1 00:00:11,136 --> 00:00:14,514 [person] And this is a recurring dream that you're having? 2 00:00:16,183 --> 00:00:17,601 Yes. 3 00:00:17,684 --> 00:00:21,230 And in it, the two of you are riding in that convertible… 4 00:00:22,231 --> 00:00:26,068 in the motorcade in Dallas, only you're the one that's injured. 5 00:00:26,151 --> 00:00:28,445 -Mmm. -And what are you wearing? 6 00:00:28,528 --> 00:00:30,239 I'm wearing the same thing his mother wore. 7 00:00:30,322 --> 00:00:34,159 The pink tweed suit and the pillbox hat. 8 00:00:34,243 --> 00:00:36,036 -She hates wearing hats. -[Carolyn chuckles] 9 00:00:36,119 --> 00:00:37,955 I do. Um… 10 00:00:38,038 --> 00:00:39,831 Okay, well, obviously that's what tracks 11 00:00:39,915 --> 00:00:42,251 with what we're talking about in our sessions. 12 00:00:42,334 --> 00:00:48,924 The idea that you are paying the price for John's fame, for John's ambitions. 13 00:00:49,007 --> 00:00:53,679 It also speaks to an outsized fear of exposure of the real world. 14 00:00:53,762 --> 00:00:56,515 Hmm. Let's just try not to editorialize, okay? 15 00:00:56,598 --> 00:00:59,268 Well, maybe if I was at home sleeping with her in our bed, 16 00:00:59,351 --> 00:01:00,769 she wouldn't be having these nightmares. 17 00:01:00,852 --> 00:01:02,938 You were the one who decided to leave and now you're saying 18 00:01:03,021 --> 00:01:04,398 your absence is the problem? [chuckles] 19 00:01:04,481 --> 00:01:06,817 Yeah, so we wouldn't say anything we could never take back. 20 00:01:06,900 --> 00:01:09,570 Yeah, so you go on a walk, John. You don't move out. 21 00:01:09,653 --> 00:01:12,281 -I didn't move out. -You left and then you-you… 22 00:01:12,364 --> 00:01:13,365 Yeah, you didn't come back. 23 00:01:13,448 --> 00:01:15,200 -So how would you characterize that? -Oh, my God. 24 00:01:15,284 --> 00:01:17,744 And if that is your instinct, to bolt when things get hard, 25 00:01:17,828 --> 00:01:19,705 how can I trust you just won't keep doing it? 26 00:01:19,788 --> 00:01:22,374 I was the one that made it very clear that divorce was off the table. 27 00:01:22,457 --> 00:01:24,585 So I should just feel comforted 28 00:01:24,668 --> 00:01:26,712 that you have unilaterally issued that decree. 29 00:01:26,795 --> 00:01:30,132 It means that the only option in my mind is to make this marriage work. 30 00:01:30,215 --> 00:01:33,093 John, there is a difference between not wanting us to fail 31 00:01:33,176 --> 00:01:35,304 -and wanting us to succeed. -[sighs] 32 00:01:35,387 --> 00:01:37,431 John views our marriage through the lens of the media. 33 00:01:37,514 --> 00:01:41,184 He's more concerned with the optics of our issues than our actual issues. 34 00:01:41,268 --> 00:01:44,604 We cannot just ignore the fact that we live under a microscope 35 00:01:44,688 --> 00:01:47,482 -because it's inconvenient. -[scoffs] I cannot be the third person 36 00:01:47,566 --> 00:01:48,608 in my marriage. 37 00:01:48,692 --> 00:01:52,154 Spending the rest of my life competing with everyone else in the world, 38 00:01:52,237 --> 00:01:55,240 or his family's legacy, or his magazine. 39 00:01:57,409 --> 00:01:58,452 [sighs] 40 00:01:58,535 --> 00:02:01,496 Well, I know that this is going to sound counterintuitive, 41 00:02:01,580 --> 00:02:05,751 but just based on everything that I'm hearing, 42 00:02:06,418 --> 00:02:09,254 I would advise a trial separation. 43 00:02:12,549 --> 00:02:13,592 I'm sorry, what? 44 00:02:13,675 --> 00:02:17,638 [stammers] Uh, your advice for our marriage is divorce? 45 00:02:17,721 --> 00:02:18,722 No. 46 00:02:18,805 --> 00:02:23,810 But I think part of the reason that you two aren't finding any clarity 47 00:02:23,894 --> 00:02:29,483 is that you're… you're stuck in this sort of liminal space, 48 00:02:29,566 --> 00:02:34,863 and maybe if you severed contact for a little while, 49 00:02:34,946 --> 00:02:39,117 you would gain a clearer idea of what you're missing 50 00:02:39,201 --> 00:02:44,581 or what your life would actually look like without the other. 51 00:02:44,665 --> 00:02:47,084 -[Carolyn] Mm-hmm. -Like, for how long? 52 00:02:47,167 --> 00:02:49,127 Yeah, like-like one, two weeks? 53 00:02:49,753 --> 00:02:51,797 A month, maybe two. 54 00:02:51,880 --> 00:02:56,051 [inhales sharply] Um, do you have, like, too many clients, or… 55 00:02:56,134 --> 00:02:57,135 No. 56 00:02:57,219 --> 00:03:01,682 No, I mean, you obviously would see me, you just wouldn't see each other. 57 00:03:01,765 --> 00:03:04,267 I can't not talk to my wife for a month. 58 00:03:04,351 --> 00:03:05,977 Yeah, I don't want to do that either. 59 00:03:06,061 --> 00:03:09,606 [stutters] I mean, I don't think I could even if you asked me to. [chuckles] 60 00:03:10,482 --> 00:03:15,028 Well, I mean, you won't come together, you won't let go, 61 00:03:15,112 --> 00:03:18,824 and instead, you are just white-knuckling this marriage 62 00:03:18,907 --> 00:03:20,450 into a downward spiral. 63 00:03:47,602 --> 00:03:49,187 What happened to one cigarette a day? 64 00:03:49,980 --> 00:03:51,356 We're drinking at a dive bar 65 00:03:51,440 --> 00:03:53,900 in the middle of a workday after marriage counseling. 66 00:03:54,401 --> 00:03:57,446 I'd say my discipline is shot for the day. 67 00:04:00,699 --> 00:04:04,661 [inhales, exhales sharply] 68 00:04:12,544 --> 00:04:13,587 You know something funny? 69 00:04:15,046 --> 00:04:18,508 When I'm at the Stanhope reminiscing about our life together, 70 00:04:18,592 --> 00:04:20,760 I never replay the bad moments in my head. 71 00:04:21,344 --> 00:04:25,682 All I think about is us at our best, laughing, 72 00:04:25,766 --> 00:04:28,310 -always reaching out for each other. -[sighs] 73 00:04:29,227 --> 00:04:31,480 It's never enough for us to just be in the same room. 74 00:04:31,563 --> 00:04:34,733 We always have to feel each other to know that we're really there. 75 00:04:35,650 --> 00:04:36,860 And then when we get together, 76 00:04:36,943 --> 00:04:39,863 it's all we can do not to rehash every fight we've ever had. 77 00:04:39,946 --> 00:04:42,282 I don't think we're totally to blame. 