1 00:00:03,370 --> 00:00:05,404 - [electronic warbling] - I've finally done it, Jacobs. 2 00:00:05,405 --> 00:00:07,539 I've created a gravity-defying projectile 3 00:00:07,540 --> 00:00:10,109 that can hit a target thousands of miles away. 4 00:00:10,110 --> 00:00:11,944 Whoa! That is sick! 5 00:00:11,945 --> 00:00:13,113 That is sick! 6 00:00:13,346 --> 00:00:14,880 Uh, glad you're so excited about it. 7 00:00:14,881 --> 00:00:16,148 Oh, it's not about your thing. 8 00:00:16,149 --> 00:00:18,550 I invented a new kind of cocaine that doesn't make you wanna jump 9 00:00:18,551 --> 00:00:20,285 in a pit of crocodiles the next day. 10 00:00:20,286 --> 00:00:23,289 New cocaine! No crocodiles! 11 00:00:23,390 --> 00:00:25,257 Is repeating everything you say multiple times 12 00:00:25,258 --> 00:00:26,760 at the top of your lungs the only downside? 13 00:00:26,860 --> 00:00:28,361 Yep! Yep! 14 00:00:29,029 --> 00:00:30,330 What the--? 15 00:00:31,031 --> 00:00:33,299 [percussive music] 16 00:00:42,909 --> 00:00:44,510 [gasps] Who would do this? 17 00:00:44,511 --> 00:00:46,379 Who would? [sniffs] Who would? 18 00:00:48,448 --> 00:00:51,584 [percussive music continues] 19 00:00:58,525 --> 00:00:59,792 [both coughing] 20 00:00:59,793 --> 00:01:02,928 It's poison. Quick, give me some of your cocaine! 21 00:01:02,929 --> 00:01:05,230 No! I do not have enough. 22 00:01:05,231 --> 00:01:07,766 [coughs] I do not have enough. 23 00:01:07,767 --> 00:01:08,767 [rasps] 24 00:01:08,768 --> 00:01:10,870 [theme song playing] 25 00:01:31,257 --> 00:01:32,725 Happy Friendaversary! 26 00:01:32,726 --> 00:01:35,895 Got a big day planned. Let's paint the town friend. 27 00:01:37,330 --> 00:01:40,667 [cheerful upbeat music playing] 28 00:01:45,071 --> 00:01:45,939 [groans contentedly] 29 00:01:46,039 --> 00:01:47,072 [both laughing] 30 00:01:47,073 --> 00:01:49,476 [cheerful music continues] 31 00:01:50,910 --> 00:01:52,812 [both laughing] 32 00:01:55,181 --> 00:01:57,650 [cheerful music continues] 33 00:01:59,819 --> 00:02:01,488 [both laughing] 34 00:02:02,055 --> 00:02:03,423 [both laughing] 35 00:02:05,759 --> 00:02:06,626 Aw, damn it. 36 00:02:06,793 --> 00:02:08,761 I told you when you're on the way, call my cell. 37 00:02:08,762 --> 00:02:11,398 [Russian accent] But you give me your cell. 38 00:02:12,232 --> 00:02:14,299 Wh-Why did you hire our plumber 39 00:02:14,300 --> 00:02:16,335 to pretend he's you on our Friendaversary? 40 00:02:16,336 --> 00:02:17,637 Because I'm your friend, 41 00:02:17,737 --> 00:02:19,238 and I didn't wanna hurt your feelings by telling you 42 00:02:19,239 --> 00:02:20,372 how sixth grade it is 43 00:02:20,373 --> 00:02:22,075 to celebrate the day we first met. 44 00:02:22,208 --> 00:02:23,475 Also, our maid wanted 50. 45 00:02:23,476 --> 00:02:25,845 I'm not sure you know what "friend" means. 46 00:02:25,945 --> 00:02:27,079 What? 47 00:02:27,080 --> 00:02:28,515 Don't say that. 48 00:02:28,848 --> 00:02:29,983 Come here, you. 49 00:02:30,383 --> 00:02:32,384 Where the hell is your mute button? 50 00:02:32,385 --> 00:02:33,786 [grunts] You would know where it was 51 00:02:33,787 --> 00:02:36,388 if you ever read my manual like a real friend. 52 00:02:36,389 --> 00:02:37,724 [door opens and closes] 53 00:02:38,358 --> 00:02:40,392 So, how'd it go yesterday? 54 00:02:40,393 --> 00:02:42,127 They give me your root canal. 55 00:02:42,128 --> 00:02:43,195 [groans] 56 00:02:43,196 --> 00:02:44,863 Heh, suckers. 57 00:02:44,864 --> 00:02:46,099 [pained grunt] 58 00:02:46,499 --> 00:02:48,534 We believe he is one of Da Broz 59 00:02:48,535 --> 00:02:50,736 behind last night's Cybernetics prank attack. 60 00:02:50,737 --> 00:02:54,340 Da Broz? Sounds stupid. Unless it's like Da Bears. 61 00:02:54,341 --> 00:02:55,542 [Midwestern accent] Da Bears! 62 00:02:55,642 --> 00:02:57,743 [as The Richmeister] Makin' copies. 63 00:02:57,744 --> 00:02:59,012 Schwing! 64 00:02:59,512 --> 00:03:02,414 My VCR has SNL: Best of 1991stuck in it. 65 00:03:02,415 --> 00:03:04,950 Da Broz are part YouTube trick shot crew, 66 00:03:04,951 --> 00:03:06,385 and part terrorist group. 67 00:03:06,386 --> 00:03:08,987 I bet you're wondering how an ace gumshoe like me 68 00:03:08,988 --> 00:03:10,155 knows about this kid stuff. 