1 00:00:01,502 --> 00:00:04,138 [film reel clicking] 2 00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:07,000 Downloaded from YTS.MX 3 00:00:08,000 --> 00:00:13,000 Official YIFY movies site: YTS.MX 4 00:00:10,644 --> 00:00:14,215 [faint street din] 5 00:00:18,819 --> 00:00:22,390 [upbeat piano music playing] 6 00:00:28,796 --> 00:00:29,863 [bell dinging] 7 00:00:44,145 --> 00:00:46,013 [birds chirping] 8 00:00:51,519 --> 00:00:54,188 [keyboard clicking] 9 00:01:00,294 --> 00:01:02,930 [faint drilling] 10 00:01:03,063 --> 00:01:08,068 ♪ 11 00:01:08,202 --> 00:01:09,770 [thudding] 12 00:01:13,241 --> 00:01:15,509 WOMAN: A little help would be nice. 13 00:01:22,683 --> 00:01:25,219 Moving on out. 14 00:01:25,353 --> 00:01:28,556 Looks like it's Splitsville from the West Village 15 00:01:28,689 --> 00:01:31,125 for Lindsay Lohan and her latest beau, 16 00:01:31,259 --> 00:01:34,195 bad boy rocker, Rocky Rakovia. 17 00:01:34,728 --> 00:01:37,798 Townhouse Confidential has learned that little Lindsey 18 00:01:37,931 --> 00:01:40,968 has grown teary-eyed over the construction going on 19 00:01:41,101 --> 00:01:43,271 in front of her rented townhouse 20 00:01:43,404 --> 00:01:46,240 and put in an offer on a Hudson Yards penthouse 21 00:01:46,374 --> 00:01:48,676 with a floor to ceiling river view. 22 00:01:49,410 --> 00:01:53,481 Her new digs come complete with an indoor pool, an outdoor pool, 23 00:01:53,614 --> 00:01:57,117 an equinox gym, and, get this, 24 00:01:57,251 --> 00:02:00,254 luxury barrel saunas for two. 25 00:02:01,121 --> 00:02:02,956 With amenities like that, 26 00:02:03,090 --> 00:02:05,793 how can a West Village townhouse hope to compete? 27 00:02:17,305 --> 00:02:19,006 [doorbell ringing] 28 00:02:20,674 --> 00:02:22,210 [door creaking] 29 00:02:22,343 --> 00:02:24,645 LIZZIE: Oh, Sophie, why didn't you text me 30 00:02:24,778 --> 00:02:26,180 and let me know you were coming? 31 00:02:26,314 --> 00:02:29,317 Next time, remind me to take an Uber. 32 00:02:29,450 --> 00:02:31,084 [Lizzie chuckling] 33 00:02:31,219 --> 00:02:33,421 So, you finally found us a new tenant, Sophie. 34 00:02:33,554 --> 00:02:34,855 It's about time. 35 00:02:34,988 --> 00:02:36,557 Making money while you sleep sure does 36 00:02:36,690 --> 00:02:37,991 beat working for a living. 37 00:02:38,125 --> 00:02:39,627 You call that working? 38 00:02:39,760 --> 00:02:41,329 Hooking up with middle aged hedge funders 39 00:02:41,462 --> 00:02:43,163 that you meet at the gym 40 00:02:43,297 --> 00:02:45,499 while I slave away icing cupcakes at Magnolia Bakery? 41 00:02:45,633 --> 00:02:47,501 Well, at least I make more than minimum wage 42 00:02:47,635 --> 00:02:48,969 working as a personal trainer. 43 00:02:49,102 --> 00:02:50,771 Girls, girls, please. 44 00:02:50,904 --> 00:02:53,040 I finally found a tenant 45 00:02:53,173 --> 00:02:54,975 for your precious garden apartment. 46 00:02:55,108 --> 00:02:57,311 And not just any tenant. 47 00:02:57,445 --> 00:03:00,848 He's 32, runs his own venture capital fund, 48 00:03:00,981 --> 00:03:03,884 and rakes in more than half a million a year. 49 00:03:04,017 --> 00:03:06,954 And best of all, he's single. 50 00:03:07,821 --> 00:03:10,023 Never married, no kids, no pets. 51 00:03:10,157 --> 00:03:12,693 That means he's probably gay. Or bankrupt. Or both. 52 00:03:12,826 --> 00:03:15,195 Have you checked him out on deadbeatnants.com? 53 00:03:15,329 --> 00:03:18,131 Oh, Lizzie, do you have to be so cynical all the time? 54 00:03:18,266 --> 00:03:19,900 Maybe he's got a friend for you, too. 55 00:03:20,033 --> 00:03:21,435 Oh, come on. He might be just-- 56 00:03:21,569 --> 00:03:23,504 Can't a girl get a minute's peace 57 00:03:23,637 --> 00:03:25,038 to blog in this house? 58 00:03:25,172 --> 00:03:26,740 You do realize that the Huffington Post 59 00:03:26,874 --> 00:03:28,609 just named Townhouse Confidential-- 60 00:03:28,742 --> 00:03:31,312 [all] One of the 100 best new real estate blogs to watch. 61 00:03:31,445 --> 00:03:33,180 Yes, Mary, we know. 62 00:03:33,314 --> 00:03:34,782 And now we just wait 63 00:03:34,915 --> 00:03:36,450 for all those advertising dollars to roll in. 64 00:03:36,584 --> 00:03:38,719 SOPHIE: Okay, girls, I'll bring him around 65 00:03:38,852 --> 00:03:40,454 for your inspection tomorrow. 66 00:03:42,022 --> 00:03:44,425 But if there's a marriage comes out of this, 67 00:03:44,558 --> 00:03:46,927 I expect an invitation to the wedding. 68 00:03:47,461 --> 00:03:48,862 LIZZIE: You are the boss, Sophie. 69 00:03:48,996 --> 00:03:50,431 You have no idea. 70 00:03:54,001 --> 00:03:57,938 [soft piano music playing] 71 00:04:01,309 --> 00:04:02,310 [audience cheering] 72 00:04:02,443 --> 00:04:03,744 GEORGE: Thank you so much 73 00:04:03,877 --> 00:04:05,012 for coming, everyone, thank you. 74 00:04:05,913 --> 00:04:06,947 Thank you very much. 75 00:04:07,080 --> 00:04:08,549 As most of you know, 76 00:04:08,682 --> 00:04:10,718 my family has maintained a dominant presence 77 00:04:10,851 --> 00:04:14,588 in West Village real estate for nearly two centuries. 78 00:04:16,256 --> 00:04:17,891 Our new master plan, 79 00:04:18,626 --> 00:04:22,262 which we will execute with $100 million in bank loans 80 00:04:22,396 --> 00:04:23,631 and investor capital, 81 00:04:24,231 --> 00:04:27,234 will remake the face of the West Village. 82 00:04:28,736 --> 00:04:30,604 Affording the world's elite 83 00:04:30,738 --> 00:04:34,007 the opportunity to own entire blocks 84 00:04:34,141 --> 00:04:36,677 of luxury townhouse properties 85 00:04:36,810 --> 00:04:39,079 where they can live, work. 86 00:04:39,212 --> 00:04:40,848 Did you know that from the moment 87 00:04:40,981 --> 00:04:43,150 I brought Georgie home from St. Vincent's Hospital, 88 00:04:43,283 --> 00:04:46,454 he could already point out a lintel from his stroller? 89 00:04:46,587 --> 00:04:48,589 And by age seven, he knew the difference 90 00:04:48,722 --> 00:04:51,291 between a federal style townhouse and a Greek Revival. 91 00:04:51,425 --> 00:04:52,860 More into it. 92 00:04:52,993 --> 00:04:55,095 Now, as you can see in the shaded area, 93 00:04:55,228 --> 00:04:58,065 Barrow Ventures has holdings on Charles, 94 00:04:58,198 --> 00:05:00,033 Perry, Bank Street, 95 00:05:00,167 --> 00:05:04,204 as well as 50 other luxury townhouse properties. 96 00:05:05,105 --> 00:05:06,474 [woman sighing] 97 00:05:06,607 --> 00:05:09,643 - [audience murmuring] - Not to worry. 98 00:05:09,777 --> 00:05:12,380 Girls are always fainting at Georgie's presentations. 99 00:05:12,513 --> 00:05:15,182 That's why we always have a couple of paramedics on hand. 100 00:05:15,315 --> 00:05:17,017 - Boys. - [footsteps] 101 00:05:17,150 --> 00:05:18,986 Thank you, boys. 102 00:05:21,622 --> 00:05:23,524 She's fine. She's fine. 103 00:05:25,493 --> 00:05:26,760 Any questions? 104 00:05:26,894 --> 00:05:28,496 - [man clearing throat] - Yes. 105 00:05:28,629 --> 00:05:31,565 But what about the Landmarks Preservation Commission? 106 00:05:31,699 --> 00:05:33,934 Won't the city's preservationists object 107 00:05:34,067 --> 00:05:38,439 to your turning the West Village into a hedge funder Disneyland? 108 00:05:38,572 --> 00:05:41,274 [audience whispering] 109 00:05:43,210 --> 00:05:44,412 The deal is in the bag. 110 00:05:45,012 --> 00:05:46,447 Everyone from the mayor on down 111 00:05:46,580 --> 00:05:48,181 has already signed off on the project. 112 00:05:48,749 --> 00:05:51,819 Trust me, this baby is shovel ready. 113 00:05:51,952 --> 00:05:54,021 But what if some of the townhouse owners 114 00:05:54,154 --> 00:05:55,489 refuse to sell? 115 00:05:55,623 --> 00:05:56,890 Got it covered. 116 00:05:57,357 --> 00:05:58,926 We've hired the top brokers in the West Village 117 00:05:59,059 --> 00:06:00,828 to canvas the homeowners. 118 00:06:00,961 --> 00:06:03,063 Everyone has agreed to sell to our development company 119 00:06:03,196 --> 00:06:04,798 once we close on the financing. 120 00:06:04,932 --> 00:06:06,767 MAN: Mr. Barrow, one more question. 121 00:06:08,035 --> 00:06:09,637 KATHRYN: So, I think the presentation 122 00:06:09,770 --> 00:06:11,739 went very well today. 123 00:06:11,872 --> 00:06:14,074 Such a pity your father wasn't there to see it. 124 00:06:14,808 --> 00:06:16,143 He would have been so proud. 125 00:06:16,276 --> 00:06:18,245 I missed Dad too, Mother, 126 00:06:18,378 --> 00:06:20,548 but it's been ten years since he passed away. 127 00:06:21,515 --> 00:06:23,216 I'm sure he would have wanted us to move on. 128 00:06:23,350 --> 00:06:25,085 And so we are, 129 00:06:25,218 --> 00:06:28,055 by creating a townhouse empire in the West Village 130 00:06:28,188 --> 00:06:31,659 that'll make the Barrow family name burn even brighter. 131 00:06:32,292 --> 00:06:36,430 And perhaps one day, by continuing the Barrow legacy 132 00:06:36,564 --> 00:06:38,131 into the seventh generation. 133 00:06:38,265 --> 00:06:40,934 - Here we go again. - You know, Diana's daughter, 134 00:06:41,068 --> 00:06:42,703 Amy, was in the audience today. 135 00:06:43,170 --> 00:06:46,273 Goldman real estate analyst, Wharton MBA. 136 00:06:46,406 --> 00:06:48,408 I saw the way she was looking at you. 137 00:06:48,542 --> 00:06:49,877 Please don't start. 138 00:06:50,377 --> 00:06:52,680 [scoffs] George, you're not getting any younger. 139 00:06:52,813 --> 00:06:54,281 Why, when your father was your age-- 140 00:06:54,414 --> 00:06:56,517 He was married with a baby and a mortgage. 141 00:06:56,650 --> 00:06:59,920 Yes, Mother. I know, but I'm 32 and single. 142 00:07:00,053 --> 00:07:01,989 I have more mortgages than I can count. 143 00:07:03,557 --> 00:07:06,927 I'm so busy building this business, 144 00:07:07,060 --> 00:07:08,462 I barely have time for a girlfriend, 145 00:07:08,596 --> 00:07:09,863 let alone a wife and kid. 146 00:07:10,598 --> 00:07:13,834 George, every girl I've ever introduced you to 147 00:07:13,967 --> 00:07:15,068 has been wrong. 148 00:07:15,202 --> 00:07:17,070 Too thin, too fat. 149 00:07:17,204 --> 00:07:18,606 Too smart. Not smart enough. 150 00:07:18,739 --> 00:07:20,741 Wrong school, wrong zip code. 151 00:07:21,374 --> 00:07:22,943 I'm beginning to think that maybe 152 00:07:23,076 --> 00:07:25,178 you're not interested in girls at all. 153 00:07:27,280 --> 00:07:28,916 What are you trying to say, Mother? 154 00:07:30,250 --> 00:07:31,985 All I want is a little grandbaby 155 00:07:32,119 --> 00:07:34,922 I can pop in a stroller and push around the West Village 156 00:07:35,055 --> 00:07:37,357 to teach the ABCs of bricks and brownstones. 157 00:07:37,491 --> 00:07:39,326 Is that too much to ask? 158 00:07:39,459 --> 00:07:41,995 Mother, we're done here. 159 00:07:42,630 --> 00:07:43,864 I'm off to a business meeting. 160 00:07:43,997 --> 00:07:45,733 - What? - Don't wait up. 161 00:07:47,568 --> 00:07:48,636 [door clicks] 162 00:07:50,103 --> 00:07:51,371 BIG SAL: What are you gettin'? 163 00:07:51,505 --> 00:07:53,173 SAL: I don't know. How about you? 164 00:07:53,306 --> 00:07:55,475 BIG SAL: Think I'm gonna go for a pastrami, no mustard. 165 00:07:56,510 --> 00:07:58,679 Sal, you gotta watch your gluten, Sal. 166 00:07:58,812 --> 00:08:00,814 Yeah, but I like food with gluten. 167 00:08:00,948 --> 00:08:02,482 SAL: All right. Good. Oh, here he is. 168 00:08:06,820 --> 00:08:08,288 How are you doing, Mr. Barrow? 169 00:08:08,421 --> 00:08:10,624 Sal Carmine, Long Island Mortgage and Title. 170 00:08:10,758 --> 00:08:12,760 This is my associate, Big Sal. 171 00:08:12,893 --> 00:08:14,461 Nice to meet you, Mr. Barrow. 172 00:08:14,595 --> 00:08:16,063 Very nice to meet you, gentlemen. 173 00:08:16,196 --> 00:08:17,598 Have a seat. 174 00:08:18,699 --> 00:08:20,701 Thank you for coming today. I appreciate you. 175 00:08:20,834 --> 00:08:23,303 So, Big Sal... 176 00:08:24,337 --> 00:08:26,506 looks like the two of you are exactly the same height. 177 00:08:26,640 --> 00:08:27,741 [Sal chuckles] 178 00:08:27,875 --> 00:08:29,509 We get that a lot, actually. 179 00:08:29,643 --> 00:08:31,845 But I'm 5'6, he's 5'7. 180 00:08:31,979 --> 00:08:33,513 That's why they call him Big Sal. 181 00:08:33,647 --> 00:08:35,683 Listen, guys, I'm a little pressed for time. 182 00:08:36,550 --> 00:08:37,885 What have you got for me? 183 00:08:38,018 --> 00:08:39,219 SAL: Well, unfortunately, Georgie, 184 00:08:39,352 --> 00:08:40,654 the pickings were pretty slim. 185 00:08:41,354 --> 00:08:43,824 Your family owns 50 townhouses in the West Village, 186 00:08:43,957 --> 00:08:45,859 but you drain most of your equity. 187 00:08:45,993 --> 00:08:47,895 And your credit lines, they're pretty tight. 188 00:08:48,461 --> 00:08:50,397 The only bank that's willing to give you a bridge loan 189 00:08:50,530 --> 00:08:52,666 to finance your deal until it closes 190 00:08:52,800 --> 00:08:54,868 is the Hudson River Bank out of Westchester. 191 00:08:55,002 --> 00:08:56,203 Hudson River Bank. 192 00:08:57,470 --> 00:08:59,773 I thought they were a front for the Russian mob. 193 00:09:00,240 --> 00:09:03,243 Doesn't a certain bankrupt real estate developer 194 00:09:03,376 --> 00:09:05,746 from Queens borrow money there? 195 00:09:05,879 --> 00:09:08,515 I heard he got into politics just to pay his bills. 196 00:09:08,649 --> 00:09:09,850 Those guys are tough. 197 00:09:11,051 --> 00:09:12,252 What's the rate? 198 00:09:12,385 --> 00:09:15,188 8.5% and five points at closing. 199 00:09:15,756 --> 00:09:18,158 - Cheap. - With fed funds at next to zero? 200 00:09:18,626 --> 00:09:20,493 Why, that's practically usury. 201 00:09:20,628 --> 00:09:22,095 You want that half a million dollars or not? 202 00:09:22,229 --> 00:09:24,097 GEORGE: Half a million? 203 00:09:24,231 --> 00:09:27,601 I told you I needed a million dollars to close the deal. 204 00:09:27,735 --> 00:09:30,070 Well, that's why I brought Big Sal over here. 205 00:09:30,203 --> 00:09:31,972 He's like a brother from another mother. 206 00:09:32,105 --> 00:09:35,876 Let's just say he has access to some creative financing. 207 00:09:36,543 --> 00:09:38,278 You gotta be kidding me. 208 00:09:38,411 --> 00:09:41,214 Listen, listen, listen, it's a new thing we're trying. 209 00:09:41,348 --> 00:09:43,216 It's called [indistinct] financing. 210 00:09:43,350 --> 00:09:45,285 We charge lower rates than the Russian mob. 211 00:09:45,853 --> 00:09:47,420 And what the IRS don't know... 212 00:09:48,889 --> 00:09:50,023 won't hurt 'em. 213 00:09:56,163 --> 00:09:57,297 So... 214 00:09:58,498 --> 00:10:00,300 What kind of collateral are you looking for? 215 00:10:00,868 --> 00:10:03,403 Do you need a personal guarantee? 216 00:10:03,536 --> 00:10:05,639 Nothing, nothing. Just your word of honor. 217 00:10:05,773 --> 00:10:07,574 And a promise that you do the right thing. 218 00:10:10,911 --> 00:10:12,279 Well, what happens if the deal falls apart 219 00:10:12,412 --> 00:10:13,781 and I can't pay you back? 220 00:10:13,914 --> 00:10:15,315 SAL: Go home and watch The Godfather. 221 00:10:15,448 --> 00:10:16,750 You get the idea. 222 00:10:17,217 --> 00:10:19,252 Or maybe Texas Chainsaw Massacre. 223 00:10:21,889 --> 00:10:23,590 Pleasure doing business with you guys. 224 00:10:24,391 --> 00:10:27,460 [siren blaring] 225 00:10:30,964 --> 00:10:32,132 - [knocking on door] - [doorbell ringing] 226 00:10:32,265 --> 00:10:33,633 LIZZIE: Oh, coming. 227 00:10:33,767 --> 00:10:35,335 Put your foot down. 228 00:10:36,937 --> 00:10:38,138 [Lizzie exhaling] 229 00:10:38,271 --> 00:10:39,673 [door clicking] 230 00:10:39,807 --> 00:10:41,842 - Welcome. Come in. - SOPHIE: Hi, girls. 231 00:10:41,975 --> 00:10:43,610 Look who I brought with me. 232 00:10:43,744 --> 00:10:47,114 Meet Jonathan Grove, your new tenant. 233 00:10:47,247 --> 00:10:48,648 It's a pleasure to meet you. 234 00:10:48,782 --> 00:10:50,117 SOPHIE: And his friend 235 00:10:50,250 --> 00:10:52,920 and real estate advisor, George Barrow. 236 00:10:53,053 --> 00:10:54,621 Mr. Barrow. Pleasure. 237 00:10:54,755 --> 00:10:56,123 - You as well. - [cell phone dinging] 238 00:10:56,256 --> 00:10:58,125 - What a lovely home. - Oh, thank you. 239 00:10:58,258 --> 00:10:59,927 How is your plan coming along to turn 240 00:11:00,060 --> 00:11:03,396 the West Village into a hedge funder's Disneyland? 241 00:11:04,965 --> 00:11:06,800 Very well, thank you. 242 00:11:07,600 --> 00:11:10,203 George and Jonathan were roommates at Columbia. 243 00:11:10,337 --> 00:11:12,505 Now, Jonathan has returned to New York 244 00:11:12,639 --> 00:11:14,842 to start his own venture capital fund. 245 00:11:14,975 --> 00:11:17,477 Wow. Welcome back. Shall we sign the lease? 246 00:11:17,610 --> 00:11:19,646 - SOPHIE: Yes! - Yes, please. 247 00:11:23,516 --> 00:11:26,686 This is where you sign, Jonathan, to start your new life 248 00:11:26,820 --> 00:11:30,057 in the historic and charming West Village. 249 00:11:30,190 --> 00:11:31,658 Uh, not so fast, my friend. 250 00:11:32,359 --> 00:11:33,560 Before we sign the lease, 251 00:11:34,194 --> 00:11:37,397 let's go downstairs and do a walkthrough. 252 00:11:38,866 --> 00:11:40,633 You know, I normally make my own decisions, 253 00:11:40,768 --> 00:11:43,103 at least when it comes to investing in startups, 254 00:11:43,236 --> 00:11:44,905 but he's the townhouse expert. 255 00:11:45,038 --> 00:11:46,239 I'm just the money guy. 256 00:11:46,373 --> 00:11:47,841 Indeed. [clears throat] 257 00:11:49,042 --> 00:11:50,577 Come on, let's go. 258 00:11:54,381 --> 00:11:56,383 LIZZIE: Welcome to your new home, Jonathan. 