1
00:00:10,921 --> 00:00:14,224
(upbeat music)
2
00:00:14,291 --> 00:00:17,561
♪♪ ♪♪
3
00:00:18,628 --> 00:00:20,838
(sighs)
4
00:00:20,838 --> 00:00:23,410
Hey Tanya,
do you consider me successful?
5
00:00:23,410 --> 00:00:24,778
Yes, I do.
6
00:00:24,845 --> 00:00:27,481
I mean,
not in the traditional sense.
7
00:00:27,548 --> 00:00:29,316
That's actually the sense
I was hoping for.
8
00:00:29,383 --> 00:00:31,285
You know,
you're rich in happiness.
9
00:00:31,352 --> 00:00:32,820
I'm not that happy.
10
00:00:32,887 --> 00:00:34,355
Well, you're middle class
in happiness,
11
00:00:34,421 --> 00:00:37,124
and that is flavor because
the middle class is vanishing.
12
00:00:37,191 --> 00:00:39,660
Mm...okay.
13
00:00:39,727 --> 00:00:42,963
I think I should start
doing stuff
14
00:00:43,030 --> 00:00:44,098
with my life.
15
00:00:44,164 --> 00:00:45,266
That could be cool.
16
00:00:45,332 --> 00:00:46,634
(gasps)
I've got stuff!
17
00:00:46,700 --> 00:00:48,302
I'm gonna go check out
the new coffee shop.
18
00:00:48,369 --> 00:00:49,603
‐You wanna come?
‐The really far away one?
19
00:00:49,670 --> 00:00:51,272
It's only a 68‐minute walk.
20
00:00:51,338 --> 00:00:53,274
‐Do stuff.
‐Mm, nah.
21
00:00:53,340 --> 00:00:55,009
I think I might do
a little career research.
22
00:00:55,075 --> 00:00:56,710
Good for you.
23
00:00:56,777 --> 00:00:59,146
‐Hey, Kevin!
‐Hey, Tanya.
24
00:00:59,213 --> 00:01:01,248
What is up?
25
00:01:01,315 --> 00:01:02,650
(sighs)
Nothin'.
26
00:01:02,716 --> 00:01:05,052
Just reconsidering
my entire life.
27
00:01:05,119 --> 00:01:07,054
‐You?
‐Also nothing.
28
00:01:07,121 --> 00:01:09,256
You know, just bein' regular.
29
00:01:09,323 --> 00:01:10,758
Why do you sound suspicious?
30
00:01:10,824 --> 00:01:13,460
What?
No, I'm not suspicious!
31
00:01:13,527 --> 00:01:15,496
You're sweating a lot.
32
00:01:15,563 --> 00:01:17,598
Uh, I was at soccer practice!
33
00:01:17,665 --> 00:01:19,366
You don't have soccer practice
on Sundays.
34
00:01:19,433 --> 00:01:20,701
Okay, listen.
35
00:01:20,768 --> 00:01:22,269
There's something wrong
with the bathroom.
36
00:01:22,336 --> 00:01:24,138
Kevin, what did you do?
37
00:01:24,205 --> 00:01:25,472
I didn't do anything.
38
00:01:25,539 --> 00:01:28,642
Have you been eating
in there again?
39
00:01:28,709 --> 00:01:30,244
We better not have cockroaches.
40
00:01:30,311 --> 00:01:31,512
It's not cockroaches.
41
00:01:31,579 --> 00:01:33,914
(creature roaring)
42
00:01:33,981 --> 00:01:36,417
Uh, it was like this
when I walked in.
43
00:01:36,483 --> 00:01:38,052
ERNESTO: Oh, my God.
44
00:01:38,118 --> 00:01:40,487
Kevin, did you leave cookies
behind the sink?
45
00:01:40,554 --> 00:01:42,223
‐Yeah.
‐That's why this thing is here.
46
00:01:42,289 --> 00:01:44,024
It smelled
your bathroom snacks.
47
00:01:44,091 --> 00:01:46,126
Oh, man!
