How did you get your job?
I still had to put my name on that application.
By yourself?
Did you have to hold one of these in your hand?
She said, "I won't be able to perform your wedding today."
I thought the wedding was at 2:00.
Then I think, "Oh, my God. The guests."
How many? Over 400 showed up.
[ Spectators gasp ] She gave me the nickname.
What's the nickname? "The Mobster."
My social life is going all to hell.
I don't think he had much to begin with.
Steve: Hey, it's a big world out there,
and it's filled with people that just don't see eye to eye.
See, that's where I come in.
See, I ain't got a law degree,
and I'm way too fly to wear a robe.
But this is where common sense presides -- in my house.
Court is now in session.
[ Chuckles ]
-- Captions by VITAC --
All rise for the Honorable Judge Steve Harvey!
[ Cheers and applause ]
♪♪
Okay, so, let's get started.
This is the case of Alexandria Haines
vs. Devan Haines-Winder.
Alexandria is suing her son Devan for $8,956.37
for not paying the car note,
insurance, and maintenance on the car she bought for him.
Devan says it isn't his car anymore
and he's countersuing his mom for $500.
Okay, let's start with you, Alexandria.
You have 30 seconds to state your case.
I'm here today to bring my son to sue him
for $8,956.37, which is the cost of car note,
car insurance, car maintenance
that I purchased for him and he agreed to pay.
[ Spectators gasp ]
Devan, it's your turn. You have 30 seconds to respond.
I don't owe my mom anything.
She broke an agreement we had over the car
by making me share with my sister
and becoming the family chauffeur.
So why should I pay for a car that I have to share?
I'm countersuing for $500 in gas money today.
[ Laughter and applause ]
Alexandria, tell me how this car situation started.
I'm newly divorced.
I'm a single mother of five, and I had to start all over.
At that point, we had one car, and I was sharing with Devan.
So in 2017, he moved with his granddad
because that's what he wanted to do.
So he left, on his own,
and told us the day of, "I'm going to D.C."
Didn't tell us where he was going.
Well, where were you living?
I was in Maryland and D.C. area.
And doing what?
With my granddad doing construction work.
But mind you, the car was an incentive
for me to move back home.
That's what she's also not telling you.
Not true. He called me.
"Mom, what you think about me coming back home?"
I said, "I've never put you out.
You can always come back home."
He was like, "Well, um, I got this job lined up,
and if I come back,
I don't know how I'm gonna get back and forth to work."
So I said -- He had a point.
And I'm thinking he had a job lined up.
This is what I believed.
So I packed me and the family up
to come pick him up in Maryland, called a car dealership
not too far from him in Virginia.
I stopped off at the dealership,
and I surprised him with the car.
He picked it out, and we drove back to Georgia
with the agreement
that he will pay the car note and the car insurance.
That's how this happened. That was not an incentive.
Is that how you remember it happening?
Sharing a car wasn't part of any agreement.
Now, Mr. Devan, I want you to listen to the question
I just asked. Yes, sir.
Do you remember that that's how it happened?
For the most part, yes.
We have a photo of the car. This is the vehicle.
This is the car that you bought...
For him, and he hasn't paid me one cent
since we bought the car.
Now, Devan, what's your take on this situation?
We had an agreement on the car that it was to be mine only.
I had to take my grandmother to the store
and get her things from the store every day.
Okay, but -- I'm taking my sister back and forth
to where she got to go.
And I'm also taking my siblings
to their extracurricular activity, as well,
On top of what I need to do. Judge, he lives there for free.
It's okay. Don't worry about this.
This is what I do.
So, how old are you, sir?
23.
And do you work?
Currently, yes.
Where do you work, sir?
The post office.
So, your reason for not making the payment
is because of what?
The agreement being broken.
I was sharing the car with my sister, taking her to work,
going back and forth to the store for my grandmother,
taking my siblings.
None of that was part of the initial agreement.
When you're taking your sister back and forth,
who driving the car? Me.
When you go to the store for your grandmother,
who driving in the car? Me.
Does your grandmama ever use the car?
No, she doesn't want to drive. No.
Do your siblings that you have to take
for extracurricular activity --
do they have to drive the car?
No.
So... you really haven't had to
share the car -- 'cause you do all the driving.
Correct. You see what I'm saying?
Correct, correct, correct.
