1
00:00:01,369 --> 00:00:03,302
[vehicles rumble loudly,
horns blare]
2
00:00:03,437 --> 00:00:05,804
- Hmph! Royal visit's
going ahead.
3
00:00:05,939 --> 00:00:07,506
"prince charles and lady diana
4
00:00:07,508 --> 00:00:10,008
Will visit city hall at 2 p.M.,
on Friday."
5
00:00:10,044 --> 00:00:12,010
- Really?
Oh, oh, mom, can we go?
6
00:00:12,046 --> 00:00:13,178
- I won't be going to see
7
00:00:13,247 --> 00:00:15,113
That elephant-eared prick,
let me tell ya.
8
00:00:15,115 --> 00:00:16,915
Pop: I hope the inbred
arseholes
9
00:00:17,051 --> 00:00:18,517
Drown on the way over.
10
00:00:20,187 --> 00:00:22,887
Well, our family's irish.
- The critch's were english.
11
00:00:22,923 --> 00:00:25,590
- Well, my mother was irish!
12
00:00:25,659 --> 00:00:27,659
Being irish is like
being jewish.
13
00:00:27,661 --> 00:00:30,662
It's passed down through
the maternal line.
14
00:00:30,664 --> 00:00:32,297
Mark: I think they're
a lovely couple.
15
00:00:32,433 --> 00:00:34,199
Perfect marriage.
16
00:00:34,201 --> 00:00:36,935
A true fairy tale.
- As in, it's not real.
17
00:00:37,004 --> 00:00:38,337
No such thing
as a perfect marriage.
18
00:00:38,472 --> 00:00:39,938
- Oh, really?
19
00:00:39,940 --> 00:00:41,139
Well, I for one sympathize
with her.
20
00:00:41,208 --> 00:00:42,941
I know what it's like
to spend your life
21
00:00:42,943 --> 00:00:44,409
Waitin' for your in-laws
to die.
22
00:00:44,445 --> 00:00:46,278
- Oh, sweet jesus,
take me now.
23
00:00:46,413 --> 00:00:48,280
- Hey, quiet, quiet!
What's that sound?
24
00:00:48,282 --> 00:00:50,549
[knocking] is someone
knocking at the door?
25
00:00:50,551 --> 00:00:53,485
- No, can't be!
Nobody ever comes here.
26
00:00:53,487 --> 00:00:54,986
- I'll get it.
- And that's what you won't.
27
00:00:55,056 --> 00:00:56,688
God only knows who that is now.
28
00:00:56,757 --> 00:00:58,290
Mary, you answer it.
29
00:00:58,425 --> 00:01:00,992
- Oh! My brave protector.
30
00:01:01,028 --> 00:01:03,295
[paper rustles sharply,
knocking continues]
31
00:01:03,364 --> 00:01:05,964
[footsteps thud]
32
00:01:05,966 --> 00:01:07,632
- Be quiet. She's opening.
33
00:01:07,634 --> 00:01:09,367
[door clicks open]
34
00:01:09,403 --> 00:01:11,570
- Well, how do you do?
- Hey, there, mary.
35
00:01:11,572 --> 00:01:13,505
How's the rose of vocm valley?
36
00:01:13,574 --> 00:01:15,240
Adult mark: Dick dunphy!
37
00:01:15,242 --> 00:01:17,175
Top dj at the station next door
38
00:01:17,310 --> 00:01:19,244
And my dad's arch-nemesis.
39
00:01:19,313 --> 00:01:21,813
- I'm good, dick.
Looking for mike?
40
00:01:21,882 --> 00:01:24,249
- No. I see enough of him.
41
00:01:24,251 --> 00:01:26,318
- [giggles]
42
00:01:26,320 --> 00:01:28,720
- Oh! These are for you.
- [gasps]
43
00:01:28,756 --> 00:01:30,522
Oh my! What for?
44
00:01:30,657 --> 00:01:32,257
- I did a parking lot promotion
for a florist
45
00:01:32,293 --> 00:01:34,092
And he let me take
the week-olds.
46
00:01:34,128 --> 00:01:35,727
- They're beautiful!
47
00:01:35,863 --> 00:01:36,995
- Not as pretty as you.
48
00:01:37,130 --> 00:01:38,196
- Tsk! Oh, go 'way with ya,
dick!
49
00:01:38,265 --> 00:01:40,399
You're the devil, you are.
- [smarmy chuckle]
50
00:01:40,401 --> 00:01:43,034
Adult mark: Gross.
Was mom flirting?
51
00:01:43,070 --> 00:01:45,337
- I never see you down
to the strand lounge.
52
00:01:45,406 --> 00:01:47,605
Mike needs to take you
out more.
53
00:01:47,641 --> 00:01:50,008
You're like my chevy blazer,
mary.
54
00:01:50,010 --> 00:01:51,877
She can't be parked too long
or she'll seize up.
55
00:01:52,012 --> 00:01:53,945
- Oh, dick, you are shockin'!
56
00:01:55,349 --> 00:01:57,549
- I don't go out at night so
I don't show up for work drunk!
57
00:01:57,585 --> 00:01:59,217
He's still loaded!
58
00:01:59,219 --> 00:02:02,221
- [catlike] rrrrr!
- [breathy laugh]
59
00:02:02,356 --> 00:02:05,290
- Oh! Got a coupon
for ten percent off
60
00:02:05,326 --> 00:02:07,425
Red sticker ladieswear
at ayre's.
