1
00:00:00,456 --> 00:00:02,456
[eerie music]

2
00:00:02,456 --> 00:00:05,111
[owl screeches]

3
00:00:06,456 --> 00:00:09,870
[engine rattles]

4
00:00:12,077 --> 00:00:14,836
Ezra. You can't tell
anyone about this, okay?

5
00:00:15,698 --> 00:00:17,560
And ruin everything we have?

6
00:00:17,560 --> 00:00:19,111
Hilarious.

7
00:00:19,111 --> 00:00:21,180
I'm just saying whatever
happened, never happened.

8
00:00:22,801 --> 00:00:24,353
I love It when you get sassy.

9
00:00:24,353 --> 00:00:26,456
I'm not fucking
playing. Don't say shit.

10
00:00:27,870 --> 00:00:29,698
Whatever you say officer.

11
00:00:32,008 --> 00:00:33,456
And no fucking teeth, okay?

12
00:00:35,560 --> 00:00:38,077
[zipper clicks]

13
00:00:38,077 --> 00:00:39,008
But I like teeth.

14
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[horrified screams]

15
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[Ezra] Now I know
what you're thinking.

16
00:00:47,077 --> 00:00:50,560
Ew. He's wearing a jacket
with a built in hood.

17
00:00:50,560 --> 00:00:52,594
And when I tell you,
that's what I fucking said.

18
00:00:52,594 --> 00:00:53,870
That's what I fucking said.

19
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[rock music]

20
00:01:03,043 --> 00:01:07,491
Hi, I'm Ezra Grey,
a psychotic Gemini

21
00:01:07,491 --> 00:01:08,939
according to my
best friend, Gwen,

22
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she's a Leo,

23
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and I guess what
you weak, brittle,

24
00:01:12,594 --> 00:01:17,249
and not to mention frail,
human things called a vampire.

25
00:01:17,249 --> 00:01:18,698
What I've managed to gather

26
00:01:18,698 --> 00:01:20,456
from being alive for 400 years

27
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is that these people think
they're Jesus amongst dirt.

28
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Humans act like they
know everything.

29
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When in reality
they know nothing.

30
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And that's why.

31
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Now we were talking
about Mercy Lewis.

32
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She was accusing
Tituba of witchcraft

33
00:01:34,491 --> 00:01:36,284
but Tituba was safe
because she's the slave

34
00:01:36,284 --> 00:01:38,249
of the great minister
Samuel of Parris.

35
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Later, though she is executed.

36
00:01:40,594 --> 00:01:43,284
[laughs]

37
00:01:43,284 --> 00:01:46,939
I'm, that's literally not
what happened, but go on.

38
00:01:46,939 --> 00:01:48,629
And how would you know?

39
00:01:48,629 --> 00:01:51,284
I mean, I could also
just manage my expectations

40
00:01:51,284 --> 00:01:53,008
considering this
is the same species

41
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that invented Jersey Shore
and Veggie Tales, but still.

42
00:01:57,629 --> 00:01:59,629
'Cause Tituba and I
were girls, besties,

43
00:01:59,629 --> 00:02:02,456
weaving strange spells, were
down goths. I mean like.

44
00:02:02,456 --> 00:02:05,043
Okay, this class
is a joke to you

45
00:02:05,043 --> 00:02:06,594
feel free to let yourself out.

46
00:02:07,491 --> 00:02:08,456
See what I mean?

47
00:02:09,525 --> 00:02:11,043
What I have noticed

48
00:02:11,043 --> 00:02:14,111
is these people have created
some kind of repress kink.

49
00:02:14,111 --> 00:02:16,077
I'm all about the chase,
but whatever weird

50
00:02:16,077 --> 00:02:19,353
modern societal bullshit they
put on each other around here

51
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is so embarrassing.

52
00:02:21,594 --> 00:02:23,146
Toodles.

53
00:02:23,146 --> 00:02:24,836
The thing about being dead is
I have nothing to live for.

54
00:02:24,836 --> 00:02:28,525
And yes, Nancy drew, if you
haven't gotten it yet, I'm dead.

55
00:02:28,525 --> 00:02:31,491
Well like vampire dead.

56
00:02:31,491 --> 00:02:33,043
These people might
as well be dead

57
00:02:33,043 --> 00:02:36,491
since none of them are
actually living their lives.

58
00:02:38,008 --> 00:02:39,698
Okay. As I was saying.

59
00:02:39,698 --> 00:02:43,456
So for now, I'll just
sit back, relax and vibe.

