1 00:00:01,268 --> 00:00:02,568 Adult mark: My father and I didn't play hockey 2 00:00:02,703 --> 00:00:04,470 Or fix cars to bond. 3 00:00:04,472 --> 00:00:06,505 We read the paper. [papers rustle] 4 00:00:06,507 --> 00:00:08,307 - The old man was his own search engine. 5 00:00:08,442 --> 00:00:11,176 - Oh, hell of an article here about the feds. Scissors. 6 00:00:11,312 --> 00:00:13,178 Adult mark: He had stacks of newspaper clippings 7 00:00:13,180 --> 00:00:15,180 That he would reference to write stories. 8 00:00:15,182 --> 00:00:17,316 I, too, mined the headlines for fodder. 9 00:00:17,318 --> 00:00:20,318 - [chuckles] hell of a good joke in this drabble cartoon. 10 00:00:20,454 --> 00:00:22,054 Scissors? 11 00:00:22,056 --> 00:00:25,190 Adult mark: Mom and pop got the news in a different way. 12 00:00:25,192 --> 00:00:29,127 Mary: Oh, jean got a cab to work today. Hmph! 13 00:00:29,196 --> 00:00:31,396 I heard she had a date with an oil rig worker. 14 00:00:31,398 --> 00:00:33,331 I bet she left her car downtown last night, 15 00:00:33,367 --> 00:00:35,133 And we all know what that means. 16 00:00:35,202 --> 00:00:37,202 - Hey, mail truck stopped at the o'connors. 17 00:00:37,204 --> 00:00:38,871 What's the date? 5th? - Mm... 18 00:00:38,873 --> 00:00:40,472 - It's not the old age pension. 19 00:00:40,541 --> 00:00:43,442 Ah... Welfare cheques are out. [chuckles] 20 00:00:43,577 --> 00:00:45,677 - Poor john o'conner's been out of work for months. 21 00:00:45,679 --> 00:00:48,547 He says it's his leg, but you know what I heard? 22 00:00:48,616 --> 00:00:50,816 It's his elbow. - Hmm. [chuckles] 23 00:00:50,885 --> 00:00:53,518 - Hey, mark, stop playing with your father. 24 00:00:53,554 --> 00:00:55,620 You need to start practicing for your school play audition, 25 00:00:55,689 --> 00:00:57,556 Hmm? - Audition? 26 00:00:57,625 --> 00:01:00,526 What play are you doin'? - It's the easter carol. 27 00:01:00,528 --> 00:01:02,527 It's the story of the resurrection, told-- 28 00:01:02,596 --> 00:01:04,229 - Through the eyes of the innkeeper 29 00:01:04,298 --> 00:01:06,231 Who catered the last supper. 30 00:01:06,233 --> 00:01:07,966 [laughs] they're still doin' that. 31 00:01:07,968 --> 00:01:10,436 - You know it? - Know it? I was in it! 32 00:01:10,571 --> 00:01:12,771 I played hamar, the innkeeper. 33 00:01:12,906 --> 00:01:15,641 My teacher said that I was spectacular. 34 00:01:15,776 --> 00:01:18,243 - Yeah. You were a spectacle, you mean. 35 00:01:18,245 --> 00:01:21,212 That play was god awful. [mail thumps] 36 00:01:21,248 --> 00:01:23,482 - What part are you trying out for, mark? 37 00:01:23,551 --> 00:01:25,050 - Hamar, the innkeeper. 38 00:01:25,052 --> 00:01:27,386 - [loud thud] same part! [paper thumps lightly] 39 00:01:27,521 --> 00:01:29,321 I could help you to your run lines. 40 00:01:29,390 --> 00:01:32,390 That's what we actors call rehearsing. 41 00:01:32,426 --> 00:01:34,259 Adult mark: The old man was interested in me! 42 00:01:34,261 --> 00:01:35,927 This was unprecedented. 43 00:01:35,996 --> 00:01:37,329 - That'd be great. 44 00:01:37,464 --> 00:01:39,865 - Chip off the old block. [paper flaps] 45 00:01:40,000 --> 00:01:41,466 Pop: Oh, they're not cheques! 46 00:01:41,502 --> 00:01:44,536 Oh no, it's a package! - What? 47 00:01:44,671 --> 00:01:46,805 Now, why on earth would they be gettin' a package? 48 00:01:46,807 --> 00:01:49,807 - Oh, well, mary, make us a cup o' tea, luv. 49 00:01:49,944 --> 00:01:52,878 Looks like I'll be eating at the window today. 50 00:01:53,013 --> 00:01:56,748 - First thing you gotta know, acting is pretending. 51 00:01:56,750 --> 00:01:59,284 You might hear people say that acting is listening. 52 00:01:59,320 --> 00:02:02,020 Don't listen, 'cause that'll throw you off. 53 00:02:02,156 --> 00:02:04,489 - So, that's a table for thirteen, no reservation, 54 00:02:04,525 --> 00:02:06,558 And you all wanna sit on one side? 55 00:02:06,594 --> 00:02:09,027 Well, I'll see what I can do, but I'm, hmph, 56 00:02:09,096 --> 00:02:10,395 I'm no miracle worker! 57 00:02:10,531 --> 00:02:13,298 - Good! Good! Although try it a little louder! 58 00:02:13,300 --> 00:02:15,634 You really ha' to project to your audience. 59 00:02:15,636 --> 00:02:18,303 Pretend that there's a deaf old man in the back of the room. 60 00:02:18,305 --> 00:02:20,105 - What? - Nothing. 