♪ Well, I had a friend who was always blue ♪
♪ so I cooked him up a lil' barbeque. ♪
♪ Then the boy turned round, said he wanna go home, ♪
♪ but my ol' momma said I can't let him go. ♪
♪ Get him through the door, ♪
♪ Pin him on the floor, ♪
♪ Bought me in a stray, ♪
♪ He'll never get away. ♪
♪ Gonna feed me up a lil' poor, lost soul, ♪
♪ Then I'll lock away the boy before the pigs come call. ♪
Police!
Anybody home?
Hey, it's me.
Look, I know you just wanted some space,
but don't you think this has just gone on too far?
Mrs Freeman? It's the Police.
We're just here to check if you're OK, madame.
I am so sorry about how I left things the other night.
I didn't mean for those things to come out the way they did, but they...
They just did.
Sarge.
CAD 9619, foul odour coming from inside of the property.
We're gonna be putting this door in under section 17,
if you can update the CAD please?
Received. Go ahead.
We can get through it together, we've done it before and we can do it again.
Please, I am begging you, Liv.
Just let me in.
Oh, Jesus
Last month, I wish I'd just given you the biggest hug
and told you that everything was gonna be alright.
What I would do to just...
hold you again.
I don't wanna be separated anymore.
And I know that you're not answering my calls right now, but...
I'm gonna swing by tomorrow morning, and then...
All I ask is that just you and me can talk in person.
Please, Liv, I am begging you.
Nothing makes sense anymore.
It's just dull.
And you are the love of my life
I'll see you tomorrow.
Hopefully.
I love you.
Thank you all for coming today.
I know Liv would be...
...astonished just to see this many people in one room for her.
And I take it you all...
...Understood, in some way.
The more you knew Liv,
the more she would push you away.
You're not hungry?
I ate something before.
-Please, Liv, let's just not do this. -I'm not hungry.
If you just let me come home.
Jed, we spoke about that. Please.
-But you were doing so well. If I just... -STOP IT!
-I said we'd spoken about that, OK?
-I'm trying to help you here.
Just help yourself.
I'm fine.
You're not fine, Liv.
I need more time.
I'm sorry.
Every day that we had together, I would see...
happiness
kindness.
Beauty.
But when she looked in the mirror she would see something...
...Something different.
She would say to me "How can you love something so ugly?"
And she would judge me for loving her.
I tried so hard to fix her.
I tried so fucking hard!
Hey, buddy. Can I get you a drink?
Who are you?
Lionel Flack.
Entrepreneur and confidant of many.
A man of many talents.
Friends call me Lie.
See, uh
where I'm from,
a couple of blocks away was this, uh
discount store.
Sold all sorts of shit.
But the only glasses they ever sold were these, uh
cheap champagne flutes
which was convenient though because my Momma,
God rest her soul,
had a love / hate relationship with champagne of all things.
Now, here's the interesting part.
Your average cup-
-Average cup?
Highball, Demitasse, Collins glass. Whatever.
I realised that nothing fulfils or quenches ones thirst
the same way as a champagne flute does.
Whatever the beverage.
Fruit juices in particular, especially when chilled.
By the way
that eulogy,
Oscar worthy, truly. I admire that.
What is it that you want, Lionel?
Firstly, to explain myself.
You see, I'm an avid fan of obituaries.
I read them every day.
I started going to funerals and it's there that I found my peace.
-You should try it sometime.
-Thanks, but I've got other plans.
Such as?
Well, let's just say life didn't deal me the greatest hand.
You know, I've played my cards and I am done.
Thanks for the drink.
All that weight you're carrying,
what if I said I could take it all away?
All of it.
Nice meeting you, Lionel.
This afternoon, at lunch.
I never asked how you were.
So,
how are you?
I'm fine.
Are you ok?
No.
Please just talk to me.
Like you could understand.
Are you mad?
You know exactly what I went through with my dad,
so don't tell me that I don't understand people like you.
People like me?
Yes. Damaged, silently screaming out for help,
knowing full well that the people who can actually help you
can't do a fucking thing.
And why is that?
Because you won't let them!
And we do the same old dance, over and over and over again
until eventually you'll keel over and fucking die.
You keel over and die.
I want you gone.
As you wish.
Oh, fucking, God.
Hey...