78 00:04:43,533 --> 00:04:47,704 Our marriage counselor hates us. 79 00:04:47,788 --> 00:04:49,664 -[laughs] -[laughs] Yeah. 80 00:04:49,748 --> 00:04:53,293 I mean, I think she's going to become a divorce mediator because of us. 81 00:04:53,376 --> 00:04:54,377 [John chuckles] 82 00:04:55,003 --> 00:04:56,546 You know what I was thinking about the other day? 83 00:04:56,630 --> 00:05:00,926 -Hmm? -That trip we took to Honduras 84 00:05:01,009 --> 00:05:04,763 when you got poison ivy everywhere and I had to wrap your hands in socks 85 00:05:04,846 --> 00:05:05,931 to keep you from itching. 86 00:05:06,014 --> 00:05:11,061 -There was calamine lotion everywhere. -Yeah, one big, pink man. 87 00:05:11,144 --> 00:05:12,312 Very messy. 88 00:05:12,395 --> 00:05:15,023 What about that time we had sex on the rooftop in Paris 89 00:05:15,106 --> 00:05:16,775 -and you almost got electrocuted? -[laughs] 90 00:05:16,858 --> 00:05:18,151 Worth it. 91 00:05:27,994 --> 00:05:29,329 If only we knew then. 92 00:05:29,412 --> 00:05:30,664 What? 93 00:05:34,042 --> 00:05:35,460 How good we had it. 94 00:05:38,630 --> 00:05:40,423 [♪ "All I Need" playing] 95 00:05:46,596 --> 00:05:47,597 We should get going. 96 00:05:47,681 --> 00:05:50,225 One more drink in this place and we really will be a sob story. 97 00:05:51,810 --> 00:05:52,811 [clears throat] 98 00:05:53,436 --> 00:05:55,355 -Hey. -Sorry. 99 00:05:56,147 --> 00:05:57,232 It's okay. 100 00:05:59,317 --> 00:06:04,114 Do you mind if I drop by and, um, get that linen blazer? 101 00:06:06,283 --> 00:06:08,702 ♪ All in all there's something to give ♪ 102 00:06:08,785 --> 00:06:11,288 ♪ All in all there's something to give ♪ 103 00:06:11,371 --> 00:06:14,666 ♪ All in all there's something to live ♪ 104 00:06:15,917 --> 00:06:19,629 -♪ With you ♪ -♪ Ooh ♪ 105 00:06:19,713 --> 00:06:20,881 [belt buckle rattles] 106 00:06:20,964 --> 00:06:24,885 -♪ With you ♪ -♪ Ooh-ahh ♪ 107 00:06:24,968 --> 00:06:27,721 ♪ Ah-ooh-aye ♪ 108 00:06:30,098 --> 00:06:33,184 ♪ Ah-ooh-aye, aye ♪ 109 00:06:34,686 --> 00:06:37,063 ♪ Ah-ooh-aye ♪ 110 00:06:40,066 --> 00:06:42,944 ♪ Ah-ooh-aye, aye ♪ 111 00:06:45,530 --> 00:06:48,325 ♪ Ah-ooh-aye ♪ 112 00:06:54,331 --> 00:06:56,166 Best kiss we've ever had? 113 00:06:57,459 --> 00:06:59,919 It has to be our first outside your apartment. 114 00:07:00,003 --> 00:07:01,963 No. No, that doesn't count. 115 00:07:03,673 --> 00:07:04,799 I mean as a couple. 116 00:07:04,883 --> 00:07:06,926 -Mmm, there have been lots. -Yeah. 117 00:07:09,512 --> 00:07:10,513 Jones Beach? 118 00:07:10,597 --> 00:07:12,849 -Which time? -[chuckles] 119 00:07:14,184 --> 00:07:17,103 What about by that fire in that lodge in Montana? 120 00:07:20,231 --> 00:07:22,233 No, I remember what it was. 121 00:07:22,317 --> 00:07:24,569 Fuck! I'm so late. 122 00:07:28,948 --> 00:07:30,742 Hey, wait, give me a kiss. 123 00:07:31,284 --> 00:07:32,285 [keys jingling] 124 00:07:34,454 --> 00:07:36,790 -Bye. I'll see you later, yeah? -Mm-hmm. 125 00:07:36,873 --> 00:07:39,709 Okay. Love you. 126 00:07:39,793 --> 00:07:41,419 -Love you. Bye. -Bye. 127 00:07:42,671 --> 00:07:43,672 [elevator bell dings] 128 00:07:47,342 --> 00:07:48,927 That's not what I had in mind. 129 00:07:49,010 --> 00:07:50,970 ♪ Ah-ooh-aye ♪ 130 00:07:53,390 --> 00:07:56,393 ♪ Ah-ooh-aye, aye ♪ 131 00:07:58,186 --> 00:07:59,854 [Carolyn chuckles] 132 00:08:03,483 --> 00:08:06,820 ♪ Ah-ooh-aye, aye ♪ 133 00:08:11,783 --> 00:08:12,909 [elevator bell dings] 134 00:08:16,329 --> 00:08:18,331 [♪ "All I Need" continues] 135 00:08:36,516 --> 00:08:38,309 [♪ "All I Need" ends] 136 00:08:46,234 --> 00:08:48,236 [rustling] 137 00:08:49,654 --> 00:08:51,031 [footsteps] 138 00:08:53,366 --> 00:08:55,660 [John] Here you go, buddy. [grunts] 139 00:08:59,664 --> 00:09:01,166 [groans] 140 00:09:15,138 --> 00:09:16,306 [Carolyn] Morning. 141 00:09:16,389 --> 00:09:18,016 -Hi. -Hi. 142 00:09:21,644 --> 00:09:23,772 -Sorry, I didn't wanna wake you. -No, that's fine. 143 00:09:23,855 --> 00:09:26,441 -I know you haven't been sleeping well. -It's okay. 144 00:09:28,902 --> 00:09:30,737 I have a 9:00 a.m. breakfast. 145 00:09:32,489 --> 00:09:35,116 Gotcha. [sniffles] 146 00:09:36,618 --> 00:09:38,787 -I can cancel it. -No. No, that's fine. 147 00:09:38,870 --> 00:09:43,291 I just, um… I thought maybe we might wanna talk about last night. 148 00:09:44,292 --> 00:09:46,669 -Yeah? -Yeah. [chuckles] 149 00:09:49,631 --> 00:09:52,175 I mean, do you feel bad? 150 00:09:53,384 --> 00:09:54,761 Uh… No. 151 00:09:55,762 --> 00:09:57,597 I… I don't know. 152 00:09:57,680 --> 00:10:01,059 Do you feel good about what's happening right now? 153 00:10:03,311 --> 00:10:04,562 Why don't we meet for lunch? 154 00:10:06,564 --> 00:10:09,901 You-You know what, it's probably best we just talk about it at counseling anyway. 155 00:10:12,278 --> 00:10:13,947 Do you think we tell Colleen? 156 00:10:14,030 --> 00:10:17,575 I mean, we kind of did exactly the opposite of what she asked us to. 157 00:10:21,704 --> 00:10:22,831 John, I'm confused. 158 00:10:22,914 --> 00:10:27,210 Are we angling for a gold star here or trying to save our marriage? 159 00:10:27,293 --> 00:10:30,588 I mean, I just don't want her to think that we're any more self-destructive 160 00:10:30,672 --> 00:10:32,048 than she already does. 161 00:10:35,385 --> 00:10:36,845 Am I seeing you at the George gala? 162 00:10:37,512 --> 00:10:40,557 No, John, I j… I just can't right now. 163 00:10:41,141 --> 00:10:42,142 [John sighs] 164 00:10:42,851 --> 00:10:46,312 So then I assume Rory's wedding is off the table. 165 00:10:48,273 --> 00:10:50,650 I love you, but you still don't get it. 166 00:10:52,360 --> 00:10:55,029 It's not as easy for me as it is for you. 167 00:10:55,113 --> 00:10:56,698 What isn't? 168 00:10:56,781 --> 00:10:58,867 Pretending like everything's okay. 169 00:11:00,368 --> 00:11:03,454 I can assure you that this is anything but easy for me. 170 00:11:05,039 --> 00:11:06,374 Talk to you later? 171 00:11:07,917 --> 00:11:08,918 Yeah. 172 00:11:11,296 --> 00:11:13,464 [breathes heavily, grunts] 173 00:11:19,721 --> 00:11:21,431 [elevator bell dings] 174 00:11:23,683 --> 00:11:26,186 I don't think I've been back here since she died. 175 00:11:28,062 --> 00:11:29,230 You look terrible. 176 00:11:29,314 --> 00:11:32,567 -Wow. Mom really is here with us. -You're graying. 177 00:11:32,650 --> 00:11:35,528 -Yeah, well, stress will do that to you. -Mmm. 178 00:11:42,035 --> 00:11:43,328 Sit down. 179 00:11:46,998 --> 00:11:48,333 It's a lot. 180 00:11:51,294 --> 00:11:54,380 But you have to ask yourself what's actually within your control. 