1
00:00:12,077 --> 00:00:14,836
Ezra. You can't tell
anyone about this, okay?

2
00:00:15,698 --> 00:00:17,560
And ruin everything we have?

3
00:00:17,560 --> 00:00:19,111
Hilarious.

4
00:00:19,111 --> 00:00:21,180
I'm just saying whatever
happened, never happened.

5
00:00:22,801 --> 00:00:24,353
I love It when you get sassy.

6
00:00:24,353 --> 00:00:26,456
I'm not fucking
playing. Don't say shit.

7
00:00:27,870 --> 00:00:29,698
Whatever you say officer.

8
00:00:32,008 --> 00:00:33,456
And no fucking teeth, okay?

9
00:00:38,077 --> 00:00:39,008
But I like teeth.

10
00:00:45,387 --> 00:00:47,077
Now I know
what you're thinking.

11
00:00:47,077 --> 00:00:50,560
Ew. He's wearing a jacket
with a built in hood.

12
00:00:50,560 --> 00:00:52,594
And when I tell you,
that's what I fucking said.

13
00:00:52,594 --> 00:00:53,870
That's what I fucking said.

14
00:01:03,043 --> 00:01:07,491
Hi, I'm Ezra Grey,
a psychotic Gemini

15
00:01:07,491 --> 00:01:08,939
according to my
best friend, Gwen,

16
00:01:08,939 --> 00:01:10,146
she's a Leo,

17
00:01:10,146 --> 00:01:12,594
and I guess what
you weak, brittle,

18
00:01:12,594 --> 00:01:17,249
and not to mention frail,
human things called a vampire.

19
00:01:17,249 --> 00:01:18,698
What I've managed to gather

20
00:01:18,698 --> 00:01:20,456
from being alive for 400 years

21
00:01:20,456 --> 00:01:23,560
is that these people think
they're Jesus amongst dirt.

22
00:01:23,560 --> 00:01:25,456
Humans act like they
know everything.

23
00:01:25,456 --> 00:01:28,284
When in reality
they know nothing.

24
00:01:28,284 --> 00:01:29,491
And that's why.

25
00:01:29,491 --> 00:01:31,422
Now we were talking
about Mercy Lewis.

26
00:01:31,422 --> 00:01:34,491
She was accusing
Tituba of witchcraft

27
00:01:34,491 --> 00:01:36,284
but Tituba was safe
because she's the slave

28
00:01:36,284 --> 00:01:38,249
of the great minister
Samuel of Parris.

29
00:01:38,249 --> 00:01:40,594
Later, though she is executed.

30
00:01:43,284 --> 00:01:46,939
I'm, that's literally not
what happened, but go on.

31
00:01:46,939 --> 00:01:48,629
And how would you know?

32
00:01:48,629 --> 00:01:51,284
I mean, I could also
just manage my expectations

33
00:01:51,284 --> 00:01:53,008
considering this
is the same species

34
00:01:53,008 --> 00:01:56,387
that invented Jersey Shore
and Veggie Tales, but still.

35
00:01:57,629 --> 00:01:59,629
'Cause Tituba and I
were girls, besties,

36
00:01:59,629 --> 00:02:02,456
weaving strange spells, were
down goths. I mean like.

37
00:02:02,456 --> 00:02:05,043
Okay, this class
is a joke to you

38
00:02:05,043 --> 00:02:06,594
feel free to let yourself out.

39
00:02:07,491 --> 00:02:08,456
See what I mean?

40
00:02:09,525 --> 00:02:11,043
What I have noticed

41
00:02:11,043 --> 00:02:14,111
is these people have created
some kind of repress kink.

42
00:02:14,111 --> 00:02:16,077
I'm all about the chase,
but whatever weird

43
00:02:16,077 --> 00:02:19,353
modern societal bullshit they
put on each other around here

44
00:02:19,353 --> 00:02:21,594
is so embarrassing.

45
00:02:21,594 --> 00:02:23,146
Toodles.

46
00:02:23,146 --> 00:02:24,836
The thing about being dead is
I have nothing to live for.

47
00:02:24,836 --> 00:02:28,525
And yes, Nancy drew, if you
haven't gotten it yet, I'm dead.

