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It was on the fifth anniversary of their father's death that the two siblings
gathered around his headstone to pay their respects.
The boy was Adam, also known as Hippo.
The girl was known as Buttercup.
It's sad.
You spend your whole life trying to find something,
but wind up under the dirt.
The dark and dirty dirt.
The dirt is dirty, yes.
And dark as a magician's sleeve.
But it is calm down there, below the battlefield.
You see, Buttercup is not Hippo's real sister.
Buttercup was adopted at the age of seven.
She was actually born Boglárka in her native Hungary.
And then later became Buttercup.
A cute name, which she hated,
but was in fact the literal Hungarian definition of Boglárka.
She is now seventeen.
Their mother is a peculiar woman named Ethel.
Here we see her preparing a sheet of brownies for her son.
She knows Buttercup hates brownies.
Or any sweets, ever since her Hungarian father body-shamed her for eating
a whole pint of ice cream for dessert at their last Christmas feast together.
Calling her fat was the final thing he said to her before
dying of a heart attack.
Hippo on the other hand loves sugar.
No.
No, no, no, no, no.
No.
See, Hippo worships two things in life: video games
and his mother's cooking.
His current fixation is a particular game on the Nintendo 64 system called
"Body Harvest,"
published by Midway Games and Gremlin Interactive in 1998.
No.
Fuck!
Mom!
A terrible accident happened.
It's so terrible. Please come.
Later that evening.
Mom!
His stepsister is soaking in her midnight tub listening to Chopin
or Debussy. Or Liszt.
Due to her Eastern Catholic upbringing,
Buttercup has never had sex,
nor does she fully know what sexual pleasure is.
Could it be as divine as La Campanella?
Or Liebesträume?
She wonders...
When Hippo is not playing games,
he's on the World Wide Web trying to learn about the planet.
His access, however, is limited,
as his mother installed one of the web's leading pornography blockers
onto his system.
When Hippo's multimedia session comes to an end,
usually around sunrise,
he gets snug under his comforter
and cuddles up against his plush stuffed Hippo.
Which he proceeds to masturbate against furiously, until climax.
He doesn't know what masturbation is or even what is coming out of his body,
but it feels good.
Such perverse ongoings occur under the nose of the mother who has had sex
so many times that she's been fatigued just by the very thought of it.
Post-menopause,
she now gets off on seeing her son grow into a big strong man,
or until his shape resembles that of her deceased husband.
You see, their mother adored the man she married
and their numerous shared experiences.
Vacations to the beach, the birth of the son, and of course,
the UFO sighting on the side of Interstate 83 in 1991.
[Indistinct Shouting]
I'm calling the police, give me the phone.
As homeschooled students,
neither Buttercup nor Hippo ever had much interaction outside of one another.
For Buttercup, who also didn't partake in video games or the Internet,
this meant her life had been primarily composed of:
herself,
her nuclear family,
and Jesus Christ.
To her great dismay in all her time on Earth,
Buttercup has never been able to hold on to a patriarchal figure.
It's as though as soon as she finds a comforting masculine arm,
God rips it from her.
Why must he be so cruel, she thinks?
What does it taste like?
It's the worst cup of milk I've ever had in my entire life.
You seem to enjoy it.
Purely out of nutritional need.
Without it, my bones return to dust.
Osteoporosis waits for no man.
One day I will also make milk.
Going to my room. Bye. Enough Vitamin D for the day.
Buttercup says a nightly prayer in her native tongue.
But this time she adds a bit, in English,
to show the Lord she is truly making an effort.
Dear Father,
please.
Release my urges and-
and give me a child.
She realized the futility of her statement.
A child is not born without first playing the game of sex.
Her urges were in fact a necessary evil.
An itch that only a male counterpart could scratch.
Surely her two previous fathers
couldn't have been the only ones to impregnate
virtuously.
Surely, at least Hippo is feeling much the same?
Oh no, she realized.
She absolutely wanted to fuck her brother.
And not just a casual fucking, no.
Her urges were rooted in the deep familial bond itself.
She wanted to fuck her brother and bear his child.
Her child.
Perhaps then she could feel some type of closeness of which
she had not felt since her native Hungary.
A closeness that transcends herself.
A divine closeness between
Creator and created.
Mother replaced the television with Panasonic's latest model.
A major upgrade from the previous set.
The new image quality lit Hippo's soul on fire.
He never knew body harvest could look this good.
This grand.
On most nights, Ethel will make the kids sandwiches and other simple foods.
But on Sunday evenings, the mother prepares a family meal.
Yeah.
Their father used to prepare, but now she does.
The mother hen.
No one's gonna believe me, but I know.
There we go, honey.
Buttercup.
When do you think World War III is gonna happen?
Mom?
Well, it's hard to say, dear.
I'm asking for your best guess.
Do you think it might be in my lifetime?
I suppose it could.
That's what I feared. Okay.
I need a gun
Hippo.
Why does this mean you need a gun?
It's a funny question coming from a Hitler youth like you.
My parents were Hungarian.
