1 00:02:50,470 --> 00:02:51,671 - You missed a bit. 2 00:02:51,673 --> 00:02:53,539 - Christ's sake fuckin'... 3 00:02:53,541 --> 00:02:54,439 - I won a hat. 4 00:02:54,441 --> 00:02:56,274 - What? 5 00:02:56,276 --> 00:02:57,743 - At the fête. For the village hall roof. 6 00:02:57,745 --> 00:03:00,345 - Christ and fucking baby Moses in a basket, Jeffrey! 7 00:03:00,347 --> 00:03:01,814 - What? 8 00:03:01,816 --> 00:03:03,849 - That's a fucking awful hat. 9 00:03:03,851 --> 00:03:05,686 Boots! 10 00:03:16,496 --> 00:03:18,898 - I've not found any infections. 11 00:03:18,900 --> 00:03:22,068 As long as we all just stick to the rules, it'll be fine. 12 00:03:22,070 --> 00:03:23,502 - I don't know how they think 13 00:03:23,504 --> 00:03:24,469 they'll close the Moor. 14 00:03:24,471 --> 00:03:25,638 - Well they have. 15 00:03:25,640 --> 00:03:27,006 - No, they haven't. 16 00:03:27,008 --> 00:03:29,374 How do you close the fucking countryside? 17 00:03:29,376 --> 00:03:31,944 - Signs, bits of tape. 18 00:03:31,946 --> 00:03:33,045 - Oh, thank God. 19 00:03:33,047 --> 00:03:35,782 Well, as long as they got bits of tape. 20 00:03:36,050 --> 00:03:37,016 - There, look! 21 00:03:37,018 --> 00:03:38,551 - Dotty? 22 00:03:38,553 --> 00:03:39,552 - She's turning circles. Champion! 23 00:03:39,554 --> 00:03:42,221 - Well spotted, Herriot! 24 00:03:52,900 --> 00:03:54,500 - She's gonna pop any minute. 25 00:03:54,502 --> 00:03:55,868 Hey, you're glad I'm here now. 26 00:03:55,870 --> 00:03:57,903 - Need you like a hole in the hernia. 27 00:03:57,905 --> 00:03:59,605 - Shut up. 28 00:03:59,607 --> 00:04:01,540 I'll give you a hand then we can wet the baby's head. 29 00:04:01,542 --> 00:04:03,075 - Give me a hand? 30 00:04:03,077 --> 00:04:04,577 Jeffrey, how many cattle do you think 31 00:04:04,579 --> 00:04:06,411 I've calved in my time? 32 00:04:06,413 --> 00:04:07,913 - How many? 33 00:04:07,915 --> 00:04:10,348 - Well, I don't fucking know, do we? Loads! 34 00:04:10,350 --> 00:04:11,416 Go home. 35 00:04:11,418 --> 00:04:12,852 - Hang on. 36 00:04:12,854 --> 00:04:14,788 Got you a present! 37 00:04:38,746 --> 00:04:42,849 - That calf is desperate to be born. Come on, Dotty. 38 00:04:43,084 --> 00:04:44,885 Right? My turn. 39 00:04:45,586 --> 00:04:49,722 Capital of Norway. 40 00:04:49,724 --> 00:04:51,456 - Helsinki. 41 00:04:51,458 --> 00:04:53,626 - Who sang... 42 00:04:53,628 --> 00:04:55,060 - You can still make the pub quiz, you know. 43 00:04:55,062 --> 00:04:57,495 - No, I'm keeping you company. 44 00:04:57,497 --> 00:04:59,064 - Aren't you just. 45 00:04:59,066 --> 00:05:00,900 - who sang... 46 00:05:00,902 --> 00:05:02,935 - It's like being trapped with Michael fucking Aspells. 47 00:05:02,937 --> 00:05:05,972 - A Whiter Sade of Pale? 48 00:05:06,741 --> 00:05:08,439 Come on. 49 00:05:08,441 --> 00:05:10,442 Everyone knows this one. 50 00:05:12,412 --> 00:05:13,444 - Abba. 51 00:05:13,446 --> 00:05:14,947 - Abba? 52 00:05:14,949 --> 00:05:16,782 - I'm gonna put your head through that wall 53 00:05:16,784 --> 00:05:18,416 if you're not careful. 54 00:05:18,418 --> 00:05:19,919 - Abba! 55 00:05:19,921 --> 00:05:21,620 - Chuck you in the slurry pit. 56 00:05:21,622 --> 00:05:22,453 - Abba. 57 00:05:22,455 --> 00:05:23,923 - No one will miss you, you know. 58 00:05:23,925 --> 00:05:26,660 - Doesn't sound a bit like Abba. 59 00:05:29,764 --> 00:05:31,965 - Oh, she's grand. 60 00:05:32,399 --> 00:05:34,034 - Yep. 61 00:06:01,494 --> 00:06:02,528 - What is known-? 62 00:06:02,530 --> 00:06:04,129 - Oh fuck off. 63 00:06:04,131 --> 00:06:08,902 - What is known as "The Old Lady of Thread Needle Suite?" 64 00:06:10,137 --> 00:06:12,806 - You? 65 00:06:29,456 --> 00:06:32,625 - Which author wrote- 66 00:06:32,627 --> 00:06:36,062 Hey! 67 00:07:05,660 --> 00:07:08,060 - Here's a question. Why you here? 68 00:07:08,062 --> 00:07:09,862 - You're a miserable sod, you know that? 69 00:07:09,864 --> 00:07:11,664 - Yeah. 70 00:07:11,666 --> 00:07:13,133 Come on then. 71 00:07:13,501 --> 00:07:15,000 - What? 72 00:07:15,002 --> 00:07:17,269 - You got a proper tasty bit waiting for you back home, 73 00:07:17,271 --> 00:07:19,505 probably cooking you a slap up dinner, 74 00:07:19,507 --> 00:07:22,041 and yet you been sat here, best part of two hours, 75 00:07:22,043 --> 00:07:23,676 boring the arse off me. 76 00:07:23,678 --> 00:07:25,711 - I haven't. 77 00:07:25,713 --> 00:07:27,880 - We had half an hour of who said what at the village fete, 78 00:07:27,882 --> 00:07:31,517 another half an hour on Mrs Kelly's rabbit's intestines- 79 00:07:31,519 --> 00:07:32,651 - That was actually fascinating. 80 00:07:32,653 --> 00:07:34,520 - Holly's grade three cello, 81 00:07:34,522 --> 00:07:37,556 what worktops Helen wants for your new kitchen, 82 00:07:37,558 --> 00:07:40,126 I'm surprised you got breath in you. 83 00:07:42,530 --> 00:07:44,063 You better not be fucking billing me. 84 00:07:44,065 --> 00:07:45,931 - No! 85 00:07:45,933 --> 00:07:47,700 - Tell you, I had your missus 86 00:07:47,702 --> 00:07:52,072 I'd be home like fucking shot, ay? 87 00:07:53,140 --> 00:07:56,242 What have you done, Herriot? 88 00:08:14,695 --> 00:08:16,830 - Got a name yet? 89 00:08:18,065 --> 00:08:19,933 Arabella? 90 00:08:19,967 --> 00:08:21,633 No? 91 00:08:21,635 --> 00:08:23,002 Gladys? 92 00:08:23,004 --> 00:08:25,070 - Who'd call a fucking cow Gladys? 93 00:08:25,072 --> 00:08:25,871 - I would. 94 00:08:25,873 --> 00:08:27,573 - You would. 95 00:08:27,575 --> 00:08:29,141 Victoria. 96 00:08:29,143 --> 00:08:30,776 - Oh, Victoria. 97 00:08:30,778 --> 00:08:33,178 - These is the last of Sheila names, see? 98 00:08:33,180 --> 00:08:38,952 So we got Elizabeth and Anne, Diana, Margaret, Zara, 99 00:08:39,353 --> 00:08:42,287 Beatrice, Mary. 100 00:08:42,289 --> 00:08:45,592 We lost Camilla to the bloat in February. 101 00:08:45,926 --> 00:08:47,727 Who's missing? 102 00:08:48,129 --> 00:08:51,231 Ah- Eugenie's with her newborn in the south shed. 103 00:08:51,866 --> 00:08:53,999 I'm running out of Royals. 104 00:08:54,001 --> 00:08:56,102 - Fergie. 105 00:08:56,637 --> 00:08:58,203 Hey, what about Jeffrey? 106 00:08:58,205 --> 00:09:01,607 - Jesus, you can't call a cow Jeffrey. 107 00:09:01,609 --> 00:09:04,744 They shouldn't let bloody humans be called Jeffrey. 108 00:09:05,146 --> 00:09:06,845 Did I ever tell you bout the time we let 109 00:09:06,847 --> 00:09:08,914 Trev name the newborns? 110 00:09:08,916 --> 00:09:11,784 He must have been about eight or nine. 111 00:09:11,786 --> 00:09:15,087 Sheila's idea o'course, bloody disaster. 112 00:09:15,089 --> 00:09:17,956 Tell you, I get out one morning and the little buggers 113 00:09:17,958 --> 00:09:19,958 found an hole in the hedge. 114 00:09:19,960 --> 00:09:22,795 So there I was, out down them fields in nothin' 115 00:09:22,797 --> 00:09:24,797 but boots and jarmers calling 116 00:09:24,799 --> 00:09:27,299 "Ay Sheila! I found Bagpuss, 117 00:09:27,301 --> 00:09:30,636 but there's no sign of Professor Yaffle". 118 00:09:30,638 --> 00:09:33,772 Well of course Sam Ellacott across the way hears, 119 00:09:33,774 --> 00:09:36,942 so as I walks in to Tavvi market next week, 120 00:09:36,944 --> 00:09:38,277 they're all there- 121 00:09:38,279 --> 00:09:41,081 - Singing the bloody theme tune. 122 00:09:46,821 --> 00:09:48,822 - How is Trev? 123 00:09:49,657 --> 00:09:52,959 I hear he did all the arrangements of the service, 124 00:09:54,061 --> 00:09:57,831 sorted all the flowers and food and whatnot. 125 00:09:59,233 --> 00:10:01,134 - Up his street, innit? 126 00:10:24,925 --> 00:10:27,127 Here's one for you. 127 00:10:33,834 --> 00:10:34,933 - Nightingale? 128 00:10:34,935 --> 00:10:35,868 - Bloody useless. 129 00:10:35,870 --> 00:10:37,202 - All right. 130 00:10:37,204 --> 00:10:39,838 - It's like trying to teach a dog to drive. 131 00:10:39,840 --> 00:10:41,106 Try again. 132 00:10:41,108 --> 00:10:42,107 - Great tit? 133 00:10:42,109 --> 00:10:44,710 - Only one tit round here. 134 00:10:44,712 --> 00:10:46,412 Nightjar. 135 00:10:48,482 --> 00:10:50,115 - It's strange. 136 00:10:50,117 --> 00:10:53,952 - You hardly ever see 'em, only hear them. 137 00:10:53,954 --> 00:10:56,088 They fly silent. 138 00:10:56,090 --> 00:10:58,190 Bad luck is nightjars. 139 00:10:58,192 --> 00:11:00,360 It's a bird of death. 140 00:11:00,461 --> 00:11:02,362 - Whoooooooo! 141 00:11:07,468 --> 00:11:10,035 - Ellacott's full a shit, isn't he? 142 00:11:10,037 --> 00:11:12,372 Reckons it's coming down this way. 143 00:11:12,840 --> 00:11:15,040 That's not why you're here is it? 144 00:11:15,042 --> 00:11:17,342 - No, it's no where near here. 145 00:11:17,344 --> 00:11:18,477 - Mike Leach at Hexworthy 146 00:11:18,479 --> 00:11:20,746 just lost his entire herd. 147 00:11:20,748 --> 00:11:23,348 Everything he had is being piled up and burnt. 148 00:11:23,350 --> 00:11:25,350 - They're just being- that's precautions. 149 00:11:25,352 --> 00:11:27,186 You're gonna be fine. 150 00:11:27,188 --> 00:11:29,488 - Yeah, course I fucking will. 151 00:11:29,490 --> 00:11:31,356 Nothing wrong with my cows. 152 00:11:31,358 --> 00:11:33,292 - I know. 153 00:11:33,294 --> 00:11:34,893 - You think something's up with Dotty? 154 00:11:34,895 --> 00:11:37,462 - Jesus Christ Michael. You'd know if there was. 155 00:11:37,464 --> 00:11:39,198 - Why you here, then. 156 00:11:39,200 --> 00:11:40,365 - You kicking me out? 157 00:11:40,367 --> 00:11:41,466 - Yes. 158 00:11:41,468 --> 00:11:43,336 - Fine. 159 00:11:44,539 --> 00:11:46,805 - What the bloody hell's going on, Jeffrey? 