1
00:00:20,838 --> 00:00:23,410
Hey Tanya,
do you consider me successful?

2
00:00:23,410 --> 00:00:24,778
Yes, I do.

3
00:00:24,845 --> 00:00:27,481
I mean,
not in the traditional sense.

4
00:00:27,548 --> 00:00:29,316
That's actually the sense
I was hoping for.

5
00:00:29,383 --> 00:00:31,285
You know,
you're rich in happiness.

6
00:00:31,352 --> 00:00:32,820
I'm not that happy.

7
00:00:32,887 --> 00:00:34,355
Well, you're middle class
in happiness,

8
00:00:34,421 --> 00:00:37,124
and that is flavor because
the middle class is vanishing.

9
00:00:37,191 --> 00:00:39,660
Mm...okay.

10
00:00:39,727 --> 00:00:42,963
I think I should start
doing stuff

11
00:00:43,030 --> 00:00:44,098
with my life.

12
00:00:44,164 --> 00:00:45,266
That could be cool.

13
00:00:45,332 --> 00:00:46,634
I've got stuff!

14
00:00:46,700 --> 00:00:48,302
I'm gonna go check out
the new coffee shop.

15
00:00:48,369 --> 00:00:49,603
‐You wanna come?
‐The really far away one?

16
00:00:49,670 --> 00:00:51,272
It's only a 68‐minute walk.

17
00:00:51,338 --> 00:00:53,274
‐Do stuff.
‐Mm, nah.

18
00:00:53,340 --> 00:00:55,009
I think I might do
a little career research.

19
00:00:55,075 --> 00:00:56,710
Good for you.

20
00:00:56,777 --> 00:00:59,146
‐Hey, Kevin!
‐Hey, Tanya.

21
00:00:59,213 --> 00:01:01,248
What is up?

22
00:01:01,315 --> 00:01:02,650
Nothin'.

23
00:01:02,716 --> 00:01:05,052
Just reconsidering
my entire life.

24
00:01:05,119 --> 00:01:07,054
‐You?
‐Also nothing.

25
00:01:07,121 --> 00:01:09,256
You know, just bein' regular.

26
00:01:09,323 --> 00:01:10,758
Why do you sound suspicious?

27
00:01:10,824 --> 00:01:13,460
What?
No, I'm not suspicious!

28
00:01:13,527 --> 00:01:15,496
You're sweating a lot.

29
00:01:15,563 --> 00:01:17,598
Uh, I was at soccer practice!

30
00:01:17,665 --> 00:01:19,366
You don't have soccer practice
on Sundays.

31
00:01:19,433 --> 00:01:20,701
Okay, listen.

32
00:01:20,768 --> 00:01:22,269
There's something wrong
with the bathroom.

33
00:01:22,336 --> 00:01:24,138
Kevin, what did you do?

34
00:01:24,205 --> 00:01:25,472
I didn't do anything.

35
00:01:25,539 --> 00:01:28,642
Have you been eating
in there again?

36
00:01:28,709 --> 00:01:30,244
We better not have cockroaches.

37
00:01:30,311 --> 00:01:31,512
It's not cockroaches.

38
00:01:33,981 --> 00:01:36,417
Uh, it was like this
when I walked in.

39
00:01:36,483 --> 00:01:38,052
Oh, my God.

40
00:01:38,118 --> 00:01:40,487
Kevin, did you leave cookies
behind the sink?

41
00:01:40,554 --> 00:01:42,223
‐Yeah.
‐That's why this thing is here.

42
00:01:42,289 --> 00:01:44,024
It smelled
your bathroom snacks.

43
00:01:44,091 --> 00:01:46,126
Oh, man!
My B.

44
00:01:46,193 --> 00:01:48,662
Dude, you gotta stop this.
We have a kitchen.

45
00:01:48,729 --> 00:01:50,631
But sometimes I'm hungry
in other rooms!

46
00:01:50,698 --> 00:01:53,133
Hey, guys, what's up?

