1 00:00:01,369 --> 00:00:03,302 [vehicles rumble loudly, horns blare] 2 00:00:03,437 --> 00:00:05,804 - Hmph! Royal visit's going ahead. 3 00:00:05,939 --> 00:00:07,506 "prince charles and lady diana 4 00:00:07,508 --> 00:00:10,008 Will visit city hall at 2 p.M., on Friday." 5 00:00:10,044 --> 00:00:12,010 - Really? Oh, oh, mom, can we go? 6 00:00:12,046 --> 00:00:13,178 - I won't be going to see 7 00:00:13,247 --> 00:00:15,113 That elephant-eared prick, let me tell ya. 8 00:00:15,115 --> 00:00:16,915 Pop: I hope the inbred arseholes 9 00:00:17,051 --> 00:00:18,517 Drown on the way over. 10 00:00:20,187 --> 00:00:22,887 Well, our family's irish. - The critch's were english. 11 00:00:22,923 --> 00:00:25,590 - Well, my mother was irish! 12 00:00:25,659 --> 00:00:27,659 Being irish is like being jewish. 13 00:00:27,661 --> 00:00:30,662 It's passed down through the maternal line. 14 00:00:30,664 --> 00:00:32,297 Mark: I think they're a lovely couple. 15 00:00:32,433 --> 00:00:34,199 Perfect marriage. 16 00:00:34,201 --> 00:00:36,935 A true fairy tale. - As in, it's not real. 17 00:00:37,004 --> 00:00:38,337 No such thing as a perfect marriage. 18 00:00:38,472 --> 00:00:39,938 - Oh, really? 19 00:00:39,940 --> 00:00:41,139 Well, I for one sympathize with her. 20 00:00:41,208 --> 00:00:42,941 I know what it's like to spend your life 21 00:00:42,943 --> 00:00:44,409 Waitin' for your in-laws to die. 22 00:00:44,445 --> 00:00:46,278 - Oh, sweet jesus, take me now. 23 00:00:46,413 --> 00:00:48,280 - Hey, quiet, quiet! What's that sound? 24 00:00:48,282 --> 00:00:50,549 [knocking] is someone knocking at the door? 25 00:00:50,551 --> 00:00:53,485 - No, can't be! Nobody ever comes here. 26 00:00:53,487 --> 00:00:54,986 - I'll get it. - And that's what you won't. 27 00:00:55,056 --> 00:00:56,688 God only knows who that is now. 28 00:00:56,757 --> 00:00:58,290 Mary, you answer it. 29 00:00:58,425 --> 00:01:00,992 - Oh! My brave protector. 30 00:01:01,028 --> 00:01:03,295 [paper rustles sharply, knocking continues] 31 00:01:03,364 --> 00:01:05,964 [footsteps thud] 32 00:01:05,966 --> 00:01:07,632 - Be quiet. She's opening. 33 00:01:07,634 --> 00:01:09,367 [door clicks open] 34 00:01:09,403 --> 00:01:11,570 - Well, how do you do? - Hey, there, mary. 35 00:01:11,572 --> 00:01:13,505 How's the rose of vocm valley? 36 00:01:13,574 --> 00:01:15,240 Adult mark: Dick dunphy! 37 00:01:15,242 --> 00:01:17,175 Top dj at the station next door 38 00:01:17,310 --> 00:01:19,244 And my dad's arch-nemesis. 39 00:01:19,313 --> 00:01:21,813 - I'm good, dick. Looking for mike? 40 00:01:21,882 --> 00:01:24,249 - No. I see enough of him. 41 00:01:24,251 --> 00:01:26,318 - [giggles] 42 00:01:26,320 --> 00:01:28,720 - Oh! These are for you. - [gasps] 43 00:01:28,756 --> 00:01:30,522 Oh my! What for? 44 00:01:30,657 --> 00:01:32,257 - I did a parking lot promotion for a florist 45 00:01:32,293 --> 00:01:34,092 And he let me take the week-olds. 46 00:01:34,128 --> 00:01:35,727 - They're beautiful! 47 00:01:35,863 --> 00:01:36,995 - Not as pretty as you. 48 00:01:37,130 --> 00:01:38,196 - Tsk! Oh, go 'way with ya, dick! 49 00:01:38,265 --> 00:01:40,399 You're the devil, you are. - [smarmy chuckle] 50 00:01:40,401 --> 00:01:43,034 Adult mark: Gross. Was mom flirting? 51 00:01:43,070 --> 00:01:45,337 - I never see you down to the strand lounge. 52 00:01:45,406 --> 00:01:47,605 Mike needs to take you out more. 53 00:01:47,641 --> 00:01:50,008 You're like my chevy blazer, mary. 54 00:01:50,010 --> 00:01:51,877 She can't be parked too long or she'll seize up. 55 00:01:52,012 --> 00:01:53,945 - Oh, dick, you are shockin'! 56 00:01:55,349 --> 00:01:57,549 - I don't go out at night so I don't show up for work drunk! 57 00:01:57,585 --> 00:01:59,217 He's still loaded! 58 00:01:59,219 --> 00:02:02,221 - [catlike] rrrrr! - [breathy laugh] 59 00:02:02,356 --> 00:02:05,290 - Oh! Got a coupon for ten percent off 60 00:02:05,326 --> 00:02:07,425 Red sticker ladieswear at ayre's. 61 00:02:07,461 --> 00:02:10,495 Limit one per customer. Tax on full price. 