69 00:03:10,156 --> 00:03:11,557 Nope. I was thinking about 70 00:03:11,558 --> 00:03:13,692 how a hamburger bun on its side looks like a flat butt. 71 00:03:13,693 --> 00:03:16,495 I only know about them because I recently took a DNA test 72 00:03:16,496 --> 00:03:18,297 and got some shocking news. 73 00:03:18,298 --> 00:03:20,633 It turns out, I'm eight years old. 74 00:03:20,867 --> 00:03:21,701 Who knew? 75 00:03:21,868 --> 00:03:24,003 Anyway, now I'm seeing a child psychologist, 76 00:03:24,004 --> 00:03:24,904 one Doctor Rubin, 77 00:03:25,005 --> 00:03:27,539 who says I shouldn't spend my formative years 78 00:03:27,540 --> 00:03:30,642 watchingColumboreruns and focus more on kid stuff. 79 00:03:30,643 --> 00:03:32,912 You know, social media, pee-pee, poo-poo, 80 00:03:33,013 --> 00:03:33,913 Spider-Mans-- 81 00:03:34,014 --> 00:03:34,914 You're it. 82 00:03:35,015 --> 00:03:36,716 [buzzing] 83 00:03:37,150 --> 00:03:39,185 Oh, great. My kid's school. 84 00:03:39,285 --> 00:03:41,020 - Lord, give me strength. - [phone beeps] 85 00:03:41,021 --> 00:03:42,155 What they do now? 86 00:03:42,389 --> 00:03:44,624 [groans] I'll be right there. 87 00:03:44,924 --> 00:03:45,992 I hate kids. 88 00:03:46,459 --> 00:03:48,928 I really wish I never came out to you. 89 00:03:49,596 --> 00:03:52,531 Okay, Da Bro, start da talking. 90 00:03:52,532 --> 00:03:55,335 I'm no rat. That's not what friends do, dawg. 91 00:03:55,669 --> 00:03:58,070 Oh, yeah? And what do friends do? 92 00:03:58,071 --> 00:04:00,005 I'm asking for a friend. 93 00:04:00,006 --> 00:04:01,074 Oh, God. 94 00:04:01,174 --> 00:04:02,442 We just kinda kick it. 95 00:04:02,609 --> 00:04:05,277 I know Da Broz are planning something. 96 00:04:05,278 --> 00:04:06,845 Must be nice making plans together. 97 00:04:06,846 --> 00:04:09,481 I can't even get him to clean my hard-to-reach hoses. 98 00:04:09,482 --> 00:04:12,351 I maintain a big part of friendship is never touching. 99 00:04:12,352 --> 00:04:14,086 And we don't even have a friendship song 100 00:04:14,087 --> 00:04:15,355 like all my friendship idols do. 101 00:04:15,455 --> 00:04:17,356 Buzz and Woody. Laverne and Shirley. 102 00:04:17,357 --> 00:04:18,691 Batman and Robin. 103 00:04:18,692 --> 00:04:21,060 E-Even though, it's just Batman over and over. 104 00:04:21,061 --> 00:04:22,327 I want a real friend. 105 00:04:22,328 --> 00:04:25,065 And it breaks my nuclear reactor heart. 106 00:04:27,600 --> 00:04:29,735 It appears your ill-behaved little imps 107 00:04:29,736 --> 00:04:31,971 dunked the lunch lady in the hoop. 108 00:04:32,772 --> 00:04:33,673 [grunts] 109 00:04:34,841 --> 00:04:35,508 [grunts] 110 00:04:35,742 --> 00:04:37,643 - Look, Mister Pentos-- - Doctor! 111 00:04:37,644 --> 00:04:39,112 - [lunch lady grunts] - I'm a working widow 112 00:04:39,212 --> 00:04:40,212 with five boys. 113 00:04:40,213 --> 00:04:41,447 This is not a "me" problem. 114 00:04:41,448 --> 00:04:44,249 The moment I drop them off here they become a "you" problem. 115 00:04:44,250 --> 00:04:45,517 Until I pick 'em up 116 00:04:45,518 --> 00:04:46,985 and they become a "whatever Twitch is" problem. 117 00:04:46,986 --> 00:04:49,888 While I do not respect you as a mother or lady of the law, 118 00:04:49,889 --> 00:04:52,858 for my own sanity, I will offer a solution. 119 00:04:52,859 --> 00:04:55,627 You see, I too was once a wayward youth 120 00:04:55,628 --> 00:04:57,263 until a church group saved me. 121 00:04:57,364 --> 00:04:58,664 Eh, no offense, 122 00:04:58,665 --> 00:05:00,799 but you did end up a felon with an ankle monitor. 123 00:05:00,800 --> 00:05:03,536 Actually, my super villainy began much later 124 00:05:03,636 --> 00:05:06,071 when I joined an early morning runner's group. 125 00:05:06,072 --> 00:05:07,606 Those people are truly... 126 00:05:07,607 --> 00:05:10,276 [chuckles] ...truly the worst. 127 00:05:10,377 --> 00:05:12,278 Here's the card for my church. 128 00:05:12,379 --> 00:05:13,979 [chainsaw revving] 129 00:05:13,980 --> 00:05:14,914 Okay, let's move. 130 00:05:15,015 --> 00:05:17,584 We're about to get covered in lunch lady bits. 131 00:05:18,118 --> 00:05:19,019 [panicked yells] 132 00:05:21,621 --> 00:05:22,488 Great. 133 00:05:22,489 --> 00:05:24,090 Here, you can use my-- 134 00:05:25,091 --> 00:05:28,260 [chuckling] He-Hey, look at the two of us cyborgs. 135 00:05:28,261 --> 00:05:30,129 You got robot where I got guy. 136 00:05:30,130 --> 00:05:32,097 And I got guy where you got bot. 137 00:05:32,098 --> 00:05:33,365 [chuckles] It's like a... 138 00:05:33,366 --> 00:05:34,901 [both] Perfect match! 