259 00:11:56,984 --> 00:11:59,619 - Oh, my God. [chuckling] - [Lizzie chuckling] 260 00:11:59,753 --> 00:12:01,588 And the-- So the couch and the table, 261 00:12:01,721 --> 00:12:03,156 they come with the apartment? 262 00:12:03,290 --> 00:12:04,591 They can if you'd like them to say. 263 00:12:04,724 --> 00:12:05,959 Great. Okay. 264 00:12:06,093 --> 00:12:07,194 GEORGE: Does this outlet work? 265 00:12:07,327 --> 00:12:08,728 Uh, yes, they all work. 266 00:12:08,862 --> 00:12:10,230 I checked them myself. 267 00:12:10,363 --> 00:12:11,865 SOPHIE: You see how spacious it is? 268 00:12:11,999 --> 00:12:13,700 Oh, my God. I didn't see back there, wow. 269 00:12:13,834 --> 00:12:16,503 - Let's take a look. - Scuff marks on the wall. 270 00:12:17,304 --> 00:12:18,772 Easy to fix. 271 00:12:18,906 --> 00:12:20,040 Do you have another light bulb? 272 00:12:20,173 --> 00:12:21,408 Of course. 273 00:12:22,709 --> 00:12:24,444 [cell phone camera clicking] 274 00:12:24,577 --> 00:12:26,679 Paint's a bit peeling. We'll need some drywall repair. 275 00:12:26,814 --> 00:12:27,915 Absolutely. 276 00:12:29,582 --> 00:12:32,119 [light clicking] 277 00:12:33,520 --> 00:12:35,355 [door handle cracks] 278 00:12:35,488 --> 00:12:37,290 GEORGE: You're gonna have to handle this. 279 00:12:38,091 --> 00:12:40,027 Consider it handled. [chuckles] 280 00:12:40,593 --> 00:12:43,096 GEORGE: Print out this email, 281 00:12:43,230 --> 00:12:44,898 attach it to the lease as a rider, 282 00:12:45,032 --> 00:12:46,934 and Jonathan will sign it. 283 00:12:47,067 --> 00:12:49,202 Personally, I think the place is charming just the way it is. 284 00:12:50,003 --> 00:12:51,839 Well, I'll look for your email. 285 00:12:52,772 --> 00:12:54,074 - Nice to meet you. - LIZZIE: You too. 286 00:12:54,207 --> 00:12:55,976 Really excited for this. This is awesome. 287 00:12:56,109 --> 00:12:57,444 LIZZIE: Thank you. Good. 288 00:13:00,380 --> 00:13:01,982 Girls, you got yourself a tenant. 289 00:13:02,549 --> 00:13:03,917 Do you have any idea how much 290 00:13:04,051 --> 00:13:05,718 all those repairs are going to cost us? 291 00:13:05,853 --> 00:13:07,821 We need every cent of Jonathan's first month rent 292 00:13:07,955 --> 00:13:09,923 and security deposit to pay for the mortgage and the taxes. 293 00:13:10,057 --> 00:13:11,558 Wait, I have an idea. 294 00:13:11,691 --> 00:13:13,393 I will take him down to the Little Branch, 295 00:13:13,526 --> 00:13:15,963 I'll get him wasted, introduce him to some girls, 296 00:13:16,096 --> 00:13:18,031 he'll forget all about the stupid repairs. 297 00:13:18,165 --> 00:13:22,069 Plus, we all know a handyman who'll do the work for cheap. 298 00:13:22,836 --> 00:13:25,205 [funky music playing] 299 00:13:27,607 --> 00:13:29,276 [car door clicking] 300 00:13:31,011 --> 00:13:33,780 On time with 30 seconds to spare. 301 00:13:34,747 --> 00:13:38,651 Tommy boy, you still close out the bars and pick up the chicks. 302 00:13:39,752 --> 00:13:40,888 Mm. 303 00:13:45,592 --> 00:13:49,229 ♪ 304 00:13:55,602 --> 00:13:56,803 Hey, Tommy. 305 00:13:57,604 --> 00:14:00,307 How you been? Haven't seen you around lately. 306 00:14:00,440 --> 00:14:02,309 Hey, babe. What's going on? 307 00:14:02,442 --> 00:14:03,911 Babe? 308 00:14:05,979 --> 00:14:08,148 You don't remember my name, do you? 309 00:14:08,281 --> 00:14:10,183 Sure, but of course I do. It's uh... 310 00:14:10,317 --> 00:14:11,751 KATHLEEN: Starts with a K. 311 00:14:13,286 --> 00:14:15,022 I let you crash at my place for three weeks 312 00:14:15,155 --> 00:14:16,556 because you couldn't pay rent. 313 00:14:16,689 --> 00:14:20,093 Kaitlyn! Kristen? You're uh-- 314 00:14:20,860 --> 00:14:23,163 The top floor apartment on Laker and 11th street 315 00:14:23,296 --> 00:14:25,065 above Magnolia Bakery, where we literally did it-- 316 00:14:25,198 --> 00:14:27,935 Kathleen! Oh, sorry, baby. 317 00:14:28,068 --> 00:14:29,903 I was still a little hungover after the last night. 318 00:14:30,703 --> 00:14:32,872 - I missed you, baby. - You know what? 319 00:14:33,606 --> 00:14:35,108 Go fuck yourself, Tommy. 320 00:14:35,242 --> 00:14:37,210 You're a total man whore. 321 00:14:41,148 --> 00:14:42,515 [Tommy shuddering] 322 00:14:42,649 --> 00:14:45,152 ♪ 323 00:14:47,554 --> 00:14:49,056 [Tommy yells] 324 00:14:49,189 --> 00:14:51,191 God damn George Barrow. 325 00:14:51,324 --> 00:14:52,759 Why did [indistinct] send me here? 326 00:14:52,892 --> 00:14:54,427 He knows how much I hate that guy. 327 00:14:54,561 --> 00:14:57,797 Oh, hey, baby. You new in town? 328 00:15:00,367 --> 00:15:02,335 [Lizzie humming] 329 00:15:07,507 --> 00:15:10,610 "To our sweet tenant, Jonathan. 330 00:15:11,511 --> 00:15:16,849 "May this little box of treats sweeten your stay in our home." 331 00:15:16,984 --> 00:15:18,785 [door handle jiggling] 332 00:15:18,918 --> 00:15:20,287 [door clicking] 333 00:15:21,188 --> 00:15:22,289 Hey, Lizzie. 334 00:15:23,056 --> 00:15:25,258 Got your text saying something down here needs fixing. 335 00:15:25,392 --> 00:15:27,727 You said it was urgent. 336 00:15:27,860 --> 00:15:29,296 Yes, Tommy. 337 00:15:29,429 --> 00:15:30,930 We have a new tenant moving in on Monday 338 00:15:31,064 --> 00:15:32,565 and we have a whole punch list of things 339 00:15:32,699 --> 00:15:33,866 that we need to fix before then. 340 00:15:34,001 --> 00:15:36,103 TOMMY: Really? Like what? 341 00:15:37,037 --> 00:15:40,273 The place looks like it's still in, uh, pretty decent shape, 342 00:15:40,407 --> 00:15:41,574 as far as I can remember, 343 00:15:41,708 --> 00:15:42,976 Last time I was here... 344 00:15:43,943 --> 00:15:46,713 I'll admit, it was pretty dark. 345 00:15:46,846 --> 00:15:50,083 So you do realize that my sisters and I, 346 00:15:50,217 --> 00:15:51,751 we don't make a lot of money. 347 00:15:52,485 --> 00:15:55,088 Yeah, the poor little rich girls 348 00:15:55,222 --> 00:15:56,723 live in a townhouse, make minimum wage. 349 00:15:56,856 --> 00:15:58,325 Yeah, I've heard the stories. 350 00:15:58,458 --> 00:16:00,327 So how much do you think you're going to charge me 351 00:16:00,460 --> 00:16:01,961 to fix everything on this punch list? 352 00:16:02,095 --> 00:16:04,564 Plus slap on a fresh coat of paint, of course. 353 00:16:04,697 --> 00:16:08,168 I was thinking maybe $500. 354 00:16:10,103 --> 00:16:12,072 What's in the box? 355 00:16:12,205 --> 00:16:14,174 Oh, no, Tommy, those cupcakes aren't for you. 356 00:16:14,307 --> 00:16:16,043 They're a housewarming present for Jonathan. 357 00:16:16,176 --> 00:16:18,078 He's coming by later to pick up his keys. 358 00:16:18,211 --> 00:16:19,846 [Tommy humming] 359 00:16:19,979 --> 00:16:21,848 - [knife clicking] - [Lizzie gasping] 360 00:16:25,985 --> 00:16:27,987 [Tommy humming] 361 00:16:33,893 --> 00:16:35,762 He won't miss just one, right? 362 00:16:35,895 --> 00:16:37,330 No. Tommy, don't. 363 00:16:37,464 --> 00:16:39,232 [licking] 364 00:16:40,967 --> 00:16:42,269 Yummy. 365 00:16:43,303 --> 00:16:44,704 Tommy, I said no. 366 00:16:44,837 --> 00:16:46,673 You sure, Lizzie? 367 00:16:47,707 --> 00:16:49,542 Because on New Year's, as I recall, 368 00:16:49,676 --> 00:16:52,345 that "no" quickly turned into 369 00:16:52,479 --> 00:16:55,748 a yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. 370 00:16:55,882 --> 00:16:58,051 Yes! Yes! Yes! 371 00:16:58,185 --> 00:17:00,920 Tommy, Tommy, Tommy, Tommy, stop! 372 00:17:01,054 --> 00:17:03,423 - Put down that cupcake or-- - Or you'll what? 373 00:17:03,556 --> 00:17:05,892 Run to the sixth precinct and get an order of protection? 374 00:17:06,025 --> 00:17:08,761 Cops can't protect you from your own appetites, Lizzie. 375 00:17:09,329 --> 00:17:11,064 You have no idea how hard it is. 376 00:17:11,198 --> 00:17:14,767 Every day at work, being surrounded by cupcakes 377 00:17:14,901 --> 00:17:18,538 and frosting and banana cream pudding, 378 00:17:18,671 --> 00:17:20,207 always having to be the good girl, 379 00:17:20,340 --> 00:17:22,075 - always having to say no. - Why? 380 00:17:22,209 --> 00:17:23,743 'Cause you're waiting for the day Prince Charming 381 00:17:23,876 --> 00:17:25,578 walks in with your glass slipper? 382 00:17:26,546 --> 00:17:28,348 You know what you want, Liz Perry. 383 00:17:29,649 --> 00:17:31,551 Just relax and enjoy it. 384 00:17:34,787 --> 00:17:37,157 [Lizzie moans] Oh, my God. 385 00:17:37,290 --> 00:17:39,192 [Lizzie moaning] 386 00:17:39,326 --> 00:17:41,194 [Lizzie munching] 387 00:17:45,098 --> 00:17:47,033 [both chuckling] 388 00:17:47,167 --> 00:17:48,701 This is really good. 389 00:17:49,236 --> 00:17:52,172 It's, uh-- it's been a while. 390 00:17:55,041 --> 00:17:57,043 Give me 1,000 bucks. I'll start tomorrow. 391 00:17:58,745 --> 00:18:02,782 Elizabeth Perry, the girl who can't resist a cupcake. 392 00:18:02,915 --> 00:18:05,051 [snorts] Who would have thought? 393 00:18:05,685 --> 00:18:07,687 [Tommy laughs] 394 00:18:08,721 --> 00:18:10,022 Bye. 395 00:18:11,023 --> 00:18:12,125 [door shutting] 396 00:18:12,259 --> 00:18:15,094 [soft piano music playing] 397 00:18:21,601 --> 00:18:23,603 Hi. I'm looking for Lydia Perry. 398 00:18:23,736 --> 00:18:25,705 Oh, hey, I'm Lydia Perry. 399 00:18:26,206 --> 00:18:27,774 I'm your personal trainer. 400 00:18:27,907 --> 00:18:30,143 Hi, Jim Bedford. Good to meet you. 401 00:18:30,277 --> 00:18:32,179 So, what brings you to the gym, Jim? 402 00:18:32,312 --> 00:18:34,381 It wasn't really my idea to come here. 403 00:18:35,081 --> 00:18:37,484 Usually the only thing I exercise is my fingers. 404 00:18:37,617 --> 00:18:39,286 It's typical of most guys. 405 00:18:40,687 --> 00:18:42,789 No, I didn't mean it like that. 406 00:18:42,922 --> 00:18:44,857 I'm-- I'm a software developer, 407 00:18:44,991 --> 00:18:47,827 so I just, you know, spend most of my time just writing code, 408 00:18:47,960 --> 00:18:49,729 just banging away at the keyboard. 409 00:18:49,862 --> 00:18:51,964 So you enjoy banging, too? 410 00:18:52,799 --> 00:18:54,767 No, hold on, hold on. 411 00:18:54,901 --> 00:18:56,569 No-- What I mean is, 412 00:18:56,703 --> 00:18:59,639 I'm the CEO of a social media startup, 413 00:18:59,772 --> 00:19:01,274 and I'm going on a road show next month 414 00:19:01,408 --> 00:19:02,942 to raise money from investors. 415 00:19:03,075 --> 00:19:04,811 So the VCs thought it would be a good idea 416 00:19:04,944 --> 00:19:07,280 for me to get in shape before, you know, 417 00:19:07,414 --> 00:19:09,316 I collapse in an airport and die. 418 00:19:09,449 --> 00:19:11,017 LYDIA: Wow, social media, 419 00:19:11,150 --> 00:19:13,553 roadshow, investors. 420 00:19:13,686 --> 00:19:15,388 What does your company do? 421 00:19:15,522 --> 00:19:19,025 Well, we developed an app called Chick Stalkers, 422 00:19:19,158 --> 00:19:21,628 which lets guys rate other guys ex-girlfriends 423 00:19:21,761 --> 00:19:23,663 by swiping left or right on their phones. 424 00:19:23,796 --> 00:19:25,832 Consumers use it for free, and we make money 425 00:19:25,965 --> 00:19:27,133 by selling the data that we gathered 426 00:19:27,267 --> 00:19:28,635 to porn sites and the NSA. 427 00:19:28,768 --> 00:19:30,870 [chuckles] I'll have to check it out. 428 00:19:31,003 --> 00:19:32,972 In the meantime, why don't you go ahead 429 00:19:33,105 --> 00:19:35,242 and hop on the treadmill so I can check you out. 430 00:19:35,375 --> 00:19:36,809 See what kind of shape you're in? 431 00:19:36,943 --> 00:19:38,678 - Okay. - Yep. Right over there. 432 00:19:39,646 --> 00:19:42,215 [treadmill beeping] 433 00:19:42,349 --> 00:19:44,717 [upbeat music playing] 434 00:19:49,222 --> 00:19:52,492 [treadmill beeping] 435 00:20:00,800 --> 00:20:02,435 [treadmill beeping] 436 00:20:04,070 --> 00:20:05,238 [treadmill beeping] 437 00:20:09,709 --> 00:20:11,010 Now, we're gonna head that way. 438 00:20:11,143 --> 00:20:12,979 [Jim exclaiming] 439 00:20:13,112 --> 00:20:15,047 Wow. I'm impressed. 440 00:20:15,682 --> 00:20:17,083 Did you play sports in college? 441 00:20:17,216 --> 00:20:18,451 - [bones cracking] - [Jim grunting] 442 00:20:18,585 --> 00:20:21,421 Well, I-- I played lacrosse at NYU, 443 00:20:21,554 --> 00:20:23,256 but we were only division three. 444 00:20:23,390 --> 00:20:24,891 Truth be told, I spent most of my time 445 00:20:25,024 --> 00:20:26,058 warming the bench. 446 00:20:26,192 --> 00:20:27,994 Writing code, I suspect. 447 00:20:28,127 --> 00:20:30,763 Yeah, actually. I had a teammate. Oh. 448 00:20:30,897 --> 00:20:32,632 He got dumped by this girl with huge tits, 449 00:20:32,765 --> 00:20:34,634 and he dared me to write a program 450 00:20:34,767 --> 00:20:37,103 where I ranked all the girls at NYU based on their cup size. 451 00:20:37,236 --> 00:20:39,238 It's actually where I got the idea for Chick Stalkers. 452 00:20:39,372 --> 00:20:41,774 - LYDIA: Cool. - Yeah. 453 00:20:41,908 --> 00:20:44,277 The only problem we're having is getting girls to use it. 454 00:20:44,411 --> 00:20:46,279 - Really? - You know what? 455 00:20:46,413 --> 00:20:48,448 I would actually love a woman's point of view. 456 00:20:48,581 --> 00:20:50,917 All of our developers are just horny nerds. 457 00:20:51,050 --> 00:20:52,752 [Lydia chuckles] 458 00:20:52,885 --> 00:20:55,955 Well, I will definitely check out your app, Jim Bedford. 459 00:20:57,424 --> 00:20:58,591 See you back here next week. 460 00:21:06,733 --> 00:21:09,602 Oh, bathroom. Yeah. 461 00:21:10,937 --> 00:21:13,306 [street din] 462 00:21:13,440 --> 00:21:16,776 [birds chirping] 463 00:21:22,915 --> 00:21:24,817 Guess who I just met at the gym. 464 00:21:25,418 --> 00:21:26,953 - [keyboard clicking] - [door rattling] 465 00:21:27,086 --> 00:21:28,388 - Mary. - [knocking on door] 466 00:21:28,521 --> 00:21:30,457 Mary, I know you're in there 467 00:21:30,590 --> 00:21:32,492 because you never go anywhere and you don't have a life. 468 00:21:32,625 --> 00:21:35,462 Go away, Lydia. I'm on deadline with my blog. 469 00:21:37,497 --> 00:21:38,798 [door clicking] 470 00:21:40,299 --> 00:21:42,268 So I went to the gym, and I met this guy 471 00:21:42,402 --> 00:21:44,103 who was also named Jim and he's the CEO 472 00:21:44,236 --> 00:21:45,738 - of this company called-- - [Mary shushing] 473 00:21:47,707 --> 00:21:51,177 "Lindsay dumps boyfriend to shack up with dad?" 474 00:21:51,310 --> 00:21:52,479 Total clickbait. 475 00:21:53,179 --> 00:21:56,115 "Spotted: Lindsay Lohan checking out townhouses 476 00:21:56,248 --> 00:21:59,919 "in the 10014 with super broker Kathryn Waverly. 477 00:22:00,052 --> 00:22:02,254 "Sources close to the former West Village resident 478 00:22:02,389 --> 00:22:05,057 "tell Townhouse Confidential, blah, blah, blah." 479 00:22:05,191 --> 00:22:07,159 If I post it now, I can scoop page six 480 00:22:07,293 --> 00:22:09,529 and the New York Times real estate section. 481 00:22:10,329 --> 00:22:11,898 Who gave you that tip? 482 00:22:12,031 --> 00:22:13,766 One of the addicts that hangs out on the stoop? 483 00:22:13,900 --> 00:22:15,167 How do you even know it's true? 484 00:22:15,902 --> 00:22:18,137 I'm a journalist. I don't reveal my sources. 485 00:22:18,270 --> 00:22:19,606 You'd have more sources 486 00:22:19,739 --> 00:22:21,340 if you left the house once in a while. 487 00:22:21,474 --> 00:22:23,643 I pick out more information at the gym every day 488 00:22:23,776 --> 00:22:26,879 than you ever will through your network of street people. 489 00:22:27,380 --> 00:22:29,048 Anyway, good luck. 490 00:22:29,181 --> 00:22:30,450 I'm out of here. 491 00:22:36,456 --> 00:22:38,691 [cellphone dings] 492 00:22:43,696 --> 00:22:46,032 [street din] 493 00:22:46,165 --> 00:22:49,035 [mellow music playing] 494 00:23:17,129 --> 00:23:19,265 Listen, sister. If you want to get to the top 495 00:23:19,398 --> 00:23:21,333 of the blogosphere, you've got to get out 496 00:23:21,468 --> 00:23:24,136 of your townhouse and do some real journalism once in a while. 497 00:23:24,270 --> 00:23:26,405 I can't believe I actually left my house to meet with you. 498 00:23:26,539 --> 00:23:29,275 I was on deadline with a Lindsay Lohan exclusive. 499 00:23:29,408 --> 00:23:30,943 I could have been scooped by The Real Deal 500 00:23:31,077 --> 00:23:32,512 or Current New York. 501 00:23:36,182 --> 00:23:38,217 I just texted you a picture of George Barrow 502 00:23:38,350 --> 00:23:41,721 at the Waverly Diner borrowing money from a couple of mobsters. 503 00:23:41,854 --> 00:23:44,223 Practically gift wrapped it, for sobbing out loud. 504 00:23:44,857 --> 00:23:46,693 Now, do you want to bring down 505 00:23:46,826 --> 00:23:49,762 the wicked Prince Charming of West Village real estate or not? 506 00:23:50,830 --> 00:23:53,032 Sure, I'd love to break that story and win a Pulitzer, 507 00:23:53,165 --> 00:23:55,134 but how do we know you're telling the truth? 508 00:23:55,267 --> 00:23:57,504 Why would George Barrow borrow money from the mob? 509 00:23:57,637 --> 00:23:58,838 He already has a ton of cash. 510 00:23:58,971 --> 00:24:00,439 Not as much as you'd think. 511 00:24:01,373 --> 00:24:02,575 Take a look. 512 00:24:03,175 --> 00:24:05,244 George's check from the Waverly diner. 513 00:24:05,377 --> 00:24:06,946 So, what does that prove? 514 00:24:07,079 --> 00:24:10,116 Well, he only left a 10% tip, not his usual 25. 515 00:24:11,918 --> 00:24:14,453 My God, you're right. 516 00:24:15,154 --> 00:24:18,991 George is in serious trouble. Give me all the dirt. 517 00:24:19,125 --> 00:24:20,660 [whispering] You know what to do. 518 00:24:22,529 --> 00:24:23,930 [phone thudding] 519 00:24:24,063 --> 00:24:25,164 What are you doing? 