(quirky music)
♪♪ ♪♪
(laughs)
I gotta stop eating like this.
I can feel my metabolism slowing down.
Oh, me too, I know.
I mean, how many food festivals can one city have?
(sighs) Guess we don't have to go to all of them.
What else are we gonna do for fun?
Other than eat and drink stuff?
Hmm. Bowling?
Mm.
The library?
Yeah, neither of those sound right.
Let's just find Kevin.
Oh, he said he was looking for nachos.
(gasps) The nacho truck already left.
Oh, shit.
(groans)
Why?
Why?!
(sobbing)
As soon as he sees
the cheese fries, he'll be fine.
‐Hey! ‐What the hell, man?
Oh, sorry. Ernesto? Tanya?
‐BOTH: Naveen? ‐Yeah!
‐It's me, Naveen! ‐Oh, my God!
What are you doing here?
KEVIN: Cheese fries!
‐(Kevin sobs) ‐Ha! Is that Kevin?
This is like a little reunion.
‐Yeah! ‐Wow!
Man, we haven't seen you since...
The party days.
BOTH: The party days.
(laughs) You used to party so hard.
(chuckles) I know.
I was a real wild guy.
But then I got hit by a car.
‐(gasps) ‐Holy sh‐‐
‐Oh, my God. ‐Damn, dude.
Yeah, after that, I got my life together.
It was like the universe was telling me,
"Stop partying, Naveen."
No more beer, no more junk food.
I got healthy. I found happiness.
‐Yeah. ‐Hell yeah.
All right, man!
And then I got hit by another car.
‐What? ‐Damn!
Yeah, and I had to start all over again.
Again.
It was another sign from the universe,
but I was listening even harder.
So I got even healthier.
I got into running, I got married,
I started my own successful business.
‐That's awesome, man. ‐Good for you, dude.
And then I got hit by another car.
‐Oh, no. ‐Wait.
Do you, like, look both ways before crossing
or any of that stuff?
I only look one way: forward.
‐(whistles) ‐That's my philosophy.
‐Ha. So true. ‐What's true?
Sorry, I have to keep moving to maintain the ol' sweat rate.
I'm training for my first marathon.
Wow, that's, like, the biggest race, right?
Yep‐‐I figure I'm not getting any younger,
and another car could hit me at any second,
so might as well live my best life, right?
(chuckles) Hey, I gotta run,
but we should grab a water sometime.
‐You know, catch up. ‐Yeah, for sure.
‐I love water. ‐See ya!
(panting)
Wow, what an inspiration.
No, that guy was always an idiot.
And now he's been hit by three cars?
That's not a normal amount of cars.
Maybe I should stop eating junk food
and start a business and run a marathon.
I haven't done any of those things.
I'm probably in the worst shape of my life,
and I'm older than I've ever been before!
Listen, if you wanna change your life,
don't do it because of Naveen.
Do it because, I don't know,
you're ashamed of your past choices or whatever.
Wait, why do people change their lives?
Hmm. I think it is shame.
I'm still eating this burger, though.
Oh, of course, it would be a waste not to.
Mm‐hmm!
Hey, um, I just saw Naveen.
Mmm, mmm. He looks incredible!
Really healthy.
But then out of nowhere, bam!
Hit by a car.
Oh, no.
Mmm. Cheesy.
(acoustic guitar chords)
(grunts) All right.
Welcome to exercise day.
The day on which I, and maybe all of us,
become fit, personally fulfilled individuals
who perhaps own their own businesses.
That seems like a lot of expectations for one day.
Kevin, do you need to be playing guitar right now?
We're talking about making serious changes in our lives.
Oh, I'm making a change by becoming a guitarist.
‐Are you? ‐Yeah.
Because if you really are, you can keep playing.
‐Great. ‐ERNESTO: Okay.
I trust you not to take advantage
of my lenience on this.
♪♪ You should ♪♪
Tanya? Do you have anything to add?
Nope, I am ready for some exercise, baby.
As long as this doesn't become, like, a weird self‐help thing.
It probably won't.
First, we'll be going for a bike ride.
Let's hit it!
(thunder booming)
So I guess the universe is telling me
to be lazy and stay inside.
Well, guess what, universe?
I've never listened to anybody in my life,
and I'm not starting now.
All right, it's about 20 meters to the end of the hall.
By my calculations, we can do a 7 mile ride
if we go back and forth
600 times.
‐Does that sound fun? ‐No.
Let's race!
(upbeat rock music)
(grunts)
(panting)
(metallic clattering)
Guys! Ernesto is hurt!
I think he needs to go to the hospital now!
Oh, my God! Where is he?
Kevin, are you the one
who put Scotch Tape on the television?
(groans) I'm fine, I'm fine.
I just twisted my ankle.
No, dude, that shit's broken.
I've broken enough ankles to know.
Your own ankles, right?
We're taking you to the hospital.
Let's go.
(grunts)
What's on you?
Is that our Saran wrap?
I couldn't find my raincoat,
and spoiler alert: cats hate water.
(groans) That's the name‐brand Saran wrap.
It's not cheap. I paid for half of that.
And I'm wearing the half that I paid for!
Also, your half is in the trash can.
I couldn't get it to cling right.
Do you think this is how Naveen felt
‐after his car accidents? ‐(groans)
This is not the time to bring up Naveen.
Who in the holy heck is Naveen?
Only the most inspirational guy we know.
