♪♪
Danielle: I submitted to the court
burnt macaroni and cheese.
Steve: From 2014?
She's trying to bury your ass.
He working. That ain't round of applause.
Stop clapping for people who doing what they supposed to do.
She's become the equivalent of a pickleball escort.
Oh. As God is my witness.
Don't drag the Lord in this.
God would have told you not to say that.
[ Cheers and applause ]
Hey, it's a big world out there,
and it's filled with people that just don't see eye to eye.
See, that's where I come in.
See, I ain't got a law degree,
and I'm way too fly to wear a robe.
But this is where common sense presides -- in my house.
Court is now in session.
[ Chuckles ]
-- Captions by VITAC --
All rise for the Honorable Judge Steve Harvey!
[ Cheers and applause ]
♪♪
Okay, let's get started.
This is the case
of Caroline Ryskiewich
vs. Josh Brown.
Caroline is suing her coworker, Josh,
for $1,500 for inconveniencing her
and the rest of the staff
by setting the microwave on fire.
Josh claims he owes nothing
since there may have been smoke
but definitely no fire.
Let's start with you, Caroline.
You have 30 seconds to state your case.
Hello, Your Honor.
I am here seeking $1,500,
a new microwave, a catered lunch,
and, most importantly,
an apology from my coworker,
Josh Brown,
who burnt down the staff break room
at our place of work.
[ Spectators murmur ]
Okay, uh, Josh, your turn.
You have 30 seconds to respond.
Your Honor,
Caroline's claim is ridiculous.
I do not owe her any money.
Our break room is actually still standing.
At the end of the day, I just want to move forward
and quit living in the past.
[ Laughter ]
Okay. Where do you all work?
Tell me about this relationship.
Josh and I are coworkers
at a senior living community.
So our offices are right next to each other.
Josh is the accounting director.
I'm in the social work department,
and we're known for having sort of
a sibling-rivalry-type relationship.
Like, anything I do, Josh sort of tries to copy.
Josh, is -- is that how you describe your relationship here?
We do have a very, uh, love-hate relationship.
Caroline comes in. She's very dramatic.
She's very over-the-top.
She's very -- just a lot to handle.
What really bothers me
is there's a difference in experience
with how we're preparing our meals.
And, for example,
our office suite also has a break room.
But I'd say 50 to 100 employees
come in to use that break room.
Do you have a picture of this break room?
We do have a picture of the break room, yes.
It's not glamorous, but it is --
100 people use this?
Yeah. [ Laughs ] [ Laughter ]
This is why she's not the accounting director.
[ Spectators murmur ]
Okay.
Your Honor, not 100 people at one time,
but through the course of the day.
It's where the time clock is,
the microwave, and the coffee machine
that the employees rely on.
So the traffic, yes.
So one day, I walk into our office suite
where the break room is, and it reeks of smoke.
Residents, our seniors, start calling, asking,
"Is there a fire? What's going on?
Do we need to get out of the building?"
There's kind of some -- some panic
among the employees and our seniors.
So the smoke is so bad,
I can't figure out what happened.
And then I'm told that, um -- that Josh
burned something in the microwave
of the break room so badly
that no one could even get back in the office.
Okay.
It was terrible. Josh, let me bounce over to you.
Tell me what happened.
So mid-afternoon,
I realized, like, I had not eaten.
I was getting lightheaded. I couldn't think clearly.
So one of my favorite go-tos
for a quick lunch is instant ramen.
You just grab it and go, right? [ Laughs ]
So I went to the -- I ran to the break room,
put it in there for about four minutes,
ran back to my office, did a little work.
When I ran back in,
I realized that something was wrong.
I opened the microwave, smoke started pouring out.
The ramen was burnt.
And the reason for that is I was so stressed
that I forgot to put water in the cup.
[ Spectators murmur ]
I have submitted photos to the court.
Okay. [ Spectators murmur ]
That's the top of it on the inside?
That's the top of the microwave, yes.
Singed.
The smell was putrid.
Putrid? Putrid.
Mind you, Your Honor,
Caroline, earlier in her opening statement,
said the break room burned down.
Does it look burnt down to anybody?
[ Cheers and applause ]
Well, I mean, you know, old people, if they smell smoke,
they got to start getting out now.
