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World War 2 caused numerous deaths in Britain,
leading to a scarcity of labor in England
for working on their farms and in factories.
So, they encouraged migration from India.
Youth from Punjab settled in England.
Witnessing their advancements, more people were tempted to move.
The Commonwealth Immigration Act of 1962 put a stop to migration.
It was no longer easy to go to England.
But the dream to settle in England persisted.
Hey!
You can't smoke.
Lighter?
You can't smoke here.
Smoke detector.
Then take me out.
That's not allowed.
Just keep an eye.
Patel! Where the hell's my visa?
Manu, I'm in a meeting. It's urgent.
More urgent than this?
Will you guys wait outside?
Manu, come this way.
See, this is the door and...
Enough, Manu!
As an advocate, I can tell you
that your visa for India is difficult.
Pakistan, Singapore, China, Dubai...
name any neighboring country.
- I'll get you a visa in a day. - Hang on.
If your wife's going to Ahmedabad, do you buy a ticket for Islamabad?
"Best" immigration lawyer? Dimwit!
You are the dimwit!
I'm trying my best. It takes time!
Your case is a mess.
I'm in this mess, thanks to you.
Get out of here!
Go where? It's my office.
Nobody can get you to India!
Take it from me.
Your IV bag is empty. I'll get you a refill.
Drink up!
One man can get me to India.
Who?
Hardy.
Hardy who?
Wait, that crazy soldier?!
Are you still in touch with him?
We last met in court.
You were there.
That was 25 years ago!
He could be dead and gone.
God forbid!
If you have a shred of ability, get me his number.
Welcome to Laltu's Seniors Sports Meet.
Runners in the 400-meter race are...
Mr. Sodhi, gold winner in 2020,
Mr. Dhingra, Mr. Gurpal Bhatia,
charming Mr. Chawla, dashing Mr. Duggal.
And lastly, Laltu's pride
gold-medal winner of the last two years,
champion Hardy Singh!
Hardy! Hardy!
Can Hardy pull off a hat trick?
For two years-- Switch off your phone, Geetu!
Sorry. It's Hardy's phone.
On your mark...
Hardy! Hardy!
Today-- Switch off the damn phone!
Just a minute. It's a call from London.
Set...
Hardy's in a race. Who's calling?
Hang up, man!
Shut up!
Hardy!
The race is underway! Mr. Sodhi has seized the lead!
Hold on a moment! Mr. Hardy has surpassed Mr. Dhingra.
Hardy, it's Manu!
What a guy! A jewel! Runs on love's fuel!
-"What a guy!" women sigh! - Hardy!
- After creating him... - It's Manu!
The Lord took a bow I excelled myself somehow!
Sodhi, your pants are falling. It's a race, not a striptease!
Son of the land Always takes a stand!
A friend's friend A foe's woe!
- Ask for his heart and this prince - Hardy, it's Manu!
- Gives his life without a wince! - Hardy...
Hardy is about to create a hat trick!
Hardy, call from London. It's Manu!
Manu!
Give me the phone.
Hello?
Manu?
Hello, Manu?
Where in the world are you?
Right here...
in Laltu.
I've been thinking of you. Aren't you hiccuping?
Sweetie, acidity causes hiccups.
I'm past the delusion that someone's missing me.
Still angry?
We've got to meet.
Why? Your husband kicked the bucket?
You want the whole saga over the phone?
Can you come to Dubai on the 21st?
Why would I?
I'll tell you when we meet.
I won't come, you crazy lady.
I'm too old for a wild goose chase.
Why? Scared of your wife?
Tell her your old girlfriend is phoo-phooed.
She needs you.
What phoo-phoo now?
Come to Dubai on the 21st... I'll tell you in person.
See you soon.
Hello? You there, Manu?
Crazy lady!
Patel! Get three visas for Dubai.
Three?
Who are the other two?
You're discharged? We were coming to the hospital.
I spent on these flowers.
I bolted from the hospital.
Coming to India? I'm going.
You got the visa?
Yes, for Dubai.
What will we do there?
See India from the Burj Khalifa?
Oxford Circus?
Okay. Hop in.
I leave on the 21st. If you want to join me, pack up.
Don't whine later that you missed out.
But how do we get from Dubai to India?
Hardy's coming to Dubai. He'll find a way.
Our Hardy?
Coming to Dubai?
That's wonderful!
Sir, this deal reminds me of a famous movie dialogue...
"No offense! But you lack business sense."
I'd have readily paid 10,000 more for this shop.
Son, it's you who lacks business sense.
If you'd checked why I was selling this shop,
you could've closed at 25,000 less.
Why are you selling?
Because I'm going back home, son.
Twenty-five years... I've lived in this city.
Here is where I worked,
laughed, cried, made friends.
It's time to say goodbye.
What's going on here?
I'm making a video... memories.
How nice! But you cannot do this at work time.
No, I have finished my work.
No. Your shift lasts until five.
- Five. - It's 4:57 p.m., sir.
Exactly! Three more minutes of mopping.
Find a dirty spot and mop, you bloody dishonest immigrants.
Come on!
Stop it!
No, sir. Two more minutes left.
Cleaning dirty spot, sir.
Hey! Where do you think you're going?
I'm going home.
Laltu... Punjab. India!
Post code 141021!
Lump of dump!
When will Hardy reach Dubai?
He said he wouldn't come.
Stop joking! I sold off my shop.
I gave my boss a bubble bath!
Chill!
I told him I'm phoo-phooed.
- Then he'll surely come. - You bet!
Play a fun Indian movie.
Which one? There are so many.
Life had taken a U-turn.
Today, we were desperate to go to India.
Twenty-five years ago, we were as desperate to get to London.
Each of us had a unique problem.
Manu's problem was her house.
It was seized by the moneylender.
They lived in the annex.
They had to sell their belongings to make ends meet.
My problem was... my mom's pants.
Take your medicines on time.
Ever since my dad lost his job,
Mom had to wear pants for work instead of her usual sari.
Village oldies turned up daily to ogle at her.
I had one mission in life.
Make money so my mom could retire.
Balli's problem was the incessant whir of the sewing machine.
Ma, take a break. Have a cup of tea.
If the machine stops, so do our meals.
They say money can't buy happiness.
But it can buy potato-parathas!
We took up any odd jobs for a square meal.
Here! The best quality pajamas.
Why show me such large sizes?
Give me a small.
To fit your waist or the little finger?
Out!
Her pajama size is not your problem.
Why didn't you give her what she wanted?!
You told me, "Customer is God."
- Should I lie to God? - Idiot!
Give him a spoon!
Manu made parathas at Bobby's Kitchen.
Take care of the customers.
How much more?
Change their diapers?
Balli was a barber.
Want your hair shortened?
Can you lengthen them? Do it!
Who's this idiot?
I'll take over.
Balli, style Mr. Khosla.
Yes, tell me.
Khosla's locks and our lives were similar.
Neither could settle down.
Life sucked. The only way out was...
England!
In Punjab, those with family abroad
brandished cement airplanes on their roof.
We wanted that life as well.
Hello. Visa for which country?
London.
Do you have a degree?
No.
Any property over five acres?
No.
A good bank balance?
No, sir.
Consider it done.
Oh, wow!
Miss Catherine. British citizen.
She's in India.
A penniless junkie.
She'll marry for money
and take you to London.
Once there, part ways.
- I'll marry her. - I'll marry her.
How can you both marry her?
You marry her. I'll get you a spouse visa.
For you, I'll get a business visa.
I'll take the spouse visa!
Don't ruin my pal's life with a junkie.
It's decided. Spouse, me. Business, you.
- Give me the photo. - Shut up!
BA, BSc, MSc...
Which degree do you want?
Can I get a doctor's degree?
Mom's dream was to see me in a doctor's coat.
Consider it done.
How will I go?
Stuffed in their suitcases?
No, on a sports visa.
India's women's wrestling team is going to the Olympics.
The coach is my friend. You'll go as an extra player.
How much will it cost us?
Five hundred thousand per head.
Sir...
can you reduce it?
To how much?
- Five... - That's what I said.
Thousand. Five thousand.
Per head!
