[Narrator] Previously on Ezra.
There's Ian.
You are so in love with him.
I am not.
Wow, did you go to McDonald's today?
No.
Weird, I saw you eating out, lesbo.
Is she always that aggressive,
or does Halloween bring it out of her?
Sadly, always.
Hope to see you around.
Happy Halloween.
Then I met my best friend, Gwen,
and this guy, Ian, who's just amazing,
but he just brought me to a Halloween,
vampire themed photo op where he almost
just pissed himself like a pre-pubescent boy.
If love is true, it will always be real,
and nothing supernatural or not can destroy that.
[distant whispering]
[ominous music]
Are you moving it?
Yeah.
[sighs]
Is this stuff even real?
Like, are there really ghosts?
Bitch, you're literally a mythological creature.
You don't know?
Bitch, I don't fucking know everything.
I don't know.
Sometimes I feel like there has to be more than,
than this.
Like the other day I was reading up
on Filipino folklore which I didn't know existed,
and I was like, holy shit.
The stories they told were literal coping mechanisms,
the monsters, the aswang, et cetera, et cetera,
during colonial times.
And then it dawned on me.
This is how my people dealt with literally
losing their entire culture.
But, this was pre-colonial times.
So maybe there's an entire spirit world
that I don't even have access to
because of generations of emotional trauma.
Ugh, is this naturally fermented, 'cause,
it tastes kinda funky.
I literally have no idea.
[glasses clink]
[upbeat music]
♪ Me and my girls, yeah, call us a coven ♪
♪ When it comes to lovin'
♪ They got my back when I go on trusting ♪
♪ Boys, like you
♪ You're gone and buried
♪ The cemetery
♪ Boy, ain't it scary
♪ R.I.P, you're dead to me
♪ You're gone and buried
♪ I hope you're ready
♪ Boy, ain't it scary
♪ R.I.P, you're dead to me
♪ Cross my broken heart, I hope you die ♪
♪ Die
♪ Cross my broken heart, I hope you die ♪
♪ Die
♪ R.I.P, you're dead to me
Why are humans, people, just so complicated?
Like why is there so many schools of thought?
It's just, try not being dumb.
Right, uh, anyway,
I was wondering if you wanted to have dinner tonight?
Yeah, that'd be really nice.
With my parents.
[coughing]
Parents, with my fucking parents?
Who the hell says that, I mean, and a libra-
What is your issue?
Your psych degree didn't teach you
to deal with your anxious attachment problem?
Actually, I'm anxious avoidant,
so it'd be better for me, to anxiously avoid.
Wow, you've left your satanic cult,
just to be a little bitch.
Cool!
I am being cautious.
And being chaotic, I don't know.
There are rules, strict vampiric rules that-
Move.
Strict vampiric rules, that go back hundreds of years.
Oh, of course there are,
oh, let me guess, rule number one.
Don't wear anything other than black.
Oh my god, yeah, you're actually so-
No!
Rule number one, never court-
With mortals.
Oh.
Okay, well what happens if, you know,
that happens?
Okay, well, nothing has happened yet, thank you.
And I'm just, I'm never going back there, okay.
I'm just confused or concerned
on what happens if they find out, then what happens?
No one has found out anything so far.
And last I checked, you disowned them.
You came here for your happiness, E, not theirs.
So go out, have fun.
Ian's a great guy.
And don't fuck this up.
Like what is this, drag race?
Ezra!
You're a genius.
So, mister broccoli and I-
Sorry, Broc, and I,
have been getting to know one another, and-
[dreadful music]
Turns out we have a ton in common.
He's really helped me accept my inner child and-
[dialogue fades out]
Oh my god!
Congratulations!
I am so happy for you two.
Okay, well, I'm gonna leave you guys to it.
And have fun.
[upbeat music]
[indistinct dialogue]
Oh, look at my lovely Ian!
Look how cute you are! - Here you go, honey.
Thank you.
Ezra, I've heard so much about you!
- Mhmmm. - Chicken?
He doesn't eat meat, mom.
Ah, presbyterian, yeah.