160 00:11:46,807 --> 00:11:48,307 - This is getting really boring. 161 00:11:48,309 --> 00:11:49,808 - Well, just tell me why you're here, then. 162 00:11:49,810 --> 00:11:52,211 - The scintillating conversation. 163 00:11:52,213 --> 00:11:54,813 - Look, be serious Jeffrey. 164 00:11:54,815 --> 00:11:56,382 Something's up. 165 00:11:58,185 --> 00:12:00,286 Come on then, spit it out. 166 00:12:03,924 --> 00:12:05,992 - I don't know. 167 00:12:07,361 --> 00:12:10,096 I just can't seem to put a foot right. 168 00:12:13,434 --> 00:12:16,401 Been sleeping on a camp bed in the study for three weeks. 169 00:12:16,403 --> 00:12:19,572 Then every morning I tidy it away so Holly doesn't see. 170 00:12:19,574 --> 00:12:22,542 It's constant eggshells all the time. 171 00:12:22,544 --> 00:12:24,943 - You don't know you're born, you got it made bey. 172 00:12:24,945 --> 00:12:26,411 Oh, have I? 173 00:12:26,413 --> 00:12:29,047 - Lovely house, beautiful little girl. 174 00:12:29,049 --> 00:12:30,349 I tell you, I had your missus- 175 00:12:30,351 --> 00:12:33,319 - Take her. You can have her. 176 00:12:36,223 --> 00:12:40,158 Oh. Shit. Shit. Sorry. 177 00:12:40,160 --> 00:12:42,862 Shit. I didn't mean- 178 00:12:43,998 --> 00:12:47,400 - How um, how is it? 179 00:12:49,571 --> 00:12:52,237 - It's the little things, that's a bugger. 180 00:12:52,239 --> 00:12:55,207 You just catch yourself. 181 00:12:55,209 --> 00:12:57,242 Some mornings I come down and before I know it 182 00:12:57,244 --> 00:12:59,846 I made two cups of tea. 183 00:13:00,914 --> 00:13:03,383 It's funny, was about this time of year. 184 00:13:04,051 --> 00:13:09,555 Came back one day, there's a letter, you know, test results, 185 00:13:09,557 --> 00:13:13,092 just sitting there propped up against a pot of daffs. 186 00:13:14,529 --> 00:13:17,363 She didn't see out the year. 187 00:13:18,232 --> 00:13:21,234 No fucking age is it, 58? 188 00:13:21,869 --> 00:13:23,469 - No. 189 00:13:24,004 --> 00:13:25,872 It's very cruel. 190 00:13:28,610 --> 00:13:30,510 Remember that year? 191 00:13:30,512 --> 00:13:32,077 Who was it went breech? 192 00:13:32,079 --> 00:13:32,878 - Jojo. 193 00:13:32,880 --> 00:13:34,379 - Jojo. 194 00:13:34,381 --> 00:13:36,381 And we were out here for hours. 195 00:13:36,383 --> 00:13:38,350 - Pissing bloody icicles! 196 00:13:38,352 --> 00:13:40,320 - Freezing cold. 197 00:13:41,155 --> 00:13:44,056 And when we finally got back in the kitchen there she was. 198 00:13:44,058 --> 00:13:46,158 The magnificent Sheila, 199 00:13:46,160 --> 00:13:48,093 four in the morning cooking us a fry-up. 200 00:13:48,095 --> 00:13:49,461 - Yeah. 201 00:13:49,463 --> 00:13:50,929 - I could have kissed her. 202 00:13:50,931 --> 00:13:51,930 - You did kiss her. 203 00:13:51,932 --> 00:13:53,198 - Oh yeah. 204 00:13:53,200 --> 00:13:54,534 - Remind me to knock your block off for that. 205 00:13:56,604 --> 00:13:58,270 - Great big heart she had. 206 00:13:58,272 --> 00:14:00,840 And arse to match. 207 00:14:02,343 --> 00:14:03,942 - I should have come to the funeral. 208 00:14:03,944 --> 00:14:05,077 - Don't want to hear this again. 209 00:14:05,079 --> 00:14:06,979 - No, no. But I should. 210 00:14:07,549 --> 00:14:09,314 I should have come back from Surrey. 211 00:14:09,316 --> 00:14:11,116 It's just, Helen and her mother wanted- 212 00:14:11,118 --> 00:14:15,421 - You gotta do for your family. That's how it is. 213 00:14:18,626 --> 00:14:20,960 - It's got to burst. 214 00:14:22,329 --> 00:14:24,162 Whenever this is, 215 00:14:24,164 --> 00:14:27,634 this rain cloud hanging over us. 216 00:14:28,603 --> 00:14:31,336 Oh Christ I've gone all serious. 217 00:14:31,338 --> 00:14:34,140 Which case it probably is time to leave. 218 00:14:34,274 --> 00:14:37,910 You can take it from here anyway. She'll be fine now. 219 00:14:41,482 --> 00:14:43,983 - You know your trouble bey? 220 00:14:45,687 --> 00:14:50,123 "Eat before cider. Or the cider eats you." 221 00:14:50,991 --> 00:14:53,126 - A very fine point. 222 00:14:57,097 --> 00:14:58,464 - Jeffrey! 223 00:14:59,634 --> 00:15:01,333 You'd be in charge anyway, wouldn't you? 224 00:15:01,335 --> 00:15:03,135 If it comes down here. 225 00:15:03,137 --> 00:15:05,470 So you make sure it's all right. 226 00:15:05,472 --> 00:15:06,972 - You're gonna be fine. 227 00:15:06,974 --> 00:15:09,274 - You know you're bloody irritating as hell. 228 00:15:09,276 --> 00:15:10,743 - I'm going, I'm going! 229 00:15:10,745 --> 00:15:13,212 - No, shut up a minute. 230 00:15:18,485 --> 00:15:21,353 You're the only one I trust with my girls. 231 00:15:21,355 --> 00:15:23,121 - Nothing's gonna happen. 232 00:15:23,123 --> 00:15:24,991 - Swear it. 233 00:15:33,367 --> 00:15:35,000 - Although it has been less than a month 234 00:15:35,002 --> 00:15:38,336 since the discovery of foot and mouth in Essex, 235 00:15:38,338 --> 00:15:41,339 the Ministry of Agriculture admitted today that this 236 00:15:41,341 --> 00:15:44,977 was an epidemic on a potentially huge scale. 237 00:15:45,312 --> 00:15:48,213 The government's chief scientist and chief vet told 238 00:15:48,215 --> 00:15:50,482 reporters it was much worse than the last outbreak 239 00:15:50,484 --> 00:15:53,051 in Britain in 1967. 240 00:15:53,053 --> 00:15:54,486 In order to stop the rapid spread 241 00:15:54,488 --> 00:15:56,556 of the disease across the country, 242 00:15:56,558 --> 00:15:58,724 the government has decided to extend the policy 243 00:15:58,726 --> 00:16:01,092 of contiguous cull and that all animals within 244 00:16:01,094 --> 00:16:03,596 a three kilometer radius of an infected farm 245 00:16:03,598 --> 00:16:07,032 are to be slaughtered and then burned on site. 246 00:16:07,034 --> 00:16:09,201 The nationwide ban on all livestock movement 247 00:16:09,203 --> 00:16:11,137 is to remain in place. 248 00:16:25,219 --> 00:16:27,588 - Oh fuck. 249 00:16:54,682 --> 00:16:56,549 - Herriot! 250 00:16:56,551 --> 00:16:58,384 Herriot! 251 00:17:00,755 --> 00:17:03,656 - Give me a minute. I just need to talk to him. 252 00:17:03,658 --> 00:17:05,257 - Just him! 253 00:17:05,259 --> 00:17:10,062 You lot don't step one fucking toe on my property! 254 00:17:25,212 --> 00:17:28,381 - Michael. Can you not please? 255 00:17:35,455 --> 00:17:36,522 Is that thing loaded? 256 00:17:36,524 --> 00:17:38,625 - Get in, you fanny. 257 00:17:48,201 --> 00:17:52,605 'Scuse the mess, butler's on holiday and all that! 258 00:17:52,607 --> 00:17:54,740 There's one over there look, by them papers. 259 00:17:54,742 --> 00:17:56,274 - What? 260 00:17:56,276 --> 00:17:58,209 - Mug, probably need a rinse mind. 261 00:17:58,211 --> 00:18:00,580 Got milk, sugar, the works. 262 00:18:00,582 --> 00:18:02,882 Soon as I get this bugger lit. 263 00:18:02,884 --> 00:18:04,249 - I don't want any tea. 264 00:18:04,251 --> 00:18:06,384 - Even got me little saucepan look. 265 00:18:06,386 --> 00:18:08,888 Egg? I'll do you an egg? 266 00:18:08,890 --> 00:18:10,155 - No, thank you. 267 00:18:10,157 --> 00:18:12,425 - But you love a dippy egg! 268 00:18:12,660 --> 00:18:16,763 Tell you what, while I do me Gordon blur, where is he, ah... 269 00:18:18,533 --> 00:18:21,500 Be a good boy. Roll this fag. 270 00:18:21,769 --> 00:18:22,902 - Michael, what are you doing. 271 00:18:22,904 --> 00:18:24,637 - Roll us a fag! 272 00:18:24,639 --> 00:18:27,707 - You can't go round threatening people with a shotgun! 273 00:18:27,709 --> 00:18:30,576 - Well it's just a threat innit? 274 00:18:30,578 --> 00:18:34,145 Come on Herriot. You don't half look a tit you know. 275 00:18:34,147 --> 00:18:36,649 Take that stupid jonny off and roll us a fag. 276 00:18:36,651 --> 00:18:38,619 I'm gaspin'. 277 00:18:46,961 --> 00:18:48,527 "Go to work on an egg". 278 00:18:48,529 --> 00:18:51,329 That's what they say, do you remember that one? 279 00:18:51,331 --> 00:18:55,434 "Go to work on an egg". Clever that. 280 00:18:55,937 --> 00:18:58,436 Thinking of getting chickens again. 281 00:18:58,438 --> 00:19:00,338 Used to have 'em 282 00:19:00,340 --> 00:19:02,508 but it's a bugger keeping the foxes from getting 'em. 283 00:19:02,510 --> 00:19:03,976 Get out in the morning, 284 00:19:03,978 --> 00:19:06,613 find fucking chicken confetti everywhere. 285 00:19:06,848 --> 00:19:08,914 Still, nice having chickens innit though, 286 00:19:08,916 --> 00:19:11,316 clucking about the place. 287 00:19:11,318 --> 00:19:15,454 Make it seem a bit more Darling Buds of fucking May. 288 00:19:19,459 --> 00:19:20,626 - Here. 289 00:19:20,628 --> 00:19:22,495 Oh, ta! 290 00:19:24,999 --> 00:19:26,832 Are you okay? 291 00:19:26,834 --> 00:19:30,904 - Oh yeah. Tip top me, top of the pops, now I got you here. 292 00:19:31,338 --> 00:19:33,272 - It's almost nine. 293 00:19:34,842 --> 00:19:38,679 They're supposed to, well at nine they start. 294 00:19:39,580 --> 00:19:42,181 - For fuck's sake. 295 00:19:44,652 --> 00:19:46,452 - Here. 296 00:19:50,925 --> 00:19:52,792 - Cheers mate. 297 00:19:52,794 --> 00:19:54,960 We should get that pan on. 298 00:19:54,962 --> 00:19:57,630 Was going to do your dippy egg, weren't I? 299 00:19:57,632 --> 00:19:59,330 - Or a coffee. 300 00:19:59,332 --> 00:20:01,834 - Why in fuck would I have fucking coffee out here? 301 00:20:01,836 --> 00:20:03,736 This look like the fucking Ritz hotel? 