60
00:02:43,456 --> 00:02:46,629
And before anyone gets mad
at me, he had a girlfriend.

61
00:02:46,629 --> 00:02:48,318
[slurping blood]

62
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I think.

63
00:02:49,180 --> 00:02:51,180
[slurping blood]

64
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Kisses.

65
00:02:56,284 --> 00:02:58,836
♪ Me and my girls,
yeah, call us a coven ♪

66
00:02:58,836 --> 00:03:00,491
♪ When it comes to lovin'

67
00:03:00,491 --> 00:03:02,698
♪ They got my back
when I go on trusting ♪

68
00:03:02,698 --> 00:03:05,767
♪ Boys like you

69
00:03:05,767 --> 00:03:07,939
♪ You're gone and buried

70
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♪ The cemetery

71
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♪ Boy, ain't it scary

72
00:03:11,594 --> 00:03:14,456
♪ R.I.P you're dead to me

73
00:03:14,456 --> 00:03:16,560
♪ You're gone and buried

74
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♪ I hope you're ready

75
00:03:18,767 --> 00:03:20,284
♪ Boy ain't it scary

76
00:03:20,284 --> 00:03:22,422
♪ R.I.P you're dead to me

77
00:03:22,422 --> 00:03:27,387
♪ Cross my broken heart,
I hope you die, die ♪

78
00:03:31,077 --> 00:03:36,043
♪ Cross my broken heart,
I hope you die, die ♪

79
00:03:37,870 --> 00:03:42,008
♪ R.I.P your dead to me.

80
00:03:42,008 --> 00:03:44,560
[students chattering]

81
00:03:44,560 --> 00:03:46,077
Hey bad you.

82
00:03:46,077 --> 00:03:47,767
What up, bitch?

83
00:03:47,767 --> 00:03:49,422
You missed the new guy in
our economics class today.

84
00:03:49,422 --> 00:03:52,422
He was so fizzy I could die.

85
00:03:52,422 --> 00:03:53,767
- Damn it, Really?
- Mhm

86
00:03:53,767 --> 00:03:55,663
Well fuck me for
having an early lunch.

87
00:03:56,905 --> 00:03:59,422
This is Gwen, my
BFF, my ride or die.

88
00:03:59,422 --> 00:04:00,974
My bestie in a Tessie.

89
00:04:00,974 --> 00:04:02,939
She takes nothing from no one.

90
00:04:04,146 --> 00:04:05,560
Okay. We got a very
special treat for you.

91
00:04:05,560 --> 00:04:06,905
Our guest speaker.

92
00:04:06,905 --> 00:04:09,249
Please give her a
warm welcome, Amber.

93
00:04:10,318 --> 00:04:13,525
Amber ladies and gents, Amber.

94
00:04:13,525 --> 00:04:15,180
Is this thing on? [laughs]

95
00:04:15,180 --> 00:04:16,939
It's not cause
there's no microphone.

96
00:04:16,939 --> 00:04:20,008
Thank you, Professor Smith for
this wonderful introduction.

97
00:04:20,008 --> 00:04:22,284
Hi, my name is Amber, and yes

98
00:04:22,284 --> 00:04:25,456
I'm a part of this
university's diversity club.

99
00:04:26,905 --> 00:04:28,974
What's your diversity?

100
00:04:28,974 --> 00:04:31,732
Thank you. I am
so glad you asked.

101
00:04:31,732 --> 00:04:35,767
I, my ancestors, my great, great

102
00:04:35,767 --> 00:04:40,008
great, great grandfather
was actually from Holland.

103
00:04:41,318 --> 00:04:43,663
Yeah, he was a farmer there.

104
00:04:43,663 --> 00:04:47,284
Bet you wouldn't expect
that, huh? He was.

105
00:04:48,594 --> 00:04:50,663
Anyways, I'm, I'm
here to tell everybody

106
00:04:50,663 --> 00:04:53,353
that there is a
social mixer tonight

107
00:04:53,353 --> 00:04:56,491
and yes, all races are invited.

108
00:04:56,491 --> 00:04:57,663
Totally get what
you're saying.

109
00:04:57,663 --> 00:04:59,801
I mean like typical
white people.

110
00:04:59,801 --> 00:05:01,560
My, my grandparents
are Italian, so.

111
00:05:03,663 --> 00:05:04,836
Fuck this.

112
00:05:04,836 --> 00:05:06,663
Oh, we're so
sorry to see you go.

