1
00:00:01,560 --> 00:00:03,180
[Narrator] Previously on Ezra.

2
00:00:04,249 --> 00:00:05,353
There's Ian.

3
00:00:05,353 --> 00:00:06,560
You are so in love with him.

4
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I am not.

5
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Wow, did you go
to McDonald's today?

6
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No.

7
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Weird, I saw you
eating out, lesbo.

8
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Is she always that aggressive,

9
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or does Halloween
bring it out of her?

10
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Sadly, always.

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Hope to see you around.

12
00:00:20,663 --> 00:00:21,870
Happy Halloween.

13
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Then I met my
best friend, Gwen,

14
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and this guy, Ian,
who's just amazing,

15
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but he just brought
me to a Halloween,

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vampire themed photo
op where he almost

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just pissed himself like
a pre-pubescent boy.

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If love is true, it
will always be real,

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and nothing supernatural
or not can destroy that.

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[distant whispering]

21
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[ominous music]

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Are you moving it?

23
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Yeah.

24
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[sighs]

25
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Is this stuff even real?

26
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Like, are there really ghosts?

27
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Bitch, you're literally
a mythological creature.

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You don't know?

29
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Bitch, I don't
fucking know everything.

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I don't know.

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Sometimes I feel like
there has to be more than,

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than this.

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Like the other day
I was reading up

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on Filipino folklore which
I didn't know existed,

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and I was like, holy shit.

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The stories they told were
literal coping mechanisms,

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the monsters, the aswang,
et cetera, et cetera,

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during colonial times.

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And then it dawned on me.

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This is how my people
dealt with literally

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losing their entire culture.

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But, this was
pre-colonial times.

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So maybe there's an
entire spirit world

44
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that I don't even have access to

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because of generations
of emotional trauma.

46
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Ugh, is this naturally
fermented, 'cause,

47
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it tastes kinda funky.

48
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I literally have no idea.

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[glasses clink]

50
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[upbeat music]

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♪ Me and my girls,
yeah, call us a coven ♪

52
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♪ When it comes to lovin'

53
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♪ They got my back
when I go on trusting ♪

54
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♪ Boys, like you

55
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♪ You're gone and buried

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♪ The cemetery

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♪ Boy, ain't it scary

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♪ R.I.P, you're dead to me

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♪ You're gone and buried

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♪ I hope you're ready

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♪ Boy, ain't it scary

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♪ R.I.P, you're dead to me

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♪ Cross my broken
heart, I hope you die ♪

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♪ Die

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♪ Cross my broken
heart, I hope you die ♪

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♪ Die

67
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♪ R.I.P, you're dead to me

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Why are humans, people,
just so complicated?

69
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Like why is there so
many schools of thought?

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It's just, try not being dumb.

71
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Right, uh, anyway,

72
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I was wondering if you wanted
to have dinner tonight?

73
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Yeah, that'd be really nice.

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With my parents.

75
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[coughing]

76
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Parents, with my
fucking parents?

77
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Who the hell says that,
I mean, and a libra-

78
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What is your issue?

79
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Your psych degree
didn't teach you

80
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to deal with your anxious
attachment problem?

81
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Actually, I'm
anxious avoidant,

82
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so it'd be better for
me, to anxiously avoid.

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Wow, you've left
your satanic cult,

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just to be a little bitch.

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Cool!

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I am being cautious.

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And being chaotic,
I don't know.

88
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There are rules, strict
vampiric rules that-

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Move.

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Strict vampiric rules, that
go back hundreds of years.

91
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Oh, of course there are,

92
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oh, let me guess,
rule number one.

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Don't wear anything
other than black.

94
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Oh my god, yeah,
you're actually so-

95
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No!

96
00:03:59,698 --> 00:04:01,077
Rule number one, never court-

97
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With mortals.

98
00:04:03,594 --> 00:04:04,801
Oh.

99
00:04:04,801 --> 00:04:06,974
Okay, well what
happens if, you know,

100
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that happens?

101
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Okay, well, nothing has
happened yet, thank you.

102
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And I'm just, I'm never
going back there, okay.

103
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I'm just confused or concerned

104
00:04:16,663 --> 00:04:18,870
on what happens if they
find out, then what happens?

105
00:04:18,870 --> 00:04:20,974
No one has found
out anything so far.

106
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And last I checked,
you disowned them.

107
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You came here for your
happiness, E, not theirs.

108
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So go out, have fun.

109
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Ian's a great guy.

110
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And don't fuck this up.

111
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Like what is this, drag race?

112
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Ezra!

113
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You're a genius.

114
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So, mister broccoli and I-

115
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Sorry, Broc, and I,

116
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have been getting to
know one another, and-

117
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[dreadful music]

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Turns out we have
a ton in common.

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He's really helped me
accept my inner child and-

120
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[dialogue fades out]

121
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Oh my god!

122
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Congratulations!

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I am so happy for you two.

124
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Okay, well, I'm gonna
leave you guys to it.

125
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And have fun.