The grand total will be 15,000!
Go to Nepal instead. No visa is needed.
Get out!
- Lunch break. - No problem.
We'll find another agent.
- Manu, listen-- - He'll follow us.
- Really? - But, he isn't...
He will. He's here.
What's your final offer?
- All I have is 5000 rupees. - Get lost.
- I have 30,000 in the bank. - Go away!
I have savings of 150,000.
It's my mom's life's earnings.
If you guarantee my visa, I'll get the money.
Get the money tomorrow and take a receipt.
- Okay? - Okay.
Madam, find a wrestling coach.
Learn a few moves.
Shouldn't appear you don't know the basics of wrestling.
Where will I find a coach?
Get in. Hurry.
Bro...
- Damn! - Climb in quickly.
- Put the bags inside! - Hey, don't push!
- I didn't do it. - Right! A storm did.
Put the bags inside.
All my gifts are scattered.
So kill me for that!
- Kill? I... - Thou art the ruler
Of the minds of all people
Dispenser of India's destiny
Thy name rouses the hearts Of the Punjab, Sindh, Gujarat, and Maratha
Of the Dravida, Orissa, and Bengal
It echoes in the hills Of the Vindhyas and Himalayas
Mingles in the music Of the Yamuna and Ganges
- And is chanted by the waves - Keep this.
Of the Indian Sea
They pray for thy blessings
And sing thy praise
The saving of all people waits in thy hand
Thou dispenser of India's destiny
Victory, victory, victory!
Victory, victory, victory to thee!
That day a stranger set foot in Laltu.
Sir, please wait.
- It wasn't my fault. - It's okay.
The last sweet... have it.
He came looking for someone.
He had a tape recorder
and an address... Bobby's Kitchen.
BOBBY'S KITCHEN
Is there an employee here with a cheetah tattoo on his arm?
Runs fast!
I'm new. Mr. Bobby will know.
Wait for him.
- Greetings. May I sit here? - Greetings.
Manu, there's a fly in my buttermilk.
A tiny fly! Won't drink up much.
Spoon out the poor soul.
Kidding! I'll replace it.
- Buttermilk for table seven. - Greetings.
Why are Dumb and Dumber here?
They're here for me. We have to go at 2:00 p.m.
Where?
The Wrestling Club. To get a coach for my visa.
Deluded fools! Who'll let you into London?
I asked you yesterday, and you nodded, "Yes."
Now, I'm nodding, "No."
Who'll handle the peak hour? Your father?
- Don't drag my father into this. - What if I do?
Shoo them off! Freeloading buttermilk!
I have paid for it.
So what?
Tables are for customers, not for employees' friends!
Throw them out!
Fine.
I quit.
Now I'm a customer, and they're my friends.
Hurry, take our order.
Hey, Bobby.
A lemon punch with salt. Pronto!
You'll get a punch, all right.
What's up, buddy?
Who the hell are you?
Hardy Singh.
Accept my respects!
- Why attack me? - Army saying...
Don't waste time in debate, punch and seal his fate.
The stick was to scare, not hit.
You're lying.
How'd you know?
Because I know scumbags like you.
I can predict their moves.
I'll turn and...
he'll jump on me.
Hello!
My name is Manu Randhawa.
Can you teach me wrestling?
This "my-respects" move.
Please.
I don't live here. Came to meet someone.
I leave on the night train.
- Sir... - Mr. Scumbag!
I'm looking for a man. He's a runner.
Has a cheetah tattoo on his arm. Any such employee?
Are you looking for Mahinder?
You know him? Where does he stay?
Come with me.
I'm so glad I met you.
How do you know Mahinder?
- I'm his sister. - Really?
That's so wonderful.
Wow! You have such a big house.
It's not ours anymore.
We lived there once.
Now, we live in the annex.
Come in.
Thank you.
That's my mom and dad.
Greetings.
- Greetings. - My respects!
- Bless you. - Please sit.
I'll take the chair.
I'm Hardy. From Pathankot.
- Pathankot? - Yes.
A Hardayal Dhillon lives there.
- That's me-- - The wretch!
Terrorists shot him on the highway.
My son put him on the shoulder and ran to the hospital.
May I sit, sir?
He gave up the Asian Games selections
to rush him to the hospital.
Stayed back to care for him.
Played songs from his tape recorder.
Yes.
He left the recorder for the soldier.
Yes, I brought it--
It's been a year, and the soldier never cared to return it!
Ungrateful wretch!
This ungrateful wretch was in the hospital for a year.
I got discharged today and came straight here.
To return your...
tape recorder. Here you go.
It's working perfectly.
Where's Mahinder?
My jaw was broken then.
I couldn't speak.
I want to give him a big hug and thank him.
Where is he?
Tea.
It's good.
Then I'll surely have some.
This is Mahinder's son.
That's his widow.
While returning from Pathankot, my brother had an accident.
He had no shoulder to carry him to a hospital.
BILLA HOUSE
This house was ours, not Billa's.
Father's shop was burned in the 1984 riots.
He took a loan from Billa to restart.
Then my brother's accident...
When we were at the funeral, Billa seized our home.
He said, "Pay up the loan, get your house!"
RANDHAWA HOUSE
When he removed the "Randhawa House" nameplate,
my father cried like a child.
He said, "If my son were alive,
we wouldn't be in this situation."
I said,
"Your daughter is still alive.
I'll earn and repay the loan.
I vow to tear down Billa's nameplate."
That's why I must go to London to make enough money,
get the house back, and put our nameplate up.
That's it.
When do we start training?
Don't you have a train tonight?
I'll fool the Railways.
I have a ticket...
but I won't travel.
To save my life, your brother missed the Asian Games.
I can surely miss a train.
Only after you board the plane to London...
I'll take the train to Pathankot.
What do you say?
- Ready for the classes? - Ready!
Down!
Thump your legs and shoulders.
Slap the face.
Not mine.
It's okay.
Push at the neck.
Come here. Once again.
Skip all this, Coach. Teach me that "my-respects" move.
Fine.
Give me your hand.
Hold the wrist.
Grab the arm. Position the leg.
- Flip you? - Yes.
- Sure? - Yes.
- Ready? - Yes.
- My butt! - Don't laugh. She's learning.
Don't worry. Manu, give me your hand.
You okay?
Now you try it.
Hold my hand.
Manu! Not a handshake.
Manu Randhawa found her coach.
The visa is yours.
In a week, she aced the "my-respects" move.
Balli set out to wed Catherine.
- Is Catherine here? - She'll be here soon.
And I went to get a visa as a doctor.
So, doctor...
You're a kidney specialist?
Yo, yo!
Tell me... where are the kidneys in the body?
I... I tell...
Here...
not possible.
Kidney in the heart? No way!
This...
as all know, is the belly button.
That leaves only one place.
Shall I?
Here's the kidney!
Doctor, your kidneys are at the back.
That's exactly where my hand is!
You're looking at the wrong hand! You're confused.
Focus on this hand.
How did you get my wife's photo?
It's my wife... Jessica.
- Catherine. - Jessica.
It's Catherine.
This is Jessica Sandhu.
- No! Catherine Kakkad. - Hey, what are you doing?
PLEASE MAINTAIN SILENCE
Why fight on your wedding day?
He says, my wife is his.
- What?! - My Catherine.
That's my Diana!
My Maria.
My Lisa.
My Cynthia.
Phoo-phoo!
Phoo-phooed badly!
Wrestling learned! Get my visa...
Manu, we've been phoo-phooed!
Catherine!
Return my money, Manu.
Why should I return it?
You found the agent.
I found him. I didn't birth him.
My mother slogged at the factory to save up.
She's going to strangle me.
She has to wear pants to the factory.
Obviously! She won't go naked.
My mom... naked?
Stop it. We'll reason with your mom.
I'll come with you.
Mom won't forgive me.
Let me try... if I fail, I'll keep the noose ready.
Listen to my plan first.
Hardy's plan was... Dame Mumtaz!
We'd never heard of her. He said...
"When in a big phoo-phoo, get Mumtaz for the rescue!"
Stop! Mom will hang me!
No, she'll hug you.
Mumtaz will handle her.
Hand me that.