139 00:05:36,036 --> 00:05:37,436 Can I ask you a question? 140 00:05:37,437 --> 00:05:39,672 I know it might seem quick, but... 141 00:05:39,673 --> 00:05:42,574 ♪ Do you think We could be friends, buddy? ♪ 142 00:05:42,575 --> 00:05:44,978 You're singing to me already. 143 00:05:45,078 --> 00:05:48,581 ♪ When a friendship happens fast It can be almost frightening ♪ 144 00:05:48,682 --> 00:05:49,648 ♪ But when it's meant to be ♪ 145 00:05:49,649 --> 00:05:52,384 ♪ It really strikes Like lightning ♪ 146 00:05:52,385 --> 00:05:53,886 As in McQueen and Mater? 147 00:05:53,887 --> 00:05:54,988 Sure! 148 00:05:55,288 --> 00:05:58,324 ♪ Well, you can be my Spongebob I can be your Starfish Patrick ♪ 149 00:05:58,425 --> 00:05:59,725 ♪ You can be my Morty ♪ 150 00:05:59,726 --> 00:06:01,293 ♪ I can be Your creepy grandpa Rick ♪ 151 00:06:01,294 --> 00:06:02,728 - ♪Abbott ♪ - ♪ Costello ♪ 152 00:06:02,729 --> 00:06:03,596 - ♪ Turner ♪ - ♪ Hooch ♪ 153 00:06:03,697 --> 00:06:04,797 - Ah! - ♪ Bert ♪ 154 00:06:04,798 --> 00:06:05,864 ♪ Ernie ♪ 155 00:06:05,865 --> 00:06:06,765 - ♪ Shrek ♪ - ♪ Donkey ♪ 156 00:06:06,766 --> 00:06:07,866 ♪ Joey ♪ 157 00:06:07,867 --> 00:06:09,301 ♪ The guy who died In a hot tub ♪ 158 00:06:09,302 --> 00:06:11,337 Aw, that was so sad. 159 00:06:11,338 --> 00:06:12,405 I know. 160 00:06:13,139 --> 00:06:14,040 But was it? 161 00:06:15,575 --> 00:06:19,045 [both] ♪ We are friends ♪ 162 00:06:21,881 --> 00:06:23,282 - [child] Whoo-hoo! - [laughing] 163 00:06:23,283 --> 00:06:24,450 Don't get lost! 164 00:06:24,451 --> 00:06:26,653 That didn't even sound convincing to me. 165 00:06:27,053 --> 00:06:28,187 Ah! 166 00:06:28,188 --> 00:06:31,490 You must be Detective Martinez. I'm Demón the reverend. 167 00:06:31,491 --> 00:06:33,693 And this is Boysenberry. 168 00:06:34,327 --> 00:06:35,428 Ooh, you wanna little treat? 169 00:06:37,931 --> 00:06:38,998 [children laughing] 170 00:06:39,099 --> 00:06:42,502 At the church, our aim is to keep kids focused, calm, 171 00:06:42,602 --> 00:06:45,371 and most importantly, exhausted. 172 00:06:45,372 --> 00:06:47,373 We even teach Chinese. 173 00:06:47,374 --> 00:06:48,574 The food or the language? 174 00:06:48,575 --> 00:06:50,309 - Both. - Mmm. 175 00:06:50,310 --> 00:06:51,910 But our main focus is religion. 176 00:06:51,911 --> 00:06:54,747 It takes much study to be a Satanist. 177 00:06:54,748 --> 00:06:57,484 Did you say [as Church Lady] Satan? 178 00:06:58,018 --> 00:07:00,986 Sorry, Flute's always doing the Church Lady from SNL. 179 00:07:00,987 --> 00:07:01,987 Oh, don't worry. 180 00:07:01,988 --> 00:07:04,790 This isn't your violent stepfather's Satanism. 181 00:07:04,791 --> 00:07:06,759 We're kinder and gentler now. 182 00:07:06,760 --> 00:07:08,394 I grew up a strict Catholic. 183 00:07:08,395 --> 00:07:10,662 I can't let my boys be Satanists. 184 00:07:10,663 --> 00:07:13,098 - I'd be condemning them to-- - We have free child care. 185 00:07:13,099 --> 00:07:14,000 I'm in. 186 00:07:14,334 --> 00:07:15,201 Okay, Summers, 187 00:07:15,301 --> 00:07:16,802 I got you an extra burger on the way home, 188 00:07:16,803 --> 00:07:18,070 which proves I'm a friend. 189 00:07:18,071 --> 00:07:19,806 Then I remembered you don't have a mouth, 190 00:07:19,906 --> 00:07:21,774 which proves I don't need to read your manual. 191 00:07:21,775 --> 00:07:24,844 - [mechanical whirring] - Machine G. Kelly! What the--? 192 00:07:25,111 --> 00:07:26,713 I'm gettin' hosed. 193 00:07:31,851 --> 00:07:33,652 [both laughing] 194 00:07:33,653 --> 00:07:35,054 - Mm. - [laughs] 195 00:07:35,055 --> 00:07:37,556 Are you jelly of Summers' new friend? 196 00:07:37,557 --> 00:07:38,924 Uh, jelly of what? 197 00:07:38,925 --> 00:07:41,261 Because he let some stranger shine his knob, 198 00:07:41,361 --> 00:07:42,328 yank his crank, 199 00:07:42,462 --> 00:07:44,496 and a whole bunch of other things that sound sexual, 200 00:07:44,497 --> 00:07:46,665 but are actually regular cyborg maintenance? 201 00:07:46,666 --> 00:07:48,268 [scoffs] I'm loving the time off. 202 00:07:48,368 --> 00:07:50,202 Hey, we're gonna play some darts and-- 203 00:07:50,203 --> 00:07:52,072 And let me guess, you needed a little break 204 00:07:52,172 --> 00:07:53,906 from the constant-- [high-pitched squeal]? 205 00:07:53,907 --> 00:07:55,207 Been there. 