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A NETFLIX SERIES
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["Strappati Lungo i Bordi"
by Giancane plays]
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[birds chirping]
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[alarm sounds]
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[alarm stops]
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["Un Batito Ancora" by Gli Ultimi plays]
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["Un Batito Ancora" continues playing]
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[Zero] Dead people are dead.
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I don't believe
they watch over us from heaven,
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so I don't understand
what funerals are for.
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To break your balls.
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Oh, stop it.
You don't have to be disrespectful.
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I'm not complaining though,
that's what all funerals are for.
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Priests go on and on.
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The Lord is my shepherd.
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He leadeth me beside the still waters
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and to watch the paint dry.
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You're forced to drown your grief
in all this blabbing
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until you start to bleed from your ears.
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Four hours later, you leave,
so emotionally drained
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you can't even bring yourself to cry.
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Oh, I'll cry.
I can already feel a lump in my throat.
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-Sure!
-I can.
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A lump in your throat?
Doesn't mean a damn thing!
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It needs to be extreme to have an effect.
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You need to fill at least two jugs
with tears and snot.
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Then spend another half an hour
stirring it until it froths,
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otherwise the mucus stays
at the bottom, you see?
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Do you really think we need to actually
focus so much on bodily fluids?
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It's necessary.
You have to get all of it out.
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It's the only way for you
to process all of your pain.
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{\an8}You ever noticed the words "catharsis"
and "catarrh" are very similar?
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{\an8}But one comes from Greek
and the other Latin.
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{\an8}Yeah, who cares?
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If two huge
and very different civilizations
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are able to agree on the same concept,
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I just find it conceited that you'd come
and break my balls about it.
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[Zero] Whilst I reflect on this catharsis,
the priest and the crying,
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I realise that this has nothing to do
with what we're doing here today.
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Because this isn't a church,
it's a public gym.
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Instead of an altar, there's a boxing ring
in the middle of the room.
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And I get why we're here,
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because Alice had a thing
for boxing and all that,
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but this place doesn't really have
the grandeur to effectively reverberate
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all the preaching
that's supposed to make me cry.
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Sarah, do you think this is appropriate?
I mean, an appropriate place to cry?
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If I don't cry, I'll regret it.
The train here cost 300 euro.
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Shut up! People don't attend a funeral
just to cry, Zero!
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[Zero] It's true. Sarah's right.
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There's another reason
people go to funerals,
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or at least some funerals.
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Because they're hoping to get answers
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to the question
that's been on our mind since Tuesday,
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since the telephone calls began.
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But we didn't know how to start,
what words to use,
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how to respond when they ask you things.
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[Secco sighs sadly, grunts]
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Shall we go get some ice cream?
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Jesus, man. We're at a funeral!
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I asked if you wanted ice cream,
not to go and have a wank.
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Is that disrespectful?
Is Alice lactose-intolerant now?
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[Zero] Anyway, that wasn't the question.
It was a different, more difficult one.
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It was, "Why did she do it?"
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There has to be a cause and effect, right?
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Why do we eat? We're hungry.
Why are we hungry? We skipped lunch.
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There have to be
some explanations or reasons.
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You may even blame someone.
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There has to be a reason
why people kill themselves.
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Why she went and killed herself.
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I'm sorry to be the one
to break it to you,
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but there's never a simple answer.
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Any time someone gives you
a nice, neat, simple reason
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why someone killed themselves,
it's bullshit.
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Or they're just telling you
what they want you to believe.
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The exception to this
is if you're cornered in a hut,
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out of ammo, and there are 40 ISIS gunmen
coming to get you,
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so you blow yourself up.
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That's understandable,
there's no other way to interpret it.
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But in all other situations,
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the truth is that people don't ever
kill themselves for simple reasons.
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There's no cause A leading to effect B.
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It's a knotted tangle of reasons
you get lost in.
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Often, you don't understand
any of it yourself,
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let alone anyone else.
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What do you mean, Sarah?
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How can there be no answer, no note,
nothing that stops us from going crazy?
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It's absurd to me that we can't understand
the reasons behind something like this
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when she was someone we knew.
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You were her friend, Sarah,
and I was pretty close to her too.
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Aside from the fact we were both nutters
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who kept chasing each other
and doing nothing about it.
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We were actually very close.
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Really you mean she chased you
and you kept running away.
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Sarah, firstly, what the fuck do you know?
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Fine, I was never quick off the mark,
but she never made a move either.
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I'm not criticising her.
I respect these things.
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The first to let down their guard
risks getting hurt more.
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I guess that's why neither of us
ever dared to make a move.
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Oh, Zero. Are you serious?