Okay then I'm pretty sure they started World War I.
Can't have another Franz Ferdinand situation. I won't allow it.
Are you wanting to join the military? They will give you many guns.
No, the military's for betas.
I'm not gonna spend my life getting berated
by some buff hothead in the dunes of Argentina.
You mean Afghanistan?
Stop it. Stop it. Now.
I don't care if it's Afghanistan.
Buff hotheads are everywhere.
Look, I-I don't want you to join the army. It's not safe.
Yes. And I just said I'm not.
How do you like the new TV?
Don't change the subject, Mother. I'd like a gun.
I'd like one soon.
So I can protect us.
Protect our family.
Hippo. That is so sweet. I just-
I don't know if you're eligible in our county until you're twenty-one.
So you buy it and I'll learn with it.
Mommy can't do that, sweetie.
'Cause of my stint in the hospital, they won't allow it.
What about a crossbow?
Please, Mother. For my birthday.
Well I will think about it, but how about something fun also like a game?
I was thinking a camera so I could document my progress.
Plus, um,
multimedia is a rapidly growing field
I'd love to maybe forge a career in one day.
Oh, that's great, honey.
Please pass the Grey Poupon.
Hippo.
Oh.
Jesus, motherfucking Christ. What the hell is in that?
Um, mustard seed, salt, vinegar.
I hate mustard.
Well, mustard is the grownup ketchup.
Mustard and ketchup are not the same. One is yellow, one is red.
I hate the yellow one.
You're right.
We're gonna do ketchup next time.
Ketchup.
Oh.
My mistake.
As the granddaughter of a Hungarian medic in World War II,
Buttercup always had a natural resourcefulness about her.
A child was not going to simply appear on her chest.
She had heard from her brother of a website called Craigslist,
where anyone can post anything or service for sale,
including human capital.
This intrigued her greatly and she began to wonder about the site's complete
list of male offerings.
Of course, she didn't have computer of her own,
but her brother had one that was top-of-the-line.
Body Harvest time.
He'll be down there for at least four hours.
A paltry list of potential sperm.
Genetic duds.
Maybe this one?
Hello, my name is Emmanuel
and I am your sub.
My dick is in love with pain.
You can step on me.
Use weapons of your choice.
I don't care.
I want to be your slave.
How does one spot a fertile being?
Looking for someone to call my paradise.
Preferably younger than me.
But I do appreciate a good cougar now and then, too.
I would love to get to know you and treat you right.
Not many scents throw Hippo off, but
lavender is not one he is too familiar with.
What are you doing here?
I had a bad dream.
Sorry to hear that.
Would you like to sleep in my bed with me?
Mm-hmm.
Buttercup couldn't get a read on her brother.
Why would he invite her into his bed
if he wasn't going to reciprocate her urges?
What was wrong with him?
Surely he was just as desperate for physical attention
and was keenly aware they weren't blood related.
Surely his sexual wounds were deep and infected, too.
Throbbing for attention. Injured from a broken childhood.
The Craigslist encounter couldn't come soon enough.
Breakfast has many purposes in this household.
For some it is nourishment.
For others, it is a chilling daily reminder of a decade-old extraterrestrial sighting
and the craft which they arrived in
before burrowing deep into her husband's brain
and propping him up as their ragdoll puppet
who could deny the truth to make her seem insane.
A series of events which definitely occurred.
Didn't they?
Mother.
Food.
Oh, of course.
Jesus.
Some peas for my boy, my prince.
And for my Buttercup.
Did everybody sleep well?
Hippo?
Hmm.
Do you think it will be alright if I went on a date?
A-a date?
Yeah. With a guy?
Who is this guy?
Well, I don't know his name. I met him on the Internet.
The Internet...
Oh.
Is it safe to meet people on the Internet?
Yeah, I think so. He has a place in Altoona. Says I can come over.
Okay. Buttercup, sweetheart.
I think it would be better if you had your date here with us.
At home.
With our family where it's warm and cozy and-right here.
We don't really need to go anywhere.
Yeah. Okay.
I could invite him for dinner.
Oh, that would be so fantastic.
We'll have a fourth head at our family meal.
Just like we used to, like old times. Oh.
How about you Hippo?
You could get a date.
You ask out a pretty girl.
I'm not gonna ask someone out on a date.
Do you want me to get killed?
And raped or sold for skin and organs and-
parts.
You can invite a date. Go into the town, ask a lovely girl out.
You know, they love to hang out at the community pool.
Those are skanks and whores, Mother.
Seen those tiny bikinis they wear?
So find a shy girl sitting on a bench, reading a book.
Those who hang out on the benches are pedophiles, Mother.
Molesters.
Oh, they're not all like that.
I mean, it would be great for you to socialize.
Even if it is with a pedophile.
I mean, they're probably lonely.
The most lonely of all.
All they want is friend.
Right?
Friends. Friends are everything.
Oh, this is so exciting.
Okay, so more breakfast, more-
I can do different kind of eggs. We can-
I'm sure we have more ketchup since-
I feel like I'm gonna throw up.
