Shit!
Late again. Story of my life.
My first job interview in ages.
Oh, shit!
And with Mike Reddy, no less, hottest media mogul in the biz.
Shit.
I need to pull it together.
- I'm pulling it together.
I got this.
Oh, thanks.
Look out, world, today is my day.
- Oh, oh. Oh.
Shit. Damn it.
I got it.
Oh, my goodness, that is very kind of you.
Of course.
What kind of person would I be if I didn't?
Oh, thank you.
Did you hear Mike pulled a Karen on Karen?
He went off on her.
Oh, this place used to be so much fun.
Uh, Mike Reddy wouldn't know fun if it kneed him in the balls.
Well, I got my feelers out and when I land something,
- I'm gonna bounce. - Okay.
I know I'm two minutes late.
There was a lot of elevator traffic,
which I could have avoided,
but then there was this old lady--
Sorry, elderly lady.
Anyways, it was a real ethical Sophie's choice.
Zucky, I-- I have to go,
but you know, this is why no one likes you.
- He's so meta.
All right, your uncle speaks very highly of you.
I looked through your résumé.
Top of your class at BU. Very nice.
I also went to college in Boston.
- Emerson.
Very funny.
Two years out of school and still no job.
- Your parents must be... - Dead.
- Oh, I-- - No, I'm kidding.
Well, no, I'm not, they are dead.
Um, I don't know why I said that.
What I meant to say is if they were alive,
they would probably blame this post-pandemy economy.
Am I right?
Fair point.
So tell me what um, excites you about Heywood Media?
So many things.
a media company whose CEO is also the founder
with over 200 employees in offices across the country.
Or should I say "globe"?
Congrats on the new London office.
Looks like you did your homework,
but anyone can Google.
What do you really know about my company?
Well, um, I didn't wanna go here,
but since you asked, word on the street is
- company morale is low.
Our employees are some of the highest paid
in this industry.
Studies show that money doesn't replace fun.
People wanna feel appreciated.
Are you telling me how to run a company
- that I started from scratch? - Of course not.
I-- I'm just keeping it fortune 100.
and I know not everyone can be Sara Blakely
taking her team to Hawaii on a private jet.
- She-- she does that? - Yes.
But little things, like bowling
or softball or a company picnic, they go a long way.
In over 20 years, I've never had someone
come in for an interview and talk to me like this.
I'm sorry. I was just speaking my mind.
And you might be right.
I admit I have become a little bit of a...
- Tight ass? - Don't push it.
But you do make a valid point and I do respect honesty,
so what the hell?
- Let's do this.
Um, so embarrassing.
Let me just uh... I'm so sorry.
Holy shit!
My TikTok is blowing up!
Oh! Well, congratulations.
You know, we are a media company.
- Let me take a look.
So boycott Vikki's,
because you vote with your dollar.
Plus, I heard they found the prototype
for these bras on Epstein's island.
Ew.
I read that in the comments.
- Our company made this ad.
- Oh, shit. - Oh, shit.
I spoke with Mike.
Ah, now I get it.
I really tried!
You know, not every single thought belongs
on the internet.
Can I get a tequila on the rocks?
- Extra limes. Make it a double. - She'll have an iced tea.
Tío, this is a time for alcohol.
Oh, si, como no?
Poor millennial blowing yet another interview
your rich Tío set up for you.
Will some avocado toast make you feel better?
First of all, I'm Gen Z,
and secondly, it wasn't my fault.
Uh, maybe I'm just not cut out for a traditional 9:00 to 5:00.
Ariana, you're educated, smart, charming,
so why do you keep getting in your own way?
Do you remember what your parents always said?
No empiences.
Show me your friends and I'll show you who you are.
But I don't have any friends.
That's the problem.
I'm doing a lot of traveling,
so I spoke to the head of Gilmore Country Club
and I'm gifting you a seasonal membership.
Tío, you might enjoy showing off your timepiece
with those nepo baby boomers, but I could never.
I planned a party at the club for your birthday
and I fully expect you to fill it
with all your new friends.
Yeah, I'd love to,
but I have a root canal that day.
Look, I'm serious.
IQ isn't enough, you need to have EQ.
And your stuffy country club
is gonna give me emotional depth?
It's worth a try.
If you prove that you've matured
and surrounded yourself with high-quality friends,
I'll get you another interview at Heywood.
Besides I think it would do you good
to get back to some family traditions.
And if you don't, well--
I'll have no choice, but to cut you off.
You can't do that!
All because I don't wanna assimilate?
Gilmore is full of lawyers, doctors, business owners.
I want you to surround yourself with that caliber of friends.
- Ensenyame tus amigos-- - And you'll show me who I am.
You already said that.
I'd appreciate it if you didn't use my dead parents
as emotional manipulation.
Ariana... that accident wasn't your responsibility.
What you do with the rest of your life is.
You know what you have to do.
Go drown my sorrows in Postmates tequila,
and self-loathing?
Mr. Peters will be expecting you at noon tomorrow.
Don't be late.
I'll consider it,
but you're not my favorite tío right now.
Oh.
I'm your only tío.
Oh, this day couldn't get any worse!
[birds chirping in background
Ariana?
- Oh, fuck me. Oh, my God, girl!
I haven't seen you since you dropped out of kappa!
- Yeah.
- Ooh, you're... - Pregnant!
- On purpose?
You always were the funny one.
Of course, on purpose.
Harry and I. You remember Harry?
Hung-like-a-horse Harry?
They called him that?
Anyway, we did Europe after graduation
- and he proposed in Paris. - Wow.
Yeah, planning a wedding, while I was at Yale Business,
was no easy feat, but it all worked out.
Whoa! Elon Musk could see that thing from space!
Oh, you think? I could ask him.
Congratulations on everything.
But I just gave you my one-woman show.
What about you?
Are you just killin' the PR world?
Uh, yeah, pretty much.
I just had an interview at Heywood Media.
Congrats. When do you hear back?
Any day now.
But you know, I pretty much crushed it.
- Yes, you did.
And any boyfriends or girlfriends?
I'm still looking for the right guy,
but you know, can't hurt to have fun in the meantime.
Aw!
And I went viral this morning.
- No big deal. - That's nice.
I also just joined this really exclusive country club.
It was super hard to get into, but I pulled some strings.
Oh, my God, which one?
Gilmore Country Club.
Get out. That's my club!
Whoa! What are the chances?
Oh, you'll love it! It's a great place to network.
I mean it has to be, right,
to make up for that 100-grand initiation fee.
Oh, you could stop climate change
- with that kinda cash. - Well, listen, I have to run.
So uh, let's meet up at Gilmore. I'll introduce you to the girls.
You'll have margs, I'll have tea.
It'll be great.
- Yeah, great.
Oh, even your hair smells perfect.
- Okay, bye.
Can't wait!
Romeo, Romeo, wherefore art thou, Romeo?
Oh, hi, over here.
- Romeo.
Men are so fickle.
I know I've only known Damien for 10 minutes,
but we're for sure soul mates.
Hell yeah. Soul mates!
Pfft! I call bullshit. Right, Romeo?
I just wanted to show Damien my best side, right?
so I'm not telling him about the three kids I have.
Romeo, you're my friend, right?
Shit.
Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa! Employee parking's around back.
I'm actually a member. My tío is George Alvarez.
Ms. Alvarez, I'm so sorry. Mr. Peters is expecting you.
It's Ariana.
Oh, let me park the car for you.