302 00:20:03,738 --> 00:20:05,738 - Well I don't know what you got stashed in your cool box! 303 00:20:05,740 --> 00:20:07,338 - You're in a bloody cattle shed, mate. 304 00:20:07,340 --> 00:20:09,575 - You were gonna make tea. 305 00:20:09,577 --> 00:20:11,644 - Yeah, tea. Tea's normal, innit? 306 00:20:11,646 --> 00:20:13,478 - Oh, excuse me, 307 00:20:13,480 --> 00:20:14,980 one minute you're Gordon blur doing me a dippy egg- 308 00:20:14,982 --> 00:20:16,015 - Do you want a dippy egg? 309 00:20:16,017 --> 00:20:16,849 - Not really. 310 00:20:16,851 --> 00:20:18,383 - Do you want a cup of tea? 311 00:20:18,385 --> 00:20:19,018 - No. 312 00:20:19,020 --> 00:20:21,353 - Well off you fuck then! 313 00:20:26,994 --> 00:20:27,827 - Hi. 314 00:20:27,829 --> 00:20:30,361 - That your little friends, is it? 315 00:20:30,363 --> 00:20:33,734 - We're just talking. Hang on, I'll be out in a minute. 316 00:20:34,434 --> 00:20:36,635 - Um. You stay here and make the tea. 317 00:20:36,637 --> 00:20:38,003 I'll go and talk to them. 318 00:20:38,005 --> 00:20:39,605 - Right? 319 00:20:39,607 --> 00:20:41,407 - I'm coming now. 320 00:21:21,048 --> 00:21:22,715 - It's just me. 321 00:21:22,717 --> 00:21:24,449 - They going? 322 00:21:24,451 --> 00:21:25,885 - They want to call the police. 323 00:21:25,887 --> 00:21:27,452 I'm gonna have to let them in. 324 00:21:27,454 --> 00:21:29,088 - No wait- 325 00:21:29,090 --> 00:21:30,589 - It's nearly nine o'clock, Michael. 326 00:21:30,591 --> 00:21:32,892 - You got your doodah, mobile? 327 00:21:32,894 --> 00:21:35,460 Got the number here somewhere. 328 00:21:35,462 --> 00:21:36,962 - For MAFF? 329 00:21:36,964 --> 00:21:38,631 - What have they told you? 330 00:21:38,633 --> 00:21:40,065 Just keep banging on if I don't let the arseholes in 331 00:21:40,067 --> 00:21:42,968 I won't get no compensation. 332 00:21:42,970 --> 00:21:44,637 But it's not about the fucking money is it? 333 00:21:44,639 --> 00:21:46,939 It's like talking to a brick wall. 334 00:21:46,941 --> 00:21:48,140 - I've heard the money. 335 00:21:48,142 --> 00:21:50,475 Well, it's kind of a respectable offer. 336 00:21:50,477 --> 00:21:52,044 - Nah. Got you here now han't I? 337 00:21:52,046 --> 00:21:54,379 You can talk some bloody sense into 'em. 338 00:21:54,381 --> 00:21:56,682 - I don't what I can say. 339 00:21:56,684 --> 00:21:58,484 Jesus Christ-! 340 00:21:58,753 --> 00:22:01,720 - Just tell them you done the tests, 341 00:22:01,722 --> 00:22:03,924 they'll listen to you won't they? 342 00:22:04,592 --> 00:22:06,592 - I don't think you'll get anywhere with MAFF. 343 00:22:06,594 --> 00:22:10,729 This is national policy. It's coming from MAFF. 344 00:22:10,731 --> 00:22:12,397 - But it...this, what's happening's 345 00:22:12,399 --> 00:22:14,733 all on account a Ellacott's herd, 346 00:22:14,735 --> 00:22:16,836 just cos we share the hedge by the stream. 347 00:22:16,838 --> 00:22:19,104 But there's no cows in that field. 348 00:22:19,106 --> 00:22:22,508 Hasn't been for months. That can't be right can it? 349 00:22:22,510 --> 00:22:23,976 - No, but- 350 00:22:23,978 --> 00:22:26,444 - So we'll tell em. You tell 'em you know me Jeffrey 351 00:22:26,446 --> 00:22:29,949 and I've had them disinfectant baths out for weeks. 352 00:22:29,951 --> 00:22:32,151 And the mats, washed the gates. 353 00:22:32,153 --> 00:22:34,787 You could eat your dinner off them fence posts, 354 00:22:34,789 --> 00:22:38,190 amount of time I scrubbed 'em! They're not ill. 355 00:22:38,192 --> 00:22:39,158 - No. 356 00:22:39,160 --> 00:22:40,759 - So we'll tell them. 357 00:22:40,761 --> 00:22:42,996 - I don't think it's gonna make- 358 00:22:50,071 --> 00:22:54,641 - You're playing silly buggers now, are ya? 359 00:23:12,860 --> 00:23:14,793 - Ministry of Agriculture, Fisheries and Food. 360 00:23:14,795 --> 00:23:16,562 How can I help? 361 00:23:16,564 --> 00:23:18,430 Hello? 362 00:23:18,599 --> 00:23:20,432 Hello? 363 00:23:37,184 --> 00:23:41,955 - You happy? Are you? Pleased with yourselves?! 364 00:23:42,823 --> 00:23:44,189 - What's going on? 365 00:23:44,191 --> 00:23:45,858 - Look at the state of him. 366 00:23:45,860 --> 00:23:48,627 All this fucking soot and ash. 367 00:23:48,629 --> 00:23:51,496 Poor little buggers don't stand a chance. 368 00:23:51,498 --> 00:23:52,798 Not that they care. 369 00:23:52,800 --> 00:23:53,966 They won't be happy until 370 00:23:53,968 --> 00:23:55,901 the whole fucking country's on fire! 371 00:23:55,903 --> 00:23:58,237 - He's not dead. No. Still breathing. 372 00:23:58,239 --> 00:23:59,872 - Is he? 373 00:23:59,874 --> 00:24:01,040 - Hmm? Just dazed I think. 374 00:24:01,042 --> 00:24:03,543 - Poor little thing. 375 00:24:07,048 --> 00:24:09,214 Let's put him over here look, 376 00:24:09,216 --> 00:24:11,985 and he can see some sun when he wakes up. 377 00:24:17,525 --> 00:24:19,591 - Dapper little chap. 378 00:24:19,593 --> 00:24:20,793 What sort is he? 379 00:24:20,795 --> 00:24:22,027 - What sort? 380 00:24:22,029 --> 00:24:23,830 - The bird. 381 00:24:23,998 --> 00:24:25,197 - For the cleverest bloke I know, 382 00:24:25,199 --> 00:24:27,901 you don't half know fuck all. 383 00:24:28,169 --> 00:24:29,970 Quail. 384 00:24:30,271 --> 00:24:31,870 - Quail. 385 00:24:31,872 --> 00:24:37,743 - Come on then. There you go. There you go. 386 00:24:37,745 --> 00:24:39,913 Come on. Come on. 387 00:24:41,849 --> 00:24:44,149 The state of all this. 388 00:24:44,151 --> 00:24:48,087 Old Sheils'd go batty she seen what it done to her nets. 389 00:24:48,089 --> 00:24:50,690 - Yeah, it's been driving Helen mad. 390 00:24:51,158 --> 00:24:54,727 Holly came in covered, it was all over her bike. 391 00:24:54,729 --> 00:24:56,328 - All this from Ellacott's? 392 00:24:56,330 --> 00:24:58,131 - Yep. 393 00:24:58,733 --> 00:25:01,166 - That was you, was that? 394 00:25:01,168 --> 00:25:02,936 - Yes. 395 00:25:05,039 --> 00:25:07,240 - Where's the phone to? 396 00:25:08,843 --> 00:25:11,845 Must have got cut off. 397 00:25:12,913 --> 00:25:14,747 Where's that number? 398 00:25:14,749 --> 00:25:16,048 - Michael? 399 00:25:16,050 --> 00:25:17,683 I'm going to have to let them in. 400 00:25:17,685 --> 00:25:19,018 - You what? 401 00:25:19,020 --> 00:25:20,686 - I, I've been trying to tell you. 402 00:25:20,688 --> 00:25:23,622 - Don't be daft, we're gonna get all this sorted look. 403 00:25:23,624 --> 00:25:25,324 - This is national policy. 404 00:25:25,326 --> 00:25:27,593 - But you know the right things to say. 405 00:25:27,595 --> 00:25:29,094 - It doesn't work like that. 406 00:25:29,096 --> 00:25:31,897 - Oh, come on bey this don't make no sense. 407 00:25:31,899 --> 00:25:34,767 You tested all my girls yourself. Right? 408 00:25:34,769 --> 00:25:37,603 And all those tests come back negative, right? 409 00:25:37,605 --> 00:25:38,871 - Yes. But- 410 00:25:38,873 --> 00:25:40,606 - Then why have I got this? 411 00:25:40,608 --> 00:25:42,374 This fucking shitty little bit of paper, 412 00:25:42,376 --> 00:25:44,610 telling me that every living thing within three miles 413 00:25:44,612 --> 00:25:47,547 is gonna be slaughtered? You tell me that. 414 00:25:48,015 --> 00:25:49,081 - The order's from the top- 415 00:25:49,083 --> 00:25:51,350 - Order's from the top? 416 00:25:51,352 --> 00:25:54,119 They can't just waltz here and do what they like. 417 00:25:54,121 --> 00:25:56,188 - Yes they can. That's exactly what they can do. 418 00:25:56,190 --> 00:25:58,725 - But this is my farm. 419 00:25:59,293 --> 00:26:01,026 - I'm sorry. 420 00:26:01,028 --> 00:26:04,830 - But there's nothing wrong with any one of my girls. 421 00:26:04,832 --> 00:26:05,864 Is it? 422 00:26:05,866 --> 00:26:06,899 Is there? 423 00:26:06,901 --> 00:26:07,933 - Doesn't matter. 424 00:26:07,935 --> 00:26:09,268 The government have decided. 425 00:26:09,270 --> 00:26:11,136 - Oh have they?! 426 00:26:11,138 --> 00:26:13,906 Well trot along like a good little boy taking orders! 427 00:26:13,908 --> 00:26:15,974 - I haven't got a choice! 428 00:26:15,976 --> 00:26:17,811 - Bollocks have you! 429 00:26:19,880 --> 00:26:24,116 Come on bey. You and me, we hold our ground 430 00:26:24,118 --> 00:26:26,785 and we'll fucking Butch and Sundance the lot of them! 431 00:26:26,787 --> 00:26:28,655 Yeah?! 432 00:26:29,723 --> 00:26:31,190 - No. 433 00:26:31,192 --> 00:26:33,359 - No? Fucking no? 434 00:26:33,894 --> 00:26:35,794 - It's out of my hands, Michael. 435 00:26:35,796 --> 00:26:36,895 - Out of your hands?! 436 00:26:36,897 --> 00:26:40,667 It ain't right! It ain't right! 437 00:26:40,935 --> 00:26:43,902 - Michael! I've never seen anything like it! 438 00:26:43,904 --> 00:26:47,172 It it, it's like a war! 439 00:26:47,174 --> 00:26:48,941 It's just bleeding across the countryside 440 00:26:48,943 --> 00:26:50,776 and they can't contain it. 441 00:26:50,778 --> 00:26:53,912 - Well it's not here! There's nothing wrong with my girls! 442 00:26:53,914 --> 00:26:55,147 You said so yourself! 443 00:26:55,149 --> 00:26:57,117 - Doesn't matter! 444 00:26:57,218 --> 00:26:59,485 It's chaos! 445 00:26:59,487 --> 00:27:01,787 Last week, the slaughter team in Moretonhampstead 446 00:27:01,789 --> 00:27:03,422 spooked the herd so badly they started 447 00:27:03,424 --> 00:27:05,324 trying to jump the hedges! 448 00:27:05,326 --> 00:27:07,693 Two calves drowned in the river. 