Hippo, like Buttercup, has never had a consistent male role model in his life.
Instead, over the years,
he looked up to digital characters in the video games he played.
Be it Donkey Kong,
Dracula,
Ganondorf.
There was something though about this particular character that struck Hippo.
Although only a side character,
the man's presence was profoundly impactful.
His dangerous handsomeness.
His perfect golden hair.
His effortless, debonair composure.
A steadfast man, without fears and without flaws.
He will become a golden prince.
"Hungary and its neighbor Austria were once united together..."
Has anyone seen the Hi-C?
We had two old packages left.
Where could it have gone?
Huh?
Has anyone seen the Hi-C?
Hippo, your hair!
Oh my gosh.
Oh my God.
Yes. This is really me.
You look like Brad Pitt From "Thelma & Louise."
No, I don't. I look like the agent from Body Harvest.
Well, I love it.
Me too.
Cool it, okay?
Cool. That's what it is.
Shut your mouth I said!
Sorry, Hippo.
Of course Hippo didn't see anything he was doing as comedic.
Fuck you.
He counted down the seven days to his birthday by doing an increasingly
challenging physical or psychological feat each day.
He thought of it as a birthday present to himself.
In order to increase his vitality and vigor.
Thank you. That's-that's kind of you to say.
I mean it. You sound absolutely gorgeous.
I bet your thighs are insane.
How old did you say you were again?
I'm seventeen. But if you are not crossing the state lines,
it should be legal.
Of course, baby. Anything for you.
I mean, love is love after all.
So you are from this state?
Don't worry your pretty little head, okay?
Now what kind of snacks do you like to eat?
I don't know. I don't eat so much.
Skinny type.
I don't mind much.
I just bought a whole carton of Welch's Fruit Snacks.
Big box.
I'll bring a bunch.
Okay.
Hey, you said your family's gonna be there?
Yes. My stepmother and my stepbrother.
Interesting. That should work. I guess.
What should work?
The fucking.
L-O-L.
I mean, of course, if you're not into that, I-
God, I-I hope you are.
Okay.
Bye now. See you on Sunday.
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
Call me daddy before you hang up?
Please. Just once.
My dads are both dead. See you on Sunday.
Hippo never had much of a diverse wardrobe,
but he was feeling exceedingly ill in his usual armor.
His Hawaiian shirts and leisurewear were beginning to feel
like child's play.
A man of war would never wear such frivolous things.
What is this?
This was different.
A rare remnant of his papa.
He has never been one for formal wear, but-
the thought of the black suit made his insides quiver.
The sheer power of it.
The masculinity.
When Hippo was five,
he accidentally ate a piece of cake that had candle wax on it.
And he threw a massive fit,
biting his mother and refusing to poop for nine days.
Because of this, Hippo hates when candles touch his cake,
though he still desires the feeling of blowing out a candle on his birthday.
So his mother does this for him.
For her Boy.
Happy birthday to you.
Happy birthday, dear Hippo.
Happy birthday to you.
Yay.
Good job.
Okay.
Time for cake.
Obviously it's time for cake.
Why would you waste words on saying that?
Well, honey, I'm trying to be enthusiastic.
If I wanted a birthday clown, we would have booked one.
Okay.
Better stop.
Did you know it was tradition among noble warriors
to eat the heart of their first kill?
Oh, I did not know that. That is very interesting, Hippo.
De-li-cious.
Why do you say it like that?
Like what?
How you are pretending to like it.
Like a mother does with baby food
trying to convince her infant that it tastes good.
I already like the cake.
You don't have to sell it to me.
You don't have to sell everything to me.
I'm a big man now.
I'm nineteen now.
In two years I'll be drinking legally.
You have to legally respect me.
It says so in the constitution!
I do-I do respect you.
Everybody respects you. We all respect you.
Don't we? We all respect Hippo. We respect you.
Buttercup doesn't pretend to like a cake.
She hates cake and shows it. Look at her.
Can't keep up with this bullshit.
You are a big man, honey. And you know what, big man?
It's time for presents.
It's the worst birthday of my life.
So maybe eat up.
You have a lot more cake to go, and then we'll do the presents.
I'm eating up.
Yeah. Okay. Just whenever you're ready.
What does it fucking look like I'm doing?
It's a crossbow.
Oh my God, you got him the crossbow Mother? Why?
Foolish question.
He really wanted it.
Thank you, Mother. Truly.
Don't need the crossbow. It's too dangerous, Hippo.
Okay. Now, Hippo, that toy is an outside toy.
It's not a toy, it's a gun.
Outside. Let's play with it outside.
Don't do that.
Please don't.
Hippo!
Be nice.
Even though it's your birthday, come on.
Hippo! Why!?
You can play with the balloons, it's a great balloon toy.
This is not a game mother. This is not a game.
Look at you go, you're like a military man.
I do feel safe now.
Much safer.
It's like you-I guess as you mature,
all those masculine protective instincts come out.
It's really beautiful.
I hope you find a man just like your brother.