61 00:02:20,174 --> 00:02:23,241 Now, stand with your feet at quarter to and quarter after 62 00:02:23,310 --> 00:02:25,210 To open yourself up for your audience. 63 00:02:25,345 --> 00:02:27,078 And it's always a good idea 64 00:02:27,148 --> 00:02:29,715 To address your audience with a little wave. 65 00:02:29,850 --> 00:02:32,651 Say, "hello, audience!" 66 00:02:32,653 --> 00:02:35,721 - Hello, audience! Goodbye, moron! 67 00:02:35,856 --> 00:02:38,724 This play has always sucked. [footsteps recede] 68 00:02:38,726 --> 00:02:40,992 - Never listen to the critics. 69 00:02:41,061 --> 00:02:43,462 Don't mind him. He's just jealous. 70 00:02:43,597 --> 00:02:47,065 We never had a special bond like you and I have. 71 00:02:47,134 --> 00:02:48,866 - [sighs happily] 72 00:02:48,903 --> 00:02:50,936 - I'm so proud of you, son, 73 00:02:51,005 --> 00:02:52,837 And I know you're not gonna let me down. 74 00:02:52,907 --> 00:02:55,073 Now, get in position, 75 00:02:55,142 --> 00:02:57,542 Shoulders back, 76 00:02:57,545 --> 00:02:59,544 And... Hello, audience! 77 00:02:59,547 --> 00:03:01,213 - Hello, audience! 78 00:03:01,215 --> 00:03:02,614 - Very good. - Oh. 79 00:03:02,650 --> 00:03:05,116 - Feel the magic in the air? 80 00:03:05,186 --> 00:03:07,219 - Yeah. - That's show business. 81 00:03:07,221 --> 00:03:09,388 - [exhales sharply, then chuckles] 82 00:03:09,390 --> 00:03:12,357 - Oh, your timing's off by a good five years, my luv. 83 00:03:12,359 --> 00:03:15,293 Well, yes, I'm sure. Elizabeth critch died in-- 84 00:03:15,362 --> 00:03:17,395 - [panicked] dear god! Give me that! 85 00:03:17,431 --> 00:03:20,899 Yes, hello? Uh, yes, this is patrick critch. 86 00:03:20,901 --> 00:03:23,301 You were speaking to my wife, elizabeth. 87 00:03:23,370 --> 00:03:26,938 Sadly, her mind has gone. 88 00:03:27,007 --> 00:03:29,675 I know, luv, I know. It's a very sad situation, 89 00:03:29,810 --> 00:03:32,844 But as you can see, she's very much alive... 90 00:03:32,846 --> 00:03:35,213 [cord rattles, struggling grunts] 91 00:03:35,216 --> 00:03:37,282 And stronger than she would appear. 92 00:03:37,417 --> 00:03:39,150 Yeah--oh, oh, oh my god! 93 00:03:39,220 --> 00:03:41,519 She's wandering towards the highway, I better go! 94 00:03:41,555 --> 00:03:43,388 [handset clanks with force] 95 00:03:44,458 --> 00:03:46,858 - Nanny is dead. - [grunts] 96 00:03:46,860 --> 00:03:49,394 My darling elizabeth will always live on 97 00:03:49,396 --> 00:03:51,263 Close to my heart. 98 00:03:51,265 --> 00:03:53,865 More specifically, her pension will also live on 99 00:03:53,934 --> 00:03:56,000 In my bank account, 100 00:03:56,036 --> 00:03:59,571 Because I didn't report her as dead. 101 00:03:59,573 --> 00:04:02,607 - Oh my god! - Oh, what's the big deal?! 102 00:04:02,610 --> 00:04:04,542 The government ha' got plenty of money. 103 00:04:04,612 --> 00:04:07,479 They didn't notice... Until recently. 104 00:04:07,614 --> 00:04:10,882 - Is this the first time the cra has called here? 105 00:04:11,018 --> 00:04:13,084 - Yeah-- what do you mean, today? 106 00:04:13,086 --> 00:04:14,552 - Jesus in the jungle! 107 00:04:15,589 --> 00:04:17,322 You will put an end to this, 108 00:04:17,457 --> 00:04:19,424 Or I will reunite you with your wife 109 00:04:19,426 --> 00:04:22,628 Sooner than you thought! 110 00:04:22,763 --> 00:04:24,429 [footsteps recede] 111 00:04:24,431 --> 00:04:28,600 ♪♪♪ 112 00:04:28,669 --> 00:04:30,268 [plastic hockey sticks thwap] 113 00:04:30,304 --> 00:04:32,504 Adult mark: In the gymnatorium, the nerds and the jocks 114 00:04:32,573 --> 00:04:35,373 Were forced to walk the line between sports and art, 115 00:04:35,442 --> 00:04:38,076 As if they were walking a tightrope. 116 00:04:38,211 --> 00:04:39,778 Which, come to think of it, [players yell] 117 00:04:39,780 --> 00:04:41,747 Is itself both a sport and an art. 118 00:04:41,882 --> 00:04:44,215 [sticks thwap, shrill whistle blast] 119 00:04:44,285 --> 00:04:46,451 - Would you kindly keep your balls to yourself 120 00:04:46,453 --> 00:04:48,186 And away from my stage? 121 00:04:48,322 --> 00:04:51,790 Mr. Byrne: Wha-- your stage?! This is my gym! 122 00:04:51,859 --> 00:04:53,959 This is st. Brigid's. 123 00:04:53,961 --> 00:04:56,761 Ball hockey is a religion! - Ugh! 124 00:04:56,797 --> 00:04:59,531 - And my b'ys need practice just as much as your girls - 125 00:04:59,533 --> 00:05:02,300 And mark and ritchie. [shrill whistle blast] 126 00:05:02,303 --> 00:05:05,403 - What part are you trying for? Hamar? Casca? 