1
00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:07,000
Downloaded from
YTS.MX
2
00:00:08,000 --> 00:00:13,000
Official YIFY movies site:
YTS.MX
3
00:00:12,637 --> 00:00:17,726
[audience murmuring]
4
00:00:37,328 --> 00:00:42,250
[murmuring continues]
5
00:00:42,917 --> 00:00:48,047
[audience clapping in unison]
6
00:00:49,549 --> 00:00:51,885
[sudden silence]
7
00:00:51,968 --> 00:00:52,844
[vinyl pops]
8
00:00:52,927 --> 00:00:54,804
♪ Listen carefully ♪
9
00:00:54,888 --> 00:00:57,432
♪ This is for my favorite band
Of human beings ♪
10
00:00:57,515 --> 00:01:00,018
♪ The faithful, the graceful,
The tragic, the classic ♪
11
00:01:00,101 --> 00:01:02,562
♪ The evidence of things unseen,
The book of light ♪
12
00:01:02,645 --> 00:01:05,315
♪ The mansions of the moon
The bones are for their own ♪
13
00:01:05,398 --> 00:01:07,901
♪ Recently discovered
And everything but no ♪
14
00:01:07,984 --> 00:01:11,112
♪ The doubtest doubts about it
Never made it unsure, life! ♪
15
00:01:11,196 --> 00:01:14,324
♪ The gift, peace out the pressure
Can't remember how you came ♪
16
00:01:14,407 --> 00:01:16,367
♪ When I am better,
How you exit from the start ♪
17
00:01:16,451 --> 00:01:18,745
♪ The only thing certain is the end ♪
18
00:01:18,828 --> 00:01:21,081
♪ Promise to all and none,
Knowing not when ♪
19
00:01:21,164 --> 00:01:23,666
♪ Heartbreak from yesterday,
A fret for tomorrow ♪
20
00:01:23,750 --> 00:01:26,127
♪ I leave you now filled with anxiety
And hollow ♪
21
00:01:26,211 --> 00:01:28,880
♪ If you break don't worry,
If you worry don't break ♪
22
00:01:28,963 --> 00:01:31,424
♪ My homie told it to me
Just the other day ♪
23
00:01:31,508 --> 00:01:33,927
♪ From the tall castle walls
To the mean teeth streets ♪
24
00:01:34,010 --> 00:01:37,180
♪ I hope you get what you are
And that you are what you need ♪
25
00:01:37,263 --> 00:01:38,348
Thank you.
26
00:01:38,431 --> 00:01:40,600
[audience cheers]
27
00:01:41,142 --> 00:01:43,478
Everybody have a seat,
be comfortable, relax.
28
00:01:43,561 --> 00:01:48,399
I got to tell you... let's go.
29
00:01:53,154 --> 00:01:55,406
[audience cheers]
30
00:02:01,746 --> 00:02:02,872
Thank you.
31
00:02:08,002 --> 00:02:09,921
I need you guys to know something.
32
00:02:10,004 --> 00:02:12,507
And I'm gonna tell you the truth,
and don't get freaked out.
33
00:02:12,590 --> 00:02:14,676
This is going to be my last special
for a minute.
34
00:02:15,301 --> 00:02:16,886
[audience screams]
35
00:02:17,428 --> 00:02:20,932
It is all good. Listen to me.
36
00:02:21,015 --> 00:02:23,852
I did it in Detroit for that reason.
37
00:02:24,644 --> 00:02:26,521
[audience cheers]
38
00:02:27,605 --> 00:02:28,940
That's right.
39
00:02:31,234 --> 00:02:32,277
You wanna know why?
40
00:02:33,194 --> 00:02:35,697
'Cause I talked so much shit about
Detroit in the first special
41
00:02:35,780 --> 00:02:39,117
I figured, I might as well,
do the last special here.
42
00:02:41,286 --> 00:02:43,246
Sorry about that, by the way.
43
00:02:43,329 --> 00:02:45,206
[audience laughs]
44
00:02:46,124 --> 00:02:49,586
First of all, before I even start,
I'm gonna say that "I'm rich and famous."
45
00:02:49,669 --> 00:02:51,045
[audience laughs]
46
00:02:51,713 --> 00:02:54,424
And the only reason I say that
47
00:02:54,507 --> 00:02:58,136
is 'cause the last 17 months were hell,
and I cannot imagine
48
00:02:58,219 --> 00:02:59,345
what everybody went through.
49
00:02:59,429 --> 00:03:00,597
Well, I'm happy to see you
50
00:03:00,680 --> 00:03:04,267
and I'm happy you're well
and I hope everyone you love is okay.
51
00:03:04,350 --> 00:03:06,561
[audience cheers]
52
00:03:11,149 --> 00:03:12,901
I don't want you to worry about me,
I'm...
53
00:03:13,735 --> 00:03:15,403
vaccinated, I...
54
00:03:15,486 --> 00:03:16,362
[audience laughs]
55
00:03:17,155 --> 00:03:19,532
got the Johnson & Johnson vaccine.
56
00:03:19,616 --> 00:03:21,284
[audience laughs]
57
00:03:24,120 --> 00:03:25,538
I got to admit,
that's probably the most
58
00:03:25,622 --> 00:03:27,957
niggaish decision
I've made in a long time.
59
00:03:28,041 --> 00:03:29,125
[applause]
60
00:03:31,794 --> 00:03:34,631
I walk in to the doc like,
"Give me the third best option."
61
00:03:34,714 --> 00:03:35,715
[audience laughs]
62
00:03:36,341 --> 00:03:38,259
I'll have what the homeless
people are having.
63
00:03:43,264 --> 00:03:44,515
So far, so good.
64
00:03:46,643 --> 00:03:49,812
And I know you probably heard on the news,
I did get coronavirus.
65
00:03:49,896 --> 00:03:51,064
And it was something else.
66
00:03:51,147 --> 00:03:54,067
Like, okay first of all, when the doctor
told me I had coronavirus
67
00:03:54,150 --> 00:03:57,028
I got to tell you,
I was surprised how it made me feel.
68
00:03:58,655 --> 00:04:02,909
I felt dirty.
69
00:04:02,992 --> 00:04:04,327
[laughter]
70
00:04:04,953 --> 00:04:06,245
I felt gross.
71
00:04:06,996 --> 00:04:08,790
'Cause I've been walking around Texas
72
00:04:08,873 --> 00:04:12,168
just touching door knobs and shit,
hands all moist.
73
00:04:13,711 --> 00:04:17,173
Tipping niggas with cash.
"Here, take this to your family."
74
00:04:17,257 --> 00:04:18,591
[laughter]
75
00:04:20,760 --> 00:04:22,720
I must have killed
thousands of people.
76
00:04:24,264 --> 00:04:25,848
Just trying
to get tonight's show together
77
00:04:25,932 --> 00:04:26,766
so I hope you appreciate it
78
00:04:26,849 --> 00:04:29,185
'cause a lot of niggas died
for me to get this one off.
79
00:04:30,270 --> 00:04:31,896
[applause]
80
00:04:31,980 --> 00:04:32,981
[cheering]
81
00:04:36,109 --> 00:04:37,986
I hadn't felt that dirty
in a long time.
82
00:04:39,320 --> 00:04:41,823
Last time I can remember,
feeling dirty like that,
83
00:04:41,906 --> 00:04:43,616
man, I must have been a little boy.
84
00:04:44,284 --> 00:04:46,452
I was being molested by a preacher.
85
00:04:46,536 --> 00:04:47,745
[laughter]
86
00:04:48,663 --> 00:04:50,707
But don't feel bad for me,
I liked it.
87
00:04:50,790 --> 00:04:52,208
[laughter]
88
00:04:53,584 --> 00:04:56,170
I used to get a kick out of cumming
in that fellows face.
89
00:04:56,254 --> 00:04:57,797
[audience laughs]
90
00:05:00,925 --> 00:05:02,510
Well, he asked me to do it.
91
00:05:12,270 --> 00:05:13,688
They make you quarantine.
92
00:05:14,188 --> 00:05:15,940
I had to quarantine for ten days at
least.
93
00:05:16,024 --> 00:05:18,234
They said "You're gonna have to stay
in the room," I didn't go nowhere.
94
00:05:18,318 --> 00:05:21,446
And it started making me nuts,
'cause I would just sit in the room
95
00:05:21,529 --> 00:05:23,406
and watch videos all day.
96
00:05:23,489 --> 00:05:25,074
Now, do you know what I was watching?
97
00:05:25,158 --> 00:05:27,785
And I hate to say this,
but there was a lot of videos
98
00:05:27,869 --> 00:05:30,788
sadly, of Black people...
99
00:05:32,040 --> 00:05:34,292
beating up Asians for no reason.
100
00:05:35,460 --> 00:05:37,462
These attacks were unprovoked,
I couldn't believe it.
101
00:05:37,545 --> 00:05:38,421
And I was sitting in the room
102
00:05:38,504 --> 00:05:39,964
watching this shit,
it would stress me out.
103
00:05:40,048 --> 00:05:41,924
I was stressed already
because the whole time
104
00:05:42,008 --> 00:05:44,427
when you get coronavirus,
at least the first five days
105
00:05:44,510 --> 00:05:47,221
you wait, and see
how sick you're gonna get.
106
00:05:48,639 --> 00:05:50,391
And it turns out, and this is true...
107
00:05:51,642 --> 00:05:52,935
I didn't get sick at all.
108
00:05:53,019 --> 00:05:54,437
[laughter]
109
00:05:55,271 --> 00:05:58,107
Not a cough, not a booger,
not a fever, nothing.
110
00:05:58,941 --> 00:05:59,942
Look at me
111
00:06:00,610 --> 00:06:04,113
I am the Magic Johnson of coronavirus.
112
00:06:04,197 --> 00:06:05,948
[audience cheers]
113
00:06:09,994 --> 00:06:12,538
I just sat in the crib
and got stronger all week.
114
00:06:14,832 --> 00:06:18,169
But I was stressed, 'cause I kept watching
these videos of my beloved Black people
115
00:06:18,252 --> 00:06:21,089
beating up my beloved Asian people,
and being so cruel.
116
00:06:21,714 --> 00:06:23,925
And the whole time I watched those videos,
this is fucked up
117
00:06:24,008 --> 00:06:25,593
but I couldn't help but feel like--
118
00:06:25,676 --> 00:06:28,346
When I saw these brothers
beating these Asians up.
119
00:06:29,388 --> 00:06:31,682
It's probably what's happening
inside of my body.
120
00:06:31,766 --> 00:06:33,142
[laughter]
121
00:06:35,103 --> 00:06:36,687
[audience cheers]
122
00:06:37,688 --> 00:06:39,774
[applause]
123
00:06:42,276 --> 00:06:43,694
I didn't get sick.
124
00:06:49,700 --> 00:06:52,912
I also saw a lot of videos of UFOs.
125
00:06:52,995 --> 00:06:55,665
I mean, what the fuck has been going on
with that shit?
126
00:06:55,748 --> 00:06:56,874
This niggas are here.
127
00:06:56,958 --> 00:06:58,584
These UFOs keep coming to Earth
128
00:06:58,668 --> 00:07:00,753
and it made me think of an idea
for a movie.
129
00:07:00,837 --> 00:07:02,755
Sounds dumb, but hear me out.
130
00:07:02,839 --> 00:07:04,590
In my movie idea
131
00:07:04,674 --> 00:07:06,968
we find out that these aliens
132
00:07:07,051 --> 00:07:09,095
are originally from Earth.
133
00:07:09,887 --> 00:07:13,015
That they are from an ancient civilization
that achieved interstellar travel
134
00:07:13,099 --> 00:07:16,477
and left the Earth
thousands of years ago.
135
00:07:16,978 --> 00:07:18,312
Some other planet that they go to
136
00:07:18,396 --> 00:07:20,982
and things go terrible
for them in the other planet
137
00:07:21,065 --> 00:07:22,525
so they come back to Earth
138
00:07:22,608 --> 00:07:26,404
and decide that they want to claim
the Earth for their very own.
139
00:07:26,487 --> 00:07:28,406
It is a pretty good plotline, huh?
140
00:07:28,489 --> 00:07:29,490
[audience] Yeah!
141
00:07:29,574 --> 00:07:32,160
I call it Space Jews.
142
00:07:32,243 --> 00:07:33,578
[laughter]
143
00:07:39,125 --> 00:07:41,002
Space Jews.
144
00:07:41,085 --> 00:07:43,838
-[man] We loved it!
-Alright.
145
00:07:44,630 --> 00:07:46,757
It's going to get worse than that,
hang in there.
146
00:07:46,841 --> 00:07:47,842
[laughter]
147
00:07:49,760 --> 00:07:51,304
It is going to get way worse than
that.
148
00:07:54,307 --> 00:07:56,476
Then I thought of an idea
for a children's book.
149
00:07:58,060 --> 00:08:00,479
I actually wrote it.
It is coming out soon.
150
00:08:00,563 --> 00:08:04,275
The book is designed to help parents,
teach their children about racism
151
00:08:04,358 --> 00:08:06,611
which, if you're a parent you know
152
00:08:06,694 --> 00:08:09,822
is an impossible concept
to teach to a child.
153
00:08:10,698 --> 00:08:12,241
But I'm doing it.
154
00:08:12,325 --> 00:08:17,288
The book is about
a big, strong beautiful Black man
155
00:08:17,371 --> 00:08:20,374
with a benign,
regular-ass White name...
156
00:08:21,292 --> 00:08:24,086
and he has a White speaking voice.
157
00:08:25,213 --> 00:08:28,591
So whenever this motherfucker calls
to get a reservation at a restaurant,
158
00:08:29,091 --> 00:08:30,801
oh, he gets the reservation.
159
00:08:30,885 --> 00:08:31,886
[laughter]
160
00:08:33,262 --> 00:08:35,473
That name and that voice,
who could resist him?
161
00:08:36,849 --> 00:08:41,771
Now I should tell you, this Black man
is literally an actual giant.
162
00:08:41,854 --> 00:08:43,731
And he is a strong dude.
163
00:08:43,814 --> 00:08:47,818
And when he shows up to them restaurants
they see that big giant Black dude
164
00:08:47,902 --> 00:08:51,531
they say "You can't come in here."
And they call the police.
165
00:08:54,283 --> 00:08:56,702
And then every installment of the
book
166
00:08:56,786 --> 00:08:59,872
the police come,
and they always shoot him.
167
00:08:59,956 --> 00:09:01,332
[audience laughs]
168
00:09:04,794 --> 00:09:07,421
But remember, no,
remember this guy is a giant,
169
00:09:07,505 --> 00:09:10,258
these bullets don't kill him,
they don't even hurt him.
170
00:09:10,758 --> 00:09:12,677
They just break his heart.
171
00:09:15,304 --> 00:09:18,474
It is called Clifford,
the Big Black Nigga, anyone?