Oh wait, I've gotta get a picture. I've just-
Buttercup had immense patience.
But even she can only take so much of this for one night.
After all, her own birthdate was never confirmed by Hungarian authorities.
So she's never celebrated one for herself.
In this way, she's been a spectator of celebrations
for which pleasure occurs secondhand.
She had to get out of there and talk to someone.
But Buttercup couldn't focus.
What good is a savior that couldn't save her, she thought.
She felt at peace while embracing him.
She felt the wood against her breast.
The hard wood.
The very hard wood.
Is this how Mother Mary felt?
Okay! Okay, okay!
Okay, I surrender!
Got you.
You surrender?
Yes, you did get me. I surrender.
Smart choice.
I need to blow off some steam
Hippo.
Have you ever gotten the talk?
What do you mean, about taxes?
No, the other talk. The talk about, you know-
how you came to be here on this planet.
The act that brought you here.
Yeah.
You mean to say father raped you?
No, that was consensual, but-
but that's not the aspect that I want to focus on right now.
I'd like to talk about the sex.
Sexual intercourse.
Buttercup!
Buttercup, come on over honey.
Come join us, honey. Come on. You too.
Can you pause the game?
Okay, so-
Buttercup, did they teach you about sex in Hungary?
And your father never talked to you guys about this while he was alive?
Father and I had a tenuous relationship at best.
Neither of my fathers ever told me anything.
How did you call this? Uh, sex?
Yes. Sex.
So what do you think sex is? Surely, you must know something.
Sex, uh...
When a man and a woman loves each other so much-
It has nothing to do with love.
So when two people sleep naked in the same bed,
they don't even have to touch. That's sex.
Like the other night when me and you were in my bed,
but just imagine if our clothes had been off, that would've been sex.
It's an invisible frequency. You can't see it or hear it or feel it.
But the sperm travels to the egg- like a chicken egg with a hard shell.
And pierces the shell with its fangs.
And nine months later you have a hatchling.
Not exactly.
Okay, then. Since you're the sex expert, please tell us.
Okay.
So.
In every boy's life, there comes a time-
this may have already happened to you Hippo-
and if it has, my deepest apologies, honey, for-
the late-notice.
So...
There comes a time in every boy's life when he wakes up in a puddle of goo
Goo?
Goo.
Very sticky. I might add-
Just a-like a-
a-a big gooey,
white
puddle.
Go on.
All right. So this puddle of goo,
this gooey experience-
means that the boy is now a man.
And when he puts that inside of the woman,
we wait nine months-and there's a baby.
This goo you speak of-
it is like a plasma?
A plasma or, or-you could say watered down vanilla pudding.
Does it have acidic qualities?
I'm sorry. Does, does your goo have Hasidic qualities?
Acidic. Like, like-can it leave people with burns, Mother?
Well, hopefully not.
So, a woman just has to wait for a man?
Yes. And if she doesn't want the man inside her,
then she calls the police and runs as fast as you can-
and scream at the top of your lungs.
Okay. And this is why-when your mother used to go out,
you know, more than just our own yard, she used to carry pepper spray.
Okay! So.
Oh gosh. You know what? That's my muffin timer. The muffins.
The muffins are ready. Let me just get you guys some muffins.
Good job on the sex
Mother's explanation of sex
left the two siblings know closer to understanding
the complexities of their bodies.
In fact, it had quite the opposite effect.
Buttercup was to put it lightly flabbergasted.
Hippo, meanwhile, was beginning to cave to his lifelong suspicion that
he was a rare breed of alien species.
More powerful than even the aliens in body harvest.
And certainly more powerful than any human.
He had been slumbering until now.
But finally,
Hippo was beginning to wake up to a supreme intergalactic godhood.
A star dies every millisecond,
but only once in a millennia does a deity rise up with the raging
embers of a thousand forgotten galaxies
and a potent mega weapon attached to his own hips.
Let us bear humble witness.
Mother also gifted Hippo a brand new camcorder for his birthday.
This piece of technology lit a fire inside his scrotum.
A fire like nothing before.
I'm not a narcissist.
Just trying to see if this thing works.
Fuck you.
Bitch.
True warrior.
Now all this mayhem Hippo conceived of
will be forever cemented in history.
For future generations to view.
What is a God but a man without limits?
And what is a man
but a creature
with a God-finger between his legs?
Even Gods make mistakes.
Bloood of the Lamb, blood of the Lamb...
Buff hothead. Buff hothead.
Buff hothead.
Hippo envisioned the balloon as his enemy's skulls.
All the buff hotheads.
His for the destroying.
You watch it.
How was it out there?
Invigorating.
Visceral.
Sexual.
Sexual...
Fuck me
you pig bastard and give me your pig child.
You sick pig man and your milky goo.
Well hello there everybody.
You must be Buttercup.
I didn't, uh-
didn't realize your whole family was gonna be like here, here.
I mean at the front door, I mean. Not that it's, uh-
Not that it's a problem of course. I just, I-
I'm Darwin, by the way.