206 00:07:55,208 --> 00:07:56,942 I'd show you where his mute button is if I could find it. 207 00:07:56,943 --> 00:07:59,211 It's in his left armpit, not that I'd ever use it. 208 00:07:59,212 --> 00:08:01,681 I love his voice, especially when he's all... 209 00:08:01,781 --> 00:08:03,515 [high-pitched squeals] 210 00:08:03,516 --> 00:08:04,683 Who's playing against us? 211 00:08:04,684 --> 00:08:06,185 Flute, you want in? 212 00:08:06,186 --> 00:08:07,386 Or is it gonna be a problem 213 00:08:07,387 --> 00:08:08,487 finding someone to play with you? 214 00:08:08,488 --> 00:08:10,923 Are you insinuating I don't have any other friends? 215 00:08:10,924 --> 00:08:12,725 Because I've got a ton of friends. 216 00:08:12,726 --> 00:08:17,429 For example, my dear... friend... 217 00:08:17,430 --> 00:08:18,898 Uh... 218 00:08:18,998 --> 00:08:19,699 Otis! 219 00:08:19,799 --> 00:08:21,066 Me? [laughing] Well, 220 00:08:21,067 --> 00:08:24,436 Doctor Rubin did say I'm ready for reciprocal relationships. 221 00:08:24,437 --> 00:08:26,739 Perfect. Then Big O is on my team. 222 00:08:26,740 --> 00:08:29,808 Oh, I'd love to, but it's bath time. 223 00:08:29,809 --> 00:08:32,111 How about the four of us hit the arcade tomorrow? 224 00:08:32,112 --> 00:08:35,447 I've been told my people simply adore that place. 225 00:08:35,448 --> 00:08:36,349 [scoffs] Good luck. 226 00:08:36,483 --> 00:08:38,951 As Flute's "friend," I'm sure you already know 227 00:08:38,952 --> 00:08:41,854 how difficult it is to do any idea that's not his. 228 00:08:41,855 --> 00:08:44,591 Actually, I'd love to go. It's a date! 229 00:08:44,858 --> 00:08:46,760 Calling it a date was my idea. 230 00:08:47,227 --> 00:08:52,064 Chief Martinez, am I daft or is Satanism making you taller? 231 00:08:52,065 --> 00:08:53,232 I think so. 232 00:08:53,233 --> 00:08:55,901 Must be the weight of all the Catholic guilt being lifted. 233 00:08:55,902 --> 00:08:57,870 I gotta tell you, Mister Pentos-- 234 00:08:57,871 --> 00:09:00,105 - Doctor. - I got in it for the childcare, 235 00:09:00,106 --> 00:09:02,876 but Satanism is a way better fit for me. 236 00:09:02,976 --> 00:09:05,010 People aren't as judgy of each other, 237 00:09:05,011 --> 00:09:07,179 there's ironically less chanting in Latin, 238 00:09:07,180 --> 00:09:09,748 and I'm not constantly worried about the Pope's health. 239 00:09:09,749 --> 00:09:11,984 Praise Satan! 240 00:09:11,985 --> 00:09:13,753 And as much as I hate to admit it, 241 00:09:13,853 --> 00:09:15,587 I would never have found 'em without you. 242 00:09:15,588 --> 00:09:18,023 Tell it to the parole board. [chuckling] 243 00:09:18,024 --> 00:09:20,859 But seriously, if they call, please do. 244 00:09:20,860 --> 00:09:23,762 Hey, you going to the big to-do tomorrow night at the church? 245 00:09:23,763 --> 00:09:26,366 Odd. I was not invited. 246 00:09:27,067 --> 00:09:27,866 Hmm... 247 00:09:27,867 --> 00:09:30,036 Well, I have been a bit lapsed. 248 00:09:30,136 --> 00:09:32,538 Maybe I could use a little dose of darkness in my life again. 249 00:09:32,539 --> 00:09:36,509 I have recently found myself feeling disturbingly upbeat. 250 00:09:36,609 --> 00:09:39,044 I guess you could be my plus one if you want. 251 00:09:39,045 --> 00:09:41,514 You bet your sweet bippy, I will! 252 00:09:41,915 --> 00:09:44,751 "Sweet bippy?" Who the hell even am I? 253 00:09:47,120 --> 00:09:48,655 [children laughing] 254 00:09:48,755 --> 00:09:50,957 Well, this place is... great. 255 00:09:51,157 --> 00:09:52,925 If you like the smell of poopy pants 256 00:09:52,926 --> 00:09:54,793 covered by lemon bleach. 257 00:09:54,794 --> 00:09:58,530 Nope. No. No. This is what Doctor Rubin was talking about. 258 00:09:58,531 --> 00:10:00,432 Embrace the fun! 259 00:10:00,433 --> 00:10:01,968 Whee-- Ope-- 260 00:10:02,402 --> 00:10:04,503 This is a very sticky carpet. 261 00:10:04,504 --> 00:10:07,540 Barry stood you up, huh? Ah, don't take it personally, 262 00:10:07,640 --> 00:10:09,275 he probably just really disliked you. 263 00:10:09,376 --> 00:10:10,143 Sorry! 264 00:10:10,243 --> 00:10:11,510 Took forever to make these 265 00:10:11,511 --> 00:10:13,912 for our three-day Friendaversary. 266 00:10:13,913 --> 00:10:15,048 [Summers squeals excitedly] 267 00:10:15,215 --> 00:10:17,516 Oh yeah, well I didn't make Otis a thoughtful gift, 268 00:10:17,517 --> 00:10:20,219 because I'm about to win him the biggest prize here. 269 00:10:20,220 --> 00:10:21,987 When I was a kid they called me The Claw 270 00:10:21,988 --> 00:10:23,489 because I won so many prizes. 