Is this Lionel?
Yeah.
Its, erm.
It's Jed, from the pub.
What can I do for you, Jed?
God, I don't even know why I'm calling.
I...
Erm-
-I think you know exactly why you're calling me, Jed.
Will you help me?
Do you know what I do, Jed?
Assisted suicide.
Jed
Listen to me.
You're a good man.
But when you see her again, and you will see her again,
you have got to radiate happiness, brother.
Now, I promise you that by the end of our journey,
you'll be lying in a state of total bliss,
with so much unconditional love for yourself that you'll be laughing
all the way to the pearly white gates.
Just tell me how it works.
Well, how did she die?
It was a...
An eating disorder.
Bulimia most of her life.
Her stomach ruptured
she blacked out,
and her heart just...
...stopped.
She starved herself to death and...
...she was eaten from the inside out.
How about the outside in?
What do you mean?
Jed, have you heard of the Yiurkun tribe?
They are a collective of enlightened individuals
that bask in a state of permanent euphoria.
Now, this is achieved by way of consensual human consumption.
A direct connection with the universe, Herself.
Wait, wait, wait.
So what are you saying?-
-It just so happens, Jed, that I share the same taste
for both She
and my fellow man.
So...
you wanna eat me?
That is exactly what I'm saying.
That is sacrifice, Jed.
That is selflessness.
That, my friend, is the most heroic end of one chapter
before the next begins.
It's wonderfully poetic, is it not?
It's a lot to take in.
Well, hows about I let you sleep on it, Jed?
And when you decide to proceed,
I'll be back at Graham's Bar from 6pm tomorrow.
I'm not hungry.
Yeah?
I'll do it.
I'm in.
No ducks here.
Sorry, what?
Uh, this pond has no ducks.
Oh no, I know. I'm here for the fish.
I know, sounds crazy, right?
I'm Alex.
Oops! Sorry.
Lionel.
So, do you have any of your own?
Erm, no.
Too high maintenance for me.
They are literally the most low maintenance pet one could have.
Fresh water fish are the largest proportion of pets owned across the US.
And they are proven to lower blood pressure and heart rate.
Thus, relieving stress for maintaining a better quality of life.
You do this for a living, you sell them?
No.
I'm just saying they're good for maintaining equilibrium, is all.
So, you think I'm unbalanced?
Do you think you're unbalanced?
Do you know what? I'll make you a deal.
I'll give you a chance to convince me to get one of those
tank thingies, if you
pop by and try my signature cappuccino?
You know what? You have yourself a deal.
But I have some business now I need to attend to today though, so.
Wait! Have you got a number I can call you on?
That's me.
I gotta run though.
Nice to meet you!
Nice to meet you too Lionel...
...Flack.
Howdy, brother.
I was not expecting you for another thirteen minutes.
Well, in the spirit of turning the page.
Jed,
over the course of our time together, my job is to make sure you are happy.
And at any point you're in pain or in discomfort,
you just need to let me know.
So, do you eat normal food or just-
Kettle corn.
Here you go guys. You ready to order?
Thank you very much but he's not hungry.
The bill, please.
Have a read of that
and sign and date at the bottom.
I trust you Jed, but I need your full consent.
"Termination and disposal upon breach of contract?"
If you change your mind, Jed, I need to protect myself.
I want you gone.
L'Chaim!
L'CHAIM!
Welcome to the afterlife, brother.
Now, let's get you reunited with that smoking hot wife of yours.
Cell phone, please.
Would you, uh. Would you mind?
Casa del Lie!
Step one for a pain-free first procedure.
Drink.
OK.
Attaboy.
Living room.
Bermuda.
Huh?
My fish, Bermuda.
Do you live alone?
Yep.
What's through there?
Storage.
Theres... There's that.
Right. Now, uh.
Put this on, freshen up and meet me back in the living room.
Oh, and have an amuse bouche.
You take photos?
Yessiree bob.
Big time hobby of mine alongside the day job.
Check it out.
See, when my step daddy left,
my Momma encouraged me to pursue photography.
She always said I was the artist of the family.
And I guess I found myself walking down the old, uh,
life modeling road, and
You know, I kind of had a knack for erotica and abstract exoticism, really.
So, who is she?
My Momma.
I'm so sorry!