Oh.
Uh, that's a-a nice name.
You must be her older sister?
You know how to charm someone's mother.
Um, do you wanna come in?
Shall I take your coat?
No, that's okay. I, uh-I enjoy it's warm embrace.
Oh-come in.
Bit nippy outside.
This is a pretty nice house.
Beautiful.
Except for the crown molding.
Well, uh, you look very pretty, Buttercup.
Thank you.
Is your father in the picture?
I noticed he wasn't in any photographs.
Is he, uh-
Is he dead?
Or did he run out on you guys?
No wait, wait wait-don't tell me.
Let me guess.
Judging by the fact that you can tie a tie,
I'm going to say...
Dead.
Did I get it?
All right, don't tell me.
Geez, I'm freaking starving.
Should just stopped by my neighborhood Mickey D's on my way out.
I assumed I'd see another one, but there wasn't for like 200 miles.
There was a Wendy's, but-
I'm not a fucking idiot, you know.
Who's hungry?
Speak of the devil.
Yummy.
Just in time.
Bon appétit, huh?
My Buttercup.
Yeah.
Right on-home cooked meal.
Yay.
So-would you care for some wine?
Oh. No, no. That's okay, that's okay.
I, uh-
I can't drink wine.
Uh, funny story actually.
Every time I drink wine,
I have these terrible night terrors about snakes.
You do?
It's weird-creepy.
Oh my God.
This is so good.
Thank you.
Just a little something.
This is so good.
This tastes just like something that my old nanny used to make.
She had to go back to her home country of El Salvador.
So exotic.
Not that it matters, but her, uh, brother was arrested for pedophilia.
Didn't run in the family though.
Unfortunately.
Because she-she never touched us.
So, but-she was very beautiful.
And I was 12. It was like my first, you know, interaction with a woman.
So, I remember she used to come and-
in the morning when she would pour my orange juice, her-
bosoms would touch my back and-
I loved her.
Anyways.
Look at me just, uh, gabbing up a storm here, huh?
Very entertaining though.
What game you playing there?
Hippo?
Hey.
Buddy.
What game are you playing?
Video games, huh?
It's such an escape.
We lose our kids-but I think it's educational.
Yeah, sure.
Well, I mean, when I was younger
I used to play video games for hours on end.
I must have wasted years of my life.
I could've been a doctor, a pharmacist.
But-what are you now?
You know, I-
I still haven't found that right job, you know?
But, um-
So I'm sort of in between right now.
I pick up work for, uh-
for, for-for somebody...
That's good.
That sounds good.
Yeah, I work.
Odd jobs here and there.
Good work ethic.
Handy man-you know.
Oh my goodness. You could-we could use you around here.
So many things.
Let me know.
Write me a list.
I will write you a list.
It's not an escape, you absolute fool of a person.
If anything, this dinner is an escape, and a pathetic one at that.
It's an entire universe behind this screen.
It's essentially scripture.
That's okay, though.
Your feeble mind makes it impossible for you to fathom such
porcelain, angelic realities.
This one, huh?
He's a riot.
You know you should do standup.
Well.
He gets it from me.
Does he now?
He's really the next Jerry Seinfeld. Or Spielberg.
You know what he does?
I got him a camera for his birthday and he makes tapes.
And they're amazing.
And you need to see them.
Wait, we should watch-
Okay, gang.
We're gonna do home movie night.
Tonight.
I love that idea.
I love that. I love home movies.
No, no, seriously.
Some of my favorite movies are made by my brother's son.
He's six.
His autism makes for such a-creative mind.
You should ask me.
You should ask me if it's okay to show my work.
May you show your work?
Yes. It will be your pleasure.
Boy.
You sure can drink. Huh?
Well.
This bottle.
This bottle of wine.
I was saving it for a special occasion.
And I think, uh, tonight is the occasion.
You're something else.
You are a Firebird amongst moonlit trees.
Feels good to laugh.
Just enjoy your pasta and shut up.
Hippo.
Judging by the wrinkles in this man's brow, he should have multiplied by now.
His growth has been clearly stunted by some terrible developmental disorder.
Enough with the mean words please, Hippo.
Besides these two are just friends.
They're just friends.
This is a friend date.
Yeah, precisely.
A play date.
You can't get more harmless than that.
A play date.
Almost there.
Where's the popcorn, huh?
Hey I'd like to order a jumbo popcorn with cheddar on it.
And garlic.
Do you, uh, do you like popcorn, Buttercup?
What is a popcorn?
It's so cute. What is a popcorn?
Quiet.
You are about to witness manmade horrors beyond your comprehension.
This is it.
You must all know the terror that I possess.
It is a fearful thing to fall into the hands of the living God.
What is God capable of?
I'm gonna show you.
Wow. Uh, I don't know what to say.
I don't know what to say.
Course you don't.
Like I said, it's beyond your comprehension.
Hippo.
I'm-
Impressed, I know.
It's a lot to take in.
Oh, of course I'm impressed, honey. But I was gonna say,
I'm worried about you.