126
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[upbeat music]

127
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[indistinct dialogue]

128
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Oh, look at my lovely Ian!

129
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Look how cute you are!
- Here you go, honey.

130
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Thank you.

131
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Ezra, I've heard
so much about you!

132
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- Mhmmm.
- Chicken?

133
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He doesn't eat meat, mom.

134
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Ah, presbyterian, yeah.

135
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- There's the salad.
- The salad, yeah, no meat.

136
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Gil made it himself,
it's delicious.

137
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I did, mhmmm, got the
recipe off that show

138
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I've been watching, new
presbyterian cook off, yes.

139
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- Yes, oh yeah.
- Oh, absolutely.

140
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Oh, dig in.

141
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Hey, you good, you okay?

142
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Yeah, um, I'm just gonna
run to the bathroom, where?

143
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- [Mom] Oh, sure.
- [Dad] Oh, sure, yeah, yeah.

144
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[Mom] Yeah, it's just
right down the hall.

145
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Awesome, thank you.

146
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[Mom] Yeah.

147
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Yeah, okay.

148
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- Thank you.
- Yeah.

149
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[tense music]

150
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There's no way.

151
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Fuck.

152
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Pick up the phone,
pick up the phone,

153
00:06:38,215 --> 00:06:39,422
pick up the phone,
pick up the phone,

154
00:06:39,422 --> 00:06:41,732
pick up the fucking phone.

155
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[phone buzzing]

156
00:06:44,284 --> 00:06:45,836
[sighs]

157
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Aren't you supposed to be
with Ian and his parents?

158
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[Ezra] SOS, I
have to kill myself.

159
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Just relax, breathe,
you're so dramatic.

160
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I'm out of blood.

161
00:06:53,387 --> 00:06:54,422
[Gwen] What?

162
00:06:54,422 --> 00:06:55,836
Bitch, I'm out of blood.

163
00:06:55,836 --> 00:06:57,249
Okay, well can't you
just wait til you get home?

164
00:06:57,249 --> 00:06:59,387
No, if I don't
start drinking soon,

165
00:06:59,387 --> 00:07:02,836
I will not be the flirty,
funny, sexy version of me.

166
00:07:02,836 --> 00:07:04,663
Okay, well, what do you
want me to do, kill someone?

167
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[Ezra] Gwen, I would
literally never ask you

168
00:07:06,318 --> 00:07:07,905
to do anything you
don't want to do.

169
00:07:07,905 --> 00:07:11,008
Ezra, I'm not going
to kill someone.

170
00:07:11,008 --> 00:07:12,836
Why must I be subjected
to this torment,

171
00:07:12,836 --> 00:07:15,387
like literally what have
I done to deserve this?

172
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Just, breathe.

173
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I'll be there, ASAP.

174
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[sighs]

175
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Okay, okay, okay.

176
00:07:28,146 --> 00:07:32,077
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yep,
okay, everything is fine,

177
00:07:32,077 --> 00:07:35,629
everything is great, we
are looking dead as shit,

178
00:07:35,629 --> 00:07:37,491
but that's great, okay.

179
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I am not live, laugh, loving.

180
00:07:43,180 --> 00:07:45,629
Yeah, okay, you're still
in the meeting, right, okay.

181
00:07:45,629 --> 00:07:46,905
- Yeah.
- Okay, all right.

182
00:07:46,905 --> 00:07:48,146
- You need-
- Just, you know, eat up.

183
00:07:48,146 --> 00:07:49,353
Hey, welcome back!

184
00:07:49,353 --> 00:07:53,111
Oh, looking great,
look at that, amazing!

185
00:07:54,560 --> 00:07:57,767
So, Ezra, I heard you're
in the psychology program,

186
00:07:57,767 --> 00:07:59,560
at Woodcrest, what interests you

187
00:07:59,560 --> 00:08:01,318
in our teeny tiny little brains?

188
00:08:01,318 --> 00:08:03,077
[laughs]

189
00:08:03,077 --> 00:08:06,698
Um, I just like
the understanding of
what makes us tick.

190
00:08:06,698 --> 00:08:08,732
Well, I think that's great.

191
00:08:08,732 --> 00:08:11,594
Lord only knows
people have issues.

192
00:08:11,594 --> 00:08:13,560
[laughs]

193
00:08:13,560 --> 00:08:15,698
Speaking of which, tequila?

194
00:08:15,698 --> 00:08:17,801
- Ooh, we love tequila here!
- [Ian] Oh, my god.

195
00:08:17,801 --> 00:08:19,663
We literally just
started dinner!

196
00:08:19,663 --> 00:08:21,008
I'll have one.

197
00:08:21,008 --> 00:08:23,663
[ominous music]

198
00:08:25,560 --> 00:08:26,870
Hey, need help with that?

199
00:08:29,284 --> 00:08:30,732
[singing]

200
00:08:30,732 --> 00:08:31,939
I don't think that
tiny little figure

201
00:08:31,939 --> 00:08:33,180
can handle all that meat.