- It's okay. I'll do it myself. - Of course, yeah!
Uh, just right over there in between that uh,
the Porsche and the Cadillac.
Mmhmm.
Phew!
Oh, I said dressing on the side.
I'm sorry, Mrs. Harrison.
I will have the kitchen fix that.
Oh, Skyler, mine is on the side. We can switch.
Don't be ridiculous, she can bring me a new one.
And no croutons. Thank you.
Mmhmm.
Since when does staff get to walk
through the main building?
I'm calling Mr. Peters.
No, that's Ariana! We went to college together.
She's a member.
Honey, members know how to dress at Gilmore.
She's new. And she's very funny.
- Just give her a chance. - Well, I wanna meet her.
Ugh, golf.
Eh, Ms. Alvarez! Thanks for comin' in.
I'm Richard Peters,
the General Manager here at Gilmore.
Your uncle has spoken very highly of you.
Well, either you're lying or he is.
But either way, I appreciate it.
He also said you were blunt
and that you'd need help with the dress code.
So, let's go to the pro shop, and pick out some proper attire,
and then I can show you around.
Yeah, I actually worked really hard on this outfit.
I know it looks like I just threw it together,
but that's like kind of the point.
Well, your uncle also mentioned
that you have oppositional behavior.
- Okay, now, who's the blunt one? - Shall we?
Jason, this is Mr. Alvarez's niece.
We need to get her into proper golf attire.
Jason. - Oh, hi. I mean...
Why don't you pick out a few things
and head out to the patio for a drink,
and I'll meet you there?
Wow! He seems fun.
He's strict, but great.
You don't have to stare. I'm not gonna steal anything.
- No, Ms. Alvarez, I wasn't-- - And it's Ariana.
Uh, last names only. It's club policy.
Oh, gosh, what is this place? Some kind of cult?
'Cause that might make it more appealing.
- Woah! $90 for a skort!
Are you kidding me?
They're really comfortable.
Uh, I mean that's what all the ladies say.
For 90 bucks, it better make me squirt
and do my taxes.
Uh, I can check with my manager.
I mean it is pretty cute. And I'm a sucker for pockets.
Almost makes me wanna hit some balls.
- Have you ever played? - Yes.
Mini golf with a bad online date.
If you're interested,
I could set you up with some lessons.
I appreciate the hustle,
but I'm just here for the day-drinking
and the patriarchal dress code.
Fair enough.
Charge it to my tío's account.
Wow!
Okay, ladies, I win again. That's 200 from both of you.
Ariana! You made it. Good to see you.
Come meet everyone. This is Skyler.
Harrison. Also club champion.
Five years running, but it's not that important.
Of course not or you wouldn't mention it.
Well, the champion does get
their yearly membership dues waived.
So, it keeps the hubby happy.
Skyler, you're so bad.
And this is Jenny. Recently married.
The wedding was stunning.
Hey, I've seen you before.
Wait, you're on Lusty Lagoon! You're a Dallas cheerleader!
That's me! Or was me.
I'm retired now. Also, keeps the hubby happy.
What about you, Air-anna?
- It's Ariana. - Same, same.
Becky has really sung your praises.
Becky?
So what are you?
Married? Divorced? Children?
I'd like to say
I'm a connoisseur of dating apps.
So, single. How surprising.
I'm not worried.
Marriage is basically legal prostitution
that's been romanticized into this billion-dollar industry.
- But congrats, Jenny! - Aw, thank you so much!
But tell me, how much locker-room action
do you cheerleaders really get?
- Ariana. - Oh, come on!
53 big, chiseled men. How many can you count?
Jenny, no, you don't have to answer that.
Ariana, that-- that's not appropriate.
Jenny's married to a highly-respected attorney.
Twenty-two.
Yeah, threesomes, foursomes.
And don't even get me started with Super Bowl Sunday.
- Jenny! - It was wild.
Jenny, what has gotten into you?
Come on, Becca!
Like you don't let Harry in the back door
- once in a while!
- Oh, only on special occasions.
Ladies, that's enough!
Good afternoon, ladies.
Ms. Alvarez, are you ready for the grand tour?
I can't wait.
- Lovely to meet you all. - You, too.
Bye.
Well, that got way off the rails.
I don't know what came over me!
Sounds like a lot of people from what you just said.
Please, stop!
This is exactly the kind of vile behavior
someone like Ariana brings out in all of us.
Your friend may clean up nicely, but she's not Gilmore material.
She's not my friend.
We just knew each other from college.
I understand.
You.
Come here. What's her deal?
- How'd she get in here? - Mr. Alvarez's niece?
He's sponsoring her for a seasonal membership.
I see. So, she's not a member.
She's a member's guest.
What difference does it make?
All the difference in the world.
She won't last a week.
Cheers, ladies.
I get it.
I don't know what came over me and then you were like
- Jenny, enough.
Thanks for saving me.
Did they welcome you with open arms?
Not exactly.
Yeah, I didn't think so. But they'll warm up to you.
Or they won't. It's a tossup.
So where's Mr. Peters?
Did you knock him off for the insurance money?
Uh, I was about to,
but then he got pulled into a meeting.
Oh, love a plot twist.
So, now, it's my job to give you the grand tour.
I was given orders to explain some very important rules.
Okay. This is a cult.
Could be.
Um, but listen, the trick is knowin'
which rules matter and which ones don't.
Alright, so, rule number 1.
The dress code is everything.
And no public intoxication, no gambling, and no cursing.
Fuck! You little cock-sucker, you cheated!
Take a chill pill, Dad.
I'm sorry, son, but you can take that chill pill
and shove it up your little 8-year-old ass,
- okay?
I guess that rule doesn't matter.
Yeah, we try to keep that to a minimum.
But you catch on quick, Alvarez.
A loophole to the last-name policy.
I'm impressed.
Okay, what's next?
Yeah, um, sorry about all that.
Um, but we do have one of the top courses
in the world,
which is, of course, wasted on you.
Unfortunately, yes. I hate the sport. Do you play?
Presently, no. It's not really for me.
But I am one hell of a caddie.
So, uh, this is our men's lounge,
and per rule number 5, no women are allowed in.
It's a deeply problematic tradition.
Yeah, it's almost like our forefathers hated women.
And this is the main dining room.
Wow! Fuck me!
- Uh, excuse me?
And that is the perfect segue to our last rule.
No fraternizing with the staff.
Fraternizing?
No hookin' up, dating
or falling madly and deeply in love.
Hmm.
You know, fraternizing.
Ms. Alvarez, my apologies,
but I'm sure Jason has properly introduced you
- to Gilmore. - Yes, he was very informative.
It was my pleasure.
Well, just in case, here is everything you need to know.
Please read it, thoroughly.
- It'll help you-- - Assimilate?
- Fit in. - Hmm.
Your uncle is family here. So that makes you family, too.
Just respect the rules and we'll all have a great time.
Oh, I will be on my best behavior.
Good.
Jesus Christ, Peters!
No wonder we can't attract any fresh blood around here,
- you're scaring off the youth.
Ms. Alvarez, this is Ms. Archebold.
The name is Stella, my dear.
- Ariana. - Very nice to meet you.
Welcome to Gilmore.
Come to the luncheon this afternoon.
You can sit at my table.
I will let you get me drunk and then I will start gossiping.
That's a tempting offer,
but I gotta catch up on some light reading.
- Yes. - It's all you can eat lobster.
Oh, I'll be there.
I look forward to it.