[ Laughter ]
You know, I think -- I think Josh is trying to call me out
on things I'm saying and --
No, no. We're gonna give you a chance, though.
You have a witness that saw this?
Well, that's what I was gonna say.
Another coworker -- Let me get -- Can you stand up next to her?
This is my -- our coworker.
I g-- I'll get this. [ Laughter ]
Ma'am, how do you know these folks?
Well, Judge Harvey,
I know them because everyone knows them.
[ Laughter ]
They're frenemies --
friends and a little bit of enemies at the same time.
Did you notice alarm within the building?
Absolutely.
So as I was walking
to wherever that smell was,
I passed a lot of residents
and they were really concerned and confused,
just like I was, 'cause we didn't know what it was.
There was no alarm that went off, that's true,
but it was pretty horrible.
I think that's a key phrase, Erin.
Thank you for bringing that up.
But there was no fire alarm that went off.
But again, it was pretty horrible --
the whole situation. Wait a minute. Hold on.
Wait, wait, wait, wait. Wait a minute.
Because there wasn't a fire alarm,
you think that's a good statement to make?
[ Laughter ]
Th-They make it sound like it was mass hysteria.
It was not.
I-I went out myself.
You knew something was wrong.
Absolutely. [ Chuckles ]
Before you opened the door, what did you know was wrong?
Uh, something had burned.
Something? Yes.
[ Laughter ]
My lunch.
Your lunch. Alright.
Thank you, uh, Erin.
Caroline: Thank you, Erin. Thank you very much.
Erin: Sure, Judge Harvey.
Yeah. You can take your seat.
Caroline: May I mention one thing?
I actually have one more person,
a coworker of ours, who knows this situation
and knows Josh very intimately.
[ Spectators murmur ]
Bring the witness in.
♪♪
[ Spectators murmur ]
♪♪
[ Laughter ]
Hello, Your Honor.
Yes. Can you tell us your name?
My name is Danielle.
Danielle, and your relationship to the...
Josh and Caroline are both coworkers of mine.
We all work at the same community.
But what the court should really know
is that Josh is also my older brother.
[ Spectators murmur ]
♪♪
Danielle: Josh and Caroline are both coworkers of mine.
We all work at the same community.
But what the court should really know
is that Josh is also my older brother.
[ Spectators murmur ]
Yo' sister done came to court just snitchin'.
[ Laughter ]
Well, let's hear it. Tell me a little bit.
I think it had concerned the residents
more than the coworkers.
There were residents that were,
you know, coming up to me and going,
"Oh, my goodness, is there a fire?
Do we need to evacuate? What is going on?"
People were just very, I think,
concerned about what was happening.
Has he done this before, maybe?
Well -- So he hasn't.
But that's gonna lead me
to, uh, some other family history
that I need to share with the court.
So in 2014, our younger sister
also had a very similar situation happen.
She was staying in a hotel with a friend.
Um, they were on a trip.
She goes to microwave
some macaroni and cheese for her dinner.
She leaves out the water.
So as you can imagine,
smoke billows out of this microwave
and it spreads throughout the hotel.
It was so bad.
People had to evacuate their hotel rooms on that floor.
I submitted to the court a picture
of the burnt macaroni and cheese.
Can we see the picture? You submitted a picture of what?
[ Spectators groan ]
This is the burnt macaroni and cheese from our sister.
From 2014?
She's trying to bury your ass.
[ Laughter ]
I don't know what you did to your sister.
But she done drug this picture in here from 2014.
[ Laughter ] This is crazy.
Your family has a history of forgetting to add water.
[ Cheers and applause ]
This is the type of thing that has to stop!
[ Laughter ]
Reading is fundamental.
It is necessary.
Don't want to use your reading skills.
Just running around burning down hotels
and old folks' homes.
[ Laughter ]
This is just crazy!
It's just crazy, crazy, crazy.
[ Laughter ]
Well, thank you for that information.
That has helped me.
Thank you very much.
Thank you, Your Honor. Thank you for coming.
You're welcome to step down now.
Thank you. Yes. I'm so happy.
We need more people coming in here
exposing the truth about their families in here.
With your no-water-pouring family.
[ Laughter ]
Coming in here...
Yeah, this is small claims court.
[ Laughter ]
I don't even know no law, so...
[ Laughter ]
[ Cheers and applause ]
So let me ask you this -- Now I got you suing
for $350 for the microwave.