See, man, sharing the car means
I get time driving it,
somebody else get time driving it.
They got it this weekend. I got it the other weekend.
I got it on Wednesdays and Tuesdays. Mm-hmm.
They got it on Fridays and Saturdays.
That ain't the case.
So, whose car have you been driving?
[ Laughter ]
I mean, it's mine for the most part
if I'm the main driver.
Do you -- Do you see this light that done came on in here?
Yeah.
You hear some -- [ Imitates choir vocalizing ]
You're having a moment right now.
[ Vocalizing ]
[ Laughter ]
You still didn't -- That light ain't went off yet?
Let me ask you something, Mom.
Show me what all expenses you've incurred.
The car note, which is $3,878 --
That's how much you've been paying since you --
Since I purchased --
This is the 2017?
'17, yes.
And insurance -- you paid $2,800?
I sure did.
Car maintenance, you paid $1,000?
Maintenance on this car -- I have paid for tires
and rotors, oil changes, and I'm gassing up the car
for the defendant to drive around.
See, you ain't even her son no more.
[ Laughter ]
I'm gassing up the car for the defendant
to drive around.
See, you ain't even her son no more.
[ Laughter ]
[Laughing] You done pissed your mama off.
[ Laughter ]
Your ass is down to "the defendant."
[ Laughter ]
I'm gassing the car up, as well. Let me ask you something.
What all do you use the car for?
Go to work. Take them around.
My grandma is a very, very needy person.
Right. I pay all the bills, the groceries.
You eat up all my food, drink up all my Kool-Aid.
You -- You riding around in my car with my gas...
Wait a minute. ...that I paid for every day!
It's her car when she's mad.
It's my car 'cause I paid for it.
That's why it's my car.
[ Applause ]
Anybody have receipts or...?
I submitted them in.
You got gas receipts? I got gas receipts.
My man. Come on. Let me see it.
These are my receipts. That's my own personal money
coming out my pocket to fund the car.
I believe that you do put some money out your pocket.
A lot.
$500?
That's a lot.
You work at the post office.
Now.
What other responsibilities are you responsible for?
I help with rent, as well.
What do you help with rent?
Whatever she asks for, I give it to her at the time I get paid.
If she asks for $400 then, I give it to her then.
Do you live there?
Yes, I live with her. Correct.
Do you sleep there?
Yes.
Shower there?
Yes.
Do you eat there?
Yes, I do.
Do you watch TV there? Yes.
You play video games there?
Yes. Yes, I do.
Boy, I -- I -- I can't believe
you ain't slapped yourself yet.
[ Laughter ]
[ Applause ]
Judge, I got my witness here... Go ahead.
...to testify...
Deja Hammonds, please come up here.
...to the things I'm telling you.
Now, state your relationship to the plaintiff.
My mother. Oh, this your mother?
Mm-hmm. Oh, that's your brother?
Mm-hmm.
What he's saying about taking
other people other places.
Is that a true statement he's making?
That's true, yes. He takes me to work every day.
He goes to the store for my grandmother.
That's all true, and he does things
for my other younger siblings.
That's also true.
While she gets rides to work, gas free,
she's also damaged the car, too.
I have receipts to that. I have pictures. I have proof.
Let me see this.
You see the bumper?
Alexandra: That's not -- It's hanging on by a thread.
It's hanging on for dear life. You did that!
Yeah, hanging on by a thread.
That -- Your Honor -- At the bottom, look at that.
Judge, he did that!
Why would I pay for a car that I didn't damage, Judge? That's not the damage she did.
Excuse me. Wait a minute.
Do you drive the car, ma'am?
No. I most certainly do not.
Have you ever been in an accident in this car?
No, sir. Did you sideswipe his car?
No, sir. Would you lie about this?
No.
Would she lie about this?
Yes.
[ Laughter ]
Yes, yes.
Try to look at me when you're lying. Yes.
Because you just looked off.
And I'm gonna tell you -- it's called a tell.
Pull this up where I asked him the question.
Would she lie about this?
Yes.
[ Laughter ]
Yes.
See that?
See, that was you looking for the truth.
It's right here. That's a tell.
You know your sister didn't hit that car.
Thank you, ma'am.
This -- She ain't got no reason to lie.
Go on back to your seat.
What's this situation that has got you in?
It's become a burden.
I'm -- The bills is on me. I pay the rent.