Long live India!
- I have bad news. - Bad news?
When Buggu left the mosque today,
he was phoo-phooed!
You're mistaken. Must be someone else.
Why'd a Sikh boy go to a mosque?
To marry Mumtaz. Must've told you...
- Mumtaz? - Yes.
- He never told me. - He must have only invited his friends.
Wait, hold on a second.
Who's Mumtaz?
A customer. Buggu fell for her.
Happens in a fitting room.
- Her sons got angry. - Mumtaz's sons?
Two sons. A little older than Buggu.
Handsome lads.
How old is Mumtaz?
Sixty.
But a real hottie! Barely looks 50.
- Listen! - Yes?
- Where's Buggu? - In the hospital.
Mumtaz's kids were livid!
Broke Buggu's back.
Into three. So medieval!
My Buggu is in a wheelchair!
But please chill...
Mumtaz's ex-husband is a janitor in a hospital in Saudi.
He said, "Bring him for treatment."
- Great facilities there. - True.
Shakeel also agreed.
Who's Shakeel now?
Mumtaz's second husband.
He's there as well.
My blood pressure is rising.
I'll take care of her.
- I'll give her water. - Oh, God.
My boy's suffered so much in a day.
Worse still, he didn't get his visa.
Damn the visa!
You've lost 150,000 rupees.
When my son's wrecked, what good is the money?
- So, no regrets about losing the money? - No.
- Sure? - Should I pen it with my blood?
Not at all.
Buggu, come in.
- I'm not going. - Get inside.
All good.
- Why the hell did you lie? - One part was true.
You did lose 150,000.
But do the math...
two ex-husbands, two adult sons, spine in three pieces...
or 150,000 rupees?
Army saying...
"A big sorrow dwarfs small sorrows.
The world has great sorrow, ours but a small woe."
Correct?
Give him a hug, sir.
Papa, sorry!
Buggu, my child.
Idiot!
End this nonsense forever.
Swear on your grandma, you'll never think of going to England!
Take a vow!
Idiots! Why always swear in my name?
I, Buggu Lakhanpal, swear if I even think of going to London...
my grandma dies.
May the departed rest in peace.
Turn around!
- What? - Turn around.
Banish the thought!
You swore on your grandma.
She's already dead.
Can't die again.
Hey, I need to pee badly.
Hold this, I'll be back.
She's quite light.
Got it? Good.
Buggu!
Is she dead?
No, just chilling. Getting fresh air.
I'm late for work. When will he return?
He takes long leaks.
Hold this. I'll get him back.
- Where did he-- - Stay with Grandma.
We'll get them.
Your blood pressure will spike again.
- We don't want a double funeral. - We'll bring them back.
Grandma!
Buggu, your mother will kill you.
Who leaves a funeral?
- There's 50% off on visas. Last day! - Shut up.
You've been deceived before in pursuit of a visa!
You want another phoo-phoo?
What do we do? Comb bald heads for life?
We were born poor, but we won't die poor.
Listen, I've promised Manu I'll get her to England.
I'll send you both as well.
Soldier's promise!
Listen to my plan.
There's an English exam. IELTS.
Pass the exam, and you'll secure a student visa for London!
Do you know English?
- Of course! I watch English films. - Let's hear it.
Get lost, you piece of shit!
What does that mean?
Vanish, you lump of dump!
Oh, that's disgusting!
- Listen to this. - Yes.
Let's rock the party, baby! Let's rock the party!
- Let's rock the party-- Got it? - No.
Come, daughter, let's throw rocks at the party!
- I don't know English. - Okay.
But I've gathered that you don't either.
You'll have to learn.
We'll learn.
How do you know about student visas?
When you were chasing visa agents,
I inquired at homes with airplanes on their roofs.
They said that the surefire way to England was through a student visa.
Now you need to find out who is the best English teacher in Laltu.
Birmingham, here I come!
Good morning, class!
What a lovely weather today!
Meet our new friends! Mr. Hardy...
Hardy also enrolled in Geetu's class
to protect us from any phoo-phoo.
Geetu sir, what's the full name of IELTS?
Mummy was asking.
You're studying for IELTS, and you don't know its full name?
Someone enlighten her mom.
Yes, Mr. Sukhi.
Will this be asked in the exam?
Who asks the exam name in the exam?
Then just teach us what they'll ask.
Your mummy is wasting our time!
I only have three months.
Please! Teach me English quickly!
Sir, I want to go to the bathroom.
You bathe in bathrooms. Don't pee there.
Hold the urine.
Where do you pee?
Where do you go for "uration"?
Geetu sir... library!
Laboratory. Please can I go?
You still hold the urine.
Lavatory.
How many more words do we memorize?
- You sing songs? - Yes, sir!
We remember hundreds of songs. How?
Put words to a tune, and you never forget them.
I want to go to the lavatory!
He wants to go to the lavatory!
Change the gender. She wants to go to the lavatory!
Plural. We want to go to the lavatory!
- We want to go to the lavatory! - Future tense.
Shall I go to the lavatory?
Sir!
I don't want to go to the lavatory.
I've already done lavatory!
Oh, God! Disgusting.
Yes, Mr. Sukhi?
What's the problem?
How many words are there in the dictionary?
Around 200,000 maybe.
So we must sing 2000 songs a day to learn English in 90 days.
How's it possible?
By the way, how many songs are there in the world?
Ask your mummy!
Mr. Sukhi...
What's wrong with him? Always tense. Please find out.
Army saying... "Two ways to get someone to confess."
One, a fist punch.
The other...
rum punch.
I want to go to the lavatory!
We want to go to the lavatory!
My wedding was fixed with Jassi.
The engagement ceremony was done.
Then her daddy Chaddha found Sheru Tidda.
A boy from London!
He cut me out.
He would not let me meet Jassi.
Then what happened?
What else?
The same old story.
London boys snatch away our girls.
Correct!
Her wedding was fixed.
I gate crashed.
Dead drunk... the uninvited guest.
To create a scene?
I would never embarrass my Jassi.
I went to see her one last time.
Did you cry?
If I cried, she'd also cry.
It would ruin her makeup.
I held back my tears then.
But when her plane flew over my house,
I cried my heart out.
- Why go to London now? - That monster Tidda beats Jassi!
He ruptured her eardrum!
Jassi wrote to me,
"Sukhi, save me...
or I'll die."
I said, "Whatever it takes, I'm coming."
But my visa was rejected!
Then someone said,
"Learn English. You'll get a student visa."
So here I am, learning!
- I want to go to the lavatory! - Sukhi, be careful!
Sukhi, you might get hurt.
Stand up. What's wrong?
- Why doesn't Chaddha rescue his daughter? - Hey, Chaddha!
He doesn't even answer her calls.
Where does this Chaddha live?
Across the temple.
Hey, Chaddha!
Out you come.
Open the door!
What's wrong with Punjabi boys
that you chase London grooms?
If you loathe us so much,
put up a signboard...
"Only London boys for our daughters.
Locals, go to hell!"
We swear we'll lock up our hearts!
But don't humiliate us.
I was on the horse as a groom...
and my bride eloped with a London boy.
I sat frozen on the horse.
A joker on the horse!
Even today, people point at my house and say...
"Here lives the joker!"
Look at me!
The Joker of Pathankot!
Who says men don't hurt?
We do.
Men also feel pain.
We have a heart, a liver,
a kidney.
I agree. But this wisdom could've waited till morning.
That villain in London beats your daughter,
and you snooze merrily?
My daughter? I have no daughter.
You're not Chaddha?
No. Chaddha lives there.
Return my rock!
Crazy man.
Chaddha!
Come out!
- Out you come! - Coach...
- Coach. - Sir...
- Come out! - Who is it?!
- Open the door, Chaddha. - No, sir.
- Run! The lights have come on. - Let's go.
Birmingham, here I come.
What a lovely weather today!
IELTS has four tests.
Reading, writing, listening, and speaking.
The most dangerous is the speaking test.
The examiner can give any topic and say,
"Speak for two minutes."
Yes, Mr. Sukhi?
I want to go to the lavatory.
Please proceed.
I don't want to go to the lavatory.