My B.
48
00:01:46,193 --> 00:01:48,662
Dude, you gotta stop this.
We have a kitchen.
49
00:01:48,729 --> 00:01:50,631
But sometimes I'm hungry
in other rooms!
50
00:01:50,698 --> 00:01:53,133
Hey, guys, what's up?
51
00:01:53,200 --> 00:01:56,203
(creature roars)
52
00:01:56,270 --> 00:01:59,206
Aw, man.
What did you do?
53
00:01:59,273 --> 00:02:00,474
Kevin left cookies
behind the sink.
54
00:02:00,541 --> 00:02:02,476
‐Again.
‐Kevin.
55
00:02:02,543 --> 00:02:04,879
We talked about that for hours.
56
00:02:04,945 --> 00:02:07,181
Hey, I'm still not convinced
this is my fau‐‐
57
00:02:07,248 --> 00:02:09,516
‐(screams)
‐Oh, dear Lord!
58
00:02:09,583 --> 00:02:11,285
(screaming)
59
00:02:11,352 --> 00:02:13,454
(grunts)
Stop!
60
00:02:13,520 --> 00:02:14,855
You know what this means,
right?
61
00:02:14,922 --> 00:02:16,223
(sighs)
62
00:02:16,290 --> 00:02:17,658
We have to use
the half bathroom.
63
00:02:17,725 --> 00:02:19,293
Oh, my God.
No.
64
00:02:19,360 --> 00:02:22,396
(eerie music)
65
00:02:22,463 --> 00:02:24,598
(creature groaning)
66
00:02:24,665 --> 00:02:26,133
What the hell is that?
67
00:02:26,200 --> 00:02:27,768
Oh, hey, Cat.
68
00:02:27,835 --> 00:02:30,170
Kevin left cookies
in the bathroom.
69
00:02:30,237 --> 00:02:31,739
Damn it, Kevin!
70
00:02:31,805 --> 00:02:34,441
There's nothing cool about
eating cookies on the toilet!
71
00:02:34,508 --> 00:02:36,076
Hey, cool it, man.
72
00:02:36,143 --> 00:02:38,245
No.
I just cleaned in there.
73
00:02:38,312 --> 00:02:40,281
You cleaned in there,
like, two weeks ago.
74
00:02:40,347 --> 00:02:43,150
Yeah, two weeks ago,
thoroughly clean.
75
00:02:43,217 --> 00:02:44,385
And may also I ask,
76
00:02:44,451 --> 00:02:46,120
when's the last time
you cleaned in there?
77
00:02:46,186 --> 00:02:47,421
This is not a competition.
78
00:02:47,488 --> 00:02:49,723
Life is a competition.
79
00:02:49,790 --> 00:02:51,792
And you're runnin'
in last place, buddy.
80
00:02:51,859 --> 00:02:53,494
Give me that broom.
I'm gonna take care of this.
81
00:02:53,561 --> 00:02:55,996
Go on, get out!
(yowls)
82
00:03:00,000 --> 00:03:02,069
Uh, Cat?
83
00:03:02,136 --> 00:03:04,038
(groans)
84
00:03:04,104 --> 00:03:06,507
All right, he's alive.
Kevin, clean up your shit.
85
00:03:06,574 --> 00:03:08,776
I have life stuff
to figure out.
86
00:03:08,842 --> 00:03:12,179
(creature roars)
87
00:03:12,246 --> 00:03:15,015
(upbeat music)
88
00:03:15,082 --> 00:03:21,055
♪♪ ♪♪
89
00:03:21,989 --> 00:03:23,057
(buzzer)
90
00:03:23,123 --> 00:03:24,992
(groans)
91
00:03:28,128 --> 00:03:29,597
Ahh.
92
00:03:29,663 --> 00:03:32,900
Kevin?
Did you clean the bathroom yet?
93
00:03:35,936 --> 00:03:38,806
(creature roaring)
94
00:03:40,241 --> 00:03:43,210
You did not clean the bathroom!