What is this $750 lunch for the staff?
Well, because of the staff who couldn't use the microwave,
that's three meals -- Caroline, do you have a list of people
that couldn't use the microwave that day?
[ Cheers and applause ]
I don't have a list,
but unlike you, I have common sense.
So I know that if there's
50 to 100 employees who use it each day,
three meals a day,
I thought that that should be enough
to bring in a catered lunch for all of the employees,
hardworking employees who couldn't eat.
Well, let me ask you a question. Where is the microwave now?
We are still using that disgusting microwave.
[ Spectators murmur ]
And ain't nobody wiped out the damn microwave?
Hold on, hold on. Let me ask one more question.
We have $400 for the apology.
So having to kind of work in overdrive
to quell the situation --
Is quell -- That -- That's a word, right?
It's a small bird that we hunt in the country, but...
[ Laughter ]
I felt like I had to sort of work harder
and work extra to help the residents feel comfortable.
And I just want to be compensated for that.
I-I just -- Oh, I see.
I understand now, yeah. That's fair, right?
Because you had to go around to all these people
and you need $400 for that.
I do, and I also have submitted to the court,
actually, a video from some of our residents,
some of our seniors.
Well, let's hear this. Let me hear this.
I was walking down the hall
and I smelled this terrible smell.
What should I do?
It came from the business office.
I know it wasn't Caroline. It must have been Josh.
He owes us a new microwave.
[ All chanting ] A new microwave!
[ Laughter ]
I thought y'all said everybody like Josh.
It's that damn Josh!
[ Laughter ]
I've reached my verdict.
[ Cheers and applause ]
Listen, my verdict is simple.
I'm throwing out your lawsuit for the $350 microwave
because it still works.
[ Cheers and applause ]
I'm dismissing your suit for $750
'cause he don't owe lunch for the staff
'cause they couldn't heat up they food.
[ Cheers and applause ]
And he even said, "Do you have a list of people
who didn't eat they lunch?"
I thought that was brilliant.
That helped me out. Thank you very much.
[ Laughter ]
And then you want $400 for an apology
'cause you apolog-- Stop apologizing!
It's okay. You're a really nice lady.
You can't get $400 for the apology.
Your entire suit is dismissed and thrown out.
[ Cheers and applause ]
Now, what I am gonna do on behalf of this court,
because you are a fine group of people,
I want to do something for the senior citizens there
from Judge Steve Harvey.
Matter of fact, you can take it
and you can buy a brand-new microwave.
Matter of fact, don't buy a brand-new one.
Put another one in there
and use the old one, and we gon' call that one Josh.
[ Laughter ]
Buy a brand-new microwave.
I say throw a party for the senior citizens.
You can feed the staff.
I'm awarding you a gift of $5,000.
That's my verdict.
And that's the way I see it.
[ Cheers and applause ]
♪♪
The party we're gonna throw
is gonna be a viewing party.
I think everyone's gonna get a kick out of this.
That ticket, I got into a car accident.
She reached over me to get, like,
napkins or something.
When she came back up,
her hand hit the --
Boy. Boy. No.
Nah-unh. [ Laughs ]
[ Cheers and applause ]
Steve: Okay, uh, let's get started.
This is the case of
Elysia Prendergast-Jones vs.
Key'Vonte "Bam Bam" Peterson.
Elysia is suing her nephew, Bam Bam,
for $938 for a speeding ticket,
attorney fees, gas, and food.
But Bam Bam claims he's not guilty.
Grandma is to blame.
Alright, uh, let's start with you, Elysia.
You got 30 seconds to state your case.
So I'm here suing my nephew
for $938 for attorney fees,
for tickets, for all the money that he's asked me for.
And because I'm a lawyer, he thinks that,
you know, I'm auntie and I'm supposed
to take everything and fix everything for him.
So I just want him to pay me back and learn the lesson
that he needs to be responsible.
[ Spectators murmur ]
Alright, Key'Vonte? What you want me to call you?
Uh, Bam Bam?
Yeah, you can call me that.
Um, I don't owe her anything. What?
Um, I did admit of getting a speeding ticket.
And I do everything for her.
Um... What? No, you don't.
I'm sorry. I do.
Well, we're even, in my opinion.
[ Spectators murmur ]
Explain your relationship. Is this your only nephew?