181 00:11:55,465 --> 00:11:57,133 And what can you save? 182 00:11:58,301 --> 00:12:00,678 -She won't forgive me. -For what? 183 00:12:00,762 --> 00:12:04,349 Ruining her life, destroying her anonymity, 184 00:12:04,432 --> 00:12:06,184 failing to protect her. 185 00:12:06,851 --> 00:12:08,561 I mean, I remember sitting here with Mom 186 00:12:08,645 --> 00:12:10,897 and her telling me that any woman I ended up with 187 00:12:10,980 --> 00:12:13,691 would be under the illusion that we were entering a partnership, 188 00:12:13,775 --> 00:12:18,321 when in reality, they just have to orbit me like everybody else. 189 00:12:20,448 --> 00:12:23,743 She was married to the president of the United States. 190 00:12:23,826 --> 00:12:26,454 All she knew was how to orbit a great man. 191 00:12:27,497 --> 00:12:30,458 But you aren't Dad, and Carolyn isn't the First Lady. 192 00:12:33,044 --> 00:12:36,714 John, you dated countless women who were more than willing to let you 193 00:12:36,798 --> 00:12:39,300 be the center of the universe and none of them stuck. 194 00:12:39,884 --> 00:12:42,595 And then you found someone who wasn't willing to contort themselves 195 00:12:42,679 --> 00:12:46,307 into whatever they thought you needed, and you fell in love. 196 00:12:47,850 --> 00:12:51,187 And now those qualities, that fire, that self-possession 197 00:12:51,271 --> 00:12:53,648 aren't serving you anymore, and you're crying foul? 198 00:12:53,731 --> 00:12:56,442 I have tried everything in my power to make her happy. 199 00:12:57,777 --> 00:12:58,820 [sighs] 200 00:12:58,903 --> 00:13:00,697 What she's asking of you feels unreasonable 201 00:13:00,780 --> 00:13:03,408 because no one has ever asked it of you before. 202 00:13:03,491 --> 00:13:07,287 Your whole life, people have been willing to take whatever pieces of yourself 203 00:13:07,370 --> 00:13:09,455 you're willing to give them, but she isn't. 204 00:13:11,291 --> 00:13:13,334 And she was never gonna be someone who would be. 205 00:13:19,340 --> 00:13:22,135 I know you've been made to feel like your life is predestined, 206 00:13:22,218 --> 00:13:25,096 but that doesn't mean you are powerless to change it. 207 00:13:28,641 --> 00:13:31,352 The question is do you love her enough to do that? 208 00:13:38,651 --> 00:13:40,028 [John sighs] 209 00:13:51,122 --> 00:13:52,749 -[horn honks] -[Lauren] Thank you. 210 00:13:53,374 --> 00:13:54,584 [Lauren sighs] 211 00:13:55,710 --> 00:13:57,628 -[grunts] -Thank you. 212 00:14:00,423 --> 00:14:01,758 I spoke to John earlier. 213 00:14:04,802 --> 00:14:06,929 He called to ask how you were doing. 214 00:14:08,389 --> 00:14:09,599 -[sighs] -Well, what'd you tell him? 215 00:14:09,682 --> 00:14:12,060 I said pick up the phone and call her yourself. 216 00:14:16,481 --> 00:14:18,066 He did offer to drop me off in the Vineyard 217 00:14:18,149 --> 00:14:21,569 -on his way to Rory's wedding. -Mmm. That'll butter you up. 218 00:14:23,905 --> 00:14:25,073 Did you say yes? 219 00:14:25,156 --> 00:14:27,909 Well, I'm not going to turn down a ride on a summer Friday. 220 00:14:29,160 --> 00:14:30,411 Hmm. 221 00:14:31,245 --> 00:14:33,581 You should have seen him when I came downstairs this morning. 222 00:14:34,248 --> 00:14:37,085 Just heading off to work like it was any normal day. 223 00:14:37,168 --> 00:14:39,670 Well, did you say, "Hey, can you cancel your meeting? 224 00:14:39,754 --> 00:14:40,755 We really have to talk"? 225 00:14:40,838 --> 00:14:42,381 I shouldn't have to. 226 00:14:43,007 --> 00:14:44,342 It's not my job to edify us. 227 00:14:44,425 --> 00:14:47,762 Well then, you clearly weren't that desperate to communicate either. 228 00:14:48,596 --> 00:14:52,558 You know, you think because of our shit with Dad 229 00:14:52,642 --> 00:14:55,019 -that him leaving's the ultimate betrayal… -Lauren. 230 00:14:55,520 --> 00:15:00,483 …but this is also you projecting shit onto John that has nothing to do with him. 231 00:15:01,776 --> 00:15:04,529 If you really wanted to work on this relationship, 232 00:15:04,612 --> 00:15:09,033 you would swallow your pride, jettison this compulsion to be right 233 00:15:09,117 --> 00:15:11,619 and do what's in the best interest of your relationship. 234 00:15:13,663 --> 00:15:15,957 All I've done is compromise for him, Lauren. 235 00:15:16,707 --> 00:15:19,293 It's only compromise if it's by your own volition, 236 00:15:19,377 --> 00:15:21,170 but you can't cling to the past 237 00:15:21,254 --> 00:15:23,422 and work towards the future at the same time. 238 00:15:25,842 --> 00:15:27,260 [♪ "Here with Me" playing] 239 00:15:27,343 --> 00:15:29,137 [photojournalist 1] Right here. John! 240 00:15:29,220 --> 00:15:31,430 [photojournalist 2] Are you and your wife getting a divorce? 241 00:15:31,514 --> 00:15:32,682 Thank you all for being here. 242 00:15:32,765 --> 00:15:36,227 ♪ I didn't hear you leave ♪ 243 00:15:37,145 --> 00:15:40,064 ♪ I wonder how am I still here ♪ 244 00:15:40,148 --> 00:15:42,316 Carolyn and I could renew our vows in Times Square 245 00:15:42,400 --> 00:15:44,944 and the press would brand it a charged altercation. 246 00:15:45,027 --> 00:15:47,864 ♪ And I don't want to move a thing ♪ 247 00:15:48,948 --> 00:15:52,743 ♪ It might change my memory ♪ 248 00:15:57,165 --> 00:16:00,293 -[photojournalist 3] Carolyn! -[photojournalist 4] Over here. Here. 249 00:16:00,376 --> 00:16:02,086 ♪ I'll do what I want ♪ 250 00:16:02,170 --> 00:16:06,716 ♪ But I can't hide ♪ 251 00:16:07,258 --> 00:16:09,385 ♪ And I won't go ♪ 252 00:16:10,261 --> 00:16:12,471 ♪ I won't sleep ♪ 253 00:16:13,181 --> 00:16:16,225 ♪ I can't breathe ♪ 254 00:16:16,309 --> 00:16:19,228 ♪ Until you're resting here with me ♪ 255 00:16:19,312 --> 00:16:21,606 ♪ And I won't leave ♪ 256 00:16:21,689 --> 00:16:23,441 ♪ And I can't hide ♪ 257 00:16:23,524 --> 00:16:24,859 [John] Excuse me. 258 00:16:24,942 --> 00:16:26,652 Hi. You look beautiful. 259 00:16:26,736 --> 00:16:29,155 -Thank you. -What made you change your mind? 260 00:16:29,989 --> 00:16:31,991 I know how important this is to you. 261 00:16:32,074 --> 00:16:33,326 [photojournalist 5] This way, please! 