PHONE CHIMES
She's on third.
Out of how many? Six.
MACHINE BEEPS
Well, let's ignore it, don't even mention it as a thing.
No, it's fine. She's pleased.
No, she's... Show me.
She's really pleased.
PHONE RINGS Oh, it's her.
Hey, Jess. We're on our way.
Well, third is actually perfect. You at the venue?
It's not first, is it?
She hasn't gone on first in months. No, I know.
Hey, Jess.
TRAIN APPROACHES
OVER PA: If you see something that doesn't look right,
speak to staff or text Police, 61016.
We'll sort it.
See it, say it.
HORN HONKS
It's stopped raining. It hasn't.
Feel it.
I don't need to feel it.
Just stick your hand out and feel it.
LAUGHTER
INDISTINCT CHATTER
CHEERING
APPLAUSE
FEEDBACK WHINES
Hi. I'm Jumble Jess.
#JumbleJessSinger.
This first little song is called To Die For.
MAN: Whoo!
Thanks!
MAN: Woohoo!
FEEDBACK WHINES
# I thought
# You were someone to live for
# And I found out
# You were someone to die for
# You set me free
# You set me...free... #
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Brilliant.
I just like to start with a bit of an earworm.
Thanks for coming!
Well done. That was amazing.
Yeah, well done. Well done.
Are YOU pleased? Er, yeah. It was all right, I think.
It was great. Yeah, and you were on third.
Well, it's where I should be, really, at this stage.
No, I know, yeah.
Well done.
Thanks! That was really cool.
Thank you!
No, honestly, it's really cool, seeing someone like, just, yeah.
Sorry, I'm... Oh, no, don't be. ..I'm interrupting, no.
Just have a good one, yeah? Yeah, and you, yeah.
Can I get you a drink? Did you notice the new songs, or...?
Yes! Oh, yeah, there's such a lovely mix now.
There always was.
That was really deep. Thanks.
THEY CHUCKLE
There's just a quality to her.
Oh, a lot of these girls are there to show off.
Well, you saw the fucking headliner.
Yeah, but it comes from a really deep place with her.
She doesn't need all that.
God, no.
She's best when she's natural.
First thing in the morning.
Oh, she's beautiful, first thing in the morning.
No, it was good.
OK.
But...?
It wasn't the GREATEST gig I ever saw.
I'm not going to lie to you.
Do you want me to lie to you?
If you can't stand a bit of honesty, you're in the wrong business.
No, I WANT your feedback.
I need someone to tell me the truth.
It's interesting, her lyrics.
Oh, fucking idiot.
No, it's interesting how young people talk about love.
They always talk about, about the heat of it, don't they?
The passion, the excitement, the...
The life-and-death, the all-or-nothing.
Whereas, if I wrote a song about you...
Yeah, please don't. HE CHUCKLES
Yeah.
When you've been together as long as we have, it's...
Yeah, it's...
HE CHUCKLES
27 years on Thursday. Oh, don't.
And everything that's happened, eh?
The good times, and...the bad times.
The times you've picked me up off the floor.
I guess you couldn't fit all that in a song. Are you still talking?
Just shut your mouth and come here.
# To the side, to the side
# To the side and around, through the middle and...
# To the side, to the side # To the side, turn around
# And around and around # And around and around
# To the side Two, three, four
# And across, six, seven eight Through the midpoint... #
VOICES CONTINUE, OVERLAPPING
MUSIC: Partita For 8 Singers by Roomful Of Teeth
HELEN SCREAMS
HORN BEEPS
What the fuck?!
I'm SO sorry. Oh, my God.
Are you fucking kidding me?
Are you actually fucking kidding me?
I'm so, so sorry. HORNS HONK
Oh, no, no... I understand your anger.
Morning, Helen.
Morning.
MOBILE PHONE RINGS
KNOCK AT DOOR, DOOR OPENS
Thank you.
Er, hello. Take a seat.
Ah, thank you. Er...
Just, wherever. Right.
Ian? Yes, that's right.
HE CLEARS THROAT
As you can see from my CV,
I have decades of experience in this role and, erm, similar,
often much-more-senior roles.
But after a period outside of the workforce,
I'm really hungry for a new challenge.
Thank you. Naomi?
Sorry, sir. Sorry. Thank you. Of course.
KNOCK ON DOOR Yeah?
Hello, take a seat.
MOBILE PHONE RINGS
LIFT DINGS
Hiya. You going down? We're going up. Ah, right.
LIFT DINGS
Hey.
Thank you. Have a lovely day.
Thank you. Thank you. Have a lovely day.