47
00:01:56,270 --> 00:01:59,206
Aw, man.
What did you do?

48
00:01:59,273 --> 00:02:00,474
Kevin left cookies
behind the sink.

49
00:02:00,541 --> 00:02:02,476
‐Again.
‐Kevin.

50
00:02:02,543 --> 00:02:04,879
We talked about that for hours.

51
00:02:04,945 --> 00:02:07,181
Hey, I'm still not convinced
this is my fau‐‐

52
00:02:07,248 --> 00:02:09,516
‐Oh, dear Lord!

53
00:02:11,352 --> 00:02:13,454
Stop!

54
00:02:13,520 --> 00:02:14,855
You know what this means,
right?

55
00:02:16,290 --> 00:02:17,658
We have to use
the half bathroom.

56
00:02:17,725 --> 00:02:19,293
Oh, my God.
No.

57
00:02:24,665 --> 00:02:26,133
What the hell is that?

58
00:02:26,200 --> 00:02:27,768
Oh, hey, Cat.

59
00:02:27,835 --> 00:02:30,170
Kevin left cookies
in the bathroom.

60
00:02:30,237 --> 00:02:31,739
Damn it, Kevin!

61
00:02:31,805 --> 00:02:34,441
There's nothing cool about
eating cookies on the toilet!

62
00:02:34,508 --> 00:02:36,076
Hey, cool it, man.

63
00:02:36,143 --> 00:02:38,245
No.
I just cleaned in there.

64
00:02:38,312 --> 00:02:40,281
You cleaned in there,
like, two weeks ago.

65
00:02:40,347 --> 00:02:43,150
Yeah, two weeks ago,
thoroughly clean.

66
00:02:43,217 --> 00:02:44,385
And may also I ask,

67
00:02:44,451 --> 00:02:46,120
when's the last time
you cleaned in there?

68
00:02:46,186 --> 00:02:47,421
This is not a competition.

69
00:02:47,488 --> 00:02:49,723
Life is a competition.

70
00:02:49,790 --> 00:02:51,792
And you're runnin'
in last place, buddy.

71
00:02:51,859 --> 00:02:53,494
Give me that broom.
I'm gonna take care of this.

72
00:02:53,561 --> 00:02:55,996
Go on, get out!

73
00:03:00,000 --> 00:03:02,069
Uh, Cat?

74
00:03:04,104 --> 00:03:06,507
All right, he's alive.
Kevin, clean up your shit.

75
00:03:06,574 --> 00:03:08,776
I have life stuff
to figure out.

76
00:03:28,128 --> 00:03:29,597
Ahh.

77
00:03:29,663 --> 00:03:32,900
Kevin?
Did you clean the bathroom yet?

78
00:03:40,241 --> 00:03:43,210
You did not clean the bathroom!

79
00:03:43,277 --> 00:03:45,279
Mm.

80
00:04:12,439 --> 00:04:14,608
Huh.

81
00:04:14,675 --> 00:04:16,810
It's actually not that bad.

82
00:04:18,913 --> 00:04:19,880
Oh, shit.

83
00:04:22,082 --> 00:04:23,050
Come on.

84
00:04:25,219 --> 00:04:27,321
‐ERNESTO: Hey, Kevin?

85
00:04:29,123 --> 00:04:31,425
<i>Turt?</i>

86
00:04:31,492 --> 00:04:33,827
‐Cat?

87
00:04:40,367 --> 00:04:42,703
‐Hey, Tanya.

88
00:04:42,770 --> 00:04:44,638
<i>Hey, you just texted me</i>
<i>the words "bathroom emergency"</i>

89
00:04:44,705 --> 00:04:46,173
<i>in all caps.</i>
<i>What's up?</i>

90
00:04:46,240 --> 00:04:48,976
Yeah, I'm trapped in
the half bathroom at my place.

91
00:04:49,043 --> 00:04:51,779
<i>Why are you using</i>
<i>the half bathroom?</i>

92
00:04:51,845 --> 00:04:54,582
There's, like,
an alien or a monster

93
00:04:54,648 --> 00:04:55,749
or something
in the regular bathroom.