62 00:02:10,531 --> 00:02:13,831 Get yourself a pair of dancing shoes on uncle dick. 63 00:02:13,868 --> 00:02:17,435 - Well, now you are just spoilin' me. 64 00:02:17,471 --> 00:02:21,440 Thank you, dick. - My pleasure! 65 00:02:21,575 --> 00:02:23,775 Everybody needs a bit of dick in their life. 66 00:02:24,845 --> 00:02:26,611 [door squeaks open] 67 00:02:28,382 --> 00:02:30,848 - Hmm. [door clicks shut] 68 00:02:30,885 --> 00:02:32,317 Mike sr.: Good god! 69 00:02:32,353 --> 00:02:34,786 I can't believe you're throwing yourself at dick dunphy. 70 00:02:34,822 --> 00:02:36,354 I bet that coupon isn't even valid. 71 00:02:36,356 --> 00:02:38,123 - Don't you worry. Dick is the last thing 72 00:02:38,192 --> 00:02:41,059 I'm interested in this morning, dunphy or otherwise! 73 00:02:41,195 --> 00:02:43,027 - Good god! - [shudders] 74 00:02:43,063 --> 00:02:45,364 Adult mark: I longed for my parents to have a marriage 75 00:02:45,366 --> 00:02:47,332 Like charles and diana. 76 00:02:47,334 --> 00:02:49,534 Little did I know, they already did. 77 00:02:50,771 --> 00:02:53,004 [bell rings in the distance] 78 00:02:53,073 --> 00:02:54,872 - I want you to know something. 79 00:02:54,909 --> 00:02:56,274 I've been thinking about it 80 00:02:56,343 --> 00:02:58,944 And you're officially my best friend. 81 00:02:59,079 --> 00:03:01,547 - Wow, that was fast. 82 00:03:01,682 --> 00:03:05,183 - I'm sorry. I've never had a best friend before. 83 00:03:05,186 --> 00:03:07,286 - I haven't had one either. 84 00:03:07,421 --> 00:03:09,755 It's official then. 85 00:03:09,890 --> 00:03:11,456 Best friends? 86 00:03:11,592 --> 00:03:14,893 [hands clap lightly, kids shout in the distance] 87 00:03:15,028 --> 00:03:16,561 I have a secret I need to share. 88 00:03:16,597 --> 00:03:19,831 - Do tell. It'll go no further. 89 00:03:19,967 --> 00:03:21,833 - If we are best friends, 90 00:03:21,835 --> 00:03:23,301 Then I, I think you should know 91 00:03:23,370 --> 00:03:25,970 My parents might be getting a divorce. 92 00:03:26,006 --> 00:03:28,573 The social implications on a catholic schoolyard 93 00:03:28,609 --> 00:03:31,577 Might make me a pariah, so... 94 00:03:31,712 --> 00:03:34,012 - I mean, they do fight a lot. 95 00:03:34,014 --> 00:03:35,280 - They do? 96 00:03:35,415 --> 00:03:38,450 I-I... I thought of it more as playful repartee. 97 00:03:38,452 --> 00:03:39,851 - She said he was "thick as poo 98 00:03:39,920 --> 00:03:41,653 And half as handy" the other day, 99 00:03:41,788 --> 00:03:43,388 Except she didn't say "poo," she said-- 100 00:03:43,457 --> 00:03:47,626 - Okay, okay. Yes, I see your point. 101 00:03:47,628 --> 00:03:50,328 Tsk. Oh dear. Uh... 102 00:03:50,397 --> 00:03:52,397 I gotta go do something, 103 00:03:52,466 --> 00:03:54,132 But it's a secret. 104 00:03:54,268 --> 00:03:55,801 - Great. I like our secrets! 105 00:03:55,803 --> 00:03:57,469 - No. I mean, we are best friends, 106 00:03:57,538 --> 00:04:00,472 But this, this one has to stay private, okay? 107 00:04:02,876 --> 00:04:05,843 Look, it's complicated. I'm sorry. 108 00:04:07,648 --> 00:04:09,614 Adult mark: I'd only had a best friend for a minute 109 00:04:09,617 --> 00:04:11,349 And I'd already upset him. 110 00:04:11,418 --> 00:04:13,151 But there were some things 111 00:04:13,153 --> 00:04:15,153 That you couldn't even tell your best friend. 112 00:04:16,590 --> 00:04:19,024 Like the fact that I was the only male member 113 00:04:19,093 --> 00:04:21,225 Of the local monarchist league. 114 00:04:21,262 --> 00:04:24,429 I was also the youngest one by about sixty years. 115 00:04:24,431 --> 00:04:26,197 Woman: Mark! 116 00:04:26,267 --> 00:04:27,398 There's mark now. 117 00:04:28,736 --> 00:04:30,568 - Patricia! Saw your new granddaughter 118 00:04:30,604 --> 00:04:33,305 At the mall the other day. Cute as a button. 119 00:04:33,307 --> 00:04:35,240 [patricia chuckles] women chatter] 120 00:04:35,242 --> 00:04:37,408 Joan! Wanna hear about your hip surgery. 121 00:04:38,445 --> 00:04:40,045 Let's have a chin wag after. 