Er, just so you know, the...
..the mirrors in that lift were just filthy.
Someone's had their fingers all over it.
Might want to get in there and get a...
Well, that comes within the purview of the cleaning contractors.
Oh-ho! You're telling me you can't give it a dust?
It comes within the purview of the cleaning contractors.
Well...it's disgusting.
I'll pass that on.
Are you comfortable sending people into a lift like that?
I'm neither comfortable or uncomfortable.
All right, bye. Bye, now.
MOBILE PHONE RINGS
Big news at work this morning.
Jamie needs me to join him at the Legal Providers conference.
It's actually, it's a pretty major law event.
Yeah, the two of us would have to stay the night,
but Jamie'll put it through the business.
He just, he really needs me there.
So, yeah. No denying it, Dad.
It's a massive step up for me.
SHE CHUCKLES
Seat belt. I'm fine.
Put it on, Dad.
Click it in. I'm fine.
Dad!
Click it in.
MOBILE PHONE RINGS
Sorry, mate. Ah, all good.
So, yeah, and the funny thing is,
it's just me Jamie's asked to the conference.
No-one else. What a morning!
So, no, this conference is big news for me, actually.
It's a big step forward with Jamie AND the business.
Oh, sorry. After you.
Dad. And how are the kids?
Ah, they're good, thanks.
They've got GCSEs coming up.
Have you met my daughter, Emma?
No, I haven't. Hiya. Nice to meet ya. And you.
Yeah, so, they got their GCEs?
Er, well, Tilly has.
And then, Mabel's starting hers next year.
Oh, you've got girls.
How lovely.
Hi. Hi.
How was the interview?
Er, yeah, yeah, fine.
Oh, good.
That's great. Yeah.
Oh, you must be really pleased.
How was YOUR day?
Good, actually.
Yeah, really good. Ah, great.
I just, I'll get changed, cos I'm... Yeah.
That's GREAT about the interview.
So, what happened?
You got there early, found it OK?
Oh, it was all just...
Yeah, it was fine.
And they liked you? Or, not liked you, but...
She kept looking at her phone.
SHE SIGHS Fuck off. Yeah.
Shut the fuck up.
You're kidding me?
What, she was just looking at it?
Fuck.
Oh, my God.
What a bitch.
HE LAUGHS
Seriously. Who does that?
Well, you weren't sure about them anyway.
Their website was all boxy.
HE CHUCKLES
Ah, should've seen the state of the lifts.
Were they bad?
Someone had smeared ketchup or something all over the walls.
No! Yeah. I complained but...
..I don't they'll do anything about it.
What was YOUR good news?
No, it was nothing, really, yeah.
Just some good meetings at work.
Nothing to report.
"Nothing to report"? THEY CHUCKLE
Yeah.
You never say, "nothing to report".
SHE LAUGHS
JACKHAMMERS BLARE
You're scum, mate. Tory scum.
Thank you very much.
JACKHAMMERS DROWN OUT DIALOGUE Don't speak to me. You're scum.
Why did you speak to me? Why do you even feel like
you have the right to speak to me?
You're a horrible person. JACKHAMMERS CONTINUE
You are horrible, and your fucking Nazi little chums are horrible.
I'd spit on you, but you don't even deserve my spit,
thank you very much.
And there are people starving to death on the streets, mate,
and you're standing there in your tie and your silly body.
You're not going hungry, you fat fuck!
What do you think about marriage?
That's a crazy question.
Why crazy?
I dunno.
Why crazy?
It's just mad, isn't it? Marriage.
What, so you want to be free and single?
You want to sleep around? All right.
Well, that's not... No, it's fine if you do.
That's who you are.
No, OK.
Whatever. I'll answer you.
Here we go.
I think marriage is old-fashioned.
It's like a relic from an age where there were boundaries.
Whereas now, people can be whoever they decide they are.
And you look at, like, a father at a wedding.
It's gross.
One man literally hands over control of a woman to another man.
It's a whole institution designed to make a woman be with
the same man forever and ever.
I'm sorry, OK? I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
I just want to clear my head. Come back inside! Come on.
This is mad, you're crazy!
There's nothing wrong. Stop! Stop. Stop, stop, stop.
I haven't got my phone.
Why are you punishing me? You shouted at me.
Oh, my God! Oh, my God, I say one negative thing.
You're mad. Come back inside. I'll finish the dinner.
We're having a nice evening. Don't ruin it.
You're being such a baby.
I don't know why you have this need to punish me.
I haven't moved the tweezers!
Where have you hidden them?
Why do you need tweezers?