94
00:04:55,816 --> 00:04:57,184
‐TANYA: Oh, man.
‐Yeah.

95
00:04:57,251 --> 00:04:58,252
Kevin left cookies in there.

96
00:04:58,319 --> 00:04:59,620
‐God, again?
<i>‐ERNESTO: Yeah.</i>

97
00:04:59,687 --> 00:05:01,722
Ugh, I'm so glad
I don't have roommates.

98
00:05:01,789 --> 00:05:03,924
Thank God for soulless jobs!

99
00:05:03,991 --> 00:05:06,160
You're living the dream.
What're you up to right now?

100
00:05:06,227 --> 00:05:10,397
I'm still at this coffee shop.
The line is super long.

101
00:05:10,464 --> 00:05:13,467
Um, do you wanna maybe bail

102
00:05:13,534 --> 00:05:14,768
and come get me
out of here instead?

103
00:05:14,835 --> 00:05:17,071
No, dude,
I've put 2 1/2 hours into this.

104
00:05:17,137 --> 00:05:19,340
I've gotta see
if it's worth the hype.

105
00:05:19,406 --> 00:05:21,575
No, yeah.
That seems important.

106
00:05:21,642 --> 00:05:23,143
<i>Listen, I'll come get you</i>
<i>on the way back.</i>

107
00:05:23,210 --> 00:05:25,512
<i>We can do lunch.</i>

108
00:05:25,579 --> 00:05:26,747
Tanya,
there's a spider in here!

109
00:05:26,814 --> 00:05:28,215
I'll see you in, like,
84 minutes, okay?

110
00:05:28,282 --> 00:05:29,750
Oh, God!

111
00:05:29,817 --> 00:05:31,085
‐Don't get all stressed out.
<i>‐ERNESTO: </i>

112
00:05:31,151 --> 00:05:32,219
<i>It's way too late for that.</i>

113
00:05:32,286 --> 00:05:33,988
Oh, man.

114
00:05:34,054 --> 00:05:35,623
Um, excuse me.

115
00:05:35,689 --> 00:05:36,824
Do you think I could go
in front of you?

116
00:05:36,891 --> 00:05:38,692
My friend is stuck
in his half bathroom.

117
00:05:38,759 --> 00:05:40,361
‐Ugh.

118
00:05:40,427 --> 00:05:42,530
Hey, lady,
everyone's got problems.

119
00:05:42,596 --> 00:05:43,797
You think I don't have
to go let someone

120
00:05:43,864 --> 00:05:45,366
out of a bathroom after this?

121
00:05:45,432 --> 00:05:47,067
‐Do you?
‐Yeah, my friend Karen.

122
00:05:47,134 --> 00:05:49,236
She's been stuck in her
bathroom for three days.

123
00:05:49,303 --> 00:05:51,572
‐Oh, Karen, no.
‐You know Karen?

124
00:05:51,639 --> 00:05:54,341
No, but she sounds incredible.

125
00:05:54,408 --> 00:05:55,776
She's one of my
third best friends.

126
00:05:55,843 --> 00:05:58,379
Hey, um,
I'm just blue‐skying here,

127
00:05:58,445 --> 00:06:00,481
but why don't we just
order together?

128
00:06:00,548 --> 00:06:02,049
‐Are you getting any food?
‐No.

129
00:06:02,116 --> 00:06:03,284
Pshh.
Yeah, me either.

130
00:06:03,350 --> 00:06:04,919
Great.
Thanks.

131
00:06:06,086 --> 00:06:08,589
Excuse me, do you think
I can go in front of you?

132
00:06:08,656 --> 00:06:11,859
My friend is stuck
in his half bathroom.

133
00:06:21,769 --> 00:06:24,371
I'm gonna die
in a half bathroom.

134
00:06:24,438 --> 00:06:26,607
Not even a real bathroom.

135
00:06:26,674 --> 00:06:28,242
At least we became bros
in the end.