Looks like Ariana's really getting
her uncle's money's worth.
- I feel a little under-dressed. - You look fine.
So, I've heard a lot about you.
Yes, I'm a liberal, no, I did not get a boob job,
and yes, I binge-watch cat videos.
A little personality will do this club some good.
Too many cardboard cutouts around here
if you ask me, which you did not,
but I'm never one to withhold an opinion.
Mm, respect.
- My apologies. - Oh!
I believe this belongs to you, Ms. Archebold.
Jason, you're a lifesaver. Thank you so much.
Anything for my favorite member.
Oh, if I were 20 years younger, the things I would do to him.
- Mm, no dating staff. Page 16. - The rule book!
You read the rule book, that outdated rag?
Yeah. Lots of rules, not enough fun.
Well, you're right. This place is a little stuffy.
I can overlook the stuffy part
as long as I can eat and drink for free.
I'm gonna help my uncle make his minimums.
Well, good for you.
So, which one's the cool table?
They're all cool table.
There are a lot of wonderful people here.
It's just so much more fun to talk about the bad ones.
- I'm listening. - First, we have the Rockbridges.
Old money.
He's an idiot son who inherited a fortune.
She's a former lingerie model.
And you've met the ladies.
I use that term loosely, but only about of them.
That's new money and a lot of it.
That Skyler seems pretty intense.
I think you could take her.
And then there are the young marrieds.
Meet the Smiths.
They have the most perfect children
on the planet.
Watch what she does with those olives
in her martini.
Wow! That would be genius if it wasn't child abuse.
Mmhmm.
Of course, once you surpass a certain income bracket,
we call it "character building."
Oh, I wasn't finished yet.
And you're supposed to clear from the right!.
What's going on with this place?
- I'm sorry, Mrs. Harrison. - Do it again.
The correct way.
Much better.
Sorry.
Oh, man.
You don't have to be so mean.
Becky, I was teaching her a lesson.
You'd think they'd train them better here.
Yes, can I help you?
Didn't think so. Good idea.
I'm sure the dishwasher could really use some help.
Oh, don't cry. I'm sorry those women were--
Oh, my God. I'm so sorry.
We're not supposed to eat in front of members,
but this was all just gonna get thrown out.
No, please, eat!
- It is so good! - Yeah.
I'm sorry those girls were so mean to you.
Them? Nah.
Most people here are cool.
They just put me down, because they know
without their husbands they'd be back here
sneakin' lobster with me.
Honestly, I feel kinda bad for them.
Really?
I'm a psych major.
So I don't take anything personally.
- Wow, that's really freeing. - Hmm.
What's the professional term you'd use for Skyler?
Mm, cunty probably.
I'm sorry I shouldn't say that.
You're not gonna have me fired, are you?
- Not a chance. - Cool.
Oh, my God!
They're throwing away the lobster!
Yeah. Happens all the time.
Well, can't they give it to the homeless or something?
Food safety regulations. If they get sick they could sue.
- It's a whole thing. - That's not accurate.
That's a lie fed to us by corporate America
to excuse capitalistic laziness.
Hell yeah.
Well, could I take some home for my cat?
For your cat?
Sure.
I will pack some up for you.
Hey, would you wanna hang out some time?
Um, I'm just really busy right now,
like with school and work. It's--
Oh, yeah. No, I totally get it.
But you never know.
Something could change, my schedule could free up.
- Let me pack this up for you. - Great, thank you.
Jason?
Please don't let me end up on a murder podcast.
Jason?
What are you doing?
- Oh.
Hey, uh, wine?
These stars look fake.
They're just so bright.
Oh, yeah, it's uh,
'cause there's no lights on the course.
You're gripping it too tight. Keep the pressure firm,
but only in your three left fingers.
Well, excuse me, Michelle Wie. How do you know uh--
Hang around long enough, you pick up the lingo.
Okay.
- Damn!
I thought you couldn't play.
Uh, yeah, I used to, but uh, I don't play anymore.
It's a long story.
My favorite kind.
My stepdad was a caddie at Gilmore.
He taught me how to play and I was pretty good.
I got a full ride to Stanford.
Wow! So, you're like amazing.
- Yeah, I was.
But I got to school
and I felt like everyone was so privileged.
I was the only scholarship kid without a trust fund.
I felt like I didn't fit in.
So, I dropped out.
My stepdad got me a job at the club,
and rest is history.
And your parents were cool with you quitting?
Um, no. they were pretty pissed.
But when I got there, I felt like charity case.
- Like I... - You didn't belong.
Exactly.
Yeah, I know the feeling.
I think my time at Gilmore has come to an end.
Already?
Gilmore and me are like post-breakup bangs.
Good in theory, but in execution, big mistake.
I feel like you'd look good with bangs.
Mm, no, the receipts prove otherwise.
I could not pull it off.
Alvarez, we both know
you can pull off anything you want to.
Operative word being "want".
Okay, so what do you want?
I'm still figuring it out.
Holy shit! Oh, my God!
Did you see that? That was a shooting star!
- Am I in a fairytale?! - Um, depends.
- Did you make a wish? - Oh, shit.
No, it happened so fast.
- What was that?
Uh, could be a rabbit.
Or a snake.
Or a coyote.
- Yeah, we should probably go. - Yeah.
I hope you're hungry, Romeo, because we hit the jackpot!.
We're gonna eat lobster for weeks!
Tío! How's my favorite jet-setting one-percenter?
Uh, just landed in Paris,
and the driver talked about this throuple
and smoked a cigarette the whole time.
I don't know which was worse.
Anyway, how are you?
I'm good. Really good.
TÍO JORGE ON PHONE: Day one and you already met a man?
What? No!
I can hear your smile from France.
Who is he? Did you meet at Gilmore?
Yes, but it's not like that. It's complicated.
He's not married, is he?
Ew, Tío, no!
But please just drop it, okay?
Besides, I could actually use some advice.
You're asking me for help?
Go on.
I really wanna give this place a chance.
Some people have been really cool
and some have been...
Skyler Harrison.
I don't wanna name names, but, yes.
And it's not just her, I feel like I don't fit in.
Even today at the luncheon, everyone was staring.
TÍO JORGE ON PHONE: What were you wearing?
My new skort, from the golf shop.
You still there?
Yes.
Uh, mijita, you have to dress for the class you wanna be in,
not the class you are.
Was that Gandhi?
TÍO JORGE ON PHONE: These spaces aren't always made for us,
but that doesn't mean we don't belong.
You gotta make one ally at a time.
Walk in with your head held high,
and for the love of God never wear a skort
to the main dining hall again.
- How'd I do? - Solid 10 outta 10.
TÍO JORGE ON PHONE: Great.
And not to ruin the moment, but um,
did you put your parents up?
Not yet.
Don't wait too long, mijita.
I know. I won't.
TÍO JORGE ON PHONE: Great. Now go give them hell.
Romeo!
Christina. Christina.
- Christina! - No! Stay back!
Oh, my God, Ms. Alvarez, I am so sorry!
Holy shit!
Where'd you learn to do that?
Jiu-jitsu. My muscle memory just took over!
Holy shit, I just assaulted a member.
And not at all in the way I pictured it would happen.
- Are you okay?
Yeah, yeah, I'm fine.
I was just wondering if you were free this afternoon.
Uh, actually, yeah, I am.
- Today's your lucky day.
I hope no one saw that.
- Come on. - Yeah.
The best consignment store in town.
All the richest bitches come here
to drop off their last-season cast-offs.