You have sole access to four sets of tweezers.
SHE LAUGHS
Oh, it's my dad.
Pairs! You must have cupboards full of 'em...
Oh, God, now Jessica's calling! Oh, is she?
Have you tried turning it off and on, Dad?
Has he tried sticking his head in the oven,
see if THAT gets it going? SHE CHUCKLES
Sorry!
Wow, that's...
I'm sorry!
THEY LAUGH
Dad! Have you tried turning the oven off and on?
Oi!
OUTSIDE: Fuck...fuck!
Get out the car. Get out the fucking car.
Get out the fucking car! I own the car!
SHE SIGHS
There's nothing wrong with his oven.
You're right.
It's mind games.
I agree. You're right.
His oven? I mean, seriously?
So, why don't you let me go round there...
If you offer to go round there one more time, I'm sorry,
I know you're being kind, but I'll go absolutely fucking apeshit.
HE CHUCKLES
Don't laugh. Sorry.
I'll do whatever you want.
Yeah, but it's not about what I want.
I want to go to dinner with my husband on my anniversary.
I want to have this one night where we don't think about money.
ENGINE STARTS, RADIO TURNS ON I want to be able to live my life...
TURNS RADIO OFF ..without swallowing everyone's fucking shit!
CAR APPROACHES
RUSTLING
KEYS JANGLE
Dad?
Only me.
Any good?
Er, yeah. Maybe.
Well, chuck it if you don't want it.
Oh, no, I'll have a look. Thanks.
I think it's clothes, is it? Yeah.
Well, do what you want with it.
Yeah, no, that's lovely.
Thanks.
Where's Paul? He's busy.
OK.
OVEN DIALS CLICK
When was the last time you used it? This morning.
Why are you dressed up?
You know why.
What is it? A work thing?
It's our wedding anniversary, Dad.
OVEN DOOR CLOSES
Must be the fuse?
I didn't know it was your anniversary.
RUSTLING
FRIDGE CHIMES
CHIMING CONTINUES
I didn't know it was your anniversary. OK.
How many years?
27.
You did well to get through a week with him.
We were all ready for you to come running back.
What kind of restaurant?
Turkish. Meat. Rice.
Spicy.
It doesn't have to be.
Make one for yourself.
I'm going out for dinner.
There's crumpets.
Have a crumpet if you... I'm all right.
Do you get crumpets at home?
Not really.
I toast them.
You don't want to go to dinner with Ian.
And what have you got to talk about?
There's always something.
Cut them.
Or all the bloody tomatoes will fall out.
Th-this conference thing, erm...
We didn't get to talk about it properly the other day.
You'll have to tell me all about it.
Do you get your own room?
Ah, that Jamie obviously thinks a lot of you.
Ian will be jealous. HE CHUCKLES
Why don't you stay and tell me all about the conference?
Ian's waiting.
There's a bottle of white wine in the cupboard.
What you going to do, then?
I'm meant to be going out for dinner.
IAN SIGHS
Sit down, go on. No, I'm good.
No, go on. Sit down, I'll do you a bit of everything.
I'll do the drinks. Ah, no, no. Go on.
SHE LAUGHS Go on, sit down!
CHUCKLING
LOUD CRUNCHING
TV IS ON
LAUGHTER ON TV
Sorry.
Thanks for tonight.
It's my job.
THEY CHUCKLE QUIETLY
I like these pyjamas. THEY CHUCKLE
Wow, thanks.
I do. I love them.
CHUCKLING CONTINUES
I'm really touched. Thanks.
You make me feel so sexy.
Well, they're sexy pyjamas.
THEY LAUGH
Just...just let me put the dishwasher on.
LAUGHTER CONTINUES
God. Oh! The romance, eh? Wow.
27 years, we ain't changed a bit.
You seem a bit more positive.
Yeah. I'm...
..I'm seeing Jamie tomorrow about me mum's probate.
I might even get through the meeting without turning it
into a massive crisis.
I thought that was just a phone call?
What was that?
Where do you think YOU'RE going?
I'm joking.
No, I know.
I just thought I'd eat out today.
Ah, I'll join you.
Wearing that again?
Yes.
Well, I had noodles yesterday, so...salad?
Yep. Anything.
Yeah, you good for salad? Absolutely. Yes. Anything at all.
Well, let's go for salad, then.
Yep. We can sit on the wall.
Oh, yeah. Yeah? Yeah, OK.
THROUGH INTERCOM: Hello, MacKinley & MacKinley.
Hello, it's Ian, to see Jamie.