When was the last time you saw Dr. L?
Why are you worried about me?
You and Dr. L should be worried about being ill-prepared for the terror
that's leaking into the average everyday American neighborhood.
The doom that will surely befall planet Earth in 2048.
You know he actually has a point.
I mean, American society as a whole is crumbling.
You know, this is all just a little much.
Maybe you should go home, Darvin.
No, no, no, no.
Please, please don't overreact.
Hippo-Hippo is just playing a game.
In a way, yes. War is a game.
Don't be fooled by simulation theory, however.
If only that were the case.
We could rest easy knowing that the only harm to us is delivered via motherboard.
Well, how are you doing, Buttercup?
Did you enjoy your brother's movie?
Yes. Sure.
Uh, I think it was, it was funny.
Do you, uh-
Do you want me to get the fruit snacks?
I brought the big box.
I'm not hungry.
Alright.
Suit yourself.
Hey miss.
Hey miss!
You there?
She's out cold.
She handles liquor very poorly. It makes her narcoleptic.
Narcoleptic.
That's a big word.
You don't know what narcoleptic means?
Did your brain stop aging when you were six?
What a stupid old man.
Do you want to go to the bathroom?
You seem-you seem like very tappy.
Tappy?
Oh, tappy.
That's so cute.
Uh, no, no, no.
I'm okay. I guess I'm, uh-
I'm just excited, I guess.
Excited for what?
Are you gonna sex my sister?
I, I mean, I don't, that's just-
I mean I guess that's something that could be on the radar for the night, huh?
You shouldn't do that.
Well, I wasn't planning on doing anything.
But uh, your sister-
She's a grown woman.
And uh, actually in the eyes of Pennsylvania state law,
she's an adult, even.
You know, age of consent.
Sixteen.
Well she's seventeen.
So that means she's actually old even, technically.
You old hag, you.
So what do you say, huh Buttercup?
You want to go up to your room?
Sure, sure.
I guess me and Darwin going to my room.
You hear that?
Going to her bedroom.
Okay great, I will come.
You want him to come with us?
Yes. Is it okay?
Yeah.
It's fine with me.
Okay.
You're so close, dude.
This is my home.
Okay.
So what are you guys, like siblings who fuck each other?
I was an only child, so.
Lucky.
So, uh-
Should we get started?
You know, should we play uh-
play some music or anything to get you in the mood?
I-I have some, uh, CDs and records.
Do you-do you like Béla Bartók?
Yeah.
Okay.
Okay, yeah.
Elegant, sexy. Yeah.
It's interesting, it's interesting.
I like it, I like it.
Just, um, what if we, uh-what if we put on something a little more sexual?
More-more sexual?
Is it not enough?
No, no. It is, it is, it is. I was just-
Hey look, there's something actually I thought
I made that you might like, it's, uh-
I keep it on me at all times.
Do you mind?
Okay.
Put that on.
Great.
Just take this off.
Move a little bit.
Oh, yeah. Okay. Yeah, yeah. You see, you see.
Now this, now this.
This is for sex.
Yeah, oh yeah.
Now normally I reserve this for finger banging, but I, uh-
figure we could just get started. Huh?
Get on down to it.
What do you say?
All right. Yeah.
Is your brother gonna be watching us or does he want to join?
I don't mind.
We can kiss at the Eiffel Tower.
I think he prefers to standing there.
Is he, um-
Is he okay?
Because I don't like the way that he's looking at me.
Hey, hey, buddy.
I don't like the way that you're looking at me.
Do you mind like turning your face or something?
Fuck it. Carpe diem.
Here we go, baby.
Let's do this.
Alright. Come on. Come on. Lay back. Look sexy for me.
Get sexy for me.
Yeah. Get sexy for me. That's right.
That's right. Lay back for me.
Get sexy for me.
Oh yeah, Buttercup.
You like my body? Huh?
That's right.
Put your hand above your head.
Oh, you know I like that.
Jesus.
Oh, wow.
I'm coming for you, Buttercup.
Whoa.
Whoa dude, what the fuck? Are you filming?
Are you filming this?
No, don't shout, please.
No. What if someone sees this? I could get fired.
I could go to jail.
Hey, you.
Fuckhead. Quit fucking filming me. Now!
Get the fuck outta here right now!
Jesus! What an idiot.
You know-
if your brother's gonna creep on you
he should at least make it like-
I don't know, mutually beneficial.
I'm sorry.
Where were we?
I don't know.
Hey. No, no, no, no, no. It's okay. It's okay.
Look, the bad man is gone now. We don't need him.
I don't know what I want.
Hey. Why do you look so sad?
We're about to have sex. You should be happy!
You're safe now.
It's better. Just us two.
Hippo.
I saved your life.
He was gonna put his acids in you.
Probably would've impregnated you and forced you to live with him forever,
before killing you and eating the child.
But what we do with him?
Bury him.
In the backyard.
Next to dad.
Hippo, this is crazy. Won't we get in trouble?
I searched on Netscape. He's a known sex offender.
Self-defense will cover it.