I pay the groceries. I'm down to one car now.
Are you using this car?
Yes, I have to, but I'm only home one day a week.
I'm a truck driver for the USPS mail that the defendant
is the check-in clerk for the drivers like me.
So I see him every day.
Unfortunately.
How did -- How did you get your job?
Audience: Mama!
Yes, she did help, but I still had to put in the work.
I still had to go put my name on that application.
Oh! I did my part. I held my part of that.
You had go down there and fill out that application.
Application, yes. Everything.
By yourself? Lord, have mercy.
Did you have to hold one of these in your hand?
[ Laughter and applause ]
I did, I did. Ooh!
I've reached my verdict.
[ Cheers and applause ]
First of all, it ain't no way in the world
I'd be standing in court with my mama.
[ Applause ]
You are standing in a courtroom, sir,
with the woman that had bent over backwards
and broke her back for you.
[ Applause ]
When you were up north with your granddad
and you wanted to come home,
your mom got in a car and drove to come get you.
And we get in Virginia, she pulls up at a dealership
and surprises you with a car!
I'm trying to figure out, at 23,
where your mother owes you anything.
[ Applause ]
You got to do better than this, man,
and I'm gonna help you do better than that.
But first of all, your countersuit
for $500 for reimbursement of gas --
I wish I would give your ass some money for some gas.
I wish I would.
I really want to bust you in the head with this glass.
That's what I really want to do.
[ Laughter ]
Mama, you got a suit for $8,956.
How much do you still owe on that car -- the 2017?
Over $18,000 on that car.
This car is in your name?
Yes.
It's the only car you have? Yes.
This is what I'm going to do.
See, this dude right here,
I'm afraid you're gonna let him off the hook.
You're gonna have to listen to me. Okay.
Because if you don't listen to me,
you're gonna raise the wrong kind of man you tried to raise.
[ Applause ]
Young man, Devan, you said something
that I'm going to apply to this.
You said the reason you chose not to make any of the car notes
and not to make the insurance payment --
because the agreement that you all agreed to was never kept.
Correct.
I agree with you 100%.
We're gonna call this a breach of the contract.
You broke the contract, Mama.
See, this is the growing-up moment
that I'm about to give you. Okay.
The car that you bought
and put in your name to give to him
no longer belongs to him.
[ Cheers and applause ]
You don't owe her anything.
This court is throwing out your suit of $8,956.
The court is going to award you...
$18,000.
[ Cheers and applause ]
I am paying off your car note
because you in a rough spot.
You've been a single mother.
You've been fighting, and you done done your job.
Congratulations.
Thank you.
Hell, I'm-a give you $20,000.
Pay the car off and take $2,000
and go do what you want to do,
with the stipulation this is not his car.
He is not allowed to drive this car.
But you drive yourself to work.
On your days off, you keep your keys.
This young man now, because he is working full-time,
has to go get himself to work however he can get there
because... [ Applause ]
...he tired of driving the grandmom around,
he tired of driving the daughter around,
he tired of running all these errands,
he tired of taking his brothers and sisters
to extracurricular activities.
He don't need a car.
He is no longer to drive this car.
Now, if you give me your word, that's what --
I'm-a give you $20,000. You got my word!
$20,000!
My verdict is for the plaintiff
for the sum of $20,000.
That's my verdict, and that's the way I see it.
[ Cheers and applause ]
♪♪
Who was Miss America?
I don't know who Miss America was
'cause it was at the Miss Universe pageant.
This the second time you done lost your mind.
[ Applause ]
♪♪
So, what's up next?
This is the case of
Sonia Alonzo and Benjamin Marinelli
vs. Reverend Elizabeth Burgert.
Couple Sonia and Benjamin
are suing Reverend Elizabeth for $10,000
because she was a no-show on their wedding day.
Reverend Elizabeth claims
they've gotten a full refund already,
so she doesn't owe them a cent more.
Let's start with you, Ben and Sonia.
You've got 30 seconds to state your case.
Hi, Your Honor.
We are here suing Reverend Elizabeth for $10,000,
as she failed to show up to our wedding ceremony.
We hired her about 11 months prior,
ensuring that she was able to translate in Spanish
and incorporate the cultural and the religious aspects to it.
And she didn't show.
And we feel we deserve to be compensated.