48
00:02:28,525 --> 00:02:31,491
Well like vampire dead.

49
00:02:31,491 --> 00:02:33,043
These people might
as well be dead

50
00:02:33,043 --> 00:02:36,491
since none of them are
actually living their lives.

51
00:02:38,008 --> 00:02:39,698
Okay. As I was saying.

52
00:02:39,698 --> 00:02:43,456
So for now, I'll just
sit back, relax and vibe.

53
00:02:43,456 --> 00:02:46,629
And before anyone gets mad
at me, he had a girlfriend.

54
00:02:48,318 --> 00:02:49,180
I think.

55
00:02:51,180 --> 00:02:52,008
Kisses.

56
00:02:56,284 --> 00:02:58,836
♪ Me and my girls,
yeah, call us a coven ♪

57
00:02:58,836 --> 00:03:00,491
♪ When it comes to lovin'

58
00:03:00,491 --> 00:03:02,698
♪ They got my back
when I go on trusting ♪

59
00:03:02,698 --> 00:03:05,767
♪ Boys like you

60
00:03:05,767 --> 00:03:07,939
♪ You're gone and buried

61
00:03:07,939 --> 00:03:10,077
♪ The cemetery

62
00:03:10,077 --> 00:03:11,594
♪ Boy, ain't it scary

63
00:03:11,594 --> 00:03:14,456
♪ R.I.P you're dead to me

64
00:03:14,456 --> 00:03:16,560
♪ You're gone and buried

65
00:03:16,560 --> 00:03:18,767
♪ I hope you're ready

66
00:03:18,767 --> 00:03:20,284
♪ Boy ain't it scary

67
00:03:20,284 --> 00:03:22,422
♪ R.I.P you're dead to me

68
00:03:22,422 --> 00:03:27,387
♪ Cross my broken heart,
I hope you die, die ♪

69
00:03:31,077 --> 00:03:36,043
♪ Cross my broken heart,
I hope you die, die ♪

70
00:03:37,870 --> 00:03:42,008
♪ R.I.P your dead to me.

71
00:03:44,560 --> 00:03:46,077
Hey bad you.

72
00:03:46,077 --> 00:03:47,767
What up, bitch?

73
00:03:47,767 --> 00:03:49,422
You missed the new guy in
our economics class today.

74
00:03:49,422 --> 00:03:52,422
He was so fizzy I could die.

75
00:03:52,422 --> 00:03:53,767
- Damn it, Really?
- Mhm

76
00:03:53,767 --> 00:03:55,663
Well fuck me for
having an early lunch.

77
00:03:56,905 --> 00:03:59,422
This is Gwen, my
BFF, my ride or die.

78
00:03:59,422 --> 00:04:00,974
My bestie in a Tessie.

79
00:04:00,974 --> 00:04:02,939
She takes nothing from no one.

80
00:04:04,146 --> 00:04:05,560
Okay. We got a very
special treat for you.

81
00:04:05,560 --> 00:04:06,905
Our guest speaker.

82
00:04:06,905 --> 00:04:09,249
Please give her a
warm welcome, Amber.

83
00:04:10,318 --> 00:04:13,525
Amber ladies and gents, Amber.

84
00:04:13,525 --> 00:04:15,180
Is this thing on?

85
00:04:15,180 --> 00:04:16,939
It's not cause
there's no microphone.

86
00:04:16,939 --> 00:04:20,008
Thank you, Professor Smith for
this wonderful introduction.

87
00:04:20,008 --> 00:04:22,284
Hi, my name is Amber, and yes

88
00:04:22,284 --> 00:04:25,456
I'm a part of this
university's diversity club.

89
00:04:26,905 --> 00:04:28,974
What's your diversity?

90
00:04:28,974 --> 00:04:31,732
Thank you. I am
so glad you asked.

91
00:04:31,732 --> 00:04:35,767
I, my ancestors, my great, great

92
00:04:35,767 --> 00:04:40,008
great, great grandfather
was actually from Holland.

93
00:04:41,318 --> 00:04:43,663
Yeah, he was a farmer there.

94
00:04:43,663 --> 00:04:47,284
Bet you wouldn't expect
that, huh? He was.