What? What's the...
No, my little sister has nine kids.
So this is the oldest of the boys.
And this one right here, he shops at my house,
bringing grocery bags and stuff,
and taking my tissue, my plugins.
Oh, that's what you mean? He shops at your house?
He comes -- Yes, he shops at my house.
He goes through my cabinets. Oh, you like a store.
Yes.
Tell me what happened with this speeding ticket.
One day, me and my grandmother,
we were going out of town.
And my grandmother, she had to go to the restroom.
Plus, her oxygen was dying, so she told me to speed up.
Um, and then, when I was -- when I sped up,
the speed limit had dropped from 70 to 55,
but I didn't see it.
And then after I got the ticket,
I just called my aunt,
and she was like, "I'll handle it."
And I was just like, "Alright, she got me."
Like, it's out of her kindness of her heart.
[ Chuckles ] So I said, "Okay."
Out of the kindness of her heart?
Yeah, because anything that she asks me to do, I do it.
I might complain.
Like, depends on what she asks me to do --
No, whoa, whoa.
You -- See, you can't go from,
you called her to pay the ticket,
and everything she does
is out the kindness of her heart
to "I do everything."
Well, like -- I di-- I don't get the transition.
Well, like, the chores around her house.
Mnh-mnh. Like, stuff that she ask me to do
to help her around her home.
You talking about the house that you shop at?
[ Laughter ]
I technically don't shop there.
Okay, so, how much was this speeding ticket you got?
I really don't know,
but I think my aunt said, like, $900 or something.
A speeding ticket $900?
No, his speeding ticket was $500,
but he had two tickets.
It was reckless driving and speeding.
That's why. Whoa, whoa.
How did you get -- What did they --
How did they tell you were reckless driving?
'Cause it was, automatically 30 over the speed limit.
So I was going 85 in a 55. I was going --
Yeah. Yeah, that's -- That -- That --
You know, that -- that'll get you in trouble.
How did you find out he had got the tickets and the reasons why?
What's your understanding?
So, him and my mother, they decide
that I'm supposed to fix every problem that they have.
Not even, like, asking me.
It's just telling me,
"Hey, you're a lawyer. You need to handle it."
And I don't work at a private practice.
I work for low-income people. I make a salary.
So, you know, I'm over there
trying to save these people lives and not his tickets.
So this ticket went down to $188.
Yeah. How? How did that happen?
Because I got him a lawyer. [ Chuckles ]
Hm.
What do you think of all this that your aunt is saying?
After I got the ticket,
I said, "I'll pay for the ticket."
But it was approaching my 18th birthday
and both her and my grandmother knew
I was trying to buy a car for my 18th birthday.
So she said, "Don't worry about it."
That was her words,
'cause only thing I kept talking about,
"Ooh, I want a car. I want a car.
I want to buy a car." Stop, stop, stop, stop.
For your 18th birthday, you wanted to buy a car?
He just bought a new car.
How'd you manage to buy a new car?
Um, I work full time.
Oh, okay.
[ Applause ]
What are you clapping for?
[ Laughter ]
He working. That's some-- That ain't round of applause.
[ Laughter ] Yes.
This boy 18.
I been working since I was 10.
You supposed to work.
Stop clapping for people who doing what they supposed to do.
[ Laughter ]
You saved all your money and bought a new car?
Yes, sir.
That's amazing.
Let me ask you something before they start clapping.
[ Laughter ]
How much money did you save? Just -- I'm just curious.
I think I saved about, like, $7,000.
So you saved $7,000?
Yes, sir.
Y-You don't pay rent anyway?
No, sir.
Oh.
What did your grandmother say
about all these tickets and stuff?
Um, she just said,
"Well, you have to talk to your aunt about it."
My grandmother knew I was gonna pay for the ticket.
Judge Steve, I only asked him for $5 a paycheck.
That's it. That's the payment plan?
That was the payment plan. No, it wasn't.
Well, let's talk to your grandmother.
[ Spectators murmur ]
♪♪
What did your grandmother
say about all these tickets and stuff?
"Talk to your aunt about it."
Well, let's talk to your grandmother.
We have Ms. Maria via Zoom.
[ Spectators murmur ]
Hey.
Hey, Ms. Maria. How you doing?
I'm doing just fine.