And with that, we were gonna renew our vows
so my sweetheart can have the wedding she deserves.
Steve: Okay.
[ Applause ]
Reverend Elizabeth, it's your turn.
You have 30 seconds to respond.
Thank you.
Sonia and Benjamin hired me
to perform a very customized, beautiful wedding.
And the worst possible thing that could have happened
happened.
And I refunded all of their money.
If we can reach some reconciliation today,
that would be great.
But I don't owe them another cent.
Okay, let's find out how this all started.
What was the arrangement between you
and the defendant, Reverend Elizabeth?
We got together about 11 months prior.
We set everything up from the outline to the ceremony.
And a lot of my family is Mexican.
So they speak Spanish solely.
And how did you find Reverend Elizabeth?
I found her, actually, while searching online.
She have a great review? Yes.
-Five stars. -Perfect.
You submit that to the court?
Yes. Yes. Okay. Let's take a look at it.
So, you got five --
So this is what you do, Reverend?
Elizabeth: Yes. Okay.
Yes, I started my business in 2014,
and I've performed over 60 weddings,
averaging about 10 a year.
And we exchanged over 100 e-mails.
And then we were in constant communication up until the day.
So, do you speak Spanish?
I speak Spanish, yes, but I don't know Spanish.
I know what the sound is like. What?
So I can do a Google translate.
Wait a minute. You know what it sounds like?
Elizabeth: Yeah.
Now, let me ask you a question. Yes.
When it was time to speak Spanish,
what was you planning on doing
at the Spanish part? I was planning on
going off of the 23-page ceremony
that I created with Sonia and Benjamin.
Wait a minute. The ceremony's 23 pages?
Yes, sir. Mm-hmm.
Yep. So, help me --
A traditional wedding that you want for you and your family,
how does this go?
Explain the components of it.
Along, you know, the service,
we also have our traditions like the lasso.
The lasso is placed over Benjamin and I
by either our parents, family member,
somebody that cares about us, and it represents unity.
So that's that ceremony.
And then the arras, which are little coins.
There are about 13 coins.
Those are to represent prosperity in our unity.
So, you know, those elements are kind of combined,
and they're in addition to her
having to translate things into Spanish.
So this is why it's kind of lengthy.
You know, you incorporate these things.
Oh. Okay. Okay. You wrote the ceremony. 23 pages.
Yes, sir.
Everybody flew in from Mexico.
Now, it is time for them to understand what's happening.
What are you gonna do?
I'm going to read the translated version of English,
which Sonia approved.
Okay. Can you read in Spanish?
Yes. Yes. Yes. Okay.
So you was okay with this so far?
Yes. That part.
Before I knew that she was only able to
sound like she could speak Spanish.
Okay, do we rehearse this at any point?
Yes. The very night before.
Probably 12 hours before the ceremony.
So we all at the rehearsal? Yeah.
What time was the wedding supposed to start?
Wedding was supposed to be at 12:00 noon.
12:00 noon. Yeah.
So, I received --
Someone just actually handed me a cellphone
at five minutes to noon,
and Ms. Elizabeth was on the other end, and she said,
"Ben, I'm sorry. I won't be able to perform your wedding today."
[ Audience groans ]
I-I was speechless.
And then she proceeded to tell me that I would need to find
one of Sonia's family members that's bilingual
to perform the wedding.
And, also, I needed to find a printer
to print out the 23 pages
that were not available at that time.
This is five minutes before?
Five minutes before the ceremony, sir.
Did the reverend give you a reason why?
She just said she wouldn't be able to perform the wedding,
she's very sorry.
And that's all I really remember at that time.
Sonia, when did you -- Sonia: [ Chuckles ]
I'm scared to ask you.
When did you find out about this?
I'm not sure how long after he found out,
but I know it was soon after
because it was my sister who told me.
She said, "Sonia, sit down."
And I didn't want to 'cause I'm like,
"No, tell me. What is it?"
And she said, "Your officiant is not gonna come today."
Naturally, so many things come to mind from that.
Most importantly, "I'm not gonna get married
to the love of my life today," on that day.
So, initially, that's just the breaker, you know?
And then I think, "Oh, my God.
The guests. The venue."
How many? We had planned for 500.
[ Spectators gasp ]
Over 400 showed up, so...
It was a big wedding.
You can imagine...
Okay. 18 months.
