♪♪
He was bisexual, Your Honor.
A good personality, made me laugh.
Well, he got to have a good personality
if you want everybody to like you.
Okay?
[ Laughter ]
Nobody's lying? No.
Everybody's telling the truth.
This is a weird case.
What y'all want?
[ Laughter ]
She said, "Pete, you know you're 18 years older than me."
That's right up there right next to,
"What do your old ass want?"
[ Laughter ]
Hey, it's a big world out there,
and it's filled with people that just don't see eye to eye.
See, that's where I come in.
See, I ain't got a law degree,
and I'm way too fly to wear a robe.
But this is where common sense presides -- in my house.
Court is now in session.
[ Chuckles ]
-- Captions by VITAC --
All rise for the Honorable Judge Steve Harvey!
[ Cheers and applause ]
♪♪
Let's get started.
This is the case of Sereniity Baley vs. Donna Lucy.
Sereniity is suing her friend Donna for $500
in matchmaking services that left her without a match.
Donna says if Sereniity wasn't so picky,
she'd already have a man.
Uh, let's start with you, Sereniity.
You have 30 seconds to state your case.
Your Honor, I'm here to sue my cousin for $500
in failed matchmaking services.
She totally failed.
She was supposed to send me four good men,
and I just need my coins back.
Donna, it's your turn. You have 30 seconds to respond.
Your Honor, I do not owe Sereniity $500
because I hit the objectives, the targets that she wanted,
with everything that she was looking for in a man,
and she failed to make good on any of the men that I sent her.
So to my defense, she's not getting her money back.
Okay, how did this matchmaking, uh, service ordeal start?
We've been hanging out for maybe about the last 10 years.
This is like my big sister. She knows everything about me.
And she noticed that I haven't been dating.
I don't really have a social life.
So she came with the idea, she said, "You know what?
I have maybe about four good dudes for you.
You know, would you like me to matchmake you?"
I said, "Yeah, that sounds like a good idea."
And that's what she does. She does great matchmaking.
Oh, she's done it before? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.
Let me bounce over to you for a minute.
You a matchmaker?
I've done it before. I've done it on several --
I mean, that's what you do for a living?
No, that's not what I do for a living. Oh, okay.
I mean, it may lead to something
that I do for a living, but at this point, no,
it's not something that I do for a living.
Have -- Have you matched other people before?
I have. Very successfully, yes, sir.
Oh, you have? Yes.
Oh, okay.
[ Applause ] Thank you.
Well, she failed with me, Your Honor.
Totally failed with me. Totally failed with me.
Well, I mean, so tell me what -- how the agreement started.
Okay, like I said, she did introduce the conversation.
She said, "You know what?
Let me introduce you to four good dudes."
I said okay. She does charge a fee.
However -- That's not true, what you just said.
I don't charge a fee.
I reached out -- You offered to give me $500.
I did offer, because I reached out
to a mutual friend that you hooked up
and they're gonna get married this year.
I reached out to her and she said you charge $500.
You offered. I wasn't gonna charge you anything.
You wasn't, but -- You offered.
Hold on one second. I'm sorry.
Did Donna asked you for $500?
She did not.
Alright, now we got that out the way,
so we don't have to argue about that.
Did you have, like, a contract or anything?
We did. We did have a contract.
And I wish -- Yeah.
Whose idea was the contract?
It was her idea.
How did this contract come about?
Explain it to me.
I was in the kitchen cooking and my doorbell rings.
I go to the door and it's Sereniity.
Sereniity has a piece of paper in hand and it's a contract,
and she has -- I see that she has paper,
green paper in her hand, and it's money.
Okay, I'm confused. Hold up. So stop, stop, stop.
So I can get clarity here. Yeah.
So now you wrote the contract?
So she skipped over a part
that we actually discussed the contract.
She said, "Make sure you list
what you're -- what you're looking for in a man
and also put the dollar amount that you're paying me."
And that's when she actually wrote up the contract.
I printed it out and gave her money.
That was a week later.
That's the part that she skipped,
that she told me what to put in the contract.
We did the contract together. I just printed it.
Okay. Do we have a copy of the contract?
We do. I submitted it.
You sub-- Okay, let's go.
"...Ambition, smart, Dignity,
caring, respectful, smart, supportive and etc.
Expected deadline..."
[ Laughter ]
"...by November 2021."