Furthermore, I can take on an entire SWAT team if need be.
You're welcome.
Anyways.
See you at 6 AM for some shoveling.
What if someone comes looking for him?
They won't.
An underdeveloped human like this never has anyone looking after them.
He'll go out of this world the same way he came in.
Forgotten and covered in his paternal goo.
Mom.
Buttercup!
What?
Come here.
What?
Is she alright?
She's still asleep. I need someone to make me breakfast.
She's not asleep. She's not breathing.
Even a fish can breathe under water.
She's swimming in her liquor.
Stop it. Mother is not a fish.
She feels like cold metal.
In this moment,
the step-siblings grasped the loss of their matriarch.
Each in their own way.
Darwin, in his supreme negligence and horniness had, during dinner,
given their mother a lethal dusting of flunitrazepam,
a benzodiazepine used for anesthetic purposes.
The goal was to subdue their mother so he could get into Buttercup's pants
without parental oversight.
However, the combination of the drug, the many glasses of alcohol,
and their mother's genetic history of heart failure led to a fatal cardiac arrest.
Although certainly tragic,
Hippo gained comfort in knowing that the death was quick and painless.
Like a whisper.
She hasn't even made me breakfast yet.
I'm famished.
Mother's dead, and you're thinking about food?
Pain is inevitable, but suffering is optional. I refuse to suffer.
Do you know how to make breakfast? Yes or no?
I-I guess so. Yes.
Then what are you doing here?
So?
They're pretty terrible.
But protein is protein and I appreciate it very much.
Um, I think I'm starting to smell her.
How come you don't seem sad either?
I've lost many parents before.
Double the number that you have.
This is not a competition, but I'm here for you.
Perhaps, thought Buttercup, that without parents in the picture,
they could be less guarded in their desires.
Perhaps their mother's death, while tragic,
was a blessing in disguise.
A godsend of sorts.
Meanwhile, Hippo was experiencing a rush blood to his penis
that caught him off guard.
Certainly this was a coincidence, he thought.
A tumor, perhaps, growing in his testicles.
Mother would clean, too.
Okay.
These are not very good at all, really.
Guess this means the King Suite is now mine.
Don't wake me.
I like my body to naturally awake as it pleases.
Drawers, once off limits.
Mother's secret stash.
The forbidden fruit.
Strange rock.
Father's goo?
Hmm.
Dearest Ethel,
As you can see, I packed my things up and I intend to move out
once I get home from work.
I'll be staying at a motel for a few nights until I get settled in with a new place.
I do intend to file for divorce.
I do intend to take our children with me.
You are dangerous.
You're a danger to me,
and you're a danger to our kids with your wild conspiracies.
When I get home,
I would like to leave with Adam and Boglárka as quickly as possible.
Please do not make this harder than it has to be. See you soon.
See you soon.
Barry
Hippo didn't know what to make of any of this.
He didn't have time for riddles or mind games.
'He said, she said' schoolyard nonsense.
Can't sleep either?
Sleep is for the dead and the forgotten.
Do you wanna stay in here with me?
Mother had a big bed.
Our big bed now.
What are you doing?
This fits nowhere in my plans.
I am to build a Kingdom.
And a king doesn't need an heir?
Buttercup, you are my sister.
We were not designed to fornicate.
And even if I wanted to have a baby with you,
even if the world wasn't doomed-
assuming the baby is male, he will want to kill me for my throne.
An heir is no more than a death sentence.
But-
we are each the closest people we know, and we are not related.
So-so it should be natural.
I don't wanna child from a strange guy.
He was a raper.
Yes, he was a raper. I don't like this type of man.
You, you Hippo.
You are nice. I think.
Well, I could consider the sex with the proper protection.
A hazmat suit perhaps.
But accidents happen.
Sleep with your clothes on.
I don't want my plasma to travel to you and
burn a hole straight through your flesh.
Mine is especially corrosive.
Hot as a volcano, probably.
Thank you in advance for your maternal contributions.
You're the mother, now.
Congratulations.
Bearing her soul was not easy, but Buttercup
found some solace in the knowledge that her brother's coarse facade
was simply the result of misconstruing basic biology.
Do you think she went to heaven or hell?
Irrelevant.
There's only the living and the dead and the waiting room between them.
Alas, I must go make more preparations.
My ticket won't be called for at least a dozen decades.
Buttercup!
Is that you?
I need the calcium. Please.
What took you so long? I nearly became hypocalcemic.
I could have developed cataracts. Then how would I study our foes?
This would have been terrible.
You can leave now. Thank you for your service.
What happened?
Hippo, is that you?
Go, keep going.
Go to the couch. Go.
You're bleeding.
What happened? Tell me everything.
It was-it was so fast.
I, I-I saw
uh, green glow and large eyes.
Oh, no.
Is-is it normal?
No. It's not normal.
What-what's wrong?
They've arrived.
Quick. Go get to the nearest closet and I'll go get my crossbow-
No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
The crossbow will never work. You know that.
You need the most powerful thing in the world.
