29:48,603 the script says Meg's by the kitchen door, 564 00:29:48,643 --> 00:29:51,003 but I thought if you were at the bar that could be nice, 565 00:29:51,043 --> 00:29:54,323 cos I can get a good angle on three, if that's OK with you? 566 00:29:59,683 --> 00:30:02,803 Sure. Great. Thanks. 567 00:30:04,523 --> 00:30:07,283 And Poppy, if you can come in from the entrance. 568 00:30:13,203 --> 00:30:17,083 I'm worried about Meg. Are you? In what way? 569 00:30:17,123 --> 00:30:20,443 Is it me, or does she seem... distracted? 570 00:30:20,483 --> 00:30:23,203 Well, we can't exactly have helped, can we, 571 00:30:23,243 --> 00:30:26,723 with all our... troubles? 572 00:30:26,763 --> 00:30:28,963 I told you. We're over all that. 573 00:30:30,043 --> 00:30:32,043 As long as James Corbett has your manuscript, 574 00:30:32,083 --> 00:30:33,603 I don't think we'll ever be free. 575 00:30:33,643 --> 00:30:36,483 But that's not the point. I was talking about Meg. 576 00:30:36,523 --> 00:30:38,763 I think we've taken our eye off her. 577 00:30:38,803 --> 00:30:41,323 And I'm not being rude... Makes a change. 578 00:30:41,363 --> 00:30:42,683 No, stop it, darling. 579 00:30:42,723 --> 00:30:44,523 Sometimes I think... 580 00:30:47,043 --> 00:30:51,763 Don't you think she's getting... old? 581 00:30:51,803 --> 00:30:54,323 As are we all. 582 00:30:54,363 --> 00:30:56,083 But it makes me wonder, David. 583 00:30:56,123 --> 00:30:58,483 How long she can stay running a business like this? 584 00:30:58,523 --> 00:31:01,763 She built this motel from the ground up. 585 00:31:01,803 --> 00:31:04,483 She built it as a monument to her dead husband, 586 00:31:04,523 --> 00:31:06,003 who's long since dead and gone. 587 00:31:06,043 --> 00:31:09,003 And time moves on, David. 588 00:31:09,043 --> 00:31:10,923 Time moves on. 589 00:31:12,243 --> 00:31:15,283 What are you getting at, Barbara? 590 00:31:15,323 --> 00:31:18,963 I'm saying that one day, Meg might not be here. 591 00:31:20,243 --> 00:31:23,163 And there's an awful lot of work for those left behind. 592 00:31:23,203 --> 00:31:26,563 Plus... an awful lot of money. 593 00:31:28,403 --> 00:31:30,403 THEME MUSIC PLAYS 594 00:31:34,883 --> 00:31:37,883 It was me. I stole it. 595 00:31:37,923 --> 00:31:41,203 And then I tried to blame Benny. I'm really sorry. 596 00:31:41,243 --> 00:31:43,563 I don't know why I did it. 597 00:31:47,363 --> 00:31:51,283 All I can say is I'm very disappointed. 598 00:31:51,323 --> 00:31:54,443 In fact, I am outraged. 599 00:31:54,483 --> 00:31:58,843 I took you in as a member of my family. 600 00:31:58,883 --> 00:32:01,883 It's a problem I've had for a long time, Mrs Mortimer. 601 00:32:01,923 --> 00:32:06,043 I'm really trying hard. I won't do it again. 602 00:32:06,083 --> 00:32:10,363 Well, it's a sword that cuts both ways, isn't it? 603 00:32:10,403 --> 00:32:13,083 If I trust you, I can't win. 604 00:32:13,123 --> 00:32:16,803 If I don't trust you, I can't win. 605 00:32:17,963 --> 00:32:19,883 So, what am I to do? 606 00:32:23,483 --> 00:32:24,843 Are you all right? 607 00:32:24,883 --> 00:32:26,683 I never meant to upset her. 608 00:32:26,723 --> 00:32:29,403 Well, it's a bit late for tears now, young lady. 609 00:32:29,443 --> 00:32:33,603 You need to find a way to regain her trust, and pronto. 