113
00:05:06,663 --> 00:05:09,180
I mean, we would love to have
people like you in our club.

114
00:05:09,180 --> 00:05:11,284
Just leave your
email at the door.

115
00:05:14,249 --> 00:05:15,870
People like what?

116
00:05:18,008 --> 00:05:19,870
You know, diverse.

117
00:05:24,215 --> 00:05:27,387
I do not need to sit here
and tune your moral compass

118
00:05:27,387 --> 00:05:30,353
just so you can feel better
about using people of color

119
00:05:30,353 --> 00:05:33,387
to supplement your own personal
gain and lack of trauma.

120
00:05:33,387 --> 00:05:38,146
You know what, you
colonizers, you, you included

121
00:05:38,146 --> 00:05:41,698
just because you are tan
does not make you oppressed.

122
00:05:41,698 --> 00:05:43,422
Okay? The diverse are not pawns

123
00:05:43,422 --> 00:05:46,698
for you straight white people
to grow as a community.

124
00:05:48,422 --> 00:05:51,698
Thanks. I'll definitely leave
my email at the fucking door.

125
00:05:52,801 --> 00:05:54,180
That was so iconic.

126
00:05:55,801 --> 00:05:56,974
Great. You coming?

127
00:06:00,594 --> 00:06:02,801
[class murmurs]

128
00:06:02,801 --> 00:06:06,629
[clapping]

129
00:06:08,870 --> 00:06:10,491
A play by me.

130
00:06:10,491 --> 00:06:12,456
I scripted that
entire interaction.

131
00:06:12,456 --> 00:06:14,594
Just to teach you
people a lesson.

132
00:06:15,974 --> 00:06:17,215
Now I'll be presenting a song

133
00:06:17,215 --> 00:06:20,353
that I wrote called colorblind.

134
00:06:22,801 --> 00:06:26,801
♪ This world is filled
of different colors ♪

135
00:06:26,801 --> 00:06:30,560
♪ and different shapes
and sizes too. ♪

136
00:06:30,560 --> 00:06:32,560
And since that moment
we've been BFF's.

137
00:06:32,560 --> 00:06:34,491
However, she doesn't
know I'm, you know.

138
00:06:34,491 --> 00:06:36,043
He was extra tasty.

139
00:06:37,284 --> 00:06:38,594
Oh, I bet.

140
00:06:38,594 --> 00:06:39,767
I'm sure. you'd
see him, you know,

141
00:06:39,767 --> 00:06:41,560
if you ever showed up to class.

142
00:06:41,560 --> 00:06:43,318
Okay. I believe I'm
learning from experience.

143
00:06:43,318 --> 00:06:45,077
A book can only
teach you so much.

144
00:06:46,111 --> 00:06:48,215
[phone chimes]

145
00:06:48,215 --> 00:06:50,939
Ugh, that's my
mom. So annoying.

146
00:06:50,939 --> 00:06:52,974
We have this family
reunion thing tonight.

147
00:06:52,974 --> 00:06:56,146
My uncle's introducing us to
his new 20 year old girlfriend.

148
00:06:56,146 --> 00:06:58,146
Okay. But that sounds
like so much fun.

149
00:06:58,146 --> 00:06:59,732
Do you even talk
to your family?

150
00:06:59,732 --> 00:07:00,974
Does Satan still
talk to Jesus?

151
00:07:00,974 --> 00:07:02,525
Okay.

152
00:07:02,525 --> 00:07:03,663
If I wanted a headache, I'd
listen to a straight white man

153
00:07:03,663 --> 00:07:05,698
talk about the female body.

154
00:07:05,698 --> 00:07:07,801
At all? Not even
the cool cousins?

155
00:07:08,974 --> 00:07:13,180
I have one cousin and
she's actually insane.

156
00:07:13,180 --> 00:07:16,180
Like trust, me these
people are wicked

157
00:07:16,180 --> 00:07:19,180
and not in like the
Broadway musical way.

158
00:07:19,180 --> 00:07:21,801
Well, this bruha needs
to fly away to class.

159
00:07:21,801 --> 00:07:23,422
I'll catch you later. Bye.

160
00:07:23,422 --> 00:07:24,560
Peace.

161
00:07:24,560 --> 00:07:27,663
[students chattering]

162
00:07:27,663 --> 00:07:29,353
From my studies,

163
00:07:29,353 --> 00:07:31,939
if I did have to say
one positive thing
about the human race

164
00:07:33,353 --> 00:07:36,353
it's that their desire for
love is just so intriguing.