262 00:16:35,369 --> 00:16:37,288 And I know I wanna try. 263 00:16:38,164 --> 00:16:41,000 ♪ I don't want to call my friends ♪ 264 00:16:41,083 --> 00:16:42,793 [photojournalists clamoring] 265 00:16:42,877 --> 00:16:46,005 ♪ They might wake me from this dream ♪ 266 00:16:48,633 --> 00:16:50,927 ♪ Oh, I am what I am ♪ 267 00:16:51,010 --> 00:16:53,471 [photojournalist 4] Look at John. Look over at John. 268 00:16:54,513 --> 00:16:59,644 ♪ But I can't hide ♪ 269 00:16:59,727 --> 00:17:01,437 ♪ And I won't go ♪ 270 00:17:01,520 --> 00:17:02,730 [camera shutters clicking] 271 00:17:02,813 --> 00:17:05,191 ♪ I won't sleep ♪ 272 00:17:05,274 --> 00:17:08,361 ♪ And I can't breathe ♪ 273 00:17:08,444 --> 00:17:13,950 ♪ Until you're resting here with me ♪ 274 00:17:14,033 --> 00:17:16,077 [♪ "Here with Me" ends] 275 00:17:25,169 --> 00:17:27,296 [♪ pensive music playing] 276 00:17:39,850 --> 00:17:41,394 [doorbell chimes] 277 00:17:47,692 --> 00:17:48,901 You're early. 278 00:17:48,985 --> 00:17:51,112 Well, I knew if I was late and you stormed out, 279 00:17:51,195 --> 00:17:52,446 I wouldn't be able to catch you. 280 00:17:52,530 --> 00:17:53,906 [chuckles] 281 00:17:53,990 --> 00:17:54,991 [chuckles] 282 00:17:59,161 --> 00:18:00,621 -[glasses clink] -[chuckles] 283 00:18:00,705 --> 00:18:02,373 [♪ pensive music ends] 284 00:18:04,625 --> 00:18:06,252 This your go-to date spot? 285 00:18:06,335 --> 00:18:09,505 What can I say? I'm a sucker for a laminated menu. 286 00:18:09,589 --> 00:18:10,590 [chuckles] 287 00:18:14,969 --> 00:18:16,929 Do you know what I remember about that first date? 288 00:18:17,013 --> 00:18:20,057 -[sighs] That my bike got stolen? -[chuckles] 289 00:18:21,642 --> 00:18:24,729 That, and… 290 00:18:28,232 --> 00:18:31,360 You said you felt like you had a sign over your head that read, 291 00:18:31,444 --> 00:18:34,947 "The Hunk Flunks" and that that was all people saw when they looked at you. 292 00:18:35,448 --> 00:18:37,783 And I remember asking you what your sign read, 293 00:18:37,867 --> 00:18:39,327 and you wouldn't tell me. 294 00:18:39,910 --> 00:18:41,162 And you still haven't told me. 295 00:18:41,245 --> 00:18:42,955 I don't think I've told anyone. 296 00:18:48,419 --> 00:18:50,713 Because if you knew what my sign said… 297 00:18:52,381 --> 00:18:55,426 "Please handle with care, not as tough as she looks," 298 00:18:55,509 --> 00:18:57,011 then the jig would've been up. 299 00:18:58,262 --> 00:19:01,932 There'd be no mystery for you to solve, no defense system to disarm. 300 00:19:04,477 --> 00:19:07,104 [smacks lips] And therefore, no reason to stay. 301 00:19:08,022 --> 00:19:09,231 But then I met you… 302 00:19:11,442 --> 00:19:14,487 and I fell in love with you and I didn't want to do that anymore. 303 00:19:17,031 --> 00:19:20,451 I wanted to let you in. [breathes shakily] 304 00:19:23,663 --> 00:19:26,207 You made me realize that I'm someone who… 305 00:19:27,792 --> 00:19:32,088 who wants to be loved and nurtured… 306 00:19:32,171 --> 00:19:35,883 [inhales deeply] …and taken care of and… 307 00:19:36,425 --> 00:19:37,426 [sighs] 308 00:19:44,517 --> 00:19:46,519 How do we know we won't hurt each other? 309 00:19:47,728 --> 00:19:48,896 We don't. 310 00:19:50,106 --> 00:19:52,066 -We just know that we wanna try. -[sniffles] 311 00:19:52,566 --> 00:19:56,070 And build a life for ourselves, as partners. 312 00:19:56,153 --> 00:19:57,988 And what does that look like, though, John? 313 00:19:58,072 --> 00:20:02,410 Because I don't think our marriage can withstand any more scrutiny. 314 00:20:02,493 --> 00:20:04,328 I know. [sighs] 315 00:20:04,829 --> 00:20:07,248 And part of that means I have to reexamine 316 00:20:07,331 --> 00:20:10,793 my relationship with everyone and everything that isn't you. 317 00:20:11,627 --> 00:20:13,045 Because you come first. 318 00:20:13,129 --> 00:20:15,423 But I don't want you to feel like you have to choose. 319 00:20:16,090 --> 00:20:19,552 I know you've been burdened with unfathomable expectations, 320 00:20:19,635 --> 00:20:21,846 and I would never fault you for trying to meet them. 321 00:20:21,929 --> 00:20:22,972 Carolyn. 322 00:20:23,556 --> 00:20:27,393 You're the one thing in my life that I know that I'm destined for. 323 00:20:29,311 --> 00:20:30,646 I love you. 324 00:20:34,525 --> 00:20:36,444 [smacks lips] I love you too. 325 00:20:43,200 --> 00:20:48,414 You know, I was thinking, if you're up for it, you and I could go on a trip. 326 00:20:50,416 --> 00:20:52,376 -Where? -Anywhere you want. 327 00:20:53,085 --> 00:20:56,630 -Paris. Belize. Tahiti. -[laughs] 328 00:20:58,758 --> 00:21:01,802 -For how long? -Till we decide to come home. 329 00:21:02,470 --> 00:21:04,513 Wherever that might be for us. 330 00:21:06,182 --> 00:21:08,309 I'll be back on Sunday from Rory's wedding. 331 00:21:08,392 --> 00:21:09,769 Why don't we pull out a world map 332 00:21:09,852 --> 00:21:12,813 and find the most remote island no one's ever heard of. 333 00:21:14,148 --> 00:21:16,317 I forgot about that, um… 334 00:21:16,400 --> 00:21:19,028 -Rory's… Rory's wedding. -Don't even worry about it. 335 00:21:19,111 --> 00:21:21,572 -Caroline's not even going. -No, I wanna go. 336 00:21:22,865 --> 00:21:24,158 You do? 337 00:21:27,203 --> 00:21:28,329 Yeah. 338 00:21:31,665 --> 00:21:33,459 I miss dancing with you. 339 00:21:35,878 --> 00:21:37,630 I miss dancing with you. 340 00:21:38,172 --> 00:21:40,007 [Carolyn chuckles] 341 00:22:09,995 --> 00:22:12,540 That might've been even better than the first time. 342 00:22:17,336 --> 00:22:18,587 I should go. 343 00:22:21,215 --> 00:22:23,092 Gotta find a dress. 344 00:22:29,431 --> 00:22:32,184 -What if we're jumping the gun? -[Lauren] What do you mean? 345 00:22:32,268 --> 00:22:34,645 It's just we're finally getting to a good place, 346 00:22:34,728 --> 00:22:37,857 and I don't know if subjecting ourselves to the prying eyes 347 00:22:37,940 --> 00:22:40,860 of a massive Kennedy wedding is the move for us right now. 348 00:22:40,943 --> 00:22:43,028 It's normal to feel anxious and apprehensive, 349 00:22:43,112 --> 00:22:44,780 but you two are going into this weekend 350 00:22:44,864 --> 00:22:47,700 with a completely different mindset than in the past. 351 00:22:47,783 --> 00:22:49,785 -Go get your nails done. -[sighs] 352 00:22:49,869 --> 00:22:50,995 Go from there. 353 00:22:51,078 --> 00:22:53,330 -Okay. Okay. -One step at a time. 354 00:22:53,414 --> 00:22:55,791 -See you soon. -Thanks, Laur. See you soon. 355 00:22:57,626 --> 00:22:59,628 [♪ uplifting music playing] 356 00:23:01,297 --> 00:23:02,464 [line ringing] 357 00:23:02,548 --> 00:23:05,217 -[operator] Hyannis Port. -Hey, this is John Kennedy. 