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She tried to make a move a million times!
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-What do you mean?
-For fuck's sake!
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She always asked for a smoke
because she wanted to hang out.
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You always said, "No, I don't smoke."
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Once, she asked you on MSN
to write her a story
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to encourage you to share your feelings.
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And you sent her that horrible,
depressing story
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about the boy who trips everyone up!
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Also, before she left Rome,
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she spent the whole afternoon
trying to call you
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because she wanted to tell you all this
before moving to Biella,
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and you never replied
and ghosted her for two weeks!
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Look, it doesn't matter now,
but stop telling yourself all that crap.
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[Zero] I don't know what to say.
I'm speechless.
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I try to make sense
of all this information,
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but it's like there's been
a nuclear explosion in my brain.
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It's really impactful, isn't it?
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When you rewatch the whole story
from the outside, you don't recognise it.
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You've always seen it like a rom-com
starring Hugh Grant
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about two eternally hesitant people,
like some kind of never-ending flirtation.
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[sombre music plays]
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[armadillo] But now…
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all you see is an arsehole
who's been wriggling away like an eel
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for 20 years
to avoid taking any responsibility.
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Oh my God!
My legs are weak. I feel anxious.
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I was acting like a detective,
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trying to investigate,
understand the motives, find the cause!
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But really, I'm like a serial killer
who goes to the funeral of his victims.
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I know I didn't kill her. I'm not stupid.
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But how can I not think
maybe I could've given her a reason,
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just one reason to stay,
something that gave life meaning?
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Shh! Her father's speaking.
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Alice was an incredibly sensitive girl,
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who endured the suffering
of those around her,
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who didn't want to step on anyone's toes,
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or bump heads,
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or upset those close to her.
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Perhaps that's why she never managed
to find her place in the world
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that she'd been promised.
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We promised it to her,
because we had faith.
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Alice wanted to work.
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She wanted to be useful.
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And she felt defeated
when she had to leave Rome
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because she couldn't make ends meet.
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And she had to come back here, home to us.
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Alice suffered
from her lack of independence.
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But this wasn't all Alice was.
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She wasn't just someone who suffered.
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Alice was also full of enthusiasm.
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She continued her work
volunteering with children
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and, in the last few years,
she found boxing.
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I wasn't happy about it.
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I didn't understand why she wanted to box.
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I wasn't very enthusiastic about the idea
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of my daughter
getting punched in the nose.
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She told me that in life,
you get punched anyway
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and she wanted to learn
how to take punches and give them back.
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She said that she'd rather grow old
with a face covered in scars
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than with an unchanging doll face.
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And this was her salvation,
for as long as it lasted.
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Our daughter, she was not a victim.
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She always had the strength to fight back,
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like our whole family does.
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But she was also unwell.
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She was, but that's not all she was.
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We know that's not all her life was.
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[Zero] I know, it's a beautiful speech,
but I can't accept it.
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All that's spinning around in my head is,
"It's all my fault,
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everything from Jesus's crucifixion
to 9/11."
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Sarah's words are echoing in my head.
I'm overanalysing everything,
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I wanna tell her…
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Now look, that's all bullshit!
It's just a story you made up.
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But I can't even convince myself.
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Well, come on, Calcare. You have to be
really honest with yourself.
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Not even a Jesuit would believe
all of this bloody bullshit.
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[Zero] I go outside
because I can't breathe.
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I can't stop myself from thinking
that Alice could've still been here.
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I don't know how,
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but maybe if I'd taken responsibility
for our relationship,
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she wouldn't have ended up
with that piece of shit. Who knows?
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If I'd been braver,
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I mean, if I'd tried to be the person
to give her a reason to keep going--
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[shocked gasping]
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[Sarah] Stop it, stop it, stop it!
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[reverential music plays]
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This is bullshit, Zero! You're doing
exactly what you did as a kid,
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acting like you have the power
of life and death over those around you.
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You told me she was waiting
for me to make a move,
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now you're shocked I feel guilty?
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Did I say
you're the second coming of Christ
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or that anyone killed themselves
because you didn't fuck them?
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Or did I tell you the truth, and you're
on a guilt trip 'cause you're an egomaniac
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and you need to feel like the lead
in a film that isn't about you?
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All right!
You don't need to be such an arsehole!
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You were her friend!
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Maybe at one point,
she wanted to fuck you.
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Other times, she wanted to eat ice cream
and snuggle up with you on the sofa.
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Sometimes you made her laugh,
others you drove her mad.
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That's what people are like.
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You didn't have control
over whether she lived or died.
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00:11:04,840 --> 00:11:06,600
That was her choice.