Ooh!
This one feels...
Deeply problematic?
- I was gonna say racist. - Yeah, yeah.
- This one's a maybe. - Okay.
For home use only.
Hey, I don't slut shame.
I have the same one in red.
I feel beautiful.
Uh, there's a wine stain on the back.
Oh, God, I think that's blood!
Oh, my God, ew! Ew! Ew, ew, ew, ew, ew, ew!
- Classic.
- I feel like a Bond girl. - You look like a Bond girl.
This is it.
- Pish. - Mmhmm.
Okay, if you don't buy that, I will kill you.
And then I'll buy it, and I'll wear it to the trial.
You look beautiful.
How do you feel?
Different, but good different.
Thank you for bringing me here.
Any time.
But we probably should get going.
Some of us actually have to work.
Yeah, let's go.
♪ I wanna see you bring the heat ♪
♪ The heat ♪
♪ I wanna see you bring the flavor ♪
♪ The flavor ♪
♪ Come on, let's move it to the beat ♪
♪ The beat ♪
♪ We gonna do it now and later ♪
♪ And later ♪
- ♪ Like that, huh, you got it ♪ - ♪ You got it ♪
♪ Yeah, let's move that body ♪
♪ We just swingin' to the music ♪
Hey, ladies! Let's lunch soon.
- ♪ Bring the heat ♪ - ♪ The heat ♪
- Wow! Uh, you clean up nice. - Thanks.
I had a little help from a friend.
I thought you didn't have friends.
It's called "personal growth."
Ah! I'll have to try that sometime.
- I had a lot of fun yesterday. - Me, too.
Do you think you--
Okay, I'll be right there.
I should probably go, but I'll see you soon, Alvarez.
Good lady, a tequila on the rocks.
- Make it double. - Oh!
I guess I'm a proper lady of society now.
Well, you certainly look the part,
but now you've gotta act it.
Well, you've spent a lot of time around these bougie a-holes.
What should I do next?
Give up my voting rights or start preparing a dowry?
Wow!
Uh, first, I'd start by getting that chip off your shoulder.
- Ouch.
Ariana, you are spending time at an amazing club
on your tío's dime.
A million people would kill to be here.
- Check your privilege, missy. - You're right.
Consider the chip gone. Any other pointers?
Ooh, you're gonna hate this next one.
I don't wanna date old dudes.
It's worse. You have to golf.
I'd rather date an old dude!
I know, but it's a golf club. You gotta golf.
From what I've seen, it's a drinking club
with a golf course.
Listen, it's an amazing way to earn the ladies' respect
and it shows the men that you're not just here shopping
for a husband.
I'll consider it.
But I want the record to show I'm not happy.
- Noted.
And last but not least, I'd enjoy this place
while it's still here.
Still here? Where's it going?
- Money problems. - I have money problems.
Trust me, this place is doing just fine.
No, girl, membership is down.
The older members are dying off
and they're certainly not attracting any younger ones.
Well, boo-hoo!
The oldies can manifest this place up in heaven.
- I sense a chip. - Sorry, old habits.
Ariana, it's not just the members.
Look around this place.
There's over 100 employees that depend on Gilmore.
If something doesn't change, this could be the last year
for all of us.
Well, I can think of a million ways
to make this place more fun.
- Oh, no. - I'm here for back up.
- What's going on? - Hole in one!
- But that's a good thing. - Mm-mm.
Not for us.
The entire club gets a free drink.
- Which leads to more drinks. - Mm-hmm.
- Here they come. - Shit.
My martini, if you please!
There she is! Woman of the hour!
Sank that sucker from 150 yards out.
I heard it was a lucky shot.
Lucky my ass, you cheap son of a bitch!
Drink the only free thing you'll ever get from me.
Hmm.
I heard it was windy that probably did it.
Three divorces, Bill. Wonder why.
Hey, Christina, a beer before my wife gets here.
Thank you.
She's really got a tight grip on your balls, huh, son?
Yeah, I mean more or less, but mostly more.
Tough place.
Yes, I bet. God, I love beer!
Kyle! - Hey.
What are you doing?
Just uh, havin' a beer, a little celebration.
Mmhmm.
It's time to let your balls drop.
Bill, you would be so much more attractive
if you talked just a little less.
That's funny! That's what Kyle says about you!
- Honey, can I talk to you? - Yup. Yup.
Well played.
Well, gentlemen, it is time for us to journey on.
Where's everyone going?
Oh, we're going to the men's lounge!
There' just too much estrogen out here.
It's my kryptonite.
Why not just stay here and have another drink on--
On Mr. Alvarez?
Oh, we're goin' in there where there's um, books.
- Oh, you read? - Yeah. Do you read?
Romance novels?
- Good for you. - Um...
Another time.
Honey, you want him to go.
Watching him drink with his penis,
it's not for everybody.
Romance novels?
Oh, honey, it's See Spot Run.
The Adventures of Dick and Jane.
- Dick likes his dick.
- Bill likes his dick.
Maybe I could just have one with the boys.
Honey, I made us reservations at Fork.
She is a top chef.
- It took me months to get us in. - Yeah, I know.
And I'll-- I'll still make it to dinner.
Okay.
But you know, I hate when you hang out with Bill.
He's a creep and he always looks at my--
I-- I-- I know, I know.
Hey, I promise, I'll be good.
Hmm?
- You better. - I would.
Or I'll know.
I know you will. Love you.
Love you.
Hey, hey! Who's bangin' the new chick?
Well, I don't know if you're talking about reality
or what's happened in my mind,
because in my mind, we're having our third child.
I'm gonna ride that thing like a choo-choo train.
Hey, don't tell my wife.
Sometimes it sucks to have a vagina.
What a stupid, archaic, sexist rule!
I mean no wonder you guys aren't getting any new members.
You are correct, but it is a tradition.
Fuck tradition. It was your hole in one!
You should be in there celebrating!
Oh, sweetheart, I'm too tired for that fight.
Then I'll fight it for you.
I'm goin' in.
Fine, well, as the ranking board member,
I will tell you that the tradition
is 125 years old.
Other than that, I know nothing.
Christina, hit me up!
Hang on!
- You'll also need these. - Thank you.
Good luck.
She's so plucky.
You don't come here for the huntin', do you, boy?
- Fuck your tradition. - Oh!
I'm here and I've got tequila.
- Tequila! - Tequila!
- Night, boys.
- Bottoms up.
Ono más.
You said she wouldn't last a week.
We may have to step things up,
but we'll find a way to get her out.
Do you think she really wants to have lunch with us
or was she just being nice?
You know, she did seem pretty cozy
chatting it up with Jason earlier.
I wonder--
This feels a little mean, girls.
Can't we just give her a chance?
- We could invite her to Fork. - No! No.
Ladies, no, just trust me.
This club will never accept someone like Ariana.
- Ariana! Ariana! Ariana! - Ariana! Ariana! Ariana!
Ariana! Ariana!
Sure about that?
Ariana! Ariana! Ariana!
Hey, let me just squeeze in there quick.
Hey, thanks for bringin' the tequila.
This is fun.
- Stop. - Oh, ticklish?
- Stop. - Oh...
What? Oh, Kyle!
Your wife is in the men's lounge.
You know the rules. Next round is on you, jackass.
Kyle, we don't wanna miss our dinner reservation.
Let's go. Now.
Yes, dear.
Come on, Sky, we're just havin' some fun.
Hey, for the record,
your husband can really pound the tequila.