520 00:24:25,297 --> 00:24:26,599 DEEP PARK: It's a burner phone. 521 00:24:26,733 --> 00:24:28,501 Do you really think I'm that stupid? 522 00:24:29,301 --> 00:24:31,971 But you didn't tell me anything. 523 00:24:32,104 --> 00:24:34,473 I don't even know your name. How do I get a hold of you? 524 00:24:34,607 --> 00:24:36,242 Just call me Deep Park 525 00:24:36,375 --> 00:24:38,477 and follow the money, it won't steer you wrong. 526 00:24:40,079 --> 00:24:41,548 [Mary exclaiming] 527 00:24:42,448 --> 00:24:44,717 [drill whirring] 528 00:24:46,653 --> 00:24:50,823 [drill whirring] 529 00:24:50,957 --> 00:24:52,659 [door clicking] 530 00:24:52,792 --> 00:24:55,928 Oh, George. Hi. I wasn't expecting you. 531 00:24:56,062 --> 00:24:57,997 How can I help you today? 532 00:24:58,130 --> 00:25:00,667 Well, it's just one more little thing. 533 00:25:00,800 --> 00:25:03,035 After that contractor came by to do the repairs 534 00:25:03,169 --> 00:25:04,971 before Jonathan moved in, 535 00:25:05,104 --> 00:25:06,806 you assured me that all the electrical outlets were working, 536 00:25:06,939 --> 00:25:10,042 but this one clearly is not. 537 00:25:10,176 --> 00:25:11,711 I had one of my electricians come by 538 00:25:11,844 --> 00:25:13,312 and test it this morning. 539 00:25:13,445 --> 00:25:15,181 Well, it was working fine until Jonathan 540 00:25:15,314 --> 00:25:17,216 had his home entertainment system installed last week. 541 00:25:17,349 --> 00:25:18,384 I checked it myself. 542 00:25:18,517 --> 00:25:21,187 With what? An iPhone? 543 00:25:22,088 --> 00:25:24,724 You can hardly expect my friend to run 544 00:25:24,857 --> 00:25:28,360 a 60-inch flatscreen TV, a Bose speaker system, 545 00:25:28,494 --> 00:25:31,831 and an Xbox from an outlet that can barely charge a cell phone. 546 00:25:31,964 --> 00:25:34,066 You're going to have to call ConEd to upgrade the power. 547 00:25:34,200 --> 00:25:36,035 Excuse me? This is my house. 548 00:25:36,168 --> 00:25:37,403 And it's my sisters' house. 549 00:25:38,104 --> 00:25:39,839 And it was our parents house until they were struck 550 00:25:39,972 --> 00:25:42,074 by a Green Apple tour bus crossing 7th Avenue. 551 00:25:42,842 --> 00:25:44,777 Now, we may not have a lot of money, 552 00:25:44,911 --> 00:25:46,412 but we do the best with what we can. 553 00:25:46,545 --> 00:25:48,080 And ever since you showed up here 554 00:25:48,214 --> 00:25:50,049 with your stupid punch list, I don't know 555 00:25:50,182 --> 00:25:52,218 how we're going to be able to pay the mortgage this month. 556 00:25:52,351 --> 00:25:54,921 Now hold on a minute. You're the landlord. 557 00:25:55,054 --> 00:25:57,023 You have an obligation to make repairs 558 00:25:57,156 --> 00:25:58,925 - and provide essential services. - Like what? 559 00:25:59,058 --> 00:26:02,394 Fix the windows that haven't been open since the '90s? 560 00:26:02,528 --> 00:26:04,563 Jonathan agreed to everything on that punch list 561 00:26:04,697 --> 00:26:06,332 when he signed the lease. 562 00:26:06,465 --> 00:26:08,400 Now, if he isn't satisfied with everything that 563 00:26:08,534 --> 00:26:11,170 my sisters and I have done to make sure that he is happy, 564 00:26:11,303 --> 00:26:13,773 he can pack up his speaker system and his Xbox 565 00:26:13,906 --> 00:26:16,075 and he can get his ass out of my house. 566 00:26:16,208 --> 00:26:17,777 But that's not going to happen-- 567 00:26:17,910 --> 00:26:19,211 No, no, I'm not finished. 568 00:26:19,345 --> 00:26:21,113 At least Jonathan is a gentleman 569 00:26:21,247 --> 00:26:23,215 and thanks us for doing what we can. 570 00:26:23,349 --> 00:26:24,884 You, on the other hand, 571 00:26:25,017 --> 00:26:27,286 are a world class asshole who wouldn't even help 572 00:26:27,419 --> 00:26:29,455 his own grandmother cross Bleaker Street. 573 00:26:30,089 --> 00:26:32,625 I know all about your little plan to buy out the West Village 574 00:26:32,759 --> 00:26:35,094 and turn it into a hedge funder's Disneyland, 575 00:26:35,227 --> 00:26:38,064 but there is one house that you are never 576 00:26:38,197 --> 00:26:42,434 getting your hands on, and that is this one. 577 00:26:42,568 --> 00:26:44,603 Now, get out! 578 00:26:45,404 --> 00:26:46,505 GEORGE: Okay. 579 00:26:47,640 --> 00:26:48,975 BILLIE: So what's the problem? 580 00:26:49,108 --> 00:26:50,643 He pays his rent, doesn't he? 581 00:26:50,777 --> 00:26:52,779 It's not that, really. It's just-- 582 00:26:52,912 --> 00:26:55,581 Every day, George Barrow comes over to Jonathan's apartment 583 00:26:55,715 --> 00:26:58,384 and finds one more little thing wrong with it. 584 00:26:58,517 --> 00:27:00,619 One more little thing that then my sisters and I 585 00:27:00,753 --> 00:27:02,188 have to pay for to repair. 586 00:27:02,822 --> 00:27:04,623 - So, just get Tommy to do it. - Hmph. 587 00:27:05,624 --> 00:27:07,293 Lord knows he'll do it for free. 588 00:27:08,227 --> 00:27:10,797 So all you gotta do is get on your little knees and behave. 589 00:27:10,930 --> 00:27:12,965 [Lizzie laughs] 590 00:27:13,099 --> 00:27:15,968 'Cause if you don't, I will because that Tommy is hot. 591 00:27:16,102 --> 00:27:18,037 Shut up! [chuckles] 592 00:27:19,605 --> 00:27:21,841 So what? Tommy and I hooked up one time 593 00:27:21,974 --> 00:27:24,076 at a New Year's Eve party that I threw at my house. 594 00:27:24,210 --> 00:27:25,878 We were drunk, it didn't count. 595 00:27:26,612 --> 00:27:28,681 And I did ask Tommy to help me with the repairs, 596 00:27:28,815 --> 00:27:30,482 but he flaked on me midway through. 597 00:27:31,951 --> 00:27:33,285 Anyway, when George came over 598 00:27:33,419 --> 00:27:35,021 to Jonathan's apartment yesterday, 599 00:27:35,154 --> 00:27:36,689 he started complaining about an electrical outlet 600 00:27:36,823 --> 00:27:39,025 that wasn't working and I just-- I lost it. 601 00:27:40,592 --> 00:27:42,294 Now, I'm afraid I'm going to lose Jonathan, too. 602 00:27:46,665 --> 00:27:47,834 So what's the plan, honey? 603 00:27:48,500 --> 00:27:50,136 I know you got one. You always do. 604 00:27:50,970 --> 00:27:52,705 Well, this one's Lydia's idea. 605 00:27:52,839 --> 00:27:55,041 We're going to throw Jonathan a party on Friday night 606 00:27:55,174 --> 00:27:56,776 at the Little Branch. 607 00:27:56,909 --> 00:27:58,778 Invite some cute girls, get the guys trashed, 608 00:27:58,911 --> 00:28:00,512 and before they know it, they'll forget all about 609 00:28:00,646 --> 00:28:02,381 that stupid electrical outlet. 610 00:28:03,449 --> 00:28:06,218 Count me in. I'll be there with bells on. 611 00:28:06,352 --> 00:28:08,354 Yes! [chuckles] 612 00:28:09,288 --> 00:28:10,356 All right. 613 00:28:10,489 --> 00:28:13,359 [soft piano music playing] 614 00:28:17,296 --> 00:28:19,198 Hey, Billie. Sorry, I'm late. 615 00:28:19,331 --> 00:28:21,567 My hair dryer wasn't working again. 616 00:28:21,700 --> 00:28:23,169 Have you seen Jonathan? 617 00:28:23,302 --> 00:28:25,037 We need to make sure he's having a good time. 618 00:28:25,171 --> 00:28:27,206 - George too, I guess. - Yes, ma'am. 619 00:28:27,339 --> 00:28:29,375 I think he's over there talking to your sister 620 00:28:29,508 --> 00:28:31,210 - and her friends from the gym. - [Jonathan] Come on, George, 621 00:28:31,343 --> 00:28:33,012 - just have one drink. - Jonathan. 622 00:28:33,145 --> 00:28:35,447 You know that I am training for the half marathon 623 00:28:35,581 --> 00:28:36,883 in Battery Park next month. 624 00:28:37,416 --> 00:28:39,886 Even one drink could derail my preparation. 625 00:28:40,019 --> 00:28:41,553 You should try a master cleanse. 626 00:28:41,687 --> 00:28:43,422 Yeah, that worked for me when I was getting ready 627 00:28:43,555 --> 00:28:45,825 for the Miss International Triathlon Competition. 628 00:28:45,958 --> 00:28:47,927 For me, it's all about clean living. 629 00:28:48,828 --> 00:28:51,297 Three meals a day, eight hours of sleep a night... 630 00:28:52,765 --> 00:28:54,133 five mile run up and down 631 00:28:54,266 --> 00:28:55,902 the West Side Highway every morning. 632 00:28:56,368 --> 00:28:59,939 Sounds like a very interesting lifestyle, George, 633 00:29:00,072 --> 00:29:01,607 but what do you do for fun? 634 00:29:01,740 --> 00:29:03,709 [all laugh] 635 00:29:03,843 --> 00:29:06,412 Oh, George doesn't believe in the word "fun." 636 00:29:06,545 --> 00:29:07,880 Yeah, back when we were in business school, 637 00:29:08,014 --> 00:29:09,481 George was always hitting the books 638 00:29:09,615 --> 00:29:11,217 while the rest of us were getting trashed. 639 00:29:11,350 --> 00:29:13,619 That's why he got the GPA and I got the girls. 640 00:29:13,752 --> 00:29:16,255 [all laugh] 641 00:29:16,388 --> 00:29:17,957 Be fair, Jonathan. 642 00:29:18,090 --> 00:29:19,926 You're making me out to be some kind of hermit. 643 00:29:20,059 --> 00:29:23,562 I'm not looking for a woman at all at this point in my life. 644 00:29:23,695 --> 00:29:26,232 I'm only here right now because Jonathan dragged me along. 645 00:29:26,365 --> 00:29:28,100 [Lydia chuckling] 646 00:29:30,736 --> 00:29:31,938 Did somebody say drag? 647 00:29:32,071 --> 00:29:34,106 [girls chuckling] 648 00:29:34,240 --> 00:29:37,143 I-- I think I have to go. Big day tomorrow. 649 00:29:37,276 --> 00:29:39,411 Oh, you're not going anywhere, sweetheart. 650 00:29:41,413 --> 00:29:43,983 Drink this. It'll put some hair on your chest. 651 00:29:44,116 --> 00:29:46,552 [all laugh] 652 00:29:46,685 --> 00:29:49,321 Billie, what are you doing? You're gonna ruin everything. 653 00:29:49,956 --> 00:29:52,959 George, I hope you can forgive my sister and her friends. 654 00:29:53,092 --> 00:29:54,660 They're just trying to show you a good time. 655 00:29:54,793 --> 00:29:56,195 [girls chuckling] 656 00:29:56,328 --> 00:29:57,696 BILLIE: Calm down, Lizzie. 657 00:29:57,830 --> 00:29:59,765 We're just having a little fun, right? 658 00:29:59,899 --> 00:30:01,567 JONATHAN: Yeah. 659 00:30:01,700 --> 00:30:04,871 Now, George, when was the last time you got laid? 660 00:30:05,437 --> 00:30:07,473 Because even though Lizzie here thinks 661 00:30:07,606 --> 00:30:09,308 you're a world class asshole, 662 00:30:10,242 --> 00:30:13,112 I think you'll melt like butter in my mouth. 663 00:30:13,946 --> 00:30:15,481 [Jonathan stuttering] 664 00:30:15,614 --> 00:30:16,949 Bring us another bottle of Grey Goose. 665 00:30:17,649 --> 00:30:19,952 This is the best party I've been to in a really long time. 666 00:30:20,086 --> 00:30:23,255 [all laugh] 667 00:30:23,755 --> 00:30:25,958 Girlfriend. Like your style. 668 00:30:26,458 --> 00:30:27,894 [glasses clinking] 669 00:30:32,298 --> 00:30:35,334 [street din] 670 00:30:35,467 --> 00:30:37,469 [birds chirping] 671 00:30:41,040 --> 00:30:43,042 [cellphone ringing] 672 00:30:44,143 --> 00:30:46,012 LIZZIE: Ugh, who is it? 673 00:30:47,313 --> 00:30:50,782 [Lizzie groaning] 674 00:30:56,622 --> 00:30:58,991 - Hello? - Are you still in bed? 675 00:30:59,125 --> 00:31:01,093 Charlotte, who died? 676 00:31:01,227 --> 00:31:02,962 CHARLOTTE: No one yet, but it's going to be you 677 00:31:03,095 --> 00:31:04,830 if you don't tell me why I wasn't invited 678 00:31:04,964 --> 00:31:07,033 to that bash you threw at the Little Branch last night. 679 00:31:07,166 --> 00:31:09,635 I am so sorry. Let me guess. 680 00:31:09,768 --> 00:31:11,938 You read about it in Townhouse Confidential? 681 00:31:12,071 --> 00:31:14,040 I know. I'm such a nerd. 682 00:31:14,173 --> 00:31:16,708 But still, I am one of your oldest friends 683 00:31:16,842 --> 00:31:18,477 and I only live two doors down the block. 684 00:31:18,610 --> 00:31:20,479 Oh, my head. 685 00:31:21,047 --> 00:31:22,814 CHARLOTTE: By the way, Lizzie, did you get a chance 686 00:31:22,949 --> 00:31:24,883 to check out Straight Easy Personals today? 687 00:31:25,017 --> 00:31:28,620 Charlotte, I told you, I am done with those dating sites. 688 00:31:28,754 --> 00:31:30,389 Hold on a minute. 689 00:31:30,522 --> 00:31:33,259 The guy in this ad here sounds perfect for you. 690 00:31:33,392 --> 00:31:35,661 Ready? Real estate pro. 691 00:31:35,794 --> 00:31:38,864 Fed up with cheaters and game players. 692 00:31:38,998 --> 00:31:40,199 Me, too. 693 00:31:40,332 --> 00:31:43,869 He's 34, 6'2, 694 00:31:44,003 --> 00:31:46,973 190, sensitive, sincere, and single. 695 00:31:47,106 --> 00:31:50,109 "My ideal date would be to come over to your place, 696 00:31:50,242 --> 00:31:53,512 whip up some spaghetti carbonara, wash the dishes, 697 00:31:53,645 --> 00:31:56,182 put them away, then I would carry you to bed, 698 00:31:56,315 --> 00:32:01,053 give you a relaxing massage, and bang you all night long." 699 00:32:01,187 --> 00:32:04,123 Charlotte, that has to be a joke. 700 00:32:04,256 --> 00:32:08,694 There is no guy who's like that, who's single and straight 701 00:32:08,827 --> 00:32:11,363 and smart and good looking and lives in New York City. 702 00:32:11,497 --> 00:32:13,099 CHARLOTTE: Well, it's your call, Lizzie. 703 00:32:13,232 --> 00:32:15,101 Like they say in those lotto commercials, 704 00:32:15,234 --> 00:32:16,935 you got to be in it to win it. 705 00:32:17,069 --> 00:32:19,405 I'm going to bed now, okay? 706 00:32:19,538 --> 00:32:21,440 Goodbye. [groans] 707 00:32:24,410 --> 00:32:26,078 [cell phone dinging] 708 00:32:27,746 --> 00:32:30,282 [street din] 709 00:32:34,586 --> 00:32:37,389 [soft piano music playing] 710 00:33:07,219 --> 00:33:09,788 - Elizabeth Perry? - Do I know you? 711 00:33:09,921 --> 00:33:13,425 Sal, Sal Carmine. You answered my ad, right? 712 00:33:13,559 --> 00:33:15,161 Oh, sorry. 713 00:33:15,294 --> 00:33:17,863 I was expecting someone a little bit different. 714 00:33:17,996 --> 00:33:20,132 [Sal chuckling] 715 00:33:20,266 --> 00:33:22,234 Perhaps a little bit taller? 716 00:33:22,368 --> 00:33:25,337 Yeah, I get that a lot. That's why I put 6'2. 717 00:33:25,837 --> 00:33:30,876 You know, chicks are genetically programmed to dig taller guys. 718 00:33:31,009 --> 00:33:32,378 - Are we? - Guys like me, 719 00:33:32,511 --> 00:33:34,012 in the 5'6 and under club, 720 00:33:34,146 --> 00:33:35,914 we don't stand a chance. 721 00:33:36,048 --> 00:33:38,050 Yeah, and I did my homework on those dating sites, too. 722 00:33:38,184 --> 00:33:43,322 Chicks don't like: bald guys, fat guys, or married guys. 723 00:33:43,455 --> 00:33:45,624 They like the Prince Charming type. 724 00:33:45,757 --> 00:33:49,228 You know, like Mark Darcy from the Bridget Jones Diary. 725 00:33:49,361 --> 00:33:51,197 Hold on a second. Are you married? 726 00:33:51,330 --> 00:33:53,099 Yeah. 727 00:33:53,699 --> 00:33:56,402 I got three kids in Catholic school on Long Island. 728 00:33:56,535 --> 00:33:58,204 Don't get me started on the tuition. 729 00:33:58,837 --> 00:34:00,972 You know, my wife, she's a decent cook, 730 00:34:01,107 --> 00:34:02,408 but she don't want to give me head 731 00:34:02,541 --> 00:34:04,210 unless I bathe her toes in Guccis. 732 00:34:04,343 --> 00:34:06,212 Yeah, so I thought, you know, getting on a dating site 733 00:34:06,345 --> 00:34:08,680 would be a hell of a lot cheaper than hiring a hooker. 734 00:34:08,814 --> 00:34:10,716 Oh, my God. You are disgusting! I'm out of here! 735 00:34:10,849 --> 00:34:12,218 Wait, come here. Where you going? 736 00:34:12,851 --> 00:34:15,254 Come on, let's go back to my Lexus, I got a big back seat. 737 00:34:15,387 --> 00:34:17,589 I-- What are we, in high school? Absolutely not. 738 00:34:17,723 --> 00:34:19,091 You know you want me, baby. 739 00:34:19,225 --> 00:34:20,759 - Come on. - LIZZIE: I do not. 740 00:34:20,892 --> 00:34:22,461 Let me play connect the dots on your shirt. 741 00:34:22,594 --> 00:34:24,396 Oh, my God. Get away from my house, you creep. 742 00:34:24,530 --> 00:34:26,098 [Sal chuckles] 743 00:34:26,232 --> 00:34:29,735 Take my card. I'm a licensed mortgage broker. 744 00:34:30,569 --> 00:34:32,037 Do you need to refinance your loan? 745 00:34:32,171 --> 00:34:33,739 I'll get you the cheapest rates in town. 746 00:34:33,872 --> 00:34:35,274 My loan's just fine, thank you. 747 00:34:35,407 --> 00:34:37,276 Listen, by the look of your house, 748 00:34:37,409 --> 00:34:39,511 it looks like you're going to need some renovations. 749 00:34:39,645 --> 00:34:42,548 And you? You look like you seriously need to get laid. 750 00:34:42,681 --> 00:34:44,216 Oh. Goodbye. 751 00:34:44,983 --> 00:34:46,452 - Call me. - LIZZIE: Never! 752 00:34:47,085 --> 00:34:48,587 [Lizzie humming] 753 00:34:49,555 --> 00:34:51,723 [blowing raspberry] 754 00:34:51,857 --> 00:34:53,091 ConEd bill. 755 00:34:53,692 --> 00:34:56,061 Ooh, Pottery Barn catalog. Okay. 756 00:34:56,195 --> 00:34:57,729 Green Piece solicitation. 757 00:34:58,697 --> 00:35:00,799 Hudson River Bank? What? 758 00:35:00,932 --> 00:35:03,602 [paper crinkling] 759 00:35:09,841 --> 00:35:12,244 [Lizzie blowing raspberry] 760 00:35:14,112 --> 00:35:15,414 Default? 761 00:35:15,547 --> 00:35:17,115 [mumbling] 762 00:35:17,249 --> 00:35:21,353 Forclose-- What? Oh, my God. 763 00:35:24,456 --> 00:35:26,192 [upbeat violin music playing] 764 00:35:26,325 --> 00:35:28,694 [birds chirping] 765 00:35:36,134 --> 00:35:37,903 Good morning, Lizzie. 766 00:35:38,036 --> 00:35:40,071 Oh, don't you think it's a little early 767 00:35:40,206 --> 00:35:42,441 in the day to be drinking alone? 768 00:35:42,574 --> 00:35:44,343 - [Charlotte chuckling] - Good news. 769 00:35:44,476 --> 00:35:46,678 [both chuckle] 770 00:35:46,812 --> 00:35:49,581 So, anyway, what did you want to talk to me about? 