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00:11:07,520 --> 00:11:09,200
Will you give her that, at least?
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00:11:09,280 --> 00:11:12,440
Okay, self-determination is important,
I believe that.
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00:11:12,520 --> 00:11:15,080
In fact, now I feel
like an idiotic, egomaniac
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and I'm ashamed
for ever thinking those things.
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Confusion, shame, doubt.
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00:11:19,800 --> 00:11:22,680
I try to change the topic
so she can't tell I'm all over the place.
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00:11:22,760 --> 00:11:26,000
Okay, so why the hell did we come
to this damn funeral? To cry?
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00:11:26,080 --> 00:11:27,840
We can't cry. There are no answers.
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We could've all
just stayed at home, couldn't we?
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[Secco grunts]
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We came to honour the moment, Zero.
To get closure.
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Like after you get stabbed.
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You don't stop feeling bad
after they stitch you up,
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but you do stop bleeding
and the wound starts to heal.
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[Zero] A very clinical answer.
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I still don't understand
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why I've had to travel 400 miles
to get a scar, but I don't say anything.
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I don't have the strength to answer.
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In my head, I'm still thinking
about all the moves
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Alice made in 20 years
that I never picked up on.
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Secco, what about you?
So did you know that Alice fancied me?
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Yeah.
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00:12:00,280 --> 00:12:02,640
Sorry, how do you know that? Who told you?
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She told me.
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The day you didn't pick up your phone,
she called me and we met up.
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00:12:07,160 --> 00:12:08,560
What the hell did you both do?
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We went to get some ice cream.
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-What did she tell you?
-Oh, loads of stuff.
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She talked for four hours.
I think she wanted to vent.
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00:12:14,880 --> 00:12:17,240
I told her you're a piece of shit,
you never answer me either,
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but we're still friends, innit?
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00:12:18,800 --> 00:12:20,240
But what? Why didn't you tell me?
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Two years passed, you only tell me
now she's killed herself?
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00:12:22,680 --> 00:12:25,920
Well, you could've picked up your phone.
I'm not your secretary.
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Great! So I was the only one
who never realised any of this.
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You didn't even realise I had a thing
for her when I introduced her to you.
237
00:12:33,040 --> 00:12:35,600
What? Wait. So was Alice gay as well?
238
00:12:35,680 --> 00:12:38,640
A bit. Not enough, clearly.
But I took it in my stride.
239
00:12:38,720 --> 00:12:42,280
Oh my God! What do you mean?
You didn't hook up because of me?
240
00:12:42,360 --> 00:12:43,800
Are you saying I ruined it for you--
241
00:12:43,880 --> 00:12:46,280
Whoa! Ruined what? Don't start again.
242
00:12:46,360 --> 00:12:49,160
I'm only telling you so you understand
that people are complex,
243
00:12:49,240 --> 00:12:52,720
they behave in ways that are motivated
by deep, unfathomable reasons.
244
00:12:52,800 --> 00:12:54,880
They have sides that you aren't aware of.
245
00:12:54,960 --> 00:12:58,440
We only see a tiny fragment
of what they have inside and outside.
246
00:12:58,520 --> 00:13:00,640
As individuals, we can't change it.
247
00:13:02,360 --> 00:13:04,320
We're just blades of grass, remember?
248
00:13:05,160 --> 00:13:08,720
[Zero] I don't know. I'm confused.
Now I feel like a narcissistic idiot.
249
00:13:08,800 --> 00:13:12,120
Even the blade of grass thing,
I know it's true, I can't argue with that,
250
00:13:12,200 --> 00:13:15,320
but it doesn't feel quite as reassuring
as it did 30 years ago.
251
00:13:15,400 --> 00:13:17,680
-[wind blowing]
-[sentimental music plays]
252
00:13:25,040 --> 00:13:26,360
I look around myself now,
253
00:13:26,440 --> 00:13:29,840
and rather than blades of grass,
I think we're just rags.
254
00:13:29,920 --> 00:13:33,920
Thin and crumpled shreds
like the lives we hold in our hands.
255
00:13:40,280 --> 00:13:41,520
And we're stupid, too,
256
00:13:41,600 --> 00:13:43,600
because we cling on to the concept
257
00:13:43,680 --> 00:13:47,400
of comparing our lives to other people's
that seem perfectly cut out,
258
00:13:47,480 --> 00:13:49,000
stacked and ordered.
259
00:13:49,080 --> 00:13:52,400
Perhaps they're only that perfect
'cause we see them from afar.