136
00:06:28,309 --> 00:06:30,578
Didn't we, spider?

137
00:06:30,644 --> 00:06:32,346
Thank you for believing in me.

138
00:06:32,413 --> 00:06:33,714
Ernesto,
you still in there?

139
00:06:33,781 --> 00:06:35,282
Tanya?
How was the coffee?

140
00:06:35,349 --> 00:06:36,550
Not good.

141
00:06:36,617 --> 00:06:37,885
‐Did you lock it?
‐Yeah.

142
00:06:37,952 --> 00:06:39,520
And then I broke
the door handle off.

143
00:06:39,587 --> 00:06:40,588
Ugh.
All right, all right.

144
00:06:40,654 --> 00:06:42,356
I'm gonna try something.

145
00:06:42,423 --> 00:06:43,657
Hi‐yah!

146
00:06:44,592 --> 00:06:45,993
It didn't work.

147
00:06:46,060 --> 00:06:48,195
‐Should I try again?
‐ERNESTO: Yeah.

148
00:06:48,262 --> 00:06:49,830
TANYA:
Second hi‐yah!

149
00:06:51,532 --> 00:06:53,267
I think it opens
in the other direction.

150
00:06:53,334 --> 00:06:54,702
Man, these doors are thin.

151
00:06:54,768 --> 00:06:56,437
‐Hey, Tanya.
‐Hey.

152
00:06:56,503 --> 00:06:57,738
Why are you breaking my house?

153
00:06:57,805 --> 00:06:59,139
‐ERNESTO: Kevin!
‐Ernesto?

154
00:06:59,206 --> 00:07:00,441
Did you clean the bathroom yet?

155
00:07:00,507 --> 00:07:02,576
Yeah.
I mean, I'm doing it.

156
00:07:02,643 --> 00:07:03,777
I got the broom out.

157
00:07:09,183 --> 00:07:10,484
What're you up to?

158
00:07:10,551 --> 00:07:12,853
I'm stuck
in this goddamn half bathroom!

159
00:07:12,920 --> 00:07:16,056
Oh, you have to lift
the door, then push.

160
00:07:20,127 --> 00:07:21,595
Oh.

161
00:07:23,764 --> 00:07:25,900
‐Hey, Tanya.
‐Hey.

162
00:07:25,966 --> 00:07:27,067
‐Dude.
‐Hey!

163
00:07:27,134 --> 00:07:28,769
No hey.
Bathroom.

164
00:07:28,836 --> 00:07:30,938
Ugh.
Fine!

165
00:07:32,406 --> 00:07:33,507
‐KEVIN: Guys?

166
00:07:33,574 --> 00:07:35,309
I think I need help.

167
00:07:39,179 --> 00:07:40,314
Whoa.

168
00:07:40,381 --> 00:07:43,117
You guys need to clean
your place more.

169
00:07:43,183 --> 00:07:44,552
‐Shit.
‐Oh.

170
00:07:44,618 --> 00:07:46,654
All right, we gotta take care
of this right now.

171
00:07:46,720 --> 00:07:49,323
‐Kevin, grab the broom.
‐Oh, God.

172
00:07:49,390 --> 00:07:51,292
Oh, God.
You can do this, Kevin.

173
00:07:51,358 --> 00:07:52,693
‐You've got this, Kevin.
‐Dude.

174
00:07:52,760 --> 00:07:54,962
‐Just be brave.
‐Oh, my...

175
00:07:55,029 --> 00:07:57,898
Okay, uh, can I drink
some alcohol first?

176
00:07:57,965 --> 00:08:00,935
I'd also like
to drink some alcohol first.

177
00:08:23,557 --> 00:08:26,660
Let's do this.

178
00:08:29,296 --> 00:08:31,665
‐Kev?
‐He passed out.

179
00:08:33,500 --> 00:08:35,302
All right,
let's get him on the couch.

180
00:08:36,937 --> 00:08:41,008
Guys?
Are you gonna clean this up?