771 00:35:49,715 --> 00:35:52,951 - Is it business or personal? - Both. 772 00:35:53,084 --> 00:35:56,522 Turns out my Prince Charming from the Street Easy Personals 773 00:35:56,655 --> 00:35:59,991 was a married creep from Long Island. 774 00:36:00,692 --> 00:36:03,529 And then, I got a love letter yesterday from the bank 775 00:36:03,662 --> 00:36:05,731 saying that they're going to repossess the house. 776 00:36:07,266 --> 00:36:08,434 The bank sent you a foreclosure notice? 777 00:36:08,567 --> 00:36:10,101 Yup. 778 00:36:10,236 --> 00:36:11,537 The mortgage payment is supposed to come out 779 00:36:11,670 --> 00:36:13,539 of your checking account every month. 780 00:36:13,672 --> 00:36:15,207 Have you been receiving any calls from collection agencies? 781 00:36:15,341 --> 00:36:16,975 No. Ever since you set me up on autopay, 782 00:36:17,108 --> 00:36:18,610 I haven't missed a payment. 783 00:36:18,744 --> 00:36:19,945 You're not only a great friend, Charlotte, 784 00:36:20,078 --> 00:36:21,112 you are an excellent bookkeeper. 785 00:36:21,247 --> 00:36:22,414 I know. 786 00:36:23,715 --> 00:36:24,916 Hold on a minute. 787 00:36:25,984 --> 00:36:27,686 Remember that time you went to the Hudson River Bank 788 00:36:27,819 --> 00:36:29,688 and I helped you apply for a home equity credit line? 789 00:36:29,821 --> 00:36:31,557 - Yeah. - Whatever happened with that? 790 00:36:31,690 --> 00:36:33,659 The bank gave us a $100,000 line of credit, 791 00:36:33,792 --> 00:36:35,261 but I never used it. 792 00:36:35,394 --> 00:36:36,828 You know how I feel about borrowing money 793 00:36:36,962 --> 00:36:38,330 that I can't pay back. 794 00:36:38,464 --> 00:36:39,998 The bank sent us a book of checks, 795 00:36:40,131 --> 00:36:42,133 which I put in my desk drawer and never touched. 796 00:36:43,469 --> 00:36:44,736 [both gasping] 797 00:36:46,037 --> 00:36:48,840 [objects clattering] 798 00:36:51,209 --> 00:36:53,245 BOTH: No! 799 00:36:54,746 --> 00:36:56,415 LYDIA: So then, I turn around 800 00:36:56,548 --> 00:36:59,285 and this dude was like, "Hey, can I buy you shot?" 801 00:36:59,418 --> 00:37:01,520 He was so hot. You probably saw him. 802 00:37:01,653 --> 00:37:04,256 He just left, actually. [chuckles] 803 00:37:05,824 --> 00:37:07,693 Another family meeting. 804 00:37:07,826 --> 00:37:11,530 We haven't spent this much time together since Mom and Dad died. 805 00:37:12,230 --> 00:37:13,565 [Lydia blows kiss] 806 00:37:15,401 --> 00:37:18,069 Lydia, sit down. This is serious. 807 00:37:24,843 --> 00:37:27,579 Somebody stole the checkbook for our home equity credit line 808 00:37:27,713 --> 00:37:28,947 out of my desk drawer. 809 00:37:29,080 --> 00:37:31,483 What? How did you let that happen? 810 00:37:31,617 --> 00:37:33,552 Me? Maybe you would know something about this 811 00:37:33,685 --> 00:37:35,220 if you weren't so drunk last night. 812 00:37:35,354 --> 00:37:36,822 - So this is my fault? - Well, maybe, 813 00:37:36,955 --> 00:37:38,924 you're the only one who lets in random men 814 00:37:39,057 --> 00:37:40,392 at three o'clock in the morning. 815 00:37:40,526 --> 00:37:42,928 Sisters, please, can we just work together 816 00:37:43,061 --> 00:37:44,730 for, like, five minutes? 817 00:37:44,863 --> 00:37:46,465 LIZZIE: You're right, Mary. 818 00:37:46,598 --> 00:37:48,133 The home equity credit line that we took out 819 00:37:48,266 --> 00:37:50,302 gives the bank the right to sell our house 820 00:37:50,436 --> 00:37:52,538 after three missed mortgage payments. 821 00:37:52,671 --> 00:37:56,842 That means we have seven days to come up with $100,000. 822 00:37:56,975 --> 00:37:59,311 $100,000? 823 00:37:59,445 --> 00:38:02,247 No. No. You're so stupid, Liz. 824 00:38:02,381 --> 00:38:04,316 I studied mortgage financing at NYU, 825 00:38:04,450 --> 00:38:06,418 and I can tell you that a bank can't just foreclose 826 00:38:06,552 --> 00:38:08,019 on your house after a couple of missed payments. 827 00:38:08,153 --> 00:38:09,688 - It could take years. - No, Lydia, 828 00:38:09,821 --> 00:38:11,657 there's a clause in our contract. 829 00:38:11,790 --> 00:38:13,459 The three strikes you're out rule. 830 00:38:13,592 --> 00:38:15,461 I guess that's why the guys over at Hudson River Bank 831 00:38:15,594 --> 00:38:16,962 gave us such a great rate. 832 00:38:17,095 --> 00:38:18,664 MARY: But that's mortgage fraud. 833 00:38:18,797 --> 00:38:20,799 We could sue them or expose them 834 00:38:20,932 --> 00:38:22,801 on the Daily Beast or BuzzFeed. 835 00:38:22,934 --> 00:38:24,470 I think we need to go to the police. 836 00:38:24,603 --> 00:38:26,004 Okay. Don't worry. 837 00:38:26,137 --> 00:38:27,473 I know some guys down at the gym 838 00:38:27,606 --> 00:38:29,207 who will be happy to bail us out. 839 00:38:29,341 --> 00:38:31,142 I'll put out the word on Townhouse Confidential. 840 00:38:31,276 --> 00:38:33,044 Are you kidding me? Fine. 841 00:38:33,178 --> 00:38:35,213 I will go down there and talk to Detective Ortiz myself. 842 00:38:35,347 --> 00:38:37,549 [phone clicking] 843 00:38:37,683 --> 00:38:39,985 [street din] 844 00:38:45,491 --> 00:38:46,758 Detective Ortiz. 845 00:38:46,892 --> 00:38:48,293 Oh, dios mio. 846 00:38:48,427 --> 00:38:51,363 Elizabeth Perry. We meet again. 847 00:38:51,497 --> 00:38:53,164 You remember me? 848 00:38:53,298 --> 00:38:56,968 How could I forget a damsel who's always in distress? 849 00:38:57,102 --> 00:38:58,504 What is it this time? 850 00:38:58,637 --> 00:39:00,071 Your-- your grandmother's pearl necklace? 851 00:39:00,205 --> 00:39:01,807 Your sister's diamond earring? 852 00:39:02,273 --> 00:39:04,410 A solar eclipse over Washington Square park? 853 00:39:04,543 --> 00:39:05,811 No, Detective Ortiz. 854 00:39:05,944 --> 00:39:07,679 This time it's something serious. 855 00:39:07,813 --> 00:39:10,248 Someone broke into our house and stole the checkbook 856 00:39:10,382 --> 00:39:11,583 for our home equity credit line. 857 00:39:11,717 --> 00:39:13,452 They wrote a bunch of checks 858 00:39:13,585 --> 00:39:15,286 and drained all of the equity out of our townhouse. 859 00:39:15,421 --> 00:39:17,122 Now, the bank wants to take the house 860 00:39:17,255 --> 00:39:18,724 because we haven't been making payments on the money 861 00:39:18,857 --> 00:39:20,291 that we didn't know we borrowed. 862 00:39:20,426 --> 00:39:21,793 Tragic. 863 00:39:21,927 --> 00:39:24,029 When did this happen? Last night? 864 00:39:24,162 --> 00:39:26,665 I don't know. I just noticed the checkbook missing this morning, 865 00:39:26,798 --> 00:39:28,233 but it could have happened months ago. 866 00:39:28,366 --> 00:39:31,002 Do you have any idea who might have taken it? 867 00:39:31,136 --> 00:39:33,238 Has anyone unusual been to the houses recently? 868 00:39:33,905 --> 00:39:36,007 A plumber? A FedEx guy? 869 00:39:36,141 --> 00:39:37,843 Professor Dumbledore? 870 00:39:37,976 --> 00:39:39,845 Well, my sister, Lydia, does bring home 871 00:39:39,978 --> 00:39:41,447 all these random men just about every weekend. 872 00:39:41,580 --> 00:39:43,515 - Oh, yeah. - And then on New Year's, 873 00:39:43,649 --> 00:39:46,151 there was this handyman 874 00:39:46,284 --> 00:39:48,053 and a lot of champagne and a couple cupcakes-- 875 00:39:48,186 --> 00:39:49,488 No. 876 00:39:49,621 --> 00:39:50,656 Here's my card. 877 00:39:51,857 --> 00:39:54,392 If you think of any more information, give me a call. 878 00:39:54,526 --> 00:39:57,228 In the meantime, if we see anybody walking down 879 00:39:57,362 --> 00:39:59,665 Bleaker Street with a suitcase full of cash, 880 00:39:59,798 --> 00:40:01,199 we'll give you a call. 881 00:40:05,671 --> 00:40:07,939 Well, Jim, I think we'll both will agree 882 00:40:08,073 --> 00:40:10,308 that I've added a lot of value to the development 883 00:40:10,442 --> 00:40:11,877 of the Chick Stalkers app. 884 00:40:12,010 --> 00:40:14,079 I mean, come on, downloads have gone way up 885 00:40:14,212 --> 00:40:16,715 now that I've clued you into what women really want. 886 00:40:16,848 --> 00:40:18,550 Didn't really expect to get a sales pitch 887 00:40:18,684 --> 00:40:19,951 this early in the morning. 888 00:40:21,086 --> 00:40:22,521 That's not what I'm talking about. 889 00:40:23,354 --> 00:40:24,723 Okay, okay. You know what? 890 00:40:24,856 --> 00:40:26,558 I will talk to my DCs and I will see 891 00:40:26,692 --> 00:40:28,393 if I can get you some friends and family shares 892 00:40:28,527 --> 00:40:30,128 before we go on the roadshow. 893 00:40:30,261 --> 00:40:32,931 How can you think of money at a time like this, Jim? 894 00:40:33,064 --> 00:40:35,934 Can't you see that what I'm really looking for... 895 00:40:36,735 --> 00:40:38,103 is love? 896 00:40:38,637 --> 00:40:40,572 - [Jim] [chuckles] Love? - Mm-hm. 897 00:40:40,706 --> 00:40:42,674 But you told me you were the hookup queen 898 00:40:42,808 --> 00:40:44,342 of the West Village. 899 00:40:44,476 --> 00:40:45,811 That's where you got all those great ideas 900 00:40:45,944 --> 00:40:47,212 for Chick Stalkers, right? 901 00:40:47,879 --> 00:40:51,583 Yes, but now that I've met you, Jim, I've changed. 902 00:40:52,283 --> 00:40:56,588 Now all I want is to settle down with a man I love, 903 00:40:56,722 --> 00:41:01,426 cuddle up in our 25 foot wide townhouse west of 7th Avenue, 904 00:41:01,560 --> 00:41:04,362 and just pump out lots of babies. 905 00:41:05,163 --> 00:41:07,365 I see you've been reading my Bumble profile. 906 00:41:08,166 --> 00:41:13,438 It's true. I want to settle down with a nice, old fashioned girl. 907 00:41:13,572 --> 00:41:15,173 But, Lydia... 908 00:41:15,306 --> 00:41:17,142 unless you've had a personality transplant 909 00:41:17,275 --> 00:41:20,779 in the last 24 hours, that girl is just not you. 910 00:41:21,913 --> 00:41:25,917 You look scorching hot in those Lululemon shorts, 911 00:41:26,051 --> 00:41:29,487 but I love you for your mind. 912 00:41:29,621 --> 00:41:31,857 - Do you want the truth? - Yes. 913 00:41:31,990 --> 00:41:33,458 Well, okay. 914 00:41:34,092 --> 00:41:36,662 Somebody stole the checkbook for our home equity credit line 915 00:41:36,795 --> 00:41:39,330 off of my sister Lizzie's desk and now we have to get 916 00:41:39,464 --> 00:41:42,167 our hands on $100,000 by next week 917 00:41:42,300 --> 00:41:44,002 or the bank takes our house. 918 00:41:44,502 --> 00:41:46,538 Well, that's terrible. I had no idea. 919 00:41:46,672 --> 00:41:50,609 You know, I actually really hate that stupid brownstone 920 00:41:50,742 --> 00:41:52,177 that we inherited from our parents. 921 00:41:52,310 --> 00:41:54,379 But my sisters won't sell it 922 00:41:54,512 --> 00:41:55,947 and I'm the only one in the house 923 00:41:56,081 --> 00:41:59,184 who has any brains or makes any money. 924 00:41:59,918 --> 00:42:01,286 [Lydia sighs] 925 00:42:01,419 --> 00:42:02,821 You're trying to help your sisters? 926 00:42:03,488 --> 00:42:05,356 You really do have family values. 927 00:42:05,490 --> 00:42:06,758 My sweet Lydia. 928 00:42:08,226 --> 00:42:09,895 I never would have guessed. [chuckles] 929 00:42:13,799 --> 00:42:15,767 [Lizzie humming] 930 00:42:15,901 --> 00:42:17,903 [paper crinkling] 931 00:42:22,941 --> 00:42:26,244 [soft romantic music playing] 932 00:42:26,377 --> 00:42:27,646 [liquid pouring] 933 00:42:27,779 --> 00:42:29,247 LIZZIE: I hope you like it. 934 00:42:29,380 --> 00:42:31,316 - Cheers. - Cheers. 935 00:42:34,052 --> 00:42:35,386 [Sal hums] 936 00:42:35,520 --> 00:42:38,389 Wow, those cupcakes look so good. 937 00:42:39,157 --> 00:42:40,558 You know, I love a woman 938 00:42:40,692 --> 00:42:42,260 who knows her way around the kitchen. 939 00:42:42,393 --> 00:42:45,430 Oh, I didn't make those myself, I just iced them. 940 00:42:45,563 --> 00:42:47,866 I'm the assistant chief manager at Magnolia Bakery. 941 00:42:47,999 --> 00:42:49,835 Our bakers bake those fresh every day. 942 00:42:50,702 --> 00:42:52,871 I bet you your oven is pretty fresh. 943 00:42:53,004 --> 00:42:55,674 My oven is actually off. Thanks. 944 00:42:56,174 --> 00:42:57,508 You know what? 945 00:42:57,643 --> 00:42:58,877 Let's get down to business, shall we? 946 00:42:59,010 --> 00:43:00,879 I would love that. Yes, please. 947 00:43:01,012 --> 00:43:06,818 So, how much money do you make working at this cupcake shop? 948 00:43:06,952 --> 00:43:09,220 I get $17 an hour plus a share of the tip jar. 949 00:43:09,354 --> 00:43:12,457 And Magnolia's isn't just a cupcake shop. 950 00:43:12,590 --> 00:43:14,425 Tourists come from all over the world to taste 951 00:43:14,559 --> 00:43:17,663 the baked goods that put Sex in the City on the map. 952 00:43:20,365 --> 00:43:23,034 All right, well, how about your sisters? 953 00:43:23,501 --> 00:43:25,704 What do they contribute to the household income? 954 00:43:25,837 --> 00:43:29,808 I'd say altogether we bring in about $125,000 a year. 955 00:43:29,941 --> 00:43:31,576 SAL: Okay, based on your income 956 00:43:31,710 --> 00:43:34,112 and the rent you're getting from the apartment, 957 00:43:34,245 --> 00:43:35,814 I could probably get you a new mortgage in, 958 00:43:35,947 --> 00:43:38,917 you know, like, say, a couple of months. 959 00:43:40,218 --> 00:43:42,821 Oh, um... we actually need it by next week. 960 00:43:42,954 --> 00:43:45,456 Otherwise the bank is going to take our house. 961 00:43:45,590 --> 00:43:47,693 [Sal sighs] 962 00:43:51,229 --> 00:43:52,530 Oh. 963 00:43:52,664 --> 00:43:54,833 Well, you know, 964 00:43:54,966 --> 00:43:57,235 I could maybe talk to the bank. 965 00:43:57,368 --> 00:43:59,004 Oh, yeah. 966 00:43:59,137 --> 00:44:02,908 - And maybe speed up the process. - That would be great. 967 00:44:03,041 --> 00:44:06,411 If there's just, like, one thing you could do for me. 968 00:44:06,544 --> 00:44:08,379 Oh, um, Sal. I'm not that kind of girl. 969 00:44:08,980 --> 00:44:10,548 Oh. Looks like the power went out. 970 00:44:10,682 --> 00:44:12,483 Better go check on that. You know your way out. 971 00:44:12,617 --> 00:44:14,519 SAL: I'll get you that mortgage right away. 972 00:44:15,186 --> 00:44:17,555 [footsteps] 973 00:44:21,259 --> 00:44:22,660 - GEORGE: Who's there? - LIZZIE: Ah! Oh, my God. 974 00:44:22,794 --> 00:44:24,395 This is my house. Who are you? 975 00:44:25,063 --> 00:44:26,832 George Barrow? 976 00:44:26,965 --> 00:44:29,034 You think you can just burst in here whenever you please? 977 00:44:29,167 --> 00:44:30,969 Well, I could just as easily ask you 978 00:44:31,102 --> 00:44:32,603 the same question, Elizabeth. 979 00:44:32,738 --> 00:44:34,605 The lease Jonathan signed does not permit you 980 00:44:34,740 --> 00:44:37,442 to enter his apartment without three days written notice 981 00:44:37,575 --> 00:44:38,609 unless there's an emergency. 982 00:44:38,744 --> 00:44:40,511 Oh, there was an emergency. 983 00:44:40,645 --> 00:44:42,413 And the last time I checked, 984 00:44:42,547 --> 00:44:44,582 your name is not on the lease as an additional occupant. 985 00:44:44,716 --> 00:44:47,418 So, why did you come over here unannounced on a Saturday night? 986 00:44:47,552 --> 00:44:50,488 I came here to fix that faulty outlet 987 00:44:50,621 --> 00:44:52,423 you and your contractor could never seem to fix 988 00:44:52,557 --> 00:44:55,994 before Jonathan flies back from California tomorrow night. 989 00:44:56,127 --> 00:44:58,229 And then the electricity went out. 990 00:44:59,497 --> 00:45:02,367 [alarm blaring on phone] 991 00:45:02,500 --> 00:45:04,402 Oh. Damn it. 992 00:45:06,037 --> 00:45:08,740 Yep. Yeah. That's an entire blackout. 993 00:45:08,874 --> 00:45:10,575 Yeah, all of Lower Manhattan. 994 00:45:10,708 --> 00:45:12,778 Okay, okay, 995 00:45:12,911 --> 00:45:14,780 well, now Jonathan won't have any electricity at all. 996 00:45:16,147 --> 00:45:17,348 Do you happen to have a generator? 997 00:45:17,916 --> 00:45:20,185 No, but I might have some leftover firewood 998 00:45:20,318 --> 00:45:21,586 from Hurricane Sandy. 999 00:45:22,553 --> 00:45:24,122 - Oh, you were here for that? - Yeah. 1000 00:45:24,255 --> 00:45:26,057 I was in this house for six days with nothing. 1001 00:45:26,191 --> 00:45:27,926 - It was awful. - Oh, I remember. 1002 00:45:28,059 --> 00:45:31,997 Yeah. I made a fire in my townhouse for Sandy. 1003 00:45:32,630 --> 00:45:37,102 Oh. Would you want to make one here for me? 1004 00:45:38,736 --> 00:45:41,339 Yes. Yes, I would. 1005 00:45:42,140 --> 00:45:43,641 All right. Follow me. 1006 00:45:44,442 --> 00:45:45,643 Okay. 1007 00:45:46,544 --> 00:45:47,578 - Well, cheers to you. - Cheers. 1008 00:45:47,712 --> 00:45:48,980 [glasses clinking] 1009 00:45:51,682 --> 00:45:53,718 I mean, I guess I am partial to dormer windows 1010 00:45:53,852 --> 00:45:55,821 because I grew up in a federal style townhouse, 1011 00:45:55,954 --> 00:46:00,125 but still, Greek revival, it leaves me cold. 1012 00:46:00,258 --> 00:46:01,893 Oh, same here. 1013 00:46:02,027 --> 00:46:04,029 You know those Italianate brownstones on 9th street? 1014 00:46:04,162 --> 00:46:06,798 I think they should be banished to Brooklyn Heights. 1015 00:46:06,932 --> 00:46:08,466 [both chuckle] 1016 00:46:08,599 --> 00:46:11,369 I have no idea you were a townhouse junkie, too. 1017 00:46:12,003 --> 00:46:13,738 Born and bred right here in the West Village. 1018 00:46:14,539 --> 00:46:16,407 It's funny that we've never hung out before. 1019 00:46:18,276 --> 00:46:20,278 Two sides to the story, though, right? 1020 00:46:20,411 --> 00:46:22,313 I mean, on the one hand, everybody hates you 1021 00:46:22,447 --> 00:46:24,249 because you get to live in your own 1022 00:46:24,382 --> 00:46:26,617 little castle in the West Village. 