122 00:04:40,114 --> 00:04:41,913 [women chatter] - how nice. 123 00:04:41,982 --> 00:04:44,583 [spoon clinks against cup] 124 00:04:44,718 --> 00:04:46,651 - I now call this meeting 125 00:04:46,687 --> 00:04:49,554 Of the newfoundland monarchist league to order. 126 00:04:49,623 --> 00:04:52,224 We have a lot to discuss. - [clears his throat] 127 00:04:52,359 --> 00:04:53,792 Before we start, 128 00:04:53,794 --> 00:04:56,861 I have an awkward order of business - dues. 129 00:04:56,930 --> 00:04:58,596 [chair scrapes back] 130 00:04:58,666 --> 00:05:01,132 Some of our members are in arrears. 131 00:05:01,134 --> 00:05:03,434 Woman: [gasps] what?! 132 00:05:05,505 --> 00:05:07,772 - I apologize. 133 00:05:07,808 --> 00:05:11,776 I've been finding it hard to, uh, get by since... 134 00:05:12,880 --> 00:05:15,547 [emotional] since eugene passed. 135 00:05:15,616 --> 00:05:18,083 - Eugene was a hell of a man. - Mm. 136 00:05:18,152 --> 00:05:20,085 - Allow me. [velcro rips] 137 00:05:20,154 --> 00:05:22,421 But this is the last time, helen. 138 00:05:22,556 --> 00:05:24,623 The shortbread doesn't pay for itself. 139 00:05:24,758 --> 00:05:26,525 Woman: What a sweet young man. 140 00:05:27,661 --> 00:05:29,160 - As I was saying, 141 00:05:29,229 --> 00:05:32,263 I've received a letter from the lt. Governor. 142 00:05:32,299 --> 00:05:34,366 The league has been invited 143 00:05:34,368 --> 00:05:37,769 To the royals' arrival ceremony, 144 00:05:37,805 --> 00:05:40,372 And it's going to be televised! [women clap] 145 00:05:40,374 --> 00:05:42,240 Adult mark: I was playing with fire. 146 00:05:42,242 --> 00:05:44,442 If my family found out, they'd disown me. 147 00:05:44,511 --> 00:05:47,646 And if fox did, she would disembowel me. 148 00:05:50,717 --> 00:05:52,049 [chair scrapes back] 149 00:05:52,086 --> 00:05:54,519 I suggest we proceed with caution, ladies. 150 00:05:54,521 --> 00:05:56,154 Woman: Yes, yes. 151 00:05:56,289 --> 00:05:58,523 High fashion and trendy haircuts are fun, 152 00:05:58,525 --> 00:06:00,525 But we must ask ourselves, 153 00:06:00,527 --> 00:06:02,794 "when it comes to modernizing, 154 00:06:02,929 --> 00:06:05,863 Is the monarchy moving too fast?" 155 00:06:05,899 --> 00:06:07,732 Woman: Hmm. Yeah. 156 00:06:07,768 --> 00:06:09,868 [chair scrapes forward] 157 00:06:09,870 --> 00:06:11,569 [slurps] 158 00:06:14,475 --> 00:06:16,541 - [slurping] 159 00:06:16,610 --> 00:06:18,676 [rotary dial whisks sharply] 160 00:06:18,712 --> 00:06:21,279 - Who you calling... Dick dunphy? 161 00:06:21,348 --> 00:06:24,549 - Hello, ayre's? Can I have the shoe department, please. 162 00:06:24,551 --> 00:06:26,218 - Look at you calling ayre's. 163 00:06:26,220 --> 00:06:27,252 You think you're the queen of England. 164 00:06:27,387 --> 00:06:29,020 - Oh, hi there. 165 00:06:29,056 --> 00:06:30,755 I have this red tag coupon 166 00:06:30,824 --> 00:06:33,691 That was given to me by a very good friend of mine 167 00:06:33,693 --> 00:06:36,093 And I'm wondering if it's valid. 168 00:06:36,130 --> 00:06:38,596 A mister richard dunphy. 169 00:06:38,632 --> 00:06:41,500 Oh, that's great. It's perfectly valid. 170 00:06:41,502 --> 00:06:43,168 Wonderful news. 171 00:06:43,237 --> 00:06:46,138 And can it be used to buy shoes? 172 00:06:46,273 --> 00:06:48,539 It can. Lovely. 173 00:06:48,675 --> 00:06:51,209 Oh, well, what kind would I want? 174 00:06:51,211 --> 00:06:54,112 Oh, well, definitely want them to be high heels. 175 00:06:54,247 --> 00:06:55,580 Cherry red, 176 00:06:55,649 --> 00:06:57,449 Patent leather, 177 00:06:57,584 --> 00:06:59,751 And good for dancing. 178 00:06:59,753 --> 00:07:02,553 Well, thank you so much. 179 00:07:02,589 --> 00:07:05,924 I will be in with my valid coupon later on today 180 00:07:05,926 --> 00:07:08,326 To pick them up. 181 00:07:09,596 --> 00:07:11,663 [receiver clunks loudly] 182 00:07:11,665 --> 00:07:13,598 - But I don't dance. [footsteps recede] 183 00:07:15,035 --> 00:07:17,235 [birds chirp outside] 184 00:07:21,074 --> 00:07:22,874 [low hum of chatter, birds chirp] 185 00:07:24,011 --> 00:07:25,610 - Are you still mad at me? 186 00:07:26,747 --> 00:07:28,680 Sister margaret: Now, can anyone tell me 187 00:07:28,749 --> 00:07:31,649 What the royal family actually does? 188 00:07:32,886 --> 00:07:34,886 - Members of the royal family support the queen 189 00:07:34,955 --> 00:07:37,188 In her many state and national duties. 