127 00:05:05,538 --> 00:05:08,807 - Stage manager! Or maybe props master. 128 00:05:08,809 --> 00:05:11,743 Is it better to be a manager or a master? 129 00:05:13,680 --> 00:05:15,514 - It's better to be a star! 130 00:05:15,649 --> 00:05:17,915 You could try for casca the centurion? 131 00:05:17,951 --> 00:05:19,751 It's only one line, but you'd be onstage 132 00:05:19,820 --> 00:05:21,853 For almost the whole show. 133 00:05:21,855 --> 00:05:23,788 - Nah, you're the actor. 134 00:05:23,824 --> 00:05:25,490 I bet you get the lead; 135 00:05:25,492 --> 00:05:28,025 You can really work a crowd. - I'm sure there's plenty 136 00:05:28,062 --> 00:05:29,828 Of kids who'll give me a run for my money... 137 00:05:29,830 --> 00:05:32,297 [shrill whistle blast] but thank you. 138 00:05:32,299 --> 00:05:34,265 [ruler thwaps loudly] 139 00:05:34,335 --> 00:05:36,634 - Tina, why don't you start us off? 140 00:05:37,905 --> 00:05:39,938 [shrill whistle blast, indistinct chatter] 141 00:05:44,044 --> 00:05:45,844 - [quietly] "sorry, centurion. 142 00:05:45,913 --> 00:05:47,445 There are no... Free refills." 143 00:05:47,514 --> 00:05:49,214 [shrill whistle blast] 144 00:05:49,216 --> 00:05:50,648 Adult mark: Oh, tina. 145 00:05:50,718 --> 00:05:53,251 I guess her dad never told her about the deaf old man. 146 00:05:53,253 --> 00:05:54,920 [shrill whistle blast] 147 00:05:56,023 --> 00:05:57,789 This was a lock. 148 00:05:59,626 --> 00:06:02,661 - Oh! Anything for me? - Uh... Let me check. 149 00:06:02,663 --> 00:06:04,529 Bills... [mail rustles] 150 00:06:04,531 --> 00:06:07,465 Magazine for mom. - Mm-hmm. 151 00:06:07,467 --> 00:06:10,334 - And cpp for you and-- - what?! 152 00:06:10,471 --> 00:06:11,836 - Elizabeth critch. - Give me that! 153 00:06:11,905 --> 00:06:13,472 - Grandma? - What do you read my mail for? 154 00:06:13,607 --> 00:06:16,007 That's a federal offense! - You asked me to. 155 00:06:16,009 --> 00:06:18,543 - Aye, well, why aren't you at school? 156 00:06:18,545 --> 00:06:20,779 Ah, you-- go on with ya 157 00:06:20,781 --> 00:06:22,881 Before I rat you out for being on the pip. 158 00:06:23,951 --> 00:06:25,683 - You're welcome. 159 00:06:26,720 --> 00:06:28,620 - What are you goin' on about? 160 00:06:28,755 --> 00:06:29,421 - Nothing! 161 00:06:31,258 --> 00:06:32,891 [marching band music plays] 162 00:06:32,960 --> 00:06:35,160 - What fresh hell is this? 163 00:06:35,295 --> 00:06:38,163 ♪♪♪ 164 00:06:38,298 --> 00:06:39,664 [shrill whistle blast] 165 00:06:39,666 --> 00:06:41,566 Lovely, dear. 166 00:06:41,568 --> 00:06:43,502 [shoes squeak, players grunt and yell] 167 00:06:43,637 --> 00:06:46,404 Who's next? Mark. 168 00:06:46,407 --> 00:06:48,539 [piano intro plays] 169 00:06:49,910 --> 00:06:51,843 [players shout, sticks thwap] 170 00:06:53,580 --> 00:06:56,514 - Centurion! I recognize the man you describe! 171 00:06:56,583 --> 00:06:58,717 He's upstairs with a dozen of his friends. 172 00:06:58,719 --> 00:07:00,185 Cheap bunch. 173 00:07:00,254 --> 00:07:02,520 They ordered one fish, a loaf, and a jug of water, 174 00:07:02,589 --> 00:07:04,589 And want thirteen different bills. 175 00:07:04,591 --> 00:07:07,124 Go on in! Get those bums out of here! 176 00:07:07,161 --> 00:07:08,927 Adult mark: And the oscar goes to... 177 00:07:08,929 --> 00:07:10,394 - It's nice, mark. 178 00:07:10,431 --> 00:07:12,164 Adult mark: Nice?! I killed it! 179 00:07:12,299 --> 00:07:13,999 She was probably downplaying it 180 00:07:14,001 --> 00:07:16,835 So the other kids wouldn't feel totally inferior. 181 00:07:16,837 --> 00:07:18,770 [hard whack, ball thuds] - ow! 182 00:07:18,839 --> 00:07:20,505 [everyone laughs] 183 00:07:20,640 --> 00:07:23,842 - That's it! I warned you. - Ow! 184 00:07:23,911 --> 00:07:26,111 - Your ball is mine now, byrne! 185 00:07:26,113 --> 00:07:27,812 - Hey, I need that to finish the game! 186 00:07:27,815 --> 00:07:29,881 - And I need more kids for this play. 187 00:07:29,883 --> 00:07:32,217 Whoever shot this ball is in the play 188 00:07:32,352 --> 00:07:34,653 Or you're not getting your ball back, sir. 189 00:07:34,788 --> 00:07:37,255 - Yeah, sure, sounds fair. 190 00:07:37,390 --> 00:07:40,091 Go on, fox. - No way! I'm the best player! 