1023 00:46:27,152 --> 00:46:30,421 But on the other hand, there's a million problems 1024 00:46:30,555 --> 00:46:32,824 to deal with every single day. 1025 00:46:32,958 --> 00:46:34,960 Yeah, for me, those problems are mice 1026 00:46:35,093 --> 00:46:37,996 and bugs and the radiators that hiss all winter long. 1027 00:46:39,064 --> 00:46:42,300 But what problems could you possibly have, George Barrow? 1028 00:46:43,034 --> 00:46:44,669 Oh, trust me. 1029 00:46:44,802 --> 00:46:47,472 Being the crown prince of West Village real estate 1030 00:46:47,605 --> 00:46:49,474 is not all it's cracked out to be. 1031 00:46:49,607 --> 00:46:52,510 Oh, why not? Because you have to share your castle with a queen? 1032 00:46:52,643 --> 00:46:54,179 [George sighs] 1033 00:46:54,312 --> 00:46:55,981 Don't even get me started on my mother. 1034 00:46:57,015 --> 00:46:58,516 She's the one who wants to build a dynasty 1035 00:46:58,649 --> 00:47:00,818 in the West Village, not me. 1036 00:47:01,819 --> 00:47:06,491 All I ever wanted was to be an architect like my dad. 1037 00:47:09,560 --> 00:47:10,862 Oh, um... 1038 00:47:10,996 --> 00:47:14,165 Oh, my. Look at this. All right. 1039 00:47:14,299 --> 00:47:15,867 [Lizzie chuckles] 1040 00:47:16,001 --> 00:47:17,903 [wine pouring] 1041 00:47:19,704 --> 00:47:21,739 - That's a good one. - That's a large pour. 1042 00:47:21,873 --> 00:47:23,508 A village pour. I'm gonna take that.. 1043 00:47:23,641 --> 00:47:25,076 [Lizzie chuckling] 1044 00:47:25,210 --> 00:47:26,711 - [glasses clinking] - Cheers. 1045 00:47:29,780 --> 00:47:31,016 Let's play a game. 1046 00:47:31,950 --> 00:47:33,318 - Okay. [chuckles] - Okay. 1047 00:47:41,426 --> 00:47:43,294 113 Bedford. 1048 00:47:44,662 --> 00:47:46,631 Date and builder. 1049 00:47:47,365 --> 00:47:48,599 That's too easy. 1050 00:47:48,733 --> 00:47:50,168 There's a plaque on the facade 1051 00:47:50,301 --> 00:47:52,237 that I see every day on my way to work. 1052 00:47:52,370 --> 00:47:54,405 George Harrison, 1842. 1053 00:47:54,539 --> 00:47:56,374 - Not the singer. - Correct. 1054 00:47:57,008 --> 00:47:58,944 - Your turn. - Okay. 1055 00:47:59,077 --> 00:48:01,246 Ooh, skinniest house in the West Village. 1056 00:48:01,712 --> 00:48:04,215 Oh, come on, Lizzie, everybody knows that one. 1057 00:48:04,849 --> 00:48:06,751 75 and a half Bedford, 1058 00:48:06,884 --> 00:48:08,719 nine and a half feet wide. 1059 00:48:09,454 --> 00:48:11,322 The Edna St. Vincent Millay House. 1060 00:48:15,693 --> 00:48:16,894 Okay. 1061 00:48:19,164 --> 00:48:20,365 How about this one? 1062 00:48:22,067 --> 00:48:23,801 59 Morton. 1063 00:48:25,903 --> 00:48:27,805 You've actually been inside this townhouse before. 1064 00:48:27,939 --> 00:48:29,574 Although you probably don't remember. 1065 00:48:31,042 --> 00:48:33,578 It was a very long time ago. You were very little. 1066 00:48:36,414 --> 00:48:37,682 I'll give you a clue. 1067 00:48:39,584 --> 00:48:40,785 Birthday party. 1068 00:48:42,420 --> 00:48:43,788 - The stairs. - [Lizzie snoring] 1069 00:48:45,556 --> 00:48:47,925 Liz, are you asleep? 1070 00:48:50,028 --> 00:48:51,562 Lizzie? 1071 00:48:51,696 --> 00:48:54,065 [soft piano music playing] 1072 00:48:54,199 --> 00:48:56,567 [fire crackling] 1073 00:49:03,941 --> 00:49:05,443 [lips smacking] 1074 00:49:10,448 --> 00:49:12,383 [glass tinkling] 1075 00:49:27,632 --> 00:49:28,699 [thud] 1076 00:49:31,069 --> 00:49:32,537 Uh, Tommy Leroy? 1077 00:49:32,670 --> 00:49:34,672 What the hell are you doing here? 1078 00:49:35,806 --> 00:49:37,242 The power went out last night 1079 00:49:37,375 --> 00:49:39,110 and didn't come back on this morning. 1080 00:49:39,244 --> 00:49:41,779 I figured I'd drop by and check on you and your sisters. 1081 00:49:41,912 --> 00:49:43,181 Three girls alone in a townhouse 1082 00:49:43,314 --> 00:49:45,583 might need a man to help out, eh? 1083 00:49:45,716 --> 00:49:47,152 In your dreams. 1084 00:49:47,285 --> 00:49:49,287 Get out of here before I call the cops. 1085 00:49:49,420 --> 00:49:51,122 With what? 1086 00:49:51,256 --> 00:49:52,823 A cell phone that's losing charge by the second? 1087 00:49:54,692 --> 00:49:58,796 Ooh, looks like somebody started the party without me. 1088 00:49:58,929 --> 00:50:00,531 Mind if I poured myself a glass? 1089 00:50:03,834 --> 00:50:05,002 [Lizzie sighs] 1090 00:50:18,083 --> 00:50:19,450 That's right. 1091 00:50:19,584 --> 00:50:22,387 George Barrow was here last night 1092 00:50:22,520 --> 00:50:25,090 to fix the electrical outlet that you said 1093 00:50:25,223 --> 00:50:27,658 - you fixed two weeks ago. - Unbelievable. 1094 00:50:27,792 --> 00:50:29,494 George Barrow was here? 1095 00:50:29,627 --> 00:50:31,362 I thought you hated him and everything he stood for. 1096 00:50:31,496 --> 00:50:34,065 You've hooked up with every girl in the West Village. 1097 00:50:34,199 --> 00:50:36,334 You can't possibly expect for me to sit around 1098 00:50:36,467 --> 00:50:39,237 and wait for you to show up and fix what's wrong down there. 1099 00:50:40,638 --> 00:50:42,407 In the garden apartment! 1100 00:50:42,540 --> 00:50:45,710 You really expect me to believe that George Barrow 1101 00:50:45,843 --> 00:50:47,512 just happened to drop by on a Saturday night? 1102 00:50:47,645 --> 00:50:49,547 Well, yeah, because that's exactly what happened. 1103 00:50:50,448 --> 00:50:52,250 And now that I'm getting to know George better, 1104 00:50:52,383 --> 00:50:55,753 I can see that he's not just some money grubbing developer. 1105 00:50:56,387 --> 00:50:59,790 He's a real gentleman who's kind and caring 1106 00:50:59,924 --> 00:51:03,361 and shares my passion for cornices and dormer windows. 1107 00:51:04,362 --> 00:51:07,098 He's not just some fly by night handyman 1108 00:51:07,232 --> 00:51:09,567 who looks really good in a pair of skinny jeans. 1109 00:51:09,700 --> 00:51:11,001 - [glass shatters] - Whoa! 1110 00:51:12,036 --> 00:51:15,072 You're so incredibly naive, Liz Perry. 1111 00:51:15,206 --> 00:51:16,874 You have no idea who George Barrow is 1112 00:51:17,007 --> 00:51:19,510 - or what he's capable of doing. - So, enlighten me. 1113 00:51:19,644 --> 00:51:20,845 I'd be happy to. 1114 00:51:23,548 --> 00:51:25,116 [clears throat] 1115 00:51:25,250 --> 00:51:28,153 George Barrow may be a West Village blue blood, 1116 00:51:28,286 --> 00:51:30,655 but he's not the only one who grew up in a townhouse. 1117 00:51:31,389 --> 00:51:34,959 Wait a minute. You grew up in a townhouse? 1118 00:51:37,962 --> 00:51:39,930 My father was the Barrow family's property manager 1119 00:51:40,064 --> 00:51:41,132 when I was growing up. 1120 00:51:43,000 --> 00:51:45,903 The Barrow's lived in the owner's triplex up top. 1121 00:51:46,937 --> 00:51:48,606 My dad and I lived in the garden apartment 1122 00:51:48,739 --> 00:51:49,907 underneath the stoop. 1123 00:51:51,942 --> 00:51:53,043 Go on. 1124 00:51:54,379 --> 00:51:57,348 When we were little, George and I were really close. 1125 00:51:59,250 --> 00:52:00,818 Practically like brothers. 1126 00:52:03,421 --> 00:52:05,656 But after old man Barrow got killed in a crane collapse 1127 00:52:05,790 --> 00:52:08,159 on his way to see one of my construction sites, 1128 00:52:08,293 --> 00:52:09,760 George blamed me. 1129 00:52:11,061 --> 00:52:13,164 Then, he asked me to move out of my dad's apartment 1130 00:52:13,298 --> 00:52:15,966 so his contractor could do some renovations. 1131 00:52:17,435 --> 00:52:21,839 I floated on couches for a year before I realized 1132 00:52:21,972 --> 00:52:23,674 he was never going to let me move back home. 1133 00:52:23,808 --> 00:52:25,910 That's awful. I had no idea. 1134 00:52:26,811 --> 00:52:28,346 Eventually, I found a sublet in the story 1135 00:52:28,479 --> 00:52:29,714 with a couple of guys from work. 1136 00:52:31,482 --> 00:52:35,119 I had no idea that George Barrow was such a monster. 1137 00:52:37,255 --> 00:52:39,557 - Did you take him to court? - TOMMY: Yeah. 1138 00:52:39,690 --> 00:52:41,459 I hired a lawyer and everything. 1139 00:52:41,592 --> 00:52:45,330 [sighs] By then, George had already 1140 00:52:45,463 --> 00:52:47,932 finished the renovation and turned it 1141 00:52:48,065 --> 00:52:51,302 into a single-family home worth triple what it was before. 1142 00:52:53,338 --> 00:52:54,439 Yeah. 1143 00:52:55,406 --> 00:52:58,276 He sent me a check for ten grand 1144 00:52:58,409 --> 00:53:01,412 to settle and I signed the release. 1145 00:53:04,482 --> 00:53:07,718 But what could George Barrow possibly want with me? 1146 00:53:07,852 --> 00:53:08,919 [sighs] 1147 00:53:10,788 --> 00:53:12,523 Don't you get it, Lizzie? 1148 00:53:12,657 --> 00:53:14,859 He's buying up every decent house in the West Village 1149 00:53:14,992 --> 00:53:16,794 to combine them and sell them to billionaires 1150 00:53:16,927 --> 00:53:18,663 who want 50-footers. 1151 00:53:18,796 --> 00:53:20,498 Most of your neighbors have already agreed to sell him 1152 00:53:20,631 --> 00:53:22,533 their properties once he comes up the money. 1153 00:53:22,667 --> 00:53:24,168 Yeah, sure, that's old news. 1154 00:53:24,302 --> 00:53:26,136 I read it in Townhouse Confidential. 1155 00:53:27,004 --> 00:53:29,407 Okay, I guess you haven't read the latest post. 1156 00:53:30,908 --> 00:53:32,610 "Last Townhouse Standing. 1157 00:53:33,244 --> 00:53:36,046 "The Townhouse confidential grapevine is buzzing with news 1158 00:53:36,180 --> 00:53:38,416 "that mega builder, George Barrow, has the hots 1159 00:53:38,549 --> 00:53:41,051 "for a shy little townhouse on Washington Place 1160 00:53:41,185 --> 00:53:42,820 "to add to his portfolio. 1161 00:53:43,854 --> 00:53:45,890 "Barrow is just days away from closing 1162 00:53:46,023 --> 00:53:48,426 "on a $100 million fund to purchase dozens 1163 00:53:48,559 --> 00:53:51,862 "of the biggest and best townhouses in the West Village, 1164 00:53:51,996 --> 00:53:55,199 "but needs the mid-block beauty to seal the deal. 1165 00:53:55,333 --> 00:53:58,403 "Odds are three to one that the sisters will say no. 1166 00:53:58,536 --> 00:54:00,738 "Will gentlemen George up his offer?" 1167 00:54:00,871 --> 00:54:02,607 I assume that's why he came by last night, 1168 00:54:02,740 --> 00:54:04,074 to wine and dine you. 1169 00:54:04,208 --> 00:54:06,277 I cannot believe that Mary wrote that. 1170 00:54:06,411 --> 00:54:08,313 After all, she probably thinks that 1171 00:54:08,446 --> 00:54:10,881 we're so desperate for cash, we'd take it from anybody. 1172 00:54:11,782 --> 00:54:13,050 Even George Barrow. 1173 00:54:14,184 --> 00:54:16,086 Well, I gotta go, Lizzie. 1174 00:54:18,723 --> 00:54:22,727 Make sure not to share your cupcakes with just anyone, huh? 1175 00:54:26,163 --> 00:54:27,598 [sighs] 1176 00:54:30,034 --> 00:54:31,369 [thunder crackling] 1177 00:54:35,373 --> 00:54:38,008 [soft piano music plays] 1178 00:54:43,914 --> 00:54:46,617 - [doorbell rings] - [knocking on door] 1179 00:54:49,354 --> 00:54:51,822 - [Lizzie sniffs] - [Lizzie sighs] 1180 00:54:56,394 --> 00:54:57,428 George? 1181 00:54:58,429 --> 00:55:00,164 Come here to steal our house, I assume? 1182 00:55:00,297 --> 00:55:02,400 I think I forgot my screwdriver. 1183 00:55:02,867 --> 00:55:04,535 Wait there. I'll get it. 1184 00:55:07,304 --> 00:55:10,641 - Here, take it. - Did I do something wrong? 1185 00:55:10,775 --> 00:55:12,477 Maybe not to me, 1186 00:55:12,610 --> 00:55:14,479 but you should have been a little nicer to Tommy Leroy 1187 00:55:14,612 --> 00:55:16,481 before you stole his apartment 1188 00:55:16,614 --> 00:55:18,215 and kicked him out of the townhouse 1189 00:55:18,349 --> 00:55:19,784 that you both grew up in. 1190 00:55:19,917 --> 00:55:21,352 I don't know what you're talking about. 1191 00:55:21,486 --> 00:55:23,287 Oh, really? 1192 00:55:23,421 --> 00:55:26,123 So you just get to be the Prince Charming of the West Village 1193 00:55:26,256 --> 00:55:28,593 while Tommy can barely afford his sublet in Queens? 1194 00:55:29,059 --> 00:55:30,361 You ought to be ashamed of yourself. 1195 00:55:30,495 --> 00:55:32,096 Is that all he told you? 1196 00:55:32,229 --> 00:55:33,364 He told me that the only reason 1197 00:55:33,498 --> 00:55:35,032 you came over here last night 1198 00:55:35,165 --> 00:55:37,134 was to convince me to sell you our townhouse. 1199 00:55:38,035 --> 00:55:40,671 So, I guess all that crap about cornices 1200 00:55:40,805 --> 00:55:44,375 and dormer windows was just a bait you used to reel me in. 1201 00:55:44,509 --> 00:55:46,877 You are no gentleman, George Barrow, 1202 00:55:47,011 --> 00:55:48,379 and you never will be. 1203 00:55:48,846 --> 00:55:50,247 Now, go. 1204 00:55:50,815 --> 00:55:52,383 Please, Liz. You don't understand. 1205 00:55:52,517 --> 00:55:54,619 Tommy Leroy isn't who you think he is. 1206 00:55:54,752 --> 00:55:56,153 There's another side to the story. 1207 00:55:56,286 --> 00:55:58,188 There always is, isn't there? 1208 00:55:58,322 --> 00:56:00,391 Anyway, it doesn't matter. 1209 00:56:00,525 --> 00:56:03,861 Somebody stole the checkbook for our home equity credit line 1210 00:56:03,994 --> 00:56:08,065 and if I don't get my hands on $100,000 by next week, 1211 00:56:08,198 --> 00:56:10,067 the bank is gonna take our house. 1212 00:56:12,703 --> 00:56:13,904 Thanks for the screwdriver. 1213 00:56:17,408 --> 00:56:18,509 [phone dings] 1214 00:56:24,949 --> 00:56:28,653 Fuck, could things possibly get any worse? 1215 00:56:31,622 --> 00:56:34,224 [calming music plays] 1216 00:56:37,194 --> 00:56:38,763 [door creaks open] 1217 00:56:48,205 --> 00:56:52,276 Oh. Hi. Got the whole pie. 1218 00:56:52,409 --> 00:56:53,878 Come on, have a slice. 1219 00:56:54,011 --> 00:56:55,212 A little carbs won't hurt you, right? 1220 00:56:55,345 --> 00:56:57,047 GEORGE: Thanks, but no. 1221 00:56:57,181 --> 00:57:00,184 It would derail my preparation for the half marathon. 1222 00:57:02,152 --> 00:57:03,220 Fuckin' awesome. 1223 00:57:04,555 --> 00:57:07,424 George. Say we get down to business, shall we? 1224 00:57:08,726 --> 00:57:12,229 The bottom line is your lenders are getting pretty impatient. 1225 00:57:12,362 --> 00:57:13,898 They want to know when, you know, 1226 00:57:14,031 --> 00:57:15,099 the deal's gonna close. 1227 00:57:16,233 --> 00:57:17,935 BIG SAL: They want their fucking money now, big guy. 1228 00:57:18,068 --> 00:57:20,270 - Capisce? - Yeah. 1229 00:57:20,404 --> 00:57:22,106 There's no reason to talk like that, Big Sal. 1230 00:57:22,807 --> 00:57:24,274 I'm sure Georgie here 1231 00:57:24,408 --> 00:57:26,243 has a perfectly reasonable explanation 1232 00:57:26,376 --> 00:57:28,579 - for the delay, right? - Yes. 1233 00:57:29,379 --> 00:57:31,048 There's just one more townhouse that I need 1234 00:57:31,181 --> 00:57:32,783 to put in the contract 1235 00:57:32,917 --> 00:57:35,553 before the investors will release the financing. 1236 00:57:35,686 --> 00:57:38,055 The trouble is that it's owned by three sisters 1237 00:57:38,188 --> 00:57:39,423 who don't want to sell. 1238 00:57:40,090 --> 00:57:42,192 You see, they grew up there. 1239 00:57:42,760 --> 00:57:44,128 You think a horse's head in the bed 1240 00:57:44,261 --> 00:57:45,696 might help them see the light of reason? 1241 00:57:46,664 --> 00:57:48,599 SAL: I don't think that'd be necessary, Big Sal. 1242 00:57:49,266 --> 00:57:52,870 Let's just let George here talk to 'em, all right? 1243 00:57:53,003 --> 00:57:56,106 Know that Liz Perry? She loves flowers. 1244 00:57:56,641 --> 00:57:58,242 Especially expensive kind. 1245 00:57:58,375 --> 00:58:00,745 Otherwise, the next horse's head 1246 00:58:00,878 --> 00:58:03,080 is gonna be in your bed, vapisce? 1247 00:58:04,214 --> 00:58:06,150 Come on, Big Sal, everything's going to be all right. 1248 00:58:06,283 --> 00:58:07,351 Enjoy the pizza. 1249 00:58:11,756 --> 00:58:13,390 [sighs] 1250 00:58:24,134 --> 00:58:25,369 Fucking awesome. 1251 00:58:27,905 --> 00:58:29,106 LIZZIE: And the weirdest part is, 1252 00:58:29,239 --> 00:58:30,875 I didn't have sex with any of them. 1253 00:58:31,008 --> 00:58:32,209 I mean, I was a little drunk, 1254 00:58:32,342 --> 00:58:34,111 so it was kind of tempting, but no. 1255 00:58:35,312 --> 00:58:37,047 - BILLIE: You go, girl. - [Lizzie laughs] 1256 00:58:37,181 --> 00:58:39,516 Unfortunately, the guy I'm crushing on just left town. 1257 00:58:40,417 --> 00:58:42,319 He said some kind of business trip. 1258 00:58:42,452 --> 00:58:44,021 Didn't even say when he's coming back. 1259 00:58:44,154 --> 00:58:46,190 Wait a second. Are you talking about Jonathan? 1260 00:58:46,323 --> 00:58:48,693 - I thought he was straight. - [Billie chuckles] 1261 00:58:48,826 --> 00:58:50,695 He wasn't so straight when I was done with him. 1262 00:58:50,828 --> 00:58:54,098 - Okay, you go, girl. - [Lizzie laughs] 1263 00:58:54,231 --> 00:58:55,866 Ooh, let's check this one out. 1264 00:58:56,000 --> 00:58:57,367 BILLIE: Can we go home already? 1265 00:58:57,501 --> 00:58:58,836 One more spiral staircase 1266 00:58:58,969 --> 00:59:00,537 and I'll be on crutches for weeks. 1267 00:59:00,671 --> 00:59:02,873 LIZZIE: Come on, Billie. This is the last one. 1268 00:59:03,007 --> 00:59:04,408 - Girl. - [Lizzie laughs] 1269 00:59:05,710 --> 00:59:07,712 - Hi. - Hi. Have you got your ticket? 1270 00:59:07,845 --> 00:59:10,715 Thank you so much. Please put the booties on. 1271 00:59:10,848 --> 00:59:12,216 Sure thing, thank you. 1272 00:59:14,184 --> 00:59:15,252 Whoa. 1273 00:59:17,054 --> 00:59:18,255 Billie, do you see the chandelier? 