61
00:02:07,461 --> 00:02:10,495
Limit one per customer.
Tax on full price.
62
00:02:10,531 --> 00:02:13,831
Get yourself a pair of dancing
shoes on uncle dick.
63
00:02:13,868 --> 00:02:17,435
- Well, now you are just
spoilin' me.
64
00:02:17,471 --> 00:02:21,440
Thank you, dick.
- My pleasure!
65
00:02:21,575 --> 00:02:23,775
Everybody needs a bit
of dick in their life.
66
00:02:24,845 --> 00:02:26,611
[door squeaks open]
67
00:02:28,382 --> 00:02:30,848
- Hmm.
[door clicks shut]
68
00:02:30,885 --> 00:02:32,317
Mike sr.: Good god!
69
00:02:32,353 --> 00:02:34,786
I can't believe you're throwing
yourself at dick dunphy.
70
00:02:34,822 --> 00:02:36,354
I bet that coupon
isn't even valid.
71
00:02:36,356 --> 00:02:38,123
- Don't you worry.
Dick is the last thing
72
00:02:38,192 --> 00:02:41,059
I'm interested in this morning,
dunphy or otherwise!
73
00:02:41,195 --> 00:02:43,027
- Good god!
- [shudders]
74
00:02:43,063 --> 00:02:45,364
Adult mark: I longed for my
parents to have a marriage
75
00:02:45,366 --> 00:02:47,332
Like charles and diana.
76
00:02:47,334 --> 00:02:49,534
Little did I know,
they already did.
77
00:02:50,771 --> 00:02:53,004
[bell rings in the distance]
78
00:02:53,073 --> 00:02:54,872
- I want you to know something.
79
00:02:54,909 --> 00:02:56,274
I've been thinking about it
80
00:02:56,343 --> 00:02:58,944
And you're officially
my best friend.
81
00:02:59,079 --> 00:03:01,547
- Wow, that was fast.
82
00:03:01,682 --> 00:03:05,183
- I'm sorry. I've never had
a best friend before.
83
00:03:05,186 --> 00:03:07,286
- I haven't had one either.
84
00:03:07,421 --> 00:03:09,755
It's official then.
85
00:03:09,890 --> 00:03:11,456
Best friends?
86
00:03:11,592 --> 00:03:14,893
[hands clap lightly,
kids shout in the distance]
87
00:03:15,028 --> 00:03:16,561
I have a secret I need
to share.
88
00:03:16,597 --> 00:03:19,831
- Do tell.
It'll go no further.
89
00:03:19,967 --> 00:03:21,833
- If we are best friends,
90
00:03:21,835 --> 00:03:23,301
Then I, I think you should know
91
00:03:23,370 --> 00:03:25,970
My parents might be getting
a divorce.
92
00:03:26,006 --> 00:03:28,573
The social implications
on a catholic schoolyard
93
00:03:28,609 --> 00:03:31,577
Might make me a pariah, so...
94
00:03:31,712 --> 00:03:34,012
- I mean, they do fight a lot.
95
00:03:34,014 --> 00:03:35,280
- They do?
96
00:03:35,415 --> 00:03:38,450
I-I... I thought of it more
as playful repartee.
97
00:03:38,452 --> 00:03:39,851
- She said he was "thick as poo
98
00:03:39,920 --> 00:03:41,653
And half as handy"
the other day,
99
00:03:41,788 --> 00:03:43,388
Except she didn't say "poo,"
she said--
100
00:03:43,457 --> 00:03:47,626
- Okay, okay.
Yes, I see your point.
101
00:03:47,628 --> 00:03:50,328
Tsk. Oh dear. Uh...
102
00:03:50,397 --> 00:03:52,397
I gotta go do something,
103
00:03:52,466 --> 00:03:54,132
But it's a secret.
104
00:03:54,268 --> 00:03:55,801
- Great. I like our secrets!
105
00:03:55,803 --> 00:03:57,469
- No. I mean,
we are best friends,
106
00:03:57,538 --> 00:04:00,472
But this, this one has
to stay private, okay?
107
00:04:02,876 --> 00:04:05,843
Look, it's complicated.
I'm sorry.
108
00:04:07,648 --> 00:04:09,614
Adult mark: I'd only had
a best friend for a minute
109
00:04:09,617 --> 00:04:11,349
And I'd already upset him.
110
00:04:11,418 --> 00:04:13,151
But there were some things
111
00:04:13,153 --> 00:04:15,153
That you couldn't even tell
your best friend.
112
00:04:16,590 --> 00:04:19,024
Like the fact that
I was the only male member
113
00:04:19,093 --> 00:04:21,225
Of the local monarchist league.
114
00:04:21,262 --> 00:04:24,429
I was also the youngest one
by about sixty years.
115
00:04:24,431 --> 00:04:26,197
Woman: Mark!
116
00:04:26,267 --> 00:04:27,398
There's mark now.
117
00:04:28,736 --> 00:04:30,568
- Patricia!
Saw your new granddaughter
118
00:04:30,604 --> 00:04:33,305
At the mall the other day.
Cute as a button.
119
00:04:33,307 --> 00:04:35,240
[patricia chuckles]
women chatter]
120
00:04:35,242 --> 00:04:37,408
Joan! Wanna hear about
your hip surgery.