172
00:09:18,558 --> 00:09:20,268
[audience cheers]
173
00:09:34,031 --> 00:09:36,742
This is my last special,
because I have an objective tonight.
174
00:09:39,829 --> 00:09:41,205
I came here tonight...
175
00:09:43,207 --> 00:09:46,002
because this body of work,
that I've done on Netflix
176
00:09:46,877 --> 00:09:48,504
I'm going to complete.
177
00:09:48,588 --> 00:09:50,006
All the questions you might have had
178
00:09:50,089 --> 00:09:52,800
about all these jokes
I'd said in the last few years
179
00:09:52,883 --> 00:09:54,260
I hope to answer tonight.
180
00:09:55,136 --> 00:10:00,725
And I would like to start by addressing
the LBGTQ community, correct.
181
00:10:00,808 --> 00:10:02,393
[audience cheers]
182
00:10:06,397 --> 00:10:07,940
And I want every member
of the community to know
183
00:10:08,024 --> 00:10:10,026
that I've come here tonight in peace.
184
00:10:10,109 --> 00:10:11,027
[laughter]
185
00:10:11,736 --> 00:10:15,281
And I hope to negotiate
the release of DaBaby.
186
00:10:15,364 --> 00:10:17,825
[laughter]
187
00:10:17,908 --> 00:10:20,202
[audience cheers]
188
00:10:24,498 --> 00:10:27,418
Sad story!
189
00:10:30,171 --> 00:10:32,048
DaBaby
was the number one streaming artist
190
00:10:32,131 --> 00:10:33,632
until about a couple of weeks ago.
191
00:10:35,176 --> 00:10:39,513
Took a nasty spill onstage,
and said some...
192
00:10:40,348 --> 00:10:43,893
said some wild stuff
about the LBGTQ community
193
00:10:43,976 --> 00:10:46,187
during a concert in Florida.
194
00:10:47,271 --> 00:10:48,731
Now you know, I go hard in the paint
195
00:10:48,814 --> 00:10:51,525
but even I saw that shit was like,
"God damn, DaBaby."
196
00:10:55,613 --> 00:10:57,406
He pushed the button, didn't he?
197
00:10:58,115 --> 00:11:00,076
He pushed the button.
198
00:11:00,910 --> 00:11:04,372
Punched the LBGTQ community,
right in the AIDS.
199
00:11:04,455 --> 00:11:05,790
[laughter]
200
00:11:07,666 --> 00:11:08,876
Can't do that.
201
00:11:11,128 --> 00:11:12,463
Can't do that.
202
00:11:15,758 --> 00:11:18,552
But I do believe
and I'll make this point later
203
00:11:18,636 --> 00:11:22,139
that the kid
made a very egregious mistake.
204
00:11:22,223 --> 00:11:23,432
I will acknowledge that.
205
00:11:23,516 --> 00:11:28,729
But, you know a lot of the LBGTQ community
doesn't know DaBaby's history,
206
00:11:28,813 --> 00:11:30,064
he's a wild guy.
207
00:11:31,315 --> 00:11:37,113
He once shot a nigga...
and killed him, in Walmart.
208
00:11:38,531 --> 00:11:39,740
Oh, this is true, Google it.
209
00:11:39,824 --> 00:11:43,411
DaBaby shot and killed a nigga in
Walmart in North Carolina.
210
00:11:44,954 --> 00:11:46,831
Nothing bad happened to his career.
211
00:11:46,914 --> 00:11:48,666
[laughter]
212
00:11:49,750 --> 00:11:51,335
[applause]
213
00:11:52,002 --> 00:11:53,754
Do you see where I am going with
this?
214
00:11:56,674 --> 00:11:59,802
In our country,
you can shoot and kill a nigga
215
00:12:00,719 --> 00:12:03,264
but you better not hurt
a gay person's feelings.
216
00:12:03,347 --> 00:12:04,640
[laughter]
217
00:12:07,893 --> 00:12:12,940
And this is precisely the disparity
I wish to discuss.
218
00:12:16,277 --> 00:12:19,655
I have a question for the audience
219
00:12:19,738 --> 00:12:22,575
and this is a real question,
I am not joking around.
220
00:12:23,451 --> 00:12:29,123
Is it possible, that a gay person
can be racist?
221
00:12:30,416 --> 00:12:33,461
[audience] Yes! Yeah!
222
00:12:34,336 --> 00:12:37,256
-Do you really think so?
-[audience] Yeah!
223
00:12:37,339 --> 00:12:40,509
Of course it is possible.
Look at Mike Pence.
224
00:12:41,051 --> 00:12:43,304
[audience laughs]
225
00:12:43,387 --> 00:12:45,181
[applause]
226
00:12:49,101 --> 00:12:51,479
I am guessing,
but I bet you, he is gay.
227
00:12:51,979 --> 00:12:53,063
-Yeah.
-[woman] Oh my God.
228
00:12:53,147 --> 00:12:57,776
And he is not pride parade gay either,
he is sad gay.
229
00:12:59,278 --> 00:13:00,696
I feel bad for him.
230
00:13:01,697 --> 00:13:04,533
He looks like one of them gays
that prays about it.
231
00:13:09,371 --> 00:13:12,249
Jesus, please take these dirty feelings
out of my heart.
232
00:13:12,333 --> 00:13:13,542
[laughter]
233
00:13:14,460 --> 00:13:17,421
Please Jesus,
make these buttholes ugly to me.
234
00:13:18,589 --> 00:13:20,799
I don't want
to keep on tasting these dicks.
235
00:13:20,883 --> 00:13:22,551
[laughter]
236
00:13:26,972 --> 00:13:27,932
Funny.
237
00:13:29,058 --> 00:13:33,521
You guys are confusing your emotions.
You think I hate gay people
238
00:13:33,604 --> 00:13:35,940
and what you're really seeing
239
00:13:36,023 --> 00:13:38,776
is that I'm jealous of gay people.
240
00:13:40,194 --> 00:13:41,612
I'm jealous,
241
00:13:41,695 --> 00:13:44,323
I'm not the only Black person,
that feels this way.
242
00:13:44,406 --> 00:13:46,242
We Blacks,
we look at the gay community and we go
243
00:13:46,325 --> 00:13:49,828
"God damn it!
Look how well that movement is going."
244
00:13:49,912 --> 00:13:50,996
[audience cheers]
245
00:13:52,164 --> 00:13:55,084
"Look how well you are doing."
246
00:13:55,167 --> 00:13:56,585
[applause]
247
00:13:56,669 --> 00:14:00,297
And we've been trapped in this predicament
for hundreds of years.
248
00:14:00,381 --> 00:14:03,425
How the fuck
are you making that kind of progress?
249
00:14:06,053 --> 00:14:07,846
I can't help but feel like
250
00:14:08,389 --> 00:14:11,392
if slaves had baby oil
and booty shorts...
251
00:14:11,475 --> 00:14:12,851
[laughter]
252
00:14:14,019 --> 00:14:16,105
...we might have been free
a hundred years sooner.
253
00:14:16,188 --> 00:14:17,147
You know what I mean?
254
00:14:20,568 --> 00:14:21,735
If Martin Luther King was like,
255
00:14:21,819 --> 00:14:24,196
"I want everybody
to get up on them floats.
256
00:14:25,573 --> 00:14:28,075
Get your bodies good and shiny."
257
00:14:39,044 --> 00:14:42,047
I don't hate gay people at all,
I respect the shit out of you.
258
00:14:42,131 --> 00:14:43,382
Well, not all of you.
259
00:14:45,175 --> 00:14:47,469
I am not that fond of these newer
gays.
260
00:14:48,596 --> 00:14:51,348
Too sensitive, too brittle.
261
00:14:52,308 --> 00:14:56,312
Those aren't the gays that I grew up with,
I missed them old school gays, nigga.
262
00:14:56,395 --> 00:15:00,441
Them Stonewall niggas,
them the ones that I respect.
263
00:15:00,524 --> 00:15:02,151
[audience cheers]
264
00:15:02,651 --> 00:15:05,821
They didn't take shit from anybody,
they fought for their freedom.
265
00:15:05,905 --> 00:15:08,741
I respect that shit, I'm not even gay
266
00:15:08,824 --> 00:15:11,285
and I want to be like a Stonewall
nigga.
267
00:15:12,911 --> 00:15:14,580
Them old school, gangster gays.
268
00:15:14,663 --> 00:15:17,124
Them glory hole niggas,
them the ones I like.
269
00:15:17,207 --> 00:15:18,542
[woman cheers]
270
00:15:21,962 --> 00:15:24,840
These new gays don't even know
what the glory hole is.
271
00:15:27,092 --> 00:15:30,220
It's a hole in the wall,
that gay contractors build.
272
00:15:30,304 --> 00:15:32,097
[audience laughs]
273
00:15:33,933 --> 00:15:35,601
You want to know why
they put that hole in the wall?
274
00:15:35,684 --> 00:15:37,394
I'll tell you,
there is no nice way to say it.
275
00:15:38,938 --> 00:15:40,606
'Cause when they want
to have some fun
276
00:15:40,689 --> 00:15:44,568
they will put their penises in that
hole
277
00:15:45,986 --> 00:15:47,446
and hope for the best.
278
00:15:48,989 --> 00:15:50,616
I respect that shit.
279
00:15:52,618 --> 00:15:55,537
It's a lot of courage
on both sides of that hole nigga.
280
00:15:55,621 --> 00:15:57,247
[laughter]
281
00:15:59,249 --> 00:16:00,959
I'm not even gay
282
00:16:01,669 --> 00:16:04,088
and I want to try that glory hole
out.
283
00:16:04,171 --> 00:16:05,881
[audience laughs]
284
00:16:06,632 --> 00:16:08,926
[applause]
285
00:16:12,471 --> 00:16:15,265
What if Martin Luther King
had to integrate the glory hole?
286
00:16:16,183 --> 00:16:19,561
"I don't care if it is Black lips
back there or White lips back there
287
00:16:20,521 --> 00:16:22,064
a mouth is a mouth.
288
00:16:23,190 --> 00:16:25,150
A warm wet mouth."
289
00:16:28,696 --> 00:16:30,030
I'm going all the way.
290
00:16:32,825 --> 00:16:34,034
I got into a fight.
291
00:16:34,118 --> 00:16:36,036
I almost got into a fight,
it is complicated.
292
00:16:36,120 --> 00:16:38,414
I was in a bar in Austin, with my
wife
293
00:16:38,497 --> 00:16:44,712
and it was during Covid,
and a woman came to our table
294
00:16:44,795 --> 00:16:48,382
and she was maskless,
and this bitch came over, no mask,
295
00:16:48,465 --> 00:16:51,927
all "H" words. "Hi, how are you?"
296
00:16:52,011 --> 00:16:52,970
[laughter]
297
00:16:53,846 --> 00:16:56,098
Droplets was coming out
of this bitch's face.
298
00:16:56,181 --> 00:16:58,600
We all covered our drinks.
Ew! Baby, what are you doing?
299
00:17:09,486 --> 00:17:12,656
Now I looked over the table that she came
from, and I peeped game.
300
00:17:12,740 --> 00:17:15,200
The men at the table were filming me.
301
00:17:15,284 --> 00:17:17,036
This happens when you're famous.
302
00:17:17,119 --> 00:17:19,371
People will come over
and try to rattle your cage
303
00:17:19,455 --> 00:17:21,415
and get you
to say something stupid or dumb
304
00:17:21,498 --> 00:17:23,083
so that their buddies can film it
305
00:17:23,167 --> 00:17:25,586
and get a video
of you embarrassing yourself.
306
00:17:25,669 --> 00:17:27,504
And clearly I said,
"This is what is happening."
307
00:17:27,588 --> 00:17:31,091
And these dumb motherfuckers thought,
it was my first rodeo.
308
00:17:31,175 --> 00:17:33,385
[laughter]
309
00:17:34,970 --> 00:17:37,264
[applause]
310
00:17:42,603 --> 00:17:44,313
Sadly it worked.
311
00:17:44,396 --> 00:17:46,106
[audience laughs]
312
00:17:46,732 --> 00:17:49,318
I ran right over there, I said--
I pointed right in the camera
313
00:17:49,401 --> 00:17:52,154
I said, "You is a bitch-ass nigga
for doing this to me."
314
00:17:52,237 --> 00:17:54,031
[audience laughs]
315
00:17:58,660 --> 00:18:01,288
And the dude was shocked
that I said it. He said "Huh?"
316
00:18:01,371 --> 00:18:03,832
And when he did like this,
I've seen all his fingernails
317
00:18:03,916 --> 00:18:05,918
is painted and I realized like,
"Oh-oh."
318
00:18:06,001 --> 00:18:07,544
[laughter]
319
00:18:11,632 --> 00:18:12,883
"This fellow is gay."
320
00:18:14,635 --> 00:18:17,554
Yeah, you know how I talk.
I call everybody a bitch-ass nigga.
321
00:18:17,638 --> 00:18:18,722
You know what I mean?
322
00:18:19,473 --> 00:18:22,351
But that is not a right thing to do
if they're gay. You know what I mean?
323
00:18:22,434 --> 00:18:24,061
And now I was in trouble
324
00:18:24,144 --> 00:18:26,563
and not only that,
the motherfucker was huge.
325
00:18:26,647 --> 00:18:28,649
He stood up, he was towering over me.
326
00:18:28,732 --> 00:18:32,152
He must have been 6' 5",
a big White corn-fed
327
00:18:32,236 --> 00:18:34,905
Texas homosexual,
this nigga was ready to fight.
328
00:18:36,907 --> 00:18:40,494
And he started barking on me,
but I stood my ground, I wasn't scared.
329
00:18:41,537 --> 00:18:42,704
How could I be scared?
330
00:18:42,788 --> 00:18:45,541
This motherfucker's shirt was tied up
in a knot like this.
331
00:18:45,624 --> 00:18:48,127
Oh, fuck this guy.
Let's go, nigga, let's go.
332
00:18:51,964 --> 00:18:53,382
I thought we were going
to come to blows.
333
00:18:53,465 --> 00:18:56,510
I was ready and then
334
00:18:56,593 --> 00:18:59,388
right when you think we would fight,
guess what he did?
335
00:18:59,471 --> 00:19:03,350
He picked up his phone
and he called the police.
336
00:19:04,643 --> 00:19:07,479
And this, this thing I am describing
337
00:19:07,563 --> 00:19:10,691
is a major issue
that I have with that community.
338
00:19:10,774 --> 00:19:15,404
Gay people are minorities,
until they need to be White again.
339
00:19:15,487 --> 00:19:16,905
[laughter]
340
00:19:17,698 --> 00:19:19,491
[applause]
341
00:19:21,743 --> 00:19:25,372
I'm being very brutally honest,
so we can solve this problem.