165
00:07:37,801 --> 00:07:39,318
[TV actress] I
know Bethany thought

166
00:07:39,318 --> 00:07:41,491
that she was gonna be the
one but I always knew it.

167
00:07:41,491 --> 00:07:42,905
I tried to find love once.

168
00:07:42,905 --> 00:07:46,318
And let me tell you
mission not accomplished.

169
00:07:46,318 --> 00:07:49,353
As a vampire, AKA
an agent of Satan,

170
00:07:49,353 --> 00:07:52,008
the holy tradition
of marriage or love

171
00:07:52,008 --> 00:07:53,249
is not reserved for us.

172
00:07:54,560 --> 00:07:57,146
A distant dream in
a far away realm.

173
00:07:58,353 --> 00:08:02,594
But I can definitely
see or envy it's appeal.

174
00:08:02,594 --> 00:08:05,387
[TV Host] Tonight
on 65 day fiance.

175
00:08:05,387 --> 00:08:07,249
[Female fiance]
Carl, meeting you

176
00:08:07,249 --> 00:08:10,629
has changed my life, forever.

177
00:08:10,629 --> 00:08:14,801
And I can't wait to spend
the next 65 days with you.

178
00:08:14,801 --> 00:08:17,043
Oh my god, I'm
so happy for them.

179
00:08:18,284 --> 00:08:19,491
[Male Fiance] I don't
be with you Janelle.

180
00:08:19,491 --> 00:08:20,939
[gasps]

181
00:08:20,939 --> 00:08:21,767
The tea.

182
00:08:24,422 --> 00:08:28,560
But for now I'll just
enjoy judging from afar.

183
00:08:31,215 --> 00:08:33,767
[quirky music]

184
00:08:36,732 --> 00:08:38,560
[students chattering]

185
00:08:38,560 --> 00:08:40,111
Movies, tonight?
Let's talk about it.

186
00:08:40,111 --> 00:08:41,387
Anything bloody.

187
00:08:41,387 --> 00:08:43,077
Nashville Lawnmower
[inaudible] is out.

188
00:08:43,077 --> 00:08:44,594
Fabulous. Let's do it.

189
00:08:46,077 --> 00:08:47,422
[drink splatters]

190
00:08:47,422 --> 00:08:49,525
I am so sorry.

191
00:08:49,525 --> 00:08:51,180
Save it, jock strap.

192
00:08:52,767 --> 00:08:55,387
What exactly was this?
Red velvet iced coffee?

193
00:08:55,387 --> 00:08:57,422
I have an iron
deficiency, okay?

194
00:08:57,422 --> 00:09:00,387
It's mixed with vitamins.

195
00:09:00,387 --> 00:09:01,836
Oh my goodness.

196
00:09:01,836 --> 00:09:04,353
My mom has an iron
deficiency. I'm so sorry.

197
00:09:04,353 --> 00:09:08,111
[students chattering]

198
00:09:08,111 --> 00:09:10,111
It's fine, um.

199
00:09:12,594 --> 00:09:13,836
Sorry. I was being rude.

200
00:09:16,180 --> 00:09:19,594
Would this be a bad time
to ask where room C16 is?

201
00:09:21,146 --> 00:09:25,318
It's just over there.

202
00:09:25,318 --> 00:09:26,732
I'm Ian, by the way.

203
00:09:29,974 --> 00:09:30,801
Ezra.

204
00:09:32,870 --> 00:09:36,215
Well, if I see you again,
I owe you another drink.

205
00:09:38,663 --> 00:09:41,836
[students chattering]

206
00:09:44,146 --> 00:09:46,629
Not you, flirting with
the fizzy from economics.

207
00:09:49,560 --> 00:09:53,146
[intriguing music]

208
00:09:53,146 --> 00:09:54,974
I have to have him.

209
00:09:57,318 --> 00:09:59,732
[Bell dongs]

210
00:10:02,801 --> 00:10:07,801
[ominous music]

211
00:10:09,180 --> 00:10:12,560
[door knocking]

212
00:10:12,560 --> 00:10:13,387
Did you hear?

213
00:10:14,491 --> 00:10:16,456
We found your
little cousin, Ezra.

214
00:10:19,491 --> 00:10:20,387
What?

215
00:10:22,767 --> 00:10:57,284
[Meg Smith's Cross My
Heart I Hope You Die]