271 00:10:23,490 --> 00:10:26,959 I also had a pretty severe case of juvenile arthritis. 272 00:10:26,960 --> 00:10:28,794 Game on! [pained grunt] 273 00:10:28,795 --> 00:10:31,131 [upbeat electronic rock music] 274 00:10:44,044 --> 00:10:44,977 [grunts] 275 00:10:44,978 --> 00:10:47,280 [electronic rock music continues] 276 00:10:52,118 --> 00:10:55,055 - [laser shots pulsing] - [dinging] 277 00:10:56,189 --> 00:10:57,457 [laser shots pulsing] 278 00:10:58,558 --> 00:10:59,793 [gunshot] 279 00:11:01,728 --> 00:11:02,796 Here's your prize. 280 00:11:03,096 --> 00:11:04,263 Ow! 281 00:11:04,264 --> 00:11:06,131 - It's a friendship bracelet. - That hurts. Stop! 282 00:11:06,132 --> 00:11:07,700 [Summers] You can stop pretending now. 283 00:11:07,701 --> 00:11:10,002 We know you're not friends with Otis. 284 00:11:10,003 --> 00:11:12,037 If anyone is pretending, it's Barry. 285 00:11:12,038 --> 00:11:13,572 What's that supposed to mean? 286 00:11:13,573 --> 00:11:15,007 Look, I don't know what his angle is, 287 00:11:15,008 --> 00:11:16,909 but there's no way he genuinely enjoys 288 00:11:16,910 --> 00:11:18,011 being around you all the time. 289 00:11:18,111 --> 00:11:21,247 No one would, present company included. 290 00:11:21,648 --> 00:11:23,449 You know, because it's usually excluded. 291 00:11:23,450 --> 00:11:26,219 I'm only explaining because you both look confused, or, 292 00:11:26,319 --> 00:11:27,886 I wanna say, angry? 293 00:11:27,887 --> 00:11:29,888 - [sniffles] - Hey, look at me. 294 00:11:29,889 --> 00:11:34,227 He'll never appreciate the power of your big nuclear heart. 295 00:11:34,394 --> 00:11:35,362 Let's go. 296 00:11:36,796 --> 00:11:38,163 Well, if this is friendship, 297 00:11:38,164 --> 00:11:40,967 maybe I should just go back to playing with myself. 298 00:11:41,334 --> 00:11:43,435 Oh, just one more thing. 299 00:11:43,436 --> 00:11:46,405 Doctor Rubin's got me watching this show calledBarney. 300 00:11:46,406 --> 00:11:48,674 I was hoping for a prequel toBarney Miller. 301 00:11:48,675 --> 00:11:49,776 It's not! 302 00:11:49,876 --> 00:11:51,744 But the purple gentleman did say, 303 00:11:51,745 --> 00:11:55,115 "When it comes to friends, sharing is caring." 304 00:11:55,348 --> 00:11:56,316 Think about it. 305 00:11:56,416 --> 00:11:58,684 - [child giggling] - Ugh, where's your handkerchief? 306 00:11:58,685 --> 00:11:59,953 Here, take mine. 307 00:12:02,889 --> 00:12:04,089 Are you sure this is it? 308 00:12:04,090 --> 00:12:06,058 I have yet to see a single pregnant goat. 309 00:12:06,059 --> 00:12:08,060 Or a goat being impregnated. 310 00:12:08,061 --> 00:12:10,196 Or an impregnating goat. 311 00:12:10,563 --> 00:12:13,766 To be honest, I do not recall seeing any goats. 312 00:12:13,767 --> 00:12:16,536 - [jazz piano playing] - [crowd chattering] 313 00:12:17,404 --> 00:12:18,571 [music stops abruptly] 314 00:12:18,905 --> 00:12:20,706 Are my horns crooked? 315 00:12:20,707 --> 00:12:22,941 Uh, let's go check it in the bathroom. 316 00:12:22,942 --> 00:12:25,577 Ah, Congregant Martinez. So glad you came. 317 00:12:25,578 --> 00:12:30,082 And who is your, um, interestingly-dressed companion? 318 00:12:30,083 --> 00:12:33,086 Doctor Rufis Pentos. Class of '85. 319 00:12:33,186 --> 00:12:35,587 Blood chug champion three years straight. 320 00:12:35,588 --> 00:12:36,456 Blood chug! 321 00:12:36,589 --> 00:12:39,558 Odd, I do not see anyone from my old crew here. 322 00:12:39,559 --> 00:12:40,859 I thought they would surely return 323 00:12:40,860 --> 00:12:42,227 for the Blood Moon Sacrifice. 324 00:12:42,228 --> 00:12:43,929 Actually, we've changed quite a bit 325 00:12:43,930 --> 00:12:45,230 since you were a member. 326 00:12:45,231 --> 00:12:47,266 This is now our Blood Moon Charity Blood Drive. 327 00:12:47,267 --> 00:12:50,302 But please, help yourself to the food. 328 00:12:50,303 --> 00:12:51,870 Don't mind if I do. 329 00:12:51,871 --> 00:12:53,305 [squeaking] 330 00:12:53,306 --> 00:12:54,973 No! Boysenberry! 331 00:12:54,974 --> 00:12:56,242 What are you doing? 332 00:12:56,343 --> 00:12:58,711 Why is a bat on his shoulder if he didn't want me 333 00:12:58,712 --> 00:12:59,845 to bite its head off? 334 00:12:59,846 --> 00:13:01,113 You monster! 