That's fine, erm. He'll be fine.
You can clean that out in the morning for me, Jed.
Take a seat.
Careful of that one, she's loose.
Bare with me, Jed.
Step two.
What's step three?
Step three...
OK.
What are you doing?
What's best.
What's that now?
Nothing.
There we go.
How does that feel?
I can't feel a thing.
Good.
You ready?
How do you feel?
Lighter.
Attaboy.
Proud of you.
Well, I think that's it for this evening.
I'm beat!
Huh?
Sweet dreams, pal.
Lionel?
Hey! Come in.
Fuck!
I don't eat....
milk.
It's almond.
Mmm.
Sorry, buddy.
Can I ask you something?
Sure.
What would you do if you found out that
somebody wanted to leave before they were supposed to?
I don't know, to be honest.
I've always been really good to my employees.
I guess you'd call it a breach of notice.
Or a breach of contract.
Hmm.
What's wrong, Lionel?
Hm?
Well, it's my roommate.
We're friends, and last night we took it to the next level.
And after that, I'd definitely say that we're closer.
So there's this undeniable level of spiritual trust
and understanding, you see?
And I worked so hard to get him to bare his soul to me, and I reciprocated.
And after all that was done, we went to bed.
And in the morning, I got up and found out that
the son of a bitch had almost left me
in the middle of the goddamn night!
What?
I think you should speak to him.
Tell him how you really feel.
Yeah.
You know what? I think I will.
Hey, Lionel!
Don't be ashamed of what you are. We all like what we like.
Hmm.
Oh, hey.
I don't suppose you want a selection of lamps, do you?
Erm, no.
Lionel?
Fuck!
What's that now?
Just erm, checking on Bermuna.
Bermuda.
Have a seat, Jed.
OK. Hold on, hold on.
Here. Kettle corn.
Look, I just felt bad
and I just wanted to let you know that I'm sorry, OK?
And I am sorry.
I just hope you know that I didn't mean to upset you, Lionel-
-LIE.
-I just. I feel terrible! -Jed.
This is not the way, buddy.
What happened?
Honestly, I just thought all of this would have gone down a lot...
quicker.
I kind of just want it over with now.
Well,
in the spirit of speading things up,
Go ahead,
lay out your arm.
Two more days, tops. OK?
Are you ready?
No!
Yes.
Whoa whoa whoa, STOP, STOP, FUCK!
STOP, STOP, STOP, IT'S NOT SUPPOSED TO FUCKING HURT!
FUCK!
FUCK! LIONEL, STOP IT!
WHAT'S THAT NOW?
FUCK!
FUCK, LIONEL. STOP!
I CAN'T STOP, JED!
I NEED TO REMOVE THE ARM TO CAUTERIZE IT!
CAD 7842. Mr Lionel Flack.
Triple one alpha Quilter House.
Sierra, echo, two, five, one, hotel, zulu.
A Mrs Mary Huggins reported screams coming from within the property.
Yeah, received and en route.
OH, GOD!
FUCK, LIONEL. STOP!
TAKE YOUR PILLS, YOU SHIT.
HOLD ON, JED!
Drink this.
Drink that, buddy.
There you are.
Got some more, here you are.
Yeah, buddy.
I NEED TO FINISH, JED!
NEARLY THERE!
FUCK! PLEASE HURRY THE FUCK UP!
I'M ALMOST THERE, YOU SHIT!
PLEASE!
OH, GOD!
FUCK! STOP! STOP! STOP!
HURRY THE FUCK UP!
PLEASE!
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN
WE HAVE A BEAUTIFUL BABY BOY!
That's my boy.
That's my baby!
You're gonna be one crispy little piece of shit.
Mmm.
Well, fuck me, you taste great.
You are what you eat, Jed.
We're top of the food chain.
And if we are what we eat,
then why would we want to be anything less than human?
And I want that reflection.
Hello, this is the Police. Can you open up please?
Are you Mr Lionel Flack, sir?
Come again?
Are you Lionel Flack?
Yes ma'am.
What can I do for you?
Would you mind if we come in for a moment?
Erm.
Sure.
Come on in.
What's this all about, officers?
We are sorry to be bothering you so late, sir,
but we've been anonymously alerted of a cause for concern
regarding a noise complaint.
Well, look at me.
I'm fine.