610 00:32:35,643 --> 00:32:37,643 Don't mind me. 611 00:32:37,683 --> 00:32:41,483 I've just seen Mrs Mortimer. She's got a face like thunder. 612 00:32:41,523 --> 00:32:43,163 Hope everything's OK. 613 00:32:43,203 --> 00:32:45,843 Oh, Diane, it's been a very upsetting morning. 614 00:32:45,883 --> 00:32:49,763 But I don't get why. They must have said something. 615 00:32:49,803 --> 00:32:52,323 I think they want to kill the show, cut off the head. 616 00:32:52,363 --> 00:32:54,843 I'm not being rude, Nolly, and forgive me for saying it, 617 00:32:54,883 --> 00:32:58,963 but, well, you do have a certain predilection 618 00:32:59,003 --> 00:33:00,803 for married men. 619 00:33:00,843 --> 00:33:04,083 I mean, you and this Charles Denton didn't...? Absolutely not! 620 00:33:04,123 --> 00:33:06,003 Well, he sounds like a spurned lover. 621 00:33:06,043 --> 00:33:08,043 I wouldn't touch him with a barge pole. 622 00:33:08,083 --> 00:33:09,803 Well, they're going to regret it. 623 00:33:09,843 --> 00:33:13,163 You'll walk straight into another job, top billing. 624 00:33:13,203 --> 00:33:17,003 Not after I've been sacked. My name is going to be poison. 625 00:33:17,043 --> 00:33:18,923 Never mind my age. 626 00:33:20,163 --> 00:33:22,043 But they haven't told the press? 627 00:33:24,003 --> 00:33:26,883 I think they're waiting for me. Well, that's it, then. 628 00:33:26,923 --> 00:33:29,643 Tell them you resigned. That's what you do! 629 00:33:29,683 --> 00:33:33,963 Get in there first and tell the papers it's a resignation. 630 00:33:34,003 --> 00:33:35,163 Do you think? 631 00:33:35,203 --> 00:33:38,883 You've got enough contacts. All those journalists. Reel them in. 632 00:33:38,923 --> 00:33:41,443 Tell them you're off to star in the West End. 633 00:33:41,483 --> 00:33:44,163 Hey, tell them you're doing Whatever Happened To Baby Jane 634 00:33:44,203 --> 00:33:47,483 with Diana Dors - and I want 10% for that, thank you very much. 635 00:33:47,523 --> 00:33:50,563 But this is great, it's good news. 636 00:33:50,603 --> 00:33:54,763 It's Noele Gordon leaving behind her tatty old soap... 637 00:33:54,803 --> 00:33:56,763 I'm sorry, Tony. Oh, God, no, it's shit. 638 00:33:56,803 --> 00:33:59,803 ..and becoming the star she always was! 639 00:34:00,803 --> 00:34:05,763 Announce your resignation, Nolly, take centre stage, 640 00:34:05,803 --> 00:34:07,723 and beat those bloody men! 641 00:34:11,283 --> 00:34:12,603 LIFT DINGS 642 00:34:12,643 --> 00:34:14,363 HUBBUB 643 00:34:23,403 --> 00:34:26,803 Where did they come from? Shall I ask them to go? 644 00:34:26,843 --> 00:34:28,843 I don't know, have we got security? Do we need them? 645 00:34:28,883 --> 00:34:32,043 What's going on? Ask her. 646 00:34:32,083 --> 00:34:35,203 What is it? What are they there for? What's wrong? 647 00:34:35,243 --> 00:34:37,683 Nolly, what exactly is happening? 648 00:34:37,723 --> 00:34:41,483 SHE BREATHES DEEPLY 649 00:34:41,523 --> 00:34:43,683 In ten. 650 00:34:43,723 --> 00:34:46,243 Now, remember, you've resigned, 651 00:34:46,283 --> 00:34:48,683 this is fine, this was always your plan, 652 00:34:48,723 --> 00:34:51,523 you've handed in your resignation, because you wanted to. 653 00:34:51,563 --> 00:34:54,083 The decision to resign is yours and yours alone. 