191 00:07:40,226 --> 00:07:41,626 - Now! 192 00:07:41,695 --> 00:07:45,263 [stick clatters] - you're dead for this, critch. 193 00:07:45,265 --> 00:07:46,764 - You're the one who hit me! 194 00:07:46,834 --> 00:07:48,967 - Come on, up you go. 195 00:07:48,969 --> 00:07:50,468 [players chuckle] 196 00:07:50,504 --> 00:07:52,237 [script rustles] - move! 197 00:07:52,306 --> 00:07:54,206 [indistinct chatter] 198 00:07:57,644 --> 00:07:58,610 [dramatic music plays] 199 00:07:58,745 --> 00:08:00,345 - [readying exhale] 200 00:08:00,480 --> 00:08:02,113 [angrily] they're just poor men! 201 00:08:02,149 --> 00:08:03,781 Why should I have to serve them? 202 00:08:03,817 --> 00:08:05,583 When do I get a break?! 203 00:08:05,652 --> 00:08:07,451 Someone should serve me! 204 00:08:07,488 --> 00:08:09,153 [dramatic music swells, then fades] 205 00:08:09,189 --> 00:08:11,456 - [gasps] the intensity! 206 00:08:11,525 --> 00:08:12,790 Bravo! 207 00:08:12,826 --> 00:08:14,459 [hands clap lightly] 208 00:08:14,528 --> 00:08:17,229 [stunned laugh] 209 00:08:17,364 --> 00:08:18,696 - She's amazing. 210 00:08:18,698 --> 00:08:20,398 - It was a little big. 211 00:08:20,400 --> 00:08:22,366 - What about you, ritchie? 212 00:08:24,137 --> 00:08:26,871 - Oh, rit-ritchie's more of a props guy. 213 00:08:26,874 --> 00:08:29,774 Heart of gold, but he isn't an actor like me. 214 00:08:29,910 --> 00:08:32,110 - Oh, he isn't, is he? 215 00:08:32,179 --> 00:08:34,679 - He's just not cut out for stage work. 216 00:08:34,748 --> 00:08:37,415 He's a behind-the-scenes guy. 217 00:08:37,417 --> 00:08:40,117 Heart and soul of the operation. 218 00:08:40,153 --> 00:08:41,986 - I've made my decision. 219 00:08:42,022 --> 00:08:43,855 Fox will play the innkeeper's wife 220 00:08:43,857 --> 00:08:46,657 And ritchie will be hamar, the innkeeper. 221 00:08:47,694 --> 00:08:49,427 - Me? - Him?! 222 00:08:49,496 --> 00:08:51,029 But he didn't even audition! 223 00:08:51,031 --> 00:08:52,697 - Well, maybe he would have 224 00:08:52,699 --> 00:08:54,832 If you had been more supportive, mark. 225 00:08:54,834 --> 00:08:57,068 Or should I say, casca the centurion. 226 00:08:57,203 --> 00:08:59,771 - Casca?! But... He only has one line 227 00:09:00,908 --> 00:09:03,041 And it... It's terrible. 228 00:09:03,110 --> 00:09:04,776 - Well, that will give you more time 229 00:09:04,778 --> 00:09:06,644 To learn a lesson about humility. 230 00:09:08,015 --> 00:09:10,181 [chair scrapes back] - so I'm, I'm doing this now? 231 00:09:11,251 --> 00:09:12,784 - Yes. 232 00:09:14,154 --> 00:09:16,721 Adult mark: Humility... Or humiliation? 233 00:09:16,790 --> 00:09:19,057 [rock music plays] 234 00:09:19,059 --> 00:09:22,193 ♪♪♪ 235 00:09:22,229 --> 00:09:24,195 [door clicks open and bangs shut] 236 00:09:25,432 --> 00:09:28,165 - So... [chuckles excitedly] how'd the auditions go? 237 00:09:29,769 --> 00:09:32,537 - Uh, mm... Okay, I guess. 238 00:09:32,539 --> 00:09:34,939 - Better than okay, I hope, after all that coaching. 239 00:09:34,975 --> 00:09:37,943 So, did you get it - hamar? 240 00:09:40,047 --> 00:09:43,280 - Actually, [sighs] I... 241 00:09:45,953 --> 00:09:47,819 Adult mark: I wanted to be an actor. 242 00:09:47,821 --> 00:09:50,555 - I'm... Yes, I'm... I'm hamar! 243 00:09:50,557 --> 00:09:52,290 - [excited] hamar! Ha-ha! 244 00:09:52,425 --> 00:09:54,425 Adult mark: And after all, 245 00:09:54,494 --> 00:09:56,694 What is an actor but a glorified liar? 246 00:09:56,829 --> 00:09:59,430 - Like father, like son! - Hmm. 247 00:09:59,499 --> 00:10:01,633 Adult mark: If only sister margaret 248 00:10:01,635 --> 00:10:03,567 Had seen that performance. [lunchbox thumps] 249 00:10:06,840 --> 00:10:08,239 O: ♪ anything is possible ♪ 250 00:10:08,275 --> 00:10:09,974 [cars rumble past] 251 00:10:09,977 --> 00:10:11,976 ♪ I believe it's true 252 00:10:13,179 --> 00:10:14,912 - Mary, look at the way he carries that plate. 253 00:10:14,948 --> 00:10:16,715 Such authenticity! 254 00:10:16,850 --> 00:10:18,750 I really feel like I'm in a restaurant. 255 00:10:18,885 --> 00:10:21,385 - Yes, I can see by the way you expect to be served. 256 00:10:21,421 --> 00:10:23,855 - Do I have to go to this play? - No! 257 00:10:23,990 --> 00:10:26,224 Uh, the arts aren't for everyone. 258 00:10:26,293 --> 00:10:28,059 In fact, all o' you can skip it if you want. 259 00:10:28,095 --> 00:10:30,161 - [snorts softly] - great! 