121
00:04:38,445 --> 00:04:40,045
Let's have a chin wag after.
122
00:04:40,114 --> 00:04:41,913
[women chatter]
- how nice.
123
00:04:41,982 --> 00:04:44,583
[spoon clinks against cup]
124
00:04:44,718 --> 00:04:46,651
- I now call this meeting
125
00:04:46,687 --> 00:04:49,554
Of the newfoundland monarchist
league to order.
126
00:04:49,623 --> 00:04:52,224
We have a lot to discuss.
- [clears his throat]
127
00:04:52,359 --> 00:04:53,792
Before we start,
128
00:04:53,794 --> 00:04:56,861
I have an awkward order
of business - dues.
129
00:04:56,930 --> 00:04:58,596
[chair scrapes back]
130
00:04:58,666 --> 00:05:01,132
Some of our members
are in arrears.
131
00:05:01,134 --> 00:05:03,434
Woman: [gasps] what?!
132
00:05:05,505 --> 00:05:07,772
- I apologize.
133
00:05:07,808 --> 00:05:11,776
I've been finding it hard
to, uh, get by since...
134
00:05:12,880 --> 00:05:15,547
[emotional]
since eugene passed.
135
00:05:15,616 --> 00:05:18,083
- Eugene was a hell of a man.
- Mm.
136
00:05:18,152 --> 00:05:20,085
- Allow me.
[velcro rips]
137
00:05:20,154 --> 00:05:22,421
But this is the last time,
helen.
138
00:05:22,556 --> 00:05:24,623
The shortbread doesn't pay
for itself.
139
00:05:24,758 --> 00:05:26,525
Woman: What a sweet young man.
140
00:05:27,661 --> 00:05:29,160
- As I was saying,
141
00:05:29,229 --> 00:05:32,263
I've received a letter
from the lt. Governor.
142
00:05:32,299 --> 00:05:34,366
The league has been invited
143
00:05:34,368 --> 00:05:37,769
To the royals' arrival
ceremony,
144
00:05:37,805 --> 00:05:40,372
And it's going to be televised!
[women clap]
145
00:05:40,374 --> 00:05:42,240
Adult mark: I was playing
with fire.
146
00:05:42,242 --> 00:05:44,442
If my family found out,
they'd disown me.
147
00:05:44,511 --> 00:05:47,646
And if fox did,
she would disembowel me.
148
00:05:50,717 --> 00:05:52,049
[chair scrapes back]
149
00:05:52,086 --> 00:05:54,519
I suggest we proceed
with caution, ladies.
150
00:05:54,521 --> 00:05:56,154
Woman: Yes, yes.
151
00:05:56,289 --> 00:05:58,523
High fashion and trendy
haircuts are fun,
152
00:05:58,525 --> 00:06:00,525
But we must ask ourselves,
153
00:06:00,527 --> 00:06:02,794
"when it comes to modernizing,
154
00:06:02,929 --> 00:06:05,863
Is the monarchy moving
too fast?"
155
00:06:05,899 --> 00:06:07,732
Woman: Hmm. Yeah.
156
00:06:07,768 --> 00:06:09,868
[chair scrapes forward]
157
00:06:09,870 --> 00:06:11,569
[slurps]
158
00:06:14,475 --> 00:06:16,541
- [slurping]
159
00:06:16,610 --> 00:06:18,676
[rotary dial whisks sharply]
160
00:06:18,712 --> 00:06:21,279
- Who you calling...
Dick dunphy?
161
00:06:21,348 --> 00:06:24,549
- Hello, ayre's? Can I have
the shoe department, please.
162
00:06:24,551 --> 00:06:26,218
- Look at you calling ayre's.
163
00:06:26,220 --> 00:06:27,252
You think you're the queen
of England.
164
00:06:27,387 --> 00:06:29,020
- Oh, hi there.
165
00:06:29,056 --> 00:06:30,755
I have this red tag coupon
166
00:06:30,824 --> 00:06:33,691
That was given to me
by a very good friend of mine
167
00:06:33,693 --> 00:06:36,093
And I'm wondering
if it's valid.
168
00:06:36,130 --> 00:06:38,596
A mister richard dunphy.
169
00:06:38,632 --> 00:06:41,500
Oh, that's great.
It's perfectly valid.
170
00:06:41,502 --> 00:06:43,168
Wonderful news.
171
00:06:43,237 --> 00:06:46,138
And can it be used
to buy shoes?
172
00:06:46,273 --> 00:06:48,539
It can. Lovely.
173
00:06:48,675 --> 00:06:51,209
Oh, well, what kind would
I want?
174
00:06:51,211 --> 00:06:54,112
Oh, well, definitely want them
to be high heels.
175
00:06:54,247 --> 00:06:55,580
Cherry red,
176
00:06:55,649 --> 00:06:57,449
Patent leather,
177
00:06:57,584 --> 00:06:59,751
And good for dancing.
178
00:06:59,753 --> 00:07:02,553
Well, thank you so much.
179
00:07:02,589 --> 00:07:05,924
I will be in with my valid
coupon later on today
180
00:07:05,926 --> 00:07:08,326
To pick them up.
181
00:07:09,596 --> 00:07:11,663
[receiver clunks loudly]
182
00:07:11,665 --> 00:07:13,598
- But I don't dance.