...how I was feeling at that time. Let me ask you a question.
Do you all get married on that day? Yes.
We ended up getting married, thankfully.
[ Cheers and applause ]
Okay, so tell me how it all went down. What happened?
Yeah. So, her, uh...
Her good friend, on a whim and for a joke,
went online and got her officiating...certificate. Certificate.
Just 'cause she just thought it would be cool to have.
And talk about timing.
She kind of stepped up and said,
"I'll be able to help you out."
Now, she wasn't able to do the Spanish side of things,
but she was able to get through the ceremony.
[ Applause ]
Uh, Miss Reverend,
you called them five minutes before the wedding?
I thought their wedding was at 2:00.
I had planned everything for 2:00.
The rental car, me getting ready.
It was --
It will always be one of the worst days of my life.
The one thing I know about a wedding time --
everybody got to get that time right. Right.
'Cause we got groomsmen,
we got bridesmaids, we got mamas,
we got mother-in-laws, we got the groom.
Hell, the groom is there.
Mr. Harvey, may I? Yeah.
She gave us three different excuses through this process...
What? ...on why she missed our ceremony.
The first one was, you know, missed time.
The second excuse was...
That she had overbooked herself.
Later on, that she overbooked herself.
And that's why she confused the times.
And she apologized for that.
And then she proceeded to give another excuse.
Saying she had a medical issue.
So which is it?
So, let me ask. Did you get sick that night?
Elizabeth: I got sick that year, sir.
In February, I had a mini stroke.
February? Yes.
Shortly after the mini stroke,
I had a bike accident and badly sprained my ankle
and lost consciousness and got a concussion.
You fell on the bike the night before?
No. This is in March.
What?
And then, about two weeks after I have the bike accident,
I come down with pneumonia.
Pneumonia wasn't the night before either?
The night before,
I was clearly out of my mind.
Then you lost your mind?
♪♪
The night before,
I was clearly out of my mind.
Then you lost your mind?
[ Cheers and applause ]
So, hold on.
[ Chuckles ] Okay. Hm.
Elizabeth: However...
They weren't excuses, is what I'm trying to say.
I wouldn't do that to you.
Sonia: It all sounds like excuses, though. We were talking to each other --
Steve: Well, hold -- Wait a minute, now.
Hold on. Hold on. Right here.
Right here. Right here. See?
Let's keep it all right here
'cause I'm trying to work through this.
All I was trying to find out was what happened.
What I'd have did, 'cause I'm not a reverend --
I'd have said I had the mini stroke,
fell off of my bike, sprained my ankle,
and lost my mind.
All that by 3:00 a.m.
All them e-mails, and I was never told any of that.
[ Applause ] Yeah.
So, now, as the judge,
I got to figure out how we fix this now.
I gave them a full refund.
I gave them every penny back.
And I wasn't legally obligated to, according to our contract.
Do you have a copy of the contract?
I believe I submitted that to the court.
Let me see what's happening here. We have it, Your Honor.
"The agreement of the officiant to perform The ceremony
is subject to proven detention by accident, riots, strikes,
epidemics, acts of God.
Should the officiant be unable to secure a replacement
to perform the ceremony,
client shall receive a full refund.
Officiant agrees to arrive at the wedding location
listed on the contract at the agreed time."
I misspoke. Yeah. I did.
It just says that I would give them a full refund
and I would do everything I could
to make sure that the wedding happened.
And I did.
I talked with the manager of the chapel.
I told them what to do.
You are an American icon.
But who was Miss America?
[ Spectators murmuring ]
What I'm trying to say is...
This is... ...mistakes happen.
See, first of all,
I don't know who Miss America was
'cause it was at the Miss Universe pageant.
[ Cheers and applause ]
Secondly...
this the second time you done lost your mind.
[ Laughter and applause ]
And --
But I'll tell you what I do know.
I know that if you did have --
And God forbid. We don't want nothing to happen to you.
Praise God that you're doing well and everything.
But if your excuse for not coming to this wedding
is 'cause you had a stroke in February,
you fell off the bike, you sprained your ankle,
you lost your mind, and you --
something else happened to you.
And I don't think you're a malicious person.
I think you made a mistake.
But the reasoning for not being there at 12:00,
it ain't adding up.
Ben: Yeah.
Now...
I believe her, in that she was crushed about it.
She's really a nice lady.