449 00:27:07,695 --> 00:27:11,030 And, and they just went ahead and built a pyre. 450 00:27:11,132 --> 00:27:12,431 And, and, and you could hear them. 451 00:27:12,433 --> 00:27:14,233 Not all those cows were dead. 452 00:27:14,235 --> 00:27:18,972 They, they, they hadn't stunned them properly or God knows. 453 00:27:20,774 --> 00:27:23,243 I- I won't let that happen to you. 454 00:27:25,312 --> 00:27:28,848 Please Michael, let me do it properly. 455 00:27:32,286 --> 00:27:35,655 If I don't do it, they'll just hire in someone else. 456 00:27:40,261 --> 00:27:43,796 - Works picked up for you, something chronic, innit? 457 00:27:44,098 --> 00:27:45,430 - How can you think that? 458 00:27:45,432 --> 00:27:46,465 - Pays well, does it? 459 00:27:46,467 --> 00:27:50,170 Yeah, plenty of work for you now. 460 00:27:50,437 --> 00:27:52,371 Well that's all it is. 461 00:27:52,373 --> 00:27:53,939 Whatever they're paying you, I'll double it. 462 00:27:53,941 --> 00:27:55,007 Alright? 463 00:27:55,009 --> 00:27:56,875 - Oh shut up Michael. 464 00:27:56,877 --> 00:27:58,310 You've no idea what you're talking about. 465 00:27:58,312 --> 00:28:00,180 - Don't I? 466 00:28:00,781 --> 00:28:02,815 - No, you don't. 467 00:28:03,083 --> 00:28:04,817 - Jeffrey! 468 00:28:04,952 --> 00:28:06,451 Jeffrey! 469 00:28:06,453 --> 00:28:09,355 Yeah. You come back here! 470 00:28:09,790 --> 00:28:12,457 I don't believe you! You haven't got it in you! 471 00:28:12,459 --> 00:28:15,794 You look me in the eye and tell me what 472 00:28:15,796 --> 00:28:17,196 you're going to do my girls. 473 00:28:17,198 --> 00:28:19,865 Come on Doctor Crawford. 474 00:28:19,867 --> 00:28:21,501 You're going to go into the south shed, 475 00:28:21,503 --> 00:28:23,335 you're going to take the newborn off of Dotty. 476 00:28:23,337 --> 00:28:25,170 Take little Victoria outside, 477 00:28:25,172 --> 00:28:27,439 her legs are still a bit unstable 478 00:28:27,441 --> 00:28:29,007 and she'll be scared an' all, 479 00:28:29,009 --> 00:28:31,877 so you might have to carry her. And then what? 480 00:28:31,879 --> 00:28:34,012 - She'll be stunned with a bolt gun. 481 00:28:34,014 --> 00:28:37,350 - Ah, that it? Come on Jeffrey. 482 00:28:39,453 --> 00:28:42,487 - I'll shoot her with a bolt gun here. 483 00:28:42,489 --> 00:28:46,058 Make sure that the bolt penetrates her frontal cortex. 484 00:28:46,060 --> 00:28:48,060 And then I'll push a plastic rod into the hole 485 00:28:48,062 --> 00:28:50,829 into her brain and down into her spinal cord 486 00:28:50,831 --> 00:28:52,264 to make sure that she's dead. 487 00:28:52,266 --> 00:28:55,133 - And then you'll sling her on a pyre and burn her. 488 00:28:55,135 --> 00:28:56,536 - Do you think I want to do this? 489 00:28:56,538 --> 00:29:00,473 - You swore to me, Jeffrey. You swore. 490 00:29:03,310 --> 00:29:07,045 Oi! You get off my farm or I'll blow your bloody head off! 491 00:29:07,047 --> 00:29:08,914 - Calm down! 492 00:29:08,916 --> 00:29:11,116 It's all right. It's under control. 493 00:29:11,118 --> 00:29:12,884 Let me help you. 494 00:29:12,886 --> 00:29:14,219 - Help? You won't do nothing. 495 00:29:14,221 --> 00:29:15,555 - There's nothing I can do! 496 00:29:15,557 --> 00:29:17,456 - Spineless, gutless. 497 00:29:17,458 --> 00:29:19,191 You're a worm of a man. You know that? 498 00:29:19,193 --> 00:29:21,193 A fucking waste of space. 499 00:29:21,195 --> 00:29:23,195 Waste of time I had bothering with you. 500 00:29:23,197 --> 00:29:24,329 - Come on. Put it down. 501 00:29:24,331 --> 00:29:25,464 - Why? 502 00:29:25,466 --> 00:29:27,065 Why shouldn't I blow your head off? 503 00:29:27,067 --> 00:29:29,901 Do everyone a bloody favor. 504 00:29:29,903 --> 00:29:31,270 - Right! That's it. 505 00:29:31,272 --> 00:29:32,572 We're calling the police. 506 00:29:32,574 --> 00:29:34,072 - Wait! Stop! 507 00:29:34,074 --> 00:29:35,907 There's no need. 508 00:29:35,909 --> 00:29:37,511 It's not loaded. 509 00:29:43,484 --> 00:29:45,351 - Please Jeffrey. 510 00:29:46,287 --> 00:29:49,055 Nothing's making any sense. 511 00:29:52,893 --> 00:29:54,360 - I'm so sorry. 512 00:29:55,530 --> 00:29:58,430 - Please don't let them take my girls. 513 00:29:58,432 --> 00:30:00,300 - Michael. 514 00:30:00,367 --> 00:30:02,302 - No! Wait! 515 00:30:02,903 --> 00:30:05,437 Just wait! 516 00:30:05,439 --> 00:30:08,542 Hang on! Just wait a minute! 517 00:30:15,916 --> 00:30:20,218 Breed and Female Champion, Devon County Show. 518 00:30:20,220 --> 00:30:21,887 That one's Dotty. 519 00:30:21,889 --> 00:30:26,559 First, First, Best in Show 520 00:30:26,561 --> 00:30:30,062 Want you to show 'em these. 521 00:30:30,064 --> 00:30:35,068 Best Heifer in Milk 1956, that was my Dad's Lillibett, look. 522 00:30:35,903 --> 00:30:41,508 Champion Dairy Pair 1992, that was Amy and Jojo. 523 00:30:43,077 --> 00:30:45,611 92's when your Holly fell in love with that bay foal 524 00:30:45,613 --> 00:30:47,913 and begged and begged us till we brought it back 525 00:30:47,915 --> 00:30:51,249 from the show, what was it called? 526 00:30:51,251 --> 00:30:52,284 - Chamomile. 527 00:30:52,286 --> 00:30:54,654 - Chamomile. That's it. 528 00:30:54,656 --> 00:30:58,090 And Sheila made that horrible angel thing out of butter. 529 00:30:58,092 --> 00:31:00,693 Half melted by the time we got there. 530 00:31:00,695 --> 00:31:03,095 You remember that Jeffrey? 531 00:31:03,097 --> 00:31:04,931 - I remember. 532 00:31:05,132 --> 00:31:09,435 - They're my girls. That's all I got. 533 00:31:11,305 --> 00:31:13,172 - Michael! 534 00:31:37,998 --> 00:31:41,501 No! 535 00:37:16,537 --> 00:37:19,840 - Hello? Hello!? 536 00:37:21,408 --> 00:37:26,479 I got my shotgun, so don't go playing silly buggers, ay? 537 00:37:33,721 --> 00:37:38,024 Just ghosts is it? Well that's about right. 538 00:37:42,362 --> 00:37:45,498 Oi! I'm warning you! 539 00:37:56,744 --> 00:37:58,712 Fuck's sake. 540 00:37:59,547 --> 00:38:02,849 This some kind of joke, is it? 541 00:38:03,416 --> 00:38:04,984 What do you want? 542 00:38:04,986 --> 00:38:07,587 You're not welcome here. 543 00:38:07,889 --> 00:38:09,655 I should blow your fucking head off. 544 00:38:09,657 --> 00:38:11,090 - Please do. 545 00:38:11,092 --> 00:38:12,357 - Shut up. 546 00:38:12,359 --> 00:38:13,092 - Blow my head off. 547 00:38:13,094 --> 00:38:13,993 - Shut up. 548 00:38:13,995 --> 00:38:16,362 Stop talking stupid things. 549 00:38:17,098 --> 00:38:20,599 Oh, she finally kicked you out, has she? 550 00:38:20,601 --> 00:38:22,701 God knows you've been asking for it. 551 00:38:22,703 --> 00:38:24,603 Why'd you come here? 552 00:38:24,605 --> 00:38:26,606 Jeffrey! 553 00:38:26,707 --> 00:38:28,439 Why'd you come back here? 554 00:38:28,441 --> 00:38:29,909 - Always used to come here. 555 00:38:29,911 --> 00:38:31,744 - Oh, it's a social visit is it? 556 00:38:31,746 --> 00:38:34,445 Well, fan fucking tastic. 557 00:38:34,447 --> 00:38:36,849 Let's have some tea and fucking scones. 558 00:38:36,851 --> 00:38:40,686 Oh, while we're at it, here's a funny thing. 559 00:38:40,688 --> 00:38:46,059 Zara's guts burst all across the yard. 560 00:38:46,727 --> 00:38:50,563 Just fucking everywhere with flies and maggots, 561 00:38:50,565 --> 00:38:52,798 cos your little friends didn't see fit 562 00:38:52,800 --> 00:38:55,433 to clear up after themselves. 563 00:38:55,435 --> 00:38:58,537 Just left my girls out there in a great heap. 564 00:38:58,539 --> 00:39:00,438 The smell got so bad you could smell 565 00:39:00,440 --> 00:39:04,845 it all across the house, no escaping it there weren't. 566 00:39:05,613 --> 00:39:08,380 Imagine if old Sheila had seen that? 567 00:39:09,449 --> 00:39:13,787 Been cattle on this farm for nearly two hundred years. 568 00:39:14,088 --> 00:39:18,257 Then it was all gone. In about an hour. 569 00:39:18,259 --> 00:39:24,030 Go on, get out and don't you dare come back. 570 00:39:24,832 --> 00:39:28,601 Hey, you bastard. You get out of it! Go on! 571 00:39:28,603 --> 00:39:32,138 Jesus I heard you were bad, but fuck me. 572 00:39:32,974 --> 00:39:34,607 What? What have you done? 573 00:39:34,609 --> 00:39:35,975 Is that all yours? 574 00:39:35,977 --> 00:39:37,777 - I crashed. 575 00:39:39,446 --> 00:39:42,648 - Fucking idiot! Yeah you all right? 576 00:39:42,650 --> 00:39:43,749 You broken anything? 577 00:39:43,751 --> 00:39:44,984 - The windscreen is broke. 578 00:39:44,986 --> 00:39:47,921 - Yeah, fuck the windscreen. 579 00:39:48,189 --> 00:39:49,688 - I think it might be a write-off. 580 00:39:49,690 --> 00:39:50,623 - Where'd it happened? 581 00:39:50,625 --> 00:39:51,790 - Creber's Lane. 582 00:39:51,792 --> 00:39:52,925 - And you didn't hit no-one? 583 00:39:52,927 --> 00:39:54,226 - No. 584 00:39:54,228 --> 00:39:55,995 - Oh no! Come on, sit up Jeffrey. 585 00:39:55,997 --> 00:39:56,996 - Get off! 586 00:39:56,998 --> 00:39:58,631 - Alright. 587 00:39:58,633 --> 00:40:00,633 - You can sit down but you got gotta stay awake. 588 00:40:00,635 --> 00:40:01,834 - It's late. 589 00:40:01,836 --> 00:40:04,504 - Yeah. And you probably got concussion. 590 00:40:05,806 --> 00:40:08,674 Oh, the state of you, Jeffrey. 591 00:40:08,676 --> 00:40:11,144 Fucking state of this. 592 00:40:11,679 --> 00:40:13,746 What were you thinking? 593 00:40:13,748 --> 00:40:15,681 - I have to go to Dorking. 594 00:40:15,683 --> 00:40:17,616 - Where the bloody hell is Dorking? 