This is in March 17, 2021.
Yes, sir.
[ Sighs ] This is deeper than a contract.
This is like a prayer request.
[ Laughter ]
Yes!
I mean, we -- [ Laughs ]
We looking at --
This is the line for me.
[ Laughs ]
"Expected deadline, November 2021."
In March, you got to have a man by November,
I'm assuming because you have spent
your last Thanksgiving and Christmas by yourself.
My last.
This your last one.
So I'm assuming -- We gots to get this locked in
'fore the holidays get here.
Your Honor, the dates came from her.
Those were her dates. I don't...
[ Sighs ]
But did you meet four --
I did. I did. I know you're frustrated.
Tell -- Tell me about the first guy.
Okay, the first guy,
he worked at McDonald's, part time.
And, you know, I don't have an issue with a guy
that work at a fast food restaurant.
However, he had four children as well.
Your Honor, may I say something right here?
Yes, ma'am. Thank you.
This man put himself through college,
just finishing up his PhD,
his four children, Your Honor,
are 16 and above.
It's not like she had to babysit for his kids.
So I felt like she didn't dig deep enough
to give this guy -- to even give this guy a chance.
Okay, that's interesting. So let me do this here.
Yes. Tell me about all the men
before I get to her. Yeah, 'cause --
So that's the first one. Let's go with the second.
Okay, the second guy, um, he was bisexual.
He was what? Bisexual.
Tell me how that came up, though.
He was actually a good guy. I will say that.
Good personality.
Well, he got to have a good personality
if you want everybody to like you.
Okay?
[ Laughter ]
Say that.
Exactly.
Say that.
[ Laughs ]
Okay, go ahead.
So we was just, you know, having a general conversation,
and he asked me, he said, "How do you feel about,
you know, inviting men or women into our bedroom?"
I said, absolutely I would never do that.
The only person that's invited to my bed
would be my dog, Sasha -- that's it.
Wait. Who is Sasha?
My dog.
Oh, I missed that. I'm sorry.
My little doggy.
I was gonna say, hey, paaaarty.
[ Laughter ]
Sasha's a dog. Okay. Sasha's my dog.
'Cause a lot of men in here sat up when you said that.
[ Laughter ] Yeah. Yeah.
♪♪
He said, "How do you feel about, you know,
inviting men or woman into our bedroom?"
I said, "The only person that's invited to my bed
would be my dog, Sasha."
Who is Sasha? My dog.
'Cause a lot of men in here sat up when you said that.
[ Laughter ] Yeah. Yeah.
Okay, that's two. Third guy. Third guy.
Third guy. The third guy, I did go on a date with him.
Right before the date, he wanted to FaceTime me.
And he said, "You know what? What are you wearing tonight?"
And he suggested that I wear open-toed shoes.
I'm like, okay, that's fine.
I'm thinking we're going on
like a beach date or something like that or a picnic.
So once we get to dinner, he actually,
as I'm going to shake his hand, he look right down at my feet.
And I didn't think nothing about it.
I'm like, okay. He want to just look at my feet.
He's admiring my shoes.
I had on some fly shoes that day, Your Honor.
I really did.
And so in the middle of dinner, we're just talking,
and he started massaging my feet.
And listen, my feet -- I had to work 8 hours. Wait a minute. Ho-- Wait a minute.
Hold on, wait. Wait, wait, wait.
You said y'all went to dinner?
We went to dinner.
And he started massaging your feet?
He pulled my foot right on up and started massaging.
At the dinner table? At the dinner table.
Wow. But I didn't mind.
I didn't mind that. My feet were hurting so bad.
I'm like, okay. [ Chuckles ]
What got me was when he asked to lick gravy off my feet.
[ Spectators groan ]
[ Laughs ]
Gravy, Your Honor.
That's a first.
Alright, we got one more guy. Okay.
So... [ Laughter ]
The last guy -- good career, very funny.
Um, had good relationship with God.
He let me know that -- He was transparent.
We actually went to a football game first.
He was a what?
Oh, very transparent.
Oh. I thought he was.
I thought we -- I thought something else had happened.
[ Laughter ]
You -- You know, I don't know all the terms yet.
[ Laughter ]
So when you said he was transparent, I went, "Oh."
[ Laughter ]
I'm pretty sure I missed that at the HR meetings.