1274 00:59:19,690 --> 00:59:21,125 - It's gorgeous. - [Lizzie laughs] 1275 00:59:21,258 --> 00:59:23,594 - It smells like money. - LIZZIE: Yeah. 1276 00:59:27,231 --> 00:59:29,533 - Ooh, girl. - LIZZIE: Other room? 1277 00:59:30,901 --> 00:59:33,671 - Does it matter? - [Lizzie laughs] 1278 00:59:39,376 --> 00:59:41,378 Is this how the other half lives? 1279 00:59:45,883 --> 00:59:48,318 You know, this place feels really familiar. 1280 00:59:48,452 --> 00:59:50,788 Like I've been here before or something. 1281 00:59:51,622 --> 00:59:53,423 In your dreams, Lizzie. 1282 00:59:53,557 --> 00:59:56,493 You have to get past three deadbolts and an alarm system. 1283 00:59:56,627 --> 00:59:59,296 - [Lizzie laughs] - Plus, they got guns. 1284 01:00:01,431 --> 01:00:03,701 - [Lizzie chuckles] - I don't mean now, Billie. 1285 01:00:03,834 --> 01:00:05,269 I meant when I was a little girl. 1286 01:00:06,003 --> 01:00:07,404 I remember my mom dropping me off 1287 01:00:07,537 --> 01:00:09,573 at this big, beautiful townhouse 1288 01:00:09,707 --> 01:00:11,108 for a birthday party when I was five. 1289 01:00:12,176 --> 01:00:14,712 I didn't know any of the other kids, so I just... 1290 01:00:14,845 --> 01:00:17,314 wandered around the house and I got lost. 1291 01:00:17,447 --> 01:00:19,616 I almost fell down a flight of stairs into the basement 1292 01:00:19,750 --> 01:00:22,853 when this little boy grabbed my arm and rescued me. 1293 01:00:24,822 --> 01:00:26,824 - Rescued you, huh? - LIZZIE: Mm-hm. 1294 01:00:31,628 --> 01:00:32,930 - Hey, Lizzie. - LIZZIE: Yeah? 1295 01:00:33,063 --> 01:00:35,833 Look at this photo. It's George. 1296 01:00:36,767 --> 01:00:37,902 And Jonathan. 1297 01:00:40,104 --> 01:00:42,606 Lizzie, that little boy that rescued you... 1298 01:00:43,741 --> 01:00:46,010 - was George Barrow. - LIZZIE: What? 1299 01:00:46,143 --> 01:00:48,512 Oh, my God. Billie, you're right. 1300 01:00:50,848 --> 01:00:52,549 This is George Barrow's house. 1301 01:00:53,684 --> 01:00:56,053 - [sighs] - But hold on a second. 1302 01:00:56,854 --> 01:01:00,157 How could George be so generous to a group of complete strangers 1303 01:01:00,290 --> 01:01:02,659 and so cruel to someone who he grew up with, 1304 01:01:02,793 --> 01:01:04,128 practically like his brother? 1305 01:01:05,095 --> 01:01:06,130 I don't know. 1306 01:01:07,497 --> 01:01:10,200 How could Jonathan be so hot in the Columbia t-shirt? 1307 01:01:10,334 --> 01:01:13,771 - [Lizzie chuckles] - [phone dings] 1308 01:01:15,239 --> 01:01:17,041 Billie, George just texted me. 1309 01:01:17,174 --> 01:01:19,877 He wants to meet up with me right now. 1310 01:01:20,010 --> 01:01:21,846 - For what? - I don't know. 1311 01:01:21,979 --> 01:01:24,514 Do we have to go back to work or can we go check this out? 1312 01:01:24,648 --> 01:01:26,216 You sure you don't wanna trash his house first? 1313 01:01:26,951 --> 01:01:28,252 No, let's go. 1314 01:01:28,385 --> 01:01:30,420 Let's go. Bye, Jonathan. 1315 01:01:30,554 --> 01:01:33,490 [footsteps] 1316 01:01:44,468 --> 01:01:45,569 There he is. 1317 01:01:48,973 --> 01:01:51,541 [siren blares] 1318 01:02:03,420 --> 01:02:04,521 What was that? 1319 01:02:08,325 --> 01:02:10,160 LIZZIE: Oh, my God, Billie. 1320 01:02:10,294 --> 01:02:12,997 George wrote me an actual letter by hand 1321 01:02:13,730 --> 01:02:15,499 and he sealed the envelope with wax. 1322 01:02:15,632 --> 01:02:18,068 - Just rip it open and read it. - Okay, okay. 1323 01:02:23,240 --> 01:02:26,743 "Dearest Elizabeth, I know that you will never sell me your home 1324 01:02:26,877 --> 01:02:28,979 "after what you believe I have done to Tommy Leroy, 1325 01:02:29,113 --> 01:02:31,115 "so I won't attempt to make an offer. 1326 01:02:32,082 --> 01:02:33,784 "All I ask is that you read this letter 1327 01:02:33,918 --> 01:02:35,786 "explaining what really happened 1328 01:02:35,920 --> 01:02:38,122 "and give me a chance to clear my good name." 1329 01:02:38,255 --> 01:02:39,723 Oh, my God. This can't be real. 1330 01:02:40,724 --> 01:02:42,927 BILLIE: "Then five years ago, I went away on a trip to Africa 1331 01:02:43,060 --> 01:02:46,130 "with my friend, Jonathan, to dig wells to fight malaria. 1332 01:02:46,263 --> 01:02:47,798 "When I got back, I discovered that Tommy 1333 01:02:47,932 --> 01:02:51,401 "had forged my signature on a building permit 1334 01:02:51,535 --> 01:02:53,303 "and was getting ready to turn the home 1335 01:02:53,437 --> 01:02:55,639 "in our family for almost 200 years--" 1336 01:02:55,772 --> 01:02:58,242 GEORGE: "Into multi-million dollar condos 1337 01:02:58,375 --> 01:03:00,244 "and pocket the money for himself. 1338 01:03:01,078 --> 01:03:03,948 "I was shocked and angered by Tommy's betrayal, 1339 01:03:04,081 --> 01:03:07,417 "but I promised my mother that I would keep the matter private 1340 01:03:07,551 --> 01:03:10,654 "so as not to tarnish the reputation of our family 1341 01:03:10,787 --> 01:03:12,890 "and that of the real estate business we own. 1342 01:03:14,624 --> 01:03:16,961 "I have always loved you, Elizabeth Perry." 1343 01:03:17,094 --> 01:03:18,728 - Elizabeth Perry. - GEORGE: "Ever since the day 1344 01:03:18,863 --> 01:03:20,230 "at my birthday party when I saved you 1345 01:03:20,364 --> 01:03:21,598 "from falling down the stairs. 1346 01:03:22,566 --> 01:03:24,468 "You are the damsel in distress 1347 01:03:24,601 --> 01:03:26,170 "that I have always wanted to rescue. 1348 01:03:27,104 --> 01:03:30,207 "But now I feel that the person who really needs rescuing is me. 1349 01:03:31,408 --> 01:03:33,844 "Without you, I am lost... 1350 01:03:35,012 --> 01:03:36,881 "with no hope of the feelings that I have 1351 01:03:37,014 --> 01:03:39,649 "for you and your townhouse ever being reciprocated. 1352 01:03:39,783 --> 01:03:41,818 "I remain your faithful servant. 1353 01:03:41,952 --> 01:03:43,787 "G. Fitzwilliam Barrow." 1354 01:03:48,258 --> 01:03:49,927 I think you're about to get laid, girl. 1355 01:03:51,128 --> 01:03:52,362 [Lizzie laughs] 1356 01:03:53,297 --> 01:03:55,799 LIZZIE: I am such an idiot. 1357 01:03:55,933 --> 01:03:58,202 All I had to do was stick out my foot for him 1358 01:03:58,335 --> 01:04:00,470 to put a glass slipper on, and instead, 1359 01:04:00,604 --> 01:04:02,873 I kick him out the door because I believe 1360 01:04:03,007 --> 01:04:05,575 that scam artist, Tommy Leroy. 1361 01:04:05,709 --> 01:04:07,411 I mean, I guess it's not too late to call 1362 01:04:07,544 --> 01:04:10,147 sleazy Sal Carmine and take him up on his offer. 1363 01:04:10,280 --> 01:04:15,219 Lizzie, that's no way to talk about my boyfriend. 1364 01:04:15,352 --> 01:04:19,356 Your boyfriend? What are you talking about? 1365 01:04:19,489 --> 01:04:21,558 Well, remember the night of the blackout 1366 01:04:21,691 --> 01:04:23,493 when you had a Sal over for wine and cupcakes 1367 01:04:23,627 --> 01:04:25,262 to talk about the new mortgage on the house? 1368 01:04:25,395 --> 01:04:27,064 Yeah. How could I forget? 1369 01:04:27,197 --> 01:04:29,900 Well, after the power went out on Lower Manhattan 1370 01:04:30,034 --> 01:04:32,002 and you kicked Sal out the door, 1371 01:04:32,136 --> 01:04:34,838 he went screaming down Washington Place. 1372 01:04:34,972 --> 01:04:36,941 I heard the noise, ran downstairs, 1373 01:04:37,074 --> 01:04:40,544 flung open the door, and well, let's just say 1374 01:04:40,677 --> 01:04:43,313 he was grateful to find a friendly port in the storm. 1375 01:04:43,447 --> 01:04:45,249 - [Charlotte chuckling] - Oh, my God. 1376 01:04:45,382 --> 01:04:48,185 But Sal is married and he's bald 1377 01:04:48,318 --> 01:04:49,719 and he's short and you could just-- 1378 01:04:49,853 --> 01:04:51,321 We're not all like you, Lizzie. 1379 01:04:52,122 --> 01:04:54,224 Not everyone is looking for a Mr. Darcy 1380 01:04:54,358 --> 01:04:56,961 with the uncertain domestic bliss of marriage 1381 01:04:57,094 --> 01:04:59,329 and kids and happily ever after. 1382 01:05:00,597 --> 01:05:05,535 For me, a married Mr. Collins will do just fine. 1383 01:05:07,071 --> 01:05:08,138 Maybe you're right. 1384 01:05:08,905 --> 01:05:11,708 Maybe life isn't about getting what you want, 1385 01:05:11,841 --> 01:05:14,411 it's about wanting what you get. 1386 01:05:15,845 --> 01:05:19,116 [soft piano music plays] 1387 01:05:32,062 --> 01:05:33,897 Well, I guess that's it, then. 1388 01:05:34,531 --> 01:05:36,600 Jersey City, here I come. 1389 01:05:39,569 --> 01:05:41,771 I guess I could get a job at a different bakery, 1390 01:05:41,905 --> 01:05:43,907 even if that bakery isn't Magnolia. 1391 01:05:45,242 --> 01:05:46,710 - Uh-huh. - And I suppose 1392 01:05:46,843 --> 01:05:48,112 I could find an apartment to rent, 1393 01:05:48,245 --> 01:05:50,614 maybe share it with a roommate. 1394 01:05:50,747 --> 01:05:54,551 Yeah, then you'll understand how the other 99% lives. 1395 01:05:55,185 --> 01:05:56,886 I'm about to lose my house, Billie. 1396 01:05:57,021 --> 01:05:58,622 I thought you could at least sympathize. 1397 01:05:59,389 --> 01:06:00,524 - Sympathize? - Yeah. 1398 01:06:01,291 --> 01:06:03,160 Do you know how many apartments I've been kicked out of 1399 01:06:03,293 --> 01:06:04,628 since I moved to New York? 1400 01:06:04,761 --> 01:06:06,330 You think you got it tough, baby girl? 1401 01:06:06,930 --> 01:06:09,766 Try being Black, gay, and living in the Bronx. 1402 01:06:10,400 --> 01:06:12,836 I'm so done with you and your white townhouse privilege. 1403 01:06:13,837 --> 01:06:15,639 Do you know how many millions of people 1404 01:06:15,772 --> 01:06:17,807 who would gladly trade places with you in the heartbeat? 1405 01:06:17,941 --> 01:06:20,577 But I am the victim here. 1406 01:06:21,278 --> 01:06:22,779 - Are you though? - Yeah. 1407 01:06:22,912 --> 01:06:25,015 Look how many advantages you take for granted. 1408 01:06:26,383 --> 01:06:28,252 Two parents that adored you, 1409 01:06:28,385 --> 01:06:30,454 college degree that you did not pay for, 1410 01:06:30,587 --> 01:06:32,989 and that $20 bottle of Italian wine 1411 01:06:33,123 --> 01:06:35,025 that you drink so effortlessly. 1412 01:06:35,159 --> 01:06:38,462 I only buy Montefalco Rosso when it's on sale. 1413 01:06:38,595 --> 01:06:39,663 BILLIE: Mm-hmm. 1414 01:06:41,265 --> 01:06:42,466 But maybe you're right, Billie. 1415 01:06:43,267 --> 01:06:45,202 I guess I never looked at it that way before. 1416 01:06:45,335 --> 01:06:47,037 BILLIE: Of course you haven't 1417 01:06:47,171 --> 01:06:48,505 because you're too busy looking in the mirror, 1418 01:06:48,638 --> 01:06:50,140 feeling sorry for yourself. 1419 01:06:50,274 --> 01:06:51,675 Just because you sweep your fireplace 1420 01:06:51,808 --> 01:06:53,277 every once in a while 1421 01:06:53,410 --> 01:06:54,644 does not make you Cinderella, baby girl. 1422 01:06:56,780 --> 01:06:57,847 Where I'm from... 1423 01:06:58,782 --> 01:07:01,151 I'd be lucky to be able to walk down the street in my dress 1424 01:07:01,285 --> 01:07:03,220 and my wig and not get rocks thrown at my head. 1425 01:07:11,027 --> 01:07:14,064 So, maybe I am no better than George Barrow 1426 01:07:14,198 --> 01:07:15,899 or Kathryn Waverly or the other 1427 01:07:16,032 --> 01:07:18,034 millionaire hedge funders who live in the West Village. 1428 01:07:18,968 --> 01:07:21,505 Maybe I do deserve to be exiled to a beach bar 1429 01:07:21,638 --> 01:07:23,873 in New Jersey where no one has ever heard of a cornice 1430 01:07:24,007 --> 01:07:26,210 or a lintel or a dormer window. 1431 01:07:26,343 --> 01:07:29,646 Hey, now, don't be going all Jersey Shore on me, baby girl. 1432 01:07:30,447 --> 01:07:33,117 I'm just saying, if you want to save your townhome 1433 01:07:33,250 --> 01:07:34,884 5or at least get some serious cash for it, 1434 01:07:35,018 --> 01:07:37,221 you got to get out there and you got to fight for it. 1435 01:07:37,354 --> 01:07:38,855 Don't be sitting around 1436 01:07:38,988 --> 01:07:40,290 waiting on Prince Charming to pay the tab. 1437 01:07:40,424 --> 01:07:42,692 - You mean-- - Yes, Lizzie. 1438 01:07:43,560 --> 01:07:45,562 There's something you love more than vanilla cupcakes 1439 01:07:45,695 --> 01:07:47,364 with purple frosting and sprinkles on top. 1440 01:07:48,398 --> 01:07:50,100 Something you love more than a hot guy 1441 01:07:50,234 --> 01:07:51,868 with a tight ass and skinny jeans. 1442 01:07:52,001 --> 01:07:54,271 Oh, I don't know if that's possible. [chuckles] 1443 01:07:56,740 --> 01:07:59,409 Oh, my God, Billie, you're right. 1444 01:07:59,543 --> 01:08:00,810 It's my townhouse. 1445 01:08:01,511 --> 01:08:04,581 That 18-foot wide, broken down fixer-upper of a townhouse 1446 01:08:04,714 --> 01:08:06,650 that I grew up in on Washington Place. 1447 01:08:07,351 --> 01:08:09,119 The place where literally nothing works 1448 01:08:09,253 --> 01:08:10,887 and everything's held together with scotch tape 1449 01:08:11,020 --> 01:08:12,289 and rubber bands. 1450 01:08:12,422 --> 01:08:13,790 The place that's always just 1451 01:08:13,923 --> 01:08:15,825 on the verge of a nervous breakdown. 1452 01:08:16,660 --> 01:08:19,129 That scorching hot mess pile of bricks... 1453 01:08:20,530 --> 01:08:21,598 is me. 1454 01:08:27,737 --> 01:08:29,573 - Detective Ortiz. - Detective Ortiz. 1455 01:08:29,706 --> 01:08:31,775 Can I offer you a cupcake? It's on the house. 1456 01:08:31,908 --> 01:08:33,777 And those cupcakes do look tasty, 1457 01:08:33,910 --> 01:08:36,813 but this time I think I'll pass. 1458 01:08:36,946 --> 01:08:38,848 I came in to check your security tape. 1459 01:08:38,982 --> 01:08:40,517 Uh, it looks like the Gucci Bandit 1460 01:08:40,650 --> 01:08:42,286 is back out on the loose. 1461 01:08:42,419 --> 01:08:44,087 The Gucci Bandit? 1462 01:08:44,221 --> 01:08:45,822 Yeah, he's a burglar who breaks into people's homes 1463 01:08:45,955 --> 01:08:48,492 wearing Gucci sandals, steals their credit cards, 1464 01:08:48,625 --> 01:08:50,427 and goes on a shopping spree. 1465 01:08:50,960 --> 01:08:53,363 Okay, but what does that have to do with us? 1466 01:08:53,497 --> 01:08:55,365 ORTIZ: Well, it looks like he's taking a show 1467 01:08:55,499 --> 01:08:56,966 on the road to Bleaker Street. 1468 01:08:57,100 --> 01:08:58,768 According to the credit card company, 1469 01:08:58,902 --> 01:09:01,305 he was in here sometime yesterday before 3:00 P.M. 1470 01:09:01,438 --> 01:09:03,373 We were off yesterday, but sure, why not? 1471 01:09:03,507 --> 01:09:05,442 If he was in here, he'd be on tape somewhere. 1472 01:09:06,976 --> 01:09:08,278 Sure you don't want a cupcake? 1473 01:09:08,412 --> 01:09:09,979 You are a temptress, Liz Perry. 1474 01:09:10,113 --> 01:09:11,681 - [Lizzie laughing] - Liz, can you help me here? 1475 01:09:11,815 --> 01:09:13,517 I don't think I was here for this training session. 1476 01:09:13,650 --> 01:09:15,118 Yeah, sure, um, 1477 01:09:15,252 --> 01:09:17,020 It should just be-- 1478 01:09:24,328 --> 01:09:27,997 - [Lizzie exclaims] - Busted on Bleaker. We got him. 1479 01:09:28,131 --> 01:09:29,266 - [Ortiz laughing] - ORTIZ: Good work, Liz. 1480 01:09:29,399 --> 01:09:31,201 Just email me the clip. 1481 01:09:31,335 --> 01:09:32,802 Wait, there's somebody else on tape 1482 01:09:32,936 --> 01:09:34,271 walking to the store. 1483 01:09:34,404 --> 01:09:35,805 LIZZIE: Oh my God. 1484 01:09:35,939 --> 01:09:37,374 I'd recognize that butt anywhere. 1485 01:09:37,874 --> 01:09:39,376 It's Tommy Leroy. 1486 01:09:39,943 --> 01:09:42,379 He's writing a check for some cupcakes 1487 01:09:42,512 --> 01:09:45,048 using the checkbook for our home equity credit line. 1488 01:09:45,181 --> 01:09:46,650 Detective Ortiz, 1489 01:09:46,783 --> 01:09:48,418 I'd like to make a citizen's arrest. 1490 01:09:48,552 --> 01:09:51,087 Come down to the station and file a report, okay? 1491 01:09:51,221 --> 01:09:52,822 Never trust a man a skinny jeans. 1492 01:09:52,956 --> 01:09:54,658 Yeah. 1493 01:09:54,791 --> 01:09:56,993 We caught Tommy Leroy on video camera with our checkbook, 1494 01:09:57,126 --> 01:09:59,396 but that doesn't bring back the $100,000. 1495 01:09:59,529 --> 01:10:02,566 And we need to pay back the entire loan by Monday. 1496 01:10:04,000 --> 01:10:05,935 Our only choice is to sell the house 1497 01:10:06,069 --> 01:10:07,704 to the first person who walks in that door 1498 01:10:07,837 --> 01:10:09,473 with the biggest bag full of cash. 1499 01:10:09,606 --> 01:10:11,241 Which means that we need to start painting 1500 01:10:11,375 --> 01:10:13,577 and cleaning ASAP to get it ready for the open house. 1501 01:10:13,710 --> 01:10:16,012 If we all pick up a brush in the mop right now, 1502 01:10:16,145 --> 01:10:17,981 we should be done by Saturday. 1503 01:10:18,548 --> 01:10:20,917 And once I take the pictures, make the video, 1504 01:10:21,050 --> 01:10:22,819 and post the ad on Street Easy, 1505 01:10:22,952 --> 01:10:24,888 we'll be ready for the open house on Sunday afternoon. 1506 01:10:25,021 --> 01:10:27,657 And that's where I come in, to find the mystery buyer 1507 01:10:27,791 --> 01:10:30,327 with a big bank roll in his briefcase. 1508 01:10:30,460 --> 01:10:32,095 We know you'll find a someone, Sophie. 1509 01:10:32,228 --> 01:10:34,063 - [Lizzie chuckles] - I texted Charlotte. 1510 01:10:34,197 --> 01:10:36,032 She should be here any minute with the cleaning supplies. 1511 01:10:36,700 --> 01:10:38,368 [doorbell rings] 1512 01:10:40,570 --> 01:10:42,772 Let's clean my little dust bunnies. 