No cause for concern here.
Do you live alone, Mr Flack?
Sorry?
Do you live alone?
Yes ma'am, I do.
So there's nobody else here that can account for the reported screaming?
Screaming?
Listen...
if you're anonymous call came from downstairs,
then I can tell you now that she has had it in for me since day one.
Everything is fine, and as it happens,
Everything is fine, and as it happens, I was about to turn in for the night.
But I did watch a movie earlier and I'm hard of hearing, see? So,
that's probably what it was.
Fair enough.
Well, if we can just keep the noise down and we can keep the peace, yeah?
Absolutely, ma'am.
Can I use your loo?
-What's that now? -The bathroom.
Uh
Sure.
Yeah.
Last door on the right.
So, you're American, huh?
Yessir, born and raised.
Texas?
I travelled around a lot.
I thought you said you were going to bed?
I am
and this is my home...
and I can clean up whenever I see fit, thank you Mr kind officer, sir.
What is it?
That is a
mild veal,
with a raspberry coulis,
straight from the Captain's quarters of the Cutty Sark.
Fuck me, come on, Sarge.
This is the best veal I have ever tasted.
No, honestly, you have to try it.
You have to.
This is not veal.
This is Michelin Star veal.
What do you do, Mr Flake, are you a chef?
It's 'Flack'.
and I own a boating company.
You're in the wrong profession, mate.
Duly noted.
Thank you for your time, love.
Apologies for the... Well, disturbing your evening and...
Yep.
That's really good.
Let me get that for you.
All the best, mate.
You take care, now.
Aww, you too Mr Flack-
What happened to your arm?
You.
Lie?
Lionels?
You OK?
Could be better.
Forgive me Jed, but-
I look at somebody like you,
and you did it all, man.
You met a girl, you fell in love, you got married, man.
You went the whole nine yards.
What's your fucking secret, man?
I guess the secret is to have no secrets.
Goddamn it.
Yeah, you have a pretty big fucking secret, Lionel.
I know, yeah.
I mean, there's nothing more beautiful than a man's
relationship with his food.
I mean, in moderation.
Well, how about love?
You know, trusting and loving oneself enough
to not even think twice about what the other person feels about you.
You know, 'radiating happiness'.
Right?
Touché, Jed.
Touché.
So, is there a Mrs Flack in the running?
I barely introduced myself to the last one.
She lost her head and went cold on me.
Go and get your camera for me.
Huh?
I'm gonna find you a girl.
Or a guy-
-A girl.
Well, go and get it then.
-Whoa whoa whoa, what are you doing? -What?
Unless you want a dick pic as your profile picture,
I suggest you go and get your best get-up on.
Well, what is that?
Well, how the fuck am I-
Just be yourself.
You can do better than that, mate.
Come on. No. No. No. No.
Find something else.
What the fuck is that?
-No? -Oh, for the love of God.
OK, look.
Go into my duffle bag, the grey one.
In there, you'll find a blue polo neck.
Put that on.
Tell you what, lose the glasses for me.
Eh, good enough.
Let's get one of you and me.
Tomorrow's a big day, brother.
I need you to get some sleep and be clear headed, OK?
I'm on it.
Attaboy.
Rise and shine city slicker!
Meet me in the living room in five minutes.
We're going out.
Flack!
You forgot your fish tin.
Who is this?
It's Alex.
Oh!
So, erm, did you tell him?
Did I tell who what?
Your boyfriend. Did you tell him how you feel about him?
Alex, I'm not gay.
You're not?
No, I... I think you misunderstood me.
In fact, I think we both misunderstood each other,
if I'm honest.
I'm so confused right now.
Can I take you out for dinner tonight?
What? Like a-
-like a date?
Yeah, Lionel. Like a date.
Huh.
Well, I'll be damned.
Yeah! Hows about 6pm tonight at Geeman's Lair?
That sounds perfect.
See you tonight?
Lionel?
Yeah. Erm. Six.
Six you tonight!
Love you.
Where are we going?
Get in the chair.
So, how far is it?
Now, with your whistles, I need you all to show me
what to do in the event of an emergency.
Excellent!
Now, let's hit the water.
You guys, single file onto the boat, and Jed, you're with me.
Hey! Come here, now.
What?
Well, look at them.