So he's transparent? Yes.
Oh, okay. Clear.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I thought --
So I -- So I thought so.
We went to a football game and then we went out to dinner.
At the dinner table,
he did let me know that he was recently divorced,
and she did let me know that.
But he was still living with his ex-wife.
So to me, I feel like I don't even believe that story.
I feel like they're probably still married.
That's why I'm trying to figure out
where does she find these men at?
Okay, now let me bounce over to you. Please.
Help me with the four men. Yeah.
Okay, so as I mentioned, yes, he did work at McDonald's.
He did have a successful online business as well.
The bisexual one, um...
Girls just want to have fun, you know what?
[ Laughter ] What can I say?
Either you like it or you don't.
So, um, with that being said,
that wasn't the guy for her.
Moving right along. The guy with the foot fetish.
However, that one was the one for her, okay?
This one right here, if we're not shoe shopping
every week, we're shopping every other week.
The shoes she got on she just got.
Your Honor, I love shoes, not feet! Those are brand-new. I can see that.
I love shoes, not feet. She is a shoe fanatic herself.
She's the one that has a foot fetish.
That's the one that would have been perfect for her.
There was nothing wrong with him
other than he had a foot fetish.
Your Honor, as far as --
No, no, I'm talking. And, you know, to your defense,
you did put your foot up in his lap.
You liked him!
I did!
He was fine to you.
He was. But...
But what?
All he wanted was some gravy.
[ Laughter ]
What? Right.
[ Laughs ]
Yeah. He wanted some gravy.
Okay, go ahead.
The fourth one, the divorced -- He was still married.
Your Honor, I don't believe that story at all.
You don't believe he was still married? No. No.
Oh, the one that was living home with his ex-wife? Yes. Yes.
How do you track all these men? How do you keep track of them?
I worked a spreadsheet to show
that everything Sereniity wanted in the man,
I checked those boxes with each one of the guys
that I was going to present to her.
You have a spreadsheet, you said?
I did. Did you bring it?
I submitted it for evidence. I did.
Let's see it.
Okay. You got -- love of God, no children, job, career,
good personality, sense of humor,
good relationship with family,
respectful, date of contact.
Okay, so let's -- Okay, we've got this out the way.
We have a spreadsheet.
So far, she's honored the commitment.
She found four guys.
Why are you suing her?
It says in the contract, up to my liking.
I didn't like any of those men.
You have a friend here
who came up with a way to possibly help you out.
She did. She came up with four guys
she thought that would be to your liking.
You have unrealistic expectations.
I think what we have here is just a lot
of misrepresentation of crazy expectations.
So I've reached a verdict.
[ Cheers and applause ]
I think she honored the commitment
to the best of her ability. Okay.
Now, I'm gonna show you something.
Can I show you the contract,
'cause I'm gonna show you the loophole. Yes, absolutely.
In your contract, it says...
See that word -- "hopes"?
See, that's a loophole word.
"Hope" is not a definitive thing.
The next line in there at the bottom,
I think I saw -- "If Donna..."
"...that was agreed to,
to repay the money back."
That statement alone can't really happen,
because, see, in up top, where it says "in hopes"... Right.
Now we got to find four men of your liking.
I don't know what your expectations were,
but nobody finds anybody
the man of they dreams for $500 by November
so you could have the holidays with somebody.
Yeah.
My verdict is zero
for the lawsuit of $500 matchmaking services.
That's my verdict.
And that's the way I see it.
♪♪
You all are friends? That's right.
Neighbors and friends.
[ Laughter ]
Yeah, enemies don't take them pictures.
[ Laughter ]
♪♪
Steve: This is our next case.
Let's get it started.
This is the case of
Annie Pisapia vs. Kirsten Merker.
Annie is suing her neighbor, Kirsten,
for $10,000 for messing with her divine vine.
Kirsten says it's on her fence,
so she can cut it whenever she wants.
Let's start with Annie.
You have, uh, 30 seconds to state your case.
Your Honor, I'm suing my neighbor, Kirsten,
because she's trying to rob me of my peace
in the form of a vine
which brings me serenity and peace.
That's all there is to it. The max.
Okay. [ Laughter ]
Kirsten, it's your turn now.
You have 30 seconds to respond.
Your Honor, that's ridiculous. Totally ridiculous.
Well, we're clear about that. It's ridiculous.