Then why ask?
Because I know only these two lines in English.
They are over in two seconds.
A two-minute monologue requires 70 to 80 lines.
How will we manage?
Practice, dear child.
Speak only in English.
Wear English clothes, watch English films,
and even snore in English.
Shall we begin, Mr. Hardy?!
Speak for two minutes on "Roosters of Punjab."
Roosters?
The rooster is male, and the female is a hen.
The horse is male, and the female is a mare.
In Hindi, it's horse-horsess, rooster-roosteress...
It's easy.
Why is English topsy-turvy?
Have mercy on English...
don't simplify it.
Language is to communicate.
Why fight simplicity?
Vocabulary is needed to communicate.
How will you communicate to a Brit that
Mr. Pumpi's English is good,
Mr. Buggu's English is better,
and Geetu's English is amazing?
How will you do it without words, smarty?
I'll communicate...
Oh, yeah.
Pumpi's English, oye hoye.
Buggu's English, oye hoye hoye hoye.
Geetu's English, oye hoye hoye hoye hoye!
Wasn't that nice?
What a joker!
Certified joker!
Prized joker!
Shut up!
Stop laughing.
He's no joker.
He's here to learn.
Can't speak English, so goofed up.
He's a master wrestler... never goofs up there.
Wrestle him in his class.
You'll be the joker, but he won't mock you.
He'll patiently continue teaching you.
That's a good teacher.
Not like you!
You're the joker!
All jokers!
With "S." In plural!
Damn your English. Let's go, Coach.
I've been looted by your love Totally rebooted by your love
O Manu... I'm someone new
I'll set up a home in your heart A tornado can't take it apart
O Manu... I'm someone new
I was footloose and fancy-free Till you suddenly happened to me
I was doing so okay Till I came this way
I'm looted, rebooted
Totally rerouted
In your love
I'm looted, rebooted
Totally rerouted
In your love
I'm looted, rebooted
Totally rerouted
In your love
WATCH FILMS, LEARN ENGLISH
IELTS STUDENTS, LEARN ENGLISH
Hey, switch off the film!
- Why? - Hold on.
- Shut up, you English scholars! - But--
Silence!
What's wrong, Manu? Are you alright?
Look at him! On his knees, asking his lady...
"Will you marry me?"
That's respect!
A match came home.
Never bothered to propose.
Instead, went to my dad and said,
"Let's discuss the dowry."
I told the idiot, "Sure.
How much can you pay?"
You demanded the dowry from him?
What a role reversal!
Look at this man... such respect!
If a man proposes so romantically...
how can a lady refuse?
All right, rewind and play.
Start from the chimes.
Once I slept like a log Now my mind is agog
I stay up and dream of you
Why, oh why, Manu?
Once I was shy Now I ask passersby
How do you do?
Why, oh why, Manu?
My heart's new emotion Raises the good old question
How did a guy doing so okay Topple when he turned your way?
In your love
I'm looted, rebooted
Totally rerouted
In your love
I'm looted, rebooted
Totally rerouted
In your love
I'm looted, rebooted
Totally rerouted
In your love
You are my earth, my sky
Without you, there is no I
You've become my everything
The god I pray to, the prayer I sing
Every day I pray with folded hands That your prayers come true
Though I fear you'll fly to foreign lands
And I'll be left without you
O Manu...
I fear...
I'll be left
Without you
O Manu...
Don't stare.
It's time to focus.
Once we get our visa, stare all you want.
Birmingham, here I come!
What a lovely weather today!
- What's going on? - Sir...
give us any topic.
- We got our 70 English lines! - No one fails.
Full Punjab goes to England! Test us.
Okay.
Mr. Sukhi, speak for two minutes on...
Taj Mahal, Agra.
Sir, you want to test my knowledge about...
Taj Mahal, Agra.
Or check my English speaking skills?
My knowledge about
- Taj Mahal, Agra is limited, - Taj Mahal, Agra.
but my knowledge about the English language is unlimited.
I understand noun,
pronoun, adjective,
verb, adverb,
conjunction, colon,
semicolon, comma, and full stop.
I make conversation confidently with any English person...
Prince Charles, wife Diana, mother-in-law Queen Elizabeth Part II.
I find it very disturbing
that your esteemed organization is trying to judge me
- by my knowledge about Taj Mahal, Agra... - Taj Mahal, Agra!
and not by my English grammar.
You must re-examine your examination system
because it is about English and not about
- Taj Mahal, Agra! - Taj Mahal, Agra!
- Geetu, turn around. - Look behind you.
Whatever the topic in the exam,
this is the answer.
Memorize it thoroughly.
Replace the blanks with the topic.
Hundred topics, a hundred questions, and just one answer.
Whose idea is it?
Coach Hardy's.
I told you, he's no joker.
Mr. Hardy.
Yes, sir.
Thank you!
Memorize this thoroughly,
and the exam will be a piece of cake.
Will they give us cake in the exam?
"Piece of cake" means easy.
Now, go with confidence and say...
Birmingham, here I come!
Can I see your ID, please?
Yes.
The pieces of cake.
Thank you.
Pull a chair.
Pull?
Okay?
Pull it further?
Take it outside?
Give me a topic. I'll speak for two minutes.
Any topic. Give.
No need for that. We'll just have a conversation.
What did you eat for breakfast this morning?
Today? I ate parathas.
Describe how you make a paratha.
In English.
Paratha...
Aloo...
In English.
Potato...
Water...
Fire...
Potato in.
Five minutes and the water starts to...
Potato out.
Smash the potato.
Then... grab a roti.
Enter potato.
Send to tandoor.
Two minutes, paratha ready!
Do you eat parathas every day?
No, madam.
On some days, paratha.
On some days, I...
What's it called...
Round...
I eat paratha every day, madam.
I love paratha.
Parathas. "S..."
Plural.
I eat many parathas.
So, Mr. Kakkad, what's your favorite hobby?
My favorite hobby... is rooster.
Eating rooster.
Okay.
Can you speak for two minutes about "eating rooster"?
Two minutes?
Sir, you want to check my knowledge about eating rooster
or do you want to check my English speaking skills?
My knowledge about eating roosters is limited,
but my knowledge about English is unlimited.
I understand noun, pronoun, verb,
adjective, conjunction, semicolon, colon, comma, and full stop.
I make conversation with any English people...
Prince Charles, his wife Diana, Queen Elizabeth number two.
I find it disturbing that your esteemed organization
is trying to check my knowledge about eating roosters
and not my English grammar!
You must re-examine your examination system.
Because this is about English and not about rooster eating.
Okay?
Okay.
Can you tell me what is wrong with this sentence?
Sure.
"Yesterday,
my father and mother was in the bar."
No! No way.
My mother and father no go bar.
Father some-some go.
Mother... no! Never!
Yesterday, my father and mother were in the bar.
Your parents?
Your mother swigs as well? Amazing!
Cheers to your mummy!
It's good to know.
You're being so frank... I'll tell you a secret.
Yesterday, I was in the bar.
I was stressed for the exam.
So, 30ml in, all stress out.
Thank you.
Can you tell me about your family for two minutes?
You want to test my knowledge about my family...
or you want to test my knowledge about my English speaking skills?
My knowledge about my family is limited.
- Limited? - Limited.
I'm not asking about Winston Churchill's family.
I'm asking about yours. You should know.
Again for... two minutes.
My... my family?
Two minutes?
That's easy... I'll tell you.
Sir...
My father...
dead.
So sorry.
My mother...
dead.
My mother's mother... dead.
My father's mother... dead.
All dead...
Dead.
My mother's older sister...
You know... aunt?
You know!
Dead?
Dead.
- How many more do I kill? - That's enough.
Now, you can go.
Sir, just a minute.
I still have 90 seconds.
Let the dead rest in peace.
Listen to the story of the living.
My only family is four stubborn fools who want to go to London.
One of them is a girl, Manu.
Her life is a saga of troubles.
She learns English... wrestling...
not for herself, but for her family.
She takes on the world...
for me!
No one has ever stood up for me.
So she's become my girl... friend.
- Really? - Yes.
The earlier one dumped me on our wedding day.
I could never fall in love again.