260 00:10:30,296 --> 00:10:32,196 I'm going to the movies. - You'll do no such thing! 261 00:10:32,265 --> 00:10:34,265 Your brother is starring in a theatrical production. 262 00:10:35,535 --> 00:10:37,535 - Dad, it's really not that big a deal. 263 00:10:38,605 --> 00:10:39,937 - It is to me. 264 00:10:39,973 --> 00:10:41,673 We are all gonna go see that play, 265 00:10:41,808 --> 00:10:43,741 And I don't wanna hear another word about it, 266 00:10:43,777 --> 00:10:46,377 Understood? Both: Yes. 267 00:10:47,547 --> 00:10:50,148 Radio: ♪ always look on the bright side ♪ 268 00:10:50,283 --> 00:10:52,750 ♪ and take a happy sound 269 00:10:52,786 --> 00:10:55,019 [phone rings, running footsteps] 270 00:10:55,088 --> 00:10:58,289 [handset clatters] - good day. Critch residence. 271 00:10:58,291 --> 00:11:01,125 [gasps] elizabeth critch? - Hey. 272 00:11:02,796 --> 00:11:04,762 - She can't come to the phone. She's lying down. 273 00:11:04,798 --> 00:11:07,965 One might say... She's dead to the world. 274 00:11:08,035 --> 00:11:10,501 Oh, I see. Yes. 275 00:11:12,272 --> 00:11:14,305 Thank you. [handset clicks] 276 00:11:14,341 --> 00:11:16,508 - [hands tap] I owe you, mary. 277 00:11:16,643 --> 00:11:18,109 'course, I won't be able to pay you 278 00:11:18,145 --> 00:11:20,311 Until the next cheque comes. 279 00:11:20,313 --> 00:11:21,846 - They wanna talk to her. 280 00:11:21,981 --> 00:11:24,014 - What?! - That's right. 281 00:11:24,051 --> 00:11:27,051 The cra needs to confirm her identity 282 00:11:27,120 --> 00:11:29,253 And they're gonna call back tomorrow. 283 00:11:29,388 --> 00:11:31,256 - Sweet jesus! 284 00:11:31,391 --> 00:11:33,291 What am I gonna do? - Oh! 285 00:11:33,360 --> 00:11:36,861 Well, I for one, cannot wait to find out. 286 00:11:36,996 --> 00:11:38,996 [handset rattles roughly] - ugh. 287 00:11:39,032 --> 00:11:41,132 Uh... Uh... 288 00:11:41,201 --> 00:11:43,201 I mean, I... I have an idea, 289 00:11:43,203 --> 00:11:45,870 Because you know how much elizabeth loved you. 290 00:11:46,005 --> 00:11:47,539 - Yes. 291 00:11:47,541 --> 00:11:50,675 - I mean, she told me many times you were her favourite. 292 00:11:50,677 --> 00:11:53,544 - Mm-hmm. - I mean, really loved you. 293 00:11:54,881 --> 00:11:57,281 So perhaps... I mean... 294 00:11:57,317 --> 00:12:00,318 I think you'll agree to this, it would be very simple if... 295 00:12:02,122 --> 00:12:03,888 You pretend to be elizabeth. - Oh, pop! 296 00:12:04,023 --> 00:12:05,623 - Oh, no, no, no. No, I-I-I- 297 00:12:05,759 --> 00:12:07,158 I swear, I swear, 298 00:12:07,293 --> 00:12:09,494 I'll report you - 299 00:12:09,563 --> 00:12:11,195 I mean, her dead next week. 300 00:12:13,433 --> 00:12:15,566 You have my word on it. 301 00:12:17,337 --> 00:12:19,970 - Now, ritchie, I hope you've memorized your lines. 302 00:12:20,006 --> 00:12:21,606 You're our little star. 303 00:12:21,741 --> 00:12:23,241 - Don't worry, sister. 304 00:12:23,376 --> 00:12:24,909 My dad's been helping me learn them. 305 00:12:25,044 --> 00:12:27,612 - Oh, he must be very proud. 306 00:12:27,747 --> 00:12:29,914 Adult mark: As ritchie's love of the stage grew, 307 00:12:30,049 --> 00:12:32,516 Mine faded like a broken spotlight. 308 00:12:32,552 --> 00:12:34,852 Sister margaret: Action! 309 00:12:34,888 --> 00:12:37,155 - [woodenly] there you are, dear wife! 310 00:12:37,224 --> 00:12:39,457 How goes it in the party room? 311 00:12:39,592 --> 00:12:41,593 - Not great, hamar. 312 00:12:41,595 --> 00:12:43,727 They're all sitting on the same side of the table. 313 00:12:43,764 --> 00:12:47,364 - That table should seat twenty-four! 314 00:12:47,400 --> 00:12:49,467 We need the space, 315 00:12:49,602 --> 00:12:52,136 It's thirsty Thursday! 316 00:12:52,205 --> 00:12:54,205 Adult mark: Ritchie was so bad 317 00:12:54,340 --> 00:12:55,873 That even sister margaret was having trouble 318 00:12:55,909 --> 00:12:58,142 Believing in the bible. 319 00:12:58,145 --> 00:13:00,311 - So... What'd you think? 320 00:13:01,615 --> 00:13:03,581 - Uh... Very interesting choices. 321 00:13:03,650 --> 00:13:05,750 I mean, I... I wouldn't make them myself, 322 00:13:05,752 --> 00:13:07,885 But who cares what everyone else thinks, right? 323 00:13:09,055 --> 00:13:11,055 - Was it that bad? 324 00:13:11,124 --> 00:13:12,990 [marker squeaks] 325 00:13:12,992 --> 00:13:15,026 Maybe you should just do it then. 326 00:13:15,095 --> 00:13:17,094 Adult mark: Time to steal the spotlight! 