202
00:08:34,698 --> 00:08:35,905
Maybe it can.

203
00:08:38,939 --> 00:08:41,353
[Mom] Come on,
you know the song!

204
00:08:41,353 --> 00:08:43,318
God, you are so right.

205
00:08:44,387 --> 00:08:46,456
I am so small and so tiny,

206
00:08:46,456 --> 00:08:49,077
would one of you
big strong men help?

207
00:08:50,939 --> 00:08:53,077
[singing]

208
00:08:53,077 --> 00:08:54,698
Maybe one of you should go
inside and tell my friend,

209
00:08:54,698 --> 00:08:56,732
she's also getting lots of meat,

210
00:08:56,732 --> 00:08:59,284
and I'd bet she'd give
anything for the help.

211
00:08:59,284 --> 00:09:01,249
[singing]

212
00:09:01,249 --> 00:09:02,974
How much meat can you handle?

213
00:09:02,974 --> 00:09:05,077
'Cause, I've got lots of it.

214
00:09:05,077 --> 00:09:06,767
Why don't you go
in and find out?

215
00:09:12,008 --> 00:09:14,801
[singing]

216
00:09:14,801 --> 00:09:15,974
[door slams]

217
00:09:15,974 --> 00:09:18,111
[cackles]

218
00:09:19,629 --> 00:09:22,629
So, Ezra, what
does your family do?

219
00:09:22,629 --> 00:09:23,939
Um, they're in a cult.

220
00:09:27,629 --> 00:09:31,663
I mean like, trapped by
their corporate jobs.

221
00:09:31,663 --> 00:09:32,836
- Oh!
- Yeah.

222
00:09:32,836 --> 00:09:34,594
- Yeah, right.
- Insurance, I mean,

223
00:09:34,594 --> 00:09:36,491
like they can't get out of it.

224
00:09:36,491 --> 00:09:39,525
I had a friend, named Bobby,
you remember Bobby, right?

225
00:09:39,525 --> 00:09:41,077
Oh, yeah, Bobby,
the little guy.

226
00:09:41,077 --> 00:09:43,663
Yeah, he's like, looks
kind of like a minion,

227
00:09:43,663 --> 00:09:45,732
but not as yellow, he
did have the overalls,

228
00:09:45,732 --> 00:09:46,732
same thing happened to him.

229
00:09:46,732 --> 00:09:47,905
[Mom] Yes, yes, yeah.

230
00:09:47,905 --> 00:09:51,111
Yeah, I just, we're
not, yeah, yeah.

231
00:09:51,111 --> 00:09:52,767
[phone buzzing]

232
00:09:52,767 --> 00:09:54,767
Sorry, give me one second.

233
00:09:54,767 --> 00:09:56,146
It's actually them, right now.

234
00:09:56,146 --> 00:09:57,801
Sorry, I'll be right back.

235
00:09:57,801 --> 00:09:59,974
[Mom] Yes, yes,
yes, go, go, go!

236
00:09:59,974 --> 00:10:01,525
[Dad] Oh, what
wonderful parents.

237
00:10:01,525 --> 00:10:03,836
[Mom] I love that he picks
up his parents' phone calls.

238
00:10:03,836 --> 00:10:04,663
Come on.

239
00:10:11,111 --> 00:10:13,284
You found this at the store?

240
00:10:13,284 --> 00:10:14,525
Him and his friend
were brave enough

241
00:10:14,525 --> 00:10:15,801
to start bragging
about their meat,

242
00:10:15,801 --> 00:10:17,594
so I thought why not
let them be meat?

243
00:10:19,456 --> 00:10:20,767
I stand by my decision.

244
00:10:22,284 --> 00:10:23,146
I'll take a sec.

245
00:10:26,629 --> 00:10:28,905
[growling]

246
00:10:34,905 --> 00:10:37,732
It's been like,
literally five minutes.

247
00:10:37,732 --> 00:10:39,318
They love you.

248
00:10:39,318 --> 00:10:40,111
What?

249
00:10:41,801 --> 00:10:43,939
I'm so glad we did this.

250
00:10:45,801 --> 00:10:46,594
Me too.

251
00:10:51,767 --> 00:10:54,284
[spooky music]

252
00:11:04,836 --> 00:11:05,663
Mmm.

253
00:11:15,008 --> 00:11:16,491
[knocking at door]

254
00:11:16,491 --> 00:11:17,318
Did you hear?

255
00:11:18,422 --> 00:11:21,387
We found your
little cousin, Ezra.

256
00:11:22,525 --> 00:11:24,008
He fled to the mortal world.

257
00:11:25,836 --> 00:11:27,146
What?

258
00:11:27,146 --> 00:11:29,698
Oh, yeah, and I heard
through the blood vein,

259
00:11:29,698 --> 00:11:32,491
that he's in cahoots
with a human?

260
00:11:33,801 --> 00:11:35,663
So embarrassing.

261
00:11:38,732 --> 00:11:39,525
Find him.

262
00:11:47,008 --> 00:11:49,663
[upbeat music]