95
00:04:48,594 --> 00:04:50,663
Anyways, I'm, I'm
here to tell everybody

96
00:04:50,663 --> 00:04:53,353
that there is a
social mixer tonight

97
00:04:53,353 --> 00:04:56,491
and yes, all races are invited.

98
00:04:56,491 --> 00:04:57,663
Totally get what
you're saying.

99
00:04:57,663 --> 00:04:59,801
I mean like typical
white people.

100
00:04:59,801 --> 00:05:01,560
My, my grandparents
are Italian, so.

101
00:05:03,663 --> 00:05:04,836
Fuck this.

102
00:05:04,836 --> 00:05:06,663
Oh, we're so
sorry to see you go.

103
00:05:06,663 --> 00:05:09,180
I mean, we would love to have
people like you in our club.

104
00:05:09,180 --> 00:05:11,284
Just leave your
email at the door.

105
00:05:14,249 --> 00:05:15,870
People like what?

106
00:05:18,008 --> 00:05:19,870
You know, diverse.

107
00:05:24,215 --> 00:05:27,387
I do not need to sit here
and tune your moral compass

108
00:05:27,387 --> 00:05:30,353
just so you can feel better
about using people of color

109
00:05:30,353 --> 00:05:33,387
to supplement your own personal
gain and lack of trauma.

110
00:05:33,387 --> 00:05:38,146
You know what, you
colonizers, you, you included

111
00:05:38,146 --> 00:05:41,698
just because you are tan
does not make you oppressed.

112
00:05:41,698 --> 00:05:43,422
Okay? The diverse are not pawns

113
00:05:43,422 --> 00:05:46,698
for you straight white people
to grow as a community.

114
00:05:48,422 --> 00:05:51,698
Thanks. I'll definitely leave
my email at the fucking door.

115
00:05:52,801 --> 00:05:54,180
That was so iconic.

116
00:05:55,801 --> 00:05:56,974
Great. You coming?

117
00:06:08,870 --> 00:06:10,491
A play by me.

118
00:06:10,491 --> 00:06:12,456
I scripted that
entire interaction.

119
00:06:12,456 --> 00:06:14,594
Just to teach you
people a lesson.

120
00:06:15,974 --> 00:06:17,215
Now I'll be presenting a song

121
00:06:17,215 --> 00:06:20,353
that I wrote called colorblind.

122
00:06:22,801 --> 00:06:26,801
♪ This world is filled
of different colors ♪

123
00:06:26,801 --> 00:06:30,560
♪ and different shapes
and sizes too. ♪

124
00:06:30,560 --> 00:06:32,560
And since that moment
we've been BFF's.

125
00:06:32,560 --> 00:06:34,491
However, she doesn't
know I'm, you know.

126
00:06:34,491 --> 00:06:36,043
He was extra tasty.

127
00:06:37,284 --> 00:06:38,594
Oh, I bet.

128
00:06:38,594 --> 00:06:39,767
I'm sure. you'd
see him, you know,

129
00:06:39,767 --> 00:06:41,560
if you ever showed up to class.

130
00:06:41,560 --> 00:06:43,318
Okay. I believe I'm
learning from experience.

131
00:06:43,318 --> 00:06:45,077
A book can only
teach you so much.

132
00:06:48,215 --> 00:06:50,939
Ugh, that's my
mom. So annoying.

133
00:06:50,939 --> 00:06:52,974
We have this family
reunion thing tonight.

134
00:06:52,974 --> 00:06:56,146
My uncle's introducing us to
his new 20 year old girlfriend.

135
00:06:56,146 --> 00:06:58,146
Okay. But that sounds
like so much fun.

136
00:06:58,146 --> 00:06:59,732
Do you even talk
to your family?

137
00:06:59,732 --> 00:07:00,974
Does Satan still
talk to Jesus?

138
00:07:00,974 --> 00:07:02,525
Okay.

139
00:07:02,525 --> 00:07:03,663
If I wanted a headache, I'd
listen to a straight white man

140
00:07:03,663 --> 00:07:05,698
talk about the female body.

141
00:07:05,698 --> 00:07:07,801
At all? Not even
the cool cousins?