- You know how it is. - Yes.
- Love just withers away. Right? - I agree.
After years, love has blossomed again.
So, when will you tell her? When she's in London?
That's the plan!
At Big Ben, on my knees, I'll present the ring with a flourish,
look into her eyes, and ask...
"Will you marry Hardy Singh?"
I do.
Sir, you too must've loved?
- I have. Once. - Once?
Just once.
My fate is in your hands. Save me.
- What are you saying? - Please, sir.
I will name our first child after you.
- What... - I promise.
What's your name? Tell me.
Vangipurapu Venkata Kuppu.
No problem. Can you write it down?
Consider it done.
Shall I consider our result "Done"?
Are you tense, Mr. Sukhi?
Good question, sir.
Past tense or present tense, sir?
I'm just asking if you're anxious.
You understand the word "anxious"?
Stressed?
Nervous?
Terrified?
You don't know any of these words?
No, sir.
Send the next one in.
Okay, Mr. Sukhi. You may go.
Go? No, sir.
No... go. Please, sir.
You're done. Leave.
Wait a minute!
Sir, take a two-minute speaking test. Any topic.
I pass, sir.
How will you live in England without any English?
He lives here! Does he know any Punjabi?
A Brit like him rejected my visa.
Grilled me about education, savings, job... but not my need!
Explain to him... I won't stay there.
I don't want to live in England.
Airport to Jassi's house... and back with her.
Won't even stop for a sip of water. Make him understand!
Don't cling to rules. Understand feelings.
Jassi in London... only hope... me!
Don't kill hope, sir.
Please, sir.
Please understand feeling, sir.
IELTS results were first obtained by liquor shops.
Shop owners paid bribes to get them.
Those who passed drank in joy.
Those who failed drank even more in sorrow.
Coach, the results are out.
Move aside... Chameli... Pumpi...
He must have failed!
Balli has failed. He's in shock.
Failing can't shock him. Check, he must've passed.
Move! Move aside!
Coach Hardy was right.
Balli had passed.
We weren't fortunate enough to faint.
The rest of us had failed.
The whir of the sewing machine at Balli's house...
was replaced by drumbeats of joy.
Balli Kakkad going to London!
- Balli, get here. - Congratulations.
Congratulations! Here you go.
English is a window to the world.
And Geetu's class is the door to England!
Enter my class, exit in London.
Like our Balli Kakkad.
Our results are 90 percent--
Pass or fail?
Show our mugshots as well. The failures.
I'm Sukhi Singh.
I can't go to London because I failed!
This is Manu Randhawa... failed!
- Buggu Lakhanpal... failed! - What are you doing?
Coach Hardy... failed!
His success videos make us dream and lure us to join his class.
Now sing... "What a lovely weather today."
- Sukhi... Hold this. - Brother...
Our lives are in limbo.
Sukhi!
His business is flourishing!
- I borrowed money to pay your fee! - Come with me.
I need to go to London.
- Tidda will kill Jassi. - Nothing will happen to her.
Balli will meet Jassi.
We've given him the address.
He'll get you to speak to Jassi.
Calm down or I'll give you one.
Patience, brother.
- Leave for the airport. - Yes.
- Hold this. - Yes.
- Go! You'll miss your flight. - Yes.
Meet Jassi as soon as you land. Call us.
We'll wait by the public phone.
- Bye! - Take care.
You bloody...
You knew we can't learn English in 90 days!
- What are you doing? - Yet you made me...
- Sukhi! - promise Jassi, "I'm coming!"
- Swindler! - That's enough! Come with me!
Balli will meet Jassi tomorrow. They'll call.
Staring at the phone won't make it ring.
London calling, I telling you.
Go. Relax!
Sukhi.
Geetu, no fights.
You flung this sandal here.
It hit here.
Pack your bags.
You're going to London.
- How? - Dunki.
Dunki? What's that?
A "donkey route" to London.
Without a visa. Illegally.
Crossing borders, jungles, mountains, seas.
Border police can open fire.
The odds of making it is... 25 percent.
So why send him to die?
If he stays here, he dies a 100 percent!
Take the chance.
What will it cost?
I have paid up.
Geetu Gulati,
you're less of a swindler than you look.
- Thank you. - Sukhi!
London calling. Come!
Go fast!
Tell Jassi, Sukhi's coming.
Jassi?
Jassi, I'm coming to London!
Can you hear me?
- Hello? - Sukhi, listen...
Where's Jassi?
News that you failed reached Jassi.
Jassi killed herself.
Hello? Sukhi?
Hello?!
Sukhi?
Save me!
Tidda hits me every day.
Sukhi, come to London and save me.
Hello?
Why ask
After this shattered soul?
Why speak of misfortune
And its toll
Why speak of misfortune
And its toll...
Why ask
- Sukhi! - After this shattered soul?
Sukhi!
Tell Papa, I got my visa.
My friend...
I'm on my way... to meet Jassi.
No feeling left
Except for grief
Sukhi!
For this ceaseless pain
The end is relief...
For this ceaseless pain The end is relief
Why ask after this shattered soul...
Sukhi wanted to meet Jassi.
Was barred because he couldn't speak English.
The British ruled us for a century.
When they arrived we never asked,
"Know any Hindi?
How good is your vocabulary?"
Never demanded speaking tests.
We didn't test them. How dare they test us?
Tenses, plurals...
The rooster is male, the female is hen...
Sukhi died cramming it all.
Dead!
His dreams were reduced to ashes!
Manu...
you'll get your home back.
Don't ever think of suicide.
I'll take you to England.
Buggu, I'll take you all.
We'll scatter Sukhi's ashes near Jassi.
We don't have a visa... but try stopping us!
We will go to England.
Let's see who stops us.
I have decided.
We will take the dunki route.
Come here.
We will dunki.
The land of my birth says
Child, don't go
But when fate forces your hand
The feet can't say no
Hardy was a man possessed.
He sold off his home and land to pay the agents,
and we set out on our journey.
Pumpi, Chameli, and her brother Gulab joined us.
With dreams packed in our backpacks, we all embarked on the journey.
I'll get you to Pakistan.
Then, another agent will take you to Iran via Afghanistan in a truck.
From Iran, you'll take a train to Turkey.
Finally, you'll travel by sea to London.
Will we pass through China on the route? I'd love to visit!
Ignore him.
Give me all the agents' numbers.
- Sure. This has all the numbers. - Okay.
Get in the boat.
Wait.
Let me take one last look.
I'm unsure if I'll come back.
Farewell sweet homeland We'll be back soon
And talk from midnight Till it is noon
Farewell sweet homeland We'll be back soon
And talk from midnight Till it is noon
Your rain-scented soil I carry along
Of your remembrance I've woven a song
A kerchief of your clouds Is tied around my brow
A blanket of your memories Warms me even now
What's that?
In your keeping I've left my heart
There it stays Though we part
Farewell sweet homeland We'll be back soon
- Stop the boat. - And talk from midnight
- Till it is noon - It's a watchtower.
Wasn't there last month.
We have to turn back.
We won't turn back!
- The boat won't go ahead. - But we will.
How?
We walked underwater all night.
By morning, we were in Pakistan.
Never do that again.
What?
For my breath, don't stop yours.
All's well.
Let's go to the next agent.
How much further is London?
Think how far, and you won't make it.
Think about what awaits you.
Take a look.
In six months, Balli had bought a house and car.
Pumpi, Chameli, and Gulab perked up.
Get your bags!
A sentence in your story
Is all I ask to be
In your quiet moments
Spare a thought for me
Your destination is my destiny
My friend
The refuge of your arms
Is my journey's end
Oh, my love
My heart will always be true I'll be there forever for you
Oh, my love
Oh, my love...
My heart will always be true I'll be there forever for you
Oh, my love...
Vehicles changed, and the journey went on...
Bullets and bombs were never far.
It took us two months
to cross Afghanistan and reach Iran.
Come fast!
Move!
Move! Move fast!
We had to walk for two days through the desert for a train to Turkey.
Look straight. Keep walking.
Stop!
- Okay. - No.
Go, go.
Pumpi, Chameli, Gulab... stop! He'll kill you.