181
00:08:41,075 --> 00:08:43,110
‐Ready?
‐Ready!

182
00:08:44,578 --> 00:08:48,115
‐TANYA: Huh, ah, ha!
‐ERNESTO:

183
00:08:52,620 --> 00:08:54,255
‐TANYA: Grr!
‐ERNESTO: Tanya, watch out!

184
00:08:56,190 --> 00:08:58,058
Hi‐yah!
Ooh, hah!

185
00:08:58,125 --> 00:09:00,160
Ow!
You bitch!

186
00:09:08,168 --> 00:09:09,703
Ha‐ahh!

187
00:09:16,744 --> 00:09:17,945
Ow!

188
00:09:18,012 --> 00:09:19,446
Ugh.

189
00:09:30,057 --> 00:09:31,358
Dude!

190
00:09:31,425 --> 00:09:32,960
Where'd you learn
to throw a knife like that?

191
00:09:33,027 --> 00:09:34,828
Mm, videos.

192
00:09:36,197 --> 00:09:38,165
Send me a link.

193
00:09:38,232 --> 00:09:39,867
Oh, come on!

194
00:09:41,602 --> 00:09:43,370
Ah!

195
00:09:43,437 --> 00:09:44,905
I'm alive!

196
00:09:44,972 --> 00:09:47,007
You guys saved me.

197
00:09:47,074 --> 00:09:48,576
You do respect me.

198
00:09:48,642 --> 00:09:50,344
I actually forgot
he was in here.

199
00:09:52,112 --> 00:09:54,448
Shh.
It's okay.

200
00:09:54,515 --> 00:09:55,849
What the hell was that thing?

201
00:09:55,916 --> 00:09:59,053
It was an alien parasite.
I think.

202
00:09:59,119 --> 00:10:01,522
‐Actually, I don't really know.
‐Oh, my God.

203
00:10:01,589 --> 00:10:03,691
It's like I could feel it
in my mind.

204
00:10:03,757 --> 00:10:05,292
It kept just, like, telling me

205
00:10:05,359 --> 00:10:07,228
to call my mother
for some reason.

206
00:10:07,294 --> 00:10:08,629
Shh, shh, shh, shh, shh.

207
00:10:08,696 --> 00:10:10,598
‐Kevin, are you drunk?
‐Yes.

208
00:10:10,664 --> 00:10:12,566
Good, can you show me
where the alcohol is?

209
00:10:12,633 --> 00:10:14,668
I killed the monster.

210
00:10:14,735 --> 00:10:16,337
Yeah, thanks for that, man.

211
00:10:16,403 --> 00:10:17,872
You're everybody's hero today,
pal.

212
00:10:17,938 --> 00:10:20,741
Shh.
Pretty kitty.

213
00:10:22,877 --> 00:10:25,312
So how about that lunch,
darling?

214
00:10:25,379 --> 00:10:26,614
I don't know.

215
00:10:26,680 --> 00:10:29,416
I should probably get back
to my career search.

216
00:10:29,483 --> 00:10:31,752
Then again, I can't do anything
if I'm hungry.

217
00:10:31,819 --> 00:10:33,921
Food is the first step
to success.

218
00:10:33,988 --> 00:10:36,056
‐I'm writing that down.
‐Oh, you should.

219
00:10:36,123 --> 00:10:37,992
Hey, Kevin!
You wanna come eat with us?

220
00:10:39,126 --> 00:10:40,094
I know!

221
00:10:40,160 --> 00:10:41,295
We should do all you can eat.

222
00:10:41,362 --> 00:10:42,429
Will that be enough?

223
00:10:42,496 --> 00:10:44,031
We can get two orders.

224
00:10:46,967 --> 00:10:48,903
‐What about dessert?

225
00:10:48,969 --> 00:10:51,071
Oh, there's a new
hot cookie place on 4th.

226
00:10:51,138 --> 00:10:52,806
It's called Hot Cookies!

227
00:10:52,873 --> 00:10:55,009
Ooh!