It's terribly ridiculous.
I don't owe her anything. Uh, it's a weed.
It's not a vine at all. It's a weed and it's overgrown.
And I owe her nothing.
Oh, it's a weed?
It's a weed. Yes. Oh.
I was gonna say, 'cause if it's a weed...
[ Laughter ]
No, no. No. It's not that kind of...
Depending on how big it is, it might be $10,000.
[ Laughter ]
Well, uh, Annie, tell me about this vine.
Your Honor, I noticed this vine about,
I want to say, 10 years ago, okay?
But during the pandemic, I was home.
I wasn't going out anywhere.
So from the spring until the fall,
I was in my backyard, and this vine brought me
hope, peace, serenity, joy.
When I saw that vine growing,
I knew, I felt in my heart and soul that there was hope
and everything is gonna be alright.
That's what that vine meant to me,
and I'm not gonna let anybody take it away.
[ Spectators murmur ]
Now, you developed some type of rapport with the vine.
Absolutely. I didn't plant this vine.
Kirsten didn't plant the vine.
The vine came from -- [ Whistles ]
It's a divine vine.
That vine just grew, just grew out of nowhere.
It's a spiritual thing. It's a living thing.
I see that thing grow, it brings me what joy.
How long have you been living at this residence?
23 years.
And the vine is about 10 years old.
About 10 years old.
Okay, do you have a picture of the vine?
I certainly do. I believe that we have a few.
Alright, let's see it.
Kaboom. Oh, we have video.
Oh, there you go. Whose -- Whose yard is this?
That's me. That's my yard.
Which vine are you talking about?
The one on the fence.
And it gets lush. It gets lush.
As -- As -- As the months go on, that thing is poppin'.
It's gorgeous, believe me when I tell you.
Oh, okay. Oh, yeah.
You from New York? Yes, I am.
I'm from Queens. Yeah, I can -- I can...
[ New York accent ] "It's just over there, it's poppin'."
[ Laughter ] It is! It is.
[ Normal voice ] Now, how long have you lived in your house?
Most of my life. I was born and raised there.
Born in the house?
No, in a hospital.
No, I mean -- I don't mean --
Well, I didn't mean were you born in the house?
You grew up in that house?
I grew up in that house. I left.
I came back with -- I raised my children there.
Well, let me ask you something. You've been there 23 years.
You've been there most of your life.
Do y'all have a relationship of any kind?
Absolutely. She's a great friend of mine.
But I'm not letting her take down my peace now.
Peace -- Peace is priceless.
Oh, you all are friends?
That's right.
Neighbors and friends.
[ Laughter ]
[ Applause ]
Yeah, them friends right there.
Y'all take them type pictures, y'all friends.
Yeah, enemies don't take them pictures right there.
So y'all friends.
What type of relationship have you all had over the years?
We talk all the time.
I mean, coming here, I drove her the airport.
Of course. Why not?
You're friends. What's the problem with the vine?
D-Does -- She doesn't like the vine?
She doesn't like it. Boom. She wants to cut it down.
She thinks it's a weed, this, that.
I said, "Kirsten, I'm in love with the vine.
Can't you just keep your hands off it?"
You know what I mean? In a nice way.
But, Your Honor,
I see her fingers come creeping through the fence.
It's not like we have this stockade fence.
I see her right there.
I'm like, "Kirsten, I see you through the fence,
picking the vine."
You been cutting the vine?
The weed? Yes.
[ Laughter ]
You don't think it's a vine?
I don't think it's a vine nor divine.
It is -- It's a weed. It's overgrown.
It needs to be trimmed at the least.
I rip it out because it's choking my rose bushes.
It's overgrown. It attracts insects and bees.
Okay, now, the root of the plant
is on which side of the fence?
My side. My side.
[ Spectators murmur ]
The bottom of the plant is on whose side?
It doesn't grow from the bottom.
It just kind of grows and grows.
It grows under the fence and around.
I'm from the country -- Wait.
See, you from New York. I'm from Welch, West Virginia.
I grew up on a farm.
Every plant comes out of the ground.
So -- So it's gotta -- I know it's divine.
I'm -- I'm gonna tell -- I have the answer.
I can assure you He didn't just throw it on that fence.
I have the answer.
I have big pots, metal things. Yes.