DOOR BUZZES
Avocado? Yeah. Slap it on, mate.
It's an extra £3.
Yeah, yeah. Just slap it on.
Any avocado for you?
£3? Yeah.
Erm...
Yeah. OK. Yeah.
I'll have some avocado. Yeah. Why not?
Yeah, I don't know why he got to the airport so early.
Yeah, he was the only one there.
Standing there with his golfclubs. Oh, mate, we...
Yeah, well, that's why I sent the email.
Is it a working lunch?
He just said to say he was with Emma.
I'm sure he won't be long.
Shall I wait in his office?
Erm, you can wait here.
Oh, is that Ian? Here he is. At last.
Sorry I'm late. I was just having a catch-up with your lovely wife.
All right for some.
And such soft hands.
Nice of you to notice. THEY LAUGH
I love it! Love that joke. You're so funny.
Me and Emma were talking about this conference.
GLASS BREAKS Oh, for f...
Emily?
What was that about a conference?
Watch where you're treading. You've got to stack the...
MOBILE PHONE RINGS Sorry.
..big plates UNDER the little plates.
S-Sorry. Spotless.
Yeah, you were saying about a conference?
Yes. Please, after you.
Yes, er, Emma and I are off to the Legal Providers conference.
Take a seat. Erm...
Oh.
Just the two of ya?
Oh, that's just one of things you've got to deal with when
you're one of the region's leading small enterprise law firms.
That's great. You think?
Yeah, erm, lots of network opportunities.
Yeah, maybe.
Is the whole office going to the conference?
Or just you and Emma?
Is it a big group outing, or...?
My mum died of cancer. 46.
Where was it in your mum?
It was everywhere.
It started in my mum's ovaries.
Er, and then she had a hysterectomy, and a, like, a ton of chemo.
And we thought we'd got rid of it.
We had a big party.
Did a big fundraiser at my school,
and...yeah.
Everywhere.
Those final weeks...
Does 699 miles to the tank.
Nought to 60 in, what, 7.3 seconds?
Right. Yeah, it can get up to 140, so... Yeah.
Have a look if you want.
I-I've seen it, it's amazing. Thanks. Yeah, have a look.
Yeah. It's fantastic.
You can stick your head in.
Yeah.
Yeah, it's amazing. Thanks for that.
Get in. No, don't worry, I...
No, go on, get in. Might be your only chance.
Yep? Everything all right with Ian earlier?
Bye. See ya.
Er, yeah, all good.
Do you want a lift to your bus stop? Oh. Yeah. Thanks.
Did you mention...? Can you scan that into a PDF for the morning?
Come on.
DOOR CLOSES, KEYS JANGLE
PRINTER BEEPS, CLICKS
All good?
Yep. Great.
How are you feeling? Fantastic, yeah.
Ah, good. Yeah.
All, all went well with my mum's paperwork.
Yeah. Yeah...
Yeah, he said it did. Yeah.
Nice lunch?
Er, yep.
Salad.
Mm.
I thought you ate at your desk. I do.
Well, it's nice to have a change.
Oh, I...
I had a really nice chat with Claire. Yeah?
Yeah.
They all seem very nice in there.
Yeah, no, we all get on really well.
What were you saying to her?
Erm...
What do you mean?
What were you talking about with Claire?
Why do you want to know what I was saying to her? No reason.
No, we were just talking about my redundancy, me mum.
Usual sob stories.
Was that JUST Claire or...?
Claire and the young fella, yeah. Mike.
Why are you worried about what I said to her?
SHE LAUGHS I'm not worried!
No, she's nice, isn't she, Claire?
Yeah. No, she, she's very friendly. Yeah.
Oh, we just talked about some of the changes I've been through.
Did you mention Nicholas?
No, of course not.
You didn't say we'd had a son, or if Claire mentioned her son.
I didn't say anything.
She talks about that boy all the fucking time.
TROLLEY CLATTERS
Great about the conference.
Sorry?
Jamie mentioned about a conference.
Yeah, I told you about it.
Did you?
I'm sure I did. Don't know.
Yeah, I must've done.
He was talking about it and...
I'm sure I did. Nah, don't worry.
No, yeah, weird.
It's gonna be amazing for ya. Yeah.
But what he wants us to do,
he wants us to maximise networking potential, so...
Ah, finally he learns to strategize.
SHE LAUGHS Yeah.
Well, I can take you if you want, y'know,
drop you off, pick you up. Then you can have a drink. Well...
There's actually a networking event the next morning,
the morning after the conference itself,
so it looks like we might have to stay the night.
Who's staying the night?