342
00:19:25,455 --> 00:19:26,582
I'm telling you right now
343
00:19:26,665 --> 00:19:28,959
a Black gay person
would have never done that to me.
344
00:19:29,042 --> 00:19:31,545
'Cause a Black gay person knows,
when the police shows up
345
00:19:31,628 --> 00:19:33,755
they're not going to care
who called 'em.
346
00:19:33,839 --> 00:19:36,592
They don't show up like,
"Which one of you niggers is Clifford?"
347
00:19:36,675 --> 00:19:38,010
[laughter]
348
00:19:39,094 --> 00:19:40,512
We're all Clifford.
349
00:19:45,267 --> 00:19:47,436
This happens far too often.
350
00:19:48,228 --> 00:19:51,773
Another time, about six years ago,
there was a lesbian woman
351
00:19:51,857 --> 00:19:54,818
that tried to sell a story
about me to TMZ.
352
00:19:54,902 --> 00:19:58,906
Thank goodness, TMZ could see
right through the sham of that story.
353
00:19:59,907 --> 00:20:02,409
This woman claimed
that I beat her up in a night club
354
00:20:02,492 --> 00:20:06,496
because she was a lesbian.
That is fuckin' crazy.
355
00:20:06,997 --> 00:20:08,790
Bitch, I didn't even know
you was a woman.
356
00:20:08,874 --> 00:20:10,834
[audience laughs]
357
00:20:14,838 --> 00:20:17,132
Thank God! TMZ didn't believe that
358
00:20:18,592 --> 00:20:20,928
because I did beat the shit out of her,
I am not gonna lie.
359
00:20:21,011 --> 00:20:22,721
[audience laughs]
360
00:20:24,973 --> 00:20:26,808
It was her fault, I had no choice.
361
00:20:27,684 --> 00:20:29,561
I came into the club
minding my own business
362
00:20:29,645 --> 00:20:30,687
and a woman came up to me,
and she goes
363
00:20:30,771 --> 00:20:32,481
"Oh my God, Dave Chappelle."
364
00:20:32,564 --> 00:20:34,066
And I was just being reciprocally nice.
365
00:20:34,149 --> 00:20:36,026
"Hey, miss, how are you?"
Blah, blah, blah.
366
00:20:36,109 --> 00:20:39,655
Benign talk, nothing to it.
And all of a sudden
367
00:20:40,155 --> 00:20:42,741
this lesbian fellow stepped
between us.
368
00:20:43,992 --> 00:20:45,452
"Hey nigga, that's my girl!"
369
00:20:45,535 --> 00:20:48,455
I said, "Yo, my man, back up."
Like that.
370
00:20:50,123 --> 00:20:53,502
She said, "I ain't backing up off shit,
nigga, that's my girl!"
371
00:20:53,585 --> 00:20:57,422
I said, "Bro, you gonna have to give me
three feet, like this."
372
00:20:58,966 --> 00:21:01,885
She said, "Stop calling me a man,
motherfucker."
373
00:21:02,386 --> 00:21:05,305
-I am a woman."
-I said, "What?"
374
00:21:05,389 --> 00:21:07,099
[laughter]
375
00:21:10,978 --> 00:21:13,814
And then I looked deep
in this nigga's cheek bones.
376
00:21:15,190 --> 00:21:17,442
And I said, "Oh my God, you are a
woman."
377
00:21:18,568 --> 00:21:20,821
This is too much for me
to even wrap my mind around
378
00:21:20,904 --> 00:21:23,615
but I tell you what,
I un-balled my fist immediately
379
00:21:23,699 --> 00:21:26,243
and I softened my posture
380
00:21:26,326 --> 00:21:28,453
so that she would know,
she is in no danger.
381
00:21:28,537 --> 00:21:30,497
I even changed the tone of my voice.
382
00:21:33,375 --> 00:21:38,171
I said softly, sweetly,
like a pimp might say.
383
00:21:38,255 --> 00:21:39,589
[laughter]
384
00:21:41,758 --> 00:21:43,802
"Bitch, I'm 'bout to slap
the shit out of you."
385
00:21:43,885 --> 00:21:46,555
[cheers and applause]
386
00:21:52,769 --> 00:21:54,187
I should have done it.
387
00:21:55,105 --> 00:21:56,440
Oh, I wish I didn't say that.
388
00:21:56,523 --> 00:22:00,652
She dropped that foot back,
she was in a perfect southpaw stance.
389
00:22:00,736 --> 00:22:02,487
Her shoulders were angled correctly,
390
00:22:02,571 --> 00:22:05,198
her head movement was good,
I said "Oh, no!
391
00:22:05,949 --> 00:22:07,868
this bitch boxes for real."
392
00:22:10,037 --> 00:22:11,413
She threw a wild hook at me
393
00:22:11,496 --> 00:22:14,249
and I saw it coming from yesterday,
so I slipped it like this...
394
00:22:16,168 --> 00:22:19,379
I had no choice, I had to go to
work.
395
00:22:20,547 --> 00:22:23,592
I let that jab go,
you should have seen me go nigga.
396
00:22:24,593 --> 00:22:27,888
I tenderized them titties
like chicken cutlets.
397
00:22:27,971 --> 00:22:29,598
[laughter]
398
00:22:33,143 --> 00:22:36,146
I whooped the toxic masculinity
out of that bitch.
399
00:22:45,947 --> 00:22:46,865
[man cheers]
400
00:22:46,948 --> 00:22:48,533
That is why I don't go out no more.
401
00:22:50,911 --> 00:22:53,914
Just trying to chill,
I'm just trying to live a peaceful life.
402
00:22:53,997 --> 00:22:57,167
That's why I live in Ohio,
you know, I live in a little town in Ohio.
403
00:22:57,250 --> 00:23:00,670
Must be like 3700 people,
small hippie town.
404
00:23:00,754 --> 00:23:04,382
Culturally you might feel like,
like Ann Arbor to you.
405
00:23:04,466 --> 00:23:05,759
[laughter]
406
00:23:06,593 --> 00:23:10,305
You know what I mean?
Bunch of hippies and shit like that.
407
00:23:11,556 --> 00:23:12,724
And niggas always ask me like,
408
00:23:12,808 --> 00:23:14,351
"Dave, why do you live
in that hippie town?"
409
00:23:14,434 --> 00:23:16,269
And I'd be embarrassed
to tell 'em the truth.
410
00:23:16,353 --> 00:23:17,813
Well, you know why I live there?
411
00:23:17,896 --> 00:23:22,442
Because Yellow Springs, Ohio
has the most beautiful women in the world.
412
00:23:23,276 --> 00:23:24,778
And a lot of people
might disagree with me
413
00:23:24,861 --> 00:23:28,115
but, you got to see them
for yourself, they're gorgeous.
414
00:23:28,198 --> 00:23:30,534
But it all depends on what you're into.
You know what I mean?
415
00:23:31,034 --> 00:23:33,495
I like White bitches with dirty feet.
416
00:23:33,578 --> 00:23:35,580
[audience laughs]
417
00:23:40,752 --> 00:23:44,506
If I had a strip club in Yellow Springs,
I would have called that shit "Strippies."
418
00:23:44,589 --> 00:23:46,925
All naked hippies, all the time.
419
00:23:47,008 --> 00:23:49,302
And I would only hire girls
with long titties
420
00:23:49,386 --> 00:23:53,306
and long vagina head
that looks like they slept on it.
421
00:23:57,394 --> 00:24:00,105
And I would keep a pile of dirt,
right next to the stage.
422
00:24:00,730 --> 00:24:03,817
I'd come up like, "Bitch get your feet in
that dirt and get up there
423
00:24:03,900 --> 00:24:05,986
and give those
people what they came to see."
424
00:24:06,945 --> 00:24:08,238
"Chalk up, bitch."
425
00:24:20,750 --> 00:24:24,588
Couple of years ago I was in Ohio,
at a shopping mall.
426
00:24:26,298 --> 00:24:28,175
An old White lady-- This is true,
427
00:24:28,258 --> 00:24:30,468
she was following me
around the mall.
428
00:24:30,552 --> 00:24:34,472
Which sounds paranoid,
but I'm sure she was following me.
429
00:24:34,556 --> 00:24:35,724
Mean lady too.
430
00:24:35,807 --> 00:24:37,934
You ever see a woman
with lines on her face?
431
00:24:38,018 --> 00:24:38,977
That just tell you like--
432
00:24:39,060 --> 00:24:41,146
even if she's smiling,
it would look like it would hurt
433
00:24:41,938 --> 00:24:43,648
the muscles in her face.
434
00:24:44,774 --> 00:24:46,484
I knew she was following me,
'cause she was at places
435
00:24:46,568 --> 00:24:47,527
that had nothing to do with her
436
00:24:47,611 --> 00:24:49,988
I'd be looking around like,
"What is this old bitch doing in Gamestop
437
00:24:50,071 --> 00:24:52,449
and Footlocker
and all the places I like to go?"
438
00:24:53,658 --> 00:24:55,785
Every time I see her,
she'd just be looking mean on me.
439
00:24:58,079 --> 00:24:59,623
And eventually I forgot about it.
440
00:24:59,706 --> 00:25:01,041
So, then after, I am shopping
441
00:25:01,124 --> 00:25:02,959
I go all the way to the back
of the parking lot,
442
00:25:03,043 --> 00:25:04,294
I'm parked all the way in the back
443
00:25:04,377 --> 00:25:07,464
and as soon as I open my car door
I hear a voice go,
444
00:25:07,547 --> 00:25:08,840
"David Chappelle."
445
00:25:09,382 --> 00:25:10,550
Just like that.
446
00:25:10,634 --> 00:25:12,552
I didn't even have to look,
I knew it was her.
447
00:25:13,261 --> 00:25:16,097
And I looked back and sure enough
there she was, that face.
448
00:25:17,432 --> 00:25:20,560
To be honest with you,
she probably wasn't even that old.
449
00:25:21,228 --> 00:25:23,063
She's probably around my age.
450
00:25:24,314 --> 00:25:27,317
But she was a White woman,
this bitch looked terrible.
451
00:25:27,400 --> 00:25:29,152
[laughter]
452
00:25:33,240 --> 00:25:34,532
I'm going all the way.
453
00:25:36,534 --> 00:25:40,121
I kept my cool, I was nice.
I said, "Hello, miss."
454
00:25:40,622 --> 00:25:43,124
And she didn't say anything back,
all she said was
455
00:25:43,208 --> 00:25:45,335
"I watch your comedy."
456
00:25:46,878 --> 00:25:48,296
I said "Oh-oh."
457
00:25:49,464 --> 00:25:51,383
And then she says,
this is true, she goes,
458
00:25:51,883 --> 00:25:53,385
"Sounds to me...
459
00:25:54,386 --> 00:25:58,139
like you, hate women."
460
00:26:01,059 --> 00:26:04,688
I said, "Well, you know what, miss?
It's art."
461
00:26:05,272 --> 00:26:08,191
You are free to interpret this art
however you like
462
00:26:08,275 --> 00:26:11,152
but I can tell you
as the maker of this art
463
00:26:11,236 --> 00:26:13,780
that I don't believe
that I feel that way.
464
00:26:13,863 --> 00:26:16,449
And she said, "Well, I think--"
465
00:26:16,533 --> 00:26:20,036
And I said, "Shut up, bitch!
Shut the fuck up!"
466
00:26:20,120 --> 00:26:21,288
[laughter]
467
00:26:21,955 --> 00:26:23,999
"Before I kill you
and put you in the trunk.
468
00:26:24,082 --> 00:26:25,667
Ain't nobody around here."
469
00:26:25,750 --> 00:26:27,502
[audience cheers]
470
00:26:31,840 --> 00:26:33,508
I'm just kidding, I didn't say that.
471
00:26:34,759 --> 00:26:36,761
I felt that way,
but that's not what I said.
472
00:26:38,138 --> 00:26:40,181
I was more clever than that.
You know what I said?
473
00:26:40,265 --> 00:26:41,474
And this is exactly what I said,
I said,
474
00:26:41,558 --> 00:26:44,227
"Miss, before you finish that statement,
let me ask you a question.
475
00:26:44,311 --> 00:26:45,603
Where did you see me?
476
00:26:46,563 --> 00:26:49,899
Did you buy a ticket to a concert
I did, I doubt that.
477
00:26:49,983 --> 00:26:55,030
Or, maybe you watched one of my specials
on Netflix.
478
00:26:55,113 --> 00:27:01,328
Or... Or... Did I follow you to your car
and do my act?"
479
00:27:02,245 --> 00:27:03,455
She said, "What?"
480
00:27:03,538 --> 00:27:07,625
I said, "Keep it in the comments section,
bitch, this is real life, ta-ta."
481
00:27:07,709 --> 00:27:09,336
[audience laughs]
482
00:27:10,045 --> 00:27:12,088
[applause]
483
00:27:15,675 --> 00:27:17,093
And then I drove off.
484
00:27:18,345 --> 00:27:19,637
And now I got to tell you
485
00:27:19,721 --> 00:27:22,474
and this is gonna surprise
some people here, but not everybody.
486
00:27:23,099 --> 00:27:25,060
People say things to me all the time
487
00:27:25,143 --> 00:27:27,771
but what you don't know,
is it does affect me.
488
00:27:27,854 --> 00:27:29,439
I think about it.
489
00:27:29,522 --> 00:27:32,150
And that one bothered me a lot,
I was driving home,
490
00:27:32,233 --> 00:27:34,110
couldn't stop thinking
about what this woman said
491
00:27:34,194 --> 00:27:37,197
because she is not the first woman
that said that to me.
492
00:27:37,947 --> 00:27:40,033
It's puzzling. You know what I mean?
493
00:27:40,116 --> 00:27:42,952
Like, what could I possibly be saying...
494
00:27:44,871 --> 00:27:47,540
that would make these bitches think,
I hate women.
495
00:27:47,624 --> 00:27:48,958
[laughter]
496
00:27:52,003 --> 00:27:53,213
Couldn't figure it out.
497
00:27:54,881 --> 00:27:56,132
So, you know what I did?
498
00:27:57,258 --> 00:27:59,969
I Googled the dictionary definition of a
feminist
499
00:28:00,053 --> 00:28:03,223
just to make sure,
I was talking about the right thing.
500
00:28:03,723 --> 00:28:05,642
And do you know, sir,
501
00:28:05,725 --> 00:28:08,978
what the dictionary definition
of a feminist is?
502
00:28:09,479 --> 00:28:12,148
I didn't either, listen to this.
503
00:28:13,441 --> 00:28:16,027
Webster's defines a feminist
504
00:28:16,694 --> 00:28:19,781
as a human being, not a woman,
505
00:28:20,281 --> 00:28:25,829
a human being, that believes
in equal rights for women.
506
00:28:25,912 --> 00:28:28,081
I was shocked,
'cause that is what that meant
507
00:28:28,164 --> 00:28:29,707
'cause by that definition
508
00:28:30,542 --> 00:28:34,879
I would consider myself a feminist,
and I didn't even know that at the time.