95
00:03:43,277 --> 00:03:45,279
Mm.
(sucks teeth)
96
00:03:45,346 --> 00:03:46,647
(sighs)
97
00:03:47,781 --> 00:03:48,983
(grunts)
98
00:03:49,049 --> 00:03:51,986
(eerie music)
99
00:03:52,052 --> 00:03:58,826
♪♪ ♪♪
100
00:04:10,604 --> 00:04:12,373
(switch clicks)
101
00:04:12,439 --> 00:04:14,608
Huh.
102
00:04:14,675 --> 00:04:16,810
It's actually not that bad.
103
00:04:18,913 --> 00:04:19,880
Oh, shit.
104
00:04:19,947 --> 00:04:22,016
(grunting)
105
00:04:22,082 --> 00:04:23,050
Come on.
106
00:04:25,219 --> 00:04:27,321
‐(muffled knocking)
‐ERNESTO: Hey, Kevin?
107
00:04:27,388 --> 00:04:29,056
(knocking continues)
108
00:04:29,123 --> 00:04:31,425
Turt?
109
00:04:31,492 --> 00:04:33,827
‐Cat?
‐(creature growling)
110
00:04:33,894 --> 00:04:35,396
(sighs)
111
00:04:35,462 --> 00:04:38,532
(creature grumbling faintly)
112
00:04:40,367 --> 00:04:42,703
‐(phone buzzing)
‐Hey, Tanya.
113
00:04:42,770 --> 00:04:44,638
Hey, you just texted me
the words "bathroom emergency"
114
00:04:44,705 --> 00:04:46,173
in all caps.
What's up?
115
00:04:46,240 --> 00:04:48,976
Yeah, I'm trapped in
the half bathroom at my place.
116
00:04:49,043 --> 00:04:51,779
Why are you using
the half bathroom?
117
00:04:51,845 --> 00:04:54,582
There's, like,
an alien or a monster
118
00:04:54,648 --> 00:04:55,749
or something
in the regular bathroom.
119
00:04:55,816 --> 00:04:57,184
‐TANYA: Oh, man.
‐Yeah.
120
00:04:57,251 --> 00:04:58,252
Kevin left cookies in there.
121
00:04:58,319 --> 00:04:59,620
‐God, again?
‐ERNESTO: Yeah.
122
00:04:59,687 --> 00:05:01,722
Ugh, I'm so glad
I don't have roommates.
123
00:05:01,789 --> 00:05:03,924
Thank God for soulless jobs!
124
00:05:03,991 --> 00:05:06,160
You're living the dream.
What're you up to right now?
125
00:05:06,227 --> 00:05:10,397
I'm still at this coffee shop.
The line is super long.
126
00:05:10,464 --> 00:05:13,467
Um, do you wanna maybe bail
127
00:05:13,534 --> 00:05:14,768
and come get me
out of here instead?
128
00:05:14,835 --> 00:05:17,071
No, dude,
I've put 2 1/2 hours into this.
129
00:05:17,137 --> 00:05:19,340
I've gotta see
if it's worth the hype.
130
00:05:19,406 --> 00:05:21,575
No, yeah.
That seems important.
131
00:05:21,642 --> 00:05:23,143
Listen, I'll come get you
on the way back.
132
00:05:23,210 --> 00:05:25,512
We can do lunch.
133
00:05:25,579 --> 00:05:26,747
Tanya,
there's a spider in here!
134
00:05:26,814 --> 00:05:28,215
I'll see you in, like,
84 minutes, okay?
135
00:05:28,282 --> 00:05:29,750
Oh, God!
136
00:05:29,817 --> 00:05:31,085
‐Don't get all stressed out.
‐ERNESTO: (whining)
137
00:05:31,151 --> 00:05:32,219
It's way too late for that.
138
00:05:32,286 --> 00:05:33,988
Oh, man.
139
00:05:34,054 --> 00:05:35,623
Um, excuse me.
140
00:05:35,689 --> 00:05:36,824
Do you think I could go
in front of you?