595 00:40:17,618 --> 00:40:23,156 - Surrey. She's taken Holly, gone to her mother's. 596 00:40:24,091 --> 00:40:27,426 I'm not even going to see her on Christmas. 597 00:40:27,828 --> 00:40:29,995 She's my daughter too. 598 00:40:29,997 --> 00:40:31,764 - Shut up feeling sorry for yourself. 599 00:40:31,766 --> 00:40:34,668 I don't wanna hear it. 600 00:40:53,854 --> 00:40:55,621 - Smells. 601 00:40:55,623 --> 00:40:57,991 - For the newborns, innit. 602 00:41:01,829 --> 00:41:03,796 What the fuck are you doing? 603 00:41:03,798 --> 00:41:04,930 - I smell. 604 00:41:04,932 --> 00:41:07,199 - You do smell as it happens. 605 00:41:07,201 --> 00:41:10,637 You smell to high heaven like a fucking brewery. 606 00:41:10,805 --> 00:41:12,871 - Nobody wants me here. 607 00:41:12,873 --> 00:41:15,007 - What do you expect? 608 00:41:15,009 --> 00:41:17,510 Should just leave you here to rot. 609 00:41:17,578 --> 00:41:18,711 - Go on then. 610 00:41:18,713 --> 00:41:19,311 - You what? 611 00:41:19,313 --> 00:41:21,013 - Fuck off. 612 00:41:21,015 --> 00:41:23,650 Leave me here to rot. 613 00:41:23,851 --> 00:41:26,152 - It's as good as you deserve. 614 00:41:26,220 --> 00:41:29,621 Don't notice you're kipping in Ellacott's barn. 615 00:41:29,623 --> 00:41:32,624 They wouldn't fucking piss on you if you were on fire. 616 00:41:32,626 --> 00:41:34,860 I'm the only bloke stupid enough to bother with you 617 00:41:34,862 --> 00:41:37,496 and look where that got me. 618 00:41:39,767 --> 00:41:41,634 Where you going? 619 00:41:42,169 --> 00:41:44,137 - Going away. 620 00:41:49,076 --> 00:41:51,276 - How far you think you'll get in this weather? 621 00:41:51,278 --> 00:41:53,312 End up dead in a field come morning. 622 00:41:53,314 --> 00:41:54,847 - Good. 623 00:41:54,849 --> 00:41:56,148 - Oh, grow up Jeffrey. 624 00:41:56,150 --> 00:41:58,283 You're bleeding for fuck's sakes. 625 00:41:58,285 --> 00:42:00,053 Sit down. 626 00:42:01,822 --> 00:42:03,789 Okay fine. 627 00:42:03,791 --> 00:42:07,593 Off you pop and good fucking riddance. 628 00:42:07,595 --> 00:42:10,163 And don't you dare come back here. 629 00:42:12,299 --> 00:42:15,101 Fuck's sake, Jeffrey! 630 00:42:15,770 --> 00:42:17,069 - Get off! 631 00:42:17,071 --> 00:42:18,837 - I'm trying to help you, you baby. 632 00:42:18,839 --> 00:42:19,972 - Leave me alone! 633 00:42:19,974 --> 00:42:21,874 - This is you all over this is. 634 00:42:21,876 --> 00:42:25,310 What, sad cause no one likes you no more? 635 00:42:25,312 --> 00:42:30,316 Poor Jeffrey. Boohoo. Boo fucking hoo! 636 00:42:31,118 --> 00:42:33,952 Everyone took to you when you first got here, didn't they? 637 00:42:33,954 --> 00:42:38,390 After first five minutes, Pub Quiz, Fun Run, 638 00:42:38,392 --> 00:42:42,629 fucking lovely house, beautiful little girl- 639 00:42:42,963 --> 00:42:45,198 - Well I got fuck all now. 640 00:42:45,266 --> 00:42:47,567 She's selling the house. 641 00:42:47,768 --> 00:42:49,368 No wife. 642 00:42:49,370 --> 00:42:51,236 No girl. 643 00:42:51,238 --> 00:42:53,106 No car. 644 00:42:53,240 --> 00:42:57,277 Well a car with a lot of tree in it. 645 00:42:58,813 --> 00:43:03,083 I'm suspended. "Compassionate leave." 646 00:43:04,718 --> 00:43:06,385 And I'm a social pariah. 647 00:43:06,387 --> 00:43:09,889 - You're a fucking whinging bastard and all. 648 00:43:11,425 --> 00:43:13,193 I'm not laughing. 649 00:43:23,737 --> 00:43:25,170 - How are you? 650 00:43:25,172 --> 00:43:27,373 - You fucking joking? 651 00:43:27,842 --> 00:43:29,776 - You keeping well? 652 00:43:31,312 --> 00:43:34,247 I've been having a little trouble Michael. 653 00:43:35,015 --> 00:43:36,883 With everything. 654 00:43:40,754 --> 00:43:42,188 Sorry. 655 00:43:42,756 --> 00:43:45,758 Sorry to disturb your evening. 656 00:43:54,268 --> 00:43:57,637 - For fuck's sake, Jeffrey! 657 00:44:00,274 --> 00:44:02,142 Sit down. 658 00:44:09,750 --> 00:44:10,782 - It's cold. 659 00:44:10,784 --> 00:44:12,151 - Yep. 660 00:44:12,153 --> 00:44:14,154 Duck pond's frozen. 661 00:44:15,189 --> 00:44:17,290 There ain't no ducks in it. 662 00:44:19,059 --> 00:44:22,662 Hey, hey, hey, hey! Wakey wakey! 663 00:44:23,264 --> 00:44:25,131 What's the capital of Sweden, Jeffrey? 664 00:44:26,333 --> 00:44:27,833 - Oslo. 665 00:44:27,835 --> 00:44:32,137 - Right. Who sang...I don't know...something? 666 00:44:32,139 --> 00:44:33,005 - Lulu. 667 00:44:33,007 --> 00:44:34,840 - Yeah. Very good. 668 00:44:34,842 --> 00:44:38,344 Who wrote War and Peace? 669 00:44:38,913 --> 00:44:40,012 - Lulu. 670 00:44:40,014 --> 00:44:42,882 - Did she? Fuck me. 671 00:44:43,017 --> 00:44:44,316 - I hated it you know? 672 00:44:44,318 --> 00:44:45,984 - Yeah. I don't want to hear it. 673 00:44:45,986 --> 00:44:47,419 - I had to do such horrible things. 674 00:44:47,421 --> 00:44:49,721 - Who - And I'm sorry. 675 00:44:49,723 --> 00:44:52,291 - Who won Euro- 676 00:44:52,293 --> 00:44:54,059 - Michael, I'm so sorry about it all. 677 00:44:54,061 --> 00:44:58,198 - Who won Euro '88? 678 00:45:00,401 --> 00:45:03,436 You're always shit at the sport ones. 679 00:45:08,475 --> 00:45:10,042 - I feel sick. 680 00:45:10,044 --> 00:45:13,011 - When was the last time you actually ate anything? 681 00:45:13,013 --> 00:45:14,480 Do you even know? 682 00:45:16,817 --> 00:45:18,885 Christ. 683 00:45:25,025 --> 00:45:27,193 Go on then. Take them. 684 00:45:29,196 --> 00:45:31,029 They're beef flavor. 685 00:45:31,031 --> 00:45:33,166 So it's a bit like dinner. 686 00:45:33,867 --> 00:45:36,035 I haven't got much else in. 687 00:45:36,971 --> 00:45:38,270 Sheila'd give me a right ticking off 688 00:45:38,272 --> 00:45:40,907 having just crisps for me dinner. 689 00:45:41,475 --> 00:45:42,808 God, she was here now, 690 00:45:42,810 --> 00:45:45,477 she'd go ballistic at the state of you. 691 00:45:45,479 --> 00:45:48,180 She'd bloody drag you in the house, shouting her head off, 692 00:45:48,182 --> 00:45:49,549 shove you in a hot bath, 693 00:45:49,551 --> 00:45:53,019 probably give you a load of my clothes. 694 00:45:54,088 --> 00:45:59,892 We was in Tavvi once, saw a wino wearing my tweed jacket. 695 00:46:00,094 --> 00:46:03,329 "Charity begins at home", she said. 696 00:46:04,031 --> 00:46:06,031 She was a wonderful woman. 697 00:46:06,033 --> 00:46:07,834 - She was. 698 00:46:19,079 --> 00:46:24,182 - Church kicking out. Should've gone, really. 699 00:46:24,184 --> 00:46:26,985 Carol singing's the only good bit, innit? 700 00:46:26,987 --> 00:46:28,854 - Oranges with the candle. 701 00:46:28,856 --> 00:46:32,224 - Oh yeah. I do like the oranges with the candles. 702 00:46:32,226 --> 00:46:34,026 Watch the kids from St. Mary's 703 00:46:34,028 --> 00:46:36,896 fucking up their lines in the nativity. 704 00:46:40,234 --> 00:46:43,436 - Remember when you were Father Christmas? 705 00:46:44,104 --> 00:46:48,274 Sitting in your grotto in the village hall? 706 00:46:48,909 --> 00:46:50,843 - Don't push your luck. 707 00:46:54,014 --> 00:46:56,049 - Holly worked it out. 708 00:46:56,183 --> 00:46:57,416 - What? 709 00:46:57,418 --> 00:46:59,419 - It was your voice. 710 00:47:00,954 --> 00:47:05,957 She said why would Father Christmas have a Devon accent? 711 00:47:05,959 --> 00:47:07,427 - Fair point. 712 00:47:08,262 --> 00:47:10,430 - What was the song? 713 00:47:10,964 --> 00:47:13,666 "You boys and girls won't get any toys!" That one. 714 00:47:13,668 --> 00:47:16,570 - When Santa got stuck up the chimney. 715 00:47:18,105 --> 00:47:20,440 - Santa stuck up the chimney. 716 00:47:21,275 --> 00:47:24,276 ♪ He began to shout ♪ 717 00:47:24,278 --> 00:47:25,911 ♪ You boys and girls- ♪ 718 00:47:25,913 --> 00:47:28,214 - Girls and boys. 719 00:47:32,186 --> 00:47:33,418 - Go on then. 720 00:47:33,420 --> 00:47:35,421 - Fuck off. 721 00:47:37,124 --> 00:47:40,059 I don't remember. 722 00:47:40,562 --> 00:47:42,395 - Bollocks. 723 00:47:45,633 --> 00:47:48,634 ♪ When Santa got stuck up the chimney- ♪ 724 00:47:48,636 --> 00:47:51,336 - With the actions. 725 00:47:51,338 --> 00:47:53,972 - Do you want me to do it or not? 726 00:47:53,974 --> 00:47:56,008 - Sorry. 727 00:47:56,544 --> 00:47:59,444 ♪ When Santa got stuck up the chimney ♪ 728 00:47:59,446 --> 00:48:02,247 ♪ He began to shout ♪ 729 00:48:02,249 --> 00:48:04,684 ♪ You girls and boys won't get any toys ♪ 730 00:48:04,686 --> 00:48:07,486 ♪ If you don't pull me out ♪ 731 00:48:07,488 --> 00:48:10,122 ♪ My beard is black, there's soot in my sack ♪ 732 00:48:10,124 --> 00:48:12,725 ♪ My nose is tickley too ♪ 733 00:48:12,727 --> 00:48:15,427 ♪ When Santa got stuck up the chimney ♪ 734 00:48:15,429 --> 00:48:19,465 ♪ Achoo, achoo, achoo ♪ 735 00:48:24,706 --> 00:48:28,441 - Can I come in the house? 