654 00:34:56,923 --> 00:34:59,123 Gentlemen, I have been sacked! 655 00:34:59,163 --> 00:35:01,283 Or... that. 656 00:35:01,323 --> 00:35:03,163 NOLLY: The news was given to me... 657 00:35:03,203 --> 00:35:05,963 They can't sack Mother! 658 00:35:06,003 --> 00:35:07,923 Why would anyone do that? 659 00:35:07,963 --> 00:35:11,603 That's ridiculous. They... They can't. 660 00:35:11,643 --> 00:35:14,803 What about us? Hold on a minute, what happens to us? 661 00:35:14,843 --> 00:35:17,323 Sister George. 662 00:35:17,363 --> 00:35:21,083 But I am shattered and devastated. 663 00:35:23,283 --> 00:35:26,563 I have been brutally axed, 664 00:35:26,603 --> 00:35:31,083 and my heart is utterly broken. 665 00:35:31,123 --> 00:35:34,803 Nolly, I'm from ATV Today. Do you have a message for your loyal fans? 666 00:35:34,843 --> 00:35:38,123 Oh, you're from ATV, are you? Well, let me just say, 667 00:35:38,163 --> 00:35:40,603 you wouldn't have a job if it wasn't for me! 668 00:35:40,643 --> 00:35:43,963 I think we should... No, I wasn't just an actress here. 669 00:35:44,003 --> 00:35:46,083 I was staff. 670 00:35:46,123 --> 00:35:48,403 I was the spine of ATV. 671 00:35:48,443 --> 00:35:50,963 And the heart. And the soul. 672 00:35:51,003 --> 00:35:52,763 And the guts. 673 00:35:52,803 --> 00:35:55,723 I practically invented daytime TV. 674 00:35:55,763 --> 00:35:57,443 Crossroads was built around me. 675 00:35:57,483 --> 00:36:00,883 Everyone says the star of the show is the motel, but let me tell you, 676 00:36:00,923 --> 00:36:04,163 the star of the show is not a bunch of flats 677 00:36:04,203 --> 00:36:09,803 held together by plywood and Sellotape and spit. 678 00:36:09,843 --> 00:36:13,563 The star of the show has been sacked. 679 00:36:14,603 --> 00:36:17,843 Charles Denton sacked me. 680 00:36:19,043 --> 00:36:22,083 He... sacked... me. 681 00:36:28,923 --> 00:36:30,123 DOOR OPENS AND CLOSES 682 00:36:34,723 --> 00:36:36,123 KEYS JANGLE 683 00:36:50,443 --> 00:36:51,723 SHE SIGHS 684 00:36:51,803 --> 00:36:53,363 TV: In the headlines today, 685 00:36:53,403 --> 00:36:55,923 the Queen of the Midlands has lost her throne. 686 00:36:55,963 --> 00:36:58,003 'The actress Noele Gordon has spoken out today, 687 00:36:58,043 --> 00:37:00,883 'to say she is shattered and devastated at the news 688 00:37:00,923 --> 00:37:02,243 'she has been sacked 689 00:37:02,283 --> 00:37:05,083 'from the long-running television programme, Crossr... 690 00:37:18,443 --> 00:37:20,203 PHONES RING We love Nolly, 691 00:37:20,243 --> 00:37:21,763 but all I know is what the boss has said. 692 00:37:21,803 --> 00:37:23,563 I'll give Nolly your love. I will, I promise. 693 00:37:23,603 --> 00:37:26,483 She's loved by all of us. I'm really very sorry 694 00:37:26,523 --> 00:37:29,203 but there's nothing more I can do, bye-bye. 695 00:37:30,523 --> 00:37:32,203 Hello, Crossroads, can I help you? 696 00:37:32,243 --> 00:37:35,523 No. No! 697 00:37:35,563 --> 00:37:38,043 There's no need for that kind of language. 