190 00:07:37,191 --> 00:07:40,658 Every year they carry out over 2,000 royal engagements. 191 00:07:40,727 --> 00:07:43,228 Now, even the queen can't be everywhere at once, 192 00:07:43,230 --> 00:07:45,096 So the royals represent her at events. 193 00:07:45,098 --> 00:07:47,065 Sort of like santa's helpers. 194 00:07:47,067 --> 00:07:49,033 [kids chuckle] 195 00:07:50,103 --> 00:07:52,237 Or not. Whatever. 196 00:07:52,306 --> 00:07:54,672 I'm... I'm not actually sure. 197 00:07:55,775 --> 00:07:57,576 - I can't decide what's dumber; 198 00:07:57,578 --> 00:07:59,177 That you know all about the queen 199 00:07:59,246 --> 00:08:00,979 Or that you still think santa claus is real. 200 00:08:01,114 --> 00:08:02,179 [kids titter] 201 00:08:02,216 --> 00:08:03,715 Sister margaret: As catholics, 202 00:08:03,784 --> 00:08:05,584 The only crown we bow to, children, 203 00:08:05,586 --> 00:08:08,920 Is the crown of thorns our lord wore. 204 00:08:08,956 --> 00:08:11,723 Did you know that the royals were once catholics? Ha! 205 00:08:12,793 --> 00:08:14,459 But they left the church 206 00:08:14,461 --> 00:08:17,261 Because the queen's great, great, great, great grandfather 207 00:08:17,297 --> 00:08:19,164 Wanted to bed a whore. 208 00:08:19,166 --> 00:08:22,200 The pope said no because he was already married. 209 00:08:22,335 --> 00:08:24,936 So, they formed their own satanic religion 210 00:08:24,972 --> 00:08:27,405 Called the church of England. 211 00:08:27,441 --> 00:08:29,740 Adult mark: While I disagreed with many of the aspects, 212 00:08:29,776 --> 00:08:32,610 I couldn't actually say that she was wrong per se. 213 00:08:32,679 --> 00:08:34,946 - The royals made up a whole religion 214 00:08:35,015 --> 00:08:38,016 Just so they could get divorced. Imagine! 215 00:08:40,621 --> 00:08:44,155 - Prince charles and lady diana won't divorce, sister. 216 00:08:44,291 --> 00:08:46,024 They have effortless romance. 217 00:08:46,159 --> 00:08:48,960 - Hmph! Give it time. 218 00:08:48,996 --> 00:08:51,228 Princess margaret was divorced more times 219 00:08:51,265 --> 00:08:54,132 Than she was married. That's a fact! 220 00:08:54,201 --> 00:08:56,935 This false idolatry of the "royal family" 221 00:08:56,937 --> 00:08:59,604 Is a direct sin against god. 222 00:09:04,010 --> 00:09:05,744 Mike sr.: Mary? 223 00:09:05,879 --> 00:09:07,579 Mary?! 224 00:09:07,648 --> 00:09:09,847 Where's supper? 225 00:09:09,849 --> 00:09:12,617 - I was at ayre's. Do you like my new shoes? 226 00:09:12,753 --> 00:09:15,453 Oh, I can't wait to hit the dance floor in 'em. 227 00:09:15,522 --> 00:09:17,522 Oh, I got them with the coupon that dick gave me. 228 00:09:17,524 --> 00:09:19,424 Turns out it was valid after all. 229 00:09:19,493 --> 00:09:20,825 - Bring those back. 230 00:09:20,827 --> 00:09:22,494 - Don't be so foolish. I can't. 231 00:09:22,496 --> 00:09:24,028 - You can't or you won't? 232 00:09:24,030 --> 00:09:25,930 - Won't, because you're telling me to 233 00:09:25,966 --> 00:09:27,599 And can't, because there's no returns 234 00:09:27,734 --> 00:09:29,434 When you use a coupon. 