736 00:48:29,977 --> 00:48:32,311 - I don't know yet. 737 00:49:24,231 --> 00:49:26,231 ♪ I heard ♪ 738 00:49:26,233 --> 00:49:30,469 ♪ I heard you got it bad for me♪ 739 00:49:30,471 --> 00:49:33,371 ♪ You hid it so well ♪ 740 00:49:33,373 --> 00:49:38,310 ♪ So well that I could barely see ♪ 741 00:49:38,312 --> 00:49:39,579 ♪ Now I know ♪ 742 00:49:39,581 --> 00:49:42,314 ♪ And it's more than a little crazy ♪ 743 00:49:42,316 --> 00:49:43,749 ♪ Don't you know ♪ 744 00:49:43,751 --> 00:49:45,818 ♪ I've been dreaming that you'll be my baby ♪ 745 00:49:45,820 --> 00:49:47,587 ♪ I can barely breath ♪ 746 00:49:47,589 --> 00:49:49,789 ♪ I can't wait to see you ♪ 747 00:49:49,791 --> 00:49:52,123 ♪ I can almost taste it ♪ 748 00:49:52,125 --> 00:49:53,325 ♪ 'Cause I know it's gonna be ♪ 749 00:49:53,327 --> 00:49:54,292 ♪ So sweet ♪ 750 00:49:54,294 --> 00:49:55,327 ♪ Sweet as sugar ♪ 751 00:49:55,329 --> 00:49:57,128 ♪ Always on my mind ♪ 752 00:49:57,130 --> 00:49:58,463 ♪ So bad ♪ 753 00:49:58,465 --> 00:50:03,469 ♪ Nothing sweeter that I'll never find ♪ 754 00:50:07,341 --> 00:50:08,440 ♪ I wanna sing ♪ 755 00:50:08,442 --> 00:50:09,542 ♪ Wanna sing sing ♪ 756 00:50:09,544 --> 00:50:10,810 ♪ Wanna sing ♪ 757 00:50:10,812 --> 00:50:12,177 ♪ Wanna sing sing ♪ 758 00:50:12,179 --> 00:50:13,445 ♪ Let's sing ♪ 759 00:50:13,447 --> 00:50:14,847 ♪ Let's sing sing ♪ 760 00:50:14,849 --> 00:50:18,350 ♪ When I was a little girl ♪ 761 00:50:18,352 --> 00:50:20,151 ♪ Little girl ♪ 762 00:50:20,153 --> 00:50:21,386 ♪ You got the game ♪ 763 00:50:21,388 --> 00:50:22,855 ♪ You got the goods ♪ 764 00:50:22,857 --> 00:50:26,759 ♪ You don't got nothing nothing, nothing ♪ 765 00:50:26,761 --> 00:50:30,395 ♪ Look at me, look at me, look at me ♪ 766 00:50:30,397 --> 00:50:32,364 ♪ I rigged the game ♪ 767 00:50:32,366 --> 00:50:34,232 ♪ Misunderstood ♪ 768 00:50:34,234 --> 00:50:38,236 ♪ So you better get running running, running ♪ 769 00:50:38,238 --> 00:50:41,106 ♪ Look at me, look at me, look at me ♪ 770 00:50:41,108 --> 00:50:44,277 ♪ Yeah yeah! ♪ 771 00:50:53,521 --> 00:50:56,288 ♪ I say hey boy, sitting in your tree ♪ 772 00:50:56,290 --> 00:50:58,891 ♪ Mummy always wants you to come for tea ♪ 773 00:50:58,893 --> 00:51:00,693 ♪ Don't be shy, straighten up your tie ♪ 774 00:51:00,695 --> 00:51:03,395 ♪ Get down from your tree house in the sky ♪ 775 00:51:03,397 --> 00:51:05,196 ♪ I wanna know just what it do ♪ 776 00:51:05,198 --> 00:51:07,633 ♪ Is it very big, is there room for two ♪ 777 00:51:07,635 --> 00:51:09,401 ♪ I got a house with windows and doors ♪ 778 00:51:09,403 --> 00:51:11,838 ♪ I'll show you mine if you show me yours ♪ 779 00:51:13,307 --> 00:51:14,306 ♪ Gotta let me in ♪ 780 00:51:14,308 --> 00:51:16,408 ♪ Hey hey hey ♪ 781 00:51:16,410 --> 00:51:18,578 ♪ Let the fun begin ♪ 782 00:51:18,580 --> 00:51:21,548 ♪ Hey ♪ 783 00:51:43,403 --> 00:51:45,538 - I said we shouldn't hire Dodgy Dave. 784 00:51:45,540 --> 00:51:49,274 - David is the finest disc jockey this side of Exeter. 785 00:51:49,276 --> 00:51:50,442 - He's cheap, you mean. 786 00:51:50,444 --> 00:51:51,677 - That's by the by. 787 00:51:51,679 --> 00:51:53,478 - He works on the waltzers. 788 00:51:53,480 --> 00:51:57,116 - Wooo, Sorry Princess Margaret. 789 00:52:01,723 --> 00:52:03,723 - Holly's having a blinding time eh? 790 00:52:03,725 --> 00:52:05,559 - Yeah. 791 00:52:08,930 --> 00:52:10,428 - Gorgeous, isn't she? 792 00:52:10,430 --> 00:52:11,564 - Of course. 793 00:52:11,566 --> 00:52:13,667 - Don't get that from you. 794 00:52:15,435 --> 00:52:18,938 When she walked down that aisle was like an angel 795 00:52:18,940 --> 00:52:23,175 walked in the room, made my heart stop. 796 00:52:25,680 --> 00:52:27,947 Should be proud of your girl. 797 00:52:27,949 --> 00:52:29,314 - I really am. 798 00:52:29,316 --> 00:52:31,317 - Should be. 799 00:52:34,488 --> 00:52:36,789 What the fuck's he doing here? 800 00:52:36,791 --> 00:52:37,757 - Who? 801 00:52:37,759 --> 00:52:39,324 - Fucking Ellacott. 802 00:52:39,326 --> 00:52:41,259 Not enough he's selling up to the highest bidder, 803 00:52:41,261 --> 00:52:43,261 now he's got his snout in my buffet! 804 00:52:43,263 --> 00:52:45,430 Bloody shameless bastard. 805 00:52:45,432 --> 00:52:46,999 - Leave it. 806 00:52:47,001 --> 00:52:49,836 - Look at him! With his cheeks full of my teriyaki skewers. 807 00:52:50,404 --> 00:52:51,804 Can buy his own now couldn't he? 808 00:52:51,806 --> 00:52:52,705 He can fucking afford it. 809 00:52:52,707 --> 00:52:54,305 - You can't blame him. 810 00:52:54,307 --> 00:52:55,708 - Where's it leave the rest of us eh? 811 00:52:55,710 --> 00:52:57,677 Fucking houses everywhere. 812 00:52:57,679 --> 00:52:59,645 Wake up one morning, go for a piss 813 00:52:59,647 --> 00:53:01,747 they'll be a supermarket opened up in me toilet. 814 00:53:01,749 --> 00:53:03,415 - Michael. Not now. 815 00:53:03,417 --> 00:53:05,785 - Oh come on. 816 00:53:05,787 --> 00:53:09,789 You gotta have a fight at the wedding. It's tradition. 817 00:53:09,791 --> 00:53:12,726 Get this lot something to go up at. 818 00:53:42,023 --> 00:53:44,824 - God, Helen's new bit's a jumped up tosser isn't he? 819 00:53:44,826 --> 00:53:46,525 - He's an estate agent. 820 00:53:46,527 --> 00:53:48,829 - Course he fucking is. 821 00:53:49,362 --> 00:53:51,897 - Apparently they're considering taking the plunge. 822 00:53:51,899 --> 00:53:54,967 - Ah sod 'em. You're best off out of it mate. 823 00:53:54,969 --> 00:53:56,969 She hasn't half got an arse on her these days. 824 00:53:56,971 --> 00:53:58,971 - She has stacked in on since the divorce. 825 00:53:58,973 --> 00:54:01,040 - Yeah, mother of the bride. 826 00:54:01,042 --> 00:54:03,910 More like fucking Free Willy! 827 00:54:07,648 --> 00:54:10,649 Good on you bey, not letting that batch of bastards 828 00:54:10,651 --> 00:54:14,053 upset you, like bloody mother-in-law, 829 00:54:14,055 --> 00:54:16,522 HMS Pinafore over there. 830 00:54:16,524 --> 00:54:18,891 - Barbara? Old Barbara's been having a field day. 831 00:54:18,893 --> 00:54:22,094 "Orange juice is it Jeffrey? Well that does make a change!" 832 00:54:22,096 --> 00:54:23,930 She never did like me. 833 00:54:24,665 --> 00:54:27,032 - She's another one fucking boring as sin, 834 00:54:27,034 --> 00:54:31,003 lording it over everyone with her too much perfume and her, 835 00:54:31,005 --> 00:54:34,941 what's it? Plumes. 836 00:54:35,710 --> 00:54:37,543 I said to her, I said, 837 00:54:37,545 --> 00:54:40,378 "what you come as, love - Admiral Nelson"? 838 00:54:40,380 --> 00:54:41,379 - You didn't say that. 839 00:54:41,381 --> 00:54:42,882 - I did! 840 00:54:42,884 --> 00:54:45,050 - Ha! Well, good. Bollocks to her. 841 00:54:45,052 --> 00:54:46,552 - Bollocks to her! 842 00:54:46,554 --> 00:54:48,354 - Shhh! 843 00:54:54,427 --> 00:54:58,932 - She never had to do an ounce of all that whatnot you did. 844 00:55:00,400 --> 00:55:03,869 See bey, she was born a posh old twat 845 00:55:03,871 --> 00:55:06,672 and she'll die the same an all. 846 00:55:06,674 --> 00:55:09,943 There's no twelve steps for that. 847 00:55:13,080 --> 00:55:16,882 Anyway. Lord of the manor you now? 848 00:55:16,884 --> 00:55:18,717 - Hardly. 849 00:55:18,719 --> 00:55:22,621 - We done alright. We'll double the herd by next year. 850 00:55:22,623 --> 00:55:23,889 Fix the roof... 851 00:55:23,891 --> 00:55:27,093 - Go organic, get a hot tub. 852 00:55:32,066 --> 00:55:35,433 ♪ You got the sound ♪ 853 00:55:35,435 --> 00:55:38,872 ♪ You lift me up ♪ 854 00:55:40,908 --> 00:55:43,776 - Oh Pipa is a lovely woman innit she? 855 00:55:43,778 --> 00:55:46,145 I said to her I said, 856 00:55:46,147 --> 00:55:49,915 "You got a look of Gina Lollobrigida, you. 857 00:55:49,917 --> 00:55:52,586 You ever hear that sweetheart?" 858 00:55:54,689 --> 00:55:56,689 She's not married to him, is she? 859 00:55:56,691 --> 00:55:57,890 - Pipa? Yeah she is. 860 00:55:57,892 --> 00:55:58,991 That's my cousin Steve. 861 00:55:58,993 --> 00:56:00,860 - Huh? 862 00:56:00,862 --> 00:56:04,429 - Gina Lollobrigida. 863 00:56:04,431 --> 00:56:08,567 Fuck me, they don't make them make that anymore bey. 864 00:56:08,569 --> 00:56:11,036 You think they'd get to a certain size 865 00:56:11,038 --> 00:56:13,639 and she wouldn't be able to keep her balance no more. 866 00:56:13,641 --> 00:56:15,909 That's remarkable. 867 00:56:16,077 --> 00:56:18,544 See, Sheila had a good pair on her 868 00:56:18,546 --> 00:56:21,814 but then she had the backside to, you know, 869 00:56:21,816 --> 00:56:24,116 act like a counterbalance, sort of thing. 870 00:56:24,118 --> 00:56:25,483 - See you Jeff! 871 00:56:25,485 --> 00:56:27,953 - Cheers, Steve! See you on the 14th! 872 00:56:27,955 --> 00:56:30,123 - What's happening on the 14th? 873 00:56:34,595 --> 00:56:36,029 - Michael! 874 00:56:40,601 --> 00:56:42,500 Michael. 875 00:56:42,502 --> 00:56:45,104 - You can tell that Steve he can fuck a whistle for it! 876 00:56:45,106 --> 00:56:46,639 Sick of these people. 877 00:56:46,641 --> 00:56:48,007 - Hang on! 878 00:56:48,009 --> 00:56:49,708 - Why are you always fiddling with the house? 879 00:56:49,710 --> 00:56:51,210 - I'm not! 880 00:56:51,212 --> 00:56:53,078 - I let you move in out the goodness of my heart 881 00:56:53,080 --> 00:56:55,648 and suddenly it's all bloody 'insulate' that 882 00:56:55,650 --> 00:56:56,815 and 'floorboards' this. 883 00:56:56,817 --> 00:56:58,217 - It's just evaluation. 884 00:56:58,219 --> 00:57:02,254 I mean why not explore some options? 885 00:57:02,256 --> 00:57:04,790 Steve reckons if we convert just one of the barns, 886 00:57:04,792 --> 00:57:08,661 then we're sitting on acres of real estate. 887 00:57:08,663 --> 00:57:11,998 - I'm sitting on my farm. Alright? 888 00:57:12,099 --> 00:57:14,000 - Our farm. 889 00:57:14,535 --> 00:57:16,703 Come on. 890 00:57:16,837 --> 00:57:18,872 You're missing the party. 891 00:57:24,545 --> 00:57:25,945 - I fucking hate 'Grand Designs' Jeffrey. 