What a beautiful day.
All right, let's party.
Dude, I'm mid‐nap.
And I'm quarter‐nap.
I barely got started.
Well, I thought this was
supposed to be a fun day at the beach.
No, it's supposed to be a relaxing day at the beach.
Kevin's right. The text said relaxing.
Kevin, can we change it?
Nope, the text was sent.
You should've paid attention.
Hello, friends!
‐Hey. ‐Hi.
What do you think about my private island, huh?
You ain't think a seagull balled like this, huh?
Oh, Seagull,
that's just a rock.
And this is just cash.
‐Whoa. ‐And champagne.
‐Wow. ‐Whoo.
This bird parties.
You see, I'm rich in money
and beverages.
But you know what I'm most rich in?
Ulterior motives?
Opportunities, sir.
And I'd like to tell you about them
on a free tour of the Seagull Kingdom.
I've heard of the Seagull Kingdom.
It's the hidden kingdom
of the seagulls.
And now I invite you to visit this land of mystery
with free champagne
and guaranteed good times.
Mm, monsieur, allow me to consult
with my associates.
‐Take your time. ‐We're doing this, right?
Good times, good times?
Yeah, sounds fun.
I don't know.
This guy seems sketchy.
Make it rain, baby!
Man, what's sketchy about a stranger inviting us
to a secret island?
All aspects of it.
What if he tries to sell us a timeshare?
Come on, Kev. It's a free tour.
We'll drink some champagne, check out a mysterious kingdom,
then bounce!
So are we doing this?
I guess.
Yes!
Adventures at sea!
Is there even gonna be food at the Seagull Kingdom?
I mean, I bet they'll have party snacks.
Like hors d'oeuvres and stuff.
What do seagulls eat anyway?
Only what's not theirs.
Sandwiches they didn't make.
Hot dogs they didn't pay for.
Tanya, where did you get that cloak?
Cookies stolen from beachside picnics.
Nachos pilfered from unsuspecting children.
French fries, candy bars.
These are words I love,
but spoken with hate.
Tanya, you're frightening Kevin.
Explain this sudden turn to darkness.
Flashback:
I was eight years old.
Spent the whole summer selling lemons
at my lemon stand.
ERNESTO: Why not sell lemonade?
TANYA: Why limit a lemon's potential?
Let the consumer decide.
‐ERNESTO: Brilliant. ‐TANYA: I know, right?
Business was good.
I was young, successful,
and ready to take on the world.
So I asked my dad to drive me
to the boardwalk so we could get a hot dog.
And then, out of nowhere...
this one‐eyed seagull swooped down and stole it
right out of my hands.
All I'd worked for, gone!
I swore then...
"I will take my vengeance upon that seagull!"
If the one‐eyed seagull still lives,
someone in the Seagull Kingdom will know.
Okay, a little concerned this whole thing
was secretly about vengeance.
Yeah, you should've told us.
My friends.
Be careful, be careful.
It can be a little treacherous.
Like I said, there's mystery everywhere.
Welcome, welcome.
All right, Tanya. Tanya?
‐And she's gone. ‐Allow me
to introduce myself properly.
My name is Ricard.
And to be honest,
I've not been entirely forthcoming with you.
Here we go.
Truth is, I didn't bring you here
for a simple super fun tour.
I brought you here because...
I need your help.
‐Me? ‐You!
You're the strongest being
to ever set foot in this kingdom.
A beast.
I believe you may be
the hero who is spoken of.
The hero, huh?
They speak of me here as well?
That who speaks of?
Many, many,
all kinds of people, I mean‐‐
Many, huh?
See, Kevin?
They talk about me.
Dude, I called it.
He's sucking you in.
KEVIN: He's lying to you!
If I was lying,
would I open this champagne?
‐KEVIN: Maybe.
Seems unrelated.
Drink up.
Get down, get funky.
Where we venture,
it's a place
of darkness.
Ah!
Susan.
Look, within this cave
lies the ultimate treasure.
A treasure no seagull
has been brave enough
to retrieve.
But perhaps you, Ernesto,
you can be
the one to retrieve it.
KEVIN: It's a pack of chips.
RICARD: They're not just chips.
They're Splendiferous Chips.
Yeah, Splendiferous Chips
Sour Cream and Barbeque.
BOTH: "If y'all be dippin',
y'all be chippin'."