[footsteps recede]
183
00:07:15,035 --> 00:07:17,235
[birds chirp outside]
184
00:07:21,074 --> 00:07:22,874
[low hum of chatter,
birds chirp]
185
00:07:24,011 --> 00:07:25,610
- Are you still mad at me?
186
00:07:26,747 --> 00:07:28,680
Sister margaret: Now,
can anyone tell me
187
00:07:28,749 --> 00:07:31,649
What the royal family
actually does?
188
00:07:32,886 --> 00:07:34,886
- Members of the royal family
support the queen
189
00:07:34,955 --> 00:07:37,188
In her many state
and national duties.
190
00:07:37,191 --> 00:07:40,658
Every year they carry out
over 2,000 royal engagements.
191
00:07:40,727 --> 00:07:43,228
Now, even the queen can't be
everywhere at once,
192
00:07:43,230 --> 00:07:45,096
So the royals represent her
at events.
193
00:07:45,098 --> 00:07:47,065
Sort of like santa's helpers.
194
00:07:47,067 --> 00:07:49,033
[kids chuckle]
195
00:07:50,103 --> 00:07:52,237
Or not. Whatever.
196
00:07:52,306 --> 00:07:54,672
I'm... I'm not actually sure.
197
00:07:55,775 --> 00:07:57,576
- I can't decide what's dumber;
198
00:07:57,578 --> 00:07:59,177
That you know all
about the queen
199
00:07:59,246 --> 00:08:00,979
Or that you still think
santa claus is real.
200
00:08:01,114 --> 00:08:02,179
[kids titter]
201
00:08:02,216 --> 00:08:03,715
Sister margaret: As catholics,
202
00:08:03,784 --> 00:08:05,584
The only crown we bow to,
children,
203
00:08:05,586 --> 00:08:08,920
Is the crown of thorns
our lord wore.
204
00:08:08,956 --> 00:08:11,723
Did you know that the royals
were once catholics? Ha!
205
00:08:12,793 --> 00:08:14,459
But they left the church
206
00:08:14,461 --> 00:08:17,261
Because the queen's great,
great, great, great grandfather
207
00:08:17,297 --> 00:08:19,164
Wanted to bed a whore.
208
00:08:19,166 --> 00:08:22,200
The pope said no because
he was already married.
209
00:08:22,335 --> 00:08:24,936
So, they formed their own
satanic religion
210
00:08:24,972 --> 00:08:27,405
Called the church of England.
211
00:08:27,441 --> 00:08:29,740
Adult mark: While I disagreed
with many of the aspects,
212
00:08:29,776 --> 00:08:32,610
I couldn't actually say
that she was wrong per se.
213
00:08:32,679 --> 00:08:34,946
- The royals made up
a whole religion
214
00:08:35,015 --> 00:08:38,016
Just so they could get
divorced. Imagine!
215
00:08:40,621 --> 00:08:44,155
- Prince charles and lady diana
won't divorce, sister.
216
00:08:44,291 --> 00:08:46,024
They have effortless romance.
217
00:08:46,159 --> 00:08:48,960
- Hmph! Give it time.
218
00:08:48,996 --> 00:08:51,228
Princess margaret
was divorced more times
219
00:08:51,265 --> 00:08:54,132
Than she was married.
That's a fact!
220
00:08:54,201 --> 00:08:56,935
This false idolatry
of the "royal family"
221
00:08:56,937 --> 00:08:59,604
Is a direct sin against god.
222
00:09:04,010 --> 00:09:05,744
Mike sr.: Mary?
223
00:09:05,879 --> 00:09:07,579
Mary?!
224
00:09:07,648 --> 00:09:09,847
Where's supper?
225
00:09:09,849 --> 00:09:12,617
- I was at ayre's.
Do you like my new shoes?
226
00:09:12,753 --> 00:09:15,453
Oh, I can't wait to hit
the dance floor in 'em.
227
00:09:15,522 --> 00:09:17,522
Oh, I got them with the coupon
that dick gave me.
228
00:09:17,524 --> 00:09:19,424
Turns out it was valid
after all.
229
00:09:19,493 --> 00:09:20,825
- Bring those back.
230
00:09:20,827 --> 00:09:22,494
- Don't be so foolish.
I can't.
231
00:09:22,496 --> 00:09:24,028
- You can't or you won't?
232
00:09:24,030 --> 00:09:25,930
- Won't,
because you're telling me to
233
00:09:25,966 --> 00:09:27,599
And can't,
because there's no returns
234
00:09:27,734 --> 00:09:29,434
When you use a coupon.
235
00:09:29,503 --> 00:09:31,603
- You really think dick dunphy
fancies you?
236
00:09:31,672 --> 00:09:33,405
He talks to all the women
like that.
237
00:09:33,540 --> 00:09:36,207
I mean, why would dick dunphy
be interested in you?
238
00:09:36,343 --> 00:09:38,610
- Oh. I see.
239
00:09:39,946 --> 00:09:44,215
So, I'm not good enough
for dick dunphy, is that it?
240
00:09:44,351 --> 00:09:48,019
Or maybe I'm not good enough
for you?!
241
00:09:49,189 --> 00:09:51,356
- You're good enough for me.
242
00:09:51,358 --> 00:09:53,024
You're fine.
243
00:09:53,093 --> 00:09:55,860
I mean, there's nothing wrong
with you.