We used to hang out with him.
He's been hit by three cars.
Actually, it's four now.
Four, huh? I've been hit by five.
Five? How?
I don't know.
I get into weird physical situations.
What do you want me to tell you?
It's just my luck, I guess, all right?
Listen, can we take a quick break?
I need to adjust my wrap here.
‐No, don't let go of him! ‐I'm getting drenched.
(both grunt)
‐Whoa! ‐No, no, no, no, no!
This is literally my nightmare!
‐ERNESTO: No! ‐What the fudge?
♪♪ Dun, dun, dun! ♪♪
(somber music)
‐How you feeling? ‐(sighs)
Like a broken man at his lowest point.
Come on, bud.
You'll have way lower points than this.
Ugh, can we just go to the hospital?
Not yet. Kevin, you see anything?
Nothing!
Well, we'll give it another minute or two.
Maybe I should stop trying to be my best self.
That version of me always seems to be in a lot of pain.
Or you should just stop riding your bike in hallways.
You know what? No.
That's not the life I wanna live.
I mean, that's just basic safety.
No, why live in fear?
You can get hit by a car at any time
up to four times!
That's life.
No, that's just one man's
very specific life.
(Cat screaming)
(gasps) There!
Oh, shit!
(yells)
Help! Help!
Oh, God!
Oh, God. Oh, God.
Ernesto, come on, dude! We need you!
‐Ernesto! ‐(grunting)
‐TANYA: Come on, dude. ‐Ow. Ow.
‐CAT: Come on! ‐Come on.
‐Cat, come on! ‐I can't die!
TANYA: Give me your hand, Cat! Reach!
Kevin! Your guitar!
Mm‐mm!
‐(Cat yelling) ‐TANYA: Take my damn hand!
‐(groans) ‐TANYA: Kevin!
Fine.
(both grunting)
Reach a little bit more, Cat!
No! Don't grab the strings! It'll get out of tune!
Oh, God! Ah!
(both grunting)
TANYA: Come on, guys.
Oh, I can't die like this on the guitar!
The world needs me!
(grunting)
No! My guitarbrella!
Wah! I regret this decision!
‐Possessions aren't everything! ‐(sighs)
Come on.
(all grunting)
Come on!
(gasps)
(all groaning)
‐We did it. We did it. ‐Yeah.
‐Two times. ‐Whoo!
That was so intense.
You still think you're a weak little loser now?
Well, I never thought exactly those words.
You're strong as hell, my friend.
And you don't have to get hit
by any frickin' cars to prove it.
You're a hero.
We're all goddamn heroes.
Thank you, Tanya.
But it feels less special if we're all heroes.
Well, technically, Cat did the least, so...
‐Oh, no you didn't! ‐What?
You were the one getting rescued.
Us three are heroes, and the cat got rescued.
Excuse me?
I waded back into that filthy shit water
to save Kevin's life.
You know how polluted this creek is?
I would've been fine.
I was on the swim team until seventh grade.
Whatever.
Are we going to the hospital or not?
I really think I need to get my stomach pumped.
I'm pretty sure I drank, like, a gallon of E. coli.
Huh, you really think the water is that dirty?
Gross!
‐Hey, I found the remote. ‐All right.
We'll all get our stomachs pumped,
Ernesto can get his ankle checked out,
and then, I don't know, we can get a beer?
‐Mm‐hmm. ‐Hit the spot.
(quirky music)
Ah, personally, I'm excited as hell
to get my stomach pumped.
Yeah, I wanna live.
Love to live.
But in terms of other health benefits too.
This'll probably remove any
leftover cheeseburgers or alcohol.
‐It'll be cleansing. ‐Like self‐care.
Have you two lost your damn minds?
‐Hey, friends! ‐What?
‐Oh, my God! ‐Whoa!
‐What happened, dude? ‐Hit by a car.
‐Again? ‐Shocking.
Again and again.
But this time, I learned something.
The universe spoke to me again, and it said,
"Naveen, I know you've listened to me before,
"and I know it's always resulted in a car hitting you,
but this time, I've changed,"
and I was like, "Okay, universe.
Let's hear it."
And what did the universe say?
"Moderation."
The universe said, "Moderation."
I hate this guy.
I've been living life too much.
Too much exercise,
too much exposure to the outside world
where cars live.
‐Shut up. ‐Huh?
So my new plan is simple:
it's to chill out a little.
Sit on my couch more, close the blinds,
eat more cheeseburgers, stay inside‐‐inside of rooms
because cars don't go inside, right?
Not usually.
Because they're not people, right?
They don't have arms or legs or faces!
It would be against the law if they followed me!
‐Let's go. ‐Exactly.
Moderation.
The universe said, "Moderation."
I'll see you around, old friends.
All right. See you later, Naveen.
‐Stay safe. ‐You know what?
Honestly, that's the most sense
Naveen has ever made.
Aside from everything about cars and rooms.
The moderation part, though, right?
Right, the moderation part.
I think I can get on board with that.
Sometimes we'll be healthy, sometimes not.
A little bit of both.
Stomach pumping? Healthy.
Getting beers and fries later? Not healthy.
But we'll do them both.
Ooh, you know what?
I'm already feeling more moderated.
Feels good, right?
Let's go pump these tummies!
(ominous music)
♪♪ ♪♪
(quirky music)
(grunts, sighs)
♪♪ ♪♪