327 00:13:17,164 --> 00:13:19,564 - I guess. I mean, if you told sister margaret 328 00:13:19,633 --> 00:13:22,033 You really, really don't wanna be hamar, 329 00:13:22,102 --> 00:13:24,302 I... Could do it. 330 00:13:24,304 --> 00:13:26,638 You could still do props! 331 00:13:26,640 --> 00:13:28,239 It's a win-win. 332 00:13:28,275 --> 00:13:29,841 Fox: Sister! 333 00:13:29,976 --> 00:13:32,843 Mark's trying to get ritchie to drop out and do props. 334 00:13:32,845 --> 00:13:35,045 - That's a lie! Adult mark: That was the truth. 335 00:13:35,081 --> 00:13:37,248 - Since you seem to be having trouble learning humility, 336 00:13:37,383 --> 00:13:39,884 I'll help you: You're out of the play altogether. 337 00:13:40,019 --> 00:13:42,753 - Uh, I need to learn that humility stuff. 338 00:13:42,823 --> 00:13:44,655 Kick me out, too, sister! 339 00:13:45,859 --> 00:13:48,593 - Please, I'll do anything! 340 00:13:48,728 --> 00:13:50,327 - Okay, you can do the job 341 00:13:50,363 --> 00:13:52,196 You're so anxious for ritchie to do: 342 00:13:52,199 --> 00:13:53,931 Props. 343 00:13:55,135 --> 00:13:58,469 Now, ritchie, let's take it from the... 344 00:13:58,538 --> 00:14:00,871 "no shoes, no service" foot washing scene. 345 00:14:00,873 --> 00:14:02,907 - I like that scene. 346 00:14:04,143 --> 00:14:06,577 - And this time, don't be afraid to act. 347 00:14:08,148 --> 00:14:10,949 - [woodenly] no shoes, no service. 348 00:14:12,552 --> 00:14:13,952 Sister margaret: Jesus, mary, and joseph. 349 00:14:15,588 --> 00:14:17,454 [car rumbles] mike sr.: Come on, will ya?! 350 00:14:17,490 --> 00:14:18,990 The play starts in half an hour! 351 00:14:19,125 --> 00:14:21,259 What's the hold up?! - I waiting for a phone call, 352 00:14:21,328 --> 00:14:24,495 But... [sighs] I guess we'd better go. 353 00:14:24,564 --> 00:14:26,631 - [yelling] mike, get in the car! 354 00:14:28,167 --> 00:14:30,568 [phone rings] 355 00:14:30,570 --> 00:14:33,504 [running footsteps] 356 00:14:33,573 --> 00:14:35,106 - Name? - Elizabeth critch. 357 00:14:35,241 --> 00:14:37,241 - Birthday? - June 29th. 358 00:14:37,244 --> 00:14:39,077 - Really? I wasn't even in the ballpark. 359 00:14:39,212 --> 00:14:42,146 - I don't think I can do this. - Yes, you can! 360 00:14:42,148 --> 00:14:45,116 Nobody better at talking about other people than you! 361 00:14:45,251 --> 00:14:47,985 You were born for this moment. [phone continues ringing] 362 00:14:50,523 --> 00:14:52,657 [handset rattles] - hello? 363 00:14:53,860 --> 00:14:57,061 [clears throat] yes, this is elizabeth critch. 364 00:14:57,196 --> 00:14:59,396 Well, of course I'm alive! Doesn't it sound like it? 365 00:14:59,432 --> 00:15:01,332 - Yes, yes! 366 00:15:01,467 --> 00:15:05,803 June 29th, 1908. I remember like it was yesterday. 367 00:15:05,805 --> 00:15:07,204 [giggles lightly] 368 00:15:07,240 --> 00:15:09,407 Oh, don't go telling anyone [gasps] my age 369 00:15:09,409 --> 00:15:11,675 Because I still get carded at the liquor store 370 00:15:11,711 --> 00:15:14,746 When the light is right. - [laughs quietly] 371 00:15:14,881 --> 00:15:17,348 - Oh! Oh, I'm feeling feverish. - What? 372 00:15:18,551 --> 00:15:20,618 Oh, I'm having... [gasps] trouble breathing. 373 00:15:20,620 --> 00:15:22,286 [gasps for breath] oh, there's a light 374 00:15:22,355 --> 00:15:23,955 And a tunnel - daddy, is that you? 375 00:15:24,090 --> 00:15:25,556 I am going to the light now, bye! 376 00:15:25,625 --> 00:15:28,292 [handset clangs loudly] - wha-- 377 00:15:28,361 --> 00:15:31,495 - I guess that's it. [phone rings] 378 00:15:31,531 --> 00:15:32,964 Hmm? - Mm... 379 00:15:33,099 --> 00:15:35,833 [handset rattles] hello? Yes. 380 00:15:35,869 --> 00:15:37,768 This is he. 381 00:15:37,804 --> 00:15:41,706 Oh, my wife, uh... Passed. 382 00:15:43,310 --> 00:15:46,711 So don't send anymore cheques... 383 00:15:46,780 --> 00:15:48,479 Unless... Elizabeth, are you rallying? 384 00:15:48,481 --> 00:15:50,180 - [hard slap] just-- - no, no, no, um... 385 00:15:50,216 --> 00:15:52,249 Dead as a dodo. 386 00:15:52,285 --> 00:15:55,019 Yes, well, have a nice day. 387 00:15:58,157 --> 00:16:00,257 [handset clicks] 388 00:16:00,293 --> 00:16:02,193 Why bother going to the theatre? 