335 00:13:01,114 --> 00:13:04,217 Monster? I am no monster. 336 00:13:05,151 --> 00:13:06,186 [grunts] 337 00:13:07,721 --> 00:13:10,856 I am the God of Hellfire! 338 00:13:10,857 --> 00:13:13,225 [detuned chords] 339 00:13:13,226 --> 00:13:14,526 Ugh! 340 00:13:14,527 --> 00:13:17,096 I guess I only know how to play the double-necked ones. 341 00:13:17,097 --> 00:13:18,698 They're much more evil. 342 00:13:18,998 --> 00:13:21,000 - Martinez! Save me! - [guitar thuds] 343 00:13:21,001 --> 00:13:22,736 [guitar notes ring] 344 00:13:22,836 --> 00:13:26,439 [in Chinese] 345 00:13:26,740 --> 00:13:29,009 Sorry, maybe try praying? 346 00:13:29,109 --> 00:13:31,211 But just know that has never worked. 347 00:13:31,578 --> 00:13:32,445 Ever! 348 00:13:34,881 --> 00:13:36,282 Da Broz struck again. 349 00:13:36,383 --> 00:13:38,018 They stole a launch booster from the rocket 350 00:13:38,118 --> 00:13:41,387 that was supposed to leave Katy Perry in space this time. 351 00:13:41,388 --> 00:13:43,323 Uh, you okay? 352 00:13:43,623 --> 00:13:44,357 Me? I'm great. 353 00:13:44,457 --> 00:13:45,557 Summers has been gone, 354 00:13:45,558 --> 00:13:47,159 so I've been using the time to do some reading. 355 00:13:47,160 --> 00:13:49,029 Reflection. Masturbation. 356 00:13:49,129 --> 00:13:51,063 Those last two are separate things. 357 00:13:51,064 --> 00:13:52,564 Look, we gotta solve this fast. 358 00:13:52,565 --> 00:13:55,034 Da Broz just announced they're dropping a new video 359 00:13:55,035 --> 00:13:56,269 live on Saturday night. 360 00:13:56,503 --> 00:13:58,972 Live on Saturday night, huh? 361 00:14:03,009 --> 00:14:05,611 - [crowd cheering] - [TV host] Live from Grimsburg, 362 00:14:05,612 --> 00:14:08,882 it'sCrime Mind Live! 363 00:14:09,049 --> 00:14:12,051 Starring Otis Volcanowitz, 364 00:14:12,052 --> 00:14:14,187 Greg Summers, 365 00:14:14,287 --> 00:14:17,189 Kenan Thompson, who lives here now! 366 00:14:17,190 --> 00:14:19,526 And here's your host... 367 00:14:19,626 --> 00:14:21,661 Barry! 368 00:14:21,761 --> 00:14:24,663 [laughs] So happy to be hosting CML. 369 00:14:24,664 --> 00:14:26,666 I'm Barry, and as some of you know, 370 00:14:26,766 --> 00:14:28,500 I recently showed up in Summers's life. 371 00:14:28,501 --> 00:14:30,102 - Bleep. Bloop. Bleep. - [audience laughing] 372 00:14:30,103 --> 00:14:31,937 Kenan, that is not what I sound like. 373 00:14:31,938 --> 00:14:35,642 I sound like this: "Your big, nuclear heart." 374 00:14:37,977 --> 00:14:39,679 "Stolen rocket booster", 375 00:14:39,779 --> 00:14:41,180 "Made every pop-a-shot", 376 00:14:41,181 --> 00:14:43,182 "Read the whole manual on Summers 377 00:14:43,183 --> 00:14:44,484 to steal his heart"? 378 00:14:44,584 --> 00:14:47,519 Oh god, these aren't cue cards, they're clue cards! 379 00:14:47,520 --> 00:14:49,722 You're one of Da Broz, and you're just using Summers 380 00:14:49,723 --> 00:14:52,091 for his nuclear heart to pull off your next trick! 381 00:14:52,092 --> 00:14:53,693 - Guilty! - Bleep-bloop! 382 00:14:53,793 --> 00:14:54,793 [gasps] 383 00:14:54,794 --> 00:14:56,463 We gotta find Summers! 384 00:14:57,797 --> 00:14:59,432 [sniffs, groans] 385 00:15:03,136 --> 00:15:05,871 [groans] Barry, is that you? 386 00:15:05,872 --> 00:15:07,707 Oh, thank God I got to you in time. 387 00:15:09,075 --> 00:15:11,611 Or maybe just a smidge late. 388 00:15:15,849 --> 00:15:17,149 What are you doing here? 389 00:15:17,150 --> 00:15:18,518 And why are you holding my head? 390 00:15:18,618 --> 00:15:21,020 Because I was right. Your friendship was a sham. 391 00:15:21,021 --> 00:15:23,723 Barry only wanted your body, not your mind. 392 00:15:23,823 --> 00:15:24,557 Men. 393 00:15:24,724 --> 00:15:26,526 How dare you say that about my friend! 394 00:15:26,626 --> 00:15:29,028 Barry's probably just doing something nice to my body 395 00:15:29,029 --> 00:15:30,129 as a surprise. 396 00:15:30,130 --> 00:15:31,864 Can you not see what's happening? 397 00:15:31,865 --> 00:15:34,466 I see you're jealous! Now put me down! 398 00:15:34,467 --> 00:15:35,468 Gladly. 399 00:15:36,736 --> 00:15:37,470 I never... 400 00:15:37,570 --> 00:15:38,604 want to... 401 00:15:38,605 --> 00:15:39,872 see you again. 