Me and Jamie.
That won't be cheap.
Well, it's all coming out of the business. Tax deductible?
I think so. I hope so.
No, it might be a good networking opportunity for my website idea.
You should see if Claire and Mike want to come.
They're really junior, aren't they?
Just thinking,
might be good experience for them, yeah.
Yeah, maybe, but they're very junior.
No, I think it'll be good for my website idea.
You know he wants ya.
You're out of your fucking tree.
Ah, come on.
So this is a bur... Yeah, it's a burgundy.
Burgundy. OK.
So if you give it a...
Like that.
And then...
HE SNIFFS ..smell it.
Different?
No? Mm, yeah.
Yeah.
Go on. I've...I've got loads.
I'm sorry, no, Jesus.
You're spending a lot of time alone.
So I-I get it. It's fine.
This has been a really hard week for you, facing it all or whatever.
But now you've invented this entire situation about Jamie...
..and it's just a conference.
I mean, I've been to a million fucking work events and you,
you've never said a thing, and now you're laying all your shit on me.
You are. You're dumping a pile of your shit on me
when I haven't done anything wrong. I'm not going to do anything wrong.
It's all this, this crazy fucking paranoia you've suddenly...
So don't stay over.
I'll pick you up, so you can have a drink.
And I'll take you back in the morning.
Is it a problem if you don't stay over?
Or are you looking forward to staying over?
I won't be controlled by your jealousy.
Did you like how I was about the plate?
You bastard! HE LAUGHS
Like I give a fuck about a plate!
I was like, "Who does he think he is?"
Oh, were you now? THEY CHUCKLE
I'll have to put that on your feedback form.
God, don't. You sound like Emma.
Oh, such a boring old bitch.
And her creepy fucking husband.
Oh, my God. You can't say that!
I can say what I want.
HE CLEARS THROAT
What?
Nothing.
No, go on. What?
Nothing.
I can't believe I'm sat on your sofa.
Why not?
SHE GIGGLES NERVOUSLY
No, go on. Why not?
You know why.
I don't. Honestly.
Tell me.
Come on.
Tell me.
Have you had any trouble with the internet?
Don't think so. It's doing like a flashy thing.
Flashy thing? Oh, don't be a dick.
Tell me about this flashy thing.
It's actually, it's a bit of a disaster.
OK. I'm sorry.
No, it's fine. I just, I need to download this PDF.
I'm meant to be meeting Jamie.
At this poncey fucking cafe in the middle of nowhere,
which is fucking ridiculous.
He made me scan a whole fucking...
I mean, it's all bullshit. He won't need any of it.
And then you made us go to B&Q.
OK. Go and finish your breakfast, let me...
I'm not going to eat.
Hi, Claire, sorry to bother you before work.
Are you still at home
or have you left to drop off lovely little Albie?
No, I've just got a situation here.
CLATTERING, CONVERSATION CONTINUES
Bitch won't fucking print it.
You've seriously got to be fucking kidding me.
Hi, Jamie, it's Emma.
It's 7.45 in the morning, sorry to call so early.
SHE LAUGHS AWKWARDLY
I might be a little bit late for the Henson meeting.
It's back! Yeah.
Oh, my God, it's working! Oh, my God.
Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
THEY CHUCKLE
Yeah, it was just the, the wire.
Jamie would've...
I just had to change the cable.
I don't even want to think what Jamie would've said.
SHE LAUGHS ELATEDLY
I bought a load of spare cable a while ago. Oh, that was...
..so... ..that was close.
SHE SIGHS DEEPLY
Oh, I've left him that stupid bloody message.
SHE LAUGHS
What's he going to think of me?
Oh, can you believe it?
Jesus, Ian. That was...
That... That... It was far too close.
I've never let him down before.
MUSIC: Partita For 8 Voices by Roomful Of Teeth
# To the side and around through the middle and...
PHONE RINGS # To the side, to the side
# To the side and around through the middle and
# To the side, to the side
# To the side To the side... #
Hey, Jamie. It's fine. It's all fine.
# Two, three, four, five... #
It was just me overreacting, as usual.
# Left side Five, six... #
Bird brain.
MUSIC BUILDS TO CRESCENDO
MUSIC DROWNS PHONE CONVERSATION
EMMA GIGGLES
# Horizontally and vertically
# Cut the diamond, Allemande
# The wall is boarded and divided into four even parts
# A red diagonal line from the lower left corner
# Toward the upper... #
MULTIPLE VOICES HARMONISE
# Twelve lines from the midpoint of each of the sides... #
MULTIPLE VOICES HARMONISE