(upbeat music)
♪♪ ♪♪
(sighs)
Hey Tanya, do you consider me successful?
Yes, I do.
I mean, not in the traditional sense.
That's actually the sense I was hoping for.
You know, you're rich in happiness.
I'm not that happy.
Well, you're middle class in happiness,
and that is flavor because the middle class is vanishing.
Mm...okay.
I think I should start doing stuff
with my life.
That could be cool.
(gasps) I've got stuff!
I'm gonna go check out the new coffee shop.
‐You wanna come? ‐The really far away one?
It's only a 68‐minute walk.
‐Do stuff. ‐Mm, nah.
I think I might do a little career research.
Good for you.
‐Hey, Kevin! ‐Hey, Tanya.
What is up?
(sighs) Nothin'.
Just reconsidering my entire life.
‐You? ‐Also nothing.
You know, just bein' regular.
Why do you sound suspicious?
What? No, I'm not suspicious!
You're sweating a lot.
Uh, I was at soccer practice!
You don't have soccer practice on Sundays.
Okay, listen.
There's something wrong with the bathroom.
Kevin, what did you do?
I didn't do anything.
Have you been eating in there again?
We better not have cockroaches.
It's not cockroaches.
(creature roaring)
Uh, it was like this when I walked in.
ERNESTO: Oh, my God.
Kevin, did you leave cookies behind the sink?
‐Yeah. ‐That's why this thing is here.
It smelled your bathroom snacks.
Oh, man! My B.
Dude, you gotta stop this. We have a kitchen.
But sometimes I'm hungry in other rooms!
Hey, guys, what's up?
(creature roars)
Aw, man. What did you do?
Kevin left cookies behind the sink.
‐Again. ‐Kevin.
We talked about that for hours.
Hey, I'm still not convinced this is my fau‐‐
‐(screams) ‐Oh, dear Lord!
(screaming)
(grunts) Stop!
You know what this means, right?
(sighs)
We have to use the half bathroom.
Oh, my God. No.
(eerie music)
(creature groaning)
What the hell is that?
Oh, hey, Cat.
Kevin left cookies in the bathroom.
Damn it, Kevin!
There's nothing cool about eating cookies on the toilet!
Hey, cool it, man.
No. I just cleaned in there.
You cleaned in there, like, two weeks ago.
Yeah, two weeks ago, thoroughly clean.
And may also I ask,
when's the last time you cleaned in there?
This is not a competition.
Life is a competition.
And you're runnin' in last place, buddy.
Give me that broom. I'm gonna take care of this.
Go on, get out! (yowls)
Uh, Cat?
(groans)
All right, he's alive. Kevin, clean up your shit.
I have life stuff to figure out.
(creature roars)
(upbeat music)
♪♪ ♪♪
(buzzer)
(groans)
Ahh.
Kevin? Did you clean the bathroom yet?
(creature roaring)
You did not clean the bathroom!
Mm. (sucks teeth)
(sighs)
(grunts)
(eerie music)
♪♪ ♪♪
(switch clicks)
Huh.
It's actually not that bad.
Oh, shit.
(grunting)
Come on.
‐(muffled knocking) ‐ERNESTO: Hey, Kevin?
(knocking continues)
Turt?
‐Cat? ‐(creature growling)
(sighs)
(creature grumbling faintly)
‐(phone buzzing) ‐Hey, Tanya.
Hey, you just texted me the words "bathroom emergency"
in all caps. What's up?
Yeah, I'm trapped in the half bathroom at my place.
Why are you using the half bathroom?
There's, like, an alien or a monster
or something in the regular bathroom.
‐TANYA: Oh, man. ‐Yeah.
Kevin left cookies in there.
‐God, again? ‐ERNESTO: Yeah.
Ugh, I'm so glad I don't have roommates.
Thank God for soulless jobs!
You're living the dream. What're you up to right now?
I'm still at this coffee shop. The line is super long.
Um, do you wanna maybe bail
and come get me out of here instead?
No, dude, I've put 2 1/2 hours into this.
I've gotta see if it's worth the hype.
No, yeah. That seems important.
Listen, I'll come get you on the way back.
We can do lunch.
Tanya, there's a spider in here!
I'll see you in, like, 84 minutes, okay?
Oh, God!
‐Don't get all stressed out. ‐ERNESTO: (whining)
It's way too late for that.
Oh, man.
Um, excuse me.
Do you think I could go in front of you?