How are you doing, Judge Harvey?
Yeah. Your oxygen full right now?
[ Laughter ]
I'm on a concentrator right now.
Okay, well, that's good. Welcome.
Nice to meet you.
T-Tell me what you know about this situation, ma'am.
Now, we were riding for a -- for a while,
and, um, Bam Bam was cruising along.
But then when I told him
that I had to go to the bathroom and so on --
Did you ask Bam Bam to speed up?
Did you?
Maybe just a little bit.
Because, um, you know, hurry.
You know, just hurry up.
I've gotta get -- I gotta go.
It's a 70-mile-an-hour zone we were in,
and it -- it just came from 70 down to 55,
like, really fast, out of nowhere.
That out of nowhere is a sign.
[ Laughter ]
They don't just pop up.
But I got you.
So what happened when he got pulled over?
I was actually explaining to the officer,
um, that I was running out of oxygen
and that I had to go to the bathroom.
He gave us a ticket anyway.
Do you feel responsible for this, Ms. Maria?
I do because of my condition.
Now, not for the speeding part.
What?
M-Ms. Maria, do you think
that Bam Bam owes Elysia the money?
I feel that, yeah, he is responsible.
But also Elysia has helped everyone.
Okay, uh, Ms. Maria, thank you.
And I wish you well.
And take care of yourself. I thank you.
It's a pleasure.
And, uh, watch "Family Feud."
And get yourself some laughs at night.
[ Chuckles ] I will.
[ Applause ]
I do, uh, blatant self-promotion within all my shows.
So now, what was this $5-a-month conversation?
So I told him that he could pay me back
$5 a paycheck and then we would be fine.
I didn't care how long it took him.
Just pay me back so that he could be responsible.
Oh, and by the way, he got another ticket
that I have to go take care of in a couple days.
[ Spectators murmur ] So, I mean, it doesn't stop here.
I-I want to intervene.
That ticket, I got into a car accident.
I wasn't driving fast or anything.
It was just I got into a car accident.
You think that's better than speeding?
I -- No, but I'm saying, like --
What -- Well, how did the car accident happen?
Well, it was me and my friend.
I was driving my best friend car,
and we were driving,
and she reached over me to get, like, napkins
or something out of her -- her thing, and it just...
Boy.
[ Laughter ]
"She reached over me to get some napkins."
Yeah. You driving --
Boy, this --
No, well, when she -- Boy. Boy.
No. Nah-unh.
Alright. [ Chuckles ]
We gonna stop right now?
Okay.
Please, look at who you told that to.
Okay. [ Chuckles ]
I'm driving.
My best friend is a female.
She reaches over me while I'm driving,
hands on the wheel.
I don't know if the hands went
under my arm or over my arm.
No. But she reached in there to get a napkin.
What?! 'Cause my --
Come on, boy. I have another friend --
It was another friend in the back.
It was another friend in the back? In the back.
Yes. Oh, it done got wild up in here now.
[ Laughter ]
[ Chuckles ] Uh-huh, yes.
Yeah. No.
So how did the accident happen
when she reached for these napkins?
When she came back up, her hand hit the --
When she came back up?
From reaching the napkins.
[ Laughter ]
Boy, I like the way you tell a story.
[ Laughter ]
Bam Bam!
[ Stomping foot ]
It's not even like that. Bam, I --
I damn near want to high five you.
[ Laughter ]
Boy, this good right here.
My leg and her arm got stuck in the wheel.
Boy.
[ Spectators murmur ]
Boy, this story right here. This unwrapping so bad.
And then -- then the car swerved off the road?
No, I hit a tree.
You slammed into a tree.
Boy, this some Teddy Pendergrass mess, right here.
[ Laughter ]
Bam, that's -- This the best story
that has nothing to do with the case...
[ Chuckles ]
...I've ever heard.
Elysia, what is the lesson
that you really want Bam to get?
I really want him to be responsible and know
that Auntie isn't gonna be able to fix everything.
And my mom, she needs to know that, too.
I can't do everything.
I have student loans. I can't afford this.
I have to go up and take care of another ticket
when he hasn't paid me back for this one.
So, you know, that's what I want him to learn.
I mean, he's young, and I-I don't want him to go on
feeling like everybody's gonna take care of him,
especially me, 'cause I can't do it.
Um, I've reached a verdict.