142
00:07:08,974 --> 00:07:13,180
I have one cousin and
she's actually insane.

143
00:07:13,180 --> 00:07:16,180
Like trust, me these
people are wicked

144
00:07:16,180 --> 00:07:19,180
and not in like the
Broadway musical way.

145
00:07:19,180 --> 00:07:21,801
Well, this bruha needs
to fly away to class.

146
00:07:21,801 --> 00:07:23,422
I'll catch you later. Bye.

147
00:07:23,422 --> 00:07:24,560
Peace.

148
00:07:27,663 --> 00:07:29,353
From my studies,

149
00:07:29,353 --> 00:07:31,939
if I did have to say
one positive thing
about the human race

150
00:07:33,353 --> 00:07:36,353
it's that their desire for
love is just so intriguing.

151
00:07:37,801 --> 00:07:39,318
I
know Bethany thought

152
00:07:39,318 --> 00:07:41,491
that she was gonna be the
one but I always knew it.

153
00:07:41,491 --> 00:07:42,905
I tried to find love once.

154
00:07:42,905 --> 00:07:46,318
And let me tell you
mission not accomplished.

155
00:07:46,318 --> 00:07:49,353
As a vampire, AKA
an agent of Satan,

156
00:07:49,353 --> 00:07:52,008
the holy tradition
of marriage or love

157
00:07:52,008 --> 00:07:53,249
is not reserved for us.

158
00:07:54,560 --> 00:07:57,146
A distant dream in
a far away realm.

159
00:07:58,353 --> 00:08:02,594
But I can definitely
see or envy it's appeal.

160
00:08:02,594 --> 00:08:05,387
Tonight
on 65 day fiance.

161
00:08:05,387 --> 00:08:07,249
Carl, meeting you

162
00:08:07,249 --> 00:08:10,629
has changed my life, forever.

163
00:08:10,629 --> 00:08:14,801
And I can't wait to spend
the next 65 days with you.

164
00:08:14,801 --> 00:08:17,043
Oh my god, I'm
so happy for them.

165
00:08:18,284 --> 00:08:19,491
I don't
be with you Janelle.

166
00:08:20,939 --> 00:08:21,767
The tea.

167
00:08:24,422 --> 00:08:28,560
But for now I'll just
enjoy judging from afar.

168
00:08:38,560 --> 00:08:40,111
Movies, tonight?
Let's talk about it.

169
00:08:40,111 --> 00:08:41,387
Anything bloody.

170
00:08:41,387 --> 00:08:43,077
Nashville Lawnmower
is out.

171
00:08:43,077 --> 00:08:44,594
Fabulous. Let's do it.

172
00:08:47,422 --> 00:08:49,525
I am so sorry.

173
00:08:49,525 --> 00:08:51,180
Save it, jock strap.

174
00:08:52,767 --> 00:08:55,387
What exactly was this?
Red velvet iced coffee?

175
00:08:55,387 --> 00:08:57,422
I have an iron
deficiency, okay?

176
00:08:57,422 --> 00:09:00,387
It's mixed with vitamins.

177
00:09:00,387 --> 00:09:01,836
Oh my goodness.

178
00:09:01,836 --> 00:09:04,353
My mom has an iron
deficiency. I'm so sorry.

179
00:09:08,111 --> 00:09:10,111
It's fine, um.

180
00:09:12,594 --> 00:09:13,836
Sorry. I was being rude.

181
00:09:16,180 --> 00:09:19,594
Would this be a bad time
to ask where room C16 is?

182
00:09:21,146 --> 00:09:25,318
It's just over there.

183
00:09:25,318 --> 00:09:26,732
I'm Ian, by the way.

184
00:09:29,974 --> 00:09:30,801
Ezra.

185
00:09:32,870 --> 00:09:36,215
Well, if I see you again,
I owe you another drink.

186
00:09:44,146 --> 00:09:46,629
Not you, flirting with
the fizzy from economics.

187
00:09:53,146 --> 00:09:54,974
I have to have him.

188
00:10:12,560 --> 00:10:13,387
Did you hear?

189
00:10:14,491 --> 00:10:16,456
We found your
little cousin, Ezra.

190
00:10:19,491 --> 00:10:20,387
What?