358 00:23:05,301 --> 00:23:07,887 Requesting a standard weather briefing for a VFR flight 359 00:23:07,970 --> 00:23:10,931 from Essex County to Martha's Vineyard departing around 6:00 p.m. 360 00:23:11,015 --> 00:23:12,182 -Okay, you got Essex County… -Uh-huh. 361 00:23:12,266 --> 00:23:15,519 -…clear skies, four-mile visibility. -Uh-huh. 362 00:23:15,603 --> 00:23:17,980 Then it's, Martha's Vineyard, clear skies, six miles visibility. 363 00:23:18,063 --> 00:23:19,064 Uh-huh. 364 00:23:20,774 --> 00:23:23,569 -[paparazzi clamoring] -[camera shutters clicking] 365 00:23:35,623 --> 00:23:37,625 What did she say exactly? 366 00:23:37,708 --> 00:23:39,627 -She was nervous. -[stammers, sighs] 367 00:23:40,502 --> 00:23:42,087 I thought we moved past this. 368 00:23:43,547 --> 00:23:45,716 Neither of you are going to change overnight. 369 00:23:48,177 --> 00:23:49,261 [sighs] 370 00:24:09,907 --> 00:24:11,909 [plane engine drones] 371 00:24:57,287 --> 00:24:59,999 -I'm gonna go sit with him for a bit. -Mm-hmm. Okay. 372 00:25:00,082 --> 00:25:02,042 [Carolyn unbuckles seat belt] 373 00:25:05,838 --> 00:25:07,631 -Permission to enter the cockpit. -[chuckling] 374 00:25:07,715 --> 00:25:09,049 [Carolyn chuckles] 375 00:25:15,931 --> 00:25:20,561 -Excuse me. [chuckling] Oh, fuck. -[chuckling] 376 00:25:31,488 --> 00:25:33,824 [seat belt clicks] 377 00:25:36,285 --> 00:25:37,411 [sighs] 378 00:25:38,662 --> 00:25:39,997 I missed you. 379 00:25:42,541 --> 00:25:44,209 I had a feeling. 380 00:26:24,875 --> 00:26:27,836 [♪ ominous music playing] 381 00:26:32,925 --> 00:26:34,593 [meters chime] 382 00:26:34,676 --> 00:26:37,805 [plane rattling] 383 00:26:51,151 --> 00:26:53,237 [alarm beeping] 384 00:26:55,823 --> 00:26:58,158 -[switch clicks] -Everything okay? 385 00:26:58,242 --> 00:27:00,661 -[alarm beeping stops] -Yeah, you should… 386 00:27:00,744 --> 00:27:02,162 You should go back to your seat. 387 00:27:02,246 --> 00:27:04,289 [plane continues rattling] 388 00:27:09,086 --> 00:27:10,796 I want to sit with you. 389 00:27:17,511 --> 00:27:20,264 [breathes heavily] 390 00:27:32,067 --> 00:27:35,112 [alarm blaring] 391 00:27:35,195 --> 00:27:37,030 -[switch clicks] -[alarm blaring stops] 392 00:27:37,865 --> 00:27:43,287 It's okay. Just breathe. John. Just breathe. 393 00:27:44,204 --> 00:27:46,874 [breathing heavily] 394 00:27:48,333 --> 00:27:49,626 Just breathe. 395 00:28:20,699 --> 00:28:22,242 [ringing] 396 00:28:22,784 --> 00:28:24,870 United States Coast Guard Air Station Cape Cod. 397 00:28:24,953 --> 00:28:26,538 This is Petty Officer Rietta. How may I help you? 398 00:28:26,622 --> 00:28:28,707 [air traffic controller] Yeah, I got a no-call no-show at Martha's Vineyard. 399 00:28:28,790 --> 00:28:34,546 -Can I get the aircraft information? -Piper Papa-Alpha-32-Romeo-301Saratoga. 400 00:28:34,630 --> 00:28:37,758 -And the name of the pilot? -John F. Kennedy Junior. 401 00:28:38,258 --> 00:28:41,345 ...departing Essex County. Thirty miles in on approach. 402 00:28:42,846 --> 00:28:44,181 [laughing] 403 00:28:44,264 --> 00:28:45,474 [banging on door] 404 00:28:47,893 --> 00:28:49,645 [banging continues] 405 00:28:49,728 --> 00:28:51,605 It's all right, I got it. I got it. 406 00:28:53,440 --> 00:28:54,566 [banging continues] 407 00:28:54,650 --> 00:28:56,652 [chattering on radio] 408 00:28:59,446 --> 00:29:01,823 -Can I help you? -[officer] We're sorry to disturb you. 409 00:29:01,907 --> 00:29:04,034 We're from the Custer County Sheriff's Office. 410 00:29:04,117 --> 00:29:05,911 Your family's been trying to reach you on your cell, 411 00:29:05,994 --> 00:29:07,871 but we know there's no service out here. 412 00:29:07,955 --> 00:29:09,289 What is it? What's wrong? 413 00:29:09,373 --> 00:29:10,499 It's your brother, ma'am. 414 00:29:10,582 --> 00:29:13,001 His plane has been reported missing. 415 00:29:15,671 --> 00:29:17,714 [phone ringing] 416 00:29:19,967 --> 00:29:21,093 [Ann grunts] 417 00:29:24,554 --> 00:29:26,348 Hello? [clears throat] 418 00:29:31,103 --> 00:29:32,104 What? 419 00:29:32,729 --> 00:29:36,066 [stutters] I'm sorry, can you say that again? 420 00:29:38,402 --> 00:29:40,737 [Ed] No, that's correct. That was my understanding. 421 00:29:41,488 --> 00:29:44,533 Well, I can wait if you wanna check. I don't think the answer's gonna change. 422 00:29:45,158 --> 00:29:47,119 They said they can have a plane ready for us within an hour. 423 00:29:47,202 --> 00:29:49,079 -Okay. -What do you wanna tell the kids? 424 00:29:49,162 --> 00:29:50,831 I don't know. I just… We have to get home. 425 00:29:50,914 --> 00:29:54,418 -Have you talked to the Hyannis Airport? -No, I wasn't able to get through. 426 00:29:54,501 --> 00:29:56,003 But Teddy said they didn't land there either. 427 00:29:56,086 --> 00:29:57,754 But we know they took off, right? 428 00:29:57,838 --> 00:30:00,632 Yes, we got confirmation from Essex County Airport. 429 00:30:01,842 --> 00:30:03,593 But I'm sure there's an explanation. 430 00:30:03,677 --> 00:30:05,929 We begin tonight with breaking news. 431 00:30:06,013 --> 00:30:09,349 John F. Kennedy Jr.'s plane has been reported missing 432 00:30:09,433 --> 00:30:11,643 off the coast of Massachusetts. 433 00:30:11,727 --> 00:30:15,480 The Piper Saratoga allegedly disappeared from radar 434 00:30:15,564 --> 00:30:19,234 as it was en route from New Jersey to Martha's Vineyard. 435 00:30:19,317 --> 00:30:21,778 At this hour, the Coast Guard is stressing 436 00:30:21,862 --> 00:30:24,823 that this remains a search and rescue mission. 437 00:30:24,906 --> 00:30:29,286 Officials are urging anyone with information to come forward. 438 00:30:30,787 --> 00:30:33,498 [Dan Rather] What has happened to John F. Kennedy Jr. 439 00:30:33,582 --> 00:30:36,251 and his missing single-engine aircraft? 440 00:30:36,334 --> 00:30:39,671 The plane is believed to have carried not only John F. Kennedy Jr., 441 00:30:39,755 --> 00:30:44,217 but his wife Carolyn Bessette Kennedy and her sister Lauren. 442 00:30:44,301 --> 00:30:45,802 They'd taken off from New Jersey, 443 00:30:45,886 --> 00:30:47,554 heading to Martha's Vineyard in Massachusetts 444 00:30:47,637 --> 00:30:49,181 for a Kennedy family wedding. 