- There's the salad. - The salad, yeah, no meat.
Gil made it himself, it's delicious.
I did, mhmmm, got the recipe off that show
I've been watching, new presbyterian cook off, yes.
- Yes, oh yeah. - Oh, absolutely.
Oh, dig in.
Hey, you good, you okay?
Yeah, um, I'm just gonna run to the bathroom, where?
- [Mom] Oh, sure. - [Dad] Oh, sure, yeah, yeah.
[Mom] Yeah, it's just right down the hall.
Awesome, thank you.
[Mom] Yeah.
Yeah, okay.
- Thank you. - Yeah.
[tense music]
There's no way.
Fuck.
Pick up the phone, pick up the phone,
pick up the phone,
pick up the fucking phone.
[phone buzzing]
[sighs]
Aren't you supposed to be with Ian and his parents?
[Ezra] SOS, I have to kill myself.
Just relax, breathe, you're so dramatic.
I'm out of blood.
[Gwen] What?
Bitch, I'm out of blood.
Okay, well can't you just wait til you get home?
No, if I don't start drinking soon,
I will not be the flirty, funny, sexy version of me.
Okay, well, what do you want me to do, kill someone?
[Ezra] Gwen, I would literally never ask you
to do anything you don't want to do.
Ezra, I'm not going to kill someone.
Why must I be subjected to this torment,
like literally what have I done to deserve this?
Just, breathe.
I'll be there, ASAP.
[sighs]
Okay, okay, okay.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yep, okay, everything is fine,
everything is great, we are looking dead as shit,
but that's great, okay.
I am not live, laugh, loving.
Yeah, okay, you're still in the meeting, right, okay.
- Yeah. - Okay, all right.
- You need- - Just, you know, eat up.
Hey, welcome back!
Oh, looking great, look at that, amazing!
So, Ezra, I heard you're in the psychology program,
at Woodcrest, what interests you
in our teeny tiny little brains?
[laughs]
Um, I just like the understanding of what makes us tick.
Well, I think that's great.
Lord only knows people have issues.
[laughs]
Speaking of which, tequila?
- Ooh, we love tequila here! - [Ian] Oh, my god.
We literally just started dinner!
I'll have one.
[ominous music]
Hey, need help with that?
[singing]
I don't think that tiny little figure
can handle all that meat.
Maybe it can.
[Mom] Come on, you know the song!
God, you are so right.
I am so small and so tiny,
would one of you big strong men help?
[singing]
Maybe one of you should go inside and tell my friend,
she's also getting lots of meat,
and I'd bet she'd give anything for the help.
[singing]
How much meat can you handle?
'Cause, I've got lots of it.
Why don't you go in and find out?
[singing]
[door slams]
[cackles]
So, Ezra, what does your family do?
Um, they're in a cult.
I mean like, trapped by their corporate jobs.
- Oh! - Yeah.
- Yeah, right. - Insurance, I mean,
like they can't get out of it.
I had a friend, named Bobby, you remember Bobby, right?
Oh, yeah, Bobby, the little guy.
Yeah, he's like, looks kind of like a minion,
but not as yellow, he did have the overalls,
same thing happened to him.
[Mom] Yes, yes, yeah.
Yeah, I just, we're not, yeah, yeah.
[phone buzzing]
Sorry, give me one second.
It's actually them, right now.
Sorry, I'll be right back.
[Mom] Yes, yes, yes, go, go, go!
[Dad] Oh, what wonderful parents.
[Mom] I love that he picks up his parents' phone calls.
Come on.
You found this at the store?
Him and his friend were brave enough
to start bragging about their meat,
so I thought why not let them be meat?
I stand by my decision.
I'll take a sec.
[growling]
It's been like, literally five minutes.
They love you.
What?
I'm so glad we did this.
Me too.
[spooky music]
Mmm.
[knocking at door]
Did you hear?
We found your little cousin, Ezra.
He fled to the mortal world.
What?
Oh, yeah, and I heard through the blood vein,
that he's in cahoots with a human?
So embarrassing.
Find him.
[upbeat music]