389 00:16:02,328 --> 00:16:04,395 - [laughs] - I... I mean that was... 390 00:16:04,431 --> 00:16:08,065 The best acting I ever saw in this town 391 00:16:08,101 --> 00:16:10,067 Was that tonight. - [laughs] 392 00:16:10,203 --> 00:16:11,735 - That was brilliant. 393 00:16:11,771 --> 00:16:13,671 [laughs goofily, horn blasts outside] 394 00:16:13,673 --> 00:16:15,706 Off you go. 395 00:16:15,742 --> 00:16:17,675 - Aww, aren't you coming? 396 00:16:17,677 --> 00:16:19,276 - No. No, 397 00:16:20,780 --> 00:16:23,648 I have someone I need to see. 398 00:16:24,751 --> 00:16:27,317 Mm. [chuckles softly, then sighs] 399 00:16:29,122 --> 00:16:30,721 [door bangs shut] 400 00:16:30,790 --> 00:16:33,424 ♪♪♪ 401 00:16:33,559 --> 00:16:35,092 Adult mark: Opening night. 402 00:16:35,128 --> 00:16:36,927 In mere moments, the curtain would go up 403 00:16:36,963 --> 00:16:38,696 And the spotlight would hit the stage, 404 00:16:38,698 --> 00:16:41,165 Illuminating my lies to the world. 405 00:16:41,167 --> 00:16:43,434 I had no idea what my end game was. 406 00:16:44,637 --> 00:16:46,370 Mary: Love your dress. Oh, 'scuse me, 'scuse me. 407 00:16:46,373 --> 00:16:48,305 Mike sr.: Made it. It's a big night! 408 00:16:48,341 --> 00:16:50,274 - Yes, yes. You know, it's not everyday 409 00:16:50,276 --> 00:16:52,443 That your son is the star. - [chuckles] 410 00:16:52,578 --> 00:16:54,511 Thank you. 411 00:16:55,581 --> 00:16:57,715 [indistinct chatter] 412 00:16:57,850 --> 00:16:59,116 [camera whirs] 413 00:17:02,288 --> 00:17:04,588 - I know you must be nervous. - No. 414 00:17:04,624 --> 00:17:05,956 - I know you're probably terrified 415 00:17:05,992 --> 00:17:07,091 You'll forget a line. 416 00:17:07,226 --> 00:17:09,227 - Nope. I know 'em all. 417 00:17:09,362 --> 00:17:12,196 - I can't imagine what's going on inside your stomach. 418 00:17:12,198 --> 00:17:14,298 - I'm getting pizza after. 419 00:17:14,300 --> 00:17:16,734 Adult mark: It was useless. He was unflappable. 420 00:17:16,869 --> 00:17:18,536 And as much as I wanted the part, 421 00:17:18,671 --> 00:17:21,806 I wanted ritchie to be happy even more. 422 00:17:21,875 --> 00:17:24,475 - I just wanted to say I'm sorry. 423 00:17:24,511 --> 00:17:26,610 And I know you'll be the best hamar ever. 424 00:17:26,679 --> 00:17:29,347 - Thanks. - You're gonna be great. 425 00:17:29,349 --> 00:17:31,014 Just had a look. 426 00:17:31,051 --> 00:17:33,751 There's a load of people out there. 427 00:17:33,886 --> 00:17:35,119 [sighs heavily] 428 00:17:35,254 --> 00:17:37,755 I guess... I'll go back to props. 429 00:17:39,025 --> 00:17:41,426 [camera beeps and whirs, indistinct chatter] 430 00:17:41,561 --> 00:17:43,494 Adult mark: Ritchie had gotten over his stage fright 431 00:17:43,530 --> 00:17:45,529 And discovered his audience fright. 432 00:17:45,598 --> 00:17:47,331 [stomach rumbles loudly] 433 00:17:47,467 --> 00:17:49,366 [low, indistinct murmurs] 434 00:17:49,402 --> 00:17:51,168 [middle eastern music plays] 435 00:17:51,204 --> 00:17:54,105 [audience applauds and whistles] 436 00:17:56,709 --> 00:17:58,642 - Welcome. Table for one? 437 00:17:58,678 --> 00:18:01,412 Gary: Party of thirteen! Judas is the name. 438 00:18:01,414 --> 00:18:03,614 There's more where this came from. 439 00:18:03,616 --> 00:18:06,384 [coin clatters] 440 00:18:06,386 --> 00:18:08,719 [audience titters and murmurs] 441 00:18:09,856 --> 00:18:11,122 Adult mark: I had been jealous of ritchie 442 00:18:11,257 --> 00:18:13,925 But, in that moment, I sure did not wanna be him. 443 00:18:14,060 --> 00:18:15,860 [tense music plays] 444 00:18:21,301 --> 00:18:23,134 Adult mark: I had been dying to play hamar, 445 00:18:23,269 --> 00:18:25,903 But ritchie was dying on stage. 446 00:18:25,972 --> 00:18:28,172 Fox: I said, where shall we seat him? 447 00:18:29,242 --> 00:18:31,342 Audience: [indistinct murmurs] 448 00:18:31,411 --> 00:18:33,544 Adult mark: I had to do something. 449 00:18:33,679 --> 00:18:35,880 - [whispering loudly] ritchie! 450 00:18:36,015 --> 00:18:37,748 "do you have a reservation?" 451 00:18:39,018 --> 00:18:42,019 Audience: [indistinct murmurs] 452 00:18:42,021 --> 00:18:44,088 Mark: Ritchie! Ritchie! 453 00:18:44,090 --> 00:18:46,957 Ritchie! "do you have a reservation?" 454 00:18:48,027 --> 00:18:51,829 Fox: I said, where shall we seat him, hamar? 