509
00:28:34,963 --> 00:28:36,548
[applause]
510
00:28:41,052 --> 00:28:45,598
All these years,
I thought it meant frumpy dyke.
511
00:28:45,682 --> 00:28:47,517
[audience laughs]
512
00:28:50,228 --> 00:28:54,691
Well, that seems always talking
to be some... chick in overalls,
513
00:28:54,774 --> 00:28:56,151
"Men are trying to rape us."
514
00:28:56,234 --> 00:28:58,319
"Ah, not you bitch, will you please..."
515
00:28:58,403 --> 00:29:00,113
[audience laughs]
516
00:29:07,454 --> 00:29:12,500
I know, look, listen, I support the
feminist movement, I do
517
00:29:12,584 --> 00:29:14,252
in my own ways.
518
00:29:14,335 --> 00:29:17,964
Well, you guys did the women's march,
I tried to go and support you
519
00:29:18,465 --> 00:29:20,508
and none of my friends would go with
me.
520
00:29:20,592 --> 00:29:22,677
I asked all the fellows,
none of them wanted to go.
521
00:29:22,761 --> 00:29:24,971
I tried everything. "Come on y'all,
there's gonna be bitches there."
522
00:29:25,054 --> 00:29:25,972
They was like, "Nope."
523
00:29:26,055 --> 00:29:27,932
[laughter]
524
00:29:29,642 --> 00:29:31,728
So what I did is,
I called my friend Anj.
525
00:29:31,811 --> 00:29:34,856
Anj is a Black woman
who is a comedy writer and she's dope.
526
00:29:34,939 --> 00:29:36,941
A matter of fact,
a matter of fact,
527
00:29:37,025 --> 00:29:40,069
she's the only woman,
that I know personally
528
00:29:40,153 --> 00:29:42,697
that pays her ex-husband alimony.
529
00:29:43,573 --> 00:29:45,825
And she sounds just like a man
when she does it.
530
00:29:45,909 --> 00:29:48,828
"Fuck that broke motherfucker"
and all that, she says all that shit.
531
00:29:49,537 --> 00:29:50,914
[applause]
532
00:29:52,248 --> 00:29:54,709
So I hit Anj up, I hit her on the
text
533
00:29:54,793 --> 00:29:56,044
and all I did, I texted. I said,
534
00:29:56,127 --> 00:29:58,588
"Anj, are you going to the women's
march?"
535
00:29:58,671 --> 00:30:02,509
And she texted me back,
and this is a real text, she said...
536
00:30:04,135 --> 00:30:07,013
she said, "I hope
those White bitches get tear gassed."
537
00:30:07,096 --> 00:30:09,140
[audience laughs]
538
00:30:17,524 --> 00:30:20,527
There is a problem
in that feminist movement, isn't there?
539
00:30:21,319 --> 00:30:23,822
From its inception in America
540
00:30:23,905 --> 00:30:25,949
there has always been a racial
component.
541
00:30:26,032 --> 00:30:28,576
When Susan B. Anthony
was having that meeting
542
00:30:28,660 --> 00:30:31,454
and Sojourner Truth's
Black ass showed up.
543
00:30:32,580 --> 00:30:34,040
Read your history books.
544
00:30:34,123 --> 00:30:37,794
All the White women
asked Sojourner Truth not to speak.
545
00:30:37,877 --> 00:30:41,673
They didn't conflate the issues
of women's rights and slavery.
546
00:30:42,632 --> 00:30:45,760
But you know how Black bitches are,
so Sojourner Truth went up there anyway.
547
00:30:45,843 --> 00:30:47,303
[laughter]
548
00:30:47,387 --> 00:30:49,430
[applause and cheering]
549
00:30:53,726 --> 00:30:56,563
She did a famous speech,
she said "Ain't I a woman?"
550
00:30:57,230 --> 00:30:58,773
"Ain't I a woman?"
551
00:30:59,399 --> 00:31:02,402
That's right. And listen, listen, listen.
552
00:31:02,485 --> 00:31:07,824
I supported the "Me Too" movement,
but the whole time, the whole time
553
00:31:07,907 --> 00:31:10,910
I thought that the way
they handled it was stupid.
554
00:31:12,996 --> 00:31:14,205
[laughter]
555
00:31:15,707 --> 00:31:17,917
It was, it was White, it was like...
556
00:31:21,379 --> 00:31:24,215
they were doing shit, like going to
the Golden Globes
557
00:31:24,299 --> 00:31:26,801
and all of them would be like
"Let's all go to the Golden Globes
558
00:31:26,885 --> 00:31:28,428
and wear black dresses.
559
00:31:28,511 --> 00:31:30,179
And give these men
a piece of our minds."
560
00:31:30,263 --> 00:31:31,931
Bitch, that is not gonna work.
561
00:31:33,391 --> 00:31:34,601
You think Martin Luther King
is gonna be like,
562
00:31:34,684 --> 00:31:38,396
"I want everybody to keep riding the bus,
but wear matching outfits."
563
00:31:38,897 --> 00:31:40,315
[laughter]
564
00:31:41,691 --> 00:31:43,610
You got to get off the bus and walk.
565
00:31:45,612 --> 00:31:46,905
It's real talk.
566
00:31:46,988 --> 00:31:49,449
A real talk, that was a silly
movement.
567
00:31:49,532 --> 00:31:51,784
"I want everybody to wear
crochet pussy hats
568
00:31:51,868 --> 00:31:53,328
so they know we are serious."
569
00:31:55,747 --> 00:31:57,332
What the fuck was y'all doing?
570
00:31:59,751 --> 00:32:02,003
And then I said something about it
in one of my specials
571
00:32:02,086 --> 00:32:04,464
and all these women actresses
came after me.
572
00:32:04,547 --> 00:32:06,257
I said, "Man,
fuck y'all too, you canceled.
573
00:32:06,341 --> 00:32:08,760
I ain't jerking off
to none of your pictures again."
574
00:32:08,843 --> 00:32:10,303
[laughter]
575
00:32:10,386 --> 00:32:11,971
[applause]
576
00:32:13,431 --> 00:32:16,726
They were like,
"Who is he to tell us anything?"
577
00:32:16,809 --> 00:32:18,728
I'll tell you exactly who I am.
578
00:32:20,229 --> 00:32:22,982
I'm the one that got off the bus
579
00:32:23,066 --> 00:32:26,736
and left $50 million
on the bus and walked.
580
00:32:27,236 --> 00:32:29,447
[cheers and applause]
581
00:32:34,994 --> 00:32:36,829
I agreed with these women.
582
00:32:36,913 --> 00:32:42,251
I just didn't agree
with what they were doing about it.
583
00:32:44,087 --> 00:32:47,882
Right. Right. No, it was annoying as
fuck...
584
00:32:49,550 --> 00:32:52,470
because if these women were serious,
you know what they would have done?
585
00:32:52,553 --> 00:32:55,014
They all would have fired their
agents.
586
00:32:55,098 --> 00:32:56,391
And they would have went
to the mailroom
587
00:32:56,474 --> 00:32:58,434
of one of these big agencies
and found a woman
588
00:32:58,518 --> 00:33:02,230
that was bustin' her hump in there
and said, "If you want to talk to us
589
00:33:02,313 --> 00:33:03,982
then you have to talk to her."
590
00:33:04,691 --> 00:33:06,275
And if they did that,
591
00:33:06,359 --> 00:33:08,653
then she would be big,
and they would be big
592
00:33:08,736 --> 00:33:11,197
and nobody would get fed to
Harvey Weinstein.
593
00:33:11,280 --> 00:33:12,657
But did they do that?
594
00:33:12,740 --> 00:33:14,784
-[audience] No!
-No.
595
00:33:15,284 --> 00:33:17,954
Was that their idea? No.
596
00:33:18,037 --> 00:33:20,248
Surprisingly it was mine.
597
00:33:22,583 --> 00:33:26,587
What I think, the feminist movement needs
to be very successful...
598
00:33:27,964 --> 00:33:29,549
is a male leader.
599
00:33:29,632 --> 00:33:31,426
[audience laughs]
600
00:33:33,636 --> 00:33:34,512
I'll do it.
601
00:33:36,097 --> 00:33:38,766
I will. I will lead you women
to the promised land.
602
00:33:39,392 --> 00:33:42,228
I will make sure
you will get equal pay for equal work.
603
00:33:42,311 --> 00:33:45,606
I will make sure that nobody harasses you
or fucks with you on the job.
604
00:33:45,690 --> 00:33:47,650
I will protect all of your interests.
605
00:33:47,734 --> 00:33:50,153
And all that I ask for in return...
606
00:33:51,738 --> 00:33:53,322
is that you suck my dick.
607
00:33:53,406 --> 00:33:55,033
[audience laughs]
608
00:33:56,534 --> 00:33:58,578
And now, we're right back to square one,
aren't we?
609
00:34:11,758 --> 00:34:13,760
And now we get to the core
of the crisis.
610
00:34:15,386 --> 00:34:16,345
What...
611
00:34:17,013 --> 00:34:18,473
what is a woman?
612
00:34:18,556 --> 00:34:20,850
What is that, in this day and time?
613
00:34:20,933 --> 00:34:24,145
Is there even such a thing
as a woman or a man or anything?
614
00:34:24,228 --> 00:34:25,938
Hmm. Hmm?
615
00:34:26,689 --> 00:34:28,608
Seems to be a question nowadays.
616
00:34:29,567 --> 00:34:31,486
Now listen, women get mad at me
617
00:34:32,153 --> 00:34:34,155
gay people get mad at me,
lesbians get mad at me,
618
00:34:34,238 --> 00:34:35,782
but I'm gonna tell you right now,
and this is true...
619
00:34:36,616 --> 00:34:38,117
these transgenders...
620
00:34:39,660 --> 00:34:41,287
the niggas want me dead.
621
00:34:41,370 --> 00:34:43,122
[laughter]
622
00:34:44,457 --> 00:34:46,751
I've gone too far,
I've said too much.
623
00:34:49,253 --> 00:34:50,963
But I got to tell you,
I'm very worried about it.
624
00:34:51,047 --> 00:34:52,381
I'm not even joking with you.
625
00:34:52,465 --> 00:34:54,675
Every time I come out onstage,
I be scared.
626
00:34:55,510 --> 00:34:58,513
I be lookin' around
the crowd, searching.
627
00:34:59,138 --> 00:35:00,640
For knuckles and Adam's apples
628
00:35:00,723 --> 00:35:02,975
to see where the threats might be
coming from.
629
00:35:08,481 --> 00:35:10,107
A nigga came up to me on the street
the other day.
630
00:35:10,191 --> 00:35:12,193
He said, "Careful, Dave, they after you."
631
00:35:12,276 --> 00:35:13,444
I said, "What?"
632
00:35:16,280 --> 00:35:19,283
"One they, or many theys?"
633
00:35:19,367 --> 00:35:20,868
[laughter]
634
00:35:32,171 --> 00:35:34,090
Before I even say anything
about that community
635
00:35:34,173 --> 00:35:36,592
you must know and I hope
you all feel the same way
636
00:35:36,676 --> 00:35:39,303
I am not indifferent
637
00:35:39,387 --> 00:35:41,556
to the suffering of someone else.
638
00:35:42,140 --> 00:35:44,725
There's laws, the mean laws
in our country.
639
00:35:44,809 --> 00:35:46,477
North Carolina passed a law once.
640
00:35:46,561 --> 00:35:49,647
They said a person in North Carolina
must use the restroom
641
00:35:49,730 --> 00:35:53,234
that corresponds with the gender
they were assigned
642
00:35:53,317 --> 00:35:54,777
on their birth certificate.
643
00:35:56,445 --> 00:35:57,572
No, no, no, no.
644
00:35:59,031 --> 00:36:02,326
No, that is not a good law.
That is a mean law.
645
00:36:03,119 --> 00:36:06,789
No American should have
to present a birth certificate
646
00:36:06,873 --> 00:36:10,126
to take a shit at Walmart,
in Greensboro, North Carolina
647
00:36:10,209 --> 00:36:12,378
where DaBaby shot and killed
a motherfucker.
648
00:36:12,461 --> 00:36:14,422
[applause]
649
00:36:17,925 --> 00:36:20,511
You have to ask yourself,
if you're thinking about it,
650
00:36:20,595 --> 00:36:23,055
who are these laws
designed to protect?
651
00:36:23,764 --> 00:36:26,350
Like let's say they designed this law
to protect me,
652
00:36:26,434 --> 00:36:30,813
my interests, transphobic comedian,
Dave Chappelle.
653
00:36:33,482 --> 00:36:38,404
Let's say I'm in Walmart,
doing a little shopping with my family.
654
00:36:38,988 --> 00:36:40,698
Now I should tell you
655
00:36:40,781 --> 00:36:43,701
if that ever happens in real life,
you should know
656
00:36:44,827 --> 00:36:46,746
my dreams didn't work out.
657
00:36:46,829 --> 00:36:48,414
[laughter]
658
00:36:50,458 --> 00:36:52,126
Well let's say
something goes horribly wrong
659
00:36:52,210 --> 00:36:55,171
and there I'm in Walmart
with the poor Whites
660
00:36:55,254 --> 00:36:58,883
rummaging around
for mediocre goods and services.
661
00:36:58,966 --> 00:37:00,426
[audience laughs]
662
00:37:04,096 --> 00:37:05,723
And then I got to go to the restroom.
663
00:37:06,599 --> 00:37:09,268
So, I excuse myself from my family.
I go to the men's room.
664
00:37:09,352 --> 00:37:11,646
Now I'm standing at the urinal,
taking a leak.
665
00:37:11,729 --> 00:37:14,482
And this is what this law is gonna do.
666
00:37:15,149 --> 00:37:17,735
And suddenly a woman
667
00:37:18,361 --> 00:37:19,612
walks into the men's room.
668
00:37:19,695 --> 00:37:21,739
I'm like, that's strange.
669
00:37:23,616 --> 00:37:26,118
And then she stands
shoulder to shoulder
670
00:37:26,202 --> 00:37:28,829
with me at the urinal, I'm gonna be like,
"Bitch, what's going on with you?"
671
00:37:28,913 --> 00:37:30,206
[laughter]
672
00:37:31,165 --> 00:37:32,875
And then she hikes her skirt up
673
00:37:33,709 --> 00:37:38,089
and she pulls a real live,
meaty dick out!
674
00:37:38,172 --> 00:37:39,674
[laughter]
675
00:37:40,716 --> 00:37:42,593
What do you think I am going to say?
676
00:37:46,222 --> 00:37:47,932
Thank God, she's in here with me.
677
00:37:50,309 --> 00:37:52,728
At least now I know
my family is safe.