892 00:57:25,947 --> 00:57:27,279 - I know. 893 00:57:27,281 --> 00:57:28,647 - How come it's always fucking on? 894 00:57:28,649 --> 00:57:31,083 Night and day. It's all they ever show, 895 00:57:31,085 --> 00:57:33,652 have its own bleeding channel soon. 896 00:57:33,654 --> 00:57:34,820 - I didn't mean we'd actually 897 00:57:34,822 --> 00:57:36,655 get Grand Designs, round- 898 00:57:36,657 --> 00:57:38,524 - You better fucking not! 899 00:57:38,526 --> 00:57:40,192 We're not having 'Grand Designs' round here, 900 00:57:40,194 --> 00:57:43,763 fucking putting bidets left right and center. 901 00:57:50,104 --> 00:57:51,737 ♪ I'm feeling so good ♪ 902 00:57:51,739 --> 00:57:54,540 ♪ Feeling so good ♪ 903 00:57:54,542 --> 00:57:58,243 ♪ Reaching out to the weekend ♪ 904 00:57:58,245 --> 00:58:00,245 ♪ Feeling so good ♪ 905 00:58:00,247 --> 00:58:02,281 ♪ I'm feeling so good ♪ 906 00:58:02,283 --> 00:58:05,484 ♪ Put your hands up for the Friday feeling ♪ 907 00:58:18,599 --> 00:58:21,700 - Just thinking it's a shame old Sheils ain't here. 908 00:58:21,702 --> 00:58:26,973 She bloody loved a wedding. Bloody loved a buffet and all. 909 00:58:27,675 --> 00:58:29,274 - She was a wonderful woman. 910 00:58:29,276 --> 00:58:31,077 - She was. 911 00:58:34,982 --> 00:58:37,683 - Why can't I have a farm Jeffrey? 912 00:58:37,685 --> 00:58:41,820 Why does everything have to be a bloody conference center, 913 00:58:41,822 --> 00:58:45,224 fucking spa, barn conversion. 914 00:58:45,226 --> 00:58:47,359 People still gotta eat don't they? 915 00:58:47,361 --> 00:58:49,194 Still gotta grow plants, 916 00:58:49,196 --> 00:58:52,198 can't do that in a test tube yet can you? 917 00:58:53,067 --> 00:58:55,568 I don't understand people no more. 918 00:58:56,070 --> 00:58:59,239 - It's just a way we could actually make some money. 919 00:58:59,874 --> 00:59:02,075 You know how it's been. 920 00:59:02,610 --> 00:59:04,209 Soon be winter again and we'll be back to living 921 00:59:04,211 --> 00:59:06,211 by the Rayburn 'cause every other room's 922 00:59:06,213 --> 00:59:09,182 got damp patches turning to ice. 923 00:59:09,283 --> 00:59:10,983 Roof's leaking. 924 00:59:10,985 --> 00:59:12,351 The windows are so creaky 925 00:59:12,353 --> 00:59:15,120 they're basically held together with cobwebs. 926 00:59:15,122 --> 00:59:17,990 I mean why not use the barn? 927 00:59:17,992 --> 00:59:20,659 Just use some of the land. 928 00:59:20,661 --> 00:59:22,694 It's better than having it fall apart, isn't it? 929 00:59:22,696 --> 00:59:25,030 - Bloody washing and ironing and playing char lady 930 00:59:25,032 --> 00:59:26,231 to a load of posh twats? 931 00:59:26,233 --> 00:59:28,867 - But nothing's working. 932 00:59:28,869 --> 00:59:31,904 Look, we tried, and we couldn't have done more, 933 00:59:31,906 --> 00:59:33,238 but milk prices just keep folding. 934 00:59:33,240 --> 00:59:35,040 - What? 935 00:59:35,042 --> 00:59:36,809 So we just give everything up to people that's come down 936 00:59:36,811 --> 00:59:40,045 here and treat this whole county like it's a fucking hotel? 937 00:59:40,047 --> 00:59:42,681 Like it's all been put here for their weekend 938 00:59:42,683 --> 00:59:44,917 and their postcards. 939 00:59:44,919 --> 00:59:47,386 You don't let 'em come down here and bully you. 940 00:59:47,388 --> 00:59:49,421 I heard the lot of 'em. 941 00:59:49,423 --> 00:59:53,292 "Oh isn't it lovely. It's like an oil painting." 942 00:59:53,294 --> 00:59:56,695 But it's not a painting is it? It's proper. 943 00:59:56,697 --> 00:59:58,230 It's actually here. 944 00:59:58,232 --> 01:00:01,800 Ten years ago they would've been ankle deep in cow shit. 945 01:00:01,802 --> 01:00:04,369 - And now we've maybe got a couple of months left. 946 01:00:04,371 --> 01:00:06,371 - We would double the herd, go organic- 947 01:00:06,373 --> 01:00:08,975 - With money from what? 948 01:00:09,877 --> 01:00:11,878 We're tapped out. 949 01:00:11,946 --> 01:00:13,947 This was the last of it. 950 01:00:14,949 --> 01:00:17,250 Dunno what else we can do. 951 01:00:19,787 --> 01:00:22,222 Enjoy the party. I suppose. 952 01:02:21,108 --> 01:02:25,177 - ...have sufficient building materials 953 01:02:25,179 --> 01:02:29,181 for their dream home but cannot afford the labor cost. 954 01:02:29,183 --> 01:02:31,049 Unable to borrow more from the bank, 955 01:02:31,051 --> 01:02:34,353 They've decided to build a house themselves, 956 01:02:34,355 --> 01:02:37,055 but with absolutely no experience our builders 957 01:02:37,057 --> 01:02:41,893 wonder how wise this decision might turn out to be, 958 01:02:41,895 --> 01:02:46,366 I went to visit them in Staffordshire to find out. 959 01:04:09,083 --> 01:04:11,249 - What the hell? 960 01:04:11,251 --> 01:04:13,352 - Shut up. You're making yourself cough. 961 01:04:13,354 --> 01:04:14,953 - Old Sheila wet her knickers, 962 01:04:14,955 --> 01:04:17,590 she saw you standing there like that in her coat. 963 01:04:17,592 --> 01:04:19,692 - Yes. Well someone chucked mine in the slurry pit. 964 01:04:19,694 --> 01:04:20,526 - Did they? 965 01:04:20,528 --> 01:04:21,661 - Yes they did. 966 01:04:21,663 --> 01:04:23,395 - Imagine you was been a knob. 967 01:04:23,397 --> 01:04:25,097 - You imagine. 968 01:04:25,099 --> 01:04:28,200 - Hang about, you're not wearing her knickers too is you? 969 01:04:28,202 --> 01:04:32,137 Is that what's wrong, you got your knickers on too tight? 970 01:04:32,139 --> 01:04:35,675 That's it! It's cutting off circulation to your brains? 971 01:04:35,677 --> 01:04:37,877 - Very droll. 972 01:04:43,217 --> 01:04:44,416 Where's your tablet? 973 01:04:44,418 --> 01:04:46,385 - I don't want a tablet. 974 01:04:46,387 --> 01:04:48,153 - Did you want some water? 975 01:04:48,155 --> 01:04:51,123 - Bollocks some water. You wanna be useful, roll us a fag. 976 01:04:51,125 --> 01:04:52,592 - Absolutely not. 977 01:04:52,594 --> 01:04:55,428 - So what difference it gonna make now, eh? 978 01:04:57,097 --> 01:04:58,997 - This is a pissing stupid idea you know. 979 01:04:58,999 --> 01:05:00,600 - Roll us a fag. 980 01:05:00,602 --> 01:05:02,635 - You'd be far more comfortable in bed. 981 01:05:02,637 --> 01:05:07,407 - Get on, bed! Best views in Devon up here. 982 01:05:07,642 --> 01:05:10,644 God's own country this is, Jeffrey. 983 01:05:13,681 --> 01:05:16,248 - Lucky you can't see the diggers from up here. 984 01:05:16,250 --> 01:05:17,617 - Diggers? 985 01:05:17,619 --> 01:05:19,117 - Bottom end of Church Lane. 986 01:05:19,119 --> 01:05:20,485 They're building a new estate. 987 01:05:20,487 --> 01:05:23,990 - Christ and Baby Moses in a basket. 988 01:05:25,325 --> 01:05:27,693 - Heard what they're gonna call it? 989 01:05:27,695 --> 01:05:29,662 I'm not sure I should tell you, actually. 990 01:05:29,664 --> 01:05:31,263 It's not good for your blood pressure. 991 01:05:31,265 --> 01:05:33,433 - Let me guess. 992 01:05:33,768 --> 01:05:37,135 Dingley Nightingale Twinkle fucking Glade? 993 01:05:37,137 --> 01:05:39,005 - Worse. 994 01:05:39,273 --> 01:05:43,108 - Honeysuckle Badger Sparkley Lane? 995 01:05:43,110 --> 01:05:44,544 - "Shepherd's Dell". 996 01:05:44,546 --> 01:05:49,181 - "Shepherd's Dell"! Oh Christ! 997 01:05:49,183 --> 01:05:51,016 Where's me shotgun? 998 01:05:51,018 --> 01:05:53,619 Fucking shoot me in the head now that I live to see 999 01:05:53,621 --> 01:05:57,255 Shepherd's - what the fuck's a 'dell'?! 1000 01:05:57,257 --> 01:05:58,758 - I think it's where pixies live. 1001 01:05:58,760 --> 01:06:02,563 - Nah, pixies. Christ. 1002 01:06:03,197 --> 01:06:05,430 What is wrong with people? 1003 01:06:05,432 --> 01:06:06,766 - The irony being, 1004 01:06:06,768 --> 01:06:09,468 the shepherd's working on the building site. 1005 01:06:09,470 --> 01:06:12,137 - Who's that? Shane, whatsit? 1006 01:06:12,139 --> 01:06:13,438 - Shane Dempsey. 1007 01:06:13,440 --> 01:06:14,640 - Dempsey, is he? 1008 01:06:14,642 --> 01:06:16,510 - Apparently. 1009 01:06:17,211 --> 01:06:19,444 - You best keep your distance then. 1010 01:06:19,446 --> 01:06:20,513 - Why? 1011 01:06:20,515 --> 01:06:22,583 - Don't remember do you? 1012 01:06:22,617 --> 01:06:24,382 - Oh god. What? 1013 01:06:24,384 --> 01:06:27,352 - Well, back when you was, you know, being a drunk wanker. 1014 01:06:27,354 --> 01:06:28,754 - Alcohol dependent. 1015 01:06:28,756 --> 01:06:32,057 - You tried it on with Shane Dempsey's missus 1016 01:06:32,059 --> 01:06:33,492 in front of everyone, 1017 01:06:33,494 --> 01:06:36,194 including him in the beer garden of the Drake. 1018 01:06:36,196 --> 01:06:37,830 - Hmm? Is that all? 1019 01:06:37,832 --> 01:06:41,066 - Well you didn't have no trousers on at the time, see? 1020 01:06:41,068 --> 01:06:42,200 - I didn't? 1021 01:06:42,202 --> 01:06:44,102 - No, you sicked up down yourself, 1022 01:06:44,104 --> 01:06:47,239 so you saw fit to take then off and fling them in a tree. 1023 01:06:47,241 --> 01:06:48,675 - Oh shit. 1024 01:06:49,076 --> 01:06:52,679 - Ruined their Carly's Sweet 16, that did. 1025 01:06:53,648 --> 01:06:57,349 He nearly battered you to death in the car park. 1026 01:06:57,351 --> 01:06:59,620 Still. I laughed. 1027 01:07:00,153 --> 01:07:01,555 - Sorry. 1028 01:07:05,225 --> 01:07:12,365 - So he's on the building sites now is he? Shame. 