[ Cheers and applause ]
The defendant, Bam Bam, Key'Vonte,
you got a good heart.
See, you work hard and you disciplined
for the things you want.
But when it comes time to be disciplined
for the things you have to do,
you find a way not to make that happen.
Oh, by the way, it has nothing to do with --
But I love the reaching over me,
get the -- get the tissue con--
That -- Boy, had nothing to do with the case,
but it just made me smile.
I really don't give a damn.
You know you finna lose this case, don't you?
[ Laughter ]
You see it coming. Mm-hmm.
I like the way you -- You see it coming.
Mm-hmm. This -- You on the --
[ Chuckles ] You on the sled right now.
You're going down.
'Cause, see, you can do -- You do what you want to do.
But in life, as a man,
you gotta do the things you have to do.
Now, I am ruling on behalf of the plaintiff
the entire suit for $938.
You owe her. I'm not paying it for you.
You're gonna pay it yourself.
Okay. [ Cheers and applause ]
Because you have got to learn this part, young man.
And you capable of learning it.
Now, I want to thank you for your kind heart.
Now...
...I don't normally award anything to lawyers.
If I had all the money back
I have paid in legal fees in my career, I could retire.
But you a different kind of lawyer,
and you service the underprivileged.
Mm-hmm.
And you realize the more underprivileged you are,
the more underserved and underrepresented
you'll be in the court system.
Our prison is full of young men
who just couldn't afford the right lawyer.
This is the North Carolina Legal Aid?
Yes, we help people that are in poverty, eviction,
emergency custody, child abuse, uh, physical abuse,
so domestic-violence survivors.
I'm pretty sure they don't have enough resources.
No, we ask for grants and things.
So that's how we're funded.
And whatever we get that year and the next year --
That's what you make work. Yeah.
Alright, here's what I'm gonna do.
I'm gonna give you personally to put into your own pocket
$5,000 from this court.
[ Cheers and applause ]
And to the North Carolina Legal Aid
for what you're doing for all those people,
I'mma give you another $20,000.
[ Cheers and applause ]
That's my verdict.
And that's the way I see it.
♪♪
$20,000 will help thousands of people.
I mean, you just don't know how impactful that is.
I mean, it's just, like, bringing tears to my eyes,
and I'm so thankful.
You're going further down the rabbit hole.
This is why I need to win this case
so that I can keep the woman that I love.
[ Laughter ]
[ Cheers and applause ]
Alright, let's go.
This is the case
of Louis Elliott
vs. Anne-Marie Elliott.
Louis is suing his wife, Anne-Marie, for $1,700
because she spends too much time playing pickleball
and spends no time with him.
Anne-Marie says her husband
shouldn't complain about her hobby
and she's not giving up the game.
Okay, uh, let's start with you, Louis.
You have 30 seconds to state your case.
I'm here today because pickleball
has taken over my wife's life.
She plays five, six, sometimes seven days a week,
and she leaves me home alone. Okay?
She's going to a pickleball camp next week for a whole week.
I'm suing for the $1,200 for the pickleball camp,
and I'm suing for $500
because she's leaving me lonely.
[ Spectators "aw" ]
Okay, Anne-Marie, it's your turn.
You have 30 seconds to respond.
My husband is bringing me here,
claiming that I am away from him all this time
and somehow pickleball has taken over my life
when I have invited him to play with me,
but he chooses not to.
Um, and when he says,
"Don't play pickleball. Let's do something together,"
he means stay home, sit on the floor,
read a book, play with our dogs, and do that.
That's not entertaining.
It's not social. It's not fun.
We used to play racquetball.
We used to play tennis. We used to play softball.
We used to go to rave dances, all of these things.
He doesn't do any of that stuff anymore.
He wants to stay home.
Well...
Uh, Louis, how long y'all been married, man?
Judge, we've been married for 26 years.
But we've been together almost 30 years.
[ Cheers and applause ]
So what's the problem?
My wife discovered pickleball,
and pickleball is -- is a fun game.
It is. So she started playing.
But now she's gotten obsessed with it.
She's in four leagues, Judge.
Do you have an obsession with pickleball?
I enjoy pickleball very much. Okay.
I wore my pickleball necklace here today
'cause it's an important part of my life.
I love the competition. I love the people.
The people -- We have a video on the pickleball.