678
00:37:54,939 --> 00:37:56,190
Mm-mm.
679
00:37:56,274 --> 00:37:59,068
No, I'm not gonna feel that way at all,
I'm gonna feel very uncomfortable.
680
00:37:59,777 --> 00:38:03,447
I would feel better if it was a man
with a vagina
681
00:38:05,574 --> 00:38:07,702
that backed up
to the urinal next to me.
682
00:38:07,785 --> 00:38:09,453
[audience laughs]
683
00:38:13,165 --> 00:38:16,168
I wouldn't even think about that,
I'd just be like, "That's funny."
684
00:38:16,252 --> 00:38:17,378
[audience laughs]
685
00:38:18,796 --> 00:38:21,007
"This guy is peeing out of his butt
for some reason."
686
00:38:24,260 --> 00:38:27,430
"Oh my God, he must be a Veteran,
thank you for your service."
687
00:38:36,314 --> 00:38:40,526
I'm not indifferent to people's suffering
'cause I know it's hard to be everybody.
688
00:38:40,609 --> 00:38:43,612
We Blacks, we just got
our first big holiday in a long time.
689
00:38:43,696 --> 00:38:46,157
Happy belated Juneteenth
to the Blacks.
690
00:38:46,240 --> 00:38:49,201
[cheers and applause]
691
00:38:53,039 --> 00:38:55,499
Juneteenth is a strange holiday,
isn't it?
692
00:38:55,583 --> 00:38:57,626
-[audience] Yes.
-It commemorates
693
00:38:57,710 --> 00:39:01,005
when Black people in Texarkana area
of the country
694
00:39:01,088 --> 00:39:02,673
first found out that they were free.
695
00:39:02,757 --> 00:39:06,385
But remember, they were free
when they found out.
696
00:39:06,927 --> 00:39:09,346
They just didn't know it yet.
697
00:39:10,306 --> 00:39:13,184
Very interesting holiday.
698
00:39:13,267 --> 00:39:14,602
You know, I learned something
699
00:39:15,644 --> 00:39:17,188
This is a wild story.
700
00:39:18,522 --> 00:39:20,900
I learned this past Juneteenth
of a story, this is true.
701
00:39:20,983 --> 00:39:23,903
And it's that there was a Black man
who was in South Carolina
702
00:39:23,986 --> 00:39:25,446
during slavery
703
00:39:25,529 --> 00:39:30,117
who somehow got granted his freedom
by his so-called master.
704
00:39:31,035 --> 00:39:33,079
And when his master granted him
the freedom
705
00:39:33,162 --> 00:39:34,705
he also gave him a plot of land.
706
00:39:34,789 --> 00:39:36,582
Now it turns out,
this brother was brilliant.
707
00:39:36,665 --> 00:39:39,502
He had a good eye,
good knack for farming.
708
00:39:39,585 --> 00:39:42,546
And he farmed this plot of land
very successfully
709
00:39:42,630 --> 00:39:46,217
and made a lot of money,
and this is where the story gets crazy.
710
00:39:46,967 --> 00:39:48,511
When he got all that money...
711
00:39:51,388 --> 00:39:53,641
this nigga brought some slaves.
712
00:39:53,724 --> 00:39:55,017
[laughter]
713
00:39:55,559 --> 00:39:57,728
Have you ever heard this before?
This is a true story.
714
00:39:57,812 --> 00:40:00,856
Not only was he a slave owner,
he became a slave breeder.
715
00:40:00,940 --> 00:40:03,109
And employed tactics that were so
cruel
716
00:40:03,192 --> 00:40:07,154
even White slave owners were like,
"Yo, my man."
717
00:40:07,238 --> 00:40:08,447
[laughter]
718
00:40:08,531 --> 00:40:10,157
He was a wild dude, but he did it
719
00:40:10,241 --> 00:40:13,285
just because that's what successful people
did at the time.
720
00:40:13,369 --> 00:40:16,997
He just wanted to be down,
what a fuckin' tragedy.
721
00:40:17,081 --> 00:40:18,791
How can a person
722
00:40:18,874 --> 00:40:20,334
that went through slavery
723
00:40:20,417 --> 00:40:23,796
perpetuate the same evil
on a person that looks just like him.
724
00:40:23,879 --> 00:40:25,005
It's mind blowing.
725
00:40:25,089 --> 00:40:29,093
And shockingly,
they're making a movie about him.
726
00:40:30,177 --> 00:40:34,598
Ironically... it is called Space Jews.
727
00:40:34,682 --> 00:40:36,934
[audience laughs]
728
00:40:37,017 --> 00:40:38,644
[cheers]
729
00:40:40,980 --> 00:40:42,440
Space Jews.
730
00:40:45,484 --> 00:40:47,153
[distant chuckling]
731
00:40:50,531 --> 00:40:51,740
The point of that story is
732
00:40:51,824 --> 00:40:54,326
this person was invested
in a construct.
733
00:40:54,410 --> 00:40:56,745
That was the construct
of successful people
734
00:40:56,829 --> 00:40:59,582
and he just followed the roadmap
of successful people.
735
00:40:59,665 --> 00:41:02,877
He followed what they called
"an incentive."
736
00:41:02,960 --> 00:41:05,629
Now, everyone struggles
737
00:41:06,797 --> 00:41:08,299
but I'm very invested
738
00:41:09,758 --> 00:41:12,636
in the gender construct, personally.
739
00:41:12,720 --> 00:41:15,598
'Cause I'm a man with kids,
and a wife, and
740
00:41:16,473 --> 00:41:20,519
I like that warm, wet soft pussy
that my wife has.
741
00:41:22,646 --> 00:41:24,106
[applause]
742
00:41:24,648 --> 00:41:28,903
This does not mean that I feel like
another point of view
743
00:41:30,237 --> 00:41:31,739
can't exist.
744
00:41:33,616 --> 00:41:35,618
I was doing a night club in Oakland,
16 years ago
745
00:41:35,701 --> 00:41:37,161
and this was the first time
746
00:41:37,244 --> 00:41:39,788
that the trans community
ever got mad at me that I knew about.
747
00:41:39,872 --> 00:41:42,166
And then I was nobody,
I had just quit Chappelle Show.
748
00:41:42,249 --> 00:41:44,168
It was like a nothing
hole in the wall club
749
00:41:44,251 --> 00:41:48,172
and I was doing some transgender jokes
in Oakland, it was 16 years ago.
750
00:41:48,255 --> 00:41:51,050
My pronoun game
was not as nice as it is today.
751
00:41:52,092 --> 00:41:53,802
I went too far, I said things like
752
00:41:53,886 --> 00:41:56,847
tranny and shit I didn't know these words
were bad, and a woman stood up
753
00:41:56,931 --> 00:41:58,557
and just gave me the business.
754
00:41:58,641 --> 00:42:00,601
Started screaming at me,
and I'm sure it was a woman.
755
00:42:00,684 --> 00:42:04,104
But she kept calling me
transphobic and all this shit
756
00:42:04,188 --> 00:42:06,982
I had never even heard these words before,
it was really weird.
757
00:42:07,066 --> 00:42:08,943
I didn't trip, I just gazed
at Security
758
00:42:09,026 --> 00:42:11,195
to look like, "Go on,
get that bitch out of here."
759
00:42:11,278 --> 00:42:12,613
[audience laughs]
760
00:42:15,282 --> 00:42:16,450
I kept it moving.
761
00:42:17,034 --> 00:42:18,327
And then she went to the press.
762
00:42:18,410 --> 00:42:20,246
The next day one
of the gay papers wrote
763
00:42:20,329 --> 00:42:23,791
all of the same things she had said to me,
about me in the paper.
764
00:42:23,874 --> 00:42:26,502
Misquoted the jokes,
and was calling me transphobic
765
00:42:26,585 --> 00:42:28,879
you know, these words,
I had never heard them before but
766
00:42:28,963 --> 00:42:32,299
every time that I talked with anybody
from the community since
767
00:42:32,383 --> 00:42:35,052
they always repeat the talking points
from that article.
768
00:42:35,135 --> 00:42:38,305
My least favorite of which being,
I hate this phrase
769
00:42:38,389 --> 00:42:42,726
they say, "I was punching down on
them."
770
00:42:43,435 --> 00:42:46,855
"Punching down",
what the fuck does that mean?
771
00:42:48,357 --> 00:42:49,984
Now fast forward.
772
00:42:50,901 --> 00:42:52,653
It is 2019.
773
00:42:53,779 --> 00:42:56,991
And I am in a restaurant in Ohio,
very nice restaurant.
774
00:42:57,074 --> 00:42:58,701
It's Thanksgiving week.
775
00:42:59,618 --> 00:43:02,830
And to be honest,
it is not a very nice restaurant, but
776
00:43:03,831 --> 00:43:06,875
it is a nice restaurant,
if you're a White person from Ohio
777
00:43:06,959 --> 00:43:08,752
that has never been anywhere before.
778
00:43:08,836 --> 00:43:10,296
[laughter]
779
00:43:10,379 --> 00:43:11,880
Picture Chili's.
780
00:43:11,964 --> 00:43:13,757
[audience laughs]
781
00:43:17,052 --> 00:43:19,555
I'm sitting in the bar,
I'm having a drink by myself
782
00:43:19,638 --> 00:43:22,766
and the only other person in the bar
is a woman, a couple of stools down.
783
00:43:22,850 --> 00:43:25,686
And she was alone, and she was older,
and that made me feel sad,
784
00:43:25,769 --> 00:43:27,313
'cause it was the holidays.
785
00:43:27,396 --> 00:43:30,524
So, I told the bartender,
"Send that woman a drink on me."
786
00:43:30,607 --> 00:43:33,402
Just trying to spread the cheer,
and I wish I didn't.
787
00:43:35,195 --> 00:43:36,655
This woman wanted to talk.
788
00:43:37,489 --> 00:43:40,492
She wasn't mean, she was nice,
but she just wanted to talk about shit
789
00:43:40,576 --> 00:43:42,119
that you know, I mean a nigga
just trying to get drunk
790
00:43:42,202 --> 00:43:44,413
don't want to hear about this bitch
remodeling in her bathroom.
791
00:43:44,496 --> 00:43:46,457
And I'm sitting there,
trying to be polite.
792
00:43:46,540 --> 00:43:48,667
Oh, subway tiles? Word.
793
00:43:52,296 --> 00:43:53,839
But then she hits a lick.
794
00:43:55,257 --> 00:43:56,759
Piqued my interest.
795
00:43:57,885 --> 00:44:00,137
She says, "My daughter is coming home
for the holidays."
796
00:44:00,220 --> 00:44:02,681
Like, "Oh, that is great news,
I'm glad you're not going to be alone."
797
00:44:03,599 --> 00:44:06,477
And then she goes on and on
about how great her daughter is.
798
00:44:06,560 --> 00:44:09,772
I guess her daughter got a new agent
and she is out in Hollywood,
799
00:44:09,855 --> 00:44:12,566
she's in movies and on television
and all this stuff
800
00:44:12,650 --> 00:44:16,028
and as she's telling me this,
I'm thinking, this woman is so sweet.
801
00:44:16,111 --> 00:44:18,447
She probably doesn't even know who I
am.
802
00:44:19,156 --> 00:44:20,949
Or what I do for a living
803
00:44:21,742 --> 00:44:23,243
because I know
804
00:44:24,286 --> 00:44:26,789
what your daughter's
is out in Hollywood doing.
805
00:44:26,872 --> 00:44:28,123
[laughter]
806
00:44:31,669 --> 00:44:33,462
And then she goes,
"Would you like to see her picture?"
807
00:44:33,545 --> 00:44:35,047
"Oh now I don't want to see
this woman's picture,
808
00:44:35,130 --> 00:44:35,964
but what am I gonna do?"
809
00:44:36,048 --> 00:44:38,550
I'm like, "Okay sure,
I'd love to see the picture."
810
00:44:38,634 --> 00:44:42,012
And I grab the picture
and this is all I say, this is all I say,
811
00:44:42,096 --> 00:44:43,597
"Oh...
812
00:44:44,973 --> 00:44:46,433
she is very beautiful."
813
00:44:47,267 --> 00:44:48,811
And as she puts the picture away
814
00:44:48,894 --> 00:44:53,273
she... looks mean all of a sudden,
like she caught me in some kind of trap.
815
00:44:53,357 --> 00:44:57,528
"What did that face mean?"
And then she goes, "She's transgender."
816
00:45:00,197 --> 00:45:03,951
And I think to myself, "Oh, this bitch
does know who I am."
817
00:45:04,034 --> 00:45:06,161
[audience laughs]
818
00:45:11,125 --> 00:45:12,668
I really resented that trap
819
00:45:12,751 --> 00:45:14,837
because that trap
doesn't let me be honest.
820
00:45:14,920 --> 00:45:16,547
If I was honest,
I wouldn't have fallen for it.
821
00:45:16,630 --> 00:45:18,340
I'd have just looked at the picture
like,
822
00:45:18,424 --> 00:45:22,136
"Look at that big chiseled jawline,
that big thick Joe Rogan neck.
823
00:45:22,219 --> 00:45:23,887
Is that a dude?
824
00:45:25,139 --> 00:45:26,890
Is your daughter a man?"
825
00:45:28,684 --> 00:45:30,185
Can't say that shit.
826
00:45:32,312 --> 00:45:33,814
It's really annoying.
827
00:45:37,276 --> 00:45:39,528
Fast forward,
now it's a couple of days later.
828
00:45:40,446 --> 00:45:42,030
It's the Wednesday...
829
00:45:44,283 --> 00:45:46,034
before the Thursday that's Thanksgiving,
830
00:45:46,118 --> 00:45:47,703
and I'm in a totally different bar
831
00:45:47,786 --> 00:45:51,665
and this bar, trust me,
is not a nice place.
832
00:45:52,458 --> 00:45:55,335
It's foul, it's one of those bars
where the top shelf
833
00:45:55,419 --> 00:45:56,503
should be under the sink.
834
00:45:56,587 --> 00:45:58,213
[laughter]
835
00:45:59,840 --> 00:46:02,843
This is where the poor Whites drink.
The Tiki torch Whites.
836
00:46:04,052 --> 00:46:06,722
You know what I mean?
Them White people, they believe in "Q"
837
00:46:06,805 --> 00:46:10,100
and they love Trump. You know what I
mean? Like Michigan White people.
838
00:46:10,184 --> 00:46:11,977
[audience cheers]
839
00:46:12,561 --> 00:46:14,438
[applause]
840
00:46:20,402 --> 00:46:23,197
I remember I was at this bar one time,
it was that kind of bar it is.
841
00:46:23,280 --> 00:46:24,781
I was in there one time,
I was fucked up
842
00:46:24,865 --> 00:46:26,617
and I turned around
to everybody in the bar
843
00:46:26,700 --> 00:46:29,536
and go "Hey everybody, I am going to buy
everyone in the bar a round of drinks."