445 00:30:49,264 --> 00:30:50,640 -The plane never arrived-- -[turns off TV] 446 00:30:50,724 --> 00:30:53,143 [Caroline cries] 447 00:30:58,190 --> 00:31:00,692 Senator Kennedy, I have the president on the line. 448 00:31:07,365 --> 00:31:09,034 Mr. President. 449 00:31:18,877 --> 00:31:20,128 I understand. 450 00:31:21,630 --> 00:31:26,635 We, um… We, uh, appreciate your efforts… [sniffles] …sir. 451 00:31:29,304 --> 00:31:30,931 Thank you for calling. 452 00:31:34,434 --> 00:31:35,435 [phone beeps] 453 00:31:38,230 --> 00:31:41,775 [breathes heavily] 454 00:31:44,611 --> 00:31:46,780 Please don't say another word. 455 00:31:48,448 --> 00:31:50,200 I beg of you, please. 456 00:31:51,743 --> 00:31:53,745 Don't say anything. 457 00:31:57,916 --> 00:32:00,043 -They're reporting-- -I don't care what they're reporting, Ed. 458 00:32:00,127 --> 00:32:02,629 I'm not doing this again, okay? 459 00:32:03,588 --> 00:32:04,798 I will not. 460 00:32:07,717 --> 00:32:09,970 [Caroline breathing shakily, sobbing] 461 00:32:10,053 --> 00:32:11,054 [sniffles] 462 00:32:13,682 --> 00:32:15,100 Why don't you come sit down? 463 00:32:15,183 --> 00:32:17,769 I'm not leaving, Ed. I'm staying right here, okay? 464 00:32:17,853 --> 00:32:19,771 As soon as I go out there… 465 00:32:22,649 --> 00:32:24,484 He was just here. 466 00:32:30,282 --> 00:32:32,534 He cannot be gone, Ed. 467 00:32:32,617 --> 00:32:34,619 [♪ melancholy music playing] 468 00:32:35,287 --> 00:32:37,873 He cannot be gone! 469 00:32:38,790 --> 00:32:41,543 That doesn't make any fucking sense! Do you understand me? 470 00:32:41,626 --> 00:32:44,462 That doesn't make any fucking sense. It doesn't make any fucking sense. 471 00:32:44,546 --> 00:32:46,131 He's not gone! 472 00:32:46,214 --> 00:32:49,259 -[mutters] -He's not! He's not. 473 00:32:50,927 --> 00:32:52,554 [sobbing] 474 00:32:52,637 --> 00:32:53,805 Sweetheart… 475 00:32:56,057 --> 00:32:59,811 -It isn't true. -Sweetheart, I'm so sorry. 476 00:33:02,689 --> 00:33:06,067 Please don't do this to me. I can't do it again. 477 00:33:09,613 --> 00:33:12,032 I can't do it again. 478 00:33:22,626 --> 00:33:24,169 [wailing] 479 00:33:45,482 --> 00:33:47,108 Teddy called again. [sighs] 480 00:33:47,192 --> 00:33:50,070 Um… We have to discuss the funeral arrangements. 481 00:33:50,153 --> 00:33:53,865 [sighs] Where would you like to have it, St. Peter's Basilica? 482 00:33:54,574 --> 00:33:56,743 Well, what do you want me to tell him? 483 00:34:00,121 --> 00:34:02,874 That I'll let him know as soon as I make my decision. 484 00:34:05,126 --> 00:34:08,129 [stammers] The New York Times called as well. 485 00:34:08,213 --> 00:34:09,214 [sighs] 486 00:34:13,969 --> 00:34:17,305 He spent his whole life bound to that little boy… 487 00:34:21,476 --> 00:34:25,313 desperate to free himself from a tragedy he couldn't even remember. 488 00:34:30,819 --> 00:34:33,655 All he wanted was to simply be. 489 00:34:38,368 --> 00:34:42,205 All he'll be remembered for is what he could have become. 490 00:34:54,509 --> 00:34:57,053 If you're flying using visual navigation alone, 491 00:34:57,137 --> 00:34:59,764 relying on the lights of the coast, the horizon, 492 00:34:59,848 --> 00:35:01,725 instead of your flight instruments, 493 00:35:01,808 --> 00:35:04,978 and you're suddenly flying in the pitch black with haze everywhere, 494 00:35:05,061 --> 00:35:07,981 the ocean and sky essentially blend into this black hole, 495 00:35:08,064 --> 00:35:10,734 and you can experience what's called spatial disorientation, 496 00:35:10,817 --> 00:35:12,902 where you basically don't know which way is up. 497 00:35:12,986 --> 00:35:15,196 So you start course correcting the plane 498 00:35:15,280 --> 00:35:18,533 based on what your impaired brain is telling you, instead of reality. 499 00:35:18,617 --> 00:35:21,077 Would they have known they were going down? 500 00:35:21,161 --> 00:35:24,247 They would have known something was wrong, obviously, 501 00:35:24,331 --> 00:35:26,750 but no, not necessarily. 502 00:35:26,833 --> 00:35:28,710 I spoke to someone over at NTSB, 503 00:35:28,793 --> 00:35:31,880 and he explained it's like being taken under by a wave. 504 00:35:31,963 --> 00:35:33,214 -The water is-- -[door opens] 505 00:35:43,266 --> 00:35:45,977 Let me start by offering my deepest condolences. 506 00:35:46,061 --> 00:35:47,520 Where is she? 507 00:35:48,980 --> 00:35:50,565 -Sorry? -Your wife. 508 00:35:50,649 --> 00:35:52,901 She was supposed to be here. Where is she? 509 00:35:52,984 --> 00:35:55,820 I-I think she just felt, uh, in light of the circumstances, 510 00:35:55,904 --> 00:36:01,242 it would be better if I helped broker the arrangements for the remains. 511 00:36:01,326 --> 00:36:04,245 Is that right? Mmm. 512 00:36:07,916 --> 00:36:11,419 I assure you she was just trying to be mindful of your feelings. 513 00:36:11,503 --> 00:36:16,132 Oh, is that the pretext that her legal team concocted? 514 00:36:16,216 --> 00:36:17,342 My feelings? 515 00:36:17,967 --> 00:36:20,428 Because if it is, she should fire them. 516 00:36:20,512 --> 00:36:22,222 Why-Why don't we, uh… 517 00:36:25,809 --> 00:36:30,355 Uh, President Clinton has offered, uh, that John be buried 518 00:36:30,438 --> 00:36:35,527 in Arlington National Cemetery alongside President Kennedy and Jackie, 519 00:36:35,610 --> 00:36:37,153 next to the Eternal Flame. 520 00:36:37,237 --> 00:36:41,074 However, if we wanted to keep John and Carolyn together, 521 00:36:41,157 --> 00:36:43,660 we propose, uh, Holyhood, 522 00:36:43,743 --> 00:36:47,789 the Kennedy family burial plot in Brookline, Massachusetts. 523 00:36:47,872 --> 00:36:51,751 Why would my daughter be buried in a state she has no ties to? 524 00:36:51,835 --> 00:36:55,714 And are you suggesting those are my two choices, 525 00:36:55,797 --> 00:36:58,967 which you so kindly laid out for me? 526 00:36:59,050 --> 00:37:00,552 No, no, of course not. 527 00:37:01,469 --> 00:37:05,724 But if-if you prefer that Carolyn be buried with John, 528 00:37:05,807 --> 00:37:08,226 the family would insist that he be alongside 529 00:37:08,309 --> 00:37:10,353 the rest of the deceased Kennedy relatives. 530 00:37:10,437 --> 00:37:12,564 "The family would insist." 531 00:37:13,606 --> 00:37:17,819 The gall of you to sit there and try and dictate terms. 