The little comment about the Miss America thing,
She didn't mean it.
If I wanted to, I could turn the bazooka.
I could cock it.
I have that skill set.
But I ain't that way.
'Cause my mama just raised me different. So I let it go.
[ Applause ]
So I'm gonna let you off the hook, Ms. Reverend,
because you shouldn't have to pay for their wedding.
So I'm going to dismiss your charges for $1,000 for distress,
$7,421 for the wedding,
and $1,579
for the plane ticket.
I'm gonna erase that. I'm throwing that out.
But the court will give you the wedding of your dreams.
Congratulations.
I'm sending you to Mexico with $10,000 to get married.
That's my verdict,
and that's the way I see it.
[ Cheers and applause ]
♪♪
I won't lob you, Vance.
I'm gonna hammer you.
[ Laughter ]
It's coming.
I'm ready for this now.
♪♪
Alright. I'm ready. This is gonna be good.
This is the case of Vance Remick vs. Mesa Somer.
Vance is suing his pickleball competitor, Mesa, for $2,000
for souring his reputation on the court.
Mesa claims that's a load of baloney
and is countersuing Vance for $5,000
for constantly targeting her with the wiffle ball.
Let's start with you, Vance.
You have 30 seconds to state your case.
I am suing my pickleball competitor over there, Mesa,
for $2,000 for defamation of character and for fraud.
And I would like to have a written apology
along with a public apology.
Okay. Mesa, it's your turn.
You've got 30 seconds to respond.
Alright, well, Vance says that I ruined his reputation,
but I'm gonna say he ruined his own reputation.
Vance's style of play is so vicious.
He breaks the unwritten rules of
pickleball open-court rec play.
So I am countersuing him for $5,000.
Not just for me,
but I am also representing players like me
across the country
who have to play with bangers like Vance.
And if you rule in my favor,
it will be telling bangers everywhere,
"Check yourself."
[ Applause ]
So let's start with you, sir.
How long have you been playing pickleball?
I've been playing pickleball for about 10 years.
I've been playing against Mesa maybe for the last four years.
Off and on. Are you good at this game?
Uh, I think I am.
I had submitted it to the court
that I have a lot of medals and things.
Yes, 'cause I play all over the nation.
Well, let's see a photo of these.
[ Applause ]
Uh, Ms. Mesa, I think he's pretty good, huh?
Oh, he's very good. Oh.
He's very good, but the thing is,
is there's two kinds of places to play pickleball.
There's tournaments where you bring it,
and they have everybody by levels.
And you're trying -- Your Honor, she, too, is a national champion.
So did you have four -- I'm good for a woman...
What? ...my age.
You take away a woman at my age...
I can't do that 'cause I've been to HR a lot of times.
[ Laughter ]
So -- But let me ask you something.
Are you a good player?
I'm a good player.
My nickname is "The Lobster."
"The Lobster"?
I lob a lot.
I gotta do something because, you know,
that's -- that's all I got.
Vance, you playing against "The Lobster."
Do you have a nickname?
Well, she gave me the nickname.
What's the nickname?
"The Mobster."
Now, what does that say to you?
You a gangsta. Yeah, exactly.
She wants to name -- And that's the whole thing is --
Hey, gangsta, you got mobster
wrote all on your medal right there.
He got that nickname because his pickleball shot.
Overhead shots.
When he hits a shot, it is so vicious...
You're right. ...it should be criminalized.
You're right. I'm guilty.
I do hit the ball hard. But not with everybody.
Just somebody that I'm playing
that's on the same level from there.
It's a shot you gotta hit.
Because if I let up on her 'cause she's whining,
because, "Oh, I'm too old." [ Chuckles ]
"Don't hit me so hard. I'm a woman."
"I'm only four foot tall."
You know, the whole thing that goes on there.
Of course, I'm gonna have to ease up on her.
Next thing you know, she's lobbed it over my head.
And that's what happens.
And that's why I'm suing her for fraud.
That's a fraudulent act out there.
Then I'm known as a banger and I'm -- I'm a brute.
And people -- My social life is going all to hell.
Your social life is going to hell?
Yes! What?!
I-I don't think he had much to begin with.
How is she -- How is she doing this?
Tell me about this. Well, let me tell you.
Ruining your social life. I get -- I got --
I don't get people asking me to play as much anymore,
especially when it comes to the ladies.