698 00:37:39,363 --> 00:37:42,923 Right. No. No. 699 00:37:47,603 --> 00:37:48,683 THUDS 700 00:37:49,963 --> 00:37:51,003 THUDS 701 00:37:53,243 --> 00:37:55,323 You stirred up quite a hornet's nest. 702 00:37:57,123 --> 00:37:59,363 HE SCOFFS 703 00:37:59,403 --> 00:38:03,123 Nolly. Nolly. CLAMOURING 704 00:38:03,163 --> 00:38:05,083 A few words for our readers, Miss Gordon? 705 00:38:05,123 --> 00:38:06,803 A few words? Please, Nolly? 706 00:38:06,843 --> 00:38:10,243 THEY CHANT: 'Save our Meg! Save our Meg!' 707 00:38:10,283 --> 00:38:13,323 Meg is magic! Save our Meg! 708 00:38:15,243 --> 00:38:17,083 THEY CHEER 709 00:38:21,843 --> 00:38:24,523 We haven't decided how she'll die. 710 00:38:24,563 --> 00:38:25,883 It could be an explosion. 711 00:38:25,923 --> 00:38:29,523 Concorde could fall out of the sky and land on her head. 712 00:38:29,563 --> 00:38:32,843 She could be hit by a bus or... or swallowed by a whale. 713 00:38:32,883 --> 00:38:34,643 HE LAUGHS Yeah! 714 00:38:36,723 --> 00:38:40,243 If that's your final word on the matter, I wish you good luck. 715 00:38:41,443 --> 00:38:44,723 But, I warn you... I'll be waiting. 716 00:38:45,843 --> 00:38:48,843 {\an8}CROSSROADS THEME TUNE PLAYS 717 00:38:54,043 --> 00:38:56,763 And recording break, hold it there, 718 00:38:56,803 --> 00:38:58,803 wait till we get the clear... 719 00:38:58,843 --> 00:39:02,123 I thought that was cruel. The Concorde remark. 720 00:39:02,163 --> 00:39:04,603 I mean, this is your death. Where's the respect? 721 00:39:07,643 --> 00:39:11,083 {\an8}'And that's a clear! We're on to yellow, scene seven. 722 00:39:11,123 --> 00:39:13,683 'Quick as we can, everybody, bit of a big scene, 723 00:39:13,723 --> 00:39:14,923 'let's keep it down. 724 00:39:14,963 --> 00:39:17,043 'And we're dressing it for the Harvest Festival.' 725 00:39:17,083 --> 00:39:19,123 Well done. That was very nice. Thank you. 726 00:39:20,523 --> 00:39:22,043 OK, Nolly, we need you on set. 727 00:39:23,883 --> 00:39:27,083 Erm, Miss Gordon? We're on scene seven. 728 00:39:29,323 --> 00:39:30,923 HE GROANS 729 00:39:35,923 --> 00:39:37,843 OK, everyone, we've got a little problem, 730 00:39:37,883 --> 00:39:39,123 Editec's gone down, 731 00:39:39,163 --> 00:39:40,883 we'll be two minutes, stay in position. 732 00:39:44,043 --> 00:39:47,123 'Less headroom, a bit closer, camera two.' 733 00:39:47,163 --> 00:39:49,643 I wouldn't blame her if she never came back. 734 00:39:49,683 --> 00:39:51,643 This would never have happened with Reg Watson. 735 00:39:51,683 --> 00:39:54,763 I'm telling you, they want to axe the show. We're next. 736 00:39:54,803 --> 00:39:58,443 But that doesn't make sense. Just axe it, don't pick on Mother. 737 00:39:58,483 --> 00:40:00,803 Well, it's all contractual, if you look at the paperwork 738 00:40:00,843 --> 00:40:02,443 because, two years ago 739 00:40:02,483 --> 00:40:04,723 she hit retirement age on, er, Christmas Day, 740 00:40:04,763 --> 00:40:06,323 which means she's now on a pension - 741 00:40:06,363 --> 00:40:08,083 which is money from a different source - 742 00:40:08,123 --> 00:40:11,603 so this way, means they don't have to pay an extra wage on top. 743 00:40:11,643 --> 00:40:13,923 Like Benny says in that scene tomorrow, erm... 744 00:40:13,963 --> 00:40:16,643 Oh, what is it? You know, what's the, what's the line? 745 00:40:16,683 --> 00:40:18,723 I've got a proposition. 