532 00:37:17,902 --> 00:37:21,823 [stutters] No, I'm simply relaying the wishes of the Kennedy family. 533 00:37:21,906 --> 00:37:24,200 If the Kennedy family feels so strongly about this, 534 00:37:24,284 --> 00:37:25,952 why did they send you? 535 00:37:31,499 --> 00:37:34,085 Whatever you decide to do with Carolyn's remains-- 536 00:37:34,169 --> 00:37:36,379 You keep saying her name. 537 00:37:37,255 --> 00:37:39,299 You keep saying "Carolyn." 538 00:37:39,924 --> 00:37:43,553 May I remind you that I had not one but two daughters 539 00:37:43,636 --> 00:37:46,097 on board that plane that he crashed? 540 00:37:46,931 --> 00:37:50,059 [♪ melancholy music playing] 541 00:37:56,858 --> 00:37:58,860 [Ann cries] 542 00:38:03,281 --> 00:38:05,283 [sobs] 543 00:38:07,494 --> 00:38:10,121 [sniffles, breathes shakily] 544 00:38:11,956 --> 00:38:13,958 [♪ melancholy music continues] 545 00:38:20,215 --> 00:38:21,341 [sighs] 546 00:38:32,060 --> 00:38:33,061 [elevator bell dings] 547 00:38:44,906 --> 00:38:47,242 [♪ melancholy music fades] 548 00:38:52,247 --> 00:38:55,375 Your husband needs to work on his bedside manner. 549 00:38:55,458 --> 00:38:58,294 I think some wires might've gotten crossed. 550 00:38:58,378 --> 00:39:00,213 Oh, I assure you there was no misunderstanding 551 00:39:00,296 --> 00:39:02,423 in what he said or how he said it. 552 00:39:02,507 --> 00:39:03,842 Well, I… 553 00:39:03,925 --> 00:39:07,262 I know his intention was to concentrate on the logistics 554 00:39:07,345 --> 00:39:09,180 so as not to exacerbate the situation. 555 00:39:09,264 --> 00:39:13,268 Then maybe dispatch a less obtuse spokesperson next time. 556 00:39:18,147 --> 00:39:19,524 Maybe it's best I go. 557 00:39:19,607 --> 00:39:25,071 I'm not finished, and I will not be dismissed a second time. 558 00:39:26,447 --> 00:39:28,449 [breathing shakily] 559 00:39:29,784 --> 00:39:32,370 Some of the media are saying they crashed 560 00:39:32,453 --> 00:39:35,540 because Carolyn was getting her nails done, 561 00:39:36,165 --> 00:39:38,334 delayed their takeoff. 562 00:39:39,210 --> 00:39:43,673 Not that your brother wasn't equipped to fly at night and took off anyway, 563 00:39:43,756 --> 00:39:45,758 but that she held them back. 564 00:39:45,842 --> 00:39:47,427 Her vanity. 565 00:39:48,636 --> 00:39:50,680 Are you aware of that? 566 00:39:52,307 --> 00:39:55,143 [smacks lips] I stopped reading the news. 567 00:39:55,226 --> 00:39:58,479 Well, I have nothing left to protect but their legacies. 568 00:40:00,732 --> 00:40:05,028 There are images of your brother beaming around the world 569 00:40:05,111 --> 00:40:08,281 on the cover of every newspaper and magazine. 570 00:40:08,364 --> 00:40:11,284 Carolyn's photo is usually on the inside, 571 00:40:11,367 --> 00:40:13,703 and Lauren is practically a footnote, 572 00:40:13,786 --> 00:40:19,000 but she wasn't famous, so I guess her face doesn't sell papers. 573 00:40:22,295 --> 00:40:26,966 My faith has allowed me to make sense of the world. 574 00:40:28,384 --> 00:40:33,973 Helping me understand the big existential questions. 575 00:40:34,057 --> 00:40:36,434 [breathing shakily] But now… 576 00:40:39,354 --> 00:40:44,359 there's just a deafening silence. 577 00:40:45,193 --> 00:40:46,778 [sobbing] 578 00:40:47,820 --> 00:40:52,367 I mean, how do you live in a world that doesn't make any sense? 579 00:40:53,743 --> 00:40:56,120 How do you even get out of bed? 580 00:41:00,959 --> 00:41:03,086 -As soon as you open your eyes. -[sniffling] 581 00:41:04,963 --> 00:41:08,800 One second longer and you realize the world you're waking up to is… 582 00:41:10,969 --> 00:41:13,262 painfully incomplete. 583 00:41:20,520 --> 00:41:23,147 [breathes heavily] 584 00:41:23,773 --> 00:41:27,819 When I was 18, I was living in London, 585 00:41:27,902 --> 00:41:31,030 staying with a family friend who was a member of Parliament. 586 00:41:32,615 --> 00:41:34,909 One night, we left his house and a bomb went off. 587 00:41:35,994 --> 00:41:38,997 The IRA had planted one under the front right tire of his car, 588 00:41:39,080 --> 00:41:42,375 and the only reason we weren't in it was because we were running late. 589 00:41:46,754 --> 00:41:49,966 I agonized over that for so many years. 590 00:41:52,719 --> 00:41:55,346 I couldn't understand why so many bad things had happened 591 00:41:55,430 --> 00:41:57,140 to people in my family. 592 00:41:57,890 --> 00:42:01,853 But for whatever reason, I was spared that day a bomb went off. 593 00:42:02,520 --> 00:42:05,523 The only thing I really gleaned from that experience was 594 00:42:05,606 --> 00:42:08,776 that there is no rhyme or reason 595 00:42:08,860 --> 00:42:12,405 as to why some of us get to stay here a little longer. 596 00:42:17,410 --> 00:42:20,663 All we know is that time doesn't belong to us. 597 00:42:23,124 --> 00:42:25,126 Nothing is promised. 598 00:42:32,717 --> 00:42:34,844 I'm sure you already know this about me by now, 599 00:42:34,927 --> 00:42:38,139 but I'm not someone who lets people in very easily. 600 00:42:39,891 --> 00:42:41,851 I don't know if it's because I question their motives 601 00:42:41,934 --> 00:42:47,523 or maybe it's because I have this feeling that the less people I know… 602 00:42:49,776 --> 00:42:52,779 the less people I'll inevitably have to grieve. 603 00:42:58,910 --> 00:43:01,913 I didn't know Lauren very well, unfortunately. 604 00:43:04,791 --> 00:43:07,919 But I knew she was incredibly smart, 605 00:43:08,669 --> 00:43:13,132 funny, beautiful, dynamic. 606 00:43:15,093 --> 00:43:17,261 But I did know Carolyn. 607 00:43:18,346 --> 00:43:20,556 And I knew she was struggling. 608 00:43:22,350 --> 00:43:24,560 And instead of reaching out to her… 609 00:43:29,440 --> 00:43:31,901 I will regret what I didn't do… 610 00:43:32,735 --> 00:43:33,820 [breathes shakily] 611 00:43:33,903 --> 00:43:36,864 …and what I could've done for the rest of my life. 612 00:43:40,910 --> 00:43:47,458 [breathes shakily] She said she didn't recognize who she had become. 613 00:43:51,295 --> 00:43:55,341 And now that person will be immortalized forever. 