Let -- Let everybody see what pickleball is.
Well, we're warming up here.
Now, this is one of the nicer facilities.
Most of the facilities are outdoors.
And they'll play when it's freezing
or when it's 100 degrees.
And they won't play -- You're not made of sugar.
And they won't -- You won't melt.
They won't play for an hour,
hour and a half.
I would do that in a heartbeat.
Judge, they'll play for 3 1/2 hours.
Pickleball is -- is fun.
But it's a lot more fun, the after party
behind the pickleball.
Go-- Going and getting the food
and going and getting the drinks
than it is to play the pickleball.
Oh, this is you with the -- That's -- That's part of the reason
why we're here, Judge.
It's because of this picture?
Because she's become the equivalent
of a pickleball escort.
[ Spectators murmur ] [ Chuckles ]
Hey, wait up.
Hey, Judge, as God is my witness --
Don't drag the Lord in this.
[ Laughter ]
Don't do this.
God would have told you not to say that.
Go ahead and tell me what you mean by that.
My wife has been receiving phone calls from random people
who say, "There's a tournament coming up,"
or "I'm doing a pickleball clinic. Come on down."
People she doesn't know, men and women, Judge.
Well, everybody's a stranger until you meet them.
That's a fact. [ Chuckles ]
And you could be in this tournament with me,
but you're at home.
Reading a book.
Give me an example of what you like to do.
I like to do lots of stuff, Judge.
Well, I just want one.
Right.
I like to walk the dogs.
[ Laughter ]
I like to go out to dinner.
I like spending time with my wife.
I spend lots of time doing things
that she likes to do
just so I can spend time with her.
But when I go to the pickleball court,
she won't play with me.
Why won't you play with him?
He has not taken one lesson.
He has not taken one clinic.
He's not good at it. He's not good.
Oh, that's not true, Judge. And he doesn't --
He doesn't have the passion. In fact, I've won plenty
of games against her.
What? With who as your partner did you beat me?
With José.
I beat you with Hilary. So two men against two women.
[ Chuckles ]
José?
We've got some friends
who we used to play pickleball with,
and I played a lot of pickleball with them
because after we were done playing pickleball,
we would go out to eat and get margaritas.
So really, Louis, you just want to eat and drink.
[ Laughter ]
Judge, I'm -- I'm older now.
I understand.
And -- And -- And so that's more my speed.
Yeah. But mind if I ask how old you are, Louis?
I'm 53.
He's younger than me.
You 53?
I'm 53.
And you just want to read books
at the house and walk the dog and...
Judge, I'm a -- ...go get something to eat and drink.
Man, you -- Man, you folding up the tent
a little early now, Louis.
[ Applause ]
Judge.
Judge, I'm open to doing anything
as long as it's with my wife.
And I've never denied her anything
as long as we were doing it together.
So now we're here
because you're suing for $1,700.
$1,200 for a pickleball camp.
I don't understand. Louis: Yes, sir.
In about ten days from now... Uh-huh.
...my wife is going to Black Mountain, North Carolina,
for a one-week pickleball camp.
A full week where she will sleep overnight.
What you suing her for?
So, Judge, this is time
that she could be spending with me.
We could plan a vacation.
Judge, there's nothing I would love more
than for Louis to plan a vacation
because he has not planned one for 26 years.
[ Spectators murmur ]
[ Chuckles ]
See, this -- this why it's hard to come to court
with your wife, man.
Because the wife's memory is phenomenal.
It is, so... Boy.
Judge, she -- she -- I'm listening.
She is -- I want you to say something.
She is the -- Louis.
These people in here like you. Listen to me, Louis.
They've heard you say, "I want to spend time with my wife."
There's women back here
wanting a man to feel that way about them.
They love that about you.
But, man, you've got to say something better than,
"I want her to stay home."
What?
Louis, what?
So listen, Judge.
We have done lots of stuff together.
What?! But -- But every --
Just give me something! Ev-Every --
Louis, I just -- Give me something
other than walking the dog
and sitting in that damn room on the floor reading a book.
Give me something y'all do.
What, Louis?
Give me something that I can
make this woman want to stay home to do.
♪♪
Louis, I -- Give me something other than walking the dog
and sitting in that damn room on the floor reading a book.
Give me something y'all do.
What, Louis?