I get lots of e-mails saying,
"Listen. I'm cutting you off from the social club."
You know, I can barely get my dog to like me anymore.
[ Spectators "aww" ]
Mesa, are you bad-mouthing him?
I have said to people...
Thank you. Thank you. ...I won't play with him anymore.
One of my eyes kind of lost a lot of its vision.
So I have to be pretty careful.
And when his shots come, I don't get hit,
but it's like -- it goes by, and I'm like,
"Wow. That could have just hit me."
And that's when I say, "No, I don't want to play him anymore."
We don't want a game in which one team is totally demolished.
The unwritten rules are
pretty much to keep people in a community.
Oh, okay.
Now, let me ask you something, Mobster.
Does she ever break the unwritten rules?
Oh, yeah.
There's plenty of times that she's done that.
Even when she's calling out the score,
she does that totally wrong just to hassle you from there.
She got this whiny little -- Give me -- Give me an example.
She's going, "Wah, wah, wah wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah."
It drives you nuts before you even serve the thing.
No wonder I get angry sometimes. I want to hit her hard.
What are you doing here?
Is this intimidation? Are you trying to grind on him?
I-It just suddenly started to happen,
and I kinda sang the score.
Oh, geez. Yeah. And it became a way for me to focus.
The serve is a really tricksy little thing.
And if I do this little sing -- So give me an example of what you're doing, Ms. Mesa.
I go, um, "Zero-zeroooooo-two."
[ Laughter ]
Yeah, you want to pull your damn hair out right there. Yeah, I do.
Yeah. Thank -- Thank you.
"Zero-zeroooooo-two!"
Yeah. Exactly. Exactly.
Do you use your lob on the serve? No.
I have a very straightforward serve.
Just uses it when you're up at the net
trying to dink back and forth with her across the net,
and then all of a sudden she'll throw one over your head.
And that's when you go...
[ Laughter ]
[ Applause ]
Now...
Hey, let me ask you something.
That should be illegal, too, as far as I'm concerned.
Vance, how old are you, sir?
Uh, I'm 73.
Really? Yeah.
You look good, man. [ Applause ]
And we have you a -- You -- Have you submitted a video?
We have. Alright. Let me see this video.
Let's take a look at the video.
Vance: Oh! Look at her -- Look at her hobbling around.
Oh, my gosh!
She's a much better actor than I am, Steve.
[ Laughter ]
[ Applause ]
A couple things I noticed in the video.
Just put the pictures up.
Now, Vance, this is you on the far right.
Vance: In the blue, yes. In the blue.
Now, in the far -- That's Stu on the other side
playing with Mesa. Stu --
Who is Stu? Stu is her husband there.
Oh, hey, Stu. I'll get to you in a second.
Then we know that's Mesa down there with the hat.
And the other guy.
Okay, so, now...
Now, I did see the lob that you made.
And then "Mobster" just went at ya.
Like, I mean, he can bring it.
Yeah, and that one almost ended your career, damn near.
'Cause you was holding your leg. Mm-hmm.
[Mocking Mesa] Ooow! Ahh! Vance: Exactly.
That whole time you're doing that,
ol' Mobster's over here -- "I'm coming after you!"
I'm like...
[ Laughter ]
Steve: That one almost ended your career, damn near.
'Cause you was holding your leg. Mesa: Mm-hmm.
[Mocking Mesa] Ooow! Ahh! Vance: Exactly.
That whole time you doing that, ol' Mobster's over here --
"I'm coming after you!"
I'm like...
[ Laughter ]
Your Honor, Your Excellency, she's -- she's a --
She's an amba--
[ Laughter and applause ]
She's an ambassador for the sport,
so she knows all about this.
I agree on the statement.
You're playing a nice, social game.
You shouldn't hammer away at little old ladies
that can't hardly have any -- Right.
But she's a medal winner.
Yeah! Exactly! Exactly.
If I'm back on her, I get mobbed!
U.S. champion.
Yes, exactly.
Exactly. Why?
I am the weaker player on the court.
And when Vance is attacking the weaker player,
he's targeting the weaker player,
that is breaking the unwritten etiquette of the rec play.
Okay. Let me hear your witness.
Stu? Yeah.
Come on up, sir. Right there.
Your name is Stu, and you're -- Yep.