My friend is stuck in his half bathroom.
‐(laughing) ‐Ugh.
Hey, lady, everyone's got problems.
You think I don't have to go let someone
out of a bathroom after this?
‐Do you? ‐Yeah, my friend Karen.
She's been stuck in her bathroom for three days.
‐Oh, Karen, no. ‐You know Karen?
No, but she sounds incredible.
She's one of my third best friends.
Hey, um, I'm just blue‐skying here,
but why don't we just order together?
‐Are you getting any food? ‐No.
Pshh. Yeah, me either.
Great. Thanks.
Excuse me, do you think I can go in front of you?
My friend is stuck in his half bathroom.
(downbeat chiptune music)
(sighs)
I'm gonna die in a half bathroom.
Not even a real bathroom.
At least we became bros in the end.
Didn't we, spider?
Thank you for believing in me.
TANYA: Ernesto, you still in there?
Tanya? How was the coffee?
Not good.
‐Did you lock it? ‐Yeah.
And then I broke the door handle off.
Ugh. All right, all right.
I'm gonna try something.
Hi‐yah!
It didn't work.
‐Should I try again? ‐ERNESTO: Yeah.
TANYA: Second hi‐yah!
I think it opens in the other direction.
Man, these doors are thin.
‐Hey, Tanya. ‐Hey.
Why are you breaking my house?
‐ERNESTO: Kevin! ‐Ernesto?
Did you clean the bathroom yet?
Yeah. I mean, I'm doing it.
I got the broom out.
(creature roars)
What're you up to?
I'm stuck in this goddamn half bathroom!
KEVIN: Oh, you have to lift the door, then push.
Oh.
(groans)
‐Hey, Tanya. ‐Hey.
‐Dude. ‐Hey!
No hey. Bathroom.
Ugh. Fine!
(creature snarling)
‐(grunts) ‐KEVIN: Guys?
I think I need help.
(creature roaring)
Whoa.
You guys need to clean your place more.
‐Shit. ‐Oh.
All right, we gotta take care of this right now.
‐Kevin, grab the broom. ‐Oh, God.
Oh, God. You can do this, Kevin.
‐You've got this, Kevin. ‐Dude.
‐Just be brave. ‐Oh, my...
Okay, uh, can I drink some alcohol first?
I'd also like to drink some alcohol first.
(sighs)
(upbeat swing music)
♪♪ ♪♪
(creature roars)
(glasses shatter)
Let's do this.
(groans)
‐Kev? ‐He passed out.
(sighs)
All right, let's get him on the couch.
(creature grumbling)
Guys? Are you gonna clean this up?
‐Ready? ‐Ready!
(both yelling)
‐TANYA: Huh, ah, ha! ‐ERNESTO: (grunting)
(creature growls)
(glass shatters)
‐TANYA: Grr! ‐ERNESTO: Tanya, watch out!
(creature growling)
TANYA: Hi‐yah! Ooh, hah!
Ow! You bitch!
(both continue grunting)
Ha‐ahh!
(yelling)
(grunting)
Ow!
Ugh.
(creature roars)
Dude!
Where'd you learn to throw a knife like that?
Mm, videos.
(glass shattering)
Send me a link.
CAT: Oh, come on!
(goo squelching)
Ah! (exhales)
I'm alive!
You guys saved me.
You do respect me.
I actually forgot he was in here.
(panting)
Shh. It's okay.
What the hell was that thing?
It was an alien parasite. I think.
‐Actually, I don't really know. ‐Oh, my God.
It's like I could feel it in my mind.
It kept just, like, telling me
to call my mother for some reason.
Shh, shh, shh, shh, shh.
‐Kevin, are you drunk? ‐Yes.
Good, can you show me where the alcohol is?
I killed the monster.
Yeah, thanks for that, man.
You're everybody's hero today, pal.
KEVIN: Shh. Pretty kitty.
So how about that lunch, darling?
I don't know.
I should probably get back to my career search.
Then again, I can't do anything if I'm hungry.
Food is the first step to success.
‐I'm writing that down. ‐Oh, you should.
Hey, Kevin! You wanna come eat with us?
(gasps) I know!
We should do all you can eat.
Will that be enough?
We can get two orders.
(creature roaring)
‐(manhole cover crashes) ‐What about dessert?
Oh, there's a new hot cookie place on 4th.
It's called Hot Cookies!
KEVIN: Ooh!
(creature growling)