235 00:09:29,503 --> 00:09:31,603 - You really think dick dunphy fancies you? 236 00:09:31,672 --> 00:09:33,405 He talks to all the women like that. 237 00:09:33,540 --> 00:09:36,207 I mean, why would dick dunphy be interested in you? 238 00:09:36,343 --> 00:09:38,610 - Oh. I see. 239 00:09:39,946 --> 00:09:44,215 So, I'm not good enough for dick dunphy, is that it? 240 00:09:44,351 --> 00:09:48,019 Or maybe I'm not good enough for you?! 241 00:09:49,189 --> 00:09:51,356 - You're good enough for me. 242 00:09:51,358 --> 00:09:53,024 You're fine. 243 00:09:53,093 --> 00:09:55,860 I mean, there's nothing wrong with you. 244 00:09:57,964 --> 00:09:59,531 - [huffs] 245 00:09:59,533 --> 00:10:01,332 [heels clack sharply] 246 00:10:01,401 --> 00:10:04,169 - Is the fight over now? [bedroom door clicks open] 247 00:10:04,304 --> 00:10:06,470 It's suppertime! [bedroom door slams shut] 248 00:10:07,574 --> 00:10:10,207 [door clicks open, footsteps approach] 249 00:10:11,578 --> 00:10:13,612 [metallic clink, chair thunks loudly] 250 00:10:13,747 --> 00:10:16,781 [flashlight thumps, magazine rustles] 251 00:10:18,318 --> 00:10:20,585 - What're you reading? - Nothing. 252 00:10:20,587 --> 00:10:22,720 [blankets rustle] 253 00:10:24,925 --> 00:10:26,290 Pop? 254 00:10:26,360 --> 00:10:27,692 - Hmm? 255 00:10:27,828 --> 00:10:31,196 - Do you think mom and dad'll get a divorce? 256 00:10:31,198 --> 00:10:33,931 - [chuckles] what? 257 00:10:33,967 --> 00:10:37,001 No. Good god, no. 258 00:10:37,070 --> 00:10:39,671 Uh, no, it'll never happen. 259 00:10:39,806 --> 00:10:43,208 For one thing, they can't afford the lawyers. 260 00:10:43,343 --> 00:10:46,277 No. I mean, they may want to divorce, but... 261 00:10:46,279 --> 00:10:48,212 They never will. 262 00:10:48,248 --> 00:10:52,150 That's the catholic way. You know, misery loves company. 263 00:10:52,219 --> 00:10:54,686 And that's why there's two in a marriage. 264 00:10:57,824 --> 00:10:59,724 Ah, don't worry. 265 00:10:59,760 --> 00:11:01,693 Your father will never leave your mother. 266 00:11:01,762 --> 00:11:03,695 She'd murder him. 267 00:11:03,830 --> 00:11:06,698 And she loves him too much to kill him. 268 00:11:07,901 --> 00:11:10,367 Hmm. [newspaper rustles] 269 00:11:10,404 --> 00:11:11,969 Hmm. 270 00:11:12,005 --> 00:11:14,706 - What did you and nanny fight about? 271 00:11:14,775 --> 00:11:16,708 - The queen mostly. 272 00:11:16,777 --> 00:11:19,844 She loved the old bitch. 273 00:11:19,913 --> 00:11:21,379 Uh... 274 00:11:21,514 --> 00:11:23,614 Feeling better? 275 00:11:23,650 --> 00:11:24,683 - No, worse, 276 00:11:24,818 --> 00:11:26,851 But I appreciate the effort. 277 00:11:26,853 --> 00:11:28,453 - Anytime. 278 00:11:28,588 --> 00:11:30,221 [spoon clinking] 279 00:11:30,257 --> 00:11:32,323 Helen: I have wonderful news. 280 00:11:32,459 --> 00:11:33,758 We have been invited 281 00:11:33,894 --> 00:11:36,794 To select one of our members 282 00:11:36,863 --> 00:11:39,897 To present lady diana with flowers. 283 00:11:39,899 --> 00:11:41,599 Adult mark: I knew the drill. 284 00:11:41,635 --> 00:11:44,402 Helen would start whining about her dead husband and then-- 285 00:11:44,471 --> 00:11:45,803 - I nominate mark. 286 00:11:47,874 --> 00:11:49,474 [chair scrapes back] 287 00:11:49,476 --> 00:11:51,876 - Helen, I insist that you go. 288 00:11:51,878 --> 00:11:55,814 A-after losing your husband-- - oh, nonsense. 289 00:11:55,816 --> 00:11:59,884 We want to show the world that the monarchy is cool, 290 00:11:59,886 --> 00:12:03,120 And there's nobody cooler than our mark! 291 00:12:03,156 --> 00:12:07,492 And the whole province will see just how cool he is. 292 00:12:07,561 --> 00:12:09,894 Adult mark: Maybe the kids at school wouldn't notice me. 293 00:12:10,029 --> 00:12:11,896 - I made you this. 294 00:12:16,035 --> 00:12:18,636 Pink - for the rose of England. 295 00:12:18,638 --> 00:12:20,972 - Yes! The rose of England! Women: [chuckle and applaud] 296 00:12:21,041 --> 00:12:23,307 Adult mark: Oh no, they will! [women applaud] 297 00:12:26,345 --> 00:12:33,451 ♪ 298 00:12:33,453 --> 00:12:35,453 Mark: [panicked] ritchie! You followed me! 299 00:12:35,522 --> 00:12:38,222 I was just checking to see when mass was. 300 00:12:38,291 --> 00:12:40,858 W-wait! Is this an anglican church? 301 00:12:40,894 --> 00:12:42,860 Wow! Where is my head? 302 00:12:42,929 --> 00:12:46,597 - Oh, look! You have a new friend your own age. 303 00:12:46,633 --> 00:12:48,599 You should be proud of mark. 304 00:12:48,601 --> 00:12:49,868 It's not every day 305 00:12:50,003 --> 00:12:53,437 You get to present lady diana with flowers. 