For the record, that dress looked great on me last year.
I bet you didn't notice my initials on the inseam.
Okay, Skyler, men's lounge, you out.
- But what about her? - You don't know my pronouns.
- Ariana! Ariana! - Ariana! Ariana!
Ms. Alvarez! Ariana! Ariana!
May I speak with you, please?
Privately.
Ms. Alvarez, your behavior in the men's lounge
was totally unacceptable!
You know what's unacceptable?
Separating genders like it's the 1900!
- It's a tradition! - Well, it's regressive.
Even so, I've already received too many complaints about you.
I have no choice but to contact your uncle.
Whoa, whoa, whoa! Let's not do anything rash.
Mr. Peters, word on the street is the club isn't doing great.
- So why don't we make a deal?
I'll help you get your membership numbers up
and you keep this whole incident on the DL.
Let's leave Tío Jorge out of it.
What happens in Gilmore, stays in Gilmore.
Excuse me. This club doesn't need your help.
We both know it does. Gilmore needs to change.
If not, lots of jobs go bye-bye, including yours.
Well... the annual new member drive is comin' up.
I could recommend you to the committee.
Great.
It's run by Mrs. Skyler Harrison.
Yeah, that's not gonna work. Let me guess.
Charity auctions, wine-tasting parties,
and black-tie events.
And the women's golf tournament at the end of the season.
Boring, boring, boring!
You want new members, you need new ideas.
We gotta think outside Skyler's box.
- I'm listening - Oh, now? Oh, okay.
Uh, well, just spitballing here.
I think you need to appeal to a younger demographic.
They don't want galas, they want yappy hours.
- Yappy hour? - Yes!
You know, like drinks and dogs!
You take care of Skyler and the committee,
I'll take care of the new members.
And Uncle George stays none the wiser.
You really think you can pull this off?
I think I can save this place.
Then you got yourself a deal.
The parking lot is packed. Where is everyone?
Welcome Gilmore members and guests!
Let's get ready to play The Price is Right!
I love that show!
My grandma won a trip to the Grand Canyon.
She didn't take me though.
Skyler!
Oh, I'm sorry,
I don't see your name on the list.
But you're more than welcome to wait in line.
What the hell is going on?
It's new member week. And we all have to do our part.
Give a round of applause to Kyle Harrison
and his brand-new peloton!
I'm gonna get Mr. Peters.
Oh, don't bother. I'll go in and grab him for you.
In the meantime, feel free to check out all
these activities I have planned.
S'mores bar and stargazing?
- How romantic! - Hmm.
Harry would love that!
Oh, my God! A yappy hour!
Spots are filling up quick so...
And don't forget to follow the hashtag Gilmore 2.0
for the most up-to-date news.
And please welcome to stage,
our wonderful hostess Ariana Alvarez!
Gotta go, duty calls.
Ladies, come through
for tomorrow's self-defense class.
Gilmore is a no-pussy-grabbing zone!
This means war.
25 new pledges. A club record.
What do you say you take me out to celebrate?
I'd say meet me after my shift.
Hmm.
I'll text you!
Yes, maybe, yeah.
Hey, um, we'll start with a flight of ales
and a couple of pretzels, please.
Flight? I want one of those.
Are you sure you can handle all that?
You scared?
We'll take two of those, please.
A good choice.
So, this place is cute.
Yeah, I love it.
The food's good and the beer's cheap.
And there's no chance someone from the club
will see us together, right?
I see your angle.
Trust me, it's for the best.
It's a stupid rule.
People should be allowed to fall for each other.
No one should lose their job over it.
Is that what's happening?
We're falling for each other?
I don't know. You tell me.
♪ Yeah, yeah, girl you know--♪
Let's play a game, truth or drink.
Well, I already plan on drinking, but okay.
Gentleman, first.
When we met,
what was your first thought about me?
That you were fucking hot. You?
- ♪ I'll try, I had to say ♪ - Hmm.
- ♪ The way that I'm feeling ♪ - Drink?
Wow, you can't answer that?
♪ That kinda feelin' ♪
It was the second grade and Jimmy just yelled,
-"He's goin' in his pants!"
And for the next three years, that was my cross to bear.
Did you ever poop your pants?
Drink. Oh, no!
Definitely Zac Efron cover of Rolling Stone.
Ah! That was your sexual awakening?
Yeah, and it was glorious. You?
Drink!
- I am.
♪ Put your money on me ♪
♪ Yeah ♪
♪ I can feel that you want it, put somethin' on it ♪
♪ Put your money on me ♪
♪ Yeah ♪
♪ 'Cause I feel magic tonight ♪
If a genie suddenly appeared and gave you one wish,
what would it be?
That's not how genie's work. I get three.
Mm, this is a post-pandemic recession genie.
You get one.
I'd ask for 100 more wishes.
- Ugh, boring! - Fine.
Uh, I guess a part of me still wonders
what if I hadn't quit Stanford?
Would I be pro?
So I'd wish I could go back and do it all over.
It's never too late.
Sometimes it is. What about you?
What's your wish?
Um, I wish...
- Drink, come on.
♪ Put your money on me ♪
♪ Yeah ♪
♪ 'Cause I feel magic tonight ♪
♪ Put your money on me ♪
♪ Yeah ♪
- Fuck, Marry, Kill. - Uh-huh.
Skyler, Rebecca, and Jenny.
- Marry Rebecca, fuck Jenny. - Okay.
And gently, non-problematically, and non-violently kill Skyler.
- Same. Come on. - Bottoms up.
Ooh!
♪ Yeah ♪
♪ I can feel that you want it, put somethin' on it ♪
So, are we falling for each other?
I'm gonna guess, you're not.
♪ Hey ♪
♪ Oh, oh, oh ♪
My sexual awakening was Ryan Reynolds.
I pooped my pants at a 4th grade sleepover.
I don't do well with dairy as I found out.
When we first met,
I honestly thought you were the ballsiest person
and you weren't even trying.
- I know what I'd wish for. - What?
From the genie, my wish.
I'd ask to have my parents back.
They died in a car accident, comin' to visit me
when I was in college.
- I'm so sorry. - Oh, it's okay.
I just needed to say it out loud.
Ariana, I'm one 1,000% falling for you.
♪ Uh, she said ♪
♪ Oh, yeah ♪
♪ She'll come look at what she wanted ♪
♪ I'll give you just one warnin' ♪
♪ You don't know what you started ♪
♪ Oh, yeah ♪
- Are you sure you wanna do this? - Yeah, I'm sure.
- Are you sure? - I'm sure.
♪ Girl, I know I just want you, ooh ♪
One of us smells like mustard.
- What?
Hot? Sweet?
♪ Waste no more time, no more, no more ♪
Spicy.
♪ Uh ♪
Hot. Very hot.
♪ Oh, oh, yeah ♪
- Hey. - Hey.
Hello, Ms. Alvarez.
You slept with Jason, didn't you?
I can't stop smiling. I feel like I'm in a rom-com.
Okay, I love this for you, like amazing,
but I would keep that on the DL.
If Skyler finds out about the two of you,
- she will be sure to ruin it.
Speak of the devil...
Good luck.
- Skyler, so glad you made it! - Oh, my goodness,
I wouldn't miss it for the world!
What's good for the club is good for everyone, right?
Right.
It's a great turn out, by the way.
Thanks, Rebecca.
Yes, can't wait to see how it goes.
Well, you shouldn't have to wait too much longer.
Our instructor will be here any second.