244
00:09:57,964 --> 00:09:59,531
- [huffs]
245
00:09:59,533 --> 00:10:01,332
[heels clack sharply]
246
00:10:01,401 --> 00:10:04,169
- Is the fight over now?
[bedroom door clicks open]
247
00:10:04,304 --> 00:10:06,470
It's suppertime!
[bedroom door slams shut]
248
00:10:07,574 --> 00:10:10,207
[door clicks open,
footsteps approach]
249
00:10:11,578 --> 00:10:13,612
[metallic clink,
chair thunks loudly]
250
00:10:13,747 --> 00:10:16,781
[flashlight thumps,
magazine rustles]
251
00:10:18,318 --> 00:10:20,585
- What're you reading?
- Nothing.
252
00:10:20,587 --> 00:10:22,720
[blankets rustle]
253
00:10:24,925 --> 00:10:26,290
Pop?
254
00:10:26,360 --> 00:10:27,692
- Hmm?
255
00:10:27,828 --> 00:10:31,196
- Do you think mom and dad'll
get a divorce?
256
00:10:31,198 --> 00:10:33,931
- [chuckles] what?
257
00:10:33,967 --> 00:10:37,001
No. Good god, no.
258
00:10:37,070 --> 00:10:39,671
Uh, no, it'll never happen.
259
00:10:39,806 --> 00:10:43,208
For one thing,
they can't afford the lawyers.
260
00:10:43,343 --> 00:10:46,277
No. I mean, they may want
to divorce, but...
261
00:10:46,279 --> 00:10:48,212
They never will.
262
00:10:48,248 --> 00:10:52,150
That's the catholic way.
You know, misery loves company.
263
00:10:52,219 --> 00:10:54,686
And that's why there's two
in a marriage.
264
00:10:57,824 --> 00:10:59,724
Ah, don't worry.
265
00:10:59,760 --> 00:11:01,693
Your father will never leave
your mother.
266
00:11:01,762 --> 00:11:03,695
She'd murder him.
267
00:11:03,830 --> 00:11:06,698
And she loves him too much
to kill him.
268
00:11:07,901 --> 00:11:10,367
Hmm.
[newspaper rustles]
269
00:11:10,404 --> 00:11:11,969
Hmm.
270
00:11:12,005 --> 00:11:14,706
- What did you and nanny
fight about?
271
00:11:14,775 --> 00:11:16,708
- The queen mostly.
272
00:11:16,777 --> 00:11:19,844
She loved the old bitch.
273
00:11:19,913 --> 00:11:21,379
Uh...
274
00:11:21,514 --> 00:11:23,614
Feeling better?
275
00:11:23,650 --> 00:11:24,683
- No, worse,
276
00:11:24,818 --> 00:11:26,851
But I appreciate the effort.
277
00:11:26,853 --> 00:11:28,453
- Anytime.
278
00:11:28,588 --> 00:11:30,221
[spoon clinking]
279
00:11:30,257 --> 00:11:32,323
Helen: I have wonderful news.
280
00:11:32,459 --> 00:11:33,758
We have been invited
281
00:11:33,894 --> 00:11:36,794
To select one of our members
282
00:11:36,863 --> 00:11:39,897
To present lady diana
with flowers.
283
00:11:39,899 --> 00:11:41,599
Adult mark: I knew the drill.
284
00:11:41,635 --> 00:11:44,402
Helen would start whining about
her dead husband and then--
285
00:11:44,471 --> 00:11:45,803
- I nominate mark.
286
00:11:47,874 --> 00:11:49,474
[chair scrapes back]
287
00:11:49,476 --> 00:11:51,876
- Helen,
I insist that you go.
288
00:11:51,878 --> 00:11:55,814
A-after losing your husband--
- oh, nonsense.
289
00:11:55,816 --> 00:11:59,884
We want to show the world
that the monarchy is cool,
290
00:11:59,886 --> 00:12:03,120
And there's nobody cooler
than our mark!
291
00:12:03,156 --> 00:12:07,492
And the whole province will see
just how cool he is.
292
00:12:07,561 --> 00:12:09,894
Adult mark: Maybe the kids
at school wouldn't notice me.
293
00:12:10,029 --> 00:12:11,896
- I made you this.
294
00:12:16,035 --> 00:12:18,636
Pink - for the rose of England.
295
00:12:18,638 --> 00:12:20,972
- Yes! The rose of England!
Women: [chuckle and applaud]
296
00:12:21,041 --> 00:12:23,307
Adult mark: Oh no, they will!
[women applaud]
297
00:12:26,345 --> 00:12:33,451
♪
298
00:12:33,453 --> 00:12:35,453
Mark: [panicked] ritchie!
You followed me!
299
00:12:35,522 --> 00:12:38,222
I was just checking to see
when mass was.
300
00:12:38,291 --> 00:12:40,858
W-wait!
Is this an anglican church?
301
00:12:40,894 --> 00:12:42,860
Wow! Where is my head?
302
00:12:42,929 --> 00:12:46,597
- Oh, look! You have
a new friend your own age.
303
00:12:46,633 --> 00:12:48,599
You should be proud of mark.
304
00:12:48,601 --> 00:12:49,868
It's not every day
305
00:12:50,003 --> 00:12:53,437
You get to present lady diana
with flowers.
306
00:12:55,408 --> 00:12:58,342
[footsteps recede]
307
00:12:58,378 --> 00:13:01,212
- I hope you're better at
keeping secrets than helen is.