455 00:18:51,964 --> 00:18:54,031 [camera whirs, audience murmurs] 456 00:18:57,703 --> 00:18:59,703 - This isn't how the play goes. They're making an arse of it. 457 00:18:59,772 --> 00:19:01,973 - Shhh! - Oh, shush yourself, ya hussy! 458 00:19:02,108 --> 00:19:03,507 - Will you shut it?! - Oh, stuff it! 459 00:19:03,576 --> 00:19:05,242 - Shut your face! - You're always in the middle. 460 00:19:05,278 --> 00:19:06,844 - Oh, please. 461 00:19:06,979 --> 00:19:08,779 Adult mark: My best friend needed help! 462 00:19:08,848 --> 00:19:11,648 I couldn't take it anymore. 463 00:19:11,684 --> 00:19:14,451 I had to act. Literally. 464 00:19:14,521 --> 00:19:16,387 - [blows out his breath] - not so fast! 465 00:19:16,522 --> 00:19:18,922 Stay the hell off my stage! - Ritchie needs me! 466 00:19:19,058 --> 00:19:20,891 [struggling grunts] 467 00:19:20,960 --> 00:19:23,627 [mark grunts, light thump, tray clatters] 468 00:19:23,696 --> 00:19:25,696 Parent: Where'd he come from? - Oh my! 469 00:19:25,831 --> 00:19:27,765 [audience murmurs] [camera whirs] 470 00:19:27,900 --> 00:19:30,201 Adult mark: At least nobody was looking at ritchie anymore. 471 00:19:30,336 --> 00:19:32,736 - Hi. [audience titters] 472 00:19:32,805 --> 00:19:35,005 - [sighs heavily] 473 00:19:35,041 --> 00:19:37,274 - Audience! Welcome to the show! 474 00:19:37,343 --> 00:19:39,610 It is I, casca, the roman centurion 475 00:19:39,746 --> 00:19:42,079 Who, who... Also picks up a couple shifts 476 00:19:42,215 --> 00:19:43,748 Here at the restaurant. [audience laughs] 477 00:19:43,750 --> 00:19:45,216 Adult mark: I wanted to be a comedian, 478 00:19:45,351 --> 00:19:47,585 So why not be a rodeo clown? 479 00:19:47,654 --> 00:19:49,486 - What?! 480 00:19:49,522 --> 00:19:51,088 - Who wants bread? 481 00:19:51,224 --> 00:19:53,624 Adult mark: Some would say I was stalling to help my friend, 482 00:19:53,626 --> 00:19:55,726 Others might say I was being a ham. 483 00:19:55,861 --> 00:19:58,829 Either way, this would be the first last supper scene ever 484 00:19:58,898 --> 00:20:00,965 With a happy ending. - Get in here! 485 00:20:01,100 --> 00:20:03,234 - Oh... Nice place you got here. 486 00:20:03,369 --> 00:20:05,469 Ever think of doin' a... A theme night? 487 00:20:05,505 --> 00:20:07,071 I guess toga parties would be... 488 00:20:07,206 --> 00:20:08,639 Too on the nose. [everyone laughs] 489 00:20:08,675 --> 00:20:10,341 Adult mark: These weren't the lines 490 00:20:10,476 --> 00:20:13,143 I'd practiced with my father, but he didn't seem to mind. 491 00:20:13,213 --> 00:20:14,912 - Would it! [audience laughs] 492 00:20:14,914 --> 00:20:16,313 - Get in. 493 00:20:16,349 --> 00:20:18,282 Adult mark: And ritchie, staying on theme, 494 00:20:18,417 --> 00:20:20,050 He rose again. 495 00:20:20,086 --> 00:20:22,787 - Do you have a reservation? - Nailed it! 496 00:20:22,922 --> 00:20:24,622 [audience laughs and claps] 497 00:20:24,691 --> 00:20:26,857 Adult mark: Life is a lot like a play. 498 00:20:26,893 --> 00:20:30,261 We all play different parts, depending on who we're with. 499 00:20:30,396 --> 00:20:33,064 But there's no pretending to be someone you're not 500 00:20:33,066 --> 00:20:34,665 Around your family. - Do you have a reservation? 501 00:20:34,701 --> 00:20:36,300 - [clapping] yeah, bravo! 502 00:20:36,435 --> 00:20:38,336 Bravo! Take a bow! 503 00:20:38,471 --> 00:20:40,337 Adult mark: Dad turned out to be my biggest fan. 504 00:20:40,473 --> 00:20:42,006 - All right, couple o' notes. 505 00:20:42,141 --> 00:20:44,341 Adult mark: And he was the only audience I ever really wanted. 506 00:20:44,377 --> 00:20:46,477 - If you're gonna take a bow, you really wanna sweep 507 00:20:46,546 --> 00:20:48,846 The floor with your hand, like that. Give it a try. 508 00:20:50,082 --> 00:20:52,883 A little lower. Always get out there, 509 00:20:52,952 --> 00:20:55,019 And then just bask. 510 00:20:55,088 --> 00:20:57,688 [heartwarming music plays] 511 00:20:58,958 --> 00:21:00,958 Adult mark: But the real actor in the family 512 00:21:01,027 --> 00:21:02,627 Was the one acting like he was tougher 513 00:21:02,762 --> 00:21:05,029 Than he really was. 514 00:21:07,033 --> 00:21:08,366 - My beautiful girl. 515 00:21:10,236 --> 00:21:17,107 ♪♪♪ 516 00:21:17,143 --> 00:21:22,379 ♪♪♪ 517 00:21:24,150 --> 00:21:31,121 ♪♪♪ 518 00:21:31,157 --> 00:21:38,128 ♪♪♪ 519 00:21:38,164 --> 00:21:45,069 ♪♪♪ 520 00:21:45,204 --> 00:21:52,142 ♪♪♪