Wonderful.
Will she?
Aw, Ariana,
seems like your instructor is a no-show.
I'm so sorry it's a bust,
but this is why we have a committee.
Not everyone has the skillset to plan club events.
Oh, there she is! The woman of the hour!
Everyone, give a round of applause
for Christina.
- What are you doing? - I owe you.
You all know her as a fabulous bartender
and server,
but what you don't know is that she's highly trained
in the art of Jiu-jitsu.
Uh, uh, yes. Hi.
Thanks you, Ariana, for that wonderful intro.
Um, and I'm so sorry that I'm so late.
But I'm really excited to empower you all today,
both physically and mentally.
Okay. Alright, everyone up.
I'm gonna need a volunteer.
Mrs. Harrison, come on up.
So, let's all pretend
that I am walking alone in a parking lot
and Mrs. Harrison is following me.
I don't know why I'm in the employee parking lot,
but okay.
Alright, I want you to come up behind me
and grab my shoulder.
- Touch me again
and I will put you in a shallow grave!
Okay.
So, that's how it's done, ladies.
First, you attack physically, and then psychologically.
Alright?
Eve, great!
Uh, Eve's gonna assist me.
- Alright, who's next? - Me!
Nice. With one move.
I was parallel parking
before you were in your father's nutsac,
- so back off! You heard me!
I heard you, I heard you!
Let's go!
Uh-huh.
My belly's not a petting zoo, so hands off!
And my name's Rebecca, not Becky!
Yes!
Yeah, Rebecca!
I will shove my dick so far up your asshole
that it will split in two out of your nostrils,
you mansplainin' waste of space!
Cheerleading was hard.
Okay. Okay.
Okay. Yeah, yeah.
That was fun.
- Thanks for organizing. - Hey, thanks for coming.
Oh, and see you guys Friday.
- Thanks. - Thank you.
- I like your hair. - Thanks.
You must really be enjoying this.
I am.
Especially since you tried to sabotage my event.
What'd you do? Call the instructor and cancel?
Oh, don't be ridiculous.
Gilmore's a family.
When one of us succeeds, we all succeed.
Oh, in the spirit of family,
I'd love to see you at Friday's mini golf.
It's sold out, but I could make an exception
- for the club's reigning champ.
Just remember this, Ariana, I win.
I always win.
I hope more people are coming.
I mean, I'm sure more people are coming.
Wait, I thought you said it was sold out.
Uh-uh, that's Ariana's event.
I've been thinking I know people
who can make people like her disappear.
You know Criss Angel?
Hey, Gilmore fam,
the party is just getting started.
The music's loud and the slushies are strong.
So even if you hate golf as much as I do,
you'll still have fun!
Oh, my God, I love this song.
Oh, damn, me, too.
But not as much as a harpist, obviously.
What are you two talking about?
Just how I'm feeling so nauseous.
Morning sickness isn't just for the morning!
- Who knew? - Totally!
And I'm also feeling sick.
I think it might be sympathy pains.
Lovely party, Skyler.
We'll see you tomorrow.
Wait, Becky--
Rebecca, what am I supposed to do?
Host this all by myself?
I think you'll manage.
Bye.
No, thank you. No.
Go!
Thanks for coming.
Oh, there's drinks over there.
You made it! Have fun!
Well, this is quite the turn out.
Your uncle would be very proud.
Mm, the night is young.
Still plenty of time for me to screw it up.
Ariana, take the compliment.
Thank you.
These clubs are too damn small!
It's called "mini golf", Ms. Archebold.
Yes, but you know,
I only like to play with big things, Peters.
- Oh, no. - No, no, no.
Oh, I'm not done with you.
Ari!
Ah! Oh, guys!
This is so much more fun than Skyler's party.
The harp is so boring.
- Don't tell her I said that. - That's very sweet, Jenny.
How many of those red slushies have you had?
Mm, this is my third!
Oh shit. I have to pee.
- See you soon, girly!
I should probably make sure she's good.
Yeah.
You always did know how to throw a party.
Keep doing new.
Gilmore loves you.
Thanks, Rebecca.
Those rat bastards!
Want to play a few rounds later?
Loser takes the winner home.
I thought you didn't play.
I could make an exception.
Okay, fine.
- Yeah. - Okay.
- It's good.
Thank you.
I'll take a club and a bucket, please.
Skyler, you made it!
Yes, thank you for the invite.
It's quite the party.
Thanks?
So, Jason, my cousin Summer is coming into town next week.
She's the hot one in the family and very sweet.
But I haven't been single in so long,
I-- I don't know all the fun bars.
I could, um, recommend a few.
You're such a doll.
But it might be easier if I gave her your number.
Maybe you could show her around.
Who knows? You two might really hit it off.
Um, of course, Ms. Harrison.
- Anything for our club champion.
You flatter me.
See you later, Ariana.
Thanks, Jason.
- Ariana, I had to-- - No, you don't have to explain.
I totally understand.
I better go make my rounds.
Damn.
Two tequila shots. Doubles!
You got it!
Ariana, this place is poppin'.
I haven't seen it like this in years, girl!
You should be really proud.
Oh!
Whoa, okay.
Um, are we sure this is a good idea?
Oh, you're j-- you're just gonna keep going.
They're all for you. Okay.
Hey, is everything alright?
Never better.
I'm gonna be holding her hair later.
- Hey, do you wanna dance? - Fuck yeah!
Yeah.
Oh. Yeah.
Oh. Uh, stop!
What? Come on, Ariana.
The tension is killing me.
No, you're married.
I know, right?
You fucking slut!
Skyler, it's not what you think.
- You slimy- Oh!
Duplicitous hoe bag!
It's not what you think!
Come out here and face me like a woman!
- Skyler, he tried to kiss me! - Liar!
I knew you couldn't be trusted.
- Oh! - Oh!
You're the one trying to ruin every second of my life!
That is because you, Ariana Alvarez,
are insignificant trash and everyone knows it!
Not even the damn caddie will commit to you.
That's right, everyone!
Jason is sleeping with this whore.
Which according to page 106 is against the code of conduct!
Jason, is this true?
Jason, are you gonna tell them?
Ms. Alvarez,
I think you've had too much to drink.
Fuck you, Jason. And fuck you, Skyler.
And fuck this whole fucking place!
I quit, effective immediately.
Uh-uh!
Don't even think about it, homeboy.
Back to the party, guys.
Looks like it's just you and me, Romeo.
Sorry. I'm so sorry.
Jason, go away.
Rebecca, what are you doing here?
I was in the neighborhood
and I thought I'd make us breakfast.
Do you still like pancakes?
- I love pancakes. - Great.
Is your kitchen this way?
Rebecca, what are you really doing here?
- I quit the club. - I know.
Skyler was on fire last night.
Yeah, Kyle tried to kiss me.
Yup, he's a creep and deep down, Skyler knows it, too.
Uh, where are your mixing bowls?
Look around. Does it look like I bake?
I need a mixing bowl!
I can't make pancakes without them.
I-- I need to do something with these stupid, chubby hands!
You're not chubby, you're--
Gonna have a baby.
I'm not ready for this.
Rebecca, of course, you are.
Look at you, you're perfect.
Your husband's perfect, your life is perfect.
I bet your vagina is gonna snap back
- into place perfectly.
I'm not ready to be a mom.
Look, I'm not exactly an expert in that department,
but for what it's worth,
I think you're gonna be a great mom.
You kinda remind me of my mom.