1513 01:10:42,906 --> 01:10:44,274 LIZZIE: Let's. 1514 01:10:49,879 --> 01:10:54,384 ♪ Yeah, it's come to this, world's falling all around us ♪ 1515 01:10:54,518 --> 01:10:57,554 ♪ Will we make it out alive? ♪ 1516 01:10:59,055 --> 01:11:01,057 ♪ Now that we've come this far ♪ 1517 01:11:01,190 --> 01:11:03,627 ♪ Come on, sisters, get together ♪ 1518 01:11:03,760 --> 01:11:07,130 ♪ And bring the city to its knees ♪ 1519 01:11:07,263 --> 01:11:09,165 ♪ We gotta get up ♪ 1520 01:11:09,299 --> 01:11:12,068 ♪ Working harder than we've ever worked before ♪ 1521 01:11:12,201 --> 01:11:14,037 ♪ Gotta speak up ♪ 1522 01:11:14,170 --> 01:11:16,373 ♪ Be a fighter when something's worth fighting for ♪ 1523 01:11:16,506 --> 01:11:18,475 ♪ Never give up ♪ 1524 01:11:18,608 --> 01:11:21,911 ♪ Keep on trying, give it everything we've got ♪ 1525 01:11:22,045 --> 01:11:26,049 ♪ Better believe we'll find out what we're made of ♪ 1526 01:11:26,182 --> 01:11:28,752 ♪ Keep your head up, just keep smiling ♪ 1527 01:11:28,885 --> 01:11:31,388 [idyllic music plays] 1528 01:11:41,731 --> 01:11:45,001 So, you'll never guess who I ran into today. 1529 01:11:46,102 --> 01:11:47,604 Well, I guess you're going to tell me, mother, 1530 01:11:47,737 --> 01:11:49,138 and I have no choice but to listen. 1531 01:11:49,272 --> 01:11:51,140 Elizabeth Perry. 1532 01:11:51,274 --> 01:11:53,643 The girl who lives in that trashy, little townhouse 1533 01:11:53,777 --> 01:11:55,945 over on Washington Place with her two sisters. 1534 01:11:56,079 --> 01:11:59,783 Oh, and what did she have to say, mother? 1535 01:11:59,916 --> 01:12:02,519 Well, she told me she's putting her house on the market 1536 01:12:02,652 --> 01:12:05,522 and that she and her two sisters are hosting an open house 1537 01:12:05,655 --> 01:12:08,458 tomorrow afternoon and that they're prepared to sell 1538 01:12:08,592 --> 01:12:12,328 to the highest bidder, even if that bidder is you. 1539 01:12:13,162 --> 01:12:14,964 - Really? - KATHRYN: So it's true 1540 01:12:15,098 --> 01:12:16,466 that you've offered to buy their house? 1541 01:12:16,600 --> 01:12:19,102 Or is that just inter-webs gossip? 1542 01:12:19,235 --> 01:12:21,838 Well, I very much doubt that she'd be 1543 01:12:21,971 --> 01:12:23,673 willing to sell to me, mother. 1544 01:12:23,807 --> 01:12:25,274 She thinks I'm an asshole 1545 01:12:25,409 --> 01:12:27,210 who wouldn't help his own grandmother 1546 01:12:27,343 --> 01:12:28,945 cross Bleaker Street. 1547 01:12:29,078 --> 01:12:31,548 [chuckles] Of course she would, sweetheart. 1548 01:12:31,681 --> 01:12:35,051 You're still the Prince Charming of West Village real estate. 1549 01:12:35,184 --> 01:12:38,488 Any girl would pay gold just to meet you for a cup of coffee 1550 01:12:38,622 --> 01:12:42,191 or Tesla stock, Bitcoin, or whatever's hot these days. 1551 01:12:42,325 --> 01:12:45,228 Oh, mother, I am tired of living here with you 1552 01:12:45,361 --> 01:12:48,164 in the shadow of my great great grandfather's portrait. 1553 01:12:49,966 --> 01:12:52,168 All I want is to be like-- like-- 1554 01:12:52,301 --> 01:12:54,571 like everybody else 1555 01:12:54,704 --> 01:12:56,773 who comes to the West Village to have fun. 1556 01:13:07,216 --> 01:13:09,285 [George sighs] 1557 01:13:15,191 --> 01:13:17,894 - Fucking awesome. - George Barrow! 1558 01:13:18,027 --> 01:13:21,064 We do not use language like that in this household. 1559 01:13:21,197 --> 01:13:24,167 And we most certainly do not eat pizza. 1560 01:13:24,300 --> 01:13:28,438 Why don't we? John's Pizzeria is two blocks away from our house. 1561 01:13:28,572 --> 01:13:30,206 They have the best pizza in the West Village. 1562 01:13:30,339 --> 01:13:32,742 You always told me that we couldn't go there 1563 01:13:32,876 --> 01:13:34,744 because they have rats in their basement. 1564 01:13:35,512 --> 01:13:37,547 I honestly don't care if they have rats in their basement. 1565 01:13:37,681 --> 01:13:39,348 Their pizza is awesome. 1566 01:13:39,483 --> 01:13:43,119 But, George, you'll get fat! 1567 01:13:43,252 --> 01:13:45,555 Cool. Then maybe all these girls 1568 01:13:45,689 --> 01:13:48,925 who think I'm Mr. Darcy will stop chasing me. 1569 01:13:50,560 --> 01:13:54,998 Tomorrow, I think I'm gonna go try one of the slices at Joe's. 1570 01:13:57,400 --> 01:13:59,836 Oh, it's a mighty fine slice, mother. 1571 01:14:00,670 --> 01:14:03,072 Mighty fine slice, mother. 1572 01:14:03,206 --> 01:14:07,744 [whimsical instrumental] 1573 01:14:13,316 --> 01:14:14,918 [doorbell rings] 1574 01:14:18,888 --> 01:14:20,123 Hi. 1575 01:14:21,424 --> 01:14:22,559 Hi. 1576 01:14:22,692 --> 01:14:24,728 - Hi. - Hello. 1577 01:14:35,271 --> 01:14:36,405 Wow. 1578 01:14:40,877 --> 01:14:42,111 It's gorgeous. 1579 01:14:42,245 --> 01:14:43,479 Nah, it's too bright. 1580 01:14:44,447 --> 01:14:45,582 Okay. 1581 01:14:46,750 --> 01:14:48,785 - Thank you. - Thank you for coming. 1582 01:14:55,592 --> 01:14:58,227 Well, at least we tried. 1583 01:14:58,361 --> 01:15:00,129 I'm sure we can find a decent place to rent 1584 01:15:00,263 --> 01:15:02,198 in New Jersey when they take the house. 1585 01:15:02,331 --> 01:15:04,734 Or Florida. I heard it's pretty cheap down there. 1586 01:15:05,368 --> 01:15:07,904 - Where's Sophie anyway? - Does it matter? 1587 01:15:08,037 --> 01:15:09,539 It's not like she's getting a commission. 1588 01:15:11,708 --> 01:15:12,809 [door slams shut] 1589 01:15:13,977 --> 01:15:17,180 Girls, I just took a full price offer. 1590 01:15:17,313 --> 01:15:19,315 All cash! 1591 01:15:19,448 --> 01:15:22,018 And I spoke with the bank and they have agreed 1592 01:15:22,151 --> 01:15:24,120 to put the foreclosure on hold. 1593 01:15:24,253 --> 01:15:25,722 [girls cheering] 1594 01:15:25,855 --> 01:15:28,291 We did it, we did it, we did it! 1595 01:15:29,959 --> 01:15:32,028 Hold on. What's the catch? There has to be one. 1596 01:15:32,161 --> 01:15:35,632 Well, the buyer wants to meet with Liz right here, 1597 01:15:35,765 --> 01:15:39,235 right now, alone, with no one else in the room. 1598 01:15:40,103 --> 01:15:42,739 - LYDIA: Good luck. - [Lydia laughing] 1599 01:15:48,845 --> 01:15:51,280 - May I come in? - Of course. 1600 01:15:56,485 --> 01:15:57,553 Thanks, Sophie. 1601 01:16:03,860 --> 01:16:05,629 Please let me explain, Elizabeth. 1602 01:16:05,762 --> 01:16:07,731 And this time, I beg you not kick me out 1603 01:16:07,864 --> 01:16:09,599 until you've heard the entire story. 1604 01:16:12,268 --> 01:16:13,770 The only reason I've offered to buy your home 1605 01:16:13,903 --> 01:16:15,639 is to save it from foreclosure, 1606 01:16:15,772 --> 01:16:18,274 so that you and your sisters can continue to live here. 1607 01:16:18,407 --> 01:16:21,044 I will not combine it with any other property 1608 01:16:21,177 --> 01:16:22,879 or make it part of the development that you have 1609 01:16:23,012 --> 01:16:25,281 so rightly called a hedge funder Disneyland. 1610 01:16:26,850 --> 01:16:29,552 I promise that after the deal closes, 1611 01:16:29,686 --> 01:16:32,689 I will walk away and never again darken your door. 1612 01:16:32,822 --> 01:16:34,624 - But-- - Please don't refuse my offer. 1613 01:16:34,758 --> 01:16:36,693 It's honestly the least I can do. 1614 01:16:36,826 --> 01:16:39,362 If I had reported Tommy Leroy to the police 1615 01:16:39,495 --> 01:16:41,731 after he tried to steal my family's home, 1616 01:16:41,865 --> 01:16:44,100 he would not have been free to walk in, 1617 01:16:44,233 --> 01:16:46,369 steal your home equity credit line checkbook, 1618 01:16:46,502 --> 01:16:48,772 and draw down the $100,000 dollars 1619 01:16:48,905 --> 01:16:51,374 that nearly cost you and your family your home. 1620 01:16:51,507 --> 01:16:53,643 Or to bounce a check in the Magnolia Bakery 1621 01:16:53,777 --> 01:16:56,345 to buy a dozen cupcakes for his ex-girlfriend 1622 01:16:56,479 --> 01:16:57,814 in the apartment upstairs. 1623 01:16:57,947 --> 01:17:01,517 But I guess you already knew that 1624 01:17:01,651 --> 01:17:03,586 since you're the one who busted him on tape. 1625 01:17:04,988 --> 01:17:06,923 Detective Ortiz told me the whole story. 1626 01:17:08,624 --> 01:17:10,293 You're my hero, Liz Perry. 1627 01:17:11,327 --> 01:17:13,629 Well, let's just say I'm a woman of many talents. 1628 01:17:13,763 --> 01:17:15,264 [Lizzie chuckles] 1629 01:17:15,398 --> 01:17:17,801 So, do you still think 1630 01:17:17,934 --> 01:17:19,703 I'm the biggest asshole in the West Village? 1631 01:17:21,137 --> 01:17:24,607 No, George. I think you're amazing. 1632 01:17:25,374 --> 01:17:27,844 And so was your big, beautiful townhouse 1633 01:17:27,977 --> 01:17:29,478 at 59 Morton Street. 1634 01:17:29,612 --> 01:17:31,347 The place where you saved me 1635 01:17:31,480 --> 01:17:33,182 from falling down the stairs at your birthday party 1636 01:17:33,316 --> 01:17:34,818 when I was five. 1637 01:17:34,951 --> 01:17:36,519 I'm amazed that you remember. 1638 01:17:36,652 --> 01:17:38,788 - [Lizzie chuckling] - You were so little. 1639 01:17:38,922 --> 01:17:40,623 But I'm two years older and I never forgot. 1640 01:17:40,757 --> 01:17:42,325 [Lizzie chuckles] 1641 01:17:42,458 --> 01:17:44,460 I've always had a crush on you, Liz Perry. 1642 01:17:45,594 --> 01:17:47,797 It was just easier for me to act like a jerk 1643 01:17:47,931 --> 01:17:50,133 than to admit it and maybe find out 1644 01:17:50,266 --> 01:17:51,801 that you didn't love me 1645 01:17:51,935 --> 01:17:54,771 as much as I've always loved you. 1646 01:18:01,845 --> 01:18:03,146 Hold on, Liz Perry. 1647 01:18:03,279 --> 01:18:05,915 Before we get too carried away, 1648 01:18:06,482 --> 01:18:07,751 there's something I have to show you 1649 01:18:07,884 --> 01:18:09,318 about your charming, little townhouse 1650 01:18:09,452 --> 01:18:11,654 that you may not have noticed. 1651 01:18:21,731 --> 01:18:23,733 - LIZZIE: Here, just in case. - GEORGE: Ah. Perfect. 1652 01:18:25,168 --> 01:18:26,235 Follow me. 1653 01:18:27,470 --> 01:18:29,705 - [door slams shut] - LIZZIE: Uh, George, 1654 01:18:29,839 --> 01:18:31,307 what are we doing in my basement? 1655 01:18:32,008 --> 01:18:33,376 GEORGE: Trust me. 1656 01:18:37,781 --> 01:18:39,348 It must be around here somewhere. 1657 01:18:40,850 --> 01:18:41,918 LIZZIE: What? 1658 01:18:43,987 --> 01:18:45,054 GEORGE: A-ha. 1659 01:18:47,056 --> 01:18:49,658 Lizzie, could you hold this? 1660 01:18:49,793 --> 01:18:51,227 Sure. 1661 01:19:01,737 --> 01:19:03,572 Uh, hey, George, quick question. 1662 01:19:03,706 --> 01:19:07,076 Why do you have a key to a lock in my basement? 1663 01:19:07,210 --> 01:19:08,611 Wait and see. 1664 01:19:13,582 --> 01:19:14,818 [door creaks] 1665 01:19:22,458 --> 01:19:23,960 LIZZIE: Uh, George? 1666 01:19:24,093 --> 01:19:25,962 When are you going to tell me what's going on? 1667 01:19:26,095 --> 01:19:28,397 Sometimes, Liz, there are connections 1668 01:19:28,531 --> 01:19:31,868 you didn't know existed that were there all along. 1669 01:19:33,069 --> 01:19:34,570 What does that mean? 1670 01:19:43,446 --> 01:19:46,049 Oh, my God, George. We're in your parlor. 1671 01:19:55,024 --> 01:19:56,725 There's the portrait of Captain Barrow. 1672 01:19:57,293 --> 01:19:59,062 Ah, and the guns. 1673 01:19:59,195 --> 01:20:01,297 - [Lizzie imitates pistol shots] - [Lizzie chuckles] 1674 01:20:01,430 --> 01:20:04,267 But hold on a second. How did we get here? 1675 01:20:04,400 --> 01:20:05,434 Allow me to explain. 1676 01:20:06,135 --> 01:20:08,304 The same day that you came to see my house 1677 01:20:08,437 --> 01:20:10,006 for the Spring House benefit tour, 1678 01:20:10,139 --> 01:20:11,540 I went to the library to check out 1679 01:20:11,674 --> 01:20:13,476 the old fire insurance maps. 1680 01:20:13,609 --> 01:20:17,513 It turns out our two houses are connected underground. 1681 01:20:17,646 --> 01:20:18,647 - What? - They've been that way 1682 01:20:18,781 --> 01:20:19,782 for over a century. 1683 01:20:19,916 --> 01:20:21,684 So wait. You mean-- 1684 01:20:21,817 --> 01:20:23,552 Yes, that my mother can no longer 1685 01:20:23,686 --> 01:20:27,223 object to us uniting our two houses and tying the knot. 1686 01:20:29,625 --> 01:20:31,127 [exhales sharply] 1687 01:20:31,260 --> 01:20:32,761 But, wait, doesn't your mother hate me 1688 01:20:32,896 --> 01:20:34,697 and my 18-foot wide townhouse? 1689 01:20:34,830 --> 01:20:36,532 When I showed her on the map that Captain Barrow 1690 01:20:36,665 --> 01:20:38,434 had built a tunnel, so that he could hook up 1691 01:20:38,567 --> 01:20:40,937 with his third cousin and true love, Betsy Washington, 1692 01:20:41,070 --> 01:20:42,371 she caved immediately. 1693 01:20:42,505 --> 01:20:44,307 [chuckles] But isn't your mother 1694 01:20:44,440 --> 01:20:47,476 all business, super broker Kathryn Waverly and all that? 1695 01:20:47,610 --> 01:20:50,346 Oh, no, Kathryn Waverly is a hopeless romantic 1696 01:20:50,479 --> 01:20:53,316 just like you, Lizzie. A huge Pride and Prejudice fan. 1697 01:20:53,449 --> 01:20:54,951 That's why she named me Fitzwilliam. 1698 01:20:56,152 --> 01:20:58,321 But-- but you can... 1699 01:21:00,156 --> 01:21:01,390 just call me George. 1700 01:21:03,960 --> 01:21:06,429 This is no time for big romantic speeches, George. 1701 01:21:06,562 --> 01:21:08,597 We've got to get out of here now. 1702 01:21:08,731 --> 01:21:10,333 What are you talking about, mother? 1703 01:21:10,466 --> 01:21:12,568 I'm in the middle of proposing to Liz Perry. 1704 01:21:12,701 --> 01:21:14,370 Aren't you glad that I'm actually interested in girls? 1705 01:21:14,503 --> 01:21:16,572 Oh, don't worry about that, George. 1706 01:21:16,705 --> 01:21:18,241 I already knew that you and Elizabeth 1707 01:21:18,374 --> 01:21:19,909 would end up together. 1708 01:21:20,043 --> 01:21:21,377 Don't forget, I've read the book five times 1709 01:21:21,510 --> 01:21:23,446 and seen the entire BBC series. 1710 01:21:23,579 --> 01:21:25,048 - Here. - SAL: That's bullshit. 1711 01:21:25,181 --> 01:21:26,715 BIG SAL: I'm gonna fuck 'em up real bad. 1712 01:21:26,849 --> 01:21:28,584 - They're here. - Who's here, mother? 1713 01:21:28,717 --> 01:21:31,020 No time to explain. Just follow me. 1714 01:21:31,154 --> 01:21:32,221 Okay. 1715 01:21:33,656 --> 01:21:35,891 [banging on door] 1716 01:21:39,795 --> 01:21:41,830 George! George! 1717 01:21:41,965 --> 01:21:43,899 Where are you? I know you're here. 1718 01:21:44,033 --> 01:21:46,269 Where the fuck is he? 1719 01:21:47,003 --> 01:21:48,504 SAL: Tommy, you said you were gonna bring us 1720 01:21:48,637 --> 01:21:49,705 right to him, what happened? 1721 01:21:49,838 --> 01:21:52,108 [speaking Italian] 1722 01:21:52,241 --> 01:21:53,842 The big boss is gonna be mad. 1723 01:21:53,977 --> 01:21:55,444 TOMMY: I grew up in this house. 1724 01:21:55,578 --> 01:21:57,380 I know what they went. Follow me. 1725 01:22:01,217 --> 01:22:06,255 ♪ 1726 01:22:15,464 --> 01:22:17,366 George, what is this place? 1727 01:22:17,933 --> 01:22:20,503 GEORGE: This is where my family hid enslaved Africans 1728 01:22:20,636 --> 01:22:22,972 before the Civil War to help them escape to freedom. 1729 01:22:23,472 --> 01:22:26,075 No way. I thought you guys were white supremacists. 1730 01:22:26,209 --> 01:22:28,311 This is no time for a history lesson, George. 1731 01:22:28,444 --> 01:22:31,247 Tommy's probably leading them us right to us as we speak. 1732 01:22:31,380 --> 01:22:33,282 We need to secure the hatch. Elizabeth, you. 1733 01:22:33,416 --> 01:22:34,483 LIZZIE: Okay? 1734 01:22:36,352 --> 01:22:37,953 Ah! 1735 01:22:38,087 --> 01:22:40,389 - [thud] - [Lizzie yells] 1736 01:22:40,523 --> 01:22:42,491 Oh, hey, Georgie boy. 1737 01:22:42,625 --> 01:22:45,261 I got a couple of guys here who want to talk to you. 1738 01:22:45,394 --> 01:22:47,063 [Tommy cackles] 1739 01:22:47,196 --> 01:22:48,964 BIG SAL: Where's my fucking money, Georgie? 1740 01:22:49,098 --> 01:22:50,166 Who is that? 1741 01:22:51,700 --> 01:22:53,002 Sal Carmine? 1742 01:22:53,136 --> 01:22:54,903 What the hell are you doing here? 1743 01:22:55,038 --> 01:22:56,805 I'm not here for you, Lizzie. Sorry. 1744 01:22:56,939 --> 01:22:59,675 I'm here for Georgie. Time's up, buddy. 1745 01:22:59,808 --> 01:23:01,810 Just give him the money, George. 1746 01:23:01,944 --> 01:23:04,313 They're not gonna hurt you or Mom. 1747 01:23:04,447 --> 01:23:05,514 Hold this. 1748 01:23:07,350 --> 01:23:08,451 LIZZIE: George, what are you doing? 1749 01:23:11,320 --> 01:23:13,389 Elizabeth Washington Perry. 1750 01:23:13,522 --> 01:23:16,159 Would you do me the honor of accepting this ring? 1751 01:23:16,292 --> 01:23:18,094 Oh, George, of course I will. 1752 01:23:19,128 --> 01:23:22,165 Georgie, if I don't get my fucking money, 1753 01:23:22,298 --> 01:23:24,633 one of you people up here's gonna end up on the sidewalk 1754 01:23:24,767 --> 01:23:26,135 - like a fucking pancake. - LIZZIE: Hey. 1755 01:23:26,269 --> 01:23:28,371 Put that gun down or I'mma break your face. 1756 01:23:28,504 --> 01:23:30,873 Do you have any idea how hard it is for a woman over 30 1757 01:23:31,006 --> 01:23:33,376 to find a single straight man south of 14th street? 1758 01:23:38,981 --> 01:23:41,450 Yes, George Fitzwilliam Barrow, 1759 01:23:41,584 --> 01:23:44,953 you sweet, shy, townhouse loving mama's boy. 1760 01:23:45,621 --> 01:23:47,123 Of course, I will marry you. 1761 01:23:47,956 --> 01:23:51,026 I've loved you since I was five and you were seven. 