306 00:12:55,408 --> 00:12:58,342 [footsteps recede] 307 00:12:58,378 --> 00:13:01,212 - I hope you're better at keeping secrets than helen is. 308 00:13:01,248 --> 00:13:02,746 - That's your big secret, 309 00:13:02,783 --> 00:13:04,915 Your real best friend is an old lady? 310 00:13:07,254 --> 00:13:09,620 - Look, I think the royals are cool! 311 00:13:09,656 --> 00:13:12,757 King lear, richard the third, henry the 5th. 312 00:13:12,759 --> 00:13:14,392 I collect stamps, too. 313 00:13:14,461 --> 00:13:16,694 So, shoot me! 314 00:13:16,830 --> 00:13:19,430 - Why not just tell me? 315 00:13:19,432 --> 00:13:22,233 - No one's ever asked me to be their best friend before. 316 00:13:23,336 --> 00:13:25,637 I was worried you'd change your mind. 317 00:13:27,807 --> 00:13:29,107 - When this gets out, 318 00:13:29,109 --> 00:13:31,442 I might need to keep my distance for a few days. 319 00:13:31,511 --> 00:13:33,043 I can't afford any more ridicule 320 00:13:33,079 --> 00:13:36,046 Than I'm already getting. - That's... Fair. 321 00:13:40,053 --> 00:13:42,920 So, still best friends? 322 00:13:44,057 --> 00:13:45,890 [hands clap lightly] 323 00:13:47,193 --> 00:13:50,061 - So, um, is that short bread? 324 00:13:51,264 --> 00:13:53,063 [lid pops off, metal lid scrapes] 325 00:13:55,802 --> 00:13:57,001 - [chuckles] 326 00:13:57,136 --> 00:13:58,936 Adult mark: Finally, the big day had come! 327 00:13:58,972 --> 00:14:01,940 My proudest moment and my biggest embarrassment. 328 00:14:02,075 --> 00:14:03,674 Sister margaret: Settle down. 329 00:14:03,710 --> 00:14:05,910 Yes, there will be television today. 330 00:14:05,979 --> 00:14:07,678 Kids: [quietly] yes! 331 00:14:07,680 --> 00:14:10,682 - The school board says we have to watch the royal visit. 332 00:14:10,817 --> 00:14:12,616 [kids moan, tv clicks on] 333 00:14:12,652 --> 00:14:14,084 [a royal fanfare plays] 334 00:14:14,220 --> 00:14:16,053 Reporter: Hundreds have gathered at city hall, 335 00:14:16,055 --> 00:14:18,455 Hoping to catch a glimpse of the royal couple. 336 00:14:18,491 --> 00:14:20,524 Lots of eager faces... Fox: Hey, dick! 337 00:14:20,560 --> 00:14:22,493 Where's the other dick? - Quiet! 338 00:14:22,562 --> 00:14:23,728 Reporter: The red carpet has been rolled out 339 00:14:23,797 --> 00:14:25,430 To greet their highnesses. 340 00:14:27,033 --> 00:14:29,834 Mayor murphy will greet the royals on the steps 341 00:14:29,836 --> 00:14:31,769 And one lucky youth from-- - turn it off! 342 00:14:33,240 --> 00:14:34,972 I mean, as a catholic, 343 00:14:35,008 --> 00:14:37,841 I am really upset that we are even seeing this. 344 00:14:37,878 --> 00:14:41,111 - I must say, I agree, ritchie, 345 00:14:41,147 --> 00:14:43,180 But the school board says we have to 346 00:14:43,216 --> 00:14:44,982 For historical reasons. 347 00:14:45,051 --> 00:14:48,319 So, you'll get to witness a low point in our history. 348 00:14:48,455 --> 00:14:50,655 - Suck hole! -...Beautiful day we got for it. 349 00:14:50,790 --> 00:14:52,657 [a royal fanfare plays] 350 00:14:52,792 --> 00:14:58,095 ♪♪♪ 351 00:14:58,097 --> 00:15:00,064 [low hum of chatter] 352 00:15:00,199 --> 00:15:03,267 - Ugh! God. Where the hell is mark at? 353 00:15:03,336 --> 00:15:06,471 Whining to come down here and then he just takes off. 354 00:15:06,606 --> 00:15:08,606 - Sure you don't wanna sit down? 355 00:15:08,675 --> 00:15:10,741 - Oh, I could walk all day 356 00:15:10,777 --> 00:15:12,843 And dance all night in these, my dear. 357 00:15:12,913 --> 00:15:15,580 Men: Frig off! Frig off! [radio feedback buzzes] 358 00:15:16,683 --> 00:15:18,483 Dick: People have lined the street 359 00:15:18,618 --> 00:15:21,486 For diana-mania today in st. John's. 360 00:15:22,622 --> 00:15:23,955 This is dick dunphy 361 00:15:24,090 --> 00:15:27,091 And I'm your vocm "eye on di!" 362 00:15:28,427 --> 00:15:30,962 Men: Frig off! - When do we want him to do it? 363 00:15:31,097 --> 00:15:33,431 Adult mark: Pop had decided to become a bit of a nuisance, 364 00:15:33,433 --> 00:15:36,367 And to my dad, that was headline news. 365 00:15:36,369 --> 00:15:38,169 - When do we want him to do it? Men: Now! 366 00:15:38,304 --> 00:15:41,572 - Here's paul anka with "diana." 