Coach!
- Stay down! - No, please.
- Stay down. - No, please.
Hurry!
Run!
Chameli!
Chameli! Open your eyes!
Get up, Chameli!
No.
Come.
- No. I won't, Coach. - We'll all die.
- Move! - No.
- Buggu... - Coach...
- Come. - Coach...
Enough!
Boss.
Hey, let go of me!
Let my boss go or he dies!
- Drop the gun! - He'll kill me!
Drop it!
Save me.
I'll shoot him!
Hey!
He'll kill me.
Okay.
Let's go, Manu.
Manu, let's go.
Move, Manu.
- Coach-- - Get up. Be with her.
Manu.
- Come on, move. - Manu...
Are you fine?
Farewell sweet homeland
We'll be back soon
And talk from midnight
Till it is noon
Farewell sweet homeland
We'll be back soon
Comb your hair.
It's okay... no need. You look pretty.
It's all right.
It's okay.
I'm doing this for my house.
Why are you risking your life?
I'm crazy for you.
Can't you see?
Since when?
Since you fought for me in class.
Why didn't you tell me?
You said, "Don't stare! Focus."
- So I'm focusing. - Till when?
Only till London.
At Big Ben
when it chimes...
That's when I'll stop focusing.
The refuge of your arms
Nothing can replace
My only home
Now is your embrace
Oh, my love
Oh, my love...
My heart will always be true I'll be there forever for you
Oh, my love
Oh, my love...
My heart will always be true I'll be there forever for you
When we got on the container for England,
we hoped to breathe easy.
But in there, every breath was torture.
We were locked in for 27 days.
It was like living in a gutter.
Just one hope kept us going...
London.
Packing the saga of this journey
All sorrows and the agony
O sweet homeland...
- To heal, we shall come to you soon - Come on!
- And talk from midnight till it is noon - Fast! Let's go!
O sweet homeland!
Get up fast!
- O sweet homeland! - Get up.
Hurry up!
- O sweet homeland! - Let's go!
Come on!
- Leave! - Let's go!
That way!
Go!
That way.
We're clear.
Where are we?
Doesn't look like London.
The swindlers got us to Africa!
Look there.
Those people...
Hold on a second.
Madam...
What country... this?
It's a Siberian Husky. From Russia.
Not the dog.
This... what country this?
It was England when I last checked.
London!
- We've reached London! - We are here!
- We've reached! - We are here!
- London! - We've reached!
These foreigners are a nuisance.
She called me a foreigner! Mom says the same.
- Oh, my! -"My fair boy looks like a foreigner."
Right!
- I made for London! - London!
- We made it! London! - London!
I can't see Big Ben.
Coach!
Oh, man!
Balli is famous! They've made his statue!
Look at the culture!
We never erect statues of foreigners.
What a culture!
Money offerings!
Never happens back home!
Culture!
Even Balli's armpit odor is replicated!
Meticulous culture!
Balli?
Coach.
- You're begging? - Coach, no.
- Beggars manage to buy houses here? - Shut up!
Must be rented. What's the rent?
Hired staff, as well!
Come in.
- Isn't that too much staff? - Shut up!
- Hi, Balli. - What's up?
They're all dunkers... from India, Pakistan, Bangladesh.
We share the rent.
They've come from my hometown.
Till they find a place, they'll bunk here.
You have a student visa.
Why live this life?
There's no college. It's a fake admission.
If caught, it's prison.
- Come here! - Yes, Coach?
Where's this house?
Where's your car? Where's it?
Such photos lure others.
They die at borders.
Send real photos... of you begging!
Fine.
I'll send real photos.
Mom will be thrilled, her son begs!
I earn 20 pounds a day.
Six hundred a month.
I keep 100 and send 500 home.
Mom thinks I'm the King of London.
Now, she takes tea breaks when she sews.
She says...
"Relatives listen when I offer my opinion, thanks to you.
Because you're in London."
Wreck it all with one photo?
None of us send real photos.
If they learn we clean gutters,
our money will stink.
They won't touch it.
Listen...
I came here for a better life. Didn't work out.
But my family is better off.
What was my life anyway?
I was combing bald heads.
Don't hit me.
Cops! Hit me... but inside.
- Stop. - Cops!
Come here.
This wasn't the London of our dreams.
Twenty people shared one toilet.
Every day, a truck arrived for laborers.
The strong were hired.
The weak were rejected.
Hello, good evening.
Not that there was no work.
There was.
We sold adult films
and cleaned stores and toilets.
But our main job was to dodge cops.
Let's go, Manu.
Yes, let's go!
Where are we going?
Back to India.
Back to India? What do you mean?
This isn't the place we imagined.
If you're sick, you can't see a doctor.
If harassed, you can't go to the cops.
No bank account, no driving license... Because we have no ID.
We don't exist for them!
We'll always be illegal on this land.
Why?
Did they produce this land in a factory?
It's God's land.
As much ours as theirs.
They made borders! Our land, your land.
We're here because they were there.
Looted our country for centuries!
Why else would we come here?
We risked our lives to get here... we can't go back.
Now, this is our city!
In our city, we wouldn't have to sleep in a graveyard.
Many homes would open their doors to us and welcome us in!
Why suffer humiliations?
Give me one reason to stay back, Manu.
I'll give you a reason.
Stay back for me.
You're my man.
I want to spend my life with you.
Stay on.
After that, Hardy never spoke of going back to India.
He looked for ways to become legal.
One day, he got a lawyer.
Puru Patel.
Three ways to citizenship...
Buy, beg, or marry.
Buy.
Invest a million pounds, and you'll get residency.
If we had the money, why would we dunki?
- Second solution? - Beg.
Beg for asylum.
- What's asylum? - Refuge.
England will grant you refuge.
Refuge from whom?
From India.
We'll claim you were activists in India.
At a protest, your country burned Sukhi alive.
Say, you'd be killed as well.
England can't deny asylum.
Third solution?
What's wrong with the second?
My country didn't kill Sukhi.
Why lie?
Your statement won't be on TV.
It'll stay in a file. Who cares?
I'm a soldier. I care.
Then, the third solution. Marry.
Marry a British passport holder. Divorce after two years.
If the bride's a no-show?
- Catherine didn't show up-- - Enough.
- Balli, let it go. - Not a bride. A groom!
Hey, baldie!
He's coming cheap. 5000 pounds.
A thousand now, rest on divorce.
Is it legal here? A man marrying a man?
I'll do it.
Stop beaming. He's not for you but for Manu.
No.
Next solution?
Manu, once you're legal,
marry the man you love.
Then both live legally... happily ever after.
Forget him. You won't have to live with him.
So... shall I book a church?
Are you prepared, as you follow the path of marriage,
to love and honor each other for as long as you both shall live?
I am.
In the name of the Holy Spirit, I now pronounce you man and wife.
You may now kiss the bride.
Why not a flying kiss? Why the mouth?
I will kill you!
How dare you touch her!
What happened, Manu?
- Kissing me on the mouth. - On the mouth?!
On the mouth?
Patel told me to kiss her.
Hardy, enough!
Without a kiss, a marriage looks fake.
I didn't say, go honeymooning and have children.
It's just a kiss. For evidence!
Why is there a problem?
As a lawyer, I advised, "Kiss the bride."
On the mouth?
As a lawyer.
You pimp!
It's an English custom.
I agree, it's wrong. But what to do?
The priest asked them to kiss.
- On the mouth? - Ask him.
Wait right there!
Stop!
Open the door!
You said, kiss on the mouth?
You think I will let that junkie touch Manu?
Hello? Police?
I'll fix you all!
I'm her man!
Praise Lord Jesus!
Hello, police.
What a lovely weather today. You like?
Shut up!
Wait! Why arrest me?
Because we have reason to believe this is a sham marriage.
No... love marriage.
I love him.
How long have you known each other?
- Five... - Five years.
What's his mother's name?
Mummy.
I call her Mummy-ji. Respect.
- Michelle. - Michelle Mummy-ji.
My father's name is Donald.
Donald Papa-ji. Respect.
Right. You, come with me.
What sort of car do you drive?
I don't have a car.
What color is his car?