‐You know of them? ‐Yeah.
The ads are everywhere.
KEVIN: I went on the factory tour.
For generations
these chips have sat untouched.
Claim them for us.
Be our hero.
We would throw a great party for you.
Mm.
I accept my destiny.
And my party.
Mm, I doubt they have a party planned.
Sometimes it's about the journey,
not the party.
I'm having a great time,
and the party could still happen.
I just wish you would listen to me.
I've got good intuitions.
I mean, so do I.
‐Whoa. ‐Well, that was foreboding.
It's probably fine.
Go, go, go, go.
Ah, super easy!
‐Yes, now open them! ‐Mm, wait.
Isn't this your people's treasure or something?
Open them!
Yeah, open the bag!
You see that line where it says, "Tear here"?
‐Tear there! ‐Wait.
Is this all you needed me for?
To open chips?
‐That's not fun. ‐Seize them!
Get 'em, yeah!
Now!
‐Ooh! ‐Let me go!
Give it up, bear.
You dare steal the Splendiferous Chips,
the most sacred artifact in seagull culture?
Wait, wait, wait.
Ricard said it was cool.
Right, Ricard?
Ricard?
Dude, come on.
Uh.
Sorry.
Susan!
There's no Susan here.
You stole my hot dog.
How did you know it was me?
You had one eye.
Oh, well, then, clearly,
you have the wrong person.
Enough lies, Susan!
God, all right, all right.
Take your revenge then.
Whoa, what the heck happened to you?
Oh, I walked your path once.
Flashback:
I was a young bird when I lost my eye.
Some kid with a rock.
I was so angry.
I swore the people
of the boardwalk would pay.
So I did what I knew best.
I stole their lunches.
Their corn dogs, their nachos.
All of it.
I had my revenge.
Then more.
Then everyone on the boardwalk
swore revenge against me.
It was a revenge‐off, and I was outnumbered.
I barely made it back here alive.
So go ahead.
Take your revenge.
But you know what?
You're gonna lose part of yourself
you can't get back, honey.
Whatever.
You still owe me a hot dog.
Ew!
Different dog.
Yeah, that's totally fair.
‐Oh, shit.
That's an execution.
Someone must've stolen
‐the Splendiferous Chips. ‐Wait, what?
Oh, shit, those are my friends.
Susan, will you help me stop this?
Of course, but...
you know if I do,
I‐‐I won't owe you a hot dog anymore.
Fine.
Hmm.
For the crime
of stealing the Splendiferous Chips,
you are sentenced to die.
I told you.
I told you all.
I knew‐‐I knew this would happen.
And now I got a permanent record?
No, no, no. You got the wrong guy.
It was Ricard.
He said there would be a party.
He guaranteed a good time.
Silence!
There's no Ricard‐‐ Hmm.
In this Seagull‐‐
Mm, kingdom.
Mm, sorry, my mouth was full.
Silence!
No way!
What is the bloody meaning of this?
No!
‐That's no judge!
That's Ricard!
He must've stolen the Splendiferous Chips!
He just tricked these naive forest creatures
into doing his dirty work!
Hold on, wait!
Wait one damn minute now.
Stop!
You can take revenge on this seagull.
Maybe it'll feel real good because he stole your chips.
And trust me, I know how serious that can be.
But you will lose a part of yourself
that you can't get back.
My friend
Susan taught me that.
And I think she has a lot to teach all of you.
Yes, I finished the Splendiferous Chips,
but punishing me won't bring them back.
Plus, the bag was mostly air.
There is another bag.
‐Another?
Another bag!
Splendiferous Chips Cheddar Ranch.
I stole them from the boardwalk years ago and hid them away.
I will gladly offer them in place of our lost treasure.
Hell yes! You see?
Revenge isn't the only answer.
I'll kill you!
‐No!
Dude, come on.
I just did a whole speech about not taking revenge
and what I learned from Susan,
who I'm cool with now.
It seems Ernesto doesn't listen to anybody.
Sorry, Tanya.
Sorry, Susan.
‐And...
And sorry, Kevin, I guess.
Oh, we're cool. That's all I wanted.
I understand your anger, Bear.
Ricard is a known asshole.
Yeah, enjoy watching the top of your head
for the rest of your life.
Thank you all for revealing this charlatan's crimes.
You've done us a splendiferous service.
Yes!
I love doing splendiferous services.