308
00:13:01,248 --> 00:13:02,746
- That's your big secret,
309
00:13:02,783 --> 00:13:04,915
Your real best friend
is an old lady?
310
00:13:07,254 --> 00:13:09,620
- Look, I think the royals
are cool!
311
00:13:09,656 --> 00:13:12,757
King lear, richard the third,
henry the 5th.
312
00:13:12,759 --> 00:13:14,392
I collect stamps, too.
313
00:13:14,461 --> 00:13:16,694
So, shoot me!
314
00:13:16,830 --> 00:13:19,430
- Why not just tell me?
315
00:13:19,432 --> 00:13:22,233
- No one's ever asked me
to be their best friend before.
316
00:13:23,336 --> 00:13:25,637
I was worried you'd change
your mind.
317
00:13:27,807 --> 00:13:29,107
- When this gets out,
318
00:13:29,109 --> 00:13:31,442
I might need to keep
my distance for a few days.
319
00:13:31,511 --> 00:13:33,043
I can't afford
any more ridicule
320
00:13:33,079 --> 00:13:36,046
Than I'm already getting.
- That's... Fair.
321
00:13:40,053 --> 00:13:42,920
So, still best friends?
322
00:13:44,057 --> 00:13:45,890
[hands clap lightly]
323
00:13:47,193 --> 00:13:50,061
- So, um, is that short bread?
324
00:13:51,264 --> 00:13:53,063
[lid pops off,
metal lid scrapes]
325
00:13:55,802 --> 00:13:57,001
- [chuckles]
326
00:13:57,136 --> 00:13:58,936
Adult mark: Finally,
the big day had come!
327
00:13:58,972 --> 00:14:01,940
My proudest moment
and my biggest embarrassment.
328
00:14:02,075 --> 00:14:03,674
Sister margaret: Settle down.
329
00:14:03,710 --> 00:14:05,910
Yes, there will be television
today.
330
00:14:05,979 --> 00:14:07,678
Kids: [quietly] yes!
331
00:14:07,680 --> 00:14:10,682
- The school board says we have
to watch the royal visit.
332
00:14:10,817 --> 00:14:12,616
[kids moan, tv clicks on]
333
00:14:12,652 --> 00:14:14,084
[a royal fanfare plays]
334
00:14:14,220 --> 00:14:16,053
Reporter: Hundreds have
gathered at city hall,
335
00:14:16,055 --> 00:14:18,455
Hoping to catch a glimpse
of the royal couple.
336
00:14:18,491 --> 00:14:20,524
Lots of eager faces...
Fox: Hey, dick!
337
00:14:20,560 --> 00:14:22,493
Where's the other dick?
- Quiet!
338
00:14:22,562 --> 00:14:23,728
Reporter: The red carpet
has been rolled out
339
00:14:23,797 --> 00:14:25,430
To greet their highnesses.
340
00:14:27,033 --> 00:14:29,834
Mayor murphy will greet
the royals on the steps
341
00:14:29,836 --> 00:14:31,769
And one lucky youth from--
- turn it off!
342
00:14:33,240 --> 00:14:34,972
I mean, as a catholic,
343
00:14:35,008 --> 00:14:37,841
I am really upset that
we are even seeing this.
344
00:14:37,878 --> 00:14:41,111
- I must say,
I agree, ritchie,
345
00:14:41,147 --> 00:14:43,180
But the school board says
we have to
346
00:14:43,216 --> 00:14:44,982
For historical reasons.
347
00:14:45,051 --> 00:14:48,319
So, you'll get to witness
a low point in our history.
348
00:14:48,455 --> 00:14:50,655
- Suck hole!
-...Beautiful day we got for it.
349
00:14:50,790 --> 00:14:52,657
[a royal fanfare plays]
350
00:14:52,792 --> 00:14:58,095
♪♪♪
351
00:14:58,097 --> 00:15:00,064
[low hum of chatter]
352
00:15:00,199 --> 00:15:03,267
- Ugh! God.
Where the hell is mark at?
353
00:15:03,336 --> 00:15:06,471
Whining to come down here
and then he just takes off.
354
00:15:06,606 --> 00:15:08,606
- Sure you don't wanna
sit down?
355
00:15:08,675 --> 00:15:10,741
- Oh, I could walk all day
356
00:15:10,777 --> 00:15:12,843
And dance all night
in these, my dear.
357
00:15:12,913 --> 00:15:15,580
Men: Frig off! Frig off!
[radio feedback buzzes]
358
00:15:16,683 --> 00:15:18,483
Dick: People have lined
the street
359
00:15:18,618 --> 00:15:21,486
For diana-mania today
in st. John's.
360
00:15:22,622 --> 00:15:23,955
This is dick dunphy
361
00:15:24,090 --> 00:15:27,091
And I'm your vocm
"eye on di!"
362
00:15:28,427 --> 00:15:30,962
Men: Frig off!
- When do we want him to do it?
363
00:15:31,097 --> 00:15:33,431
Adult mark: Pop had decided
to become a bit of a nuisance,
364
00:15:33,433 --> 00:15:36,367
And to my dad,
that was headline news.
365
00:15:36,369 --> 00:15:38,169
- When do we want him to do it?
Men: Now!
366
00:15:38,304 --> 00:15:41,572
- Here's paul anka
with "diana."
367
00:15:42,642 --> 00:15:44,241
Comin' at ya!