260
00:13:52,480 --> 00:13:55,160
And we look down
at these senseless scraps of paper…
261
00:13:57,680 --> 00:14:00,880
that are so far from the shape
they were supposed to take.
262
00:14:03,720 --> 00:14:05,600
Believe me,
if Saint Peter came down tomorrow
263
00:14:05,680 --> 00:14:08,400
and asked me about the shape
of the lives of the people around me…
264
00:14:08,480 --> 00:14:11,640
I don't know why it's Saint Peter.
He seems the type to ask stupid questions.
265
00:14:12,560 --> 00:14:14,280
I'd say,
266
00:14:14,360 --> 00:14:16,920
"The shape of a girl
who thought she'd be a teacher
267
00:14:17,000 --> 00:14:20,440
and spent her life pursuing that dream,
cutting out that shape."
268
00:14:20,520 --> 00:14:22,720
"But now, her whole life
is slipping through her fingers,
269
00:14:22,800 --> 00:14:26,200
day after day, in a shitty office
off the ring road outside the city,
270
00:14:26,280 --> 00:14:29,520
bringing coffee to people
who don't even remember her name."
271
00:14:33,880 --> 00:14:35,880
"Or the shape of a guy
who lives precariously,
272
00:14:35,960 --> 00:14:38,480
with the Sword of Damocles
hanging over his head,
273
00:14:38,560 --> 00:14:41,160
whose chances of paying
his electricity and gas bills
274
00:14:41,240 --> 00:14:43,080
depend on the cards in his hand
275
00:14:43,160 --> 00:14:46,000
and how strong the other players
in the tournament are."
276
00:14:49,680 --> 00:14:52,200
That's it. In the end, I might tell Peter…
277
00:14:52,280 --> 00:14:55,920
Hey, Pete. I don't know if this
is still a battle or if it's over now,
278
00:14:56,000 --> 00:14:58,640
and if we've discovered
that we can live with these jagged shapes,
279
00:14:58,720 --> 00:15:01,240
accepting that we'll never play
on the same team
280
00:15:01,320 --> 00:15:03,120
as the peaceful, successful people.
281
00:15:03,200 --> 00:15:04,520
[fire crackling]
282
00:15:06,360 --> 00:15:09,680
But we can still sit by the fire
and remind ourselves
283
00:15:09,760 --> 00:15:12,680
that in the end,
any piece of paper can keep you warm.
284
00:15:23,640 --> 00:15:25,440
Sometimes, that fire is enough.
285
00:15:27,840 --> 00:15:29,160
[Alice sighs]
286
00:15:30,000 --> 00:15:31,960
[Zero] And other times, it isn't.
287
00:15:32,040 --> 00:15:33,440
[sombre music plays]
288
00:15:44,280 --> 00:15:45,560
-Are you the guys from Rome?
-Hmm.
289
00:15:45,640 --> 00:15:47,520
Alice's mother wants you
to come back inside.
290
00:15:47,600 --> 00:15:49,160
There's something you might like.
291
00:16:05,400 --> 00:16:07,040
We have no way of knowing
292
00:16:07,120 --> 00:16:09,960
what Alice would've wanted
from a day like this.
293
00:16:10,040 --> 00:16:13,240
But we know how proud she was
of her children,
294
00:16:13,320 --> 00:16:15,960
and how proud they were of her.
295
00:16:16,560 --> 00:16:20,120
That's why we'd like
to listen to their voices once again.
296
00:16:21,840 --> 00:16:23,080
[Alice] Come on, kids.
297
00:16:24,440 --> 00:16:27,920
[boy 1] Tell us the story
about the prince again!
298
00:16:28,000 --> 00:16:31,760
[Alice] Okay, if you're quiet,
I'll tell it to you again.
299
00:16:31,840 --> 00:16:33,120
It's a story about Zed,
300
00:16:33,200 --> 00:16:35,600
a child who doesn't want morning to come
301
00:16:35,680 --> 00:16:38,400
because the night before,
his mummy told him,
302
00:16:38,480 --> 00:16:41,880
"Tomorrow, you have to buy milk
at Ermete's café."
303
00:16:41,960 --> 00:16:44,240
And who's always waiting near the café?
304
00:16:44,320 --> 00:16:47,400
[kids] Prince Trip-you-up!
305
00:16:47,480 --> 00:16:50,160
[Alice] Very good! Prince Trip-you-up!
306
00:16:50,240 --> 00:16:52,880
And everybody knows
that he's really dangerous.
307
00:16:52,960 --> 00:16:55,400
And no one wants to go to that café.
308
00:16:55,480 --> 00:16:57,840
Even his girlfriend, Veruska, just says,
309
00:16:57,920 --> 00:17:00,040
"If you die, can I have your rabbit?"