And I put, you know, a lot of soil in there,
and that's where I believe
I started seeing the vine grow from.
Okay, let me see the picture. We have a different photo.
And there's -- There you go.
It's weeds. Look at that vine. Come on.
Okay. It's mostly on my side, and it grows from the --
Now, this is the one, the lighter green
that's all along the fence, I take it.
That's the one we're talking about?
Yes.
Now, whose yard is on the -- with the table in it? Me.
That's your yard.
Okay, so now, let me ask you a question.
So you believe that in these pots
somewhere is the root of the vine?
I believe that's where it originally started from.
That's correct.
And where do you think the root of the vine is?
I think the root of the vine is between --
It's about six inches between my cement and her cement,
and that's where the fence is.
Yeah, that's -- that's called dirt. And I believe --
Yes, dirt.
[ Laughter ]
You don't like it?
No, not at all. It's messy.
You love it. Love it.
[ Laughter ]
No, I want to cut the vine.
She's so fresh.
So now, I mean, what do we want?
You want the whole vine to be removed?
At least trimmed. Make it look neat.
When you trim the vine on your side,
does Annie complain?
Yes. She started about three years ago
complaining about me touching her vine.
Mm.
Oh, yeah. Yeah?
Oh, you know, you -- 100%.
She looks out her bathroom window.
I've never seen this before.
This -- This is a court case
where everybody agrees with everything.
[ Laughter ]
When you trim the vine on your side, does Annie complain?
Yes. 100%.
She looks out her bathroom window.
I've never seen this before.
This -- This is a court case
where everybody agrees with everything.
[ Laughter ]
I agree.
I-I-I-I'm annoyed with it. Of course I'm annoyed.
She looks out the window like this. I'm out the bathroom window, leaning out there.
Leaning out the second-floor window.
"Stop touching my vine!"
[ Laughter ]
But you're still friends?
That's correct.
[ Laughter ]
It's just a vine.
Now, let me ask you a question.
What's the matter with her trimming it on her side?
The problem is a vine is like a singular thing,
and it grows and it grows and it grows.
If you snip part of it, the whole thing dies.
You can't start cutting it in pieces.
It's a vine. It's a living thing. Ehhh.
It's not what it seems like.
I'm a country boy, and I grow stuff.
I have a garden, and I have --
So on a vine, if you trim the vine,
as long as you don't kill it at the base and the root,
the vine grows.
You've got to control the vine.
Your plant hasn't died.
How many times have you trimmed the vine?
20 times. 20, at least.
I know you have. But I-I admit I cut it at -- at the bottom.
[ Spectators murmur ]
This is really -- Y'all.
I-I've never -- Like I said, I've never seen this.
You -- You all agree with that. "I'll admit --"
Nobody came to court, nobody's lying.
No.
I'm waiting on a lie. Nobody's lying.
Everybody's telling the truth.
This is a weird case. What y'all want?
[ Laughter ] I want --
I-I'm gonna tell you exactly what I want.
I would like to get paid the max amount,
and I am willing to split it with Kirsten
as a payoff that she stays away from the vine,
leaves the vine alone.
[ Scoffs ]
You know, y'all...
The plant comes up out of the soil
that's dividing the two concrete slabs,
so that vine isn't coming up from your side
or her side, it's just coming up.
You can't even tell whose side it's on.
Your problem is it's choking out the rose bushes.
And she said that she had a spy camera
in one of her little tchotchke things
hanging from her fence.
What's the spy camera for?
To see who's picking her vine.
It's you.
I know it's me, but she wanted proof to spy on me.
Your Honor. Yes?
I have a confession.
I might have embellished a tiny bit.
So what I did was I was putting a couple little decorations
in the pots and Kirsten, you know,
I heard her in the yard, and she's funny like that.
I go, "Hey, Kirsten."
Bang, she's right over the top of the fence.
"What's up?" She's got a little stool there.
She's over the top of the thing.
Y'all like the dude the "Home Improvement."
Oh, there you go.
And so -- so I said to her, "Kirsten, you see this here?"
I'm putting it, and I said,
"Just letting you know in advance,
this is a camera.
I got -- I got to protect this vine."
But I made up the story. It was not a camera.
I'm sorry.
She lied.
Some more damn truth.
[ Applause ]
Desperate measures. Desperate measures.
I ain't never -- I've never seen
two people come to court and tell the truth on theyself!