Give me something that I can
make this woman want to stay home to do.
[ Laughter ]
Anne-Marie has always been the organizer.
She's a smart, smart lady. Yes.
And our entire marriage, she has handled the finances.
Yes. She has handled the family vacations.
You're losing. You're losing, boy.
You're losing.
You're going further down the rabbit hole. Okay, okay.
Everything you do, you're giving her all the credit.
So, Judge, if -- if -- You're not looking good. What?
If I win this case --
If you win this case? If I win this case --
You ain't got a shot in hell of winning this case.
[ Laughter ]
Man, what are you talking about?
Winning this case?
You just told us she is everything in the marriage.
This -- This -- This --
This is why I need to win this case
so that I can keep the woman that I love.
Wait a minute. No!
You want me to give you the $1,200
so you can stop her from going to Black Mountain.
No, no. I don't want to stop her.
Like I said, I don't want to take pickleball away.
I want to be able to plan something
so that we can do together.
You've never planned anything.
26 years of marriage.
Louis, I'll give you $1,200.
Tell me what you're gonna do with it with your wife.
Come on. So, I want to plan a trip.
What is the trip, Louis?!
I want to go to Niagara Falls.
I want to stay -- Don't nobody want to go
to no raggedy-ass Niagara Falls, man.
But -- But hold on, Judge.
I'm sorry. That's a good vacation.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I just made a mistake.
I'm sorry.
Niagara Falls is a wonderful place.
I-I-I want to cross over --
I want to cross over into Canada.
I've never been to Canada.
So this could be a second honeymoon.
A trip for us to go, just the two of us,
and -- and -- and reconnect.
If you could go anywhere, where would you like to go?
I would love to go, uh, to Costa Rica.
Costa Rica.
[ Cheers and applause ]
But, you know, Louis, man...
you're -- you're one of the great guys
that have come in the court.
He is.
You -- You -- You got a good heart.
I do. I do, Judge. You want the right thing.
I bet -- You're not in here for cheating.
No. No. You not in here for doing nothing wrong.
You've been a great father.
Yes. You've probably been a great husband, great provider.
You can't plan worth a damn.
No. No. And now all you want is your wife --
That's not in my wheelhouse, Judge.
I know. I know, Louis.
But, see, all you want is your wife to --
I've reached a verdict.
[ Cheers and applause ]
Louis, let me tell you what's happened here.
You come in here and you sue your wife for $1,700 --
$1,200 for pickleball camp and $500 for loss of affection.
[ Laughter ]
But it's really not a loss of affection,
because the loss you're talking about
is to get her to give up something she loves doing
to do something you love doing, which is nothing.
[ Laughter ]
You're too young for this, Louis.
You're 53 years old. 53, yes.
Louis, I'm 65 years old.
Nothing you said to me interests me.
Walk my dog?
What?
If you want your wife, you got to embrace your wife.
The totality of who she is.
Now, listen to me, Louis.
I know you love this woman, man,
but it's kind of contradictory.
Have you ever heard of a person, man,
trying to hold on to the bird so tight
to keep the bird from flying away?
You got to open your hand, man.
You got to let the bird fly around.
I got a bird that likes to fly.
And I like it when she flying around.
She look pretty when she fly.
That's a fact.
And then when she get to doing what she wants to do --
When I let that bird fly around and do what she wants to do,
you know what I know that bird gon' do?
That bird gon' come back in this nest.
And when the bird come back in the nest,
the big bald eagle get to do his thing.
Yeah.
And there we fool around,
get some feathers knocked all over the place.
Then the big bald eagle,
he get up and go to work the next day.
And the little pretty canary, she fly around.
That's what you got to do.
So now listen to me. Okay, Judge.
Let me tell you what I'm gon' do.
First of all, I'm dismissing your case.
[ Cheers and applause ]
I'm dismissing your case for $500 for loss of affection.
I'm dismissing your case for $1,200 for pickleball.
I'm going to give you, not you --
I'm gon' give Mrs. Anne-Marie from this court,
in order so y'all can go to Costa Rica
and do whatever else y'all want to do,
I'mma give you $7,500.
Wow. Thank you so much.
That's my verdict.
And that's the way I see it.
[ Cheers and applause ]
Go have a nice time.
♪♪
[ Laughs ] Thank you, Judge.
♪♪