In a good way.
God, I miss her.
I know you really miss your parents.
I'm sorry.
Thanks.
Look, you're gonna do the best you can.
You're gonna give them lots of love,
and teach them right from wrong,
and what they do with their life is up to them.
That's really sweet to say, Ari.
Thank you.
But are you-- are you really leavin' the club?
Skyler may be cruel, but she's not wrong.
- I'm not Gilmore material. - Bullshit.
You belong at that club just as much as anybody else.
Skyler's just insecure, because she met Kyle
when she was a waitressing at Scooter's Wild Wing Shack
and married him.
Wait, Skyler was a waitress?
Yep, and now her whole life is that club,
and her man's a dog, it's complicated.
But she's wrong about you.
You are not trash.
And don't you forget it.
Thanks, Rebecca.
What are friends for?
Hi, Mr. Reddy, it's Ariana Alvarez.
I was wondering if you were free tomorrow.
Great.
♪ Hey you, get down, lace up my loops ♪
♪ Wooh ♪
♪ Here's the queen comin' through ♪
♪ Uh, uh ♪
♪ Hey you, pull up, make me some food ♪
- ♪ Wooh ♪ - ♪ It's your highness to you ♪
♪ Uh, uh ♪
♪ Hey you, you a thug on the run with it ♪
♪ Wooh ♪
♪ She do it for the wealth, eh ♪
♪ Wooh ♪
♪ She don't need nobody else ♪
♪ Wooh ♪
- ♪ Sellin' water to a well ♪ - ♪ Uh ♪
And she's back.
Can't get rid of me that easily, I'm like a roach.
- Wait, let me try that again. - Yeah.
No, no, no, no, no. You quit. I heard you.
Everyone did. And you don't even golf!
I-- i-- is there a problem here?
Section 5, paragraph 3,
"A member must submit his or her resignation in writing
and it must be accepted by the board."
She's actually right, Mrs. Harrison.
She is not stepping foot on that course.
I'll file a complaint!
For fuck's sake, Skyler, relax!
It's just golf. We're not curing cancer.
What's the matter, Skyler?
Worried about a little competition?
The only thing I'm worried about is where I'm gonna put
- this year's trophy. - You better hope so.
Because if I remember correctly,
the champion gets their dues waved for a year.
So, when I win, I won't be going anywhere.
Those are literally the rules.
- Aren't you a bartender? - I'm multi-faceted.
You go, girl.
Ariana, what're you doin' here?
It's Ms. Alvarez.
And I'm not here for you, I'm here to play.
You're playing? Against Skyler?
Yes.
And I'll obviously need a different caddie.
Perhaps one who isn't a coward
that would rather watch people play his whole life
than go after what he wants.
Thanks.
- That was harsh.
- Of course, she's right. - I know.
Let's take a walk.
Jason, I have watched you grow up at this club.
You are young, bright, talented.
what do you want?
Well, I played in college and I really miss it.
Competition.
Hanging with the other players. I don't know.
A part of me still thinks I could go pro.
- You think so? - I do.
It's an expensive sport.
You'll need sponsor.
Take this card, call my office on Monday,
and we will arrange a try-out.
- Ms. Archebold, this is amazing! - I know!
Listen, honey, aside from you,
your stepfather was the best caddie
that this club ever had.
And he always thought that his boy
could be the next Tiger Woods.
So, let's prove him right, shall we?
Thank you. I won't let you down.
No, you won't.
Two things I never mess with, my money and my martinis.
I've seen what you can do with the martini.
Now, let's see what you can do with my money.
Mike! So, glad you made it!
Thank you for the invite. It's a beautiful course.
And the drinks aren't half bad.
- Let me get the first round. - Well, I don't wanna be rude.
- Tequila? - Always.
Two tequila sodas, please.
Thank you.
I don't wanna talk too much shop,
but I've been thinking about your company
and I have a great idea on how to boost morale.
- I'd love to hear more. - I'll cheers to that.
Now, I've got to go take care of something.
- Wish me luck. - Luck.
Bezos, I told you I'm golfing.
It's a great day here at Gilmore Country Club!
Yes!
Welcome to the annual Women's Championship Round!
Good Lord, is that thing today, Dan?
Hey, Bill.
You think I need a quick night in before you tee off?
- Not gonna happen today. - Alright.
There's a tournament.
Well, you wanted something from the bar,
- but you'll get a gin and tonic. - Sure, I'll do gin and tonic.
Alright. Double?
- Thank, Bill. Sure, Bill. - If I know you.
Thanks, Bill.
Each participating golfer will start a full 18.
Golfers will be eliminated
when it's mathematically impossible
to catch up or take the lead.
- Hey, Dan, real quick. - Yeah.
It's uh, mathematically impossible--
- Uh-huh? - For me to be interested.
All right.
Can't we just make this one hole?
- No, we're not. - Oh.
This is important to me. I-- I enjoy doing this, so--
Can't blame a fella for trying.
Yeah, I'll thank you to leave, Bill.
Appreciate.
All right, all lady competitors--
I didn't know it was gonna be a full 18.
I thought it's like one hole, kind of a mercy.
- Yeah. That's not at all. - All right.
It's 18 holes women, it's gonna be great.
I already finished my drink. You want another?
Yeah, you can have mine. Thanks. Thanks, Bill.
All right, all lady competitors, please step forward!
Okay.
So, looks like we got ourselves a twosome.
Let the golf begin!
Oh, wow.
- Wow.
Yeah, she's consistent, she's good.
- She's consistent... - Yeah, babe!
She is.
Smooth! Wow.
Okay, this is it.
Yeah, y-- I am-- I am-- I am brimming.
I'm-- I'm a cup of excitement for this day.
- Dan. Dan! - I'm full-- a drink-up today.
Dan!
You're gonna give yourself another stroke.
- Just calm down. - Yeah.
Just calm down. I should probably bring it down.
It's hard.
I got a good feeling about this.
- Hmm. - Me, too.
- Yeah. - Yeah, there's something,
And a glow, an orb.
- Okay, yeah. - Dan.
- Right? All right. - Right, sorry.
Extra, but I'm with you.
- Right, thanks. - Okay, stop!
Not what you were expecting, was it?
Neither were they.
Yes!
- Oh, my God! - Woo-hoo!
- Oh, yes, she did it! - Wooh!
Yeah.
This is gonna be good.
- But you can't... I-- - I can, and I do.
I used to play every weekend growing up with my parents.
After I lost them,
I never thought I'd set foot on a course again,
but now that I'm here, I feel right at home.
Plus, I'm still a 4 handicap!
Now, I won't bore you with the details of a full 18.
So, I'll just give you the highlights.
Skyler, of course, was off to a great start,
but so was I.
My short game wasn't bad either.
- Oh! - Oh!
Nice! Yes!
Okay!
- Oh! - Oh!
Okay.
We're all tied up, heading into 18.
Swing like a girl.
Got it.
- Bitch is goin' down. - Oh, that was aggressive.
18 is gonna be fun. Real fun.
- Oh! - Oh!
Shit.
Aw, Ariana,
maybe you should quit while you're ahead.
Tough shot.
- Oh! - Oh!
Hey, Skyler, maybe after the tournament
we could go for-- oh, I don't know,
Scooter's Wild Wing Shack.
- Who told you that? - Don't worry.
Your secret's safe with me.
- Oh! - Oh!
Phew!
- Fucker!
Oh, my gosh.
Your shot.
Go, Ariana!
You got this!