You know, they've been dealt the worst hand in the world,
yet their just happy.
It's beautiful, isn't it?
I want that.
I guess you don't know what you have until it's actually gone.
Jed
you've got me.
Yeah, great.
BOYS AND GIRLS, LISTEN UP!
Fuck. Lionel, what the fuck?
There comes a time in every man's life
where he unexpectedly finds himself in a hole.
Of course, the man usually has a good woman
or a FRIEND...
...to pull himself out of the hole
before it fills up with horse shit and he's left to die.
He's alone.
Abandoned.
Ain't nobody but himself to save himself.
SURVIVAL ONE 'O' FUCKING ONE!
-Lionel, what the fuck? -WHOO!
You're gonna kill them!
Oh, they know what to do.
They're frightened!
You're just gonna let them drown, we have to save them!
THEY KNOW WHAT TO FUCKING DO!
LIONEL!
Is this everything you thought it would be?
Wake up.
Get ready.
Get up.
That was cruel.
What's that now?
I SAID YOU WERE FUCKING CRUEL.
Oh, I was never gonna kill them, Jed.
I saw you.
I watched you while I was down there. You just stood there and watched.
You left me there to die and you loved every second of it.
That's what you wanted though, right? Is it not?
To die? YOU CAME HERE TO DIE, JED.
No. I am done, Lionel.
I'm out. I'm going home.
You are bound by a contract.
FUCK YOUR CONTRACT!
I see you now.
And what do you see?
A sad, scared, lonely little boy
who just wants his fucking mommy.
You're nothing more than a predator,
consuming everything that you wish you could be.
And underneath that...
A child
starved of love.
You feed off the weak, Lionel. You are a coward.
Say that again.
I dare you.
You... are...
a FUCKING COWARD.
FUCK!
Now,
some cultures believe that torturing the animal alive
improves the taste and the quality of the meat.
That's why today, I'm gonna give you something new.
Although you won't be able to move an inch,
the anesthetic properties are not so great.
YOU ARE GONNA FEEL EVERY LAST FUCKING BIT OF THIS!
You need some time to cool off and think about your goddamn actions.
It's shit.
FUCK YOU!
YOU PIECE OF SHIT.
YOU FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT
Hey you.
I just wanted to say that I'm really looking forward to dinner and erm,
yeah I love that place.
I'm really sorry that I got the wrong-
-end of the stick the other day.
I'm such an idiot sometimes.
Actually, all the time, but yeah, you'll find that out on your own.
Anyway, yeah. I'll see you tonight at six.
Yeah, really looking forward to it.
I already said that, but OK.
Yeah, bye. See you.
FUCK YOU.
It's cold on there.
Are you ready to order, love?
I'm still waiting for my-
-Oh I'm so sorry I'm late. So sorry.
No worries, I'll give you guys a moment.
Thank you.
Thanks.
Hi- -Hi
I told him, I said, look buddy, I've known you for like forever, and-
-I put you up, and I've given you the clothes off my back, and-
-Hell, I've practically been to hell and back with you.
And I just said "just talk to me, man".
And what did he say?
He didn't.
They found him by her grave stone the next day.
Oh my God, Lionel I'm so sorry.
That must've been really hard for you.
How about we finish up here
and head to my place for dessert?
Well, if you are.
Tastes so much better, doesn't it?
Mmm, I know it does.
So, erm. Now that manners are out the window...
Are you into anything weird?
Like what?
Erm.
Sexual or-
-Oh, no. No, not neccesarily.
As an example,
When I go to the supermarket,
I get this urge to take things off the shelve
and put them in other people's baskets.
I find it really hilarious.
That kind of stuff.
OK, OK. So I, erm.
Hmm
I like to peel soap.
Oh, that's a really good one.
I like skin.
Crispy chicken skin?
I know what you mean.
I absolutely love chicken skin.
Anyone that doesn't like crispy chicken skin is a weirdo.
No.
I like your skin.
I wanna eat your skin.
Erm. I mean. It's just that I. Erm.
I think you have beautiful skin.
Will you just excuse me for one minute?
Is this it?
Only if you want it to be.
Is this what you want?
No.
You don't belong here.
We don't belong here, Jed.
What am I supposed to do?
I don't stand a chance, he's taken everything from me.
Not everything.
I love you.