614 00:44:00,179 --> 00:44:04,642 I only wish she had lived long enough 615 00:44:04,725 --> 00:44:07,979 to be remembered for something else. 616 00:44:08,729 --> 00:44:10,439 [sobbing, muttering] 617 00:44:18,489 --> 00:44:20,324 I've heard people say, 618 00:44:21,450 --> 00:44:27,039 "I'm sorry for your loss" so many times over the course of my life. 619 00:44:27,123 --> 00:44:31,878 It just starts to sound like white noise, like when people say, "God bless you." 620 00:44:33,379 --> 00:44:35,798 But now I'm sitting here across from you… 621 00:44:40,136 --> 00:44:43,097 and all I wanna say is how sorry I am. 622 00:44:46,642 --> 00:44:48,603 But I also know that it's not enough. 623 00:44:49,228 --> 00:44:50,396 No. 624 00:44:52,273 --> 00:44:54,066 And it will never be enough. 625 00:45:16,547 --> 00:45:20,092 I'm remembering a conversation I had with John a while back, 626 00:45:20,176 --> 00:45:26,432 where he said he wanted to be cremated with his ashes spread across the sea. 627 00:45:28,351 --> 00:45:30,228 I was wondering if… 628 00:45:31,812 --> 00:45:37,777 maybe we could spread John, Carolyn, and Lauren's ashes together. 629 00:45:39,820 --> 00:45:41,405 As one. 630 00:45:49,080 --> 00:45:50,122 [elevator bell dings] 631 00:46:05,805 --> 00:46:07,974 [♪ mournful music playing] 632 00:46:08,057 --> 00:46:09,058 [sighs] 633 00:46:20,278 --> 00:46:23,281 [camera shutters clicking] 634 00:46:34,125 --> 00:46:35,126 [car door opens] 635 00:46:46,137 --> 00:46:48,889 [breathing heavily, sobs] 636 00:47:14,957 --> 00:47:16,751 Cars are downstairs. 637 00:47:16,834 --> 00:47:18,502 Okay, thank you. 638 00:47:27,345 --> 00:47:31,891 I won't ask you how you're holding up. I always found that question moronic. 639 00:47:35,978 --> 00:47:37,688 I knew he was gone. 640 00:47:40,733 --> 00:47:46,072 As soon as I heard that pounding on the door, I just felt this shift. 641 00:47:47,323 --> 00:47:52,119 Just this overwhelming sense of dread. 642 00:47:54,330 --> 00:47:55,790 Oh, I felt that same way 643 00:47:55,873 --> 00:47:58,709 when I got the call about my parents' plane. 644 00:47:58,793 --> 00:48:03,297 I was 27 years old. I had three children and a newborn. 645 00:48:03,381 --> 00:48:04,799 [sighs] 646 00:48:04,882 --> 00:48:08,677 I just remember the phone ringing in our house in Hyannis, 647 00:48:08,761 --> 00:48:11,347 and for whatever reason, I wouldn't answer it. 648 00:48:11,430 --> 00:48:14,558 And then it rang again. Again and again. 649 00:48:15,142 --> 00:48:18,020 I don't think I realized how young you were when that happened. 650 00:48:18,104 --> 00:48:20,856 [chuckles] I don't think I realized how young I was. 651 00:48:23,442 --> 00:48:24,610 [breathes heavily] 652 00:48:25,903 --> 00:48:31,867 I know I'm not a Kennedy by blood, but you and I are alike in a lot of ways. 653 00:48:31,951 --> 00:48:36,414 We take pride in our resolve and in our independence. 654 00:48:37,123 --> 00:48:40,126 That's why we're so averse to pity in all its forms. 655 00:48:41,252 --> 00:48:44,839 It's not enough we have to survive all this loss. 656 00:48:44,922 --> 00:48:47,967 We have to ensure that we're not defined by it. 657 00:48:48,050 --> 00:48:49,718 I… [chuckling] It's exhausting. 658 00:48:52,179 --> 00:48:55,266 It's hard to imagine a world in which I don't feel this way every day. 659 00:48:55,933 --> 00:48:59,228 Well, the grief is always gonna be there. 660 00:49:00,020 --> 00:49:03,649 But it's your relationship with the grief that changes. 661 00:49:03,732 --> 00:49:07,069 At some point, you realize you can do something with it. 662 00:49:07,153 --> 00:49:09,238 Because you felt you had no choice. 663 00:49:09,321 --> 00:49:13,325 No, because when I didn't have one, I knew I could. 664 00:49:16,537 --> 00:49:19,915 I understand the urge to retreat even further. 665 00:49:21,167 --> 00:49:25,588 To get away from the prying eyes and the concerned whispers. 666 00:49:26,255 --> 00:49:29,049 But privacy doesn't always ensure peace. 667 00:49:29,133 --> 00:49:33,471 If it did, I'd have vanished a long time ago. [chuckles] 668 00:49:33,554 --> 00:49:37,141 We are Kennedy women, and we're still here. 669 00:49:37,683 --> 00:49:39,643 And that can't be for nothing. 670 00:49:51,280 --> 00:49:52,281 [sighs] 671 00:49:54,700 --> 00:49:57,620 [♪ organ plays "Abide With Me"] 672 00:50:15,679 --> 00:50:17,681 [♪ "Abide With Me" ends] 673 00:50:28,150 --> 00:50:30,152 [♪ somber music playing] 674 00:50:46,377 --> 00:50:47,378 [sighs] 675 00:50:52,341 --> 00:50:54,760 "Death is nothing at all. 676 00:50:55,553 --> 00:50:57,096 It does not count. 677 00:50:58,013 --> 00:51:00,558 I have only slipped away into the next room. 678 00:51:01,225 --> 00:51:03,602 Nothing has happened. 679 00:51:05,771 --> 00:51:08,983 Everything remains exactly as it was. 680 00:51:09,066 --> 00:51:11,777 I am I, and you are you, 681 00:51:11,860 --> 00:51:15,030 and the old life that we lived so fondly together 682 00:51:15,114 --> 00:51:17,658 is untouched, unchanged. 683 00:51:17,741 --> 00:51:22,371 Whatever we were to each other, that we are still. 684 00:51:22,454 --> 00:51:26,000 Call me by the old familiar name. 685 00:51:26,083 --> 00:51:30,462 Speak of me in the easy way which you always used. 686 00:51:31,297 --> 00:51:34,550 Put no differences into your tone. 687 00:51:36,385 --> 00:51:40,431 Wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrow. 688 00:51:42,808 --> 00:51:47,521 Life means all that it ever meant. 689 00:51:48,981 --> 00:51:51,191 It is the same as it ever was." 690 00:51:54,486 --> 00:51:56,280 [breathes shakily] 691 00:51:56,947 --> 00:52:00,242 [Ann] "Do not stand by my grave and weep. 692 00:52:03,495 --> 00:52:04,830 I am not there. 693 00:52:04,913 --> 00:52:06,081 I do not sleep. 694 00:52:17,092 --> 00:52:19,970 I am the thousand winds that blow. 695 00:52:20,929 --> 00:52:24,266 I am the diamond glints in snow." 696 00:52:41,659 --> 00:52:43,661 [seagulls squawking] 697 00:52:48,957 --> 00:52:52,586 "I am the sunlight of ripened grain. 698 00:52:53,629 --> 00:52:56,215 I am the gentle autumn rain. 699 00:52:59,802 --> 00:53:02,388 As you awake with morning's hush, 700 00:53:05,307 --> 00:53:08,102 I am the swift up-flinging rush." 701 00:53:08,185 --> 00:53:10,187 [birds chirping] 702 00:53:10,270 --> 00:53:13,107 [♪ uplifting music playing] 703 00:53:13,190 --> 00:53:16,151 "Of quiet birds in circling flight, 704 00:53:18,237 --> 00:53:21,407 I am the day transcending night. 705 00:53:40,801 --> 00:53:45,848 Do not stand by my grave and cry. 706 00:53:47,474 --> 00:53:49,184 I am not there. 707 00:53:49,268 --> 00:53:50,978 I did not die."