746 00:40:18,763 --> 00:40:21,123 I say - if she goes, we all go. 747 00:40:23,283 --> 00:40:26,523 Are you serious? We go upstairs, we say to Jack, 748 00:40:26,563 --> 00:40:29,203 "If you get rid of Nolly, we're walking out. All of us!" 749 00:40:29,243 --> 00:40:31,043 'I think that might be a little...' 750 00:40:32,323 --> 00:40:35,123 ..hasty. Well, you would say that. 751 00:40:35,163 --> 00:40:36,643 Because if she goes, 752 00:40:36,683 --> 00:40:38,923 then there's room at the top of the Crossroads Motel, 753 00:40:38,963 --> 00:40:40,523 and some people stand to benefit! 754 00:40:40,563 --> 00:40:42,603 Excuse me. Are you making accusat...? 755 00:40:42,643 --> 00:40:44,483 Do you mean us? Oh, let's face it, 756 00:40:44,523 --> 00:40:46,403 you're one of the last two debutantes 757 00:40:46,443 --> 00:40:48,563 to be presented to the Queen. 758 00:40:48,603 --> 00:40:50,483 You've always wanted to rule this place. 759 00:40:50,523 --> 00:40:52,683 That's... slanderous. SHE SCOFFS 760 00:40:52,723 --> 00:40:56,403 But gosh, if that's true, Mother will be absolutely devastated. 761 00:40:56,443 --> 00:40:58,723 It doesn't really matter what she thinks, she'll be gone! 762 00:40:58,763 --> 00:41:00,563 Harsh but true. In this modern world, 763 00:41:00,603 --> 00:41:03,523 it's every man for himself. Oh, you stand to profit as well! 764 00:41:03,563 --> 00:41:06,283 You'll have more to do around here! How dare you! 765 00:41:06,323 --> 00:41:09,723 Money is the root of all evil, Miss Diane. 766 00:41:10,923 --> 00:41:13,723 Look, like it or not, she's going, and if we play our cards right, 767 00:41:13,763 --> 00:41:16,003 Crossroads will reap the rewards! 768 00:41:16,043 --> 00:41:18,323 I am shocked to the core! 769 00:41:18,363 --> 00:41:21,723 Do you seriously want Mother gone? 770 00:41:21,763 --> 00:41:25,083 It's about time someone said it, she's a relic of the past. 771 00:41:25,123 --> 00:41:28,363 I'll no listen to one more word of this! 772 00:41:28,403 --> 00:41:32,083 That fine woman, being denigrated by people not fit! 773 00:41:32,123 --> 00:41:34,923 Well, if she goes... 774 00:41:34,963 --> 00:41:37,563 that's the last this motel will see of Shughie McFee! 775 00:41:40,563 --> 00:41:42,443 Well... 776 00:41:42,483 --> 00:41:45,603 I find this harvest loaf a very great weight to bear. 777 00:41:45,643 --> 00:41:47,643 You know what this means, don't you? 778 00:41:47,683 --> 00:41:50,683 Mark my words, it's the end of the Crossroads Motel! 779 00:41:55,363 --> 00:41:56,763 Best episode ever. 780 00:41:58,643 --> 00:42:00,403 LIFT BELLS DINGS 781 00:42:05,803 --> 00:42:08,443 Molly, Amrita, canteen, come on. 782 00:42:12,203 --> 00:42:14,123 Thank you, Ivor. 783 00:42:15,403 --> 00:42:17,243 HE CLEARS THROAT 784 00:42:21,923 --> 00:42:24,123 Nolly. Jack. Problem? 785 00:42:24,163 --> 00:42:26,123 Concorde... was that a joke? 786 00:42:26,163 --> 00:42:28,763 We haven't decided how she dies yet, we've got to have meetings. 787 00:42:28,803 --> 00:42:30,923 Yes, but you wouldn't do that? 788 00:42:30,963 --> 00:42:33,803 You wouldn't have an aeroplane land on my head, would you? 789 00:42:33,843 --> 00:42:36,123 Life is strange. All the same, 790 00:42:36,163 --> 00:42:38,523 I really don't think... I mean, look at poor Jo Richardson. 