402 00:15:39,873 --> 00:15:41,641 [Barry] What the hell is going on? 403 00:15:41,741 --> 00:15:43,009 I told you he'd come back. 404 00:15:43,109 --> 00:15:44,878 I thought you took care of him. 405 00:15:44,978 --> 00:15:46,446 Well, I guess 406 00:15:46,613 --> 00:15:48,348 we need to finish the job. 407 00:15:48,748 --> 00:15:51,051 The wax job on my body? 408 00:15:52,152 --> 00:15:55,020 [over P.A.] It's time for the blood drive. 409 00:15:55,021 --> 00:15:57,924 And to do the honors, our newest member. 410 00:15:58,124 --> 00:16:00,427 Time to pay for childcare. 411 00:16:00,527 --> 00:16:02,762 Pay? I thought this was for charity. 412 00:16:02,862 --> 00:16:05,197 It is. But you don't pay in money. 413 00:16:05,198 --> 00:16:06,933 We get paid in blood. 414 00:16:07,033 --> 00:16:09,202 This traitor's blood! 415 00:16:10,303 --> 00:16:12,771 [gasps] Are you okay, Mister Pentos? 416 00:16:12,772 --> 00:16:14,908 Doctor. And I'm chained to be bled, 417 00:16:15,008 --> 00:16:17,576 so, yeah, super good. 418 00:16:17,577 --> 00:16:20,045 Who knew there was a downside to Satanism? 419 00:16:20,046 --> 00:16:22,047 I don't know what to do! 420 00:16:22,048 --> 00:16:24,050 Worry not, dear, for I do. 421 00:16:24,150 --> 00:16:26,452 As a teacher, I can empathize. 422 00:16:26,453 --> 00:16:29,488 I know how much help your little monsters need. 423 00:16:29,489 --> 00:16:31,724 You may kill me with a clear conscience. 424 00:16:31,725 --> 00:16:34,927 Not that it matters, for you are a Satanist now 425 00:16:34,928 --> 00:16:36,695 and we do not believe in such things. 426 00:16:36,696 --> 00:16:38,164 Or at least, we used to... 427 00:16:38,898 --> 00:16:40,066 not to. 428 00:16:40,166 --> 00:16:43,503 Time for the sacrifice. 429 00:16:43,770 --> 00:16:46,973 [crowd] Sacrifice! Sacrifice! 430 00:16:47,073 --> 00:16:49,242 [chanting in Chinese] 431 00:16:53,079 --> 00:16:54,047 [groans] 432 00:16:54,214 --> 00:16:57,349 No! When I came here, I felt so alone raising my kids 433 00:16:57,350 --> 00:16:59,084 that I would have sacrificed anything 434 00:16:59,085 --> 00:17:01,121 to have a community that wanted to help me. 435 00:17:01,221 --> 00:17:03,655 But it turns out I already had one. 436 00:17:03,656 --> 00:17:07,227 This man was the only person who's offered to help me 437 00:17:07,327 --> 00:17:09,528 without asking for something in return. 438 00:17:09,529 --> 00:17:12,165 That's what a sacrifice really is. 439 00:17:13,667 --> 00:17:18,271 So if you need blood, you could kill him yourself. 440 00:17:18,471 --> 00:17:21,373 Amazing speech until the last line. 441 00:17:21,374 --> 00:17:23,275 Well, if you won't do the sacrifice, 442 00:17:23,276 --> 00:17:24,843 you'll become the sacrifice. 443 00:17:24,844 --> 00:17:25,712 Guards! 444 00:17:28,381 --> 00:17:32,185 [engines revving, heavy metal music playing] 445 00:17:35,255 --> 00:17:38,258 Somebody having a bloodletting and didn't tell us? 446 00:17:38,358 --> 00:17:42,162 Oh, you guys! You saw the beacon! 447 00:17:42,262 --> 00:17:44,130 - [grunts] - Damn, you're strong! 448 00:17:44,230 --> 00:17:46,566 No. My bones are just petrified. 449 00:17:47,267 --> 00:17:49,169 Now get your kids out of here. 450 00:17:49,269 --> 00:17:52,339 Things are about to get demonic. 451 00:17:53,606 --> 00:17:56,442 And Martinez, thank you. 452 00:17:56,443 --> 00:18:00,347 No, thank you Mis-- Doctor Pentos. 453 00:18:01,548 --> 00:18:04,250 [panicked shouts, heavy metal music playing] 454 00:18:05,585 --> 00:18:07,654 [crowd screaming] 455 00:18:08,021 --> 00:18:10,023 Sorry, but we needed your reactor 456 00:18:10,123 --> 00:18:12,057 to power the boosters into outer space 457 00:18:12,058 --> 00:18:15,061 to pull off our sickest trick shot yet. 458 00:18:15,161 --> 00:18:17,564 We're gonna blow a hole in the moon 459 00:18:17,664 --> 00:18:19,899 and then sink a basketball through it! 460 00:18:20,000 --> 00:18:21,700 It's the Ultimate Pop-A-Shot! 461 00:18:21,701 --> 00:18:24,636 But that'll destroy the planet. You guys are sick! 462 00:18:24,637 --> 00:18:25,672 Thanks, dude. 463 00:18:25,772 --> 00:18:27,907 Barry, it's go time. 464 00:18:28,475 --> 00:18:30,677 - [Barry] Hey, you rolling? - [Da Bro] Oh, yeah! 465 00:18:33,713 --> 00:18:35,814 Summers, we have to do something or we're all gonna die! 466 00:18:35,815 --> 00:18:37,784 And it'll be all my fault. 467 00:18:37,884 --> 00:18:39,718 Feel free to rub it in my face. 468 00:18:39,719 --> 00:18:42,121 [scoffs] Not that you'd have anywhere else to rub it. 469 00:18:42,122 --> 00:18:45,958 I wish you never found my head, so I wouldn't have to see this. 470 00:18:45,959 --> 00:18:48,060 Wait! How did you find my head? 471 00:18:48,061 --> 00:18:49,728 Uh, your neural modem was still pinging, 472 00:18:49,729 --> 00:18:52,464 so I ran a MAC address trace through the city's mesh network. 