I sit inside car.
Outside color, how I know?
Come on.
Sorry.
I know you're in love but...
one kiss would've made you legal.
But what's wrong is wrong.
What now?
The marriage didn't work, so let's use death.
Okay, deploy death!
Shut up.
Death?
I'll bring Sukhi's ashes to the court.
That'll shock the judge.
He'll ask, "Are you in danger? Want asylum?"
You just have to say yes.
- Will it work? - A hundred percent!
But don't wrestle the judge.
He won't kiss Manu.
Take this. Stir the judge's soul.
- Move. - Yes.
- Move. - Yes, sir.
Remember three words. "I want asylum!"
Mr. Hardayal Singh Dhillon.
Please wear the headphones.
Sure.
Mr. Dhillon, what is that?
"What's that?"
Ashes of my friend Sukhi.
"Ashes... of my friend Sukhi."
Are you seeking asylum?
Is your life under threat in your country?
"Is your life under threat in your country?
Are you seeking asylum?"
No, Mr. Judge.
I'm under no threat in my country.
So, why have you entered our country illegally?
Couldn't get a visa.
Why don't you grant visas?
You use German cars and Saudi fuel.
Eat Italian pizza. Sip Sri Lankan tea.
Wear shirts from India.
If you allow foreign goods,
then why stop foreign humans?
We don't stop foreigners coming into the country.
We just require them to follow a valid visa process.
Otherwise, we would be allowing terrorists or criminals into the country.
Dunkers don't commit crimes.
They fear deportation,
even breathing silently, fearing cops.
They're not terrorists.
Terrorists come to kill.
Dunkers come to live.
For two square meals.
You are only thinking of your people, Mr. Dhillon.
There are more than 500,000 illegal immigrants in this country.
Do you have any idea of the number of jobs that our people have lost?
I beg to differ. You're wrong.
Migrants create jobs, not decrease them.
To feed 500,000, many eateries are needed here.
For their clothes, many tailors are needed.
So many barbers for haircuts.
Besides, they do jobs you shun.
Clean your gutters and trash.
Deport these 500,000,
and your country will collapse.
What you seem to be suggesting is that we should have open borders.
Your borders were always open.
Invest a million, settle here.
Borders keep out only the poor.
The law says we can only grant asylum
in the case of war and persecution.
Not in the case of poverty.
Death by bullet or death by hunger... what's the difference?
A human is dead.
This is my friend Sukhi.
He wanted a visa for a day to take Jassi back home.
They ignored his need.
Read him the rule book.
He died.
He burned before my very eyes...
drenched in kerosene...
During the winter season, birds migrate from Russia to Punjab...
without a visa.
Our birds don't convene a court...
knowing their homes are frozen
and they'll die there.
Why can't humans understand this?
People are compelled to leave their homes due to a pressing necessity.
No one desires to leave their family, friends, and country
only to face bullets at borders.
Look...
I can, according to the provision of law, grant you a stay,
but only if you say that your life is under threat in your country.
A judge who encourages lying in court!
No, Mr. Judge.
I face no threat in my country.
It is my motherland. I won't insult it to live here.
You're a judge.
Deliver justice.
Mr. Dhillon, I derive no pleasure from what I'm about to say.
The order of the court
is that Mr. Hardayal Singh Dhillon will be deported back to India.
Long live India!
Your friend is an extraordinary man, but if you wish to remain in this country,
I cannot recommend that you follow the path that he has chosen.
I now need to speak to Miss Manu Randhawa.
Come, Manu.
Let's go back home.
Where do I have a home?
I'm here to regain it.
Miss Randhawa...
Miss Randhawa.
Miss Randhawa, is your life under threat in your country?
Are you seeking asylum?
Yes, grant me asylum.
Please.
Hardy!
I'll miss you terribly.
Take care of yourself.
I don't question the reason you're gone
But I'll pray for your return every dawn
I'll pray for your return every dawn
God may send every trial my way
But I won't accept your going away
I won't accept your going away
My hopeful heart will wait every day
By the lonely road that took you away
Till my last breath Till the doorstep of death
My hopeful heart will wait every day
By the lonely road that took you away
My hopeful heart will wait every day
By the lonely road that took you away
Eons will pass I'll pretend they're a minute
As I wait for a life... With you back in it
My eyes may struggle to see me In the mirror one day
But they'll still spot you In a crowd far away
My hopeful heart will wait every day
By the lonely road that took you away
My hopeful heart will wait every day
By the lonely road that took you away
Till my last breath Till the doorstep of death
My hopeful heart will wait every day
By the lonely road that took you away
My hopeful heart will wait every day
- By the lonely road that took you away - Hardy!
Coach!
Hardy!
What a lovely weather today!
Get in here!
Why not come to India? Why Dubai?
- Didn't get a visa for India. - Why?
As refugees, we couldn't leave England.
- We finally got citizenship last year... - Okay.
but the Indian Embassy denied us visas.
Why?
They said,
"For asylum, you claimed your life's at risk in India...
- Oh, yes, the asylum issue. - So, why go back?"
We're done with London. Time to go home.
Where are your families? Did you marry?
Tell him.
- Tell me. - Coach...
- I married a German lady. - Excellent!
Got divorced due to my height.
Height?
She said my height was low.
Not height, your IQ was low.
- Yes, something was low. - Something is definitely low in you.
- Are you single? - I'm not.
- Wow! - I have my phone and my charger.
We make a happy trio.
And where's your Jogi?
- Jogi who? - Your husband!
Son of Sukarma and Santokh Jogi.
Brother of Sonia and Simran Jogi. Names on your wedding card.
Where are the Jogis?
Oh!
Is he dead?
No.
Did the scoundrel dump you?
You! You dumped him?
No?
Oh! You never married!
Crazy lady!
You printed only one card... for me!
- If I hadn't, would you have married? - I don't know.
Otherwise, you'd have waited for me lifelong.
I was too attractive to forget.
How does your wife look?
- No, let it be. Drop it. - Can't be hotter than me.
So... what's the plan?
Dunki again or any chance of a visa?
- They're harassing us. - It will be done.
It can take six to eight months.
So, come after six months.
What's the big rush?
Are you dying?
Yes.
What?
The doctor has given me a month.
I fled the hospital.
- What happened to you? - A tumor.
In her brain.
Stop it.
Leave me alone!
Let me...
Coach?
Wait.
He's a soldier. He'll cry in solitude.
Enough now.
Did my dad put up the nameplate on the gate?
"Randhawa House."
No.
He's put something else.
I too put something on your roof.
- An airplane? - No.
What then?
You come and see.
So, take me home.
I haven't hugged my parents in 25 years.
I haven't seen the home I regained.
- I don't want to die among strangers. - No...
I want to die in my country. Among my family.
I'll take you home.
This Diwali will be at home.
Dunki again?
At your age, old dame?
I'll take you by airplane.
I will.
Without a visa? How?
- Like this. Soldier's promise! - Yeah, sure.
- Hello? - Hello.
Hardy! Met Manu?
Yes. Have to get her back. Need your help.
Say it.
Do you know any dunki agents in Dubai?
Bakir.
Is he trustworthy?
Trustworthy agents don't exist! Meet him anyway.
Ship me some stuff. Sending you a list.
Hardy, all the best.
Your destination is 500 meters away.
Turn right.
You have reached your destination.
Hardy?
Bakir?
Geetu called.
What can I do for you?
Send some people to India.
- Do they have a visa? - No.
- Passport? - No.
Money?
Yes.
Consider it done.
A container leaves from Jeddah for India.
It takes five days.
We land in Bhuj.
From there, drive to Laltu.
Check who's at the door.
Mr. Hardy?
Geetu has sent a parcel!
What's this?
Indian clothes.
With "Made in India" labels.
Punjabi newspapers.
Pack them.
Discard your British SIM cards and phones.
Here are the Indian ones. Hang on to them.
Kutch is a border area.
If caught, we should appear Punjabi tourists.
You had promised a plane ride.
It's a dunki again!
Give your British passports to Bakir.
- He'll burn them. - Why?
If caught, there should be no evidence you're British.
Go! Get inside.
Get inside.