844
00:46:29,620 --> 00:46:31,914
And all the motherfuckers
was like, "Hurrah!"
845
00:46:31,997 --> 00:46:34,166
And the bartender knew I was drunk,
so she pulled me aside.
846
00:46:34,249 --> 00:46:37,211
"Mr. Chappelle, are you sure about
that?"
847
00:46:38,003 --> 00:46:40,839
That's going to be 16 dollars.
848
00:46:40,923 --> 00:46:42,633
[laughter]
849
00:46:43,217 --> 00:46:44,801
[applause]
850
00:46:46,220 --> 00:46:47,721
Tough time for the Whites.
851
00:46:51,225 --> 00:46:53,185
And this was a holiday weekend.
You know what I mean?
852
00:46:53,268 --> 00:46:55,687
These motherfuckers
were having a rootin' tootin' time.
853
00:46:55,771 --> 00:46:57,981
They was in there partying,
making all them noises.
854
00:46:58,065 --> 00:47:01,068
"Ooh! Ow! Yeow!"
855
00:47:01,151 --> 00:47:03,111
You know all them noises
White people make before lynching?
856
00:47:03,195 --> 00:47:04,738
They was doing all that shit.
857
00:47:04,821 --> 00:47:06,198
[audience laughs]
858
00:47:09,743 --> 00:47:10,827
I was drunk.
859
00:47:12,079 --> 00:47:14,790
I looked over my shoulder,
I thought I was trippin'.
860
00:47:14,873 --> 00:47:16,250
Guess who was in the bar?
861
00:47:16,333 --> 00:47:19,086
I thought I was seeing things,
I looked across the room
862
00:47:19,670 --> 00:47:21,046
and I saw...
863
00:47:22,422 --> 00:47:24,758
the trans-bitch from the picture.
864
00:47:24,841 --> 00:47:26,260
[laughter]
865
00:47:26,969 --> 00:47:28,428
I couldn't believe it.
866
00:47:28,512 --> 00:47:31,265
I said "What is a trans person,
doing in a place like this?
867
00:47:31,348 --> 00:47:33,475
This is very dangerous behavior."
868
00:47:34,685 --> 00:47:40,315
And she was with, two big, buff,
gay Black dudes.
869
00:47:40,399 --> 00:47:42,609
I didn't know these dudes,
but I know they was gay.
870
00:47:44,194 --> 00:47:46,113
If they had a dick in their mouth,
they wouldn't look any gayer
871
00:47:46,196 --> 00:47:47,447
than they did just sitting there.
872
00:47:47,531 --> 00:47:48,490
[laughter]
873
00:47:49,199 --> 00:47:51,785
They had 1980s gay face.
You know what that is?
874
00:47:51,868 --> 00:47:52,703
Remember in the '80s
875
00:47:52,786 --> 00:47:54,538
when gay people looked surprised
all the time.
876
00:47:55,539 --> 00:47:57,124
[audience laughs]
877
00:47:58,625 --> 00:48:00,085
[applause]
878
00:48:01,795 --> 00:48:04,423
"Close your mouth, nigga,
what is surprising", you know what I mean?
879
00:48:05,340 --> 00:48:08,135
But they was huge, they looked like
Jussie Smollett's trainers.
880
00:48:08,218 --> 00:48:09,761
[laughter]
881
00:48:11,722 --> 00:48:14,391
And I am thinking, "Man these
motherfuckers are in a lot of trouble."
882
00:48:14,474 --> 00:48:16,101
So what I do is I stand up
883
00:48:16,184 --> 00:48:19,187
and everybody in the bar likes me,
so I make a big show of it
884
00:48:19,271 --> 00:48:20,814
to make sure that everyone can hear
me.
885
00:48:20,897 --> 00:48:22,482
Now, I walk right up to her,
and I go
886
00:48:22,566 --> 00:48:26,236
"Hey! I just met your mother
the other night
887
00:48:26,320 --> 00:48:28,614
and she told me all the great things
you're doing in Hollywood.
888
00:48:28,697 --> 00:48:30,032
And I cannot believe
that someone
889
00:48:30,115 --> 00:48:31,783
from a podunk place like this
890
00:48:31,867 --> 00:48:34,411
can achieve all that, I'm so proud
of you.
891
00:48:34,494 --> 00:48:35,704
Welcome home."
892
00:48:35,787 --> 00:48:38,123
And the whole bar said "Hurrah!"
893
00:48:39,791 --> 00:48:41,335
And I said "Phew."
894
00:48:42,586 --> 00:48:44,254
"That ought to buy her some time."
895
00:48:46,089 --> 00:48:47,132
You know what I mean?
896
00:48:47,215 --> 00:48:49,551
A couple of more drinks
and these fellows are gonna start
897
00:48:50,135 --> 00:48:52,512
asking her for some pussy,
she might not have.
898
00:48:52,596 --> 00:48:54,097
[laughter]
899
00:48:59,895 --> 00:49:01,938
And she was very gracious.
900
00:49:02,022 --> 00:49:04,191
She said "Thank you so much",
and we shook hands
901
00:49:04,274 --> 00:49:07,736
and as she was shaking my hand,
her face turned mean, like her mom's.
902
00:49:09,613 --> 00:49:14,159
And she said, "Do you mind, not punching
down on my people?"
903
00:49:14,701 --> 00:49:16,203
Oh, I don't like that.
904
00:49:16,828 --> 00:49:18,997
Normally, I would've let it go,
but I was drunk.
905
00:49:19,081 --> 00:49:20,165
[laughter]
906
00:49:20,791 --> 00:49:22,959
I said, "What might you mean, bitch?"
907
00:49:23,043 --> 00:49:24,419
[audience laughs]
908
00:49:25,879 --> 00:49:28,757
I was careful to call her a bitch,
'cause I didn't want to blow her cover.
909
00:49:28,840 --> 00:49:30,384
[audience laughs]
910
00:49:32,386 --> 00:49:34,054
Turns out she wasn't hiding.
911
00:49:34,805 --> 00:49:36,348
She was loud, she was proud.
912
00:49:37,015 --> 00:49:38,684
She let me have it
in front of everybody.
913
00:49:38,767 --> 00:49:41,061
Screaming at me, all the talking points
from that article.
914
00:49:41,144 --> 00:49:42,646
You transphobic, this and that.
915
00:49:42,729 --> 00:49:44,272
Kept clapping her hands
in my face.
916
00:49:44,356 --> 00:49:45,691
"Let me tell you somethin'."
917
00:49:45,774 --> 00:49:47,442
I said, "Where did you learn this from,
Black bitches?" She kept going,
918
00:49:47,526 --> 00:49:50,404
"Let me tell you something, honey."
919
00:49:51,697 --> 00:49:52,948
So annoying.
920
00:49:55,283 --> 00:49:58,078
She kept calling transgenders, her
people.
921
00:49:58,161 --> 00:50:01,373
Ain't that weird?
"My people this, my people that."
922
00:50:01,456 --> 00:50:03,417
I said, "What do you mean, your
people?"
923
00:50:03,500 --> 00:50:07,170
Were you all kidnapped in Transylvanian,
brought here as slaves?
924
00:50:07,254 --> 00:50:08,797
[laughter]
925
00:50:12,509 --> 00:50:16,888
She said, "My people have struggled
for decades, honey, decades."
926
00:50:16,972 --> 00:50:19,683
And I looked at them
gay Black dudes, like.
927
00:50:19,766 --> 00:50:22,728
"Is there anything
you niggas need to tell this bitch?
928
00:50:22,811 --> 00:50:23,854
[laughter]
929
00:50:23,937 --> 00:50:25,439
Clifford, Clifford?"
930
00:50:25,522 --> 00:50:26,898
[audience laughs]
931
00:50:31,778 --> 00:50:33,989
I am exaggerating,
she is actually a very nice person
932
00:50:34,072 --> 00:50:37,909
and I'm cool with her now,
but boy, that shit got on my nerves.
933
00:50:38,702 --> 00:50:41,204
And it got on my nerves because, whenever
someone says that to me
934
00:50:41,288 --> 00:50:44,958
I know they have never seen me
for themselves, they just repeat
935
00:50:45,041 --> 00:50:46,376
what they've heard.
936
00:50:46,460 --> 00:50:49,588
Any of you, who have ever watched me
know
937
00:50:50,130 --> 00:50:55,177
that I've never had a problem
with transgender people.
938
00:50:55,719 --> 00:50:58,889
If you listen to what I'm saying, clearly
939
00:50:58,972 --> 00:51:03,018
my problem
has always been with White people.
940
00:51:03,101 --> 00:51:05,061
[audience laughs]
941
00:51:05,812 --> 00:51:07,564
[applause]
942
00:51:09,733 --> 00:51:13,195
I've been arguing with the Whites
my entire career.
943
00:51:14,029 --> 00:51:15,781
Just when I thought I had you guys
on the ropes
944
00:51:15,864 --> 00:51:16,698
you changed all the rules.
945
00:51:16,782 --> 00:51:17,949
"Oh yeah?"
946
00:51:18,033 --> 00:51:20,243
-Yeah, motherfucker!
-"Well."
947
00:51:22,120 --> 00:51:24,748
I am a girl now, nigger.
You must treat me as such.
948
00:51:24,831 --> 00:51:26,082
[audience laughs]
949
00:51:28,710 --> 00:51:30,420
"Call me a girl, nigger."
950
00:51:33,882 --> 00:51:35,509
It's annoying as fuck.
951
00:51:36,927 --> 00:51:39,679
No, no, go back, go back
952
00:51:39,763 --> 00:51:42,724
tonight after the show,
watch every special I did on Netflix.
953
00:51:42,808 --> 00:51:45,268
Listen to everything
I've ever said about that community.
954
00:51:45,352 --> 00:51:46,269
I'll go through 'em.
955
00:51:46,353 --> 00:51:49,064
I said, "How much do I have to participate
in your self image?"
956
00:51:49,147 --> 00:51:51,316
I said, "You shouldn't discuss this
in front of Black people."
957
00:51:51,399 --> 00:51:54,277
I said, "I know niggas in Brooklyn
that wear high heels just to feel safe."
958
00:51:54,361 --> 00:51:57,280
I asked you "Why is it easier
for Bruce Jenner
959
00:51:57,364 --> 00:51:58,657
to change his gender
960
00:51:58,740 --> 00:52:01,827
than it is for Cassius Clay
to change his name?"
961
00:52:01,910 --> 00:52:04,204
[audience cheers]
962
00:52:04,287 --> 00:52:05,622
[applause]
963
00:52:06,581 --> 00:52:10,919
If you listen to what I'm saying,
I'm not even talking about them,
964
00:52:11,002 --> 00:52:16,591
I'm talking about us
and "they don't listen."
965
00:52:18,927 --> 00:52:20,387
It's very annoying.
966
00:52:21,847 --> 00:52:25,267
And they have canceled people,
more powerful than me.
967
00:52:26,393 --> 00:52:28,353
They canceled J.K. Rowling, my God.
968
00:52:28,436 --> 00:52:31,773
J.K. Rowling wrote
all the Harry Potter books by herself.
969
00:52:33,483 --> 00:52:36,236
She sold so many books,
the Bible worries about her.
970
00:52:36,319 --> 00:52:37,737
[laughter]
971
00:52:39,614 --> 00:52:41,575
And they canceled it because,
she said in an interview
972
00:52:41,658 --> 00:52:44,661
and this is not exactly what she said,
but effectually she said
973
00:52:45,328 --> 00:52:47,080
that gender was a fact.
974
00:52:47,998 --> 00:52:50,083
And then the trans community
got mad as shit,
975
00:52:50,166 --> 00:52:52,043
they started calling her a TERF.
976
00:52:52,127 --> 00:52:53,920
I didn't even know,
what the fuck that was.
977
00:52:54,713 --> 00:52:58,925
But I know that trans people make up words
to win arguments.
978
00:52:59,009 --> 00:53:00,218
[laughter]
979
00:53:02,846 --> 00:53:04,014
So I looked it up.
980
00:53:05,432 --> 00:53:07,142
TERF is an acronym.
981
00:53:07,225 --> 00:53:09,936
It stands for Trans-exclusionary
radical feminist.
982
00:53:10,020 --> 00:53:12,105
This is a real thing,
this is a group of women...
983
00:53:13,440 --> 00:53:14,441
that hate transgender.
984
00:53:14,524 --> 00:53:15,859
They don't hate transgender women but
985
00:53:15,942 --> 00:53:17,110
they look at trans women
986
00:53:17,193 --> 00:53:19,404
the way we Blacks
might look at Black face.
987
00:53:19,487 --> 00:53:23,033
It offends them like, "Oh, this bitch
is doing an impression of me."
988
00:53:23,116 --> 00:53:24,534
[laughter]
989
00:53:28,705 --> 00:53:30,415
Now I shouldn't speak on this
990
00:53:31,374 --> 00:53:34,586
because I'm not a woman
nor am I a trans.
991
00:53:35,462 --> 00:53:37,005
But as we've established...
992
00:53:38,548 --> 00:53:40,008
I am a feminist.
993
00:53:40,091 --> 00:53:41,384
[laughter]
994
00:53:41,927 --> 00:53:43,011
That's right.
995
00:53:43,094 --> 00:53:44,804
[applause]
996
00:53:48,308 --> 00:53:49,809
I'm team TERF.
997
00:53:50,852 --> 00:53:51,978
I agree.
998
00:53:53,021 --> 00:53:54,773
I agree, man.
999
00:53:54,856 --> 00:53:57,108
Gender is a fact.
1000
00:53:57,192 --> 00:54:00,070
You have to look at it
from a woman's perspective.
1001
00:54:00,153 --> 00:54:02,364
Look at it like this,
Caitlyn Jenner
1002
00:54:02,447 --> 00:54:04,491
whom I have met, wonderful person.
1003
00:54:04,574 --> 00:54:10,038
Caitlyn Jenner... was voted,
woman of the year.
1004
00:54:10,538 --> 00:54:13,333
Her first year as a woman.
1005
00:54:13,416 --> 00:54:14,501
Ain't that something?
1006
00:54:14,584 --> 00:54:17,837
Beat every bitch in Detroit.
She's better than all of you.
1007
00:54:17,921 --> 00:54:19,255
[laughter]
1008
00:54:19,339 --> 00:54:21,841
Never even had a period,
ain't that something?
1009
00:54:21,925 --> 00:54:23,385
[laughter]
1010
00:54:23,468 --> 00:54:26,471
I'd be mad as shit if I was a woman.
I'd be mad if I was me.
1011
00:54:26,554 --> 00:54:28,682
If I was in the BET awards,
sitting there and they're like
1012
00:54:28,765 --> 00:54:33,728
"And the winner for
nigger of the year... Eminem."
1013
00:54:33,812 --> 00:54:34,813
My man.