Show 'em how it's done!
You got this, Alvarez.
Yes.
Wow.
- Thank you.
I'm so proud of you!
I knew you had it in you!
We're so proud, we're so proud of you.
- You really put a good show. - Just got outplayed.
Oh, don't cry, Stella.
I have to cry.
Shit.
Skyler.
- The club is all I have. - That's not true.
You have perfect skin!
That's the Botox.
A-- and so many friends.
They don't really like me.
And Kyle?
Yeah, Kyle's a dirtbag.
But I wouldn't be here without him, so...
Yeah, he is a dirtbag.
But you're still you without him.
I hate this lounge. It's so--
Problematic. Sexist. Misogynist.
Yes!
Wait, did we just agree on something?
Crazier things have happened.
You know, if you really hate something,
you can change it.
Yeah. I guess you're right.
Look, I'm sorry for getting all caught up
in this like high-school drama.
Sometimes it's easy to forget who the real enemy is.
I know.
And I'm truly sorry about your parents.
Thanks. Truce?
Congrats on the win.
Thanks.
Our new Gilmore Women's Club champion!
Hey, smile for the newsletter.
- Look at that. - Great, wow!
- Amazing. - Congratulations.
It's pretty. You did a very good job.
It wasn't just for the newsletter,
they put it all over the club.
And you both will love this.
I blinked.
But I don't know, I kinda like it.
Oh shit, I gotta go. Big day at the office.
Can't be late. Te quiero.
Yes, and uh...
So, here's the final contract, as discussed.
The top 20 Heywood Media employees
will get yearly memberships to Gilmore.
And the day passes for the rest of my company?
Also in the contract, last Saturday of every month.
Perfect.
Any videos I should know of?
- Ha, very funny.
So, just sign the dotted line and we can have some whiskey.
Ariana, it's been a pleasure doing business with you.
Yes, we're very lucky to have Ariana
as our new Membership Director.
Yes, you are.
Jason Handley used to work here?
- Didn't he just win the open? - He did.
He's a talented up-and-comer.
I think he could be the next Tiger Woods.
He's got quite a swing.
Hopefully not the same libido.
Uh, I'm so sorry, I have to take this.
Elon.
Ariana, that is 500 members!
I mean, we are officially in wait-list status.
I'm so excited!
- But the work is just beginning.
Okay, we have to plan the Fall Ball.
And I wanna revamp happy hour.
I'm thinking...
Uh, uh, we are not doing a Lusty Lagoon watch party.
You can't tell me no, on today of all days.
Fine.
- Great. - I'll think about it.
Oh, uh, and Ariana...
...happy birthday.
Thanks.
Cheers to me.
Oh!
Yep, yep.
Hoo!
I'm proud of you, nena.
Well, I wouldn't have gotten here without you.
So, thank you.
Tío Jorge, these are all of my friends.
Hi!
Friends, some of you already know him,
but this is my uncle and the reason we all met.
Hi. - Hello.
Hello, tío. Join us.
- Oh, come, come on. - This is for you.
Yeah.
I know what you like.
- Cheers. - Oh, yeah, happy birthday.
- Cheers. - Oh, yeah!
- Happy birthday.
And welcome back. Oh, yeah.
- Yeah! - Yeah!
So, good to have you back.
Ariana, I hope you don't mind, I invited a guest.
Oh, a date?
Not exactly.
Surprise.
Happy birthday, Ariana.
Jason Handley!
That was quite a round on Saturday.
Oh, thank you.
Uh, my sponsor certainly thinks so.
She does, indeed.
So how did you get into the sport?
I played since I was a kid.
I just didn't pursue it seriously
until someone showed me what it means to be brave.
She sounds incredible.
And beautiful.
She is.
She's smart, funny,
and always her authentic self.
So where is she?
Oh, I screwed it up.
The only way I can see her now is if I beg a mutual friend.
The thing is I'd really love a second chance.
Mira Jason, I don't know you,
But I do know that life is short,
Time is precious, and love is rare.
So, if you really love someone, you have to go after 'em.
But only if they feel the same way.
Use your common sense.
Do you think she might be interested?
She could be.
Okay.
Yes!
- You could have warned me. - Yes, I could've.
But where's the fun in that?
Oh, look at that. - Oh, my goodness!
Oh, my God! - Hey, it's gorgeous!
- TÍO JORGE: Nice. - Gorgeous.
- TÍO JORGE: Beautiful. - Should we sing?
- Oh, God, no. - Yes.
But that's so anti-climatic.
- Yeah, how about a speech? - Yep, speech.
Oh, yeah, give a speech. Give a speech, speech, speech.
Alright.
Um, my parents used to say, "Show me your friends
and I'll show you who you are."
And I think if they were here today,
they would be really disappointed.
- Okay. Yeah, sounds about right.
I'm kidding, I'm kidding.
I think they would be really proud
of who I've become.
I know I am.
Oh!
- Hey!
Happy birthday!
Well, I did it.
It's incredible.
I got a job.
I got some great friends.
Oh, my God!
And got out of my own way.
Tío Jorge was right all along.
Okay, please don't tell him I said that.
Also, I'm not cut out of the will,
so he's my favorite tío again.
You got plans tonight?
What did you have in mind?
- There they go.
They're in love.
You know, I can't guarantee you'll see a shooting star.
I know. But a girl's gotta try!
♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh ♪
♪ I die for you ♪
♪ My life with you ♪
♪ My time with you ♪
♪ No lie to you ♪
♪ I fight for you ♪
♪ No hide the truth ♪
♪ No, not tonight ♪
♪ My love, take my lead in distance ♪
♪ My love, look me into my eyes, mija ♪
♪ Hold you closer to me, baila ♪
♪ Hey, baila ♪
♪ Hey, hey ♪
♪ When you walk up in the room, my head turn ♪
♪ Never seen that thing like you want to be my girl ♪
♪ ...in a circle ♪
♪ Tryin' to see the thing... ♪
♪ Only one I'll be with, but you gotta be my girl, uh ♪
♪ The only girl I ever chased this side of world, uh ♪
♪ Hey, baby, because I takin' it so serious ♪
♪ Could you be not my juju right up in Aquarius ♪
♪ I run for you ♪
♪ I die for you ♪
Girl, can you believe homeboy tried to tell me
I'm too independent.
♪ Hey you, get down, lace up my loops ♪
♪ Wooh ♪
♪ Here's the queen comin' through ♪
♪ Uh, uh ♪
♪ Hey you, pull up, make me some food ♪
♪ Wooh ♪
♪ It's your highness to you ♪
♪ Uh, uh ♪
♪ Hey you, you a thug on the run with it ♪
♪ Never had a chick to blow stacks and hunnids ♪
- ♪ Hey you ♪ - ♪ Wooh ♪
♪ Is you glockin' or mobbin' ♪
♪ 'Cause I cut the ounce and I'm poppin' ♪
♪ 'Cause I be in the club poppin' bottles like you ♪
♪ And I struck the bags on a brand-new coupe ♪
♪ Hey ♪
♪ So, tell me what you gonna, what you, what you gonna do ♪
♪ 'Cause everything you do, I could do for me, too ♪
♪ Oh, na, nae, do for me, too ♪
♪ Wax, unwax, got a bus on the loose ♪
♪ So, na, nae, do for me, too ♪
♪ Wax, unwax, got a bus on the loose ♪
♪ Wooh ♪
♪ She do it for the wealth, eh ♪
♪ Wooh ♪