[paul anka: "diana" plays]
368
00:15:44,311 --> 00:15:45,843
- Let me have the mic.
369
00:15:45,912 --> 00:15:47,912
There's a riot breaking out;
there's protestors!
370
00:15:47,914 --> 00:15:49,446
This whole place
is a powder keg.
371
00:15:49,448 --> 00:15:50,881
Pop: Frig!
Men: Off!
372
00:15:50,883 --> 00:15:52,784
[chanting] frig! Off!
Frig! Off!
373
00:15:52,919 --> 00:15:54,852
Pop: Frig!
- Are you nuts?
374
00:15:54,921 --> 00:15:56,988
I timed this song
for when lady di passes me.
375
00:15:57,123 --> 00:15:59,857
I'm gonna say "and that
was 'diana' by paul anka,
376
00:15:59,893 --> 00:16:02,526
And there is diana,
right by me, dick dunphy."
377
00:16:02,595 --> 00:16:04,195
That's top shelf banter, mike!
378
00:16:04,264 --> 00:16:06,464
- Nobody can see her
on the radio, dick!
379
00:16:06,466 --> 00:16:08,465
Now, give it!
- Don't! You can't!
380
00:16:08,501 --> 00:16:11,602
Reporter: And here is
the motorcade now.
381
00:16:11,638 --> 00:16:13,771
And there she is!
382
00:16:13,807 --> 00:16:16,741
- Oh, I like her outfit.
She looks pretty.
383
00:16:16,743 --> 00:16:19,043
[crowd cheers on tv]
384
00:16:20,346 --> 00:16:22,279
For a terrible woman.
385
00:16:24,350 --> 00:16:27,284
Pop and men: Frig! Off!
Frig! Off! Frig! Off!
386
00:16:27,320 --> 00:16:29,286
Pop: Frig...
Men: [silence]
387
00:16:29,356 --> 00:16:32,757
[camera shutters click,
crowd cheers and claps]
388
00:16:34,627 --> 00:16:36,160
Reporter: The crowd
is euphoric now
389
00:16:36,295 --> 00:16:39,030
As their long wait is over.
390
00:16:39,165 --> 00:16:41,466
[crowd cheers on tv]
391
00:16:41,468 --> 00:16:43,034
- I really need to go
to the bathroom.
392
00:16:43,169 --> 00:16:45,836
- It can wait. They're about
to give her flowers.
393
00:16:45,872 --> 00:16:48,105
Not that I care.
394
00:16:50,510 --> 00:16:52,609
- It's a poop.
[class laughs]
395
00:16:53,913 --> 00:16:56,280
- Fine.
[chair scrapes back]
396
00:16:58,885 --> 00:17:00,217
[cord rips, power cuts,
ritchie thumps]
397
00:17:00,286 --> 00:17:02,186
[class laughs]
398
00:17:02,222 --> 00:17:03,888
- What a loser!
399
00:17:03,890 --> 00:17:06,757
- Plug that back in!
400
00:17:06,826 --> 00:17:08,759
- [sighs with relief]
401
00:17:08,795 --> 00:17:10,961
- Mark! What the frig?!
402
00:17:12,298 --> 00:17:14,599
♪ oh-oh, oh-oh,
oh, I do know ♪
403
00:17:14,734 --> 00:17:16,400
♪ I love you,
love you so ♪
404
00:17:16,469 --> 00:17:19,403
♪ only you can take my heart
405
00:17:19,472 --> 00:17:22,673
♪ only you can tear it apart
406
00:17:22,742 --> 00:17:26,143
♪ when you hold me
in your loving arms ♪
407
00:17:26,179 --> 00:17:29,414
♪ I can feel you giving
all your charms ♪
408
00:17:29,549 --> 00:17:32,783
♪ hold me, darling,
hold me tight ♪
409
00:17:32,819 --> 00:17:35,853
♪ squeeze me, baby,
with all your might ♪
410
00:17:35,922 --> 00:17:37,622
[radio feedback squeals]
crowd: Oh!
411
00:17:37,757 --> 00:17:39,123
Dick: [on radio] it's my show!
Mike sr.: Why not?
412
00:17:39,258 --> 00:17:41,024
You're gonna take my mary!
Dick: Mary?!
413
00:17:41,061 --> 00:17:42,293
What're you gettin' on with?
414
00:17:42,428 --> 00:17:45,963
- You're trying to...
Seduce her, you arsehole!
415
00:17:46,032 --> 00:17:47,965
- Come on, mike,
it was just a few coupons.
416
00:17:48,101 --> 00:17:49,834
Trust me,
I don't want your wife.
417
00:17:49,903 --> 00:17:51,635
I was just havin' fun, baby!
418
00:17:51,704 --> 00:17:53,838
- This is your idea of fun,
is it?
419
00:17:53,973 --> 00:17:55,773
That's my wife.
420
00:17:55,908 --> 00:17:57,108
You ever knock on my door
again,
421
00:17:57,243 --> 00:17:59,510
And I'll... I'll...
422
00:17:59,579 --> 00:18:01,779
Knock you on your arse,
you dick!
423
00:18:01,914 --> 00:18:03,147
[door squeaks open]
424
00:18:03,216 --> 00:18:04,782
- Wait!
[door bangs shut]
425
00:18:04,917 --> 00:18:07,050
Did you just call me by my name
or was that an insult?