367 00:15:42,642 --> 00:15:44,241 Comin' at ya! [paul anka: "diana" plays] 368 00:15:44,311 --> 00:15:45,843 - Let me have the mic. 369 00:15:45,912 --> 00:15:47,912 There's a riot breaking out; there's protestors! 370 00:15:47,914 --> 00:15:49,446 This whole place is a powder keg. 371 00:15:49,448 --> 00:15:50,881 Pop: Frig! Men: Off! 372 00:15:50,883 --> 00:15:52,784 [chanting] frig! Off! Frig! Off! 373 00:15:52,919 --> 00:15:54,852 Pop: Frig! - Are you nuts? 374 00:15:54,921 --> 00:15:56,988 I timed this song for when lady di passes me. 375 00:15:57,123 --> 00:15:59,857 I'm gonna say "and that was 'diana' by paul anka, 376 00:15:59,893 --> 00:16:02,526 And there is diana, right by me, dick dunphy." 377 00:16:02,595 --> 00:16:04,195 That's top shelf banter, mike! 378 00:16:04,264 --> 00:16:06,464 - Nobody can see her on the radio, dick! 379 00:16:06,466 --> 00:16:08,465 Now, give it! - Don't! You can't! 380 00:16:08,501 --> 00:16:11,602 Reporter: And here is the motorcade now. 381 00:16:11,638 --> 00:16:13,771 And there she is! 382 00:16:13,807 --> 00:16:16,741 - Oh, I like her outfit. She looks pretty. 383 00:16:16,743 --> 00:16:19,043 [crowd cheers on tv] 384 00:16:20,346 --> 00:16:22,279 For a terrible woman. 385 00:16:24,350 --> 00:16:27,284 Pop and men: Frig! Off! Frig! Off! Frig! Off! 386 00:16:27,320 --> 00:16:29,286 Pop: Frig... Men: [silence] 387 00:16:29,356 --> 00:16:32,757 [camera shutters click, crowd cheers and claps] 388 00:16:34,627 --> 00:16:36,160 Reporter: The crowd is euphoric now 389 00:16:36,295 --> 00:16:39,030 As their long wait is over. 390 00:16:39,165 --> 00:16:41,466 [crowd cheers on tv] 391 00:16:41,468 --> 00:16:43,034 - I really need to go to the bathroom. 392 00:16:43,169 --> 00:16:45,836 - It can wait. They're about to give her flowers. 393 00:16:45,872 --> 00:16:48,105 Not that I care. 394 00:16:50,510 --> 00:16:52,609 - It's a poop. [class laughs] 395 00:16:53,913 --> 00:16:56,280 - Fine. [chair scrapes back] 396 00:16:58,885 --> 00:17:00,217 [cord rips, power cuts, ritchie thumps] 397 00:17:00,286 --> 00:17:02,186 [class laughs] 398 00:17:02,222 --> 00:17:03,888 - What a loser! 399 00:17:03,890 --> 00:17:06,757 - Plug that back in! 400 00:17:06,826 --> 00:17:08,759 - [sighs with relief] 401 00:17:08,795 --> 00:17:10,961 - Mark! What the frig?! 402 00:17:12,298 --> 00:17:14,599 ♪ oh-oh, oh-oh, oh, I do know ♪ 403 00:17:14,734 --> 00:17:16,400 ♪ I love you, love you so ♪ 404 00:17:16,469 --> 00:17:19,403 ♪ only you can take my heart 405 00:17:19,472 --> 00:17:22,673 ♪ only you can tear it apart 406 00:17:22,742 --> 00:17:26,143 ♪ when you hold me in your loving arms ♪ 407 00:17:26,179 --> 00:17:29,414 ♪ I can feel you giving all your charms ♪ 408 00:17:29,549 --> 00:17:32,783 ♪ hold me, darling, hold me tight ♪ 409 00:17:32,819 --> 00:17:35,853 ♪ squeeze me, baby, with all your might ♪ 410 00:17:35,922 --> 00:17:37,622 [radio feedback squeals] crowd: Oh! 411 00:17:37,757 --> 00:17:39,123 Dick: [on radio] it's my show! Mike sr.: Why not? 412 00:17:39,258 --> 00:17:41,024 You're gonna take my mary! Dick: Mary?! 413 00:17:41,061 --> 00:17:42,293 What're you gettin' on with? 414 00:17:42,428 --> 00:17:45,963 - You're trying to... Seduce her, you arsehole! 415 00:17:46,032 --> 00:17:47,965 - Come on, mike, it was just a few coupons. 416 00:17:48,101 --> 00:17:49,834 Trust me, I don't want your wife. 417 00:17:49,903 --> 00:17:51,635 I was just havin' fun, baby! 418 00:17:51,704 --> 00:17:53,838 - This is your idea of fun, is it? 419 00:17:53,973 --> 00:17:55,773 That's my wife. 420 00:17:55,908 --> 00:17:57,108 You ever knock on my door again, 421 00:17:57,243 --> 00:17:59,510 And I'll... I'll... 422 00:17:59,579 --> 00:18:01,779 Knock you on your arse, you dick! 423 00:18:01,914 --> 00:18:03,147 [door squeaks open] 424 00:18:03,216 --> 00:18:04,782 - Wait! [door bangs shut] 425 00:18:04,917 --> 00:18:07,050 Did you just call me by my name or was that an insult? 