- Balli. - Give me your hand.
Get inside.
Hurry up.
Let's go.
- Pick up the food packets. - Food is here.
Pick it up.
That's a lot of food for four days!
Four days?
It'll take you two weeks to London.
Two weeks for London?
We're not going to London!
Big phoo-phoo! Wrong container!
- Bakir, open the door! - Hey!
Let it go.
- Call Bakir. - Yes.
- I will call him. - Call him.
He cut the call.
What?
What now?
Omar Abbasi.
What's the reward for reporting illegal immigrants?
Where do I come?
Jeddah Port.
Okay!
We're in the wrong container. Let us out!
Open it!
Stop the truck.
Go fast!
Open, dammit!
Driver!
- What was that?! - What the hell!
- This is the container. - Get it down!
Offload the container!
Bakir.
Oh.
Omar no hamar.
Bakir... translate.
Hamar means donkey.
Omar says he's no donkey.
Bakir sent me this.
If you lie...
you go to jail for... 50 years.
Fifty years in prison for lying.
Now, your name and citizenship.
Your name and citizenship.
I'm Hardayal Singh Dhillon.
India.
- Tell him. - Balli Kakkad from England.
Buggu Lakhanpal. England.
Manu Randhawa. England.
Citizens of England?
You always take a container to go home?
No, sir. We were going to India.
Via London?
We got into the wrong container.
Yes.
Don't lie, Gulab.
- The game's over. - Who's Gulab?
You are Gulab. Who else?
Come here.
Promise me...
- Don't touch me! - Fine.
Promise, you'll let me go.
We are Indians.
The girl is Chameli.
That guy is Pumpi. And he's Gulab Singh.
- Thank you. - Over.
No, sir. I'm Balli.
- Show your passport. - Show it.
- I gave it to Bakir. - When?
- I'm Balli. - Shut up!
Can you prove that he is Gulab?
I'll do that.
Give me your phone.
All Indian numbers.
India dial code +91.
Dial any number and check.
They'll answer.
Good morning, Gulab.
- Gulab! - In the container?
David will take you from London to Birmingham.
Don't worry, be happy.
I told you... Gulab, Chameli, Pumpi.
- Are you mad-- - Shut up!
Shut up.
Look at them. Do they look British?
Their clothes...
Indian clothes... with "Made in India" labels.
Newspapers... Punjabi.
From last week.
Check his drawers!
Will any self-respecting Englishman don them?
I help you. You help me.
Let me go.
I told you... Omar no hamar.
Omar is no donkey.
I know.
I'm no donkey, either.
- Hey! - Stop!
- Freeze! - Stop right there!
- Stop! - Hands up.
- Wait. - Turn around.
I want to discard this.
Don't shoot me.
I'm done.
I'm a friend.
Leave me.
I was helping you.
You had three. Could've let me go.
I threw my passport.
Now prove in court we're Indians.
We'll be freed someday.
If not London, we'll settle here.
You can't do a thing!
- Over! - I promise you...
I will prove to the court you are all Indians.
And in two weeks,
I will put you all on the flight back to India.
Omar no hamar!
Manu, what did he rattle off in English?
Translate.
He said he'll prove in court...
- we are Indians. - Really?
And in two weeks, put us all on a flight to India.
Anytime there's a mix-up He's there for the fix-up
When he makes a resolve Hurdles dissolve
He's by your side When it's high tide
Make his footprints Your trusted guide
What a guy! Never says die!
Gives all he has With Punjabi pizzazz
For friends this prince Gives his life without a wince!
Hardy's plan was foolproof.
Our real names would reveal we're UK citizens.
Hardy gave us the IDs of three dead friends,
Gulab, Chameli, and Pumpi...
who were killed in Iran.
On record, they were still missing persons.
Our files reached Laltu from Saudi.
Village folk confirmed three youths Gulab, Chameli, and Pumpi,
left on a dunki 25 years ago.
The report stated...
India would accept them back.
We must be the first in history to be so happy in handcuffs.
I told you I would send you back to India in two weeks.
Out!
Omar no hamar. You are...
"King Donkey."
Why are you all so happy?
Because we're going home.
...no hamar!
Sir, what will you have?
- We're going back home. Some dessert? - Yes.
- Gulab jamun? - Gulab jamun!
- Perfect! - Happy Diwali!
- Bless you! - Thanks.
Old dame, I'd promised... a plane ride back home.
If you had no wife, I'd kiss you now.
The very same sky, the very same earth
Every atom familiar and known
Despite all wonders
The world has shown
There's no place like
The land of my birth
I come from a faraway land
The hourglass running out of sand
But I promise it's true
I'm still one of you
Come on!
Wandering like forsaken kites
All those endless days and nights
On foreign winds we have flown
But never ceased to be your own
- I promise it is true - Clap. She's a wrestler from London. Come.
I'm still one of you
Buggu?
The same old town
Beloved places Smiles of those familiar faces
Joys that left eternal traces
Each alley and beloved street
Like old friends I longed to meet
Where are the days I yearn to repeat?
The tea stall in the old bazaar
Silly banter under the stars
The voices of my friends so dear
The days and nights spent here
I feel a grief unbearably deep
For all I lost and could not keep
I kept hidden in my heart
The pain of being apart
MANU'S BUNGALOW
But I promise it's true
I'm still one of you
A long time ago we left our home
But home never left our hearts
Home dwells in every heartbeat
Till the last breath departs
Some tasks fulfilled Some unfinished stay
Now all that remains At the end of the day
Is to rest forever on this earth
The beloved land of my birth
To rest forever on this earth
The beloved land of my birth
You made everyone's life.
Except yours and mine.
No, no.
Like someone said, it's not over till it is over.
Speaking English!
People learn English to go to London.
I learned after coming back!
- Why? - Because I knew...
one day, you'd return... show off your English.
What would I do? Gape at you?
Never!
I'd show off as well!
- Really? - Yes.
- So show off! - Should I?
Wait.
- So, Mr. Hardayal Singh Dhillon... - Yes?
Tell me something about your family in two minutes.
Two-minute speaking test? Okay.
My mother dead. My father dead.
My father's mother is dead. Her mother is dead.
My aunt dead. Her aunt is dead.
My uncle dead. Uncle's uncle is dead.
All... dead, dead, dead!
I... all alone.
Now, I need a wife.
You have a wife. Mrs. Dhillon!
There's no Mrs. Dhillon like there's no Mr. Jogi.
I not married, Manu.
You didn't marry?
I wait for you. I not go to Pathankot.
Because if Manu wants to find Hardy...
it should be "pieces of cake."
Are you for real?
Came to return a tape recorder...
stayed back 25 years.
Ms. Manu Randhawa,
may I ask for your hand, please?
Don't think so much.
You don't have much time. And my old knee hurts.
Manu, everyone says dunki is that journey
where you face hunger, bullets, cross borders, and risk life.
But for me, that journey wasn't the dunki.
It was... life.
Because you were with me.
My dunki was the 25 years I spent without you.
You taught me the true meaning of dunki is to live far from loved ones.
Now, please end my dunki, Manu.
Will you marry Hardy Singh?
If a man proposes so romantically... can a lady refuse?
- I will. - Oh, man!
Just a minute.
One last thing... don't move.
Just a minute.
A sentence in your story
Is all I ask to be
In your quiet moments
Spare a thought for me
No destination left for me now
My friend
The refuge of your arms
Is my journey's end
Coach...
would a jeans store be successful in Punjab?
Distressed jeans.
Well, your first customer is ready.
His mummy.
Not funny. What is this?
I think we should set up a fast-food joint. It will thrive.
- Online. - Home delivery.
Wait up!
Can I say something?
There's no future in India. All of you should go to London.
Who will give us a visa?
Leave that to me.
Do you have a college degree?
No.
Property?
No.
A good bank balance?
No.
No problem.
I'll send you on a dunki.
Oh!
It's really easy.
- He says dunki is really easy! - Sure.
- Son, place your hand here. - Over here.
- Keep it. - Yes, here.
- Here? - Right here.
Don't worry. Son, are you okay?
- Yes, I'm fine. - Okay.
You're saying dunki is really easy?!