I am her husband. Okay.
And you all play pickleball together?
All the time.
Okay. What have you witnessed here?
'Cause you were there.
Alright. Well, I went --
I was there. And because her wrist is weak, she'll --
She'll hit shots that are -- that are -- Oh, now it's her wrist, too.
Her wrist is weak? Yep.
She'll hit a soft shot,
Vance can come in and just pound on her.
And, you know, it's just not how rec play goes.
Both of us can hit it hard, but I choose not to do it.
Your Honor, I been body-bagged by him many times.
[ Laughter ]
He's a mobster. Come on, now. I know!
"Body bag." I know.
"Swimmin' with the fishes."
You've got him! That's right!
How long have you known Vance, sir?
I've known Vance probably 15 years.
I don't know. We played racketball. Probably longer than that.
This is your friend, this is your wife, you in the middle.
Wha-- How you feeling?
Well, I have to put up with both of these people.
Their shenanigans, it's a -- it's a circus act out there.
And as you're considering your verdict
and who you're gonna award money to,
I think it should all come to me.
Because... [ Laughter ]
Vance: Oh, man.
Stu. These people choose to be this way.
I choose to play the game.
Stu, thank you, man. Alright.
[ Applause ]
So we're gonna bring out a net.
[ Cheers and applause ]
Gonna bring out a net and bring out the pickleballs,
and we're gonna see how this looks. Oh.
Maybe you better let me on that side
because when she lobs me,
I'm not gonna run into anything over here.
I won't lob her. I wont lob you, Vance.
I'm gonna hammer you.
[ Cheers and applause ]
It's comin'!
And if you want -- Y'all, I'm ready for this now.
A minute ago, I said, "What the hell is this?"
Now I'm going, "Yeah!"
Vance: Go ahead and serve me.
Alright. Zero-zerooooo-one.
Oh!
Yeah! That's a point.
That is a point.
Do y'all talk trash when you do it?
Absolutely. Yes. Okay. Kick his ass!
[ Laughter ]
Mesa: Alright. One-zeroooo!
[ Stu laughing ]
Mesa: Out!
Ohh! Was it "oooout"?
[ Laughter ]
What is that - "Two-- Two-zeroooo"?
That's two, now. Mesa: ♪ Zeroooo
Two!
Whoa! Oh!
Yeah.
What are the scores now?
Vance: Okay. It's -- Mesa: Now it's zero-two.
Oh! Oh, yes!
♪ Zero-zero-oo-ooo
[ Laughter ]
See how catchy it is? Don't you want to hear that?
Man. Hell yeah.
This is the most fun I've ever had.
[ Laughter ]
Last one.
Alright.
Uh-oh!
[ Cheers and applause ]
Ohh! That was it! We gonna stop at a tie.
Yeah, let's go back to your podiums.
Oh, Lord.
Now, when he made that last point,
where he -- Whack!
That's what you're talking about?
That was a fast, hard, good one,
but I, you know --
If I was a little more on top of it,
I could have got that.
That wasn't -- He wasn't being really, really too bad there.
You know, it goes to intent.
And it's not my intent for that.
Yeah. I've reached a verdict.
[ Cheers and applause ]
We got here --
Well, we're talking about competition.
Lesser players have to be mindful
that you're playing against a better player --
there's an ass whupping about to go down.
[ Laughter and applause ]
But I want to tell you something.
To see people who are my age
playing sports outside...
Man. God bless you.
Man! [ Applause ]
More people ought to take a page from these people
and get out and be active.
So, this is what I'm gonna do.
The suit for $5,000 for breaking unwritten rules
and for playing too aggressively, Ms. Mesa,
I'm throwing that out. [ Whimpers ]
I know you want to fight for the underdog.
But you can't get money for other people. [ Chuckles ]
They can't play.
You're supposed to -- If you can't play,
you're supposed to get your ass whupped.
It's the American way.
[ Laughter ]
And then, your suit for defamation of character --
People been talking about you your whole damn life.
[ Laughter ]
Man, get over it.
They call you "The Mobster."
That's 'cause you a gangsta on the court.
Keep on being a gangsta. Don't stop.
You're "The Lobster."
Keep lobbing 'em, throwing they ass to the back of the line.
I'm dismissing all these suits.
That's my verdict,
and that's the way I see it.
[ Cheers and applause ]
♪♪