"Hey, Your Honor, might have embellished this a little bit.
That ain't really -- That ain't really --
I told her, but it's not."
I believed her.
So now my court clerks gave me something called
the New York State law.
They do this because,
well, they know I don't know no laws.
[ Laughter ]
The law in New York is that
if the vine or bushes encroach over the property line,
the person whose property is encroached
has the right to trim back.
That's the law.
But...
this court is about the story.
So I've reached a verdict.
[ Cheers and applause ]
Here's what I've decided to do.
Because you all were so honorable --
Nobody disputed anything.
I mean, it's -- I couldn't believe it.
You admitted to snipping the plant.
Then you said, "No, I cut it at the base."
[ Laughter ]
She said she put up a spy cam, but she didn't.
[ Laughter ]
She admits that she looks out the window
and she yells at you.
She loves the vine.
You don't. You want it gone.
But it gives your friend so much hope, peace, serenity, joy,
and it's a hedge of protection that's damn near spiritual.
Yes, sir. Yes, sir.
You're not even in here fighting.
You're not gonna break up your friendship.
She gave you a ride to the airport.
[ Laughter ]
Look, here's the deal.
The lawsuit, the suit for $10,000,
"the cost of meddling with my vine"...
I'm throwing it out.
I can't possibly have the defendant pay $10,000
for meddling with the vine
when, by law, she has every right to meddle with it.
But this is what I'm going to do --
on behalf of friendship
and because you were the nicest women
that have ever come in here
and you're gonna continue being friends,
I'm gonna pay for an arborist to come to your houses
and fix your yards up the way you want them to fix up.
And I'm gonna give each one of you $2,500
to put towards landscaping on your side of the fence.
I'll have the arborists settle the dispute with the vine.
You don't have to have it on your side.
But you got to let her have her peace, her joy, her serenity,
and, Lord have mercy, her hedge of protection.
[ Laughter ]
My final verdict is for the plaintiff
and the defendant for $2,500.
That's my verdict,
and that's the way I see it.
♪♪
He only gives me two days,
two specific days a week that I'm allowed to go shop.
But she gets the --
Hold on one second.
You got your wife to shop just two specific days?
How did -- How did you do that? What did you say?
♪♪
Okay, let's get started.
This is the case of Peter Kravatz vs. Beth Lauck.
Peter is suing his wife, Beth, for $5,000 that she snuck
from their rainy day fund due to her overspending.
Beth thinks Peter is too frugal and says she never agreed
to stick to his ridiculous budget.
Let's start with you, Peter.
You have 30 seconds to state your case.
Mr. Harvey, I'm here today
to get my wife to pay me $5,000
that she took from our rainy day fund.
We had a budget agreement for our business
that she just cannot live up to
because she has a shopping addiction.
Uh, Beth, it's your turn. You have 30 seconds to respond.
Your Honor, I never agreed to his unrealistic budget.
I think my exact words were, "I'll do my best."
And, Your Honor, that's exactly what I've done.
I've done my best.
I've purchased our merchandise as cheaply as possible.
I haven't touched our savings account.
I've only spent from the business account.
Okay, well, Peter, let's start with you.
How did you all get together?
We both worked at different places in a shopping mall.
I was a manager of a pizza restaurant,
and she started coming into the restaurant
three, four, five times a week.
I thought she must like me.
So...
The pizza ain't that great. She's got to like me.
Yeah, it's not that good. It's gotta be me.
Their pizza's really good, you guys.
You know, I-I thought, you know, maybe I'll ask this girl out.
So I brought her some pizza
and we talked for a minute,
and then she kind of threw me for a loop because she said,
"Pete, you know you're 18 years older than me."
He was kind of laying on kind of the courtship
and then stepped it back a little bit when I...
After you said... ...when I called him out, yeah.
After you said, "You're 18 years older than me."
Yes, sir.
That's right up there right next to,
"What do your old ass want?"
[ Laughter ]
So...
So I thought I should do a little research on this
before I did my next move to court her.
I looked up on Google
some power couples who are 18 years apart.
Right away, Michael Douglas and Catherine Zeta-Jones came up.
[ Laughs ] And I was thinking, "Oh, let me just bring that
to her attention next time I see her."
Now, when he brings these power couples to you,
how do you take that?
It kind of took my breath away,
'cause he had done his homework
and I appreciate a guy who does his homework.