1014
00:54:34,896 --> 00:54:36,898
[audience laughs]
1015
00:54:43,029 --> 00:54:44,739
Gender is a fact, this is a fact.
1016
00:54:44,823 --> 00:54:47,909
Every human being in this room,
every human being on Earth
1017
00:54:47,993 --> 00:54:51,830
had to pass through the legs of a woman
to be on Earth.
1018
00:54:51,913 --> 00:54:55,208
That is a fact.
1019
00:54:55,291 --> 00:54:56,751
[laughter]
1020
00:54:57,460 --> 00:54:58,461
Now...
1021
00:55:00,505 --> 00:55:06,302
I am not saying that to say,
that trans women aren't women.
1022
00:55:07,012 --> 00:55:10,849
I'm just sayin,
that those pussies that they got...
1023
00:55:13,560 --> 00:55:14,978
You know what I mean?
1024
00:55:15,061 --> 00:55:16,730
[audience laughs]
1025
00:55:17,397 --> 00:55:19,024
[applause]
1026
00:55:22,318 --> 00:55:25,280
I'm not saying it is not pussy,
but that's like
1027
00:55:25,363 --> 00:55:28,366
Beyond Pussy or Impossible Pussy.
You know what I mean?
1028
00:55:28,450 --> 00:55:32,162
It tastes like pussy
but that's not quite what it is, is it?
1029
00:55:33,204 --> 00:55:35,248
It's not blood, that is beet juice.
1030
00:55:35,331 --> 00:55:36,541
[laughter]
1031
00:55:44,049 --> 00:55:45,842
Oh buddy, I'm in trouble now.
1032
00:55:45,925 --> 00:55:47,218
[audience laughs]
1033
00:55:54,267 --> 00:55:55,894
Before I go, I want
to share this story with you
1034
00:55:55,977 --> 00:55:57,771
because it is important
to this point.
1035
00:56:00,482 --> 00:56:03,777
I want your community to know
that one of the coolest people I ever met
1036
00:56:04,277 --> 00:56:05,820
was a transgender woman.
1037
00:56:05,904 --> 00:56:08,281
And this is not a man that I knew
1038
00:56:08,364 --> 00:56:12,368
that became a woman, this woman was
trans when I met her.
1039
00:56:12,452 --> 00:56:15,580
Lived in San Francisco,
Daphne Dwarman is the name.
1040
00:56:16,581 --> 00:56:19,125
I would do 18 shows in the Bay Area
1041
00:56:19,209 --> 00:56:22,128
sometimes in Oakland
and Dirty Hood night club
1042
00:56:22,212 --> 00:56:25,048
and she would be there,
white trans woman, laughing
1043
00:56:25,131 --> 00:56:27,759
loud and hard, at everything I said.
1044
00:56:27,842 --> 00:56:30,678
Especially the trans jokes,
very puzzling...
1045
00:56:32,430 --> 00:56:34,516
because she was obviously trans.
1046
00:56:36,518 --> 00:56:38,686
And one night
after one of the shows I met her.
1047
00:56:39,729 --> 00:56:42,690
And what it was, turns out
1048
00:56:43,358 --> 00:56:45,401
it was her dream to be a comedian.
1049
00:56:45,944 --> 00:56:47,737
And I was her hero.
1050
00:56:47,821 --> 00:56:48,696
It was very moving.
1051
00:56:48,780 --> 00:56:52,992
I could not dislike somebody
that felt that way about me.
1052
00:56:53,076 --> 00:56:54,619
We became fast friends.
1053
00:56:55,245 --> 00:56:57,622
And when I made that
special Sticks and Stones
1054
00:56:57,705 --> 00:57:00,708
right as it was coming out,
I happened to be in San Francisco
1055
00:57:00,792 --> 00:57:02,085
and I wanted to do a show.
1056
00:57:02,168 --> 00:57:04,712
But I needed an opening act,
and I remembered...
1057
00:57:05,839 --> 00:57:08,675
that trans woman I had met,
so I called her on the phone.
1058
00:57:09,551 --> 00:57:11,010
And I called her myself,
1059
00:57:11,094 --> 00:57:12,637
I said, "Hey Daphne,
this is Dave Chappelle."
1060
00:57:12,720 --> 00:57:14,264
She couldn't believe it.
1061
00:57:14,347 --> 00:57:16,099
And I go, "I'm in San Francisco."
1062
00:57:16,182 --> 00:57:18,810
And then she started saying
a bunch of wild stuff, I was like
1063
00:57:18,893 --> 00:57:21,354
"Relax now,
I don't want any pussy, I was...
1064
00:57:21,437 --> 00:57:23,022
[laughter]
1065
00:57:27,026 --> 00:57:30,321
I'm just calling, because I'm doing
a show and I need an opening act.
1066
00:57:30,989 --> 00:57:32,699
And I was wondering
if you'd open the show?"
1067
00:57:32,782 --> 00:57:34,826
And she was like, "Fuck, yeah."
1068
00:57:34,909 --> 00:57:38,329
Now... I didn't know this at the time
1069
00:57:38,413 --> 00:57:42,292
but this woman had only done
stand up comedy eight times in her life.
1070
00:57:42,375 --> 00:57:44,377
This was little to no experience
1071
00:57:44,461 --> 00:57:48,756
and now she's about to open a show
for what many call the GOAT.
1072
00:57:50,049 --> 00:57:53,136
[audience cheers]
1073
00:57:53,219 --> 00:57:55,763
[applause]
1074
00:58:03,062 --> 00:58:05,899
She's an amateur in stature, but
1075
00:58:05,982 --> 00:58:08,193
in practice,
she was very professional.
1076
00:58:08,276 --> 00:58:10,486
She showed up early,
which is something I appreciate
1077
00:58:10,570 --> 00:58:12,322
'cause I like people to be on time.
1078
00:58:12,405 --> 00:58:15,408
She was dressed
to the motherfuckin' nines, I mean,
1079
00:58:15,491 --> 00:58:18,578
I'm transphobic and even I was like,
"You look nice."
1080
00:58:18,661 --> 00:58:20,038
[laughter]
1081
00:58:23,791 --> 00:58:27,003
Went up on the stage with all the swag
of a professional comedian,
1082
00:58:27,086 --> 00:58:29,464
grabbed that mic
and walked right down the middle
1083
00:58:29,547 --> 00:58:33,009
and looked at the crowd like a gangster.
Man, you should have seen her work.
1084
00:58:33,843 --> 00:58:36,638
This bitch bombed
for 45 minutes, straight.
1085
00:58:36,721 --> 00:58:38,014
[cheers]
1086
00:58:38,973 --> 00:58:42,519
And I'm not exaggerating, young man.
That show was terrible.
1087
00:58:43,770 --> 00:58:44,646
Stunk.
1088
00:58:47,357 --> 00:58:48,191
Stunk.
1089
00:58:48,733 --> 00:58:50,443
And then she brings me on,
and you know,
1090
00:58:50,527 --> 00:58:52,862
I was like a glass of water
after a handful of salt.
1091
00:58:52,946 --> 00:58:54,614
The crowd was happy to see me.
1092
00:58:54,697 --> 00:58:55,615
I was killing it.
1093
00:58:58,117 --> 00:58:59,661
But here is what impressed me.
1094
00:59:00,245 --> 00:59:04,374
Any other comedian I've ever seen,
if they had bombed as bad as she did,
1095
00:59:04,457 --> 00:59:07,919
would have snuck out of the back
of the theatre and went home and cried
1096
00:59:08,002 --> 00:59:09,379
or something, but she didn't do that.
1097
00:59:09,462 --> 00:59:11,005
Not only did she not leave,
1098
00:59:11,089 --> 00:59:13,675
she found a seat, right up in front.
1099
00:59:13,758 --> 00:59:16,761
You know, when a new comedian
watches an experienced comedian
1100
00:59:16,844 --> 00:59:18,846
in comedy we call this "taking class."
1101
00:59:18,930 --> 00:59:21,766
And this bitch took my whole class,
she sat up there
1102
00:59:21,849 --> 00:59:24,852
and was laughing as hard
as she always laughs
1103
00:59:24,936 --> 00:59:27,188
as if nothing bad
had even happened to her.
1104
00:59:27,272 --> 00:59:30,692
And I saw her show.
Something bad happened to her.
1105
00:59:30,775 --> 00:59:31,859
[audience laughs]
1106
00:59:35,446 --> 00:59:36,489
She was drunk.
1107
00:59:38,032 --> 00:59:40,201
So she starts talking to me,
while I'm onstage
1108
00:59:40,285 --> 00:59:43,538
but the way a person would talk
to a television when they were alone.
1109
00:59:43,621 --> 00:59:44,539
She was talking to me like that.
1110
00:59:44,622 --> 00:59:46,249
That didn't bother me
'cause I knew her.
1111
00:59:46,332 --> 00:59:48,876
But the crowd didn't like that shit
at all 'cause she sucked.
1112
00:59:51,629 --> 00:59:53,673
And a guy in the back of the room
stood up
1113
00:59:53,756 --> 00:59:56,259
and Daphne's hair
was dyed blonde at the time
1114
00:59:56,342 --> 00:59:59,429
and the guy screamed out,
and his energy felt wild as fuck.
1115
00:59:59,512 --> 01:00:01,347
He said, "Hey Daphne!"
and everybody got clamped,
1116
01:00:01,431 --> 01:00:02,473
they got tense.
1117
01:00:02,557 --> 01:00:05,643
We didn't know who was a heckler
or active shooter, and...
1118
01:00:05,727 --> 01:00:07,186
[laughter]
1119
01:00:08,438 --> 01:00:10,398
...he said,
1120
01:00:11,107 --> 01:00:13,651
"Does the carpet match the drapes?"
1121
01:00:15,153 --> 01:00:16,654
It was fucked up.
1122
01:00:16,738 --> 01:00:20,867
The whole crowd kind of groaned,
'cause it was so like, mean.
1123
01:00:20,950 --> 01:00:23,911
Everybody groaned, except for Daphne.
1124
01:00:23,995 --> 01:00:26,289
She kind of laughed, which was weird.
1125
01:00:26,372 --> 01:00:28,333
And she didn't even look all the way
back.
1126
01:00:28,416 --> 01:00:31,002
She said, "Sir, I don't have carpets
1127
01:00:31,085 --> 01:00:33,296
I have hardwood floors."
Just like that.
1128
01:00:33,379 --> 01:00:34,255
[laughter]
1129
01:00:34,797 --> 01:00:36,215
Just like that.
1130
01:00:36,299 --> 01:00:37,759
[applause]
1131
01:00:39,969 --> 01:00:43,222
Boy, when she said that shit,
it blew the roof of the place.
1132
01:00:44,390 --> 01:00:47,268
Cut through all the tension,
with that one joke.
1133
01:00:47,352 --> 01:00:51,147
She had made up for 45 minutes
of a stinker of a show.
1134
01:00:53,399 --> 01:00:55,401
And after that, she could do no
wrong.
1135
01:00:55,485 --> 01:00:58,696
And I kept on rocking,
and she kept on talking to me.
1136
01:00:58,780 --> 01:01:03,034
And then the show
became something cooler than a show.
1137
01:01:03,117 --> 01:01:04,535
It became like a conversation
1138
01:01:04,619 --> 01:01:06,579
between a Black man
and a White trans woman
1139
01:01:06,663 --> 01:01:08,456
and we started
getting to the bottom of shit.
1140
01:01:08,539 --> 01:01:11,667
All of them questions that you think about
that you'd be afraid to ask,
1141
01:01:11,751 --> 01:01:13,002
I was just asking them
1142
01:01:13,086 --> 01:01:15,880
and she was answering them
and her answers were funny as shit.
1143
01:01:15,963 --> 01:01:17,674
The crowd was falling out of their
chairs
1144
01:01:17,757 --> 01:01:20,343
and at the end of the show,
I go, "Well, Daphne"-- I said
1145
01:01:20,426 --> 01:01:21,427
"Well, that was fun."
1146
01:01:21,511 --> 01:01:23,971
I go, "I love you to death,
but I have no fuckin' idea
1147
01:01:24,055 --> 01:01:25,431
what you're talking about."
1148
01:01:25,515 --> 01:01:27,475
The whole crow laughed
1149
01:01:27,558 --> 01:01:29,143
except for Daphne.
1150
01:01:29,227 --> 01:01:32,146
Man, she looks at me
like I'm not her friend anymore.
1151
01:01:32,230 --> 01:01:35,733
Like I'm something bigger than me,
like I'm the whole world in a guy.
1152
01:01:35,817 --> 01:01:39,195
Then she said, "I don't need you
to understand me."
1153
01:01:39,278 --> 01:01:40,405
I said, "What?"
1154
01:01:40,488 --> 01:01:42,907
She said, "I just need
you to believe..."
1155
01:01:42,990 --> 01:01:46,828
Just like that she goes,
"...that I'm having a human experience."
1156
01:01:47,620 --> 01:01:48,913
And when she said it
1157
01:01:49,705 --> 01:01:51,666
the whole crowd kind of gasped.
1158
01:01:53,042 --> 01:01:54,711
And I gave the Fight Club look.
1159
01:01:57,004 --> 01:01:58,840
I said, "I believe you, bitch."
1160
01:01:58,923 --> 01:02:00,174
[laughter]
1161
01:02:01,259 --> 01:02:03,886
Because she didn't say anything
about pronouns.
1162
01:02:03,970 --> 01:02:06,639
She didn't say anything
about me being in trouble.
1163
01:02:06,723 --> 01:02:09,892
She said, "Just believe I'm a person
and I'm going through it."
1164
01:02:09,976 --> 01:02:14,063
I know I believe you,
because it takes one to know one.
1165
01:02:14,939 --> 01:02:16,941
[cheers and applause]
1166
01:02:25,908 --> 01:02:28,661
Then I told the crowd "Good night."
And they started going crazy
1167
01:02:28,745 --> 01:02:30,830
and before the applause
gets to it's crescendo
1168
01:02:30,913 --> 01:02:33,750
I was saying, "Don't forget
my opening act, Daphne."
1169
01:02:34,333 --> 01:02:35,710
And the crowd stood up.
1170
01:02:36,294 --> 01:02:38,671
And I looked at her,
tears came out of her eyes
1171
01:02:38,754 --> 01:02:40,756
she couldn't believe it was
happening.
1172
01:02:40,840 --> 01:02:44,010
I couldn't believe it was happening
'cause her show stunk.
1173
01:02:44,093 --> 01:02:45,303
[laughter]
1174
01:02:47,472 --> 01:02:48,514
And it was a great night.
1175
01:02:48,598 --> 01:02:50,683
And I remember, the late great Paul
Mooney was there
1176
01:02:50,767 --> 01:02:52,810
bunch of flyers, comedy niggas was
there.