426 00:18:07,087 --> 00:18:08,986 Mike! By the sweet... 427 00:18:09,122 --> 00:18:12,523 Oh crap! That was "diana" by lady diana. 428 00:18:13,726 --> 00:18:15,726 I mean, uh, diana anka. 429 00:18:15,795 --> 00:18:18,129 I mean, uh... Jesus murphy! 430 00:18:18,264 --> 00:18:20,063 Mary: Jeez... [mumbling] 431 00:18:20,100 --> 00:18:23,834 Friggin' cheap bastards! [shoes clunk loudly] 432 00:18:23,903 --> 00:18:25,336 [sighs heavily] 433 00:18:25,405 --> 00:18:28,238 [people chatter, running footsteps] 434 00:18:31,111 --> 00:18:32,442 Adult mike: I'd saved a flower 435 00:18:32,479 --> 00:18:35,212 From lady diana's bouquet as a keepsake, 436 00:18:35,248 --> 00:18:38,549 But I figured dad could use it more than I could. 437 00:18:38,618 --> 00:18:41,418 - I thought you loved those shoes. 438 00:18:41,454 --> 00:18:44,221 - I likes me shoes the way I likes me men - 439 00:18:44,257 --> 00:18:46,023 Sensible. 440 00:18:49,996 --> 00:18:52,163 - Uh, this is for you. 441 00:18:53,666 --> 00:18:56,033 [people chatter] 442 00:18:56,102 --> 00:18:58,468 - Well, don't I feel like a princess. 443 00:18:59,572 --> 00:19:02,306 [people chatter and laugh] 444 00:19:04,444 --> 00:19:06,944 Oh... [people chatter excitedly] 445 00:19:06,980 --> 00:19:08,913 Oh mike... 446 00:19:10,216 --> 00:19:13,250 Adult mark: I'd never seen my parents hug before. 447 00:19:13,319 --> 00:19:16,053 I was worried they might divorce because they fought... 448 00:19:16,122 --> 00:19:18,856 - Now, can we please get the hell outta here? 449 00:19:18,858 --> 00:19:20,958 - Guess I'll find us a ride. 450 00:19:21,027 --> 00:19:23,494 Adult mark: In that moment, I knew they'd stay together 451 00:19:23,629 --> 00:19:25,629 Because they could forgive. - Mmm... 452 00:19:25,698 --> 00:19:27,565 [car rumbles] 453 00:19:27,700 --> 00:19:30,201 - Thanks for the ride, dick. 454 00:19:30,336 --> 00:19:32,135 - Don't mention it. 455 00:19:33,773 --> 00:19:35,806 [blazer rumbles loudly] 456 00:19:37,110 --> 00:19:38,742 Adult mark: Now, everyone knew I loved the royals... 457 00:19:38,811 --> 00:19:40,411 - [gasps] there he is! 458 00:19:40,413 --> 00:19:42,513 Adult mark: But at least everyone else did now, too. 459 00:19:43,650 --> 00:19:45,983 Pop: You know, she looked right at me. 460 00:19:46,052 --> 00:19:48,685 I swear to god, she gave me the once over. 461 00:19:49,755 --> 00:19:51,989 - I thought you hated the royals. 462 00:19:51,991 --> 00:19:53,958 - Who me? I never said that! 463 00:19:54,093 --> 00:19:57,094 My father was english! From liverpool. 464 00:19:58,498 --> 00:20:02,299 And besides, these two are different. 465 00:20:03,503 --> 00:20:05,303 Aww... Yes, sir. 466 00:20:06,906 --> 00:20:10,040 They're gonna have a wonderful life together. 467 00:20:11,177 --> 00:20:12,943 [crowd cheers on tv, camera shutters click] 468 00:20:13,012 --> 00:20:15,579 Adult mark: Every picture tells a story, 469 00:20:15,648 --> 00:20:18,115 But appearances can be deceiving. 470 00:20:18,151 --> 00:20:21,252 Some people may seem like the perfect couple, 471 00:20:21,387 --> 00:20:24,521 But you wouldn't wanna walk a mile in their shoes. 472 00:20:24,557 --> 00:20:27,391 [crowds cheer on tv, choral music plays] 473 00:20:28,795 --> 00:20:31,595 After all, there's no point in wearing glass slippers 474 00:20:31,664 --> 00:20:33,597 If, at the end of the day, 475 00:20:33,600 --> 00:20:36,033 There's no one there to rub your feet. 476 00:20:39,705 --> 00:20:42,306 - ♪ god save our queen! 477 00:20:43,442 --> 00:20:45,242 ♪ bam, bam, bam, bam... 478 00:20:45,245 --> 00:20:48,812 Both: ♪ send her victorious 479 00:20:50,950 --> 00:20:54,518 ♪ happy and glorious 480 00:20:56,389 --> 00:21:00,357 All: ♪ long to reign over us 481 00:21:01,427 --> 00:21:04,161 ♪ god save our queen 482 00:21:06,098 --> 00:21:07,632 Pop: Yeah! 483 00:21:09,269 --> 00:21:16,239 ♪♪♪ 484 00:21:16,276 --> 00:21:23,246 ♪♪♪ 485 00:21:23,283 --> 00:21:30,187 ♪♪♪ 486 00:21:30,323 --> 00:21:37,260 ♪♪♪