310
00:17:00,120 --> 00:17:01,040
[kids laugh]
311
00:17:01,120 --> 00:17:03,160
[Alice] The next morning, Zed wakes up.
312
00:17:03,240 --> 00:17:04,200
[mouths] Lovely story!
313
00:17:04,280 --> 00:17:06,800
[Alice] He goes out,
and doesn't bump into anyone.
314
00:17:06,880 --> 00:17:08,600
Maybe the prince is unwell today.
315
00:17:08,680 --> 00:17:11,280
-A shadow with long legs appears.
-[mouths] Shall we get ice cream?
316
00:17:11,360 --> 00:17:12,680
[kids] The prince!
317
00:17:13,280 --> 00:17:14,640
[Alice] The prince!
318
00:17:14,720 --> 00:17:16,160
And so does the cat, Notail,
319
00:17:16,240 --> 00:17:18,640
who runs away
so he doesn't get tripped up.
320
00:17:19,120 --> 00:17:23,000
Zed tries a different street,
but it's too late. What happens?
321
00:17:23,080 --> 00:17:24,400
[kids] He gets tripped up!
322
00:17:24,480 --> 00:17:25,960
[Alice gasps] That's right!
323
00:17:26,040 --> 00:17:28,320
He went down like a sack of potatoes.
324
00:17:28,400 --> 00:17:29,880
Everyone saw him!
325
00:17:29,960 --> 00:17:32,240
[girl 1] Did he get hurt?
326
00:17:32,320 --> 00:17:34,720
[Alice] A little bit,
but he'll be better soon.
327
00:17:34,800 --> 00:17:36,720
[girl 2] Did he scratch his knee?
328
00:17:36,800 --> 00:17:40,680
[Alice] A bit, but by the next day,
it's already starting to heal.
329
00:17:40,760 --> 00:17:43,520
[girl 3] Alice,
when does the scar go away?
330
00:17:43,600 --> 00:17:45,760
[Alice] The scar never goes away.
331
00:17:45,840 --> 00:17:49,200
It's like a medal
that no one can take away from you.
332
00:17:50,640 --> 00:17:52,480
So, when Zed is grown up
333
00:17:52,560 --> 00:17:54,800
and isn't scared of the prince anymore,
334
00:17:54,880 --> 00:17:56,800
he remembers what he went through.
335
00:17:56,880 --> 00:17:59,160
That he had a lot of adventures.
336
00:17:59,240 --> 00:18:01,320
That he fell down,
but he always got back up.
337
00:18:01,400 --> 00:18:03,640
[boy 2] Why won't it go away?
338
00:18:03,720 --> 00:18:05,280
[Alice] Because it's a scar.
339
00:18:05,360 --> 00:18:08,040
Only temporary tattoos
wash away with water.
340
00:18:08,120 --> 00:18:11,360
It's a scary thing,
but it's also beautiful.
341
00:18:12,520 --> 00:18:15,120
[clock chimes]
342
00:18:15,720 --> 00:18:16,720
[Alice] That's life.
343
00:18:16,800 --> 00:18:20,800
["The Funeral" by Band of Horses plays]
♪ Really too late to call ♪
344
00:18:20,880 --> 00:18:24,040
♪ So we wait for ♪
345
00:18:27,280 --> 00:18:29,560
♪ Morning to wake you ♪
346
00:18:29,640 --> 00:18:32,600
♪ Is all we got ♪
347
00:18:37,120 --> 00:18:43,280
♪ And to know me as hardly golden ♪
348
00:18:46,560 --> 00:18:52,000
♪ Is to know me all wrong, they warn… ♪
349
00:18:56,640 --> 00:19:00,200
If you or someone you know
is struggling with thoughts of suicide,
350
00:19:00,280 --> 00:19:03,680
crisis resources are available at
www.wannatalkaboutit.com
351
00:19:07,200 --> 00:19:13,080
♪ And coming up only
To show you're wrong ♪
352
00:19:15,240 --> 00:19:16,640
I'm going for a walk.
353
00:19:16,720 --> 00:19:17,880
Truce.
354
00:19:17,960 --> 00:19:20,280
But just for today. All right?
355
00:19:22,000 --> 00:19:22,880
Yeah.
356
00:19:24,600 --> 00:19:25,440
You idiot.
357
00:19:25,520 --> 00:19:28,960
-[Zero] I thought we had a truce?
-[armadillo] All right. As of now, okay?
358
00:19:29,040 --> 00:19:30,960
[rock music plays]
359
00:20:05,480 --> 00:20:08,360
[soft rock music plays]