141
00:05:36,891 --> 00:05:38,692
My friend is stuck
in his half bathroom.
142
00:05:38,759 --> 00:05:40,361
‐(laughing)
‐Ugh.
143
00:05:40,427 --> 00:05:42,530
Hey, lady,
everyone's got problems.
144
00:05:42,596 --> 00:05:43,797
You think I don't have
to go let someone
145
00:05:43,864 --> 00:05:45,366
out of a bathroom after this?
146
00:05:45,432 --> 00:05:47,067
‐Do you?
‐Yeah, my friend Karen.
147
00:05:47,134 --> 00:05:49,236
She's been stuck in her
bathroom for three days.
148
00:05:49,303 --> 00:05:51,572
‐Oh, Karen, no.
‐You know Karen?
149
00:05:51,639 --> 00:05:54,341
No, but she sounds incredible.
150
00:05:54,408 --> 00:05:55,776
She's one of my
third best friends.
151
00:05:55,843 --> 00:05:58,379
Hey, um,
I'm just blue‐skying here,
152
00:05:58,445 --> 00:06:00,481
but why don't we just
order together?
153
00:06:00,548 --> 00:06:02,049
‐Are you getting any food?
‐No.
154
00:06:02,116 --> 00:06:03,284
Pshh.
Yeah, me either.
155
00:06:03,350 --> 00:06:04,919
Great.
Thanks.
156
00:06:06,086 --> 00:06:08,589
Excuse me, do you think
I can go in front of you?
157
00:06:08,656 --> 00:06:11,859
My friend is stuck
in his half bathroom.
158
00:06:14,828 --> 00:06:18,098
(downbeat chiptune music)
159
00:06:19,733 --> 00:06:21,702
(sighs)
160
00:06:21,769 --> 00:06:24,371
I'm gonna die
in a half bathroom.
161
00:06:24,438 --> 00:06:26,607
Not even a real bathroom.
162
00:06:26,674 --> 00:06:28,242
At least we became bros
in the end.
163
00:06:28,309 --> 00:06:30,578
Didn't we, spider?
164
00:06:30,644 --> 00:06:32,346
Thank you for believing in me.
165
00:06:32,413 --> 00:06:33,714
TANYA: Ernesto,
you still in there?
166
00:06:33,781 --> 00:06:35,282
Tanya?
How was the coffee?
167
00:06:35,349 --> 00:06:36,550
Not good.
168
00:06:36,617 --> 00:06:37,885
‐Did you lock it?
‐Yeah.
169
00:06:37,952 --> 00:06:39,520
And then I broke
the door handle off.
170
00:06:39,587 --> 00:06:40,588
Ugh.
All right, all right.
171
00:06:40,654 --> 00:06:42,356
I'm gonna try something.
172
00:06:42,423 --> 00:06:43,657
Hi‐yah!
173
00:06:44,592 --> 00:06:45,993
It didn't work.
174
00:06:46,060 --> 00:06:48,195
‐Should I try again?
‐ERNESTO: Yeah.
175
00:06:48,262 --> 00:06:49,830
TANYA:
Second hi‐yah!
176
00:06:51,532 --> 00:06:53,267
I think it opens
in the other direction.
177
00:06:53,334 --> 00:06:54,702
Man, these doors are thin.
178
00:06:54,768 --> 00:06:56,437
‐Hey, Tanya.
‐Hey.
179
00:06:56,503 --> 00:06:57,738
Why are you breaking my house?
180
00:06:57,805 --> 00:06:59,139
‐ERNESTO: Kevin!
‐Ernesto?
181
00:06:59,206 --> 00:07:00,441
Did you clean the bathroom yet?
182
00:07:00,507 --> 00:07:02,576
Yeah.
I mean, I'm doing it.
183
00:07:02,643 --> 00:07:03,777
I got the broom out.
184
00:07:03,844 --> 00:07:06,780
(creature roars)
185
00:07:09,183 --> 00:07:10,484
What're you up to?