My God-finger.
No. Uh, this will be very difficult to aim like that.
What about my-with Super Soakers? The Super Soakers.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. That will be great.
You put it in there and make one for me too.
And we can shoot the aliens together.
Okay, yes. We will need all the marksmen we can muster.
Where-where did mother put those?
The Super Soakers?
I think I saw it in a-in a carport.
Carport. Okay. I'll be right back.
I have them.
Okay. Go and stiff yourself quickly.
They will be there any second.
Of course. If you see or hear anything, please raise your voice.
Okay, thank you. Thank you, brother.
Hippo?
My enemies are fuel enough.
Space junk.
Still warm.
Hmm.
No doubt a byproduct from their acceleration to hyperspace.
Damn. He just missed them.
He'll need more fridge space.
An armory for a God-King.
She could already feel the life brewing inside her.
The years of turmoil perhaps worth it after all.
In a much different way than her brother,
she, too, felt in this moment as a God.
In the months that followed, while Buttercup's belly grew bigger and bigger,
Hippo's head grew massive.
Buttercup had been using her craving of junk food as a perfect cover-up
for her pregnancy.
She was just getting fat, she told him.
With no more parents in her life,
She was free to live and eat as she desired.
Hippo, nonetheless, was suspicious of his sister.
Ever since the alien raid,
he developed a theory.
That Buttercup was impregnated by one of the visiting extraterrestrials.
On this particularly cold evening,
with rations running low due to mother's credit card
being maxed out twelve days prior,
after Hippo's $284 purchase of tactical gear on a website called eBay,
Buttercup made a fateful discovery while doing laundry
in the matriarchal part of the house Hippo knew not of.
What is this place?
Their mother had always spoken suspiciously of the Russians, but
in all her years
she had never mentioned their Cold War-era bomb shelter.
Hippo had been growing tired of his crossbow.
He had his sperm guns, sure, but
He couldn't waste those in his day-to-day training and practices.
Plus he was feeding fatigued from all the pumping.
And he needed to save some fluids for his own lifeblood.
He needed an additional tool of war.
Something unimpeachable.
Darwin's automobile.
It had been sitting in that position for months.
Untouched.
Like a relic of perversion.
Unfortunately, the key to his car was in Darwin's pocket, which is of course,
six feet underground.
Adam?
Is that you?
I am me.
Is Ethel home?
My mother is in a deep sleep.
Well-
She-hasn't been answering any of my calls at the office.
So, uh-
Perhaps I could come in and say hi?
I was just in the neighborhood and-
Leave.
Now.
Your services are no longer required.
Look, I'd just like to check in on things.
If-if mother decides she no longer wants to resume therapy
Leave!
That is an order.
I make the rules.
This is my ground.
If you ask again, I'll have to use force.
Adam.
You can return any blood samples you've stolen from me, by the way.
The tests you've done, the labs, and the imprints of my teeth, too.
If my plasma gets into the wrong hands, we could all be doomed.
Hippo?
Maybe we need to revisit the idea of...
meds.
Huh?
A small dose, maybe?
Maybe I should slather this batin my goo and give you a taste of your mortality?
Dr. Lombardi?
I am of sound, balanced mind.
And my head is as clear as a million crystals!
I am omnipotent.
I am the destroyer of worlds.
I am the ultimate life form.
An all-seeing God-King amongst a sea of blind souls.
You scared me. What? What's that on your face?
Identity protection.
Is that a gun?
Where did you get that?
I found it.
Turns out Darwin wasn't a total idiot, after all.
Though if he was smart he would've brought it into the house,
and put a buckshot through my frontal lobe before I got him in the back.
And what's it for?
Well it won't defend me from aliens, that's for sure.
You know,
I've been keeping my eye on the garbage in the bathroom for a while now.
What do you mean?
I've been tracking your monthly bleedings ever since you were twelve.
For your safety.
You haven't had any in a few months.
You've been dry.
I think it just happens, you know.
It just happens, I guess.
I guess.
At first I thought it was a coincidence.
But I believe you're pregnant.
This would be terrible enough if it was a human that impregnated you.
But you never leave the house.
And that pig man never made it all the way deep.
So it can't be a human.
Which is far, far worse.
You're harboring the enemy.
No, no.
I'm not pregnant. I'm just fat.
And-and it's normal when you miss bleedings, you know.
It's just-it's just hormones.
I don't think so.
Hippo felt no kicks from the fetus.
But he could feel an undeniable warmth.
He knew a life was forming in there.
A life that would threaten everything he's built so far.
A life that would threaten the entire universe.
Hippo didn't want to kil Buttercup.
He just needed to get rid of what was inside of her.
Extract it.
And exterminate it.
Dear sister.
Please.
This will be painless if you only lay back down and let the night take you.
If she could, Buttercup would stay in this moment forever.
The bliss of expectation without the consequences.
She thought of Eve.
How God created woman against her will
from the rib of man.
Now she will create a child from Adam.
Whether he likes it,
or not.
I love you so much.
I give you kiss, too.