473 00:18:52,465 --> 00:18:53,867 How'd you know how to do that? 474 00:18:53,967 --> 00:18:56,236 Since you haven't been making me healthy food anymore, 475 00:18:56,336 --> 00:18:57,837 I need extra time on the toity. 476 00:18:57,937 --> 00:19:00,539 So, I, uh, read your whole manual. 477 00:19:00,540 --> 00:19:01,474 Twice. 478 00:19:01,574 --> 00:19:03,509 You were right. I need more fiber. 479 00:19:03,510 --> 00:19:05,512 Now I wish we were still friends. 480 00:19:05,612 --> 00:19:07,112 You don't know how hard it's been for me 481 00:19:07,113 --> 00:19:08,548 to watch someone else use you like that. 482 00:19:08,648 --> 00:19:09,516 That's my job! 483 00:19:09,616 --> 00:19:11,484 You have a strange notion of friendship. 484 00:19:11,584 --> 00:19:13,752 I just see friends differently. 485 00:19:13,753 --> 00:19:17,257 I-I don't understand. Maybe if you sung it? 486 00:19:17,357 --> 00:19:19,291 [groans, clears throat] 487 00:19:19,292 --> 00:19:22,495 ♪ A friend is a guy who pretends He doesn't see you crying ♪ 488 00:19:22,595 --> 00:19:25,398 ♪ Or swaps places with you Before you get a DUI ♪ 489 00:19:25,498 --> 00:19:27,367 Dude, shut up! You're making me miss! 490 00:19:27,467 --> 00:19:30,370 ♪ A friend steps in when You're in a bad bar fight ♪ 491 00:19:30,470 --> 00:19:31,938 ♪ Maybe not right away, But at some point ♪ 492 00:19:32,038 --> 00:19:34,239 ♪ When other people Are breaking it up, too ♪ 493 00:19:34,240 --> 00:19:36,976 Dude, shut him up, permanently! 494 00:19:37,777 --> 00:19:40,179 ♪ But sometimes a friend Has to be a distraction ♪ 495 00:19:40,180 --> 00:19:42,649 ♪ So that his other friend might Use his ocular thermal beam ♪ 496 00:19:42,749 --> 00:19:44,684 ♪ To slice Abad guy's Achilles ♪ 497 00:19:44,784 --> 00:19:47,721 Bro, that's not what a friend d-- uh, uh, ow! 498 00:19:48,388 --> 00:19:49,522 [triumphant music playing] 499 00:19:49,622 --> 00:19:51,256 So what you were sing-saying 500 00:19:51,257 --> 00:19:53,526 is that even though we define it differently, 501 00:19:53,626 --> 00:19:56,028 in the end, we're still friends? 502 00:19:56,029 --> 00:19:57,997 No, that was just to get us free. 503 00:19:58,631 --> 00:20:01,400 Of course. This is how I show I care. 504 00:20:01,401 --> 00:20:03,870 By busting your, well ... 505 00:20:05,005 --> 00:20:06,172 [Barry] Hey, I got the fuse! 506 00:20:06,272 --> 00:20:07,440 Ten, nine... 507 00:20:07,540 --> 00:20:09,541 I only got one shot. What if I miss? 508 00:20:09,542 --> 00:20:12,445 You got this. You're The Claw. 509 00:20:24,391 --> 00:20:26,459 Time to tie up some loose ends. 510 00:20:26,726 --> 00:20:28,895 That'll make more sense in a second. 511 00:20:36,169 --> 00:20:37,303 Now what do we do? 512 00:20:37,404 --> 00:20:38,971 We can do whatever you wanna do. 513 00:20:38,972 --> 00:20:42,307 Because, like a certain purple gentleman once said, 514 00:20:42,308 --> 00:20:44,077 sharing is caring. 515 00:20:44,177 --> 00:20:45,645 [Summers] So we can watchBarney? 516 00:20:45,745 --> 00:20:46,913 [Flute] No. 517 00:20:52,118 --> 00:20:55,220 Well, at least this time my boys brought her lunch stuff 518 00:20:55,221 --> 00:20:57,022 so service wouldn't be interrupted. 519 00:20:57,023 --> 00:21:00,360 Yes, I suppose that could be considered progress. 520 00:21:00,460 --> 00:21:02,961 Oh, you left this last night when you, uh, 521 00:21:02,962 --> 00:21:04,230 came over to watch the boys. 522 00:21:04,330 --> 00:21:05,164 Thank you! 523 00:21:05,165 --> 00:21:07,233 I am trying to channel their anger 524 00:21:07,334 --> 00:21:09,168 into constructive noisemaking. 525 00:21:09,169 --> 00:21:12,672 And they taught me how to say "rock and roll" in Chinese! 526 00:21:12,772 --> 00:21:16,910 [in Chinese] 527 00:21:17,110 --> 00:21:19,378 Yeah, that sounds great. 528 00:21:19,379 --> 00:21:22,115 Satanism? Huh! That sounds like something 529 00:21:22,215 --> 00:21:24,216 you would have gotten me involved in. 530 00:21:24,217 --> 00:21:25,518 [laughing] You would have thought, Stan. 531 00:21:25,618 --> 00:21:27,220 You would have thought. 532 00:21:27,320 --> 00:21:30,523 Uh-oh, watch out! Salisbury steak coming in!