186
00:07:10,551 --> 00:07:12,853
I'm stuck
in this goddamn half bathroom!
187
00:07:12,920 --> 00:07:16,056
KEVIN: Oh, you have to lift
the door, then push.
188
00:07:20,127 --> 00:07:21,595
Oh.
189
00:07:21,662 --> 00:07:22,596
(groans)
190
00:07:23,764 --> 00:07:25,900
‐Hey, Tanya.
‐Hey.
191
00:07:25,966 --> 00:07:27,067
‐Dude.
‐Hey!
192
00:07:27,134 --> 00:07:28,769
No hey.
Bathroom.
193
00:07:28,836 --> 00:07:30,938
Ugh.
Fine!
194
00:07:31,005 --> 00:07:32,339
(creature snarling)
195
00:07:32,406 --> 00:07:33,507
‐(grunts)
‐KEVIN: Guys?
196
00:07:33,574 --> 00:07:35,309
I think I need help.
197
00:07:35,376 --> 00:07:38,512
(creature roaring)
198
00:07:39,179 --> 00:07:40,314
Whoa.
199
00:07:40,381 --> 00:07:43,117
You guys need to clean
your place more.
200
00:07:43,183 --> 00:07:44,552
‐Shit.
‐Oh.
201
00:07:44,618 --> 00:07:46,654
All right, we gotta take care
of this right now.
202
00:07:46,720 --> 00:07:49,323
‐Kevin, grab the broom.
‐Oh, God.
203
00:07:49,390 --> 00:07:51,292
Oh, God.
You can do this, Kevin.
204
00:07:51,358 --> 00:07:52,693
‐You've got this, Kevin.
‐Dude.
205
00:07:52,760 --> 00:07:54,962
‐Just be brave.
‐Oh, my...
206
00:07:55,029 --> 00:07:57,898
Okay, uh, can I drink
some alcohol first?
207
00:07:57,965 --> 00:08:00,935
I'd also like
to drink some alcohol first.
208
00:08:01,001 --> 00:08:02,303
(sighs)
209
00:08:02,369 --> 00:08:05,239
(upbeat swing music)
210
00:08:05,306 --> 00:08:08,142
♪♪ ♪♪
211
00:08:08,209 --> 00:08:11,345
(creature roars)
212
00:08:20,588 --> 00:08:23,490
(glasses shatter)
213
00:08:23,557 --> 00:08:26,660
Let's do this.
214
00:08:26,727 --> 00:08:27,895
(groans)
215
00:08:29,296 --> 00:08:31,665
‐Kev?
‐He passed out.
216
00:08:31,732 --> 00:08:33,434
(sighs)
217
00:08:33,500 --> 00:08:35,302
All right,
let's get him on the couch.
218
00:08:35,369 --> 00:08:36,871
(creature grumbling)
219
00:08:36,937 --> 00:08:41,008
Guys?
Are you gonna clean this up?
220
00:08:41,075 --> 00:08:43,110
‐Ready?
‐Ready!
221
00:08:43,177 --> 00:08:44,511
(both yelling)
222
00:08:44,578 --> 00:08:48,115
‐TANYA: Huh, ah, ha!
‐ERNESTO: (grunting)
223
00:08:48,182 --> 00:08:51,151
(creature growls)
224
00:08:51,218 --> 00:08:52,553
(glass shatters)
225
00:08:52,620 --> 00:08:54,255
‐TANYA: Grr!
‐ERNESTO: Tanya, watch out!
226
00:08:54,321 --> 00:08:56,123
(creature growling)
227
00:08:56,190 --> 00:08:58,058
TANYA: Hi‐yah!
Ooh, hah!
228
00:08:58,125 --> 00:09:00,160
Ow!
You bitch!
229
00:09:00,227 --> 00:09:03,330
(both continue grunting)
230
00:09:08,168 --> 00:09:09,703
Ha‐ahh!