[ Applause ]
So eventually I take it you get married.
You're here as husband and wife.
I proposed.
I beg your pardon? [ Spectators murmur ]
I proposed to him about a year later.
Oh, you proposed to him?
Yes.
Tell me a little bit about the wedding.
So I wore my grandmother's wedding dress from 1941,
so that was definitely, it was kind of a full-circle moment
for us, because during our courtship,
Pete introduced me to thrifting and vintage.
Our business is vintage clothing.
Okay.
And I make coats out of vintage textiles,
and what got us into thrifting and vintage was Pete.
He took us on a romantic getaway in Monterey
and brought us into a thrift store.
He took you on a date to a thrift store?
[ Laughter ]
No, no, no, no.
We went out to a nice, romantic dinner in Monterey.
There happened to be at thrift shop in walking distance.
Oh, okay. She's not telling the story right.
So I said, "Do you mind if we go in there?"
And she kind of looked at me like, "Nah, that's --
I'm bougie. We don't do that."
I said, "Just come in here. Just appease me.
Let's go look around."
Are you all in the thrift store business now?
We both like going to thrift stores. So we want to thrift and make and re-sell clothes
and make clothes instead of working in a corporate business.
Just to give you a little background, Your Honor,
vintage is a tough industry to get into,
so I knew we had to do something different,
and I came up with the idea of putting
vintage needlepoints on the back of coats.
Okay, let's see the picture.
This was the first coat I made.
It's a vintage military coat from the 1940s.
And you put needlepoint on the back?
Yes.
So how much something like this costs?
Coat cost $30, the needlepoint cost $10 plus sewing,
so let's say $60.
And then you sell this for how much?
$250.
[ Spectators murmur ]
Where do you set your business up at?
Let me ask you.
We live in Las Vegas and we do pop-up shows.
Okay. We're here for what?
She dips into our personal account to do shopping
'cause she's addicted to shopping,
when we have a business account set up,
that she goes over budget.
So what's the arrangement between the two of you?
Yes, Pete, what's the arrangement?
We don't touch our personal account for business,
and we set up a budget for the business
after every show to buy new inventory.
You go to shows and you sell your items
and you're able to spend a certain amount.
What's that percentage?
10%. That's the agreement?
Yes. That's the, "I'll do my best," Your Honor.
[ Laughter ]
You go to shows and you sell your items
and you're able to spend a certain amount.
What's that percentage?
10%. That's the agreement?
Yes. That's the, "I'll do my best," Your Honor.
Oh.
Oh, when he asked you to stay within the budget,
you said, you'll do your best?
"I'll do my best, because you are clearly..."
No, no, no. That's not true.
"...not in touch with reality of what things cost."
It was 10%. No, I agree. I agree.
She said, "I'll do my best."
Have you been married before?
No.
Have you been married before? No.
Oh. Oh, you didn't know.
[ Laughter ]
Oh, Peter. Oh, my man.
Brother.
The agreement was 10%.
Yeah.
What happened?
Your Honor, I don't think my husband
is in touch with what it costs to run a small business.
I would like to show you
a picture of the coats that I make.
[ Spectators murmur ]
Now, these coats I make from vintage textiles,
antique quilts.
The green one, that was a quilt?
So this one is deadstock fabric from the '70s,
so you probably saw it on a couch at some point.
So the fabric in and of itself is pretty valuable.
Oh, so the textiles can be just fabric.
Exactly, yes. Bolts of fabric.
And how much you sell these coats for?
So the coat on the right retails for $450.
Now, and I make the coats.
And you've got about how much cost in there?
$70? 'Cause you're a great shopper.
I'm a great shopper and I know how to find the deals.
You know what? [ Laughter ]
Is that in the women's handbook?
I've never met a woman that wasn't a great shopper
and didn't know how to find the deal.
That's amazing.
Okay, so what's the problem? You want $5,000.
The problem is, I want our business to stand on itself
and not have to use our personal money for the business.
We've made money -- Okay, give me a breakdown of where you are.
We made money from the get-go, from our first show.
First show you made how much? Give me an example.
We made $1,400 in profit.
$1,400.
Out of that $1,400, you can spend 10%.
140 bucks. $140. Correct.
Okay, so the rest of that should stay in what?
The business account.
What does the business account do?