1177
01:02:52,894 --> 01:02:54,770
[cheers]
1178
01:02:54,854 --> 01:02:56,272
[applause]
1179
01:02:57,315 --> 01:02:58,733
And we all went backstage
1180
01:02:58,816 --> 01:03:00,735
and was just drinking
and talking shit and laughing
1181
01:03:00,818 --> 01:03:03,696
and Daphne stole the room,
she had everyone cracking up.
1182
01:03:03,779 --> 01:03:07,200
Spinning the yarn, telling us all these
crazy stories about shit, she'd be into.
1183
01:03:07,825 --> 01:03:09,118
We all laughing real hard,
1184
01:03:09,202 --> 01:03:10,745
and there she is telling us
and everyone is laughing.
1185
01:03:10,828 --> 01:03:13,456
I'm looking around, I'm like,
"Oh my God, she is funny."
1186
01:03:14,415 --> 01:03:16,250
I pulled her aside, I said,
"You're hilarious.
1187
01:03:16,334 --> 01:03:18,628
I didn't know that
when you were onstage."
1188
01:03:18,711 --> 01:03:19,796
[laughter]
1189
01:03:21,380 --> 01:03:23,508
I said, "You're doing some things wrong
but I can help you."
1190
01:03:23,591 --> 01:03:26,427
I said, "Anytime I'm in San Francisco
why don't you open the show for me
1191
01:03:26,511 --> 01:03:28,095
and I'll just try
to give you some pointers
1192
01:03:28,179 --> 01:03:29,597
and see if you can work
this thing out."
1193
01:03:29,680 --> 01:03:31,641
She said, "Are you serious?"
1194
01:03:31,724 --> 01:03:32,975
I was like, "Yeah."
1195
01:03:33,059 --> 01:03:37,605
And she grabbed me real tight,
hugged me, squeezed me.
1196
01:03:38,105 --> 01:03:41,442
And I pushed her off violently,
'cause I'm transphobic.
1197
01:03:42,235 --> 01:03:44,153
I said "Boundaries, bitch!"
1198
01:03:44,237 --> 01:03:45,905
[audience laughs]
1199
01:03:52,870 --> 01:03:54,705
When Sticks and Stones came out...
1200
01:03:56,207 --> 01:03:58,876
a lot of people in the trans community
were furious with me and
1201
01:03:58,960 --> 01:04:00,920
apparently they dragged me on
Twitter.
1202
01:04:01,003 --> 01:04:03,422
I don't give a fuck,
'cause Twitter is not a real place.
1203
01:04:04,006 --> 01:04:05,466
[audience laughs]
1204
01:04:05,550 --> 01:04:07,552
[cheers and applause]
1205
01:04:13,516 --> 01:04:16,310
And the hardest thing for a person
to do
1206
01:04:16,394 --> 01:04:18,020
is go against their tribe
1207
01:04:18,104 --> 01:04:21,607
if they disagree with their tribe,
but Daphne did that for me.
1208
01:04:22,316 --> 01:04:25,861
She wrote a tweet that was very beautiful
and what she said was
1209
01:04:25,945 --> 01:04:27,655
and it is almost exactly what she
said.
1210
01:04:28,155 --> 01:04:32,034
She said, "Punching down on someone,
requires you to think less of them
1211
01:04:32,118 --> 01:04:34,245
and I know him, and he doesn't.
1212
01:04:34,870 --> 01:04:37,957
He doesn't punch up,
he doesn't punch down
1213
01:04:38,040 --> 01:04:43,045
he punches lines, and he is a master
at his craft." That's what she said.
1214
01:04:43,129 --> 01:04:45,590
[audience cheers]
1215
01:04:50,636 --> 01:04:54,098
Beautiful tweet, beautiful friend,
it took a lot of heart
1216
01:04:54,181 --> 01:04:57,143
to defend me like that,
and when she did that
1217
01:04:57,226 --> 01:05:01,689
the trans community
dragged that bitch all over Twitter.
1218
01:05:03,149 --> 01:05:06,235
For days, they was going in on her,
and she was holding her own
1219
01:05:06,319 --> 01:05:07,445
'cause she's funny.
1220
01:05:07,987 --> 01:05:11,699
But six days after that wonderful night
I described to you
1221
01:05:11,782 --> 01:05:15,119
my friend Daphne killed herself.
1222
01:05:16,412 --> 01:05:20,207
Oh yeah, this is a true story,
my heart was broken.
1223
01:05:20,917 --> 01:05:22,960
Yeah, it wasn't the jokes.
1224
01:05:23,044 --> 01:05:24,253
I don't know if was them dragging
1225
01:05:24,337 --> 01:05:25,504
or I don't know
what was going on in her life
1226
01:05:25,588 --> 01:05:27,298
but I bet dragging her didn't help.
1227
01:05:28,424 --> 01:05:30,968
I was very angry at them,
I was very angry at her.
1228
01:05:31,802 --> 01:05:33,220
I felt like Daphne lied to me.
1229
01:05:33,304 --> 01:05:35,473
She always said,
she identified as a woman.
1230
01:05:35,556 --> 01:05:37,933
And then one day she goes up
to the roof of her building
1231
01:05:38,017 --> 01:05:40,853
and jumps off and kills herself.
1232
01:05:40,937 --> 01:05:42,229
Clearly...
1233
01:05:42,980 --> 01:05:45,816
only a man
would do some gangster shit like that.
1234
01:05:48,819 --> 01:05:49,987
Hear me out.
1235
01:05:51,113 --> 01:05:53,407
As hard as it is to hear a joke like
that
1236
01:05:53,491 --> 01:05:56,911
I'm telling you right now,
Daphne would have loved that joke.
1237
01:05:56,994 --> 01:05:59,121
That is why she was my friend.
1238
01:05:59,205 --> 01:06:01,248
[cheers and applause]
1239
01:06:09,423 --> 01:06:11,175
I was reading her obituary
1240
01:06:12,593 --> 01:06:15,846
and I found out,
she was survived by a daughter.
1241
01:06:18,140 --> 01:06:20,935
And the moment I found that out,
and this is true
1242
01:06:21,018 --> 01:06:23,938
Anderson Cooper from CNN texted me.
1243
01:06:25,022 --> 01:06:26,399
And all he says, it's very nice,
he said,
1244
01:06:26,482 --> 01:06:28,359
"I'm sorry to hear
about your friend."
1245
01:06:28,442 --> 01:06:32,238
And I texted him right back.
"New phone, who this?"
1246
01:06:32,321 --> 01:06:34,073
[laughter]
1247
01:06:36,242 --> 01:06:37,451
He said, "It's Anderson Cooper."
1248
01:06:37,535 --> 01:06:40,788
Oh, I said, "Anderson, look
I need to find her family."
1249
01:06:40,871 --> 01:06:42,331
And he texted me right back
1250
01:06:42,415 --> 01:06:44,959
with all the phone numbers
and all this information.
1251
01:06:45,042 --> 01:06:47,461
I say this to say, if you ever want to
know about anything gay
1252
01:06:48,004 --> 01:06:49,964
call Anderson Cooper from CNN.
1253
01:06:50,548 --> 01:06:52,591
This nigga is faster than Google.
1254
01:06:52,675 --> 01:06:54,593
[laughter]
1255
01:06:58,013 --> 01:07:00,057
What I did is,
I got in touch with her family
1256
01:07:00,141 --> 01:07:02,768
and I started a trust fund
for her daughter
1257
01:07:02,852 --> 01:07:06,022
'cause I know that is all
she ever really cared about.
1258
01:07:07,398 --> 01:07:09,942
[applause]
1259
01:07:15,156 --> 01:07:17,116
And I don't know
what the trans community did for her
1260
01:07:17,199 --> 01:07:18,951
but I don't care,
because I feel like
1261
01:07:19,035 --> 01:07:21,829
she wasn't their tribe,
she was mine.
1262
01:07:21,912 --> 01:07:24,040
She was a comedian in her soul.
1263
01:07:24,123 --> 01:07:25,916
[applause]
1264
01:07:28,669 --> 01:07:31,672
The daughter is very young,
but I hope to be alive
1265
01:07:32,715 --> 01:07:34,008
when she turns 21
1266
01:07:34,091 --> 01:07:36,927
'cause I'm going
to give her this money myself.
1267
01:07:37,011 --> 01:07:38,304
And by then,
1268
01:07:38,888 --> 01:07:41,640
by then, I'll be ready to have the
conversation
1269
01:07:41,724 --> 01:07:44,101
that I'm not ready to have today.
1270
01:07:44,185 --> 01:07:46,312
But I'll tell that little girl,
"Young lady,
1271
01:07:47,104 --> 01:07:48,689
I knew your father...
1272
01:07:48,773 --> 01:07:50,483
[audience laughs]
1273
01:07:51,817 --> 01:07:53,611
...and he was a wonderful woman."
1274
01:07:55,029 --> 01:07:57,490
[cheers]
1275
01:07:58,449 --> 01:08:00,618
[applause]
1276
01:08:05,247 --> 01:08:10,795
Empathy is not gay.
Empathy is not Black.
1277
01:08:12,421 --> 01:08:17,510
Empathy is bi-sexual.
It must go both ways.
1278
01:08:19,178 --> 01:08:21,472
It must go both ways.
1279
01:08:21,555 --> 01:08:22,807
[applause]
1280
01:08:23,766 --> 01:08:28,938
Remember, taking a man's livelihood
is akin to killing him.
1281
01:08:29,563 --> 01:08:33,651
I'm begging you, please do not abort
DaBaby.
1282
01:08:34,235 --> 01:08:35,569
[laughter]
1283
01:08:38,739 --> 01:08:40,366
[applause]
1284
01:08:43,911 --> 01:08:50,459
Kevin Hart dreamt his entire life of
hosting the Oscars
1285
01:08:50,543 --> 01:08:54,338
and when he finally got the job they just
took it!
1286
01:08:55,047 --> 01:08:56,090
It's not fair.
1287
01:08:56,924 --> 01:08:59,510
They didn't kill him,
Kevin is a strong guy.
1288
01:08:59,593 --> 01:09:02,680
But I'm sure
it broke old Clifford's heart.
1289
01:09:06,475 --> 01:09:07,476
It's over.
1290
01:09:08,477 --> 01:09:12,314
LBGTQ, L-M-N-O-P-Q-Y-Z,
it is over.
1291
01:09:13,107 --> 01:09:15,359
I'm not telling another joke
about you
1292
01:09:15,442 --> 01:09:19,029
until we are both sure,
that we are laughing together.
1293
01:09:20,406 --> 01:09:23,409
I'm telling you this is done.
I'm done talking about it.
1294
01:09:23,492 --> 01:09:27,663
All I ask from your community,
with all humility
1295
01:09:27,746 --> 01:09:31,125
will you please stop
1296
01:09:31,750 --> 01:09:33,878
punching down on my people?
1297
01:09:33,961 --> 01:09:36,839
Thank you very much and good night.
1298
01:09:36,922 --> 01:09:38,716
[audience cheers]
1299
01:09:43,721 --> 01:09:46,765
♪ First I was afraid,
I was petrified ♪
1300
01:09:47,308 --> 01:09:51,228
♪ Kept thinking I could never live
Without you by my side ♪
1301
01:09:51,312 --> 01:09:53,647
♪ But then I spent so many nights ♪
1302
01:09:53,731 --> 01:09:56,901
♪ Thinking how you did me wrong,
and I grew strong ♪
1303
01:09:57,443 --> 01:09:59,403
♪ And I learned how to get along ♪
1304
01:09:59,486 --> 01:10:01,197
♪ And so you're back ♪
1305
01:10:01,280 --> 01:10:03,282
♪ From outer space ♪
1306
01:10:03,365 --> 01:10:05,492
♪ I just walked in to find you here ♪
1307
01:10:05,576 --> 01:10:07,661
♪ With that sad look upon your face ♪
1308
01:10:07,745 --> 01:10:09,747
♪ I should have changed that stupid lock ♪
1309
01:10:09,830 --> 01:10:11,874
♪ I should have made you leave your key ♪
1310
01:10:11,957 --> 01:10:15,836
♪ If I had known for just one second,
You'd be back to bother me ♪
1311
01:10:15,920 --> 01:10:17,588
♪ Go on now go ♪
1312
01:10:18,130 --> 01:10:19,256
♪ Walk out the door ♪
1313
01:10:19,924 --> 01:10:21,967
♪ Just turn around now ♪
1314
01:10:22,051 --> 01:10:24,803
♪ You're not welcome anymore ♪
1315
01:10:24,887 --> 01:10:28,349
♪ Weren't you the one who tried to
Hurt me with goodbye ♪
1316
01:10:28,432 --> 01:10:32,186
♪ You think I'd crumble
You think I'd lay down and die ♪
1317
01:10:32,269 --> 01:10:36,482
♪ Oh no not I
I will survive ♪
1318
01:10:36,565 --> 01:10:40,527
♪ Oh as long as I know how to love
I know I'll be alive ♪
1319
01:10:40,611 --> 01:10:44,698
♪ I've got all my life to live
I've got all my love to give ♪
1320
01:10:44,782 --> 01:10:48,661
♪ I'll survive
I will survive ♪
1321
01:10:48,744 --> 01:10:50,704
♪ Hey hey ♪
1322
01:10:50,788 --> 01:10:52,748
♪♪
1323
01:11:05,344 --> 01:11:07,346
♪ It took all the strength I had ♪
1324
01:11:07,429 --> 01:11:09,056
♪ Not to fall apart ♪
1325
01:11:09,139 --> 01:11:13,102
♪ Kept trying hard to mend the pieces
Of my broken heart ♪
1326
01:11:13,185 --> 01:11:17,398
♪ And I spent oh-so many nights
Just feeling sorry for myself ♪
1327
01:11:17,481 --> 01:11:19,316
♪ I used to cry ♪
1328
01:11:19,400 --> 01:11:23,487
♪ But now I hold my head up high
And you see me ♪
1329
01:11:23,570 --> 01:11:24,905
♪ Somebody new ♪
1330
01:11:25,656 --> 01:11:29,576
♪ I'm not that chained-up little
Person still in love with you ♪
1331
01:11:29,660 --> 01:11:33,914
♪ And so you felt like dropping in
And just expect me to be free ♪
1332
01:11:33,998 --> 01:11:37,960
♪ Well, now I'm saving all my lovin'
For someone who's loving me ♪
1333
01:11:38,043 --> 01:11:41,005
♪ Go on now, go
Walk out the door ♪
1334
01:11:41,964 --> 01:11:46,552
♪ Just turn around now
You're not wanted anymore ♪
1335
01:11:47,136 --> 01:11:50,723
♪ Weren't you the one who tried to break
me with goodbye ♪
1336
01:11:50,806 --> 01:11:54,184
♪ You think I'd crumble
You think I'd lay down and die ♪
1337
01:11:54,268 --> 01:11:55,144
♪ Oh no, not I... ♪