1029 01:07:20,474 --> 01:07:22,575 I've changed my mind. 1030 01:07:22,577 --> 01:07:26,245 I don't want to be buried in the church yard no more. 1031 01:07:26,714 --> 01:07:29,147 I want to be stuffed and put in that bottom field 1032 01:07:29,149 --> 01:07:33,819 so I can scare the out of everybody in Shepherd's Dell. 1033 01:07:33,821 --> 01:07:36,856 - Or I could just bury you with your arse sticking out. 1034 01:07:36,858 --> 01:07:39,525 - Oh yeah. Give you somewhere to park your bike. 1035 01:07:39,527 --> 01:07:40,660 - Nah, it's too much work. 1036 01:07:40,662 --> 01:07:42,528 Just sling you in the compost bin. 1037 01:07:42,530 --> 01:07:45,064 You'll mulch up lovely come spring. 1038 01:07:47,702 --> 01:07:48,901 Do you want some water? 1039 01:07:48,903 --> 01:07:50,671 - Tea. 1040 01:07:57,879 --> 01:07:59,746 - Here. 1041 01:08:05,553 --> 01:08:06,886 - Oh, I forgot. 1042 01:08:06,888 --> 01:08:09,154 I got you a present. 1043 01:08:09,156 --> 01:08:10,824 Look. 1044 01:08:13,761 --> 01:08:15,661 We got loads. 1045 01:08:15,663 --> 01:08:17,362 We should get them in some vinegar 1046 01:08:17,364 --> 01:08:19,532 and have a conker tournament. 1047 01:08:19,534 --> 01:08:21,534 - Ah, that's a beauty. 1048 01:08:21,536 --> 01:08:23,837 Look at that Jeffrey. 1049 01:08:23,905 --> 01:08:25,938 Magnificent innit? 1050 01:08:25,940 --> 01:08:27,774 - Yes it is. 1051 01:08:29,476 --> 01:08:31,242 It's getting late. 1052 01:08:31,244 --> 01:08:34,580 We should think about getting you home. 1053 01:08:34,582 --> 01:08:37,315 - Oh, let's stay out a bit longer eh? 1054 01:08:37,317 --> 01:08:39,317 - You'd been up here ages. 1055 01:08:39,319 --> 01:08:40,620 Besides dinner will be ready soon. 1056 01:08:40,622 --> 01:08:42,755 I've made Cheesy Bean Crunch. 1057 01:08:42,757 --> 01:08:45,357 - I hate cheesy bean bollocking crunch. 1058 01:08:45,359 --> 01:08:46,525 - There's protein in beans. 1059 01:08:46,527 --> 01:08:48,259 It's good for you. 1060 01:08:48,261 --> 01:08:49,929 - You'll finished me off with your bloody rabbit food. 1061 01:08:49,931 --> 01:08:51,731 - Actually Michael, 1062 01:08:51,733 --> 01:08:54,600 rabbits eat their own mucus covered cecal pellets 1063 01:08:54,602 --> 01:08:56,703 as they emerge from the anus. 1064 01:08:56,771 --> 01:08:59,840 - You're a flithy bastard. 1065 01:09:07,915 --> 01:09:12,653 - Goosey Fair day today, can you believe it, already? 1066 01:09:12,787 --> 01:09:15,388 Comes around quicker and quicker. 1067 01:09:16,591 --> 01:09:20,259 I used to take Holly until she got to cool to go with me. 1068 01:09:20,995 --> 01:09:25,263 I bought her a great big plastic tiara one year, 1069 01:09:25,265 --> 01:09:27,934 flashing lights all over it, 1070 01:09:28,603 --> 01:09:30,937 she wouldn't take it off. 1071 01:09:31,973 --> 01:09:35,876 Really annoyed Helen, which was a bonus, of course. 1072 01:09:36,644 --> 01:09:40,781 She was outraged I'd bought her something so 'gaudy'. 1073 01:09:41,481 --> 01:09:44,482 But that's the charm of a fair though isn't it? 1074 01:09:44,484 --> 01:09:48,789 It's sort of, gloriously...shit. 1075 01:09:49,791 --> 01:09:50,923 Helen always wanted it to be like 1076 01:09:50,925 --> 01:09:53,458 something out of Jane Austen. 1077 01:09:53,460 --> 01:09:56,829 - Trev won a goldfish one year on the shooting gallery. 1078 01:09:56,831 --> 01:09:58,463 - Don't know how I feel about that. 1079 01:09:58,465 --> 01:09:59,899 - Don't worry about them. 1080 01:09:59,901 --> 01:10:03,268 Hard as fucking nails fairground goldfish, 1081 01:10:03,270 --> 01:10:05,371 could fight a dog. 1082 01:10:05,907 --> 01:10:08,942 Lived in a vase for the first six months. 1083 01:10:09,510 --> 01:10:12,912 He had that fish for bloody years, 1084 01:10:12,914 --> 01:10:14,780 lasted till he went to college. 1085 01:10:14,782 --> 01:10:16,615 - What was it called? 1086 01:10:16,617 --> 01:10:19,653 - 'Marty Maraschino'. 1087 01:10:20,655 --> 01:10:24,423 She's buried in a matchbox beneath the rowan tree. 1088 01:10:25,059 --> 01:10:29,996 It's from Grease, pink ladies and all that, 1089 01:10:31,599 --> 01:10:33,498 you ever watch that film? 1090 01:10:33,500 --> 01:10:36,435 - Oh a loop. Holly loved Grease. 1091 01:10:36,571 --> 01:10:38,505 - So did Trev. 1092 01:10:41,509 --> 01:10:44,342 - Be good if he came to stay one weekend? 1093 01:10:44,344 --> 01:10:45,778 I've got his email. 1094 01:10:45,780 --> 01:10:49,515 - Yeah. Perhaps. 1095 01:10:49,517 --> 01:10:52,519 - Well. I'll see when him and Jack are free. 1096 01:10:59,026 --> 01:11:01,459 What now for us then? Hmm? 1097 01:11:01,461 --> 01:11:05,397 Get the bonfire lit, toast some crumpets? 1098 01:11:07,935 --> 01:11:10,904 Or some sort of Pagan orgy? 1099 01:11:11,806 --> 01:11:13,839 I'll phone Mrs Tebbs from the post office, 1100 01:11:13,841 --> 01:11:16,809 get her to bring her sister Eunice? 1101 01:11:16,811 --> 01:11:18,944 I hear she'll do anything for a custard slice 1102 01:11:18,946 --> 01:11:20,881 and a game of bingo. 1103 01:11:41,035 --> 01:11:42,836 - Smell that? 1104 01:11:43,571 --> 01:11:45,404 Autumn. 1105 01:11:45,606 --> 01:11:50,911 Smells like smoke and frost and wet moss. 1106 01:11:52,680 --> 01:11:56,683 Should get that bonfire lit, dry spell won't last. 1107 01:11:58,385 --> 01:12:01,654 Sheila'd always bake me a blackberry crumble. 1108 01:12:01,656 --> 01:12:03,522 - She was a cracking cook. 1109 01:12:03,524 --> 01:12:05,157 - Oh, she was. 1110 01:12:05,159 --> 01:12:08,895 That's how come she had an arse the size of Tiverton. 1111 01:12:10,598 --> 01:12:14,432 Remember that new year she come up here, 1112 01:12:14,434 --> 01:12:18,404 all that fuss she made coming up here in them stilettos? 1113 01:12:19,040 --> 01:12:21,006 - Why was she wearing stilettos? 1114 01:12:21,008 --> 01:12:23,844 - Showing off to your Helen wasn't she? 1115 01:12:24,679 --> 01:12:26,679 Great night that was, 1116 01:12:26,681 --> 01:12:29,783 sitting up here watching the fireworks. 1117 01:12:30,585 --> 01:12:33,686 - Helen got so pissed she kept calling it 'the min-ellium'. 1118 01:12:33,688 --> 01:12:35,922 Happy Min-ellium! 1119 01:12:36,190 --> 01:12:38,725 - Happy Min-ellium! 1120 01:12:42,897 --> 01:12:46,065 Used to bring old Sheils up here when we was first courting. 1121 01:12:46,067 --> 01:12:48,433 - Oh, that's nice. 1122 01:12:48,435 --> 01:12:51,938 - And we'd sneak back to the barn for a fumble. 1123 01:12:53,040 --> 01:12:55,876 Bloody gorgeous she was. 1124 01:12:56,177 --> 01:12:58,645 Love of my life. 1125 01:13:00,748 --> 01:13:04,482 Bloody hurry up and find yourself a bird, Jeffrey. 1126 01:13:04,484 --> 01:13:07,753 You find yourself a good woman, you'd be happy. 1127 01:13:07,755 --> 01:13:09,221 - I should. God help me. 1128 01:13:09,223 --> 01:13:12,959 The only fanny I've seen in years is you. 1129 01:13:26,841 --> 01:13:30,542 - I never moved house. I ever tell you that? 1130 01:13:30,544 --> 01:13:33,412 - Yeah. You did. 1131 01:13:34,181 --> 01:13:36,081 - Born upstairs. 1132 01:13:36,083 --> 01:13:37,983 - Well, I didn't know that. 1133 01:13:37,985 --> 01:13:42,789 - Mm. My mother was back milking the cows within the hour. 1134 01:13:52,066 --> 01:13:53,933 We had a good run, didn't we Jeffrey? 1135 01:13:53,935 --> 01:13:54,867 - You finished your tea? 1136 01:13:54,869 --> 01:13:56,669 - Muddled through and all. 1137 01:13:56,671 --> 01:14:00,105 - Life of Riley. Telly in the kitchen. 1138 01:14:00,107 --> 01:14:02,976 - Telly in the kitchen! 1139 01:14:03,010 --> 01:14:05,911 Sheila'd never let me have a telly in the kitchen. 1140 01:14:05,913 --> 01:14:09,014 There you go, some dreams do come true. 1141 01:14:09,016 --> 01:14:11,952 Come on, my bean crunch is gonna burn. 1142 01:14:12,520 --> 01:14:14,453 - It's all yours. 1143 01:14:14,922 --> 01:14:16,655 The house. 1144 01:14:16,657 --> 01:14:17,856 - It's gonna get far too cold up here 1145 01:14:17,858 --> 01:14:19,858 if you don't get a move on. 1146 01:14:19,860 --> 01:14:21,860 - No, I said the house is yours, Jeffrey. 1147 01:14:21,862 --> 01:14:23,762 - Yeah. Don't be daft. 1148 01:14:23,764 --> 01:14:26,865 - I know I ain't been the easiest bloke to live with. 1149 01:14:26,867 --> 01:14:28,934 - You're a colossal and perpetual pain in the arse. 1150 01:14:28,936 --> 01:14:31,003 - No, you're a pain in the arse. 1151 01:14:31,005 --> 01:14:33,138 - I am. Now come on. It's getting cold. 1152 01:14:33,140 --> 01:14:38,043 - Yeah. Lucky bastard eh, to have had all this. 1153 01:14:38,045 --> 01:14:45,618 Have a woman like Sheila and, be here, have a life here, 1154 01:14:45,786 --> 01:14:48,788 never wanted to go anywhere else you know. 1155 01:14:51,959 --> 01:14:53,659 Went to Coventry once. 1156 01:14:53,661 --> 01:14:54,727 - Oh yeah? 1157 01:14:54,729 --> 01:14:56,896 - It was fucking awful. 1158 01:14:58,632 --> 01:15:02,035 Still you can go anywhere you like though eh Jeffrey? 1159 01:15:03,637 --> 01:15:05,105 You do that. 1160 01:15:05,639 --> 01:15:07,540 - Don't be such a girl. 1161 01:15:44,311 --> 01:15:48,680 - What's the longest river in Africa Jeffrey? 1162 01:15:48,682 --> 01:15:49,982 - The Nile. 1163 01:15:49,984 --> 01:15:51,183 - Is it? 1164 01:15:51,185 --> 01:15:52,985 - You are a terrible quizmaster. 1165 01:15:52,987 --> 01:15:54,854 - Yeah. 1166 01:15:56,257 --> 01:16:00,225 Mmm. What you'd call a baldy git in a stupid coat? 1167 01:16:00,227 --> 01:16:02,062 - Very good. 1168 01:16:07,768 --> 01:16:10,203 - Hey listen. 1169 01:16:15,709 --> 01:16:18,078 Come on Jeffrey. 1170 01:16:18,179 --> 01:16:20,580 Even you know this one. 1171 01:16:24,185 --> 01:16:26,219 - It's a nightjar.