1762 01:23:52,495 --> 01:23:54,563 I was just too blind to see it. 1763 01:24:03,005 --> 01:24:04,340 [siren blares] 1764 01:24:04,473 --> 01:24:06,509 ORTIZ: Hey, Barrow gang. 1765 01:24:06,642 --> 01:24:09,678 - Get down off that roof now. - Oh. 1766 01:24:09,812 --> 01:24:12,615 Detective Ortiz, it's me, Liz Perry. 1767 01:24:12,748 --> 01:24:14,583 I'm up here with Tommy Leroy, Sal Carmine, 1768 01:24:14,717 --> 01:24:16,452 and some other guy from the mafia. 1769 01:24:16,585 --> 01:24:19,555 I'm also up here with my fiancé, George Barrow, 1770 01:24:19,688 --> 01:24:21,056 and his mom, Kathryn Waverly. 1771 01:24:21,190 --> 01:24:23,692 Wow. Liz. Congrats. 1772 01:24:23,826 --> 01:24:26,229 I didn't realize you was dating George. 1773 01:24:26,362 --> 01:24:28,697 Oh, me neither, this just happened like an hour ago. 1774 01:24:28,831 --> 01:24:30,866 Did you say Tommy Leroy's up there? 1775 01:24:30,999 --> 01:24:32,801 I got a warrant for his arrest. 1776 01:24:32,935 --> 01:24:34,570 A warrant for what? 1777 01:24:34,703 --> 01:24:36,305 Grand larceny in the fourth degree: 1778 01:24:36,439 --> 01:24:38,141 theft of merchandise. 1779 01:24:38,274 --> 01:24:39,775 Grand larceny? 1780 01:24:39,908 --> 01:24:41,244 For bouncing the check on a dozen cupcakes 1781 01:24:41,377 --> 01:24:43,011 for my girlfriend? 1782 01:24:43,146 --> 01:24:44,747 You bought a total of 240 cupcakes 1783 01:24:44,880 --> 01:24:48,384 at the Magnolia Bakery at $3.95 a pop. 1784 01:24:48,517 --> 01:24:51,086 So, I got cupcakes for all my ex-girlfriends. 1785 01:24:51,220 --> 01:24:52,721 Is that a crime? 1786 01:24:52,855 --> 01:24:56,058 You can't arrest Tommy Leroy for grand larceny. 1787 01:24:56,192 --> 01:24:58,127 That's $948. 1788 01:24:58,261 --> 01:25:01,464 The statutory limit in the state of New York is 1000. 1789 01:25:01,597 --> 01:25:03,966 Pendejo, you forgot to include the tax. 1790 01:25:04,099 --> 01:25:07,102 Come on down, Tommy. It's over. 1791 01:25:08,070 --> 01:25:09,138 SAL: Howdy, boys. 1792 01:25:10,005 --> 01:25:11,407 ORTIZ: You know the drill. Stand over there. 1793 01:25:11,540 --> 01:25:15,478 [chuckles] Tommy Leroy, 1794 01:25:15,611 --> 01:25:18,147 you are under arrest, my friend. 1795 01:25:18,281 --> 01:25:20,849 TOMMY: For what? Having a couple of fat ham hogs? 1796 01:25:20,983 --> 01:25:23,419 Or soaking half the skirts in the West Village, huh? 1797 01:25:23,552 --> 01:25:25,188 [Tommy laughing] 1798 01:25:26,489 --> 01:25:28,424 FBI. You're under arrest. Come on. 1799 01:25:28,557 --> 01:25:30,259 I thought we were brothers from another mother. 1800 01:25:30,393 --> 01:25:31,627 Come on. You're under arrest. 1801 01:25:31,760 --> 01:25:33,028 Is this what you do to family? 1802 01:25:33,162 --> 01:25:34,463 You ain't family. 1803 01:25:34,597 --> 01:25:36,365 Where's my money, Big Sal? 1804 01:25:36,499 --> 01:25:38,801 Sophia. Big boss. 1805 01:25:38,934 --> 01:25:40,203 [speaking Italian] 1806 01:25:40,336 --> 01:25:42,171 Never send a man to do a woman's job. 1807 01:25:42,305 --> 01:25:43,906 That's what I always say. 1808 01:25:44,039 --> 01:25:45,841 But now that George has given me the briefcase 1809 01:25:45,974 --> 01:25:48,677 full of cash, I'm willing to consider your debt paid in full. 1810 01:25:49,312 --> 01:25:51,647 So the 500K stays with me. 1811 01:25:51,780 --> 01:25:54,116 All's well that ends well and all that crap. 1812 01:25:54,250 --> 01:25:55,418 This time. 1813 01:25:56,219 --> 01:25:58,821 But tell your boys to stay on the Jersey side of the river 1814 01:25:58,954 --> 01:26:01,357 and don't dare cross to my side. 1815 01:26:02,491 --> 01:26:04,927 Oh, and give your mother my regards. 1816 01:26:05,060 --> 01:26:07,663 You know, it wouldn't kill her to call me once in a while. 1817 01:26:09,465 --> 01:26:11,099 Come on, let's get you home. 1818 01:26:11,234 --> 01:26:12,701 - Get him out of here. - BIG SAL: Fucking scumbag. 1819 01:26:12,835 --> 01:26:14,370 CHARLOTTE: Sal! Sal! 1820 01:26:14,503 --> 01:26:17,873 [panting] Oh, Sal! I heard the commotion. 1821 01:26:18,006 --> 01:26:21,510 And I can't believe I'm dating an FBI agent. 1822 01:26:21,644 --> 01:26:23,912 [chuckles] Oh, not just some 1823 01:26:24,046 --> 01:26:26,915 sleazy mortgage broker. [chuckles] 1824 01:26:27,049 --> 01:26:28,851 You'll still make me pasta though, right? 1825 01:26:28,984 --> 01:26:31,387 - Whatever you want, baby. - Oh, yes. 1826 01:26:31,520 --> 01:26:33,756 - [Charlotte and Sal growling] - Come on. 1827 01:26:33,889 --> 01:26:35,324 SAL: Ooh, let's go home. 1828 01:26:38,894 --> 01:26:41,430 LIZZIE: It's just almost too much to bear. [chuckles] 1829 01:26:42,030 --> 01:26:44,267 I can only hope that one day you find someone 1830 01:26:44,400 --> 01:26:48,504 who brings you as much happiness as George Barrow brings me. 1831 01:26:50,138 --> 01:26:51,206 I don't know, honey. 1832 01:26:52,575 --> 01:26:55,043 I made the mistake of falling in love with the one guy 1833 01:26:55,177 --> 01:26:56,879 who could never love me back or bring me home 1834 01:26:57,012 --> 01:26:58,180 to meet his parents. 1835 01:27:00,649 --> 01:27:02,885 - LIZZIE: Jonathan? - JONATHAN: Hello. 1836 01:27:03,552 --> 01:27:05,053 Hi. What are you doing here? 1837 01:27:05,187 --> 01:27:07,155 I thought you moved back to San Francisco. 1838 01:27:07,290 --> 01:27:10,359 I jumped on a plane the minute that I got George's letter. 1839 01:27:10,493 --> 01:27:12,194 I mean, can you believe it? 1840 01:27:12,328 --> 01:27:14,096 The guy sat down and wrote a letter by hand 1841 01:27:14,229 --> 01:27:16,164 using a pen and then mailed it to me 1842 01:27:16,299 --> 01:27:17,966 in an envelope with a stamp. 1843 01:27:18,100 --> 01:27:20,436 I mean, that's why it took a week for me to get it. 1844 01:27:20,569 --> 01:27:21,637 Anyway... 1845 01:27:22,938 --> 01:27:24,307 I flew back the minute 1846 01:27:24,440 --> 01:27:26,742 that George told me that you love me. 1847 01:27:29,445 --> 01:27:32,114 Ever since that party at the Little Branch, Billie, 1848 01:27:32,247 --> 01:27:34,249 I haven't been able to stop thinking about you. 1849 01:27:35,584 --> 01:27:37,953 The way your nails felt on my back. 1850 01:27:39,021 --> 01:27:40,323 The way your lips felt on my-- 1851 01:27:40,456 --> 01:27:43,426 Oh, hey, PG13, we have customers. 1852 01:27:47,463 --> 01:27:48,564 Anyway... 1853 01:27:50,533 --> 01:27:53,769 you are so strong and confident, 1854 01:27:53,902 --> 01:27:56,271 so sure of your sexuality, 1855 01:27:56,405 --> 01:27:59,975 so unafraid to just go out there and live your truth. 1856 01:28:00,108 --> 01:28:02,778 And I know I should have texted you. 1857 01:28:02,911 --> 01:28:04,079 I'm sorry. 1858 01:28:04,547 --> 01:28:06,615 I just felt like such a coward. 1859 01:28:07,516 --> 01:28:10,152 Like I'd never be cool enough for someone like you. 1860 01:28:11,854 --> 01:28:13,389 Just hold that thought. 1861 01:28:13,522 --> 01:28:17,225 ♪ 1862 01:28:34,510 --> 01:28:35,878 You had me at hello. 1863 01:28:41,016 --> 01:28:43,452 [women clapping] 1864 01:28:49,091 --> 01:28:51,460 PRIEST: Dear friends, we have come together 1865 01:28:51,594 --> 01:28:53,962 in the presence of God to celebrate 1866 01:28:54,096 --> 01:28:55,964 the marriage of these couples. 1867 01:28:56,098 --> 01:28:57,800 To surround them with our prayers 1868 01:28:57,933 --> 01:28:59,735 and to share in their joy. 1869 01:29:00,436 --> 01:29:02,938 The uniting of these persons in heart, 1870 01:29:03,071 --> 01:29:05,808 body, and mind is intended by God 1871 01:29:05,941 --> 01:29:08,777 for their mutual joy, for the help and comfort 1872 01:29:08,911 --> 01:29:11,179 they give one another in prosperity 1873 01:29:11,313 --> 01:29:14,550 and adversity, and that their love may be a blessing 1874 01:29:14,683 --> 01:29:16,852 to all whom they encounter. 1875 01:29:16,985 --> 01:29:20,055 If anyone knows a reason why either of these couples 1876 01:29:20,188 --> 01:29:22,024 should not be joined in marriage, 1877 01:29:22,157 --> 01:29:25,828 I ask them to speak now or forever hold their peace. 1878 01:29:27,162 --> 01:29:28,397 TOMMY: Wait! 1879 01:29:30,165 --> 01:29:31,567 Lizzie, don't do it. 1880 01:29:31,700 --> 01:29:33,101 I still have feelings for you. 1881 01:29:33,235 --> 01:29:34,403 LIZZIE: What? 1882 01:29:36,171 --> 01:29:38,507 I'm just playing. 1883 01:29:38,641 --> 01:29:41,877 She all yours, Georgie boy, you may proceed. 1884 01:29:42,010 --> 01:29:44,613 ORTIZ: Behave, Leroy, or you're back in lockdown. 1885 01:29:44,747 --> 01:29:47,516 TOMMY: Come on. Can't this guy take a joke? 1886 01:29:47,650 --> 01:29:51,019 Geez, Louise. Some people. 1887 01:29:51,153 --> 01:29:52,220 Anyone else? 1888 01:29:54,857 --> 01:29:57,760 I invite you to declare your vows to one another. 1889 01:30:02,364 --> 01:30:04,032 You know I'm ride or die for you, right? 1890 01:30:05,634 --> 01:30:06,935 Ride or die, baby. 1891 01:30:14,977 --> 01:30:16,111 [George exhales] 1892 01:30:22,250 --> 01:30:23,418 I promise... 1893 01:30:25,020 --> 01:30:28,724 to adore every brick in your brownstone 1894 01:30:28,857 --> 01:30:30,459 and to cherish you 1895 01:30:30,593 --> 01:30:34,563 even when you grow old and I grow old 1896 01:30:34,697 --> 01:30:36,799 and our lintels need repointing. 1897 01:30:38,033 --> 01:30:42,437 I promise to be the sturdy column that supports you 1898 01:30:42,571 --> 01:30:44,473 and the cornice that ornaments your life. 1899 01:30:45,608 --> 01:30:47,576 I promise to never forget the little boy 1900 01:30:47,710 --> 01:30:49,845 who rescued you when you were a little girl. 1901 01:30:51,313 --> 01:30:54,583 And to love you for the amazing woman 1902 01:30:54,717 --> 01:30:56,418 who came back and rescued me. 1903 01:31:03,225 --> 01:31:05,594 George, I promise 1904 01:31:05,728 --> 01:31:08,330 never to forget that you are the same amazing man 1905 01:31:08,463 --> 01:31:11,133 who rescued me when I was five and you were seven. 1906 01:31:12,701 --> 01:31:15,170 I promise never to drink Montefalco Rosso 1907 01:31:15,303 --> 01:31:17,005 until ten o'clock in the morning 1908 01:31:17,139 --> 01:31:19,274 unless you're the one who's drinking with me. 1909 01:31:19,407 --> 01:31:20,909 [Lizzie chuckles] 1910 01:31:21,043 --> 01:31:24,112 I promise that for better or worse... 1911 01:31:25,313 --> 01:31:26,549 in sickness and in health... 1912 01:31:28,450 --> 01:31:31,386 you will always be my one true cupcake. 1913 01:31:32,521 --> 01:31:33,656 And I yours. 1914 01:31:35,123 --> 01:31:36,124 [Lizzie sniffs] 1915 01:31:36,258 --> 01:31:39,227 [soft piano music plays] 1916 01:31:53,642 --> 01:31:56,144 PRIEST: By their promises before God and in the presence 1917 01:31:56,278 --> 01:31:57,345 of this assembly... 1918 01:32:01,249 --> 01:32:03,118 you may kiss your beloved. 1919 01:32:05,654 --> 01:32:07,556 [applause] 1920 01:32:14,496 --> 01:32:18,233 [uplifting music plays] 1921 01:32:38,687 --> 01:32:43,058 [cheering] 1922 01:32:45,193 --> 01:32:46,795 Hey, Townhouse Confidential. 1923 01:32:51,934 --> 01:32:53,268 MARY: Deep Park? 1924 01:32:55,237 --> 01:32:57,740 - It's you. - I'm your biggest fan. 1925 01:32:57,873 --> 01:33:00,042 I've read every blog post you ever posted. 1926 01:33:00,175 --> 01:33:02,244 So, you're some kind of stalker? 1927 01:33:02,377 --> 01:33:04,747 DEEP PARK: I'm more like a field agent. 1928 01:33:04,880 --> 01:33:07,182 I know it's kind of hard to do investigative reporting 1929 01:33:07,315 --> 01:33:09,051 when you never leave your house. 1930 01:33:09,184 --> 01:33:10,953 So, what are you saying? 1931 01:33:11,086 --> 01:33:12,287 I want to be your partner. 1932 01:33:13,155 --> 01:33:15,691 You on the inside, me on the outside. 1933 01:33:15,824 --> 01:33:17,626 Scooping stories, winning Pulitzers. 1934 01:33:20,929 --> 01:33:22,064 Deep Park... 1935 01:33:23,165 --> 01:33:24,933 I think that this is going to be the beginning 1936 01:33:25,067 --> 01:33:27,469 of a beautiful friendship. 1937 01:33:34,576 --> 01:33:37,512 [indistinct chatter] 1938 01:33:44,753 --> 01:33:47,656 MARY: Spotted on Washington Place. 1939 01:33:47,790 --> 01:33:50,192 New tenants moving into the townhouse 1940 01:33:50,325 --> 01:33:54,830 Lindsay Lohan left behind just three short months ago. 1941 01:33:54,963 --> 01:33:59,134 The fortunate newcomers are a well-known French actress, 1942 01:33:59,267 --> 01:34:02,671 her actor-director husband, and their children, 1943 01:34:02,805 --> 01:34:04,572 who sources say have just been accepted 1944 01:34:04,707 --> 01:34:07,342 into the prestigious Little Red Schoolhouse. 1945 01:34:08,711 --> 01:34:12,014 In other news, Townhouse Confidential 1946 01:34:12,147 --> 01:34:15,350 has learned that the Perry sisters' townhouse 1947 01:34:15,483 --> 01:34:18,453 has recently passed into other hands, 1948 01:34:18,586 --> 01:34:22,958 but that, according to the terms of this unusual deal, 1949 01:34:23,091 --> 01:34:25,460 the three sisters may continue to live there 1950 01:34:25,593 --> 01:34:28,797 rent free for as long as they wish to do so. 1951 01:34:29,965 --> 01:34:33,401 In the words of the late, great Jane Austin... 1952 01:34:34,837 --> 01:34:37,873 "It is a truth universally acknowledged 1953 01:34:38,006 --> 01:34:40,575 "that three scorching hot sisters 1954 01:34:40,709 --> 01:34:43,511 "who live in a West Village townhouse 1955 01:34:43,645 --> 01:34:45,580 "will not stay single for long." 1956 01:34:45,714 --> 01:34:50,753 ♪ 1957 01:35:14,309 --> 01:35:18,146 Oh, Mother, you have no idea what the Village holds. 1958 01:35:18,280 --> 01:35:20,883 Oil, grease, grime. 1959 01:35:21,016 --> 01:35:22,550 The trash of life. 1960 01:35:22,684 --> 01:35:23,752 The beautiful... 1961 01:35:25,153 --> 01:35:29,191 delicious, oily goodness of life, mother! 1962 01:35:30,225 --> 01:35:32,828 [moans] Oh, mother. 1963 01:35:33,796 --> 01:35:36,531 My plans. My plans have changed. 1964 01:35:38,400 --> 01:35:39,802 Get on board, mother. 1965 01:35:41,436 --> 01:35:42,905 Get on board. 1966 01:35:43,939 --> 01:35:46,141 The Barrow family is back. 1967 01:35:48,376 --> 01:35:49,577 No one's perfect. 1968 01:35:50,378 --> 01:35:52,580 Like that time Lizzie and I hooked up on New Year's, right? 1969 01:35:52,714 --> 01:35:54,249 - Meant nothing. - LIZZIE: Maybe not to you, 1970 01:35:54,382 --> 01:35:55,784 but it meant something to me. 1971 01:35:55,918 --> 01:35:57,252 You didn't even text me the next day. 1972 01:35:57,385 --> 01:36:00,288 Liz, I thought we were getting married. 1973 01:36:00,422 --> 01:36:01,824 You still have feelings for Tommy? 1974 01:36:01,957 --> 01:36:03,558 No, of course not. 1975 01:36:03,691 --> 01:36:05,293 But he still could have texted me, right? 1976 01:36:06,228 --> 01:36:09,097 [jazz music plays] 1977 01:36:12,534 --> 01:36:15,303 "The Robert and Roberta Bethune house. 1978 01:36:15,437 --> 01:36:18,606 "Built in 1845, the Robert and Roberta Bethune house 1979 01:36:18,740 --> 01:36:20,475 "was built for a brother and sister 1980 01:36:20,608 --> 01:36:23,111 "who lived in this Greek Revival townhouse 1981 01:36:23,245 --> 01:36:26,314 "for 93 years without ever venturing outside 1982 01:36:26,448 --> 01:36:27,615 "to date or marry. 1983 01:36:28,783 --> 01:36:30,919 "Well known as West Village hoarders 1984 01:36:31,053 --> 01:36:33,721 "with hundreds of cats, rumors swirled 1985 01:36:33,856 --> 01:36:36,291 "that the Bethune twins were actually--" 1986 01:36:36,424 --> 01:36:40,028 - [Lizzie exclaims] - Lizzie, can we go home already. 1987 01:36:40,162 --> 01:36:42,597 LIZZIE: Come on, we've only got one house left anyway. Let's go. 1988 01:36:44,166 --> 01:36:48,103 ♪ Keep on trying, give it everything we've got ♪ 1989 01:36:48,236 --> 01:36:51,806 ♪ Gotta believe find out what we're made of ♪ 1990 01:36:51,940 --> 01:36:54,376 ♪ Gonna keep my head up just keep smiling ♪ 1991 01:36:54,509 --> 01:36:57,812 ♪ Even on a rainy day keep movin' ♪ 1992 01:36:57,946 --> 01:37:01,016 ♪ Clean up the mess and make a better way ♪ 1993 01:37:01,149 --> 01:37:03,151 ♪ Keep groovin' ♪ 1994 01:37:03,285 --> 01:37:05,954 ♪ Do my thing and don't care what people say ♪ 1995 01:37:06,588 --> 01:37:10,959 ♪ Gotta get up, gotta keep workin' every single day ♪ 1996 01:37:11,093 --> 01:37:13,428 ♪ There's always gonna be another greedy grabber ♪ 1997 01:37:13,561 --> 01:37:15,630 ♪ There's always gonna be another rumor gabber ♪ 1998 01:37:15,763 --> 01:37:19,334 ♪ Always going to have to find a way to tow the line ♪ 1999 01:37:20,235 --> 01:37:22,304 ♪ And if you don't lose your sister's trust ♪ 2000 01:37:22,437 --> 01:37:24,772 ♪ And if you don't lose it all and bust ♪ 2001 01:37:24,907 --> 01:37:28,376 ♪ Keep on working it and you'll be fine ♪ 2002 01:37:28,510 --> 01:37:30,445 ♪ We gotta get up ♪ 2003 01:37:30,578 --> 01:37:33,181 ♪ Working harder than we've ever worked before ♪ 2004 01:37:33,315 --> 01:37:35,683 ♪ Gotta speak up, Be a fighter ♪ 2005 01:37:35,817 --> 01:37:39,121 ♪ When something's worth fighting for, never give up ♪ 2006 01:37:39,254 --> 01:37:43,158 ♪ Keep on trying, give it everything we've got ♪ 2007 01:37:43,291 --> 01:37:46,895 ♪ Gotta believe find out what we're made of ♪ 2008 01:37:47,029 --> 01:37:51,533 ♪ Keep my head up, just keep smiling even on a rainy day ♪ 2009 01:37:51,666 --> 01:37:56,171 ♪ Keep movin', clean up the mess and make a better way ♪ 2010 01:37:56,304 --> 01:37:58,240 ♪ Keep groovin' ♪ 2011 01:37:58,373 --> 01:38:01,443 ♪ Do my thing and don't care what people say ♪ 2012 01:38:01,576 --> 01:38:03,946 ♪ Gotta get up, gotta keep working ♪