Well, right now, it pays for nothing but the business.
I want it to pay for some bills, car payment.
I didn't want to go back to work right away.
I wanted the business to take care of our finances.
Oh, you quit your job. Yes.
And you quit your job? Correct.
However, I've been working full-time
since I quit teaching myself to sew during COVID,
sourcing all these materials, making the coats,
finding the inventory, doing our social media,
trying to build a website.
Like, this is a 24/7 gig, Your Honor.
So...
[ Applause ]
See, Peter, that round of applause
doesn't do well for the plaintiff.
[ Laughter ]
So you said she pulled from the rainy day fund.
You have a fund already?
We have the profits that we've made from a show.
Well, that's only $1,400.
How did she take $5,000 from $1,400?
Well, we've done multiple shows since the first one
and made money from it every time,
but she doesn't stick to the 10%,
so she takes money from our personal account.
And every day I'll be out with my buddies, playing golf,
at the cigar lounge, I come home and she's not there.
Well, I already know where she is.
She's working. She's out shopping.
She thinks working and shopping is the same.
It is.
She goes through the budget on the first day of shopping.
We're done till the next show.
Well, Your Honor -- Your Honor, he only gives me two days,
two specific days a week that I'm allowed to go shop.
Wait a minute. Hold on one second.
You got your wife to shop just two specific days?
How did -- How did you do that? What did you say?
[ Laughter ]
Shut up. I've got to hear this!
Wait till I get home and get -- "You sit down, Marjorie."
[ Laughter ]
"Sit down. You got the Judge talking to you."
What two days did you give her?
Mondays and Wednesdays.
What are those days?
Because you can get a discount on those days
up to 50%, if we go on those two days.
Do you shop on Mondays and Wednesdays, Beth?
Yes, I do.
And -- And maybe Tuesday and maybe Friday.
And maybe some Sundays.
So... Because you never know
when you're gonna find that magic item.
And keep in mind, Your Honor, that Wednesday is Senior Day.
Why she gotta go then?
It's Senior Day. It's your day, pal.
[ Laughter ]
Peter, so Wednesday's Senior Day.
So I'm trying to make it work for us,
but she cannot stick to it.
Yeah. It's crazy.
Shopping on every day of the week.
I have some videos.
Let's see the videos. Yeah.
This is her in the house.
You have a camera set up?
Yes, I do.
As you notice, she has about four or five different lamps.
I don't know. We haven't sold a lamp in...
Beth, are you tiptoeing?
[ Laughter ]
I mean... Beth, that's -- that's --
They call that "quiet walking."
Yeah.
I know what that is, when you, like,
you moving so the bags don't make noise.
[ Laughter ]
His head explodes every time it happens.
I'm trying to spare him.
His head explodes every time it happens. Yeah. Yeah.
So you got to sneak it in.
I have to sneak in.
Peter, here's the question you got.
Who does that? Huh?
Is that your question, Peter? Who does that?
Yeah, who does that? All of 'em.
[ Applause ]
Every last one of them.
Let me get out of here.
I've reached my verdict.
[ Cheers and applause ]
Peter, I love you, man.
God, I love you, because you think just like a man.
"We agreed to 10%."
She said, "Yes, honey.
I'll do the best I can."
What you heard was, "Yes, Peter, I'll do it,
and I'll do it to the best of my ability."
What you didn't know was she does not have the ability.
[ Cheers and applause ]
And every time you blow a gasket
when she goes over the budget
and y'all go to bed that night
and she lays her head on your chest...
you know what you do?
You wipe the slate clean.
And tomorrow, she back at it again.
[ Laughter ]
I'm pretty sure y'all business is doing pretty good
because of the way she does the business.
Wouldn't you say so?
Yeah. Yeah, see?
But you're stuck on the budget.
Peter, I'm the only friend you have in here.
[ Laughter ]
Peter, here's my verdict.
I got to dismiss your case
because you can't make your wife pay you $5,000.
If I made this woman give you $5,000,
I can't tell you how many times you'd try to come back to court
to give me that $5,000 back.
[ Laughter ]
I'm gonna act like you never came in here.
That's the biggest favor I'm gonna do to you,
and on behalf of the court,
so you can shop and really do your thing,
I'mma award your business $5,000.
[ Cheers and applause ]
That's my verdict,
and that's the way I see it.
♪♪