791 00:42:38,563 --> 00:42:41,563 Shot her last scene, walked out of that studio, 792 00:42:41,603 --> 00:42:44,643 flew to the Seychelles, went for a swim - 793 00:42:44,683 --> 00:42:47,283 drowned or murdered, we still don't know, and that was real life. 794 00:42:47,323 --> 00:42:50,563 Yes, but this is a choice. 795 00:42:50,603 --> 00:42:52,323 This story is going to be chosen. 796 00:42:52,363 --> 00:42:54,883 That's it, isn't it? That's the point. 797 00:42:54,923 --> 00:42:58,603 That's our job - to sit up here and choose. 798 00:42:58,643 --> 00:43:02,243 Death by gunshot? Death by dog? Death by canal? 799 00:43:02,283 --> 00:43:03,643 Death on her wedding day 800 00:43:03,683 --> 00:43:06,083 when Maureen fell under the wheels of a bus... 801 00:43:06,123 --> 00:43:07,643 How unlucky was that? 802 00:43:07,683 --> 00:43:09,763 ..but that's what we're paid to do. Hmm. 803 00:43:09,803 --> 00:43:13,043 Yes, but you plan this stuff in the boardroom, 804 00:43:13,083 --> 00:43:15,563 with no idea what it's like on the shop floor. Excuse me? 805 00:43:17,243 --> 00:43:18,603 No, I'm not having that. 806 00:43:19,963 --> 00:43:22,003 Charles Denton can recline in his London club, 807 00:43:22,043 --> 00:43:24,283 not me, I've done the hard work. 808 00:43:24,323 --> 00:43:28,563 Left home when I was 14, ran off with the circus, literally. 809 00:43:28,603 --> 00:43:30,563 I lived with the family of Coco the Clown, 810 00:43:30,603 --> 00:43:35,323 and let me tell you, backstage with clowns, that's savage! 811 00:43:35,363 --> 00:43:38,643 I have seen it all, Nolly. Then, why the fuck don't you care?! 812 00:43:49,363 --> 00:43:50,723 I said I won't beg... 813 00:43:53,003 --> 00:43:55,283 ..but... 814 00:43:55,323 --> 00:43:57,563 I don't want her to die. 815 00:43:57,603 --> 00:43:59,123 It's not a real death. 816 00:44:00,843 --> 00:44:03,003 But still... My hands are tied. 817 00:44:03,043 --> 00:44:05,003 Orders from above. 818 00:44:05,043 --> 00:44:07,363 And the budget has been drawn up for next year without you. 819 00:44:07,403 --> 00:44:09,683 Oh, I'm not asking to stay. 820 00:44:09,723 --> 00:44:13,123 I'll go. I've lost. I'm leaving. 821 00:44:14,523 --> 00:44:16,683 You can write me out. 822 00:44:16,723 --> 00:44:18,683 I accept that. 823 00:44:19,963 --> 00:44:21,803 But... 824 00:44:21,843 --> 00:44:24,163 I have been here for so long. 825 00:44:25,483 --> 00:44:28,723 My mother died... I came to work. 826 00:44:30,123 --> 00:44:32,683 That boy... 827 00:44:32,723 --> 00:44:34,123 played my son... 828 00:44:34,163 --> 00:44:36,323 He was my son for 18 years. 829 00:44:36,363 --> 00:44:39,283 He died, four months ago, and then they do this to me. 830 00:44:39,323 --> 00:44:41,683 So, I'm asking you, please... 831 00:44:46,963 --> 00:44:48,123 ..don't kill me. 832 00:44:49,483 --> 00:44:51,603 Change the story. 833 00:44:51,643 --> 00:44:54,043 Save my life. 834 00:44:54,083 --> 00:44:56,243 But you're not dying. 835 00:44:56,283 --> 00:44:58,923 This is Meg we're talking about. Is it? 836 00:45:03,803 --> 00:45:05,163 Back to work. 837 00:45:15,283 --> 00:45:16,963 LIFT BELL DINGS 838 00:45:22,443 --> 00:45:25,723 SHE SCREAMS 839 00:45:27,083 --> 00:45:29,403 Subtitles by accessibility@itv.com