I know.
I love you too.
I know.
Who is it?
Police. Can we have a word please, buddy?
Mr Flack?
Hold on!
Is everything OK in there, Mr Flack?
Hold on.
Could you open up, please?
Mr Flack?
Apologies for disturbing you, we just have a couple of questions.
Flack...
Could you open up, please?
What can I do for you two, officers?
Mary Huggins,
aka downstairs?
What about her?
Reported missing.
Do you mind if we come in and take a look around, sir?
Be my guest.
Ah, man of many talents, are we?
What's this then?
Oh, that?
That is...
That is, erm...
My rendition of
cubic
abstract
eroticism.
Very good.
What happened to your head?
I shaved it.
I got into a bit of a drunken stupor with the work colleagues last night,
and you know, hence all the mess.
Boys will be boys, hey Officer?
What we got cooking then, bud?
Another Michelin special, is it?
Any available units please make your way
to Geemans Lair Restaurant, 229 Market Parade.
Male suspect wanted in connection with the murder-
-of a young women in the ladies toilets.
Yep, received. 78. Assign us.
Shown you assigned. It's CAD 8127.
Now, you give us a call if you hear anything, Mr Flack. OK?
Of course.
It's gonna be OK, mate.
We'll find somewhere new, a new flat.
Somewhere hot and wet.
Eye witness reported the suspect turn into Nielsen Street,
on foot, whereby a blonde wig and tweed suit jacket-
-were recovered.
Officers on the scene are scanning the CCTV of the restaurant-
-to get a better idea of the suspect's whereabouts.
The suspect is believed to be American.
This is CAD 8032,
requesting backup to flat 111a Quilter House.
Mr Flack?
Apologies, we just have another couple of questions-
-if you wouldn't mind?
What is it?
Didn't you have an American accent?
What's that now?
Where were you between 6 and 7 this evening?
CAD 8127. Suspect last seen boarding the Northern Line at Camden Town.
Received.
Please! Hello?
Help!
Hello! This is the Police. Who is that?
Yes! Yes! Please. My name is Jed Freeman.
I've been taken prisoner and he won't let me go.
Please, he's gonna kill me, please help me!
Don't worry, sir. The situation is now under control.
You are no longer at risk.
Now, for both mine and your personal safety,
I need to firstly ask if there is anybody else-
-in the room with you?
No! No!
Well, yes. But they're all dead, Officer!
I'm sorry to hear that, Jed.
We'll get you out in just a second.
Now, am I going to find anything on you-
-that would be considered a dangerous weapon?
No! Fuck sake!
No, I'm tied up and he's cut off my limbs!
Please help me, I am dying here!
Remain calm, Jed. I'm coming in.
It's locked, Jed.
Do you know where I might find a key?
Check him!
Maybe it's in his pocket. Please!
Hello?
'Ello Guv'nor.
No, no, no, please!
Lionel, I beg you, please!
You don't have to do this! No, no, no!
Oh, God.
Come on, you don't have to do this, Lionel.
Come on.
CAD 8032. Backup dispatched.
Can you give us an update?
They're coming for you.
You've murdered two of their Officers, come on!
They're coming for you, you're done now, please!
It's not gonna help you, man.
Thank you, Jed.
Fuck!
This is the Police! Open up!
Oh my God, oh my God, thank God you're here.
Try to remain calm, Sir.
Tell me what happened.
He fucking kidnapped me, man!
He's a lying, manipulative snake!
Slow down, come on, now.
It's OK.
Just tell me what happened.
It's going to be OK.
He kept me against my will.
He's killed others, he's got them in the back room,
I can show you.
That's OK, son. You never have to go in that room again.
Just tell me where the man is that did this to you.
HE'S OVER THERE!
Poor, lost soul shot himself right after he shot me.
FUCK!
Lionel?
Lionel!
It's not gonna work.
Look at me.
Is it hard to see the world from inside the bowl?
To be honest,
I don't know what side of the glass I'm on.
You think you're talking to Bermuda?
Bermuda's dead, Lionel.
I didn't wanna see you hurt,
so I got you a new one.
Hey
can we...
Can we just...
Can we just-
-sit and eat?
Please.
Jed.
I am so,
so sorry-
-L'CHAIM!
Come on.
Fuck.
You can let me go, now.