231
00:09:09,770 --> 00:09:11,572
(yelling)
232
00:09:14,275 --> 00:09:16,677
(grunting)
233
00:09:16,744 --> 00:09:17,945
Ow!
234
00:09:18,012 --> 00:09:19,446
Ugh.
235
00:09:21,982 --> 00:09:25,553
(creature roars)
236
00:09:30,057 --> 00:09:31,358
Dude!
237
00:09:31,425 --> 00:09:32,960
Where'd you learn
to throw a knife like that?
238
00:09:33,027 --> 00:09:34,828
Mm, videos.
239
00:09:34,895 --> 00:09:36,130
(glass shattering)
240
00:09:36,197 --> 00:09:38,165
Send me a link.
241
00:09:38,232 --> 00:09:39,867
CAT: Oh, come on!
242
00:09:39,934 --> 00:09:41,535
(goo squelching)
243
00:09:41,602 --> 00:09:43,370
Ah!
(exhales)
244
00:09:43,437 --> 00:09:44,905
I'm alive!
245
00:09:44,972 --> 00:09:47,007
You guys saved me.
246
00:09:47,074 --> 00:09:48,576
You do respect me.
247
00:09:48,642 --> 00:09:50,344
I actually forgot
he was in here.
248
00:09:50,411 --> 00:09:52,046
(panting)
249
00:09:52,112 --> 00:09:54,448
Shh.
It's okay.
250
00:09:54,515 --> 00:09:55,849
What the hell was that thing?
251
00:09:55,916 --> 00:09:59,053
It was an alien parasite.
I think.
252
00:09:59,119 --> 00:10:01,522
‐Actually, I don't really know.
‐Oh, my God.
253
00:10:01,589 --> 00:10:03,691
It's like I could feel it
in my mind.
254
00:10:03,757 --> 00:10:05,292
It kept just, like, telling me
255
00:10:05,359 --> 00:10:07,228
to call my mother
for some reason.
256
00:10:07,294 --> 00:10:08,629
Shh, shh, shh, shh, shh.
257
00:10:08,696 --> 00:10:10,598
‐Kevin, are you drunk?
‐Yes.
258
00:10:10,664 --> 00:10:12,566
Good, can you show me
where the alcohol is?
259
00:10:12,633 --> 00:10:14,668
I killed the monster.
260
00:10:14,735 --> 00:10:16,337
Yeah, thanks for that, man.
261
00:10:16,403 --> 00:10:17,872
You're everybody's hero today,
pal.
262
00:10:17,938 --> 00:10:20,741
KEVIN: Shh.
Pretty kitty.
263
00:10:22,877 --> 00:10:25,312
So how about that lunch,
darling?
264
00:10:25,379 --> 00:10:26,614
I don't know.
265
00:10:26,680 --> 00:10:29,416
I should probably get back
to my career search.
266
00:10:29,483 --> 00:10:31,752
Then again, I can't do anything
if I'm hungry.
267
00:10:31,819 --> 00:10:33,921
Food is the first step
to success.
268
00:10:33,988 --> 00:10:36,056
‐I'm writing that down.
‐Oh, you should.
269
00:10:36,123 --> 00:10:37,992
Hey, Kevin!
You wanna come eat with us?
270
00:10:39,126 --> 00:10:40,094
(gasps)
I know!
271
00:10:40,160 --> 00:10:41,295
We should do all you can eat.
272
00:10:41,362 --> 00:10:42,429
Will that be enough?
273
00:10:42,496 --> 00:10:44,031
We can get two orders.
274
00:10:44,098 --> 00:10:46,901
(creature roaring)
275
00:10:46,967 --> 00:10:48,903
‐(manhole cover crashes)
‐What about dessert?
276
00:10:48,969 --> 00:10:51,071
Oh, there's a new
hot cookie place on 4th.
277
00:10:51,138 --> 00:10:52,806
It's called Hot Cookies!
278
00:10:52,873 --> 00:10:55,009
KEVIN: Ooh!
279
00:10:55,075 --> 00:10:57,444
(creature growling)