426
00:18:07,087 --> 00:18:08,986
Mike! By the sweet...
427
00:18:09,122 --> 00:18:12,523
Oh crap! That was "diana"
by lady diana.
428
00:18:13,726 --> 00:18:15,726
I mean, uh, diana anka.
429
00:18:15,795 --> 00:18:18,129
I mean, uh... Jesus murphy!
430
00:18:18,264 --> 00:18:20,063
Mary: Jeez... [mumbling]
431
00:18:20,100 --> 00:18:23,834
Friggin' cheap bastards!
[shoes clunk loudly]
432
00:18:23,903 --> 00:18:25,336
[sighs heavily]
433
00:18:25,405 --> 00:18:28,238
[people chatter,
running footsteps]
434
00:18:31,111 --> 00:18:32,442
Adult mike: I'd saved a flower
435
00:18:32,479 --> 00:18:35,212
From lady diana's bouquet
as a keepsake,
436
00:18:35,248 --> 00:18:38,549
But I figured dad could use it
more than I could.
437
00:18:38,618 --> 00:18:41,418
- I thought you loved
those shoes.
438
00:18:41,454 --> 00:18:44,221
- I likes me shoes the way
I likes me men -
439
00:18:44,257 --> 00:18:46,023
Sensible.
440
00:18:49,996 --> 00:18:52,163
- Uh, this is for you.
441
00:18:53,666 --> 00:18:56,033
[people chatter]
442
00:18:56,102 --> 00:18:58,468
- Well, don't I feel like
a princess.
443
00:18:59,572 --> 00:19:02,306
[people chatter and laugh]
444
00:19:04,444 --> 00:19:06,944
Oh...
[people chatter excitedly]
445
00:19:06,980 --> 00:19:08,913
Oh mike...
446
00:19:10,216 --> 00:19:13,250
Adult mark: I'd never seen
my parents hug before.
447
00:19:13,319 --> 00:19:16,053
I was worried they might
divorce because they fought...
448
00:19:16,122 --> 00:19:18,856
- Now, can we please get
the hell outta here?
449
00:19:18,858 --> 00:19:20,958
- Guess I'll find us a ride.
450
00:19:21,027 --> 00:19:23,494
Adult mark: In that moment,
I knew they'd stay together
451
00:19:23,629 --> 00:19:25,629
Because they could forgive.
- Mmm...
452
00:19:25,698 --> 00:19:27,565
[car rumbles]
453
00:19:27,700 --> 00:19:30,201
- Thanks for the ride, dick.
454
00:19:30,336 --> 00:19:32,135
- Don't mention it.
455
00:19:33,773 --> 00:19:35,806
[blazer rumbles loudly]
456
00:19:37,110 --> 00:19:38,742
Adult mark: Now, everyone knew
I loved the royals...
457
00:19:38,811 --> 00:19:40,411
- [gasps] there he is!
458
00:19:40,413 --> 00:19:42,513
Adult mark: But at least
everyone else did now, too.
459
00:19:43,650 --> 00:19:45,983
Pop: You know,
she looked right at me.
460
00:19:46,052 --> 00:19:48,685
I swear to god,
she gave me the once over.
461
00:19:49,755 --> 00:19:51,989
- I thought you hated
the royals.
462
00:19:51,991 --> 00:19:53,958
- Who me? I never said that!
463
00:19:54,093 --> 00:19:57,094
My father was english!
From liverpool.
464
00:19:58,498 --> 00:20:02,299
And besides,
these two are different.
465
00:20:03,503 --> 00:20:05,303
Aww... Yes, sir.
466
00:20:06,906 --> 00:20:10,040
They're gonna have
a wonderful life together.
467
00:20:11,177 --> 00:20:12,943
[crowd cheers on tv,
camera shutters click]
468
00:20:13,012 --> 00:20:15,579
Adult mark: Every picture
tells a story,
469
00:20:15,648 --> 00:20:18,115
But appearances
can be deceiving.
470
00:20:18,151 --> 00:20:21,252
Some people may seem like
the perfect couple,
471
00:20:21,387 --> 00:20:24,521
But you wouldn't wanna walk
a mile in their shoes.
472
00:20:24,557 --> 00:20:27,391
[crowds cheer on tv,
choral music plays]
473
00:20:28,795 --> 00:20:31,595
After all, there's no point
in wearing glass slippers
474
00:20:31,664 --> 00:20:33,597
If, at the end of the day,
475
00:20:33,600 --> 00:20:36,033
There's no one there
to rub your feet.
476
00:20:39,705 --> 00:20:42,306
- ♪ god save our queen!
477
00:20:43,442 --> 00:20:45,242
♪ bam, bam, bam, bam...
478
00:20:45,245 --> 00:20:48,812
Both: ♪ send her victorious
479
00:20:50,950 --> 00:20:54,518
♪ happy and glorious
480
00:20:56,389 --> 00:21:00,357
All: ♪ long to reign over us
481
00:21:01,427 --> 00:21:04,161
♪ god save our queen
482
00:21:06,098 --> 00:21:07,632
Pop: Yeah!
483
00:21:09,269 --> 00:21:16,239
♪♪♪
484
00:21:16,276 --> 00:21:23,246
♪♪♪
485
00:21:23,283 --> 00:21:30,187
♪♪♪
486
00:21:30,323 --> 00:21:37,260
♪♪♪